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July 4, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
33:57
Freedomain Movie Review: 'Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny'
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I'm sorry everybody. I hope your ears are suffering to the point where you can't even hear this review.
Right. Okay, so we're doing Indiana Jones and the Deodorant Soap of Destiny.
I don't think that's quite what it was, but you know what?
That's what I think. I think Dial, I hear Deodorant Soap.
No, no, I think Deodorant of Destiny.
Deodorant of Destiny. All right.
So the reason why we have that horrifying oversampled is that...
So for this movie, there's a musical theme.
Every time Indiana Jones appears on the screen, what do we hear?
Well, first of all, the... So we hear ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
We also hear the creak of his ancient limbs.
Yeah. Because the guy's like 80, and that's just wild.
Bro has abs at the age of 80.
He's 80-year-old abs, and that's pretty wild.
Okay, so this is our review of the Indiana Jones.
It is going to be spoilers.
It's going to be more thematic and not necessarily in sequence.
And I think...
I think we should start with Helena.
Helena? Helena.
Yeah, so tell me what your thoughts are regarding this fine young lady.
I thought she was a lovely woman who didn't do anything wrong.
It was just really nice.
Well, we had a couple of predictions before the show.
One was that there was going to be an annoying kick-butt female character who was both rogue and hero at the same time, because that's just kind of a cliche.
Yeah. So did you have any optimism when she showed up?
I hated her from the moment I saw her stupid smile to the moment I almost saw her die, which I was really hoping she would.
I'm going to be honest, I don't think I've seen a character in a movie that I have hated more than this woman.
Now that's saying quite a bit.
I know, because I've hated a lot of characters in movies, except for maybe that one dude in Avatar.
Actually, maybe all of them in Avatar, but something about her just made me hate her to the ends of the earth.
I was like, even her face was annoying.
Do you ever just look at someone's face and that face is annoying?
I mean... I don't know.
It's just like, she was so smug.
She was so vain.
She had the ugliest fashion sense.
Yeah, she looked like a bolt of cloth.
She looked like a child's drawing of a human being, like a lollipop stick insect.
Yeah, and... She even smiled in a smug way.
How do you smile in a smug way?
And the one time Indiana Jones actually opened up about his family, she's just like, well, you're still wearing a wedding ring, and then walked away.
It's like, what an annoying person.
Yeah, he's talking about the death of his son, and she's like, well, he's still wearing the wedding ring, and she's like, oh...
Someone throw her to the eels.
Well, also, she was...
She cheated.
She lied. She was a criminal.
She betrayed. She stole.
And she was only in it for the money.
And then, mysteriously, she just turns noble in the middle.
There's no transition. There's no real reason why.
There's no understanding. There's no revelation.
There's no, like, gee, I'm a bad person.
It's just like, no, I'm just...
You know what? I'm just going to be completely different in the second half of the movie than I was in the first half for absolutely no reason.
But character arc...
Oh, that's a character whiplash, man.
That was terrible. So, okay, let's go.
So back to the beginning. So after a chase sequence, now there's this weird technology they're using.
Which my mirror also uses, which is to just de-age you by decades.
Yes. Right? So he was in the 1960s.
He was going back to the 1940s.
So he was only going back 20 years.
I think they went a little bit further.
I think they went like 40 years back.
Yeah, I think they went 40 years back because there's no way he was 60 in the flashback stuff.
He looked older than that. Wait, in the flashback he looked 40?
Sorry, he looked 40, but so he's 80 in the 60s, but the movie, the Second World War took place in the 40s, so that's only 20 years.
Yeah, he did not look...
Did not make any sense to me.
I think they de-aged him too much.
Yeah. Like the slider bar went a little too far to the left.
Tone it down a bit there. I was like, one more bar over and he's fighting the Nazis in diapers.
Yeah. So, I thought it was pretty good de-aging technology.
Occasionally the lips seemed a bit weird.
I didn't notice it, honestly.
I thought they actually, I don't know, went back and filmed them.
I had no idea. But I'm so used to the Botox females in Hollywood that anybody who looks weird just reminds me of that.
Yeah. So, but I thought it was kind of interesting that they start off, he's sort of passed out in a chair, and he gets up, and he's shirtless at 80.
Now, I've got to tell you, That's kind of brave.
Yeah. You know, just for the actor.
But the other thing, too, he's a professor, he doesn't exercise, he plays no sports, and he's a heavy drinker.
And what kind of physique does he have?
He's, like, absolutely fantastic physique, despite having the least healthy lifestyle.
I had some old professors when I was in university, and...
They did not look like that.
They were not doing anything like that.
So I assume he's on some kind of supplements and he's on a heavy exercise regime and all of that.
So I thought that was pretty wild.
Another thing too that bothered me a little.
Although I would say overall I thought the movie was okay.
So we were going to go with mom.
We were all ready to go and then what did we get scared of?
We were driving out, and I kind of changed my mind, so I looked at the length, the screen time, and it's like 2 hours and 37 minutes.
Yeah, so it was two and a half hours plus.
Dude, what happened to an hour, fifteen, hour and a half for a movie?
Especially an action movie, because it's like a whole migraine-induced epileptic seizure stuff.
For me at least, I like longer movies because I think it gives you more time to develop a plot and the characters and to get more attached to people.
But there's no character development here.
It's basically just like, annoying woman smiles and steals again.
Annoying kid acts badly.
Indiana Jones does Jonesy Indiana stuff.
I mean, like, I don't know, it just seems...
There was no, like, character development, really.
No, and so with no character development, you're left with only action sequences, and then the action sequences get kind of exhausting because it's really fast-cut, CGI, crazy stuff, and then the character stuff in the middle is kind of dull, and then you get to another sort of half-migraine-inducing action scene, and it just doesn't have it.
Like, if you're going to have character development, have it, and then that gives you a break from the action.
Yeah, either have it or don't, but don't do this, like, half-stuff.
Right, right. Or just have people change randomly and assume that you've got a character arc.
Yeah. So, it also bothered me.
So, every time you want to show me something on your tablet and I'm not wearing my glasses, what do I need to do?
And then you grab your glasses.
What is that fish tank over there, right?
Yeah. So, I have to go get my glasses.
Now, I have three different strengths of glasses.
I have one for TV, I have one for doing shows, and I have one for reading up close.
You probably have like five duplicates of each.
Right, right. I'm kidding. So, Indiana Jones, he's 80, so we assume he needs glasses.
And he wears them at the beginning.
And he wears them at the beginning, and then they completely vanish from the entire scene.
And this is before they had contact lenses, I think, so...
I think if they were in the 60s, then they probably were not very good.
Yeah, so I... It just seemed...
It was one of these details that bothered me.
Like, you establish that the character needs glasses, and then later on, he's deciphering ancient blurry manuscript with no glasses.
And it's like, come on, man, pick a lane.
Honestly, they could have just been like, you know what?
He's so chad and so cool that only women need glasses, and he's not.
He's too manly for glasses. He's too manly for glasses if you do enough sit-ups.
Yeah, if you do enough sit-ups, you don't need glasses.
Yeah, your eyes just start working again.
There you go. Some of the chase scenes got kind of mental to me.
Like, I like a good chase scene.
It's fine. Yeah, the three-wheeled golf cart thing was in Egypt.
Oh, yes. The golf course chase scene where they're literally driving through marketplaces.
There's nothing in the way.
Nothing ever blocks their path.
Everyone gets out of the way.
Completely impossible. That would not happen.
Completely impossible. And the more that they stretch these scenes out with no one getting injured and all of that, the more it just is like, okay, so this is completely unbelievable.
And they're relying not on skill but on blind luck at that point.
So skill can get you a certain amount, but skill can't get you for a 20-minute chase scene through a crowded city without hitting anyone or anything.
This movie was set in the 1960s, right?
Something I just realized, they did not dress like it was the 1960s.
Go on. Like, I thought 1960s was still kind of old-fashioned, right?
Like, they kind of dressed like modern women in, like, I don't know, Paris.
Right? I mean, without, like, the rides and stuff.
I'm not an expert on the fashions, but...
Look, I don't know hugely about the fashions, but those...
Oh, come on. Like, I mean, those pants, where they're very tight at the thighs, and then completely go...
I don't know what the heck. They turn into, like, track pants for the calf.
Right. Those weren't popular until, like, five years ago, I hate to say it.
Like, I have not seen anybody in the past, like, ever wear pants like that.
They would be wearing, like, skirts and high heels, and she did wear high heels, but it was not, it was, like, modern clothing, but, like, trying to be old-fashioned, which was not it.
Now, look, I know I'm talking a lot about clothing, which is pretty stereotypical, but, I mean...
I just think if you're going to set it in the 60s...
I thought it was set in the 2000s.
Right. Because nobody acted or looked...
Like the 60s. Now, I don't mean to back away from you slowly or abandon you to the mob, but I'm going to guarantee you that there's going to be endless photos of women in the 60s wearing those pants.
No, I guarantee you. And it's going to appear under this review.
It's going to. It's going to.
Just so you know. I'm going to be honest.
I've seen a lot of movies set in the 60s, and I've never seen a single woman in one of those 60s movies wear those pants.
But I have seen a lot of women in the last 10 years, especially who live anywhere in Europe that's not England or...
Right? Right. We're good to go.
I thought, so Indy has this, that there's a time travel element to it, right?
Again, spoilers, blah, blah, blah. Yeah.
There's a time travel, so the woman, Helena, says to Indiana Jones, like, what would you do if you could go back in time?
Like, where would you visit? Now, she thinks he's an archaeologist, and so he's going to be, like, going back to...
No, he's going to go find money, because she thinks everything's about money.
Well, she knows that he's not about that.
Could you just get a smidge closer to the mic?
Yes. If you don't mind. He's pulling the chair over.
Yeah, so... Yeah, so I think that he said something interesting.
It had nothing to do with archaeology or history.
He said, I would go back in time and convince my son not to enlist.
Yeah. Now, I assume this means the Second World War.
I believe so. Right? Now...
Yeah.
now his son would have been recruited or enlisted in the army to go
over to Europe we assume and fight Nazis or fight their allies in Japan or whatever
in the Japanese held islands so it seems to me kind of odd that his entire life is about
risking his life a billion times to fight Nazis but then he wishes his son
had never signed up to fight Nazis That just seemed... I thought it was very well acted and I thought it was quite a moving scene until she just, you know, he's still willing to do anything, but I just...
It seemed kind of incomprehensible to me that he's willing to sacrifice a bazillion lives to fight the Nazis, including his own on risking it on a regular basis, but his son should never do it.
The reason he said his son shouldn't do it is he would have gone back in time to tell him not to because it broke up their marriage and he didn't think it was worth it.
Like, his son died, and he wouldn't have died.
If his son had lived, he would have been like, yeah, fine, but the fact that his son died made him think he shouldn't have gone.
Well, do you know what else would have broken up his marriage?
Is Indiana Jones dying on the bazillion times he's fighting Nazis hanging by a thread?
That might have actually broke up their marriage, come to think of it.
Right, so that just seemed a bit odd.
It was quite moving, but nonetheless.
Wait, the pants.
No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm sorry.
Nice, nice. And also, at the beginning of the movie, I was a little worried that they were propping up Harrison Ford, the actor, like with Red Bulls and cocaine or something, because he was just like, yeah, at the beginning, I'm just going to be talking like this.
He had the thousand-yard stare, and he was hypnotizing me.
He was putting me to sleep. And then, of course, I guess they're trying to say he's kind of depressed and all of that.
All right, so Subway Horse, go.
Oh my god, bro. The subway horse.
Okay, you can... Don't...
Horse... Okay.
You're riding a horse. Number one, the horse is probably not going to let you ride it if it's just been, you know, like, it's original...
You just stole it. Yeah, you just stole the horse.
Like, if it's the original guy riding the horse was pushed off, you just stole the horse.
It's probably not... It's going to be like, where did my original, like, I don't know, what's it called?
Master or whatever? What do they call it?
Yeah, owner or master. Owner, yeah. Right?
So, I mean, okay, with that aside, he goes into the subway on a horse.
Where are the security guards going to be like, you can't go in the subway on a horse?
No, he jumped. He jumped the tiles.
I know, but at some point there's going to be a security guard there being like, dude, you can't have a horse here.
Well, and I don't think you can easily get a horse to ride down into a subway.
I don't think you can get a horse to ride, especially after the horse has been goosed by a gunshot that happened up the top.
You can't get a horse to ride into a tunnel.
You can't get a horse to ride towards a subway train.
Yeah, it just seems like the horse has no self-preservation instinct.
Yeah. And so that just seemed a bit...
Again, I get that it's kind of cool for the...
They shoot these scenes to put them in the trailers.
But you're cool, but...
It's not believable.
It's not believable. And there was just a little bit too much in this movie that was...
They could have done so much for the trailer.
Like, they got enough cool scenes from the train chase at the beginning, which was my favorite part of the movie, at least.
That was so cool. Tell me what you liked about the train chase.
I don't know exactly what I liked. It was just like...
It was like an actual action movie, like, without any...
Okay, I'll be honest, without any women in it, like, okay, here's the thing.
That's interesting, I hadn't noticed that, yeah, yeah.
For action movies, I don't mean to be rude, but, like, the women just can't keep up with the guys when it comes to a chase scene.
I have a lot of male friends, as I've mentioned before, and when they're running, I can't keep up with them, I'm just not that fast, right?
Well, it's not just the fastness.
What? Well, I mean, it's like a hobbit with an end.
These guys are 6'2", 6'4", 6'5".
Yeah, and I'm like 5'2".
Right, so it's not just like...
I know, but okay, yeah, she was taller than him, I think, in the movie.
But a lot of it is to do with just physical strength and speed.
If it was me versus a guy my age doing a rock climbing competition, which they did in the movie, they were rock climbing, right?
No, no, but he does say he's really old, right?
He does! But he still keeps up with it.
She still keeps up with him, which I just don't think is possible, frankly.
So my argument against that would be that they actually made it kind of realistic because she can keep up with him because he's twice her age.
That's true. But again, she's doing things like one punch knocks out a giant guy.
Just things like that that just don't make any sense.
Yeah, no, that's, it's just, that's not possible.
I mean, maybe if you've been taking, like, jiu-jitsu your entire life, then maybe.
And she was born of a literal hobbit.
Yeah, she, okay, okay, this is another thing I wanted to mention about the woman.
Both her parents were basically hobbits, and she's like...
Their height put together is probably not even as tall as her.
Did we see her mom? Yeah, I think we saw her mom in the back.
Okay. Also, okay, even still, even if we didn't see her mom, what are the odds that some woman who's like six feet tall is going to marry a guy who's like three feet tall?
Yeah, he was definitely...
I aspire to that kind of hair in my old age.
Like, you remember they pulled the cap off him and it was just like dandelion, right?
Yeah, I am very, very interested.
But I remember at one point, I didn't think she was very smart because basically all she knew was her dad's work.
No, no, she had a PhD in anthropology.
Yeah, you can get a PhD any time.
Okay, well, it was in the 60s, I guess.
Maybe she did have a PhD, but she still wasn't that smart.
She solved a lot of puzzles.
Based off of all of her dad's knowledge.
She was even slightly ahead of me at translating the ancient Sumerian.
That's incredible. That was not her doing.
That was her dad's doing.
She memorized everything. She memorized everything.
Yeah. So, I mean, I guess it takes a bit of intelligence, but I remember...
And Deanna Jones said in the movie, you're smart like your dad, right?
Or you got his intelligence?
Or something like that.
And I'm like, but not the height!
And it was just like...
That's like regression to the extreme.
I think she's adopted... Well, and here's the thing, too.
She doesn't even look like him. Her dad seemed kind of nice and honorable and decent and all of that.
So where does she become this, like, globe-spanning criminal?
Also, his dad was really respectful of them antiquities, and she just sells them for the highest bidder.
So to me, it's always like, okay, but how did she end up becoming this total sociopath regarding...
Where did it go wrong? Yeah, like, what happened?
Where did it go wrong? What, did she go to public school?
Yeah. That's not good.
That would be a tragedy, not a comedy.
Yeah, that's true. Okay, so I thought beginning, okay, I'm fine with it.
I had to really suspend my disbelief.
And I tell you this, I don't know if it's just an attention thing, and maybe you have it different because you're younger, but after a certain amount of time, like watching these chase scenes, I just kind of blur out.
I'm just like, okay, I'm just going to wait for the noise and the blur to stop, and then we'll get on with the story.
Because you know they're going to get away.
You know they're going to avoid.
I don't care. Yeah, like in movies...
I think I mentioned this in the last movie review, so I'll just go over it very briefly, but they need to kill off main characters.
It's so boring when I'm watching something and I already know everyone's going to live, everyone's going to be okay, except the bad guys who are going to die, and it's so boring.
I think there should be a movie where just...
That's why I liked that movie.
I mentioned it again last movie, so I'm not going over it long, but Cloverfield, because everyone died, and it's realistic.
The odds are that you're going to die.
So they should do it so that we actually have to pay attention to what they're doing because it could be the last moments on screen.
You know what I mean? If there's three good guys, there'll be three good guys alive at the end of the movie.
If there are 20 bad guys, you get to see one of those bad guys die every five minutes until the end of the movie.
That's just a fact and it's kind of boring and it's kind of predictable.
Yeah. And so I, you know, and you at 14 have already noticed this pattern.
Well, we did a show years ago about cliches in movies about...
Oh, I remember that. We should do another one.
That was a good show. That was fun. That was fun.
We should do updated and revised version.
Um, okay, so there is time travel stuff, but before we get to that, okay, infinite bullet disparity.
Oh my gosh! Infinite bullets, so bullets apparently zero in on black hearts and completely avoid any major organs or arteries from good people.
Yeah! So, would you like to mention anything about that?
So that black woman, what was she, like Murray or something?
Oh no, actually, I wrote her name down.
We wrote her name down. Yeah, hang tight.
We got this. She was...
Give us some M something.
Mason. Mason. Okay, that's the least womanly name ever.
Okay, Mason, the black woman with the poofy hair.
Afro, it's called. Afro, yeah.
She... She got shot once and died.
And then Indiana Jones got shot and then just kept living until nothing happened.
Well, not only kept living, but kept adventuring.
Yeah, he kept living. He got shot in the shoulder.
And then she got shot just in the exact same spot on the other side, I think.
And she just died in like five seconds.
So, yeah, so this is the kind of thing, right?
Like, so every bad guy just in the Western, they fall off their horse and die in a cloud of smoke or dust, right?
But every good guy gets like a five-minute, whereas, Mama, I'm coming to see your ancient relatives.
They get this whole long death scene.
And this idea that bullets are magical, it's really bad because it gets people this sense of invulnerability.
I'm a good guy, so, you know, but good guys get shot and die just like bad guys, right?
And so every bad guy shoots around the good guys.
Every good guy is a dead eye who shoots right away.
And I just found that to be wild.
Because usually bad guys are going to be better at shooting anyways.
They're more experienced, right? Yeah, they're more experienced.
So this doesn't make any sense.
So yeah, there's this bullet discrepancy between good and evil.
I think they should have had the woman fall out of the plane.
I mean, maybe it's a bit of a biased opinion, but she would have been the perfect character.
Well, if you'd been in the movie... I would have.
If I was... Would you have pushed her out?
No. Oh, yeah. No, I would have.
Look, she kept betraying Indiana Jones and she left him for dead like two or three times, I think, right?
And it was only at one point with the eels that he went back.
We'll get to that in a moment. That she went back for...
Oh, the eels. Don't, don't.
Not yet. Oh! Not yet.
Oh, the pants... What?
Sorry, go ahead. Oh, the pants.
No, I'm kidding.
But she left him for dead multiple times, and then she was about to fall out the plane.
I would have just been like, well, she dies, then the guy holding onto her dies, so why don't we push her off so that the Nazi dies?
Two for one, yeah. Two for one, you know?
Get rid of an annoying person who tried to kill you, and another annoying person who tried to kill a lot of people.
Oh, so, um...
What was I just about to rant on?
The eels. The eels!
Okay, so, look, I don't quite understand the helmets that they had on, but they looked just kind of like scuba gear with...
It went around the ears. It went around the ears.
Okay. Okay. First of all, you can't just go down 300 feet and back up again in 30 seconds.
No. The bends is a very big thing.
I think nitrogen bubbles form in your blood if you come back up to the surface too quickly and you die.
In fact, there are entire pressurized areas for people who come out of the water too quickly where they repressurize them so they don't die.
So it really bothered me that it went down that far.
And then shot up.
And then they did this whole, so originally in the first movie it was like, oh snakes, I hate snakes and so on.
So now they're like, oh be cool if it were eels because they're like snakes, right?
But they didn't really do anything.
They nibbled a little, they didn't bite anyone, they just kind of floated around and they didn't really do much of anything.
They were just there. Yeah, yeah.
And there were way too many of them, like come on, there aren't going to be that many eels.
There wasn't that much to eat. Yeah, they would have moved around.
Yeah, so, you know, it's the kind of thing, you know the writers are in there like, yeah, it'd be really cool if we reference the snakes, but we can't do snakes again.
Let's do eels. And it's like, well, we'll have a bunch of eels in, and it's like, they never call a marine biologist and say, what are the eels?
Like, anything. Anything to make it believable.
I feel like if you, they had a huge budget for this movie.
They spent $340 million or something on this movie.
Okay, that doesn't even include advertising, does it?
No, I think it's at least...
So it's basically probably $600,000, $700,000, a million.
Take $500 and hang out with a marine biologist for a day.
Just to make it believable. $500!
And it would have probably saved them so much money on special effects for that scene because they would have had like three eels and they would have all died because the eels would have electrocuted them and it would have been movie over, great, done.
It could have saved so much money. Electric eels.
I'm kidding. That's a good idea.
What? No, Electric Eels would be very interesting in a movie.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that would be fun.
I remember in some books I've read, when I was younger, my favorite book series was called Wings of Fire, and then I went completely woke for the last five books.
So, you know, it's great until the last five books, but they had a really cool prison that was designed around Electric Eels in that book, which was, I think Electric Eels need to be brought into movies more because they're cool.
They do like water, but they zap and like lightning, so it's cool.
My reasoning's so good right now.
So, the last thing for me that, okay, so the, well, it's interesting, too.
So, the Nazi guy was the guy who got the U.S. to get to the moon, right?
Yeah. The rockets, right? Now, it's interesting because, in reality, the Nazis, a lot of them fled.
Some of them fled to South America, but a lot of them went to America for the defense program, and a lot of them, some of them were instrumental in founding the United Nations.
So, that's just an interesting bit of history.
Okay. Well, a lot of bad people do try and infiltrate the government, so I mean, they had that right in the movie.
Time travel. Oh, God.
I... I liked it.
I thought that with the end...
I thought the ending was really cool.
Like, the last quarter, I thought it was really smart and really cool.
Look, the beginning of the movie with the train scene and the end of the movie with the plane...
Don't even get me started on the kid flying the plane.
That was stupid, but... The plane and the Romans was cool.
Just get rid of the middle and it's a good movie.
Right, right. Or short in the middle, maybe.
No, just get rid of it. So basically they go back in time to ancient Greece.
And here's the thing.
Because originally the whole plot was to go back and kill Hitler so that the Germans don't lose the war or something like that.
But Indiana Jones is saying, oh man, but there's continental drift so you're going to go to the wrong place, blah, blah, blah.
Okay, so the big issue with time travel...
Is that if you go back in time, you are no longer standing where the Earth was, because the Earth is like rocketing around the solar system, like the Sun.
The Sun is rocketing around the galaxy, and the Earth is like trillions of miles away.
If you go back in time 2,000 years, the Earth is trillions and trillions of miles or kilometers away from where you are, because it's moved in time.
And the only way you could get there is to break the speed of light, go faster than the speed of light, 186,000 miles a second.
You can't do that.
So time travel has always bothered me because it's kind of like if you're riding in a train really fast and then you go back three hours in time, the train is not where you are and you just fall to the tracks.
And so you just end up floating in space and dying.
So I know we've got to kind of give that up, but I wish somebody would address that at least once in a movie or give some non...
I think...okay, here's the thing, though.
So, since they were in a plane, right?
I don't know if this has to do with anything in the plane, but when they were in the plane and they flew through, I think since the time travel mechanism was only set up to 218 BC and present time, like 1960-something, then it wouldn't be as...it would make...it would be easier...
To, like, have it work that way than if it were...
You can go anywhere at any time with this device, right?
Yeah, I guess if you can accept time travel, you can accept instant space travel, too.
Well, I think it would have been, like...
They went back in time, and as they went back in time, like, during those couple seconds, the Earth moved back in...
Like, they moved with the Earth going back in time, right?
Which I think is just how it would have to work.
Which is maybe why you need to be in air for time travel or something like that.
Maybe that would be some, like, mechanism of the...
What's it called? The device, like, whatever it was.
Archimedes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm still, like, obviously, if you want to have time travel in a movie, it's very hard to pull it off because time travel is complicated.
And it obviously isn't real and doesn't work.
But, I mean, I think they did it in a very intelligent way.
Yeah, yeah, I liked it. That made as much sense as, like, possible.
Because there's some movies, like, we're going to do this, but we're going to be in the exact same...
It's like, no, that's not how it works.
Yeah. No, and I like the cleverness of the watch and all of that.
I think time travel can be a lot of fun.
I just, you know, what I would do is I'd spend $350 million on a movie and they'd go back in time but they'd just float in space and die and then the credits would roll.
That'd actually be hilarious.
That would be, to me, if I was a zillionaire, it would be worth spending money on that just to teach everyone a basic lesson about physics.
Alright. You know, people would be too dumb to understand that you actually have to explain it in text.
Right, right, right.
Because the time and the Earth moves back.
Oh, don't even get me started.
Don't even get me started on explosions in space because there's no sound for the air to travel through.
There's no air for the sound to travel through.
It would be a total silent movie.
Alright, so, is there anything else?
We found the movie a little long.
I think it could have lost 40 minutes.
I was okay with it. I found it, like, an interesting movie, and I spent most of my time waiting for Helena to die, but that didn't happen, so I mean...
Waiting in vain. But the good news is, this is the last movie.
Unless they have him, like, his literally undead, propped-up guy.
He's gonna be a zombie.
He's gonna be Rise of the Dead, Indiana Jones!
Indiana Jones and the Zombies from Hell!
In the next movie, he's gonna be in the coffin.
He's gonna... We're going to punch his way out of the coffin.
No, he's a cool guy.
He's a good actor, but I mean...
They cannot possibly do another one.
Like, if it would, it would be in the same universe, but, like, different people.
But I'm not watching... I'm not watching if Helen is the main character in the next one.
I'm not. I'm genuinely...
Well, maybe the torch is passed and she's going to be the next whatever, right?
No! No.
Oh, too wild. So, you would recommend the movie?
I wouldn't recommend seeing it in the movie theater.
I think it's okay as a rental, because I think you kind of need to be able to pause and all of that.
I think, I mean, I don't know about you, but I understood everything.
Hello. Sorry, I'm being a holler and being smug.
Right, right. I think it's a...
That's not possible. I think it would be fun if you want to go and watch it with some friends so that you can make fun of it.
Yeah. Because I had a lot of fun.
I heard some other people in the audience making fun of it.
I can't remember anything exactly, but there was some laughter in the people next to us.
They were poking fun at the characters and how annoying some of them were.
But I think if you're going to go watch it with friends, that would be good, but don't do it by yourself because the movie itself is not entertaining enough to make you sit there by yourself for like an hour or two and a half.
On the Wocometer, I didn't think it was too bad.
So, yeah, I would say I would give the movie a solid 7 out of 10, and it was my third favorite of the Indiana Jones movies.
I liked the third one with Sean Connery, his dad.
I thought that was very good.
I liked the third one, the first one, and then this one.
I didn't like the second one, and I didn't even finish watching the fourth one.
I just found it too bad.
Yeah. Who was your favorite character?
Favorite character? I liked Basel.
Yeah, I thought the Hobbit archaeologist was fun.
I liked the...
It's funny because the guy who played the Egyptian cab driver...
Used to be bigger and heavier, and I liked him back then because it kind of matched the character more.
He seemed kind of old and frail, but of course, you know, so did Harrison Ford.
Yeah. There weren't any characters that really grabbed me.
I liked the guy who looked like a Tom Cruise ripoff in a way.
He had the blonde hair with the dark mustache.
Oh, I thought he looked a bit more like Brad Pitt, but yeah, yeah.
Oh, sorry, Brad Pitt, that's what I meant, yeah.
A Brad Pitt ripoff, but you know, he was cool.
I found it funny that he kind of just shot everything.
Like, anything goes wrong, shoot.
There was one funny joke they made, I don't remember who said it, but it was like, you're German, stop trying to be funny.
Yeah, that's kind of a cliche about Germans.
Oh, can we mention one thing before this review's over?
Yes. The kid. The Egyptian kid?
The kid. Yeah, yeah. I don't know who it was, but they kept portraying that his stealing was a good thing.
No, stealing's not a good thing.
What? He's stealing from the kids in...
He's stealing from other... He got uncaptured, which changed the whole course of the adventure, put everyone's life in danger.
Yeah. Like, I don't...
I didn't like him at all. He killed, like...
He killed the giant, like...
I don't know. Oh, the man bear.
The giant.
Yeah, yeah. He's literally just... I don't even know.
I don't know. That guy was just so funny.
Like, all he did was just stand there and look buff.
Well, they also had to change the camera angles, otherwise they'd just get his chest.
Yeah, they did. Whenever they went to him, it, like, went up.
Yeah, it had to, right? So, yeah, I, you know, so stealing is bad, stealing is good, and the kid who's never flown a plane, but his only phone's silly mock-ups is like, can fly a plane through a storm, land it perfectly, like, I don't know, it's just this, this stuff, it's just like, I mean, I guess he had the pilot to help him, but it still was like, he landed on his own, though.
Yeah, but he wouldn't even have been able to get off the track.
Right. Like, I know planes are a lot more complicated now.
In a storm. And he was, like, he probably wasn't even, like, 12.
Something like that, yeah. He looked maybe 11 or maybe 12.
But even at me at the age of 14, who knows, I know a bit about planes and stuff like that, right?
And I know planes are more complicated now than they used to be because of all the safety features.
There's no way, not me or anybody I know...
No, no, you've flown the flight simulator.
Okay, that doesn't count. You're fine.
Not me or anybody I know would be able to fly a plane without any experience.
Like, that's just something you need teaching on.
Well, especially at night, in a storm, trying to find, trying to hit a little patch where the time travel thing is.
Well, I think they were being sucked into it, so it wasn't bad.
Oh, it wasn't? Okay, it wasn't so bad. Yeah, I remember them saying they were getting sucked in, they couldn't turn back.
Yeah, so that was...
And also this thing, it's kind of a famous clip where they say, well, I stole it from you and you stole it from me.
That's capitalism. It's like, that is not...
Capitalism is respect for property rights, not the constant violation of property rights.
So they just, I don't know, they just got to throw this stuff in.
Did we do that? Did we tell everyone that meme?
We saw one of the top comments...
On the review for the trailer for that, like the clip of that was, well, if capitalism is all about stealing and we live in a capitalistic society, they won't get mad if I, you know, pirate their movie, right?
Right, right, right. Yeah, they would, of course.
They would get very mad, so they know.
And they only make this movie because they can copyright it, and so then just say, oh, it's all about stealing.
It's like, no, no, no. All of human history, for the most part, is about stealing.
Capitalism interrupted that for a while, and that's why we have the modern world, so.
And now it's kind of giving a bit back to that, but that's okay.
All right, so we'll give it a thumbs up.
Yeah! Thumbs up.
Yeah, I'd recommend it. Definitely better than I thought it was going to be.
A lot better than I thought. And, of course, you can see the money in the spectacle that they made.
And kudos on Harrison Ford at 80 for doing an action movie.
This might actually be one of the first movies in the last couple months that hasn't been a box office crash, because I think it's going to go pretty well.
We'll see. It hasn't started off super strong.
I think people are worried about it because they added that clip in the trailer.
But genuinely, I'd recommend it.
I think you should go watch it because it's not that bad.
All right. And like, share, and subscribe.
Thank you so much, Shizzy, for watching the movie and doing the review.
And we'll see you next time.
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