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March 24, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

02:48:09

My Mexican Girlfriend Wants a Baby! Freedomain Call In

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	Good afternoon. It is the Molyneux of Stephanopoulos, and I hope you're doing well.
	I hope you're having a great, great afternoon.
	This lovely, lovely day, Tuesday, March 21st, 2023.
	Listen, my friends, I have a rant within me.
	Oh, I obviously have more than one rant within me, but we'll just talk about What's on my mind at the moment, but it's your show, man.
	I am here for you.
	So if you have questions, comments, issues, challenges, criticisms, you wish to tell me how better to brush my teeth or part my hair, or having parted with my hair, go find my hair, I am all ears for you, my friends.
	If you would like to chat, if there's something on your mind, you can just raise your hand, raise your voice, raise your wages, and...
	I am here. If not, if everybody's feeling a little shy, or, or, I guess, alternatively, if all philosophical questions have been answered for you for all time, then I shall continue.
	If you're in the chat, just hit me with a Y. If you just want to do a chat, if you just want to do, if you want me to do a rant, if you want me to do a rant, just go, go over that.
	Rant. Rant away while I'm eating.
	Ooh! Digesting food and wisdom at the same time.
	Always a plus.
	So the rant actually comes from one of you lovely, fine people.
	How are the ducks doing?
	The ducks are doing very well.
	Thank you. All right.
	Somebody wrote, Daniel.
	Oh, Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling.
	Danny wrote, can you please dissect this?
	Quote, virtues are helpful shortcuts for making moral decisions, but think about consequences to decide what counts as a virtue.
	Mmm, juicy, deep, and fudgy.
	Virtues are helpful shortcuts for making moral decisions, but think about consequences to decide what counts as a virtue.
	Isn't this consequentialism or utilitarianism?
	Well, the answer to that, my friends, is it's a steaming highway full of manipulative bullshit.
	That's what that would be.
	And just in case you're curious as to why I say that, I will not just merely say, I will also do my veritable best to explain as well.
	So, let's look at this.
	What do they say?
	The moment... Almost everyone, except me, the moment almost everyone talks about virtue, they're trying to control you.
	They're trying to program you.
	Whatever you accept as virtuous, you will do.
	Whatever you accept as virtuous, it's like a gravity well.
	It eventually captures everything in the vicinity.
	So whatever you define, people who try to define virtues for you are trying to control you as a whole.
	And what I mean by that is people who define virtues for you As actions, not principles.
	People who define virtues for you as actions, not principles, or as beliefs or conclusions without arguments, they're not trying to empower you, they're trying to control you.
	And morality is the greatest control mechanism known to humanity since the dawn of time and will forever remain the greatest control mechanism in humanity forever, right?
	So I'll give you, here's a tiny example, right?
	This is from my book, Real-Time Relationships, which you can get at freedomain.com slash books for free.
	Hit me with a why, my friends.
	If you were ever told as a kid that telling the truth was a real virtue.
	Telling the truth was a real virtue.
	Telling the truth, you know, it's just, it's so important.
	Honesty is the best policy.
	Just be honest and Be virtuous, right?
	Yeah. Everyone's told that, right?
	Everyone's told to be honest, right?
	All right. Now, let's say that your creepy Aunt Mamie comes over, and creepy Aunt Mamie has a giant mole with hair sticking out of it.
	She has yellow teeth, her breath stinks, and she's obese, right?
	And she's unpleasant.
	And then, of course, your mother kneels down and says, Oh, go give Aunt Amy a hug.
	Come on. And you say, I don't want to.
	Well, why not? Well, she's smelly, and the bristles from her mole poke into my eye, and she's kind of fat, right?
	Now, all of these things are true, right?
	They're absolutely true. Does your mother praise you for your honesty?
	Yeah, of course not.
	Of course not. Of course not.
	So, in school...
	You are told to be honest and never to use force to get what you want.
	Now, if at some point in school you raise your hand and say to your teacher, well, aren't our parents forced to pay your salary under threat of jail through their property taxes or through their rent?
	So aren't you using force to get what you want, which is your paycheck?
	Ah, how does that play for you, my friends?
	How does that go when you are told a principal, be honest and See, when you are in possession of information that people who have power over you want you to divulge, then honesty is the best policy.
	However, if you're in possession of information that they would find embarrassing or negative, then you should be diplomatic.
	Don't just say these things.
	Be quiet, right? I mean, like the toddler at Disney World who points at someone and says, why...
	Is he so fat? Why is he so big?
	Well, that's a reasonable...
	Why is the sky blue? Why is that guy so big?
	Perfectly reasonable questions.
	However, I mean, there's a certain amount of ha-ha, embarrassed indulgence when the kid is very little.
	But you can't say these things.
	You can't say these things because that would make your parents embarrassed.
	So when your parents want to get hold of information that you have, who broke the slam, honesty is the best policy.
	But if you're in possession of information that might embarrass your parents or your teachers or your priests or whoever, right?
	Then, oh, you've got to be diplomatic.
	Don't say these things.
	Don't be honest. See, it's just about control.
	It's just about control.
	So, be very alert.
	Hey, with me too, man.
	Honestly, I tell you, I am not trying to control you at all.
	But, be suspicious even of me, of course, right?
	Anybody who talks to you about morality is almost always trying to control you.
	Now, how do you know I'm not trying to control you?
	Well, first of all, I'm not telling you what to do.
	And secondly, I'm not putting reverse limits on morality.
	I don't say, well, it's moral.
	To avoid initiating force.
	Do not initiate the use of force.
	That's morality. And I don't have a big asterisk that says, well, except this, except for that, except for these situations, except blah, blah, blah, right?
	I'm just giving you a principle.
	I'm not giving you a principle plus exceptions.
	Kid, you've got to tell the truth.
	Unless what you're saying, although true, would be slightly embarrassing for mommy and daddy, in which case you better shut the hell up.
	Right? That's a rule...
	And it's opposite. A rule and it's opposite.
	Because your parents will say, you know, stuff like this, right?
	This is the usual nonsense.
	And teachers as well, right? It's the usual nonsense that people hear.
	They say, you got to tell the truth.
	Well, I don't want to kiss Auntie Mamie because she's bristly and smelly and fat.
	Well, you can't tell her. You can't say that.
	Well, why not? Well, it'll hurt her feelings.
	Oh, okay.
	So you can tell the truth unless it hurts someone's feelings.
	In which case, the protection of other people's feelings is more important than the truth.
	So that's the principle, right?
	Telling the truth, yeah, okay, but boy, if it's going to make someone upset, then you shouldn't tell the truth.
	However, if you're playing with a couple of kids and someone breaks a lamp and your mom storms in, who broke that lamp?
	You say, well, I can't tell you.
	Well, why not?
	Well, because if I tell you, you'll punish that kid and it will hurt his feelings and
	it will make him upset.
	And you told me that protecting people's feelings is more important than telling the truth,
	so I can't tell you who broke the lamp.
	Will that work for you?
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	A teacher says, oh, you can't say that.
	It upsets Susie.
	You're going to have to stay in for recess as punishment.
	No, I'm not going to do that.
	Why? Because that will hurt my feelings.
	And you shouldn't do things which will hurt other people's feelings.
	And it will hurt my feelings. I'll be very upset if I don't get to go out for recess.
	Well, that doesn't count! And you see, honestly, three basic questions and all of society's bullshit Tartus and falls like an overextended flamingo in a windstorm.
	I am not trying to control you because I'm giving you principles.
	I make the arguments, I give you principles.
	I'm not telling you what to do.
	You had some creepy uncle who kept touching your butt when you were a kid.
	Oh, you've got to tell the truth.
	You've got to street proof your kids. If anybody touches you inappropriately, you let them know.
	You let people know. So then, you know, Fifteen years later, you had a family dinner and you say, oh, Uncle Spanky Fingers there, he kept touching my butt when I was a kid.
	Who are they mad at?
	In general. Not always, not always, but in general.
	Who do they get mad at? Well, they get mad at you for bringing it up.
	up. Why? Because it's uncomfortable. It's problematic.
	Problematic. All right, we have some... I'll hold off my rant because we have somebody
	who wants to chat and I am all ears.
	You just need to unmute your mic, my friend, about to break down, and you are live with the StephBot.
	Going once, going twice.
	Are you just here to break your mic low?
	Yes, sir. Can you hear me clearly, because right now I'm outside?
	Not too bad, go ahead.
	Okay. That's really a wonder, because my data is horrible.
	Well, I've actually talked about this with a few of the people in the chat before.
	Right now I'm in what is kind of like a really horrible, toxic, long-distance relationship, and I myself just don't find a way out at all.
	I know that I've been horrible in this relationship.
	She has been horrible. We both made our...
	I actually was writing an email.
	I just didn't finish it.
	I was about to finish it yesterday and send it to you.
	But yeah, I saw that you were live today and I thought maybe I can try.
	Have we talked before?
	No, we have not.
	Okay, sorry. You sound a little familiar, but just generic Eastern European, I'm sure.
	Okay, so... It might be the accent, because I'm actually Dutch.
	Dutch. Well, my accents are way off.
	I apologize. Let's put you in the right location.
	So, given that you're Dutch, I feel like I have to look up, because you all are very tall.
	Okay. Well, I'm actually pretty tiny.
	I'm just getting everything wrong today.
	Hopefully that's it for my heiress.
	Hopefully that's it. I'd love to hear some birdsong.
	Okay, listen, I'm happy to chat.
	Do you want to tell me a little bit about the relationship, how long and where it's located and the long distance and all?
	Yeah, so I myself live in the Netherlands.
	She lives in Mexico. So that is about 8,500 kilometers away from each other.
	A tiny bit, a little bit of a ride.
	We met each other online in 2021 in September.
	And about a month later, I kind of decided, okay, you know what?
	I want to meet you. I'm going to put in the effort to go to you.
	I changed my job.
	I started working my ass off.
	It was for a really long time.
	Also, with the COVID lockdown, it was work, sleep, sometimes not even eat, call with her, and then just repeat.
	It was the same thing for months to be able to afford to go to her.
	And it was kind of, in the beginning it was amazing, just we really liked each other, it was fun to chat with each other.
	I tried to go deeper on some subjects and I tried to ask the maybe like the red flag questions a little bit.
	One of them was body count and that kind of hurt a little bit.
	Sorry, her body count?
	Yeah, the body count question kind of hurt and I I still have doubts that she is completely honest about it.
	Sorry, what was her number though?
	It was 12 and I'm number 13.
	Lucky number. So you're number 13 and she's had 12 sexual partners and how old is she?
	She is right now 27.
	She's 27 and you're her 13th sexual partner?
	Yes. You know that Apparently the argument is that sperm DNA sits within the woman, so you basically have a good children with 12 other guys to some degree, but alright.
	I've told her the exact same thing actually, and she didn't like that.
	Luckily she has been kind of paranoid when it comes to sexual contact.
	Not paranoid enough to not do it with people, but really clean, always with condom.
	Except one time she explained about a blowjob that was without condom.
	Not really the most pleasant conversation.
	Now, again, this is her statement, right?
	So be careful not to say things that are true that you can't verify, right?
	So her statement is that she has been careful and condoms, which, you know, but we don't know, obviously, whether to know that's true.
	That is just what she has said to me.
	Yes, you're completely right in that statement.
	But yeah, after a few months, I went to Mexico.
	The end of January, the start of February, I arrived there.
	And it was kind of a weird situation because her family actually got really sick.
	They had COVID, all of them, except for her mother.
	The family situation was in the house.
	My girlfriend, her sister, her brother, his wife, actually, and her father and mother.
	All of them were better, actually quite healthy, except for her father at that point when I arrived.
	So they excluded me from visiting him.
	They said, you know, maybe you will make him more sick, then something might happen.
	And a week later, he actually went so bad, his health went so much, his health spiraled down, he had to go to the hospital.
	It was a really expensive private hospital and after a few days he was actually put in artificial coma.
	And then it really spiraled completely out of control.
	One day we went to visit him and the doctors told everyone that his lung capacity was at 10% and it would take a miracle for him to make it.
	And on February 14th, at 5 to 6 in the morning, the family actually got a call that he had passed away.
	And that morning...
	Oh gosh, Valentine's Day and everything, right?
	Wow. Yeah, that day really sits vividly in my mind.
	Because the screams of that morning were insane.
	And not insane in that I don't understand their reaction.
	I'm sorry, did you just say the screams?
	Yes, it was her mother.
	My girlfriend's mother. Oh, you mean like the grieving screams?
	Yes. Okay, got it. Yeah, her mother kept on saying, Es no real, es no real.
	This is not real.
	Also, the love of her life, she just lost him.
	And this sits really vividly in my mind.
	This is like a kind of a recurring nightmare.
	That day was one of the most horrible days I can imagine, that's for sure.
	Yeah, and it's this weird thing they did, of course, during COVID where they basically just said, a lot of healthcare professionals just said, well, stay home until you can't breathe and then come to hospital.
	Maybe we'll put you on a ventilator and so on.
	And it was just, it was a wild thing in the middle of a pandemic where it was like, well, there's no treatments.
	No treatments. You stay home.
	And if you can't breathe, drag yourself to the hospital.
	But there was nothing. It was a wild thing.
	I mean, you really couldn't drive up the rates of illness and death more, I guess, to scare the general population.
	But all right, that's neither here nor there.
	So if you want to go on. Yeah, the exact same situation with him.
	Basically, until his lungs were already failing, he had to sit home.
	And the only thing they did to him was he was put on a ventilator.
	That didn't work. He was put on a machine that would take 1 million pesos per day to run.
	That didn't work, so they put him face down on the pillow, supposedly to work against the fluid upbuilding in his lungs.
	He put in an artificial coma.
	So they were not even able to say goodbye to him.
	He just, at some point, his heart failed and he died in his sleep.
	Well then, of course, a lot of hospitals got bonuses for COVID patients and they even got bonuses for COVID deaths.
	So it's the worst conceivable incentives.
	But anyway, sorry, go ahead. Yeah, the family spent more than five million pesos to have him in the hospital.
	So they really made a lot of money.
	That was all his savings.
	He has his own little company.
	All his savings went to keeping him alive, and it fell completely.
	Well, not for the hospital, but yeah, go on.
	Not for the hospital.
	No, they really earned a lot of it.
	So that day, everything went really fast.
	Everything happened in the same day.
	Sorry to interrupt, but how long had you been With your girlfriend at that point, say February 14th, her father died, and how long had you been with her at that point, face to face?
	Face to face, two weeks.
	And I was immediately put in the role to support her and her family, to be there for them.
	Because also, I was supposed to stay for one month, and after the father passed away, her mother asked me, can you please stay longer?
	Right. And daily life before that looked a little bit like this.
	Eight in the morning, I joined my girlfriend to her work, to the family business.
	And we would stay there until six in the evening.
	And after six in the evening, we would go to the hospital.
	And this would be every single day.
	Sometimes we would go to the mall a little bit to have one-on-one time and then go to the hospital.
	But every day we would visit him.
	And how long were you there before her father went to the hospital?
	One week. And did you have sex during that week?
	Yes, we did. And how long after you met face to face did you first have sex?
	That would be hours because I landed in the airport.
	What, are you guys having sex in the cab?
	Almost, almost.
	Excuse me, I've got a customs officer.
	It's been a while. So just look aside if you want.
	Keep it off the security cameras.
	Okay, so within a couple of hours of seeing each other face-to-face, you're having sex?
	Yes. And I'm going to assume it was protected sex?
	It was protected, yes.
	Like even including oral sex and so on, if that was what was occurring?
	I'm sorry to be so...
	Don't say anything you don't want to say, but she mentioned that she gave once a blowjob without a condom, right?
	Yes, she mentioned that she had one blowjob without a condom.
	With me, it was a blowjob without a condom.
	Sex penetration was completely safe.
	So she said once in her life she'd given a blowjob without a condom and then within an hour or two of meeting you she's giving you a blowjob without a condom?
	Yes. A little bit contrary.
	Well, I just, you know, I think we could discount the earlier statement and all.
	And again, I don't mean to laugh, but...
	Okay, so...
	You had sex.
	I assume you had sex a bunch of times and then what happened was her father went into hospital and then...
	I assume that the sexual activity died off at that point?
	Yeah, it actually completely died off.
	She was really grieving, and that's completely understandable.
	Of course, yeah, yeah. She said specifically to me, like, out of respect for my father, I don't want to do it right now.
	And I didn't push her to do it.
	No, of course, of course.
	Yeah, yeah, no, that makes perfect sense to me.
	It'd be kind of weird if she did. Yeah, exactly.
	Sorry, you said 5,500 miles, right?
	It was about 8,500 kilometers.
	Sorry. Okay. All right.
	8,500 kilometers.
	Can you not get a blowjob in Holland?
	I mean I just – I'm curious why you would go so far.
	I mean is there something – is it magic?
	I mean what does she have that this is your plan for romance or sexual activity to – like you almost couldn't drill through the world and get to a further place away, right?
	Yeah, it's almost the opposite of the planet.
	No, you are completely right.
	I actually, before meeting her, I didn't have any experience.
	No girlfriend, no dates, not even a kiss.
	I'm sorry, and how old are you?
	I am 26 right now.
	When I met her, I was 25.
	25. Okay.
	And on the dating apps, isn't there like a location thing?
	I haven't been on dating apps, thank God.
	But isn't there like a location thing where you say, you know, give me someone, say, less than 8,000 kilometers away?
	How did you find a woman so far away on a dating app?
	That's actually a little bit of a funny story.
	I was at that moment in my father's house and he lives in Drenthe.
	It's right on the border of Germany.
	I actually get text messages from the German phone companies because they think I'm in Germany.
	And she had set her location on one of the dating apps to Germany.
	And it would be about 20 minutes biking for me.
	Wait, sorry, the woman in Mexico said her location was in Germany?
	Yes. What?
	Why? Oh, because she wants a European guy with money.
	Yes, she likes European or at least foreign people.
	So the first thing she did was lie.
	Yes. I mean, in the app, in her location, it's a total lie.
	Yes. Okay, just checking that.
	Just checking that. But I did lie about my name.
	I was too embarrassed, actually, to use dating apps.
	To me, it felt like something really weird, that there was something wrong with me, that I cannot just meet someone in person.
	So I changed my name, actually, to my cat's name.
	It sounds weird, of course.
	So that was my life.
	So she says she's in Germany when she's in Mexico, and you say you're your cat?
	This is where we're at in this love story?
	I'm a cat! I'm in Germany!
	Sorry, what's wrong with your name?
	There's nothing wrong with my name, but I just didn't want anyone in the surrounding to see me on the dating apps, and the first thing people know, and then And in all honesty, I have maybe a little bit of an old school name that I'm not a complete fan of.
	Yeah, okay. All right. Okay, so how long after you started chatting with her, and I'm sorry, I assume that she's very pretty and all of that?
	She is, in my mind, physically a 10.
	For a lot of people, she would not be because she is overweight and The first thing that I noticed about her was her face.
	And her face is symmetrically, completely perfect.
	And she knows that. She has been told that before by...
	Funny thing, her ex-long-distance boyfriend was also Dutch.
	He told her that he was completely in love with her face, but her body was off-putting to him.
	And how overweight is she?
	That's a big spectrum. Yeah, so, well, if you think Mexico, the women, well, the men as well, tend to be overweight.
	Oh, I think it's the most obese nation on Earth outside of a few Polynesian islands, but yeah, go ahead.
	She would be obese.
	Okay, so height and weight, roughly.
	Her height is 160, so I think that would be 5'5", I think, maybe.
	And her weight, that is really rough.
	I would say 80, 90, maybe a little bit above 90 kilograms.
	What is that? I'm a little down to my 160?
	Sorry, what's that? 160, 1 meter 60 centimeters.
	Yeah, can you just give that to me in Imperial?
	I'm an old school guy. Oof, I'm gone.
	I actually, it's a wonder that I can call because I don't have data.
	Oh, don't worry about it.
	Somebody in the chat can do it. If you can just give us that.
	Yeah, so one meter, 60 centimeters, and I would guess, I have never seen her weight herself.
	She is really embarrassed about it.
	But if I guess, I would say 80, 90, maybe a little bit above 90 kilograms.
	Right. Okay.
	Oh, it's not...
	Oh, is it... Because it's 1.6 kilometers to the mile.
	Is it 2.2 kilograms?
	Yeah. So she's 200 pounds.
	Yeah, she's pretty heavy.
	No, no. That's very obese, right?
	Yes. Right.
	I assume that it was just a facial shot.
	I'm not talking about the blowjob.
	I'm talking about the picture on her dating profile, right?
	Actually, she was pretty open about how she looked.
	One of her profile pictures would be a little bit, well, very naked, a little bit.
	Oh, she had a somewhat naked picture on her dating profile?
	Yes, it would be a crop top, and the crop top doesn't really cover a lot.
	And the pants, it would be cut open, so you could see her entire leg and her thighs.
	So, yeah, she's about 5'2 and about 200 pounds.
	Yes, I think she is.
	She's round, man. She's almost as wide as she is tall.
	Okay, so she is very...
	I mean, my wife is like 5'1 and is about 110 pounds, so maybe 108.
	She's like two of my wives.
	All right, two wives. Hey, you may be polygamous.
	To be fair to her, she...
	In the time I was there, she gained weight.
	In her pictures and when I first met her, she weighed a lot less.
	So she was lighter.
	She weighed less in her pictures than she did when you met her?
	Yeah, I think there's a 20 kilogram difference.
	That's what she mentioned to me.
	So, yeah, 48 pounds, 46 pounds.
	Okay, got it. So, yeah, so she's really...
	She's going exactly the wrong direction.
	And how long was it between the pictures and you meeting her?
	How long did it take her to gain close to 50 pounds?
	I think about a month before I came to her.
	No, you can't gain 50 pounds in a month.
	No. She didn't gain 50 pounds in one month.
	She started gaining weight.
	When she came back from the U.S., she actually worked in the U.S. before.
	She gained weight when she got back to Mexico, and she gained weight in the entire time that I was in Mexico with her.
	And are you overweight yourself?
	I can lose some, but I'm losing weight now, and she calls me skinny.
	I have pictures of myself and there is absolutely no belly.
	I even in the past would have a six-pack.
	Okay, so you kind of have the, you know, male 10 to 20 pounds kind of thing as you cruise into your 30s.
	Yes. Okay, got it, got it.
	All right, so what was it?
	Do you have a fetish for overweight women?
	Is that a sexual, are you a chubby chaser?
	Is that a sexual turn on for you?
	Well, in the past, actually, no.
	I've told her this before.
	I was actually planning before COVID to go to Asia.
	I was thinking of if it was possible.
	Yes, I know. So that would be a hard no or a semi-hard no.
	A chubby no. Okay, go on.
	No, I was supposed to go to Asia before COVID. It didn't go through.
	And when I met her, I think I actually started developing a little bit of a fetish for that kind of stuff.
	Okay. All right. Got it.
	Got it. And when you first started chatting with her, what was it that you found appealing?
	Obviously, you said she's got a nice face and all of that, although it could be hard to tell underneath all of that dough.
	What did you find appealing about her when you were chatting with her online?
	It started out really simple.
	We were just having fun with each other.
	Vivid memories would be that I was sitting at my father's table and just chatting with her about anything, you know, her day.
	We would be joking around.
	We would just be sending each other pictures of exploring around.
	It got a little bit deeper later on.
	She would become the person that I would confide in.
	I would tell her things that happened to me.
	Also deeper things that happened in the past.
	And she would listen.
	She would really care.
	Or she would show that she cared about the things that I said to her.
	She would support me emotionally.
	And one time I actually had an accident.
	And I was about to collapse because I had an accident not shortly before that.
	Not a long time before that.
	And I was about to mentally kind of break down.
	And then I just started thinking about it.
	I don't understand what you mean by accident and mentally break down.
	Oh, okay. So a few months before I started talking with her, I was hit by a car when I was on my bike.
	And I was hit so hard that I, after that, I landed on my spine and I couldn't do a lot after that for some time.
	And how old were you when that happened?
	I was 24.
	And what were the circumstances of the bike accident?
	Was it a careless driver?
	Were you swerving?
	I mean, do you know how that happened?
	Oh yeah, it was a careless driver because I actually won a little bit of a suitcase against her.
	She was driving a Tesla, a silent car.
	And in the Netherlands we have roundabouts.
	I think you have them too.
	But in the roundabout, everything that's inside always has priority.
	She came from the outside and she was driving way too fast.
	I was about to cross the roundabout and she hit me on my side and I rolled over her car and flew away.
	You had a helmet on at least, right?
	No, actually, in the Netherlands, the biking culture is no protection at all.
	It's just city bikes.
	No protection, no helmet, nothing.
	Alright. Okay, so you got a real whack, and how long did that put you out of commission for?
	Well, everything else was kind of okay.
	I did have a few small breaks and some bones, but my shoulder was damaged for a really long time, and I can still feel it.
	I had to go to physiotherapy for my shoulder for more than a year to be okay again.
	Right, and so you were talking to this woman about this, right?
	Yes, I was talking to her about all these kind of things and also about my youth, about my childhood and everything in between.
	Right, and I definitely want to get to that.
	I'm just trying to sort of pick up a few details here.
	Yes. Whenever I hear obesity, I immediately go to sexual abuse.
	And of course, that may not be the case with her, but did she ever confide to you anything about sexual abuse when she was growing up?
	No, she didn't. She has always been, not obese, but she has always been big, fat, however you want to say that.
	She has shown childhood pictures of her with her father, with her family, and she has always been the biggest person.
	Around. Her father later would gain a lot of weight.
	Her mother actually has diabetes and all her aunts also have diabetes.
	So the bad diet, not being careful with food and Coca-Cola really runs in the family.
	Yeah, so they make bad choices and they get fat, right?
	Yes. It's not like it runs in the family, boy.
	I can't imagine that family running at all.
	Ba-dum-bum. All right. Okay, so...
	Sorry, go ahead.
	She did mention one bad sexual experience.
	Well, I cannot imagine that her sexual experiences in the past were good, because they were all one-night stands, except for maybe two.
	Wait, what? Hang on, hang on.
	So you're 13, and all but one or two of her sexual experiences in the past were not short-term relationships, but rather one-night stands?
	Yes. Yes, so this is something that I would discover in a wrong way and also while talking with her.
	She would chat with someone on the dating app.
	Then they would transfer maybe after a few chats to WhatsApp or to Instagram and then they would decide where to meet up.
	She had a standard bar where she would meet with them and after the bar she would join them to their hotel or Airbnb.
	So these would be foreigners?
	These were all foreigners except for, I think, one guy that was a Mexican.
	Was that the longer-term relationship?
	No, she had one long-term relationship, and it was actually also long-distance.
	That was also a Dutch guy.
	She had that in 2020.
	Right, okay. And you say she's Mexican.
	Is she... I guess they call it Mestizo.
	Is she like half indigenous, half white?
	Or is she Hispanic? Because, you know, there's lots of blacks and whites and Asians who live in Mexico.
	She definitely has some Spanish blood because her mother has a Spanish background.
	I mean actual European Spanish.
	But her father's family actually, they might be Aztec and part Maya.
	Got it. And are you white yourself?
	I am, well, pretty much full-blown European, German, Dutch ancestors, yes.
	Right, okay. All right.
	Blonde, blonde, blue eyes.
	So, tell me a little bit about how you came to be in your mid-twenties.
	And again, I mean, the accident, that's tough, right?
	But it's one of the reasons why we try to get good relationships going in our life, is you never know what's going to happen, right?
	So, tell me a little bit about your life as a child and how you were parented that you
	ended up in this situation where you didn't date for, you know, let's say you start dating
	at sort of 15 or 16.
	I don't mean sex, I just mean, you know, holding hands, going for a coffee.
	Yeah, so help me understand how you ended up like 10 years behind the curve as far as
	dating goes.
	And listen, this is not a criticism of you, I'm just curious about the causality.
	And I want to be honest with this because I know only in honesty it's going to help.
	Well, I come from a broken home.
	My parents divorced when I was seven years old.
	I have in total three siblings.
	I only know one of them.
	My father has three children.
	One is me, a son and a daughter.
	I don't know them.
	And my mother has another daughter, which I do know.
	And she actually lived with my father, me and my mother.
	Until the divorce, when my father left the house.
	So I assume there's a lot of chaos.
	Was it a messy marriage before the divorce?
	Yes, it was really messy.
	It started out with a lie as well.
	They met, not the best way to meet, they met in a bar and my mother said to him, she has been open about this.
	I don't like men that drink.
	And he lied to her saying, oh, don't worry, I don't drink.
	That's how that relationship started.
	So your parents' relationship started with a lie, right?
	Yes. And you and this woman's relationship also started with a lie that she said she was in Germany and you said you were your cat.
	Yes. So we got some patterns.
	We got some patterns. All right.
	Oh, there's definitely patterns, yes.
	And then what happened with your parents after they got together?
	After they got together, I don't know all the details, but my father was a really jealous man.
	He would not give her any freedom.
	He would be suspicious of her pretty much always if she was taking out me and my sister to the playground.
	My father would be checking in on her.
	One story that she told me, and I'm not sure that was good to tell to me, was that he would check her underwear after she would be out.
	I don't even know what he's looking for, and you don't have to tell me, but my gosh.
	Yes. Yeah, my father has not been the greatest person, that's for sure.
	Right, okay. And they then divorced when you were seven, you said, right?
	Yeah, they divorced when I was seven years old.
	Before that, there were a lot of fights, a lot of physical fights as well, a lot of abuse.
	Right, right. And what was happening with your...
	Were they parenting you, or were they too consumed with their own mess and troubles?
	Or how did it work when you were growing up, in terms of being parented?
	Most of my time was spent playing video games.
	I was always on the Nintendo, always on the PlayStation, to just keep my mind off of everything else.
	I would be reading, I would be watching TV, and the only time I would really spend time with my father
	was when we would play video games together.
	Right.
	And then after they divorced, how did that go?
	Bye.
	After the divorce, my father would spend...
	I would try to spend a lot of time with me by taking me to things.
	He would take me to parks.
	He would take me to theme parks to buy new video games.
	He would take me to all kinds of places.
	And it kind of looks like trying to buy me.
	Right. And how did things go with your mother?
	With my mother it went after that pretty badly because my father was the breadwinner and we actually survived a lot of the time on white bread and sausage and cans.
	With my father, because he was the breadwinner, I would eat there and in my childhood I would actually grow pretty fat in his house.
	But sorry, I mean, wouldn't your father be paying child support or be part of that famous sort of Northern European welfare state for your mom?
	No, my father, in a really, really extremely rough way, told my mother that he would never pay child support or there would be consequences.
	Oh, so he threatened her if she were to go after child support?
	Yes. And does she work, or...?
	She started working to support me and her daughter and my sister.
	She would start as a cleaning lady.
	And was she also very pretty?
	I would say in her youth she was definitely pretty.
	She had long flowing hair, good facial structure, not tall, pretty short.
	But yeah, my father is also not that tall.
	He is about a head taller than me.
	So I ended up with a little bit of the short people jeans, sadly.
	And sorry, what is your height? My height would be 5'7", with a little bit.
	5'7'1", 5'7'2".
	No, I get it. Men, we add a half inch to everything, right?
	Okay. So, when you got into your teenage years, and I guess you started becoming interested in girls and all of that, what happened there?
	Well, yeah, of course, I was getting interested in girls even a little bit before teenagers.
	I was getting crushes when I was maybe 10 years old.
	Just a playground crush on a girl.
	But yeah, I was never brave enough to approach.
	I didn't approach before high school, and in high school as well, I didn't approach anyone.
	Sorry, you said that you weren't brave enough.
	I'm trying to understand what you mean by that.
	Okay, maybe I word it wrongly.
	I was scared to approach...
	Yeah, I just was scared of there being consequences or scared of rejection.
	Yeah, no, no. Look, first of all, brother, man to man, everyone's scared.
	Every man is scared of rejection and women are scared of rejection too.
	Yeah. And that is natural.
	That is natural. And the reason we're scared of rejection is because...
	We aim high and a man, you know, as I said before, the male dating strategy generally is to start at the top and work your way down until the first girl says yes.
	Yeah, always try for it then.
	Yeah, so whereas there's generally a girl, you know you can get a date.
	You know if you ask her to dance.
	She'll dance with you and it could be because she's got really bad acne or is ugly or unpleasant in some manner or obese or something like that.
	And so it's not rejection we fear because we could solve the problem of rejection by simply asking out somebody kind of low on the sexual market value totem pole.
	But the reason we fear rejection is we want to start at the top and work your way down.
	And that means that you're going to have...
	A number of rejections before you get to the right woman.
	But it's not that you're scared of rejection as a whole.
	The underlying mechanism is that you want the highest quality.
	And by quality, I don't just mean looks, of course, right?
	Although for a teenage boy, that tends to be the major thing.
	So you want the highest quality woman you could possibly get.
	And that means starting higher and working your way down.
	Maybe you can get the cheerleader or whatever and be at the top.
	You're like the quarterback of the football team or something.
	Sorry, this is all very American analogies.
	So it's not particularly rejection you're afraid of because you could solve that problem by just asking out somebody who was very low status.
	But it's that we want the very best woman and that means that we're going to experience that rejection.
	And one of the ways that we bond is we get rejected a bunch of times and the first girl that says yes, we kind of bond with.
	And of course, there's a reason why I'm saying this relative to what's going on with you and the lady from Mexico.
	But it also sounds to me, did you talk to your father?
	Did he help you out with dating or girls or anything like that?
	No, I never talked with anyone about dating.
	No, no, but it's your father's job.
	It's your father's job to talk to you about dating.
	Yes. No, he never talked with me about dating, and I never even mentioned girls to him at all.
	The only person that would actually talk to me...
	That's very funny, you know. Sorry, it's just a little note here that your voice...
	My voice cracked. Your voice cracked like you were in your teens when we're talking about your teens.
	It's kind of funny, right? Okay, but you understand that it's your father's job to talk to you about dating, right?
	Yeah, I do understand that.
	So what was your relationship like with your father?
	Sort of 10, 11, 12, 13...
	The only bond that we had was about video games and doing things together.
	Nothing deep. I was just there in the weekends with him basically to blow off steam from spending time with my mother.
	And I never mentioned anything that happened in school with him.
	No, but you keep taking ownership of this.
	Like it's your job to mention these things.
	It's not your job to mention these things.
	It's your father's job. To ask.
	No, honestly, it's almost like if you said to me, well, I never changed my own diaper when I was a baby.
	I guess I was just lazy and enjoyed wallowing in my own filth.
	I mean, that would be a strange statement to make, right?
	You'd say, well, no, my diaper wasn't changed when I was a kid because my parents...
	Didn't change it. It wouldn't be on you, right?
	No. I mean, when you're...
	I know this now because my daughter's a teenager, right?
	So when you're the father of a teenager, you have to talk to them about dating.
	Yeah, just to help them out, to make them understand.
	Well, you can't possibly...
	You can't figure these things out on your own.
	No. You can't.
	And, you know, it really has struck me, you know, in this sort of phase of parenting, just how ridiculously unparented I was.
	I mean, I really was just, yeah, you got a bunch of hormones, you're good looking, you're athletic, you're charismatic, you're funny, just go and figure it out.
	It's like, okay.
	And it's like we just lost everything from the past, every bit of wisdom, every bit of learning, everything, gone.
	Yes. You just dropped in the jungle with a toothpick.
	Good luck, kid! And did your mom talk to you about any of this stuff?
	No, she didn't talk to me about girls, about dating, or even anything that didn't have to do with just family life and maybe the bad stuff that happened at school.
	That was about it. So what are you left to like pornography to figure out sexual matters?
	Basically, and classmates.
	They would talk a lot about sexuality.
	Oh, yeah. There's nothing more that you want to learn about than classmates.
	Boy, that's super not helpful.
	Oh, yeah. Now, from my classmates, I learned that there was something completely wrong with me because I didn't have sex with a bunch of girls when I was 12.
	That was their lesson to me.
	Wait, so your classmates claimed to be having a lot of sex when they were 12?
	Yes, this was the start of our high school in the Netherlands.
	You start at 12, maybe 13.
	I started at a really young age, just the complete beginning of 12, so I wasn't really even in my puberty.
	And they were already maybe one, two years older and started talking about having multiple sexual partners.
	Oh man, Europe is toast.
	It is so toast. That's just appalling.
	I don't see any future.
	I mean, where on earth are their parents?
	My God. Yeah, this is one thing.
	The iPhone came out around that same time.
	And with that, also just a permanent connection to the internet for every child.
	Right. Right.
	Wow, that is crazy.
	All right. Okay, so you didn't ask any girls out when you were in your teens, is that right?
	No, I didn't. Zero.
	Zero. Did you get close?
	Did you walk up to a girl and then turn back?
	Or how did that go? In my mind, I actually tried a few times with girls that would be in class.
	I was in woodworking class.
	Working with, of course.
	And we had one girl in the class.
	The rest was all guys.
	And I would just try to spend time with her.
	I would try to go to her. But in the wrong way.
	Befriend her and then maybe...
	So you wanted to find the manliest girl in the environment and try to ask her out?
	That basically is what happened, yes.
	Alright. And she said no?
	Or you didn't ask? I never asked.
	I just tried to befriend her.
	Well, at that time she was getting a boyfriend and she was in between boyfriends and they also had pretty insane stories for that age.
	Oh, you mean like about sexual activity and stuff?
	Yes, she had a tongue piercing and they would talk about her tongue piercing.
	No, I don't. I don't. No, sorry.
	I hear what you're saying. I mean, I just...
	Sorry.
	I just... I can't go there in my mind.
	It's just too vile.
	Yeah. And this is at 14.
	And so...
	So you think that there's basically this, like, hyper-sexualized environment and...
	There's nothing for you, right?
	Yeah, basically. Everyone is hypersexually active and it seems like I was the only one or one of the few that was not active.
	Right. Yeah, I have no idea.
	I genuinely don't have a clue what the hell parents are doing these days.
	I mean, they can't blame the iPhone.
	I mean, that's just a piece of technology.
	It's just this... I don't know.
	Everyone's just given up.
	They're just letting hormones and I don't know, like the dominance of the lower brain ape structure.
	It's just running children these days.
	Sorry, go ahead. I can tell you about how my girlfriend started her sexual journey.
	However you want to say that.
	The first time she had sex, she was really paranoid.
	It was maybe when she was 20 years old.
	And she came home to her mother.
	She wanted a pregnancy test.
	It was with condom, but she wanted a pregnancy test.
	And her mother went completely crazy on her.
	Maybe not crazy, but this is her words.
	Yelling at her, saying, how do you dare to treat your body like this?
	How do you think any man would want to marry you after this?
	Wait, so your girlfriend had her first sexual encounter or relationship or sexual activity when she was 20.
	And then she's had her 13th in, what, seven years?
	Oh yeah, she claimed that I'm the 13th in those seven years.
	Well, in five, six years.
	Oh, so in five or six years, she's had 13 sexual partners?
	Yes. Dude.
	Oh, dude. But this is what she claims.
	She actually asked me, hey, what would you think if a girl had 40 partners?
	Because one of my friends has 40 partners.
	Oh, so she's saying she has 40 partners.
	Yeah, okay. So she's saying that she had 40 partners.
	I told her that would completely disgust me and I would not even look at that person.
	Yeah, but 13 is fine in a few years.
	All right. Okay, so you get into your 20s.
	Did you go to university or how did your early 20s go?
	I went to school after high school.
	It would not be the equivalent of university.
	It would be more a practical education.
	Actually, I went into security.
	I could also have gone into police because I actually wanted to join the army and I was too young.
	So I would have to join an army school for youth, and they didn't accept me.
	And in the last week, I decided to join a school.
	Sorry, why didn't they accept you?
	I wasn't physically developed enough.
	I couldn't do everything that they asked for.
	Okay, got it. So yeah, in the last week, I only had about a week time to choose another school, and I chose one for security, to become a security officer.
	And I joined that school.
	It would be a pretty basic education, and I would want to join a different school afterwards.
	I just never did.
	I decided not to do that.
	You mean not to do the security thing, or just not to do the army thing?
	I decided not to go to pursue any other education after the security school.
	Okay, got it, got it. And then that's what you've been working at?
	No, I worked a little bit in the security field.
	I decided this is not for me.
	I spent some time working in schools, I spent some time working on the docs, and I spent some time working in concerts.
	But it was actually really a job that I would not see any future in, especially because, in the Netherlands at least, it's dominated by pretty hardcore Islamic people.
	Almost all the companies have a really extremely dominant and Islamic culture.
	Huh, alright. Excellent.
	Okay, so then what happened?
	So I stopped working in that field.
	I started actually doing a paper route.
	This would be at 18 years old.
	And I would do that for a few years.
	Kind of just living life, playing video games, reading a little bit, listening to podcasts, listening to Sandman actually, MGTOW. So you're kind of stuck where some of your development stopped, right? Because your development kind of stopped in your early teens in some ways because you didn't have a father to help you into your teenage years and then into adulthood.
	In my early 20s, I was still a teenager.
	Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because how do you move on when you're not getting any guidance?
	I mean, it's funny because we know that, I mean, human males take 25 years to reach brain maturity.
	And we know that parenting is a very involved business.
	We don't just take 5-year-olds or 10-year-olds and throw them out on the streets in general.
	And yet, this is kind of what we're doing.
	I mean, because boys in particular just aren't getting...
	Well, boys aren't getting any coaching.
	Girls are getting bad coaching.
	I don't know which is worse. So yeah, you don't know how to finally really get to adulthood, right?
	No, I really just didn't know what path to walk.
	I didn't know anything. And I hope you don't blame yourself too much for that, right?
	You can't invent...
	Adulthood and culture and tens of thousands of years of evolution culturally and artistically and morally.
	You can't just reinvent everything.
	And so if you're not handed down any wisdom, people do two things, right?
	They either act on pure dopamine and aggression, which is a lot of the drug-taking and promiscuity and so on.
	Or what they do is they...
	Try to limit the damage they do to themselves through a kind of paralysis.
	Like, I'm just not going to go and do stuff because I don't know what to do.
	So some people who don't know what to do, they just disinhibit themselves and they just do whatever they feel like and, you know, go sleep with people or just travel forever or whatever it is, right?
	Or do drugs or, you know, they just disinhibit themselves.
	Well, I don't know what I'm going to do, so I'll just let my monkey brain figure it out.
	And then other people, and I think it's a wiser course of action, they kind of...
	Just good rubber bones.
	It's like, well, I don't know what to do, so I'm not going to do anything.
	I guess it's like if you're lost in the woods.
	I mean, the sensible thing to do when you're lost in the woods is stay where you are.
	Yeah, it's to wait. Yeah, it's to wait, right?
	But if you're lost in the woods, some people just panic and go charging off in every direction, and they generally don't.
	It doesn't end very well for them.
	So when you are lost in the woods, so to speak, you don't have any instruction.
	They go deeper. Well, no, you just kind of sat in the woods, right?
	You just, okay, I'm just going to sit.
	Maybe I can get some useful stuff from the internet or whatever.
	But it seems to me you did a fairly wise thing, which is to not do much of anything until you knew what you're supposed to do, right?
	Yes. I was completely stuck in life pretty much until 25 years.
	25, 26, in the year that I met her, I was doing pretty well.
	I started planning to do more with my life.
	I wanted to pursue more education and start to move abroad to find different kinds of work, to discover different kinds of cultures.
	And that's when I met her.
	I really thought that I had just found my motivation to grow up and to pursue something in life.
	Because when I arrived, I was really thinking and already planning in my mind to start a life there, to build a family, to start working there.
	Sorry, you mean in Mexico?
	Yes, in Mexico, yes.
	Right, so you might start a family with this woman.
	That was something that was in my mind really deeply until a lot of the problems started.
	Okay, so I appreciate that backstory, and if you can tell me what the problems are now.
	So the most recent problem was that she was talking to someone that I felt really uncomfortable about.
	We had set a rule, okay, just don't talk with him.
	Because she was talking with him, he was talking to her in a sexual way, and I was uncomfortable with that, and she never said no to me.
	I'm sorry, he was doing what in a sexual way?
	He was, this was on Instagram, and he was talking to her about wanting to date her, that she was sexy, and she never shut him down.
	And I was really uncomfortable with that, so I told her that, well, don't talk to her.
	I'm sorry to interrupt. She did or didn't shut him down?
	She did not shut him down.
	Oh, so she's flirting with a guy on Instagram.
	It's more than flirting. It's quite sexual talk with a guy on Instagram.
	She never flirted back, but she allowed him to do it.
	Right. Okay.
	And with her history of how she would use Instagram in the past, I was not comfortable with that at all.
	I actually have a little bit of a...
	I'm actually scared of her with Instagram in that way.
	That she would fall back into old habits.
	Yeah, so we had the rule kind of just don't talk with him anymore.
	She had him blocked. I didn't ask for that.
	But after I left Mexico, she started talking with him again.
	And I discovered that in a really wrong way.
	Sorry, do you know much about him?
	I mean, is she monkey branching?
	Is he wealthier than you?
	Is he closer?
	Does he have more to offer?
	I mean, why do you think she is responding to him in this way?
	He actually lives really close to me.
	I know where he lives. I didn't pursue that myself, but he actually...
	I started looking at his profile on Instagram and Facebook, and I saw an invitation to one of his parties, and behind it was a box from Amazon with his address, so I know exactly where he is.
	He lives really close to me.
	He is a little bit taller than me, but I am more muscular.
	The basics. Okay, so...
	So she blocked him, and then what happened?
	She blocked him in the past, and when I came back to the Netherlands, so when we started doing long-distance again, I broke privacy.
	I actually logged into her Instagram account, and that's when I saw that she was chatting with him.
	Oh, you had her password?
	Yes, I did have her password.
	In the past, we already had a lot of trust issues, because when I arrived in Mexico, she gave me her phone just to show something fun, and I accidentally came into something else and saw a bunch of chats with different guys.
	I asked her, hey, what is this?
	And she rapidly deleted everything.
	Right, okay. And so you found out that she's...
	You went into her Instagram, you found out that she's still chatting with this guy, right?
	Yes. And does this guy know about you?
	This guy knows about me, yes.
	And are you and the girl, or you and the woman, are you exclusive?
	Are you boyfriend, girlfriend?
	Is that the expectation? Yeah, we were completely exclusive.
	Basically from about a month after we started talking online, we decided, hey, we are exclusive.
	We want to pursue each other.
	So that is why it was uncomfortable with any guy that she used to talk to or any guy that used to pursue her.
	I asked her, can you please just shut that down?
	No ex Tinder guys, no ex sexual partners.
	I want to be the only one that you get pursued by.
	I want to be the only one that pursues you.
	Yeah, I mean, it's a monogamous boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, so stop flirting with other guys.
	Okay, so you found out about the conversation with...
	Your girlfriend and this guy in the neighborhood, and then what?
	So I never read the messages.
	I confronted her in a way that would not have me admit that I was in her account.
	I asked her, hey, are you in contact with him again?
	And she said no.
	I asked her, do you swear you're not in contact with him anymore?
	Do you promise me that you're not doing that?
	And she started yelling at me.
	About how she does not get the same trust from me.
	That it really hurts her deeply emotionally.
	It's your fault that you don't trust the woman who's lying to you.
	Yeah, you're just...
	I lie because you don't trust me.
	Yes, she kept yelling that at me.
	And later that night, I told her...
	She discovered that I was in her account.
	Because on Instagram, you can actually see what is the location of your last login.
	And she asked me, hey, what is this?
	Are you logged into my account?
	I said yes, and she started yelling to me about that.
	How dare you breach my privacy?
	And how long ago was this?
	This happened, I think, about four weeks ago.
	Okay, and so what happened out of that conflict?
	So, she actually was thinking of breaking up with me at that time.
	And then she actually realized that I saw that she was in contact with him again.
	And then she said to me, I cannot even be mad with you that you broke my privacy because I lied to you about being in contact with him again.
	So, it seems like we are...
	Do you understand what her calculation was in that moment?
	Um... She said to me that we were equally wrong.
	No, that's not her calculation.
	It's not a moral calculation at all.
	So her calculation was quite simple.
	Her calculation was, if I break up with you, like you, the guy I'm talking to, then you,
	the guy I'm talking to, will simply contact this other guy on Instagram and reveal how
	I lie and cheat and attack and yell and how much weight I've gained, and so I won't get
	either you or the new guy, because you will go and tell him the truth about me, and so
	he'll stop flirting with me.
	And so she's like, okay, well, I either end up with no guys or I stick with this guy.
	She did not have an attack of conscience.
	She had a break at the monkey branch.
	Yeah, because I actually did contact him.
	I asked him, hey, what is your relationship with her?
	Why are you in contact with each other?
	And he had an entire story of, oh, I just talk about my dog with her.
	I just talk about my day with her.
	And I told him, look, I am not comfortable with you being in contact with her.
	And then he basically told me, I don't care.
	That's up to her. And then he blocked me.
	Right. Okay. All right.
	So then what happened? So that night, she was thinking, of course, of breaking up.
	And I said, I accept that.
	We can do that.
	And then she realized that she was wrong as well, so we were both wrong in her mind.
	She realized that she was wrong.
	She had no idea until she knew that you knew the truth and she couldn't get it.
	So she gave up on lying when she couldn't possibly get away with it anymore, right?
	Yes. How heroic.
	That is something that keeps recurring in our relationship, the lying.
	Not for long. Okay, so then what happened?
	So we decided to stay together.
	It was really rocky after that.
	I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh.
	What was your thought process?
	What was your decision process about this relationship with the obese woman on the other side of the world who lies and cheats to some degree on me?
	What was your thought process about let's keep going with this?
	So, I'm actually, maybe in a completely wrong way, but I'm really attached to her.
	Well, of course you are, because she's the first woman you slept with.
	So, nature assumes that whoever we sleep with first, that's who we're together with until we die, because that's generally how it was, at least in the West, throughout most of our history.
	So, this is the lack of wisdom, and listen, I understand.
	I mean, this was your first...
	A woman and she's sexually available and so it's worth flying to have sex with her.
	But the price of having sex with her is you now feel very bonded and you can't think straight.
	I do need to clear up one thing.
	She is not the first person I had sex with.
	Before I actually...
	In the Netherlands it's really easy to get into contact with prostitutes.
	I actually went to a prostitute Okay, that's not sex, though.
	That's not sex. Okay.
	I mean, that's like saying that the woman who loves you, who cooks for your favorite meal, that that's exactly the same as going to a restaurant and ordering some food.
	You're just exchanging money.
	The chef doesn't care about you.
	He doesn't love you. He's not your partner.
	He's just taking your money.
	So that's not sex.
	I get that the physical act is the same, but that's not having sex.
	That's not making love. That's just paying for a service.
	Yeah, just paying for really quick things.
	Right, so she is the first woman that you had any kind of, well, I guess non-monetary sex with.
	Yeah, that is completely true.
	Okay, so that's why you're bonded.
	So, you know, I'm going to have to discard the prostitution stuff.
	Yeah, also because in the time I was there, we started slowly stopping using protection.
	One reason...
	Really stupid was, hey, look, let's do that thing, that romantic thing that you see online, basically.
	On Valentine's Day, a lot of the time, couples get Plan B, the pill, and they do it without condom, and then just take the pill.
	We did the same thing. So that was the first time that she and me, for the first time in my life, I did.
	Right. And did she say yes?
	I mean, relatively quickly?
	No, she didn't really say yes to it quickly.
	She was really hesitant about sex without condoms.
	Right, but she did end up having sex without condoms, right?
	Yeah. So this idea that she doesn't have sex without condoms over the course of her 20s, again, takes a little bit of a blow, so to speak.
	Yeah. Okay, and what was your thought with this?
	You just thought it would be like sexy and more romantic?
	Was it like a physical thing or an emotional thing?
	Or what was your thought regarding relatively unprotected sex?
	Because if you're going to turn – she's got to then take the pill, you're turning over contraception to her, right?
	I mean if you wear a condom and you pick up the condom and – I've talked to men that have been sperm jacked, right, where – The woman takes the condom from the garbage and inserts the semen into her vagina and then she gets pregnant and then the guy's on the hook forever because, I mean, nobody can verify, right?
	And there was no sign of force.
	So it couldn't have been forced to penetrate.
	Men can be raped, of course, as you know.
	So, you have taken your life the next 20 years and you're putting it in the hands of a woman
	that you hope just doesn't want to get pregnant because then...
	See, it's a funny thing.
	A woman has a very good sense of when you're a nice guy who will do the right thing.
	And if you're a terrible guy who won't do the right thing, she's more likely to use protection.
	But if you're a nice guy and you're going to do the right thing, You're sensitive, you're sweet, you're thoughtful and all of that.
	Then she knows that you're not going to abandon her if she gets pregnant and then you're going to pay for her for the next 20 years.
	And then she gets to stay home with a kid and doesn't have to have a job and doesn't have to really work that much in terms of running a household because maybe the husband's around, maybe he's not.
	So yeah, it's a very, very dangerous thing to do because if she gets pregnant, you would...
	You know, she would believe that you would do the right thing and all of that.
	Now, I guess she didn't, right?
	But it's a very risky thing to take the contraception and put it in the hands of a woman when you're not married and so on.
	So I just want to sort of point that out.
	Yeah, well, this was actually a chat that we had.
	Over time, we talked about what our future plans were.
	Both of us agreed about wanting a family and wanting a family with each other.
	No, you don't have any idea what you agreed to.
	Because she lies. Yeah.
	So, it's called the chameleon, right?
	You've heard of this kind of thing where it's like, oh yeah, you want a family?
	So do I. Oh, you like Boston the band?
	Or the town? So do I. Oh, you like Adam Sandler movies?
	So do I. And it's just a chameleon.
	She'll just change into whatever is the most desirable.
	But a woman who wants a family doesn't have a body count of 13 after a couple of years of sex.
	That's not a woman who wants a family at all.
	Yeah, what she said to me was she never thought about having a family, that her and her friends were talking about staying single forever, that they were going to be the three musketeers, staying single, staying the party girls.
	Well, and that's a lie, too.
	There's no one on the planet who's never thought about having a...
	Like, is she saying that she was in her 20s and she'd never once thought about whether she wanted a family or not?
	That's just a lie. That's just a lie.
	I mean, there's no... There's absolutely no possibility that she's never once thought about whether she's going to have children or not or whether she wants a family or not.
	I'm sorry, I think we can just discard just about everything this woman says.
	Okay, so a couple of weeks ago you have this blow up about Instagram and then you decide to stay together, whatever that means, because you're on the other side of the world.
	But then what happens? In that week, we kept having conflicts, we kept fighting over just stupid things.
	At the airport when I left, she told me, look, I really want to call with you every day.
	I want to spend as much time with you on distance just to keep the spark alive, to keep the love alive until I'm there.
	Also, one month, I was supposed to live in my father's house.
	I would be completely alone because she was going to go on holiday, and that's actually this month.
	I'm in complete isolation right now.
	She was supposed to be there as much as possible for me in that time.
	And a lot of the fights were around that, that she would just be so busy with family and with friends and with work that it was too difficult not to do things with me.
	I'm sorry, I'm really lost.
	So you're at your father's house back in the Netherlands, right?
	Yes. Okay, and so where the hell is she?
	She is in Mexico living with her mother.
	Yeah. This is long distance again.
	I think there might be something wrong with the connection.
	I think we're back. Sorry, go ahead.
	Oh, okay, yeah. So it's actually a long distance again after spending time in Mexico.
	No, I get that. So she can't do anything with you.
	She could just talk on the phone with you or Skype or whatever, right?
	Yeah, so that was the plan actually to call a lot, to video call a lot, to try to be with each other in that way.
	Oh, and now she's saying that she doesn't have time to video chat.
	Yeah, so basically only late at night is when she would have time to video chat with me.
	Now, do you mean her time or your time?
	Late at night for her, and it would be really early in the morning for me.
	Right, so she's going out.
	Yeah, actually this weekend, she promised me this weekend, so we would just spend the entire weekend together, trying to rebuild, trying to have fun again.
	And she decided to go to two parties.
	Two girlfriends. She's going out.
	I get it. She's going out.
	She's cruising for guys. She's looking for male attention.
	I get all of that. Okay. And so where do we get to now?
	What's happening at the moment? So about two weeks ago, I actually decided to start to make a dating profile.
	And I was chatting to women online.
	And I decided to start talking to a girl that lives really close to my father's house on the German border.
	And I wrote to her saying, hey, you know, you can come by to my father's house.
	And that girl saw my Instagram profile and decided to contact my girlfriend.
	And that is another thing that just completely blew up.
	Wait, sorry. Is it the same?
	Is it the same dating app?
	And how on earth did she find your dating profile?
	No, she did not find my dating profile, and it was a different app.
	No, the girl that I was in contact with contacted her, my girlfriend.
	How would she know where your girlfriend is?
	Sorry if I'm missing something technical here, but how would she know?
	On Instagram, I have pictures of her with me.
	Oh, so she goes to Instagram where you're tagged on pictures with the girlfriend.
	Is Instagram where you say whether you're single or not?
	No, you don't need to say anything on Instagram.
	It's basically to post pictures and videos.
	Okay, so you have pictures or videos with your girlfriend, but I assume they would be Older?
	So she got the idea that you're in a relationship and she contacted the woman on Instagram to say your boyfriend is flirting with other women or asking other women out.
	Is that right? Yeah, that's what happened.
	And why didn't you break up with your girlfriend if you wanted to pursue other women?
	Because I was relatively...
	I think because I was just a little bit comfortable and I wanted to stay in contact with her.
	I wanted to have that...
	You wanted to hedge your bets in case you couldn't find a woman, you'd still have a woman, right?
	Yes. Okay, so how long have you been listening to my show?
	I think in 2014-15 I started listening to you and really heavily every morning when I was doing my paper route.
	Okay, so I mean what do you anticipate that I will say About this relationship and your choices particularly over the last week or two.
	Well, I know that you never say to people exactly what to do.
	But I know that my decisions have been, well, pretty much all bad.
	I know that her decisions have been pretty much all bad.
	And that the relationship itself is pretty toxic.
	I think you would say to me that I would need to reconsider being in the relationship to begin with.
	Well, yeah, I mean, that's very sort of abstract.
	I mean, you obviously were very hurt and angry and upset that your girlfriend was flirting with this guy on Instagram, right?
	Yes. And you did much worse than that, because you're actually arranging for dates.
	Yes, I did worse in that case.
	Right, so you have no moral high ground at all, right?
	No, now I definitely don't have the moral high ground.
	Okay, so let me ask you this.
	The Mexican woman. You say you love her or you care about her.
	What do you love about her?
	Well, I definitely care about her.
	I know that the definition of love would be way different.
	No, no, no. Don't parrot me back to me.
	I'm curious. You, what do you care about her?
	What do you admire about her?
	What do you respect about her?
	What inspires you about her?
	What do you love about her?
	So in the time that I was with her and in the time that we were calling before I went to her, she was really caring.
	She would really love to listen to me.
	She would really also try to push me to pursue things in life.
	I saw, probably wrong, but I saw a great mother in her.
	I saw someone I could build a family with.
	And how long after you started chatting online did you find out about her body cam?
	A few months.
	I asked about her body count, I think two or three months after we started talking.
	Okay. So these are all things that she's providing to you.
	She's listening to you, she's giving you advice and so on.
	But what is it that you admire about her, independent of you?
	Well, not her life choices.
	I mean, does she volunteer at a dog shelter?
	Does she give to charity?
	Does she work with underprivileged youth?
	I don't know. Does she stand up against immorality in the world?
	Does she have a great deal of integrity?
	Does she commit it to the virtue of honesty?
	I mean, things that are independent of the things she gives to you.
	Oh, she listens. Oh, she gives me encouragement.
	But that's all feeding you.
	I'm talking about the stuff that's independent of how she services you.
	Well, the only thing I can think of right now is that in her family life she is really supportive.
	She supports her family a lot.
	Okay, so I don't know what the word supportive means in this context.
	I generally don't know what the word supportive means as a whole.
	It's like equality.
	People use it in so many different ways.
	So what does it mean that she's supportive to her family?
	Right now, her mother is still a mess emotionally, and she has been a little bit better, but from the moment that her husband died, she has been a complete mess.
	My sister tries to always be there for her as much as possible, even completely changing our plans.
	I think you just said your sister. Anyway, it doesn't really matter, but okay.
	Your girlfriend, she tries to be there.
	Okay, so she's helping her mother in a state of grief, right?
	Yes. But she has caused unbelievable grief to her mother, so I'm a little confused about this.
	Because her mother was horrified that your girlfriend had had sex outside of wedlock, right?
	She was appalled.
	Like she thought that that was it, that her daughter was never going to get married, would be branded a slut and a fallen woman forever, right?
	Yeah. Okay.
	So I'm a little confused because she has done, by having at least 12, probably double that, at least 12 sexual encounters, which, I mean, maybe she's told her mother, maybe she hasn't, but she knows for sure that having sex outside of marriage is deeply wounding to her mother, right? Yeah, her mother doesn't know the extent of the...
	Well, we don't know what her mother does or doesn't know because I don't believe anything that this woman is saying.
	Okay, but let's say...
	Okay, so also, I'll tell you this straight up, man.
	If you have kids and your kids don't want kids, it's pretty heartbreaking.
	Yes. Because basically, that's it, man.
	That's the end of four billion years of evolution.
	That's it for your family line.
	If you have siblings, that's right.
	For your direct family line, right?
	That's it. So when she's talking about, oh, I don't know if I ever want to have kids, I assume her mother is Catholic and very pro-natal and wants kids and wants grandkids and doesn't want her kid to have sex outside of marriage.
	So she has broke her mother's heart repeatedly.
	She has smashed up her mother's expectations and caused her mother untold sleepless nights and deep and abiding grief.
	So help me understand where this supporting the family bit comes in, other than she's hugging her mom when her mom cries.
	Right? Because it seems to me...
	Now, look, I'm not saying that she has to do everything her mother says.
	But let's not talk shit about how supportive she is of her family.
	Because she broke her parents' heart with her lifestyle.
	With, you know, are we going to be the three musketeers?
	Never had kids. Stay single with my friends and I'm going to sleep around.
	Right? Right. I mean, she is smashing up her parents' heart repeatedly with her choices.
	So help me understand how that fits in with your theory that
	she's just really supportive of her family.
	The other thing I would think of is her brother has two children now.
	In the time that we were calling, it was only one boy, and she would take care of him a lot.
	Yeah, outside of that, I cannot really think.
	She was really supportive, in my mind at that time, emotionally, with her mother after the grieving process, but that was about it.
	Well, and she was supportive of you until she wanted something else.
	And then she is willing to smash your heart up as well by flirting with this guy on Instagram.
	And you claim that you care about her.
	But now you're willing to smash her heart up by flirting with some girl across the border in Germany and asking her to come over.
	So aren't you just both punching each other in the heart repeatedly?
	Yeah, in disguise we were.
	I'm sorry, is there another case where you're not?
	I'm happy to hear that, but that sounded like a hedging thing, and if there's a good hedge, I want to hear about it.
	But in what circumstance are you not punching each other in the heart?
	In the month that I was with her, we had problems, also with privacy sometimes, with the trust.
	But when we were not fighting, everything seemed perfect.
	We were really happy with each other.
	Well, but you don't know because you're in a sexual haze, right?
	Yeah. You're in a sexual haze.
	I mean, you're having your first unbought and paid-for sex in the history of your life.
	And so, see, when you have sex, your body thinks you've already vetted the woman for virtue.
	Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
	Because normally, you would be introduced maybe by the village elders or the tribal elders or a church or something, and you'd have grown up with this girl.
	You knew her very well. She wasn't on the other side of the planet and so on from an utterly different culture.
	So, when your body is having sex...
	Your body assumes that the woman has already been vetted for virtue.
	But if you just chat with a woman online and then bang her like a gong within a couple of hours of getting off the plane, your body gets really confused.
	Because it says, well, wait a minute.
	We can't be having sex and then be having trust issues.
	Because the trust issues are supposed to be resolved before we have sex.
	And in this case, it happened afterwards.
	And it can't happen afterwards.
	So you have attached to this woman physically through, I mean, your first sexual experience, really.
	So you've bonded with this woman, but you don't trust her.
	Now, that's torture, right?
	Yes, it is. If you don't trust a woman, don't have sex with her.
	If you trust a woman and you're having sex, be married, right?
	Yes. I mean, the best place for sex is in the long-term monogamous relationship.
	So, the torture that you're going through is, I hate to say entirely predictable, like it's not real.
	I know it's real. I know it's very vivid.
	But the chocho you're going through is entirely predictable.
	You chose a woman based on her looks and based on your own sexual hunger, right?
	Yeah. She does not have...
	Okay, let me ask you this.
	How intelligent do you think she is?
	When we are having an argument and I say to her, hey, look, this has nothing to do with you.
	This is just an example of something that I would not like.
	She takes it personally.
	Right, so she doesn't really have the capacity for abstractions?
	No. Okay.
	Does she have...
	I mean, does she read complicated books?
	Does she listen to challenging podcasts?
	Does she know about physics or astronomy or geology or archaeology?
	Or does she have a general knowledge of the world?
	Does she think?
	Does she like poetry?
	I mean, does she have any markers of intelligence?
	No, in that way, no.
	She likes the basic drama stuff like the Kardashians.
	Right. So she's not smart.
	Probably, no. No, no.
	Again, I'm happy to hear contrary examples.
	I'm not saying she's got to be like some weird prodigy like me reading Dostoevsky at the age of 12, but I'm just saying, have you had or seen any particular science of intelligence?
	I did try to have a conversation with her in the first month I was there about abortion and we were able to disagree with each other at that time in a normal way.
	I was telling her that I was anti-abortion and she was pro-abortion with the feminist take that no matter what a woman should be able to decide that she does not want to tell...
	Well of course she's pro-abortion, she sleeps around!
	Yeah. In order to get the dopamine of male attention, she needs abortion to be legal.
	Yeah. Right.
	Okay. I mean, was she troubled at all by the fact that it's a human baby that's being killed?
	Because, you know, to me, the test is not somebody pro-choice or pro-life.
	The test is, are they troubled?
	Like, look... I am pro-life, but look, I understand if the woman gets raped, I mean, this is a really difficult situation.
	It's agonizing, and there's a lot of complexity, and it's not easy, right?
	On the other hand, if you're pro-choice, it's like, yeah, but, you know, it does promote really irresponsible behavior, and there are actual human babies that are dying.
	Like, it's really, as opposed to, well, no, I'm just this, period, right?
	Yes, she did understand the argument of that it was human life.
	So she did acknowledge that, yes, it is alive, but even if it is alive, it is still that the woman has a priority, that the woman is more important.
	So if she decides to have an abortion, she should always have the right, no matter what.
	That was her argument for that.
	Okay, right. Okay, so the woman's choice is everything.
	The woman is the most important, right?
	And even a living human baby is no match for what the woman wants, right?
	Yeah. That's a statement of almost pure narcissism.
	Well, if I don't want the baby, I shouldn't be able to, I shouldn't have to keep the baby.
	Yeah, this is actually something that keeps coming up with different things as well.
	Let's say that I say something that she doesn't like, and I have had an argument with her.
	Hey, if I say something you don't like, or you think you don't like, can you please ask me to explain further?
	In every argument she would start yelling at me.
	Okay, I get it. Sorry to interrupt.
	Okay, so take the sex out of the equation, right?
	Let's say she's a nun.
	Or she is asexual.
	Or she has some medical condition where she can't have any kind of sex.
	Sex is completely off the table.
	Would you have flown to Mexico?
	I'd say, after discovering a few things, definitely a no.
	There's a no.
	No matter what. I mean, let's be honest here, right?
	I mean, this is time for like man-to-man truth time, right?
	If she, if there was no possibility of sexual access, would you have flown to Mexico to just hang out and be her buddy?
	No, I would not be just her buddy.
	Right. So, in a very real way, you're ignoring her personality in order to use her body.
	Yeah. And I don't say this with any big criticism.
	I mean, obviously it's a negative framing and all of that, but this is what happens when we're not tutored about dating.
	Love, sex, marriage, right?
	This is why there were all these restrictions on sexuality prior to the 1960s.
	Because you hold your nose over the fact that she lied about where she lived in the world.
	Your thing about the cat name, I mean, it's kind of funny, but it's not a big thing, right?
	I mean, it's fine to have a little bit of anonymity.
	It's not like you're lying about your location, right?
	So the fact that she lied about where she lived in the world, I mean, that should be it.
	Yeah, to us it was at the time just something funny that we talked about.
	No, but it's not funny because a man will then invest time and resources getting to know her and then find out that she lives half a world away.
	Yeah. No, I mean, listen, how would you like it if the job of your dreams came along and they said, oh, it's just up the street?
	And then you prepare, you spend weeks getting ready for the job, you maybe take a training course, and then you show up, and the guy's like, oh no, the job's actually in Buenos Aires.
	So she lied about her location.
	She's significantly overweight.
	Now, I mean, I have sympathy for that, I really do, but as you probably know, IQ and obesity tend to be correlated in the inverse.
	Smarter women tend to be less overweight because it's a deferral of gratification thing which is a rough proxy for IQ. The fact that you're planning a life together when you're just horny is crazy.
	And I'm down with horny.
	I think it's a wonderful state of mind.
	It's very exciting. It's good stuff.
	I don't have any anti-horn hate, right?
	But the fact that you're planning a life together when you're just horny, regardless of the qualities of her character, the fact that you're overlooking the fact that she lied about her location, and not just by a little bit, but like half the fucking planet, the fact that she's got a very high body count, the fact that she's flirting with guys, the fact that You're flirting with girls.
	This is all a dumpster fire.
	You're half a world away and you're emotionally cheating on each other.
	You're losing weight and you're muscular.
	She's gaining weight. I mean, dude, come on.
	This is not... What can you build on this that's going to...
	I mean, it really is just how much time do you want to burn?
	I mean, I can't...
	I'm happy to hear a case of the contrary.
	I can't see any particular future in this other than how much time you want to waste and how much...
	how much bad behavior do you want to accumulate on behalf of yourself and others?
	So now you know about yourself that you can claim to commit and love a woman and arrange for a date with another woman.
	Right? Now, you can accumulate...
	Bad behavior on your part.
	And that's just not going to be good for you, right?
	I mean, you can't feel particularly...
	I mean, you're angry at her, right?
	So you want to hurt her. It doesn't even have that much to do with this other woman.
	The woman who's actually...
	Who knows if she is actually across the border in Germany.
	She could be on fucking Pluto for all I know, right?
	But you're just...
	You're angry at the Mexican girl...
	And so you're flirting with other girls and it's vengeance, it's petty, it's mean.
	And look, if you made a mistake and you let your balls do the walking, which is a male thing.
	Listen, man to man, we've all been there.
	Maybe not all the way to Mexico, but we've all been drawn in by lust.
	And again, lust is a beautiful part of human nature.
	I have a lust for truth and wisdom.
	It's a beautiful part of human nature.
	I have no problem with lust.
	But, I mean, come on, if you were hearing this story from someone else, what would you say?
	Yeah, I would not tell them to keep pursuing the same thing over and over again.
	Well, also, if there are big differences in, let's say, practical intelligence, I mean, you're just not going to have that much to talk about after a while.
	You know, marriage is a lot of talking.
	It's a lot of planning. It's a lot of problem solving.
	It's not just a perpetual honeymoon with no responsibilities.
	Sorry, go ahead. That was actually one thing that I did enjoy with her.
	I have random hobbies.
	I like amateur philosophy.
	I'm not good at it at all.
	I just love listening to, for example, you and Dr.
	Dupesta. Amateur biology, amateur politics, and I just love talking about all that kind of stuff with her.
	Of course, she wouldn't always understand, but it was just something fun that we were able to do.
	Well, you were able to do, she was just nodding, right?
	Yeah, basically. But she would really try to listen and try to understand.
	But she did care about my hobbies and things that I did care about.
	Well, maybe. I don't know.
	I don't know. No, see, listen, if you say that, you know, she was just this really caring person, just a really caring person, right?
	Then you have a big problem.
	So you get to justify some part of this relationship by saying, oh, no, no, but she did some really positive qualities, right?
	So you can justify some part of this relationship, but it's going to cost you.
	I think it's a lie. I don't mean it's a conscious lie.
	You're lying. I'm just saying I think it's false.
	So, you're trying to explain this relationship.
	Now, part of what you're saying, and part of what you're saying to me and to yourself, I guess first and foremost, is you're saying, well, she just changed, right?
	She used to be this, and now she's the opposite.
	She used to be really caring and thoughtful, and now she's the opposite.
	She used to take a great interest in my hobbies, and now she's the opposite.
	She said she wanted to spend a lot of time on video calls, and now she's going to parties.
	Yeah. So, if you got a scale here, right?
	Now, if you push your finger down on the scale of, well, she was really great, but then she just, after some months, she just mysteriously changed, right?
	I mean, how long have you, when did you first contact her?
	How long ago? The first I was in September 2021.
	Right. I went to her in February, basically, the start of February 2022, and I left her February 2023.
	You left her meaning that you came back?
	Yeah, I came back to the Netherlands.
	And you haven't broken up with her, is that right?
	No. Okay, so it's been a year and a half, right?
	Yeah. Now, she went from wonderful to, I won't say quite terrible, but she went from very good to not good over the course of 18 months, right?
	Yes. Okay, so this is your choice.
	Your choice is to say, she was never good, I just overlooked it because I was horny.
	Or she pretended to be good, but there were tons of signs there that she wasn't good.
	I just overlooked them because I was horny.
	And I don't mean to diminish this, right?
	Horniness, again, is a wonderful thing and no issue.
	But this is your choice.
	So the more you say, she was wonderful, and then she just changed to the opposite of wonderful.
	So you then get to say, well, I wasn't a fool because she genuinely was wonderful.
	So you get a plus there.
	She was wonderful, then she became bad.
	She was trustworthy, then she became untrustworthy.
	She was loyal, then she became somebody who betrayed me.
	She listened reasonably, then she became somebody who screamed at me or yelled at me.
	So, the great temptation here is to say, she was great and then she became bad.
	Now, what's the cost of that?
	How does that hurt you?
	It would give me a plus in that I used to be able to judge her in a good way.
	I'm sorry, can you say that again?
	Yeah, that if she used to be good in the past, then I judged her well in the past.
	But if she was always bad, then I would have a lack of judgment in that moment.
	Right. So if you believe that a woman can be genuinely good and then goes bad...
	The question is, well, why?
	Why did she go bad? Why did she go from loyal to betraying you?
	Why did she go from thoughtful to hostile?
	Why did she go from dependable to undependable?
	Why did she change? Well, I do know somewhere in the middle of me staying in Mexico, I actually had trouble with her friends.
	These are two girls.
	Oh, these three musketeers women?
	Yes. She was in a group chat with them, and I read some of those messages, and they are truly horrifying.
	And I told her about that.
	The three of them were talking in a really bad way about me.
	About you? Hang on.
	What were she and her friends talking about with regards to you?
	So, one of the things was that I was really open with my girlfriends about the way I felt and what happened to me in the past.
	And I would see screenshots of those conversations in the group chat.
	Oh, so your girlfriend took screenshots of you being vulnerable about your prior girlfriends and then shared it with her friends in a group chat?
	Yes. Dude.
	Okay, what else?
	And she would actually tell me, hey, this is what every girl does.
	This is completely normal. But she would complain about things I would do.
	Every morning I would write to her, just messages.
	The moment I would think about her, I would just write to her something.
	Even if I was busy with work, I would just take the time to write a romantic message to her or just say, hey, I love you.
	Okay, don't do that shit, man.
	No. Okay, where did you get the idea that that was a good thing to do?
	Sorry, can you still hear me?
	Yeah, yeah. Where did you get the idea that this was a good thing to do?
	Yeah, I didn't get the idea anywhere.
	It was just something in my mind to do.
	And I asked her even, hey, is this something that you like or should I stop with this?
	No, no, don't ask.
	My God, it's even worse.
	Yeah, listen, I'm a big one for romantic gestures.
	I will buy my wife flowers from time to time.
	I just recently got a plaque with our first date on a map.
	So I think these lovely little gestures are very nice.
	But marriage is a very practical business about making money, keeping house and raising children.
	And if all you're doing is staring at your wife and dropping rose petals on her or staring at your girlfriend and dropping rose petals on her head, it's going to be kind of a turn-off because she needs you to go out there.
	Like, hey, it's great that the haikus aren't going to feed the kid, man.
	Go make some money.
	Go hunt some boar. Go plant some crops.
	Stop just staring at me and telling me I'm wonderful, particularly when I'm not wonderful, because she's not wonderful, right?
	So you, all these loving, lovey-dovey, she's just like, okay, so he's kind of deluded.
	I have way too much power over him, and he's not someone I can trust to go get resources, because he's just going to hang around and drop rose petals on me.
	I didn't think about it in that way.
	So you're signaling to her that she owns you.
	And I assume she wasn't exactly doing the same thing in return, right?
	No, not really, no.
	Right. So you're pouring out your enslavement to her, which is like a begging thing to do.
	You know, you've got to say to a woman, you're a wonderful addition to my life, but you're not my life.
	I had a life before I met you.
	You would be a wonderful addition to my life, but you're not my life.
	Because the purpose of pair bonding is getting food, getting shelter, raising children, solving problems.
	It's not poetry and this sort of begging stuff, right?
	Oh, you're my world.
	No, she's not your world.
	She's just some woman from Mexico.
	Yeah. And if you give people too much power over you, almost everyone will abuse that power.
	And the people who won't abuse that power will be so grossed out by it that they'll run screaming.
	I mean, you're like the over-attached girlfriend meme.
	Have a life. Invite someone to be part of your life.
	Don't make someone your life.
	That's kind of stalky in a way.
	And so it's tragic, and I'm sorry that she did, but it's not too surprising that she ended up making fun of you and your attachment to her, right?
	Because listen, also, she's sharing your vulnerable messages with her girlfriend saying, oh, this guy thinks I'm so wonderful.
	And they're all laughing because they know she's not wonderful.
	She knows she's not wonderful.
	Yeah. She just knows that you're horny.
	So she has no respect for you.
	And so then she ends up looking for a man who's indifferent to her, or at least not, what they say, besotted, not besotted by her, not head over heels, right?
	This sort of one-itis, right?
	Yeah. Yeah, I was completely only, tunnel vision only her.
	Right. And again, I have great sympathy for this.
	I really do. And I... I don't mean this to sound harsh because it's like you went to Japan for the first time and you didn't know the customs and you didn't know that you didn't know the customs.
	So I have great sympathy for all of this and I'm saying this in a sort of harsh tone because what I don't want you to end up with is so, you know, let's say this relationship doesn't work out.
	And then you end up dating somebody else in a year or two or whatever, six months, whoever, right?
	So you end up dating some girl, right?
	We call her Bailey.
	Okay, so you end up dating Bailey, right?
	Now, if you are of the opinion that really nice women just mysteriously change into bitches around you, how are you going to be able to trust Bailey?
	Let's say Bailey is really nice.
	She is really thoughtful.
	She does care. Then you're going to sit there and say, yes, well, but I've been down this road before.
	I remember that last girl, that Mexican girl, she seemed really nice too.
	And you're going to be kind of hard-eyed and suspicious, right?
	Yeah. The only way to trust is to take total responsibility.
	You've been listening to me.
	For more than half a decade, right?
	Yeah. Now, you know I do free call-ins.
	Well, you know that because we're doing one right now, right?
	Yes, I do know that.
	Right. So you had free access to a guy, you know, I have my flaws, I have my imperfections, but I don't think anyone can accuse me of not bending over backwards to help my fellow thinkers, right?
	That's for sure. Right.
	You've been here just one call away.
	One phone call, totally free, hour and a half of your life.
	Hour and a half could have solved 18 months, right?
	And by the way, it would have saved you, I don't even know how much money you've spent on this relationship.
	$10,000? $15,000?
	More? I don't know. I spent all my savings.
	So, one...
	Free, totally free call.
	Would you do it now anyway?
	Yeah. So you chose, and of course, if you had called me up and you'd have said, oh yeah, no, she said she was in my neighborhood, turns out she's in Mexico.
	Oh, and she's obese.
	Oh, and, you know, she's got Instagram profiles, which is half naked, and, and, and, right?
	I mean, come on, what would I have said?
	And she likes the Kardashians!
	I mean, the Kardashians are...
	Oh God, don't even get me started.
	It's like a...
	Dante and Hell go down another couple of layers and you've got the Kardashians, right?
	Yeah. So, you chose to pursue this 100% and you had access...
	I mean, you could have gone to therapy, you could have read books, you could have gone to...
	I don't know, like there's tons of people who are pretty good at figuring out female red flags, right?
	Yeah. And there were red flags.
	There were significant red flags.
	Not to pump my own horn, that's why I asked questions in the beginning, for example.
	The body count question after some time.
	I asked it probably too late.
	I should have asked it day one, or not day one, but in the first week, maybe.
	No, no, no. See, the red flags have to be something the woman can't lie about.
	They have to be.
	They have to be. Right.
	So, I mean, one of the things that happened in the financial crisis, I guess, when you were still in your teens, was called liar's loans.
	So, they'd say, what's your income?
	And people would just be able to write in, oh, I make $100,000.
	They'd just be able to write their income, right?
	They didn't have to provide any actual tax returns or any, I don't know, whatever, the paperwork that says how much you make, right?
	So the red flags can't be, well, I asked her her body count and she said it was very low.
	Because if she has a very high body count and she's an unstable woman, what's she going to say?
	She's going to downgrade it a lot.
	Like this woman who said, well, I have a friend who's 40 and what would you think of that?
	It's like, come on. So it's 40, right?
	Yeah, there's a big chance it's 40 or it is just 40.
	Right. And she has unprotected sex with you, oral and vaginal.
	And so, of course she's going to say, no, no, no, it was all lots of condoms.
	So you can still get STDs with a condom on.
	But anyway. Yeah.
	So, and she lied about her location.
	And she's got half-naked pictures on Instagram.
	Yeah. And she's gained a lot of weight very recently.
	Yes, she did. And...
	You ask her, oh, you know, just some general knowledge questions, or you get involved in general knowledge questions, right?
	And if she's like, well, I don't know, but Supreme Court decisions have never come up on keeping up with the Kardashians, so I don't know anything about that.
	You ask her, hey, what's your favorite book you read recently?
	I think it was a CVS coupon.
	Well, one of the books that she really loves used to be Fifty Shades of Grey.
	All right. Do you like the dumpster fire of toxic femininity known as Fifty Shades of Grey?
	Let's see, yes. Do you believe in the patriarchy, right?
	I mean, there's tons of questions that you can ask.
	Now, of course, she can't lie about the books.
	Because if she says, oh, I read Don Quixote by Cervantes recently, right?
	If you haven't read it, then you just spend the next day or two reading it, and then you ask her, what's her favorite part?
	If you have read it, you ask her, oh, what was your favorite part?
	Or what did you think of this theme?
	Or what were the themes that you saw in the book?
	Or how was it gripping?
	Or who introduced you to it?
	You just ask her questions, things she can't lie about.
	She can't lie about her weight.
	Obviously, she did lie about her location.
	I mean, you can ask early about the body count, but it's just, you know, like you'll notice I don't ask people things on this show that they could lie about in general.
	I mean, people obviously say a bunch of stuff, right?
	But I try to avoid things that people could lie about.
	Not that I'm saying you would lie or anything.
	I think you're being very honest.
	It's very admirable, right? But the red flag stuff, it can't be dependent upon her telling the truth, because one of the biggest red flags is not telling the truth.
	So if a big red flag is a high body count, a woman who has a high body count will lie.
	She will lie about it.
	Of course she will. For a better image.
	And she started off by lying.
	It's not a funny, cute little thing.
	She is catfishing for Europeans, in my opinion.
	Why? Because you generally have money.
	Maybe she wants to get out of Mexico.
	Maybe she likes the fact that European men are generally more sensitive and thoughtful and thus easier to manipulate and control.
	That was one complaint that she had about Mexican men, the macho culture.
	Yeah, macho culture. So she's looking for a man she can dominate, so she goes to Holland.
	Pretends she's in Holland, right?
	Yeah. Was she at all troubled by the fact that you were a virgin when you met?
	Did she know that you were her first actual sexual encounter?
	I told her about the prostitute past and in her mind then it was, okay, no, not your first.
	Oh, so the fact that you lost your virginity to prostitutes and that she was your first actual romantic sexual partner Didn't trouble her at all?
	No. She said to me that I was her first loving, romantic time.
	Before that, it was just all basic instincts, just carnal fun.
	Oh, so you were her first sort of thoughtful and sensitive lover?
	Yeah, that's the way she put it.
	Was she at all troubled by the fact that you'd never had a girlfriend?
	Was she at all troubled by the fact that You didn't have much of a career.
	Was she at all trouble by the fact that your parents divorced when you were seven?
	Were there any red flags for her about you?
	Maybe, but she didn't mention it to me.
	Okay, so no. Because if there were red flags, she would have asked you about them.
	Yeah. So a woman who doesn't grill you is going to use you because she's not got a filter on for keeping herself safe, which means she doesn't have any self-respect.
	I mean, can you imagine going for a job interview and never ever asking how much you're going to get paid?
	No, that is one of the most important things.
	Right. So a woman who's got any basic self-respect Is going to grill you about potential risks to her.
	And everybody has some things that could be a potential risk.
	So, you know, you've got to grill.
	You've got to make sure.
	She didn't do any vetting on you at all.
	Penis, plane ticket, you're good.
	She did no vetting.
	That's a huge red flag.
	Yeah, it was just our chat in the months that...
	Well, it's just stupid flirting bullshit.
	Yeah. And that sexual energy.
	A woman who puts forward sexual energy very early on is looking to bypass your judgment and your reason.
	A woman who talks about sexuality very early on.
	A woman who reveals too much, who is...
	Who's constantly bringing your mind back to sexual matters is predatory.
	I assume that there was a fair amount of sexual flirting early on.
	Yeah, pretty early on.
	It was that she accidentally showed herself to me and that's kind of how the sexual part started.
	She, what, accidentally showed what?
	Yeah, so we video called.
	Maybe a few weeks in, in a video call, she showed herself to me in a playful, supposedly accidental way.
	Oh, she like lifted her top kind of thing?
	Yes. Okay.
	All right. So she flashed you?
	Yeah. Right.
	Giant red flag. So the woman who's flashing virtual strangers on the internet, this goes into your brain, passes through your balls and comes out with, she'd be a great mom for my kids.
	I mean, look at all those milkers.
	No, you chose to go into this and you chose to avoid the red flags.
	And listen, I'm not condemning you in any way, shape or form.
	This is a natural, masculine experience.
	It's a rite of passage, so to speak.
	Maybe not for 18 months and 20,000 bucks or whatever you spend, right?
	But you chose to lead with your balls, right?
	Yeah, that is for sure.
	And listen, again, no negativity, no hate, no judgment.
	I'm just pointing out a fact that you chose to overlook all the red flags because she flashed her boobs.
	And again, I hope you're not down on yourself.
	I'm just trying to say that if you ignore the red flags and you follow lust, of course you're going to go off a cliff.
	A woman of quality is not showing you her tits online.
	I mean, I hope that that doesn't need to be repeated, right?
	This is the Life 101, right?
	Online flashing, not a green flag.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah.
	So, you followed this path of hypersexuality, right?
	Yeah. And...
	This is the result. You can choose to overlook the red flags because you're lusty, right?
	So you can choose to follow lust and ignore personal qualities, right?
	And, listen, to be fair, you have gotten off very lightly, right?
	So you blew your life savings and 18 months, maybe it take you 6-12 months to recover, I don't know.
	But, man, she didn't get pregnant, right?
	You don't have an STD, she's not filed a legal complaint against you, and you don't have a stalker.
	No, so far no. I'm pretty sure it's tough to stalk from Mexico, right?
	Well, I guess you could stalk online or whatever, right?
	But it could have gone a whole lot worse.
	And I've talked to men with whom it's gone a whole lot worse.
	Yeah, it's actually... I wonder that she didn't get pregnant because at some point we were actually trying.
	It's just that...
	Wait, trying what?
	Yeah, that was...
	You were trying to have a baby?
	Kind of. Okay, you've got to go to a nunnery.
	Like, that's it. You know, shave the top of your head, put on an electrified codpiece that every time you get a boner, it shucks your ass into Uranus.
	And yeah, monastery. Dude, that's it.
	I'm sorry. The whole conversation's done now.
	It's monastery time. Get thee to a nunnery.
	I don't care if you've got a cross-dress.
	Just get in there and get away from women.
	You were trying to have a baby?
	Yeah. The fuck did that come about?
	Yeah, because of the thoughts of it being romantic love, but more being just lust for each other.
	What? No, hang on.
	So when did you decide to try to have a baby?
	I would say maybe in the last two months that I was in Mexico.
	Right. Right.
	Right. Well, so you had unprotected sex when she was on her ovulation, right?
	She actually was not able to get her period and probably her ovulation as well.
	Sorry, she was not able to get her period and what?
	I don't think she actually ovulated.
	Well, you better get on your knees, my friend, and you better pray to the gods of Cinnabon.
	You better pray to the gods of Churros.
	Do you know why? That it didn't happen.
	No! You better pray to the gods of carbs and sugar and salt and fat that that Rotundo Rama didn't get eggy because she was overweight.
	Yeah. Because overweight, being significantly overweight can very much interfere with periods, ovulations and all that.
	Yeah, that's what her doctor actually said.
	Because she's overweight, it's not possible to get pregnant now.
	So she's so overweight, she can't even get pregnant.
	Yeah, because it interferes with her cycle.
	Man, your chubby was totally saved by the chubby, man.
	That was an artery-clogging torpedo that just barely missed your nutsack, my friend.
	Holy crap. Holy crap.
	That could have been one chunky baby, man.
	You were trying to get pregnant the last two months you were in Mexico.
	Dude. Dude.
	Okay, who brought that up?
	Um... Well, a bunch of times she said when we were in a really good romantic mood that she wanted to get pregnant a lot, that she wanted to start a family.
	Okay, so yeah, she's just looking for a meal ticket then, right?
	She's looking for a good guy to pay her bills.
	That's a big chance because in that entire time I was able to just lift up my savings in Mexico.
	Right. Yep.
	The BTM, the ball teller machine.
	boom boom work the dumb stick for a couple of minutes and you get 20 years
	in Club Med yeah you you really did dodge a bit of a sodium bullet
	there my friend I'm glad you was retaining water, not your baby.
	Sorry, go ahead. In a way, when her father passed away, I met her entire family, at least on her father's side and some of her mother's side.
	I really felt at home at that time.
	So that also might have clouded my judgment.
	Well, of course, because you're the meal ticket.
	This was after her father died, right?
	Yeah. Yeah.
	So after the father died, they need another man to pay the bills.
	Let's be super friendly.
	Let's make him feel totally at home.
	Yeah. Let's make a very pretty, honey, sticky nest.
	For me, it was just for the first time I felt like part of a big family.
	I come from a broken home, a really small family, only my mother.
	So you came from a broken home, and your solution to that...
	Was to have a baby with a woman you never married who lives on the other side of the world.
	That seems to be like that, yes.
	So you would have just made another broken family, right?
	And you would have, look, okay, let me just finish up with this because it's been a long chat and all that.
	Okay, listen. Your parents, in your head, you've been listening for a while and we've been talking for a while, so I'm just going to be pretty brutally frank and I mean this with all love and positivity, right?
	Okay, you get this Mexican woman pregnant and either you end up going out there and marrying her and it's a disaster or you don't marry her but you've got a kid over in Mexico and you've got to send all this money.
	What happens to your dating prospects, my friend, when you have a Mexican kid?
	Yeah, they will probably go down to 50%.
	Yeah, a quality woman comes along.
	Oh, wow, you're really smart.
	Oh, wow, you're really into philosophy.
	Oh, wow, you're into self-knowledge.
	That's great. Oh, you've got a good general knowledge of the world.
	Interesting, smart guy. Good-looking guy.
	Got some muscles, right? Blue eyes or whatever, right?
	Okay. And then she's like, oh, yes, but I did have a child out of wedlock with an obese Mexican woman.
	Yeah. Yeah, that's not good.
	Well, basically all the good points are now gone because...
	No, because it's like, yeah, I mean, like, best of luck, you know, no hate on the kid, no hate on you, but I can't rely on you, I can't trust you, your judgment is bad, right?
	Yeah. So, you're at this crossroads.
	Are you willing to do what it takes to be better than your crappy parents?
	Because your parents, do they want you to succeed?
	Of course they don't. And I don't even need to ask that.
	I was going to ask that question and I'm like, I don't need to ask that.
	Why do I know that your parents are sabotaging you?
	Why do I know or how do I know that your parents don't want you to do better than them?
	Because that would show how bad they were in the past and maybe even still now.
	No, that's all theoretical.
	What facts do I have in my possession that I know...
	As surely as no gravity that your parents want you to fail.
	They never taught me the basics.
	That's right. They haven't prepared you for anything.
	So if I go to my daughter, right, and I say, oh, yeah, listen, you've got a hurdles competition today.
	And she says, well, what do you mean I've got a hurdles competition?
	Yeah, you know, you've got a hurdles competition.
	I signed you up and it's absolutely imperative that you win because there's a lot of money involved.
	I bet a lot on it, right?
	And she'd say, what the hell?
	And she'd say, well, when did you know this?
	I said, oh, yeah, no, I knew about this hurdles competition for like the last year.
	And she's like, what are you talking about?
	Why on earth – why would you send me out on a hurdles competition – When you've known for a year that I'm going to be in hurdles competition, I've never taken a single shred of training, I don't know how to do it, would I not be setting her up for failure?
	You would be setting her up for failure.
	Now, what if I said, no, no, no, no, I really wanted her to succeed.
	I just want her to be really good at this hurdling competition.
	That's just my number one goal.
	Yeah, preparation before that, then you would actually show that you would care about her succeeding.
	Let's go even further and let's say that I completely screwed up my own hurdling competition when I was a kid, when I was a child, the father, right?
	I was I had this hurdling competition and I completely screwed it up and was publicly humiliated and blah blah
	blah blah blah, right and Then it turns out by gosh, doesn't it turn out to be odd
	that I'm causing my own daughter to fail that a hurdling competition
	Which was the biggest trauma I ever had which is failing at a hurdling competition when I was a kid
	You understand that this would be pure repetition compulsion, right?
	Yeah, I don't want her to succeed Because I failed
	And wanting your children to genuinely do better than you is extremely rare.
	I mean, maybe it was less rare before the boomers, but the boomers kind of put the stake through that vampire's heart.
	I can definitely tell that I don't know a single family where it actually goes well, where the parents are pushing their children to become better.
	Well, not pushing, but whatever it takes, right?
	I want my daughter to do far better than I did and have far fewer struggles and challenges.
	Now, I don't want her to have no struggles and challenges.
	She'll have her own, obviously, right?
	I don't want... I don't want to go from like the Iron Maiden to the endless hammock, but...
	No. Your parents set you out into a complex world with no values or instructions whatsoever, as far as I can see.
	Right? Not a difference.
	So they are rooting for your failure.
	Now, if you were to say to your parents...
	Do you think, like if you were to say to anyone, do you think that if your child has a really important hurdles competition that they can't get out of, do you think that it's important that you should tell them ahead of time and make sure that they get some practice or training?
	Everybody would say yes, right?
	Nobody just shows up at the Olympics and says, well, I want to run.
	So if you were to say to your parents, do you think that it's important to raise your children with some sense of values and some wisdom about life and...
	You know, how to date and how to vet people to make sure you don't get your heart broken or whatever it is, right?
	Especially now, right? Especially now when, you know, I mean, false accusations and baby jail and stalking and whatever, right?
	This stuff can be, you know, you get involved in one bunny boiler, man, she can really wreck your life in so many different ways, right?
	So it's become infinitely more important now than even it was in the past to teach your children some basic safety and In the dating world, or any world, but in particular the dating world.
	Does that make sense? That does make complete sense.
	So, the world is infinitely more dangerous now, for men in particular, in the dating world, than it was even 20 years ago.
	Even 30 years ago.
	And 20 years ago, you were, you know, 7 years old, or whatever it is, right?
	So... So your parents absolutely had the obligation to teach you some basics, and they also had the knowledge because they had made some bad decisions.
	And making bad decisions is a great way to teach your children.
	So if your parents, and they did make bad decisions, and your parents never taught you a damn thing about how to avoid their own bad decisions, it's because they want you to recreate those bad decisions.
	So you have your parents, in my mind, like a boat anchor just kind of dragging you down.
	I was thinking, gosh, are you complying with this Mexican woman and so on?
	It's like, well, to some degree.
	But you're really complying with the expectations your parents have of you, which is that you're not lovable.
	You shouldn't be protected.
	Any scrap of positivity, you should just grab at because you're never going to get another.
	Any woman who will sleep with you, you should just commit to her fully because no one else will ever come along who will sleep with you ever again.
	Like, you know, one of my friends I had when I was back in the software world.
	He was going through a terrible divorce.
	I'm like, what happened? He's like, well, I married the first woman who would sleep with me.
	She's willing to have sex with me.
	I'll give her everything. No self-protection.
	It was a horrible, horrible thing to watch, what was going on.
	It was a brutal divorce. Yeah.
	So, nobody thought you were worth protecting.
	When you were a child, nobody taught you how to protect yourself.
	Nobody thought you were worthy of being protected.
	And I'm incredibly sorry for that.
	Like, I'm unbelievably sorry for that.
	That's a terrible thing to go through, and your parents are pretty shitty people for casting you out into this world, as always happens with children, casting you out into this world without any sense of how to stay safe.
	Yeah. People are all like, well, you've got to be tough with your kids because, my gosh, what if they run into the street?
	And yet, people let their kids wander out into the dating world.
	I mean, you're not just unprotected.
	You are a highlight as a mark.
	You are a highlight as someone who can be exploited.
	Do you know what I mean? I don't know what you mean.
	It's one thing to be just unprotected.
	It's another thing... It's one thing to just be in the water, not in a shark cage.
	It's quite another thing for people to be dumping fish guts all around you in shark-infested waters.
	It's one thing to be in a battlefield.
	It's another thing to be laser targeted.
	And you are thrown out into the dating world with a big giant mark that says, I don't know how to protect myself.
	I don't know how to judge safe people from dangerous people.
	And safe people will be like, they get that, and they're like, well, you know, I can't teach you all of that.
	You're not my kid. And dangerous people are like, oh, yes!
	Easy pickings!
	Someone to exploit. He's sending me poems every morning, and I'm actually a pretty bad person.
	He's willing to stay with me when I'm flirting with other men.
	I can guilt him...
	Into finding out that I'm lying.
	Into thinking he's the bad guy for logging into my Instagram.
	Without a VPN? Anyway, okay, never mind.
	So, yeah, just so you understand that, right?
	You are in a situation of significant danger because you're in shark-infested waters, no cage, lots of bloody fish heads all around you.
	You are in a situation of risk.
	Now, It's not that she just suddenly turned bad.
	And look, I have sympathy for her, you know, pretty bad upbringing, I'm sure, as a whole.
	And then her father was taken away by these horrifying COVID policies and all that.
	So, you know, sympathy, but, you know, I'm talking to you, not her.
	So you're my focus and my concern at the moment.
	So, fundamental question.
	How do you get safe?
	How do you say you're going to keep dating?
	You're a young man. You want to get married?
	You want to have kids? How are you going to stay safe?
	Well, first, probably look into myself how to solve these things.
	But I don't make the same mistake.
	Well, you go talk to your parents and you say, well, how the hell could you guys throw me out into the world with no training, no values, no experience, no knowledge?
	Come on. Dad, what the hell?
	Does it really matter that you played a lot of fucking Super Mario Brothers with me when I was a kid and then threw me out into the dating world with no sense of which way was up or who was safe or who was dangerous?
	No. You know, I think it's great that your dad played video games with you.
	And, you know, if the only quality of this relationship with the Mexican woman was how you played video games...
	He would have done you a really good service.
	But like, what the fuck was all the video games and you never taught me an ounce about how to be safe in this world?
	Yeah. Go talk to your parents.
	I think, I'm a genuine fan of these conversations as a whole.
	Go talk to your parents and what the hell were you doing?
	What was the plan? What was going on?
	Now, they're going to give you a whole bunch of runaround and nonsense and all of that.
	But basically, the reason you do that is that it's your fault.
	Sorry. It's so that you understand that it's their fault that you're getting exploited.
	Now, You do that so that you can learn how to not get exploited and you can do all of these good things.
	But you have to put the responsibility where the responsibility actually is.
	It's with your parents. Now, you're in your 20s, so the responsibility falls to you.
	But right now, you're blaming yourself, which is unfair.
	You're blaming yourself and you're blaming this girl.
	But it's kind of like if you leave a plastic baggie with $500 on a park bench In the middle of New York and you come back a week later, oh my God, the money's gone.
	Well, yeah. And whoever stole it is wrong, but come on.
	I mean, you've got to protect your money better than that, right?
	And you are unprotected, so you've got to put that out to your parents.
	Your parents are responsible for keeping you safe in the world and making sure that you had the skills to go into the world and stay safe.
	And they did not give you those skills.
	Instead, they gave you a deep need for acceptance and a deep need for love, a deep hunger for connection, which is exploitable by those in the world who will prey upon you.
	As this woman tried to do, except her eggs couldn't make it through her fat.
	Why am I so unparented?
	Why am I so untutored? Well, you just wouldn't...
	Like, they'll try and blame you and all of that.
	And, you know, it's like, no, to hell with you.
	Like, that's your job. It's your job to make sure that I'm not unprotected in this world.
	Well, what are you coming to me? You're in your 20s.
	You know, you should know by now. It's like, how am I supposed to know?
	You guys didn't tell me. I was raised being Japanese.
	How am I supposed to know Japanese? Well, you could have studied it on your own.
	It's like, but it was your job to teach me.
	Well, I was never very good at figuring out who was safe or who was dangerous.
	Well, why didn't you tell me all of that?
	Why didn't you tell me all the lessons you got?
	Why didn't you tell me all the lessons you learned?
	All the things that you made mistakes on, so I wouldn't repeat those mistakes.
	Because right now, you're blaming yourself, you're blaming the girl.
	Which I understand, but it's missing the big picture.
	The big picture is you were raised.
	You know, your dad should have sat down with you and said, okay, like you're 10, you're going to start getting interested in girls soon if you're not already.
	Stay away from the internet. That's a bad place to learn about sex.
	It's a terrible place to learn about sex.
	Just ask Billie Eilish, right?
	Stay away from the internet, at least for that side of the internet, and let's sit down and talk about, you know, are there any girls you like?
	How would you ask a girl out?
	What would you do? Like some knowledge, some wisdom, some goddamn parenting.
	Oh, I'm going to ask this girl out.
	Well, here's what I said. Here's what she said, right?
	Some guidance, some structure, some...
	You know, get a nice haircut.
	You know, make sure you dress well.
	And here's stuff to clean your face that's not going to give you pimples or whatever it is, right?
	Yeah. I can tell I was always...
	I'm sorry? I can tell I was always really ashamed of even having feelings for someone.
	Well, that's because your parents, their lust destroyed their lives in many ways, right?
	Yeah. Their lust destroys.
	And so then you get the sense that lust is shameful and bad, right?
	But that doesn't help you manage it.
	Just saying lust is bad doesn't help at all.
	You know, because we all end up with lust in our lives.
	You either learn to manage it or it drags you off a cliff.
	You know, we're on the horse called the body.
	We're on this horse. We either learn how to ride well or we just get thrown and trampled.
	But saying, well, the horse is bad, it's like, well, we're centaurs in a way, right?
	We have the body.
	We have the lust. We have the hormones.
	And that's a beautiful part of life.
	But just saying, well, screwed up my life, so I'm not going to talk about it with you at all, that's just repeating the pattern.
	Yeah. So you have lust and you have...
	Yeah, you have sexual hunger.
	You have lust. You have a desire for connection.
	That's all beautiful. But you need to learn...
	How to be safe for this world.
	A woman who is sexual near the beginning is covering up the repugnance of her personality.
	And I'm not kidding about this at all in any way, shape or form.
	A man who has to flash all his money around and shows up for a date with an average woman, a Maserati and some million dollar...
	McGregor watch on his wrists and all of that.
	He's covering up for the fact that he really doesn't like himself as a person.
	There's only one thing to offer.
	Yeah. And a woman who's showing you her tits on a webcam shortly after you started chatting, she's saying, look at my tits because my soul is an empty place.
	Yeah. A woman who sexualizes the conversation early on is telling you, look at my whole, not the whole of my heart, the empty heart.
	A woman who doesn't try to engage you in topics other than flirty bullshit is trying to keep you horny so that you don't judge her personhood, don't judge her soul, you don't judge her virtues.
	Her commitment to excellence, her commitment to knowledge, her commitment to whatever, right?
	Somebody you can't imagine having any interest in if there was no possibility of sexual access is not someone you should get involved in.
	Because while sexuality is a very important part of the honeymoon, right?
	Sexuality is a very important part of an early relationship.
	You can't spend your whole time in bed.
	No, there's so much outside of it.
	Well, it's just you've got stuff to do.
	You've got taxes to pay.
	You've got kids to raise. You've got aging relatives, as you know, right?
	People get sick and there's a whole lot of stuff out there that's not about making the beast with two backs.
	And marriages cannot be founded on sex.
	Relationships cannot be founded on sex.
	That's why you had to have a relationship before you had sex.
	For almost all of human history, certainly in the case-elected cultures, you had to have a relationship and a commitment before you had sex.
	In other words, you had to commit to someone before you had sex with that person.
	You had to know if you already were a good fit before you bonded in that way.
	So your hunger for her is like her hunger for food.
	It's just destructive, right?
	Yeah. You've got to like the person.
	Now, if you love the person, the sex is fantastic, right?
	But if you don't like the person, it just, I mean, it all falls apart.
	And often really badly.
	I can say there was something really intense between us, the sexual part.
	Of course. Absolutely.
	Absolutely. I mean, sexuality is one of the most fundamental forces.
	Like, there's strong atomic forces, weak atomic forces, and more mighty than any of those is the force of sexuality.
	It's the most powerful, fundamental force in all of nature, because it's the only reason there is nature and the only reason we evolved.
	The power of sexuality, the power of sexual attraction.
	It's nuclear. Thermonuclear.
	And beautiful. But...
	You don't want to be like that, you know, the meme of the monkey with the machine gun in the jungle just shooting randomly, right?
	So that which is enormous power needs to be very closely harnessed and focused, right?
	I mean, I have some pretty good powers of intellect and communication and analysis and so on.
	I need to really work hard to make sure that they stay focused on the right thing and good and positive and helpful things, right?
	You know, like, I mean, it would be easy to just sit there and say, oh, you're such an idiot, made terrible mistakes.
	No, no, listen. I have made mistakes.
	I'm not like, oh, you know, well, I knew this stuff from when I was knee-high to a grasshopper.
	I've put my foot in several sticky swamps that could have swallowed me whole.
	So I'm not saying this out of any sense of superiority.
	I hope you understand that.
	I'm not saying this out of any cross-legged guru floating on a mountain above the clouds kind of perfection.
	I have made mistakes, significant mistakes, because I was untutored.
	And I had to raise myself, which, you know, is a pretty messed up process in a lot of ways.
	So I'm not saying this.
	And I made mistakes when I was older than you.
	So this is just me having 30 years experience and, you know, now, thankfully, a wonderfully happy marriage.
	So I am in no position to talk down to anyone on these issues.
	And I hope that you're taking it in that way.
	At least I hope I'm communicating it in that way.
	That I'm not trying to shame you.
	I'm not trying to say, oh, you did dumb things.
	Yes, of course, but in the absence of knowledge, you can't know what you don't know.
	So I'm down here and I'm not like up above, you know, like, oh, you should just join me up here.
	I'm down here at the trenches with you, man.
	I mean, this is a mess of modernity, particularly modern masculinity.
	We've got a whole generation of men utterly untutored And then a bunch of women who feel betrayed by men.
	It's like, yes, well, the men have been betrayed by their fathers and their mothers, and it's a big mess.
	But sorry, I keep interrupting you.
	My apologies. Please, go ahead. Oh, no, don't worry.
	No, I just replied. Of course, I take this in the most positive way possible.
	There's nothing...
	There's no way to take it negative from what you said.
	This is just like life lessons that you have already learned and also learned through the calls.
	And you have a huge amount to offer.
	Like, you have a lot to offer.
	And, you know, you are thinking about these things and you are trying to avoid these kinds of mistakes.
	And you are still quite a young man.
	You've got tons of time to turn all of this around.
	I mean, I wouldn't take too long because, you know, everyone you date is a risk, right, these days.
	So you've got to really vet. I mean, you have a lot more choice.
	I mean, you have a lot more choice. You need a lot more vetting, right?
	Yeah. And so, yeah, I would definitely...
	Have you thought about, I don't know, can you get talk therapy or could there be any good therapists in your environment?
	It might sound a little bit abstract and weird, but tomorrow I actually have an appointment with...
	It's not a therapist, but it's someone that's...
	I got it through my parents, so I'm not sure it's going to help, but it's through hypnosis...
	Okay, well, you know, that's a start.
	But yeah, I would definitely pursue that kind of stuff and get into a conversation with someone.
	You know, if there are people – I don't know if these kinds of life lessons have been put together in a good book.
	You know, there's a lot of books that are like The Player, How to Be a Player, How to Bed Women and all that.
	That's just garbage feminist production mill stuff.
	But if there are good books out there that can really help with this stuff, then – I don't know.
	Maybe I'll need to write one at some point.
	But if people have recommendations, you can check them out in the chat.
	I can't endorse or not endorse anyone in particular.
	But yeah, just recognize that.
	Be very alert for a sexualized presentation.
	And this is not just true of bikini stuff or topless stuff or anything like that.
	This is also true like if you see of course on social media, you know, there are all these
	women and they have all of these perfectly coiffed and made up and they just look dreamy
	and all that.
	That is a pretty sexualized presentation.
	A lot of makeup is fairly sexualized.
	I don't want to get all Amish and all of that, but I'm just saying that a woman who is presenting
	her looks first and foremost is not ideal.
	It is not ideal.
	A woman wants to be known for who she is, but she has this incredible drug called lust that she can tap into that gives her a high at any time.
	Men don't really have that option nearly as much.
	But yeah, the woman, they can just put a picture online, even just a low-cut top or even just a lot of makeup.
	Oh, you're so beautiful!
	Oh, so sexy! And they get this thrill and this high out of that.
	And again, there's nothing wrong with that.
	That's entirely natural in the same way that we like sugar because sugar led us to fruit and fruit kept us alive.
	But, you know, we're not exactly designed for armfuls of candy bars and we're not exactly designed for endless anonymous thirst traps on the internet.
	So... Yeah, there's a couple of principles that we've talked about that I hope will keep you safe.
	I myself, you know, obviously it's your life and so on.
	I can't imagine what you build from this other side of the world.
	No trust relationship.
	I don't know what on earth you would build from that.
	But, you know, if you decide to not continue with it.
	At least do the right thing and say, look, I'm sorry.
	This is just not working out for either of us.
	We're obviously interested in other people and that's not a good sign.
	I'm really sorry that it didn't work out.
	Do it with some dignity and some honor and ownership and so on because whoever she is, you chose her and you can only condemn her by condemning yourself.
	So if you say, well, you're just the worst person ever, it's like, well, you chose her.
	You spent your life savings.
	You flew out to see her. So if you condemn her, it's like the mom condemning the dad.
	For the son in particular, it's like, well, he's half me and you chose him.
	So you've got to take ownership for your choices and say, look, I'm sorry that it didn't work out.
	This week alone, we actually broke up twice and we got back together.
	Yeah, that's codependence, right?
	I mean... I've never had a relationship that broke up and then we got back together and it worked out.
	Because you get panicked, you get lonely, and then you get this depression or whatever it is that's coming on post-breakup.
	And then you jump back together and then you get some relief from that negativity.
	And then very shortly you remember all the reasons you didn't like each other and then you break up again.
	And yeah, it's not particularly good.
	Sorry, go ahead. No, because this Monday she broke up with me.
	And I just said, of course I accept this.
	It's not a problem. Everything we can just deal with.
	And when everything is settled, because I still have some stuff in Mexico, when we deal with everything, you can just ship it to me.
	We will just break off contacts completely.
	And this is going to be it.
	And after that, I think she realized, okay, that's going to be it.
	No more contacts. That's when she said, okay, I really don't want this anymore.
	Can we please stay together?
	And actually the same thing happened on Friday after she went to the bar.
	She said to me in a crying way, I feel really horrible about this, but I need to let you go.
	And we reminisced about memories, about what happened in the past, all the good things.
	Yeah, so she met some guy at the bar she thought might be better, but then it didn't work out, so she wants to get back to him.
	This is all very low-rent stuff, and I'm sorry about all of that, but...
	Yeah, and just whatever you do, you know, and again, the fact that she's in Mexico, you know, the big danger in the breakup is the woman comes over and then you have breakup sex and then she gets pregnant, right?
	That's the disaster. And of course, she's in Mexico, so it's not like she's going to show up on your doorstep or whatever, but just, yeah, there may be this last ditch hypersexualization attempt to sort of tentacle you, but again, try and resist that.
	You've got to just grit your teeth and And think of baby Jesus.
	Alright, well listen man, will you keep me posted about how it's going?
	Yeah, I can try to finish the email and then just write an attachment to how it's going to go next to what decision I will make, if that's okay.
	Yes, I appreciate that.
	And let me just, because this is a live stream.
	It's so funny, the live streams are such a benefit.
	I remember all the times I used to have to just do this.
	Way back in the day, we used to do live streams, and then it just didn't really work out too well.
	So let me just, because we've got some comments here, I'm just going to go back and see if there are comments.
	I'm sure there are. That would be worth mentioning again, so you get the sort of collective Borg wisdom.
	I'm not going to judge the caller too much.
	He is 26, no experience.
	That's a tough situation. For a man.
	Yes, very true. Can't imagine what he's going through.
	Yes, I think that's quite right and very sympathetic.
	I do hope he works on dating and finds a good partner.
	Yes. This girl gets around, yeah.
	Let's see here. This girl lies a lot.
	Yeah, I think that's fairly true.
	Why don't...
	Oh yeah, this is another question.
	Why don't people read your books before posting questions or love morals or the economy?
	That's too much work. My father never talked to me about dating either.
	Yeah, I'm sorry to hear that.
	It's really, really terrible.
	Somebody says, same. In my case, at that point, I would actually reject wanting to talk about it.
	He has screwed up before then already.
	Now, the fact that your parents are screwed up doesn't mean that they can't talk to you about things.
	No. Let's see here.
	Oh, Facebook is where you say your relationship status.
	Yeah, but you can, of course, put it anywhere in your bio, anywhere you want, right?
	But yeah, I think Facebook has that thing, right?
	Yeah. Somebody says, I know a guy who just moved to the Philippines to marry his internet girlfriend of two years.
	That is such a dice roll.
	That is such a dice roll.
	And, you know, I think for the most part, if you jump cultures too much, I mean, it's interesting and exotic and so on, right?
	But I think if you wander too far from the culture you grew up with, whatever that happens to be, I think some people can do it.
	But a lot of people that I've talked to, they just kind of wake up one day and they're like, what am I doing here?
	Like, I don't have any particular historical or language or theological or whatever history with people, and there's just this real sense of being a stranger in a strange land, so to speak.
	Yeah, I did actually have that feeling in Mexico as well, just when you're at the table with the entire family, and you're the only outsider, everyone's speaking Spanish.
	Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
	I even had that when I was in France, and I was helping this woman...
	I went to Paris for business and my neighbors at the time, she was French, the wife was French, and she said, oh, you know, my friend would love to show you around and blah, blah, blah.
	And so I ended up meeting up with her friend when I was in Paris and her friend had just bought an apartment and didn't like it.
	It was like real low down and facing the inner courtyard.
	It was very dark and she needed desperately in need of help to get out of it.
	So With my sort of limited French, I sort of helped her get in touch with lawyers and she figured out the law of being able to get out of buying the apartment.
	Anyway, so she was like, oh, you know, I must thank you.
	You have been so very helpful.
	And so, come for dinner.
	It's like, what? Your friends are all going to be speaking French, right?
	It's like, no, no, no, they speak English.
	And so I went there for dinner because she wanted to thank me.
	The dinner was very nice, but of course everyone spoke French.
	And one of them was actually named Stefan, like me.
	So they kept saying Stefan, and I thought they'd be switching to English, but they never did quite get around to it.
	So yeah, there's just that sense of like, what am I doing here?
	It's a stranger in a strange land.
	Somebody said, this is quite the convo.
	I like it. I'm glad it's helpful.
	Somebody said, most of marriage is just hanging out with your spouse.
	Yes, yes. Yeah, for sure.
	I mean, you have to think of a non-sexual relationship, because if it's just sex, it's not going to work.
	And there's, of course, a lot of times where you're not having sex when you're married.
	All right. Let's see here.
	What else did we get here? Girl here, I never discuss my relationship with anyone.
	Yes. So a woman who discusses your relationship with outsiders is not to be trusted.
	Yeah. A woman who discusses your relationship with outsiders.
	No, she's got an issue with the relationship.
	She should come and talk to you.
	But especially if she's complaining about you to other people, get out.
	Get out. Because it means she's surrounded by people who are not committed to the success of your relationship.
	And that's just too much of an undertow.
	Having kids, raising kids, wiping noses, changing diapers.
	Yeah, yeah. Taking care of aging parents.
	There's a whole lot of stuff there that's not between the sheets.
	Somebody says, don't get me wrong.
	Most of it was just hanging out, but that's so far from the truth coming up on 10 years of marriage.
	I don't quite follow that one. A single guy might think as long as the sex is good, it doesn't really matter if you can have a conversation.
	My point is being able to hang out with your spouse is an important part of having a good marriage.
	You absolutely have to love the person outside of the sex.
	That makes the sex great, but if you're only with the person for the sex, it's contempt for the person and it's going to just, the undertow is going to wreck the relationship.
	Yeah, first drag flag was saying she was in Germany when she was in Mexico.
	Yes, for sure. Yeah, I've actually talked with Henrico and There's a few things that happened that I didn't mention.
	It's just over time, so many things happened.
	It's hard to get to every detail.
	No, no, I get that for sure. And certainly we have enough, so to speak, right?
	Yeah. Right.
	I think...
	Too many comments.
	All right. Well, listen, thanks very much for the call, everyone.
	I appreciate it. I'm going to stop here.
	I'm going to start working on developing the voice mannerisms for the various characters in my novel, The Presence.
	I'm really looking forward to I finished the third draft, so the book is basically done.
	I might tweak a few things during the read-through, but I'm going to start on the audiobook this week.
	So, thanks everyone so much, freedomain.com.
	If you would like to help out the show, I really would appreciate it.
	Don't think there's too many other people doing this kind of work out there, and I would really, really appreciate your support and help.
	Have yourselves a wonderful, wonderful day, my friends.

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