All Episodes
Previous Next
Feb. 25, 2023 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
26:04
CHOOSE YOUR FREAKING LIFE!
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
What would you do when you notice abusive parents getting very hostile because they see that I am making better steps to heal and grieve trauma and have better people in my life?
I feel they are dangerous and that they can notice even the subtlest sign that I'm in a healthy state.
Right. So, in general, as a whole, overall, caveat, caveat, caveat, exceptions prove the rule, you can't ever be more successful than the people in your life encourage you to be.
I want you to get this. Tattoo it in your frontal lobes, right?
In your frontal cortex. You can never be more successful in your life than the people around you encourage you and allow you to be.
If you have people around you who are threatened by your success, if you have people around you, particularly parents, who experience your success in a negative manner, right?
I mean, my family of origin is pretty fucked, right?
How would they experience me being a great dad?
It would mess them up. And because they have power over me, because I was raised by them, they always will, if my mom's around me being a great dad, she gets completely messed up.
She had a bad childhood.
She was a bad mother.
I had a bad childhood.
I'm a good father, which means that she made bad choices.
It was not inevitable.
It wasn't anybody else's fault.
Fundamentally, she just made bad choices.
But the only way people live with their bad choices is to pretend that they weren't choices.
That's foundational, right, to human nature.
The only way that people can live with their bad choices is to pretend that they weren't choices.
Well, the first thing they do is pretend that they weren't bad, but if the badness is, right, hey, I did the best I could with the knowledge I had.
You're asking the impossible. You're asking for me to be seven feet tall and change my eye color.
The only way people live with their bad choices is to pretend that they weren't choices.
It was your fault. Your dad was the one who did that.
We were broke.
There's racism. Oppression.
But maturity only happens when you run out of excuses.
When you realize that excuses just continue to keep your life in the shitter.
So, if you have parents who are getting hostile because you're growing and progressing and healing and becoming a better person, they will sabotage you and then you will sabotage yourself and you will lose all your gains.
It's like saying, well, how can I do well in math if people just keep screaming random numbers into my ear?
Well, the answer is you can't. You can't do well in a math test if people are screaming random numbers into your ear.
Short circuits you. It's a sabotage, right?
So, if people are sabotaging you for your growth, you have only two choices.
You give up those who sabotage you, or you give up your growth.
You can sink back down into the swamp.
I mean, it'll be more painful because you've been out of it, but you'll get back into it, and you'll get back into that little low-rent spiral to nothing that characterized most people's lives.
So, you give up the people who are sabotaging you, or you give up your progress.
I wish that there were more choices, but if wishes were horses, beggars would ride, as I was continually told when I was a kid.
You give up your progress or you give up the sabotages.
You know, I'm trying to build this tree fort and every time this kid comes over to play with me, he breaks the tree fort.
Well, what do I do? Well, you stop inviting that kid over or you give up trying to make a tree fort.
There's no other choice. No other choice.
Enacting philosophy is tough.
Defining the issue is very, very simple.
Very simple. Unfortunately, I still live with them because I faced financial troubles and I'm dependent on them right now.
They feel they can further abuse me because of this and setting healthy boundaries is very difficult to say the least.
Sorry, I call bullshit.
With all love and respect and honor, I call total bullshit.
Are you dependent on them right now?
If they moved to Iceland and you couldn't go for whatever reason, if they moved to Iceland, you would what?
You would just die in the driveway?
You would just live under a bridge and starve to death?
Of course not. You'd find a way to make it work.
A safe haven is often a soft noose, right?
You're not dependent on them.
Because if they vanished from reality, you'd find some other way to survive.
You'd find something to do, right?
You'd find some way to make it happen.
Maybe you'd have to declare bankruptcy.
Maybe you'd have to start from scratch.
Maybe you'd have to take a job you didn't want or didn't like.
You know, I kicked my mom out when I was 15.
I was too early. I understand it's not healthy, right?
I kicked my mom out when I was 15.
I'm like, you know what? I'd rather get roommates.
I'd rather work three jobs than have you in the house.
We're done. And she was gone for a while.
Went to the other end of the country.
Did her nonsense. And then she came back.
I just got a call. I met them all.
I need a place to stay, said my mother.
I agree. Can I stay with you?
Nope. You absolutely need a place to stay.
I absolutely agree with you that you need a place to stay.
I 100% agree with you you need a place to stay.
Can I stay with you? No. Well, what am I supposed to do?
She says, right? And the people who just, they go ragdolls.
Like, I'm not enabling this kind of pitiful stuff.
Right? I'm 17 years old.
I've been paying my own bills for the last couple of years.
You can go rubber bones on me if you want, but I'm not going to pick you up.
I'm not going to be your spine.
I'm not going to be your skeletal system.
And she found a way to make it work.
She stayed with a friend or whatever, and she got into some apartment.
You find a way to make it work.
Now you can say, if you want, you can say, I'm choosing to live with my parents because it's easier, because it allows me to get out of debt faster.
You can absolutely say all of that, for sure.
But don't try and sell this shit like you have no choice whatsoever.
Well, unfortunately, I have to.
No, you don't have to.
All we have to do is breathe and then die.
That's all we have to do.
You don't have to stay with them.
At all. You could find another way to make it work, because if they vanished, you would not die on the street.
Please don't try and sell me determinism, and don't try and inflict it on my audience.
I will stand between you and that, that despair, that desperation, that self-abdication.
No! I'm not saying move out.
I can't tell you what to do.
But I can tell you that it's not true.
That you have to be there.
You can choose to be there.
You can make a choice. You can be honest about it.
I can get out of debt faster if I stay with my parents.
And of course, part of the reason, probably, that you ended up in financial straits is because you had this as an option in your head.
Well, if everything goes to shit, I can just move back in with my parents.
Well, if you don't have that on the table, you'll be more cautious, won't you?
I'm not trying to put you down at all.
I'm trying to, like, shake you off this domino theory.
Because I've had financial problems, I've got to move in with my parents, and I've got to stay with my parents.
My parents are abusive.
It's like, no, no, no. All choices.
All choices. Don't come to me.
And ask me to install a robot-based NPC module in your head.
No, I will always come back to you where there's a choice.
Always I will come back to you with, it's a choice.
Do not come to me.
Never come to me and don't put it on my audience.
This rubber bone shit of, well, I have to because.
No, you don't. Did anyone put a gun to my head and make me talk about IQ? Nope!
Anyone put a gun to my head and talk about the voluntary family, peaceful parenting?
Nope! It's a choice.
It's a choice. And once you make a choice, and you understand that you have a choice, and that everything you do is a choice, everything you do is a choice.
That's called self-respect. That's called self-ownership.
Now, people are into this chat, libertarians and property rights people, you know, I own property.
Okay, how about the first thing you own is yourself?
The first thing you own is yourself.
But you gotta own yourself.
Which means no dominoes.
No determinism. Everything is a choice.
Staying on this livestream is a choice.
Listening to this is a choice. Never, ever, ever, ever.
Surrender self-ownership.
Never Never say I have to do this because everything is a choice
What if I'm in a ghoul exorcism Well, we're not in gulags, right?
So, everything is a choice.
Because everything is a choice, you get to own.
If you want to stay at home because it's more efficient, I don't know whether that's the right or wrong thing for you to do.
I don't know. I don't know.
I do know that it's a lie to say you have to.
Okay, when you're eight years old, you have to stay at home, right?
Even though when I was four, I tried to run away from home.
Probably quite wise that I did not succeed.
Everything's a choice. Everyone who's in your life, you have chosen and actively choose every single day.
You actively choose those people to be in your life.
Every time you pick up the phone, every time you send an email, every time you read something, you are actively choosing for these people to be in your life, in your mind, in your head.
Always! It's a choice.
Every single second of every single day that you are awake and alive, you own everything that you are doing.
Everything. There's not one shred of anything that you don't own.
Anything. You are a hundred and...
Aim for six million percent ownership of your life.
Aim for that. Surrender nothing to circumstance, surrender nothing to history, surrender nothing to domino, surrender nothing to the machinery of the material, surrender nothing. It is an insult to the glory of your consciousness to pretend to be a tree falling because another fucking tree fell on you.
Do not go rubber bones.
Do not go limp. Stand and stare at the glowing sunlight of your free will, though it burns the retinas of your history.
Stand, stare at it, absorb it, accept it, and live it.
It doesn't tell you what to do, but it says that everything you do, you choose.
Everything you do, you choose.
Have you seen me complaining about my past choices?
Were they always correct or perfect?
Nope. But they were mine.
Did I make mistakes?
Yep. But they were mine.
Nobody else's.
I blame nobody else.
They were my choices.
Give up nothing of your soul, of your will.
Of your capacity to make decisions.
Avoidance is a choice that you own.
Well, I have to be here.
That is a choice that you have made to avoid your own free will in the matter.
You see...
You have no choice about whether you have a choice.
You have no choice about whether you have a choice.
You can either accept it or not.
You can say, well, I don't have a choice.
I don't have a choice. That is recorded in your unconscious.
That lie is recorded in your unconscious.
And every piece of will that you abandon is going to be scooped up and used by other people.
Do you understand this? Everything you let escape is going to be weaponized against you.
Every bit of choice of free will that you let slip through your fingers will be weaponized and used as a leash and a noose and a net against you.
Let nothing escape the sovereignty of your consciousness.
Nothing at all.
Why are people so subject to the control of others?
Because they refuse to accept the choice of existence, the choices that are, by being here.
Oh, it wasn't my fault that I had a kid and the man ran away, so I gotta go to the government, I gotta get welfare, a snap, and my food stamps.
It's not my fault. Now you're a slave to the government.
You give up your free will, it's scooped immediately by the powers that be and used to control you.
Right? You know who's telling you you have to be there?
Your parents. It's part of their abuse, I would assume.
What happens if you are infinite percent in control of your life?
Where you live, what you do, who you see, who you don't see.
What if you are?
Just try it on.
Try it on. Thought exercise.
Play with me here.
Play like children play. Deadly seriously.
What if? Just try it on.
Just try it on.
What if you are entirely a hundred and fifty percent, a billion percent, infinity percent responsible for
everything you do?
What then?
...
What if you own it all?
What if you have no excuses, no dominoes, no determinism, no history, no needs of others, no fear?
What if you are entirely responsible for your life?
It's pretty fucking powerful.
And that power exists whether you reject it or not.
If you can lift a 50 pound weight, you can lift a 50 pound weight whether you choose to lift it or not.
You can still do it.
Try it on. Try it on for a day.
Try it on for a week. Try it on for a month.
You're a hundred percent responsible If you're tired and you choose to rest you don't say well I
had to rest I was tired Just try it in your mind. Say, I choose to rest.
I've decided to rest.
Not, oh, I'm so tired, I've got to go lie down.
Just even in your head, I've got to, I have to, I must.
No, no, no, no, no!
An infinity times infinity times no.
I can't eat I'm hungry. No.
I gotta get up. Time to go to work.
Nope. Don't have to get up.
Don't have to go to work. You choose.
You can choose to. You can weigh the costs and benefits.
You can choose to. I've got to call my mom back.
She left a message. No, you don't.
You can choose to call back.
You can choose not to call back.
But you don't have to do anything.
Except breathe and then die.
And you don't even have to breathe.
I hope you will. I recommend it.
Just try it on. Try it on for a day.
Catch how many times you say to yourself, I must, I have to, I gotta.
I'm obligated. It's my duty.
I must, I have to, blah, blah, blah.
Just try it. Try to see how many times you program yourself with a lack of choice.
Oh, I got a diet.
I gained 10 pounds. No, you don't.
Oh, I got a workout. I haven't worked out in two days.
No, you don't. Try it.
Try not programming yourself like you're banging your recalcitrant computer.
Just try it. Try it.
You would be shocked How often you strip free will from your life.
You will be shocked.
The most powerful thing that I can give to you is self-ownership.
Self-ownership. Try not saying I have to.
I must. But I choose.
Try it. Just try it.
See what happens to your life.
Everything is a choice. My wife can choose to leave me tomorrow.
You can choose, my entire audience, everyone who's listening to this, anywhere across the world, across time, 10,000 years from now, or right now, everyone can choose to turn me off right now.
Everyone here in this audience can choose to stop listening, to never donate another penny, to never support what it is that I'm doing.
I'm fully aware of that.
I have some influence over that, the quality of the topics, the quality of my presentation, the quality of my responses, the passion and precision of what it is that I talk about.
I have some influence over that. I obviously aim to provide quality.
I aim to provide value and I ask for value in return.
And I'm trying to give you a silver platter called your entire life.
Your life. Silver platter time.
Here's a gift to you. It's called you.
It's a mirror that doesn't just reflect but animates.
I'm trying to give in you the golden ghost of free will.
Life immaterial.
Life beyond physics, life beyond cores, life beyond dominoes, life beyond your childhood.
You can choose everything.
And you do.
You can, and you do.
It's like saying you can be subject to gravity.
You are subject to gravity. You are choosing everything.
You are choosing everything.
And you can abandon it.
You can say dominoes and history and, well, I wasn't socialized, so I'm barred from these...
No. It's all bullshit.
It's all a lie. You can choose anything.
Hey, I can choose to be a singer.
I won't be a very successful singer.
I can choose to be a singer. I can choose that.
I choose not to be a singer.
Well, you don't even have a good voice.
Still choosing. It's what Jim Morrison said to the keyboardist.
I'm not a good singer. He's like, you ever hear Bob Dylan?
It doesn't matter. I'm trying to give you this gift, this gift called you.
And I'll tell you this too, looking backwards from the end, right?
Which is an important thing to do.
Kind of getting vivid and meeting him out.
I'm much closer to the end than to the beginning.
Look back at the end. How much of your life will you consider deeply and richly lived if you pretended you didn't have a choice?
All those times you pretended you didn't have a choice, that it was just physics, that it was just inevitable, that I had a bad financial thing, I've got to move in with my parents.
Because I'm telling you, man, when you're at the end of your life and you're like, oh shit, the only thing I have to do is die because I'm mortal.
That's the only thing I have to do. Everything else was a huge choice.
Everything else was an infinite choice.
If your heart is currently failing and you want to live another year, six months, day, or hour, you will be denied by nature.
You will not get your wish!
No matter how desperately you want it, your heart is stopping, you're going to die.
That Okay, then, that's a have to.
Living with your parents because you had financial difficulties, that's not a have to like dying from your heart stomping.
That's a have to. I'm trying to tell you, once you see that have to, you will look back upon your entire life and say, holy shit, did I give up a whole bunch of things, absolutes and power over me that had no power and nothing over me.
Nothing. You hit those absolutes, you will look back and you'll say, holy shit, I imposed the absolutes of death and mortality and time and fatality on my life when I had all the choices in the known universe.
And you do, you have all the choices in the known universe.
You hit that final black scythe decapitation of your existence.
Okay, I grant you that.
Your heart's stopped. I have to die.
Can't disagree with you there.
That you have to do. That you will do.
That's beyond your will.
You're dead. Mr.
Kurtz, everything else is a choice.
And I don't want you to get near the end of your life and say, holy shit, I'm going to die.
I have no choice about that. Oh my god, I had all these choices back then.
I pretended that it was like death.
I pretended that it was like mortality.
I pretended like you can't go back within time, but you can choose to live with your parents or not.
I can't choose to be 20 again, but I can choose who the hell is in my life and who's not.
Just choose!
Shake off this rusted armor of incapacity.
I'm begging you.
Because when you choose and you don't let other people's determinism separate you from your choices worm its way in and detach you like a decapitation From your own life, in your own body, when you don't let people do that, when you vividly choose your life, you liberate the living shit out of other people.
And they'll hate you for it sometimes, and they'll love you for it sometimes, but it's better to be loved and hated by doing the right thing than yawned out for doing nothing.
See, when you say that, this is why I'm so...
Passionate about this. When you say to my audience, well, I've had financial tough times, I have to live with my abusive parents, you're spreading this goo, this sagging, this spineless jellyfish inevitability.
I won't, no, won't do it.
Won't have you do it. You can't do that to my audience.
Won't let you do that to my audience.
Won't let you do that to yourself. Bad people want you to believe that what you do is not your choice.
So if they can get you to cede your free will, they'll scoop it up and use it to control you.
Well, you've got to go to college!
No, you don't. No, you don't.
Especially when colleges are currently self-destroying through an opposition to meritocracy.
By the time you come out of college, college's reputation will be destroyed!
Choose, choose, choose. It's happening anyway.
You either get, I mean, you get on the train or you don't.
▲
Export Selection