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Dec. 27, 2021 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
20:13
CAM GIRL WAKES UP TO BRUTAL REALITY!
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Good morning, Steph. Hey, you get to see Morning Steph.
He's a chipper and positive fellow, so this is an interesting note.
Oh boy, lots to unpack here.
Ex-sex worker, 35-year-old female, feeling like the internet has lied to me about my dating prospects.
Need a dose of truth. Yeah, so putting it all out there, I used to be an escort in my 20s and a tiny bit into my early 30s.
I still cam a little on the side, but I'm essentially financially independent.
I own my own home and I'm starting a small online business, non-sex related.
I never took dating seriously and never looked for a real relationship until I turned 30, after which I had a sudden desperate urge to settle down.
I've been dating for more than four years now and I'm feeling beyond dejected.
I truly believe no man will ever be able to accept my past and see me for who I am.
And I'm worried I can't do anything about it.
But the annoying thing is I can't help but feel really misled by the internet.
I feel like every time I've posted a question about sex work and dating online, at least 80% of the replies from men are something like, I don't care what your past is like, being a sex worker is not a deal breaker to me.
This has not been true for me in real life.
I've been on countless dates, and the ones that have gone relatively well all abruptly ended the moment I told them about my sex work in the past.
I haven't met a single normal-ish guy who's been okay with my past.
There have been tons that just wanted to hook up, but that's not what I'm looking for either.
So where are all these internet men in real life?
Are people just flat out lying online about this sort of stuff?
Or am I just going after the wrong type of men?
I'm mostly attracted to professional, clean-cut men around my own age, but no one thus far has shown even the tiniest bit of interest in looking past my history.
Am I just a lost course, and has the internet been feeding me lies?
I don't know why she turned into Gollum near the end there, but hey, you just follow the accent.
So, yeah, wow, there's a lot to unpack here.
So, you know the old saying, you can't turn a whore into a housewife.
So what does that mean? So she's looking for men who are wealthy, men who are professionals, men who are successful, right?
Now, you don't become successful without deferring gratification and looking for the long-term consequences of positive and negative action.
So when I first went to university, I'd spent a year and a half goal planning and prospecting, and I went to university, and I was incredibly happy to be there.
I really, you know, to not be in a tent, freezing my ass off, although the job wasn't bad, but I was really happy to be there.
And I remember this girl asked me out a couple of weeks into school, and I said, I get an essay due in two weeks, so I've really got to go and do my research.
And she thought I was totally blowing her off.
Which I wasn't. I mean, we ended up going out later, but I was just, no, I'm here to study.
And I didn't do the drinking.
I didn't do the partying.
Well, once after I finished a play, I played Macbeth at McGill, and I got a little drunk.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on, right?
I got a little bit drunk. At the cast party.
That was the last time. I was like, I don't know, 21 or 22.
Anyway, so you defer a lot of gratification and you really think through the consequences of choices.
That's how you become successful and there's really no other way.
You have to defer gratification.
You just have to be willing to do what other people aren't willing to do.
I mean, that's success.
Just swimming upstream.
It's just okay. A lot of people will lose focus.
A lot of people will lose...
Their motivation. A lot of people will get consumed by self-doubt.
A lot of people will get distracted by inconsequentialities.
A lot of people will surrender to insecurity.
Success is just a last man standing.
It's just, are you willing to just go that extra bit?
And sometimes it's more than an extra bit, but usually it's just an extra bit.
Are you just willing to go further?
Are you willing to do more? Are you willing to be motivated by the thing itself?
Right? I mean, I saw Joe Rogan, his...
Somewhat battle with Sanjay Gupta and you know Joe Rogan what signed a hundred million dollar deal with Spotify related to Tencent related to Chinese government, but anyway So Joe Rogan doesn't need to do these shows.
He's got more than enough money.
He's got the UFC Isn't he a commentator?
He's got a side.
He was originally a comedian.
He does that. He's a good comedian too, but He doesn't need to do it.
So he's doing it for the thing itself.
When you're doing it for the thing itself, then you're just willing to go further.
It's like what Dwayne Johnson says.
I'll get up at 4 in the morning.
I'm just going to work harder.
I'm just going to work harder.
Like the Mark Wahlberg thing.
Guy gets up at 3 o'clock in the morning, prays for 45 minutes, works out twice a day.
He doesn't need to do any of that, of course, because he's wealthy.
I mean, these guys all have tens of millions of dollars.
They don't need to do it, but they do it.
They continue to do it. And if you're not doing it for the thing itself, in other words, if you won the lottery, like you've got to look this way in your life.
If you won the lottery, what would you change?
Okay, just change it. If you won the lottery, what would you change in your life?
Well, you know, you say, oh, I would quit my job and I would become a sculptor.
Okay, well quit your job and become a sculptor for God's sake.
That's the only thing you're going to succeed at.
Whatever you would do, If you won the lottery, it's pretty much the only thing that you will genuinely succeed at, because you will do it for the thing itself, you will work harder, you will do more.
I mean, I was a computer programmer in the software industry for many years.
I went in voluntarily to learn computer programming when I was 11 or 12.
I would spend Saturdays in the computer lab with the other boys my age, and we would plumb the depths of machine code and operating systems with 2K of RAM. I just did it.
It was a great hobby. You know, I got an inheritance and I didn't buy a car.
I got $1,000 when I was maybe 12 or 13 from a grandmother.
And I didn't buy a car.
I didn't buy cool clothes.
I didn't buy any of that. I went and bought a computer so I could figure out how it worked more at home.
That's what I did. Winning the lottery when you get, you know, $1,000 when you're 12, that's like winning the lottery.
And that's what I did.
So whatever you would do if you won the lottery is pretty much the only thing you'll ever really succeed at in your life.
So I just sort of wanted to point that out, that little success tip first thing in the morning.
Okay, let's get back to this lady.
All right. I think this is wild.
I really do. I think this is absolutely fascinating.
So... The relationship between the simps and the cam girls, right?
The relationship between the simps and the cam girls is really complex and really fascinating.
So, what are the simps paying for when they give money to the cam girls?
That's a big question, right?
Are they paying for the illusion of relationship?
No, not really. Are they paying for Looking at her?
No, they can probably do that for free.
What are they paying for when they give money to a cam girl?
Again, I don't know. I've never given money to a cam girl.
But here's what I would imagine, based upon my understanding of masculinity and simping.
What they're paying for is better orgasms through masturbation, right?
That's what they're paying for.
Because if you can convince your nervous system, I suppose, that you're in a relationship, you're providing resources, she really is your girlfriend, you're having, I don't know, Skype sex or whatever they do with modern technology these days, so you're paying for better orgasms.
That's sort of one aspect for it.
But the better orgasms is also part of sadism, right?
So this is really important as well.
So if you look at the simps, They're generally sexual market value losers, right?
They're on the low end of sexual market value.
And some of that is just genetic and some of that is by choice, right?
The moment you go into paying the cam girls, you don't have to work out, you don't have to be successful, you don't have to have a nice car, you don't have to take care of your appearance, you don't have to You know, do whatever it is to be attractive to women, in the same way that if you take a drug, heroin or something, you don't have to work to be happy, right?
So when you start paying for sexual gratification, in this case, of course, it's remote, it's the chem girl stuff, then your motivation to make yourself sexually attractive plunges enormously.
And so a lot of these guys face a lot of rejection when they were younger, when they were growing up.
Who knows when they got into the stuff?
These days it's crushingly and cripplingly young for kids.
But what's happened is they have a lot of anger towards the attractive women.
And unfortunately, cruelty and sexuality will for some people, and I'm certainly not healthy, but for some people it will go hand in hand.
And so when they give money to a cam girl, they are gaining sexual gratification from the cruelty of the life that they're putting her into.
So it's a form of, so the pretty girls say to the simps, I'm not going out with you.
And therefore the simps face a genetic dead end.
And so there's a battle that goes on, which is who's going to end who?
Who's going to end whose genetic lineage, right?
So the camgirls say to the simps in real life, like, I'm not going to go out with you, I'm not going to date you, and therefore your genetic line is going to end, right?
And so what the simps do is they give money to the camgirls so that the camgirls We'll get trapped in the same evolutionary dead end as the simps are.
And this is what this woman is complaining about.
So they are gaining a vengeance orgasm, so to speak.
They're gaining a vengeance satisfaction out of trapping women in an evolutionary dead end, which is what this woman is complaining about, right?
So it's a form of genetic vengeance or mutually assured destruction of genetic lineage, this relationship.
So that's sort of really important to understand as well.
So when she posts about, what is her question here?
Every time I posted a question about sex work and dating online, at least 80% of the replies from men are something like, I don't care what your past is like, being a sex worker is not a deal breaker to me.
Right, so the men of course are working with money and with reassurances to trap the attractive woman into a genetic dead end because they feel that she has put them in the same dead end course as a kind of nihilism.
Something takes over your life when you look forward and don't see children in the future.
A nihilism, a hedonism, there's no real reason to defer gratification, there's no real reason to strive for morality or continue The liberties that you have enjoyed, that you're, to some degree, boomers accepted, forefathers and mothers handed down to you.
So they're spreading the nihilism.
So they need the camgirls to keep doing what they're doing, both for the masturbation options and also because if the camgirl stops what she's doing and abandons the relationship, then they don't get the genetic, dead-end, mutually assured destruction vengeance, which is part of their sexual gratification.
So, of course, they're going to encourage her to keep doing this, right?
Okay, so this woman then wants to go and get some professional guy, some clean-cut professional normal guy.
And she's now in her 30s.
She's now mid-30s.
And the clock is ticking, the wall is approaching, and the eggs are...
Or dropping like, you know, bats off a Wuhan.
No. Bats off a Chinese cave ceiling come sundown.
So, but a man, of course, who's become successful and clean-cut has deferred gratification.
He's done the opposite of what she did.
So she, of course, if she was smarter, Or wiser, or better instructed, would have said, okay, this is gratifying, it makes money, I get the thrill of being attractive to men, but the internet is forever, and this is going to kill my future prospects, right? With decent men.
So decent normal men, healthy men, won't have done any of this stuff, will have deferred gratification, and they will look at her as, oh, you were a sex worker, that means you don't have the capacity to defer gratification, and you're greedy for money.
So what that means, of course, is that if we get married when we have conflicts, as we inevitably will, because you can't defer gratification and you're hungry for money, you will divorce me and take half my stuff and you'll take my kids and you'll wreck my life.
So, pretty girl.
Love to go out on a date, might try and hook up with, but not possible to marry because I've worked very hard for all of this and I'm not going to ruin it for the sake of marrying a woman with this kind of history.
That's number one. Number two, and there's no compatibility in the deferral of gratification.
Men gain success by deferring gratification when they become sex workers because they can't defer gratification and want more in the here and now at the expense of something later, right?
So, here's the other thing, too.
Men Who are successful are vulnerable.
I mean, there's great vulnerability that comes with male success.
And all who succeed are vulnerable.
It's the tall poppy syndrome, right? So the man looks at this woman, finds out she's been a sex worker, and then says, ooh, okay, so what's going to happen is I'm going to be out for some promotion.
Some guy is going to find out about this and is going to use it to destroy my career.
I'm going to lose everything.
Someone's going to find out about this.
They're going to blackmail me. They're going to spread rumors.
They're going to gleefully and joyfully spread this in my church group or in my social circle.
It's going to be talked about in the gym locker at the golf club.
And my social standing is going to be completely destroyed.
Everything I've worked for.
My business contacts won't want to have anything to do with me.
I'm not going to get invited out to dinners with my boss.
I'm not going to be able to be president of my professional association.
I mean, I'm going to be completely held at ransom by my wife's history And that's going to be completely horrible.
That's number two. Number three, of course, is he thinks about his future children, right?
So his future children, knowing the internet is forever, that his future children are going to grow up and find out about their mother's past, and it's going to be horrible.
There's a really plaintive message about some kid who's being bullied because his sister does porn, right?
Or like the guy, the brother who comes into the family gathering with his older sister, who's a young adult, And says, I bet you I can get you to clean up my room with only two words.
And she's like, as if. And he says, sorry, I can get you to clean up my room with only one word.
She says, as if. And he's like, only fans, right?
And she gets up and immediately starts going to clean his room.
And the dad is like, what?
So, and then the mom comes in and asks if people want ice cream.
So, like, of course, that's not going to happen.
A man is not going to sit there and say, oh, yeah, I'd love to be in a vulnerable position.
I'd love to be blackmailed.
I'd love to have my career prospects destroyed.
That would be excellent.
And I'd sure love for my kids to grow up knowing that their mom was a cam whore.
Because that's going to... She's not going to have any credibility, right?
Because if you don't have credibility with your children, then you just have a terrible time parenting.
You have a terrible time parenting.
It becomes like a jailhouse guard situation, right?
Because jailhouse guards don't have credibility with the prisoners.
And so the prisoners are always trying to escape the rules and get away with stuff and, you know, shift people in the bathroom.
And the guards are just playing whack-a-mole all the time because the guards have no credibility.
If teachers have no credibility with students, it's just whack-a-mole the whole time.
And so why would you want to parent with – why would you want to co-parent with someone who at some point is going to lose all credibility with the children?
And why would you want to check your email and find out if someone's found out about her past every day and – And why would you want to get married to someone who can't defer gratification and is greedy for money?
And who has not, you know, you spent your 20s and now she's 35, right?
So she's been 17 years an adult, right?
She's been an adult almost as long as she's been a child.
And she has like no experience In how to navigate a relationship, how to resolve...
There's a language in relationships.
You have to know stuff.
You have to be trained.
You have to submit to expertise.
You have to learn how to navigate relationships.
They're quite complicated. Particularly if you're successful, have a lot of resources, it's quite complicated to have a relationship.
Not hard work once you get it down.
But if you're a man and you're in your 30s and you've been like a regular dude, okay, maybe it hasn't worked out for you, but you've had some experience with relationships.
And they failed, I suppose, because you're still single in your 30s, but you have at least had the experience of failing and know what doesn't work.
So if you're 35, it's like you've been playing tennis for 17 years, and someone who's never played tennis wants to play with you.
And you'll be like, no, I mean, I've been playing tennis for 17 years, so I'm pretty good.
And you've not played tennis, you don't even know which end of the racket to hold.
We can't. We can't really play together.
I mean, I guess you could pay me to teach you or something, but we can't play as equals.
And because I'm going to continue playing tennis and you are still learning and just starting out, I will forever be ahead of you.
This is why staying out of relationships is really tough.
You lose expertise. You lose skill.
You don't gain the knowledge to succeed in relationships.
So yeah, I mean, I dated before I got married, and those relationships did not work out, but I learned a lot about what doesn't work out and applied some of those lessons to my marriage.
Now we're coming up for 20 years.
So it is really tragic what is happening to this woman, and the fact that she finds out that men lie Well, any woman who wears makeup should understand that men lie, because makeup is falsification of appearance.
So, yes, women make themselves more attractive for the true lying, and men will work to achieve their own sexual goals by lying.
In this case, making sure she continues to produce the pornography that they masturbate to, and also that she joined them in the genetic dead end, this death grip tied to the mafia concrete block of Can't succeed in the sexual market value in the long run.
They both go down together, so to speak.
So, yeah, it's really, really fascinating.
Alright, have a great day, everyone. Take care.
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