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Sept. 17, 2021 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
26:49
Dating an Illegal Immigrant - Update! Wednesday Night Live 16 Sep 2021
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Time Text
Hey everybody! Yeah, that's right, 32 minutes late.
How exciting. How are you guys doing tonight?
Sorry, I won't be streaming this, but on the other hand, we can chat.
So, yeah, sorry, I... Do you care?
Oh, I haven't had a tech rant for a while, right?
So, yeah, I just...
I was thinking of doing a bit more Doom.
So I start up a copy of Doom on my studio computer, right?
And it says, oh, this program you've got might cause a bug or a crash.
Do you want to disable it?
I'm like, no, if you can't figure out how to play well by the other programs, just let it go.
Anyway, so I went and did a couple of things to get ready for the show.
Next thing you know... What happens?
Well, I come down and the computer is locked, right?
It's on the teleporting opening screen of Doom.
And then what happens is I'm like, oh, try the Alt-Tab, the Alt-Control-Alt-Delete, you know, the usual stuff, right?
So then I'm like, okay, we'll just do a hard reset, hold down the power button.
And down it goes, right?
Power's down. So then I start up and it says, attempting to repair PC, diagnosing PC. Your PC cannot start.
Your PC cannot start.
So I'm like, okay, well, I'm sure that's not a big deal because I can just go back to an earlier saved system image.
I can uninstall the latest update, you know, that kind of stuff, right?
So then whenever I try to do anything, it says, oh, you need to enter your password.
For, you know, the admin account, I get all of that, right?
So, I triple check the password into the password, and what happens?
It says, oh, I'm afraid that password is incorrect.
So, try a bunch of different things, try starting up in safe mode with networking, try going into the Eufy bias, trying all of these kinds of things, right?
Just because, you know, it'd be nice to have a freaking computer that I could start up and do a show on, because that's the computer in the studio, right?
And, uh, so it's not letting me into the computer because it requires a password, which I know is correct, and I actually checked the password on another computer to be absolutely sure it was correct, and yes, it is in fact correct, and yet it says, oh no, I mean, I've locked you out of your computer, but don't worry, there are all of these recovery options that I'm not going to let you do because...
I can't remember the very clear password that you have used.
So, what's happening now is...
I mean, I can take it back to the shop.
I bought it, and I'm sure they can do something with it.
But what's happening now is I'm just creating a system restore disk on another computer.
Hopefully, I can use that to at least get this thing up to the point where I can log in properly.
But, yes.
I mean, that's a serious fry of a computer.
It seems to have locked up while doing an update, rendering the operating system unreadable, to the point where even the password can't be read.
So... If anybody out there has any magic, please send it my way.
I would be more than happy to hear it.
So yes, how are you guys doing tonight?
Let's put my tech issues aside.
If you have something that you would like to chat about, I would be very happy to To hear from you.
And I think...
Is it Bob?
Did you get something here? Let me just see here.
Yeah, I think you're up.
I think you're live. What's on your mind, my friend?
This is Bob from The Illegal Immigrant.
And I have an update if you're interested.
I believe we are all interested.
So, Bob, please tell me, what is the story, Morning Glory?
So, quite quickly, after her chat with you, she decided to break up with me.
Okay. Okay. Tell me all about it.
What happened? It was...
No, let me tell you about my computer issues because that's the really important thing in your life right now.
But anyway, I'm sorry. Go ahead.
Yeah, yeah. So was it right after, like the night off, day next?
What are we talking? It was really soon where she so-called checked out, you know, like made the decision to say, okay, I'm going to break up with him.
And then she did it two days after that.
So I think it ended up being...
What is it, a week after?
Yeah, a week after her call.
And what did you think of, I mean, we'll get to all of that in a sec, but I mean, I guess you listened to her side of things, and how did that seem to you?
I felt there were no inaccuracies.
It was like, yeah, this sounds about the right position that she's in.
And just both sides were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, this sounds about right.
And I did soon realize that explicitly it wasn't about money for her.
And looking back, like trying to figure out, okay, is it about money?
What's it on my side? Where's the happiness coming from on my side?
And it looks like overall, we were just like, we just had different things that made us happy overall.
It's like, it doesn't matter that we have our values completely aligned on paper.
And they were. It's just the things that made us happy are just irreconcilable.
And sorry, did you get a sense of...
I mean, I'm sure you have some kind of sense of what those values were that were irreconcilable.
I mean, or the different things that you wanted, rather.
Sorry. I'm struggling to find the clarity on it, but it's like...
Man, I don't know.
She is a...
She's hard-headed, stoic, and not very emotional on the bottom end.
And I'm more just, like, expressive and kind of, she called it, like, my sense of humor is more, less mature.
It's more just, like, dumb.
That's why she has a more stronger one.
So, genuinely, we couldn't laugh together that much.
We couldn't be happy together that much.
But more so on my perception, I'm still processing it.
It just happened, like, three days ago.
But my processing of it was that for some reason we sabotaged our own happiness together.
I still haven't figured out the source why but it's like whenever I tried to be happy she shut it down and whenever she tried to be happy I didn't flourish it either and I still haven't come to that conclusion though.
Well I mean would you like a Theory?
Is there more you wanted to say? I mean, you're the one going through the breakup, so I don't want to, you know, stomp all over or jump all over your processing or your feelings.
But, I mean, it's usually not too hard to figure out why two people are sabotaging each other's happiness.
This I'm struggling to figure out, so I could use some theory.
Okay, so here's the thing.
If you are both happy at the same time in a consistent way, You're both enjoying each other's company.
You're both enjoying the things you do together.
I don't mean obviously perfectly or anything like that, but you know, like 90-95% of the time, 98% of the time, you're enjoying each other's company and you are having fun together.
Then you get married and you live together and you have a life together and you have kids and that's your life till the day that you die, right?
So there's no uncertainty anymore.
There's no doubt anymore. This is just what you're doing.
And so if it's like, oh, he's getting too happy, I better sabotage that, or she's getting too happy, I better sabotage that, it's because you don't want to fully commit to the relationship.
In other words, you keep messing things up with each other so that you don't get to the place where it's just completely bloody obvious that you should get married and be together.
That's how it feels like in my direction, for sure.
You mean from you to her?
From her to me.
Like her sabotaging my happiness.
That feels quite strongly.
Because I talked about it with her a little.
And she didn't feel like I sabotaged her happiness.
Like I did anything to stop her happiness.
I just didn't create it, if that makes sense.
You didn't create her happiness, is that right?
Something along those lines, yeah.
Yeah, a refusal to be happy is a refusal to commit.
A refusal to allow for sustainable happiness is a refusal to commit.
And whether that comes from I can do better, whether that comes from I don't trust relationships, whether that comes from I don't want to end up like my parents.
I mean, it could come from any, whether it comes from its surrender to the patriarchy that the feminists tell me is evil, or whether it comes from I don't want to grow up, or whether it comes from I don't want to have kids.
Like, whatever is negative about committing to that person for your life, like, whatever is negative about that, well, That is going to cause this consistent sabotage.
And it could be...
I mean, there's really only two possibilities.
Either the sabotage is wrong or the sabotage is right.
I mean, ideally, if the sabotage is right, in other words, if the relationship isn't going to work and you get that deep down and therefore you sabotage in order to prevent yourself from drifting into a terrible mistake...
Then it would be better to know that consciously and break up and move on or whatever it is, right?
And the breakups are the worst when one person thinks that the sabotage is a disaster and the other person is secretly relieved because the sabotage is coming from a place that the relationship wasn't going to work.
And if she's in the place where the sabotage is good because the relationship wasn't going to work, even if it's unconscious, but you're in the place where No, you're messing up a good thing.
Then that tends to be the most painful place to be.
And that's how I say it is.
And I try to be as efficient as I can.
Naturally, I can't do it completely.
But I'm accepting that it's also, okay, I'm seeing it as a good thing.
I'm choosing my perspective.
All right, this is a good thing.
Because no matter whether it was...
The good thing or bad thing, it was sabotage existing.
And if that's going to continue, it seems the whole time, that ain't going to work out long term.
Right. And so it's kind of like, if you have a...
Sorry, and I hate to reduce it this way, but maybe this helps a little bit.
You guys were going out for like three years, right?
Knew each other three years, going out for two.
Did I remember that right? Knew each other two, going out officially one, in the middle for a year and a half.
Okay. Okay. Got it.
So, if you have a car and you have been trying to get this car to work consistently for a year and a half and you can't figure out what's wrong with it, I would say, in the end, it really doesn't matter what's wrong with it.
Yeah. Like, I bought this computer, right?
I don't know, quite a few years ago.
It's a... It's a rugged PC, right?
Because I drop them from time to time, right?
And it's a Panasonic FZ-M1. And it's got a little i5 processor.
It's like 7 inches, and I used to use it for call-in shows so I could walk around, right?
And this sounds like completely unrelated to you, but I'll sort of tell you what it is, right?
So, no, this computer, it's okay, and it works fine for like 15 minutes.
Then it overheats, and the processor slows down to like no speed at all, and everything's brutally slow, right?
Now, I've tried a bunch of updates.
I've tried a few things here and there to sort of get it to work.
Now, I don't know what the problem is.
I don't know why it's not keeping its speed up at all.
And so I'm just not using it.
Now, I don't know exactly what the problem is, but it's not profitable for me to continue.
If I know what the problem is, like, you know, with this computer that's giving me problems tonight, I can just reset it.
I've got backups. I can just reset it.
I'm willing to work on with that.
With this other thing, it doesn't matter.
It just overheats.
I've checked the vents to make sure it's not jammed up with anything.
I don't think it has a fan.
It doesn't have a fan. Whatever heat dissipation is just not working.
The point of it is, if it's a car or a computer or something, even if you don't know what the problem is, if it has been stop-start, Which is the worst thing.
Stop-start for a long time, you just have to toss it.
Like, oh, I don't, it's a great car, I just, I don't know why it keeps stalling on the highway.
It's like, at some point it doesn't matter.
If you don't know why, if you do know why, like, it's been a year and a half and you can't get this car to work consistently or it's been, you know, I've had this computer for a couple of years and I just, you know, I can't get it to work consistently so I just don't use it.
And so we kind of get tortured, like, well, what is it, the root, and why can't we...
And I get all of that, but I think fundamentally, if the relationship has been stop-start...
And again, that's the worst thing, right?
Here's the thing. So this little computer, right?
Because it starts up and it works fine for a while, I'm like, oh, this is really handy.
You know, it's light, it's easy to carry, and it's great just if I want to walk around and do a call-in show or whatever, right?
I don't have to have this larger computer that I don't want to drop, right?
But if it just didn't boot up, like it didn't start, or if it started, it just flashed some blue screen of death or whatever, then it would be like I wouldn't have wasted time trying to make it work.
Oh, maybe it's a thermal update or maybe some bias setting or whatever.
But because it's somewhat working, the real doom is like the job you don't hate but you don't love is the real doom.
The relationship that's good but can't be sustainable or can't grow or can't find its firm footing or firm foundation.
That's the worst disaster in the world.
You know, a job that you just hate, like I talked recently about a job.
Oh, I was a dishwasher for two nights.
I was a dishwasher for two nights and I was just like, this is hell.
This is a conveyor belt of people's half-spat-up food in a dark, sweaty, fetid dungeon of a kitchen and this is hell.
I don't care if I've got to go sell my body or a kidney.
I'm not making money doing this.
And so that job wasn't a problem.
That job wasn't a problem because it came in and went out.
A relationship, which I was in for many years, which was kind of start-stop.
It was long distance. We got along really well, but we just couldn't find our firm foundation.
That's where you burn up your time.
That's where you waste your life.
The stuff that kind of works is the killer in life, not the stuff that just doesn't work where you stop trying or the stuff that works, in which case you've got your decision and your commitment.
The stuff that kind of works, it's good enough to keep trying but we just can't find our firm setting.
The car, it starts, it runs really well but then there's this clinking sound and it stops working and then you tinker with it a little.
That's the stuff that will destroy your life.
That is the stuff that will wreck you because it just consumes so much time that you could be doing other things.
So I kind of try and give myself a cutoff for things like if things work or they don't work.
You know, if something technical, like I'll give myself, I try and I obviously blow past it at times.
Same thing in relationships.
If a relationship is not particularly working, I'm not particularly enjoying it, I'll give it, you know, okay, I'll try a month or two different things, but if it's still not working, it's like, nope, sorry, I'm going to die and I can't spend my life trying to prop up this kind of stuff.
It's like, do you ever go camping and you have a tent that just doesn't stay up?
And, you know, it just collapses on you and then, especially if it's raining outside, those tents that you touch them and they just start squirting water in because it's sort of set up that way.
So for me, it's like, okay, if I don't have a tent, I'll figure out I'm going to sleep rough facing the stars, right?
If I do have a tent, but the tent is like, you kind of spend time putting it up and then it kind of folds in on itself.
Okay, I'll get up and I'll set it up and I'll put the stakes in a little further out and I'll try this pole and it's like, no, just, you know, and then you don't get any sleep.
Because you just... If you slept rough, you'd get bad sleep at some sleep.
If you had a tent, you'd get better sleep.
But because you have a tent that doesn't work but also doesn't fail completely, you know, if you're just missing the poles, then you can't make a tent.
You don't even try. You build a lean-to or something like that.
So this is a thing in life that it took me a while to figure out and embarrassingly long.
The stuff that kind of works...
Is really tough. You know, my acting life, right?
It kind of worked. It kind of worked.
You know, I got a lot of roles.
I enjoyed the acting, but it just never felt – I mean, it felt like I was in a kind of hell, the social environment of the acting.
I love acting, but the problem is you've got to be around other actors and you've got to be around directors and you've got to be – and, you know, they're usually a bunch of crazy narcissistic lefties and so on, right?
And I mean, I remember we had a teacher.
He taught us Tai Chi and he brought in a video camera, which was kind of a big deal back then because they were rare.
He brought in a video camera so he could record us doing Tai Chi and give us corrections from a sort of seeing from the back and all of that, right?
And so he would play back us doing our Tai Chi and all of the actors I was with were like, oh my God, does my hair really look like that from the back?
Oh my God, that's a lot of back fat.
I've got a bit of a muffin top in the back there.
Oh my God, my one ear sticks out so much more than the other ear.
And it's just like, no, no, this is not for your like whatever magnified crazy GQ slavish imperfection fetish.
It's just like, look at how your body's moving and see if you can do Tai Chi better.
And it was like, okay, I have to just spend time with actors and that's sort of a mess.
And I can sort of go through my other careers.
This is the one that works for me.
Like, this is like a no doubt it works for me.
I think it works for the world and it's the best place for me to be.
And there's no upgrade from here.
Once you're in a relationship, whether it's business or personal, and you're like, yeah, this can't get any better.
Like, I cannot improve upon this.
To want more than this would be, I don't know, you know, like whatever your happiest day is to sit there and say, Yeah, but I could have bought Ethereum earlier.
You know, just didn't just like snarl at yourself about that kind of stuff.
So, you know, this doesn't obviously exactly mend a broken heart, but what I'm trying to sort of point out is that you may try and sort of figure out what was wrong with it, but it doesn't really matter.
Because it's the worst kind of not working, which is kind of working.
Kind of working. I don't know if you've ever had a technical thing or something like, kind of works.
And, you know, if something just bricks, you know, usually someone's had this at some point, like your phone just doesn't start, doesn't charge, it doesn't start, it doesn't do anything.
It's like, okay, well, I guess I'm not wasting a lot of time on that, right?
Or, you know, you leave something out in the rain and, you know, it doesn't even start and, you know, there's really not much point putting it in a bag of rice or anything.
It's like, okay, well, I'll just go and find some other way to, you know, and get some other thing or whatever it is, right?
But the stuff that kind of works, oh man, that's the killer.
That's the killer.
So, if this was a relationship, and if I remember rightly, it kind of was that, where it's like, yeah, there's some really good stuff here, but it's not enough to really build a life together, and there is always that feeling, maybe from you, maybe from her, maybe from both of you, you know, this could be easier, this could be better, there's something that could be more sustainable, and that's probably why you were interfering with each other's happiness, because it just wasn't right, and because...
That could need to be understood nor accepted.
It had to be sabotaged, if that makes sense.
This is making sense.
And both of us have decided to pick on that perspective now of just like, yeah, like, regardless of why it failed, we don't know whether we know or no.
We're just going to move on, assuming that it just didn't work.
However, for both of us, we need to start thinking about this because this was our best relationship each.
And we found basically like our, like, Top?
So we're looking forward to like, okay, now what?
And so I'm guessing I'm looking for like, when you have to restart, and you hit your top, but like, you don't know where to go, and now you're completely free to do whatever the heck you want.
How should I proceed looking forward into like, moving to a new place, finding a new woman, etc?
What do you think? What do you mean, how should you proceed?
I'm trying to make sure I want to make sure that I'm understanding what you're asking for before I answer it for once in my life.
Sorry, go ahead. Right now, I need to make a decision of where to go.
Right now, I'm not tied down to anything.
I'm slate zero, and I want to focus on finding a new potential wife in the best place possible.
That's quite rare. Well, you know that I'm a philosopher, not a travel agent, right?
So I have no idea where you should move.
I mean, I guess what I would do is look for the demographics, right?
right?
If there's a particular demographic that you're looking for, age or ethnicity or, or cultural values or religious values, if there's something that, you know, I would look for where there are the most people that you, you like to buy, buy all the computer companies start in Silicon Valley, because that's where the most tech people are.
So I would say, yeah, just look for that.
We're all the NCAP girls.
Yeah.
I don't know. I don't know exactly, but it might be something to, you know, it may be, what is it, New Hampshire?
Are they looking to secede at the moment?
Because that worked so well in the 1860s.
But, yeah, I mean, I would just look for, you can ask around online, you can look for forums, you can, you know, where are people located, you can look at the Free State Project and a bunch of things I suppose you could look at.
Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.
I don't know where you can look, but...
And, you know, there may be a little bit of, you know, try not to skip over the heartbreak stuff.
I know. Because it's like, everyone is like, oh, I've broken up.
Oh, that's terrible. Hey, new girl.
That'll solve it. And it's like, yeah, maybe.
Maybe. But, you know, you might want to give yourself a little bit of time to...
I mean, there is obviously some grieving.
But the fact that it's your best relationship is pretty good.
I remember the first time I had a relationship where we didn't really fight.
I'm like, really? Really?
That's great. That's possible.
That's a thing. That's a thing.
So, yeah, I mean, I would say every step up is a step closer to the light, right?
So the fact that it's your best relationship is a good thing.
The fact that it wasn't good enough, you know, I mean, this is kind of a hackneyed thing to say, but, you know, every relationship that didn't work prepared me for the woman I got to marry.
Yeah. I had a, oh, you want to hear a petty thought?
This is my only petty thought ever in my life.
Just kidding. My petty thought was, for some reason, I was thinking about an ex-girlfriend.
She couldn't admit that she was wrong.
Every time we'd have a conflict, I would simply have to apologize if I wanted the relationship to continue.
She'd just not really give an inch.
If there was a problem, it was because of something I did and I had to apologize or I was just going to get frozen out.
Now, we didn't have a lot of conflicts, but when we did...
That was the pattern, right?
And... I don't know.
Somebody I knew mentioned her the other day.
Oh, she's still single, and I guess she's in her...
I don't know. Yeah, she'd be in her 50s now.
Late 40s, early 50s.
And, you know, she never got married, never had kids.
And my thought was, oh, so she kind of got old.
She never got married.
She never had kids.
But she did get to be right all the time.
And I guess that'll have to be enough.
I don't have children.
I have two twins I give birth to.
One is called self, and the other one is called righteous.
And that will be my family.
Anyway, that was my petty thought.
She didn't have all of these great things that I ended up with, but she did get to be right about everything.
So that should be enough for her.
Anyway, that was my petty thought, which I will share with you because we're all human, right?
Let's hope that I don't become her.
Because at the moment, I was going to be her.
So, no more. Oh, you mean like being right rather than being happy?
We talked about that, yeah.
Right, right. Yeah, yeah.
No, it's very tempting. Because being right in the moment feels so good.
It feels so good.
It feels so good. But man, do you pay for it later, you know?
It's like an affair with self-righteousness.
It's like, yeah, feels good, man.
Lots of baby oil and a duck suit.
But man, are you going to pay for it down the road, right?
Yeah. All right.
Is there anything else you wanted to mention here?
Because I think we've got a bit of a queue of people who want to talk.
But look, I'm sorry it didn't work out, obviously, because it's nicer when things work out.
It's better than things work out.
But in my experience, the things that don't work out really paved the way to something better.
Although, I mean, it doesn't obviously feel that way in the moment.
And there's no guarantee of that.
But that certainly has been my experience.
And I certainly wish you the very best.
I hope you'll keep me posted. And yeah, if anybody has any thoughts about where the ANCAP girls are, look for ANCAPistan.
I think it's right after Arkansas.
But yeah, keep you posted.
And I do appreciate you dropping by and I appreciate the update.
And obviously, I wish the best to you both.
It was a very enjoyable chat.
It's kind of funny, like I just put it in the podcast stream today.
So there we go. There we go.
The facts are out. And yeah, I appreciate y'all.
And I'll keep everyone else posted of all the ANCAP girls I find.
Yeah, don't forget, freedomain.locals.com.
You can sign up there.
It's free, right? But you can keep people informed there, and I'm sure everybody would like to know how things are going along.
I can't be obvious, though.
No, I guess not. No, I guess not.
All right. Well, yeah, however you're going to do it, I wish you the best of luck with all of that.
But, you know, you certainly have my email, so I'm sure you can keep me posted about that stuff.
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