Knowledge Fight Interactive Search Tool

All Episodes

Previous Next

March 6, 2020 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux

01:55:50

WHAAAT?!? "My Tinder Girlfriend is Carrying Another Man's Baby!" Freedomain Call In

Large

Audio Only |

Scroll

Time	Text
	All right.
	Are you ready to strap in We are here with Devon.
	Devon, I guess we might as well break the ice by you telling me the reason for your email.
	The reason for my email is because my girlfriend of just a few months is pregnant.
	I thought the kid was mine for about a month after she told me.
	Come to find out after her first appointment at the hospital, at the women's clinic, That she was a whole month further along than she should have been.
	So, obviously, I am not the father.
	Right. Tell me a little bit about the young lady in question and how you met and how things have been going.
	Well, I could tell you what I told my parents and what we told her parents and where we met, which was in a Kroger.
	Over by the milk. A what now?
	I could tell you the same thing I told her parents, but I'm not going to do that.
	Wait, but what's a Kroger?
	Oh, it's a Kroger. It's like a grocery store.
	Oh, so you told your parents that you met her in a grocery store?
	Yes. And where did you meet her, Devin?
	Well, Stefan, we met on Tinder, actually, which is a dating app, I'm sure you are aware.
	That's the swipey swipe one, right?
	Yeah. Left, right, that kind of thing?
	Yeah. Yeah.
	Not usually what I'm out there doing.
	But I met her on there and she kind of stuck out to me because I recognized her.
	I had known her from years past, so I hit her up.
	Did you know her from school?
	No, I had recognized her.
	We had done 4-H years ago together.
	Which is just, you know, animals and all that.
	The only thing I know about 4-H is that it's in a Dixie Chicks song.
	I don't know anything about the Dixie Chicks.
	It's both members of the 4-H club, both active in the FFA. That's all I know from a song that if any woman ever sings it with passion, you should never date.
	Goodbye, Earl. But anyway, that's neither here nor there.
	Okay, so you met her on Tinder and...
	I dare to ask, or I dare ask, what was it that attracted you to her?
	Well, honestly, you know, obviously initially her look, you know, I thought she was very pretty.
	She's half Japanese, so she has these very beautiful eyes, to me anyway.
	And I just, again, you know, I recognized her and I thought she was very attractive, so I decided to message her.
	And just getting to know her a little bit more, you know, we're extremely compatible.
	We have very similar interests in terms of we both like to exercise a lot.
	We are both Christian, actually.
	Is she really though?
	Yeah, I know. We'll get there.
	We'll get there. It's like me claiming my excellent career as a hair model.
	I think there's the word and then there's the deed.
	And if I remember my Christianity correctly, the deed has some importance as well.
	No, absolutely, absolutely.
	You're 100% correct about that.
	But I mean, as well, at the same exact time, obviously, I slept with her as well.
	So that's kind of caused my...
	Oh, no, no, I'm not just talking about that.
	Although that's not unimportant.
	I'm talking about that thou shalt not bear false witness.
	But anyway, okay, let's go on.
	So you met her and she was attracted to you.
	You were attracted to her. And okay, so outside of the physical appeal, what was going on?
	So Christianity, shared interests, like what?
	Like what else? Yeah. As well, we immediately hit it off talking about kind of more complex topics that I haven't been able to talk about with women in the past.
	Like even, for instance, we were able to talk about libertarian, being a libertarian, and she completely agreed with me in every single aspect.
	I was able to present to her many aspects that I had heard from you over the years.
	About peaceful parenting and other things like that.
	And she was just totally on board with it.
	And it was just an extreme genuineness in a woman I've never seen before.
	Well, if it was real. Yeah, exactly.
	Because the one thing we know about her, she's a liar.
	Yeah, she lied. I mean, that's the one thing we know.
	It's like saying, well, the one thing that really attracted me to my mistress was her faithfulness.
	It's like, uh...
	All right.
	Okay, so I guess how long was it before, like after you met face to face, how long was it before you went to bed together?
	It was actually, man, this is going to sound crazy.
	So we talked for about two weeks or so on just messaging back and forth, really getting to know her for the first time in a long time.
	I like was really, really excited to actually talk to a woman, which for me is pretty damn significant.
	But I guess we can get to that in a little bit.
	But we talked for a little bit, and then she was actually going to go back to college.
	She had to go back to school because she's 20 and I'm 23.
	And I asked her, hey, do you want to hang out before you go back to college?
	And we did, and we hung out one day.
	And then we hung out the next day as well, and things got a little spicy.
	If that makes sense. Uh-huh.
	You ate Indian, yeah. What else?
	Yeah, and then we slept together, and we both actually talked about it afterwards, and we both said, like, wow, you know, that was a huge mistake.
	It was just kind of a heat of the moment kind of thing, and it was absolutely out of line.
	Like, I brought it up, and she agreed with me, which, you know, I don't know if that was her being truly genuine or not, or just kind of playing along with it.
	Yeah, go ahead. I don't know exactly what I'm saying.
	But I'm sorry.
	Actually, I'm sitting in the parking lot of my workplace and someone's getting arrested right now.
	You can see someone getting arrested?
	Yeah, two police crews just pulled up and they got guns drawn on this guy.
	It's kind of like your future if you don't pay your child support, I suppose.
	Well, not my kid.
	Could be. What I mean by that is if you take on responsibility, right?
	Then it becomes your kid, right?
	No, absolutely. That's something we talked about.
	That was about me becoming a father and trying to be the surrogate father of this kid.
	Okay, so hang on.
	So you guys slept together on your second date?
	Mm-hmm, pretty much. And then you said, that's not very Christian of us.
	Pretty much. Right.
	Like the locking the barn door after the horse has left kind of thing, right?
	Yeah. We kind of decided we definitely need to take a step back in this relationship and just keep talking to each other for a little bit about this whole situation, about what we can possibly do to help amend that.
	And truly see if we do like each other, if we truly love each other, whatever, the whole lot.
	Wait, wait, hang on a second.
	You're talking about how you can find out if you truly love each other.
	Is this like the third date?
	No, no. This was just us talking.
	She had already gone back to school at this point and we were worried about like, all right, are we really going to keep this up?
	Do we want to keep talking? That kind of thing and whether or not we can create something that's worthwhile, if that makes sense.
	Okay. And so tell me what happened after the second date.
	How long was it before she went back to school?
	It was a couple days.
	Wait, was she going somewhere far away for school or what?
	It was across the state.
	I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, right?
	It's your life, right? So it's serious stuff.
	So the plan was...
	To sleep with a girl who's about to move across the state and then see if you can make it work?
	Pretty much. Okay, how pretty is this girl?
	My god, what?
	I know, I sound insane.
	It is honestly insane from my outside perspective and I honestly would never advise myself outside of, how do I say this?
	Never advise yourself?
	Would you take a fucking cattle prod to your balls, wouldn't you?
	I would never tell someone else that's in the same situation as me to do what I'm doing.
	And that's why I think it's incredibly outside of my own character.
	But this is why you don't sleep with women until you get to know them, right?
	Because you bond.
	Yeah. I mean, the oxytocin kicks in, the bonding hormones kick in, your Christian virtues kick in, and you bond, right?
	Yeah. It's like you throw your penis like a grappling hook and it just yanks your heart right after it.
	No, but we kept talking for a while.
	It was...
	So hang on, but you didn't have sex again before she left to go to school?
	We hung out again one more time, but we did not.
	But you just talked? Yeah, we just kept talking.
	Okay, and then she...
	What's she going to school for?
	She's to be a nurse. Okay.
	Dysfunctional nurse. That's a new one.
	No, it's not. Okay, so she's going to go to school to be a nurse, and obviously she had unprotected sex a month before she met you?
	Mm-hmm. Now, does she admit to that, or is she pulling the old, hey, 1%, man?
	No, no. She absolutely owned up to it once I found out.
	Like I said, she had her first appointment in the hospital.
	Actually, I work in the same exact hospital.
	And she went alone with her mother to that first appointment for her pregnancy.
	And that's where she found out she was 12 weeks along and not eight weeks along.
	And that is kind of...
	She didn't tell me that night, but I kind of...
	Asked her about it the next day because it was a little bit in question about the due date, which she told me, which was...
	Okay, hang on. So we're jumping ahead a little bit here if you don't mind.
	So how long have you been going out specifically?
	We have been going out probably for about two and a half months now.
	Okay, two and a half months. So when did you have...
	Did she say that she got pregnant that first time you had sex?
	Yeah. And did you have unprotected sex?
	Yes. What the hell, dude?
	I know, I know.
	Were you drunk?
	Nope, I don't drink.
	Do you think it would help?
	Jeez. You meet this girl, the second date, the second day, you have unprotected sex with her.
	Yep. Okay, we'll get back to your female decision matrix in a bit.
	But okay, just everybody needs to know that's really, really crazy, right?
	Incredibly risky. I mean, there's unwanted pregnancies, there's the STDs, you don't know the woman's character, she could be completely gaslighting you, she could be faking everything.
	I mean, there's incredibly risky behavior, right?
	No, you are totally correct about that.
	Yeah. Do you like to fry bacon in the nude as well?
	Okay, we'll get back to that.
	So tell me what happened.
	So you got together one more time before she moved to cross-state to go to nursing school.
	And then what happened?
	Just take me sort of week by week, if you don't mind.
	Have you guys agreed to be boyfriend and girlfriend based upon your two or three dates?
	Pretty much, yeah. Well, we kept talking.
	We immediately did say, like, hey, we really don't want to...
	Putting labels on this at the time because, again, you know, it's still a very new relationship.
	And even though, you know, we slept with each other, which was, you know, majorly significant, obviously incredibly stupid of us to do.
	So we talked about that and we said, hey, this isn't cool.
	But we decided, yeah, let's keep talking because, you know, you're going to come back this summer because she where she goes to school.
	She was going to come back here every summer.
	She had already done a year in college and she was going into her second year.
	She already completed her first semester of the year and she went back to school after the winter break was up.
	Is it a two or three year program?
	I think it was a three year program.
	You think? Yeah, I think so.
	Wait, you don't know how long she's going to be on the other side of the state for?
	Oh, she's not over there anymore.
	Oh, I guess, did she drop out?
	Yeah, yeah, once she found out she was pregnant, she dropped out.
	Now, let's go back to the second date.
	Sorry to give you the time whiplash and all that, but...
	You know, the slightly cynical or perhaps realistic part of me says that she wanted unprotected sex with you so she'd have a backup in case the other guy didn't want to be the dad.
	Yeah, well, she didn't know she was pregnant, and I... Well, let's take her word for it, shall we?
	The origin I say that, Stefan, is because the amount of crying and the amount of, I don't know how to say this, the amount of grief that when she immediately took a pregnancy test and found out that she was pregnant, she called me immediately and then she called her parents and dropped out of school immediately.
	Wait, she called you first?
	Yeah. Holy crap.
	The guy she'd known for a couple of months and was on the other side of the state, she called you first when she was pregnant, not her parents?
	Yes, and that's because she thought I was the father at the time.
	I'm sorry? She thought I was the father at the time.
	Oh, I'm so sorry. Of course, my mistake.
	I'm so sorry. Absolutely. Thank you for the correction.
	I apologize for that. I completely lost the thread, but I'm back on board now, so thank you for that.
	All right. Okay, so how many times did you see her after she went away to school?
	I saw her a total of three different times.
	And no more sex, is that right?
	No more sex. Alright.
	And was it like you'd go out for the weekend or how would that work?
	What do you mean? Like we would, when we hung out?
	Yeah, yeah. Oh, the first time, you know, I just picked her up.
	We went to dinner and we went up to the top of the hill where we live and we just sat up there and We watched, we essentially just people watched up there for a little bit and then took her home.
	Second time, you know, we went to AM, we went and got food again.
	Oh, excuse me. And then we went to my house and that's where it basically happened.
	We slept with each other. We were just going to watch some movies and, well, Netflix and chilled.
	And then the third time, we basically did the same thing we did the first time.
	But, I mean, so you went out to visit her, right?
	Yes. Okay, and where did you stay?
	Was it overnight to visit?
	Do you mean when I went to...
	I didn't go and visit her in college at all, no.
	Then how did you meet up a couple of times?
	Oh, no, this was before she took off to college and we hung out like several days consecutively in a row.
	Oh, sorry, I thought you...
	Okay, no, but... So when she went to college, how many times did you visit her?
	I never visit her once because she was only there for about probably less than a month before she found out she was pregnant and then to move back here.
	Got it. Okay. Okay.
	She moved back in with her parents. Okay.
	So you're in touch with her over the course of this month though, right?
	Yep. Talking every single night.
	It's usually several hours a night.
	Now, but she must have skipped a period by the time she had sex with you.
	I mean, I'm not sure of the mechanics.
	It's a month. Maybe not, right?
	So, she had her last period, I want to say, at the very beginning of November of last year.
	And she had skipped it in December.
	And the reason that that's kind of important is...
	All right.
	So it wasn't totally far-fetched for me to hear that kind of stuff for that happening to her.
	So I never even questioned it when she said she hadn't had her period the previous month.
	And I joked around with her and said, like, haha, maybe you're pregnant.
	And she said, that's not even funny.
	And I thought, like, oh, whatever. She's just joking at the time.
	Like, I don't know. Not very funny.
	Now, what's the story with her previous relationship?
	Basically a one-night stand.
	Seriously? And that was it.
	So, she has unprotected sex on a regular basis?
	As far as I know?
	Like, now I know, yeah, she did before I met her.
	I mean, granted, the story she told me, I'm not sure exactly...
	Well, that's it. All the data we have to go on is she had two guys in a row where she slept with them right away and had unprotected sex.
	Yeah. Okay.
	Yeah. I mean, you understand that's seriously disastrous decision-making on her behavior, on her part, right?
	Yeah. Okay.
	Oh, I absolutely understand that.
	Okay. Just checking.
	So, let me explain that a little bit in that situation from what she's told me.
	So, her first term of college, she actually got mono.
	You know what that is? Yes.
	The kissing disease. Yeah.
	Yes. No, she got mono when she was in school.
	And she had to drop out of school, actually, her first term back to college this last year.
	And she had to move back in with her parents.
	She had apparently no friends over here.
	Nothing going on.
	And she was apparently in a pretty dark place.
	And, you know, she said that she slept with a guy.
	And she apparently regretted it.
	I'm not exactly sure if I 100% believe that.
	But, apparently regretted it, and then went, met me, and slept with me.
	Obviously, apparently she regretted that one, too.
	And, yeah, now she said she was trying to get things back on track, and then she found out she was pregnant.
	So, that's where I kind of run into my dilemma there, whether or not I want to believe her about that, because I do truly want to believe that she was in a dark place.
	Okay, and do you know if she's had boyfriends before?
	Yes, I do know.
	She opened up about that, about her past experiences when she was in high school and a boyfriend she had when she was in college, and she opened up completely about that.
	And, okay, do you know how many boyfriends she's had?
	I think she's had three or four, if you want to count me.
	Okay. Got it. Got it.
	Do you know if she's had unprotected sex with the other boyfriends?
	I believe she did with her first boyfriend, which she had in college.
	So she didn't date in high school?
	She dated in high school, but she said she never had unprotected sex or sex at all in high school.
	Because her parents are very, very Christian, you know, in a very protective household and that kind of thing.
	And she never had an opportunity to really even go out with guys.
	Okay. Alright, so she calls you a month into her school, is that right?
	Yes. And she says, I'm pregnant and it's yours.
	So, she called me.
	On a very, very shitty Saturday morning for me.
	But she called me and tearful-eyed, just I could tell something was wrong immediately.
	And she just tells me, like, I took a pregnancy test because I skipped my period two months in a row, which is unusual for me.
	And I am pregnant.
	And my first response immediately was, like, holy shit, I guess I have to be a father now.
	That kind of thing, you know, that immediate shock, I guess, any kind of dude would when he realizes, like, damn, I screwed up.
	Well, wait, wait, wait, but when did she tell you it was yours?
	That immediately. No, but she didn't know.
	She told me she knew.
	No, but she didn't know.
	Because she had unprotected sex a month before you and didn't have a period in the intervening time.
	Yeah, but she didn't tell me about that other guy.
	No, no, I get that. But she told you it was yours and she didn't know.
	Yes. That's significant.
	That's really significant, yeah.
	Okay. I just want to make sure we're both on the same page as far as that goes.
	Yeah, no, we are. We are.
	Okay, good, good. All right.
	Okay, so, sorry, go ahead.
	So yeah, she told me that it was mine, and I asked her like several different times in the coming weeks, like before she was, when she was in the process of withdrawing from school and moving back here, hey, I am the father, right?
	There is no possibility of anybody else.
	And she said, you are absolutely 100% the father.
	Oh my God.
	Yeah. That's horrifying.
	And in this entire time, I basically grew to love her and trust her.
	And like, I've never opened up to anyone this much because I kind of accepted like, you know, we may, I'm not sure 100% about this girl, but screw it.
	I'm going to send it. That kind of thing.
	Wasn't planning on getting legally married or anything like that.
	I don't know. I wasn't, wasn't that into it, but I was definitely going to own up to the fact that I was gonna be a father and try to give this kid the best possible life, regardless of the crappy circumstances.
	And she seemed to be totally on board with this.
	Okay, but she's a nurse.
	Or she's training to be a nurse.
	She knows her own body. So the fact that she would tell you that the child was yours is a huge lie.
	Yeah. That she knew that the child was yours.
	Now, she could have said, hey man, I had unprotected sex with a guy a month before you and I haven't had a period since.
	Could be him, could be you, I don't know.
	Yep. But she didn't.
	Yeah, that's the big lie here.
	The big, big lie.
	But I owned up to it.
	I did a lot of things for her when she got back here.
	Hang on, hang on, hang on.
	Okay, so hang on.
	So she tells you that it's yours after she does a home pregnancy test?
	Yes. Okay, so she hasn't been to the doctor yet.
	She hasn't checked how long, how far along she is.
	And she knows that it could be yours, could be the other guys.
	And in fact, it's slightly more likely to be the other guys.
	Well, she wasn't really sure because she hadn't really started exhibiting any pregnancy symptoms.
	If it was a whole month before that, she expected to feel morning sickness and whatnot.
	She started feeling morning sickness about Three weeks after we slept together and that was the first cue for her that maybe it was mine and not the other guys because, you know, at that point it was what?
	Well, we don't know. I'm sorry.
	You may be beguiled by this woman.
	All I'm doing is looking at the facts.
	We have no idea when she felt morning sickness.
	We have no idea when she slept with the other guy.
	We have no idea because she's already proven to be a liar about incredibly important things that mess with your head in ways that can't even be.
	Imagined by those outside the situation, right?
	Yeah. I mean, this is a mind frack of biblical proportions, right?
	Mm-hmm. Okay. So hopefully you'll forgive me if I will occasionally point out that we have no idea what the truth is in this situation because we're relying on her who's proven to be a liar about the most important things.
	And so to trust her on less important things, I'm sorry, I can't get there.
	Okay. Okay, so she tells you this.
	She tells you that the child is yours 100%, doesn't mention anything about the unprotected sex you have but the one nightstand other guy a month before, and maybe it was a month before, maybe it was three weeks before, maybe, who knows, right?
	Okay, so then she, what's the span between her telling you and her coming back?
	That was about only a one-week process, because as soon as she got off the phone with me, she immediately called her parents, and they basically told her, like, you can finish out your term in college, but after that, you know, like, you need to come home because you're going to have a kid kind of thing.
	And they were mortified.
	She's an only kid.
	But they brought her back to our town where we live about I don't want to say it was about seven days after we found out, so just a whole week or so.
	Yeah, she was back in our town.
	Now, she, of course, told her parents that you were the father.
	Yep, and I met them and did a very nerve-wracking conversation with them.
	You know, where you go in there, expecting to have a gun, put it at your face, and walk in there, and the dad's, like, holding the Bible.
	I knew it was going to be bad.
	And tell me what he had to say.
	That, you know, we screwed up because obviously we slept with each other and he gave us very real truths that, you know, you guys don't know each other very well, that you may not work out in that, but either way, you know, this kid's going to be loved because you guys got to make this thing work for this kid if that's possible.
	And if not, you know, anything short of abuse, like, you guys got to make this work.
	Wow, okay. And is the dad, is she half Japanese, half white?
	Yes. And is it the mom or the dad who's Japanese?
	The mom is Japanese.
	Okay, so she's half Japanese and getting a white guy like her mom.
	Yeah. Okay. Patterns, patterns, patterns.
	Now, what do you know about the other guy, the guy who's the actual father?
	Not much, because she doesn't even know much that I know of.
	Wait, what do you mean? She may have been like...
	She hasn't told me terribly too much about the guy.
	I don't know much about him.
	All I know is his name is Ethan. Well, but she must know who he is, right?
	She doesn't even remember his last name.
	That makes sense. Well, how did they meet?
	Tinder, same way that she met me.
	So, she met this guy, and then she met him at some place, but they must have gone some place to have sex, right?
	So, did they go to her place or his place?
	They more than definitely probably went to his place, or maybe, I don't know, maybe they did it in his car.
	Okay, so, well, come on, really?
	Christian girl doing it on a first date, tindering the car?
	I can't believe that, really?
	I mean, that's so sordid.
	That's Hugh Grant and a hooker sordid, right?
	Yeah. So probably they went to his place, right?
	Yeah, more than likely. So she knows where he lives.
	Yeah. So why isn't she...
	Busting down his door?
	Well, I mean, he's the father.
	According to her, she wants nothing to do with the guy, and she would sooner rather raise the kid by herself than raise it with him.
	Why? Because she doesn't know him at all, which is crazy, I know.
	Well, no, but she, I mean, she met him, she chatted with him for a while, she's got to have some sense of who he is, right?
	She, I mean, she slept with him.
	So, why, I mean, what's so bad about the guy?
	I don't know, you know?
	Because the worst he is, like, you know, the kid's got half his genetics, right?
	So, if he's some terrible guy, that's...
	Not great, right?
	No, not great at all.
	And I'm concerned about that too.
	I don't know why you're concerned about it, because I don't know why the hell you have anything to do with this at all, but we'll get to that in a sec.
	Alright. So then she comes back, and you have this meeting with the parents, very awkward, and you're like, I'm going to do the right thing.
	I'm going to do the good thing, and you're going to try and make it work with this woman, right?
	Then what happens? We just go about our lives of us.
	I'm still living with my parents, actually, because I graduated last June, and I just moved back in with them because it was a lot cheaper so I could pay off my student loans.
	And then she's living with her parents, but I'm working.
	She's not at the moment. We would hang out pretty periodically.
	Like how often? At least two, three times a week.
	We definitely still want to give each other space so we could...
	Maybe have some kind of semblance of dating each other, if that makes sense, and not just being immediately enloped in marriage, if that makes sense.
	Yeah. Because we already essentially fast-tracked ourselves towards that kind of thing by sleeping with each other.
	Well, no, no.
	She fast-tracked you by lying to you about your paternity.
	Yeah. Alright, let's just be real clear about this, right?
	That's a good point. Okay, so tell me then, so you do this for a couple of weeks, is that right?
	And then she goes to the doctor, do you go with her to the doctor for her, this is her first ultrasound, her first checkup?
	Yeah, her first, her initial OB appointment.
	She went with just her mom at the time, and her mom didn't know terribly too much about the situation, all that you know, she had sex basically.
	Wait, her mom, but wasn't her mom there when you met the parents?
	Yeah, but not like we talked, like, grave detail, like, hey, dude, I boned your daughter this exact day.
	I didn't get out my calendar and just started pointing a date.
	Oh, okay, but you weren't invited to the ultrasound?
	She said she wanted to go with her mom the first time, which, I don't know, it didn't really strike me as, like, anything off.
	I wasn't really concerned with it.
	I was working anyways. I was working in the same exact hospital, though, so I guess I probably could have popped over there.
	Well... You know why she didn't want you there, right?
	Yeah, now I know.
	Now you know. Okay, now you know why she didn't want you there in case the doctor said, no, no, you're further along than you think, right?
	And then you're like, oh, really?
	Yeah, I mean, apparently she told the doctor that she initially had thought The baby was, you know, maybe right around eight weeks along.
	And they were like, oh, well, then you don't be surprised if you see nothing on the ultrasound.
	And they pull up the baby and it's like four more weeks along.
	Oh, the baby's obviously, you know, at least 12 weeks along.
	And she knew right then that it was like fucked up, like that she screwed up, man.
	That she screwed up bad by telling me I was the father and everything.
	What do you mean by, I don't know what you mean by, I don't know what your relationship is to a sin, but a sin is not the same as a screw up.
	A screw-up is, oh, I thought we were going to call it 8pm, but we got the time zones messed up.
	Not lying to a man about the paternity of his child.
	Yeah. Yeah.
	Alright, so then, does she tell the mom?
	Does she tell the parents?
	Like, how does this news get out about what's actually going on?
	I asked her some initial questions after the appointment was over, you know, just called her that night, talked to her.
	We were planning on hanging out, but she apparently felt too sick to hang out.
	Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
	Sorry to interrupt. So hang on.
	I just need to get the time space here.
	So she has this appointment in the hospital.
	You know it's like, I don't know, whatever, 11 o'clock in the morning.
	You know she has the appointment and what, you don't hear from her?
	I mean, I assume you want to know how what you think of as your child is doing.
	Yeah, no, I try to stay off my phone when I'm at work too much.
	I think that's an acceptable excuse.
	That's an acceptable break to that rule is the very first ultrasound of your very first child, right?
	Yeah. Okay, so you didn't hear from her, right?
	I didn't hear from her, and then I asked her immediately when I got off work, like, hey, you know, what's going on?
	Are we still hanging out?
	When did you hear from her, though?
	When I got off work.
	How long after the appointment was that?
	About two hours.
	Okay. And did you think about, like, gosh, I wonder what's going on?
	Yeah, I sort of did, but, you know, I trusted, I don't know, that probably things were going to be relatively fine.
	Um... I try not to worry too much about things that are outside my control, I guess.
	Okay. Okay.
	All right. You know, as a dad, I mean, that's not how you parent, right?
	Yeah. You parent by finding out what the hell's going on with your kids, even if they're in the womb.
	Maybe even especially if they're in the womb, right?
	Yeah. I mean, I had been pretty damn worried sick about her this entire damn time, but I Just in that kind of moment, I, for some reason, trusted that things were going to be okay.
	Called her when I got off work. Talked to her.
	We still on for the night. She said, no, I'm feeling pretty sick.
	I'm just going to kind of stay home with my parents if that's alright with you and everything.
	So I was like, that's fine. Totally fine.
	And I asked her, hey, obviously, how's the baby?
	Baby's fine. She's like, yeah, baby's healthy.
	Totally fine. I could tell something was a little bit up.
	She was a little bit short with me.
	Kind of like, And then she told me, like, I was like, alright, what about, like, a due date?
	They tell you a due date? And she was like, yeah, yeah, like, you know, September, like, 2nd or something like that.
	And I said, okay, that's really cool.
	And then I started, like, crunching some numbers in my head after we had hung up.
	And I went to the gym and, you know, went to bed.
	I go to bed pretty early, so I didn't really have time that night to process it too much.
	But all the next day, I was just thinking about, like, kind of The detail of what she told me, you know, September 2nd, like, that doesn't make a whole hell of a lot of sense.
	So, it should have been at the end of that month, if it was my kid, not, you know...
	Yep. Not... But you didn't know about the previous guy, right?
	Yeah, didn't know about him whatsoever.
	Got it. But, and I asked her immediately when I got off work, like, I just started...
	Texted her at work. I was like, hey, I gotta talk to you after work.
	When I was at lunch, I was like, I gotta talk to you after work.
	I just got a couple questions in my head.
	And in my mind, I was thinking, alright, I'm gonna ask her for a paternity test.
	And if she says no, obviously, then I know there was someone else.
	But, because I know that those appointments can be a little bit off.
	They're not exactly a fine science.
	So, I get out of work.
	And I immediately, I call her, and I'm looking at her on Snapchat.
	We call each other on that, and I was essentially FaceTiming her.
	And I can already tell, like, she had something going on.
	Like, she had been crying all night or something.
	I could tell, like, alright, something's heavy.
	So I used to just start talking.
	I'm like, hey, so you know how you told me about, like, that appointment, like, that due date?
	And then she just immediately, like, stopped me and blurted it out, like...
	You're basically not the father.
	Yeah, I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in my entire life.
	I just felt like I had lost everything at that point.
	I'm so sorry. What a terrible flyby of fatherhood.
	What a terrible situation with which to start even the concept of fatherhood.
	Yeah, you were stupid for sleeping with her, but she lied to you.
	I'm just sorry about the whole thing.
	It really is heartbreaking.
	And I did the natural thing.
	I don't yell.
	I don't yell at women. That's something I don't do.
	But I yelled at her, obviously.
	I was pissed. I think that's forgivable.
	I'm actually sitting in my car in the parking lot of my work still, like I said.
	But I'm sitting in the exact same parking spot that when she told me.
	It feels kind of weird, though.
	But I was just looking at her and just Wait, so is this face-to-face?
	No, Snapchat. Sorry, you said Snapchat.
	Okay, so you're talking to her, and what did you say?
	She was...
	I just basically was like, how could you do this to me?
	You know my history with women.
	You know how I've been broken before like this.
	I've literally never opened up anyone like I have before to you.
	You know how much I've wanted to be a father.
	Like, that's been my number one goal for, like, the last three years.
	I want to be a father. Like, really, really bad.
	She knew that. And just destroyed.
	Again, like I said, I've never been more...
	Wait, what do you mean by destroyed? Like, I just felt totally destroyed.
	Like, nothing else mattered to me at that moment than the fact that I just learned I wasn't going to be a father.
	No, no, I get that. I just, I don't want you to start using language like you were destroyed or your trust was destroyed or, you know, because this is just a terrible situation and you got yourself into it to some degree and, but it doesn't mean you're destroyed.
	Or fatherhood is destroyed or love is destroyed or trust is destroyed.
	This is a necessary passage.
	Sometimes you have to get mauled by the dog so that you have a proper respect for dogs, so to speak, right?
	I mean, this is something that launches you out of a disastrous situation.
	Because listen, man, this situation could be a thousand times worse.
	A thousand times worse, and I'm not kidding.
	This situation could be where you are the father, but she's a lying, manipulative human being, in which case, you're completely screwed.
	Like, you wouldn't get to be a father with this kind of woman anyway.
	Yeah. So,
	I mean, look, I'm not trying to downplay the emotional horror of what she put you through and what you put yourself through, through these choices.
	But there was no way this was going to end well, if you were the father.
	Yeah. So, again, I don't want to interrupt the emotional flow.
	When people start using that kind of language, I get a little alarmed, right?
	Yeah. Yeah.
	Because you can talk yourself in and out of a lot of things in life.
	Yeah. I've talked myself into a pretty deep rut, though, Stefan.
	Well, we're here to help.
	We're here to help, right? We're here to get you out.
	Here to get you out. Okay. Appreciate that.
	So, you yell at her, and...
	What happens then?
	Um... Basically, I yell at her and tell her never to contact me again.
	And I just hang up and, you know, the first thing I do is I call my brother.
	And he was kind of excited.
	He was going to be an uncle for a second time.
	That was kind of exciting for him.
	And he just, you know, was like, no way.
	Like, no way. You're lying.
	You're lying. Like, BS, BS, BS. Like, everyone in my family apparently really liked this girl.
	And... They were pretty dang shocked about it.
	And then second thing I did was went to my pastor's house, talked to him about it.
	And he was already full aware of me, the situation that I had done, basically.
	Was sleeping with a girl and knocking her up.
	And I opened up to him immediately about that.
	And he was like, yeah, you fell.
	You fell hard. And like, you need to get back on track kind of thing.
	Went to his house and he...
	He felt hard. I think he cried and I cried.
	Went home and told my parents.
	They were destroyed as well.
	Well again, you keep using this language.
	They destroyed? No.
	They were extremely upset by this.
	My mother particularly because she was more afraid that I was going to act irrationally I think.
	And my father was just, you know, well, you know, you found out now, which I guess is good, and you're not raising some other man's kid unknowingly.
	But, yeah, I told her never to contact me again, but I guess I'm just crazy because she contacted me that night, and I just couldn't resist but to reply.
	I wonder if the One Night Stand was a man of another race.
	I actually did ask her about that.
	And?
	No, he is a white man, apparently.
	All right. Okay. That's just kind of cute because it's a version that she has.
	I just, I don't know. It just seems odd.
	But all right. I mean, she must know enough about him that she wants to have nothing to do with him.
	And that just seems odd to me.
	But anyway, okay. So she messaged you and what did she say?
	She just basically messaged me and was like, just, I'm so sorry.
	Just again, like, I am so sorry.
	And I, again, told her some very choice words and Okay, but why?
	So, listen, I understand.
	Look, you've wrapped, you've gone through the emotional ring, right?
	I mean, you've been told you were dead, one night stand, met with the parents, you know, planning your whole life.
	She drops out of school. I mean, your whole life has just been turned completely upside down.
	But you asked her not to contact you, right?
	Yeah. And she's not listening to that, right?
	No. Okay. These are little details, right?
	These are just little details that are important around boundaries.
	You said, listen, I don't want to talk to you, right?
	Do not contact me.
	And then was it that same day she contacted you?
	A little bit later that night, yeah.
	Okay, same day. So not even 24 hours.
	Maybe not even 12 hours, right?
	Yeah, it was that night, right? Because you said you were home from work, right?
	So within six, seven hours after you say, do not contact me, she contacts you.
	Yeah. Okay. Why did you not block her?
	I don't know. Because you wanted her to contact you.
	And when she did contact you, you enjoyed the engagement.
	I'm not saying enjoyed like it was fun, but you engaged.
	I absolutely engaged and it was very relieving almost.
	I had been in shock for almost that entire day after she had told me that point.
	And then up until that night, she contacted me.
	Like you said, not even 24 hours later, she contacted me.
	And I absolutely enjoyed that engagement because while I was not even reaming her, just kind of venting to her and being like, look, you really screwed me up.
	Again, you know, telling the same thing I told her in person.
	Yeah. And she just kept saying she was sorry.
	Okay. Hang on.
	But you have something like a certain pride going on here, right?
	In other words, when you're unquestionably in the right with someone, that gives you a lot of power.
	Yeah. It gives you a lot of power when you are unquestionably in the right with someone.
	Yeah. It's sort of like when a wife finds out about her husband's affair or whatever, she's like, man, she's got him, right?
	And so you kind of took that power, right?
	You're absolutely correct.
	And this was like, listen, there's a satisfaction in self-righteousness.
	There really is. I mean, it's deeply and dangerously enjoyable.
	There's a reason why, you know, there are all of these arguments about avoiding pride and avoiding caste, like, judge not yet lest ye be judged.
	When we have the power of being right and the other person being wrong and groveling and apologizing, oh man, that's pretty heady stuff.
	Yeah, but I got over that pretty quick, the whole feeling good about her groveling, though.
	Well, no, I don't mean feeling good.
	That's more sadism. It's not a feeling good.
	It just gives you the endorphins that you have now power over someone.
	You're in the right, they're in the wrong.
	It's not a debate, 100%, right?
	But at the same exact time, I felt totally powerless because this woman that I had bonded with over the last month, regardless of her qualities of character, is now having a kid that's not mine, and I have to Understand that that's happening regardless of what I think.
	And I had relatively not been in, you know, a driver's seat kind of position when it comes to the kid.
	No, no, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
	So technically, you are only in a helpless position if you wish to continue this non-relationship.
	It's not a relationship, right?
	Yeah. I mean, you had sex, you hung out, and she told you she was pregnant with your child.
	Yeah. Right? That's not a relationship.
	That's not boyfriend, girlfriend.
	That's like, I don't know, being hit on the head with a soap opera, a box of soap opera tapes or something like that, right?
	I mean, it's not a relationship. So you're not helpless if you say, wow, I'm like, I'm sorry about all of this.
	Good luck. And off you go.
	Yeah. So you're only helpless if you're trying to affect a situation that And stay in that situation.
	Do you see what I mean? Yeah.
	I'm helpless to swim in a pool that has no water, but I can always get out of the pool and I'm not helpless anymore, right?
	Yeah. I mean, though, you called it a non-relationship, though.
	Could you clarify that just a little bit?
	Well, there was no truth in any of it.
	She didn't tell you that she bangs guys on Tinder unprotected at a moment's notice?
	Right? You didn't know her history in any valid way.
	I mean, did you ask her, if a woman meets you on Tinder, she's met other guys on Tinder, right?
	Yeah. I mean, how many people are Tinder virgins, right?
	Yeah. Not many, right?
	So you were avoiding stuff.
	You were distracted by lust.
	You were distracted by whatever, right?
	Like you had the hearts for her at some point in the past and she's available and she's athletic and she's half Japanese, got this beautiful eye, whatever it is, right?
	So, I mean, it's not a relationship.
	You wanted to have sex with her.
	You had sex with her and then she kind of lied to you Pretty hard.
	Well, she lied to you at the beginning, right?
	Because if she'd said to you, listen, I just had unprotected sex a couple of weeks ago with the guy, right?
	What would you have said? I probably would have been like, yeah, yeah, no.
	Well, no for sure, like not having unprotected sex, right?
	Yeah. Because who knows what kind of crotch rot she's going to catapult in your general direction, right?
	Exactly. Pretty much I would have been just immediately, no.
	So there's nothing real about any of this?
	Well, I understand why she would conceal.
	I mean, it's not the first date, not exactly first date etiquette to immediately be like, hey, by the way, you know, I screwed someone a whole month ago.
	Well, it should be. If you are a decent, well, of course, if you're a decent, responsible person, you aren't Tinder-banging guys on a moment's notice.
	But, and I can say this because she's not the mother of your child, right?
	But if you're a decent human being, then you inform casual sexual encounters of your sexual history.
	So that they can make the choice if they want to swan dive into your petri dish, right?
	Yeah, but you also have to remember though, is casual sexual encounters morally of itself already?
	Oh no, I get all of that.
	But you're not on much of a high horse to talk about that, right?
	No, I'm not. You engaged in it, right?
	But when it comes to just being responsible with other people's bodies...
	Right? Yeah.
	You don't hand people guns that are loaded and say they're not loaded.
	And there's lying by commission, there's lying by omission, right?
	So she withheld from you essential information that you never would have gotten into this situation if you'd known she tinder banged a guy a couple of weeks before she met you.
	Unprotected sex with a stranger she loathes.
	Come on. I don't care how pretty she is.
	I mean, unless you're completely degenerate, which you're not, then that would have been a deal breaker for you, right?
	Yeah, at the time, you know, she would have told me.
	But again, I don't really expect anyone to disclose their sexual history on the first date.
	I understand that. No, no, no.
	Nobody's talking about the first fucking date, man.
	Come on. No, the first sex.
	The first time you have sex, you're having sex with all of her prior partners.
	Well, I'm sorry, I didn't take the time to pause her.
	No, it's her job to tell you, right?
	Because it's her job to say to you, listen, because listen, if she had sex with a Tinder guy, then he's probably really good looking.
	Now, if he's really good looking, then he's probably had sex with a whole lot of other girls, right?
	Yeah. So all those other girls, if one of them has some kind of crotch rot, odds are it's going to him, it's going to her, it's going to you.
	And this shit can be really dangerous now, right?
	I mean, some of this stuff, some of the gonorrhea, like some of this shit is like, it's like antibiotic resistant.
	Something like herpes, I mean, that's like getting luggage stapled to your arms.
	Like you never put that shit down, right?
	Yeah. Not to mention things like AIDS and other things.
	There are diseases that can make you infertile.
	I mean, holy crap!
	You don't just wander into a place and blindly shoot guns around, right?
	And if she's tinderbanging a guy, and this is for everyone out there, be honest.
	You have to.
	You have to.
	It can be a matter of life or death.
	STDs are rampant in your generation at the moment.
	Like, crazy rampant.
	Half of black women have herpes.
	50%! I didn't know it was that high.
	I've got a whole...
	The truth about STDs presentation, I don't mean to pick on black women, it's just one statistic that pops to mind, because I was discussing it recently, but...
	So STDs are really rampant in your generation because it's the porn generation, it's the Tinder generation, it's the whatever, right?
	And you, I mean, this is just for you, this is like annoying dad talk for everyone, but man, you guys got to be seriously smart about this stuff.
	Yeah. Like, you know, double bag it, put on a coronavirus Wuhan style hazmat suit, I don't care what the hell you got to do.
	But you got to get to know people.
	Before you have sex with them.
	People are carrying some seriously dangerous shit these days.
	I mean, they always were.
	But... Even some of the older stuff, it's back!
	Yeah. No, no, I definitely agree with that again, you know.
	It absolutely goes against everything that I would have advised in the past.
	Casual sex just is not cool, but...
	It happened. No, no, I get that.
	I get that. But what I'm pointing out, let me ask you this.
	I mean, I guess straight up, right?
	Yeah. Let's see here.
	STDs, sexually transmitted diseases, take a particularly heavy toll on young people.
	CDC estimates that youth ages 15 to 24 make up just over one quarter of the sexually active population but account for half of the 20 million new sexually transmitted infections that occur in the United States each year.
	20 million.
	Right? 20 million.
	20 million new infections.
	In 2018, there were over a million reported cases of chlamydia infection.
	15 to 24 years, 61.8% of all reported chlamydia cases.
	That is not good.
	They're up from 27 to 2018.
	Chlamydia is up.
	Gonorrhea. It's decreased 1.3% 15 to 19 years, increased 1.2% for women, for a person's age 20 to 24 years.
	It's, yeah, I mean, you can look all of this stuff up, but you really need to.
	I mean, good. This is why I said old stuff is new again, is that, you know what's back?
	syphilis.
	Now syphilis is monstrous.
	During 2017 to 2018, the rate of reported P&S syphilis cases increased almost 15% among people 15 to 19 and 10.3% 20 to 24.
	15 to 19-year-old females in 2018, the rate of reported PNS syphilis cases among females increased 34.4% from 2017.
	Now, obviously, it's low, but, I mean, that's a big increase.
	And HPV, herpes simplex virus, you know, it's bad.
	It's bad.
	And I'm just trying to scare the pants on you, man.
	I mean, there's a reason why God put these rules in place, right?
	I'm well aware of that.
	Like, well aware of that.
	I mean... So this is a hot, half Japanese woman who's very athletic.
	I assume she's got a great body and all of that.
	And you met her on Tinder and she's having sex with you on the second date.
	Unprotected. Yeah.
	Dude. That's, I mean, that's Russian roulette, man.
	You were lucky that this was a close, like this was a blank compared to what could have happened.
	No, you're absolutely right about that.
	Again, I can't say much.
	In terms of that, because, you know, it happened.
	I'm well aware the risk is already involved in that, you know.
	And I don't mean to nag you about this, but what I am trying to point out is that she has an obligation to tell you, as a good human being, as a decent human being, she has an obligation to tell you if she's recently had unprotected sex with another man before she has sex with you.
	I mean, yeah, it's not romantic, but that's why sex is supposed to be in the confines of a pair-bonded, permanent relationship.
	So you don't have to do this kind of stuff, right?
	But she withheld information from you.
	And then so she withheld true information from you, which was a recent sexual activity that put her at a high-risk category.
	A high-risk category.
	And if you think that you're only the second guy she tinderbanged, you're probably entirely incorrect.
	It's not a habit you just pick up.
	Oh, only twice.
	Come on. Come on.
	Who knows? May not even be her first pregnancy.
	Well, I feel like I would have known that from her friends at that point.
	Or her parents, maybe. Yeah, yeah.
	No, I get it. But here's the thing, too.
	So, listen, as far as being able to identify dangerous, I'll just give you a brief thing about this and we'll get back to this.
	So, here's the brief thing. A woman of quality does not need to throw her vagina at you.
	Yeah. Right?
	Like a guy who's a great friend doesn't need to pay for all of your outings in order for you to be his friend.
	So, the very fact that the woman is willing to sleep with you unprotected or not, especially unprotected, the fact that she's willing to sleep with you on the second date means she has her self-esteem is in the toilet.
	That she doesn't feel that she has much to offer except sexual access.
	It is an act of desperate, clingy entrapment for a woman to offer up sex early on in the relationship.
	It's catastrophic and should never, ever be pursued.
	And if you pursue it, this is the kind of stuff that can happen, and worse.
	It is a marker of a deeply disturbed personality for a woman to subject herself to unprotected sex without demanding your sexual history.
	She doesn't know you that well.
	You could have been some psycho who's got a shiny exterior and comes across well, right?
	She puts herself in a vulnerable position.
	Where you're on top of her, much bigger than her, pounding away at her.
	She doesn't know what you might have in terms of STDs.
	She's not telling you this is a profoundly disturbed situation.
	And she's a profoundly disturbed woman for doing this.
	Now, you got your issues, which is why you're in there too.
	But let's be frank. Women control access to sexuality.
	And men have a very tough time saying no to it.
	That's kind of how we're wired.
	It's kind of how we're programmed, right?
	I call it being dicknapped, right?
	You get kidnapped by your penis.
	So, as far as warning signs go, she's got them all.
	She's lying. She's manipulating.
	She's throwing the V-bomb at you very early on in the relationship.
	Why? Why does she want to have you bond with her through sexuality?
	Because otherwise you might see who she really is.
	And she doesn't like it.
	And I bet you won't either. And it turns out you don't.
	Right? No, I did for a while.
	No, I get it. But that wasn't real.
	You know, that's like, hey, I got a terrible toothache.
	I'll just take cocaine. I feel fine.
	I guess I'm better.
	Nope. So you had an unhappiness in your life that she took away from you.
	And then she piled more back on.
	Which is kind of what happens if you take cocaine for a toothache.
	You feel better for a while, but your tooth just gets worse and worse and goes into your gums.
	It goes into the bone of your jaw.
	It goes into your heart.
	Who knows, right? So we'll get to the unhappiness that she temporarily cured you of with the cocaine of her vagina.
	Yeah. But, tell me what happened after you found out.
	She texted you. Did you call her or text her with you being upset?
	Oh, she texted me.
	She just texted me and just basically said, straight up one thing, I'm sorry.
	Okay, so then what?
	Why would you respond to that?
	Again, because it was one of the things, like you said, it was...
	Powerful kind of situation you know obviously I held all the cards I was extremely upset I didn't exactly know where to vent that frustration so I immediately just started back at it again and I basically didn't talk to her too much obviously after that and then She had – her mom actually got a hold of me because they had baked me, my coworkers, for a little pot like we did brownies.
	So I needed to return their pan to them and her mom reached out to me.
	So I was like, well, shoot, no, I can't feel like I have.
	Wait, I'm sorry, dude.
	You're killing me here. I know.
	No, no, hang on. I got to – you got to let my old brain catch up to this situation, all right?
	So her mom knew that her daughter had lied to you about being the father of her child.
	But she was really interested in getting her fucking pan back.
	I don't know. She's Japanese.
	Maybe she doesn't understand...
	No, don't insult Japanese people that way.
	Come on. It's not a Japanese thing.
	That's a psycho thing.
	Hey, my daughter had sex with you.
	Unprotected sex. Which she had been doing with other men, I doubt not.
	She lied to you about your paternity.
	Smashed up your... Life broke your heart, but hey, you know, pants are like five fucking bucks.
	You gotta get me that pant back.
	She also had my sweatshirt, and I did want that thing back.
	What? That was my initial process.
	Did your sweatshirt have Bitcoin sewn into its collar?
	What the? Your sweatshirt?
	No, it was from the Track and Field Nationals meet that I couldn't get another one, so I really wanted that thing back.
	Okay, so you wait six months, or you send her a note saying, hold on to that thing, I'll pick it up in six months, or mail it to me.
	Yeah. But no, you're lured into a face-to-face, right?
	Pretty much. And then she's all teary and crying and sad and vulnerable, and your big old male heart just says, oh, there's a damsel in distress, I better take care of that or I ain't a real man.
	Um, so I went over there, just pissed off the entire time, basically driving there, and I had an idea in my head of what I was going to do.
	I was going to literally ring on the doorbell, like, set the pan down on the ground, and like, I don't know, go out to my car.
	Take the sweatshirt and go. Basically, just get out of there.
	No big deal. And her mom opens up the door for a second, and, I don't know, she's not there immediately.
	Um, It's cold outside.
	It's raining. It's like literally, it's pissing rain where I live like most of the year, and it's just terrible weather.
	So she obviously invites me inside really quick, and she comes out with the sweatshirt.
	Who's the she? The girl.
	Okay, not the mom. Okay, got it.
	Yeah, not the mom. She comes out with the sweatshirt, hands me the sweatshirt.
	I hand her the pan, and she...
	She just takes it, goes to the kitchen, and I don't know.
	I just couldn't bring myself to leave, though.
	Why? And walks away.
	Wait, wait, wait. Why couldn't you bring yourself to leave?
	I don't know. Sure you did.
	One of the biggest fucking decisions of your life.
	Of course you had some idea.
	Well, I fucking know that now.
	No, no. So what's now?
	Okay, but... Was it because she was saying, like, you got to know your vulnerability to this stuff, right?
	This is a woman who lied to you, who put your heart at risk, who put your health at risk.
	Now, to be fair, you put her health at risk too, but we're talking to you, not her, right?
	Yeah. She's walking away into the kitchen.
	Is she like... Is it like the sad and lonely woman who's destroyed her life and I can fix it and make her better?
	Like, what is this?
	What is going on in your mind in that moment?
	And please, I'm not being critical.
	I'm just... I'm genuinely curious.
	No, I... In my mind at that moment, I just...
	I felt froze.
	I just felt kind of numb.
	I didn't really feel much.
	I didn't feel mad anymore.
	And that was, I think, the biggest thing that was striking to me at the time.
	I didn't feel pissed off.
	I didn't want to throw something at her like I thought I was going to or whatever.
	Hang on, but why?
	I'm not saying you should have thrown anything at her, of course, right?
	But why did you lose your anger?
	It's not rational to lose your anger in that situation, right?
	I don't know. I really wish I could tell you, Stefan, but, you know, maybe it's just because maybe I was just lovestruck or something like that, that I really want to be mad at her and my paleo instincts kick in and I'm like...
	Cheap, sad girl, no longer mad kind of thing.
	Listen, dude, there is no masculine instinct that's kicking in here.
	None. The idea that you would become a literal cuck and raise the child of a man she despises to the point where she isn't even going to tell him that he's a father.
	Do you know how fucked up that is?
	She's not even going to tell this guy she had sex with that he's a father.
	She believes she has the right to hold that information back from him.
	So you will literally become a cuck, raising another man's child, and you think this has something to do with masculinity?
	My God, no. No, no, no.
	It's not masculinity. It's femininity.
	It's pathological altruism.
	It's sick sympathy.
	Nothing to do with masculinity.
	Masculinity is... Hey, you're an adult.
	You're responsible for your decisions.
	You lied to me. You broke my heart.
	You withheld information. You endangered my health.
	You endangered my mental health.
	You put me through weeks of torment and torture and hope and then destruction.
	And you didn't even have the guts to tell me that I wasn't the father until I confronted you on it.
	Yeah. Right? So that masculinity is...
	You make the choice.
	You choose the consequences when you make the choice.
	And so, that's masculinity.
	This... What is it?
	The white knight, the simp, the mangina.
	This is not masculinity. And listen, I've been in your situation, not this particular situation, obviously, but where sympathy is overwritten justice.
	And it's not sympathy that's honest.
	It's not sympathy...
	Okay, so if somebody has done something wrong, and they voluntarily confess it, and they tell you, and blah, blah, blah, blah, and so on, right?
	Then that's one thing. But if the criminal, so to speak, only apologizes when he's caught, it's not a real apology.
	Now, she was caught, you understand.
	She didn't volunteer this at all.
	Let's go back, just take one step back.
	So I need to clarify something.
	When I did tell her that I wanted to say something to her, I wanted to talk to her about something, she also did indicate at the time, she did say, I have something to tell you as well.
	You sold me, now I'm not trying to catch you out on this, but I have very clear memory for this.
	You told me that you were talking about The due date.
	Like, I have a couple questions about some things.
	I want to talk to you after work.
	She said, okay, cool.
	I have something to tell you as well.
	Okay, let's say that that's true.
	Hang on. Let's say that that's true.
	I'm sure it is, right?
	And let's say that that's exactly what she was going to tell you, right?
	Yeah. She still only told you when she was caught by the doctor.
	No, you're absolutely right about that.
	Now, personally, of course, I have some suspicions.
	So, I'll tell you my suspicions.
	My suspicion is that if she could have got away with passing the child off as yours, she would have tried to.
	But maybe this is why I thought it was another race, right?
	Or if it was a white guy who's very different genetically from who, like, we think of whites as some big Pillsbury Doughboy blob, lots of different, you know, all the way from Italians to Nordics.
	I mean, even Indians, Pakistanis are in the Caucasoid haplogroup.
	So, you know, I'm just sort of pointing it out that there may have been a reason why, other than the doctor, that she couldn't have...
	Couldn't have passed the child off as yours.
	But she wasn't...
	She didn't tell you anything.
	And she knew. She knew that there was a chance the child wasn't yours.
	Yeah. And she never told you that until she was caught by the doctor.
	So even if we grant everything that you're saying and we imagine that she was about to tell you all of this, she still didn't confess until court.
	Yeah. And then the only way that she avoids having to tell The other man about him actually being a father, which she has no right to withhold from him.
	You don't have the right to withhold from someone the fact that they're actually a father.
	But she already withheld her sexual history from you when she slept with you.
	So the only way that she can justify not telling the father is he's such a disgusting and repulsive and horrible human being that she wants him to have nothing to do With their child together.
	In which case, what the hell is she doing having sex with a repulsive and disgusting human being?
	Unprotected sex, I add.
	This is a woman unfortunately trapped in a cycle of self-destruction that is probably going to take down everyone she comes in contact with.
	I wish it were different.
	I wish you weren't involved.
	I wish you'd called me and said, hey, I'm thinking of going out with a woman who's really hot on Tinder.
	I'm like, I really think you should not do that.
	Everyone calls me later, right?
	Everyone calls me later. But this is a very disturbed woman.
	It's a very unhealthy woman.
	And there's a woman with very low self-esteem, a woman who lies and manipulates, and so then she is able to wave her hand, snap her fingers, and get rid of your anger.
	How? Because your anger is just.
	And again, anger is healthy.
	I mean, you don't want to be abusing people, but anger is healthy.
	But she's able to make your anger go away and have you serve her needs.
	That's not good, man.
	That's not good. People are going to earn forgiveness.
	And what did she do to earn your forgiveness?
	Was she just sad? Was she crying?
	Was she walking slowly? Was her head hanging?
	What? I honestly think that I just saw her in a way I had basically never seen her before.
	And I don't know. I just wanted to know why.
	I just wanted to sit down and talk with her.
	In some capacity, as dumb as that sounds.
	And it is absolutely stupid. No, no, it's not.
	Okay, sit down.
	No, but your anger went away.
	That's the issue. And I think that, as well, like I said, I've been extremely open with her already, and I really wanted to, I don't know, talk about this rationally if that makes sense with her.
	Talk about what? What is there to talk about?
	No, seriously, enlighten me.
	I get that you're emotionally invested and it's kind of tough to pull that band-aid off, but with looking at it objectively with a little bit of span of time, what is there to talk about?
	It's not your child.
	She lied to you about that.
	She lied to you about her sexual history.
	She only confessed when caught.
	You're off the hook. She's very unhealthy, in my humble opinion.
	And I get, I'm not saying that your emotions immediately vanish, but what is there to talk about?
	That's what I want to understand.
	To understand exactly how someone like that could do something that seems so genuine to me, and then all of a sudden do something like that and show little remorse regarding that.
	that not little remorse obviously she's upset she got caught but little remorse during that entire time and willfully knowing um basically have me be the father and just i basically wanted to pick her brain if that makes sense okay so what you're saying is a woman who has an incredible power to lie to you and mislead you and gaslight and fog you you want to sit down with her and have you tell have her tell you the truth Yeah. Come on.
	That's like asking Bernie Madoff to be your accountant.
	No, seriously. Yeah.
	You are incredibly susceptible to this woman's lies.
	She has a history of lying continually and essentially throughout the entire course of your relationship.
	And you want to sit down with this woman who's a pathological liar, in my opinion, and get the truth out of her?
	What are you, crazy? I guess I'm...
	Just can't take a loss.
	Well, you're going to take a lot bigger loss if you don't change your course.
	Okay, so let's get back to your mom.
	Yeah. All right.
	Because you not having your own particular needs and serving the needs of women, that doesn't come out of nowhere, right?
	Yeah. So, tell me about your mother.
	Yeah. Mein Mutter?
	Well, um...
	She's a very, uh...
	How do I put this? Confident woman, if that makes sense.
	Sorry, did you say competent or competent?
	Confident or competent? Confident woman.
	Women. Woman.
	Confident. Very confident in...
	Almost to a fault.
	She's very, very full of herself in that sense.
	And, uh... I wouldn't say she lacked any love growing up, if that makes sense.
	I didn't really have to work for her love in any kind of capacity.
	I never felt like I was missing anything with her.
	I felt like she was a decent mother growing up for the most part.
	She had some health complications when I was in middle school that basically forced her to be bedridden for my entirety of my high school.
	Gosh, what happened? She had some pretty bad concussions.
	How did that come about?
	They happened a couple months apart, and that's what made them so devastating.
	The first one happened, she was at a soccer practice, because I played soccer at the time, and she was one of my coaches.
	And she took a ball right to the head really, really hard, and that put her down for a little bit.
	And then the second one happened when she was at a wedding reception for my cousin, And she had leaned up against a stall door in one of the bathrooms, and the stall door gave out, and she fell backwards on the floor and hit her head on a concrete floor.
	Wow. That's pretty good for years, and she's still not over it.
	That caused a lot of financial ruin in my family, actually.
	Wow. My father's kind of footing the bill.
	Wow. Okay.
	That kind of tells a little bit about her...
	She wasn't super present after that, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, yeah. In terms of making lunches or doing without other mom stuff, they may do.
	Well, you had to step up and take over a lot of the household, so to speak, right?
	Pretty much. She was still the same person in terms of cockiness a little bit and very, I don't know how to say this, kind of almost like a Karen.
	If that makes sense, you know the stereotype of a Karen.
	I don't know. Can you tell me?
	Yeah, it's just kind of like a boomer woman who is very, very, again, full of themselves.
	Maybe they go to a restaurant, one small thing, and they will demand to see the manager.
	Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay, I get it.
	I thought it was more of a Becky, but okay, yeah.
	I see the manager.
	Okay, I got it. I got it. So they demand to see the manager, and my mom's kind of like that.
	She always has been kind of like that.
	But... Extremely loving towards me, so I I don't know if that answers any questions to how she is How were you disciplined as a child?
	Spanked on a handful of times and I figured you're going to ask that at some point only a handful of times and usually I Remember those times exactly they were never bad and I know my parents definitely champions talking our problems through Over spanking me.
	They never belittled me.
	They never did anything like that.
	Right. Okay.
	With regards to the danger of female manipulation, female control, and all that kind of stuff?
	Yeah. What did your mother tell you about that?
	Not a damn thing.
	Okay, I think this is, certainly it's important for me to sort of figure that out, right?
	Because, look, women know that women can be enormously manipulative and destructive and dangerous and you name it, right?
	Yeah, absolutely. Okay, so that I guess is sort of my question.
	Did she have anything to do with trying to inform you of the dangers of female manipulation?
	Look, there are dangers that, like, I'm going to have to teach my daughter about the dangers that men can bring to the table because I want to keep her safe in the world.
	And that's sort of my question, is that were you prepared for female evil?
	That's one of the foundational things that needs to happen with sons, is to prepare them for the potential of female evil.
	You know, it's kind of in the Bible, if you remember.
	right we've lost the whole story of the garden of eden right we've lost the whole story of woman of eve and the snake and the temptation tree of knowledge of good and evil and the temptation that the power that what's the story the story is the power that women have to sway men's minds and hearts and and i went into this in a speech i gave in orlando last october november
	and um what men really want to say to women we are relatively helpless when it camps to wanting to please women because those who didn't please women didn't pass along their genes.
	And like, I've been through all this before, right?
	So you know all this kind of stuff. So when it comes to keeping you safe from this kind of stuff, that there are very dangerous women out there.
	And there are dangerous men too. We're just talking about women here, right?
	There are very dangerous women out there who will, you know, shred your heart, who will manipulate you into hell and gone, who will...
	I mean, destroy your life.
	I mean, there was a story.
	I've not verified it, of course.
	It was a story that I saw about a guy saying that his friend was shacked up with this woman and they got into a fight and she claimed he beat her, hit her, whatever.
	He goes to jail.
	In jail, he gets raped.
	Yeah. He ends up with AIDS. He gets out of jail.
	He's got AIDS. And...
	He's got a criminal record.
	And that's, man, his life is done.
	That's it, man. That's some seriously dangerous shit that's out there.
	You know, there are lots of wonderful women out there, and there are a number of absolutely terrible harpies who will do this kind of shit to you.
	Yeah. And I thought that I was screened properly with this girl, and I can explain that a little bit, my thought process behind screening her.
	Screening her? Yeah.
	No, no, no. You slept with her on the second date.
	Don't talk to me about your screening methods.
	Come on. I mean, it's like saying, well, I've got a screening method for coronavirus called licking the doorknobs of cruise ships.
	Well, when I say that, I mean that I saw no visible, maybe red flags, other than maybe her being on Tinder.
	And the only reason I say that is because I've...
	I went through a period there where I absolutely despised women because I always cheated on after four years of dating somebody.
	And that's what I mean when I said to the girl.
	Oh, you were talking about how you've been harmed by women in the past.
	So tell me about the cheater.
	Dated her for four years through high school and my sophomore year of college.
	I basically... I found out she had cheated on me, and I confronted her about it, and she gaslit me, told me, you know, oh, you're crazy.
	Obviously, that can't possibly be true.
	I obviously had seen the text with my own eyes, so I knew that was obviously a lie.
	And I confronted her about it, and she blocked me on everything, told everyone I was harassing her.
	I wasn't even in my own hometown to defend myself, so I was getting messages from her friends, from people that were mutual friends, telling me how bad How bad of a person I was.
	I couldn't even go on my own school campus for a little bit.
	My own high school campus I couldn't go on because they thought I was some kind of like crazy stalker guy because I got a call from the sheriff's department telling me that and it was just like absolutely destroyed me.
	Again, I can't use that word.
	I'm so sorry. It absolutely just ruined...
	No, it was a hellish experience, right?
	Yeah, it was terrible.
	It was awful and nobody...
	From my own hometown that I trusted basically believed me because I couldn't defend myself.
	You know, there were obviously a handful of my parents.
	Okay, okay. So hang on, hang on.
	So hang on, hang on. Okay, so your parents, and how old were you when you started dating her?
	Like 15, 16? No, I'd say 15.
	Yeah, probably about that. 15, okay.
	So it was after high school if you were 19 of four years?
	That I dated this girl that cheated on me?
	Yeah. Yeah, so I'm, uh, you want to know, like, wait, the date?
	No, I just, I'm just, if you went out for four years, you said it was, you couldn't go to your campus.
	You mean your high school campus? Yeah, my high school campus.
	Okay, so if you dated her for four years, and you graduated 18, you must have started dating her when you were 14 or so, right?
	I don't quite remember. I think I was actually 20 at the time that this whole thing happened.
	I was 19 when I graduated high school.
	Okay, so which campus are you talking about that you couldn't go on?
	I couldn't go on. I don't know.
	I grew up in a really, really small town, so the kind of word just got around that I was just this creeper guy trying to screw with people.
	All right, so... Really, really complicated stuff.
	I'm sorry. What did your parents think of this woman?
	This girl. The cheetah girl.
	They initially liked her, you know, just kind of high school love kind of thing.
	They kind of tolerated it, but they obviously over time, they kind of got a little more defensive.
	That makes sense. They weren't exactly enthralled that I was dating this woman.
	She wasn't very...
	They started to recognize some problems about...
	Particularly my father did about her being...
	If she was in a bad mood, I was in a bad mood.
	Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah.
	Okay. She made my life, in that sense, like, held captive to her.
	Okay, so without getting into too many details, what was there in her home life that gave her some kind of, gave you some kind of indication in hindsight that she was a mess?
	Her family, there's got to be something.
	There's always something. Oh yeah, no, it was her mother and father were separated.
	She was sexually abused when she was younger.
	Red flags all over the place with this girl.
	Okay. Did your parents know that your girlfriend was sexually abused when she was younger?
	No, I told them later about that.
	And when did you find out about that?
	I found out about that probably after two years of us dating.
	And what did you do as a result of that?
	Knowledge. Listen, I don't mean to victimize the victims of sexual abuse.
	I mean, it's a horrible thing to go through.
	But the idea that you, as a teenager, can somehow deal with the fallout or effects of this is, I mean, it's not going to happen, right?
	Yeah. I'm sorry, can you repeat that question one more time?
	So, when you found out...
	That this girl had been sexually abused.
	You didn't tell your parents, is that right?
	Or did you tell them? No, I kind of kept it from them.
	I didn't tell them. And why didn't you tell them?
	Because it was extremely tender for her to tell me that.
	I knew that it was very, very embarrassing for her.
	No, but that shouldn't be something that you keep from your parents, right?
	I mean, there shouldn't be some rule that people have that you can't tell something to your parents, right?
	No, you're absolutely right about that.
	I never really thought about that before.
	Okay, but did your parents know her parents?
	No, actually, well, they knew her father.
	Okay, and I assume it was not her father who sexually abused her?
	No, it was her mother's boyfriend at the time, years prior.
	Okay. So, the mother has a bad enough judgment that she lets a pedophile sexually abuse her daughter, right?
	Yep. The father, her father, has enough bad judgment that he marries a woman who lets a pedophile abuse his daughter.
	Yeah. Okay.
	Your parents knew the father, but that didn't raise enough red flags for that.
	Yeah, good point. They're older and wiser and not bedazzled by the cuteness of the girl or whatever, right?
	They allowed it to happen for obviously a while, that kind of thing, but eventually they started to notice when the girl would go on her tirades and I would be No matter what I did, you know, if it was something completely valid concern, whether her being very angered me over something very small, she would obviously...
	No, no, I get a very, very unstable girl, right?
	Extremely unstable, borderline personality disorder.
	No, no, I get all of that.
	So what the hell is your family letting this girl in your life?
	She's nuts. And listen, I say this with sympathy.
	She's a victim. I get all of that.
	But you can't heal her with your teenage wisdom.
	So your parents don't know how to identify bad people or dangerous people.
	They are babes in the woods.
	They are lambs being led to slaughter.
	They should be passing this wisdom down.
	They did talk about their disgust.
	My dad in particular told me about the disgust that maybe he had with the girl or the With the girl at the time because he recognized some bad patterns in her.
	He told me, like, you know, you shouldn't stay with her forever.
	She shouldn't treat you like that sort of stuff.
	Well, no, no. I understand all of that.
	But it's a bit more DEFCON 4 than that, right?
	Yeah. I mean, this woman could have accused you of rape.
	Yeah. No, you're absolutely right.
	I mean, she already trashed your reputation in a small town.
	That's burning it to the ground, right?
	I know how small towns operate.
	I lived in some when I was working up north.
	There's no recovering from this kind of stuff, right?
	Yeah. So, again, it's bad, but by God, it could have been a whole lot worse, right?
	Because here's the pattern. Your parents and you don't know how to identify dangerous women.
	Okay. Wait, don't say okay to me like this isn't exactly what you just told me.
	Oh, keep going if you have something more to say.
	No, no, no. The okay is you don't like this answer, right?
	So why are you unable?
	I mean, listen, Christians have no excuse to not be able to identify evil people because the temptation and the devil and evil doing and Eve is right at the heart of the theology, right?
	Yeah. There's no Disney World for Christians.
	It's Satan rules the world, right?
	And the temptations of the flesh and the temptations of sexuality and the temptations of women is something that is front and center in Christianity.
	Yeah. So why are your parents allowing you to date extremely dangerous women?
	Now, you could say, well, I was an adult, or I wouldn't listen to this or that or the other, right?
	No, no, no, no. You take a stand, right?
	You're willing to listen. Hell, you'll listen to me, right?
	Yeah. Okay. So, what the hell is going on in your family that they're letting you get chewed up by these dangerous women?
	Where the hell is their protection of you?
	I guess I'd probably put it like this, a father that works maybe too much and a mother that is bedridden, if that makes sense.
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	Listen, it doesn't take that long.
	You and I will finish this conversation probably in about like in a grand total of two hours.
	Are you saying that your parents didn't have two hours over the course of your childhood to wise you up to some of these dangers?
	Was your mother unable to speak while she was bedridden?
	Come on. No.
	You're absolutely correct about that.
	I don't think there's any excuse now.
	I really do. So, what that means is that it costs your parents something for you to be able to identify dangerous women.
	Yeah. I don't know what that is, because I don't know your parents, but it's got to be something.
	Listen, I will tell my daughter about Bad boys?
	I know. I know.
	It doesn't cost me anything for her to be able to identify bad boys.
	Dangerous men. Because I'm not one.
	Yeah. I'm not showing her a picture of a lion while looking like a lion, right?
	So there's got to be something in your family where there's a dangerous feminine element.
	Maybe it's your mom, maybe it's an aunt, maybe it's whoever, sister.
	There's got to be a dangerous female element in your family, which is why they can't tell you what dangerous women are, because then you're like, well, wait a minute.
	The danger may be coming from inside the house.
	I mean, that's my theory.
	I could be wrong, but that's the first place that I go.
	Yeah. So what's the answer?
	If the answer is I'm wrong, no problem.
	I mean, I've got to just go with what you tell me.
	But why on earth would you not want to tell your child about dangerous women, which is at the heart of your entire religious belief system, if it didn't cost you something bad?
	I'm not really sure. You're making me think a lot about my parents now, and I'm not going to lie.
	Because I tell you, this is love, right?
	This is love. Love isn't this yuppie-goopie Hallmark bullshit.
	Love is like, I care about you enough to warn you of the dangers in this planet.
	It's not love to let your children play with the fucking wolves.
	Do you think I should confirm my parents about this?
	Well, I don't know about confront.
	I mean, that's a bit aggressive.
	Maybe just be curious.
	Like, how the hell did I... I mean, how the hell did I end up, I mean, in this situation?
	You say, well, you're an adult.
	Okay, fine. Let's talk about me being an adult.
	But you let me date this woman who was a borderline personality disorder.
	This was incredibly dangerous for four years.
	Because, listen, when you were dating her at the beginning...
	You were under your parents' care.
	They are responsible for your dating life when you're a teenager.
	Yeah, no, you're absolutely right.
	I think that my parents maybe turn me loose a little bit too soon.
	They consider me adult, I guess, a little bit too soon.
	Well, that's fine if you're making good decisions.
	But if you're making bad decisions, then you've got to intervene.
	I guess in their mind, I wasn't out drinking, I wasn't out doing all these crazy things, getting in trouble, getting brought home by the cops.
	But you were doing a crazy thing.
	Yeah, dating crazy. This is incredibly dangerous, particularly borderline personality disorder, which as far as I know, it is incurable, mellows a little bit with age, but it's incredibly dangerous.
	And then, you see, this is the question you had with regards to the girl, the woman, the half-Japanese woman who told you you were the father of her child.
	Yeah. You said, I need to find out why she's able to do what she does without a conscience.
	Yeah. Right?
	I bet you that's the same question you had with your first girlfriend.
	How the hell was she able to just lie about you to everyone without a conscience?
	I mean, this was a couple years ago, and I've definitely thought about that since then, and I usually just kind of came to the same conclusion that there was...
	I knew the truth about her, I just was unwilling to divulge about it.
	I agree. But dude, listen.
	There's a reason why you need to figure this out.
	I don't need to study the predatory habits of lions because there aren't any lions in my house.
	Yeah. You need to study these predators...
	Because they keep coming back.
	Yeah. You keep inviting them in.
	Why? Why?
	Is this all your worth?
	Is this somehow God's plan for you?
	Why? Why do you keep getting involved in these situations?
	Lies about you that destroy your life.
	This is two, and two huge ones.
	Destroyed your reputation in your small hometown, and you feel, or you had the feeling that it destroyed your joy and fatherhood.
	So what the hell?
	Where does this come from?
	Why can you not see this?
	Please, I'm not accusing you of being blind at all.
	At all. I have massive sympathy for this.
	And this is not any kind of criticism.
	But there's a reason why you don't know this stuff.
	And it has to do with your family.
	There's a reason why they don't know this stuff.
	Maybe it's grandparents.
	Maybe your mom or your dad or both had destructive grandparents and they can't talk about this because then you'll be like, hey, that sounds like grandma or grandpa.
	Right? Yeah.
	Maybe they've got siblings.
	There's someone out there that doesn't want you protected because it would cost them something important.
	Do you understand? Mm-hmm.
	No, I really get that, yeah. I mean, the guy trying to pass off counterfeit bills isn't going to train the cashier on how to identify them, right?
	Yeah, yeah. I got that point now.
	Now, it sounds like you're kind of going rubber bones on me here.
	Oh, no, no. Sorry. Sorry.
	No, listen. If there's nothing that you can think of, that's perfectly fine.
	I mean, that's all I got to bring to the table.
	So if it's not that, I don't really have much to offer.
	And again, I'm not saying it should be true.
	I mean, this is your life, your history.
	I don't know, obviously. But, you know, I've been doing this for a long time.
	And this is what I have seen.
	Why could my mother not teach me about dangerous women?
	Because my mother was a dangerous woman.
	It's not that hard. I mean, emotionally it's hard.
	But intellectually it's not hard to understand, right?
	No, you're right. I guess at this time I don't really have any major answers for you.
	That's definitely something I'm going to have to sit on, if that makes sense.
	Yeah, that's where it is though.
	And this is why you have to sit...
	The reason why you sat down...
	In the traditional context, the reason why you sat down with the half-Japanese woman who lied to you about her carrying your baby, the reason why you wanted to sit down and figure her out was because you figured that by figuring her out, you could prevent this from happening again.
	But the problem is by re-engaging to try and find out why someone who doesn't have a conscience doesn't have a conscience, you're just re-engaging and putting yourself back in danger.
	Yeah. There's someone else that you've got to figure out why they don't have a conscience.
	And once you figure that out, then you won't be in danger.
	I like that.
	I really do. Well, that's true.
	All right. Will you keep me posted?
	Absolutely, Stephan. You do not have a responsibility for this child.
	You, in my humble opinion, should not take a responsibility for this child.
	That will destroy you.
	Like, you want to talk destruction?
	That will destroy you. Because this is a dangerous woman.
	I really appreciate it. It's not your child.
	And you can learn from this and say, holy shit, that was a close bullet.
	It went right past my ear.
	I got some ringing. Hit the wall behind me.
	I better learn from this because you know what happens in life.
	Lessons just get tougher until you learn them.
	And you had a pretty tough lesson with that first girlfriend.
	You had a really tough lesson with this girlfriend.
	And man, the next one might be too much for you.
	Yeah. I absolutely got to take this as a learning experience, if that makes sense.
	And obviously I dodged a huge bullet.
	I'm very well aware of that.
	And I'm going to still deal with the pain of...
	Knowing what I know now and getting through that because you just don't bond with someone like that.
	Just have them exit your life immediately without leaving any kind of scar.
	Definitely going to reflect a little bit on my own family life to figure that out.
	All right. I know that there's something that either you're not telling me or you don't know.
	I just want to be honest.
	Again, I've been doing this for 15 years.
	It doesn't mean I'm always right, but it means I'm probably right.
	So there's something that you don't know about or there's something that you know about that you're not telling me.
	And all I'm asking is that if that does turn out to be the case, that you will drop me a line.
	I won't update anyone here if you don't want me to, but if you drop me a line and just let me know.
	Who... Who's dangerous in your environment that doesn't want you to find out about dangerous women?
	If you just do me a favor, that's all I ask for this significant time investment is just if I'm right about that, and I think I am, I'm pretty sure I am, I know I am, then you'll just let me know because I know that there's something here that we're not getting to, but I know we can't get there right now.
	Absolutely. I mean, I definitely could divulge a little about my mother.
	I had a couple pretty solid thoughts if you have a few moments.
	All right. She will defend most other women to the bone.
	Like I talked about some basic divorce statistics and maybe, you know, women getting all, almost always getting alimony and child support and other crap like that.
	And she will defend women to the bone when it comes to that kind of stuff.
	Okay, so massive female in-group preference, right?
	Yeah, massive in-group female preference.
	Does she know that that has endangered you?
	Because she's never taught you to be critical of women.
	Now, why would she not teach you to be critical of women?
	Maybe it hurts her own...
	Maybe it caused her to reflect on herself?
	Poor decisions? No! No, my God!
	It would cause you to reflect on her!
	Oh, yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.
	And why has your father not talked to you about dangerous women?
	He's probably pussy whipped by my mom.
	laughs Well, I don't know. Is he?
	He'll put up with more shit than he probably should.
	If that makes any sense, I'm sorry.
	Well, what if he sat down with you and talked to you about dangerous women with your mother in the room?
	What would happen? Thinking about that situation right now, I doubt that would go out well.
	What would your mom say? Okay, let's role play this, right?
	I want to meet your mom. Okay, so you play your mom.
	I'll play your dad talking to you, right?
	Say, listen, son, I've been a bit remiss in telling you and teaching you about the dangers of women, right?
	We all know that there are dangerous guys out there, but you're not dating guys, at least not that I know of.
	So we got to talk to you about dangerous women.
	There are women out there who are really manipulative.
	There are women out there who will just as soon...
	Blink as destroy your life if you cross them.
	And unfortunately, probably due to us not teaching you enough about these women, you've now been virtually taken down by two of them.
	Now, once your child gets mauled twice...
	By a lion, it's time to teach your kid about the danger of lions.
	Now, again, mostly our fault, your mom and I's fault, but we've got to really teach you about these warning signs because, man, there are some wickedly dangerous, deadly, life-destroying women out there, and unfortunately, they keep wandering into your bed, and we've got to sort this shit out.
	Yeah. And your mom would say?
	She would probably say, probably in a snarky way, she'd probably immediately be like, there's men like that too.
	They'll destroy your life.
	Yeah, but honey, he doesn't date men.
	And he's got two women who've come close to destroying his life.
	That's two for two in terms of serious relationships.
	I mean, let me ask you this.
	Do you think it was right for his first girlfriend to destroy his reputation and call him a stalker and call the police when she was the one who was cheating?
	Well, he already doesn't like women.
	Who doesn't like women? I wouldn't like women in this situation.
	Wait, is she talking about you?
	Yeah, she probably would have talked about me, been like, well, he already doesn't like women, he's already prejudiced against them, he's already sexist or something.
	Wait, hang on.
	So hang on, hang on.
	You saying that our son is sexist, even though he's been victimized by two women now.
	She probably would have just walked away at that point.
	Okay, I gotta tell you, man, that's it.
	Holy shit. That's it right there.
	It's exactly what I was talking about.
	Yeah. What the hell is wrong with her?
	You're being victimized by women here.
	Yeah, you're making bad decisions.
	I get all of that, but one of the reasons you're making bad decisions is because you have no parental support for making good decisions.
	In fact, you experience parental or maternal hostility for even considering how to make better decisions, right?
	Fuck, I'm thinking about a lot of things now, Stefan.
	Alright, spill, brother. She was never spanked by her own father, and I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but all of her brothers got basically beat.
	Her father refused to spank her.
	She's basically been handed everything in her entire life because she was daddy's little princess, if that makes sense.
	And she refuses to admit when she's wrong.
	She will always... Always revert back to a safe space for her in a defensive kind of situation.
	What do you mean a safe space for her?
	She'll always go back to a position no matter what.
	You can present the best facts in the world.
	You can have the best experts tell her it doesn't matter, like, statistics about women and lying or whatever.
	And she would always revert back to, she would dismiss it as sexist or misogynist or what the hell ever, and then go back to her little protected space in her little echo chamber world.
	Got it. Okay, so here's what you need to understand, right?
	In the roleplay, women broke your heart and your mother blamed you and insulted you.
	Calling you sexist, which I assume in her world is one of the worst things that you can say, right?
	Yeah. I mean, she didn't necessarily blame me when those things happened.
	No, no, no. In the roleplay, I said.
	Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
	In the roleplay. In the roleplay, your mother said, you don't like women, you're sexist.
	Yeah. That is...
	I gotta dislodge any semblance of normalcy from this.
	That is so fucked up, I don't even have...
	I've got a lot of words in me, man.
	I don't have the words for how fucked up that is.
	That you are victimized by women, Devin, and your mother calls you sexist.
	It's worse than not defending you.
	She's joining the fucking lions, right?
	That's why you can't see female evil.
	Yeah.
	Right there.
	You really are an eye-opener, Stephan.
	You gotta listen back to that little roleplay there a couple of times, man.
	That is unbelievably brutal.
	Yeah. And then, if someone disagrees with her, she just walks out.
	Abandons the conversation.
	Yeah, holy shit.
	Well, of course. I mean, of course you're manipulated by women.
	Because you were manipulated by the first woman.
	Of course you're used by women.
	You're used by your first woman.
	Of course you don't have any protection against female immorality.
	Because... Your father does nothing to protect you.
	No one can point out the elephant in the park because there's an elephant in the room.
	Nobody can point out the lion in the park because there's a lion in the house.
	What is your mom going to say?
	Oh, you've got to be careful about women who blame you for their own shortcomings.
	Really? Really, mom?
	Yeah. You've got to be careful about women who gaslight.
	You've got to be careful about women who can't see your point of view.
	You've got to be careful about women who don't respond to reason and reality.
	You've got to be careful about women who abandon and reject you when you speak your mind to them.
	You've got to be careful about women who blame you for standing up for yourself and threaten you with withdrawal.
	If you're honest. What, is your mom going to teach you about women like that?
	Well, I guess she is, just not the way she wants, right?
	Yeah, exactly. All right.
	All right. Well, that's it.
	I really appreciate you giving me the opportunity to call you, Stefan.
	Go watch Marlon Brando on the waterfront, the very famous scene in a taxi, where he plays a boxer whose brother...
	Sold him out. Sold him to the mob and told him to take a dive and killed his career just to make a couple of bucks.
	And he says to his very, very famous scene, it's not so famous anymore, but it's a very famous scene, a very powerful scene, where Marlon Brando, on the waterfront, he says, you should have looked out for me a little bit.
	You were my brother. You were supposed to take care of me.
	You should have been there for me.
	You should have protected me. Not sold me out and turned me into what I am now.
	They should have looked out for you, man.
	They should have protected you.
	They shouldn't have had you wander around the twisted sexual landscape of modernity trying to find good women with bad imprinting.
	They did not keep you safe and put you, in fact, into danger.
	And you're...
	On what grounds is your father going to say you've got to break up with this woman?
	Without... Your mom taking it personally, right?
	I mean, I don't laugh. You understand, right?
	Yeah. No, you're absolutely correct.
	Good. Well, I'm glad reality has reestablished itself.
	All right. I've got to take a break.
	Listen, thank you for a great call.
	I really appreciate your patience and working with me on this.
	And keep me posted about how it's going, right?
	And please, please, I don't tell people what to do.
	I really don't. Because it's not my job and it's not my place and it doesn't help you at all.
	But for God's sakes, do not take on this burden.
	Do not take on this burden.
	That will destroy your life.
	Alright. Alright. Keep me posted, man.
	Thank you. I will.
	Thanks, Stefan. Well, thank you so much for enjoying this latest Free Domain show on philosophy.
	And I'm going to be frank and ask you for your help, your support, your encouragement, and your resources.
	Please like, subscribe, and share, and all of that good stuff to get philosophy out into the world.
	And also, equally importantly, go to freedomain.com forward slash donate.
	To help out the show, to give me the resources that I need to bring more and better philosophy to an increasingly desperate world.
	So thank you so much for your support, my friends.

▲