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Dec. 22, 2019 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
16:05
Stefan Molyneux: MINECRAFT PARKOUR FAILZ!
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Time Text
Alright, it's Devan Molyneux and Isabella Molyneux.
Now, you have created a map in Minecraft.
Yes, I have. Now, what is this map for?
We're not fighting so much?
So, we're going to be doing only one fighting part, so the first one's parkour, second is elytra, second is a harder elytra, which I made too hard, so we're going to have to skip it.
The next one is a fighting, sorry, next is target practice, then fighting, and then a parkour, and then a surprise at the end.
That is very cool, and I'm just looking around.
I'm not letting you look around because...
You've got some open spaces here. It's very nice.
It's very uncluttered, if that makes sense.
Except for that spot over there. You know, like Mysutia.
It's very uncluttered. Ha, ha, ha.
Sure. Yeah, yeah. All right.
You're going to be player two. No, I want to be player one.
Nope, you're playing two. I want to be player one.
Dad, be player two. You can try player one.
I just disabled it so that we're both really close.
Did you really? Yeah. Alright.
Respawn points are in here. What does that mean?
So if you die during the map, which you might, you may not, you don't have to do all the games again.
You can just skip right to that one where you were.
Ah, okay, cool. And no skipping ahead.
No skipping ahead. Alright, so we push this button here, right?
Player two. You pull it twice, I think.
Okay, so we've teleported, and now we are here at the blocky part of Minecraft.
Because blockiness parts. Okay, so this is parkour, so this is jumping stuff.
Now normally you and I are just doing this blindfolded in abandoned warehouses, so this is actually kind of a different way to do it.
All right, so you go ahead, show me what I need to...
Jump to... Wait, are you making it darker?
No, it's sunrise so that it can be daytime by the time we end.
Oh, I see, I see, okay. So, see, you jump from here and now you make sure...
Can I just follow you? Yeah, no, before we can't land on the same block because it would glitch between us.
Oh, really? No, not like that thing.
Oh, it's hard to see where we land. Yeah, but no, I'll just show you.
So, you got to make sure...
He's looking on my tablet just for people.
But you got to make sure you're on the middle of the block or near the end, but not the end that you're jumping towards.
Now, hang on, look down for a sec. Now, do you know what my Aunt Bo would say?
What? That's not very good posture.
Staring and shuffling at your feet.
Alright, so I've got to jump to this one, right?
Yes, you do. Oh, that was so close.
I got it, I got it. Dad, that was not physically possible.
You were right sticking to the bank.
Oh, I'm getting it. Oh!
Did you mess up? Oh, no, I didn't see.
I'd like to think that the computer messed up.
Okay. I couldn't even. All right.
All right. Oh, so close, so close.
Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
You can do it. You got it.
Yes! Yes! No!
That was so close! It was so close.
No! I got it. I got it.
You know, this is giving everyone a facial tick.
I know. It's kind of fun. That was so close.
Dad, you want to do that trick I told you about?
Yes. Okay, so there is a little bit of a bypass.
I'll show you really fast. I'll just show you.
I'll show you from this one. It's this to this, like this, except other way around.
You can do that bypass then, right?
Alright, I need a little bit of a run here.
Alright. Oh my goodness, no!
It's that one again! It's, you know what, when I try to adjust it, when I try to adjust my landing...
Alright, I'll get it.
I like the parkour, though. You know what, it's the right level of challenge.
I know, right? Yeah. Like, it takes four...
I need to go back a little here, right?
Yeah. And...
I'll tell you when to stop. Stop from here!
And then... Come here, come here.
Just get up here, right? It's an easy...
This is... I'm not gonna say this is an easy one.
Alright! You can be player one now.
I feel ridiculously pleased. I know.
You can be player one now.
What? Oh. That's because I won.
It's right over there. Oh, left. Okay.
That's because... Complete it. So next, elytra.
Now, elytra is kind of the bane of my existence, which means it's like doom.
What the... There are tubes.
Tubes. And that's how babies are born.
What the heck? Okay, so what do we do here?
You click the chest. Read the sign.
Where's my son? Oh. It's right above me.
I only take one elytra. Okay, so elytra is like a flying cake, right?
Yes, it is. Okay, so I put it on.
Now you have to land on this wall right here, which I just, ow, don't, don't do what I just did.
So I fly through the, I fly through the hoops here, right?
Yep, the hoops. And then you land, but try not to slam into the wall because you take a lot of damage.
Wee! Number one!
Flyin' up, flyin' up! Number two!
No, no, no, no, no! Oh!
That's what I did. Wait, sorry.
You literally just told me not to fly into the wall.
Yes, I did. What was I supposed to fly into?
The door? No, you're supposed to land on the ground or just click your jump button, which stops the Elytra.
Follow the glowing block thingy.
Sorry. This is quite the mystery, but it's behind the door.
The glowing block thingy. Go.
Wait, I should eat, shouldn't I? Oh, no, I don't have any food.
Okay. I closed it for you.
What? Okay, answer it.
You look like you have a giant white snow cape.
Dad, you look like Elsa with your giant white snow cape.
Lovely. You're supposed to just fly above them and then land in the water, okay?
No, you just...
You know, I keep double-clicking on that fly.
All right, so that is good.
So, Dad, unless you want to embarrass yourself during the show...
Well, it's a little late for that now, but all right.
You can click whatever one you want, whatever lever.
Okay. Ooh, more flying things.
Now, listen, listen, listen. Those I made way too hard.
What? Well, for ordinary mortals, but for me, daddy.
Have fun. They're way too hard for you.
Can you show me flying them?
I'll try. I'll see if I can follow. Oh, nice.
Up, up, up, up, up. Left, left, left.
See, she's very helpful when I scream directions at her.
Do you want me to slide into a wall?
I just did that. Never mind.
I'm dead. I'm not gonna make it to that platform.
I gotta fly into the lava because I can't make it to the platform.
Bye, Steve. Goodbye to Izzy. You're a good friend.
Ah! Oh!
No, it was so close.
Did you die? No, nonsense.
You know, this reminds me of an old game I used to play.
It's a Star Wars game. Then where are you?
Oh, and it's the platform of doom!
You know, it's very good when I get cocky before the ending, like, hey, fine, I've done it.
Yes, perfectly. All right, wait, what the...
Oh, that's right, I have to go in to the respawn point.
Yeah, and click Elytra number two.
All right, this is really cool.
And you programmed these to actually do this, right?
It's not too hard. I mean, not as hard as this programming is actual programming.
Yeah, well, we're just starting all that, right?
Yeah. Okay, so I go from here.
You're going to spiral down, but always keep the platform in view if possible.
Alright, so just stay in this general.
Okay. So I'm going to go left here, down here, left here.
You can do it. I can't even see you.
Oh, wait. Where's the, uh...
Oh no, you're too low!
Where do I go? Into the lava.
I don't want to go into the lava. I said go.
It hurts. It burns. I'm coming with you.
Hey friend. Do I go into the lava?
Bye. Yeah, have fun.
I join you in a little pit of ketchup.
Quick respawn. So respawn, so we go back to Elytra 2?
Elytra 2. Alright.
Now, uh, whoa.
So you, where am I supposed to- Can you follow me?
Yeah, yeah. Watch, I actually don't do anything yet.
Alright, I'm following you. Okay, now- Because I take orders, that's what I do.
You really? Wow, I've never experienced that.
No, I'm kidding, Ash. Yes, you did it!
High five, high five! Woohoo, you did great, you're doing great!
Halt spring expertise to spiral victory! Woohoo, Dad, look at you, you're so great!
Alright, alright, hang on.
Afterwards, land in the water.
Here, you can take my bow.
It's in the, it's, I'm giving it to you, Dad, Dad, Dad.
We're gonna share a bow. Oh, this is, um...
Because I forgot to arm the chest.
I forgot to give the chest bows.
Alright. Okay, sorry.
I got mine in.
Yeah. So I'm gonna give this to you.
Here you go. One.
Oh, got it. And number two.
There you go. Alright. Oh, sorry. I picked up your bow for you.
One second. Here you go.
Where is it? There. Oh, I picked it up!
There you go. Have fun, have fun, have fun.
Now you have to get into the red spot in the middle.
I got it. Okay, okay.
So I go two and I'm gonna go right to the edge here.
A bit too low. It's like pixel by pixel.
And then? A bit! Perfect!
Let's go! That is so far in the center that I feel that that's victory not just for me, but for the laws of physics as a whole.
You know, I got six in a row on our test try, okay?
Here, land in the water.
It's actually harder than it was. Oh wait, elytra-ing again, right?
Elytra-ing a number.
I didn't even know. I didn't land in the water, because reset.
Did I? I didn't get injured.
You land in the water. That is really impressive.
One thing I'm gonna ask you, everybody who's watching this show, and you dad, please ignore the fact that the items look half-used.
I will tell you a funny story.
What? You know that singer who does?
Hit the road, Jack. Yes.
Don't you come back? He was blind, right?
My god, I was obsessed with that thing.
Yeah, it's a great song. So he was blind, and I saw a movie about him.
It was a really good actor named Jamie Foxx.
And in the movie, of course, the singer has no pictures on his wall, which you never think of, of course, but he's blind, so why would he?
And so I think you followed the Ray Charles aesthetic of home decoration here.
Give me a second. What am I getting here?
Oh, my armor is... Stay in there and stay in that room.
There's going to be a surprise when you're done.
Just stay in the room, okay? A good surprise?
Maybe. Just stay in the room until I say so.
Got it. All right. So now what we need to do is...
I need to get this stuff on my...
Oh, is this the fighting part?
Mm-hmm. Whoa.
Bad sounds. Bad sounds.
All right. Hang on. Let me just put this stuff on.
Now, either there are zombies or, alternatively, I'm a little hungry.
It's really hard to tell. Now, come here, Dad.
Wait, I need this.
Get in here! You're already holding it.
All right. Look at that door there.
Open it! Glitch fails.
You know, I really got to tell you, it's not my...
You're welcome, baby.
Oh, come on. I'm hitting zombie children here?
Yeah, you are. They're really annoying and they're super fast.
Don't die! I feel that dying is going to- I think I'm about to die.
Because the baby zombies are impossible to kill.
I died! Baby zombies are literally impossible to kill.
You know, this is just a constant, this is a back away kind of game, right?
Like, you can get- Oh, I really feel bad, killing the baby zombies, you know?
I mean, they're still babies at all, right?
Yeah, they're- Like the worst daycare ever.
Oh my god! Oh, I feel bad!
Get over it! Wait, hang on.
Let's go and find all the treasure that was in where the zombies are.
There probably isn't any more.
There's nothing. This is it? Yeah.
Wait, you win a tiny little passageway of nothingness?
Yeah. Okay, so now...
Is that lava?
No, just get in here, okay?
I'm a mutual... Come on.
Come on. Arrows.
Okay, so... What the heck, arrows?
Okay, no, so there's the arrows pointing here, right?
So you know what that means to me, right?
I have to go this way. Just kidding.
Alright, I'm coming here. Last challenge.
Dot dot B, which is a smiley face.
Oh, is this more parkour?
Yeah, your favorite.
Don't worry, I made it easier for a little person over there.
No, I died.
Oh, did you fall?
I'm so sorry. Oh, I'll race you.
I'll race you. Oh, did you fall?
So sad. That's actually totally fair.
Hey Dad, I'm waiting for you!
I'm sure you can do it!
Come on! Now, for those of you listening to this, do you remember how very encouraging she was at the beginning?
Oh my god. She was wonderfully encouraging, and now it's mostly my fault, but it's become like cynical everything.
Can I shoot an arrow at you? Oh!
You know, it hurts my soul to fall.
It's like, psychically, my ankles shatter.
Alright. What the? I teleported you!
Victory! I will count that as victory.
Have fun, Dad. I won!
I won! I won! Can you teleport me again?
And we'll edit this part out now.
And we won't. Alright.
Now, I want you to pull that lever up there.
Wait, where? Up there, Dad.
Oh, yeah. Got it. I pulled it.
It's night time. Dad, can you pull the lever?
Ooh! Ooh!
Fireworks! How pretty! Jump up and down.
Uh, yeah. Oh, that makes the fireworks go?
Yeah. That is really cool.
It's redstone. See this redstone?
Hang on, I'm just counting the fireworks.
One, two... Hey, Vicky!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm turning friendly fire off!
No, no! And I have a diamond sword equipped with me, just in case.
It's alright, I'm holding a bow. No, I'm holding an arrow.
So that's it? And now what do we do?
Does this, like, fly off the edge?
So I want to do one more of this, and I can teleport you back up.
So, I want you to, there's no challenge for this one, have fun, it's called.
And this is a fly, right?
What? Do I have my elytra on? Pardon me?
Do I have my elytra on? Uh, yes, you do.
Okay. So, see that right there, Dad?
What? Right there. What?
Where the lantern is! Where the lantern is.
Oh, no? No.
Sorry. What am I looking for? It's a sign.
Oh, sorry. Yes, there is no challenge for this one.
Have fun. All right.
So we can just fly around right now.
Or we can jump off and commit suicide.
That would not be my first choice.
That would be my first choice. All right.
So here we go. Oh, that's cool.
So I can fly. Bye.
I'm gonna teleport you back up.
Flying around. When you're done.
It's actually really funny.
That is kind of cool, right? Where are you going, Dad?
Oh, wait, I think I know. I'm zooming down and zooming up.
Now, do you build up speed and then you can climb back up?
Yeah, you can. That's really neat.
You want me to teleport you back up?
Wait. When you're done?
Tell me when you're done flying. You know, in real life, I would absolutely never be done flying.
I know, right? Oh, that's so cool.
Tell me when you touch the ground.
Uh... Oh! Hit the water.
You got into the water?
Wow, that's actually cool.
I think it was mostly accidental. No, I heard a splash.
Hey, do you want? Still good.
Take it, right? Five, four, three, two, one.
Coming up. Whoa.
All right. Let's do one more flight.
Yeah, and then we can say goodbye to everybody until next time.
All right. I already have two more shows prepared, so we should be doing a show pretty recently after this.
Yes, we should. I'm right underneath the clouds.
I'm going to try flying through these dots.
Good luck. Like my old Star Wars TIE Fighter game.
Oh! No, you don't!
Well, I... You know what, and that means this is why you should not listen to these shows to go to sleep.
Yeah. Alright, can I get to the top of this, uh...
No. No, I don't think I have enough height.
But I can come down gently, right?
Yeah. Dad, land at the part of the brown parkour.
Huh? The brown parkour?
Uh... Or the gray... Wait, yeah, never mind, you're on the ground.
Wait, can I... Where are you?
Fine, you don't... You're not gonna tell me where you are?
Uh... I've got to figure out my jump thing here.
I'm at the parkour that I was successful in, which is the first one.
Okay, give me a second. Alright, that's a little way in here with that.
Okay, I'm not doing it again. But that's really cool.
Hi. And I just wanted to say thank you for making this map.
It's really, really neat. It is, isn't it?
Here. We will be back soon, I promise.
I have two more maps. Functional than pretty.
Because, you know, like, I mean, I know some people are like, oh, I have to put this little picture and this little picture, but should we do a couple of jumps to say thanks?
A jump, yes. All right.
Thanks everyone so much. Look forward to your feedback below.
What else would you like us to work on?
And thanks so much to Isabella for making a great map.
Thank you. One last thing I'm going to say.
Yes. As I've said before, but I'm not sure anybody picked it up.
Oh, like, subscribe, and share.
Yes, but one... Don't forget to watch my Hong Kong documentary.
Yes. Hong Kong Fight for Freedom. You need to add Molyneux to the search term on YouTube to find it.
Otherwise, it doesn't work. It does not work.
Well, I'll just say one last thing is we have two more maps prepared, so we're probably going to be putting out more right soon after this.
Absolutely, and I like how this one does not have the infamous server skin glitch.
Oh my goodness, yes. That's good.
All right, thanks everyone so much.
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