Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux - Stefan Molyneux: MINECRAFT PARKOUR FAILZ!
Aired: 2019-12-22
Duration: 16:05


=== Minecraft Map Challenges (08:40) ===

[00:00:00]  Alright, it's Devan Molyneux and Isabella Molyneux.
[00:00:04]  Now, you have created a map in Minecraft.
[00:00:07]  Yes, I have. Now, what is this map for?
[00:00:10]  We're not fighting so much?
[00:00:12]  So, we're going to be doing only one fighting part, so the first one's parkour, second is elytra, second is a harder elytra, which I made too hard, so we're going to have to skip it.
[00:00:20]  The next one is a fighting, sorry, next is target practice, then fighting, and then a parkour, and then a surprise at the end.
[00:00:26]  That is very cool, and I'm just looking around.
[00:00:31]  I'm not letting you look around because...
[00:00:33]  You've got some open spaces here. It's very nice.
[00:00:34]  It's very uncluttered, if that makes sense.
[00:00:36]  Except for that spot over there. You know, like Mysutia.
[00:00:38]  It's very uncluttered. Ha, ha, ha.
[00:00:39]  Sure. Yeah, yeah. All right.
[00:00:41]  You're going to be player two. No, I want to be player one.
[00:00:43]  Nope, you're playing two. I want to be player one.
[00:00:44]  Dad, be player two. You can try player one.
[00:00:48]  I just disabled it so that we're both really close.
[00:00:50]  Did you really? Yeah. Alright.
[00:00:52]  Respawn points are in here. What does that mean?
[00:00:53]  So if you die during the map, which you might, you may not, you don't have to do all the games again.
[00:00:59]  You can just skip right to that one where you were.
[00:01:01]  Ah, okay, cool. And no skipping ahead.
[00:01:03]  No skipping ahead. Alright, so we push this button here, right?
[00:01:06]  Player two. You pull it twice, I think.
[00:01:10]  Okay, so we've teleported, and now we are here at the blocky part of Minecraft.
[00:01:14]  Because blockiness parts. Okay, so this is parkour, so this is jumping stuff.
[00:01:19]  Now normally you and I are just doing this blindfolded in abandoned warehouses, so this is actually kind of a different way to do it.
[00:01:27]  All right, so you go ahead, show me what I need to...
[00:01:31]  Jump to... Wait, are you making it darker?
[00:01:33]  No, it's sunrise so that it can be daytime by the time we end.
[00:01:36]  Oh, I see, I see, okay. So, see, you jump from here and now you make sure...
[00:01:39]  Can I just follow you? Yeah, no, before we can't land on the same block because it would glitch between us.
[00:01:44]  Oh, really? No, not like that thing.
[00:01:45]  Oh, it's hard to see where we land. Yeah, but no, I'll just show you.
[00:01:48]  So, you got to make sure...
[00:01:49]  He's looking on my tablet just for people.
[00:01:51]  But you got to make sure you're on the middle of the block or near the end, but not the end that you're jumping towards.
[00:01:56]  Now, hang on, look down for a sec. Now, do you know what my Aunt Bo would say?
[00:02:00]  What? That's not very good posture.
[00:02:03]  Staring and shuffling at your feet.
[00:02:04]  Alright, so I've got to jump to this one, right?
[00:02:06]  Yes, you do. Oh, that was so close.
[00:02:10]  I got it, I got it. Dad, that was not physically possible.
[00:02:15]  You were right sticking to the bank.
[00:02:16]  Oh, I'm getting it. Oh!
[00:02:19]  Did you mess up? Oh, no, I didn't see.
[00:02:21]  I'd like to think that the computer messed up.
[00:02:23]  Okay. I couldn't even. All right.
[00:02:30]  All right. Oh, so close, so close.
[00:02:34]  Yes! Yes, yes, yes.
[00:02:36]  You can do it. You got it.
[00:02:37]  Yes! Yes! No!
[00:02:40]  That was so close! It was so close.
[00:02:42]  No! I got it. I got it.
[00:02:43]  You know, this is giving everyone a facial tick.
[00:02:45]  I know. It's kind of fun. That was so close.
[00:02:47]  Dad, you want to do that trick I told you about?
[00:02:49]  Yes. Okay, so there is a little bit of a bypass.
[00:02:50]  I'll show you really fast. I'll just show you.
[00:02:52]  I'll show you from this one. It's this to this, like this, except other way around.
[00:02:55]  You can do that bypass then, right?
[00:02:59]  Alright, I need a little bit of a run here.
[00:03:05]  Alright. Oh my goodness, no!
[00:03:08]  It's that one again! It's, you know what, when I try to adjust it, when I try to adjust my landing...
[00:03:12]  Alright, I'll get it.
[00:03:13]  I like the parkour, though. You know what, it's the right level of challenge.
[00:03:16]  I know, right? Yeah. Like, it takes four...
[00:03:18]  I need to go back a little here, right?
[00:03:19]  Yeah. And...
[00:03:23]  I'll tell you when to stop. Stop from here!
[00:03:24]  And then... Come here, come here.
[00:03:25]  Just get up here, right? It's an easy...
[00:03:26]  This is... I'm not gonna say this is an easy one.
[00:03:28]  Alright! You can be player one now.
[00:03:30]  I feel ridiculously pleased. I know.
[00:03:32]  You can be player one now.
[00:03:33]  What? Oh. That's because I won.
[00:03:35]  It's right over there. Oh, left. Okay.
[00:03:36]  That's because... Complete it. So next, elytra.
[00:03:38]  Now, elytra is kind of the bane of my existence, which means it's like doom.
[00:03:41]  What the... There are tubes.
[00:03:44]  Tubes. And that's how babies are born.
[00:03:46]  What the heck? Okay, so what do we do here?
[00:03:48]  You click the chest. Read the sign.
[00:03:53]  Where's my son? Oh. It's right above me.
[00:03:54]  I only take one elytra. Okay, so elytra is like a flying cake, right?
[00:03:57]  Yes, it is. Okay, so I put it on.
[00:04:02]  Now you have to land on this wall right here, which I just, ow, don't, don't do what I just did.
[00:04:06]  So I fly through the, I fly through the hoops here, right?
[00:04:08]  Yep, the hoops. And then you land, but try not to slam into the wall because you take a lot of damage.
[00:04:14]  Wee! Number one!
[00:04:16]  Flyin' up, flyin' up! Number two!
[00:04:17]  No, no, no, no, no! Oh!
[00:04:18]  That's what I did. Wait, sorry.
[00:04:20]  You literally just told me not to fly into the wall.
[00:04:22]  Yes, I did. What was I supposed to fly into?
[00:04:24]  The door? No, you're supposed to land on the ground or just click your jump button, which stops the Elytra.
[00:04:29]  Follow the glowing block thingy.
[00:04:32]  Sorry. This is quite the mystery, but it's behind the door.
[00:04:35]  The glowing block thingy. Go.
[00:04:36]  Wait, I should eat, shouldn't I? Oh, no, I don't have any food.
[00:04:38]  Okay. I closed it for you.
[00:04:41]  What? Okay, answer it.
[00:04:43]  You look like you have a giant white snow cape.
[00:04:46]  Dad, you look like Elsa with your giant white snow cape.
[00:04:49]  Lovely. You're supposed to just fly above them and then land in the water, okay?
[00:04:55]  No, you just...
[00:04:56]  You know, I keep double-clicking on that fly.
[00:04:58]  All right, so that is good.
[00:05:00]  So, Dad, unless you want to embarrass yourself during the show...
[00:05:05]  Well, it's a little late for that now, but all right.
[00:05:08]  You can click whatever one you want, whatever lever.
[00:05:11]  Okay. Ooh, more flying things.
[00:05:13]  Now, listen, listen, listen. Those I made way too hard.
[00:05:16]  What? Well, for ordinary mortals, but for me, daddy.
[00:05:19]  Have fun. They're way too hard for you.
[00:05:22]  Can you show me flying them?
[00:05:23]  I'll try. I'll see if I can follow. Oh, nice.
[00:05:28]  Up, up, up, up, up. Left, left, left.
[00:05:29]  See, she's very helpful when I scream directions at her.
[00:05:31]  Do you want me to slide into a wall?
[00:05:33]  I just did that. Never mind.
[00:05:35]  I'm dead. I'm not gonna make it to that platform.
[00:05:40]  I gotta fly into the lava because I can't make it to the platform.
[00:05:42]  Bye, Steve. Goodbye to Izzy. You're a good friend.
[00:05:45]  Ah! Oh!
[00:05:47]  No, it was so close.
[00:05:49]  Did you die? No, nonsense.
[00:05:50]  You know, this reminds me of an old game I used to play.
[00:05:52]  It's a Star Wars game. Then where are you?
[00:05:54]  Oh, and it's the platform of doom!
[00:05:57]  You know, it's very good when I get cocky before the ending, like, hey, fine, I've done it.
[00:06:01]  Yes, perfectly. All right, wait, what the...
[00:06:03]  Oh, that's right, I have to go in to the respawn point.
[00:06:05]  Yeah, and click Elytra number two.
[00:06:07]  All right, this is really cool.
[00:06:08]  And you programmed these to actually do this, right?
[00:06:10]  It's not too hard. I mean, not as hard as this programming is actual programming.
[00:06:14]  Yeah, well, we're just starting all that, right?
[00:06:15]  Yeah. Okay, so I go from here.
[00:06:20]  You're going to spiral down, but always keep the platform in view if possible.
[00:06:23]  Alright, so just stay in this general.
[00:06:25]  Okay. So I'm going to go left here, down here, left here.
[00:06:30]  You can do it. I can't even see you.
[00:06:32]  Oh, wait. Where's the, uh...
[00:06:35]  Oh no, you're too low!
[00:06:36]  Where do I go? Into the lava.
[00:06:38]  I don't want to go into the lava. I said go.
[00:06:39]  It hurts. It burns. I'm coming with you.
[00:06:42]  Hey friend. Do I go into the lava?
[00:06:43]  Bye. Yeah, have fun.
[00:06:46]  I join you in a little pit of ketchup.
[00:06:48]  Quick respawn. So respawn, so we go back to Elytra 2?
[00:06:52]  Elytra 2. Alright.
[00:06:55]  Now, uh, whoa.
[00:06:57]  So you, where am I supposed to- Can you follow me?
[00:06:59]  Yeah, yeah. Watch, I actually don't do anything yet.
[00:07:02]  Alright, I'm following you. Okay, now- Because I take orders, that's what I do.
[00:07:06]  You really? Wow, I've never experienced that.
[00:07:08]  No, I'm kidding, Ash. Yes, you did it!
[00:07:10]  High five, high five! Woohoo, you did great, you're doing great!
[00:07:13]  Halt spring expertise to spiral victory! Woohoo, Dad, look at you, you're so great!
[00:07:16]  Alright, alright, hang on.
[00:07:17]  Afterwards, land in the water.
[00:07:19]  Here, you can take my bow.
[00:07:20]  It's in the, it's, I'm giving it to you, Dad, Dad, Dad.
[00:07:23]  We're gonna share a bow. Oh, this is, um...
[00:07:26]  Because I forgot to arm the chest.
[00:07:27]  I forgot to give the chest bows.
[00:07:29]  Alright. Okay, sorry.
[00:07:32]  I got mine in.
[00:07:33]  Yeah. So I'm gonna give this to you.
[00:07:34]  Here you go. One.
[00:07:36]  Oh, got it. And number two.
[00:07:38]  There you go. Alright. Oh, sorry. I picked up your bow for you.
[00:07:40]  One second. Here you go.
[00:07:42]  Where is it? There. Oh, I picked it up!
[00:07:46]  There you go. Have fun, have fun, have fun.
[00:07:48]  Now you have to get into the red spot in the middle.
[00:07:51]  I got it. Okay, okay.
[00:07:52]  So I go two and I'm gonna go right to the edge here.
[00:07:58]  A bit too low. It's like pixel by pixel.
[00:08:03]  And then? A bit! Perfect!
[00:08:05]  Let's go! That is so far in the center that I feel that that's victory not just for me, but for the laws of physics as a whole.
[00:08:09]  You know, I got six in a row on our test try, okay?
[00:08:12]  Here, land in the water.
[00:08:13]  It's actually harder than it was. Oh wait, elytra-ing again, right?
[00:08:15]  Elytra-ing a number.
[00:08:17]  I didn't even know. I didn't land in the water, because reset.
[00:08:23]  Did I? I didn't get injured.
[00:08:26]  You land in the water. That is really impressive.
[00:08:29]  One thing I'm gonna ask you, everybody who's watching this show, and you dad, please ignore the fact that the items look half-used.
[00:08:39]  I will tell you a funny story.

=== Flying Through Zombies (06:30) ===

[00:08:40]  What? You know that singer who does?
[00:08:42]  Hit the road, Jack. Yes.
[00:08:43]  Don't you come back? He was blind, right?
[00:08:44]  My god, I was obsessed with that thing.
[00:08:46]  Yeah, it's a great song. So he was blind, and I saw a movie about him.
[00:08:49]  It was a really good actor named Jamie Foxx.
[00:08:51]  And in the movie, of course, the singer has no pictures on his wall, which you never think of, of course, but he's blind, so why would he?
[00:08:56]  And so I think you followed the Ray Charles aesthetic of home decoration here.
[00:08:59]  Give me a second. What am I getting here?
[00:09:01]  Oh, my armor is... Stay in there and stay in that room.
[00:09:03]  There's going to be a surprise when you're done.
[00:09:04]  Just stay in the room, okay? A good surprise?
[00:09:08]  Maybe. Just stay in the room until I say so.
[00:09:11]  Got it. All right. So now what we need to do is...
[00:09:15]  I need to get this stuff on my...
[00:09:20]  Oh, is this the fighting part?
[00:09:22]  Mm-hmm. Whoa.
[00:09:25]  Bad sounds. Bad sounds.
[00:09:27]  All right. Hang on. Let me just put this stuff on.
[00:09:32]  Now, either there are zombies or, alternatively, I'm a little hungry.
[00:09:36]  It's really hard to tell. Now, come here, Dad.
[00:09:37]  Wait, I need this.
[00:09:39]  Get in here! You're already holding it.
[00:09:40]  All right. Look at that door there.
[00:09:45]  Open it! Glitch fails.
[00:09:47]  You know, I really got to tell you, it's not my...
[00:09:49]  You're welcome, baby.
[00:09:51]  Oh, come on. I'm hitting zombie children here?
[00:09:53]  Yeah, you are. They're really annoying and they're super fast.
[00:09:59]  Don't die! I feel that dying is going to- I think I'm about to die.
[00:10:02]  Because the baby zombies are impossible to kill.
[00:10:04]  I died! Baby zombies are literally impossible to kill.
[00:10:12]  You know, this is just a constant, this is a back away kind of game, right?
[00:10:15]  Like, you can get- Oh, I really feel bad, killing the baby zombies, you know?
[00:10:20]  I mean, they're still babies at all, right?
[00:10:22]  Yeah, they're- Like the worst daycare ever.
[00:10:24]  Oh my god! Oh, I feel bad!
[00:10:27]  Get over it! Wait, hang on.
[00:10:29]  Let's go and find all the treasure that was in where the zombies are.
[00:10:31]  There probably isn't any more.
[00:10:34]  There's nothing. This is it? Yeah.
[00:10:36]  Wait, you win a tiny little passageway of nothingness?
[00:10:40]  Yeah. Okay, so now...
[00:10:42]  Is that lava?
[00:10:44]  No, just get in here, okay?
[00:10:45]  I'm a mutual... Come on.
[00:10:47]  Come on. Arrows.
[00:10:50]  Okay, so... What the heck, arrows?
[00:10:52]  Okay, no, so there's the arrows pointing here, right?
[00:10:54]  So you know what that means to me, right?
[00:10:55]  I have to go this way. Just kidding.
[00:10:58]  Alright, I'm coming here. Last challenge.
[00:11:01]  Dot dot B, which is a smiley face.
[00:11:04]  Oh, is this more parkour?
[00:11:05]  Yeah, your favorite.
[00:11:08]  Don't worry, I made it easier for a little person over there.
[00:11:12]  No, I died.
[00:11:13]  Oh, did you fall?
[00:11:15]  I'm so sorry. Oh, I'll race you.
[00:11:18]  I'll race you. Oh, did you fall?
[00:11:22]  So sad. That's actually totally fair.
[00:11:28]  Hey Dad, I'm waiting for you!
[00:11:30]  I'm sure you can do it!
[00:11:32]  Come on! Now, for those of you listening to this, do you remember how very encouraging she was at the beginning?
[00:11:38]  Oh my god. She was wonderfully encouraging, and now it's mostly my fault, but it's become like cynical everything.
[00:11:45]  Can I shoot an arrow at you? Oh!
[00:11:52]  You know, it hurts my soul to fall.
[00:11:54]  It's like, psychically, my ankles shatter.
[00:11:57]  Alright. What the? I teleported you!
[00:12:01]  Victory! I will count that as victory.
[00:12:03]  Have fun, Dad. I won!
[00:12:04]  I won! I won! Can you teleport me again?
[00:12:07]  And we'll edit this part out now.
[00:12:08]  And we won't. Alright.
[00:12:13]  Now, I want you to pull that lever up there.
[00:12:14]  Wait, where? Up there, Dad.
[00:12:17]  Oh, yeah. Got it. I pulled it.
[00:12:21]  It's night time. Dad, can you pull the lever?
[00:12:24]  Ooh! Ooh!
[00:12:26]  Fireworks! How pretty! Jump up and down.
[00:12:29]  Uh, yeah. Oh, that makes the fireworks go?
[00:12:33]  Yeah. That is really cool.
[00:12:34]  It's redstone. See this redstone?
[00:12:36]  Hang on, I'm just counting the fireworks.
[00:12:37]  One, two... Hey, Vicky!
[00:12:40]  I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm turning friendly fire off!
[00:12:41]  No, no! And I have a diamond sword equipped with me, just in case.
[00:12:44]  It's alright, I'm holding a bow. No, I'm holding an arrow.
[00:12:46]  So that's it? And now what do we do?
[00:12:48]  Does this, like, fly off the edge?
[00:12:49]  So I want to do one more of this, and I can teleport you back up.
[00:12:53]  So, I want you to, there's no challenge for this one, have fun, it's called.
[00:12:57]  And this is a fly, right?
[00:12:58]  What? Do I have my elytra on? Pardon me?
[00:13:00]  Do I have my elytra on? Uh, yes, you do.
[00:13:02]  Okay. So, see that right there, Dad?
[00:13:04]  What? Right there. What?
[00:13:06]  Where the lantern is! Where the lantern is.
[00:13:10]  Oh, no? No.
[00:13:11]  Sorry. What am I looking for? It's a sign.
[00:13:15]  Oh, sorry. Yes, there is no challenge for this one.
[00:13:17]  Have fun. All right.
[00:13:19]  So we can just fly around right now.
[00:13:20]  Or we can jump off and commit suicide.
[00:13:22]  That would not be my first choice.
[00:13:24]  That would be my first choice. All right.
[00:13:26]  So here we go. Oh, that's cool.
[00:13:27]  So I can fly. Bye.
[00:13:30]  I'm gonna teleport you back up.
[00:13:32]  Flying around. When you're done.
[00:13:34]  It's actually really funny.
[00:13:35]  That is kind of cool, right? Where are you going, Dad?
[00:13:38]  Oh, wait, I think I know. I'm zooming down and zooming up.
[00:13:40]  Now, do you build up speed and then you can climb back up?
[00:13:42]  Yeah, you can. That's really neat.
[00:13:44]  You want me to teleport you back up?
[00:13:46]  Wait. When you're done?
[00:13:47]  Tell me when you're done flying. You know, in real life, I would absolutely never be done flying.
[00:13:52]  I know, right? Oh, that's so cool.
[00:13:54]  Tell me when you touch the ground.
[00:13:57]  Uh... Oh! Hit the water.
[00:14:00]  You got into the water?
[00:14:01]  Wow, that's actually cool.
[00:14:03]  I think it was mostly accidental. No, I heard a splash.
[00:14:05]  Hey, do you want? Still good.
[00:14:06]  Take it, right? Five, four, three, two, one.
[00:14:11]  Coming up. Whoa.
[00:14:13]  All right. Let's do one more flight.
[00:14:15]  Yeah, and then we can say goodbye to everybody until next time.
[00:14:18]  All right. I already have two more shows prepared, so we should be doing a show pretty recently after this.
[00:14:21]  Yes, we should. I'm right underneath the clouds.
[00:14:23]  I'm going to try flying through these dots.
[00:14:25]  Good luck. Like my old Star Wars TIE Fighter game.
[00:14:28]  Oh! No, you don't!
[00:14:31]  Well, I... You know what, and that means this is why you should not listen to these shows to go to sleep.
[00:14:36]  Yeah. Alright, can I get to the top of this, uh...
[00:14:39]  No. No, I don't think I have enough height.
[00:14:41]  But I can come down gently, right?
[00:14:42]  Yeah. Dad, land at the part of the brown parkour.
[00:14:45]  Huh? The brown parkour?
[00:14:47]  Uh... Or the gray... Wait, yeah, never mind, you're on the ground.
[00:14:49]  Wait, can I... Where are you?
[00:14:52]  Fine, you don't... You're not gonna tell me where you are?
[00:14:55]  Uh... I've got to figure out my jump thing here.
[00:14:59]  I'm at the parkour that I was successful in, which is the first one.
[00:15:04]  Okay, give me a second. Alright, that's a little way in here with that.
[00:15:09]  Okay, I'm not doing it again. But that's really cool.

=== Thanks For Making This Map (00:54) ===

[00:15:11]  Hi. And I just wanted to say thank you for making this map.
[00:15:14]  It's really, really neat. It is, isn't it?
[00:15:16]  Here. We will be back soon, I promise.
[00:15:18]  I have two more maps. Functional than pretty.
[00:15:20]  Because, you know, like, I mean, I know some people are like, oh, I have to put this little picture and this little picture, but should we do a couple of jumps to say thanks?
[00:15:26]  A jump, yes. All right.
[00:15:29]  Thanks everyone so much. Look forward to your feedback below.
[00:15:32]  What else would you like us to work on?
[00:15:33]  And thanks so much to Isabella for making a great map.
[00:15:36]  Thank you. One last thing I'm going to say.
[00:15:37]  Yes. As I've said before, but I'm not sure anybody picked it up.
[00:15:40]  Oh, like, subscribe, and share.
[00:15:42]  Yes, but one... Don't forget to watch my Hong Kong documentary.
[00:15:44]  Yes. Hong Kong Fight for Freedom. You need to add Molyneux to the search term on YouTube to find it.
[00:15:48]  Otherwise, it doesn't work. It does not work.
[00:15:50]  Well, I'll just say one last thing is we have two more maps prepared, so we're probably going to be putting out more right soon after this.
[00:15:57]  Absolutely, and I like how this one does not have the infamous server skin glitch.
[00:16:03]  Oh my goodness, yes. That's good.
[00:16:04]  All right, thanks everyone so much.