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June 16, 2019 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
56:43
Happy Father's Day: How NOT to Analyze Billie Eilish Lyrics!
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Time Text
All right.
So we're doing these lyrics?
Sure.
I'm gonna tell you what I think, and you're going to agree with everything I'm sure.
Okay, so it's a debate.
Or at least a debate that that guy had in mind.
Oh, the vegan thing, yeah.
That's right.
You're not allowing me to get you to the conclusions that I want to.
That's rude.
And I'm like, sorry, but that's a debate, man.
Why are you not agreeing with me when we have a debate in order to disagree?
All right.
So the only one that I think really matters, the other ones are too obvious, but the only one I think that really matters is my boy.
I think so too, it's not obvious.
Do you remember when we first heard it?
Sydney.
Sleepover.
Okay, I'm just doing this.
It's an ad, okay?
I'm not even watching it!
Screen time during conversations?
No!
Now is he?
I was in the middle of the game.
What could you say?
What could you say?
Screen time during conversations?
But I need to read the lyrics!
That's different.
Okay, you're not exactly getting the lyrics, because you were saying it's too slow.
It really is a bit slow, right?
No, I'll get the lyrics.
I'll get it.
Can you get it?
Alright.
Oh, let's race!
Come on, give me a keyboard, Windows!
Windows is not really very good at tabulating.
Give me a keyboard!
I've got a browser!
I'm getting a keyboard soon.
Oh, here we go.
Got it.
What?
No, no, no, don't play it.
We need the lyrics.
Oh, you don't have the lyrics.
No, stop!
Wait, wait, my boy lyrics.
Ah, here we go.
Oh, I've got some typing.
Here we go.
Got it!
What?
Got it!
Oh, it's not there yet.
It's there!
- Oh, you got-- - I win! - Okay, good job, good job.
All right, go ahead. - It's so, wait, let's see if it gets-- No, look!
It's swirling!
It's not even swirling!
This thing actually has a faster processor and more memory than your tablet, but anyway... Oh, that's tragic.
Wait, the weight is like a brick!
Look!
It's moving!
See that swirl?
Oh, it's gone dark.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alright.
Okay, so let's go on with the... Okay, so let's go on... Hang on, let's go on with our theory of Little Miss Satan, right?
Little Miss Satan.
Little Miss Satan, okay.
So this was... A friend of a friend did a cover of this.
That's when I first heard it.
Okay, so let's look at the lyrics and figure them all out.
I need water.
That was a teeny tiny bit tragic. - Dad, I went into YouTube and then I went into Google.
Don't.
No.
Don't make me cry.
Oh, you know what?
Wait, wait, wait.
I've got a good idea.
You know what?
I am willing to trade tablets.
Special.
One day only.
Just for you.
You'll need a coupon code.
Let me think.
I'll take your iPad.
Not that one.
No, no, that actually works.
This Windows one doesn't work very well.
What the heck do I want windows?
I don't like windows.
Like I don't just like windows in general.
Just keep passing the open window.
No, I'm just telling you this would not have happened if mom was here.
Oh, you have your notes back.
So dad, your tablet was on.
You were already searching it up.
I went into YouTube, searched it up.
Wait, it beeped.
Did you hear that?
Yes, and I got it.
And then you said, no, that's wrong.
And I went into Google and I got it before you even got your keypad.
Do you know what that sound was?
What?
It was actually literally the sound of my heart breaking.
Dad, wait.
Now what sound does my heart make when it breaks?
Wait, no, it's still working.
Oh, what are you doing?
Ow!
Don't hurt my tablet.
Oh, what the heck is wrong with this keyboard?
Uh, it's doing something in the background.
No, no, no, look.
You broke it.
It was working fine until you touched it.
You have completely broken my tablet.
Okay, I'll get your tablet because you broke mine.
There we go.
Nice trade.
Alright.
No!
Nice trade.
No, wait, listen.
Be careful.
It's delicate technology.
This is what I'm saying.
What?
Hi, comma, how are you doing?
Oh, that's tragic.
It's not even going this way!
Well, look how fast it goes on this.
Oh, your keyboard's broken because it's responding.
Okay, let's do it.
Ready?
Let's do this.
Watch, Dad.
Watch.
What?
Hi.
How are you?
That's good typing.
Ooh!
Typo!
Typo!
Oh.
Typo.
Do it, Dad.
Let's both try and see.
So you have to write, I have to write, hi, how are you doing?
Hold on a sec.
Five times.
And you, without typos.
Let me reboot first, because that's what efficient computers do.
Hold on.
Dad, your computer's not even gonna reboot!
Maybe if I pull out the battery, it will reboot from there.
I don't know what happens to this one.
Dad!
Oh gosh, that's tragic.
It really is pretty sad.
Close all the apps.
Do you see any apps open?
I don't know.
Izzy, what was the sound of my heart breaking again?
Dad.
Hey, we're starting a Billie Eilish song.
It's not it!
Alright, alright.
Give me the lyrics back.
No, we have to try it.
Are we gonna do this one when I reboot?
Yeah.
I'm sorry, I love this type of stuff.
Dad, what the?
Look at that.
It's like... What?
The giant muscle?
It's like a seed.
It's like a seat.
You see, my arm is like a hammock.
Look, I have one too!
That's nice.
Wait.
Alright.
Panostopic.
Seems like, as in panostop it from working.
Panasonic.
I know.
Dad.
It's still swirling.
Now this is called the tough pad, which means it's a pad that's really tough to use.
Ow.
There's something on your head.
There we go.
What?
It's a silver thing.
Really?
Oh, yes, from when I was a werewolf and somebody tried to shoot me.
Oh, terrible.
Thank you for removing that.
All right, here we go.
Here we go.
All right.
Now, hang on.
You've got to start from your home page.
None of this being in Google... Oh, and you've even got a moving background, which would actually slow things down a little bit.
Oh, God, I wonder what would happen if you were... Okay, wait, wait.
My computer is almost ready.
It is ready.
No, it's almost ready.
What do you mean?
Well, let's see here.
Alright, hold on a sec.
Wait for it.
You have to write it once and I have to write it five times.
No typos.
None of us typos.
What, you think you can go 500% faster?
Yes, I do.
500%?
That's deranged.
Okay, hang on.
I'm not ready yet.
Wait, wait.
I'm not ready yet.
Some things are still loading.
Okay, wait, wait, what are we, wait, wait, wait a second?
Hi, comma, how are you?
Wait, okay.
Hi, comma, how are you?
Done!
No, dad!
You started before me!
Oh!
Oh!
How sad!
You started before me!
Would you like me to teach you how to do it faster?
Wait, can I try it?
What?
Okay, I'm trying yours.
Okay, ready?
Go!
Hi.
How.
Are.
You.
Done it!
With no comma, then.
Oh, did you know there's an album called Hi, How Are You?
Dad, I'm just saying something.
Dad, look.
No, look.
Dad, your keyboard is weird, because it has a list, so you have to type like this.
This is how I- Well, also, I get two hands, because yours has a stand, and mine doesn't.
Okay, let's switch back.
Alright, so you don't complain.
Now I can- Okay.
Can you- Okay, go!
Wait.
Wait, wait, go back.
Do the 3, 2, 1.
3, 2, 1.
Done.
Oh, I said done first, though.
I did a period, even.
Oh, was that part of it?
I don't know, I just said it, too.
Okay, let's try again.
Wait, start from the back?
Okay, you ready?
Three, two, one.
Go.
Done.
Wait, wait.
Okay, let's try it again.
Let's try it again.
Wait, try it again.
Ready?
Wait.
Three.
Two.
Wait, wait, wait.
Sorry, let's go back again.
Three, two, one.
Done!
Done!
I did a period too.
Oh, hang on.
Apparently I'm allergic to losing.
Wait, hang on a sec.
Chew all over my daughter!
Okay, alright.
Wait, can we do it again?
Okay, what you need to do is you need to give me a slightly more challenging sentence.
Oh, let's spell this.
Let's spell this.
Are you ready?
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Okay, let's do it.
Do it.
Really?
Okay.
Wait, I'm gonna need to prop this up.
Okay, okay, I'm ready.
Something's coming, don't start yet, don't start yet.
Three.
Okay, wait, I don't have a keyboard yet.
Three.
Okay, ready.
Three, two, one.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Done.
You did not.
Oh, did you?
I did!
Hey, you just got it!
No, I don't... I got supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
And I did it before you!
I have officially created a Molyneux word salad.
I think that's fair to say.
Now, show me how you did it.
I do not believe you typed it that fast.
Let's see you type it.
Alright, let's find out.
Alright.
Alright.
I am now watching rather than competing because I believe something happened there which was probably relatively easy.
Alright.
Are you ready?
Wait!
Your face is not helping!
My face is not helping?
It's like... Alright.
Here we go.
Do it.
Do it.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Oh wait, I think I can do it pretty fast.
Really?
Wait.
Wait for it.
Wait for it.
Wait, you did that?
Yeah.
Oh, but it's spelt incorrectly.
How did I do it?
Wait, is that how you did it before?
You got a type ahead?
I didn't do it!
Is he?
Who is allowed to cheat in this family?
Both of us!
If you're allowed to do it, I did not do it anyways, but if you are allowed to do it, then so am I. No, no, see, no, no, no, no, no, no, listen, here's the logic, just so you know, because it can be tough to understand, you know, because you're still only 10.
I am not!
You're not 10?
I'm 10 and three quarters!
I mean a half!
Wait, you're 10 and 75 cents?
Yes.
All right.
No, see, it's tough because cheating is something that takes a fair amount of responsibility.
I take... You don't have any responsibility!
No, that's true.
So you're just contradicting yourself!
No!
Wait, now here's the thing.
Cheating is something that you have to have adult wisdom and judgment to know when to use it properly.
But I just want to say, wisdom does not conclude cheating.
Neither does judgment.
In less than eight years, i.e.
when you're an adult, you can decide to cheat.
I'm sorry, but I think you were cheating before you were 18.
First of all, I accept your apology.
Ear, ear, ear, ear.
Ear.
Doom.
I didn't know I could produce that type of noise, Dad.
Let's not find out again, shall we?
3 a.m.
in the morning!
Whoa, I think we're now getting background noises from Billie Eilish's dental drill music.
All right.
No, you have to be responsible when it comes to something like cheating, and I think you're too young.
It's like driving.
Ow.
I've already driven, so therefore it doesn't count.
All right, here we go.
Let's try.
Okay, now we have to be super quiet for this, all right?
Hold on.
Wait, are you starting already?
Is he?
How?
I can't.
That's shocking.
All right, hang on a sec.
Okay, so if you get tied for heads... It went off!
I don't know.
All right, let's start again.
No, no, let's try a different word.
You choose one.
No, you go.
All right.
Oh, I won.
Wait, wait!
Oh, I won.
I said you choose a word.
What did you say?
I don't know.
You said no.
And I just typed it.
Oh, that's a shame.
Even with the word you suggested.
You go.
Alright.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Are you steady?
Yeah.
What's our word?
I gave you one important.
What the heck?
Wait, what are we writing? - What? - Oh.
I don't even know what we're writing!
Oh, yeah.
There we go.
Are you ready or steady?
Have fun.
I don't... I didn't know what we were writing!
You asked me what it was and I said, are you ready?
Are you steady?
I don't know!
You didn't say steady!
Was I... was that a good cheat, boo?
No!
It was good because you didn't catch it, right?
Well, I mean, if you actually do it, you hide what you're writing because I knew you were saying, are you ready?
But still.
But still is not an argument.
That is true.
That is true.
All right.
Do you want to choose one?
No.
I don't like choosing.
All right.
Here we go.
And then we're gonna get to the Billie Eilish song.
Alright.
No!
I love this!
Yeah, yeah?
Alright.
Here we go.
Ah.
Oh!
I know!
We have to shake that you're willing to type it.
No, I'm not saying Daddy is right.
No, not Daddy is right.
Daddy is always good.
Daddy is always right.
Oh, that's my phrase!
Ah, my keyboard's gone!
Wait.
Oh, got it!
What the?
My whole keyboard glitched!
Oh, a good carpenter never blames his tools.
Well, do you know what?
I'm not a carpenter!
It's an analogy.
I don't care.
Who's Dadfaguh?
Dadfaguh?
You're a Dadfaguh.
Wait, dad fun guy?
Is that Dadfaguh?
No.
Dadfaguh?
Alright.
Ow!
Violence is not an argument.
Hey!
All right, all right, here we go.
No, let's do the lyrics.
No, no, please don't!
Okay, okay, okay, okay.
I love this!
All right, all right.
All right, here we go.
I'm not sure what we should do.
Do you want to choose a phrase?
I'm not sure what we should do.
Oh!
I'm not sure what we should do.
Wait!
Oh, I'm done!
You can't!
It cheats when you say it!
What?
It's cheating when you say what you write.
That was not expressed as a rule.
All right, let's do another one.
Stop spying on me, watch!
All right.
No, no, don't play with my watch.
No, bad things happen when my watch happens.
No, no, no.
Go to sleep, watch.
You're being attacked.
Go to sleep.
Do not be assaulted.
Oh, the watch is having a Me Too moment.
What?
It means don't grab it.
Hello Siri!
No, no, it's all off.
My dad sucks at writing things because the computer is slow.
All right, here we go.
Hi Siri, my dad sucks at writing things because my iPad is static typing.
Stop it!
All right, here we go.
Are you ready?
No, no, no.
Are you ready?
Okay.
Wait, I need to get a Siri watch.
Seriously?
All right, ready?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Can I see your keyboard?
Oh, do you even have one?
Wow, that's slow.
Alright, what are we doing?
Oh, I got a phrase.
What?
Oh, wait, hang on a sec, hang on a sec.
I lost my...
You even have that grammatically incorrect.
It should be, I have got a phrase, not I got a phrase.
That's what you said, though!
That is.
No, you're right.
That's right.
You were accurate.
Choke.
Choking.
No, choking is... Okay, that's an argument.
Okay, you know what?
You can say that.
I'd like to hear you say that on your show.
Choking is an argument?
Yeah.
All right.
Are you ready?
Let's go with... Yes, I will delete that, which will slow everything down even more.
Okay, let's go with, um... Oh, here we go.
This is something my mom used to use as a typing exercise.
Right?
And she used to teach it to me when I was learning how to type.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Okay, I'll type it, and then I'll tell you what it is, and then I'll have won already.
No.
No?
Truth spell.
What is it?
Okay!
Oh, I hate... Truth spells are very tough on Daddy.
No, I don't!
Alright, here we go.
What is it?
Alright.
Oh, it's alright.
I will give you the phrase before we start, alright?
Yeah.
Okay.
And now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party.
Oh, no.
Done. - Yeah.
Oh, that's not it!
That's not it!
For all good men to... Oh, I need a space here.
Done!
Wait.
I didn't end.
No.
Going to... Oh, this is good.
This is to come to the aid of the party.
To the aid of... Done!
Now, can I tell you how my cheating didn't work for me?
How?
So, did you notice sometimes there were words up there which I hadn't typed?
Yeah.
Do you know what I had done?
You'd said it.
I had turned on voice recognition.
So what happened was, as we were talking, it kept inserting words into what I was typing, because I was hoping that as I said the sentence, and now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party, that it was going to put it up there as I was saying it.
I was going to win that way.
But what happened was, it was so slow, that as I was typing, it just kept inserting random words.
From voice recognition.
Now, is this the very first time that Daddy has had his cheating fail considerably?
God, no.
Yeah, it's really quite tragic.
No, it's not.
Now, this is what happens when a 52-year-old cheats.
Can you imagine how dangerous it would be if a 10-year-old did it?
Terrible.
Maybe it'd be actually better if a 10-year-old... Dad, it took so slow to start!
I know, I know.
Okay, can we try it?
Another one?
Yeah, another.
Alright, alright, alright.
Here we go.
Dad, by the way, thanks for telling me all the words.
What do you mean?
Oh, because I didn't actually remember the saying.
Really?
Alright.
Oh, oh, oh!
I've got a good one.
What?
The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
Done.
You said fog.
No.
What does that say?
Quicko brown fox jumped o'er the lazy fog.
Wait.
O'er the lazy fog.
That's what I said.
No, you said lazy frog.
Frog!
Dog!
Frog!
Dog!
It was so... The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog.
No, that's incorrect.
It's o'er the lazy fog.
And it's Quicko brown fox.
It's really true.
Stop using voice recognition.
I really should, but you know what?
This thing is so slow, it won't let me turn off the voice recognition.
It's just really sad.
Okay.
Oh, tragic.
What should you do now?
All right.
Are you ready for another one?
Yeah.
All right.
I'm just going to use notepad, because... Feel this.
Oh my God!
I know, it's a warm computer, right?
All right.
One second.
Okay, what is it?
Oh, I'm in the notepad.
Oh, that's good because now neither of us get type ahead cheatiness, right?
I know.
All right, here we go.
Here we go, here we go.
The rolling ball crushed the kitten.
The rolling ball crushed the kitten.
- Done. - Oh my god, I barely even went.
What does it say?
Oh, that's good.
The roll-on!
The roll-on!
Wait, it's catching up, though.
See how the letters are stuck on the keyboard?
That's how efficient Windows is.
Are you sure?
I could trade you.
No, don't touch it!
It's trying to catch up!
Is it frozen?
Yes!
Oh, yes.
I actually typed it five times, but because it's frozen, you'll never be able to tell.
It says roll-on, so you got it wrong.
I was hoping, hang on, I was hoping that you would be so appalled by that sentence that you would have a tough time typing it.
Why would I get appalled?
A crushed kitten?
Oh, that's a healthy statement.
It's nothing different from wings of fire.
Wait, they crush kittens in your books?
They don't crush it.
Oh, that's horrifying!
They throw down Skywing eggs.
What?
They throw Skywing eggs.
Oh, now I want an omelette.
No, like, I mean, if a dragon is born with fire scales, they kill it.
With fire scales?
Why?
Because they're dangerous.
One touch can kill a- I'm very glad I've been vetting all your books to make sure that you- One touch can kill a dragon.
A fire?
Uh, no, yeah, it's fire scales.
Oh my god!
All our scales are fire.
Do you remember the video- the picture of the book I showed you?
Yeah.
That's a fire scale dragon, except they never killed her because an evil queen wanted her, like, to kill prisoners.
Oh, you know what?
I'm gonna do one with a proper keyboard.
Oh my god, no, what the- No, no, no, no, no!
No, I love this one!
Oh, it's so scary for you.
No, it's not me!
Dad, it's one of your 62 tablets, okay?
I think you can live.
Wait, am I down to 62?
Did I lose three?
Yeah, I think you did.
All right, go sit.
All right, here we go.
I bet you had 62 in your life, though.
You know, one day, I doubt I'll ever get time for this, but one day it would be fun to add up all the computers I've had.
I think you should actually do that.
I've sold a bunch, actually.
Oh, really?
Yeah, when I was younger, I used to just... I would put ads in the paper and I would sell computers.
I remember one guy came over and he said, it was basically a computer for playing games, but you know what he said?
What?
Yes, I'm going to use this to control all of the lights and all of that in the house to make sure that we save on power.
And you know what I said to him?
What?
Dude, I'm not your wife.
You don't have to tell me this story.
I knew he wanted it for the games.
All right, um, this thing I think is totally stocked, so we're gonna have to... Hey, don't pull when I'm doing that.
Sorry, why?
Because I've got my finger on it.
But it's funny!
Feel that.
I don't know why that computer gets so hot.
It's crazy.
I feel like it, uh, I feel like it, uh, is it really?
It's not gonna burn?
Oh, now I want some steak.
No, Dad, I'm on fire.
It's okay.
I feel like there should be some kind of cooling thing here.
Or some fan thing, but I don't think there is.
So dad, I just wanted to say, you remember the Wings of Fire thing?
Sorry, in roleplaying how it's supposed to be like they throw the baby dragons off the cliffs?
So teach them how to fly.
Yeah.
Basically what they do to this dragon is they don't throw them off cliffs to teach them how to fly.
But basically, so like for the fly out scale, dragons often, what happens is, well this is only the way it can happen, is there's an egg and it has two dragons inside.
This is what they call them.
Yeah.
One of them gets all the firepower and the other one doesn't get any.
Really?
Yeah.
Is it the older or the younger?
Does it matter?
It doesn't matter.
50-50?
It's just the same egg.
Okay.
And what happens is they normally end up killing both because one of them is useless for war, and one of them can kill anything.
They kill one of the siblings?
They kill both.
Wait, how many siblings are there?
Two.
In the egg.
There's a single egg.
Oh, how many eggs do they have?
Um, I'm not sure.
But more than one?
Because otherwise if they have eggs with two and they kill two, then that's it, right?
No, no, no.
It only happens...
So occasionally, it's really rare.
Only some dragons can actually... Like twins for humans, right?
It's twins kind of, except whenever you do get a twin egg, so one egg with two dragons inside, one of them gets fire scales and one of them doesn't get any power at all.
Very occasionally, like you crack an egg, right, and you get two yolks?
Yeah.
So it's kind of like that, so they end up throwing both of them off a cliff.
You know what?
Because the fire scale dragon is too dangerous to touch.
You touch and you get scars.
This is a weird coincidence.
What?
Like, seriously.
What?
I really do have to tell you the story of your twin.
And what happened.
Doubt that's gonna happen.
Wait, do I have fire power?
No, I'm kidding.
Your twin looked at me funny, disagreed with me, and, well, worst of all, your twin typed faster than me.
Anyway, okay.
Oh, wait, so you're saying you're gonna throw me off a cliff now?
No.
No, because we're down to one.
Ooh, well, let's see.
There were 16 eggs.
Each one of them was a twin.
Wait, hang on.
Oh my god, dad!
Wait, what's that number?
17?
16 times 2 is 30-something.
32.
There you go.
But no, no, but you're still here.
So one out of 32 has remained.
Oh my god.
Yeah, last child standing, that was the name of the game.
All right.
All the kids were freaked out, right?
I am ready.
Okay.
I have super fast computer now.
Doesn't look that way.
Keyboard is about to come.
I can feel it.
Oh, there we go.
Alright.
Okay, are you ready?
Yeah.
Can we do like long phrases the way we did with Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious?
A long word?
Yeah, a long word.
WATERMELON!
Okay, no, I can give you a long word.
Tell me.
Okay, what's the longest word that you know that you think you can spell?
Hillary Clinton.
Hillary Clinton?
Go!
No, stop!
I'm making a joke!
Alright.
Anyways, actually, yeah, let's do that.
No, because if you type Hillary Clinton into your computer, all the data ends up in China.
Yeah, so do you want to, let's do that.
Alright, go!
Done.
Okay, sorry. - Okay.
Oh.
Oh, it did it autocorrect.
Oh, it autocorrected.
That's really interesting.
You won that one.
Okay.
Are you ready?
Oh, oh, oh.
Okay, go.
Erase.
I've got one for you.
Now, we... I actually taught you this name before.
It's a guy, I think he used to be in charge of Iran or something, right?
Are you ready?
Wait, are you ready?
Wait, I'm typing!
I don't know!
Go type!
I don't know!
Done!
I know!
You can go type.
Go type.
Done!
Wait.
One, two, three, four.
Actually, that's perfect.
Really?
What?
What is that?
One, two, three, four, five.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's perfect.
Oh wait, how come, how then my, how then, then how is mine perfect?
Well, mine's obviously in the original Arabic and yours is in English.
So, there's that.
Okay, erase!
Dad, my tablet is just like, what?
Yeah, yeah, there's no auto-correct for that, right?
Alright.
Are you ready?
I don't know how to spell that.
Oh, wait.
Oh!
Voldemort!
Wait, wait, wait!
Wait!
Oh, what?
I'm ready.
Go!
Done!
Done!
Voldemort?
Vladimir?
What did I get, boo?
Voldemort.
You said Voldemort.
Voldemort.
All right.
I think it's Voldemort.
I think you can... All right, are you ready for another one?
Yeah.
All right.
Can I do names that you've never heard of before?
Yeah.
All right.
Asmodeus!
Wait!
What?
Asmodeus!
Done.
Done.
Asparagus.
Asparagus and salacious.
What does salacious even mean?
Salacious means something that's kind of interesting because it usually involves people kissing.
All right.
Salacious details.
I don't know.
It was just a thing that popped out.
All right.
What?
It's one of my things.
Okay.
Do you want to do one?
You can play scoot traps in Mope.io.
Damn it!
Done.
Oh, we did it at the same time.
High five.
All right.
Wait.
Oh, don't break your fingernails on my extreme muscles.
That was so light.
Ow!
It's itching!
I want like... You want me to go for it?
Like a baby tiger.
All right.
Does that actually hurt?
No.
Okay.
Okay.
Are you ready?
Wait, what does that mean?
Oh, okay.
Here's a place.
Here's a place.
What?
I will say it to you three times, and the third time we type, okay?
Okay, you ready?
Okay.
Erase?
Wait.
Timbuk2.
Wait.
Tim... Wait, wait!
Okay, go!
Wait!
Done!
Timbak2?
It's not the number 2!
How am I supposed to do that?
Fine.
Oh, here's the place.
Okay, are you ready?
This is a business.
What's it called?
Are you ready?
I'm just gonna say it once, then we type, okay?
Yeah.
Ready?
Yeah.
Bok, bok, chickens.
Done.
Wait, I got really confused, I'm sorry.
My keyboard glitched, it went into something else.
Oh, it's the keyboard, it's the keyboard.
Yeah, and no, I'm not that person that you talked about some dumb saying.
Alright.
Okay, wait, can we try again?
Okay.
You did a period too!
Bok bok chickens!
Done.
Done.
Bok bok chi-gens.
What do you mean?
It's chickens.
Wait, how's the undo here?
Is there an undo?
No.
Alright, fine.
Revert.
I've reverted.
Revert.
REVERT!
Alright, are you ready?
Oh.
This is a... Oh, this is a mountain in Africa.
Was it Africa?
Yeah, okay.
Are you ready?
Wait, don't talk.
Mount Mbao.
He sounds like the screaming Chinese man in the mountains.
Daddy, smell.
He's not Chinese.
How does he sound?
You know, in a weird way, I kind of admire his ability to scream half musically like that.
Me too.
Okay, are you ready?
Mount Kilimanjaro.
Kilimanjaro.
Done!
That is actually really good.
You've killed a man named Jaro.
Oh, that's sad.
And then you mounted him, like, over the fireplace.
I did.
Like the head of something.
How did I do it before you?
Um... Okay.
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Group chat.
I just kept typing.
Sometimes I do this randomly.
I just keep typing out a word, so look.
Yeah, yeah.
Alright, are you ready?
Are you ready for the next one?
Yeah.
Um... Ooh!
Where I was born.
England?
Okay, first of all, I was not born in the whole country.
What do you think?
My mom was like being dragged around behind a bus during the labor process.
Okay.
What is the town I was born in?
I don't know.
Can you at least get the country right?
Um, I forget what it's called.
Iceland.
Oh no, sorry.
That's where your heart lives for forgetting this about your father.
Sorry.
Where was I born?
You haven't said it for like two years.
maybe about actually three days probably okay are you ready No, no, where's the family?
It starts with an I. I know that.
England?
Well, you know it's funny because England sounds like driving England, right?
So that could be it.
It's not an I!
Iraq!
What?
Get born in Iraq?
Yes.
Okay, right.
Do I look like him?
Okay.
Do I look?
Uh, I was born in I... Ireland!
Ireland!
Now what town, though?
What town?
Oh, God, no.
Ireland.
England town?
I remember where you were born.
That's because you're my father.
Alright.
Athlone.
Athlone, Ireland!
Done!
Oh, God!
Whoops.
Still be iron, I never...
How did I get there, boo?
Throne Ireland!
Now, you know what's nice?
I think it autocorrected Athelone to Throne, which means I'm technically king of Ireland.
That's excellent.
Which would make you a princess!
Still love princesses as much as ever, right?
No.
Alright.
Okay.
God, being a princess would suck.
I'd have to... You'd have to what?
I'd never be able to wear a t-shirt.
Actually, you know, the princess in...
England, who's half American, just said some pretty mean things about Donald Trump.
Meghan Markle, I think her name is.
Alright.
I'm gonna go over there with an axe.
An axe or something?
Okay, are you ready?
Are you ready?
Axe her into something, okay.
Are you ready?
Yes!
Um...Catman do the... Done!
Car-man-doo.
Cat-man-doo.
Yours is cat-man-doo?
What?
I don't even know what cat-man-doo means!
Oh, it's a place.
Oh, how the heck am I supposed to know that?
Because you're homeschooled.
All right.
All right.
Do you want those grapes?
All right.
Here is a place.
It's a fantasy place, and it's called Xanadu.
Oh, I think I got that first boo.
C-A-A-DU.
What?
C-A-A-D-U.
Yeah, this is a fantasy place called C-A-A-D-U.
Oh, you saw, you got it wrong.
I'm telling the recording!
Well, now the problem is it is recorded, so we can go back into it.
So, no, you got it right, except it's one of these weird things where the X sometimes sounds like a Z. So it's X-A-N-A-D-U.
D?
It's also, there was an album that was really not very good called Xanadu.
Look, look, look.
All.
All with an umlaut.
That's those two little dots, they're German.
I know, but I find them cool.
All right.
Kanganika!
Oh, seriously?
It hasn't even registered my tea yet.
Look, do you see that, like, the tea is loose?
Yes, look!
That's... I need a better tablet.
I really do, this is very sad.
I don't know what it does, too.
This is like, it's an i5 processor.
It's supposed to be more powerful than yours, but apparently it has trouble with the T. Oh, that's sad.
That is really sad.
All right.
Well, I think we have to reboot.
For God's sakes, just use the keyboard.
I thought you didn't want me to use a keyboard.
You know what?
I don't care.
I still find it funny, but it's a little more annoying.
I'm going to try one more time.
- You know, the thing is I need to have it cool down as well.
- Oh yeah, I'm not here. - - Ah, there we go, all right.
Now this one.
This is your screen.
Oh, that's a challenge.
Alright, are you ready?
Stop putting things on my notebook for drawings.
Huh?
Dad, take your tablet off.
Stop leaving your notebook where I put things.
I'm sorry!
I put my notebook there first, so you have to respect where I put my things.
Smug face.
Now that is called a homesteading property.
In other words, if you have it first.
It's like, um, you know what it's like?
It's like when you park.
If you get to, if there's no set parking, then you, if you park first, you just, uh, you just win.
All right.
Here we go.
Here we go.
All right.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
All right.
This is a very unusual place.
Are you ready?
You have to get this.
Are you ready?
No, tell me first.
All right.
It's a bit of a made up place, but I think you'll know how to spell it.
Fudgehead-o-rama.
Oh, I'm done!
That is very good.
Fudgehead-o-rama.
And fudgehead-o-rama defenseless.
Good.
All right.
Fudge Hedorama has been done.
You know what's really sad?
What makes me cry a little?
What?
So I was doing all this research for the debate last night.
Oh yeah.
Meat cooked foods needed for early human brain.
So this is an argument that says the only way that we got to grow a big brain was because we had all the calories and fat.
Like brain needs a lot of fat.
Calories and fat from meat, right?
Yeah.
So, because, you know, the human brain, even when you're resting, it consumes 20% of your body's energy.
Now, that's for most people.
I'm obviously closer to 120%, but for most people it's just, it's 20%, right?
That's a lot.
Yeah.
I mean, like, still, but...
Yeah.
All right.
120% would be insane because you'd have no body if it took up all your energy.
Well, more than all your energy.
Right.
Well, my body is actually a holograph.
Not many people know that.
What do you mean it's a holograph?
So a holograph is like a pretend three-dimensional shape that is... All right.
Well, do you want... It's very vivid.
Very vivid.
Very vivid.
Yeah, it's very realistic.
All right.
Well, then I'm going to jump on you.
Oh, so realistic.
That was a lot less intense when you were younger.
All right.
Yes, it was.
Except I'm 10 now.
Listen, listen.
For gorillas to evolve a human-like brain, they would need an additional 733 calories a day, which would require another two hours of feeding.
And they already spent 80% of the tropics 12 hours of daylight eating.
Now, what is another biped that spends 80% of its day feeding?
You.
Yes, that is correct.
That is correct.
I'm like, I don't know anything until you raise your hand.
So early humans eating only raw vegetation would have needed to munch for more than nine hours a day to get enough calories.
Right.
Whereas you, you know, you have a steak and you're like full for like hours and hours.
Yeah.
Do you want, except like two minutes later, I'm hungry again.
And so are you.
It's funny.
We're like, we don't know if it's like, why, why are we different?
Because it's like, We eat a steak, and then five minutes later, we're like, is it weird to eat something again?
Well, especially, I think- My mom's like, yes, and we're like, no.
That's right, that's right.
Okay, are you ready?
Let's do this last one, and then we'll do our- No, I wanna do more!
Okay, two.
Fine.
Three.
Two, three.
No, I do not agree.
No, no, no, come on, let's do three.
I wanna do these lyrics.
No, but these are funny!
Yeah, I know, but let's do the lyrics.
Well, this is gonna be our show.
What, this?
Yes.
This?!
Yes!
Yeah, alright, okay.
Alright, are you ready?
So we can add Billie Eilish to the next show?
All right, are you ready?
Yes.
Type out all the lyrics to every Billie Eilish song ever written, even the ones she hasn't published.
Go!
What?
Here we go.
Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan.
We're still publishing this.
Okay.
Wait, wait, watch, boo.
Watch, watch, see?
Copy, paste, watch.
Look.
Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan, Satan.
Oh, that's going to take a while.
Let's do it faster.
Hang on, you hold the control key down.
Wait, wait.
Now push your backspace.
That's what I did to my whole element thing.
Yeah.
Alright.
You choose a phrase.
Thanks for teaching me how to do that.
Yeah, yeah.
You choose a phrase.
Sad.
Here.
No, I didn't mean that.
That's what I was writing.
Okay, go.
Ah!
No, go ahead.
No, I'm not ready, so...
Say group chat in weird writing.
No.
You can't use your... No, that is totally unfair for you to use the pre-done text.
It's the old... I just created the group chat in Skype.
That's how I named it.
I know, I know.
Okay, go.
What?
Go.
Go what?
Give me a phrase.
I don't know.
You do it.
I'll do a phrase?
Alright.
Tulip number.
Glass stops lions eating children.
Done! - Mmm. - Wait, you know what that sounds like?
That sounds like that book we're reading with Stephen Devilist.
Remember Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, that's pretty funny.
Alright.
Do I have to cut out the Wings of Fire part from the book?
Are you ready?
Yeah.
No one likes snakes around their necks.
Danish?
How did I do, boo?
Wait, dad, let's just try typing things without any autocorrection or anything.
I'll turn this off.
Wait, you've been using autocorrection?
No, I haven't!
That's why something's corrected to... Ow, my ear.
Okay.
Alright, let's do this.
Let's do this.
Wait, but what are you... Do you want me to do the French?
Dad, remember from the Bok Bok Chicken?
Oh, that's funny.
Alright, are you ready?
This is gonna be very confusing for the autocorrect engine, like all the weird things we've been typing.
It really is.
Just turn off your autocorrection.
Oh, this doesn't have it.
Okay, are you ready?
Yeah.
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Wait, wait, wait!
Okay, are you ready?
Okay.
Erase, erase.
I like to wear omelets in my socks.
Done.
I like to wear omelettes in my sockles.
In my... I like to wheat omelettes in my sockles.
Omelettes! - I spelled omelettes wrong.
Omelettes is one of these because it's French, right? - Yeah. - I used that French, so omelettes, omelettes, omelettes.
- Okay. - Okay, do it just not necessary.
- Omelettes!
- Ah!
- Okay, are you ready?
- There you go. - I sat on a fry pan and worn omelette outside my pants.
- Okay.
- Done.
- Why are you bright pants?
- Right.
- What?
Okay, here we go.
I stood on a fruit pan and wore an omelette on my fruit panties.
Izzy, no fruit panties.
I like fruit panties.
No, fruit panties are not to be allowed.
I like fruit panties.
I'm gonna put a fruit pa... You poked me!
I'm already laughing too hard.
I stood on a fruit pan.
Whereas, how did mine go, Daddy?
I sat on a fry pan and wore an omelette outside.
Now wait, wait.
Smug face.
There we go.
Alright.
Dad.
Yes?
Look.
Watch.
What?
Hashtag smug face.
Nice.
Nice.
No, Dad, I can't tell you how many.
This is why we should do video.
Alright, go ahead.
No, go ahead.
Alright.
Another phrase?
Yeah.
- Yeah. - All right.
I opened the dishwasher and the dragon attacked me.
I'm not finished!
All right.
Im opened the dishwasher and a Drogon attacked me.
That's pretty good.
All right.
It was yours.
Oh, uh, hey, wait, wait.
Oh, is that... Hurt, Satan, Satan.
Hurt, Satan, Satan.
I opened the dishwasher and a Dragon attacked me.
I'm sorry, I don't see anything.
Hey.
Hey, hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
You see it now, don't you?
No, I don't.
Oh, we have to get you dry.
Here, let me lick your eyeballs.
Here.
I'm gonna lick you.
Actually, my mom used to suggest that when I get something in my eye, she'd try and lick it out.
Oh my God, ew.
Yeah, yeah.
Gave me some wonderful dreams.
I'm gonna lick you again.
Stop it.
Okay, you ready?
Oh, you didn't even wipe it off, Dad.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Are you ready?
Alright, last one.
Wait.
Here we go.
Are you set?
Yeah.
I once thought daddy was wrong, but I was wrong.
You'll need a comma.
Alright.
Done!
I won!
Daddy was wrong, but Jay was right!
Oh, so Dad, you once thought Yourself was wrong.
Well, no.
I could be talking about my daddy.
Okay, so you're saying your dad was right?
I once thought daddy was wrong, but I was wrong.
I could be wrong about that.
Okay, so you think your dad's right?
Well, once.
He must have been right about something.
Really?
Well, he was right to marry my mother.
Otherwise, I wouldn't be here.
And if I wasn't here, you'd be a crazy person talking to a chair.
Assuming you're not.
*Screams* I just know I can make that noise.
Alright, alright.
Can we do another one?
That's fine.
No!
No, no, I'm ready to stop.
Okay, here we go.
No, I love this!
I know, it's good.
You keep laughing, and it's fun.
I feel offended!
Oh, well.
Get in line.
Wait, come here.
I want to see something.
I think you have something on your nose.
No, no, don't flick my nose.
I won't flick your nose.
Oh, really?
I'm not gonna flick your nose, she says.
I won't do it now.
Let me just see.
I think there's something on your nose.
You kind of see that.
Are you gonna flick my nose?
No, I'm not!
This is a trust exercise.
I promise!
I'm being sus.
What?
I'm being sus.
You're being suspicious.
Yes.
Go.
Wait, how are you being suspicious?
That means you are suspicious.
I am suspicious that you're gonna flick my nose.
No, Dad.
I am being suspicious.
That's what you said.
I am suspicious.
No, you said I am being- I am a being called suspicious!
Okay, good.
Oh, okay.
Hi, Suspicious.
How are you doing?
I'm suspicious.
Can you see it?
Oh, you flicked my nose!
I did?
I only did it because you said sus- Now, here comes the reign of flickiness.
Alright.
I'm gonna pour water on you!
I'm gonna pour water on you is- I'm gonna pour water on you is- No, no, don't, don't, no.
Computers, computers, computers.
Oh, that's very damn... I'm... Oh, you're really behind on your typing now.
I'm going to pour... Ow!
No, no, don't... Oh, that's it.
Okay.
I'm going to... What the... Pour water on you.
I'm going to pour on you.
Not the right water.
Okay, here's a different one we're gonna try.
Can you try?
No, here's a different one.
No, here's a different one.
See, is that wet?
That was your fingers.
You probably wiped it off.
No, my fingers are dry.
Could you grab me a towel?
My fingers were wet.
Give me a towel.
Sorry.
No, it's fine.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
My fingers were wet and I typed you.
Sorry, I did not type it.
I typed it on the top.
My head is crying.
Okay, here we go.
Are you ready?
So here's the challenge.
This is the new challenge.
So you know there's voice recognition on both these computers, right?
Wait, I don't have it.
Yeah, you do.
I'm not using it.
No, but you can.
Okay, we can do it on this.
We can do it on this.
So here is the challenge.
The challenge is that we need to say a phrase... Let's see if the computer gets it right.
It has to be a real word, but it has to be something the computer will get wrong.
Does that make sense?
Got it.
All right.
All right.
Initializing.
Let me just grab her.
I think we're going to need a plug.
You see, there was a singer named Nina Harding, who actually had a really good voice, but she was German, and German people are often a little bit high-strung, and kind of jumpy, a little bit nuts, and Um, I mean, lots of normal, but you know, anyway, a little bit here and there.
And she... Okay.
Sorry, go ahead.
What?
Oh, you want one?
Uh, yeah, okay, sure.
What flavor?
I mean, what color?
So we have... Choose for me.
No, I'm not choosing for you, because I know... So, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, pink, and purple, surprisingly.
Yes.
Here you go.
I'll close.
My boy.
I have to take out my face.
All right, are you ready?
There we go.
Wait, I don't want... I don't want purple.
Purple's disgusting.
The only reason we have pink is because it's from the very top.
So this German singer, she had a lovely voice, but sometimes she'd basically just growl, and there was one part of a song I've always remembered.
We are going to another disco.
Disco after disco.
And she literally has a lovely voice, but she'd growl like that.
Oh, that woman's getting divorced.
What woman?
Do you know... gotta get that song.
Oh, uh, wait, and, uh, um, shall we walk?
Anyway.
No, Dad.
Can we walk?
Okay, so, try another nonsense phrase.
Why is it good that she's getting divorced again?
I didn't say it was good, I'm just saying she is.
Oh, I thought you said it was.
Sorry.
Her name is Fergie.
Fergie.
Fergie.
Oh, you've told me about her.
Yeah.
Alright.
What was the- Oh, wait a minute.
It was fantastic to headbutt that cheese!
All right, Izzy.
Yeah?
Do you think she may have dated him because he's a really nice guy?
Um, no, because he looks pretty mean and he's pretty attractive.
He's kind of handsome, right?
Yeah, he is.
He looks like someone who'd steal your bike, though.
You know, and sell it on the dark web or something.
Yeah.
Is there a dark web?
What?
Cool.
Oh, dark web is, I don't know much about it, but some part of the internet where you can be much more anonymous.
That's very sad.
What?
So they began dating in 2004.
How many years ago?
What?
2004. 62?
Yeah, that's not a guess.
Well done.
I suck at the quick math.
You know that.
It's 2019 now, so 19 minus 4.
Oh, that's actually smart.
15.
Yeah, 15 years ago.
First two first began dating in 2004, but getting engaged in 2007.
Finally tying the knot, which is getting married.
Oh, that's very sad.
They've got a five-year-old son together, but they've been separated for two years.
So he was three when they separated.
That's very sad.
I'm thinking.
That's a good thing to do.
No, it isn't.
No, it isn't.
It's like, this show would not exist if you did not think.
That's true.
Minecraft.
Alright.
Oh, wait.
Do you want to try it?
Since I see Minecraft on your tab.
Yeah, you can do that, right?
I got something.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
I hate Minecraft after the new update because it made everything look ugly.
Ah, I like that.
See, "'cause' is kind of like slang.
Like, you can write it, but it's not considered to be good English, because people do say it like that, right?
Okay, last one.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
I remember asking Tiamat not to attack the fishwives in Seatown.
And also his watermelon forehead.
Now, you gotta let it finish before you turn the mic off.
That's pretty good, though, right?
I remember asking Tiamat not to attack the fishwives in Seatown.
A fish wife is the wife of a fisherman, I think, yeah.
All right.
You do the last one.
Do you have anything?
Are you completely drawing a blank?
Uh-uh.
All right.
Wait, let me think.
I need to do something with T-MAT.
Because T-MAT is a cool dragon.
It's a very cool dragon.
Five heads look super cool.
If only T-MAT had five letters and not six, then we could have, like, let's say T. One letter per head.
No, it's not that.
It's not that.
Let's say T. No, let's see.
The thing can give you a furball?
A hairball?
Yeah.
No, do you want to forget it?
But it can have one name for each head, starting with its letter.
Oh yeah, that would make sense.
Well, you could do that, and then there's one for the tail.
So there's one tail, right?
No, that does not count.
Oh.
A tail does not have a head.
That is very true.
Although, there are some people who theorize.
Wait.
Tiamat's tail does not have heads.
All right, try that again.
It may not have been ready.
TMX tail does not have heads.
Oh, that's funny TMX.
Oh, that's funny.
All right.
High five?
Okay.
That was fun.
▲
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