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Dec. 21, 2014 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
03:16:50
2868 Patriarchy Erotica - Friday Call In Show December 19th, 2014

The show starts off in unique fashion as Stefan reads some Patriarchy Erotica. Yes, this happened. What is the role of personality in achieving virtue? To what extent should I attribute my 'natural' empathetic tendencies to my mother/upbringing and how much to being a good parent/person? Is education a human right? What are the major problems with education and how can they be fixed? How do you become memorable to other people?

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Time Text
Hi everybody, it's Stefan Molyne from Freedom Main Radio.
I hope you're doing well.
It's Friday night.
We have moved one day.
Sorry for the switch.
Hope you're doing magnificently well.
And if you'd like to help out the show, as always, you can stare deep into my googly car eyes and go to freedomainradio.com slash donate.
It's Christmas time and we...
Need your help.
In all seriousness, 50 cents a show, that's what we request for, I believe, the highest quality, most life-changing balls-deep internet you'll find in this or any other galaxy.
Something from 4chan that was sent to us from a listener.
I will give my rendition.
I see a woman using her laptop in the airport.
I notice it has stopped working.
My oppressive male heart fills with sadistic malice towards her.
I walk up to her, grinning with savage glee.
Shock and horror fills her face as she sees me looming over her.
Her eyes brim with tears.
She cowers and begs, Please don't, sir!
My engorging penis begins to rip the seams of my pants as I leer and say, Pardon me, but I couldn't help noticing you're having computer troubles.
If you don't mind, I'm sure I could fix them.
Her eyes downcast, she mumbles, Okay.
I savagely take her computer and begin to fix the rather simple problem as tears stream down her face.
All the men around me begin laughing evilly and hooting like wild apes of Borneo, reveling in her oppression.
I hand it back to her, saying darkly that it should be working now.
Testosteron-fueled ecstasy fills me as I watch her spirit crumble.
She weakly takes it from my strong male grip.
All the women in the airport are now forced on their knees from the oppression in the air.
Defeated.
Broken, she feebly sobs.
Thank you.
As the last of her independence disappears.
As I go to catch my flight, I smugly reply.
it was my privilege.
Now that's the audition that would never have gotten me into theater school.
laughter I'm sorry.
So, ladies, if Duke Nukem does want to help fix your computer, please let him.
I had no problem with it except for engorging penis.
I think it's supposed to be engorged unless it's actually at a buffet eating something.
Who are we to criticize the genius of 4chan?
That's right.
That's right.
Whoever wrote that, doubtless wrote all of Shakespeare's works and is just hiding it from everyone.
All right.
Well, good luck topping that tonight on the show.
Was it to your satisfaction?
Did I get the gig?
You're hired, Steph.
You're hired.
All right.
For my side erotic fan fiction business that I'm starting.
I am hired to read the audiobook reader of 4chan, the entire message board.
That's actually a great idea.
4chan, the audiobook.
Not only will it illuminate you, it will give you digital paper cuts to the eyeball.
I actually want to do that now.
Good.
Well, let's put it on the list of projects we'll never do.
How's that?
Along with just about 99% of all of our other ideas.
Hey, Steph, I have an idea for a presentation.
Yeah, put it in an email.
All right.
Well, up first today is Matthew.
Matthew wrote in and said, What is the role of personality in achieving virtue?
And can you demonstrate if a personality test, like Myers-Briggs or Big Five, is measuring aspects of the true self?
I'm sorry, this has to fall into the...
Well, sorry.
Is there anything you want to say ahead?
No, I was going to ask if your voice was better, but I think I got my answer after the auditions.
Oh yeah, it's better.
I mean, it's almost back to normal.
That's good.
Look, this has to fall into the why do you care category.
It doesn't mean it's not important.
I just want to know why it's important to you.
Yeah.
Well, I guess you could say I had a kind of religious experience with personality tests.
So I've heard you talk about Myers-Briggs test before and say, basically, it was bullshit.
Okay, when someone starts to say basically, that's usually when they go off the rails.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'm feeling a little nervous.
But no, to elaborate on that, I got really into it and this is a multi-billion dollar industry and Yeah, basically...
Shit!
Sorry.
No, no, listen, because I'm asking you a very difficult question up front.
It's totally understandable that this would be annoying and discombobulating.
Because I'm not diving straight into the topic.
I'm asking why it's important to you.
Just keep going honestly about what happened with you with personality tests.
I mean, I think I had a similar experience, so I can share mine if that helps.
Maybe if you want to go first, that's fine, or I can go first.
No, I'll keep going.
So, you know, I completed the test, and I found out that I was actually the rarest personality type.
Wait.
Now, for those who don't know, hang on.
Sorry, for those who don't know, the rarest type of personality test in the Myers-Briggs universe is unobtainium, I think.
Is that right?
INFJ, but it's close.
So, yeah, I was really happy with the results.
And I started telling everyone I knew that they should take the test and, like, I felt a kind of connection with people who shared the same types.
I really didn't even question it.
Then when I actually sent an email from Mike to ask about personality tests and to call into the show, I started to realize, well, I should probably do a little research on this.
Then I found out that a lot of the criticisms are Are true.
And...
And can you just reiterate a few of those criticisms for those who don't, who haven't listened to every single Freedom Aid radio show before?
God help them.
Well, yeah, like the fact that it doesn't actually measure anything in particular.
Also, the fact that it was created by people who are not psychologists.
It was Catherine Briggs and her daughter, Isabelle, who Who became interested in the topic after reading Young's book, Psychological Type.
And another criticism is that it relies on flattery to achieve popularity.
And you can see that it's extremely popular in the world today and a lot of...
And in that realm, sorry to interrupt, but in that realm, it sort of goes along the lines of astrology?
I'll actually start to have more respect for astrology when it's like, Wednesday, December 27th, you know, Pisces, you're all basically just assholes.
I mean, that to me would be...
Great things are in store.
But anyway, go ahead.
Right, and then other things like the reliability of the test.
I found that there wasn't a large correlation between people who ended up in the...
As a teacher, for example, I found that the same...
A number of people were teachers who shared that personality type.
And it just generally puts people into boxes.
It doesn't allow for the possibility of change.
You're supposed to have this type your whole life, and that's just not what the results show.
People will Get different results if they take it even within a short period of time.
And so once I started researching this, I found other tests that are out there, such as the Big Five personality test, also known as OCEAN. And this one is more highly regarded in the psychological community.
There's much more of a consensus on this.
So it uses something called factoring to break down the possible traits or characteristics into five groups of temperament.
So that's about the back story.
And I suppose why I care about this and why I'm asking about personality with regards to virtue is almost a marketing question.
How do we get philosophy out there and if we have evidence that a certain person is in A certain place.
Okay, hang on.
Hang on.
Hang on.
So, and let me just interrupt you for a sec.
I'm sorry for this.
So, when I was, I think, maybe 19 or 20, I went to a libertarian gathering.
No, no.
I was in high school, I think.
Maybe 17 or 18.
I went to a libertarian gathering at Glendon College.
And one of them was like, how did you communicate libertarian ideas to other people?
And there were these four different personality types and There was a blue one and I read this.
I thought, oh man, this is really me.
And it was like, how do you communicate ideals to various personality types?
In other words, if you know their personality types, it's like being an expert lockpick.
You can somehow use their preferences or use their personality preferences in order to pick the tumblers of their resistance and get the idea across them in a more effective way.
So is this sort of roughly what you're talking about here?
Yeah.
Right.
So, can you think of a movement in the past that has succeeded based upon this approach?
Like, so, for instance, the anti-slavery movement, did it try to analyze personality types and so on, or Christianity, which of course was a movement, or Islam, or the civil rights movement and so on, did they do a lot of personality type analysis in order to get their ideas across?
I... I know...
So, this would be my first question.
And libertarians do seem to be somewhat keen on these personality types.
In my experience, and there's lots, of course, who aren't.
But I think it serves a purpose.
I just don't think it serves libertarianism, in particular, or any movement that focuses on it.
Because it seems kind of manipulative.
Like, I'll bend my message based upon what personality type I think you are.
I think it comes across as manipulative to people, but I'm happy to hear what you think.
Well, I think you...
Would you say that you do tailor the approach that you take when talking to someone based on how they seem to be or types of interactions you have?
Well, I don't know.
I mean, I don't do a whole lot of one-on-one philosophy stuff.
You know, it's kind of like my job, right?
So I don't necessarily, like, on the bus, not a lot of doctors diagnose people on the bus.
And not, I mean, for me at least, you know, my job is doing philosophy to the world or with the world, at the world.
And so for me, I don't sort of, I mean, so very briefly, if I am speaking to a more general audience, then I will bring the ideas together.
More slowly or I would recognize where the knowledge gap is for sure, but that's like a teacher a professor who's teaching first-year physics or who's teaching a graduate level of physics is going to tailor his Lessons to the knowledge level of the students but not based upon their personality type just sort of based on what they know or don't know Oh the scientific revolution.
I don't think that was spread based on personality types either Well, is that true because If you have an extroverted child, you know they're going to work better in groups.
You're going to be more successful teaching an introverted child just one-on-one.
They're going to excel.
Well, but no, hang on.
That's the form, not the content.
That's the form of the learning, not the content.
Libertarianism is content, right?
So you're doing a bait and switch here, right?
Okay.
Right.
No.
It's like saying somebody who's an albino will learn better indoors than out in the sun because they're worried about sunburn.
Okay, sure.
And, you know, deaf people don't learn as well from spoken words.
But that's just an adaptation to particular circumstances.
I don't think that's a tailor-the-content to personality type.
You may be tailoring the form to personality type, but not the content.
In other words, that wouldn't be specific to libertarianism at all.
Or philosophy.
You could...
Yeah, you're absolutely right.
I mean, the content...
UPV isn't going to change because somebody is predisposed to a certain...
Yeah, so you could sort of, as far as I understand it, this has been like 35 years or whatever, but it's sort of like, if somebody is more of a rebel and more of an independent thinker, then you would focus on the freedom aspects of libertarianism.
And if somebody is, you know, more introverted, you know, you could talk about how they won't be bothered by people in authority kicking in their door and stuff.
So you could sort of tailor the benefits of libertarianism to various personality types.
Is that sort of right?
Yeah.
I don't think I was ever talking about content, but yeah, more of a form that, because as you know, and the reason you've been so successful is because you could appeal to that larger audience.
You didn't have to just care about The taxation of the state and whatnot.
You can actually get women interested in things like libertarianism.
I mean, what an amazing feat.
So, I feel like we're getting away from the question a bit.
Well, no, I don't think we are because your question was how do we spread philosophy?
And could personality types have some value in helping to spread it?
Is that right?
Well, it was around...
More specific to...
Oh, sorry.
Let me get your question again.
What is the role of personality in achieving virtue?
Well, there can be no role of personality in achieving virtue.
Because that would be to ascribe...
Easier achievement of virtue to particular personality types, in which case it can't be counted as virtue.
It would be like saying height is virtue, and some people are born taller than others.
But virtue is something that must be understood, it must be learned, it must be committed to, it must be lived consistently and with integrity, and everyone who's a moral agent is capable of that.
Because if some people just wake up in the morning and they just want to be virtuous and they have no problem, let's say, being virtuous and so on, then it's not really a virtue.
You know, there's some people whose bodies have a high metabolism.
They can eat whatever they want and they never gain any weight.
We don't call them wise eaters.
In fact, those people can do very badly from a health standpoint because they don't get the spare tire that indicates poor eating habits.
So they just stay skinny, stay skinny.
And they may be doing horrible things to their, you know, their digestive system, and they may be doing horrible things to their arteries and so on, but because they never gain any weight, they don't get that early warning system.
But we wouldn't say that somebody who's, like, naturally skinny, he or she can eat whatever they want, they never gain any weight.
Like, wow, that's a really disciplined eater, right?
I think you lost me a little with the metaphor, but...
Okay, but what I'm saying is that virtue cannot be easier or harder for different personality types.
Because there's no personality type called cowardly or false or manipulative or whatever, right?
Like an introvert can tell the truth as easily as an extrovert.
Because let's say, if we were to say, well, an extrovert can tell the truth a lot more easily than an introvert, then we have different standards Of virtue for different personality types.
We have different requirements and standards and capacities for virtue for different personality types.
But that means that morality cannot be universal.
Right?
The whole point of UPB is universally preferable behavior, which means that it is achievable and available to everyone, which is why the arguments have to be as simple as possible.
So let's go with that example.
The introvert...
It's going to have a harder time, say, speaking in crowds.
No, I didn't say that.
That's not what I said.
If you want to do a different example, I said telling the truth.
Okay, telling the truth.
Okay.
I guess that's where the hang-up was for me, because I was thinking, you know, like, the more people you can get involved in philosophy, the more virtuous you would be.
But it's going to be harder for someone.
Hang on, hang on.
You say the more people you get interested in philosophy, the more virtuous you would be?
That's an assumption, but...
I don't think that that's a valid assumption.
Okay.
That's like saying the more people you get to diet, the thinner you are.
Right?
So I think it's great if people...
Want to get other people interested in philosophy, I think that's fantastic.
Great.
But that itself is not an act of virtue, necessarily, right?
Virtue is conformity, at least with the minimum requirements of UPB. So, I mean, I think it's aesthetically preferable, you could say, or a positive thing to do, like being on time, but it's not a moral thing to do.
Because then you'd have to say people who aren't spreading philosophy to other people are immoral, are evil, are wrong.
Right?
So if you have a positive action that is virtue, then the opposite action must be evil, right?
And so if you're saying, well, it's virtuous to spread philosophy, those who aren't spreading philosophy, which this also fails the coma test, a guy in a coma isn't spreading philosophy, that can't be immoral, right?
Yeah, and of course there are things that the extrovert wouldn't be able to do, as well as the introvert That would be an aesthetic aspect of morality.
Now, can I ask you what you're doing to spread philosophy?
So, I'm co-organizer for a meet-up here in Washington, D.C. Talking to people, mostly through the meet-up, I also want...
Yeah, so that's pretty much the extent of what I've done.
In the past year, I've obviously been pretty focused on my own healing.
Okay, so let me interrupt you for a sec, because I'm going to put forward an idea, which I think will help.
Because I get that you're having a bit of a brain freeze.
You're feeling pretty...
Nerve-wracked at the moment, right?
And a conversation is sort of six characters in search of an author, so to speak.
So I'm going to give you a little speech here that I think might be relevant.
There is, of course, the big question that people have, who am I? Who am I? And personality tests can give people an answer to that, at least like an answer.
Now, the big question is, Who am I? Begs answers that are usually extremely unhealthy.
Because people say, who am I? I'm an American, right?
Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber, alles.
People will be handed identities.
I'm Catholic.
I'm black.
I'm whatever, right?
I'm a player.
People will be sold identities that are a kind of enslavement.
And this void of who am I creates this endless conveyor belt of charlatans and sophists and manipulators and controllers who will serve people up a container to pour their emptiness in to create the illusion of an identity.
I'm not saying that you're one of these people, but I think that there may be a susceptibility because there's a reason why you were thrilled when you were a rare personality type, right?
It's like a, ah, I've been defined!
But if you're defined by someone or something else, then of course you're susceptible to that definition, right?
Because as soon as you say, I'm an American, then it must be a good thing to be an American.
But not every American can be good, because otherwise nobody would be in jail.
So once you say, I'm an American, then you're susceptible to people who define what a good American is.
Because everybody wants to not just be an American, but a good American.
So the moment you say, part of my identity is our The essence of my identity is I'm an American.
Then people are going to say, well, a good American obeys the government.
This is what the kids are taught.
A good American serves his country.
Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.
Like a false dichotomy, if ever we heard one, with a New England accent.
Or, you know, well, I'm a Christian.
Well, I want to be a good Christian.
So who the hell is going to tell me what a good Christian is?
Oh, a good Christian pays his tithe and obeys his priest.
Okay.
So, the unformedness of most people's personalities is like a cloud in search of a suit of armor.
Can somebody contain?
Can somebody give me shape?
Can somebody give me dimension?
Can somebody external to myself define good?
The good.
Eudomania, the good life.
Life of excellence.
Now, when somebody says to me, and I say this from personal experience, Which doesn't mean that it's true.
We're just telling you what I think.
When somebody says to me, which I think you have been saying, I'm not sure who I am.
What I hear is, I don't know what I stand for.
There is no identity that exists external to purpose.
Identity is purpose.
Self is purpose.
So, for instance...
If you slip on the edge of the Grand Canyon, and you're just about to fall, but you grab onto the root of a tree, and you're like, oh my god, it's like a thousand feet down, I'm hanging on, are you ever in that moment worried about your identity?
You're worried about your survival.
Yeah, you have no concerns about your identity, Because you have a singular overwhelming purpose, right?
To not fall the thousand feet, but to scramble back up to the lip, right?
When I was 13, I went with my mom to Florida.
We stayed for a week.
I still remember the thunderstorms that happened every afternoon.
Beautiful, beautiful stuff.
There's lightning, thunderstorms.
So one day...
I sit on what we used to call a lilo in England, but it's an inflatable raft.
So I was out just beyond the waves, and I was lying on this inflatable raft, and, you know, the water was doing it slow, rhythmic, slop, slop, this, that, and the other.
And the sun was, you know, turning my closed eyes into those, like, really gorgeous slow-motion orange fireworks that happens when Light hits your closed eyes.
The little blue bombs of color moving and all that.
And I fell asleep.
I fell asleep.
Don't know where my mom was.
But anyway, when I woke up, well, I had gone quite far out to the ocean.
To the point where I could still fortunately see the beach.
But the beach was like this little yellow strip on the horizon.
I was really far out.
Now, beaches are a whole lot of fun until they are like a little yellow strip on the horizon and then you feel you get the sense of hanging like a piece of fruit over an enormously deep with those spear-thick rays of sunlight going down through the waves and all sorts of nasty creatures down there deep who are looking up at you and saying, hey, there's a well-lit kibble up there.
I think I'll go and investigate it.
And so, I started to paddle towards the shore, and of course, I didn't know what exactly current had taken me out so far into the ocean, but it was hard to get back.
Now, I'm telling you this whole time, after I woke up, I'm not worried about my identity and who am I, because I've got a purpose, get back to shore, don't get eaten.
And then, flying fish suddenly erupted out of the water, And flew over my inflated raft.
Now, I knew enough about marine biology and fish to know that flying fish only jump out of the water if they're scared of something.
In other words, there was some sort of predator down there, probably a shark, possibly a barracuda, but some sort of predator, maybe a dolphin, I don't know.
But suddenly, the slow and steady...
progression back to shore did not seem to be the right idea.
And basically, I was on the swim team.
I could rip through water like an electric eel dropped from a plane spearing down to the depths.
And I rolled off and I just went like a mad son of a bitch towards the shore.
Now, that whole time that I'm swimming towards the shore, you know, you can't help but inwardly shiver at the thought of endless teeth chomping down on your leg and All that sort of stuff, femoral, uttering yourself into the deep blue beyond.
Nothing happened.
I got to shore, waited for another hour and a half for my raft to come in and I sort of could see it and all that.
But the time from when I woke up to when I got back to the shore, I had no concerns for my identity because I had an overwhelming purpose.
Don't go any further out to sea.
Fight your way back to shore.
Don't get eaten by whatever the hell was chasing the flying fish.
So when people say to me, I found great value in an external definition of my personality, what I hear, Matthew, what I hear is, I lacked purpose, therefore I needed an external structure.
Because once you have sufficient purpose, your identity becomes irrelevant.
In other words, identity becomes Is the gas that rushes in to fill a vacuum of purpose.
Which is why, and look, I'm not trying to criticize or say anything negative about you because you are focusing, as you said, on healing and figuring out yourself and so on, right?
And that is a perfectly valuable thing for you to do and so on.
I think that's fantastic and that's a value and you should keep doing that in my humble opinion.
But the great relief of a great purpose is a lack of concern over one's identity.
It is, you know, when you commit to a great purpose in your life, there is a great relief because the only people who ask who am I are the people who are missing what do I stand for?
What am I working to achieve?
What am I doing?
There is, in the long run, a self-indulgence in who am I. Because if you are of service to the world, and if you are of service to philosophy, and if you're of service to virtue, you will never ever wake up saying, what's it all about?
What's the point?
Who am I? What's it all for?
You won't.
You simply won't.
Any more than if you see some kid drowning in a lake.
You don't sit there and say, gosh, what's it all for?
Does it really matter if the kid lives or dies?
You go and save the kid, right, if you can.
And that whole time, you know, you're not worrying about your identity because you have a clear purpose.
And those who are the most concerned about identity are those, I think, with the most to offer the world in terms of education, in terms of stimulus, in terms of being an example for others to follow.
So, if you are very concerned about your identity, I would invite you, in the long run, when you've done your self-healing and so on, or, you know, I guess we're never done, but when you've achieved enough of that, for you to recognize that asking the question, who am I, is a great way of avoiding entering the arena of what do I stand for and who the fuck do I stand against.
Whenever you stand for something, you stand against something.
You put on the uniform of virtue, you enter into the combat of good versus evil.
And worrying about your identity is a lot easier than putting on the costume of the superhero and with the superheroes come the villains.
The villains get away with everything until the superhero comes along and then they have to use their superpowers.
You don't need to have a utility belt to walk through a subway door, right?
But if the door is jammed, you need tools, right?
So the strength and depth of evil is never recognizable until...
Powerful virtue comes along.
So that's my sort of brief speech that I think Matthew will help in the long run.
Don't worry about who you are.
Worry about what you're fighting for and who you'll be fighting against.
And if you have a passionate commitment to spreading virtue in the world, and you're actually doing it to the best of your ability, which doesn't mean wearing yourself to the bone or anything, but if you are doing it to the best of your ability, I'm telling you this, man.
You will never, ever worry about who you are.
Because when your identity is actually spreading virtue in the world, the great relief is your name is Virtue.
Your name is goodness.
Your name is courage.
Your name is philosophy.
Your name is moral excellence.
And if you have those labels, no one else's labels will matter.
And there's nothing that can be a void in the presence of those words.
Okay.
Thank you for that.
Yeah, I think you're right.
most people in the world want you to distract it with you about who you are are you a good person instead of thinking about are you doing yeah that'll get you worried about the definition of virtue that They'll, you know, who are you, what's your identity, what's, you know, and they'll get you fussed and worrying about yourself.
But when I went parachuting, when I was 17.
The time I jumped out of the plane, until the parachute opened, and then I was floating through a most amazing world up there.
I was floating, it was like I was on the cover of some Mormon tabernacle choir album.
The sun was setting above the clouds, and I was floating down into the clouds.
But the time between jumping out of the plane and the parachute opening...
In no way was challenging to my identity.
Or another way of putting it, who I am is defined by the chalk outlines of my fallen enemies.
You know, the moment you enter into combat and you win, you have an identity.
If you lose, you don't have an identity.
Like, if you're a tiger and you're after...
A zebra.
Well, your pursuit of the zebra, your purpose is who you are.
You are a carnivorous predator.
And if you win and the zebra goes down, then you are a successful carnivorous predator.
And if you never catch any meat to eat, then you die.
So you don't have to worry about your identity because now you're food for grass and worms.
So it is what you are in pursuit of, and in particular what you choose to fight, that is your identity.
That's how Biologists classify meat eaters versus plant eaters.
What are they in pursuit of?
Well, the giraffe are in pursuit of the leaves, right?
And the lions are in pursuit of the giraffe, right?
So that's how they know.
The identity is purpose.
It is what you chase, what you fight, what you stand for, who you stand against, what you will accept, what you reject.
It is through moral action that we gain identity.
The idea that we can gain identity, gain courage, and then go into combat for virtue, It's an illusion that is fostered by evil people to keep good people off the battlefield.
When I'm strong enough, I'm gonna go right down that hill with a lance and win!
No!
No, no, no, no, no a thousand times no.
No.
The moment you can pick up the lance, you ride down the hill.
Because if there are enough of us riding down the hill with the lance, then we win.
And, um...
Courage is a virtue achieved in the active overcoming of fear.
We don't build up courage like we build up wood for the winter.
It's like saying, the moment I'm strong enough, I'm going to start lifting weights.
Nope.
You can only get strong by lifting weights.
You cannot wait until you're strong enough.
You know, the moment I'm really, really good at downhill skiing, I'm going to go win me a gold medal.
But I'm not going to practice.
Well, that wouldn't make any sense, right?
I mean, whenever you start wanting to win a gold medal for downhill skiing, it's a 10-15 year journey.
You've got to start pretty young, I assume.
And it's going to be painful and difficult no matter what.
So, another way of saying I'm lacking an identity is saying I'm going to wait until I have an identity before I'm going to do good.
But you will not have an identity until you're doing good because the only identity is...
The moral pursuit of spreading virtue in a challenging world.
You go to the gym when you're a 98-pound weakling.
You don't sit there and say, well, as soon as I'm 240 pounds of pure muscle, I'll go to the gym.
You can't think your way into muscle.
The only muscles that will grow, grow through resistance.
And the only virtues worth having grow through resistance.
That is the purpose of virtue.
The purpose of a diet book is to have us eat stuff that we wouldn't normally eat or don't want to eat and not eat stuff that we would normally eat and do want to eat.
All diet books require the willpower of rejection.
And all virtues require active combat in the service of good.
Courage requires that you put yourself in dangerous, difficult and frightening situations.
Integrity requires that you are of value enough that you'll be tempted by bad people to do wrong.
Honesty requires that there is punishment for telling the truth and great reward in telling lies.
But enough about the mainstream media.
Yeah, I just wanted to say I think people get stuck because of how daunting the task or the purpose seems.
No, no.
Sorry, Matthew.
They get stuck because thinking it's a daunting process is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And because evil people want them to think it's a daunting process.
Because if they can convince enough people that it's a daunting process, it becomes a daunting process.
But the moment you step forward and fight the phantasms of history and fight the leprous imaginations of wrongdoers, which is the only power they really have, People say, ah, what one man can do, another man can do.
This guy did it, I can do it.
Then it is not overwhelming.
But if they can get enough people to sit out, then they win by default, right?
They get enough good people to have doubt.
And look, doubt is part of virtue.
Nobody's more certain than an evildoer.
Doubt is essential to virtue.
Because we're all raised to believe in wrong and immoral things.
Religiosity, the state, nationalism, so on.
And so if you never doubt those, well then you're just a useful idiot robot for the powers that be.
So doubt is essential to virtue.
Which is why I spent so much time delineating virtue in universally preferable behavior so that people would not have doubt about it.
Doubt is a virtue But doubt kept too long becomes a vice.
There has to be a time where we say, we go to war with the army that we have, says Donald Rumsfeld, right?
We go to war with the army that we have.
Not with the army we'd like to have or could have in five years or 20 years or 50 years.
We go to war with the army we have.
I mean, the allies in the Second World War didn't say, well, you know, we don't have any satellites.
It'd be really great if we did.
And GPS... And battlefield nukes and went to war with what they had.
So doubt is good to begin with, but doubt is designed to be overcome.
Doubt kept too long turns rancid.
And this is the great temptation of those who find virtue through doubting is they can't let go of the doubt and go fight.
And thus the world sways inevitably towards the gravity well of certainty that is the unquestioning nature of immorality.
I mean, fuck that it's overwhelming.
It seems overwhelming.
Change it.
Change it.
By stepping forward and showing people how it's done.
Then nobody can say it's impossible.
Right?
Or you can make yourself feel better if you just go and look back in history at all the people who faced even more daunting, quote, daunting.
Yeah, think of Galileo, right?
Or Copernicus or Tycho Brahe or Kepler or those guys.
They were raised to believe that the world, the earth, which according to the Bible does not move, that the earth was the center of the universe, not just the solar system, but of the entire universe.
And everything went around the earth.
Now, as we've talked about in this show before, this is based on the Ptolemaic system of astronomy.
But the problem is the retrograde motion of Mars, right?
When the Earth goes around, because it goes around faster than Mars, Mars at some point appears to go backwards, then forwards.
If you put the Earth at the center of the solar system and you believe that everything runs in a perfect circle, you have to have all these circles within circles, and it got ridiculous trying to predict or calculate the motion of the planets.
And because of that ridiculousness, people began to doubt the Earth-centered model of the solar system.
And they found that if they moved the Sun to the center, then the retrograde motion of Mars became perfectly understandable.
Simple and easy to calculate.
It explained everything.
Once they got rid of circles, because a circle is a perfect form and an ellipse is less perfect.
So once they got rid of the circle and they put ellipses in and they moved the Sun to the center, The whole thing made sense.
So it was their doubt about the received wisdom of theological pseudoscience.
It was their doubt about this.
Like, man, this Ptolemaic system is getting ridiculous.
It's too complicated.
Occup's razor says it's not likely to be right.
And their doubt led them to revolutionize what we understood about the solar system.
And therefore...
Of the relationship between science and theology.
Theology used to be science.
Had a question about biology or physics?
Look it up in the Bible.
Which is like pretending that astrology proves determinism.
And they utterly revolutionized not just where the earth was in the solar system, but where the Bible was relative to truth.
Galileo was tortured.
Fortunately, it was only 400 years before the Catholic Church decided to apologize for torturing the aged scholar.
Galileo was tortured.
And he was told, the earth does not move.
And he muttered, but still it moves.
The doubt in the received theology Had, through rational exploration and examination, transferred itself or transmogrified itself into a certainty great enough to stand in the face of all of Christendom and the entire papacy and torture and still affirm the truth.
That's where we have to get to.
But still, it moves.
Here I stand before you, I speak the truth, I can do no other.
When we get to that level of certainty, We've already won.
But that level of certainty requires going out and speaking the truth and being tested and being challenged and being opposed and being ridiculed and being vilified and all the boring usual crap that evil people throw at good people because they can't answer their arguments.
So they just say, you're a shill.
You're a hack.
You're just wrong.
You're racist.
You're sexist.
You're misogynist.
You're blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
A greater confession of intellectual midgetry could scarcely be conceived of.
And when the world as a whole wakes up to the reality that he who insults first loses, well, then they will see that the wisdom that starts as doubt and stays with doubt is scarcely wisdom at all.
The wisdom that starts with doubt and ends with world-shaking certainty is the only truth worth having.
Yeah, I think I'm down with that.
Good.
Well, thank you so much for your call.
I appreciate that.
Best of luck in your journey of healing, and I look forward to seeing you down here in the trenches.
There's nowhere I'd rather be.
Thanks, man.
Thanks, Matt.
All right.
Up next is Ben.
Ben wrote in and said, to what extent should I attribute my natural empathetic tendencies to my mother slash upbringing versus to simply being a good parent slash person?
Hi, Seth.
Hi.
I'm not sure I fully understand the question.
It's not especially well framed, and that's my fault, not Mike's fault, by the way.
No, it's Mike's fault.
No.
If you have any questions about anything, it's my fault.
Anyway, go on.
I actually, in the last week, when you were talking about epigenetics, I kind of got this better in my head because I've kind of grown up naturally with...
Oh, I've forgotten.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm a bit nervous.
My mind is going a bit blank.
Peaceful parenting, sorry.
Yeah, so I'm a parent and I'm quite naturally being a peaceful parent and I actually came across peaceful parenting this year and my daughter is four and a half and all of this stuff to me has been kind of like this should be obvious to most people.
Why is it not?
Which flies in the face of the fact that you've probably seen my score, which is, I think, six or seven.
So I'm wondering, how did I come to this point?
Was it because I evolved differently to my circumstance, or is it something else?
What are your theories?
Well, I can sort of psychoanalyze myself, but obviously I'm not asking you to psychoanalyze me.
Well, you know a lot more about your history than I do, so you've had time to think about it.
What have you got?
Well, the example I was going to start with was basically, I want to say the first year of my life, but it includes time in the womb, because I was thinking about epigenetics.
So if I tell you three things that happened to me in the first year of my life, including months before I was born, And see how you would imagine that would affect someone.
So my mother and father had quite a violent relationship.
As my dad being quite aggressive, whilst I was in the womb as I say, he basically had a dagger to her throat in the house and he was taken away by police and stuff like that.
So it was obviously a very traumatic experience for my mother.
How old were you then?
In the womb.
This is why I'm saying epigenetics, because I'm wondering, obviously it's traumatic for her, so it affects me in utero, as it were.
How do you know that it was traumatic for her?
Well, the way she talks about it, I mean...
Well, she even goes down to...
Sorry, just to play a complete devil's advocate here.
Sure.
What if she was a masochist?
Well, um...
I could give you examples further on that would kind of lead me to think that as well.
Well, yeah, you're right.
I'm only going on what she's told me.
I mean, if you choose a man who's that violent and stay with him and have a child, there have to be, I think, what psychologists would call secondary gains.
So, for instance, if I go and pay Olga She-Wolf of the SS to drip hot wax on my testicles, I guess you could say that's traumatic.
Seems pretty unpleasant to me.
I guess you could say that's traumatic, but if I'm paying someone to do S&M roleplays with me where maybe even I'm in pain, it's hard to say that that's exactly the same as someone jumping me from the bushes and hitting me with a stovepipe, right?
Right.
But she did actually leave him within the first year of my being born.
And one of the second things I was going to mention is...
And sorry, just to clarify that, I may decide to stop going to Olga, She-Wolf of the SS hot wax on the NADS treatments, but that doesn't mean that there weren't secondary gains when I was still going, right?
Sure, no.
I'm not discounting that at all, no.
So, he actually tried to abduct me as a baby, and police were called.
And he went off and apparently attempted suicide, although both my mother and my uncle have spoken about that in quite, I'd say, less than empathetic terms, saying it was just a cry for help and it wasn't a serious cut or anything like that.
Well, he didn't succeed, right?
No, no.
Yeah, I mean, killing yourself is not that big a challenge.
No, this is true.
I mean, if you want to, it's really hard to miss.
You know, just go to an 80-story building and jump off the edge.
Yeah, I mean, I've spoken to people who say they would hang themselves if they could, but they're scared of getting brain damaged if they fail.
I mean, that kind of proves that they're not actually serious.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
And the third thing that happened was...
Or, sorry, you eat a whole box of rat poison and you're dead, right?
Yes.
I mean, I don't want to list off suicide suggestions, but...
No, no, I mean, just what I'm saying is that if you want to do it...
Yeah.
You know, there's lots of things in life that are easy to fail.
Yeah.
You know, suicide is not one of them.
No.
Sorry, go on.
Thank you.
Sorry, I was just trying not to talk over you.
So yeah, she, within the same year that she'd split up with him, she was with this random guy who I've, I don't even know his name.
He was drunk driving.
He flipped a car.
I was dropped on my head in my first year.
So that's the kind of person that she was associating with at that time.
That's the kind of person she was.
You could have stopped there, right?
Absolutely.
Yes, you're quite right.
Yes.
Yeah.
I mean, she got into a car with a drunk guy, right?
With a kid.
Yeah.
I'm not trying to take away the moral agency from her.
Yeah.
I'm just praising things badly, but yeah, absolutely.
Come on.
So, when I was three she remarried and I had a half-brother, oh sorry I forgot to mention my real dad disappeared to London and I didn't see him again literally or hear from him until I was 17.
So he was not in my life and my mum basically explained that as he was violent and it's good to be not violent to women and you'll probably notice the emphasis in that last sentence.
Yeah, I can only assume that your mother was violent towards you.
Yes, I was spanked as a child, yes.
Although it was mostly used as a threat, I do remember occasions.
And when she remarried, obviously, I was treated like by the stepfather, inferior to my brother.
And I can clearly remember one time we were both sat in the back of the car wearing shorts and we were shouting or something.
And the stepfather turned around and shouted and slapped us both on the thighs and basically my brother had like a tiny mark and I had like this huge red welt and someone pointed it out and ever since that moment it just stuck in my mind that I was not equal in this family.
I'm quite surprised how easily I'm talking about this.
I was going to actually tell you, I mentioned to Michael when I was emailing that I suffer with depersonalization and anxiety, and I was quite worried about not sounding emotional enough.
No, you're doing great.
You're doing great.
And just, I won't go into the details, Ben, but for those, I mean, you don't see all the stuff that we do to prepare for these calls, but you have an Adverse Childhood Experience score of 8.
Yes.
Which is pretty much everything except molestation, right?
Yes.
So I'm incredibly sorry for that.
I'm so sorry for all of that.
I mean, I get that it makes empathy a bit of a question mark, but I'm so sorry for all of that.
What an unbelievable mess.
And what an evil coven you were born into.
Yeah, which is really weird because my grandparents were basically the only positive role models in my life on my mum's side and to this day I look up to them and they stayed together 50 years and they're just really positive role models and I don't know quite how my mum went the other way.
She seemed to be more obsessed with being seen as middle class when she's not...
Was your mom very pretty?
Not being alone.
If you ask her, she's a 10.
She didn't ever have any trouble.
I would say probably a 7 or 8, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, power tends to corrupt and beauty or money, of course, can be quite corrupting.
Yeah.
Particularly if the grandparents...
If your grandparents on your mom's side never had any power, then they wouldn't know how to help your mother handle the power of being physically attractive.
Yeah, that's very true.
My grandmother was actually, well, they married, he was the only man that she was ever with, and he died of cancer in 2006, and she stayed single since then.
So they were both very loyal, and obviously, like you say, that's not an example that They could really teach her anything about because...
Sorry, just interrupt.
Just in general to remind people, given that I'm a year free of cancer, hearing about dying of cancer, not always the best thing for me.
I'm sorry.
But anyway, go ahead.
I was going to make a really bad joke before the show as well.
I'm really glad you said that because...
Not about cancer, but...
Right.
I'm sorry.
I've lost where we were.
Sorry.
Well, just talking about power.
Like, I grew up poor...
I don't think my daughter is going to grow up particularly poor, at least nothing compared to what I grew up as.
And so I can't teach her how to grow up poor, at least not completely broke.
And so whatever you've not learned is hard to teach, obviously, right?
It's impossible.
And This is always the big problem, not my problem, but there's a study that's been done, lots of studies that have been done, and Malcolm Gladwell wrote about it in his last book about, you know, rich parents have a very tough time saying no to their kids because the usual excuse of parents is we can't afford it.
But if you're some super rich parent, the kid knows you can afford it.
So what do you do?
What do you say?
It's really tough.
It's one of the reasons why wealthy kids tend to turn out, well, have a slight, well, higher than proportion average of turning out badly.
So if your mom had sexual power and nobody had had really power in her family before, this is as charitable an explanation as I can imagine, then that is going to this is as charitable an explanation as I can imagine, then that is if no one's taught her how to handle power.
Yes.
You don't have to sugar the pill at all, but I do appreciate it.
Yeah, I mean, the way that you teach a woman or a man about sexual power...
Is you say that power should be used in the service of virtue.
Right?
I have rhetorical, intellectual, linguistic, debating, rational powers, so I try to use them in the service of virtue.
Because if I wanted to use them in the service of evil, I could do a lot of wrong in the world.
And it's the same thing with physical beauty.
It should be used in the service of virtue.
So physical beauty means put out to the most virtuous.
Ha ha ha ha!
Don't I sound like Ayn Rand?
But, no, it should be, you know, use your beauty in order to attract and keep the most virtuous guy, but that's not obviously what your mom did, right?
No, and she's actually been married four times.
She's on her fourth marriage, two after I left home.
So, yeah, she was actually married to my father as well, but they obviously split up very early on.
Right.
So, genetics...
With regards to empathy, I don't know.
I don't think anyone does.
But going out on a limb, I highly doubt it.
Because if it's genetic, it's not a virtue, and certainly empathy is a good thing to have.
It's not like if you don't have empathy, you're not immoral.
I think it's an aesthetically preferable state to be in.
But one of the challenges, of course, is that you say that you still admire the grandparents, and maybe that would be a topic for another time, because that sounds somewhat idealistic.
But if you do admire your mom's parents, then I would assume it's because They're decent, good, nice people.
Yeah.
And they would have been that way, I'd assume, when you were a baby.
And given how chaotic your mother's life was, you probably spent a lot of time with these good, nice and decent people.
Yeah.
And so they would give you that foundation for empathy, potentially.
Yeah, I definitely did.
I can remember that, yeah.
I mean, I mentioned this on the show before.
I... My brother was born in South Africa, and I was not alive then, of course.
I saw a picture of his nanny, and she just looked really depressed to me.
And I had a wonderful nanny.
My mother was in hospital for quite some time.
After I was born with postpartum depression, and I was not born with postpartum depression.
My mother had postpartum depression, was in hospital.
And I was in the care of a woman who was...
Apparently very big-hearted, very warm-hearted.
We had a very close bond, and she actually named her...
She wasn't a mom at the time, but she named her firstborn son after me, which was a lovely thing, of course.
And I assume that that has a fair amount to do with, you know, the mirroring, the empathy and so on, the sensitivity, the physical touch.
I assume that had something to do with why I seem to have developed some capacity for empathy or had it stimulated within me.
Yes.
I think there's also possibly like a pushback because we experience things so bad.
We want to make sure our children don't feel the same thing.
And obviously there's people who go completely the other way and they just repeat the cycle.
But I think there's maybe because of, like you say, strong paternal characters in our youth.
Yeah, for me, maternal.
Sorry, yes.
It's very hard.
One of the great challenges of people who have empathy is to empathize with non-empathetic people.
Very hard.
The closest I've been able to come to it is to imagine, Ben, imagine if you lived in a world of robots.
You were the only person and you lived in a world of robots.
And the robots were controlled by Through verbal commands, but you weren't sure exactly what those verbal commands were with every robot.
And so when you wanted something from a robot, you'd have to try a wide variety of verbal commands in order to get the robot to do what you wanted.
If you want the robot to bring you food, there's a certain verbal command sequence that gets the robot to give you food.
If you want the robot to give you a back rub, and if you want the robot to clean your house, and if you want the robot to drive your car or whatever, there's...
There's no manuals, but you know from trial and error that there are certain word sequences you can use that get the robots to do what you want.
It would be weird then if someone, some space alien race came down in a spaceship and said, well, wait a minute.
Why aren't you thinking about what the robots themselves want?
Well, you'd sit there and you'd say, well, what?
They're robots.
They don't have any needs.
Here, plug them in.
I get that.
Got to oil them from time to time.
But they're robots.
They don't have any needs.
And I just...
You know, the only thing that's annoying is that they should come with buttons that I can push to get what I want rather than having to use all these weird esoteric verbal commands that aren't easy to figure out in advance.
And that's what it's like to live, I think, in a non-empathetic brain.
Living in a DOS prompt?
No, no, because DOS prompt is pretty clear.
Yes.
No, it's because there are people who...
Don't have their own needs, but are supposed to serve what you want, but they're annoying because they're not easy to control.
You can't sort of figure out.
Think about the pickup artist community, right?
So they believe that they have a set of verbal tricks that can program a woman into sleeping with them, right?
Right.
Give her the half-insult, half-compliment, and pretend this, and show that, and display this alpha characteristic.
So they view women as sex robots with buggy verbal command units.
Yeah.
And so then you can trick people.
And advertising is kind of like the same way, right?
In a largely non-empathetic world.
That if you give...
People, verbal, visual, emotional, sexual cues, then you can program them into buying what you want them to buy.
Whatever good you're hawking in front of them.
And this reality of trying to think about it tomorrow, waking up in some Omega Man world, you're the only person, everyone else is a zombie or a robot.
You have to interact with them.
You also have to hide that you're not a robot.
And you have to try and figure out which verbal commands or which verbal cues...
We'll get them to give you what you want.
And if you're like a priest, then your verbal cues are Jesus loves you, Jesus died for your sins, give your tithe, get to heaven, or you'll go to hell.
These are all the verbal cues that get people to give you money.
These are all the verbal commands that get people to give you money.
And if you're a salesman selling an uncertain product, you learn a whole other sequence of things, and there's entire instruction manuals.
On how to get these things, how to negotiate anything by Herb, whatever his name was that I read years and years ago.
Here are all the tricks that you can use in order to get what you want from these robots that surround you, that you should just be able to push a button and get what you want, but they're too buggy to work that way.
They don't have needs of their own.
They're there to serve your needs, but you've got to figure out how to program them to get what you want.
Serve your country.
Patriotism, loyalty, these robots.
Our verbal commands to the robots called citizens.
And you have to obviously layer in the programming pretty early on.
But when the president calls upon you to serve, will you serve, sir?
Yes, sir!
I will!
Right?
Because you've programmed that robot to respond to the verbal instructions, to respond to the verbal programming.
Yes.
So to understand what it's like to live without empathy, the way that I do it is to imagine a world where I'm the only person Nobody else has any needs.
They're all robots and they're kind of buggy.
So, you know, what do you do with something that's buggy?
Well, you jiggle it, you hit it, you know.
It's like this is how parents view a lot of their kids.
Well, the kid's just a robot and when the robot doesn't do what you want, you repeat it louder and you repeat it louder and then you yell at the robot because that will often make the robot do what you want.
And then if that doesn't work, then you Like somebody with an old TV set, thumping it on the top, you just hit your robot until it obeys you.
You do whatever it takes until the robot obeys you because fuck, the robot doesn't have any goddamn needs.
Who the hell thinks about what their computer wants?
Hey, do you like this kind of Scandinavian goat porn?
I don't care because I do.
I mean, this is how people view each other.
This is how teachers view students.
They're just robots.
They don't have any needs of their own.
To even think about them having needs of their own would bring the whole system down To its knees and turn it into atoms.
So you give them rewards.
You give them gold stars.
You give them punishments.
You used to hit them in the knuckles.
Put them in the corner with a dunce cap.
Send them to detention.
Make them do lines.
Spank them.
In my case, when I was a kid, a six-year-old hit them with a goddamn cane if they do something you don't like.
Because they don't have any feelings, but you have every right to hit your robot until it does what you want.
Because it's your goddamn robot.
It should be serving your needs.
And Lord knows it's not overly burdened with needs of its own.
So you yell at it, you try different verbal manipulations, and, you know, this happens not just from a situation of power, but from a situation of subservience.
A woman floats with a cop to get out of a ticket.
It's all just programming.
Everyone else is a robot.
They should give what you want, but they're buggy.
So you've got to yell, manipulate, hit, bribe, threaten, to just get them to do what you want.
Have you had...
World War I myth of the Angel of Mons, or Angels of Mons.
Not that I recall.
Your example kind of reminded me of that.
Basically, there was a group of British soldiers outnumbered, and then angels came from the sky with bows and arrows and slaughtered the Germans, and then they spread this news around to the British army, who were weary from years of war.
And then all of a sudden everyone's morale was up and everyone was like ready to go again.
Right, yeah.
So you program them with angel wings and then those death robots will continue to disassemble the other death robots and hopefully disassemble enough of them that your robot team wins.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The ultimate programming is pussy but we'll get into that another time.
Yeah, I've literally, as I say, my daughter is, well, she's five years old in March.
I've never once shouted at her, and I quite often, obviously I'm separated from her mum, so I ask her everything that's happening, and she quite often says that she's shouted at her, and it quite upsets me, because...
I think it's belittling.
I think it teaches her that aggression is the way to react.
And how can you tell a child not to shout if you're shouting at them all the time, telling them what they're doing is wrong?
And this is another thing that I came to before Peaceful Parenting.
And as soon as I heard you talking about it, it just clicked.
I was like, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, just, I mean...
Yeah, I mean, how do you as an adult feel if some SWAT team kicks in your door and comes yelling into your house with their guns drawn?
Yeah.
I mean, you are shit scared.
And they can do less to you than a parent can, because you're protected at least by some vestiges of civil rights.
So the idea that you just open a door, go in and yell at a kid, I mean, that's like a SWAT raid.
And, of course, why would you want to do anything like that to terrify your own flesh and blood, your own child?
How could you conceive of doing such a thing?
And how could you conceive of what that will do, or why can't you conceive of what that will do to your relationship with that child, once you have exercised brute power?
Unjustly.
All brute power is unjust except in an extremity of self-defense.
Yeah.
So why would you want to do that to your relationship?
It's like saying, well, I'll only beat up my wife once.
Just once.
But that changes everything.
That changes everything.
Now she's no longer able to love you.
Now she's no longer able to be vulnerable with you.
Now she resents and hates you.
And because you can't undo the damage you've done, now what?
And so if there's any empathy for the child whatsoever, the brute use of parental power is impossible.
The only reason that parents can scream at, insult, and hit their children is because they view their children as empty machines that owe them obedience.
And...
Need to be hit and thumped and screamed at until the obedience that they so owe their parents is paid.
I mean, parents expect obedience like the mafia expects repayment.
I mean, they'll just hit you in the kneecaps if you don't repay them because you damn well owe the money.
You borrowed it voluntarily, you knew what the interest rates was, and you damn well owe the loan shark that money back.
It's like, well, I gave birth to you, I fed to you, I took you to the doctor, I stayed up when you were sick, I put a roof over your head, you damn well owe me obedience!
And I'm going to basically hit you until you cough it up.
And when I said that you're the only person in the world of robots, that's only the first layer of the analogy, because in the final layer, if you think everyone else is a robot, then you're a robot.
And the parents who are hitting their children because obedience is demanded Are completely eliminating the personhood and destroying the personhood of the children, that's only because they have no personhood.
They are a slave to the need for command.
And child abuse is the price you pay for conformity.
It's the price you pay for conformity.
If you're like, well, my child has to be a Christian.
Just to have to be a Christian, because if my child is not a Christian...
Everyone's going to look at me funny.
My family's going to hate me.
Everyone's going to think I did a bad job.
I'm going to view it as a bad person.
So that child goddamn well has to be a Christian or a Muslim or a Jew or worship the military or whatever bullshit is going on.
So the price that you pay for conformity, which is the destruction of your identity, is the inevitable bloody domino stone hedge falling off conformity and the demand for empty obedience on the I did have a second question.
I don't know if Mike's still got it to hand, but it did actually involve this topic.
I don't have it on hand, but go ahead, Ben.
Oh, okay.
Well, basically, as I say, I'm separated from my daughter's mother since 2010.
And at the moment, I only have her four days every two weeks.
And basically, her mum is quite, like, alternative.
And in the last year, she's had a new relationship, and I've been pushed out more and more.
And I basically wanted to ask you how I can help my daughter...
Retain her individuality when her mum is kind of moulding her.
That's a very tough question.
Because the degree to which you encourage individuality, don't you sort of set her at odds with her mother?
Yes.
I mean, to take an extreme example, if your mother, I don't know, joined some religious cult or something, then if you were to say, well...
This is very unhealthy and this is why and these are all the signs and so on.
You would really be setting your daughter at odds with her mom, right?
I mean, I don't want to create conflict for her.
What I'm trying to do is, for example, with the shouting, I talk to my daughter about it.
I say it's not nice to shout.
And I point out to her that I've never once shouted at her.
I don't get angry with her.
I tell her it's good to talk about how you're feeling, why you're upset.
I tell her it's not bad to cry.
And so on.
Whereas her mum will...
Do the opposite, and I only get four days every two weeks, as I say, so how can I maximize that kind of positive input without, as you say, creating conflict?
Well, you can't, because they're two opposite poles.
The more that you maximize peaceful behavior, the more at odds she's going to be with people who are not peaceful, right?
I mean, that's...
It's like the mom's religious, you're an atheist, let's say.
The more you promote atheism, it's like saying, how can I promote atheism in my daughter without bringing any additional conflict with her mom?
Well, you can't.
Right.
I mean, the fact that she's got you there as a positive role model is fantastic for her.
I mean, look how much you were able to get out of simply your wife's parents being around.
Yes.
So, you know, she's with you as a father, even four days every two weeks, she's still got it way better than just about every other kid on the planet.
So, I wouldn't, you know, personally, again, I'm speaking very theoretically, so I don't have any final answers.
I'm just giving you my opinion, so take it for what it's worth, which may not be much, but I think that you want to be there as an example.
You don't want to be there as a motivator at this point in her life.
You want to be there as an example.
And let her gravitate towards you as an example without being explicit about the opposite characteristics between you and her mother.
Right.
Yes.
You know, like if her mom was 300 pounds and you're a trim 160, then you don't need to say, oh, your mom eats terribly.
I eat really well.
Look at what I eat.
Take pictures of what your mom eats.
She's just going to see that you're slender and the mom is fat.
Let her have that Capacity and be available to answer questions, but the most important thing is to be there as an example, not as someone who explicates everything to the nth degree.
Because she'll gravitate towards you and be impressed upon by you, and impressed by you, simply as a matter of your functioning as you function in her world.
The more abstract and explicit and, quote, philosophical that you make it, the more she's going to run, thump up against her mom.
And since you don't assume have the power for sole custody at the moment or perhaps ever, I don't think it's fair to set your daughter on a collision course with her mother when almost everything that you need to achieve with your daughter, you can achieve through example rather than explicit instruction.
Does that make sense?
I don't mean do you agree.
I'm just saying this makes sense what I'm saying.
Yeah, absolutely.
And as you say about not saying, look, what your mum's doing is wrong.
Well, she's passed on things that they've said since she's been in any relationship.
Like, for instance, A small teddy went missing, and I got blamed for it.
They thought I'd done it deliberately, which is totally inane.
And it made them look childish rather than her.
Yes, sorry to interrupt.
Hang on, hang on.
I'm sorry to interrupt, but...
Inane details, sorry.
No, no, no, I get that.
What I'm saying is, though, that it is your choice...
the mother she has.
It was your choice.
Yes, yes.
Right.
So the reason I'm saying you can't justly put her on a collision course with her mother is that her mother is her mother because of who you chose to have a child with.
Again, I'm not blaming you or anything, but that's a simple fact.
I mean, unless you were drugged and raped, then you voluntarily chose to get married and chose to have children.
So given that her mom is, and not just her mom, but her mom's new boyfriend, All of those people are in your daughter's life because of your choices.
Yeah, definitely.
And so that's why you have to try and find a way to work within the situation and not put her on a collision course with someone that you have.
It's sort of like you've hired a teacher for your daughter, and then you tell your daughter to disagree with everything the teacher says.
That would be kind of cruel, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that just completely confused her.
Right.
That's not my intention at all.
As surely as you chose, you would choose a tutor for your daughter, you chose the mother.
Difference being, you can't fire the mother, you can fire the tutor.
But if you hire someone to instruct your child, you can then justly say to your child, this person is completely wrong.
No.
And this, I know this isn't how you operate, but in general, this is why anyone who's divorced...
Who thinks they can score any kind of points by putting down the other person.
That is a gun that blows off your own face and barely even wounds the other person.
Like when I was growing up, my mom had so many negative things to say about my dad.
And I guess in her mind, she thought that this made her better.
But...
My mom was a very beautiful woman.
She could have had so many different guys, and this is the guy she chose.
And to me, it was like, oh my God, how could you possibly think that this makes you look better?
It makes you look worse to complain about the father.
Two kids you had with the guy.
To complain about the man you chose to date, get engaged, to marry, and have children with.
To think, and again, I know this isn't your modus operandi, but parents, for God's sakes, how can you possibly say that?
I mean, if I go out and I spend, let's say, five years getting a degree...
And then I spend the next 20 years saying to my child, that degree was bullshit.
I was exploited.
It was terrible.
And blah, blah, blah.
It's like, well, you chose the degree.
You chose to stay.
You chose to get there.
It just makes me look like an idiot.
It makes me look like I have no control over my own choices.
It makes me externalize everything and take no responsibility for myself.
And then the weird thing is parents like that then turn to their kids and say, you got to take responsibility for what you do.
So, you know, the fact is that the mom is someone you hired on a 25-year contract to take care of your child.
That's what happens when you have a child.
You are signing a contract for 25 years saying, this person is now a co-parent.
And you signed that contract, and I'm sorry that it happened, but it doesn't change the fact that it did happen.
So you can't set her at odds with the mom, in my opinion.
No, I absolutely agree with that.
In the beginning, when we split up, we both had the same strong philosophy that both parents needed to be in her life.
But in the last year, since this new relationship's come on, is when she started making those kinds of comments and lessening my time with her.
How can she lessen your time with her?
Well, basically, as I say, it was something we both agreed on, so it was on good faith.
Oh, there's no court?
No, not yet, no.
You think there might be?
Well, any time I disagree with her, she says, well, if you don't like it, go to the courts.
And at the moment, it's not got to that point, but if I keep having time taken away, then it may well end up that way.
Yeah.
Yeah, don't be afraid of the court system.
Well, I shouldn't say that because I don't know where the hell you live and don't tell me.
But yeah, do your research.
But yeah, absolutely.
I don't like being threatened.
Nobody does.
No.
And yeah, let's see how it goes, right?
I mean, the problem is that if you let your time decay, I'm no lawyer, right?
But as far as I understand it, if you let your time decay, it could potentially be used as an argument that you accepted that state of affairs.
Yes.
And then it becomes tougher to fight, so...
Make sure there's a line in the sand and just don't let it go past.
And of course, you know, this is a standard cuckoo nest syndrome, right?
Where the mom gets some new guy.
The new guy doesn't want the old guy floating around.
And so she starts to reorient, right?
And yeah, I'm sorry about that.
It's a terrible situation.
No, it happens.
I mean, I'm trying to deal with it in the most mature way I can.
It's not easy.
At times, as I'm sure you can...
Although, fortunately, you've never been through it yourself as a parent.
As a parent, no.
Yeah.
All right, but listen, I've got to move on to the next caller.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you so much for great questions, and also, as a tiny representative of a future planet, thank you so much for what you're doing with your daughter.
It's great to see another real-life human get loosed among the androids.
So, thank you.
Thanks to you and Mike as well.
You're welcome.
And Stone.
Thanks, Ben.
Alright, up next is Chris.
Chris wrote in and he has a couple questions on education, but the first one is, is education a human right?
Go on.
G'day, Stefan.
So, when I think about human rights, I'm talking about human rights.
They kind of come with a responsibility.
So, someone has the right to life, but I feel they have a responsibility to live well.
Like, I'm not encouraged to look after them, for example.
You know, that's their responsibility.
So, when I think about education as a human right, I mean...
Okay, hang on, hang on.
I still don't know what right is.
What is a right?
What is a right?
I mean, what is it philosophical?
Sorry, it's not something that exists materially, right?
Yeah, of course.
I'm talking about, some people talk about the difference between positive and negative rights.
So, for example, a negative right would be, I have the freedom not to be shot in the street.
Okay, but that's a statement.
Yeah, so I'm saying, some people might say, people have a right is like, I would like not to be shot in the street.
Right, so let me take a step back.
We need to be more precise then, right?
It's a statement of preference.
Yes.
Sorry, it's clearly a statement of preference that's not shared by everyone else.
Nobody says I have a right to gravity because everyone is subject to gravity, right?
And so if you're going to say right, what you're saying is some people believe it would be nice if...
Yeah, exactly.
So, for example, in both America and where I live, education is currently enforced.
So you need to send your child to school or at least have some kind of education happening to them up until the year 10 for where I live.
So that means that, for example, in a government school, which I don't work in, a child, you know, if they do the wrong thing and they get expelled, they actually move to a different school.
So there's no consequence, I guess, for Not accepting or taking your education responsibly.
So, I'm wondering if, in that case, does that constitute an overreach of government, I suppose I would say.
Well, you're packing a lot of language and a lot of suppositions into very few statements, which is fine, but we need to unpack it, right?
Yeah, sure.
So, I don't believe in rights.
I think rights are extremely unhelpful.
In philosophical or political discussions.
Because rights do not exist.
Rights are a begging, a preference, a I would like it if, and it's a wish fulfillment.
It's a plea for the dragon to eat you last.
But I don't believe in rights.
I don't think that they're useful.
I think that they're a word that are used to create some sort of absolute where no such absolute exists.
I mean, you don't have a right to To anything in this world.
And, you know, to me it's like zebras saying that I have a right to not get eaten.
Okay, well other zebras aren't going to eat you and lions don't care about your rights.
So rights are a statement of claim that is used to attempt to protect you from people who would never harm you and give you no protection or illusory protection, which is even worse, from people who will do you harm.
Like if I think I have some magic shark repellent shield around me, when I don't, I'm going to be a hell of a lot more dangerous around sharks.
You know, thinking I have protection when I don't makes life a hell of a lot more dangerous for me.
And so my concern is that, if they say, well, I have a right, I have property rights.
It's like, well, anyone who's going to accept that you have property rights isn't going to steal from you anyway.
Mm-hmm.
And if you think you have property rights, well then just look at your income tax bill or your property tax bill.
You don't have a goddamn shred of property rights.
You rent stuff from the government the way that you rent your store from the mafia by paying them protection money.
So I don't like the word rights in discussions because it's not describing anything that is empirically real and it's not describing anything that is...
Universally consistent or rational.
So since it neither describes universality, rationality, or empirical reality, I find it useless.
And the word rights, worse than useless, because the word rights always is used as the foundation for a government is instituted by men to secure rights which are given by God and blah, blah, blah.
So the word rights is always something that governments need to provide you and protect you from, but the governments are the basic violators of all human rights.
We need a rapist to protect me from being sexually harassed.
No.
So I find rights to be enormously unhelpful.
So when you say, is education a right...
I don't know what that means other than you're using the word right, which is usually the opposite of helpful.
So maybe we can reframe that.
Are you saying, is education universally preferable behavior or is being educated?
Yeah, so to come at it from the other side, would you say a school is in its power to say to a certain child, I don't want to educate you?
Therefore, you're on your own or find a different school.
Because at the moment, the government is saying that certain schools, public schools, not private schools, need to educate certain people and keep them in classrooms.
Yep.
So they're the ones saying education is a human right.
But I'm of the position that, currently anyway, that it's not necessarily the school's prerogative to educate the student if they're sufficiently undesirable.
I know you're describing the state, but forget about the abstractions.
Let's just talk about what happens.
Okay.
So people need to eat, right?
Yeah.
So can I set up a restaurant and say the right to life means the right to eat because without eating there is no life.
Therefore, everyone who doesn't come and eat at my restaurant, I will shoot them.
And then this way I'm guaranteeing their right to life.
Would that make sense to you?
No, I wouldn't.
Why not?
Because I don't think you have the right to shoot someone for not going to your restaurant.
Well then, didn't you just answer your question about schools?
Yes, but that's also in agreement with what I think as well.
So I was just looking for clarification because when I express this opinion in public forums, you know, at schools, I generally get a negative backlash, even from libertarians who think that You know, because of all the data that shows that education fixes income problems, fixes violence problems, all these different problems, they feel that it's something that should be, you know, mandatory, I guess would be the word.
But I'm not of that opinion.
Well, no, but you see, then the government should raise the children, right?
Because usually education, mandatory education, kicks in when the children are five or six years old, right?
Yeah.
Now, by that time, the brain is more than 80% complete.
The personality is complete.
The presence or absence of mirror neurons is complete.
The presence or absence of empathy is complete.
So if for the social good or for the betterment of the child, the government needs to instruct the child, then the child should be taken from the parents from birth until the age of five and then returned to the parents.
Because that time the damage is either done or not done.
By that time.
So the idea that we...
If parents are so ridiculously incompetent and selfish, stupid, lazy, greedy, unmotivated, shitty parents that we don't trust them to even try and educate their own children...
If that's what the parents are like, then for fuck's sake, you shouldn't leave kids with those monsters for the first five years.
Because if there's any time you should intervene with parents like that, it's the first five years.
To hell with the rest of the time.
Yeah, absolutely.
So if people think, oh, well, you know, we have to force parents to educate their children after the age of five or six because they're stupid, selfish, lazy, good-for-nothing, don't care about the health and welfare of their children whatsoever, it's like, what the fuck are you leaving the kids for the first five years with these monsters then?
It's like saying, well, you know, this guy, man, this guy Bob down the road.
God, let me tell you about Bob.
Fuck me, that guy's a monster.
Holy shit, let me tell you.
Bob...
Bob is a terrible driver.
Like every week he wraps at least one car around a telephone pole.
Bob never changes the oil on his car's engine.
He never changes the tires.
He never even washes the goddamn thing.
He just drives them until the engine seizes up.
You have to throw out the whole engine block, set fire to it and start again.
Bob is like the worst car owner ever.
So I'm only going to lend my car to Bob for five years.
Then I'm going to demand that he give it back.
What would you say to someone like that?
I would say, get the fuck out.
I'd say, if Bob is such a terrible car driver, why are you lending your car to Bob for five years?
Right, so if these parents are so terrible, why do they get the kids for the first five years?
If parents are competent for the first five years, which is kind of the toughest time and the most important time...
I mean, parenting, I mean, in many practical ways, parenting a 12-year-old is a lot easier than parenting a two-month-old, right?
They're not getting up all the time.
Yeah, of course, yeah.
They've got words and so on, right?
So, this argument, it's so patently ridiculous that these people are making.
Look, if you don't trust the parents, sterilize them, right?
Or just prevent them from having kids and put those...
Birth control pills that go in under the arm for a couple of years, put those in.
If you don't trust the parents, then don't let them keep the children at all.
Government should just swoop in, raise the children in government-sanctioned nurseries and daycares 24-7.
Maybe let the parents come visit a couple of times a week.
But if those parents would then at least give the kid back when the government has fixed it for the first five years.
I mean...
If you are an animal shelter, and someone comes in and they want to buy a cat, and they say, oh, well, you know, I travel three months of the year, and I don't have any neighbors who want to take care of the cat, so I don't know, I'll just leave some food around, and I'm sure they can figure out what to eat.
Would you get that cat?
No.
Of course not.
They'd say you are in no way, shape, or...
They wouldn't say, okay...
You travel three months of the year.
You're not going to leave any cat food around other than a couple of open bags.
So we're only going to give you this cat for five years, but then we better take it back because you're really terrible at owning cats.
So only five years do you get this cat for.
It's like, no.
You just don't give that person the cat.
Because they're terrible at being cat owners.
So you don't give them the cat for five years and then swoop in.
Anyway.
I think I may have labored the point too much, but...
Yeah, but it kind of leads into my second question, which is, you know, in supplement to the first one, which is, what are the major problems with education and how can they be fixed?
I'm sorry, what are the major problems with what?
Education and how can they be fixed?
So, you know, two problems that you can think of.
Well, it's the only problem that exists, which is the gun.
Mm-hmm.
You know, I mean, as long as we associate education with that, which is enforced upon children and parents at the point of a gun, it's like saying, well, enforced, violently inflicted, arranged marriages among eight-year-olds, what's the problem with that and how can it be fixed?
well what's the answer sorry you just cut off there sorry So if there's a society where eight-year-olds are forcibly married together and never allowed to divorce and someone were to say, well,
what is the one major problem with forcibly arranged marriages among children and how can it be fixed?
What would you say?
I would say get rid of the forced marriages.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And in so doing, with switching back to education, most people, and by most I mean everyone except you, me, and maybe 12 other people that I know, everyone in the world, Follow their base naked self-interest and then pretend that what they're doing is virtuous.
Mm-hmm.
Ex post facto reasoning.
I'm gonna do what I want and then I'm gonna find a way to convince myself it's virtuous.
I'm gonna do what benefits me in the moment and then I'm gonna convince myself that it's virtuous.
And Irrationality is not the great enemy.
Of philosophy.
Evil is not the great enemy of philosophy.
Sophistry is not the greatest enemy of philosophy.
All of these are effects of base self-interest.
And sophistry and all of that all manifest as attempts to cover up the immorality of those who profit from evil.
It's the prophet that is the enemy Our philosophy, not the sophistry, that's merely the effect.
So, I think Wednesday we had a guy who called in who had a hot ex-wife who wanted to sleep with him again, and he tried to tell me all about how virtuous she was.
He gave a good try.
It was good, penis-driven, imaginary virtue.
Now, He was lying to himself.
He was lying to me.
He was using sophistry and all of that.
But the problem was that he wanted to have sex with his hot ex-wife.
It was the drive, the emotional need, the preference that drove all of the falseness and sophistry and lies that he put forward.
And I liked him a lot.
I'm not dissing him or anything like that.
We've all done it.
So the big fundamental problem with education is that the way that the educational system is set up almost entirely throughout the world is that by making teachers profit from the gun or by setting up a system where teachers profit from the gun they can never ever see or say the gun so if you go to teachers
in government schools If you're a kid, right?
Yeah.
And, you know, if there was truth in advertising, then the teachers would have to say, all right, kids, welcome to school.
I am your teacher, Ms.
Nursi Gürtelbrotem, and I just want to tell you that I get paid whether you learn or not.
I can't be fired, and your parents have to pay me whether I do a good job or a bad job.
And if your parents don't pay me, then men in blue costumes with guns will drag your parents screaming from their houses and lock them up indefinitely.
So basically, I'm the wicked witch of the state.
And I profit from threats of violence against your parents.
If your parents...
I mean, they can send you to another school if you want, if they want, or if you want, but they still have to pay me either way.
Yeah.
Now, since I profit from violence, since I profit from the gun, you might consider it hypocritical for me to say to you, don't use violence to get what you want.
Well, the good thing is I can say whatever I want because I can't be fired and I can't not be paid because if somebody decides not to pay me, well, the cops go there with guns and drag them off to jail.
So, Here we go.
12 years and you're out.
Good luck.
That would be an honest statement from a teacher.
Now, do teachers ever say that?
No.
Of course not.
And so, the great thing about the state is that by giving people the opiate of stolen money, they render people Insensate to theft.
I mean, if you ever want to...
I mean, if they had simply given people money from the proceeds of every sale of a slave, then the end of slavery would scarcely have occurred, if that were possible, right?
So, this is the great problem of education, is that when it's in the hands of the state, the evil of the state becomes invisible.
Because no teacher will ever talk about the violent source of their own power and income.
And that is so foundational that you don't need to instruct teachers on how to do pro-state propaganda.
You don't.
You don't need to get back smoky rooms and give them handouts and pamphlets and say, well, you know, you've got to focus on this.
All you do is you give them the steady, steady stream of Of stolen money.
And they'll never ever mention theft.
It's just the way the mind works.
I'm taking stolen money.
I have to pretend it's not stolen.
Right?
I defraud my insurance company.
Ah, you know, they'll just write it off!
As Kramer says, you don't even know what that means, do you?
They just write it off.
You know, they're a big company.
They do immoral things.
You know, whatever, right?
People will justify whatever the hell they do.
And if you can get people addicted To the blood gold of stolen money.
They won't even talk about the blood, the gold, the theft, any of that.
They'll teach us what they always try and present themselves as.
Oh, we just love the children.
We just did it for the children.
What do you mean?
You might take away some of my two months off in the summer.
Well, fuck you, we're on strike.
Oh yeah, you're on strike, stepping on the children because of your love of the children.
And so, this is why government education is the most powerful and foundational arm of government propaganda.
Because the moment you get people dependent on evil, the moment you get people colluding to a crime, the moment you get people profiting from immorality, that immorality vanishes from their minds, vanishes from their conversation, and is replaced by a sentimental, treacly, hallmark card statement.
Bullshit version of the exact opposite.
And you can't solve that.
I mean, you can keep your kids away from government schools.
Of course you would.
I mean, I think you should.
Yeah, of course.
But you can keep them away.
I mean, you've still got to pay the bastards anyway.
But just because you have to pay the mafia doesn't mean that your kid's got to become a hitman.
You keep them away from government schools.
But you can't...
You can't solve...
You certainly can't solve it from the inside.
I mean, you just can't.
Because the moment people are dependent on government money, they rationalize the government money as virtuous, as necessary, as earned, as my rights, as blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
You people talk about raising the retirement age by even one day, right?
These people have paid into the system.
It's like bullshit they have.
Of course they haven't.
There's no money.
They didn't pay into the system.
It's like saying, well, I... I paid into the Las Vegas casino.
Where are my winnings?
I want five to one, which is a lot of people get out of the bullshit called Social Security or retirement pensions.
I paid into that system.
It's like, nope, you gambled.
You gave your money to the government and they stole it because you're idiots.
And the price for idiocy is the wake-up call of fiscal reality.
So...
You can't solve that system from the inside.
All you can do is shame the evildoers by repeatedly speaking the basic truth about the immorality of the situation.
I don't mean all teachers are evil.
I mean, some teachers are very nice people.
But the nicest people that I've ever heard about, like the stand-and-delivered guy in John Taylor Gatto, got the fuck out of the system, right?
You can't claim to have found Jesus and still be a hitman.
You find Jesus...
You get out of the mafia.
That's sort of the point, right?
And so all the best teachers are out and all those who've remained are by definition just corrupt scumbags.
And again, there are private school teachers who I think are very good.
They're working in a whole different kind of environment.
And there are, you know, I've talked to some public school teachers who are struggling with this issue in this very show.
And, you know, good-hearted people trying to do the right thing.
But in the long run, they have to recognize that they're getting blood money and they should Go elsewhere, in my opinion.
I can't tell anyone what to do.
I mean, everyone's got to sort of figure out how to survive within this blood-soaked, kibble, coughing machinery that we live in.
But no, we just simply have to keep speaking the reality of the ethics of the situation.
That you bring a gun to a classroom, you're suspended.
When your classroom is a gun, yeah, everyone should be suspended.
So, just to make sure, I'm going to provide a quick summary of what I think we've talked about, and you can tell me if I've got the right picture here.
So, the major problems with education will be majorly fixed by deregulating schools and putting the power back in the hands of teachers who actively deal with kids?
Well, I don't know.
See, I don't know.
I don't know because I don't know what the hell education looks like in a free society, right?
Okay.
So, the whole point is we don't know.
If somebody knew exactly what the best education was for everyone, that person...
What does education mean when every child, for a couple of bucks a month, can get access to all the world's information on a smartphone?
I don't know.
But it sure as hell has nothing to do with a bunch of chairs and a room and a teacher up there at a blackboard, right?
Yeah.
Right?
I mean, back in the day, people used carrier pigeons and smoke signals to get their messages across.
You know, did they ever think of instantaneous messages you could send and receive from your watch all around the world for free pretty much?
No, of course not.
But that's not improved carrier pigeons or better smoke rings, right?
Or better smoke signals.
That's just a whole different planet.
I don't know what education looks like.
I don't know what the best way is to educate children.
No idea.
I think that the free market should experiment a hell of a lot.
You know, what's the best way to communicate?
What's the best technology?
I don't know.
Nobody does, but people keep trying stuff and they find stuff that people like, that works.
So, I mean, there are some transitional stages, so I think in Belgium, the public schools are fairly good, because in Belgium you get a voucher for, I don't know what it is, $10,000 or $12,000 a year, and you can take it to a government school and pay there, or you can take it to a private school and pay there.
Right?
That would be a good idea.
But of course...
The government unions hate that, right?
Yeah.
So, I mean, you know, whether that is the transitional phase or not, I don't know.
That's not my job.
My job is simply to point out the ethics of the situation, that we have a very violent, a fundamentally violent educational system that doesn't even have the guts to admit how violent it is.
And, you know, so we're not even at the stage where people recognize there's a problem.
So, you know, it's earlier than you think.
It's not going to be solved in my lifetime.
It may not be solved in your lifetime, but the reality is we just need to keep pounding that same drum.
People need to hear even agreeable messages several times before they remember them.
Disagreeable messages takes hundreds of times before people will even consider them.
Can I slip in a little bit of a plug here?
Because I'm actually doing...
A bit of work with a group of people who are aiming to achieve the things we've talked about here.
So free market education, getting the gun away from schools.
Great.
And is that a book or a website or what?
No, it's actually a political party down here in Australia.
It's called the Liberal Democrat Party.
It's a libertarian perspective.
And if people want to sign up to that party, it's free.
Where I personally live, the state I live in, we need more members so we can run for government.
Which is a bit funny because our role is basically to remove government or reduce government, which is not a very good business model, but I think it's worth trying for.
So thanks for talking to me and thanks for letting me plug that as well.
All right.
Thank you very much for your call.
I think we have time for one more.
Mr.
Mike, we're actually going to get to the end of the list today.
It looks like it.
All right.
Up next is Tiago.
Tiago wrote in and said, I've had this issue where people tend to have, quote unquote, fun with me, but never engage further in the relation.
Now, this must happen with a lot of people, except with me it happens 100% of the time, and I'm not exaggerating.
I feel like I'm acting in a way where I would go under the radar of most people.
His question is, how do you become memorable?
So...
Hi.
Hi.
So should I get further in the subject, or...?
I thought you'd sound funnier.
Yeah, I worked my accent quite a lot.
No, no, I didn't mean funnier.
Stranger, I just thought, like you saying everyone jokes with you, I thought you'd be coming across like Chris Rock on acid or something, you know?
Robin Williams on a bender, but alright?
You do sound very serious and just surprising to me that you're saying people only joke with you, right?
Well, it's not a joke, but I get the limit between social relations and friendly relations, and I get that, but I meet people and they seem to appreciate me, but then...
I'm sorry, I'm hearing a clicking sound.
Sorry to interrupt.
Sorry, I forgot.
That's not your mouse, is it?
Yeah, it was.
Sorry.
Wait, were you chatting with me while clicking away on your computer?
No.
All right.
I mean, if you're busy, we can talk another time.
No, I wasn't busy.
I was...
Kind of anxious, so I was kind of...
Oh, just like a ticky, ticky, clicky.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right.
Okay, so give me a typical conversation that happens that is frustrating for you.
Oh, well, it would be hard since the French discussions kind of happen.
Well...
Let's say I'm with this person and that person asks my number so we can, whatever, like play video games.
And I give my number and then that person will not call me.
So I ask, why didn't you call me?
Oh, I forgot.
Okay, fine.
So the guy forgot.
But then, yeah, it keeps on...
Then I know sometimes, because I've had a quite special life on the psychological side, so sometimes I think maybe I'm doing something wrong, maybe I'm doing something that's not quite appropriate.
And the thing is, since it happened so many times, I'm like, I'm kind of thinking it might be my fault sometimes, but then I don't get what I'm doing wrong.
And I can't quite reproduce the conversation since there will always be Something different because I'm always trying something different to change the course of the conversation.
I know it sounds kind of strange, but yeah.
Okay, but based upon how you're acting, what would the case be for someone to get to know you better?
Well, you mean if they went further in the...
No, no, based upon how people experience you already.
What do they think of me?
Why should someone call you?
Oh, well, that's a good question.
I guess I'm trying to give the feeling to people that I'm someone that doesn't really...
That I'm really peaceful of mine.
And I mean, I have a lot of stuff to talk about.
Like I... No, no, no.
Hang on, hang on.
Sorry.
Based upon not what you could provide in the future.
Yes.
But based upon what you provide to people already.
Oh.
Like, let's say, let's say, okay, let me sort of give you an example of what I mean.
Let's say I'm a single guy, and I ask a woman out, and we seduce each other, we go to bed, right?
Yeah.
And let's say I rub baby oil in my head, and then I headbutt her left boob.
Right?
And then I tickle her feet.
Right?
And then I body slam her.
Is she going to want to go to bed with me again?
No.
Now if I say...
But the second time...
I'm really great at it.
What's she going to say?
Um...
I guess she would be...
Confused, so...
Nope.
She wouldn't be confused.
I mean, if she had half a brain, she'd say...
Well, hang on.
If you're really good at sex...
What was all that head-butting, foot-tickling, body-slamming nonsense that was going on earlier?
Why would you save your best till next time, right?
Or if I go for some interview to play Jean Valjean on Broadway, right?
Yeah.
You know, I just do some god-awful...
I won't do it, because people are listening, trying to get to sleep sometimes, but I do, you know, some god-awful cat-squalling nonsense, right?
Yeah.
And, you know, instead of doing something halfway decent, you know?
He says that man is me, I knew him at a glance, right?
Instead of doing...
Some Chinese opera cat blender torture fest, right?
And they say, what are you doing?
That's terrible.
Like, what are you?
This is like a joke, right?
Are you like William Hung's evil twin, right?
And I say, no, no.
If you hire me, I'll sing really well.
They say, I don't think you understand how this works, right?
Or if I did 3,000 shitty philosophy shows, and then I'm like, I'm really...
3,001 is my breakout show.
I'm going to do all the good stuff.
It's like, no, listen, man.
I think you better not understand how this works.
So what I mean is it doesn't matter what you could get in the future.
What happens is your initial impression, right?
What happens now?
What has happened now?
Yeah.
Well, in the conversation, I tried to...
I tell people that...
How could I... Well, I can't quite put the finger on it.
Okay, hang on.
See, let me just explain.
And look, I've had a look at your Adverse Childhood Experience score, so we can talk about that if you want.
And I'm really, obviously...
You got a score of six, which is not good, right?
Okay, so I just asked you a question, and you said, well, you know, there was lots of ums and ohs and pauses.
Then you said, well, I can't really put my finger on it and so on, right?
Now, Tiago, I already know you can't put your finger on it.
That's why you've called, right?
I know that already.
So there was a long pause, and then you gave me information that I already know.
Do you see what I mean?
I don't know if you're aware how little you're contributing to this conversation.
I don't mean this as an insult.
Oh, yeah.
I know what you mean.
So then if this would be the end of our conversation and you would say, can I come back on the show on Wednesday?
What would I say?
No.
I'm sorry, man.
We really can't do that, right?
Yeah.
Because...
So, it's almost like, instead of telling me, you're showing me what it's like to interact with you for the first time.
And then people may say, oh, you know, we'll be in touch or whatever.
But I don't think that you're giving people a compelling enough and alive enough and connected enough of who you are for them to come back.
Right?
We're all in a marketplace of interactions.
I'm competing with six million other six billion people Other things that people could be doing with their time, particularly like I'm part of the new media, and so there's the new media, there's the old media, there's video games, movies, sex, masturbation, pornography, exercise, you name it, right?
Yeah.
I've got to compete with all of that.
And you have to compete with everything else that anyone could be doing instead of talking to you, right?
Are you providing a compelling enough reason for people to go to the next level with you?
So far with me, not so much, right?
On my side, I feel like I'm doing a lot, but really I feel like I have a self-esteem that's so low.
I radiate.
I'm like Showing the person, not what I'm saying, but what I'm doing, I'm showing them that I don't even trust myself.
So why should they trust me?
You're very guarded.
You're very shielded.
You don't have a spontaneous connection, to me at least.
I can't speak obviously to everyone else.
But my experience of you, and I say this with very deep sympathy and with not a single shred of criticism.
I'm trying to be as obviously as I am in these conversations, always as honest as I can be, and to try and give you the feedback that it's not likely you're going to get from other people.
Exactly.
Which is that I feel, and this is not specifically a feeling, so to be more precise, my experience, Tiago.
Tiago or Tiago?
Depends.
Tiago.
Tiago's fine.
So my experience with you, Tiago, is that I feel like I'm talking to a translation committee.
Let me tell you what that is.
A translation committee is I give you, I ask you a question, right?
And you receive that question and it's like inside you're like, okay, close the shields.
Shields down.
Okay, good.
Okay, what does this mean?
This guy just asked me something.
What do we mean?
What should we do?
I don't know.
What do you think?
What should we do?
I don't know.
I don't know.
Is he trying to ask this?
Is he trying to ask that?
I don't know.
Let's go back with a neutral answer and just see what comes next.
Is everyone in agreement?
Hands up if you agree.
Are we all in agreement?
Because I don't really know what the guy wants.
So let's just try and give something back neutral.
Maybe he'll notice.
Maybe he won't.
Maybe we can tease out more information about what he wants.
Okay, huddle.
All right.
Good game, everyone.
Shields up.
And then you give me something back that's neutral and not helpful, right?
Yeah, that's interesting because I was told that, and it was true, that I probably never do what I want to do.
I'm always in control and I never let myself go.
Yeah, that's the translation committee.
How do we translate?
It's like trying to get answer out of a White House spokesperson about anything controversial, or a politician for that matter.
Everything's neutral, everything's dull, everything's washed out.
And it's not a spontaneous connection or reaction to what it is that I'm saying.
I feel it goes through a lot of translations and filters in your head, which tells me not anything about you, but about your childhood, if that makes sense.
Like you also have to be careful about what you said.
Were there a lot of landmines or tripwires or people who would get upset?
Yeah, it's a...
Let's say that my...
Mother had a problem.
No, she has a problem with hardcore and that's pretty much if I say the wrong thing then it goes really loud and violent but she...
I had my father who was my friend and my mother who was The dominant.
So, I never really had a father figure, especially since my father died at a young age.
So, I don't know.
I wrote in a novel many years ago called The God of Atheists, which you can get at freedomainradio.com.
I wrote, I can't remember the exact wording, but it's something like this.
One of the most tragic secrets of childhood is how easily offended parents are.
And that certainly was my experience.
I'm not saying it's universal, but I find parents as a whole to be quite volatile in terms of being offended.
What do you mean you don't believe in God?
What do you mean you think we could have no state?
What do you mean that spanking is...
Aggression.
What do you mean the non-aggression principle should be universal?
What do you mean I shouldn't have drunk so much?
What do you mean?
Like, they just get upset and offended.
I mean, PC is not politically correct.
It's parentally correct.
You've got to be watching your mouth all the time around, not all, but a lot of parents.
And if you say, you said your mom had problems with alcohol?
Yeah.
Did you know as a kid she had problems with alcohol?
Yeah, no.
And what would have happened if you had said, Mom...
This is not good.
You're drinking too much.
This is bad.
She would get upset and...
Offended.
She would get offended.
What do you mean I drink too much?
I work hard.
I'm entitled to relax.
Exactly.
Yeah.
I can't believe you would say that!
And, you know, politically correct and all of this, I mean, I always view moms as pretty hypersensitive and I think there's nothing wrong with that.
I think it's great that moms are hypersensitive.
But dads have like a thicker skin, right?
And part of the political correctness just comes out of the generations of single mother-raised children.
Because when a woman doesn't like something, she will try and A, seduce you out of it, or B, when she gets too old for that or it's not a sexual relationship, she'll just get offended.
So there's a...
I'll just give you an example.
So...
There's a West Wing, which is available on Netflix, and if you don't mind your statism, straight up with a shot of democracy on the side.
Aaron Sorkin writes verbally abusive, painfully asexual, but intellectually interesting dialogue.
But there's this guy played by Rob Lowe named Sam Seaborn, who's having a debate.
He's playing devil's advocate position in a debate with His boss's daughter, who's a public school teacher, about public schools.
And they sort of spar back and forth.
And then he has a great line.
She says, well, if we have...
She's like, I can't believe you'd even think about vouchers because voucher systems will bleed money off from the public school system and leave it bereft.
And he says to her, where did you go to school?
It's a private school, right?
Isn't that typical for a Democrat, for a liberal?
Oh, it's really bad for people to go to private school because it bleeds money away from public schools.
Unless it's a liberal kid, then they've got to go to private school and it doesn't do any harm whatsoever to public schools.
And it was not a bad argument.
It's not great, but it's certainly one of the better arguments.
She can't think of a response.
And she's interested and they've gone on a date before.
And he's interested.
And she says, what?
Pretty brave words for a guy who's looking asleep with me.
So she turns it to seduction.
Because she can't answer his arguments.
So seduction is one way that women answer arguments that they can't answer.
Pretend to answer.
And the other is they just get offended.
How could you say that?
And the tears and all this sort of stuff, right?
If you continue.
And...
Some of this crazy politically correct stuff to me just comes out of generations of single mom kids who are raised on, well, don't offend, don't upset mom, don't upset mom!
Yeah, because everyone worries about upsetting men, you know, with, say, shipping all the manufacturing jobs offshore or massive taxes or entirely girl-centric schools and universities or, say, war or the war on drugs which disproportionately targets men or male rape.
Anyway, So, we're kind of programmed to care when women are upset, and women are very aware of that, and they use that quite a lot.
Again, not all women, but a lot.
And so, when you say you grew up without a dad, and particularly if you had a less than functional mom, what that says to me is that for you, honesty offends people.
Directness offends people.
And so, you've got to tiptoe.
You've got to do all this...
Pirouetting bullshit that other women should do at a stitch and bitch, but men shouldn't have to do.
Women can step around each other.
Men need to be direct with each other, which is why men cannot allow to congregate together in frats, right?
Or the Shriners, or men's only clubs, or men's only gyms.
Can't let men get together, otherwise they'll speak frankly to each other.
And then they'll recognize how different it is sometimes to speak to a man than it is to speak to a woman.
Hmm.
Because you and I, we're being frank with each other, right?
I don't think we're being mean, right?
We're just being direct.
I'm giving you the respect, and I give this respect to the women who call in too.
I give you the respect of knowing that if I don't have ill intent, you have no right to be offended.
Because if I don't have ill intent, I'm either speaking the truth, and I'm right, in which case being offended at me being right is like jumping off a cliff and being offended at gravity, or...
I'm making a mistake without ill intent, in which case you have no right to be offended because I've just made a mistake.
It's no ill intent, right?
Whereas a lot of women, particularly single moms, your mom, your dad died.
I'm sorry, of course, for all of that.
But most single moms are not widows.
So they already fucked up the most important relationship in their adult life, which is with the father of their children.
And so...
Frankness to a lot of women ends up with them getting upset, making people feel guilty, making people feel bad for, you upset, you upset mom, right?
Mom's upset.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just think, I just, I can't imagine living in that universe.
Everybody, stop the internet.
Steph is upset.
Let's do everything we can to make Steph not be upset anymore.
Come on, guys.
Steph's upset.
No, they don't give a shit.
Nobody cares.
But, you know, a woman stubs her toe and the planet stops revolving, right?
And so the reason I'm saying all of this is that if you grew up in a single mom, particularly dysfunctional single mom household, without a male role model, most likely, most likely, you've got this Idea in your head that if you are frank and honest and open with people and really speak your thoughts and minds in the moment, there's going to be trouble.
You're going to get punished.
Someone's going to cry.
someone's gonna get upset well you know I you live in this North Korea of estrogen-based censorship What you're saying is upsetting me.
So?
What the hell does that have to do with the price of tea in China?
It bothers me that you said that!
Okay, my shoes are too tight, but the fuck does that have to do with the truth value of anything I said or didn't say?
Hmm.
But, um...
There's also a different value in France of honesty.
Like, people are really...
I mean, I can...
I mean...
Honestly, I could pretend that French people are really, really, really uptight and they don't accept honest talk, but...
Obviously, they do, but does...
No, no.
Look, I don't know what single motherhood is like in France.
I assume because it's got a pretty healthy welfare state.
There's quite a bit of it.
But to me, again, I don't have proof of this.
This is all just hypothesis, right?
But if there's a single mother culture, then there's...
If people are upset, somehow whoever's made them upset is wrong.
Right?
Because that's how in femininity a lot of this shit works.
And I don't want to get into the biological historical reasons as to why women needed a lot of resources.
They couldn't offend people.
They needed resources and friendship with other women to raise kids.
And so they had to tiptoe around a lot of shit and nobody could upset anyone else.
So there's lots of reasons.
It's not a moral judgment.
And there's nothing wrong with it.
It's fine.
And it can be helpful and useful to be offended.
But this idea and this is why The rise of single motherhood and the rise of leftism and Saul Alinsky's insult and upset tactics work.
They all work together.
Because if honesty upsets people, fuck them.
I'm sorry.
It's not my job to lie because you're unstable.
It's not my job to falsify my existence Because other people can't handle the truth.
Right?
You know, that's that line.
It's one of the most famous lines in movies over the last 30 or 40 years.
A Few Good Men, also written by Aaron Sorkin.
And Tom Cruise, who actually, I think, Aaron Sorkin, who also wrote the recent yet-to-be-made Steve Jobs biopic, wanted...
Wanted Tom Cruise to play Steve Jobs and Tom Cruise would do a fantastic job in my humble opinion but Steve Jobs says sorry in the movie A Few Good Men which everyone should watch in my opinion Tom Cruise's character says I want the truth!
And Jack Nicholson's Marine says you can't handle the truth!
Well Tom Cruise's character was a guy with daddy issues.
And the statement, you can't handle the truth, well, I mean, that's a basic philosophical statement that applies to a lot of people.
But the truth or a statement as measured by other people's upset at it is incomprehensible to most men.
Like, when I was growing up with boys, And I played mostly with boys when I was younger.
And I grew up with...
And of course I was in an all-boys boarding school, or at least the boys and the girls were heavily segregated.
And I grew up with boys.
The idea that you would cry because someone...
Or be upset or offended because someone told you the truth...
Was like...
Incomprehensible.
Incomprehensible.
It...
What can I say?
There's no stronger word than...
It was genuinely like...
If somebody came along and said, you just lost a soccer game and someone came along and said, your team lost, the idea that you'd cry or get upset or say, that's really offensive.
Because women evolved in social networks to take care of kids and to raise chickens and crops and all teamwork, right?
And so their relationships were the primary driver of their social conditioning and the need to maintain those relationships even in the face of opposition.
So to be upset in those tight-knit female child-raising and local agricultural relationships, to be upset was a big problem.
Everyone had to fix it.
Which is why men argue politics and women go into the kitchen.
Men were raised like, I don't give a shit what your feelings are.
You either...
Shoot the deer with an arrow and kill it or you don't.
You either come back with some food or you don't.
You either get some fish out of the lake or you don't.
You know, if someone says to a guy, guy's going out to go fishing, right?
He's got a big net.
Guy says, you know, there's a big hole in your net, man.
You're never going to catch a goddamn thing with that.
The guy's like, shit, you're right.
Thank you so much for saving me a day of wasted effort.
He's not going to sit there and say, I can't believe you would say that!
My father gave me this net!
Right?
I mean, it would just be incomprehensible.
Yeah.
And we need some of that doodliness back, you know?
We need the cast nets of male testicular bang-your-head knowledge swinging back and forth, making some dusty rhythm backbeats of truth.
We need to be able to speak the truth without people getting like...
I can't remember the guy's name.
He was some dean, some big university.
And he was asked, why?
Oh, why?
Aren't there more women in STEM fields, right?
Science, technology, engineering, and math, I think.
And he said, I don't know, but, you know, it could be because women's brains are a little different and blah, blah, blah.
Spatial reasoning, who knows, right?
And some women who wrote about it, some faculty members, some professors, some women who wrote about it were like...
I had to run out of the room.
I thought I was going to throw up.
I had to put my head between my knees.
I couldn't believe that he said it.
The room was spinning.
And it's like, oh my god, are you like hysterical Victorian hypochondriacs?
Maybe you're not in the STEM fields because a guy puts forward a hypothesis and you have to breathe into a hysterical fucking paper bag.
Maybe that's why you're not in STEM fields and why you're in social work and sociology and psychology and art history.
Right?
Yeah.
Maybe because a guy says two and two make four and you faint.
He didn't even say two and two make four.
He said, it's possible that maybe there's a theory.
I think you've just proven why you're not in the STEM fields where you don't take your arguments personally.
People come on the show and they shit on my theories pretty regularly.
Good!
That's how we know whether they'll stand or not.
I built a bridge.
It's supposed to be able to handle a truck and a locomotive and a meteor strike at the same time.
Can I walk across it?
No, that's offensive!
And I'm trying to sort of like consciously trying to bring some of that non-hand-wringing, non-hysterical, non-fainting bullshit stuff into public discourse.
You know, we can't talk about the state as violence because that upsets people.
Really?
You know, people don't seem to be that upset that the invention of the air conditioner, which is, you know, very comfortable for people, put a dent in people who sold ice door to door, or the invention of the refrigerator, for that matter.
We just need, like, whoever's offended loses.
Ad hominems, whoever starts with ad hominems loses, and whoever is offended loses.
You've lost the debate.
In fact, not only have you lost the debate, you've lost your right to sit at the adult table.
If a recent argument with sources, doesn't matter if it's right or wrong, if a recent argument with sources offends you, you need to go and sit at the children's table.
We'll give you some jello, we'll give you some popsicle sticks and wool, and you can make God's eyes.
You can go and play down there, but you can't be with the big people and the real brains and the adult words.
And so my concern is that you may have grown up in an environment where to be frank and to be who you are makes women upset.
Because you had an alcoholic mom and no father figure, as you said.
Or no significant father figure.
Well, I don't know if it counts.
I mean, he was there a pretty long time, but When I say it like this, it sounds like he was there, but if we get into the details that I learned recently, it goes a bit sideways.
Whoever's married to an alcoholic has already lost.
Yeah.
Right, so she wore the pants.
But they were both alcoholic.
Okay, so then only you lost, right?
My father didn't get drunk of alcohol.
Only my mother would get drunk of it.
He was really resilient for some reason.
But the thing is, my father was cheating on her for a really long time, maybe since I was born.
She didn't know until when she found out.
She didn't know?
She knows you're in France, right?
What do you mean?
Well, having a mistress doesn't seem to be that unknown.
Didn't Charles de Gaulle, one of the ex-heads of France, have his mistress and his wife at his funeral?
Plus, I mean, drunk chicks have to know they're terrible in bed.
Women who are drunk are terrible in bed.
Not that I have any idea.
I've never had sex with a woman who's drunk.
But by God!
I mean, they can't even walk straight down a hallway.
How on earth are they going to give you a handjob that's not going to sand you down like Woody the Woodpecker chewing on a salt lick?
I wouldn't know.
But yeah, my mother wasn't front-sheeted, so maybe that explains.
I think a drunk woman would give you a handjob like someone trying to start a lawnmower that's broken.
Brrrr!
I'm now offended and hurt.
But yeah, I get what you mean on that side.
I mean, yeah.
So yeah, I mean, drunk women, emotionally unavailable, bad in bed, bad-tempered, mean, slurring.
I mean, who wouldn't necessarily, I mean, try and go get greener pastures, so to speak.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh because I know it's a serious issue, but I don't know, a woman who's drunk who's then like, and then he had an affair with But she didn't get drunk before.
She started becoming an alcoholic after she found out.
That's the thing.
And then...
Wait, wait, hang on.
How do you know that?
Well, my sister told me because I have a half-brother and a half-sister.
Yeah, I just, I got to tell you, I mean, just from my perspective, and again, I'm not saying this is proof, I'm just saying this in my experience.
Significant dysfunction does not arise out of life challenges.
I found out my husband was having an affair so I became an alcoholic.
No.
Because for someone to make that choice already means that they're fucked in the head already.
Like for someone to even think that's believable...
I mean, no, look, that would have to be some sort of causal thing where everyone whose partner has an affair becomes an alcoholic.
That's not what happens in this world.
Some people take evidence of an affair to radically improve their lives.
Oh my god, my husband had an affair.
Either I chose the wrong guy, in which case I've got to end the marriage, or I chose the right guy but have driven him away, in which case I should really try and, you know, obviously he did something wrong, but this is an opportunity for us to get to marriage therapy to really fix things to get better, right?
It's like saying, well, my brother died of lung cancer, and that's why I'm a smoker.
It's like, no, I don't think it is, because you could easily, as easily say...
I'm not touching a cigarette because my brother died of lung cancer.
So the idea that she's an alcoholic, again, this is the endless cavalcade of fucking giving women no moral responsibility.
Bullshit!
Your mother drank because she chose to drink.
And the fact that she blames it on your father and his affairs?
Come on, man.
Come on.
Try that.
You know, try that if you get pulled over for drunk driving.
Well, my husband had an affair.
See how that helps?
No.
It's not your father's fault that your mother became an alcoholic.
Even if he was a total jerk, she chose him.
You don't get to choose your life partner and then say, it was all done to me.
I don't get to spend six months researching and buying a car and then pretend a car fell on me.
Christ almighty.
I'm sorry, I'm not mad at you.
It's just that I've now spent approximately 12,000 years trying to remind people that women have moral agency, and it seems like every other call I have to push back on guys who make excuses for women, or rather who accept the bullshit excuses women make for themselves.
Stop it, planet!
Unless you're willing to be completely sexist and treat women as children, stop it!
She did not drink because your father had an affair.
I mean, I didn't think about it like it's an excuse.
I was thinking rather, oh, well, she was weak, so it happened.
Wait, are you saying that she was weak is not an excuse?
No, I'm saying she was weak.
It is an excuse.
It's not an excuse.
It is an excuse.
She was weak, but it's not a good excuse to fuck up my...
No, it is an excuse.
It is an excuse.
Sorry, I've got to shock you out of this estrogen-based bath of moral irresponsibility.
You're drowning it.
She was weak is an excuse.
Because weakness is diminished responsibility.
Because you're saying she was weak and therefore she was more susceptible to the temptation of drinking repetitively, right?
No, no, no, no.
She had a choice to drink or not to drink.
Now, She chose to drink, and every time she chose to drink, it made the next drink more likely.
The weakness resulted from her drinking.
It was not the cause of her drinking.
Dr.
Phil, his father was an alcoholic.
He has never touched alcohol.
She is responsible for every drink she puts in her mouth.
Like, if I've smoked for 20 years, it's really hard to quit.
But that's because I've been smoking for 20 years.
My first cigarette was a choice.
So saying it was because of my father or it's because of some abstract weakness that diminishes her responsibility because she was just weak?
No.
It is an excuse.
She is fully responsible for her alcoholism.
No one else put those drinks in her mouth.
She wasn't force-fed like Dostoevsky's father.
She was not force-fed the alcohol.
She chose to get up, to go to the bar or to go to the liquor store, to buy the liquor, to come home, to open it, to pour it in the glass, to drink it.
100% responsible.
There is no legal or moral excuse called, I was drunk.
Or I was a drinker, or I was this, or I was that.
No, no, no.
They are all choices.
And if people's choices weaken their appearance later on, yeah, I get it.
Look, if I don't go to the gym, or if I don't go to a gym, but if I don't exercise with weights, guess what?
I'm weak.
But that's because I chose not to go and exercise.
So people can say, well, He doesn't go to the gym because he's weak.
No, I'm weak because I don't go to the gym.
She's weak because she did not exercise self-control.
She didn't fail to exercise self-control because she's existentially weak in some manner.
Well, I'm not trying to defend her, actually.
I... I agree on the fact that she's...
Okay, dude, dude.
Look, you've got to be honest with me, at least with yourself.
Of course you were trying to defend her.
This is why people aren't calling you back.
This is why I'm giving you this feedback.
Because you obviously are trying to defend her.
I point that out, and then you lie to me.
And I'm not saying you're consciously lying to me, but you just say something.
You just say, well, I'm not trying to defend her.
Do you know that for sure?
Do you know that, like, if you've gone through a lot of therapy, do you have a huge amount of self-knowledge that you know deep down you're not driven by any desire to defend your own mother?
Christ, we all are!
I mean, can you honestly say to me, you are absolutely...
If you can, I will drop it, and I will apologize to you.
Because I don't want you to substitute my thoughts for your experience.
But man, Tiago, can you...
Diego, can you honestly say to me that you are 100% sure that you have no drive to unconsciously defend your mother from her own choices and moral responsibilities?
It's hard because I kind of hate her for the amount of things she did, but deep down it's not like I would meet her tomorrow and hate her.
I would treat her like Is there a reason you're not answering my question?
I was going to answer the question, so I think I would probably protect her even without noticing, probably.
Right.
And so this is what I'm saying, where you need A bit more of a masculine influence in your life?
Because among men, we protect each other by telling the truth.
Among women, they pretend to protect each other by avoidance and falsehood.
Again, generalizations.
Yeah.
Right, so...
A man protects another man by giving him responsibility.
A man pretends he's protecting a woman by taking away her responsibility.
Right?
A man, you and I are hunting in the woods, and I see a bear.
what am I going to say to you?
Uh...
Don't make any sudden moves.
There's a big bear.
Exactly.
I'm gonna tell you the truth.
There's a bear.
That's how I protect you, right?
Yeah.
And if I am around your mom, I'm gonna say, lady, you're a drunk.
And you have children.
You need to fix that yesterday.
You are 100% responsible for every drink you put in your mouth.
You need to get help right now for your addiction.
I tried to help her, but she refuses help, so...
I literally...
Okay, but or what?
Or what?
Like, when I was a kid, we'd have these AV movies in science class, right?
They put on these movies when the teacher didn't feel like teaching.
First question, everyone said, is this going to be on the test?
Is this going to be on any kind of test?
Are we ever going to be tested for this, right?
And the moment the teacher said, no, everybody tuned out.
Or maybe you'd watch it if you were interested or whatever, but nobody took any notes and nobody basically gave a shit about it.
Maybe entertaining in one ear at the other, right?
Is this on the test?
Right?
Yeah.
Now, if the teacher said, oh yeah, we're going to get tested for this.
There's going to be a test next Friday on this material.
what's everyone doing?
Well listening Yeah, paying attention, you're taking notes, you're reading them at night, you're learning the stuff, right?
Yeah.
So, let me tell you, in this conversation as a whole, in Free Domain Radio, I'm moving things or trying to convince people to move things from being off the test to on the test.
In other words, are there going to be any consequences, right?
Why?
Because I accept economics, basic principle of economics.
People respond to incentives, right?
People respond to incentives.
Basic principle of economics, number one.
Number two, human resources are infinite.
Sorry, human desires are infinite, resources are finite.
Is it on the test?
In other words, are there positive or negative consequences to what you're saying, right?
Your mom is not responding to you saying, Mom, you're a drunk.
She's like, yeah, fuck you.
What are you going to do about it, right?
Basically.
I don't want to listen.
It bothers me.
So stop talking about it, right?
Is it on the test?
In other words, are there going to be any consequences to her refusing to get help for her alcoholism?
No.
Now, in a man's world...
And I include some very great women in this world too, but let's just generalize again.
In a man's world, there are consequences.
Men, we're all raised to deal with consequences.
You push another kid, he's gonna push you back.
A girl pushes a kid, it's like, oh, can't hit a girl, right?
No consequences.
Right?
Guys act up.
Detention, lines, hitting, whatever, right?
Doesn't happen really quite as often with the girls.
And guys are into sports, and of course a lot of women are into sports too, a lot of women are competitive sports, and so women will know what I'm talking about.
Those women will know what I'm talking about.
The ball goes in the fucking net or it doesn't.
You win or you lose.
If you practice, you get better.
If you don't practice, you get worse.
There are consequences.
And so men are raised to do it right or suffer the consequences.
Do well or lose.
Do well, win or lose.
If you're attractive to the woman, she'll go out with you.
If you're not, she won't.
So I ask you, Diego, you say to mom, mom, you're a drunk, you gotta deal with this.
And she says, screw you, no way.
What are the consequences to that?
Well, she gets more drunk.
No, no, no.
I understand what that...
What are the consequences from you?
Well, I could try harder and...
But it's not my fault if she doesn't want to listen.
I get that.
I agree.
It's not your fault if she doesn't want to listen.
It's her fault.
Yeah.
Do you like being around her when she's drinking?
No.
Okay.
So what is an honest consequence for her drinking?
On my end?
Yeah.
Well, if she drinks, I get mad.
That's...
No!
Back up, back up.
Do you like being around her when she's drinking?
No.
So what is a rational, honest, true consequence of her drinking and your presence?
Well...
The consequence would be...
Um...
I'm having trouble.
Good.
I'm glad you're having trouble.
No, I am.
I'm glad you're having trouble.
You're going to listen back to this and this is going to be shocking and very helpful, I think, to you.
All right.
Let me give you an analogy.
Let's take the tits out of the equation.
There's some restaurant.
You and I are friends.
We live in the same neighborhood.
There's some restaurant down the street.
Let's call it ovaries.
And ovaries serves dog food on a plate.
The food is terrible.
They openly spit into your drink.
Right?
Uh-huh.
And I say, man, Diego, I hate that restaurant.
Let's go there for dinner.
Does it make sense?
What would you say?
Well, no.
No.
Well, why?
Why shouldn't I go to the restaurant?
It's not their fault.
Maybe they think food is good.
Maybe they think I want them to spit in my restaurant.
I mean, I've told them in my drink.
I've told them I don't, but maybe they think it's for the best.
They're not responsible for their bad food.
They're doing the best they can with what they've got.
I mean, don't I need to go and support them?
I mean, and tell them again that I don't like dog food and saliva in my pop?
Well, no, because the truth is it's bad.
So it doesn't matter what they do.
What counts is the bottom line.
Yeah.
I don't like to go to that restaurant, so I'm not going to go to that restaurant.
So...
So again, I ask you, if you don't like being around your mother when she's drunk, what are the consequences?
I just don't get around her, but...
You don't go around when she's drinking.
Do you see?
Yeah, but then the question would not be, would rather be how to face myself or rather the truth about myself, not the question I originally asked.
Because then I would...
Okay, no, you're flunking.
Look, I don't know the truth about yourself.
The truth about yourself we just talked about.
You don't like spending time with your mom when she's drinking, so don't spend time with her when she's drinking.
Yeah, I'm not.
That is the truth about yourself.
You don't like it.
Yeah.
Like if I say, well, I hate that restaurant, I'm not going to go to that restaurant.
Oh my God, now I have to face the truth about myself.
And it's like, that is the truth about myself.
I don't like that restaurant.
I'm not punishing the restaurant.
Right?
I mean, if I ask a woman out and she doesn't go out with me, she's not punishing me.
She's just saying she doesn't want to go out with me.
It's fine.
It's a free planet.
She can go out with me or not.
I certainly don't want her to go out with me if she doesn't want to, right?
Yeah.
I mean, like, she's got some horrible sorority pledge.
She's got to go out with a bald guy who's 48 years old.
Oh, God help me.
I don't want that, right?
Find the guy who looks most like Lobot from Star Wars and go on a date with him.
Yeah!
I'm into that.
So no, this is the truth.
It's not punishment, it's not meanness.
Only women would frame it that way, right?
Yeah.
Look, it's the honest truth.
I don't like being around you when you drink, so I'm not going to be around you when you drink.
Because I can't even be with you when you're drinking, because when you're drinking, you're not available to me.
You're on the other side of the mirage called alcohol.
You are not available to me.
Emotionally, intellectually, you are not who you are.
You are not a person.
You are an alcoholic who is boring and predictable and dangerous and unpleasant.
So I'm not going to pretend to have a relationship with a bottle I can only have a relationship with you, and when you're in the bottle, we can't connect.
So I'm not going to pretend that we have a relationship while you're drinking.
If you're not drinking, if I want to come over, I'll come over.
But for God's sakes, we talk about bringing the free market to government.
Let's bring the free goddamn market to our relationships first.
You know, we don't want communism...
In the economy, but somehow we want communism in our relationships, like where there's one provider and you just have to go there.
We don't want subsidies to farms.
We don't want subsidies to banks.
Don't bail out the banks.
Fuck that.
Don't bail out the drunks.
Don't bail out the mean people.
Don't bail out the abusive people.
Don't bail out the boring people.
Make them work for your time.
Like a restaurant has to.
Like a mall has to.
Like I have to.
Make people work.
That's called self-respect.
That's called self-esteem.
Make people work.
For your time, attention, and energy.
That's called respecting them and respecting yourself.
Because you know what's happening, Diego?
I'll tell you exactly what's happening in your life.
Your mother has a rule called you owe me time no matter what I do.
You owe me your attention no matter whether I'm sober, drunk, mean, nice, who cares?
You've got to come over.
You owe me time and attention because, because, because.
Because tits, ovaries, and umbilical cord.
Therefore, this is a noose that keeps you hanging under my legs from here to eternity or until I'm dead and probably then in the afterlife too.
So you have this thing with your mom, I'm guessing, which is that you don't even have a choice.
The idea of your mom working for your attention is And working to earn your time and presence in her life is incomprehensible to you.
It's not incomprehensible.
I must work for my daughter's love.
It is not mine by birthright.
It is not mine by the laws of physics.
It is not mine because I had sperm.
I must work for my daughter's love.
I must work For my wife's love?
For the love and respect of my friends?
I must work for my audience?
The true heart of wisdom is this.
Whatever you take for granted dies.
Whatever you take for granted dies in your hands.
We must work to earn everything in our life because that means we're treating other people as equals.
We're treating them with respect.
We're treating ourselves with respect.
Whatever you take for granted dies in your hands and rots in your heart.
And so you have this idea from your mom that people just owe you time and attention.
You don't have to work for it.
You don't have to earn it.
Now, how is that playing out into your relationships that you want to gain as an adult?
You're like, well, people just aren't calling me.
Fuck you.
Who are the...
They don't have to call you.
You have to go and earn it.
But that's got to be a universal in your mind and heart.
Go earn it.
But in order to recognize and to truly get and understand, Diego, to really get that you have to go out and earn people's time and attention and energy, you have to get that other people have to earn yours.
We can never be better than the least of our relationships.
We can never be stronger than the weaker of our relationships and we can never have more self-knowledge than the knowledge we have of our relationships, particularly our primary relationships.
If you have with your mom that you just owe her time, owe her attention because boob milk and ovary Doesn't have to earn it.
You just got to give it to her no matter what.
Then you're going to take that paradigm, that exploitation, that assumption, you're going to take that out into the world.
And you're going to say, why do I have to work for people's attention?
My mom doesn't have to work for my attention.
And I consider that a great relationship.
So in a great relationship or in a good relationship, you give people time and attention even though they don't earn it.
You take that out into the world.
And you're like, well, people don't call me back.
Well, of course they don't call you back because you're working on this assumption of infinite subsidies for low-quality crap.
Do you see the pattern?
Yeah, but...
Oh, the butt!
That was one of the quickest butts we've ever had in this show.
Yeah, butt!
I'm just checking in my mind the relation with the fact that I'm not being myself enough.
I'm always controlling what I'm thinking.
Yeah, but you're not being yourself with your mother.
That's what I was trying to get at.
And that's what took you like 15 minutes to understand.
And when you listen back to it, it will blow your mind that you didn't get that.
You're not being yourself with your mother.
When I said, I hate that restaurant, what did you say?
Well, don't go.
When you said, I don't like being with my mom when she's drinking, I say, well, what does that mean about your behavior?
What are the consequences?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess I could try harder.
I guess I could...
You know, work in a different way together.
Like, you didn't, right?
You can't be yourself with your mother because I'm imagining yourself with your mother is, no, you're still drinking.
I don't want to come over.
I don't want to phone you.
I don't want to see you.
You get help.
And maybe we'll talk.
But I am not spending time with you when you're drunk because I don't like it.
Don't like it.
Don't want to?
Don't like it.
You haven't earned it, mommy of mine.
You haven't earned my time and attention because you keep getting drunk when I'm over or you keep getting drunk and want me to come over.
Don't want to.
Sorry.
That's my authentic and true experience of my relationship with you, Mumsy Pie.
Don't want to do it.
Now, if you change your behavior, I'd be happy to change what I'm thinking.
We'll see.
We'll see what happens.
Because I don't know.
I don't know.
I can't make my desires.
We want a free market like no central coercive planning in society.
And then we order our emotions.
Well, you're good.
You're bad.
This will do you.
Do that.
Oh, yeah.
We'll make ourselves go to see mom even if we don't want to.
Right?
No.
Be receptive to your own emotions.
Don't want to.
And let your emotions inform your actions.
That's what they're for.
Emotions are to help you make better decisions.
They're not about the past.
They're about the future.
The emotion called shit that burns makes you take your hand.
Out of the fire, which is what you want that emotion to help you do, right?
And if you've got a feeling called, don't want to spend time with mom when she's fucking drunk, that feeling is there for a reason.
It's supposed to help you, and by the way, it's supposed to help your mother.
What you're doing is enabling.
Oh yeah, get drunk, I'll still come by.
That's enabling.
You might as well be pouring the drink and injecting it in her thigh while she sleeps.
Your emotions are desperate to help you and help your mother.
Now, of course, there's a big part of your mother doesn't want you to have your authentic, acted-upon emotional experience of her being drunk.
Too bad.
That's the male paradigm.
I'm sorry...
If the sun, being at the center of the solar system, screws up your little theological fantasy model of how God founded the solar system into existence.
I'm sorry.
Nonetheless, the earth moves and the sun is at the center.
I'm sorry if that's upsetting for you.
That's your problem.
Not mine.
I'm sorry, Mom, if the fact that I don't want to see you when you're drunk is inconvenient to you.
I'm not put here to be convenient to you.
I'm put here to be who I am and to be honest with you.
Would you rather me lie to you?
Now, anyone who says, yes, I'd rather you lie to me, well, I don't have to tell you, for me at least, what the consequences would be.
Would you rather, well, I'd rather you didn't feel that way.
Can you imagine saying that to your hand?
You stick it in a fire and it hurts like hell and you say, I would rather you didn't feel that way, hand.
That's not convenient to me.
No, the hand's trying to help you because your skin is going to get burnt off.
You're getting an infection and die.
My emotions are not here to be convenient for other people.
Fuck.
The whole time I was growing up, I didn't want to be in school.
Anyone give a shit about that?
No!
Because I'm a hostage in a livestock for...
Teachers, taxes and pensions and bullshit.
Nobody gives a shit about that.
The draft.
Well, it's inconvenient for me that there's a draft.
I don't like it.
Sorry, here's a gun.
Go shoot some people or we'll shoot you.
Nobody gives a shit about inconvenience to men.
Ah!
But it's inconvenient to a woman!
Oh my god!
Stop the world!
Change physics!
Change your heart!
Be different!
Feel differently!
Do whatever is convenient!
I am not a fucking tampon to fit a vagina!
I'm sorry if reality offends estrogen or testosterone based people!
Reality is reality!
It was offensive to me that I didn't get an A on that test.
Sorry, you didn't get an A. It's offensive to me that that supermodel didn't want to go out with me.
What's your alternative?
Kidnapping and rape?
That might be offensive to her and rightly so.
Yeah.
So listen, man, you've got your feelings, you've got your experience.
Honor them, treasure them, and be informed by them and change your behavior and your choices and your commitments based upon your honest and true feelings.
They're there for you.
They're there to help you.
They're there to lead you to truth, to intimacy, to connection, to commitment, to love, to respect, to empathy.
They are not there for the convenience of drunkards.
Yeah.
Because while not being honest with other people, I'm not being honest with myself, actually.
But you're not even lying to yourself.
The idea of not seeing your mother when she's drunk is incomprehensible to you.
Or at least it was, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, and you think a father figure, even now, is possible to have a male or father figure?
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, I think just, you know, there's an old Friends episode where Chandler is being pretty feminine.
That was sort of the joke, right?
Because he's intelligent, so he had to be feminine.
But Rachel, the Jennifer Aniston character, was like, you know, put some ESPN in the background.
You know, you don't have to watch it all day.
Just anything, right?
Anything.
Just put some masculine stuff in the air, right?
Then, of course, they get really offended when they get the permanent porn channel.
But anyway, just I don't know how it is to put it.
I think this show is a pretty good source of masculine energy or reality-based energy, which is Good for men and women.
But study some people in history who were willing to be offensive, which is basically anyone in history worth noting, right?
So, you know, pick up books on Socrates or Plato, Aristotle, Spinoza.
Read something about Spinoza and the price he paid.
I mean, he was ostracized by the entire Jewish community.
My ancestor, William Molyneux, John Locke, people who had to flee the country at times for fear of imprisonment at the hands of the king, they were willing to be inconvenient.
Read about scientific revolutionaries, read about Galileo, Tycho Barahi, Copernicus, these kinds of guys.
They spoke the truth no matter how inconvenient it was.
Now, the reality is that they were, of course, facing a lot of men, so I'm not trying to make this a purely male-female dichotomy here.
But read something about people who stood their ground in the face of significant opposition.
I mean, throw some socialists in there.
Read about Eugene Debson, end of the First World War.
Guy spent years in prison for opposing the U.S. entry into World War I, even though Woodrow Wilson, one of the most evil people who ever lived with this rapid topic for another time, Woodrow Wilson got into the war, I think was voted in in 1916, an explicit promise to keep America out of the war.
So even though he agreed with the president a year previously, he was thrown in jail under the Alien Sedition Act, I think it was.
Read about Churchill.
Read about people who are just really willing to embrace the inconvenience of integrity.
And integrity is always inconvenient for power structures because power structures themselves are violations of integrity, of universality, of truth, of reality.
Immerse yourself a little bit in helpful and healthy inconvenience.
And I think a male therapist who's strong and healthy would be good for you.
You know, it's one of the best lines from a great movie called Fight Club.
Yeah.
You know, we're a whole generation of men raised by women.
I'm not sure that another woman is the solution to our problems.
Like, get married, get a girlfriend, get whatever, right?
I think that men need to talk to each other, frankly, about the truth.
The truth, no matter how inconvenient to others, to men and to women.
Look, my whole fucking childhood was inconvenient to me.
Nobody gave a shit.
Now everybody's an adult, wants me to be, oh, just care about everybody else's feelings.
Fuck that!
Who gave a shit about my feelings when I was a kid?
I didn't want to go to boarding school.
I didn't want my parents to split up.
I didn't want to move 18 times.
I didn't want to go to public school.
I didn't want to go visit my dad in Africa.
I didn't want to do this.
I didn't want to do...
I didn't want to have to go to fucking work when I was 10 years old.
I didn't want to get caned.
I didn't want to get hit with rulers.
I didn't want to have to do stupid lines.
I didn't want to take math or French.
Complete fucking waste of time.
I wasn't good at either one of them.
I didn't give a shit about them.
What did I want to do?
I wanted to do history.
I wanted to do reading.
I wanted to do writing.
I wanted to do acting.
I wanted to do science.
I wanted to do logic.
Oh, fuck that.
Couldn't find a logic course or a philosophy course or a law course or an economics course because those things are actually fucking useful.
I did learn about the opposite angle theorem and the triangle inequality relation, called the triangle inequality relation, rather than the triangle inequality theorem, because otherwise it's T-I-T. Nobody gave a shit about my feelings when I was a kid.
Not the women, not the men.
Go to school, move, do this, do that, subject yourself to...
To your mom, just do...
Fuck you.
Do whatever.
We don't give a shit about your feelings.
Don't want to go to school?
Too bad.
Go to fucking school.
Your house is too chaotic to study for a test?
Fuck you.
Take the test, just like everyone else.
You're subjected to too much violence for concentration?
Fuck you.
Too bad.
So...
Excuse me.
Nobody...
Gave a shit about my feelings when I was a kid.
And that was bad.
I mean, that was bad.
I was a kid.
But now, that exact same generation, fucking boomers, that exact same generation didn't give a shit about my feelings or your feelings or Mike's feelings or anyone's feelings as a kid.
They didn't want to be in fucking school.
My mom didn't even ask, oh, think it's a good idea if we get divorced?
No.
Just did it.
Just did it.
Your mom asking you if you prefer her drunk or not?
Fuck that.
She doesn't give a shit.
She knows you don't like her drinking.
Does she give a shit about your feelings?
Well, you be this bitch.
Do not give people more empathy than they give you.
That is a recipe for endless exploitation.
You might as well pin 19 vampires to your jugular and wonder why you can't raise your arm anymore.
Same generation that didn't give a shit about me as a kid is now, well, you've got to pay a lot of money for our retirement because otherwise we'll be upset.
Oh!
Oh, really?
Upset is now a big thing for the boomers.
We're owed stuff.
Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to pay you in the same coin you paid me in because I'm afraid universality is universality.
And if you didn't give a shit about me as a kid, I really find it hard to give a shit about you as old people.
Because as old people, you've had your whole life to make mistakes and fuck things up.
When I was a kid, I didn't really have that opportunity for any kind of choice.
And this is sort of Male thinking.
I think.
Men are browbeaten into being responsible for our own mistakes.
Women want the welfare state.
And both men and male and female types of thinking, and again, it's all generalizations.
They're both very valuable and very helpful.
Incredibly valuable and incredibly helpful.
But we are way out of balance as a culture and a society.
I mean, we are just way out of balance as a society.
It's just gone crazy.
Female offense, hysteria.
And I wouldn't even mind that so much.
If your mom was really sensitive to your feelings, I'd say, hey, be really sensitive to your mom's feelings.
But if your mom knows you don't like her drinking...
And frankly says, fuck you, I'm going to drink?
Well, I'd say thank you very much for the clarification of exactly how much I need to give a shit about your feelings.
Yeah, that's that's interesting.
I think...
I've always had this issue where I'm trying to convince myself that I'm being assertive enough when I'm really not in my way of thinking and I tend to think with my mother,
maybe not with my mother but With work, for example, for studies, I would think that I'm clearly studying enough while I know that I'm not.
Look, I don't know about the studying thing, but I'll just end with this because I think you've got enough to digest for now.
But I'll just end with this.
Your mother cannot demand that you be sensitive to her feelings while being insensitive to your feelings.
Right?
Yeah.
Because she says, well, I don't care if you don't like being around me when I drink.
You have to be around me anyway.
So then what she's saying is, other people's preferences...
Sorry, she's going to say one person's preferences should always override someone else's preferences.
She wants you there.
You don't want to be there.
When she's drinking, you've got to go.
That's the premise, right?
Clearly that cannot be universalized.
Because if you've got two people in a room, both of whom get to override each other's emotional preferences, nobody gets any preferences.
Nobody can do anything.
It's paralysis.
Logic fail.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't UPB at all.
And so, if you're into philosophy, the glory and hell, the heaven and hell of philosophy is universality.
It is a liberation and it is a curse.
Personality and universality with feelings, right?
So if your mom is saying, look, my preferences override your preferences.
Now, she's either going to put that forward like, well, I'm just a bully and you fucking do what I say, which is going to be pretty unlikely, or she's going to say there's some sort of moral imperative to it, right?
It's good It's good, it's moral to come and see your mother even if she's drinking, right?
So what she's saying is it's universally preferable for one person's preferences to override another's.
But then why should that be her to you and not you to her?
If it's really great for someone else to just do whatever the hell you want, then mom, you stop fucking drinking.
And she's like, no, I don't want to.
It's like, okay, so then when I want something that's actually just right and fair, you get to say no.
And that's perfectly fine.
Okay, you want me to come over when you're drinking?
I'm going to say no.
Guess what?
That's perfectly fine, too.
Right?
That's just how basic, clear-thinking philosophy gets you out of this fucking Oedipal drowning in tit milk and booze quagmire you're in, right?
Why does she have the right to have her preferences enforced at your expense and you don't?
If she's claiming it's some sort of moral good or something that's owed and respectful, no.
No, the moment someone claims morality, well, it's universal.
In which case, they don't get to dominate you with their emotional agenda, because that can't be universalized.
Because then you both get to do it, therefore neither of you get to do it.
That's basic clear thinking, but this is Greco-Roman tradition, this comes out of Aquinas, this comes out of some of the Christian traditions, which in turn were influenced by Aristotelianism and other kinds of logic.
It's just basic logic.
Mom, if you get to say no to my preferences, I get to say no to your preferences.
Now, she's probably going to talk about morality now because she's not big enough to have physical control over you and you're not dependent on her anymore.
So now she's got to switch to backup ethical bullshit.
No.
It is not healthy.
Again, I'm not a psychologist.
I'm not a therapist.
It's all just my opinion.
The logic, I will stand behind.
But I cannot see how helping your mom avoid the consequences of her own drinking and your own true experience is even remotely healthy for both of you.
It may be what she wants in the moment.
So what?
Heroin addicts want heroin in the moment.
That doesn't mean it's great for them.
But be honest with your mother.
Recognize and respect that your mother needs to earn your time and attention.
And that way, surely as night follows day, you will internalize that principle and be willing to work harder to get other people's time and attention and get the friendships and love that you want.
Alright?
So I'm going to leave you to mull on that.
Just because you have a bit of a deflationary...
Response to some of these speeches.
But yeah, Diego, if you can, get to a therapist.
If you've got a male therapist with some chest hair, I think all the better.
But I hope that this helps.
Do let us know how it goes.
And I certainly wish you the very best in getting the love and connection that you want in life.
And if you're willing to work for it and earn it, that you will then deserve.
Thank you everyone so much for your wonderful time and attention in these glorious and one-of-a-kind conversations to keep the show alive.
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