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April 6, 2006 - Freedomain Radio - Stefan Molyneux
32:45
181 Freedom Part 2: Romantic Security
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Good afternoon everybody, it's Steph and it is the 6th of April 2006.
It is 5 o'clock on my way home and I'm going to meet Christine at the gym, have a nice little workout, tasty dinner.
And then kick back and relax and enjoy the evening.
So I hope everybody out there is doing fantabulously.
I'm going to continue on.
I was hoping to get to siblings this afternoon, but I think that's going to have to wait till tomorrow.
Now tomorrow might be the EP podcast, because I have to drive to London.
That's not London, England, which would involve a fair amount of gunning and hydroplaning.
But I will, in fact, be driving to London, Ontario.
I have to do a presentation to the city there about our fabulous software solution and all the great things that it can bring to their lives.
And so, that is going to be about a two hour drive, so if the battery holds out, and my voice, and your patience, we may have a fairly lengthy chat tomorrow, which is good, because I do have to deal with parents and siblings tomorrow, and rather than having those broken down, You can always bookmark and take me in the tiny slices to which you may be desiring to by this point.
So I hope that that is going to work.
I hope that's going to work for you.
So let's have a chat a little bit more about my... Let's talk about me, baby.
Let's talk about me.
And the reason that I want to do that is because I don't think that my experience is that unique among men.
So, you know, if you're a man, maybe this is something that you have gone through as well.
And if you are a woman, this might help you understand the strange creatures with back hair that may be in your life.
So let's have a chat about, or sort of be open about, what happened to me in terms of my romantic journey, so sort of got me where we are now, and how I sort of built freedom up, sort of brick by brick, from the rubble of where I started.
And I think what struck me when I was sitting down to think about this topic just now is If I look back at one particularly conditional factor within my own mind that had a lot to do with why I did not experience freedom in my romantic relationships, I think that the major factor, if I could sum it up into one word, it would be insecurity.
And I think that, and I'm sort of thinking about this just as I was getting ready for the podcast, I don't know exactly where it came from, but somehow, somewhere, maybe someone can give me some insight into this, somehow and somewhere I got the idea that women would occasionally deign to go out with me.
I guess you could sort of say.
Or that I didn't really have that much to offer.
Or that it absolutely was up to the woman to choose from among all of these squalling men who wanted her favors or her attention or her time.
And I didn't really have very much to offer in that mix.
And I don't know exactly where this came from.
It could be because I had a single mom family.
It could happen because, you know, there was in my sort of high school, as in all, and generally in the under schools and so on, there were like the haughty girls that everybody wanted to be around.
But it wasn't even just that.
I just don't think that I ever got any kind of strong sense from anyone or anywhere, at least that I can think of.
I don't think I'm blocking anything.
I mean, I really sort of searching back through my memories.
I can't find a time or a place or an instance where I really got a very strong sense that a man had an enormous amount to offer a woman in a relationship and that a man could negotiate for an equality of interaction within a relationship with a woman.
I just never, never, never got that sense.
It always felt a little bit like begging.
It always felt a little bit like, you know, if you've seen those sort of old trading floors, I don't think they're like that way anymore, but in the old sort of trading movies where they've got the shots of the, like the Chicago floor of a trading floor, where you've got someone who's, I think this is in trading places, but you've got someone who's got a stock that everybody wants.
And everybody's yelling and shouting and waving their autoforms and desperate and you know having heart attacks and so on just trying to get this particular stock.
And that to me was really how I viewed women and men when I was younger.
That there were all of these men and we had to kind of get women to go out with us And we didn't really have anything innate of value to offer them.
I never got a sense that women were sort of looking me over, saying, yes, that man or that boy could be an interesting partner, could be a productive partner, could be a good father or whatever.
I'm not sure how exactly I would phrase it, because I don't know how exactly women go shopping down the aisles of masculinity.
But I never got a sense that I had any negotiating leverage, because I just never felt that I was in demand.
And, I mean, I think I was an okay-looking kid.
I think I was fit.
I was on the swim team.
I was on the water polo team.
I was a runner.
I was, you know, I mean, I've sort of been exercising since the dawn of time.
And I think, looking back at the photos, I think I was a pretty good-looking kid and so on.
And yes, okay, maybe my pedigree wasn't right up there with the Rothschilds, but I still think that I had a lot to offer, but I never really felt that that was ever reciprocated.
So I would sort of tally up my positive traits, you know, smart and kind and healthy and intelligent and, you know, I guess had a certain amount of wisdom and a good conversationalist and all that.
I would sort of tally up the things that I felt were good about me as a potential partner, as a potential romantic partner.
And I'd say, well, I'm not saying that women should be beating down my door, but I can't quite understand why nobody appears to be paying any attention to me.
And, I mean, I know that sounds because I've sort of said, yeah, I went out with a lot of women.
That was a little bit later, but I'm just talking about my teenage years, like sort of the, you know, from puberty, I was about 12 or so, to, I don't know, about, like I said, my first serious girlfriend when I was about 16 and a half.
A Russian girl.
And I just never felt that I was in demand.
That is something which has been, to some degree, persistent in my life.
This feeling of not being in demand.
I mean, that's one of the reasons why FDR is, you know, I like it.
I'm glad, I'm happy, I'm willing to put a lot of energy in, because I think, you know, that in the conversation that we're having, I've got some good stuff to put in.
And it's nice to have, you know, 3500 shows a day downloaded, so that people can Here, this sort of my side of this conversation that I'm trying to sort of get out through the boards and get the board out stuff out through this.
And this feeling of not being in demand was very strong in my life.
You're a teenager and the girls don't seem to want to have much to do with you and then you get into grad school and you're just one of 300 people in a class and you're very much not in demand.
I took a history degree so I went to the Graduate History Students Career Day where they were like We were told there were 650 PhD graduates in Canada, which is nuts, right?
It's like one for every three months of Canadian history.
And there were like 23 jobs that were posted, and not all of them tenure-track, and not even all of them full-time.
So these were the odds that you were facing, so there was no demand in that.
I was in theatre school and worked as an actor, and of course you're just running around begging everyone to give you the time of day in that world.
And then I, of course, have written a large number of novels, of which one has been published, and I'm still out there.
Sometimes it's like pushing string, getting this out to the marketplace, but I still do my efforts to get it sold, and it's been selling not too badly, certainly not enough to make any kind of living out of it.
But this feeling of not being in demand is really quite astounding and has been really quite a strong motif in my life.
The other thing that occurred, which was sort of counter to that, was that I got into the software field, because I've sort of been geeking out as a programmer since I was like 11.
I got a paper route and bought an Atari 800 with 8K of RAM and learned how to program.
I've been doing this stuff since I was in my early teens.
Love it.
Used to spend Saturdays in the computer lab learning how to code an assembler on a PET.
Boy, wasn't that a massive operating system.
That had 2K of RAM.
That seemed like all the RAM in the world back then.
So once I got into the computer field, then, of course, I was a small vendor.
I'd written some software, quite a lot of software, actually, and we were selling to some pretty large companies.
But you're still a vendor out there clamoring for trying to get people's attention, trying to close deals, and so on.
And this is the case where I am now.
And I've had my resume out for about six months, but I'm getting some interest.
I've had a couple of interviews, but I just can't seem to get something really juicy going.
And I'm not looking very hard.
For reasons I can get into perhaps later.
But there is this feeling, I think, of just not being very much in demand.
And maybe other people feel this or not, but I just... I really feel like at this point in my life, like I'm a long-term professional, I've built a company from zero to a couple of million dollars.
That company has now been running for almost 10 years.
And is still making good coin.
And you know, you sort of think of this, I've managed 25 people and I've sold software in Europe and China and North America and built and sold all this stuff.
And you'd think that there would be some kind of demand for somebody with that skill set.
I'm not saying there's none.
It's just that, and it's probably me, right?
I've been looking in the wrong places because I've never really had to look for work.
I just sort of looking over things as a whole, I've really felt that this problem of not being in demand has contributed considerably to my lack of freedom.
Because not feeling equitable in terms of what you bring to the table in just about any relationship.
Is problematic.
I mean, I've got good cred at my job right now, because over the past two months I've sold over half a million dollars worth of software, and I do believe that I can close another half million in the next two months.
So, you know, I'm making good contributions to the company, and so I can make some demands, right?
And put some stuff on the table.
Now, I mean, it doesn't mean I'm going to get them, but it means that I have more weight to make decisions, to make demands.
And so, I would say that the thing that prevented me from having freedom in my romantic relationships until, it's sad to say, until my early to mid-thirties, twenty years of dating, I felt like a beggar, like a supplicant, like a, oh, okay, well some woman's going to go out with me, that's great!
Well, how can I make her happy?
What can I change?
What can I do?
I just never felt that me just being me was enough.
Now, I say that, but I also felt deep down that I was a great guy, but I just... the same way that I feel like I'm a great and productive business person, but I just couldn't get other people to believe that.
I couldn't get women to believe that.
And I was really... I really found that hard.
I really found that made me pretty insecure and that made me very... I don't know how to put it.
It may be Unable.
I would say, you know, I would say unable.
Not even unwilling.
Because I was willing to give it a shot.
But I felt unable to negotiate from any kind of position of strength.
So, like, if you've ever applied for a job, maybe if you're in tech and you were trying to get work in 2003 or 2002, and nobody was hiring.
Well, you didn't go in there and say, well, I want a signing bonus and I want a parking space and I want, you know, a car allowance and all this.
I know I didn't.
I mean, I took a 30% pay cut to get a job and I'm very glad that I did.
But you didn't feel in those days that there was a lot of demand for your services if you were in the tech industry.
So you were kind of like not very free when it came to searching for work.
If you've got five job offers on the table and everyone's clamoring for your services, then you can negotiate from a position of strength.
But if not, you know, If it's not you, it's gonna be the next guy.
It's like being an actor, unless you're like, you know, 98% of the money goes to 2% of the people.
So if you're Tom Cruise, you can pick your movie.
If you're not so much with the cruising, you just grab whatever you can, and you can't say no, and you're always afraid.
Like, I remember talking to a consultant a couple of months ago who was saying, when I told him I took a year and a half off to to write a book.
I write three books.
He said, you took time off?
Man, I never had the courage to do that.
I always felt if I took the time off, I would never be able to get back in.
Everyone would forget about me, and so on, so on, so on.
He was on his third marriage, I think, at this point, too.
So that kind of workaholism comes around, of course, because people don't feel like they have demand, that they're in demand, that they have at least equal capacity to negotiate.
Just generally and politically, just to touch back on the general politics of things, it is very much to the ruling class' advantage to make people in the middle and lower classes to feel that they are not in demand, because it lowers their capacity to negotiate for anything.
So I'll just sort of touch on that, that there's a lot of reasons why you are pressured or primed or sort of put into the frame of mind where you just have very little to offer and every good thing which is extended to you is extended to you graciously by the women kindness of somebody else who could just as easily extended to someone else and so on And that makes you insecure, it makes you weak, it makes you nervous, it makes you compliant.
I mean, there's lots of all of this sort of stuff.
Which is why, in a free society, it's why demand brings freedom, and freedom contributes to demand.
Because when people feel like they're in demand, and there's lots of jobs going around, and then they can pick and choose, that is by far the best way to equilibrate.
If that's a word.
To equilibrize?
To calibrate, to create equilibrium between the employee and the employer.
Now, it's my particular opinion, actually all of this is my particular opinion, so I'm not going to get all syllogistic on you, but it is my particular opinion that one of the things that has happened in the relationship between the saxes over the past 50 years or so, is that women, God bless them, have burst out into the workforce and are now able to support themselves.
So they don't, when they're teenagers, need to look for a man who's going to be a good provider and pick and choose and blah blah blah.
They now, I mean, I'm reading this, sort of browsing through this book for funsies called Emily's Reasons Why Not, which I picked up at a book sale because I actually quite enjoy a bit of chiclet from time to time.
And she's sort of 32 and she's still dating around and she's, you know, she can feel her ovaries ticking and blah blah blah.
Yeah, this is a very common sort of phenomenon, right?
That women sort of party on and go out with the pretty boys in their 20s and then in their 30s sort of look up to find out that there are no guys around of any quality and those who are around of any quality are looking for the 20-somethings.
So it's sort of my particular opinion that what has happened is that women have become much more independent of men, of male finances, which of course is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I think that's great.
But women don't need to look for men to provide them with an income while they are And that's partly because of their own earning power, and partly because of these evil state programs that we've been talking about for the past couple of months.
I mean, anything that is going to guarantee a woman's income, despite the fact that she's pregnant and having children, absolutely and immediately diminishes the economic value that a man can bring to the table.
And therefore, men just become less valuable, right?
We talked about this in the stuff on abortion.
So, and I don't mean this, I mean, this sounds like bullying, right?
It sounds like, ah, you do what I tell you or I'm not going to pay for your, you know, babies or pregnancies.
It's nothing like that.
It's just what do people bring to the table.
I mean, just because your employer pays you doesn't mean that they own you.
I mean, they're sort of renting you at best, I guess.
And so it's the same sort of, what does the man bring to the table?
Well, he brings sort of a continual cash flow to the table, which is, in the free market, would be pretty interrupted by a woman getting pregnant, having kids, and so on.
And that has sort of gone out the window.
Women have that economic freedom.
State programs have made men optional.
I mean, a man is no longer necessary to raise a family.
It is necessary.
I mean, a man is pretty necessary to raise a family well.
I mean, absolutely necessary.
You can't have healthy children without fathers.
At least, you know, when I put the caveat in, not without significant intervention, because I'm aware that I'm talking about myself as well.
And so, at the same time, you've also had all this feminism, sort of, men are exploitive and men are retarded.
I mean, you get this thing together, right?
I mean, which is when you know it's just nonsense.
You say, men are retarded, right?
And men are also patriarchal, right?
So not only are we idiots, but we are idiot savants who can construct enormous power which dominates women and so on.
So you know that those two poles are really not at all True, right?
Those are completely opposite traits.
I mean, it's a deity of some kind, I guess you could say.
The patriarchy is God, because they're both as contradictory.
And so, women have not been taught, I think, to value positive traits in men.
Now, I mean, that becomes a bit of a vicious circle, because if you don't get value for your positive traits, it's quite often that those positive traits are going to diminish over time.
And so, if you look in communities where there's lots of welfare, there's also lots of male irresponsibility, and those two things feed off each other, and so on.
But the feeling that I get, and I think, based on my conversations with men, that other men that I know are getting this as well, is that, you know, we're really kind of optional.
Women can get along fine without us, and they can deign to be with us as long as we clean up our damn acts, obey them, become more civilized, become basically Women with dangly bits.
That seems to be what women are looking for, as I mentioned before.
The general definition of masculinity these days that is accepted in popular culture, and definitely by a lot of women, is that men are just kind of broken women.
Men need to be fixed so that they're more like women.
Which, of course, if you ever go down that path, and I did once, it really doesn't make the woman any happier.
In fact, it just makes it worse.
All propaganda that she's acting on, so obeying it, just makes it worse.
So, I think for me, if I look at the one sort of really major factor that was occurring, which made me not free in relationships, it was that I never felt that I was in demand.
I never felt that the woman could not live without me.
Because it takes a lot of ego strength to be dependent upon someone.
And I don't mean dependent on someone like, I can't live without you, I'm nothing without you.
I mean, to let your lives and souls intertwine together until you are a net that supports your life.
I know this sort of from having a wildly successful marriage, sometimes I think one of the only ones, but you're on the board that other people are happy married too, which is fantastic.
It takes a lot of ego strength to be corrected by someone in a positive way.
It takes a lot of ego strength to open yourself up and be dependent on somebody else.
It takes a lot of trust.
And all of these things breed freedom.
I mean, I am free in my relationship with Christina because we trust each other so enormously.
I am free in my relationship with Christina because she could probably tell you 200 things that she's learned from me and I could tell you 200 things that I've learned from her.
In fact, this whole stuff on the state and the family comes from Christina.
I head the state, she opened me up to the family, and it's a fact on the state, and that's where this whole side of the podcasting comes from.
Otherwise, I'd just be like droning statistical libertarian.
Boy, which would be mildly diverting, but I don't think quite as emotionally interesting.
And so the fact that Christina and I learn from each other enormously means that we both need each other in a positive way, that we're both in demand with each other.
She's absolutely irreplaceable to me, I'm absolutely irreplaceable to her.
Which means that we can both negotiate from a position where the woman isn't sort of implicitly saying, obey me or I'm walking, or obey me or I'm getting angry, or obey me or I'm going to treat you like this or treat you like that.
And that is, I think, a lot of men go through this, where we just don't feel like we're that much in demand.
We feel like we're kind of optional.
We feel like we have sort of the hold on the woman that sort of an unwanted but sentimentally attached to pet has.
Which, you know, is not a very strong place to be.
It's not a very negotiating kind of place to be.
And the sad thing that I think is that women do find out that men are absolutely necessary But they always find out too late, right?
This is what the devils do, right?
This is what the devils of propaganda do, is that they will blind you to the consequences of your choices, of your bad choices, until it's too late.
And then they will reveal all of those bad choices when it's too late, right?
That's the cruelty.
I mean, in a sense, if you felt, as a woman, if you felt, oh, I don't need men, and then you sort of dated a little bit here and there, never settled down, and blah, blah, blah, and then, you know, you sort of found out that when you got to be 40 and you couldn't have kids and Nobody wanted you as much and you sort of age and you've got another 40 or 50 years on the planet where you're going to be kind of alone because you sold yourself off pretty cheap, right?
You sold yourself off for, you know, I guess some nice abs and some shaggy hair or whatever, right?
Whatever the pretty boy thing is these days.
So you sold off your ovaries pretty cheap, and now that guy doesn't want them, because he's shallow and an idiot, and he's also looking for younger women, and the guys of quality already settled down, or certainly don't want you, because you've messed yourself up by not settling down early enough, in my humble opinion.
I think men can survive a little bit more of that than women can, just sort of by our natures, but that could be the topic for another time.
What happens is then it would be kind in a way if women then never found out that they made this kind of mistake.
So if women sort of fritted away their time of peak sexual attraction and potency, sort of fritted away their twenties and early thirties, and then Just sort of frittered away the rest of their life and never felt the loss.
That would be one thing.
That would be a loss, but it would not be a conscious loss.
But what always happens is that the curtain to the horror gets lifted, and then you have to live with it.
And that's why it's so important to make good decisions.
Because you never get away with it.
You never get away with those decisions in the long run.
So the woman wakes up with a growing alarm, and, oh my God, I've got to settle down, and goes on this mad dating frenzy, and gets desperate, and more unattractive, and that now she suddenly needs men.
Now she suddenly needs a man.
And she hasn't sort of done the necessary foundational work, right?
She hasn't worked on herself, she hasn't... Now you suddenly... She needs a man desperately, which is not very flattering to a man, right?
I mean, you ought to be wanted for yourself, right?
Not for your money and your sperm, right?
I mean, you want to be wanted for who you are as an individual, but there's no time for that!
Because the ovaries are getting into the baby!
So, by the time that women do want men, or recognize that they need men, it's kind of too late.
For most women.
Not for all, but for most.
I mean, some of the women I've talked to who are in their mid to late thirties, who've sort of resigned themselves to not getting what they want out of life.
And because they sort of fritted away a lot of their time on men without substance, right?
Men sort of, arm candy and shallow man and so on.
Another thing that's happening too, of course, is that women are getting taller.
And if there's one bias that women have that they just won't talk about, it's height.
Oh, it's height, it's height, it's height, and it's horrible.
And if you ever want to sort of see this for real, ask women whether they've ever gone out with anyone short of them themselves.
And I don't mean Jewish women, because they often do as a matriarchal culture.
I'll talk about this another time, because a friend of mine has given me quite a bit of material on height and the bias around height.
As I've written in a book, that men are not supposed to look at a woman's cleavage, but all they're supposed to do, all they want to do is sort of look up her nostrils, right?
I mean, that's sort of how height works for women.
They just, they love being nestled in sort of a man's arms.
Pocketed, some call it.
So that is kind of a problem that women don't find out that they need men until much later, which is a really horrible thing to see.
If you know anyone like this, it's just terrible.
Watching women struggle later in their 30s and realizing that they've missed out on some pretty important joys in terms of, you know, home, hearth, motherhood, wifery, and all that kind of stuff, which is a beautiful thing for both sexes, and marriage is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
And so I felt for many years that, you know, I'm not in demand.
I mean, certainly that's the case with school or public schools and so on.
When you're young, you're just not in demand.
I mean, it's just like sort of shut up at hand in your homework and here's some punishment if you talk out in class.
You're just not in demand.
And then in the teenage years I felt that, even though I felt I had a lot to offer a romantic partner, I really wasn't in demand.
And so the problem with that is that then you, if you feel that, and looking back sort of pretty openly on my past, I can think I can say that when you genuinely feel like you're not in demand, unless you have a very strong ego, a stronger ego than I had when I was younger, If you feel like you're not in demand, then dating becomes sort of a mutual contempt, in a sense.
That's too strong a word, but it's something like that.
If you feel like you could get a good job, but you have to take a really crappy job because it's the only one that's offered to you, then your relationship to your employer is not going to be one of mutual benevolence and respect.
Every time you look at that employer, you're going to feel the humiliation of not being in demand.
And I think, looking back on my early relationships, I can see that
factor working this feeling like it's kind of sad at the bottom of this lonely not wanted well but let's hang out together because we are you know misfortune misfortunate companionship misfortunate companions by sad and pathetic circumstance and that definitely had some effect on my early relationships and it's strongly inhibited my capacity to negotiate and be free within relationships because I kind of always felt like I was
I didn't say exactly hanging by a thread, but I think I got kind of a sense like I shouldn't really try and assert my needs or my wants or my desires or my preferences because there's this lineup of desperate other guys that this woman's gonna be able to sort of snap her fingers and summon to her side.
And I would say that it wasn't really until my early 30s.
Late 20s?
Oh, I'd like to think late 20s, but I gotta be honest, I think it was my early 30s.
When I really finally clicked into the idea that Sexual favors are not rare.
A woman's sexual organs are as common as noses.
It's not really something to be treasured in and of itself.
Simply the act of sexual acts or having a sexual relationship provides no value in and of itself.
You have to look for something else that's going to be more beneficial to you.
And so I think that's when I began to separate, which had a lot to do with my own emotional and intellectual and sexual immaturity.
I had to sort of separate the sexuality of a woman from what she brought to the table.
And that was, you know, I'm getting some, so that's got to be a plus.
Well, it's not really.
It's just what is naturally part of a sexual relationship.
It's not a plus.
It's not something that the woman brings to the table over and above what the man brings to the table, because that's sort of subscribing to this Victorian notion that women don't enjoy sex as much as men do, which has certainly not been my experience.
And so I had to sort of get out of that way of thinking things, that if a woman went out with me, that that was something enormously positive that she was bringing to the table, which sort of put me at an immediate disadvantage.
I mean, it wasn't the case at all.
It was just something that she was doing, that it was something that I was also doing, and it didn't really do that much to to really enhance the value she was bringing just to have a sexual relationship with me.
So once I sort of separated that, then I began to sort of realize that I should be stating my preferences within the relationship.
That I'm not here because the woman wants to go out with me.
And I'm not here because the woman is willing to have sex with me.
I'm not here because of all those things.
I have to be here because it is valuable and important and positive to me.
And that's when things sort of began to turn around in terms of my dating.
And I say this to the younger men and women out there in the hopes of, you know, Maybe you won't have to waste time, like I did, in relationships that you could not negotiate equally in.
And if you're in a relationship where you don't feel that you can negotiate equally in, then I suggest that you vamoose.
Vamoose!
As I said to Christina last night, I was sort of saying, well, what topics would you bring to bear on this?
And she said, dump them.
I said, yeah, so like, back up the dump truck, you know, beep, beep, beep, and back up the dump truck and get rid of those people.
Because if you're in relationships in your life where you cannot negotiate because you feel like you're hanging by a thread, whether economic relationships or obviously in politics we're all that way.
They can do anything they want to us.
But in your romantic relationships, your friendship relationships, your familial relationships, your sibling relationships, if you feel like it's Obey or conform or be rejected Then you are in a situation of extreme extreme bullying and limitation and that is really really really really not free and I hope that Definitely in the realm of romance, that that makes some sense to you.
It is absolutely essential that you have a relationship wherein the woman can look you directly in the eye and say, I absolutely respect your thoughts and opinions, you have taught me so much, you have helped me to understand so much, I absolutely worship the ground that you walk on, and you are a fantastic guy, because then you're with a woman who's treasuring you, who is respecting you, who is honoring you, who is
willing to learn from you and respects you and all of those good things which means that if you have a problem with the woman if you have a conflict at least she's not just gonna say well sucks to be you you either obey or I'm just gonna lose my temper I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do that or I'm gonna basically indicate that you're disposable I mean that's a horrible horrible situation to be in and that absolutely limits your freedom and you can't be in relationships threatening to leave right the moment you do you've really broken the quad right so
So I mean, there's lots more to talk about that.
I don't think I'll need another podcast on it.
There's more that I can say.
But you know, hey, save a little for the future too.
But I hope that's been helpful.
I hope that you can look at the relationships in your life and feel which ones you have a solid and weighty presence when it comes to negotiating.
And I hope that you offer up that negotiating capacity for those people in your life that you treasure as well.
Because in the negotiation comes the equality and in the equality comes the freedom and anything else is just another kind of slavery.
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