Crack On: The Phenomenon of Craving and the Spiritual Roots of Addiction — SF688
Russell Brand, Joe McCann, and Dave Massey dissect addiction's spiritual roots, debating whether craving functions as a medical allergy or a spiritual malady requiring surrender to a higher power. They reference a NASA lunar eclipse on April 3, 33 AD, as potential crucifixion confirmation while addressing Tommy Robinson's controversial admission of toilet masturbation during his junkie years. The group analyzes Joe's gluten and chocolate binges alongside Shia LaBeouf's mysticism, concluding that behavioral addictions like food and sex demand the same spiritual solution as chemical dependencies to prevent relapse into mental health crises. [Automatically generated summary]
Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Brand, actually Russell Russell Brand, trying to bring real journalism to the American people.
Hello there, you awakening wonders.
Thanks for joining us today for Stay Free with Russell Brand.
What a special edition it is because we'll also be doing crack on where we talk about addiction.
You're probably an addict, are you?
No, I'm not.
I'm fine.
Yes, you are.
Why are you looking at that porn all the time?
Why are you always at your winkie woo, pulling away at it?
These questions and more will be answered over the next hour, not just by me, but also by Jake.
You're ready with that guitar, aren't you, mate?
I know, I picked it up and don't know what to do with it now.
Yeah, you're stuck with it.
You're just stuck with it now.
Like when we've been doing our live shows, been pretty funny, haven't they?
I've enjoyed those.
They've been good.
We should do more.
Let's do more live shows.
Let's go on a tent revival tour of the United States of America.
Dave, get some investment, will you?
Get some investment, Dave, to the tent revival tour.
We're going to get Joe over here.
We've got lots of things to consider.
Massey's over there with the Satan.
MMA event or the MMA joint.
Yeah, that's good.
We've got so many good things to talk about.
All right, look, what am I supposed to start off doing first of all?
Jesus crucifixion.
Is that one?
Or do you want to still want to talk about Charlotte Boeff?
We've talked about that.
Do you want to talk about Jim Kerry clone conspiracy?
Who's brought that up?
You, I think.
Is it good?
I don't understand it.
But let's get into it.
Let's get right into it right away without any more of this silly nonsense.
Okay, so a lot of people think Jim Kerry has been masquerading as a version of himself.
Let's have a look if it's real or not.
Is this the real Jim Kerry?
It does look a bit different, but like people have their facial surgery, don't they, in Hollywood?
That's the way it goes.
You know, I wrote it and I researched it and I practiced it like crazy, but you know, it's uh that's not Jim Kerry, Jim Kerry's not like that.
That's not how Jim Kerry behaves.
That's Dave's father-in-law.
That's Kenny.
That's Dave's.
That's that's Dave's father-in-law.
Ah, Nurse Nikki.
Ah, nurse.
Oh, Nurse Nikki.
That's Kenny.
Here we are.
Thank you.
Jake, that's a reference that's impossible to instantiate for our wider audience.
Thank you very, very much.
Thank you, Nurse Nikki.
You are most beloved, cherished, and treasured.
Let's have a look at more.
That's no way in.
That's no way him.
But, you know, it's then I watched everybody like talking a thousand miles an hour.
The thing is, is for Jim Kerry, he's got very unique genius, and the way that he moves and communicates is like no one else in the world.
That's just some bloke.
Talking a thousand miles an hour up there, receiving their rewards, and I was like, I'm dead.
But, and I made mistakes, and I was like.
All right, let's have a look at this.
This is the makeup artist, Alexis something or another, that says that they are him.
Check it.
It's just come out that this was an impersonator.
The person who's taken credit for the performance is Alexis Stone, who's a known artist who has done this before.
Alexis stating that they had done it on Instagram not long ago and showing a bit of the process.
They're better known for the work from Kim Kardashian turning her into a lizard.
Here's some of the other work from the past and obviously impersonating known people is something that this person has done before.
That's pretty good.
That'd be a good person.
Say if you were dogged with unending promiscuity, like you just couldn't be faithful, go out with that Alexis Stone.
He can dress up as a whole variety of people.
Every day of the week, a new person.
One night you're laying down with Stephen Hawking.
There he is crunched over in his chair.
The next night, why, you're having dinner with Billie Eilish.
The day after that, a snog with Jem Carey.
Who's this?
It's Ayatollah, Khumani.
Oh, like every day, a different, like, what a great way to live, no?
I don't know.
Like, no, it's just immoral.
It's disgusting.
What's wrong with me?
But that was not Jim Carey.
I love Dave's disgust on most things.
I could see Jim Carrey doing that on purpose, right?
Like, he doesn't want to be there, so just send somebody else.
It's good.
Like, well, he's also, you know, played Andy Kaufman.
And Andy Kaufman, your great American comedic genius, former SNL cast member and Taxi, the sitcom star, was all about creating bizarre situations and he had altered egos and all that.
This is all chronicled in the excellent Milos Foreman movie Man On The Moon and also the REM song.
Man In The Moon was somewhat about Andy Kaufman who would challenge his audiences by doing like mad things, like reading books, and he was one of them brilliant geniuses that straddled the line between art and entertainment, often pushing it too too like too far towards art which sort of has challenges in it like, for example, a certain plucky young guy astray out of Essex, not content just to make people laugh, when he was still a crack and heroin addict, would get involved in tossing people off and doing weird stuff.
A Day on the Barge00:05:44
That's because I was nice.
Me and Massey were talking about it offline, because when Tommy Robinson came on the show we'll be showing you some uh, some of that.
It's going to be our show on Monday, the interview tomorrow.
It's very enjoyable because I think it's very human points, confrontational but generally pretty interesting conversation.
But I accidentally, as I mentioned in the show the other day, brought up that in this show that I'd done psychological jackass.
I called it, I tossed off a fella in a toilet and And Tommy Robinson, he couldn't go beyond it.
He said, I didn't even ask.
You told me that.
It really blew his mind.
But really, at that point, I was sort of, like as a comedian, I was doing like really weird stuff on stage.
Like, you know, like I brought locusts into the room and let them all loose.
I got dead animals and smashed them up with a hammer.
I don't believe it, man.
Not you.
Old Russ.
Some people, not you.
It was old Russ that was doing these things.
Having weird fights, being wet.
Where was that?
Well, it was when I was like, this really weird thing happened where this guy gave me and me and my mate Matt, I think it was 500 quid, but that, like, it was 20 or 30 years ago, 30 years ago, guess probably.
And that was so much money that it blew my mind to have 500 quid, right?
And with this 500 quid, like, he goes, you've got to perform.
I'm doing this night.
He was promoting a band and he just wanted us to warm up for this band.
They were no good, this band.
Anyway, right, I was like, I couldn't write any material because I wasn't like that.
I didn't like to write material.
A bit like now, really.
I prefer just to, you know, make it up.
I'm so sorry.
Thanks for watching this, by the way.
If you haven't got Rumble Premium yet, get Rumble Premium now.
And if you're watching this on YouTube, come over to Rumble, right?
And like, so like, I just went to this nightclub to do a warm-up for this band.
I had dead mice and rats that I'd acquired from a pet shop.
They were really python food.
I'd dressed them up in little costumes, like Barbie costumes.
Then like they were, some of them were Ford.
Some of them were still like frozen.
I had little wigs on.
I was doing shows with them.
The audience was like, the audience said, not ever.
It never went well.
Not once.
But like, not once.
But I persisted.
I persisted.
I did it show after show.
I was determined that it was brilliant.
I've got it on video, like loads of it.
I said, like, I did it live at markets and stuff, confronting people with it.
People going, are they, oh, yeah, what's happening?
Like, little, like, I do like little sort of cockney voices like that.
Hello, darling.
You're like, oh, I've just been down to the abortion clinic.
Oh, no, darling.
All life's sacred.
And then like a little baby mouse coming out.
Anyway, like it was just unusual what I was doing.
Then there'd be a bit where I'd get angry with them and smash them up with a hammer.
You have footage of that.
Yeah, there's footage.
There's footage.
You want to see it?
No problem.
I've got it, baby.
And then like other things was like, I got locusts.
Basically, it was because I think when I went to this pet shop, Parkway Pets in Camden in North London where I was living at that time, like they sold locusts and rats and mice and stuff.
So I don't know.
I just thought it's interesting this.
Anyway, with the 500 quid that I got, me and my mate Matt, we booked a barge, like a canal boat out in the Norfolk Broads.
Went there.
Problem was I was like a drug addict.
So like when you're in the Norfolk Broads, if you're a drug addict and, you know, let's be honest, a sex addict, once I was on the barge, I was like, oh no, who am I going to have sex with?
Where am I going to get drugs from?
Well, so we had to pull over, pull the barge over.
We'd crashed it a couple of times because, you know, I weren't good at driving the barge.
So we went into the town of Norwich to have sex with this prostitute.
Now this poor lady, she weren't in a good state at all.
Her husband was pimping her out.
Her husband and her husband's brother were brassing her.
She was doing all the work.
They were doing all the smack.
It was no way to live, really.
Anyway, when I arrived there, I was like, it was not an option.
I mean, this poor lady, no gnashes and all that.
She didn't even have a full set.
She was all banged up on the GAC, falling apart at the seams.
So I had to go, listen, love.
There's for your time.
I'm ever so sorry, but I don't think this is not my cup of tea.
Anyway, I also said to my mate, Matt, this would be a good TV show, this, because this is like living a crazy life.
Let's get the cameras.
So we came back about a week later and filmed it.
And I goes, this would be a good concept for the old psychological jackass.
Like, you know, remember, like I told you last week, we all sleep with prostitutes, of course we do.
Why wouldn't we?
And by the way, people are sleeping with prostitutes.
There is a red light district, sex industry, pull it up on the internet.
People are doing this stuff.
And what I was trying to do was churn, and I'm still trying to do it in a way, is churn out unconscious material and make people address it.
Address it.
Address who you are really.
You know, that's why it's outrageous to be accused of things I've not done because the thing I've never been is dishonest.
I'm not really a dishonest person, except if I'm unconsciously dishonest, I suppose that can happen.
You know, like Joe, we did that work the other day, didn't mean I was dishonest about things just because I didn't recognise that I was being dishonest.
Anyway, so, so like, anyway, like, so we, um, the idea was get to know this lady that's a sex worker, instead of objectifying her, get to know her, and then at the end of the time, when you've got to know her and their little kid and all their desperate, terrible poverty, at the end of the spending a few days with them, go, here you go, then there's 100 quid, let's go have it off.
Now, it created a bit of an atmosphere when that happened because like, you know, we'd spent a couple of days together.
But the thing is, what was off camera is I was also a heroin addict.
So we were all doing, me and the prostitute, God, like, I can't remember her name, Karen, I think, I can't remember.
Anyways, me, the prostitute lady, and our fella that was pimping her, and the brother, they were all right, they were terrible people in a way, actually.
Thinking about it, there's one bit where he goes, like, everyone's getting pleased, we're getting pleased because we get the heroin, the punters are getting pleased because they're getting their sex, she's getting pleased.
And I remember as he did that list, I was thinking, she ain't getting pleased, she's being exploited, she's being exploited, this poor woman.
Deemed Fine00:02:04
It ain't right.
Anyway, I don't think I've gone back to try to help her, as a matter of fact, and get her out of that terrible situation.
But I do try my best when I get the opportunity to help women that have fallen into those desperate and terrible situations.
Everyone's been upsex, we went back on the barge, is what we've done.
So I took them out for a day on the barge, and that's when I've done the final revelation of like, yeah, do you want to take this money for sex then?
Because now that we all know each other better, it created a very strange and terrible atmosphere.
And in the end, that one was never televised because it was deemed too, I think, distressing and not morally correct.
But some of the ones that were televised was me wanking off that fella that we now know is called Gary because we showed a clip of it in the last show.
You know, that one was deemed fine.
And some of the other ones were deemed fine.
You know, Mark Collette, that comes up in the Tommy Robinson.
Deemed fine.
All deemed fine.
But old Russ was on his way there, out of drugs, into recovery, and finally being saved by our Lord and Saviour Christ Jesus, the ever-present glorious God that can save even a broken person like me.
Thoughts?
What about locusts?
Questions?
Oh, the locusts.
I just would let them out loose.
I'd let them loose.
I'd bring in a box of locusts and I'd go, ah, behold.
And they'd probably be like, oh my God.
What's going on?
All locusts running around.
Blew people's minds, Massey.
People don't anticipate locusts when they've gone out for an evening's entertainment.
But they should, because that's what happened in the plague.
That's what happens with the Pharaoh.
He got him up in.
You did that to open their show.
That's right.
It didn't go well.
And the man had some complaints, but they'd given us some of the money up front.
So who's the real winner?
He was called Alki, the geezer wasn't.
Funny enough, and he actually was an Alki.
So we later met in a recovery setting, as I recall.
And he's like, mate, that's not what I paid you for.
Unleashing locusts on the unsuspecting audience.
I goes, hey, mate, I'm an artist.
I'm unpredictable.
You never know what I'll do.
What I might consider to be entertainment and you consider to be entertainment.
Subjective, innit?
Some people might want some well-crafted jokes.
Massa's Unusual Snack Idea00:02:55
Not me.
Locusts.
It's locusts for you, I'm afraid to say.
And there's plenty more.
What do you do for an encore?
Mosquitoes.
More creatures of the locus.
I didn't pay for a plague.
But you got one narytheless, poor fella.
Anyway, that's the way I lived in them days.
Yeah, I was cool.
I was an interesting young fella.
And then I was getting jobs on MTV and everything, so I had to rein it in a little bit because MTV were a bit more...
But I still did weird stuff, dressing up.
There's really funny things on the end.
They cracked me up, these things.
Like stuff on MTV of me all doled up, the weather cott, what do we call it?
The weather clerks.
Like me putting in these great big teeth like that.
Like walking around in Camden town.
This is our little son.
Like with a puppet that we claimed was our son that we'd beat up and think we set fire to it.
I mean it's really, we were like the geezer I was making was stuff with Matt.
He was also quite an avant-garde guy and we were hanging out with like them Camden people, Amy Winehouse, the Libertines, all that.
Everything was sort of like a bit on edge.
I was on crack and heroin.
I was making some unusual decisions as you've just heard.
But that's just what I think.
Let me know what you think in the comments and the chat.
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Massa Chips Revelation00:04:11
Do us a favor, William.
Welcome back and thanks for staying with us.
If you're watching this anywhere other than Rumble, watch us on Rumble.
I've always liked Shia LaBerth.
I even think I liked him a bit in them Transformer films.
But I like him even more now.
He's what I'd call a rampant Catholic.
Jake has brought the recent interview that Shia LeBerth done on his sort of New Orleans rampage to our attention.
What is it you like about this, mate?
I think there's familiarities between the two of you guys.
Certain things that are getting him excited that, you know, I've heard you get excited about.
I think it's just a similar person along the path of all of us.
Why are you thinking like he's interested in the mysterium tremendum, the great mystery, the tremendous mystery?
Like and also, I've always been arrested in New Orleans and I like him.
I chatted to him one time.
He's a good geezer.
I don't think he should drink probably.
That'll be my guess.
That's my guess.
But why don't we assess him?
We didn't crack on in a little while.
That's when me, Joe and Dave will be talking about our recovery.
We're abstinent from drugs and alcohol and all the things you've heard me say in the last few minutes.
This is me drug-free, man.
Crazy days.
23 years one day at a time.
Not as long as beloved Dave, but I wasn't as mentally ill as Dave, so I don't have the same concerns.
Let's have a look at Shia LaBerth, breaking down, talking about our Lord and Saviour Jesus.
These clips are chosen by Jake and we're going to have a chat about it to get back.
What would you say to Jesus if you could meet him?
I want to say shit.
Really?
Nah.
Bro, I kiss him.
I kiss him.
I kiss him.
I kiss his feet.
Don't want to say nothing Chill out with these questions, Andrew My bad I didn't know it was.
I was a real Catholic, bro.
A real one.
I just thought you had thought about it.
I'm a real one, bro.
I want to believe.
It's something.
Well, hey, bro, you got to hit your head into the wall hard enough where you just go, f ⁇ it.
It's the only way, though.
That's how you find God?
Yep, for me.
For the hard-headed ones?
Yeah, you got to go hard.
What do you think was the real-life equivalent of you smashing your head on a wall?
I put a gun in my mouth.
I was ready to kill myself.
I'd blow my brains out.
Writing letters.
What dark days?
For real, gone.
I'm ready to go.
Why didn't you do it?
Why didn't I do it?
Because I'm and also my mom.
So, God bless her.
She kept me alive that night.
That lad, he's not playing.
He's serious about the Lord, isn't he, Joe?
Yeah.
I can relate to him, mate.
He's a good fellow.
He's been in and out of recovery a long time.
So it's tough to see that, innit?
Yeah, he needs clear love, clear love.
How would you react to meeting Jesus?
I feel like I'm meeting Jesus now.
I feel like I'm in the throne room, not at the foot of the cross.
It came about a year in.
I started to feel we're in his throne room.
We're in his throne room.
We're present with him.
He's present with us.
And I remember I see that moment where he cried there.
I had a moment just before us lots started working together properly.
I was doing the shows out of Miami and Jordan Peterson came on into the Rumble studios down there that we were working out of.
And you have good chats with Jordan about Jesus.
And like I was thinking about the crucifixion and I got overwhelmed by the love of the crucifixion.
At the moment, I feel very held and at ease in him.
I guess it's by the fruits though, isn't it?
Like, you know, I just feel more chilled, Jake.
Yeah.
I feel more chilled.
And I like the overwhelm because I like the cup run of over moments that Shia LeBoe is having there.
He's a lovely, lovely geezer.
He should be around us is what I think.
Let's go grab him from New Orleans, drag him down here with us.
I know we need to.
I mean, the connection being in New Orleans and he's from Louisiana.
And I always found myself just almost like part of my life is supposed to partner with people like that.
Broken folks.
Well, it's just like creative, good at what they do, but genuine.
I do think he's genuine.
Like Mike Piazza, Encouraging Luminosity00:07:11
Why didn't do a Christian album with him?
Why don't you name him?
Do a Christian album.
Why don't you be in that bumblebee car he used to go about with singing Kumbaya?
A new thing in that bumblebee car.
Yeah, I transformed.
Kumbaya, my lordy, come by, come by.
Yeah.
I'm trying to be serious for you.
Well, I won't be serious.
I'd invite you.
I want to be in Bumblebee Car with you and Shriever.
Come to watch some more of him.
I love him.
He's gorgeous.
He's a lovely man.
Sorry.
Is this the one about breaks down his beef with Mike Piazza?
Yeah, so here's that.
Oh, yeah, what is that?
So another part that I think that you do such a good job of, and I'm around you to see it, is that you are always willing to take pictures with people.
And if, you know, if you're with your kids and you, or you got to go to the bathroom, I mean, I've seen that, but you do a very good job of making people feel valued, even when it's like a mass amount of people.
And I think he explains it pretty good, but his beefs with a guy who didn't do that well.
I said, look, I take a bunch of pictures like a f ⁇ ing, like I'm a golden retriever or a governor or something like that, because I like what it does for people's lives.
I remember trying to get Mike Piazza's autograph, mother.
You know what I mean?
For my whole life, Mike Piazza.
Were you waiting outside the fence?
Every day, this is Mike Piazza.
He's a catcher.
He was like, for us growing up, a really good baseball player.
What team?
He played for the Mets.
He played for.
Why'd you care about the catcher?
He's got that mask on.
He's sat there like a cockroach with that thing and he's tired.
Who cares about him?
That's important.
Just an iconic guy.
Like he's sort of that, like growing up, just the catcher you probably would.
Probably most famous catcher, I would think.
Yeah.
People like him.
Yeah.
The catcher.
I just don't think it's a glamorous position.
It can be.
It can be, but it's like the, you know.
Going like that.
But it's just the fact that that was important to him.
Like Mike Piazza, like him explaining the story.
It's just funny.
This guy, bro.
So, yeah, we used to go to Dodger games.
Big Brothers program used to give these tickets out.
You go Dodger game.
Me and all of them dudes would be sitting in the parking lot.
Brent Butler always signed.
Hideo Nomo always signed.
Mike Piazza.
Just a cold heart.
Mike Piazza, you're a bitch, bro.
Still holding on to that.
I just love that it goes to that.
You're a bitch, bro.
He's funny, isn't he?
He's funny.
How many times do you think he rejected signing up?
day, bro.
I did it for, I used to go out there 90 times probably.
Rejected me 90 times.
So what it did was, oh, I'm going to sign them all.
So when I got on, it was like, yo, f ⁇ Mike Piazza.
So you don't turn down any pictures.
Never.
Never, ever.
Not unless I'm with my kid or I'm eating some food or I'm chasing some ass because you feel what a guy.
What a guy.
Mike Piazza, you need to put this right.
Mike Piazza needs to send Shreya for autograph right now.
I'm chasing some ass because you feel like you're helping people, validating.
Yeah, what did God do it for?
Why did he do it for?
Why did he do this to me?
You know what I mean?
What is the purpose, bro?
I love him.
He's really adorable.
Let's have a look at this bit.
Now, why did you like this bit, Jake?
This is the G.K. Chesterton.
Yeah, yeah.
And you've, I mean, I feel like we've had this exact conversation.
Let's check it.
Can I read something to you?
Yeah.
You fuck with G.K. Chesterton?
I don't know who he is, but I sound like a guy.
So G.K. Chesterton, this is big OG stuff, yeah.
Very funny, isn't it?
Like, do you fuck with him?
Used to mean, have you read or heard of?
He's a real bandito in this thing.
Yeah, go go, do whatever you do, whatever you want.
In terms of this Christian shit, he's real bandito, this guy Chesterton.
Let me read this to you, yeah?
And it speaks to me.
Mysticism keeps men sane.
I'm not trying to be dramatic, yeah.
I heard some motherfuckers say I was performative today, you know, it bothered me.
Doesn't seem like it to me, man.
All right, here we go.
Mysticism keeps men sane.
As long as you have mystery, you have health.
When you destroy mystery, you create morbidity.
The ordinary man has always been sane because the ordinary man has always been a mystic.
He has permitted the twilight.
He has always had one foot in earth and the other in fairyland.
And I feel like that guy.
Like, I feel like I want to encourage the luminosity, bro.
I'm out here to fucking get it.
Oh, man.
What a guy.
He's lovely.
Like, the, yeah, I like that as well.
I like that Chester and quote, which I'd not heard before, saying that without the mystery, there's morbidity.
And indeed, much of the endeavor of recent creativity is around the remystification.
And I agree with that analysis that when you strip the mystery from us, that's bureaucracy.
That's that managerial optimization.
Everything can be managed.
We can live forever.
We can control it.
When you do that, you're sort of suddenly, you feel the fingers of death upon you.
He gets it to Shylock.
You shouldn't drink.
Do you think he's an alcoholic?
Yeah.
I mean, when I see Shyla Buff, I'm like, I get you.
Yeah, he's alcoholic.
Yeah, he is.
He talks about it.
He says, like, his journey of on and off of being in rehab.
I don't know if he's ever really gotten into the steps, though.
Come on, mate.
Come through the steps.
Come to the steps.
We need to.
Apparently, he was sponsoring people, right?
He was.
Yeah, he was full there.
Yeah, yeah.
Pretty interesting.
This is that thing, you know, that I heard quite early on.
Jesus Christ has taken out more men than Jim Beam.
If you get too much into that mystery and you ain't got your feet on the ground, serious trouble.
Serious trouble.
I mean, me, all the way through when I was clean and still sleeping around a lot, like that's that's not right.
That's not what you're meant to be doing.
You're meant to be engaging with, embodying the mystery and reaching the proper conclusion that there's no room for selfishness in any form.
See, that thing, Joe, that we were reading, that book we were reading in the UK, I keep blanking on the name of it.
But like it's sort of like that the reason like you shouldn't feel that you're grappling with alcohol or pornography because you should want to be with Christ.
And indeed actually that moment's probably quite telling that he, the idea of meeting Christ seemed abstract to him, even though he's obviously having a mysterious experience.
That's really clear.
You can see that too.
Because I liked what I read in that book where it said like that if you were you the reason you won't want to look at pornography is you're too busy being with Christ.
You're with Christ.
I haven't got time to stop being with Christ to get out a laptop or a phone and like sort of study a screen of naked women on it.
I'm busy.
I'm too busy.
I'm too busy being with God.
There's no like and when I think of the things, look at us, we're all sort of really broken addicts, like when you give up your connection to God for a biscuit.
Give up your connection to God to shout at your kids.
Give up your connection to God like I'm always giving up my connection to God for pretty low.
Faith's Storm Calmed00:06:47
I would say what do you want to say?
Low yield fruit, low yield fruit.
So there you go.
There's Shala Boef.
What a guy let's have a look at like these.
Clearly, people are talking about Christ in new ways.
This is the right time for us to be participating in this revival.
It's not a coincidence.
God's using us, God's moving through us, even with the sort of decimatory and terrifying events in the Middle East and the concerns that we all have about, like the macro arguments around Epstein et al.
It's clear that Christ is returning.
What's this extraordinary story?
NASA discovery linked to Jesus' crucifixion reveals exact day Christ dies.
A discovery by NASA may confirm the biblical account of Jesus' crucifixion according to researchers from Oxford.
The Bible states that the sun turning into darkness and the moon into blood, which some scholars believe reference events following Christ's death, NASA's models, which trace the positions of the earth, moon and sun through history, show a lunar eclipse occurred on Friday, 3rd of April, 33 AD.
That gave me a feeling.
I had a feeling then the year traditionally linked to Jesus' death.
The cosmic event would have been visible in Jerusalem shortly after sunset and the position of the moon would have given it a reddish hue.
The biblical historians believe the lunar eclipse identified by NASA was the same as the one written about in the Bible.
The NASA discovery was made in the 90s, but it's now going viral on TikTok as today is known among Christians as the day Jesus was crucified.
Christian texts mention that the moon turned to blood after Jesus' crucifixion, potentially referring to a lunar eclipse during which the moon takes on a reddish hue, Nassau noted.
It's interesting, of course, when people find scientific precedent for biblical events, but apologists have long undertaken comparable arguments.
C.S. Lewis saying that many of Christ's miracles are amplifications of nature, which is what you would expect of the God of all nature, the creator of nature.
The obvious example that he uses, C.S. Lewis does, is the Christ calming the storm.
He says, all storms stop eventually, and you and I can calm a storm by simply closing a window.
So why would it confuse or concern you that a man who is also God can calm a storm in an instant?
Then C.S. Lewis goes on to say that some of the miracles have a different nature.
They seem to be outside, well he says outside of the natural purview, the obvious example being walking on water.
But it's my wife that said there are insects that do that.
There are insects that do that.
And even the resurrection itself, the sort of supreme and sublime event other than God coming here at all, is, could, well, there are turtles that hibernate for six months under frozen water, and, you know, that's all intense.
They're dead, aren't they?
I mean, then they come back.
So, the reason I mention all this is because the idea that we can put into scientific language the mysteries are indeed contrary and run contrary to Chesterton's point cited by Shire LeBoe there.
The mystery prevents us encountering morbidity.
When you strip away all the mystery of life, you're just left with this sort of dreadful, oh my god, I'm just here and I'm going to die and I might as well just go around and have sex and drink and do drugs.
What's the point?
Nothing means anything.
When you allow the mystery in, when you enter into a state of faith, it increases.
It increases a hundredfold, like all of his parables.
You know, you plant this, you're going to have your experience an increase.
You have to enter into the field of faith.
It's like a field of being.
Man, the thing that's been blowing my mind, I've been thinking about it a lot, is in my encounters with scripture, not only am I seeing a clear diagnosis of worldly institutions as fallen and evil, but he's talking continually about waves and particles and he's talking continually about the flow of consciousness or the living water.
So it operates for me on a plane that I know and recognize from long personal studies and readings about mystery and mysticism and encounters with psychedelic drugs.
All of these things are embedded in scripture and it's this Christ that I'm getting to know and it's this Christ that I think is under attack in a culture that's trying to, I think, demonize all of our institutions.
This is a story about a church in Southall London that's been burned to the ground.
Let me know in the comments and chat what you think about this peculiar new phenomena of burning down churches.
So weird that all this stuff's going on right now.
Also, this Ash Wednesday story of a child being told to wipe their cross off their forehead, which is of course an expression of the child's Catholic faith, is odd because you know that there's no way in the UK that a kid doing something that was an expression of their Muslim faith would be told, you know, get that off or put that on or whatever.
Check this out.
A teacher walked over and said, like, what is that?
And I was like, it's Ash Wednesday and I'm Catholic Swiss A1.
And he's like, no, it's inappropriate.
Go take it off.
His attempt to explain the mean of the symbol fell on deaf ears.
And she took me aside and she said, you have to take it off.
So she gave me a de-infection wipe, whatever they're called, and she made me wipe it off.
William says it happened as many of his classmates watched.
They saw a teacher wipe it off because they wiped it off in front of all my friends.
I felt like really bad.
The school's principal called Williams' grandmother as soon as she learned of the incident.
I was pretty upset.
The teacher also called.
And I asked her if she read the Constitution of the First Amendment and she said no.
And oh.
The David School District says what happened is not acceptable.
Why that even came up?
I have no idea.
It wants students of all faiths to feel welcomed.
When a student comes into school with ashes on their forehead, it's not something that we say, please take off.
That's interesting.
The world is in a moment of schism and fissure and breaking apart.
We need to look at our perspectives on religion generally and Christianity certainly with more depth because as our institutions collapse and are exposed for what they are, fallible and broken, where are we going to turn?
Are you going to lean into your political allegiances and your hobbies and your habits and your tribal traditions?
I've always liked this party or that party or this football team or that football team.
It's not going to be enough anymore.
Craving And Collapse00:15:02
It's a time really where we can all probably learn from Shia LeBoe, albeit he's a person that's clearly on the precipice of chaos and recognize that without the mystery we don't have much at all.
Nothing but Epstein falls and forever wars in the Middle East.
But that's just what I think.
Why don't you let me know what you think in the comments and the chat?
We can't make this content without the support of our partners.
Here's a message from one now.
Should we do Joe training?
Joe, that piss you off seeing that.
Oh shit, I didn't even turn to Joe.
Joe, be out of the way.
It's crazy, mate, isn't it?
It's evil, man.
And the ashes.
And the ashes.
It's terrible, mate.
What's going on in this world, mate?
It's fucking unbelievable.
It's annoyed to that, isn't it, mate?
Yeah.
You did.
Made him mad.
Joe, we've been talking for a while now about the phenomena of well, it's like these online sort of celebrity boxing matches at the upper echelons.
You've got Andrew Tate fighting someone, you know, or you've got Jake Paul having a row with almost everyone.
And now, though, there's a sort of real market.
Now, I know that you were particularly irked, Joe, when one of Rod Stewart's boys got in the ring with someone, and this has driven you to believe that you yourself should be in the prize fight in the online realm, isn't that right?
I believe so, mate.
Yeah, I'm not being funny.
I watched him, Rod Stewart's son.
He got sparked out in like, I don't know, less than two minutes.
And I just think, what the fuck is going on here?
People are paying to watch that.
Now, I weren't a great boxer, but I was alright.
Do you know what I mean?
And fuck me, if they can do it, I can do it.
And it seems like the only criteria is to get a few followers on Instagram.
So here I am.
I am following me on Instagram to make it happen.
Put it up on the screen now.
Get me on.
Let's do this.
Right, there's follow jokes.
We're going to try and get him in a row that he can win, get a few quid out of it.
Who do you want to fight?
I mean, is there a person?
I don't know yet.
Well, why don't you do some research?
We need to target someone to the right area.
Gabe Brazardo is fighting for their light heavyweight title.
I like him, I respect him.
He was a very good fighter in his day.
A very good fighter.
I would love to get in the ring with him.
I don't think I'm quite there yet.
I probably need a couple of little warm-up fights, get on the undercard of a few.
But I tell you what, I'd love it.
Get me in there with him.
You've done very good when we were out to end my plea in the UK the other week with them paparazzi.
Some of them got a little stiff arm.
Coach Carlos, my BJJ teacher said, I saw Joel getting in there, done some good work.
He looked good.
He looked cool too.
God, he looked cool.
Joe, you old man, little ramrod jabs to the chest.
They need them ramrods.
Well, here's Joe hitting the pads, getting ready.
If you know, let us know in the comments and chat some appropriate opponents.
And remember to follow Joe on Instagram.
There's his details.
And here he is, smashing it up in the gym.
Here we go.
You've got to look good now.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just relax.
Yeah.
That's it.
One, two.
Yeah.
Double.
One, two, four.
Now we're going to go.
Body, head.
Yeah.
One, two, hook.
Good.
Again.
Yeah.
Once you hook.
Rear hand.
Double.
One, two.
One, two, hook, four, eight, two, hook, three hands, hook, three hands, double.
One, two.
Come back the backhand.
One, two.
Get in!
Jack!
One, two.
Looking tasty there, Joe.
He looks good, didn't he, Jake?
He looks really good.
Rocky one.
You look, I think that we should get you.
We'll get you about, by Jove.
We'll get you about.
Dave saying, what are you saying, Dave?
I was saying, hey, Russell will open for you and release some locusts.
He's my corner man.
I'll be corner man.
I'm going to open the show in the ring.
Welcome behold the great Joe McCann.
What's your name?
What's your fighting name?
Oh, I don't know.
We'll have to come up with one, won't we?
Yeah.
The last time I boxed, I called myself the Bourne Bull, being from Eastbourne, East Sussex.
Shout out Eastbourne.
Eastbourne Bourne Bull.
Oh.
Breadbasket.
I like that too.
The breadbasket.
I bet there's a Buddha somewhere that would fight him.
Of course there's a Buddhist.
Let's make this a holy war.
Let's put an Ash Wednesday cross on Joe's head.
Have it sort of scrubbed off by Larry Buddhist.
Gary the Crucible next to the Buddhist.
Gary the Buddhist.
All right, well, I mean, look, we've seen it before, but it bears repeating.
Here's me, like, with Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Robbies.
Are we really watching this again?
I mean, this is Gary the Buddhist.
I had a bath with a homeless guy, and I...
I think this was on the TV.
And I, like, I wanked off a geezer in a toilet.
What?
Yeah, tough times.
Tough times.
Where the fuck are you taking it?
It was at a time that Jackass was out.
You know that show?
Look at me sort of like really endeavoring to explain to Tommy how this happened.
What?
He's clearly not on board.
You know that show, Jackass?
I'll beat him.
I'll wank someone off in the toilet.
You think you're brave falling off a skateboard on a boiled egg?
I'll toss off this fella in the toilet.
Try that on for Sage Drew in Knoxville.
You wank it off.
Yeah, I did.
In a Soho toilet.
They're going to think you're trying to launch something.
Like, we keep talking about this story.
So, like, that's going to be your new channel.
New things wanking people off now.
That's going to be it.
There can be no more of those days that behind me.
But it was good content.
I mean, wait till you see him.
Yeah, I did.
In a Soho toilet.
Yeah, in a Soho toilet.
Yeah, crazy days.
Who did you wank off of the toilet?
I can't remember his name, mate.
Say the absolute truth.
It's really very, very funny, innit?
Like, the way he's looking at it, like, what?
His face is amazing.
He's really funny.
I can't remember his name, mate.
It's to the absolute truth.
But, like, he was a lovely fella.
I met him in a, like, what you see in front of Dean St. Looking to me.
He's like, he's like, you know what?
I think he thinks that he's like being punked.
Right.
I think he's like, surely this, you're not just telling me that.
Not every net.
I mean, like, what you see in Fran Dean Street.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
What you just?
I was just going like, like, yeah, he's telling the truth.
I've heard the story before.
It's real.
It was like in them gay bars around Dean Street.
It's on the television.
You wanking off a bloke, don't you?
Hey, I'm Russell.
I'm on my way now.
Solo, also known as Gayo Stiffcock in my hand, the Stiff Baney cock.
I mean, I'm leaning into it there, wouldn't I?
The young Russ.
Cock and wank it into the orgasms.
Wank a man cock into orgasms if that makes me gay.
Right, okay then, Gary.
No.
Gary's the perfect name for it.
The bit people carry through, he says, like, he's here to help.
Like, just let, like, Gary, what a truth.
Oh, my God.
What the world actually is.
What are people.
I get the first bit of tissue.
I can never again say that I've never wanked off a man in a toilet.
Gary, Jesus Christ, nice working with you, man.
Nice.
I mean, I. I'm happy you should help.
I'm happy to see you.
Thank you for the Buddhists.
You're a Buddhist.
I help her.
I can.
Who used to be pretty OG?
I'll help her I can.
Yeah, I even mentioned the name of our Holy Father.
He was there with me.
Jesus protecting me.
Dave's face.
Oh, dear Lord.
What was I doing?
I was a crazy person.
I can't believe people hate Tommy when you see him laughing that much about something.
He seems like such a nice guy.
He's awesome.
People are like Satan, you know.
He's quite sweet, isn't he?
He's great.
I think that's part of it.
Like, if you would meet people and have conversations with them.
Yeah.
I think a lot of this, even people that we might say, they're probably nuts.
I'm going to sit down and have a conversation with them.
Yeah, just meet people.
Massive meet people.
Wank them off.
You just come here.
You're not so different are you?
They're all really nice when you wanked them off.
Come in here, Kier Starmer.
Wank him off.
He'd like it.
Come in here, Assad.
Wank him off.
Come over here, Ayatollah.
Wank him off.
Wank our way to peace.
Who used to be pretty pro-LGBTQ?
I'm, yeah.
You was back in Dan?
Yeah.
He was in that circle movie.
This is what I mean, using that sort of side of the, what I'd say is the wrong side.
All right, hold on.
Let's get this straight.
Let's get this straight.
You wanked off a bloke in the toilet.
The video's out there.
I can't deny that.
You can't calf straight in the same sentences as I.
I just wanked off a man in the toilet.
That's fair enough.
But I was very, very promiscuous.
What the fuck?
But how long.
How hold on?
How old were you when you wanked off a man in the toilet?
25.
Oh, when you were a junkie?
Yeah, I was a junkie.
So that's what prostitute yourself.
I suppose so.
He's swift intense, isn't he?
Oh, when you junkie junkie.
Yeah.
I love back to business.
Prostitute yourself.
suppose so but in the same Hold on a minute.
Do you want to hear in the toilet shower?
Tommy, you've got a bit caught up on this.
I'm caught up in it.
I wasn't expecting it.
Do you think she was being exploited for the show?
Yes, absolutely.
You were being exploited?
In a way, but.
Well, you've been exploited if they're getting your wang man off.
Come on.
Well, in a way, Tommy, at that point, we're saving.
I know, let go of it.
You're tweeting it when I walk out of here.
Don't, mate.
I'm only playing.
Whenever I've been around what I would call top-tier famous people, some of them, like the most famous people in the world, I've always felt that they were a bit like, well, this geezer is a loose cannon.
Can you see?
Can you tell that I'm basically quite an open person?
That if you ask me a question, I'll try and tell you the truth.
Mate, you just told me you wanked.
I didn't even ask you, Tommy, you wank someone off in the street.
Just pull that up off the top of the head.
My favourite bit.
That's my favourite bit.
I didn't even ask you, Tommy Wanked.
I didn't even ask you.
That in the context, when you're like, they need to know the context.
Get a context.
Well, the context was that it was a difficult thing to do.
The context weren't, I'm doing stuff that's a laugh, slice of pizza, pint of beer, wank a geezer off.
The point of it was doing things that are difficult to do to challenge yourself psychologically.
In some ways, I'm a pioneer, a great artist.
Here we are, lauding that fella that dressed up as Jim Carey when there's genuine artists, true heroes, like old Russ, pushing the boundaries, pulling the plonkers, spilling the grey jizman.
It was a nasty, nasty, nasty time in a way.
It weren't right.
I was lost in sin.
And I thank Tommy Robinson for bringing it back to the forefront in my mind.
I can't really remember why I even bought that up.
We were talking about Islam just before.
Funny.
It comes out at random times.
It comes out.
You never know when it's going to come out.
You're bringing it back up the way Tommy Watts just keeps coming back to you.
It is.
Tommy has great facial expressions.
Like those like, like those little like, you know, looking at the camera.
That was good.
Oh.
It's a really lovely little moment.
Hey, listen, we've been doing this.
Oh, no, it's probably not 53 minutes.
We better do crack on.
Let's do crack on.
Let's do crack on.
As you know, we're men in recovery, and you can see why.
Having had a little glimpse at my past time now for our recovery podcast, Crack On with Dave, Joe and Russell.
This podcast is not allied with nor endorsed by any particular 12-step fellowship.
Although we may reference their literature, we do not represent these organisations.
The primary purpose of this podcast is to provide additional support to men and women who walk the path of recovery.
We share our personal experience of the 12 steps in the hope that others can benefit.
Take what is useful, disregard what isn't.
Apologies in advance for any offence caused.
Any other problems, take to your God and your sponsor.
Thanks very much, Joe.
I see we're going to be talking about the phenomenon of craving.
I read that.
Dave, can you see that, Dave, if we put it up?
Yep.
Can you read it?
Yeah, go ahead, Dave.
We believe, and so suggested a few years ago, that the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy.
That the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker.
These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all.
And once having formed the habit and found they cannot break it, once having lost their self-confidence, their reliance upon things, humans, their problems pile up on them and become astonishingly difficult to solve.
Frothy emotional pill seldom suffices.
The message which can interest and hold these alcoholic people must have depth and weight.
In nearly all cases, their ideals must be grounded in a power greater than themselves if they are to recreate their lives.
Why'd you choose that reading from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Joe?
I chose it because like this week I've been thinking on like various forms of addiction, right?
Like food addictions and stuff like that.
Now all 12-step fellowships come from Alcoholics Anonymous and this is like a fundamental part in step one in it.
Acknowledging that it's the manifestation of some sort of allergy and like it's mad in it like how's that relevant to food if you're a food addict and I've got fucking terrible problems with food at the minute.
Like I'm putting it now in the bracket of this is an addiction.
I'm like carb addicted like anything with wheat, gluten, that sort of shit, it will trigger the allergy.
It will set me into a spree and eventually I'll end up binging on chocolate, ice cream, all sorts of shit.
Now I know that sounds a little bit mental and like that's not that bad, but for me, look fucking hell, I wouldn't be on here if I didn't have severe mental health problems.
You know what I mean now.
When I binge on sugar, chocolate and all that shit, I'll be up.
You know I won't sleep right, I won't get good quality sleep and the next day quite often suffer with like suicidal ideation and really fucked up thinking.
So for me I've been able to put it in a step one context of like I have no mental defense against it and when I start I can't stop.
So is this the manifestation of an allergy?
I mean, I guess it must be.
Step Three Struggles00:12:43
Really it doesn't do that to normal people, normal people.
I watch normal people in the same way I'd watch a normal person have one beer or two beers and say I've had enough.
I fucking watch people eating chocolate and I think how can you just have a little bit and then leave it there?
I notice it.
I'll notice all the chocolate left or bread and all that stuff and I think how can you restrain yourself not fucking eating a whole lot?
You know anyway, I need a meeting in a minute.
That's why I wanted to talk about it, because I'm thinking about going to a 12-step fellowship for food, eating plans and all that.
Well, I did hear that the therapeutic value of one addict talking to another can't be equaled.
That if you have very specific problems around gambling or sex or food, that you should do what?
What many of us have done with drugs and alcohol and seek out the identification, the identification, the specific identification.
But when I listen to you it reminds me of two things.
One, i've got a concern when people use pseudo-scientific language like allergy, at a point in where they probably couldn't chemically demonstrate that allergy and I don't think allergy is quite the right word because I can't think of another allergy like allergy.
What are the symptoms of allergy in general?
A skin condition like swelling, sort of stuff that's connected to histor histamine yeah, and like.
So allergies are sort of it's.
It's a metaphor right, allergy is a metaphorical piece of language, but it's pseudo-scientific and it occurs in a part in a big book that is somewhat scientific.
At least it's a medical practitioner that, a doctor, dr Silkworth, that's written that chapter and is making them kind of observations.
So that's my first thing is, is it really an allergy?
Is that the right word.
And the second thing is that when I listen to anyone talk about addiction at length the, it collapses now for me into the idea of sin being out of the right state of mind and that the great genius of the Alcoholics Anonymous program in particular, coming as it did out of the Oxford Group, was they recognized that first century Christianity.
As you know, the principles of the Oxford Group were insufficient, somehow for what they needed to do, like they needed to focus specifically on Alcohol dependency.
They couldn't just by attending essentially a church group remedy the problem of their alcoholism.
Dave, what do you think about these two components?
One, the use of the term allergy, and two, the idea that even though what Alcoholics Anonymous and all of the anonymous programs point to is the spiritual malady, the idea that we're trying to address some sort of spiritual deficit through an action, a behavior, consuming chemicals.
You know, what do you think about the breadth of that analysis?
So the allergy idea and whether or not the disease is the same thing, no matter what you're holicking, whether it's chocolate or booze or you know, porn or whatever.
Yeah, well, first part, the allergic reaction, I think of it as it's an abnormal reaction, right?
Like an allergy is an abnormal reaction.
Okay, that's good.
So when other people, if you're allergic to penicillin or something like that, it's like when you normal people that take it, normal in regards to penicillin, they take it, don't have a reaction.
Some people have an abnormal reaction.
And so like with other people, Joe, I think you see them and you go, man, they eat some cake or they eat some bread and they put it down.
They have enough.
They're like, okay, this is, you know, a normal amount of bread to eat or whatever, or some cake.
And then you go, how can that happen?
Because I have to go through a spree.
And it's like, it's like in that same chapter where it's like, emerging remorseful, we go through a spree, emerging remorseful, firm resolution not to drink again.
And then the mental obsession kicks in.
I do think we, so there's the mental obsession, so the mental part that says, hey, I won't once, like, I know I can't do it, so I'm not going to do it.
And yet, I cannot keep that decision not to do it.
Like, I can keep it for a time, then all of a sudden have what they call a strange mental blank spot, and then I do it.
But then there's the physical part that says, once I do it, then I go through a spree.
Like, I can't stop doing it.
And then, but I think the third part of it, if you're a three-pronged disease guy, you'll say the third part is the spiritual malady.
And I think that's the real part.
I mean, when we straighten out spiritually, we straighten out mentally and physically.
That's the promise in the big book.
I do agree with that.
I do think there is some, even with certain drugs, you know, the difference between heroin and alcohol, you know, there's specifics with it that it helps relating.
I don't know about needing to go to a different fellowship.
Maybe, maybe so.
And I know, especially with like food or sex or something like that, there's probably some specifics because you got to keep eating.
You know, you have to eat.
And it's something, it's like, I don't ever have to take alcohol ever.
So that's off the table.
Or I don't know.
I don't know.
I do think that – I know it's a spiritual – we all know the spiritual answer, you know.
It's not a – but would it help go into like a Overeaters Anonymous or like the specific like food addicts type group?
I don't know.
The reason where I think, before you go, Joe, right, the thing I feel that is a step three issue, not a step one issue.
Check this.
Is it look, we're powerless over bread cakes, drugs, alcohol, or is it when we make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, right?
That means if my, what I like it is this, is that I don't have the personal authority anymore to decide whether or not I drink.
That authority is gone.
I've been told, you don't drink.
Okay, no problem.
So like whatever happens, I don't drink.
If someone says to me, then the step three of this is applicable.
Now, of course, you won't take step three if you haven't taken step one and two, you know, admitted there's a problem, believe that the problem can be solved, put quickly and simply.
So like this, but the step three when it comes to food, if someone says to you, you should eat these foods at these times in this way, the end.
If you then don't do that, you've like took your will back.
Now, someone could say it's a step one problem because you're not admitting your powerlessness.
But for the step one, you've got to get into chemistry and all sorts of weird pseudo-scientific territory.
Step three is explicitly spiritual and is about self and will and is multivalent in its application.
I.e., if someone says, don't drive that car, no problem, I don't drive that car.
Like, don't eat that food.
Okay, I don't know.
Don't drink that.
Don't watch pornography.
It's completely applicable.
Now, as we always say, I suppose with the behavioral addictions, one should, could have a healthy sex life.
You know, as Christians, we'd bring in, you know, in a marriage.
But it's, and the same with food, you should eat healthy food.
You can't not, you know, it's just, it's like, to us, it seems to me that in general, the option of down in a bar of delicious, lovely Tony's chocolate that's been kept all nice and cold in the fridge or, you know, like really good sourdough bread or buttered up with L Kerrygold.
Some of Joe's shares on food really cracked me up because Joe's done things like found himself in car parks, parking lots, eating sourdough and butter and using his teeth to spread the Kerrygold butter on like his own teeth or a knife.
So Joe gets desperate with like bread and butter.
With bread and butter.
But what do you think about it being a step three thing rather than a step one thing, Joe?
Yeah, that's the solution, right?
I understand that for sure.
But like the difficult thing with this, yeah, is like I'm putting it in the bracket of step one because I feel like certain foods can trigger that allergy.
I believe it to be an allergy.
Like if it's an abnormal reaction to have something that you can't satisfy the craving for, like any normal craving, I crave a fucking, I don't know, I crave a green tea.
Yeah.
I have a craving for it.
I have the green tea, craving satisfied.
Right?
It's an abnormal reaction because when I have a bit of bread, I crave more bread and more bread and more bread.
Then a fucking pizza.
And then the next day I'm binging on chocolate, binging on it.
Like I cannot stop and I don't want to be doing it.
So it's like I'm doing it against my own will.
That's how I've experienced it to feel like an allergic reaction.
The same way my drinking felt like an allergic reaction in the end because I didn't want to be doing it.
I was going to 12-step meetings.
I didn't want to drink.
I didn't have the mental defense to stop me drinking.
And when I started, I remember fucking feeling like I couldn't satisfy this craving.
It was like a fucking demon taking me for a joyride and it lasted days.
Now, the solution is the same, right?
But the mental obsession is always going to be there around certain types of food.
Maybe you can have that or maybe you can have that.
So like I think it's right what you're saying.
The answer is to completely surrender of self-will in this area.
But what does that look like?
And I feel like, you know, I probably need to speak to some people that have the same problem.
I spoke to my mate Stu today and he said, look, you know, I'm on a WhatsApp group, right?
Where you post your days of how many days you clean the sugar.
So it's just a reminder.
I'm powerless over it.
I can't have it.
And I've been alright with that.
I've got like 30, I think I got to 35 days without any refined sugar.
And it was Brussels.
It was when I had that naan bread at yours and we had that curry, right?
That's what started it.
When I got back here Sunday, I ordered a pizza and a garlic bread, the balsamic glaze on the pizza.
And it was late at night.
The next day, it was just an all-out spree of eating chocolate and all sorts of shit.
But what I'm saying is where I feel like I need unique support in this area is like I've been told try having a little tangerine, tactical tangerine they call it on this WhatsApp group.
For me that's tactical tangerines, right?
Now, fucking hell, man.
Even something sweet, I think that could go either way.
I might be all right.
I might not.
I might be down the chop, down the shop, racking up fucking bars of tonies and eating them off the dashboard in the car at midnight.
That's what happens.
You can't go there.
If you had a, I have two questions, really.
If you had a sponsor in this that said, here's what you eat, here's what you can't eat, these are your, and then you had a support group around it that's like, hey, these, you know, this is how long you've been clean and sober.
No little bit here, a little bit there.
It's really clear for you to say, okay, if I eat this, this, this, that means it's a relapse.
Yeah.
You know, if it was like really clear, because it's somewhat not completely clear of what you can, what you can't.
If that was super clear for you, do you think that would be super helpful?
I think so.
I do think so.
Because it's look, it's a normal thing to eat, right?
In the same way, like when you stop drinking and taking drugs, it can be like a bit tricky meeting friends in social settings where there's alcohol and that because they don't understand.
They'll still offer you a beer or offer you a line or whatever, whatever your thing is.
Do you know what I mean?
And to them, it's normal still, you know, like to be able to take yourself off and ring someone and say, the fucking pop-a-doms look good or that naan bread's looking good.
It's on me and I don't know if I'm going to do it.
I need to be reminded.
You eat that, you could set off the, you know, the beginning of a spree and who knows where it ends.
Now, like I say, for me, it ends in like suicidal ideation.