⏰ BE HERE AT 12PM PT / 3PM EST / 8PM GMT ⏰Show more We talk about grief without sanitising it — how losing Bear cracked something open, exposed anger, faith, resentment, and the limits of control. From a botched goodbye to questions of forgiveness, authority, and what love looks like when it costs everything, the show circles the tension between raw human pain and spiritual surrender, with the wider backdrop of power, systems, and false grace never far away.
See me LIVE at Florida Fish House, February 16, 17th and March 1 and 2nd - https://oldfloridafishhouse.ticketspice.com/russell-brand- Show less
Ladies and gentlemen, Russell Brand, Russell Brown, trying to bring real journalism to the American people.
There you are.
Thanks for joining me today for Stay Free with Russell Brand.
It's Friday.
It's a Wonder Why Day.
It's named for the goddess Freya, a pagan goddess.
Don't know really what she was up to.
She might have been alright.
But she ain't the one true god.
That I will tell you.
Joining me today for a fantastic conversation and look at the corruption that seems to have consumed our world like a cancer are some great men.
Some of them Christian, one of them atheist.
You can stare at their faces, choose the atheist from among them, and then we will chuck them down a well filled with flammable fluid and burn them.
Not out of cruelty, in preparation for what awaits them.
Jake the producer is with me.
All right, Jake.
Good to be here.
Nice hat.
Thank you.
Where could an N-word like me buy such a garment?
Tryreborn.com.
Get over there, you sick pedos.
Dave, thanks for coming.
How are you, mate?
Doing great.
Yeah, I love you.
And over there is my beloved friend Massey who has to cut this together so ultimately has final authority.
He can just make out whatever he wants.
He could just have me say, Massey's great.
So I might as well say, anyway, Massey's great.
How you doing, mate?
Hey, Satan.
I'm good, mate.
Oh, no.
I would have wished that.
I rebuke it.
I rebuke it.
If that BBC lady would have just said, yeah, I hissed because I don't like Jesus.
Yeah, I respect that.
Just don't.
I would respect it.
I don't like Jesus.
I worship false gods.
I'm a diabolical, demonic vessel of the interests of the state.
And to get as far from that image as possible, there's our reporter all the way from the United Kingdom, Joe McCann.
You're right, mate.
Hey there, Russell.
Right.
Got a lot of feelings.
I've got strong feelings.
I've got strong feelings, Joe.
I've got strong feelings, and we'll be talking about them.
We might as well jump straight into it.
So my dog Bear died devil day.
And I suppose it's been like the, I feel like it's the most pain I've ever experienced in my whole life.
And just to let you know, I've had quite a painful life.
Maybe it's not as painful as yours.
I don't know.
You might have had one of them truly, truly, really, really bloody awful lives.
But mine, I've mostly, for the vast majority of the time, been on the very edge of suicide.
Just to give you some context.
That's generally how I felt most of the time.
That's my baseline.
And give some context of what Bear meant for you guys.
I mean, it's not just you, it's your family too.
Well, I think what Bear meant, Bear was a symbol of family and of change.
Like, I bought that dog.
Before I bought that dog, I was coming from a life, I reckon, where I'd been probably primarily consumed by self.
I'm not saying that I'm not consumed by self now, of course.
I'd lapse into that a lot.
But I recognized around the point where we got Bear, I knew the game was up.
You know, it's like, oh, I'm going to, I want to, I'll get married to her.
I knew I was going to marry Laura.
I knew we would have children.
I moved out of cities.
I was over the type of relationships I used to, like, I used to only really want to get with women if they, you know, I mean in a relationship sense.
I don't mean in a promiscuous sense.
There was a very low threshold there.
And it was a pretty expansive movement.
Let me tell you, luckily there's been no downside to that way of life.
And but like when it came to relationships, I only liked very sort of, basically quite hostile and difficult women.
And not to say that objectively some of the very famous women that I went out with when I was younger were themselves difficult, but they weren't sort of people, they'd probably be people that'd be better off with Justin Trude though.
Like that would make more sense.
Because I can only imagine that the dude's a massive melt.
Now, like, what Bear was, Bear was, I don't mean that, I take that back, that was out of order.
Sorry, I'm just imagining he's gentle, probably, Justin Trudeau.
I'm a lot to deal with.
Do you know what I mean?
You know, I'm a lot to deal with.
Anyway, so like, we got Bear when we, like, we moved to the countryside.
I really, really wanted a German Shepherd because my previous girlfriend, Jemima Khan, who I was totally in love with, who was frankly a lot to deal with.
But again, I brought a lot to the party.
Like, she had this German shepherd, white German shepherd.
And like, normally in the old days, you know, if you're when you're a dating guy, when you're a Lithario, you're getting with women.
Maybe the woman's got kids, maybe the woman's got a dog.
You know what you've got to do.
You've got to charm the kids, you've got to charm the dog.
Everyone's got to love you.
That's just life.
That's just being charming.
That's part of the game, part of the gig.
This woman, Jemima Khan, though, I didn't bother with that dog.
I was more concerned about the kids, frankly, because they were like Imran Khan, now jailed, former president of Pakistan and former Pakistani cricket captain's kids.
And I thought these kids could go off at any time.
So I was feeling like they were young teenagers.
So I was mostly buying them weapons, to tell you the truth.
You know, from like fishing shops.
This is UK, you can't get guns, bug on BB guns and knives.
I thought, I don't like that sort of stuff.
Didn't really think about the potential long-term consequences, but I was not so smart in those days.
Anyway, this dog, I didn't try and make it like me, the dog.
I didn't sort of go, oh, you know, like as good as it gets, give it a treat or none of that.
I sort of ignored it, right?
But this dog liked me and I fell in love with it so fast, like immediately.
Like we go for a walk.
She lived on a massive, massive country estate, massive acres, right?
And I'd go like romping all over this estate.
It was mental.
There's cows in it and stuff, like, because farmers use it.
I didn't restrict that dog's actions at all.
I just let it do what it wanted to do.
Cows ganging up on us and shit.
It's funny, because if you're getting ganged up on by cows and it's just you and the dog, you and the dog have got to work that out.
Like we were in a corner by a brook in the corner of a field.
I was like, oh mate, this is not good.
We've fucked up.
What are we going to do?
And it went, oh, we had to climb, I had to lift him.
And anyway, so then when that relationship broke up, understandably, and certainly I'll take responsibility because I'm, as I say, not an easy dude to be with.
Certainly not then.
I'm getting better by the grace of God.
You know, I really loved the dog.
I loved the dog.
So I was like, I'm going to get a German Shepherd, but will I ever find one that's special like that dog?
And we did find one.
Travelers, actually, you know, in the UK, a lot of travelers do a lot of dog breeding.
Went out to Kent, got this dog.
From the get-go, this dog was meant to symbolize family and domesticity.
But it's like no one ever told the dog that.
The dog's crazy.
He's a crazy, wild, broken dog.
He's killing chickens.
He killed sheep.
He killed a wallaby.
He bit my mum at our wedding.
I didn't marry my mother, just to clarify.
I'm not doing that again.
This dog was a nutter, like, but beautiful as well.
But he had to have his hip replaced and stuff.
And he was sort of lovely.
You know, it's like when you love a dog and the dog loves you, it's just you and them.
It's just you and them.
There's not like, and with a dog, you don't wear a mask.
You're a dog, you're just yourself.
And that's kind of like God.
It's a portal to God because you're being your authentic self and you realize that you are lovable whilst you may be broken as you are.
So he was my mate.
I loved that dog so much.
Then I had to go through like the dog got paralyzed.
So he was no longer this virulent, wild, choroming, crazy wolf creature bounding about in my car next to me like Han Solo and Chew Baca hanging out the whole time.
He became a cripple.
But like, you know, so he's in a wheelchair and I'm carrying him around and all that kind of stuff.
So my, like, I had to reconcile the part of me that egoically enjoyed that my dog was powerful and recognized, no, he's vulnerable.
I still, I love him in his brokenness.
And I've been shown through him a kind of acceptance of a different type of love.
And what I mean by that is that when people talk about Jesus loves you so much, he'd die for you, I find it hard to embed that notion into my belly and heart because I don't think I've ever felt loved like that.
I don't think I've ever felt loved like that.
That's not to say that I haven't been loved like that.
I might have been.
I'm just saying that for me, on some level, I probably think about being able to manage, control, mitigate, or otherwise influence my relationships with people because, I don't know, maybe like you, I don't want to get hurt, you know, and I'm afraid to get hurt.
But over the course of the relationship with this dog, a deep, profound love emerged, a wordless, imagine that from me, a wordless love emerged with this dog.
And so to lose that dog was like, I knew it's like losing, like anything.
If you have a deep relationship with somebody, then all that's invested in that relationship, it goes with them.
Unless you can find another way.
As the great AA speaker, God rest his soul, Sandy Beach, said, when his daughter was murdered, he knew he immediately had to forgive the person that did it.
He had to immediately accept that now on, from now on, his relationship with that daughter was going to be a different thing.
It was going to be through memories and prayer and meditation and it was going to be a spiritual connection.
But actually, the deeper truth is it always was spiritual anyway, because why would it be that some animals you eat, other animals you ignore?
A million dogs died that day, but only one broke my heart.
So it sort of shows me that there is something beyond the material, something profoundly spiritual.
Like that other great animal-loving atheist, one being Massey, I refer to Ricky Gervais.
I've always thought that Ricky Gervais's deep love of animals was an indication of not an unmet spiritual need, but the expression of a spiritual devotion that he wouldn't qualify as being that because I'm assuming because he's an atheist.
And I think I maybe, when I've interviewed him once, maybe put that to him.
I can't remember the answer because I was probably thinking about what I was going to say next.
Who knows?
But like the truth of the matter is that animals bring something out of you that may otherwise be unrealized.
And that is to the point of Christ.
The thing is you can only know him through faith.
And I think, like in that adage, as I said, I posted something about this, like we all know that thing, there's a man in a flood on the roof of the house.
God help me, God, help me.
And he sends a lifeboat and he goes, no, you're right, God's got me.
Then he sends a hole up.
No, you're all right.
God gives me drowns.
Says to God, why didn't you help me?
And God goes, I'll send you the lifeboat, send you the helicopter.
Now, so the point of that allegory, presumably, is to say that God will communicate with you through events and through human or material or natural means.
That's the point of the allegory.
And of course, it gives us the example of salvation, literal salvation.
And I think you might lose some of the subtler details because of it's an extreme situation.
And what I'm saying is, is that I am receiving, even in my pain and my grief and my sorrow, Jesus wept.
You know, like as someone pointed out, the brilliant Father Mike Schmidt in a recent YouTube video, I think his last sermon, he said, like Jesus wept is just before he resurrects Lazarus.
He knows he's about, as Father Mike himself said, he didn't go, don't worry about it, death ain't even real.
We're only on this material bandwidth for a little while.
I can resurrect Lazarus like that.
He didn't do none of that.
He weeps.
He weeps because he feels it and he loves us and he loves them.
And so, and he loves me and he loves you.
And I know it's sort of really hard to do that because you've been conditioned to think of it as a sort of fairy story because folk myth has comparable and similar codes in it without the redeeming component of the actual Christ.
It's like a myth and a reality combine.
The reason that the myth and the reality combine is because reality has a myth within it.
It has, as you know, spirit embodies matter.
You know that.
And like what I want from atheists really is for them to acknowledge the faith required to get you over the hurdle of what was happening on the Tuesday before the Big Bang.
Where does consciousness emerge from?
How does consciousness emerge from biological processes?
What are these extraordinary, you know, Goldilocks laws of thermonuclear dynamics, etc., etc.
All these questions at some point, and none more than the questions of the double slit theory in quantum physics, in the end ask of you faith.
And one set of faith is, look, we just want you to have faith that the world is nihilistic, self-contained and meaningless.
And one is the other version, you know, the non-natural self-contained argument, is we want you to have faith that there is a creator, that there was a cause, to use the terminology that Joe reminded me that Aquinas used.
Now, just for a moment, step to one side and consider this.
What are the most powerful forces on this earth?
From a scriptural perspective, it's Satan, the devil.
From a materialistic and financial and economic perspective, it's what?
The biggest corporations in the world, the biggest global bureaucracies?
What do you reckon they'd prefer you to believe?
That you are beloved and lovely and inherently connected to God?
Or do you think they might want you to believe that nothing means anything?
It's all just rushing around.
You can choose what to do.
Cut your cock off, do what you want, nothing matters.
Because when you're there, you belong to them.
They own you.
But when you go, I don't belong to you.
I don't belong to this system.
Now, I know there are some people that are not Christian, that are saintly and maybe even saints.
I do know that.
Like I've got teachers, I've had teachers that are powerful fuckers, you know, and they do not accept Jesus Christ as their personal Savior and the one true God.
But I had a realization that some people might be able to handle that.
I can't.
I need a person.
I need a person now to a cross.
I need it.
Even just try to think of it if you can geometrically, because whatever God is, it can't be put in words.
It can't be put in words.
Whatever God is or isn't, it can't be put in words.
So try to look at the images because images is one step more pure than words.
Think of that bit in Inside Out when it all breaks down into more and more simple geometric forms because of the complexity that evolution where evolution presents God's creation in ever more complex imagery is difficult to determine and discern.
So take the image as a building block component, a molecular building block component of discernible, readable, signified reality.
And you see the difference.
The cross obviously has the vertical axes and the horizontal axes.
And the vertical axes is the divination, the antennae.
That's why you can't have the poles, all those poles of false antennae receiving false signals.
And the horizontal is its relational, like the triunal relationship of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
And the great paradox of that, that three persons, one God, that difficult theological proposition, even for people that have been in the Christianity lark for a long, long time.
So I suppose what I'm saying and what I'm feeling is, is that all things are God and all things give you access to God.
The people that see God in nature and believe in supernatural power beyond nature are able somehow to contain and hold, it seems to me some of them are, like I can think of two or three people that I know that don't believe in Christ but believe in great power.
I Didn't Want to Put Him Down00:06:14
And those people are able to handle the image of a bridge, that there is a connection between the external and the internal that is manageable.
But then I don't think everyone's like that.
And I know that I'm not like that.
I know that I need this.
And what is my claim?
My claim of truth as a Christian is that there is the objective truth and it's as described in scripture.
That's my claim.
But I'm interested in different ways we might interpret, translate, convey, debate, discuss that so that as many people as possible, as quickly as possible, get in the fucking lifeboat because there's a serious, serious, serious war coming.
And I don't want people to be vulnerable to the counterfeit measures that the system will impose ultimately by telling you that you are the supreme authority in your life, that you are the supreme authority in your life.
And another thing that the death of bear does is it stops me thinking, if I can be hurt so much by the death of this dog, I'm not, I'm not strong, you know?
Like, I'm not fucking Vlad the Impala or Genghis Khan or someone that could just go, ah!
Like, I'm like, what is the dog?
Oh, my God, I love him so much.
I don't think I want to be here anymore.
So it's introduced me to a lot of truth, which can sometimes be a difficult introduction.
Dave, you asked for context.
That was some context.
Yeah.
I mean, it really affected your whole, it wasn't just you two.
I mean, Laura was just me.
Yeah.
Laura was crying for a better part of a week.
We still are.
It's actually brought us a bit closer together because we've sort of, you know, what is he really?
He's the animal in the house.
Now the animal in the house is gone and now the animal in the house has to become incorporative and what I want to say, relational.
So it's the beautiful thing and honestly, really sad thing too is it's like its job was done.
You know, like he brought you guys together.
I told him that.
You know, I told him, you've done your job, mate.
You can go now.
Stand down, mission accomplished.
Because he wouldn't die.
Like he was like, I will not die.
It's like someone that was just like a Monty Python sketch, like limb by limb.
It was like, keep going, keep going.
It's like such a beautiful attribute.
I think he also pulled out your ability to love.
Like he loved you, but you've cared for that dog over this last year when he couldn't do all the things that maybe drew you to him originally.
He couldn't walk.
I mean, I watched you pick him up, carry him, clean him.
Those are real loving things.
That is what love.
So not only the ability to feel unconditional love, but to also give unconditional love.
It's weird, isn't it?
Because you'd think the children would be better at that, but they're very annoying.
You know, like I've started to think that you guys are sort of like have got a carry-like agreement, like the movie Carrie of like, listen, if we keep talking about this dog, he will break down and cry really badly.
So let's just keep the subject of the dog going and eventually this dude will crack.
I know that that's not true.
I'm just saying that to generate an atmosphere change.
But if you did, it would be okay.
It would be okay.
Believe me, there has been some like, there's been cry, like part right.
Okay, now it's the stuff.
Let's get Joe going, right?
And I don't mean crying.
Right.
So the thing that, so the thing that's happened that's sort of, you know, how there's consequences in life.
So we were like, the funeral was intense, like, because it was sort of both spontaneous.
Well, it was primarily spontaneous.
It was like, okay, we're finding someone up, but I didn't want to put him down.
Like, I didn't want to put him down, but I knew he had to die because I was like, this is now, I get it.
I get the mercy scale.
Like, it's time for mercy.
Right?
So, like, you know, but I was like, I'll shoot him myself.
I'll shoot him myself.
I don't want the brokerage.
And it was funny enough, it was Joe who was the person that in the end convinced me that that wasn't the right thing to do.
Because Joe said, hold on, if it was me and someone was coming to administer a euphonasia, I'd want you to be with me like doing a rosary, not like you're shooting me in the head.
That's a good, that helped me understand what my role was.
Dave, on the other hand, was like, well, listen, if you need someone to come and like help you shooting, I'll do it.
Dave.
I wasn't going to enjoy it, but I mean, like, you would do that for a friend.
Yeah.
Yeah, so like, that's the, so anyway, so we do the funeral, we're like, we just realize, oh, let's bury him in the front of the house because like there's a good space to bury him.
And it seems very ceremonial to do it there, even though before we'd fought like in the yard.
So we see this space and it's only decided moments before.
Let's bury him there.
And look, as I was thinking that last night, let's do it.
So we take him out there and like put him there.
And then a couple of like people come and dig a grave, including my mate, Kyle, like Kyle, who would survive the apocalypse.
Like the way I watched that geezer, I dig a hole, mate.
He dug the fuck out of that hole.
That's all he done was dug that hole.
He turned into some sort of hole digging beast that had no other aspect to his nature.
It was like amazing.
Hole was like five foot over five foot deep by the end of it.
I'd done like the first foot of the hole, established the basic terrain.
Yeah, that's how it works.
And then the other people took it deeper.
And then like this, our mate Sam Brown, like he come around, he'd bought a coffin for Bear that his family had made and the kids are painting on because I'm not putting him in a box because I want him straight in the dirt.
I want him straight in the dirt, you know, because we're planting a magnolia tree on the top of him and everything.
Then, like, because the check this shit, now this is one of the contested area.
Now we're getting now into the nitty-gritty of the argument, Joe.
The vet who was coming to bang him up was late.
And so, like, and I was trying, I knew I was very vulnerable to emotion, obviously, because I'm in a sort of a spasm of grief.
points i'm laying on the floor in dirt there's points from and because it went on for quite a long while it's about one o'clock They then went there.
I don't know, like five or something.
I can't remember.
Late.
By that time, I'm not playing, at the beginning, I'm playing like Leonard Cohen.
Wet Flooranoia00:11:30
Suzanne takes you down.
And Morrissey, sing me to sleep.
Sing me to sleep.
But by the time the vet shows up, I'm playing like Prodigy.
And it's gone a bit like mad.
Like I'm like, like the sort of shamanic, like the death of my familiar, the death of my totem, the death of my spirit animal, it's starting to come out in weird ways.
Now, I've already established with the vets, I only want the administration of the hard stuff.
I don't want, this is the legend of our time now, no bullshit.
No bullshit.
I don't want bullshit.
We don't take bullshit here.
So if you're administering the bed, the death drug, just come administer the death drug.
I don't like need no paraphernalia.
I don't need no, he's gone to a better place.
I don't need no mawkish second-hand sentimentality or cliche.
I don't need none of that.
I'm happy by God's holy grace to deal directly with the source.
I don't need brokerage, right?
Now, the thing is with the vet role is it's embedded in it, as well as its practical role, is a sort of a ceremonial role.
Like a doctor with a bad bedside manner, you know it's like you go to the doctor and it's a good doctor and they give you some, if you've been doctors before and I've just told you flat out cancer.
Like, oh, whoa.
So, you know, it's doctors and people dealing with death do need protocols, funeral directors.
You know, again, we deny the spirit and we deny all the paraphernalia and all the bullshit around it.
But if you're actually a spiritual person on a spiritual path, you will not like brokerage there unless it's brokerage you've appointed.
I have mentors, of course I do.
I have teachers.
I have pastors.
I'm in a church.
I submit to secondary authority other than God.
I'm not like, I'm just Elijah now, this fucking go.
Like, I'm dealing with secondary, you know, sources of authority.
However, when but I'll, you know, by my submission to you, Lord, not by just, anyway, they turn up late and I'm like, come on, let's just get, I just, I don't want that to be the defining bit, the administration of the drugs.
I just want to get that in, get that done, get it over with.
And I felt that I was not in my compassion when they were there.
I felt that.
I was in the death of my beloved fucking dog.
So, like, they come and I did first of all say, you know, because two of them came.
Is it Evie, that's syringe?
That was the beginning of, I'm on the front foot, I suppose.
I suppose I'm on the front foot.
Is it Evie, that's syringe?
Right, well, just one of you then, eh?
Like, because I don't, it's not, it's not.
Also, look, can I just tell you, when you're famous and that, there's some bullshit to deal with because people are aware of it.
Like, what about the people that go, oh, what about the people that go, um, hey, I don't know who you are, but my friends tell me, you know, oh, so bullshit bullshit everywhere.
People pretending, you know, I'm not saying I know pretty fucking full well that no one likes me.
I've got that fucking message.
Gotcha.
I also know that no everyone knows who I fucking am.
I'm aware.
I've been around fucking other famous people.
And I've fucking been on Joe Rogan.
I was married to Katy Perry.
I know that there are, you know, I know that there's degrees of fame.
I do not give a fuck.
That's my fucking position.
So like, I don't want to deal with novices interpreting what they think fame is and what fame isn't.
So I have to wear a constant prophylactic of awareness of that there's going to be some bullshit and I have to detect real people from fake people and I've learned them skills by God's grace.
So like anyway, when they come over, I'm just like, you know, this just, this is one of them things, like when I'm with my kids, I've not got the bandwidth for bullshit.
When I'm not with my kids, I'll sign anything.
I'll do any photos.
I'll, you know, I'll be nice.
Or if someone calls me a cunt, I'll have it out.
But like, you know, but when I'm with my kids, I'm a dad.
And when I'm with my dying dog, I'm the priest handling the death of my dog.
I'm not involved in bullshit.
So I'm not saying they wanted, they didn't want any of that, but they wanted something that was not the only thing.
And the only thing was, dog must die now, put opioid in dog, then put kill chemical in dog.
That was it.
You could write it with chalk, right?
So I don't want anything except that.
Now that's intolerance from my perspective as a recovery.
I think what people, a lot of people, I mean, I for sure don't understand it, but I've observed it, just being your friend.
It's like you have to have levels of security and intimate space, right?
And that's your home, right?
And so like, even when me and Francesca came to drop y'all's kids off later, even us were like, okay, hey, we're not going to stay long.
This is their family time.
This is, you know.
Yeah, you drove in slowly.
You didn't bring the car up to the fucking grave.
They first of all drove in, right?
And what it was was the unconscious presumption that their role is the pivotal and defining role of the event.
That's what it was.
And you can never tell people their unconsciousness.
That's the price you pay for being clever.
People don't fucking know.
If they knew, you know, they wouldn't have to deal with the shit.
In fact, you don't have to deal with it with other people that are switched on.
So like, I'm like, no, This is where the dog's dying.
He's next to a grave.
There's candles everywhere.
There's flowers.
There's pictures of him.
There's music playing.
Admittedly at that music, weird techno music from the 1990s.
But still, it's a ceremonial space.
And you are secondary participants in the ceremony, akin to someone holding a chalice in a Catholic service or, you know, like doing the tech at a church in like, you know, one of the churches around here.
You're not the head priest in this situation.
We don't need that here now.
In fact, that would be sacrilegious.
In fact, you'd be blaspheming against this moment.
So like, I'm like, no, no, don't bring the car in.
And then I say that sarcastic thing about the, is it Evie, that thing?
That was wrong.
Now DL as well, I should mention, was that we got it through our friend Rob.
Rob's mum was the like the vet tech that had gone and I didn't realize they regarded it as some sort of favor, but we paid them.
I didn't know that they considered it to be a favor, like to come and they would normally have to have filled in a bunch of forms or something like that.
There were about four or five different people that could have done it.
We decided we wanted it done on Friday at a certain time.
So they were the people that could do it Friday at that time.
Right.
So, even though it's a very significant event, their role in the significant event was procedural and bureaucratic and pragmatic.
That was it.
So anything on top of that was going to be seen as a sort of an offence.
And indeed, like so.
Then she done the thing and then she put the killer chemical in and she blew out the vein.
Right now she like her version of this.
To give due uh, credibility to their perspective would be, well, that's because we needed the vet tech and you wouldn't permit the vet tech to come in.
But I would say this, no, when I goes to you after you'd administered the chemical thing because I remember this moment, because i'm in high, high alert state, i'm like, um hey, is um, is it good?
After she'd administered it.
At that point all i've been is clear and firm right, that's all.
I've been clear and firm.
We're just here to kill this dog.
It's fucking agony for me.
Let's get it done.
Like so, like you know, she's administered that and she, I go, is it all right?
And she went yes, and got up and went away, when what she should have said is, no, i've blown his vein out, it's not gone into his vein.
So 15 minutes later, when Bear's still alive and we're just like we don't know how long it's going to take and i'm like, literally i'm crying on the floor in the dirt, putting his tongue back in his mouth like broken in grief.
Right, they come over and go.
She goes like the vein blew out.
I'm like, why didn't you tell me that when I asked you if it had gone?
All right, now this is a bit where old Russ don't cover himself in glory.
I go from now on, how how am I to take anything you say seriously?
Because when I asked you a clear question, you lied to me.
All I know about you now is you turned up half hour late and you didn't do your job correctly.
Now I don't know in retrospect whether I used any expletives, like I might have said fucked up instead of didn't do your job.
I might have done because I was in intense grief.
Now I think if your job is, you kill animals for a living as part of your gig like what have you never encountered?
Everyone else has been fine.
You know like what?
Like you know.
So there you go, man anyway.
So after that point, after i'd made clear what the boundary was and what the expectation was, she came over, I held the vein and all that kind of stuff and done the uh, you know, and she done it and she got third time's a charm, managed to kill my dog on the third time of asking and during the interim period I said things like, uh please uh, accept my apologies for the way that I expressed my concern there.
I'm in a state of deep grief and my wife Laura went.
Russell, you've got to give yourself some grace in this moment.
You're in a lot of pain.
That conversation sort of took place anyway.
So they leave and all that kind of stuff and they're like, oh, she wants to pronounce him dead and I goes, he's dead.
Do you need me to sign something?
Like, because that's what it really means.
I need you to sign Something.
That's what it really means.
Like everything with your car insurance.
Do you think the car insurance, they want to help you and all that?
No, they don't.
They just want to make sure that they can get as much money from you as possible without being liable for anything.
You think that when there's a sign-up saying be careful of that, you know, the wet floor or anything that no one gives a fuck about anything.
All they're trying to do is avoid paying you money.
Now, I'm not saying that about these particular vets.
I'm just saying the systems, if the systems are not about anything except bureaucracy and legalistic protections, you know, the Sabbath is made for the man, not the man for the Sabbath, then don't be surprised when people that are tuned in don't want to live in your crazy bureaucracies.
Anyway, so now, dear old Rob, who made the connection, he's gotten a resentment because his mum, stepmum, who was the technician that I didn't allow onto the property to have a supporting role in the death of my beloved dog, has copped a grievance from the situation.
So, like, when Rob came in and expressed his thing, I was like, mate, I've got to tell you, after everything I've been through in the last few years, the false rape allegations, the kids' heart disease, and open heart surgery, triple heart bite, you know, all of that, the moving to another country, the ongoing pressures, and now the death of Bear, I just got no more room for bullshit.
And part of that's pretty good because I now feel like I'm ready to go to trial.
I'm ready to go to trial and face down a lot of because I see, you know, I see things more clearly.
So, anyway, so the bit that like is a contested bit is like, how do I, I suppose, reconcile and remedy the intensity that I've caused through my grief.
And with that, I open it to the floor.
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Don't Be Rude00:16:10
I think that when anybody dies, it's obviously the most difficult thing we go through.
But how often do you have somebody die in your arms?
That's, I mean, that is pretty intense in terms of loss, dying in your arms.
And then to say that it's been prolonged because of a bit of negligence, whatever you want to call it.
I think that, you know, as Jake says, and as Laura said, give yourself a bit of grace there because that is a high-pressure situation with insane grief unfolding live in a way that you've never had to experience before.
And it's more difficult with pets as well sometimes because of the, you've never had an argument with a pet, have you?
You know, maybe you have, but it's not like with a person being like, fuck you, and they've got an opinion about you.
So I just think given a bit of time, everyone will realize, and I think they probably do already realize that that's a crazy intense situation.
You had your dog there dying in your arms with everyone around.
What lower point can you be at?
So you've got to give yourself a bit of a bit of leeway there, I think.
Go on in, Joe.
And then we'll do my mates in the room.
Yeah, there's a lot going on here.
So, I mean, first of all, she administered the injection.
Now, missed the vein.
Was she aware that she missed the vein initially?
Why wait 15 minutes?
Or did she, was she not sure?
I think she was overwhelmed by the circumstances and part of that circumstance was that it was outdoors.
Part of it, there was a famous person.
And I think she didn't want to just go, listen, as you know, I didn't have my vet tech to tourniquet the limb.
So it's not gone in the vein.
But she did know it had not gone in the vein when she said, yes, it had gone in the vein.
So I think you can forgive, even though it's annoying, ineptitude and error.
If we didn't forgive ineptitude and error, we would all be in some serious trouble, wouldn't we?
But it was the fact that in that moment, she didn't say, listen, I've not got the vein.
Either you're going to have to help me find it, okay, or you're going to have to accept the tech.
Now, that's obviously takes her sort of a very strong person, but I would say falls within the remit of the role.
So that's my take on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, she should have been straight up there, but I guess she's acted out of fear because she's trying to sort of contain your feelings as well.
And really, when someone's doing that role, right, they want to be nice and compassionate, but you want them to be efficient in what they're doing as well.
But then I suppose the nature of your wrongs, it don't sound like you did.
Look, you're emotional.
That's it.
That's it.
Did you cause her offense?
Did you cause direct harm?
Probably.
Maybe a little amends then just for the way that you spoke initially.
And then I guess with the Rob thing, so he's upset because that was his stepmom who was the technician who weren't allowed in and that.
Now, I'd say that's his inventory then, because he's the one with a resentment.
Maybe he's being, you know, selfish, self-seeking.
Oh, they were great.
They did such a good job.
Well done, Rob.
You're the best.
The expectations of how that was to go have not been met.
Now he's got a grievance.
But yeah, I can't take his inventory, but that's how I think about it.
It's a good, good analysis there.
It's like a sport, isn't it?
It's like resentment commentary.
Call in Dave and then you'll take us home, Jake.
I think you nailed a lot of it just from the recovery aspect.
I look at it and I think, hey, man, this is a great opportunity.
He's new in recovery.
So, I mean, you're going to go to make amends and not keep that resentment.
When he came and talked to me about it, I said, hey, talk to Russell.
Just share how you feel.
Don't hold the resentment.
You know, and so there was probably an expectation that, oh, that he's going to respond in some sort of way, which I don't think you did, respond in some sort of way, which is in my mind, I think that's great.
That's a good opportunity to look and go, man, I had an expectation that you were going to respond in some sort of way.
So that's going to help him grow.
He has to have that because that's going to, this isn't going to be the first time that happens.
I think, I think in your gut, I mean, you immediately said when you said, did you offend someone or did you hurt someone?
You says, yes, like kind of.
Yeah, I did.
And so, okay, I think you'll make amends on that.
I suppose what would I do?
Yeah.
Oh, sorry.
No, I think I think like I like, you know, you're seasoned in recovery.
I've thought more about Rob in it just because I'm like, this is a good opportunity for him to grow and grow spiritually.
It's difficult for me because everything that happens to me has a potential public dimension now.
Like, you know, I know that if certain journalists see this, they'll reach out to try and get those people to talk about it.
That's the thing.
What happens when you're in the mid, when you've become an enemy of the, you know, the state or whatever you want to call it, the system?
Then, like, when this was brought home to me, it was simultaneous to the publicization of the rape allegations initially made by actors in a documentary.
You know, a lot of weird stuff went on during that time.
When in the midst of that, my son was having heart surgery.
And what was interesting is there was no mention or coverage of that because, of course, your son having heart surgery is human.
What is it?
It inspires compassion and it's not straightforward.
Now, even if I were a rapist, and by God, I am not, you would think, oh, God, how weird that this, like, you know, that's the thing you deal with when you deal with good art is you find someone that's bad and you think, well, what do you do about the fact that bad people do good things sometimes and the complexity, you know, say Tony Soprano or whatever.
We love Tony Soprano, but he's a bastard and he does things that are cruel and wrong.
But the system, this system of counterfeits can't handle that.
It can only handle this person is bad.
It can't afford any dimension.
And that's why I've sort of started talking to my wife about my kids being in content and stuff.
Not because I want to capitalize on my kids, because frankly, I don't think, I don't know that there's any money in them.
No, they're brilliant kids.
But what I mean to say is, is that we're participating in the persecution of my public personality, which is the means by which I make money, but also it's my ministry and my mission now.
By allowing them to just see me, whether it's a court sketch artist or any news coverage, they will depict me as a rapist and as a villain and as a criminal.
And it's hard to keep doing that if you just see someone loves their dog, is with their kids, is able to tell you this is what it was like when I was famous, when you're around a lot of women, you don't know how much access to sex and promiscuity you get.
And it's not the same as, because I've been both, when you're not famous, people want to have sex with you all the time in bathrooms, in toilets.
It's weird and sort of at the time, amazing and retrospectively disgusting.
So anyway, my fear, I suppose, now is like we've talked about this in this sort of public, kind of somewhat public forum, you know, and like, so when it comes to, I have to make sure that my amends are motivated not by fear of what other people think,
because I'm sick of that shit, but by like, listen, and I guess I'm still holding a bit of the resentment because I felt when Rob was talking, I felt like, fuck off, I ain't got 20 cents worth of like compassion for the feelings of the vets when I'm in a billion dollars of heartbreak.
I'm in a billion dollars of heartbreak and you want 20 fucking cents of like, oh, I'm sorry that I didn't handle the feelings of the people that fucked up the fucking euphanasia.
Like that for me, like, you know, so I'm still in anger about that.
So that means I've got a resentment.
That means I'm not yet at the point where I can make an amends kind of thing.
Yeah, I think it's also you're not in anger towards Rob.
No.
You know?
A bit because he's conveyed that information and what it is sort of like I can sometimes lose my compassion for people, what I perceive as unconscious behaviors.
Like I have a deep, in fact, loathing of unconscious behaviors because all of us are the victims.
We're either the victims of people's cruelty or their unconscious behaviours.
And my parents were not cruel people.
They were lovely people.
Barbara Brand, Ron Brand are lovely people.
But it turned out there was a lot of scope for a mind like mine to not receive the holding.
And it's not their job and I love them.
I don't want to get into criticizing my parents.
But unconscious behavior, when people do things and they don't, as the Lord says, forgive them.
They know not what they do.
They know not what they do.
I think that's the point.
I think it's ignorance.
It's not, you know, I don't think people understand like how you have to protect your private space with, you know, you have, you have your family and then outside you have your close friends, right?
And then business associates like maybe on the next ring.
But then did you have pressures coming in that will violate bound, like come into your boundaries and you're, you have to keep that for your own sanity.
I don't struggle fighting off defending boundaries with people trying to come in for their own reasons or their own never knowing, you know, really skeptical of people's motives.
Like that's what you have to deal with a lot.
Yeah, thanks for appreciating that and seeing that.
Yeah, I think in your in your own home or if being genuine or authentic is, which is very important to me, that doesn't mean perfect.
That means being able to be who you are in the moment, the safety of your own home, safety of your own friends.
It's not perfection.
So that means when you're genuinely having raw motions, things that are coming out, later you can go and do an assessment of whether what was wrong or what was harsh about it or whatever.
But the fact that it was pure, that was how you responded to the death of your beloved animal in a situation that was difficult in the safety of your own home.
Whatever comes out should be protected.
You want more, because the other side of that would be you would have to edit how you're feeling because of the people around you, which we've talked about that even in some of the hard situations you've faced over the last year and a half or whatever, two years.
The real stuff that's coming out, whatever naturally comes out, you can't go, well, I wish I would have put a whole movement together right when I was going through this hardship because that's not what came out.
And the people who will love you and protect those things, all I'm looking for is someone to be fully turned on.
You say the unconscious, I hate that too.
I'd rather you go, this came out and that's real, not going, I want this to come out to show this to this person to make sure they feel right.
So in your own home or amongst your friends, that's what we all want.
And we talked about that in our relationship early on.
We're going to do things to let each other down.
But that doesn't mean whenever you have a bad day that I go, you suck.
I'm never coming back around to this conversation.
And even in this situation, how you respond, you know, Rob could have done something crazy on his initial feeling, but he took a little time.
And then y'all can have a conversation and you might have a response and then you can come back to have the conversation again later and it might be a different thing.
You might go back and assess and go, I could have done this differently.
But those are all genuine things that are being brought to the surface.
And I think that's more important than I wish I could have just handled everything perfectly in the moment because you didn't.
Yeah.
That's good.
Thank you.
Because it's interesting, isn't it, that this situation that's very intimate and very personal and very vivid and very real has brought to the forefront, the Lord has provided, a piece of conflict in it.
Like there's a piece of conflict.
I could even at the time, while it was happening, I was really trying.
I was thinking, do not be rude or mean.
And I know that I was rude or mean.
Now, George Bernard Shaw's famous quote, a gentleman is never rude by accident.
It's interesting because I was sort of deliberately kind of, you know, when I said things like, how can I trust anything you say when you have not like that's in me, all that kind of smart ass shit, you know, like, I don't know what you do with stuff like that.
Joe, what do you think about like, see how when you, when you, like, now, this is a little bit crack on content, really.
Whenever you make a, when you make an amends when you've wronged, you have to give a straight up amends.
I did this.
I shouldn't have done that.
I should have done this.
Yeah.
That's it.
You don't go, but fucking hell, my dog was dying.
You know, like, you know, in the amends process, you do not do the context.
And that's probably the bit that I'm struggling with.
What do you think about that in this instance?
Yeah, I think you've got to be, like you say, you've got to be specific without giving any justification.
I was feeling this way.
That's why I reacted like that.
Then you're not really sorry.
And I that there's a clear process here, right?
So it's first you've got to iron out your resentment.
I resent the one who did the injection because she lied to me.
This affects my, and then after that, you think, well, did I treat them with love and tolerance?
No.
Or did I then behave in a way that I would rather I didn't?
Yes.
And we're having this conversation because you feel like you've fallen short.
So really, it's your inventory now, the exact nature of your wrongs, disregarding the other person completely.
That's the hardest part, right?
I've got something in column four.
Yeah, you're right.
I've got something in column four now.
Dave pointed out, like, Dave likes column three.
Just explain this jargon to you, people that don't know the jargon.
When you inventory in a 12-step program, you do a four-column inventory.
So, you know, like here it is, you know, a little bit of paper.
On this bit, you put the person, place or thing that you resent.
So I'd put the vet, as Joe said, lied to me about the drug being administered.
And then column three is what area of myself is affected.
Because if you've got a resentment, you are participating in a situation.
Otherwise, you would feel nothing.
You know, like imagine that Christ in that situation, he's just completely in acceptance that the dog is dying, completely in acceptance of the decision, completely in acceptance that everything that happens is God's will.
Your will, not mine be done, Father.
So, oh, they're late as God intended.
Oh, they've blown out a vein as God intended.
Like, he's immediately able to translate.
Yeah, just total love, total love, because it's not separate.
He doesn't see the separateness and doesn't feel attack because he knows actually it's outside of time.
The ultimate real, this is just the, you know, to shift to Plato for a moment.
This is just the projection on the cave wall.
This is not the absolute reality.
So I know that my pride is a bit of, my pride is what I think others think of me.
Now, my pride's not high in this.
I'm not thinking like, oh, those vets, they think they can push me around.
I'm not thinking that.
My self-esteem is what I think of myself.
Well, maybe my self-esteem is affected by the situation.
My dog is dying.
Who am I without this dog?
So there's possibly some of that.
Pride and the Cuckoo Nest00:10:14
My ambition was for it to go without a hitch and to go seamlessly.
And my other ambition is for Bear to never die.
You know, that eternal life.
So my ambitions were thwarted.
Pocketbooks, that pertains purely to financial matters.
I couldn't care less about that.
Although I will say that when the complaints came, I went, they weren't doing me a favor.
It was an official piece of business for which they were paid and will be remunerated in full.
Not, I won't be going, because you fucked that up, I'm withholding payment, you know, which is the sort of thing I would have done once.
Security is the one I forgot and that Dave points out that often when you forget something, that's the one because you literally don't see it.
And like security is the one I forgot, but let me do it.
When you get to a certain spiritual level, Russell, like, you don't even need column four.
Like, you just do the you just do column three and then you, you know, figure out.
My security was affected.
Can I list them all first, Dave?
I'm kidding.
Personal relations, sexual relations.
Hold on.
So one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
So the seven categories of self, according to the programmer for Alcoholics Anonymous, which we don't speak for, is pride, what I think others think of me, self-esteem, what I think of myself, ambitions, what I want, personal relationships, what the script I give others is what I heard the brilliant Tim M describe it as.
I have an expectation.
So my personal relationships were obviously affected.
Pocketbooks, which is finances, sexual relationships is personal relationships with a particular emphasis on sex, obviously, and one's sexual requirements, needs, or wants.
But what I forgot was security.
Now, like the security was what was on the line.
As people have subsequently pointed out, like that dog was security.
That dog used to lay run in a garden.
He'd bark.
He's a protector.
He's a protector.
Like he had a lot of aspects, given that he's a, you know, a quadruped canine, he's got a lot of dimensions to him.
And those dimensions must be coming from somewhere, either from a meaningless universe or from an intelligent creator.
But I still think, Dave, that column four has a value because when I ask myself what mistakes did I make, one mistake I can see now that I couldn't see before is I was on some level probably looking for an opportunity to be angry about it on some level, right?
I was probably looking for it.
And like, so my whole demeanor and charge, my whole frequency in charge included a sort of invitation for make me angry.
Like it probably included it.
Now, this is where I think those of us that take the spiritual life seriously are at risk.
Because I think 99% of people don't fucking cop to that shit.
And we live in the world with them.
We live in the world with them bearing our hearts and saying, oh, on some level, I was probably inviting like anger.
Like they're not fucking admitting that shit.
They're operating in like bloody well Sesame Street world where you were swearing at me.
And I'm like, I've got to deal with these fuckers.
It's not a level playing field.
Again, in one flu with a cuckoo's nest, she ain't harnessed me and she likes a rigged game.
You know, like cuckoo's nest is so brilliant because authority is masked in bureaucracy and care, which is the exact and actual model for now.
Maybe next week we should talk some about cuckoo's nest and the themes and ideas of cuckoo's nest.
Anyway, so I was looking for it.
Two, I'm unwilling to accept the death of bear because it sort of hurts me so much.
And I sort of, you know, life is unbearable without bear.
With bear, life was bearable.
Like I've got these kind of things in it.
There's nothing to do with her.
It's not a fault.
Was I being selfish?
Maybe a bit.
Self-seeking.
Was I being dishonest?
That's probably the dishonesty I might tick because like these are the questions we ask in column four.
We ask eight questions.
What mistakes have I made?
Am I being selfish, self-seeking or dishonest?
What are my defects of character?
I mean, I'm not saying, I'm not going to say self-pity at a time where I'm feeling legit grief and very present for it, but I am going to say intolerance.
I was being intolerant.
My intolerance came out.
And subsequently, for sure, arrogance came out.
Arrogance is, I suppose, part of pride.
It's a subset of pride in some ways, but I guess it's included with its own category because arrogance is, I suppose, a deliberately expressed sort of personal grandeur.
Yeah, what do you think about, I think some is like the space, when I think of the security piece of it, you know, when it talks about was it hurt or threatened?
Right.
Right.
And I think of it being threatened.
This is your intimate space with you, Laura, and the kids.
And this is your dog.
This is the, you know, your dog's passing away.
I mean, this is, even I, as a close friend, was like hesitant on, do we get out of the car and come up and talk to you guys?
I was like, okay, I'll come give you a hug.
But I would also feel like, okay, they need just them and the kids and they need their time.
You know, this is a real sacred time for you.
And so I think that was some.
It was at least threatened.
possibly heard.
And then I think some of it was just, I don't think other people necessarily are calibrated like that.
They don't, they're not thinking like that.
Joe would probably be the same, you know, would go, okay, like, you know, this is their time.
I'm not going to, you know, I'm not going to impede on this space.
I want to give you props for being a person that spots, thank you for the kindness, actually, but also for spotting in the program and in our sort of our code secondary consider, not secondary, more subtle considerations, like, for example, that point about being threatened or hurt.
Like, was your security threatened or hurt?
It was friend and hurt by the whole situation.
And then it was further friended and hurt by the sort of, you know, understandable and not the worst thing in the world if they were delivering ice creams, ineptitudes or shortcomings.
Let's call them kindly call them shortcomings.
And then like, when you, the other day, when we were talking about recovery, when I was taught, I get fixated on rest satisfaction out of this world, like, which is in a famous part of the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, where it talks about our fundamental problems.
We want to control reality in ways that reality cannot be controlled because reality can't be controlled at all, is basically it.
But at least not meaningfully or forever, just temporarily.
Aussie Mandias, Citizen Kane, all stories of films of impermanence and our ridiculous inability to be permanent in Solomon's Temple, anything.
It's all about that, really.
But anyway, you added, you know, rest satisfaction out of this world if only we manage properly.
And I never spot that.
We think if we manage properly, we can rest satisfaction out as well.
I suppose you're saying that satisfaction can come out of this world if you yield your inclination to manage properly, i.e. you live in a state of surrender, particularly given that that comes in a step-free moment, which is all about decision to turn your will and life over to the care of God.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a really good point.
Anyway, like, so, um, and then the final thing is the final thing on this matter, I suppose, is, yeah, like that security.
It was, I was in such a, like, I suppose, look, you put aside the other man entirely, the other human entirely.
And when I do that, I can see that from their perspective, they just want to come and do the thing they do, you know, injection there.
Okay, did you find it?
Okay, we're going to have to do it again, I'm afraid.
And I was so determined not to let his death be sanitized because it is so sort of raw and dirty and painful that I sort of acted a bit allergically to that.
I acted allergically to any attempt to turn it into some little mimsy pimsy pot-pourri death.
You know, like, I'd be like, you know, that's why I was willing to shoot him.
Oh, man, that was one of the things when it didn't hit, I sort of got up.
That was just me and my wife.
It was just me and Laura.
They were sort of backed out of the vets there.
And I went, I should have fucking done it myself.
Like, you know, that's when the anger came.
I fucking told you.
I should have fucking done it myself.
Anger came out of like, but as the England manager, former England manager Graham Taylor once remarked to a journalist questioning his selection of the England team, like you should have played Hoddle here and you should have played Waddle there.
Those are real names, Americans.
Terry Butcher should have been captain, like he goes.
But my teams play, My teams play, the teams I pick.
They go out and play your ones.
They're in your fucking imagination.
You don't have to.
You never suffer the consequences of you know.
Then Mark got an early goal.
Or fucking Scotland surprisingly put up a you know, put up a good fight that day.
Like, you know so like, if you're like so I suppose it ain't fair, because the reality we lived was the reality of the euphanasia we didn't have to do, the reality of how did it feel to hold a gun, what's the distance?
Fire a gun watch, bear sort of jolt and switch off.
You know we've not had to live that, we've not had to pay that bill.
You know that bill's not been paid.
So I recognize that it was as it was meant to be and it was meant to be painful and it was very painful, beyond really what I thought I could tolerate.
I mean like, in a way, see everything that's happened over the last couple of years, even as I was moving out of fame to its periphery, both in terms of recognizing that I wanted family and a different type of life.
But also, you know, I sometimes think that, I think that, and then I think Pedro Pascal.
I think if i'd have stuck around in Hollywood and just gone well, just hang out.
You know, do films pretend to be a different person, which is literally the job of an actor, like you know.
Pretend to be a different person, sooner or later someone might go.
Hollywood's Golden Illusion00:09:26
Actually, you know, if he cuts his hair, wouldn't it be good to do have Russell Brand in that, and then you can have another career at 50 or Jeff Goldblum type of career.
But the combination of the fact is that I went into Hollywood with the appetite for God.
That's why I was like, this better be God.
And it was not God.
It was just some sex and entertainment and attention.
So as soon as it was like a bit, I was like, oh, fuck.
I couldn't do it properly.
Also, there's a part of me that knows I can't do this shit.
I can't do this shit.
It's not real.
I can't work in these systems of Satan.
I can't do it.
I can't comply.
I can't bring myself to.
You know it.
There's something in your nature trying to realize itself through you.
And you'll shut it down for a million different reasons, fear, pleasure, whatever.
Anyway, so my point of this is saying that ever since the rape allegations and what I consider to be attacks, and certainly I'm not guilty of any rape or sexual assault, although I am guilty of being a real prat.
Like ever since then, my identity has been sort of broken.
And the first wave of it happened at the same time as Herbie, my son, was having heart surgery.
So that showed me it's serious and you know, it's sort of awful and weird and insane, but you know it's not true.
And anyone who knows anything knows it's not true and has a sort of understanding of what this is.
But that, look, your boy, man, your boy and his little acorn heart being taken out of his body and shit going on.
You best get accustomed to reality.
And now this with the two like new charges and like, you know, like even someone I work with just sent me the coordinated headlines and just goes, look, these headlines all come out.
They come out at the same time.
The exact same wording.
Look at how it works.
Look at how it works.
And I'm like, man, I'm doing a virtual appearance on the, you know, I can't like, I take the idea of treating people well very, very seriously indeed.
I do not treat the state and the media as the arbiters of morality at all seriously.
When they use, as they do in many of those headlines, the term and word disgrace, they are telling you something important.
Disgraced comedian Russell Brown.
Like they can issue and withdraw grace.
That is one thing they do not have access to.
They are in the world of the profane and the fallen and the sin and the artificial and the counterfeit and the deceptive and the murky and the dark and the disgusting and the filthy.
They don't got access to grace.
They can neither issue it or take it back.
Look at who they celebrate and how they celebrate them.
Look at what they want women to be and how they want women to behave.
Look at how they want men to be and how men to behave.
When it's convenient for men to be womanizers, they did that.
When it's convenient for women to be sluts, they did that.
Then there's a bit like women being sluts is reclaiming their own.
It's just all filthy bullshit.
It's filthy, disgusting bullshit.
And everything that happens to me, I feel like I'm being loaded like a keg, like a gel ignite.
Like I'm being loaded to be a thing that just goes off.
Sparklight, reignite.
Sparklight, reignite, Jake.
Sparklight, reignite.
Like, because I'm being sort of fashioned into something that I know that I can talk and explain things and I know that I can see things.
And now I'm starting to feel like I would welcome death.
Not like, you know, my children, man, my children, my wife, the people that love me.
But like, I don't have some, like one of my teachers said to me the other day, Russell ain't trying to get like a film.
I'm not trying to get a film.
That's why when you talk about other projects, you know, that to do with entertainment, I'm like, because I know, like, you know, get behind me, Satan.
I know how seduced I would be and how seducible I am.
I'm weak.
I'm weak for sugar.
I'm weak for woman.
I'm weak for attention.
I'm weak for praise.
I'm weak.
So like for me, as it always should have been, I've just got to live like a little obedient servant of Christ.
And I think I can probably only do that if I know it's to someone that loves me and that it's real.
Not if like be obedient to this state.
You know, like look at the fearful.
Look, I don't single anyone out because who cares?
But Mark, you know, say Mark Ruffalo, who I really sort of like as an actor and I feel like I would sort of like as a person.
Like Mark Ruffalo at the Golden Globe saying, I don't really want to be here because it's so bad.
What's happened in Minnesota?
Don't fucking go then.
The whole thing's bullshit.
It's fucking bullshit.
Why are you there?
What you should say is, oh my God, I wish I was a person that didn't care about the Golden Globes.
Because in my heart of hearts, I know it's total fucking bullshit.
But I've had conversations with my agent and they're like, oh, you really should go and you might actually win and it'll be good for the Oscars.
And actually, you can bring attention to the causes.
But Ricky Gervais killed the Golden Globes forever.
That is why it's so satisfying to watch Ricky Gervais, working class man from Reading, do that.
Because you know that was a terminal shot.
When he goes, come up here, do not lecture the public on your causes.
You know nothing about normal people and how normal people live.
Get up here, take your award, thank your agent and your God and fuck off.
Like, it's like, oh, it's like beautiful.
You feel like he's bringing it out because he's just telling the truth in such a fucking amazing way.
So anyone that subsequently goes to the Golden Globes and expects to get anything from it, they've got a lie to themselves to get across the door.
And I know because I fucking went and I wanted to host it and I went to the Oscars and I did all those things.
And guess what I felt?
Gloomy, heavy, dark, not right.
You know, and then I'll be like, look, I wonder if I'd have sex with someone or something because there's something that's going to be real out of this great, stinking, glistening puddle of puke.
did you think during that time that you were playing their role they're like i didn't know then but i know now yeah Yeah.
I didn't know then.
And that's partly what this is.
You have to play that game.
Like, you enter in there and you're going to play their game.
It is.
And probably because, I mean, you're controlled by trying to get laid.
Yeah, you want to get laid.
Yeah, and so, okay, I'll play the game to do that, to get another movie, to get more fame, to get laid.
People can use reason to justify anything.
That's why reason has to be connected to sublime authority.
Because otherwise, you could use reason to go, as people did, we've got to execute these people.
Or I've had to chop this person's head off.
People do it every day.
They justify and reason to do unreasonable things.
That's the point of reason almost.
Unless it's allied to divine universal principle.
But like when you get in Hollywood, the first thing happens, it's actually unbelievable and amazing to experience.
Because you, look, my whole life, I wanted to be recognized.
I wanted to be famous.
I wanted to be a star.
I'm a little fat kid.
I'm not good at football.
I'm not good at fighting.
And then suddenly I do a school plate and then like, you know, then that leads to that, that leads to that, leads to that, till one day, Adam Sandler's agent is on the phone saying, literally, come to Hollywood.
Like, people want to have meetings with you.
And I'm like, oh, my God.
Then you go and you're in a limousine and you're taking around studios.
And like, when you go to Universal Studios for meetings, there's the fucking theme park there.
You're like, where's his mental?
It's sort of so exciting.
You go, Disney, Steven Spielberg's office is over there for whatever his one is.
You know, like Sony, it's exciting.
And all these big things and movie sets and famous people.
And everyone thinks you're great and that you're important.
And the deficit in you, you feel like, oh my God, I knew I was right.
I'm fantastic.
And the voice that I knew I was right, I'm worthless, has to shut the fuck up for a little bit.
But believe me, it don't leave.
And then, like, they take around all them places and people are like, oh, my God, that's fantastic.
You're so funny.
That's just brilliant.
Oh, did you hear on this guy?
You're going to be, oh, man, absolutely.
You know, you're just adored and revered.
And it's sort of like it fills you up somehow.
Then they go like, right, this is your agent, 10%.
This is your manager, 10%.
This is your business manager, 10%.
This is your lawyer, 5%.
This is, I mean, you're like, what the fuck is this shit?
What is all this?
You realise, you start to see that your father just going into a machine.
They're doing that all the time.
All the time.
At the same time as me, it was the one that has gone on to be a big star, Bradley Cooper.
He was like, you know, we joined the academy at the same moment.
Jason Mamullah, who's a good dude.
And that other geezer, four, Chris Emsworth, he's a good dude.
Like, you know, so I was meeting them and hanging with them a little bit, some of those people, not Bradley Cooper actually, but, you know, having the same sort of girlfriend, like literally the same girlfriend as Bradley Cooper.
And you're immersed in all of this sort of weave and all of this stuff.
And it's so sort of fulfilling and interesting and so exciting.
But you recognize after a while that you're just there as a temporal placeholder to do a sort of job.
Now then once in a while someone comes through like the like Leonardo DiCaprio is probably the last great movie star.
That Timothy Chamolet lad is probably the last one that's decent because he's a fucking serious talent and he's like saying all that shit like I want to be great.
You know, he's got it in him and he.
But the thing is, is that model don't exist no more.
We all know that Logan Paul and Jake Paul and the Tates and all that.
And look at what happens.
All those figures are maligned to fuck.
You know, so I was thinking that in the old cultural model, Andrew Tate would have just been Burt Reynolds.
He's just a male masculine guy.
It's just like Charles Neston or something.
He's just like, oh, God guns, man.
Like, he's not, you know, and they have to turn that into, no, he's running a whore in ring.
He's fucking killing people.
Because really, those bastards, that Hollywood Babylon, that'sn't CIA inspired.
It's CIA funded.
Thank You For Being Part00:05:37
I mean, like, these things are not made up.
It's true.
It's true.
And like that there's, you know, that's why Top Gun can get made the way it does and Maverick does.
And all those people that are in there are massively compromised.
So they don't feel good about themselves.
They do not feel good about themselves when shit's going on.
So when it's like, hey, we care about this cause now, LGBTQ plus, you can care about this.
And guess what?
It costs you fuck all.
It costs you fuck all.
All you got to do is go around and pretend to care about it.
Oh, yeah, no, actually, I do care.
So it's good.
Well, no, it don't matter if you do or don't.
You've just got to pretend.
No, but I actually do care.
Right, how about care?
You care about the environment.
They're just going to do 5% of this and 10% of that.
Oh, yeah, no, I do care about that.
How about caring about this?
There's these centralized elitist interests that are funding films that are ensuring that ordinary people are eating bad food, consuming bad ideas and living lives of quiet misery.
I'll make a film about that if you want.
Can we have a gay person in it?
As long as it can be transduced into their bullshit, they're happy with it.
And why wouldn't they be?
Why wouldn't they be?
It's not easy to sort of wake up and step off when you're getting your shoulders massaged and your dicks out the whole time.
It takes like a kick in the guts and a smash up the bollocks before you can even think straight.
And by God's grace, I received both.
Amen.
Well, that's that.
That's all we've got time for this week.
Thank you for joining.
I mean, what was that now?
What are we making even here?
Liam's coming in next week.
He's going to be.
I think it's kind of a bit of a crack on and also shows the process of grief and also the process of conflict.
So that's got to be good for someone.
Also, right, to conclude, I just have to write a letter.
I'll probably, do I like, you know, right?
So the perfect, not the perfect, but appropriate and correct amends is like sort of a card and just thank you very much for yeah, because me, I'm so sarcastic and Eevee at what points.
Thank you for brilliant work in bungling.
If ever I need anything else fucked up, I'll bear you in mind.
Like it should be, so it should be sort of like, I must say I appreciate your need to add any fluff to it.
Right.
Really, yeah?
Go on then.
Use those little blunt words, Smiths.
No, man, just say thank you for being a part of such a difficult situation.
And then you say, I know that caused some hurt, and I'm sorry.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
Anyone want to add a takeaway from that?
Thank you for being part of a very difficult situation.
What can I do to make that right?
What can I do to make that right?
I don't know.
How about a veterinary school program for you?
And then perhaps next time, I'll come and kill one of your dogs.
If ever you need your beloved animals clumsily murdered, you can come out with a steak tenderizer and a fucking and a hula hoop and turn the most important events of your life into a fucking far.
It's much easier to be funny and sarcastic, isn't it?
Yeah, I think when you keep it simple and even on the apology, it's like Joe was saying, you just say, I'm sorry.
Not because of if, what, whatever.
I mean, emotional intelligence and maturity for me is also, if I look at the story of David in the Bible, when Saul's literally trying to kill him, he's actually trying to kill him and he still handles it correctly.
He does.
That would be a maturity.
So people could go, what do you think I was trying to do?
Was I trying to hurt your feelings?
I saw you come in and I was like, I'm going to hurt this person.
Was I trying to kill you?
Was I trying to cause harm to you?
Did I not like you so much that I wanted to ruin this experience for you and ruin your veterinary company?
None of those things are true.
Even if they were true, if they were super mature, they could have seen all this stuff happening and still found the proper way.
Yeah, but even if it's not about the other person, right?
Like if you just say, hey, I was like venting my anger out or I was trying to, you know, confront then and that was my own stuff.
And I didn't mean to put it towards you.
Yeah, you could go there, Joe.
Are you taking that?
Yeah, I agree with that.
Name what you did.
You vented your anger and frustration towards them.
You shouldn't have done that.
That's it.
And would you like to add anything?
Is there anything I did that maybe I'm not aware of?
It's about them.
That was anger part of grief, wasn't it?
That came out then.
The anger and the stages of grief.
You went through all of it and they felt the anger part.
Thank you very much.
Woman really contributed very wisely and sensitively to my grief.
All of you there, that was really lovely.
Thank you very much.
Thanks for joining us.
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Thank you very much.
Jake Smith, Dave Fields, Joe McCann, and Massey, whose surname I still can't say because I've never really heard it said out loud.
And who is part Bergenhead, part Iranian?
Doesn't make sense.
Thank you so much for joining us.
See you on Monday, where we will be live before going to see Megan Kelly in New York on Wednesday.
Sometimes You Want to Go00:00:49
In the meantime, if you can, stay free.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you got.
Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name.
And they're always glad you came.
You want to be where you can see that people are all the same.