Russell chats to Darren Allen, the author of ’33 Myths of The System’ about anarchism, how the pandemic led to manipulation of people and ways to disrupt the systems within media and tech.Check out Darren's Substack:http://expressiveegg.substack.com@expressiveegg For a bit more from us join our Stay Free Community here https://russellbrand.locals.com/ Come to my festival COMMUNITY - https://www.russellbrand.com/community-2023/ NEW MERCH! https://stuff.russellbrand.com/
Thanks for joining me on Stay Free with Russell Brand today.
Wherever you are, the whole show will be exclusively available only on Rumble because we can literally speak freely and we use that freedom of speech to bring people together for even deeper experience.
Click on that red button and join us on Locals.
That's where I read the comments from, like this one from Orion Rain.
Hello, hello, hello.
Hello there, darling.
We've got a fantastic show for you today, unless you're worried about dying in a nuclear apocalypse, in which case we should probably turn off now.
Joe Biden, your president, if you're America, is in Poland right now giving some weird, crazy, simplistic, reductive, Fisher-Price-style speech for morons out there, simplifying a very complex situation.
Putin has just suspended the only remaining nuclear arms treaty that they have with the US, although I think if actually you are going to have a nuclear war, The treaty!
It might not be of that much value.
In our presentation, here's the news.
We'll be looking at Chinese balloons and the Ohio derailment.
What's the real threat to you in your life?
Let me know in the chat what you think.
And after 10 minutes, we skip over to being exclusively on Rumble.
Today, to discuss new data on the effects of lockdown on children.
For a lot of you, it's going to be exactly what you expected, exactly what you discussed, but we can't discuss that kind of thing on YouTube because it's controversial, isn't it?
It certainly is.
It doesn't matter what new information comes about.
Yeah.
On YouTube, the rules don't change.
They don't change.
That's why there's a link in the description.
You can watch us on Rumble.
We'll speak freely there about the stories that matter to you and your life and as well as presenting potential solutions and alternative systems.
That's why today's guest is Orpha and Anarchist.
Darren, I'm not writing this book, I can't be bothered.
That's not what anarchy means.
Grow up.
Anarchy isn't nihilism, it's absolute democracy and a refusal to accept domination.
I can see new ways that libertarianism and anarchism could live side by side quite easily.
We'll be talking with our guest Darren about new systems and new systems seem to be necessary right now in order to prevent an apocalypse.
Maybe you're not bothered about an apocalypse.
I don't like them.
But first of all, let's discuss some important stories from around the world that will restore your faith in the system.
For a start, Spain have decriminalised sex acts with animals.
So that's good news, isn't it?
Unless you're an animal who's hoping to not have sex with a person for some reason, in which case it's not legal, but decriminalised.
Usually you hear that around controlled substances, don't you?
It's not legal, but it's decriminalised.
I'm certainly not endorsing any controlled substance, why would I?
Neither am I endorsing sex with an animal in Spain.
Yeah.
Why is this happening?
What's happening right now that makes you think the solution to this problem is...
Look at that tortoise.
I hope it's not a tourist thing.
Welcome to España!
Normally it's no, no.
Here it's we say si, si.
Viva España!
Surely not.
Surely not.
I don't want to be reductive or simplistic, but it is a story about allowing human beings to potentially have sex with animals.
Doesn't seem like progress.
Seems like literally an attempt to reverse evolution.
Oh, no, you don't.
We're not going to ascend to the realm of angels.
I just think it's an interesting response to, you know, potential nuclear Armageddon, is that maybe Spain is just going, all bets are off, we can all do what we want now.
OK, bad news.
Putin has torn up the last remaining nuclear treaty.
OK, but on the bright side, I have a very attractive pig.
Sorry for that accent.
It's a Spanish person, basically European, like me.
Also, don't worry about a thing, because there's this new singing robot mouth thing.
Who needs monkeys?
Why bother going down the zoo with some bolt cutters when you can simply acquire this singing mouth.
If it doesn't give you an eerie and terrified sensation, you may need to see a psychiatrist.
Just have a look.
Well, I'm hard.
Norfolk Southern are lobbying.
You know, the dudes that spill all them chemicals all over Ohio, polluting the water around there.
They are... Look at this business.
Norfolk Southern has thrown roughly $100 million into politics since 1990.
They're valued at $55 billion.
They've spent nearly $80 million since 98 on lobbying.
Since 99, it's sent about $17 million directly to candidates' coffers, and it's given £5 to Ohio East Palestinians affected by toxic train explosions, which is enough for one bottle of water, roughly, and they're going to bloody well need it.
Make it last, guys, because you're going to need it.
Let's focus on our main story now.
Your president and mine for America is a hegemonic globalist.
You know I love American people, but this kind of stuff, man.
Check him out.
Is he in Ohio?
Surely the people of Ohio are not going to appreciate this music, are they?
Because surely a lot of them are suffering.
They're looking at a lousy $5 bill thinking, how am I going to make this last?
I need a shower.
We're not too keen on cancer or that weird vinyl sounding chemical they're splashing about over there, that little fish killer.
No, he's actually in Poland, mate, simplifying the war.
I remember when I was a lad, you didn't have anniversaries for wars, because they were considered terrible, terrible catastrophes, rather than like, you know, not world cups for the military-industrial complex.
No, not pop concerts.
It's not a pop concert.
This is a terrible event.
Also, Joe Biden isn't the sort of politician that can be showcased in this way.
You don't want to see Joe Biden coming up a runway over a period of time.
You don't need a long period of time to study his gait.
No.
If you look at how he walks for too long, the torso is too rattly, the hands ain't right.
If you were putting together a list of catwalk models, he wouldn't be top of the list, would he?
I don't know.
I'd want a seal.
Right.
Because I feel like Seal would really stride down that.
If the president was Seal, even Zelensky, he would like troglodyte shuffle down there looking pleased with himself.
With his jumper on, yeah.
I bet those jumpers become old fashionable.
Like people are wearing them.
Do you know what I mean?
Because he's a symbol now, isn't he?
Let us know in the chat and the comments if you've got one of them sort of car key hoodies and you're trying to bust that stuff and capitalise on Zelensky glamour.
You can join us on the locals chat.
You can click that button.
This is the chat that we have open here.
A lot of people love us.
Look at this person.
Stone Owen.
Actually, they're just talking to each other.
They're not even talking to us in there as bloody usual.
It's nice in there.
I think people are falling in love and all sorts of stuff.
Let's look at a little bit more old Strutty Joe.
That isn't even the right ambience, like looking up.
We heard that there were like smoke machines there, which, you know, might be good to acclimatise you
to the radioactive fog that you're soon going to be living within
if this Armageddon thing kicks off.
It's not the right atmosphere and it's going on too long.
He's smiling, isn't he?
But internally, I think he's thinking, why is this so bloody long?
Because you know Joe Biden, that is one area where he really struggles.
He's getting on and off stages without wondering.
In fact, that's probably what everyone's so pleased about.
He didn't wander off into the crowd.
He didn't turn off.
He didn't sniff someone on the head.
He got right on there.
Well done, actually.
One of his better performances.
I would say top five.
So you may be terrified about the potential nuclear war that we're heading towards.
But in other news, Joe Biden can make it down a relatively long runway.
Putin did a comparable propaganda speech, much more what you would expect, slightly more ascetic, stringent,
austere, much more Russian, obedient crowd, not such a celebratory tone.
Have a look.
Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin.
Adam.
Good day to you.
Ooh, do a version of the Grammys!
Make it like the Grammys!
Line it up!
This is what it would be like if they did put music over it, just in case.
In spite of all the fanfare, Joe Biden did of course give a speech.
And what I'd like to draw your attention to is the simplistic language that's used in this speech.
Talk of heroes, villains, bravery.
Now, I love archetypes, deep truths, trying to get to the essence of a story.
What aspect of human nature underwrites our current systems?
Is it greed?
Is it selfishness?
Is it lust?
Is it altruism and philanthropy?
But when you talk about Complex geopolitical situations that definitely have transgressions on both sides.
If you're a regular viewer of our channel, and I hope you are, you know we've spoken to people like Jeffrey Sachs who explained to us about the 2014 coup, how people that are in the Cheney-Bush administration are operating on behalf of the U.S.
government, Right now advocating for more aggressive measures.
You know how much military support the US are giving to Ukraine.
You know that Russia feel aggrieved about the impeachment of their initial, not treaty, but agreement with America after the fall of the Berlin Wall.
This is a sort of a complicated story, but you wouldn't Autocrats only understand one word.
No.
No, no.
is a simple tale about sort of bullying or something that you would explain it to a child.
They thought that we would roll over like listen listen it's an insult to your intelligence I think.
Autocrats only understand one word no no no. That's actually three words and I think
autocrats probably have good vocabularies. No you will not take my country. No you will not.
My country.
I thought this wasn't a proxy war.
Freedom, be careful about that word, by the way.
Freedom, it's a word that's about bigotry now.
It's a far-right word.
Although some of the units within the Ukraine army might be into that type of freedom.
And I'll repeat tonight what I said last year in the same place.
Bit boring.
I'll find Joe Biden hard enough to concentrate on if he gives a new speech.
Don't know what he said last year.
I'd like to see the narrative evolve a little bit.
Listen, if you're watching this on YouTube or anywhere other than Rumble, we can only stay for a few more minutes.
After that, we're going to be talking about the impact of lockdown on children and several
other early pandemic myths that have been busted.
So you're going to want to click that link and join us where the speech is free and the
fun keeps on flowing.
Let's analyze Joe Biden's speech a little further.
And I want you to particularly pay attention to simplistic, reductive language that tries
to frame this complex conflict in terms that allow, I would say, systemic abuses to continue,
i.e. profiteering, post-war restructuring that's highly profitable for NAE such as BlackRock.
Have a little look at this.
Have a look at the framing of this conflict.
I like to be talking, spoke to like a grown up.
This is a difficult situation.
This is a very difficult war.
Obviously we have an obligation to protect Ukrainian people, but we have said that Ukraine won't join NATO and now NATO are operating on behalf of Ukraine.
It's very, very complicated.
Yes, there's lots of profits being made from this war.
You know, all of that stuff, that's the kind of conversation I want to have.
Why won't the mainstream media conversation have that conversation with you?
Why are they so complicit?
A dictator bent on rebuilding an empire will never be able to ease the people's love of liberty.
That's not a catchphrase, is it?
A dictator hell-bent on rebuilding an empire will never be able to ease people's... I mean, I think the fact that you can't remember it... It's not catchy enough, is it?
It's not like Just Say No or something like that.
Brutality will never grind down the will of the free, and Ukraine Ukraine will never be a victory for Russia.
Never.
That's called jingoism, it's called bombast and reductivism.
We'll be talking more about the complexity and potential threat over the course of the show.
We're going to talk about Putin tearing up the nuclear treaty and the obvious potential risk that that poses.
If you're my age you grew up under the threat of the Cold War and potential nuclear plight but we thought that sort of stuff was behind us and America Up until very recently had a much more favourable and amenable relationship with Russia.
Where has that gone?
Who's benefiting from this situation?
If you're watching us on YouTube or anywhere else, we're going to click over exclusively onto Rumble right now, because we're going to be talking in a few minutes about the pandemic and several myths that are being busted.
We'll also be talking to Darren Allen.
Anarchist and critic of our current social system about his new novel and some of his observation about many of the myths that hold our culture together.
So do join us right now because I'm hankering after free speech, Gareth.
I can tell.
Can you see that?
I'm going to start speaking freely any minute.
Vesuda, the throat chakra, the place of deep truth is about to light up.
So if you're watching this anywhere else, click over and watch us on Rumble right now.
See you there.
Rolling Rainbow Funder.
Dear Mother Earth, please do not hold the actions of 1% of our population against all of humanity.
A plea there to Gaia, to the deep systems that underwrite our terrestrial existence.
If you want to join us in the chat, you can.
Click on that locals button and become a member.
of our community. Joining us now is Darren Allen, anarchist and author of Fired and Ad
Radicum and 33 Myths of the System, sharing his analysis on how we might propose, discuss
and bring about alternative systems. Right, Darren, thanks for joining us. We met because
I like that book, 33 Myths of the System that you wrote, where you talked about a lot of
presumed ideas around our culture, the myth of education, the myth of science, the myth
I think a lot of your writing came to people's attention during the pandemic when your analysis was that the crisis was being used to implement further surveillance and there was a lot of
observable duplicity. Can you talk us through how you came to some of those conclusions and broadly
speaking what you think the significance of the pandemic was and what we can learn from it when it
comes to how power operates and the convergence of interests that coalesce around an event like
that? Well, first of all, do you think it was a pandemic? What do you mean by that? What would...
I suppose when I'm using that name, I mean, you know, there was coronavirus, SARS, people had symptoms, it was traveling between China, Italy.
So under those terms, yeah.
I mean, the IFR, the infection fatality rate was kind of like that of a bad flu.
The all cause mortality wasn't out of the ordinary.
Um, there weren't people dying in the streets.
Young people didn't die.
All of Africa seemed to get through okay.
Celebrities were getting through okay.
The old continent of Africa first, then celebrities.
Africa, of course, where the patents weren't made available.
And so the vaccine weren't so widely disseminated.
And you're saying there weren't any significant difference in like for alleys or even infection.
Well, the old WHO definition of pandemic used to be a large number of people dying.
And there wasn't.
I don't think so.
I mean, I call it a pseudo-pandemic.
Gone in hard.
Straight out of the blocks there, Darren.
They'll love you over here in the chat for that.
Pseudo-pandemic.
Plandemic is what they'll be saying down there in the chat.
So, given that you even refute the definition, pandemic, what do you think about the broader response and some of the manifestations around it, mate?
Well, I mean, it takes a while before you can discover what really is behind vast crimes.
I mean, when they're actually happening, No one really knows.
The best analysis I've found is by a guy called Fabio Vigi, I think it is, and he has a pretty convincing case for the fact that it was just a means of pumping in trillions of dollars into the economy and switching off Main Street.
That is basically the modus operandi of the economic system since, well, since forever really.
It's a debt-based Um, Ponzi scheme.
And it's inevitably gonna crash and crash and crash and crash and the only way to save it is to print money.
So it's just a way of printing money.
I see, so you think it's economically driven.
When you say something like that... And technologically, I mean, it was another, it was an excuse to expand the techno-sphere as well.
Certainly both of those things happened, but ultimately now we're in the terrain of what the mainstream media would call conspiracy theory.
And I suppose the area of that that's always challenging to discuss is how something of that nature would be coordinated.
We can see there was a massive wealth transfer We can see it facilitated greater surveillance.
You can see that it was a soft sell for social credit scoring and introduced ideas that previously would have been unconscionable.
But when we talk about the execution of a global conspiracy, it always leads to the necessity for collaboration.
Whilst there are sort of propagandist and sort of greenwashing organisations like WEF hidden in plain sight, While there are bodies like the IMF that leverage debt and their actions around this war and previous wars, you can certainly apply a comparable analysis to the one you just applied there.
When you say something at that scale is a way of flooding the system with money, do you feel that it requires actual conspiracy or do you see that the convergence of interest can just bring about those kind of states?
Option B. Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, the system is self operating to a large extent.
It is basically a machine.
And that's something that's often missed in radical analysis, that we are living in a machine.
And you've got the people on the right who own the machine, what you call capitalists, and then you've got people on the left, who manage the machine, the professional class.
But it's the machine that is the problem.
We are all suckling at this vast, vast robotic world now.
And it has its own priorities, its own way of working.
It forces us to think and live in certain ways.
It forces us to become like machines.
Yes.
That is the target.
Something as immersive and inherently totalitarian as that will require, do you agree, something quite cataclysmic and seismic to bring about its overthrow.
Yes.
Isn't that sometimes a disheartening paradigm?
No, no.
Gordon, may I?
Fabulous.
That's an opportunity.
I mean, do you love this system?
Does anybody who has a heart beating in their breast No.
It's despicable.
It's horrendous.
The faster it can fall apart, the better.
No?
I used to enjoy Mark Fisher's analysis, in particular his book, Late Capitalism, where he suggested that part of the mastery of this system, and he used a comparable Deleuze and Guterres analysis of it being a machine-like system that generated other machines and created that kind of mentality and that kind of lens, he said is that part of what he had achieved Is that it meant it's impossible for us to envisage new systems that we see as reality.
We can't.
He said it's easier to envisage the end of the world than the end of capitalism.
Famous phrase, I think Mark coined, God rest his soul, though he was an anarchist and probably a socialist and an atheist, certainly.
So, when you're saying that there's some optimism in this, because we're all yearning to be free, we're all yearning for a deeper connection to one another, to ourselves, and to nature more broadly, what is it that you propose?
Obviously, I know that you're an anarchist, so I'm assuming that what you propose as an alternative system is anarchy.
Can you talk us through it, bearing in mind that a lot of people watching this and a lot of people asking this question may have only a rudimentary understanding of anarchy, and even a misunderstanding of anarchy, because a lot of people Related to nihilism and punkishness and smash the state, smash the system.
So can you talk us through what you mean by anarchy and indeed what anarchy means more broadly?
Anarchism means freedom from control.
Controlled by what?
Controlled by any force that is coercive.
And there's basically seven of those.
There's kings, there's governments, states, corporations, there's the technocratic system, there's the professional institutional system, there's the mass, the democratic mass, and there's the human ego.
The degree to which we can be free of all of those things is the degree to which we can be joyous and free.
Just cutting out one or two of those things, which tends to happen with socialist thinking, for example, okay, let's get rid of capitalism.
Okay, let's get rid of the elite.
Or, okay, let's attack, you know, the elite doesn't do anything.
The whole thing has to be identified, first of all, for what it is, and then naturally, by itself, spontaneously organic social forms emerge, as they do when anybody is free.
I mean, ordinary people are anarchists when they're at their very best.
So when you are in love, for example, when you have a loving family and everything's going okay, when you have a group of friends, or even when you're at work and the boss isn't there, things work well.
Automatically, naturally.
What here?
Yeah, and it's going quite well.
Well, there you go.
He was holding us back.
Right, exactly.
So you're saying that anarchy is almost an anthropological system.
It's like a, it's cosmic nature.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
The universe is anarchic.
I like the way, mate, that you suggest that there's a deep spiritual component to it, that the human ego, that the first system that we must overcome is the system of self.
And that there's a, I suppose what you say, there's a kind of, if not uniformity, there's a, a, uh, that there is a sort of, uh, kind of a linear expression of freedom right through to self, to the systems that we create.
In your book, 33 Myths About The System, I liked how you took on sort of broad topics like science and fun.
and the professional class, and sort of broke down how these things sort of come together.
In a sense, faith-based systems.
You said a minute ago that anarchy breaks out, you know, wherever it gets its chance.
And I suppose you don't mean like in sort of experimental communities, you mean sort of almost naturally and organically.
Can you talk us through a few examples of it?
Because I think I'd like our viewers to appreciate the possibility that it's something that could, I mean, you know, we talk all the time About how are we going to change the world?
This channel is a lot about critiquing establishment power, establishment thinking.
Similarly, we talk about individual awakening and personal and spiritual awakening not being a subset that is ultimately about how you can operate better within the system, like how many traditionless or hybrid forms of spirituality tend to be applied.
Learn to meditate and be better at your job.
Do yoga and be more attractive to potential mates.
Spirituality that is at its core challenging to these interwoven machines.
Can you talk to us about a few examples of where we see anarchism at play and how we might in our own lives apply anarchism?
Well, the Postal Service, for example, is anarchistic.
Essentially, I mean they have bosses and they have fat cats screaming it off, but the way that the Postal Service works, no one's in charge of it.
It's self-organizing.
There have been times in history when anarchism has had some kind of independent success.
Civil War Spain?
For example, although that was anarcho-syndicalism, but that, yeah, that worked pretty well, but the supreme example Which we should all look towards for all manner of inspiration in our lives is primal, hunter-gatherer, simple human beings before civilization.
For 99% of our history, we have been anarchists.
Essentially, there has been no democracy.
Democracy is deeply un-anarchist.
Go on, what do you mean?
Democracy forces you to obey the... It's dictatorship of the 51%, basically.
It smooths people over into a manageable pace.
That's why it rose in popularity, because it's a means to organize and control people, democracy.
And it's... Something else.
I've forgotten.
Daniel Pinchbeck, who brought me to your attention, is like a mate of mine, a brilliant writer on many of these topics.
He's talked about Oscar Wilde's famous essay, The Soul of Man under Socialism.
And it's pretty clear that you're not a pro-socialism person.
I know a lot of people at home will have, as soon as they hear that word, will think about the great 20th century expressions and Maoism and Stalinism and all of those kind of expressions of post-Marxist ideology.
What Wilde talked about, it's interesting that we're talking about a romantic genius rather than an avowed philosopher or theologian.
He talked about the idea that technology could be utilized to generate leisure and freedom and an aesthetic culture.
Are you fundamentally anti-technology?
Do you think that it's a kind of utility of power?
Or do you think that we could use technology to create a more liberated and free society?
Uh, there's no way.
Why not?
What are we going to bloody well do then, Darren?
We have to go back to simple tools.
Oh, look at the pain on his face.
People are going to struggle.
I know, but that is inevitable.
It's going to happen anyway.
Well, it seems like a post-apocalyptic ideology in a sense.
Yeah, I mean, yes, that's it really.
Well, I prefer that not to happen.
I don't know, Darren.
Can't just wander face first into Armageddon safe in the knowledge that immediately afterwards we're going to all be able to eat vegetables at our own pace.
Contaminated vegetables at that.
There has to be an interventionist component to this.
There has to be a revolutionary component.
Is anarchism fundamentally anti-revolutionary because that would require a degree of organisation?
I, first of all, I don't talk for anarchist, anarchism as it is today.
I mean, I'm talking about a very, very extreme form, anarcho-primitivism, basically, what I call primalism.
So there might be anarchists listening to this just frothing at the mouth.
But as far as I'm concerned, technology itself is a dominating force in our lives and that it's not neutral.
It's connected with a vast system that is subordinating.
You know, if I, when I start criticizing technology, people often say, oh, you've got a smart, well, I don't actually have a smart, but you've got a phone.
What did you write that would, you know, of course I use individual items of technology because I live in this crummy world that forces me to.
The system as a whole, the massive interlocking technological system It's not neutral.
It reduces us to machines and it forces a bureaucratic management system that also coerces and subordinates.
But that doesn't mean that imagination couldn't be applied to these technologies and ideals.
Certainly, I recognize the value of what you're saying and honoring our nature, but I also feel that we have to start from where we are, that there are such things as electoral democracy that have to be overcome.
And I see that there's a sort of, in a sense, a kind of...
Acceptance that we may be carried by a cosmic flow, by where we are, a kind of Gnosticism, a kind of ease.
But me, I've always been a bit more of a conflagratory, let's get stuck in there and bring about a revolution type.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm all for wanton destruction.
Wanton?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
Darren, thank you very much.
I mean, you've taken us on an incredible journey to anarcho-primitivism, a rare And esoteric sect within anarchism.
I suppose what I mostly take from this is that when we are told that the system is the way it is, nothing can change, it's fundamentally benign, and the best that we can hope for is reform and incremental improvement, when you listen to ideas around anarchism, it bears that, it exposes that as fundamentally untrue.
Hey, look at this, a quote from Russell Brand on the back, as well as Irving Welch, and Terry Gilliam, Chris Morris, Alan de Botton.
Check out all of Darren Allen's work and follow him on Substack, where he writes and where I read many of his essays.
And sometimes in the comments, I say, well, you got a bit too far there, Darren.
Thank you very much for joining us, mate.
That's a fantastic contribution.
And now, as if to trivialise the entirety of Darren Allen's contribution and life's work, here is a singing sex robot mouth that makes you feel that perhaps technology is fundamentally bad.
How do you like the system now, guys?
How do you like your utopia now?
Singing vile sex.
But I can't look at that and listen to that without feeling a bit of a sense of disease and perhaps longing for a narco-primitiveism.
Well, exactly.
Maybe he's got a point.
Would we be happier, gal, were we to just live in harmony with the system?
Or would we be happier if we were to get ourselves a singing... What can only be described as a sex mouth?
Have you got to the bit... Can we play the clip a little further?
Because I want to see the bit where it starts, like, fluctuating its esophagus.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, it does that, man.
There's a bit... Look at that!
That's not good.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, that's in our minds now.
That's in our minds forever.
Is the tone troubling you?
Is that what you don't like?
Yeah, it is that.
It's all of it, isn't it?
It's just the whole package.
Yeah, the whole thing's pretty disturbing.
You know how Joe Biden triumphantly emerged in Poland to celebrate one year of wanton destruction and the march towards Armageddon?
Do you think that Biden's walk to that runway would have been any more bearable if backed by a good old sexy robot mouth?
Let's find out.
I actually think that's better.
Yeah, I think it's more commensurate.
It's more of a soundtrack to a potential Armageddon because that's probably the only sounds that will be existing after that.
When Orwell offers us the vision of the future that can be reduced to a boot stamping on a human face, I think I visited a future as a robot mouth singing a terrifying sort of just multi-tonal song that you can't extract from the To sex industry objects that have already emerged.
I'm thinking in particular of the fleshlight, which I've never, you know, I'm going to say this, I've never used one of those things, but I've seen them and I've seen them and I don't like them, gal.
Do they function as a torch as well?
I don't know if it's a two-in-one thing.
I think it's more like, so you're not embarrassed.
Oh, you've just got that.
Oh dear.
Oh, his torch isn't working.
I better change the batteries.
It also sounds like Aphex Twin's song.
I can't remember which one.
Anyway, it's not just the orifice that is being emulated by our AI overlords.
There are now sperm extractors that help patients overcome embarrassment.
Obviously, only the embarrassment.
Look, a Chinese company says its automatic sperm extractor is helping clients collect semen from donors reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting.
No, this isn't right.
Not in this setting.
Why have they gone in the first place?
Because the whole point is, if you're going to donate sperm... Hello, I'm here to donate some sperm.
Well, unless you're going to just spontaneously ejaculate, you recognise what this is going to involve.
You mean use my hand that I eat with?
In this setting?
A hospital where people come to die and take potentially unnecessary medicines that could kill them?
I won't do it!
Well sir, it's your lucky day because we've invented this horrifying dystopian fuckhole.
This unusual machine aims to take the embarrassment out of sperm donation.
I don't think that takes the embarrassment out of it at all.
What that does is it makes it eerie, uncanny and godless.
Because the only embarrassment would be if you're masturbating in a hospital setting in a room and someone interrupts you.
That's the only real embarrassment.
But if someone interrupts you when you're using this...
Life's over.
It's bad enough.
You're in a hospital setting.
You're in a sperm donor's clinic.
Anyway, people can't go, what the hell are you doing?
You pervert!
What are you doing?
I can't help myself.
We're here to donate sperm.
And actually thinking about it, I did have a sperm test once, I now remember.
And you do have to masturbate into a cup.
Were you sure you have to?
Well, I say sperm test centre, I meant to say cafe.
If you're standing having that thing sort of at your midriff, pulsating at your midriff.
Oh, sorry, sir.
Everything OK?
Oh, yes.
I see this one's occupied.
I'm talking about the room.
I'm going to close that door again, sir.
Just carry on.
You won't see me, right?
You might hear a couple of...
I'll go... well, I've finished.
Arrgh!
Don't have the name Ding Weijiang if what you're going to go on to do is invent a false
cum sucker, because people are good at it.
It was prophesied!
Ding Weijiang, this was your destiny, sir.
I know, I know.
Look at him panting, he's proud of it.
Of course he is.
Wouldn't you have to ask Ding Weijiang, mate, if you used it?
Well, of course he has.
That's the thing, you wouldn't just let it loose on everyone, would you, if you hadn't tested it yourself?
Because normally with a technological advancement like that, you say, we're going to test it on monkeys.
Don't worry, I'll handle that process myself.
I've got a monkey at home.
Really?
Oh yes, loads of them actually.
I say at home, I mean in my holiday home in Madrid.
Why did you move to Madrid again?
Mind your own business!
And for God's sake, let me experiment on my machine!
I'm a scientist!
Science!
and technology saying, I'm a scientist! Science! I'm a genius!
Hospitals mostly use masturbation as their collection method without providing a venue or equipment.
What do you mean mostly?
Of course they do!
What else are they going to do?
It's mostly that.
Well, I've just done a heart operation on your nan.
I've got half an hour and I see that you're sat there.
Well, I have a steady hand, my man.
Yeah, entirely surely.
Do you think that the hospital or science unit, the other scientists kind of mock him?
Within the community, he cannot be a highly respected one.
What did you do today?
I did put like a stent in someone's heart.
And what about you?
I removed the tumour from someone's brain.
And what about you?
I sucked a bunch of spunk out of a bloke using my little fuckbot.
Who was that bloke?
It was me, actually.
I can't remember his name now.
Ding Wang something.
Very brilliant man.
Looking forward to that sperm.
I think we're going to help a lot of people.
Also, it's delicious.
Why did you...?
Because it needed... We're on wrong...
If I can't do a little sippy smugly... Alright, I'll title it to you.
Maybe if there isn't a Klaus Schwab talks like that, it's because he tastes the other end.
Ding wang, why don't you?
We've gone too far now.
I know, it's because I got excited.
I'm on my perfect topic.
It's robots.
It's a sex robot.
We should have started with this.
Of course we should have done.
This is all we should do.
We're here trying to understand Darren Allen's anarcho-primitivism.
We're experts in this.
We're the absolute elite when it comes to this thing.
We're the Klaus Schwab of spunk-up machines.
This makes collecting sperm on the spot very difficult.
In order to meet clinical demands, we invented this automatic sperm extractor, which is also user-friendly.
Bit too friendly.
That is amazing.
The machine is equipped with a massage pipe that resembles a vagina.
Well, I've got news for you, mate.
Like, some interesting colour choices.
How big of a problem was this?
That's my thing.
It's like, what was the data and statistics on the amount of people that left the hospital without having donated sperm?
I just can't imagine that many people who, their whole thing was, I'm going to this, what are you doing today?
I'm going to donate sperm and then return without having done it.
Like, I just can't.
I think he's fixing a problem that didn't exist.
You would say that.
Necessity is the mother of invention.
Oh, no.
Wait, come back!
Another disappointed wanker.
No, no, not in this setting.
Not on your Nelly.
But the day you invent some sort of terrifying pink rimmed sex orifice, then I'm your man.
Ding Wang.
I've got to get his name right because I think there is potentially racism.
Well, yes, of course.
You're being reductive around a sort of a non-European sounding name.
But I don't mean it like that.
I'm trying to remember it.
He's a very naughty boy.
You're a very naughty boy.
You shouldn't have made that machine.
And I'm beginning to wonder how often the amount of thinking he's had to go into it.
He's had to think his way through numerous things.
He's spent years doing that.
He hasn't just knocked it up in a weekend, has he?
No, that's not Tracy Island on Blue Peter.
That's his life's work.
That's someone's life's work.
Will you please come make love to me?
I'm busy!
Doing what?
My business!
I'm not going down there.
I can't have sex in that setting.
I'm upstairs with my robot.
My delicious sex robot.
Trust the science!
Fall out of the science!
Its height is adjustable, while its speed, force and temperature can be varied.
It is a satellite that simulates the human body.
Its speed is adjustable, while its speed, force and temperature can be varied.
Yeah, right.
To reduce it to that.
That's all we are.
It makes you think that maybe like once they create that, you know, the metaverse and everything, they just strap that to your head.
Yeah.
Strap that to your wings.
That's right.
What's a temperature?
How high do you want that temperature?
You don't have to leave a pattern.
You don't have to look down at your own penis and see Christ's face there.
Not again.
Not after last time I see him staring up.
What are you doing?
We're meant to be trying to awaken and bring about global change.
Just give me a minute.
I can't ejaculate.
Not in this setting.
It simulates a female organ and replicates the physical movements of sexual intercourse
by moving back and forth.
It's able to, by a huge extent, provide comprehensive coverage.
Have you considered making one with another hole, possibly?
Sorry, sorry.
... pressure.
This story's not bringing out the best in me.
It's not, is it?
It's bringing out... a lot of people like it.
Do they?
Yeah, they're saying, like, he's got his hands behind his back.
He's done a good job of sexism.
Yeah, this is desacralising, look at this, Ash Ella, this is desacralising a very human soul.
Yeah, sex is sacred.
Sex is a union transcendent of apparent separateness. And also it's funny what Gareth said I think
that how many people were walking out of that hospital waving their hands oh no no way that it
became I bet that's 60 grand. Oh yeah yeah.
Do you reckon? Oh yeah. Should we club together get one?
The machine has also proved useful for urological patients at Shanghai Pudong
Hospital who are unable to produce sperm without a great deal of help. Dr Li seemingly
Who's unable to break through sperm without a great deal of help?
I need barely any!
I've been making mine on my own since I was a wee lad!
...says it's an efficient way to maximise the... Also, when they're sitting up, what made them think we need a shot from underneath?
No.
You know, that's the machine.
They're objectifying the sex machine.
What are you going to do?
Put a little pair of stilettos on it in a minute?
...mount and quality of sperm collected, but says there's still room for improvement.
This device is far more efficient than masturbation.
And I can speak to that from personal experience.
Before you came in here... Oops, sorry.
But there are still some weaknesses.
For instance, it cannot exactly simulate the temperature and feel of a female organ.
Also, it's morally wrong!
Back to the lab!
Another five years!
Back to the attic!
Please come down here!
I love you!
I love you!
I'm not coming down there to you.
Not in this setting.
Right, well, hey, maybe we'll cover the rest of this in our special show behind the show, Stay Connected, which me and Gareth make on a weekly basis for the members of our community.
And also, I read out your comments much more often.
Belly heart, give him a monkey mind.
Probably got thousands of dollars a grant for that.
They always measure the outcome data.
You, saucy lot, you can be a member of this community.
Make beautiful online friendships by clicking the button below and becoming a member of our locals community.
We do loads of extra content.
My stand-up special drops there pretty soon.
Tomorrow, and I can't believe I'm saying this after such a giddying array of pure old jokes, Pulitzer Prize winning journalist Chris Hedges joins us tomorrow.
Oh no, I fucking don't.
On Friday, Jeremy Corbell, UFO expert, will be talking to us about spy balloons, the deep state, the recent spate of UFO sightings and whether or not it's being used as a distraction and what the deep state, deep truths are around the phenomena of non-terrestrial life.
For a couple of weeks, guys, we are going to be off Protection!
We are going to be off, I imagine, until March the 13th.
There'll still be fresh presentations regularly dropping, meditations and more.
My pre-sale of my stand-up special goes live next week.
If you're a member on Locals, you'll get it for nothing, just as part of your yearly package, but if you want to buy it as a one-off, there'll be some information published soon about how you can do that.
And if you want to come see me live and you're in the United States, on March the 2nd, I'm going to be in Los Angeles at the Vermont Theatre.
On March the 6th, I'm going to be at the Clearwater Theatre in Bilheimer.
No, I'm going to be in Clearwater at the Capitol Theatre, Bilheimer.
I don't know.
Just click on the link.
Go rush it, Brandon.
You'll get all the information there.
See you in a couple of weeks.
Not for more of the same, but for... You could do this bit.
