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Nov. 23, 2022 - Real Coffe - Scott Adams
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Episode 1936 Scott Adams: We've Achieved Funny New Levels Of Absurdity. Join Me For A Sip & Laugh

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Good morning, everybody, and welcome to another highlight of Civilization Coffee with Scott Adams, the finest experience of your life so far.
Tomorrow's looking good, too.
Now, if you'd like to take it up to levels of happiness that we didn't even know were possible until recently, all you need is a cup or a mug or a glass of Tanker Chelsea Stein, a canteen jug or flask, a vessel of any kind.
Fill it with your favorite liquid.
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Mmm.
Very good.
Very good, yeah.
That's some good stuff.
Well, the good news is the Dilbert website is restored.
So from Friday through Tuesday, it was pretty well hosed.
I don't have any updates myself, so I don't know what the problem was or why it took so long, but my initial belief was it was probably a bad hack.
I don't know.
But it's back up and it's working and that's all good.
Did you know that Intel, the company, the company Intel, has developed a deep fake detector.
Apparently it can look at a deep fake, you know, a digital image of a person, and it can even pick up, like, apparently changes in blood flow.
I don't know how it picks that up, but it thinks it can.
And so that would be awesome.
96% is pretty good.
I would think that the ones that we cared about would be the ones we can't detect, but... And then I wondered, I wonder if you could build a detector to detect NPCs.
And do you remember the Battlestar Galactica?
Where part of the technology was they could detect the androids, I guess.
So they could detect the people who looked exactly like people, the Cylons, yeah.
They looked exactly like people, but they were really, you know, mechanical.
Here's how I think you could build an NPC detector.
It goes like this.
You just go up to somebody you want to check, and then you say, hey, I heard about a really good form of exercise.
The experts are saying it's an excellent form of exercise, and it's kind of new, and it seems to hit all the notes, and all the experts say it's a really good form of exercise.
Now, what you do is then you wait.
That primes the detector.
What you're waiting for is for somebody to say, swimming is the best form of exercise, and then you got them.
That's an NPC.
Because the NPCs will only say the most obvious thing you could say in that situation.
So just say, oh, there's this new form of exercise, and just wait.
Swimming's the best form of exercise.
Gotcha.
I gotcha.
So you try that.
Try that on your so-called relatives over the holidays.
Find out how many of your so-called relatives, if you know what I mean, are real.
All right.
San Francisco has gone full racist.
The city of San Francisco fired A person who was in charge of the elections department chief, whose performance was good.
There was no problem whatsoever.
And the people who fired him said, no, there's no problem with his performance.
He had one problem that they couldn't overlook.
White and male.
And they said, how in the world are we ever going to have diversity at the senior levels of responsibility if these white people are clogging up the progress?
They're keeping these jobs.
So there was a white guy who was ruining everything by simply having a job and doing it well, according to everybody.
And because he had a job and he did it well, he was Obviously, sort of a racist, because he was blocking out any chance of diversity, because there are only so many jobs.
So he got fired.
I would love to be the lawyer who handles that lawsuit, because if that's not a slam dunk, I don't know anything.
If you can't win that lawsuit, I don't know anything about anything.
Am I wrong?
Don't you just have to show up to win that one?
So, why was he fired?
Well, he was fired because he's a white male.
And that's the end of the case, isn't it?
Or could you get a jury in San Francisco who said, I'd like to hear more.
I'd like to hear the other side of this.
Only in San Francisco could the actual employer say, well, we do stipulate, we do admit, performance was great.
He was only fired because he was a white male.
And then only in San Francisco would somebody say, I'll need to hear more.
I'd like to hear, because probably there's an argument on the other side.
I'm not so sure.
No standing.
All right.
Here is the most horrifying, humorous story of the day.
Can we agree there's nothing funny about people dying?
Because we're all good people, right?
And it's not my fault that there's a story in which this is just horrendous, like a human tragedy of the highest level.
And still something came out of it that I can't ignore.
I didn't want to talk about, you know, mass shootings, but you all know there was a LGBTQ nightclub that got shot up.
I don't want to talk about those details.
Although, except there was a, I think an army veteran who took him out, took him down.
So, so thank you for your service.
Twice.
There's somebody you can thank for his service twice.
Once for, I think, three tours in Iraq, and once for taking down the shooter in the LGBTQ club.
Interestingly, he was not LGBTQ.
He was just a fan.
He just liked the environment.
He was having a great time with his family, and, you know, they have some connection to the community, I guess.
So he's a big fan of the LGBT community, but I bet they're pretty happy he was there.
Because, if you listen to his description, I'll tell you, this is the best argument for diversity you'll ever get.
Now when I say diversity, I mean all the ways.
People think differently, act differently, have different experiences, different life truths, the whole realm of diversity.
Do you know why?
Because this military guy in that club, as he described it, when the shooting started, he ran toward it.
He ran toward it.
How much training do you have to have to run toward gunfire?
I don't have that.
Although, I can't guarantee I wouldn't run toward it, because I do like danger more than I should.
That's amazing, isn't it?
It's amazing.
So if you didn't have one person with that kind of, let's call it diverse, a person with diverse experience and diverse, I don't know, maybe even philosophy about what to do in that situation.
If you didn't have that guy, it would have been a lot more people dead.
So there's a case where diversity of one type really made a difference.
But here's the story, which I hate to be amused by this, because the larger story is a tragedy, of course.
But apparently the accused shooter is identifying as non-binary, which we cynical people suspect may not be entirely on the up and up.
Because part of the charges would be hate crime related.
Because of where it was.
But, the they, apparently we do not speak of the alleged shooter as he anymore, that's the old way.
We now refer to the shooter as they.
So, they has established a non-binary identity and I don't know what is funnier, the fact that It might work.
It might work.
And maybe it is.
Can we rule out the possibility that the shooter actually does identify as non-binary?
I think that's entirely possible.
I don't know.
That's why it might work.
But the funny part is that the left He has a very strong rule that you get to identify yourself.
It's not for other people to tell you what you are.
So I believe he is embracing and amplifying.
You know what I mean?
He may be taking the left's own philosophy and just saying, all right, if those are my rules, I'll play by your rules.
How do you like it?
Or his lawyer is, right?
Some combination of him plus his lawyer.
So watching CNN's Alison Camerota deal with this news and not know what to say about it, because she can't be anti-identify-whatever-you-want.
That's not going to really work with the CNN brand, even the revised CNN brand.
And she can't say it's not true, because they don't have that reporting.
There's nobody to say it's not true.
So what are you going to do with it?
You just got to say it and then sit there with a look on your face like, oh, God, why do I have to be involved in this news?
The shooter is a fired non-binary cook, somebody say.
Does anybody have any evidence that the non-binary was indeed non-binary before the shooting?
Is there any actual evidence of that?
Because that would make it even... I hate to say interesting.
That's just a horrible word.
Prior by two years, somebody says.
All right.
Well, we'll see.
We'll see.
We don't know about that.
Anyway, so of course the Democrats are accusing Republicans of their rhetoric, stoking this violence.
Now of course, that narrative will go away if it turns out that this is a leftist, non-binary person.
It's possible.
So we'll see where this goes.
But I was wondering, what exactly was it the Republicans said that would inspire somebody to get a firearm and go and shoot a bunch of people in the LGBT community?
Have any of you heard any Republicans suggest death to the LGBTQs?
Or anything even close to that?
Isn't the only thing they say, some of you stay away from our kids?
Like, have you ever seen a Republican say, it's all those gays?
Like, all those gays want to train our kids in ways we don't like?
I've never heard that.
I don't even know... I mean, I don't even hear anti-gay anything from conservatives.
And I would hear it.
Believe me, I would hear it.
Like, nobody... People don't hold back when they're talking to me privately.
Like, if you're new to my livestream, or if you're, especially if you lead left, trust me, when people talk to me privately, they don't hold back.
And when conservatives tell me, I get the whole story.
And I just don't hear any anti-gay stuff.
Like, from anybody.
It just sort of doesn't exist.
Now, I'm not saying there isn't someplace in the Deep South or some other places where it's really a bad problem.
I'm just saying it's just one report, right?
I'm just an anecdotal reporter, so I don't mean to say that my experience is general.
But for what it's worth, I have a lot of contact with the conservative community, and they seem to be concerned about how things would affect their preferences.
But nobody gives a shit where you put your penis.
I've never heard of that.
Nobody.
Or where you put any other part of you, I guess.
Just to make it inclusive.
Mike Pompeo, who we think might be gearing up to run for president, he said this, I get asked, who is the most dangerous person in the world?
Is it Chairman Kim?
Is it Xi Jinping?
And he said, the most dangerous person in the world is Randy Weingarten, the president of the biggest teachers union.
Now remember, this is Mike Pompeo, whose entire job was to figure out who was the most dangerous person in the world, and protect America from him.
And he just said the most dangerous person in America is an American, who is essentially destroying your children's future, by doing a good job.
So if I could be fair, it looks like Randy Weingarten does a good job for her members, if they don't care about anything else.
But it doesn't work for the rest of us.
All right, and Pompeo said, who's the most likely to take this republic down?
It would be the teachers' unions and the filth that they're teaching our kids.
Well, the filth part is a subset of the larger problem.
I wouldn't say that's the big risk.
I don't think it's the filth that's going to take us down.
That's just a preference, a big one.
I mean, it's important.
I think what takes us down is just bad education system that fills people's heads with, you know, America-hating ideas.
All right, so I gotta say, I hear lots of critics of Mike Pompeo, and I don't know exactly what he did or didn't do that you don't like, but If there's a Republican candidate who's going to go directly at the head of the teachers' unions, he just reached the top of my consideration list.
I gotta say, he just went right to the top.
Now, not above Trump or above DeSantis, but he's in the mix now.
Until Pompeo said this, I would not have considered him a serious anything.
And if Mike Pompeo says I'll take out the cartels' labs, it's going to be tough not to support him.
It's going to be tough.
So let me warn you in advance, if you have some reasons you don't want me to support Mike Pompeo for president, maybe you should tell me before I get ahead of myself.
Everything you say about him, he's a rhino, he did this, he did that, I'm not going to care.
I'm a single issue voter.
If he plays me right on my single issue, then you and I got to be on the opposite teams.
That's just the way it's going to go.
All right.
Now, ideally what would happen, ideally, ideally, he would make the other candidates more competitive.
So if in fact he said something aggressive about the cartels, I think Trump and DeSantis or whoever runs, they're going to have to, they're going to take their game up to match it, don't you think?
Whoever says the toughest thing on the Republican side, that becomes a competitive point.
Anybody who's below that point is going to have to come up to it, I think.
So having Mike Pompeo in the race, or even just talking about being in the race, so far, good work.
Good work.
Because Mike Pompeo just made the conversation better, in my opinion.
So forget about whether you support him or not, he just made the conversation better by throwing the Randy Weingarten issue at the top of the mix.
So good job.
He's already added to the country, I think, in that one sense.
I need to give you, there's a confusing story in the news today.
So I need to give you a clarification.
Some of you may have mixed up two stories.
But there's a story in the news that in Mexico, speaking of Mexico, a dog was spotted running through Mexico with a severed human hand in his mouth.
And so people followed it back to where it found it and found 53 bags of human remains buried in the ground.
So that was a dog with a severed human hand.
I know you're saying it's old news.
No, no, no.
No, the old news was that a dog was seen carrying a severed head.
Good, so that's the confusing part.
So, not long ago there was in Zacatecas, Mexico, there was a dog carrying a severed human head, which was also followed back to the mass burial, where they found, you know, lots of dead bodies.
So don't confuse the story about the Mexican dog with a severed hand, that tracked back to a big pile of dead bodies.
That's different from the story of the dog with a severed head, The track back to a pile of bodies.
Now, I'm not psychic, but I'm going to make a prediction.
I feel within two weeks there's going to be a story about a Mexican dog with a severed foot that will, wait for it, wait for it, lead back to a mass grave of other bodies.
We'll just see how I do.
See how I do.
I just feel like that's coming.
So, nothing to worry about in Mexico there.
Now, let me ask you this.
Do you think the average Mexican citizen would object to the American military wiping out the cartel?
Cartel is multiple cartels.
Do you think the average Mexican citizen would be opposed to the American military saying, look, we're just going to have to save you.
You guys need some saving.
So we're just gonna kill your bad guys for a while.
I feel like the citizens wouldn't be that opposed.
I mean, there's always gonna be, you know, screaming.
I feel like you could get 60% of the citizens on board just to say, well, we'll wait and see how this turns out.
Let's not judge this too soon.
Let's see how it turns out.
Yeah, now of course plenty of people would be nationalists and plenty of people would be benefiting from the cartels and so you're always going to get lots of, you'll always get lots of, you know, disagreement on anything.
But I got a feeling a lot of the public would be okay with it.
I mean, if you've got dogs carrying around body parts where you live, you're going to be looking for an alternative.
All right.
As was noted, CNN might not have tweeted this or had this news story a year ago.
Here's the actual headline on CNN talking about the vaccinations.
New boosters add limited protection against COVID-19 illness.
Did you expect CNN ever to say that the boosters don't help that much?
Yeah?
Yeah.
Now, can we take a moment to once again Give CNN a little bit of credit.
Every time they do something right, I feel like I should call it out.
And this looks like straight reporting to me.
That's just straight reporting.
So good job.
As far as that goes.
So I have a theory.
The Democrats vote mostly for policy and Republicans vote mostly for personality.
Leadership, I'd say.
Now, of course, both sides consider all variables.
They both consider the leadership.
They both consider the policies.
But do you think that you could ever get a Democrat?
I'm sorry.
Do you think you could get a Republican candidate like, let's say, with just the general capabilities of Biden, Fetterman, Adam Schiff, or Swalwell?
I mean, I feel like Republicans say, first, we're going to start with, are you a functioning human being?
You have some leadership skills.
And you say, well, Trump, lots of leadership skills.
DeSantis, lots of leadership skills.
Abbott, leadership skills.
And Lindsey Graham exists.
Yeah, lots of exceptions.
Lots of exceptions, of course.
But in our current mode, Don't you think that the Democrats can literally run anybody?
Am I wrong?
I think the Democrats are okay with having somebody who's just like a seat filler or a proxy for the policies that they like.
I think as long as they get their policies, they don't really care who it is.
And I feel like the Republicans are a little bit more, maybe more tuned to strength of leadership.
You know, maybe, isn't there some science about that, that Republicans are like strong leaders?
I think I saw that.
So it kind of makes sense.
It kind of makes sense that there's no bench for the Democrats, but it might not make any difference at all.
In fact, I'm going to predict that the quality of the candidate for president probably won't be a factor, at least on the Democrat side.
But on the Republican side, if the Republicans are not all happy with the leadership qualities of the candidate, that's a problem.
So I think you could get Democrats to vote for literally any individual, as long as they're a Democrat.
But I feel like Republicans are going to be a little more judgy about the leadership capabilities of the specific person.
So that's a problem for Trump.
Have you ever seen a time when we had fewer genuine leaders in this country?
Is it my imagination that leadership is largely gone away?
Right?
It seems like there's an enormous vacuum.
And I don't mean, I don't just mean that Biden is weak.
That's part of the story.
But it feels like nobody's strong.
Right?
Because Trump has been suppressed and he's off of Twitter and everything else, even though Musk is teasing him back with funny memes, which is hilarious.
But we've never had less leadership.
And I feel like some of that void is being filled by the internet dads.
You know, the actual internet dads influence.
So there's definitely a shift happening, I think.
And more to my point, some of the most provocative or, let's say, what do I want to say?
Extreme?
I don't know.
Candidates on the right.
Think about the people who get the most criticism on the right.
Let's say Marjorie Taylor Greene and Boebert.
Let's just pick two of those characters.
Don't you notice that both of them are both strong leaders?
Like personality-wise, they just like Scream leadership.
But you might not like some things they do, you might not like some things they said, you might not like their policies.
But wouldn't you agree that they're both very strong, charismatic leaders?
So you can dislike them for any number of things, but you can't deny that when they're on camera, they project strength.
It's a very Republican thing.
I'm not saying it's good or bad.
It's just an observation that could explain a few things.
All right.
And the Republicans don't really have... The Republicans are in real trouble, you know, right?
Because if you say to yourself, well, you got Trump.
If people decide him, you know, he's been president, so that's a strong choice.
And then you look at your Republican bench and you say, Scott, Scott, Scott.
That Republican bench looks pretty strong.
What's it going to look like after Trump is done with them?
It's going to look like you're going to have a Trump that, you know, a third or more of Republicans aren't happy with.
And then all of the options will be destroyed.
So we're not going to have much left to choose from, you know, by the time we're done.
All right.
Did you see the spokesperson for Biden, Karine Jean, what's her name?
Why can I never remember her name?
Jean Pierre.
Okay, whatever.
But her answer about fentanyl coming across the border was that the Biden administration has caught a record amount of fentanyl.
They have interdicted a record amount.
So that's pretty good, right?
They got a record amount that they captured coming across the border.
I'll tell you, there's nothing that makes me more angry than when somebody is bullshitting you and they don't bother to make it look like maybe they're not.
If you ask, what are you doing about fentanyl, and the only answer is how much they caught at the border, and they don't tell you how much got through, as in, did more get through than ever?
Or is all that catching at the border reduced the total amount that got through?
Or is it possible you don't fucking know?
Because the only data I care about is what got through.
If you're telling me what didn't get through, You're not talking in the same conversation.
Oh, very good.
I'm glad you caught it.
Good job.
Go catch some more.
But it has nothing to do with understanding what the problem is.
If you are going to insult the public with that answer of how much you caught and completely ignore the fact that you don't know how much got through, you suck.
Like, you're a shitty person.
And I can't respect you whatsoever.
Because if you're going to shit on me, like I'm so fucking stupid that I can't tell the difference between what got through and what got caught, and I'm going to fall for this misdirection, then you think I'm a fucking idiot.
Right?
And you treat me like a fucking idiot, and it's going to come back.
It's going to come back.
You know, I think the spokesperson is either a liar, an asshole, or completely incompetent.
Which is it?
Pick one.
Pick one.
I don't care which one you pick.
I know you want me to use the C word, but I can't give it away gratuitously.
By the way, for the purposes of this criticism, I identify as non-binary.
I'm just non-binary as long as I'm criticizing the spokesperson.
As soon as I move to the next topic, right back.
Right back to my old identity of adult blackmail.
All right.
I think the biggest risk to humanity is not just the teachers' unions.
I think it's the bad relationship advice on social media.
I'm not joking.
No joke.
The biggest risk to America, anyway.
is the bad relationship advice on social media.
My God is it bad.
My God.
Let me give you just an idea of the types of bad advice we're getting.
Number one, my favorite, is advice that only works if the two adults are both functional humans who really have their shit together.
That addresses almost fucking nobody.
If we were functional, you know, we, any couple, if you were functional, you probably didn't need much advice in the first place.
But very few, how often do two functional people get together?
Have you ever heard anybody talk about their divorce?
Do they ever say, you know, I was very functional and so was my partner, but, you know, it didn't work out for some reason?
No.
They always say the other person is batshit crazy or a narcissist, right?
Right?
The guy is always abusive, narcissist, and the woman's always batshit crazy, you know, even if they're not.
So there's no such thing as these two functional people getting together and working through their issues with their good tools.
I think that happens for some people.
So if you're giving advice that can only work in the rarest of situations, It doesn't help.
Now this is analogous to my criticism of success advice.
Do you know what kind of advice doesn't help?
Success advice that only works for really smart people.
Because you might not be one.
Right?
So when I talk about forming a talent stack, or that systems are better than goals, do you notice that that works for everybody?
I don't know if anybody's picked that up, but probably the two most important contributions I'll make to civilization is the talent stack idea, putting together talents that work well together, and having a system as opposed to a goal.
Those two things work for everybody.
Smart people, dumb people, criminals, non-criminals.
So that's good generic advice.
But man, when I hear the advice about learn to code, maybe.
But I'm not sure everybody can learn to code.
Right?
That's not good advice.
So same with relationships.
Here's another category.
Advice that made a lot of sense in the 50s.
I'm seeing a lot of advice That was just perfect for the 50s.
But things have changed a little bit.
And your old traditional situation, it might have been better.
The traditional family, it might have been better.
But you're not going back.
Sort of the horse got out of the barn there a little bit.
So that advice is a little bit of a problem.
How about number three?
I'm seeing advice for men that's so honest it would end human reproduction.
Advice for men that's so honest about what women want and how hard it is to satisfy them and what happens if you get married.
I've seen more honest advice than I've ever seen in my life.
Honest advice would end civilization.
Because the only reason we do things that make civilization go forward is because we're hypnotized by civilization to think that we should do things a certain way that helps reproduction.
If you were just looking out for yourself, probably you would make different decisions.
But, you know, we're sort of reproduction optimized.
So we're going to reproduce, no matter what.
And I would say Andrew Taint is on that list.
So they're the men who say, you tell the woman exactly what you will put up with, and then if she crosses that line, there's no forgiveness, you just walk away and break it off.
How does that advice work in the real world?
If you're Andrew Taint, it probably works great for him.
It might be perfect, because he's got resources, and he can travel the world, and he can just get rid of one girl and get another.
Now, suppose everybody took his advice, and you all said, you give me shit once, and I'm out of here.
I'm in charge.
I'm in charge, that's how this is going to work.
As soon as you stop understanding that, well, you're free.
Go make it somewhere else.
Do you think that would work?
No, it would end all reproduction.
The only reason we reproduce is because men don't quite realize That the evolutionary purpose of a woman is to drain a man's resources and transfer it to children.
If you see humans as a machine, like if you're looking at an engine, you'd say, all right, the carburetor does this, the spark plugs do this.
If you just look at humanity as a machine, the purpose of women is to take resources from men and not to leave them alive or healthy.
Nobody needs that.
All you need is the kids to be alive and healthy.
If the kids are doing good, then reproduction has been satisfied.
And that's all evolution cares about.
Evolution never said, hey, let's make men happy.
Instead, it went cheap.
Instead of making men happy, I don't know how you'd do it, but it'd be hard.
Men have been designed by evolution, apparently, to believe that tomorrow is going to be better.
If they just give the woman what she's asking for, she won't be unhappy tomorrow, because she will have solved her problem.
And if men did not have the illusion that women have problems that can be solved, and then everything's good, because the problem is solved, if we could ever get out of that illusion, everything would break.
But men stay with it because we're pretty sure that was just a temporary problem.
I'm sure that that won't happen again tomorrow.
And maybe it doesn't, but it's a different thing.
So here's the most important thing you need to know about women.
They are designed to keep their man unhappy.
Because if the man is happy, he's not going to do anything for them.
If the woman projects herself as being unhappy, the man will say, all right, all right, you're ruining my whole day.
I'll give you that thing.
And then tomorrow, because I solved this problem, tomorrow is going to be good.
At least tomorrow is going to work out.
And then the woman realizes that this happy man isn't going to give her anything.
So she gets unhappy again.
And then the guy says, all right, one more day.
I'll just do this other thing.
Repeat forever.
Now, if men understood this, and I could even tell you and like we're so trained to not see the world that way, that I can't just tell you and then you can see it.
But am I wrong?
Imagine, just take your own relationship and imagine you took Andrew Tain's advice.
And men, let me ask you this, married men, He takes advice.
If your woman doesn't give you what you want, you just walk out.
You say, we're done.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, we're done.
How would that work in your life?
It wouldn't work at all.
It wouldn't work at all.
Because you're not Andrew Tate, and you can't get on your private jet and go to another country and woo some Romanian girl that doesn't know you.
Now, I'm not saying he hasn't worked out a good system for himself.
And I compliment him for that.
Andrew Tate is doing a great career, financial, energy monster kind of job for himself.
For himself.
But I don't think his advice is going to work for all of you, necessarily.
Here's another category.
Advice for women about what men want, as if giving men what they want would make women happy.
I keep hearing, you know, women, you have to know that men need some quiet time and they need to be appreciated.
And the advice sounds really good.
Sounds really good.
Like, wow.
Seems like those are all the things a man would want.
Do you know what's wrong with that advice?
You're giving advice to somebody who doesn't want that advice.
They know how to make the man happy.
They keep him unhappy intentionally.
Because making him happy would be terrible for them.
They wouldn't get what they wanted, like I just said.
They have to keep him slightly unhappy all the time.
That's their entire operating system.
There's no second way to do it.
Unless you have some rare, very functional people.
Here's one.
This is just me being an asshole.
So I'll say it first so you don't have to.
So the fifth one on my list is just me being a little bit of an asshole.
And the fifth one is advice from relationship experts who spend most of their time on the road.
I'm just going to let that sit there.
You know what?
Yeah, I don't want to hear shit.
I do not want to hear relationship advice from somebody who doesn't have to be home very much.
You know what I mean?
I feel like we'd all do a little bit better if we weren't home.
And that's especially what I feel when I hear, and to be honest, if you haven't picked it up, a lot of this is a indirect criticism of Jordan Peterson's relationship advice.
Now, Jordan Peterson is genuinely A super smart guy.
And when he says things, they always make sense.
Right?
And if people could do the things that he's recommending, they'd probably be great.
But I think he does advice for functional people who largely don't exist.
And he models being away from home a lot, because it seems like he gets around.
I don't know.
I feel like that's got to be part of it.
And he said something that I saw yesterday, I don't know when he said it, but I saw a clip of Jordan Peterson saying that being a high-character man and building a functional relationship, and especially a family, is really the only thing that's going to make you happy when you reach the age of 60.
Have you ever heard him say that?
When you reach a certain age, all of your cheap joy and cheap sex and all that, that's not going to feed you once you're 60.
What are you going to do?
Still be a playboy at 60?
Now, interestingly, he just turned 60.
That's his age.
I was sitting there before I heard that at age 65, I was sitting there thinking, damn, I just have good days lately.
Like ever since I got off that pharmaceutical nightmare a few, several weeks ago.
But I've had nothing but good days.
Like I wake up and I go, oh man, I'm going to like have a nice walk in the sun.
I'm going to get a massage later.
Like I'll just do one good thing after another.
I'll go play with my dog.
Even the work I do is work I don't mind doing.
I mean, arguably, this is work, but barely.
And I was thinking to myself, I was perfectly happy.
And then I listened to Jordan Peterson tell me that I was empty and had no chance of happiness because I'm not in the family.
And I thought, hmm, maybe.
We'll see.
He could be right about that.
All right.
Did you hear CNN playing a cell phone conversation of a Russian soldier in Ukraine calling his girlfriend and complaining about the Russian leadership?
Now, I guess the summary of that is that the Russian soldier said that the leadership got shelled.
And they packed up and they moved further away from the front line.
But they didn't move their troops further from the front line.
They didn't move the troops further.
And the soldier was like, what the hell?
Like, we're just getting, apparently half of them had been wiped out.
And the soldier was talking about murdering their own commanders.
Now, I don't know if it's just one guy spouting off to his girlfriend, but he actually said it.
They were getting ready to go just kill their own commander.
And, you know, who knows how representative it is?
But one of the things that the soldier said is that if it wasn't for this, you know, ragtag bunch of people who are, half of them have been killed and they don't want to be there, that that's the only thing keeping Ukraine from marching to Moscow.
And I thought to myself, have the Russian soldiers been told that they're protecting Moscow?
Do you think that they believe, maybe they've been propagandized, that Ukraine is the aggressor?
Do they believe that Ukraine is the aggressor?
Because maybe.
I mean, you are ignorant concerning Jordan Peterson, Iglesias says.
Aren't we all?
How could I not be ignorant about Jordan Peterson?
Would I not need to read his mind to have a complete picture?
I suppose you've done that?
Have you done the work?
Did some research?
Dug a little deeper?
Developed a machine that could read his mind?
Complete all the picture?
Fill in all the dots?
All right.
Well, I just want to mock you a little bit for that.
All right.
Student loans.
Let me summarize.
Everything that you hear out of Ukraine is propaganda.
You know, I just have to remind you, because every once in a while people say, how did Scott, you know, believe that propaganda?
I don't believe it.
I'm just saying it exists.
You shouldn't believe anything out of Ukraine.
It is entirely possible that the Russian troops are right at the point of total collapse.
But I wouldn't bet on it.
Right?
It's possible.
So the White House found a new way to screw the country by extending the student loan repayment until June 2023.
And that's an interesting time, because doesn't that mean that it would expire before the election?
Is that when they want it to expire?
Because then it looks like the Democrats Picked something that would expire.
I think they want to make it look like it's the Republicans' fault.
I suppose they could spin it that way.
But anyway, it's as weasel plans go.
It's a pretty weasel-y plan.
The fact that they're selling to their idiot base, that they're actually going to be able to get away with this loan repayment stuff.
It's just amazing to me.
All right, I want to give you my favorite story of the day.
You know, as you know, I have a mascot.
Does everybody know who my mascot is?
I want to make sure that I've got the word on you.
It's Keith Olbermann.
Now, the way this works is that a mascot is somebody who starts as just a critic, but if they're really, really good at it or really energetic, and really entertaining, then they rise to the level of mascot.
So in my life, Keith Olbermann has been criticizing me for 20 years.
And it's all crazy and funny.
So once I realized he was my mascot, then I look forward to every time I hear from him.
So it just sort of turns it into a positive.
But Tim Poole got himself a mascot.
And maybe a better one than mine.
I mean, I thought Olbermann would be hard to top, but Tim Poole, he got himself a good mascot.
I'm going to play it for you.
He molests the little kids like that.
Go get him, Boy Scouts!
Go get him, priests!
Please vote for our molesters and our pedophiles, Republicans say!
Republicans, you're guilty!
Okay?
And I'll tell you right now, the number one reason they constantly talk about pedophilia is because it's going through their heads.
Non-stop, they're thinking about kids.
I guarantee it.
The reason Ted Poole wears a beanie is because he's trying to contain the pedophilia that's in his head.
That's why he's always talking about it.
He's seeing it everywhere.
Why?
Because he's projecting!
And the right wing's like, yes!
I love how they molest the little kids like that!
Go get them, Boy Scouts!
Go get them, priests!
Please vote for our molesters and our pedophiles, Republicans say!
Republicans, you're guilty!
Okay?
And I'll tell you right now, the number one reason they constantly talk about pedophilia is because it's going through their heads.
Non-stop, they're thinking about kids.
I guarantee it.
The reason... So, uh...
Tim Pool retweets it.
"You know you've done a bad job as a critic "when the target of your criticism retweets it "and the first part of the retweet is, 'LOL.'" So Tim Pool says, "LOL, OMG, this is amazing." It's weird because I'm not Catholic, conservative, or Republican.
Like, they can't understand that independents oppose them, too.
Anyone who isn't in the cult is Republican.
And he says, Cenk, I love you, buddy.
Which is perfect.
So if you want a lesson on how to handle your craziest people, retweet them.
Just give them an LOL retweet and let people decide for themselves.
So that was about as perfect as it could be.
And my other favorite story... Elon Musk finds a closet full of Stay Woke shirts at Twitter.
So everything that you imagined about Twitter is apparently true.
#Woke, the t-shirts.
Here we are at the merch thing that I visit.
So, everything that you imagined about Twitter is apparently true.
Like, everything you imagined that could be maybe not quite ideal, it was all true.
Now, may I add my own suggestion?
I think Elon Musk should take all these shirts and give them to the homeless.
Not only that, but I think I think that Republicans should make lots more shirts that also have Democrat slogans on them, and also give them to the homeless.
In fact, I would give the homeless free clothes forever, as long as the free clothing had a pro-Democrat statement on it.
And by the way, I wouldn't have anything anti-Democrat.
It would be their own, it would be like, vote for Hillary, you know, Joe Biden is my president, you know, that sort of thing.
And just make it free, but, you know, good enough quality, and, you know, clean, and maybe even do a laundry service.
Imagine offering laundry service for the homeless.
Like, actually, literally wash their clothes, but also part of that, provide them new, fresher clothes that have Democrat slogans on them.
Come on, you love that idea.
It's Democrats for Fentanyl.
That would be funny.
All right.
And I saw a parody on Twitter that I honestly couldn't tell.
I had to tweet to ask if it was parody or real.
I didn't care.
So it was somebody saying that they were a fired fact checker at Twitter.
And it was so spot on of what looks like it could have been an actual fired fact checker at Twitter that I couldn't tell.
It was hilarious.
But I didn't know if it was hilarious because it was parody, or it was hilarious because it was real.
I actually couldn't tell.
Like, legitimately.
Legitimately, I didn't even have the best guess.
Now, it turns out it was parody.
And it was labeled parody in the profile.
But I didn't want to check.
Like, obviously, I could have checked in a second, right?
But I didn't want to look, because I didn't want to know if it was parody.
I didn't want to know.
I just wanted to enjoy it for its beauty.
Without knowing for a while.
Here's another in the category of things you suspected that turns out are totally true.
I saw Dinesh D'Souza tweet where he was talking about Twitter and said that the censorship was deployed as a one-way operation against conservatives.
All right, so that's a big statement, right?
That's the sort of conspiracy theory statement you would have heard, you know, a year and a half ago, and you would have said, well, that just sounds like, you know, Dinesh is making just a purely political statement, right?
So censorship has been deployed as a one-way operation against conservatives.
And then Elon Musk replies in the comments with one word.
Correct.
Correct.
Now, Do you think that Elon Musk now knows exactly how things were being censored and why?
Probably.
Probably.
Probably Musk knows exactly who got censored and why.
And as someone else pointed out, maybe it was Dinesh pointed out, I think Dinesh pointed out, that you're not seeing a bunch of banned leftists coming back on the platform.
You know why?
Because there weren't any.
There weren't any.
It was exactly what you thought it was.
It was just a way to suppress conservatives, apparently.
All right.
So, ladies and gentlemen, I feel like there was a few funny stories that I missed.
Oh, the Krasenstein brothers?
Yeah.
Kathy Griffin.
Well, Kathy Griffin was sort of a special case, wasn't she?
I thought it was funny and smart that Musk brought Kathy Griffin back in the first wave of people brought back, because that showed he was at least considering both sides of the aisle for comebacks.
I thought that was just a smart way to play it.
Do I have a MyPillow promo code?
I don't.
I do need some new pillows, though.
I should get some.
Now, how many of you are noticing an improvement in the troll criticism activity on Twitter?
I would say that my troll traffic is down at least 80%.
In fact, I'll even go further.
The people who criticize me now might actually be real people.
They might actually just be people who disagree with me.
It feels very different.
I can feel my metabolism doesn't do the same thing it did even a year ago on Twitter.
A year ago on Twitter, I could feel my body catch on fire after a few tweets.
But that doesn't happen now.
When I check Twitter now, it feels like a pleasant, informational, humorous kind of experience, doesn't it?
It feels very different.
Now, here's my question.
100% of my tweets still instantly get a spam.
I think you've all seen it.
It pretends to be Elon Musk giving away something.
Right?
But it's all fake.
But it's instant, and it's as soon as I tweet.
How in the world can Twitter not stop that?
Because the content of the tweet is always the same.
They don't have any way to instantly look for, you know, Elon Musk is not giving away any bitcoins or whatever the hell this is.
You've never seen it?
Are you serious?
It's in every one of my tweets, including today.
It happens instantly.
Let me do a test.
Let me do a test.
I'm going to do a non, like just a nothing tweet.
Testing how long before the spam hits my comments.
Because I do wonder if anybody's watching to see if the content of my tweet is one that they want to connect to.
So I don't know if it's content related.
So I'm going to tweet this.
And if it's automatic, the spam will be there.
Usually it's the first comment.
So let's just test it.
Let's test that tweet, if any of you are watching it at the same time.
All right.
The first two comments are not spam.
So it's possible that there are humans deciding which ones to attach the spam to?
Do you think that's how it works?
You think a human is doing it?
Because it happens so quickly, it looks like it's automated.
If it doesn't pop up in like a minute, then I won't believe it's automated.
Let's see.
Show more replies.
Of course, there are more replies on this one than normal, of course.
All right, well, I don't see it, so I just, I guess I don't know if it's automatic.
Erica the Excellent has already weighed in on this tweet.
And you're right.
You're correct, Erica.
All right.
Is there any stories I missed that don't involve mass tragedies?
What about Kanye's tweet about asking Trump to be his running mate?
Oh, did he do that?
Well... Oh, Alex Berenson and Tom Elliott are in a Twitter argument on weed?
So Berenson was sort of anti-weed, right?
So there's one statistic that I follow for weed.
It's life expectancy.
The only study I've seen comparing frequent weed users with the rest of the public showed that their life expectancy was greater than the regular public.
Now, I don't trust studies, so I'd have to see more.
But what I don't trust is the ones that say, this looks like weed is even worse for your lungs than whatever.
Because it feels like All those things are suggestive of a problem that doesn't show up in total mortality.
And until it shows up in total mortality... Have you ever heard of anybody dying of a weed-related problem?
Have you ever heard, he didn't smoke cigarettes, but he died of lung cancer?
I've never heard of it.
I mean, maybe it happens.
Alley is still suspended.
Ellie Alexander is still expended, somebody says.
Yeah, he's going to be an edge case, too.
Oh, I forgot my best joke.
Can you mentally go back with me in time?
I've got to rewind, all right?
This will be worth it.
Watch this.
It'll be just like this.
It hadn't already happened, and you hadn't already watched it.
So Tim Poole has a new mascot, Cenk Uyghur?
Uyghur?
I don't know how to pronounce his last name.
And you may know Cenk.
He's the poor man's Alex Jones.
OK, that's all I wanted to do.
Now back where we were.
He's the poor man's Alex Jones.
Come on, that's pretty good.
By the way, this is one of my favorite jokes, or joke structures.
I love the joke structure when you say somebody is the poor man's somebody else, because you can do it for almost anybody.
You can find somebody who just sort of reminds you of them and is, you know, worse or better in some way, and then you say they're the poor man.
It's always funny.
Somebody says, I'm the poor man's Jordan Petersons.
See?
See?
That's perfect.
And that works.
Yeah, calling me the poor man's Jordan Peterson is perfect.
That is the exact... That's how you do that.
Well executed.
Well executed.
Now, I try to be consistent on the following point.
If somebody criticizes me or insults me in a way that's legitimately funny, I'm just going to go with the joke.
I'll just ignore the criticism.
Yeah, because usually it's about the joke, not the criticism.
And I'll just appreciate it.
I appreciate a good joke at my expense.
If it's well, well formed and you know, you're going for the laugh, that's fine.
Yay tweeted you, is that Bar Lago?
Do you think that Do you think that anything can redeem Kanye when he does the, you know, I'm Jewish stuff?
Here's how he could redeem himself.
Kanye could just deny and say, you know, all that, I'm more Jewish than the Jewish people.
You know, I did some more research and I found out that, you know, that wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
The research didn't pan out.
And then just say, I did more work and now I changed my mind.
Could he do that?
If you saw Kanye say, you know, everybody criticized me, I looked into it, and I gotta say, that was just a mistake.
I believe he could pull that off.
He could pull that off.
Because you know what?
You know what America really forgives?
What is it that America is really forgiving for?
We forgive honest mistakes when somebody owns it.
If you own your mistake, people are way okay with you.
And I always thought that was part of Trump's magic.
If Trump had said, elect me president, yay is the poor man's Kanye, That's pretty good.
Part of Trump's magic is that he never told you he was a high character person.
And so when things, you know, accusations came out that would go to his character, you would say, ah, oh yeah, you did tell us that.
I guess that was pretty transparent.
He actually said, running for president, I'm no angel.
I'm no angel.
That is the clearest statement you could ever get.
That if you dig around, you're going to find some stuff you don't like.
But that's not what I'm proposing as president.
As president, I'm proposing to do these things for you.
I'm not proposing to date you.
Right?
I'm not proposing to sexually harass you.
So you could care about it, but that's not my proposition.
So I'll give you that that's, you got some things in my closet there you're not going to like.
Yeah.
So I think that Ye is a sympathetic character.
Meaning that people are primed to want to like him.
Would you agree?
I think people are primed to want to like him.
So all you have to do is just give us a path.
But he made it impossible.
Because what am I going to say?
Oh, I agree with the guy saying anti-Semitic things.
Like, it just cuts me off.
Like, I'm not going to go there.
So, he has to fix that.
But I want him to.
I would like him to fix it.
I would like us all to learn something from it.
Yay.
Literally.
And then move on.
I'd be fine with that.
You know, I don't think yay has ever told us he's complete, has he?
Has Ye ever said, you know, I've got my shit completely together, you know, why don't you be more like me?
Quite the opposite.
Quite the opposite.
He has always told you that he's basically a mess who happens to be an artistic genius.
Both true.
He's an artistic genius.
Maybe a business genius until recently.
And he's also a mess.
But he's transparent about it.
you know, mental problems and all.
Ice Cube passed up $9 million because of the jab, and so he lost some work because of it.
Is that what you're saying?
Yeah.
He's still interesting though.
All right.
Anybody watching the World Cup?
I guess Lionel Messi, his team, lost to Saudi Arabia.
Wow.
That was a shocker.
If you don't follow soccer, you don't realize what a world-bending shocker that was.
Now, here's a little tip for you.
If you don't like watching soccer, and that would be common of a number of Americans, Spend five minutes looking for highlight reels of Lionel Messi scoring goals.
And it's not like watching soccer, right?
Soccer is a lot of people trying stuff that doesn't work.
Oh, I tried that pass, but somebody got it.
Oh, I tried to get past that guy, but he stopped me.
It's like a whole bunch of people who aren't quite good enough to play soccer playing soccer, it looks like.
And then Lionel Messi will just dribble through like 13 of them in a row and then score this ridiculous goal into the corner.
And you watch that and you say, I don't know what I even saw.
Like, I don't even know how any of that's possible.
And you also have to remember that Messi was told he was too small to play professional soccer.
Because he's small.
And he's the best player in the world.
So, you know, I guess maybe I root for him for, you know, overcoming that obstacle as well.
But when you watch Lionel Messi, it's not like watching soccer.
You're watching, it almost looks like it's not possible.
It looks like magic or something.
So do yourself a favor.
Five minutes of Lionel Messi YouTube highlight reel.
It'll just blow your mind.
You won't believe people can do what he does.
He was put on GHG during puberty, was he?
How tall is he?
Alexa, how tall is Lionel Messi?
He's 5'7".
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, I believe that's just about all I have for today.
This might be the best live stream you've ever seen.
Tom Brady is the poor man's Lido Messi.
Okay.
Maybe there is a limit to that.
There might be a limit to how well that joke works.
Exception to the rule.
All right.
Yeah, the news was interesting, but there wasn't much of it today.
So I'm gonna go do some other stuff.
And all of you have a great day on YouTube.
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