Dec. 9, 2020 - Rubin Report - Dave Rubin
11:09
| 
| Speaker | Time | Text |
|---|---|---|
| How's it going, everybody? | ||
| It's your friendly neighborhood Dave Rubin. | ||
| You normally see me wandering the mean streets of Los Angeles with my dog, but today I am in the swamp. | ||
| I am in Washington, D.C., the most wretched hive of scum and villainy, and I am here wandering around. | ||
| First off, it's a complete ghost town. | ||
| There are no other humans here. | ||
| I'm in a zombie movie with no zombies. | ||
| That's what it feels like. | ||
| It's like, it has the eerie feeling of a zombie movie, and yet the zombies, I guess there's a little sun out so the zombies aren't coming outside, so I'm basically an I Am Legend right now. | ||
| I'm Will Smith and I need a dog. | ||
| I really do need a dog. | ||
|
unidentified
|
There's... There's cracks in the street. | |
| Plenty of cracks in the street in this dystopia. | ||
| Alright, well I am with another human here. | ||
| Alright, we got a thousand people in. | ||
| I am here with my agent slash bodyguard Kyle Kashuv, my secret service agent. | ||
| He's keeping me safe on the mean streets. | ||
| I will be shocked if you see another human in this video. | ||
| There's nobody anywhere. | ||
| Kyle lives here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If you don't wear a mask outside you'll be shot. | |
| Yeah. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These are the rules. | |
| Howitzer tank comes up and blasts you off. | ||
| Sometimes you go to jail if you're lucky. | ||
| There's nobody here. | ||
| We could run D.C. | ||
| You think Trump's even at the White House? | ||
| I feel like we could just walk in. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nancy Pelosi's taking her 7th nap of the day in Calabasas at the moment. | |
| She's not here. | ||
| Unbelievable. | ||
| You want to tell the people about your new mask problem? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yes. | |
| So Kyle's got an issue with masks. | ||
| You know, everyone, the mask thing, like I walked in, I went into an office and I did have to put a mask on. | ||
| I considered robbing them at gunpoint, but then at the last second I said, nah, I'll just go to the bathroom. | ||
|
unidentified
|
My mask is not as bougie as Dave's. | |
| Yeah, Kyle's got just the... But my issue, I've never had acne as a kid. | ||
| Never, never. | ||
| And now it's popping over everywhere. | ||
| Adult acne. | ||
| That's one of the side effects of this thing. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| People talk about the side effects of COVID, but they're not talking about... Nobody talks about the side effects of my face breaking out. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Now, obviously, COVID is real. | |
| It's, you know... But, you know, this is... I can't wear makeup. | ||
| I can't. | ||
| I don't know how to put on makeup. | ||
| Right. | ||
| So the question is, do you want to shut down the world economy forever and usher in a new world order and have acne at the same time? | ||
|
unidentified
|
And then Amazon is gonna send you the skin supplies to, like, fix my face, and now this, this is the roundabout. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Anyway, as you can see, we have not seen another human being. | ||
| There's nobody. | ||
| There's nobody. | ||
| There's, oh wait, there's one woman across the way. | ||
|
unidentified
|
The only people who still are in D.C. | |
| are lobbyists, and they're de facto zombies. | ||
| So it is zombies! | ||
| Oh wait, I'm almost getting, oh there's a car. | ||
| There's a car with a man. | ||
| Alright, very exciting. | ||
|
unidentified
|
We can't find a place to eat in, like, in D.C. | |
| Yeah, we're trying to find a place to eat. | ||
| We're starving. | ||
| Everything's closed. | ||
| A lot of things boarded up. | ||
| I just like a turkey sandwich. | ||
| Could I get a turkey sandwich? | ||
| A wrap? | ||
| Maybe a salad? | ||
|
unidentified
|
Nothing is open. | |
| There's nothing, but we're out here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Listen, I'll take the phone. | |
| Listen. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It literally, it looks like... Every day we're fighting the good fight out here in D.C., okay? | |
| Every day. | ||
| No, we can't cross. | ||
| We'll get run over. | ||
| Listen, we're here fighting corruption. | ||
| I'm here fighting skin acne. | ||
| I do a lot for the people, for the American people. | ||
| People don't respect that. | ||
| People don't appreciate the full extent. | ||
| My audience respects it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For what I do for us. | |
| Anyway, so I'm in D.C. | ||
| for about 24 hours this afternoon. | ||
| I'm going to the White House Hanukkah party. | ||
| We're going to celebrate eight crazy nights, uh, of those pesky Jews surviving the Greeks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
If I post a photo that looks like champagne, it's not champagne, it's water. | |
| Yes. | ||
| Yes. | ||
| If I post a picture or a video drinking champagne, it most likely is champagne. | ||
| So yeah, we're, we're heading, we're heading to the White House in a little bit. | ||
| Um, I actually, just this morning I was just sitting having coffee at the, At the Trump Hotel, and I bumped into Judge Jeanine, who I've done her show a million times, but we'd actually never met in person, so it's kind of fun when you... No, no, we're going to a real restaurant, if there's a real restaurant. | ||
| But it's fun when you actually meet these people in real life, you know, because I think for you guys, too... | ||
| You just see, you see all of us. | ||
| How's it going, man? | ||
| How are you? | ||
| Alright, see, we saw real people! | ||
| We've been trying to find real people! | ||
| You guys are real human beings? | ||
| I'm on Periscope right now, is that cool? | ||
| Yeah, yeah. | ||
| So, finally, we were trying to find real people in D.C. | ||
| We couldn't find any. | ||
| You guys are real humans? | ||
| Not humanoids in any way? | ||
| Real fucking people, can you believe it? | ||
| Incredible, incredible. | ||
| Cool, good to meet you guys. | ||
| Alright, take it easy. | ||
| Real people. | ||
| Real Rubin Report people. | ||
| That's what I'm talking about, man. | ||
| Alright, that was incredible. | ||
| Did you see? | ||
| I touched the guy. | ||
| Do I have to disinfect my hand now? | ||
|
unidentified
|
You probably shouldn't say that publicly. | |
| Yeah. | ||
| Why? | ||
| It was just a fist bump. | ||
|
unidentified
|
No, I mean, now the FBI and CIA are on your ass. | |
| Oh, God. | ||
| This is how Dave goes to jail. | ||
| This is it, people. | ||
| This is it. | ||
| Alright, so... So, yeah. | ||
| So, I saw Judge Edine this morning. | ||
| And it's nice when you see, like, actual people. | ||
| I think one of the things happening right now is we don't see human beings anymore. | ||
| And if you do see human beings, you can see them like this. | ||
| And if they're wearing a hat, like this. | ||
| And with glasses, like this. | ||
| Now I understand why Kylo Ren took off the mask every now and again. | ||
| You know? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I'm not there yet on the Star Wars episode, so I haven't seen it. | |
| I'm working up. | ||
| I'm on episode six or five. | ||
| You didn't? | ||
| Watch it, watch it. | ||
| Let's not get killed here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Look at this. | |
| There's nobody anywhere. | ||
| Nobody. | ||
| There's a couple cars. | ||
| I don't know where they're going. | ||
| They're all fleeing. | ||
| Oh, by the way, if you see that little scar in my forehead, I was going to a rally in Los Angeles the other day. | ||
| The same day. | ||
| to rail against this woman, Sheila Kuhl, who's one of the city supervisors who shut down all the | ||
| all the outdoor meals, all the outdoor eating, and then she went for an outdoor meal. She literally | ||
| voted on it. This woman, who makes $300,000 a year to do jack shit, she voted to close all the | ||
| outdoor restaurants and then she went to an outdoor restaurant because she knew she had like a 24-hour | ||
| window before they all closed down. | ||
|
unidentified
|
These people are major hypocrites or there's something that they know that we don't. | |
| Like, they don't actually believe their own rules. | ||
| No, none of it. | ||
| No. | ||
| People, they're middle management morons who can't produce so they want to control other people. | ||
| That's it. | ||
| But anyway, so I go to this, I'm on the way to the rally. | ||
| What Dave isn't telling you is he got into a fight with Gavin Newsom and he didn't want to say it publicly. | ||
| They had an MMA match. | ||
| on the side of the door. | ||
|
unidentified
|
But Dave isn't telling you, because he got into a fight with Gavin Newsom, and he doesn't | |
| want to say it publicly. | ||
| They had an MMA match, it was pay-per-view. | ||
| I've been thinking about challenging them. | ||
|
unidentified
|
They've won. | |
| They've won. | ||
| I would challenge Newsom or Garcetti to a duel. | ||
| Like, maybe that's where this is all headed. | ||
| You know what I mean? | ||
| Like, we'll just have to have public duels now. | ||
| Like, good sir, you've closed down all the restaurants while you were racking up $15,000 booze bills at French Laundry. | ||
| I challenge you to a duel! | ||
|
unidentified
|
I would pay for this. | |
| I would pay for this. | ||
| People would pay for that. | ||
| It's the only way. | ||
| Anyway, I hope we see... It was nice, at least, that the only people we saw knew me, but where is everybody? | ||
| Like, is everyone just stuck at home? | ||
| Someone said my bodyguard looks high. | ||
| You're not high. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I look high. | |
| I'm actually not. | ||
| I'm not. | ||
| No, no. | ||
| He's not high. | ||
| Actually, you want to know a little insider information about Us Twitter people. | ||
| We're like Twitter people. | ||
| We're going to the White House. | ||
| Kyle forgot socks. | ||
| Well, not forgot socks. | ||
| He only had, like, ankle-high socks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I didn't want to repeat. | |
| I bought him... I only had these socks. | ||
| ...size socks. | ||
|
unidentified
|
For the record, I was willing to pay for it. | |
| Dave offered to pay. | ||
| So, obviously, I generously accepted. | ||
| Happy holidays. | ||
| And I forgot my belt. | ||
| And you can't go to the White House without a belt. | ||
| So, we went to H&M and we got the fanciest socks and belt. | ||
| There is nobody here. | ||
| I mean, I'm not, when I tell you this, I am not kidding. | ||
| There is, there is not a human. | ||
| I can literally run around naked in the street. | ||
|
unidentified
|
It's chilly. | |
| Shrinkage. | ||
| But like, there is no buddy here. | ||
| Yeah. | ||
| Oh, here's a guy. | ||
| Here's, there's, I see one man. | ||
| We're about to pass a man in a little bit. | ||
| He obviously is a government agent. | ||
| Hold on. | ||
| Let me, I don't want to. | ||
| Speak too loudly. | ||
| He's obvious. | ||
| This guy's up to no good. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| He's not wearing a mask. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Hold on. | |
| Hold on. | ||
| All right. | ||
| You see him? | ||
| That was shady. | ||
|
unidentified
|
I mean, this is how you destroy a country. | |
| You just shut down everything. | ||
| Yeah, this is how you destroy a country. | ||
| I mean, everything is shut down. | ||
| I love D.C., by the way. | ||
| You know, I joke about the swamp and everything else and politics and all of that, but D.C. | ||
| D.C., you know, so where, what part of town are we in right now? | ||
| We're basically in Capitol Hill, right? | ||
|
unidentified
|
We're near the National Mall. | |
| So we're right by the National Mall. | ||
| So the Capitol building, is that? | ||
| Right in front of us, that's the Capitol. | ||
| So that's the Capitol building right there. | ||
| Here, we'll walk towards that. | ||
| I mean, there's just nobody here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
You can't even go, I'm trying to get my brother a tour, you can't even go into the Senate unless, like, you work there. | |
| You can't. | ||
| You can't go inside. | ||
| Where's the Jefferson Memorial? | ||
| I know it's a little off the beat. | ||
| You know, maybe I'll do something in a little bit. | ||
| I got like two hours here. | ||
| Maybe I'll do something from the Jefferson Memorial, because it's not in the main path that all the memorials... Very far out, yeah. | ||
| People think of the Lincoln Memorial, obviously the Washington Monument, but the Jefferson Memorial really is wonderful. | ||
| And they have some of his writing etched in the wall, and it's really... | ||
| Quite amazing. | ||
| Do you know what any of these other buildings are? | ||
|
unidentified
|
As long as we're here? | |
| Government bureaucracy everywhere, but that's here. | ||
| That's the Capitol so you can see it. | ||
|
unidentified
|
That's the Capitol building right there. | |
| That's funny. | ||
| Someone made a good point. | ||
| I've got my bodyguard with me, but there's no other people out here. | ||
|
unidentified
|
Yeah. | |
| Oh, there's somebody doing construction. | ||
| That's good. | ||
| They're building the underground bunkers, I suppose. | ||
| Alright, we're gonna grab some lunch. | ||
| I assume, do people, you're allowed to eat? | ||
|
unidentified
|
I don't know, we'll figure it out. | |
| I don't know if you're actually allowed to eat inside. | ||
| I feel like I'm in Reservoir Dogs right now with this guy. | ||
| Look at this. | ||
|
unidentified
|
This is Mad Max. | |
| Alright, I'm gonna go eat something and then maybe we'll wander over to the Jefferson Memorial Or something else. | ||
| And I'll try to do something from the White House later. | ||
| We'll see what happens. | ||
| But anyway, man, it's weird. | ||
| It's weird. | ||
| This isn't how people are supposed to live. | ||
| You're supposed to live free. | ||
| You're supposed to wander around, have a little risk in life, see other humans. | ||
| God. | ||
| I had to be a radical revolutionary. | ||
| I just wanted to be a SportsCenter anchor. | ||
| You know that? | ||
| That's the truth. | ||
| I just wanted to be a SportsCenter anchor and now I gotta save the Republic. | ||
| What a headache. | ||
|
unidentified
|
All he wanted was to plan the NBA. | |
| Now he's doing live streams in Washington, D.C. | ||
| trying to save the Republic. | ||
| I know. | ||
| I know. | ||
| Alright, guys. | ||
| Thanks, everybody. | ||
| We'll check in later. | ||
| If you're looking for more honest and thoughtful conversations about politics instead of nonstop yelling, check out our politics playlist. | ||
| And if you want to watch full interviews on a variety of topics, watch our full episode playlist all right over here. |
Export Selection