Rubin Report - Dave Rubin - What DC Really Looks Like Under Lockdown, Dave Rubin Tours DC Swamp | DIRECT MESSAGE | Rubin Report Aired: 2020-12-09 Duration: 11:09 === No Other Humans Here (08:09) === [00:00:00] How's it going, everybody? [00:00:02] It's your friendly neighborhood Dave Rubin. [00:00:04] You normally see me wandering the mean streets of Los Angeles with my dog, but today I am in the swamp. [00:00:11] I am in Washington, D.C., the most wretched hive of scum and villainy, and I am here wandering around. [00:00:22] First off, it's a complete ghost town. [00:00:24] There are no other humans here. [00:00:26] I'm in a zombie movie with no zombies. [00:00:27] That's what it feels like. [00:00:28] It's like, it has the eerie feeling of a zombie movie, and yet the zombies, I guess there's a little sun out so the zombies aren't coming outside, so I'm basically an I Am Legend right now. [00:00:39] I'm Will Smith and I need a dog. [00:00:41] I really do need a dog. [00:00:42] There's... There's cracks in the street. [00:00:49] Plenty of cracks in the street in this dystopia. [00:00:52] Alright, well I am with another human here. [00:00:55] Alright, we got a thousand people in. [00:00:56] I am here with my agent slash bodyguard Kyle Kashuv, my secret service agent. [00:01:06] He's keeping me safe on the mean streets. [00:01:08] I will be shocked if you see another human in this video. [00:01:11] There's nobody anywhere. [00:01:13] Kyle lives here. [00:01:14] If you don't wear a mask outside you'll be shot. [00:01:18] Yeah. [00:01:19] These are the rules. [00:01:20] Howitzer tank comes up and blasts you off. [00:01:22] Sometimes you go to jail if you're lucky. [00:01:24] There's nobody here. [00:01:25] We could run D.C. [00:01:26] You think Trump's even at the White House? [00:01:27] I feel like we could just walk in. [00:01:28] Nancy Pelosi's taking her 7th nap of the day in Calabasas at the moment. [00:01:33] She's not here. [00:01:34] Unbelievable. [00:01:35] You want to tell the people about your new mask problem? [00:01:37] Yes. [00:01:38] So Kyle's got an issue with masks. [00:01:40] You know, everyone, the mask thing, like I walked in, I went into an office and I did have to put a mask on. [00:01:46] I considered robbing them at gunpoint, but then at the last second I said, nah, I'll just go to the bathroom. [00:01:51] My mask is not as bougie as Dave's. [00:01:53] Yeah, Kyle's got just the... But my issue, I've never had acne as a kid. [00:01:57] Never, never. [00:01:58] And now it's popping over everywhere. [00:02:00] Adult acne. [00:02:01] That's one of the side effects of this thing. [00:02:03] You know what I mean? [00:02:03] People talk about the side effects of COVID, but they're not talking about... Nobody talks about the side effects of my face breaking out. [00:02:09] Now, obviously, COVID is real. [00:02:10] It's, you know... But, you know, this is... I can't wear makeup. [00:02:14] I can't. [00:02:14] I don't know how to put on makeup. [00:02:15] Right. [00:02:16] So the question is, do you want to shut down the world economy forever and usher in a new world order and have acne at the same time? [00:02:23] And then Amazon is gonna send you the skin supplies to, like, fix my face, and now this, this is the roundabout. [00:02:27] Yeah. [00:02:28] Anyway, as you can see, we have not seen another human being. [00:02:31] There's nobody. [00:02:32] There's nobody. [00:02:33] There's, oh wait, there's one woman across the way. [00:02:35] The only people who still are in D.C. [00:02:36] are lobbyists, and they're de facto zombies. [00:02:38] So it is zombies! [00:02:40] Oh wait, I'm almost getting, oh there's a car. [00:02:42] There's a car with a man. [00:02:44] Alright, very exciting. [00:02:44] We can't find a place to eat in, like, in D.C. [00:02:46] Yeah, we're trying to find a place to eat. [00:02:48] We're starving. [00:02:49] Everything's closed. [00:02:50] A lot of things boarded up. [00:02:52] I just like a turkey sandwich. [00:02:54] Could I get a turkey sandwich? [00:02:55] A wrap? [00:02:56] Maybe a salad? [00:02:57] Nothing is open. [00:02:58] There's nothing, but we're out here. [00:03:02] Listen, I'll take the phone. [00:03:03] Listen. [00:03:03] Look at this. [00:03:04] It literally, it looks like... Every day we're fighting the good fight out here in D.C., okay? [00:03:08] Every day. [00:03:09] No, we can't cross. [00:03:09] We'll get run over. [00:03:11] Listen, we're here fighting corruption. [00:03:13] I'm here fighting skin acne. [00:03:14] I do a lot for the people, for the American people. [00:03:16] People don't respect that. [00:03:17] People don't appreciate the full extent. [00:03:19] My audience respects it. [00:03:20] For what I do for us. [00:03:22] Anyway, so I'm in D.C. [00:03:24] for about 24 hours this afternoon. [00:03:27] I'm going to the White House Hanukkah party. [00:03:29] We're going to celebrate eight crazy nights, uh, of those pesky Jews surviving the Greeks. [00:03:35] If I post a photo that looks like champagne, it's not champagne, it's water. [00:03:39] Yes. [00:03:39] Yes. [00:03:40] If I post a picture or a video drinking champagne, it most likely is champagne. [00:03:46] So yeah, we're, we're heading, we're heading to the White House in a little bit. [00:03:49] Um, I actually, just this morning I was just sitting having coffee at the, At the Trump Hotel, and I bumped into Judge Jeanine, who I've done her show a million times, but we'd actually never met in person, so it's kind of fun when you... No, no, we're going to a real restaurant, if there's a real restaurant. [00:04:05] But it's fun when you actually meet these people in real life, you know, because I think for you guys, too... [00:04:11] You just see, you see all of us. [00:04:13] How's it going, man? [00:04:14] How are you? [00:04:15] Alright, see, we saw real people! [00:04:16] We've been trying to find real people! [00:04:18] You guys are real human beings? [00:04:19] I'm on Periscope right now, is that cool? [00:04:21] Yeah, yeah. [00:04:22] So, finally, we were trying to find real people in D.C. [00:04:24] We couldn't find any. [00:04:25] You guys are real humans? [00:04:26] Not humanoids in any way? [00:04:29] Real fucking people, can you believe it? [00:04:30] Incredible, incredible. [00:04:32] Cool, good to meet you guys. [00:04:33] Alright, take it easy. [00:04:35] Real people. [00:04:37] Real Rubin Report people. [00:04:38] That's what I'm talking about, man. [00:04:41] Alright, that was incredible. [00:04:43] Did you see? [00:04:43] I touched the guy. [00:04:44] Do I have to disinfect my hand now? [00:04:45] You probably shouldn't say that publicly. [00:04:46] Yeah. [00:04:47] Why? [00:04:47] It was just a fist bump. [00:04:48] No, I mean, now the FBI and CIA are on your ass. [00:04:50] Oh, God. [00:04:51] This is how Dave goes to jail. [00:04:53] This is it, people. [00:04:54] This is it. [00:04:54] Alright, so... So, yeah. [00:04:56] So, I saw Judge Edine this morning. [00:04:58] And it's nice when you see, like, actual people. [00:05:00] I think one of the things happening right now is we don't see human beings anymore. [00:05:04] And if you do see human beings, you can see them like this. [00:05:06] And if they're wearing a hat, like this. [00:05:07] And with glasses, like this. [00:05:10] Now I understand why Kylo Ren took off the mask every now and again. [00:05:13] You know? [00:05:14] I'm not there yet on the Star Wars episode, so I haven't seen it. [00:05:17] I'm working up. [00:05:18] I'm on episode six or five. [00:05:19] You didn't? [00:05:20] Watch it, watch it. [00:05:20] Let's not get killed here. [00:05:21] Look at this. [00:05:22] There's nobody anywhere. [00:05:26] Nobody. [00:05:28] There's a couple cars. [00:05:29] I don't know where they're going. [00:05:29] They're all fleeing. [00:05:32] Oh, by the way, if you see that little scar in my forehead, I was going to a rally in Los Angeles the other day. [00:05:41] The same day. [00:05:41] to rail against this woman, Sheila Kuhl, who's one of the city supervisors who shut down all the [00:05:46] all the outdoor meals, all the outdoor eating, and then she went for an outdoor meal. She literally [00:05:50] voted on it. This woman, who makes $300,000 a year to do jack shit, she voted to close all the [00:05:58] outdoor restaurants and then she went to an outdoor restaurant because she knew she had like a 24-hour [00:06:01] window before they all closed down. [00:06:03] These people are major hypocrites or there's something that they know that we don't. [00:06:06] Like, they don't actually believe their own rules. [00:06:08] No, none of it. [00:06:09] No. [00:06:09] People, they're middle management morons who can't produce so they want to control other people. [00:06:13] That's it. [00:06:14] But anyway, so I go to this, I'm on the way to the rally. [00:06:17] What Dave isn't telling you is he got into a fight with Gavin Newsom and he didn't want to say it publicly. [00:06:24] They had an MMA match. [00:06:25] on the side of the door. [00:06:26] But Dave isn't telling you, because he got into a fight with Gavin Newsom, and he doesn't [00:06:28] want to say it publicly. [00:06:29] They had an MMA match, it was pay-per-view. [00:06:32] I've been thinking about challenging them. [00:06:34] They've won. [00:06:34] They've won. [00:06:35] I would challenge Newsom or Garcetti to a duel. [00:06:38] Like, maybe that's where this is all headed. [00:06:39] You know what I mean? [00:06:40] Like, we'll just have to have public duels now. [00:06:43] Like, good sir, you've closed down all the restaurants while you were racking up $15,000 booze bills at French Laundry. [00:06:50] I challenge you to a duel! [00:06:51] I would pay for this. [00:06:53] I would pay for this. [00:06:54] People would pay for that. [00:06:55] It's the only way. [00:06:56] Anyway, I hope we see... It was nice, at least, that the only people we saw knew me, but where is everybody? [00:07:03] Like, is everyone just stuck at home? [00:07:07] Someone said my bodyguard looks high. [00:07:09] You're not high. [00:07:10] I look high. [00:07:11] I'm actually not. [00:07:12] I'm not. [00:07:12] No, no. [00:07:13] He's not high. [00:07:14] Actually, you want to know a little insider information about Us Twitter people. [00:07:19] We're like Twitter people. [00:07:21] We're going to the White House. [00:07:22] Kyle forgot socks. [00:07:24] Well, not forgot socks. [00:07:25] He only had, like, ankle-high socks. [00:07:28] I didn't want to repeat. [00:07:29] I bought him... I only had these socks. [00:07:31] ...size socks. [00:07:32] For the record, I was willing to pay for it. [00:07:33] Dave offered to pay. [00:07:34] So, obviously, I generously accepted. [00:07:35] Happy holidays. [00:07:37] And I forgot my belt. [00:07:38] And you can't go to the White House without a belt. [00:07:40] So, we went to H&M and we got the fanciest socks and belt. [00:07:44] There is nobody here. [00:07:47] I mean, I'm not, when I tell you this, I am not kidding. [00:07:48] There is, there is not a human. [00:07:53] I can literally run around naked in the street. === Passing a Suspicious Figure (03:14) === [00:07:56] It's chilly. [00:07:58] Shrinkage. [00:07:59] But like, there is no buddy here. [00:08:04] Yeah. [00:08:04] Oh, here's a guy. [00:08:05] Here's, there's, I see one man. [00:08:06] We're about to pass a man in a little bit. [00:08:08] He obviously is a government agent. [00:08:10] Hold on. [00:08:10] Let me, I don't want to. [00:08:12] Speak too loudly. [00:08:13] He's obvious. [00:08:13] This guy's up to no good. [00:08:15] Hold on. [00:08:16] Hold on. [00:08:16] He's not wearing a mask. [00:08:18] Hold on. [00:08:18] Hold on. [00:08:20] All right. [00:08:23] You see him? [00:08:24] That was shady. [00:08:25] I mean, this is how you destroy a country. [00:08:27] You just shut down everything. [00:08:27] Yeah, this is how you destroy a country. [00:08:29] I mean, everything is shut down. [00:08:31] I love D.C., by the way. [00:08:32] You know, I joke about the swamp and everything else and politics and all of that, but D.C. [00:08:40] D.C., you know, so where, what part of town are we in right now? [00:08:43] We're basically in Capitol Hill, right? [00:08:44] We're near the National Mall. [00:08:45] So we're right by the National Mall. [00:08:49] So the Capitol building, is that? [00:08:50] Right in front of us, that's the Capitol. [00:08:51] So that's the Capitol building right there. [00:08:53] Here, we'll walk towards that. [00:08:55] I mean, there's just nobody here. [00:08:57] You can't even go, I'm trying to get my brother a tour, you can't even go into the Senate unless, like, you work there. [00:09:02] You can't. [00:09:02] You can't go inside. [00:09:04] Where's the Jefferson Memorial? [00:09:05] I know it's a little off the beat. [00:09:07] You know, maybe I'll do something in a little bit. [00:09:11] I got like two hours here. [00:09:14] Maybe I'll do something from the Jefferson Memorial, because it's not in the main path that all the memorials... Very far out, yeah. [00:09:20] People think of the Lincoln Memorial, obviously the Washington Monument, but the Jefferson Memorial really is wonderful. [00:09:25] And they have some of his writing etched in the wall, and it's really... [00:09:29] Quite amazing. [00:09:29] Do you know what any of these other buildings are? [00:09:31] As long as we're here? [00:09:39] Government bureaucracy everywhere, but that's here. [00:09:41] That's the Capitol so you can see it. [00:09:45] That's the Capitol building right there. [00:09:49] That's funny. [00:09:49] Someone made a good point. [00:09:50] I've got my bodyguard with me, but there's no other people out here. [00:09:53] Yeah. [00:09:54] Oh, there's somebody doing construction. [00:09:55] That's good. [00:09:57] They're building the underground bunkers, I suppose. [00:10:00] Alright, we're gonna grab some lunch. [00:10:05] I assume, do people, you're allowed to eat? [00:10:07] I don't know, we'll figure it out. [00:10:09] I don't know if you're actually allowed to eat inside. [00:10:11] I feel like I'm in Reservoir Dogs right now with this guy. [00:10:14] Look at this. [00:10:15] This is Mad Max. [00:10:16] Alright, I'm gonna go eat something and then maybe we'll wander over to the Jefferson Memorial Or something else. [00:10:24] And I'll try to do something from the White House later. [00:10:27] We'll see what happens. [00:10:28] But anyway, man, it's weird. [00:10:29] It's weird. [00:10:30] This isn't how people are supposed to live. [00:10:32] You're supposed to live free. [00:10:33] You're supposed to wander around, have a little risk in life, see other humans. [00:10:38] God. [00:10:40] I had to be a radical revolutionary. [00:10:42] I just wanted to be a SportsCenter anchor. [00:10:43] You know that? [00:10:44] That's the truth. [00:10:44] I just wanted to be a SportsCenter anchor and now I gotta save the Republic. [00:10:47] What a headache. [00:10:48] All he wanted was to plan the NBA. [00:10:49] Now he's doing live streams in Washington, D.C. [00:10:50] trying to save the Republic. [00:10:52] I know. [00:10:52] I know. [00:10:52] Alright, guys. [00:10:54] Thanks, everybody. [00:10:55] We'll check in later. [00:10:57] If you're looking for more honest and thoughtful conversations about politics instead of nonstop yelling, check out our politics playlist. [00:11:03] And if you want to watch full interviews on a variety of topics, watch our full episode playlist all right over here.