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Feb. 15, 2025 - The Roseanne Barr Podcast

01:37:14

Adam Carolla! The Roseanne Barr Podcast #87

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	Greetings Earthlings and humans and what have you.
	What are they called?
	Nephilim.
	What's the other one?
	Anunnaki.
	Anunnaki.
	Reptilians.
	Reptilians.
	All the other things everybody talks about on the internet.
	Greetings all.
	One and all.
	You'll all be learning a thing or two here.
	Welcome.
	And I forgot to say animals too.
	The smartest of all beings.
	Animals.
	So much smarter than us.
	For one thing, they don't have to bullshit themselves and lie every single fucking day.
	That's why they are smarter and better than us.
	But to all of you, welcome to the Roseanne Barr Podcast.
	Well, I'm so excited because you know when I get to talk to people that remind me of me.
	First of all, I'm my favorite.
	Person to think about, talk about, watch.
	I'm my biggest fan.
	But then when I can find another person who's on my same wavelength, I love it because it's very hard to find somebody who thinks like I do.
	And when I do find them, I'm just so excited.
	And I'm so excited to have a guest who is a comic and a fine comic and also a...
	I don't know what the word is.
	What do you call them when they came over here?
	The pilgrim.
	You're kind of like a pilgrim of internet talk.
	You're kind of like a master.
	Anyway, because you did the first podcast.
	Anyway, Adam Carolla.
	Hi, Adam.
	Hi, Roseanne.
	Thanks for having me.
	Thanks for being here.
	But you were like one of the first podcasters in the whole wide world, weren't you?
	I was early in it.
	I think...
	Coming up on my 16th year in a number of days, I think.
	I didn't really pioneer the podcast, but I'll take some credit for monetizing it and creating a business model.
	Because everybody used to want to do it, including me.
	I was doing it too, but found out it was only 1% of people who had...
	The internet who could access that level of tech at the time.
	This was in the 90s.
	But then when you did it, we all wanted to do it.
	And they had all these, I don't know what they're called, conventions about doing it.
	I remember sitting there with Dr. Spock.
	What was his name?
	He was considered the father of the internet at the time.
	Leonard Nimoy?
	Yeah.
	And they were talking about...
	Wait, that's Mr. Spock.
	Dr. Spock writes children's...
	He writes parenting books.
	Yeah, okay.
	But anyway, here nor there.
	Anyway, he was talking about as soon as they figure out how to monetize it, it's going to go huge.
	So that was like the late 90s, and nobody could figure that out.
	And then you did.
	Well, and I also sort of...
	One thing I did kind of invent was the live podcast, because we started doing live podcasts.
	Almost day one, because that's the only way we could monetize it, was to sell a ticket at a comedy club or a theater.
	So that was sort of the early way to monetize a podcast.
	For me, I'd worked in radio for a long time, and the radio model was you do a show, if the show's popular, then you get X amount of listeners.
	And if you get X amount of listeners, then you can sell that to advertisers.
	So when I went from radio, almost 15 years of radio, to podcasting, I just said, well, what we should do is just do a show and have it be a popular show, and then we'll sell it to advertisers.
	And everyone said, well, that's...
	Never going to happen.
	And I said, but why wouldn't it happen?
	And the number one answer for people telling you why stuff's not going to happen is really just because it hasn't happened.
	Right.
	They just go, that's not going to work.
	And I go, well, I don't get, what's the difference?
	What's the difference between a radio show and a podcast?
	People listen, it's popular, and they would just sell that to advertisers.
	And everyone said it wouldn't work.
	But I said, I bet it will.
	At some point, it's going to take a little while for people to acclimate.
	And then what happened is people who used to do sales for radio just started doing sales for my podcast.
	Instead of selling a radio show, they sold my podcast.
	And then the exact same model just carried over into podcasting.
	And that's what everyone uses.
	But why wouldn't they?
	Well, do you ever think about Byron Allen and what an absolute genius he is?
	Because he's the one to first offer free content for advertising barter on television.
	That's why he has huge studios all through the San Fernando Valley and makes all this content.
	I thought that was really brilliant, too.
	Yeah, he's quite the businessman.
	He is.
	It's free content for advertising barter.
	A share in that?
	Right.
	Yeah, I mean, when I started, we did a lot of Amazon affiliate stuff where you could click on Amazon and if you bought something for Amazon, we'd get 2% of the sale or some stuff like that, which is a way to kind of pay the bills.
	We also did sales, but it'd be like with pro flowers where they go, look, we're not paying you.
	Anything for advertising, but for every bouquet you sell at $27, we'll give you $2.
	And so it was like, all right, well, they're not exactly sticking their neck out because if you sell $5, then they owe us $10.
	No harm, no foul.
	But we ended up, you know, they ended up cutting us a check for like $70,000 or something because we sold so many.
	And little things like that started to kind of creep in where people started to...
	Take a chance, you know, on advertising with a podcast versus terrestrial radio.
	And now people are making, like, millions on podcasts.
	It's crazy.
	Isn't it?
	Here you go.
	Hey, folks, it's Roseanne here, and I'm excited to tell you about Diet Smoke, the brand behind award-winning gummies, vapes, and pre-rolls designed to help you relax, unwind, and discover your perfect vibe.
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	Trust me, you deserve it.
	Don't wait.
	Check it out before they sell out again.
	It is.
	I mean, I don't know that we should be surprised by anything today.
	No.
	Nothing anymore.
	Absolutely not.
	But it is nuts.
	You know, when I started and people thought it was called a pod cart, they never heard of it.
	And I would say to comedians who would come on my show, I'd go, you should do a podcast.
	And they'd go, why?
	I'd go, well, I don't know.
	I mean, you get to sit and talk to cool people and share ideas and have something to say.
	And then I started realizing a lot of comedians didn't have that much to say unless they were getting paid.
	And so I would say, they'd go, how often do you do your podcast?
	And I'd go, every day.
	You did it every day?
	Every day.
	Oh, no.
	And they'd go, oh, no.
	I wouldn't do it.
	I couldn't do it.
	And then they'd go, how'd you get paid?
	And I'd go, I didn't.
	I just did it every day.
	And they were like...
	No.
	Do that.
	And I'm like, well, for me, I just want to talk.
	So it's just an excuse to talk.
	Yeah.
	You're like me in that way.
	I love to talk.
	And, of course, I love to listen, too, but not as much as I love to talk.
	You know?
	I really do have.
	I'm filled with way too many sentences for some reason.
	And I said to you when we started, what do you want to talk about?
	And you said the way your brain works is just a thousand thoughts collide in a minute inside of there.
	Yeah, and I said, well, late last night somebody sent me a tweet and it said that today was Paul Newman's 100th birthday or would have been.
	Well, I guess it still is.
	Yeah, he was born that day.
	Yeah, I agree.
	They go, it would have been.
	It's not really a past tense thing.
	Yeah, it's always going to be.
	At some point, Abraham Lincoln's going to have a birthday, but it doesn't mean he's going to be 241 years old.
	Right.
	But how stupid are people to even say that?
	Because...
	I mean, or am I? I don't know who's stupid, me or them, but it's always going to be his birthday.
	I agree.
	I think if it's George Washington or, you know, some luminary from the past, Cleopatra, you have to say...
	You don't have to say would have been.
	Right.
	But if it's Pee Wee Herman, and you go, today would have been Pee Wee Herman's 71st birthday, you have to say that because you don't know that everyone knows he's dead.
	That's true.
	Absolute truth.
	The two guys that I used to get mistaken for all the time were Gilbert Gottfried and Norm MacDonald, and they both died.
	Yeah.
	And that leaves you.
	That leaves me, but still.
	You're kind of like if they had a baby.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	You know, if they had, you would have been their son.
	I'll take that as a compliment.
	It is a great compliment.
	But I would get Norm a lot.
	I remember about four months after he died, I was crossing PCH, and some guy yelled in the car.
	It's like, hey, Norm!
	And I was like, he's dead!
	Even after he's dead, you're still going to call me Norm?
	It'll never end.
	Isn't that great?
	Tomorrow would have been Norm MacDonald's 67th birthday.
	Do you know that?
	No.
	I made that up.
	Is it true?
	I have no idea.
	Oh, okay.
	I liked it, but I didn't know his actual birthday.
	I didn't know his birthday either, and I didn't...
	Even though he was dead for a day or a while after he was dead.
	And I had been livid at him.
	This is how horrible a person I am.
	We know.
	You all know that.
	I had been livid that he hadn't been calling me back on these jokes I left on his answering machine.
	Oh, really?
	To go, is this funny?
	Because I always did that.
	And he...
	Go, yeah, it's pretty funny.
	Or, you gotta work it.
	So your jokes, you were vetting through Norm.
	Yeah, certain jokes.
	Right, not all.
	And then he passed and you didn't know he passed.
	Yeah, so I was pissed.
	Like, God, Norm.
	And so then I'd text and stuff.
	What the hell?
	What am I, chopped liver?
	Oh, shit.
	The guy's dead.
	So I felt so guilty and dirty after.
	But I think he would laugh.
	Yeah.
	He might.
	No, he was fun.
	We had some fun times.
	What was his problem?
	He would come on the podcast and would just start getting into Kenny Rogers songs.
	It's on the internet.
	It's super funny.
	Norma's like, you know, he didn't drive.
	He had a bunch of sort of social issues.
	I never know why people need to be that way.
	What way?
	What do you mean?
	Social?
	Well, no.
	What I'm saying is I know, have known X amount of comedians who live in L.A. who just announced they don't drive.
	Right then and there.
	You're making your life so much more difficult than it needs to be.
	By not driving?
	Yeah, I could drive when I was 15 and a half.
	You know what I mean?
	You're so hobbled by certain rules.
	For me, there's just a lot of difficult people out there and you say to them...
	They do still water, but they don't do bubbly water.
	Yeah.
	They don't drive.
	There's a lot of dietary stuff.
	There's a lot of rules.
	Sometimes you'll go like, the only flight out's at 7, so we got to get up at 5. I don't get up that early, bro.
	It's like, what's with your rules?
	Stop with the rules.
	Just get up and go.
	Yeah, right.
	There's a lot of people like, I don't do this, and I don't do that, or this person disrespected me, or I don't eat this, or I can't do that.
	And I'm like, I don't know, why put all the limitations on your life?
	Do you think that those are the kind of people that let California burn, though?
	The people who don't do that because it's against the rules?
	They're the ones that let shit burn to the ground with their fucking rules, aren't they?
	Well, I was here to celebrate Paul Newman's birthday.
	I'm sorry to bring you down.
	Oh my God, did I have a crush on him?
	Did you?
	All the other girls was liking on Paul the Beatle?
	McCartney?
	What's his name?
	Yeah.
	They all like the other...
	Did they limit themselves to guys named Paul?
	Your friends?
	Can we get out to like a Glenn or Steve or somebody?
	So they like Paul McCartney.
	But you like...
	Paul Newman.
	Paul Newman.
	I like Mrs. Paul's fish fillet.
	See?
	It's a small world.
	Yeah, it's a Paul world.
	I wonder if Norm would like that joke.
	He might.
	I guess we'll never know.
	Well, I still expect to hear from him.
	Because I know he'll do one of those.
	He's one of those that can move time and space.
	He'll contact you.
	Like there'll be a bird singing off somewhere.
	And I'll just know it because birds will come to me all the time when my friends die.
	And it happens.
	Do you believe in stuff like that?
	I do now.
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	I never really gave it any thought.
	In the past, I thought they were just birds.
	You know?
	Yeah, but what are birds?
	Well, you know, I'm not an ornithologist, but I would say winged would help with the definition.
	I hear hollow-boned.
	Sometimes I hear ancestors of dinosaurs.
	Definitely.
	I've heard Gilbert Gottfried's name thrown around.
	Do?
	Does it pertain to which of the birds?
	Spy drones?
	Oh, yeah.
	I look at birds as birds, I would say.
	I'm sleeping at Dr. Drew's house because of the fire.
	I'm out of my house in Malibu, and he had a hoot owl by my window last night.
	Oh, last night?
	It was kind of funny.
	Yeah, it was like, woo, woo.
	I think it was three in the morning.
	Yeah.
	Did your house burn down?
	No, my house did not burn down.
	Not on wood?
	Front of it turned down.
	This is laminated wood.
	It's not what we call dimensional lumber, which is wood thrown through.
	I know, but it's got some wood product.
	It has wood product.
	It's got wood pulp.
	Yeah.
	So it'll work.
	That's good enough, symbolically.
	Everything in front of me is gone.
	Symbolism I want to talk to you about.
	And a lot around me is gone.
	My place did not burn down.
	Did you have the blue roof or something?
	How did you survive?
	My place is modern-ish construction.
	Stucco, metal windows, a flat roof.
	Not a lot of eaves and fascia and wood and things.
	And no attic where embers can blow in the vent and catch the timbers on fire and so on and so forth.
	So that helped.
	It's not going to save you when everything goes up, but it will lessen your chances of burning.
	Did you build that house yourself?
	No, but I could have, because that used to be my perfection.
	No, I know you're a builder.
	Yeah, I'm definitely a builder.
	I've got some notes for this.
	I know, I need notes.
	Oh my god, I have to either level it or something.
	Well, it hasn't been.
	Touched since it was built in the 70s.
	It was a 70s party house.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah, that's what they did.
	It does have a little booger sugar vibe to it, you know?
	A little bit, yeah.
	Yeah, because the 70s were very, like, everything was loosely based on a ski chalet.
	You know what I mean?
	It's like lots of stone, lots of wood, lots of...
	Dark walnuts, stain, you know, very boogie nights.
	I don't know, but you know what?
	My thing is, like, I wouldn't touch this place because three years after you die, it's coming back into fashion.
	You think so?
	After I die?
	Yeah, you gotta wait till you die, but yeah.
	Is it just when anyone dies, their house comes back into fashion, or is it me?
	Things come...
	Around.
	You know what I mean?
	Like fashion.
	Look at women.
	You know, jeans, bell bottoms, hip huggers, you know, hairstyles, you know, things.
	Fat asses.
	Fat asses.
	I was waiting for the fat asses to come back.
	Yeah, you and the brothers.
	Yeah.
	Now I'm waiting for the big guts to come back.
	They never went away, but yet they weren't featured.
	I don't know if they're ever really in vogue, but...
	There's always a guy, you know, there's a lid for every pot.
	Pot belly.
	I don't know.
	You don't know?
	Are you married?
	No, no.
	I was, but now I'm not.
	Do you believe that, that there's a lid for every pot belly?
	Or do you think some people should just be left alone?
	That's what I think.
	Well, you're biased.
	I see a lot of people, couples, where you kind of go, oh, look at that guy.
	And then you go, oh, look at, oh, okay.
	So, you know, I think everyone does that.
	But what we don't know is people are doing it to us.
	Of course.
	So what it is, is you want to stay within about two points of your own score.
	What do you mean?
	When you pursue someone?
	All the guys that are fours want the tens.
	Well, if they've got money, they can get the tens.
	I know, but the ten wises up at some point and leaves.
	You want to go up two points.
	Don't go up seven points.
	But don't you go up points if you have money?
	Well, for guys, it's money, but it's also a sense of humor.
	And there's other...
	Things at play that aren't just aesthetic.
	For women, it's mostly aesthetic mixed with a personality.
	But the personality doesn't have to be good.
	You just have to not be a pain in the ass.
	I have to think about that.
	Like where you go, I can bring her anywhere.
	She just shuts up the whole time.
	It's awesome.
	I've heard guys say that.
	Yeah, I know.
	It's horrible.
	I would never say that.
	But I mean, you go like, yeah, she can watch football with us.
	She's not going to hassle us.
	She won't say nothing.
	Those are the best.
	Yeah, those are the best.
	The best wives.
	Well, no, you want, I think guys, guys do want easy.
	You know what I mean?
	Yeah.
	That's what we want.
	Not all guys.
	Labrador, easy, you know?
	I love a lab.
	I don't know what in the fuck I was after.
	I really know that I was just in the wrong.
	Always in the wrong head for what the fuck I was doing.
	That's what I liked when we first were talking about the bombardment of 1,000 thoughts per second.
	How do you live with that, besides being on the podcast every day?
	You know, what I do is I usually travel around with a buck slip, which is like sort of a cardboard card.
	That's maybe four inches wide and eight or nine inches long.
	And I have a pen and I have a pen or I have a slip on me.
	And I just jot stuff like all the time.
	Just jot, jot, jot, note, note, note.
	And then I start to take the notes and I start to put them together, you know.
	And then I voice them out loud on the podcast.
	And then some of them I go, oh, okay.
	Yeah, that might be worth repeating, you know.
	And maybe I can find.
	I look at it as something that used to be a liability for me that I'm trying to turn into a positive.
	Why did you look at it as a liability?
	Well, I didn't necessarily look at it as a liability, but those around me.
	Look, it is a liability.
	Why?
	I don't get that.
	Well, okay.
	I mean, maybe it's like me.
	I want to hear what you say.
	I go through formal education, which is just warehousing at LA Unified School District, and I'm told I'm disruptive to quiet, sit down, quiet, you know, quiet.
	You know, so every one of my report card has a U on it, and it says disruptive, disruptive, disruptive.
	So it was like, hey, shut up.
	Just shut up and be a good student.
	Stop talking.
	Stop cracking wise.
	Okay, so it wasn't great scholastically.
	Okay.
	And then at some point, you know, I went to, my buddies were like meatheads from the valley, you know, and I'd be like, I don't get it.
	Is it a sofa?
	Is it a couch?
	Why do we have two different names?
	Is there a difference between a sofa and a couch?
	And then what about curtains and drapes?
	Is there a difference between drapes?
	They go, I don't know.
	Shut the fuck up.
	We're trying to get laid.
	And I'd go, I don't know.
	It's a sofa and couch.
	It's weird, right?
	Maybe it's an East Coast thing.
	And they go, we don't know.
	Now shut up.
	And that's basically all my friends.
	And then they start punching you.
	And then later I ended up on a construction site and that, you know.
	Most of the guys I worked with spoke Spanish, you know, and the other guys were just meatheads named Mike who wanted to go to the river and get on their jet ski.
	And I was trying out these ideas and these thoughts and trying to connect these ideas and they were all like, who cares?
	Shut up.
	And by the way...
	Get to work!
	Like, you can't stand...
	We're not talking.
	We're hanging drywall, idiot.
	Get to hanging drywall.
	And then they'd just go turn up the REO Speedwagon on the boombox, and that was it.
	So I just sat alone, you know?
	So it wasn't really something I could get paid for.
	It was more of a sort of liability for the first half of my life.
	My family was like...
	Didn't care about any of that talk either.
	So they didn't listen or anything.
	So it was considered sort of a...
	Yeah, for me it was a liability, I would say.
	You know, at the beginning.
	For a long time.
	Do you think that all of us comics have some sort of...
	We have something wrong with us.
	I call it a...
	It's kind of a bacterium or something.
	It doesn't let loose of us our whole life.
	It's just always in there gnawing, gnawing, gnawing away at everything.
	The desire to turn everything into a silly joke or take it apart and put it back together again and have it make sense.
	Hi everybody, it's me, Roseanne Barr.
	Listen up now, because you know the world is way nuts these days and I'm not about to sit around unprepared.
	That's why I got myself a Berna.
	You heard me.
	Burna.
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	You know, if I can do it, so can you.
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	So, stop leaving your safety to chance.
	Get yourself a Burna because sometimes less lethal is all you need to get the job done.
	Visit Burna.com forward slash Roseanne today to receive 10% off of your purchase.
	Y-R-N-A dot com slash Roseanne.
	Berna, less lethal.
	The alternative to deadly force.
	That bacterium thing we have?
	Yeah.
	Well, I'm a curious person and wants to kind of know how things work.
	For me, it's not all verbal.
	I'm very mechanical and I like building houses and working on cars and racing cars and stuff like that.
	I'm very interested in architecture and structure and engineering and stuff like that.
	So I'm just sort of interested whether it's silent and I'm trying to build something.
	Do you think you're autistic or on the spectrum?
	I've been known to...
	I have a tendency to close my eyes when people are talking.
	I do it normally to ingest more of the information.
	I get that.
	Me too.
	And I wouldn't close my eyes if you and I were eating lunch.
	But if you said, you know, if I said to you, oh, I got a flight at 2 o'clock and I got to get to the American Airlines terminal.
	And you said, ooh, go down to Arch Drive and take a right on Sepulveda.
	I would do this.
	Yeah, me too.
	You have to visualize it.
	Yeah, especially directions.
	I want to hear you.
	My thing is, I don't need to visualize it.
	What I need to do is not have you talk and then me go, who's that kid in that picture?
	Like in my head, like right in the middle.
	You're talking about focusing down, right?
	Yeah, that guy's wearing a John Elway jersey, isn't he?
	And then you'd be right in the middle of your, and it would pull me out.
	You're better off not taking anything in but your words, you know?
	So I do close my eyes.
	Deep focus, right?
	Yeah, people think I have stuff.
	But, you know, my feeling is, look, if everyone's on the spectrum, then fuck it.
	Then I guess we're all on the spectrum of something.
	Well, I think we are.
	We're all fucking crazy.
	Or something.
	I don't know.
	I think I... You are.
	One of the hallmarks of being crazy is thinking you're sane.
	But I think of myself as one of the sanest people alive.
	Oh, you are.
	But here's what I see in you.
	Okay.
	I'm really sane when people figure that out.
	Do you want a Kleenex?
	Yeah, I'll take it.
	When people figure out that I'm the most sane, it freaks them out.
	But, you know, you take systems apart.
	That's what I love when you take the California liberal system apart, which you do better than anybody.
	Like, thank you so much for your interview with, what's his name?
	Gavin Newsom?
	Oh, my God.
	A couple of them.
	Yeah, a few of them.
	But he is a complete...
	Sociopath?
	Well, he's a bot.
	He's like a cyborg.
	There's something wrong with him.
	There's something off.
	I mean, I guess I would say, because I sat with him for an hour and had a conversation with him, and when people go, well, what's he like?
	Or he's like a used car salesman or something like that.
	I just go, no, something's wrong with him, though.
	Definitely deeply wrong with him.
	Yeah, he tried to...
	I literally was thinking about last night.
	And it's so funny.
	We talk about I had to get up this morning.
	My biggest problem is when I'm laying in bed at 3.30 in the morning and something pops in my head.
	I go, I don't have a notepad.
	I don't want to get up.
	Okay, I got to piss.
	All right, I guess I could piggyback this note onto taking a leak.
	Because if you don't write it back, you'll forget it, right?
	I was thinking about that interview I did with Gavin Newsom, and people remember the part...
	Where he was trying to tell me that half the black and half the Latino people in California don't have access to a checking account.
	Access.
	They can't get one?
	They don't have access to ID. First off, it's the most racist thing in the world.
	Black people can't walk to a bank and get a toaster and sign up for a checking account.
	But anyway, he's lying.
	Half of Los Angeles is Latino.
	Latinos don't have access to a checking account.
	That's a lot of people, number one.
	Number two, if you want a checking account, you can get a checking account.
	If you don't, and you just want to sell hot dogs with bacon wrapped around it, and you want to work in cash, and you don't want to leave a footprint of your accounting, well, then you would choose not to get a checking account.
	But that's not having access.
	Right, exactly.
	But anyway, he's lying, and so I grilled him on that.
	But...
	Which was fun.
	Nobody who didn't come from a blue-collar background could have known that.
	Yeah, well, I grew up here.
	I know, that's why I love that you said that to him.
	But he also said, what popped in my head at 3 in the morning last night is in that interview, there's a lot of other stuff in that interview, and I said, look.
	I just want government to work big to small.
	Take care of the big stuff and we'll get to the nonsense, you know, LGBT, trans community.
	These are small things.
	We got big things like infrastructure and aqueducts and stuff.
	And he looked at me because he's such a politician.
	It's so funny.
	He goes, you know what, Adam?
	I like to work small to big.
	And you did it like there was going to be an applause break, you know, which it doesn't make sense, by the way.
	I like to work small to big.
	But I was laying in bed last night and I went, oh yeah, you like to work delta smelt.
	And if you get the delta smelt situation, small thing taken care of, then we'll get to the forest fire.
	So that is, that's the definition of small to big.
	Small is a three inch fish that no one cares about.
	Big.
	Is your state's on fucking fire?
	That's big.
	And there's water.
	But he liked to work small.
	Yeah.
	So that's what he was saying.
	It is what he was saying.
	And I just thought, all right, well, he meant it.
	He cared more about a smelt than the residents of the Palisades.
	Well, he who smelt it dealt it.
	That's right.
	But, yeah, he didn't give a fuck for the living.
	He who smelt it dealt it.
	No, he who dealt it smelt it, I said.
	Yeah, but it's the Delta smelter.
	But it could go the other way, too.
	But he's the one who farted.
	Gavin laid a big old stanky fart on this whole goddamn...
	I shouldn't say goddamn.
	Everyone's mad at me because I've said that.
	On this whole darned state.
	He cursed it.
	Him and his aunt, Nancy, they, you know...
	Picked its bones dry and put it in their own pocket, in the pocket of their pervert friends, and they let it burn.
	They let it burn because now China can come in and buy it up at two cents an acre or whatever, like they're trying to do in Hawaii where I live.
	They don't care about American or any living human.
	I don't...
	I oftentimes...
	Say this to Dr. Drew.
	I just go, what is the endgame?
	What's the upside?
	Here's the metaphor I would use for Gavin Newsom.
	It's like, picture Gavin Newsom as a guy you hired to work in your warehouse.
	Right?
	And he's driving the forklift, and you just hear crashing in the back.
	And you go out there, and you go, what happened?
	Oh, the forklift caught the shelf, and it knocked it over, but we'll clean it up.
	And you go, oh, okay.
	Well, be careful.
	Guy makes a lot of mistakes out there.
	Then you go back in the office, and you hear the forklift is bashed through the side of the building.
	Now, there's a big hole in the center block, and you're like, what's going on with the forklift?
	He goes, sorry, man.
	I thought I was in reverse.
	I was in forward, man.
	It won't happen again.
	About the third time he plows into your office with the forklift, you go, is he a bad forklift operator?
	Or is he trying to destroy this warehouse?
	And then someone would go, well, he doesn't want to destroy the warehouse.
	Give him a break.
	And I'd go, I did used to think that way, but oh, I just heard some more stuff fall over.
	I'm sorry, I knocked something else.
	And I'm like...
	Are you just incompetent, or are you trying to ruin this place?
	Because I'm not sure.
	It's starting to seem like you're trying to ruin this place, but I can't imagine you would be trying to destroy the warehouse.
	Maybe those are just mistakes, but it's also kind of a weird thing.
	Here's the job assessment for Gavin Newsom.
	Are you evil?
	Or are you just super incompetent?
	And then people start defending him.
	Like, no, he's just super incompetent.
	Give him a break.
	I know, right?
	He's running California.
	Maybe we get someone who's not evil or incompetent.
	Because it's the Joe Biden thing.
	Well, they tried to recall him and he fixed that.
	I know, but it's like all these people.
	He was recalled like 20 million to one.
	Does Joe Biden hate the country?
	Or does Kamala Harris hate this place?
	Does Gavin Newsom hate this place?
	Or is he just not...
	At a certain point, it's either stupid or liar.
	It's like, at a certain point, just get rid of him.
	Yeah, neither are good options.
	They're both bad options.
	You still have a warehouse that's in disrepair because this guy either can't drive a forklift or he hates your guts.
	And is smashing everything with a forklift.
	I don't know what it is.
	I do.
	You do?
	Or he's getting paid from an un-yet-built warehouse that's going to be bigger and better than your warehouse.
	A smart warehouse.
	And they're going to buy everything in your warehouse for pennies on the dollar.
	Is it that?
	Yeah.
	Are we there?
	Is it that bad?
	Yeah.
	It's always been that way.
	No, but that is how it is.
	That's what our form of capitalism does.
	It goes wherever there's pools of money and extricates them.
	I get it.
	It's nothing to do with morals or nothing.
	No, listen, I get it.
	And they ran out of other places to bleed, so they came back home.
	Because this is where the money is, and thank God we got Trump.
	He'll save some of it before they send it to Dubai or Ukraine or other places they're building their dream sex islands at with our money.
	Oh, pedophiles.
	Oh, hell yeah!
	See, I never go there.
	I never think that.
	Not yet.
	Because they're that evil, because that's who they are.
	No, listen, I am naive.
	I know.
	In the sense that...
	But you're sweet.
	I just go, who would do that to somebody?
	Like, why would you do that?
	It's not your job.
	It's your job to run the state.
	Do the best job you can.
	Because the people who pay them, you know, they're all prostitutes.
	And the people who's paying them, who have all the money, they want the American farmlands.
	God, you know, they're going to be able to feed their billions of friggin' slaves.
	They want the American farmlands.
	Where do you come down on Bill Gates?
	Well, I don't want...
	Have Hillary Clinton get at me or none of them.
	So I'm just going to say like this.
	I hope here, because I'm a religious woman.
	I hope Bill Gates says his prayer tonight and asks God to remove his body from this earth before the law gets a hold of him.
	And I would double those prayers to God for him, that God remove him safe and in one piece before the law of the people of this world gets a hold of him for what he's done.
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	He's a Nazi criminal, 100 times worse than Stalin, 100 times worse than Hitler.
	There's nobody as bad as Bill Gates.
	He purposely figured out how to kill people and make money off it.
	Like you're talking about making money on a podcast.
	This fucker spends his whole time, how do I kill a whole bunch of kids and get rich off it, and then maybe take their body parts and smash them up and make hamburger meat out of it for my new fucking Bill Gates burger meat.
	I'm telling you.
	He does.
	Other than that, any thoughts about Bill Gates?
	So you don't like him.
	Bill Gates sells fetus parts in his meat.
	His protein meat.
	Soylent green.
	It is soylent green.
	He is soylent green.
	Wow.
	Deep 70s cut.
	And then, what about Epstein's list?
	Yeah, when are we going to see that, Trump?
	Trump's going to, check this out, Trump is going to declassify Kennedy.
	MLK and Bobby Jr.'s assassination before the fucking Epstein list.
	What does that say?
	Nah, come on.
	That Epstein list could be problematic for some people.
	Everybody in Congress went.
	I've seen the Epstein list.
	Oh, you have?
	Yeah.
	Is it here?
	You have to go through Brussels to get it.
	I have it.
	I'll give it to you.
	Really?
	No, I have it.
	You go to Brussels.
	Really?
	You know, where they got Jack Smith and that court, the Hague and everything, it's there too.
	Really?
	Yeah, it's in all, everything having to do with those bank transfers.
	Wow.
	But, every fucking buddy in Congress, every fucking buddy in government, maybe, maybe, maybe 10 didn't go.
	Hollywood, everybody.
	Diddy, the whole diddy thing, all of them.
	Everybody went.
	Not just America.
	World governments.
	World governments.
	World intelligence.
	World intelligence.
	It was to trap other intelligence.
	Well, it makes perfect sense that once you do the honeypot thing and you get the goods on somebody and then those people do your bidding for sure.
	And I mean, I was always down with the fact that Hunter Biden was corrupt and Joe Biden is definitely corrupt and all that.
	But the next level is, is he doing the bidding?
	Was Biden doing the bidding for these governments?
	And then you sort of get to that back to the forklift operator.
	Or is he just a totally incompetent, senile old man who doesn't know what he's doing?
	Well, he's the leader of a criminal cabal.
	Like him and his son was trying to start a Burisma oil company over there in the Ukraine.
	Of course he doesn't want Trump's drill, baby drill.
	You know, it's just all criminal.
	A criminal, mafia, RICO, scam, this whole fucking government.
	Everything evil on earth, there's one answer to it.
	The American fucking government did it.
	And the rest of the shit was them trying to cover up that fact.
	The fucking CIA, all of those guys, they're all in bed with MI6, Mossad, you know, the Iranian Republic, they're fucking soldiers.
	It's all the same fucking thing.
	They're all just trying to lock down the population worldwide and take all the money.
	And, obviously, Trump just seemed like a...
	Giant disruptor and potential threat to that world order, is what you're saying.
	Well, I mean, what I read is that, you know, the military, the real generals, not, Trump calls them the TV generals, not them like Millie, and the military, as I call it, but Trump says, and it's in...
	Government stuff, you know, that, you know, certain generals that were very concerned about where our country was headed, they asked Trump to run.
	And so they had a plan, and they wrote the Law of War manual in 2015, incorporating all these laws from the Nuremberg trials and all of them to, you know...
	Not bring a new world order, but to try to get rid of the filth in this world.
	The filthy stuff that they got information about from laptops of certain people they confiscated.
	Way back when, like the first HSBC bank hack, 2006. They knew then about Epstein.
	They knew what our government was involved in.
	They knew that all these undeclared wars were just, you know, ways for private contractors to set up their own countries.
	I believe the American taxpayers into thinking.
	Just horror.
	Just horror.
	It's really...
	It's disappointing.
	Adults are disappointing.
	Aren't they?
	I've had that thought for a long time.
	Like, wow, what happened to adults?
	You know, when I was a kid and there'd be one, you know, one of your dad's friends, you're like, oh, Mr. Hughes, that's a good man, right?
	You know, like you thought he was competent, thought he knew what he was doing.
	I guess he didn't.
	Maybe they never did.
	But as I now think about it, I run into so many stupid adults and I'm like, what?
	The fuck happened?
	How did you get this dumb?
	And why are there so many of you?
	And why the rest evil?
	Like, what's going on?
	You know, for me, it's like frivolous lawsuits.
	It's like, what are you doing?
	I'm suing Lyft because I'm morbidly obese and they wouldn't pick me up.
	I saw that today.
	All right, we'll lose some weight then.
	This is embarrassing.
	What are you doing?
	And it's like, where...
	Why aren't you humiliated?
	You're an adult.
	Where's your dignity?
	Find a mirror in a therapist and put them in the same room and sort it out.
	But that's why I call it the age of the vampire and why they force all those vampire movies down our throats all these years.
	Because vampires lack self-reflection.
	And so do those obese people and so do those guys that think their penis is feminine and shit.
	They have no self-reflection.
	And we were kind of farmed.
	To think that way like it's somebody else's fault.
	They're stopping me.
	It's not me.
	I'm not fucked up.
	Everybody else is.
	Well, you know what's weird?
	Speaking of obesity, I was watching Lizzo.
	Oh!
	Don't get me going off on Lizzo.
	Lizzo.
	What if Bill Gates and Lizzo had a child?
	Oh.
	Now, Lizzo has hit her...
	Target weight.
	She has.
	She lost a lot of weight.
	She lost a lot of weight.
	But I want to say this, and I hope you take this in the spirit of which it's intended.
	I hope I do too.
	There's a lot of fat asses who are like 300 pounds.
	You know, it's a woman who's 5'3 and she's 320 pounds.
	She goes, my target weight, 195. It's like, bitch, you're still fat.
	I know for you.
	You dropped $1.25, but I don't know you.
	I'm behind you at the mall.
	You're still looking big to me.
	So they get to their target weight.
	They don't do their target weight at 130 because that's too big.
	That's a bridge too far.
	Well, maybe they have two target weights.
	Two target weights is good.
	I agree.
	But Lizzo announced that she hit her target weight.
	And now she's done?
	Did she say she's done?
	No, I didn't ask about the secondary.
	Okay.
	They didn't inquire about her secondary target weight, but yeah, she should.
	Yeah, now you've got to get from 180 down to 140. That's the next target.
	But here's the whole point.
	Lizzo's been preaching about how big is beautiful and how she's fine and nobody should tell her how to dress or look or anything and no one can fat shame anyone.
	Well, then why...
	Are you bragging so much about dropping 150 pounds if the way you were was beautiful and no one should be able to shame you?
	Wearing a unitard that you've dropped 150 pounds.
	So which is it?
	Is big, beautiful, and should you be left alone?
	Or should we be celebrating that you dropped 150 pounds?
	Which is basically what we were saying when you were fat.
	Yeah, that's right.
	So which is it, Lizzo?
	I went after that fat fucking bitch.
	Remember in my stand-up?
	I go, she's reaping the benefits that I had to pay the cost for.
	They was calling me a cow and a pig and all that shit.
	On all the news covers and stuff, Fat Pig, Roseanne, Roseanne.
	Mad Magazine did a takeoff of me, which was an honor.
	But it showed me eating a whole cow and stuff.
	It was all fat jokes.
	But I just laughed it off.
	I didn't get a fucking whole goddamn NGO for the UN out of it.
	I didn't cry my fucking self to sleep.
	No, I agree.
	I just go, I am fat.
	You know, I am fat and I'm not going to bitch about it and I'm not going to, you know, apologize for it because a lot of people are fat.
	Yeah, a lot of people are fat.
	And there's a lot of fat, funny people.
	It makes you funny.
	I know, but it's sad when fat, funny people die because fat people do die early and nobody will say that.
	But, like, look at all our favorite fat comics that have died.
	Yep.
	Ralphie Mae.
	Ralphie Mae was so funny.
	Farley.
	Farley.
	John Panet.
	John Panet.
	Or Panet, sorry.
	Panet, what's his name too?
	I Frenched him up.
	Robin.
	Robin Harris.
	He was fat.
	Yeah, I'll tell you what's sad.
	What I don't like is what they did to Mama Cass Elliot.
	I know.
	Because they made fun of her for being fat the whole time, and then she died.
	They're like, choked on a ham sandwich.
	But she didn't, you know.
	I know, let her die.
	She didn't choke on a ham sandwich.
	I'm just saying.
	I know, but that's what they keep saying.
	I know.
	If I die in a car accident, I don't want them to go, Corolla died beating off.
	Do you know why they say she died on a ham sandwich?
	Because she had a kid and they didn't want to say...
	She died choking on her own vomit from drugs.
	So they changed it to be nice.
	Oh, they did?
	To be nice.
	I didn't know that.
	They said choked on a ham sandwich to be nice for the sake of her child.
	And then it became a joke.
	That's so horrible.
	I didn't know they were trying to protect the child.
	Well, in their minds.
	Well, no.
	I mean, okay.
	So maybe their heart was in the right place.
	Not.
	And that child went on to...
	Be the founding member of Wilson Phillips.
	One of them.
	One of them.
	That wasn't her daughter.
	I don't know.
	It was John Phillips and then...
	And John Phillips is fucking his own daughter, Mackenzie Phillips.
	Did you hear about that?
	She said it herself in her book.
	As an adult.
	Yeah, they were having sex, her and her dad.
	As an adult...
	Ew, you can never listen to Monday, Monday.
	Well, I got a couple thoughts.
	One is, I couldn't imagine Jim Carolla banging me.
	Anyway, I had to go there for a second.
	As an adult...
	How horrifying.
	Okay, she was on...
	I have many thoughts.
	Yeah.
	A, she was on Oprah, and she was like, I had consensual sex as an adult with my father, and I'm saying it because I know there's a lot of others out there.
	Am I right?
	Are there women out there?
	And the whole audience is going, I don't know.
	No.
	No.
	No one's had consensual sex with their dad.
	There's 85 people in the audience.
	I don't think...
	40% of them have had consensual sex with their dad.
	So the whole audience was like, uh, nope.
	But then, when I was recording my audiobook, my book, In 50 Years' Wallaby Chips.
	I love that book so much.
	Hey, now let's be real.
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	Oh, thanks.
	Yeah, people think it's funny.
	It's so funny.
	I was doing the audio book for that book.
	I've never done an audio.
	I never wrote a book.
	I never did an audio book.
	And my book came out about the time Mackenzie Phillips was on there.
	So I'm like sitting there doing the audio book and I'm just sitting in some recording studio and there's like two dudes just standing behind the glass there just looking at me sort of dead face and I'm just reading my book in a microphone and then I realize...
	Mackenzie Phillips is going to have to do the audiobook and she's going to be looking at some guy that looks like your son.
	Then my dad came in the room and he was wearing nothing but a bathrobe and he touched my thigh and it felt good.
	That person...
	The engineer just looks at you reading the book and she's going to go into detail about having intercourse with her dad with some dude who gets $31 an hour just behind the glass just staring at her the whole time.
	That's like being a predator.
	You've got to hang a beach towel up for that portion of the book.
	And then...
	Or blur his...
	I guess he has to hear it.
	And then I went to...
	I'm thinking of a second take, too, if he doesn't record it and just do it again.
	I went to California Adventure Center with my family, and I had my six-year-old daughter on my lap, and I was sitting there on a bench, and I hear...
	California dreaming on such a winter.
	And I'm like, you gotta pull the mamas and the papas out of the rotation after these allegations.
	Right, Disneyland?
	I mean, come on.
	These are dads with their daughters.
	Papa John.
	Pull it.
	I agree.
	But then you'd have no music or anything at Disneyland if you pulled all that.
	Then they had to pull Michael Jackson, too.
	Remember how it was all around Michael Jackson?
	He was in those...
	Booths, you'd go in and they'd talk about high tech.
	That was all about Michael Jackson, was very into the high tech at Disneyland.
	Yeah.
	Stupid Disneyland.
	I had to pay to have the guide for $600 an hour.
	Oh yeah, I always had to do that too.
	But at least you get on the rides early.
	Yeah.
	It's worth it.
	Everybody hates you though.
	Yeah, everyone hates you.
	It was so funny.
	I said, My wife at the time pitched the guide.
	First thing out of my mouth is I'm not walking to the front of the line in front of people who have been waiting for two hours and just stepping right in front of some veteran in a wheelchair so I can get on to Splash Mountain before him.
	It's so funny.
	This is kind of my adult life.
	My adult life.
	I go, listen, I'm just...
	I am not comfortable with walking to the front of the line and stepping in front of people and getting on first.
	It's going to feel real weird.
	I just don't want to do that.
	It's not the money.
	It's that part.
	And then my wife, I think, goes, oh, no, they got a separate entrance so you can come in the whatever thing.
	And I go, okay, separate entrance?
	Yeah.
	So they don't...
	Not everyone's going to, in line, watch as you walk to the front of the line?
	No, no, no.
	You'll just slide into whatever and I go, okay, then I'll do it.
	Then I'll do it.
	And it's a smash cut to we're at the park and I'm just walking past everyone in line, walk cut right in front of a family with a kid with Down syndrome.
	You know, out of the way, Junior.
	The guy from the man show needs to get on the toboggan.
	With his white kids.
	And I'm like, this is exactly what I said I didn't want.
	And I realized people just tell me shit to get me to go away.
	Like, yeah, no, no.
	Separate entrance.
	No one's ever going to know.
	And I go, okay, then I'll do it.
	And then we get to the place and we're kind of doing it.
	And I'm going, but what is this?
	And they go, yeah, I don't know.
	And I go, but you said.
	And they go, yeah, I don't know.
	We're here.
	I'm like, okay, so that's how you deal with.
	The truth and conversation and reality is so fast and loose.
	But I realized that is, you know, possession is nine-tenths of the law.
	I think most people just kind of go that way.
	Once he gets there, we'll just get him to the front.
	What the fuck's he going to do?
	We're not going to say anything.
	All of show business is like that.
	Yeah, it's all of show business.
	Once you get there, it's never what they told you it was.
	Because I'm like, I don't have to walk through, you know, the crowds like that.
	Oh, no, no, no.
	But I always did.
	Oh, yeah.
	Always have to stand in line, too.
	Always have to stand in line in shoes that I'm too fat to be wearing.
	And so I'm hunching my way to my chair when I finally am seated.
	I just don't go.
	Yeah.
	They always put the camera on my face, too.
	I hate that one.
	You lose and people you like lose.
	They put it right on your face.
	Oh, like Emmys?
	Yeah.
	How many Emmys did you lose?
	I never even got nominated.
	You're one for one.
	I only got nominated once in one.
	Oh, really?
	I figured you would have been nominated multiple times.
	No, they never even nominated the show for one either.
	Oh, wow.
	Which I thought was a compliment because they never nominated the Honeymooners, which was my favorite show.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, they got a lot of politics out there.
	What do you think about, do you think Hollywood is just burnt to the ground with these fires and it's over?
	Yeah, I think it's kind of done.
	I think the part where they feel like they control all the narratives in everyone's career and they're going to make or break you or you're not welcome to Sundance so you can't make money or have success.
	I think...
	That whole edifice is gone.
	I do too.
	Do you think that had anything to do with the fires?
	No.
	I mean, well, they...
	Okay.
	I mean, I think we arrive at the same place.
	Yeah.
	Hollywood roots for and helps elect incompetent people because everything is about...
	narcissism and feel-good hires and, you know, she's the first black female.
	Yes, but she's an incompetent fool.
	Yeah, yeah, but she's the first black female.
	And so they do a lot of symbolic hires.
	What they basically do is they go, wouldn't it be great if...
	You went on to a commercial airline and you looked into the cabin and the cockpit and there were two African-American women flying this plane.
	And I go, well, I just want the best pilots.
	And they go, but wouldn't it be great to see the two black women up there?
	And I'd go, are we ever going to take off?
	And they go, no, don't worry.
	We're not flying anywhere.
	Just be cool to see them sitting in there.
	And they go...
	Okay, well, if they don't have to fly the plane, then fine.
	And that's kind of how L.A. is.
	Like, yeah, we have some mayor who the fuck knows what she does, and we don't care, and no one thinks about aqueducts or delta smelt or fire hydrants.
	We don't think about any of this stuff.
	And then all the shit burns down, which is the plane crashing, and then Hollywood goes, ugh.
	Next time, let's get a good pilot.
	You go, yeah, that's what I said.
	But you wanted the first African-American pilots for Delta.
	And it's like, well, I didn't think we were going to really use them.
	I thought they were just going to sit up there and I would take pictures and then I would tweet out that I helped elect these two people.
	I didn't know the place kind of, you know, the plane flies itself.
	We don't do this.
	But you're forgetting one thing.
	If...
	If the best pilot, if it was all tested, and the best pilot of all pilots wasn't African American conservative...
	Oh, they wouldn't count.
	They wouldn't give them...
	They would make sure they didn't get the job.
	No, that's always funny.
	Isn't it?
	It's funny when they don't count.
	Yeah.
	Isn't it crazy?
	Yeah.
	And, you know, they just want us to have that where you wonder, is this real or...
	Are they incompetent or are they evil?
	That's how they move it along another 10 years.
	Robbing the fucking people.
	It's plausible deniability.
	I think a lot of the gender stuff was to make us go, is this happening?
	Is this real?
	Do you really think that?
	Are we arguing over a man and a woman and gender?
	I do believe there is a kind of part where they get you.
	We're entangled in insane arguments while they're taking all the money out of the back door.
	That's what they do.
	And doing whatever it is they're doing.
	That's what they do.
	And we're starting to argue about what a woman is and what a man is.
	Well, that's assigned to gender.
	Cha-ching, cha-ching.
	Yeah, assigned it.
	That's the birth assigned.
	The gender assigned at birth.
	But that's not the actual.
	That's not the sex of the child.
	And you're like, what?
	What are you talking about?
	You're saying the penis doesn't count?
	Like, what do you mean?
	And it's like, I do believe.
	They're jingling the keys over here, sucking us into retarded arguments about I don't know what, and then they're doing whatever else over there.
	To which there never will be an answer because they'll block every answer.
	Which I think they do that with race, too.
	They just are going to argue about race constantly, and they're going to accuse everyone of everything.
	But I think it's kind of run its course.
	I do, too.
	I think this is it.
	I don't think it's going to work anymore.
	Would it work to call someone a racist?
	Like if they went, Donald Trump's a racist!
	You know, everyone would go, shut the fuck up.
	No, they actually ruined it for people that are actually racist that you want to call out.
	Like, now everything's racist.
	Nothing's racist.
	I love that my rap song is, what do you call it?
	Triple hat?
	Well, I'll read it to you.
	What do you call that term?
	I want to hear about this.
	It just dropped.
	I got the hat trick.
	Number one rap song, number one downloaded rap song.
	You're number one in digital song sales this week.
	You're number one in R&B and hip-hop digital sales.
	Yeah, bitches.
	And number one in rap digital sales.
	Wow.
	It's the same song.
	It's number one, but it's three different categories.
	Yeah, but I got the hat trick number one.
	And this is Billboard, by the way.
	Billboard.
	And I just want to say it was on the subject.
	I finally got my say.
	They try to cancel me and say that I'm a racist.
	Got a mean hook.
	They can't get me with that jab.
	They tried to take away my right to go and save this.
	Well, listen up, because this granny's going bad.
	With the facts, facts, facts, facts, facts, facts, facts.
	Why are they trying to turn Becky into dad?
	That's a man.
	You get pap, pap, pap, pap.
	Screw Eminem, bitch!
	I'm Roseanne!
	Perfect.
	Thank you.
	Hi, everybody.
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	Number one.
	Number one.
	And I got to say it was a fucking goddamn they called me a racist.
	Those motherfuckers.
	Those white motherfuckers at all are on the Epstein list.
	I will do my best to make sure everyone who called me a racist That I seen their name on the Epstein list.
	I will make sure America sees their name on the Epstein list too.
	Good.
	Well, look, most of them are just scared because I remember that incident and I was like, the bitch does look white or doesn't look black or whatever.
	And look just like the character in the movie.
	Yes.
	There was two fucking peas in a pod in that.
	Listen, I agree and...
	The people, so here's what sadness me.
	That's like saying you can't draw Mohammed.
	It's exactly the same thing.
	You can't draw a picture of her with this here.
	That's like you're going to get canceled for drawing a picture of Mohammed.
	People are scared to defend you.
	For me, so here's my wiring.
	When I see a man punching a woman in the street, I'm not a fan of the guy who's punching the woman.
	But when I see three guys standing and watching, I'm somehow saddened more by those three guys who didn't say anything or do anything or intervene.
	Those are the ones.
	That's the sad part.
	And so with a lot of these types of situations like your case, I was up there yelling, what are you guys talking about?
	She doesn't look like a black woman.
	She does look like Vera from Planet of the Apes or whatever her name is.
	And what are you guys talking about?
	Why is everyone so certain of everything?
	And then look at a picture of her and how reluctant and freaked out everyone was.
	That's what happened with COVID. Everyone was like, ugh.
	And I'm like, come on, cowards, step up.
	I must have tweeted.
	The word coward and pussy out 3,000 times during COVID. I've called everyone a coward, everyone a pussy.
	They were.
	Because they were.
	I'm like, step up, dudes.
	What happened?
	Where's your balls?
	It's insane.
	And every, I mocked, and Dr. Drew says this, and I'm starting to think, I think the way...
	We win, and the way we're winning now is mocking.
	I think so, too.
	They all need to be mocked.
	Yeah, they need to be mocked.
	We used to think there was some playbook where we were reasonable.
	Yeah, we did.
	No, I'm not against vaccines.
	My son is healthy.
	Start mocking him.
	Every single person that said during COVID when they would tweet me and they would go, Grandfather died of COVID. Smartass.
	I'd go, so did my grandfather.
	So did his grandfather.
	I mocked the shit out of everybody.
	That's all I did was mock people.
	And everyone hated me, of course.
	And people were like, stop calling everyone a pussy.
	And I was like, I'm never going to stop calling these guys pussies.
	Or cowards.
	Or sheep.
	And I think my batting...
	My pecking order was coward, sheep, pussy.
	Or I'd put them all in the same tweet.
	All I did was mock everybody.
	And they should be mocked.
	They should be totally mocked.
	They're scorned for what they did to our country.
	What they did to kids, especially.
	Fucking perverts.
	When Gavin Newsom shut down outdoor dining and was trying to shut down Tin Horn Flats in Burbank and the outdoor dining at Tin Horn Flats.
	And churches too, the son of a gun.
	Of course, yeah.
	The second he did that, I got my son, who was, you know, 14, 13, 14, and I said, we're going down to Tin Horn Flats and we're going to go buy a burger and we're going to go sit on the...
	Patty, we're going to go eat it.
	And he was like, okay.
	I mean, it's on TMZ. You can see it.
	I just said, let's go.
	Because somebody has to fucking stand up to these insane people.
	And the sad part is not Gavin Newsom.
	And it's not Garcetti, former mayor.
	And it's not Karen Bass.
	It's not them.
	They're bought and paid for.
	They're incompetent.
	They're leftists.
	They're anarchists.
	They're nihilists.
	I don't know what they are.
	What are we doing?
	The day they shut the beaches down, we all should have went to the beach.
	It's so sad.
	Dennis Prager was telling me they had a march for freedom in the middle of this thing in downtown LA. He said 800 people showed up.
	There should have been 75,000 people at this place.
	That's the sad and pathetic, and then the scary part.
	The sad part is that they know, the reason they don't show up, is they know there'll be hell to pay.
	You know, they're not just cowards.
	They're like going, there's going to be hell for my family to pay for me to show up.
	The tweet that got me in the most trouble is, I said this thing is killing old people and sick people.
	Which was true, and it got people pissed, but I said, and the rest of you pussies got played.
	And then I wrote, and who's getting played next time?
	Because you just got done getting played, pussy.
	What about the next one?
	Because there's always going to be a next one, as long as they know they got pussies.
	They're going to play your pussy ass.
	Well, you know, they took down all the men.
	That's why I love your book, If 50 Years Will All Be Chicks.
	Because it is true.
	Where are the fucking men?
	I sent a tweet out yesterday with somebody in Wisconsin arguing over flying the gay flag.
	I was like, what happened to adult males?
	Where are you guys?
	What the fuck happened to males?
	Why aren't you stepping up?
	Why are you going along with this shit?
	Are they all gay?
	I don't know.
	I see a guy wearing 13 bracelets.
	I'm like, what the fuck happened to you?
	I got all these bracelets.
	Take them off.
	Where are the men that's supposed to protect the women and kids?
	That's where I wonder.
	I mean, they can still be gay if they want to protect the women and kids.
	They're men, but even they don't show up.
	I think the Let's Roll guy on the flight over Pennsylvania was gay.
	Yeah.
	As I believe.
	Yeah.
	That's a hell of a...
	He was a top.
	Yeah, he was definitely a top.
	That was no bottom.
	No bottom yells, let's roll, and heads toward the cockpit.
	Can you believe that guy?
	I say that all the time, let's roll.
	I like it.
	I love that guy.
	I love that guy.
	So, I don't know what happened to dudes.
	I wrote a book.
	Are they afraid of women?
	They're afraid they're going to get screamed at by women.
	That's what I think.
	Because the women are all hysteric.
	Hysteric.
	Let's break it down.
	Let's break it down.
	Hysteric.
	By the way, hysterectomy.
	Yeah.
	Right.
	Okay.
	Enough said.
	I calmed down after I got one.
	Yeah, it's true.
	They did?
	Yeah.
	She did.
	I should look into that.
	All right.
	Here's my point.
	I wrote a book 15 years ago called In 50 Years While I'll Be Chicks.
	Now, you know when you write a book, you have some publisher in New York.
	And they go, what do you want to call the book?
	And you go, how about the ace man talketh or something?
	And they go, that's okay.
	And what about this?
	Words of wisdom from Mr. Carolla or something.
	And you sit around and try to think of turns of phrase and cute phrases.
	What rhymes with my name?
	What's a cool-ism?
	And you do stupid things like got Corolla, you know, and stuff like these popular things.
	And at a certain point, I was like, oh, we'll call it in 50 years, we'll all be chicks.
	And it doesn't rhyme.
	Is that even a joke?
	It doesn't even really make sense, but it popped.
	The book wasn't about masculinity.
	I just said...
	In 50 years, Walby Chicks has been rattling around.
	I'm like, what the fuck is going on in this society?
	Now, this is 16 years ago, and I was on to it.
	I was like, something is happening.
	Well, Alex Jones says they was turning the male fish cake.
	Atrazine, yeah.
	Oh, well, I mean, part of it's biological.
	They've been trying to turn the men away from...
	Being...
	Masculine?
	Well, not just masculine.
	Protectors?
	But first responder types.
	You know, to go, what's that?
	You know, that kind of warrior thing.
	Well, okay.
	So, I've been studying this because I come from a...
	I have a hippie mom.
	Who was down with this shit early.
	Me too.
	No, for real.
	But my mom was poor.
	So was him.
	You're lucky.
	Imagine if she had money.
	So I remember this kind of talk from the 70s, you know, and they were all wrong.
	You know, if you gave little Sally a gun and little Bobby a dolly, they would play with it.
	It's like, no, they wouldn't.
	They're different biologically.
	But anyway, they've been selling this shit for a long time.
	Number one.
	Okay.
	Number two, what we decided as a society is that the more feminine direction was toward the light in terms of evolution.
	Progress.
	Meaning we started by bashing women over the head and raping them in a cave.
	You wanted that guy's Brontosaurus burger, you just take it and kick him in the face, you know, and there was all this male aggression stuff.
	And so we went, well, that's not the way to go.
	The way to go is conversation, understanding, nurturing, reasoning.
	And we'd be like, that's a more...
	Well, that's one way of looking at it, but you're stating things that may not be accurate.
	Well, no.
	I'll let you finish.
	Well, no.
	I don't agree with this any of the time.
	I was always the guy going, oh yeah, I'm ten times funnier and I'm ten times smarter than my ex-wife.
	And no, she doesn't make any money.
	And yes, she should listen to what I say because she doesn't make any money.
	No, but like they say in history...
	The most brutal regimes were headed by a woman.
	Women are the worst.
	Oh yeah, I agree with that.
	And the most warlike.
	No, but here's what I'm saying.
	I'm not saying I think this way.
	I'm saying society thought that progress was the feminine route and the male route was violent.
	And wars, and rape, and misogyny.
	So we decided to go that route.
	And they had these sort of adages, like, you know, if women ruled the world, there'd be no war.
	And people just sort of nodded their head, like, alright, seems like a more evolved way to go.
	So we went that way.
	And then we started trying to weed out male characteristics.
	We're like, hey, don't...
	Do not be toxic masculinity.
	And then Madison Avenue jumped on board.
	And so, just dig this.
	We grew up watching TV and they'd have car commercials.
	Car commercials talked about mileage and warranties.
	You know, they had a rust-proof warranty, they had a drivetrain warranty.
	Then they'd give you the price.
	Like, they'd go...
	100,000 mile rust-proof warranty on the cab and the truck.
	20,000 mile drivetrain warranty.
	26 miles in the city.
	32 on the highway.
	And all yours for $14,900.
	Now it's a Subaru commercial.
	And there's a gay couple.
	Mixed race.
	And they're saving a poodle.
	And they're driving.
	And they don't say anything about the car.
	They don't say anything about mileage.
	They don't say anything about price.
	No warranty.
	There's no information.
	It's just a mixed race gay couple that's going to adopt a sheep.
	And they're just driving.
	And you're like, what the fuck is this?
	Oh, that's Madison Avenue.
	Madison Avenue's went, hey, these soft pussies.
	Now, here's the thing.
	I looked it up.
	Subaru makes...
	Station wagons for lesbians.
	And by the way, Subaru is...
	Their slogan is it's made with love.
	It's not made with love.
	It's made with bonderized steel and rubber gaskets.
	There's no love made with a Subaru.
	But okay.
	But Subaru also makes attack helicopters for the Japanese army.
	Didn't know that.
	So if they don't talk about that, they make those with love?
	I don't know.
	So what is it?
	It's all one big Gillette toxic masculinity.
	That toxic masculinity commercial showed six-year-old boys wrestling on a lawn at a barbecue.
	And they're like, Timmy, don't do that!
	It's like, wait a minute, that's what guys do.
	That's what we're supposed to do.
	It's important to do that.
	So we actively, probably chemically, but socially and actively...
	Tried to root it out of our society.
	And politicians caught on and they went nuts with it.
	Madison Avenue went nuts on it.
	They all went nuts on it.
	And anybody who started yelling, hey everybody, slow your roll.
	Like, we're going down a direction here that you don't want to go because you...
	When you're upstairs asleep at night and you hear the window break down in the kitchen, you want to play rock, paper, scissors to figure out who's going down to investigate?
	You want the guy to pick up the baseball bat and head down.
	That's why we have husbands.
	When the car breaks down, you get a flat tire, who's going to change the flat?
	It's raining outside.
	Guys can't do it anymore.
	I thought they went way too far when they said, forget this women and children first, like when there's a shipwreck.
	They said it's sexist to say women and children first.
	That's when I knew it was all nothing but bullshit.
	100%.
	That's what they're after, though.
	They're after control of everything.
	And they have to do it through women because women raise the kids.
	That's why I took my grandsons and my son over to Hawaii because it's like, you're going to learn to fucking build a fire and make a garden.
	You're going to learn to wrestle down a pig and kill it.
	And, you know, keep our place safe.
	You know, you're going to have goats and you're going to...
	I want them to live in the real world, not that fake friggin' world.
	Because the women have not...
	The way they say about women was nothing that I ever thought was true.
	It was just all a lie about men and women.
	But it's all...
	Of course they're going to lie when the whole city is run by lesbian, which...
	Publicists.
	That's who runs Hollywood.
	You know that's true, right?
	I agree.
	There are some gay dudes in there.
	Not all us fans.
	But I will say this.
	And this is a God's honest.
	You need some relationship with risk and danger.
	So part of what we're talking about is men used to work In logging camps and sawmills and they'd be bricklayers and construction workers and stuff like that, right?
	Or farmers, right?
	Farmers, whatever.
	And when you work in that world, you're constantly assessing risk.
	And I know because I lived in that world for a long time, which is sort of risk versus time.
	So what I'm saying is...
	You go, you got to do some work.
	You got to paint the trim up on top on the second floor in the window, right?
	Well, someone will go, well, let's set up the scaffolding.
	That'll be the safest way to do it.
	And then you would go, well, setting up the scaffolding is going to take half a day.
	That's going to take too long.
	And they'd go, yeah, but it's the safest way to do it.
	You go, I get it.
	It's safe, but I can do it on a ladder.
	And they'll go, that's not a safe.
	And I'll go, maybe not a safe, but I still think I can do it on a ladder and I still think I can get to it.
	And then if someone said, look, no time for the ladder, hang off the side of the building and paint it upside down, you'd go, well, no, no, that's too dangerous.
	So you're constantly weighing.
	When you're using a router, a bandsaw, a jigsaw, a high point saw, a skill saw, they all have blades, they all do something different, and they all have their own set of kind of dangers, but you would never handsaw anything.
	You'd use...
	Your skill saw, a framing saw to cut something.
	People go, well, isn't that dangerous?
	Well, yeah, it's got a blade and it spins around and you have to be mindful and you have to kind of respect it.
	But also, if we cut it with a handsaw, it's going to take all day just to frame one wall.
	So we're not going to do that.
	And so men especially had this risk versus reward versus danger versus speed sort of assessment.
	And women's take on it was sort of safety, safety, safety.
	Well, you don't get the Hoover Dam or the Golden Gate Bridge if it's just safety, safety, safety.
	What you have is we're going to build this dam as fast as we can build this dam and we're going to be as safe as we can do it, but some people are going to die.
	And we're going to build the Golden Gate Bridge.
	And we'll do it as safe as we can do it, but shit is going to happen.
	It inevitably does.
	And so what L.A., what the blue-leaning cities went, and any place that's blue, they just took on chick think.
	And they went safe, safe, safe.
	And when Karen Bass was at that roundtable with Trump the other day, and Trump's like, we got to get these, everything needs to be cleared tonight.
	People will do it tonight.
	And she's like, but safety.
	Safety.
	They hide behind safety.
	Safety means regulation.
	Safety means control.
	That's how they work it.
	Everyone got screwed by Pussy Newsome because of safety.
	We didn't know, so we shut the schools.
	We didn't know, so we shut the churches.
	We didn't know, so we shut the beach.
	But safety.
	Safety.
	Don't you think safety is to allow for grift?
	Yeah, of course.
	Well, first off, you're not...
	Listen, Gavin Newsome, you're a pussy.
	I'm not.
	I race old race cars.
	It's not inherently dangerous, but it's not a safe activity.
	But I choose to do it.
	And I have a garage full of tools that'll cut you.
	But I use them.
	They're my tools.
	I take the risk.
	These are my decisions.
	You don't legislate what I can do.
	I'll be in charge of my own safety.
	If I want to walk on a fucking horse trail in La Cunada with no mask, then I'll decide whether I want to do that.
	Right.
	So we took all the guys off the logging camps and the lumber yards and the farms, and we put them in cubicles.
	And they lost their bearing.
	And then they started saying stuff like, in New York during COVID, like, if one person dies of COVID, that's when...
	Shut the fuck up.
	You just took a bunch of elderly people and put them back in a nursing home and they're all dead.
	To kill them on purpose.
	One person dies.
	There's thousands of people are dead and thousands more are going to die.
	Now figure it out.
	Do you think we're ever going to hear the truth about how they corralled sick people in?
	Old people, they're like, yeah, they got to go.
	We'll get their Social Security back anyway once they're dead.
	I think they're so corrupt.
	I mean, I have no empathy for them.
	I hated Fauci from the word go.
	He is a devil.
	I hated Rochelle Walensky.
	I hated all these liars.
	I called them liars.
	I called them liars in real time.
	On the record, I'm so happy that I spoke into a microphone every single day and I said all of this stuff in real time.
	And I didn't know who Anthony Fauci was.
	Nobody did.
	Nobody knew who he was.
	But I saw him get in question by, I think, Jim Jordan.
	And this is in 2020. And he goes, like, the summer of 2020. And listen, this is all you need to know, everybody.
	If you want to figure it out real fast.
	Jim Jordan goes, so you don't like groups.
	You don't like people going to ballparks or churches or events or sporting events or concerts.
	And he goes, nah, no crowds.
	And he goes, well, what about Black Lives Matter rallies?
	And he goes, I got no opinion.
	And he goes, well, you don't want crowds.
	Yeah.
	Well, what about Black Lives Matter marches?
	I don't know.
	Why?
	Why are you asking me?
	He goes, well, we're asking you because you weigh in on everything.
	He goes, hey, do what you want.
	So I said, I got onto the microphone that afternoon, I said, oh, this guy's been corrupted.
	He's corrupted.
	He's now lying.
	He's been politicized, and he's lying.
	Because a normal person who was an epidemiologist would have went, no church, no ballgame, no Black Lives Matter rally, no concerts.
	Get it?
	No groups.
	That's it.
	But he didn't do that.
	And he wouldn't do it.
	None of them would.
	And none of them would.
	And I'm like, oh, you just outed yourself.
	And I don't know why more Americans didn't catch on to you just outing yourself because I just outed you.
	You're now politicized.
	You're now corrupted.
	And now, I don't believe things you say.
	And those are the people who say trust the science, too.
	Yeah, well, he is the science.
	Well, yeah, but that's not scientific to say certain crowds are okay if it's for certain ideals.
	Oh, well, he's captured and he's a liar.
	Of course.
	And that's why he got pardoned.
	People apart really well.
	It's good.
	You should see what I'm doing to you in my head right now.
	Okay.
	Well, you can.
	You can do it.
	But, you know, I was going to say, but the Fauci thing is, oh, shit, you made me fucking forget what I was going to say.
	It was taking people apart.
	I got in your head.
	Autistic, usually, you say.
	No, it was something about fucking Fauci.
	Oh, yeah.
	Them getting part.
	What do you think about these people getting a fucking Biden pardon?
	They haven't even been charged with a crime, so you can't pardon somebody who hasn't been charged, and you can't pardon somebody who's up for treason.
	I don't...
	You can't pardon someone who hasn't been convicted, I don't think.
	I mean, that's what you do.
	That was just him saying this guy is guilty.
	Don't you think it was that?
	I mean, all these people he pardoned because he knows they're guilty.
	Every single thing Biden accuses Trump of doing, he does.
	He's the corrupt family.
	It's his family that goes to all these international players and these rogue nations and hammers checks.
	The same thing he would accuse Trump of.
	And all the...
	Stuff where he'd accuse Trump of pardoning this or using lawfare, whatever.
	Biden uses lawfare.
	Biden uses the DOJ. Biden does everything.
	Everything he says Trump does, he does.
	And yeah, pardoning family members.
	Like, here's the deal.
	And I know.
	I get his argument.
	His argument is, oh, Trump was going to.
	Well, here's the deal.
	Let's say Biden has a family member named Jared who just works in Muncie, Indiana at a Sears.
	And he fears that he's going to get hauled into this.
	Like, no, there's no paper trail.
	He doesn't have a bunch of shell companies with his kid's name in it.
	There's not a whole bunch of red flags that the banks set up over the years.
	Like, no.
	You can't.
	You could accuse me of being part of...
	Let's just say Trump's evil and Trump hated me.
	He's evil.
	He hates Adam Carolla.
	Adam Carolla, we accuse you of taking money from Burisma, a Ukrainian energy company.
	Now we're hauling you in front of a tribunal.
	I'd be like, go ahead.
	I've never been to Ukraine.
	I don't know what you're talking about.
	And then they'd go, we want to see your bank records.
	And I'd call my accountant.
	I'd go, Tony, yeah.
	Give them every single bank record ever because there's no Ukrainian Burisma.
	There's no checks.
	There's no time that Miss Putin gave me a Jaguar.
	There's no anything.
	So just go do it up, okay?
	So then there's nothing to fear because it doesn't really matter how evil Trump is.
	You know, Trump could accuse me of killing Nicole Brown Simpson and I'd go, go ahead.
	I was with my roommates in La Crescenta at the time.
	Ralph will tell you.
	But all right, go ahead.
	I didn't do anything.
	His family is corrupt.
	His family members are corrupt.
	And I don't know why.
	I mean, obviously the news is so partisan that they've now bent themselves into pretzels trying to protect the Bidens.
	Well, they're in on it.
	They're in on it.
	Well, they're all getting paid off.
	Well, here's the question.
	Or they're scared shitless.
	Well, here's what I'm saying.
	It's 1245, just so you know.
	Oh, okay.
	What good is the news if they're going to be wrong about everything, and do they really want to report on themselves being wrong?
	Well, I think the news is to cover up the news.
	Oh, okay.
	I do think it's all fake, and they, like, trot out some shit.
	You know, they trot out some shit, says they have to have something on there.
	It's the key jingling.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	That's who they are.
	Well, it was fun.
	It was certainly fun talking to you.
	Yeah, I'd like to do it.
	It's always fun talking to you.
	I'd love to hear what you say when you say you're going to take me apart.
	Oh, no, no, no.
	But unfortunately, we don't have time for that.
	No, I already did it anyway.
	It's done.
	Well, come on my podcast and we'll continue the conversation.
	I'll come back on.
	We'll come back on.
	This should be a continual thing.
	Home and home, we call it.
	I love the conversation because, first of all, you're...
	You know, you're very much like me in your thinking.
	Because you try to take systems apart and put them back together so that they make sense and cut the fat.
	Even in conversation, it's really cool.
	But I think that's because we're comics and we've been comics for a long time.
	I think it's the blue-collar look at the white-collar criminals.
	Yeah, there's that too.
	There's that.
	Well, thanks.
	This was fun.
	It was really fun.

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