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May 18, 2024 - The Roseanne Barr Podcast

02:10:14

We finally got Ryan Long!!!! | The Roseanne Barr Podcast #48

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	Hi, Olivia.
	I gotta do an intro for the Roseanne Barr podcast.
	Are you wearing...is she naked?
	Okay.
	Let's get out of the line of the camera then, because we don't want...some of the people that listen to this show I don't really trust.
	Let's be honest.
	Anyway, welcome to the Roseanne Barr podcast.
	This is Jake Pentland.
	I just want to tell you this episode that follows with Ryan Long is an excellent episode.
	However, there were some audio complications.
	I won't get into the technical specifics.
	I will just say this.
	I had a professional audio guy three months ago come and tell me what to do, because I wanted to give you the best audio, and everything he told me was wrong, and I'm never using him again, and I'm not blaming him, but it's all 100% completely his fault.
	He told me to use a compressor on this recording equipment, and all it does is lift everybody's mic up.
	So sometimes when I talk, you can hear me in my mother's mic.
	When Ryan talks, you can hear mom, and it's just not good sound.
	I have fixed the problem.
	Everything going forward will be fine.
	I just want you to know we did our best to clean up the audio on this.
	I actually had a friend of mine who's a professional audio engineer go in and edit it.
	It will sound hollow and weird at times.
	I don't think it's a big deal, but I just want to put that out because I want to bring you the best technical product every week.
	And my mom and I love this show and we love it.
	Could you be quiet, Livia Pearl?
	A journey in the mind of a genius and a giant and a Just an absolute talent whom I just love so much.
	Thank you.
	Ryan Long!
	We are out here.
	What a treat to be here.
	You know what?
	I always kind of think one of my like favorite times being in entertainment was I think about it when I was taking a plane to Austin and we got sat beside each other and I'd seen you the night before and you were kind of telling me all the stories about the sitcom era.
	But the one thing you said that I like actually told people this and I think about it a lot when you're, cause I grew up in the nineties, I watched it all.
	And then you're saying in the writing room, uh, where people would bring the scripts that got all sad at the end and you got you and Norm Macdonald be like, someone's trying to win an Emmy.
	That to me is like the funniest story.
	I remember that era where everything was just getting, you know, every, it was the Will Smith, the lights out at the end and we're all doing sad stuff to win Emmys.
	Yeah.
	I just said, don't be trying to fucking win an Emmy on my show.
	That's one of the greetings I did for the writing staff.
	Dude, I remember.
	As a viewer, you notice the trend, but you never notice the behind the curtain where you're like, oh right, they're all trying to seem profound.
	Oh my god, they had no life experience.
	They had no kids.
	They was married to somebody they hate and never wanted to go home, so they lived there on my diamond because I'm paying for that building they're living in.
	And everything they're eating and doing over there, that's coming out of my check.
	And they should just go home because they certainly ain't working.
	They's all like playing games, bullshitting around, taking drugs, taking naps.
	Basically like a company nap.
	Just like a writer's room.
	Like this podcast.
	And then, yeah, except for I'm losing it.
	But yeah, and I just couldn't stand it.
	Because I go, these fat cat motherfuckers, they got in their contract, they got 25k a week.
	And they're bitching about the janitors the whole time.
	Like, well, they're sure uppity, the janitors there.
	I mean, I'm telling you, I saw too much.
	It was too fucking fucked.
	People's heads get blown up really quick, eh?
	Like, day one, they're like, oh, should I even be here?
	Day two, they're throwing stuff on the floor, like, you gonna clean that up?
	Or what is this guy even doing?
	I didn't.
	I was always like this.
	And recording, my thing was like, I need to record this for future shows and, you know, material.
	Because it was unreal, the shit I saw.
	You could not write it.
	You could not write it.
	Interesting.
	Dan Schneider is doing his thing in your writer's room, probably.
	No, he was not one of my writers.
	I'm really proud that he wasn't one of my writers.
	What did you think of that whole thing?
	Well, I knew a ton about it since I got out there to Hollywood and saw what was going on, you know?
	And I was an activist for children's rights, so I knew and found out a whole bunch of shit.
	So it's a lot of the kids' shows that basically I guess any job that has a lot of kids.
	You know what it is?
	It's a fucking rotten, it's a goddamn satanic corporation.
	A corporation is a monument to Satan.
	I'm telling you what.
	You look mind blown there a little bit.
	Well, just every corporation?
	Just the corporate structure itself.
	It is the least democratic thing on fucking earth.
	You get fired.
	Do you think that's good or bad?
	It's terrible.
	Do you think corporations should be democratic?
	I don't think they should be able to impose their elitist will on captive populations once they force them to fucking get jabbed in the eye 18 times by law.
	No.
	Hell yeah.
	And then get kicked off because you're going, what's going on?
	You insurrectionist!
	You're going to fucking prison while I burn this whole goddamn town down and get away with it.
	It's just fucking Nazisville.
	Do you think Hollywood's the worst?
	Do you think Hollywood's worse than, you know, Silicon Valley or DC?
	Well, they're all part of the same deal and they all play a different role.
	But they're all in the snake.
	It always makes me laugh that people always talk about how DC has these kind of elite sex cults, you know, and then you kind of look at the politicians and you're like, I mean, I hope not.
	I hope you don't, you, you make it to the top of DC.
	They bring you into a room.
	It's just like Nancy Pelosi, Ted Cruz and Mitch McConnell.
	And you're like, this is what you're doing.
	They're like, you, you earned this.
	And you're like, I'm actually good.
	I'm probably good on that.
	Nancy Pelosi with her legs behind her head.
	You know how, um, no, they get the sex servants.
	They get like the young children.
	Yeah, but they still all have to be in the room together.
	Even if you got two prostitutes, even if they were smoking.
	I don't even know what you're talking about now.
	Well, they say DC has sex cults.
	Oh yeah, like that one page that photographed him, not Pizzagate, the guy that just photographed himself on all fours ass up, taking it in the hooter, right there in the Congress.
	Didn't you see that?
	Is that the height of arrogance?
	arrogance?
	There was more than one.
	There was another guy recently too.
	He was like, I think this might have been in the UK, but it was another guy.
	They're all nuts over there too.
	They're used to, hey, do you know how they used, like there used to be a lot, like the
	member of the Republican Senator that was kind of like against gay stuff.
	And then he'd caught like in the bathroom blowing it.
	Yeah.
	I was actually the guy who busted them.
	I, uh, they came in and I was like, we go, I wasn't part of that sting.
	The James O'Keefe style sting.
	Yeah.
	I did that.
	Cut that out.
	I shouldn't have said that.
	It's all just chronic masturbation and getting paid for it.
	Sure.
	And I guess a lot of that they say is power really, right?
	A lot of the sex stuff.
	But do you think, okay, do you know how there, like there would kind of used to be like against gay marriage and then they'd get caught with dudes.
	Do you think that's now, do you know how like, it's not in America, but a lot of like the UK and Canada has this a bit, like a lot of places they're like, Do you think there's any super liberal politicians that are really against memes and they get home and they're just like, oh yeah, my fucking memes.
	When she nutted but she's still sucking.
	They just love sexist memes.
	Of course.
	You have to go to the Senate floor and be like, these memes are terrible.
	And he gets home and he's like, women should be in the kitchen.
	Yeah.
	You mean that people are obsessed with what they loathe?
	Yes.
	Yes.
	Protection they call it.
	Yeah, and they can never admit it.
	Hey, one thing that really would help people if I could offer this as an old woman.
	Okay.
	Just stop fucking around and say you're sorry.
	That is like ends a lot of pain.
	You don't keep going with it because you're afraid to say, I did it.
	You're right.
	And I'm sorry.
	What would be an example of someone that you think that would help it?
	All the Jews on the left that are going out and saying they love the Nazi Palestinians for the street cred.
	I'm not going to take it.
	Right.
	You see what I'm saying?
	Well... From the river to the sea, Palestine will be Jew-free!
	You sons of a bitch!
	They've already ethnically cleansed every Jew out of 57 Arab states, which the Muslim Brotherhood run media, which all the Jews work for, for Obama.
	They won't let nobody know about, so that's why I just said it, so suck it!
	Yeah, we've been doing it every week.
	I'm a trans man.
	I'm going to tell you that.
	Oh, you're saying what you've been doing every week.
	You said you've been riding for Hollywood or riding for Israel every week.
	Is that what you meant?
	We've been talking about the Muslim Brotherhood's role in media.
	You can say Jews run the media.
	We say this every week.
	Everyone says the Jews run the media.
	A lot of Jews do run the media.
	A lot of Jews work in the media.
	But you can't say the Muslim Brotherhood does.
	But they have to say what the Muslim Brotherhood tells them to say.
	Okay, you're saying that they have their marching orders.
	Yes.
	Yeah, they got their marching orders.
	That's our theory.
	Which they get at 4am from the CIA.
	Which is the Muslim Brotherhood of the State Department under Obama.
	New York's are the hub of this right now.
	Huh?
	Well, New York's the hub of all the protests right now.
	Yeah.
	No shit.
	Let's talk about the protests.
	Well, I was just saying, like, to me, this is, like, just, to me, it's funny, because it's all the protesters.
	Tom, just picture this.
	Right now, there is a, like, a college kid explaining to his Jewish landlord why he can't make rent while he's wearing a fuck Zionism shirt.
	Oh, God, is that hilarious?
	Oh my God, it's so horrible.
	He's like, I mean, listen, I couldn't work at the coffee shop.
	There's a lot of protest.
	My protesting schedule is very aggressive right now.
	Well, they get the tassels and everything.
	I just need a...
	Have you seen... I mean, it's hard to top reality when you see these Jews that are like with the long
	side locks and they're dressed like, you know, the Amish.
	They basically look just like the Amish with side curls.
	And they're holding up Palestine flags, for fuck's sake.
	Hey, I've got another gripe if you want to tell your people.
	So, the main camera store in New York, B&H, because... Oh, I used to go there all the time!
	It's great.
	They run the place and it's run by, I think, Orthodox or Hasidics or something like that, right?
	Yeah, Christopher...
	What's his name?
	Marcos.
	Yeah, Marcos.
	He took me there.
	And it's closed.
	So they have Monopoly on cameras, but then it's closed on, I guess it would be the Saturday.
	Saturday, yeah.
	So it's closed every Friday.
	You also can't even go on the website on Fridays.
	You can't order stuff on Fridays.
	So it's like, why can't they just find non-Jews to run it on the Fridays?
	Why does the whole place have to be closed down?
	You know what I love most?
	I think that's common sense!
	That's common sense!
	But they're not supposed to make anything work on Shabbat.
	But that's what Jews are about, loopholes, right?
	Well, that's what I think, too!
	Well, no, that's what they do.
	There are so many loopholes.
	Let me tell you, you know how many lawsuits I have financed in my life.
	Many of them are against the Jewish people.
	You did?
	And I've won.
	Yes.
	What's your biggest win?
	Well, I'm under an NDA.
	Oh, they're all NDAs.
	Nice.
	Seven figures, though.
	Woo!
	Publications, you can say, right?
	I don't think I'm allowed to say.
	Oh, you sued publications then?
	I did sue publications under the RICO Act, and I won.
	With the RICO Act?
	Like saying that they're a gang?
	Yeah, they're a gang of organized criminals in every state that turns in shit on famous people, and I won.
	And you won?
	Yeah, but I don't know why nobody's ever using that.
	I won that case in the Supreme Court.
	That's sick.
	I went, I don't care how much it cost me.
	I'm a rich fucking Jew, bitch.
	You better watch out.
	Watch out what you allow.
	Watch out what you allow.
	Didn't you sue them for telling the truth?
	That's what you told me once.
	Is this the same lawsuit?
	Oh yeah.
	I said they printed something false.
	You said, no, they printed something true.
	That's why I was able to sue them.
	But is that, is that true?
	Is that the same Rico case?
	Because they have to surround it with lies so that you won't figure out who in your household is selling the story.
	It's a publication where people sell stories.
	I'm on the autism spectrum.
	I could always figure out who the guilty one was.
	Like I said, cause I always fucking want in clue.
	Yeah.
	And it was always Tom Arnold.
	And I watch the ID channel, so I know how the criminal mind works, you see?
	Whoa!
	She's a profiler.
	Because my grandpa and both my grandpas had criminal minds.
	Well, they're Jews.
	Of course they did.
	Yeah.
	Well, they had to or they wouldn't have got no money.
	Dude, that's wild.
	Jews had to make their money on the black market, just like in the following ages.
	So did the African-Americans and the Hispanics.
	And the Kennedys.
	And the Kennedys.
	Everybody's got to make their money on the black market in America.
	That's how you do it.
	I mean, my mind's blown by the fact that you sued the media basically saying they operate like a gang.
	Because they do, obviously.
	Even worse now.
	calls another guy because they was turning in stories about me wherever I
	was going across the country what's that yeah cuz they can all they was fucking
	turning in what I was eating in what hotel at what time and then they was going
	Huh?
	Did you have a mole?
	Well, of course, there was always a mole.
	Drake has a mole on OVO right now.
	He's basically the same thing.
	What's this rap thing?
	Drake, yeah.
	Drake, man, they're kind of, oh, they came hard for Drake.
	He's a Jewish brethren, right?
	In the six, yeah.
	That's my city.
	Is that your city?
	That's my city, yeah.
	I love performing there.
	People are so smart.
	Yeah.
	And they have the best brassiere store that's ever been for a Jewish woman with large breasts.
	Really?
	Right there in Toronto, which is why I always accepted the invitations to perform there.
	The Big Boobs Shop.
	Yeah, for like the Jewish woman.
	It was like handmade for the Jewish woman.
	What's it called?
	I can't remember.
	Shout out to the Big Boobs Store.
	It's across the street from that I actually know because in Toronto it also has the best store for underwear for men with huge packages and I go there a lot.
	Wait, I usually have to go twice a week because I wear out the other ones.
	Well, when you're a Jew, you have very large breasts, and also you have a lot of back fat.
	Is that true?
	Yes!
	So you've got to balance out all that with the proper... I'm just scanning through Jewish women, I know.
	It's pretty true, actually.
	The proper foundation must be had.
	They've got to have the high sides.
	Now, none of these bitches always have the high sides.
	What's high sides?
	Cause they always are really skinny.
	I guess you're saying like big riffs?
	Or like Japanese girls that have no back fat.
	Are you talking about your up, your top butt?
	Your butt on top of your butt?
	Yeah, but the one on top.
	The duplex, there's your butt and then you have the one above it.
	You're talking about that one?
	Your back, your back top, but yeah, that's a high side.
	It looks like a four pack of buns is what I'm saying.
	Then you get a swimsuit on.
	Okay.
	Oh, I didn't know.
	I didn't know what high sides were.
	Oh, we all, we all talk about it every time behind your back.
	We all look at you.
	This guy leaked it to the media last week.
	Um, yeah, I, well, anyway, we can't talk about that lawsuit apparently much more, but can you guys tell me what this wrap beef is?
	Cause I don't know about it.
	She bounces around.
	Who was it?
	My husband, Tom Arnold.
	Stop it.
	It's true.
	Your husband was leaking?
	Were you still with him at the time or this is when you were separated?
	No, when I was with him.
	Completely together.
	What does he get out of that?
	Just like trying to make you look bad so we can break up with you and he seems like the good guy?
	I think it was drug money.
	He's doing it for money?
	Uh-huh.
	Weren't you guys rich?
	Yeah, he had money.
	Why did he do it?
	He didn't have enough?
	Oh wait, no, he was selling... Not at first.
	He was selling stories before you got rich with him.
	Yeah, before I got really rich.
	What?
	How much did you get for a story?
	Five grand, I think it was.
	I think it was five grand.
	Seems like not crazy money.
	When you're on coke, that's a good amount of money.
	And this was back in the 90s.
	Oh, he's a drug addict.
	Yeah, drug addicts, you know, drug addicts.
	And then the worst thing they do... That stinks!
	Yeah, but even worse than that, because a lot, most drunk, most drug addicts have the decency to overdose and die.
	When they get sober, the damage they begin to inflict on their victims is un-fucking-believable.
	Oh, because these- Because their self-righteous gene kicks in, because they're like, Sober 30 days!
	I didn't fuck nobody over!
	Screw nobody!
	I'm the king!
	For 30 whole days!
	And I get a medal!
	It's like narcissism to the millionth degree.
	Yeah, I'm the king of morality right now.
	Huh?
	I'm the king of morality because I haven't had a drink in a week.
	Yeah, I haven't fucked nobody over because I wasn't drunk enough.
	Getting steel from my mother for eight days, I'm the king right now.
	That sucks.
	Yeah.
	They never paid the price for their transition.
	That was the first time I noticed when people was talking about transitioning.
	He's transitioning from a drug addict to an asshole.
	No, to a sober.
	Yeah, yeah.
	Yeah, to a sober.
	That's a whole other thing.
	Then they get all self-righteous with the God shit, too.
	Oh, so... Oh, the Lord!
	As the Lord hath saith, He forgives me for what I did to you, and if you have decency in your heart someday, you'll forgive me, too.
	Yeah, and... That fucking double-talking bullshit of Satan.
	Fucking twelve steps ahead.
	And you're thinking, can you please just do some heroin and go back to stealing from me?
	Or die.
	I liked it better when you were leaking stories.
	With the saved shit.
	Yeah, saved can be a hassle.
	Oh, my good lord.
	I'm so bored with all of it.
	She calls them sobers, it's my favorite thing.
	The sobers?
	She has like a, what is it, epithet for them?
	Sobers, people in recovery.
	She hates sobers.
	I just love that you say that.
	They can never recover that they were a fucking asshole who stole from all their friends.
	That's tough, yeah.
	And lied and fucking did a million other nasty things that they think because they got sober that makes them be forgiven, but it don't.
	You owe money, bitch.
	You owe money to all those kids you left behind and their mothers when you was drunk and running around, you son of a bitch.
	Go pay your fucking fines and then come back and talk about self-righteousness.
	And in the meantime, why don't you kiss my fucking drunken ass?
	That's what I say.
	That's what I have to say about it.
	Selling secrets from your wife is pretty low on the scale of Dirtbag.
	I agree.
	And it was Inquirer that told me, too.
	We was in a room.
	Well, I did a lot of that in my family, actually.
	Do you?
	Yeah, two uncles.
	I mean, they're dead now, and they would steal from my grandma, and it was kind of like a whole debacle that went on forever and no one knew what to do about it.
	Oh, no.
	You know, they always forgive them, especially when it's your kids, right?
	You always forgive them.
	And then, you know, then two weeks later they drained your, you know, social security kind of thing.
	Like, yeah, really crappy stuff.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's kind of like a debacle.
	Like when she died, it was like all the money was drained.
	When, when he died, like they couldn't even do the funerals cause like she had no money.
	So it was like, yeah, just.
	And then they'd kind of break in and sell Elvis memorabilia.
	My mom went there and she was like, the walls were just cleared of everything.
	Just like, yeah, classic drug addict stuff.
	And there isn't really a good answer.
	I guess the good answer is then they become righteous, but that didn't happen in this case.
	Well, that's why I'm not opposed to that fiorinol coming across the board.
	Fentanyl?
	You mean?
	Yeah.
	Fentanyl.
	Because, I mean, you know what I mean?
	If you're that fucking deranged... For me personally, I stopped.
	I'm not... I used to be for fentanyl, and then after my uncle's died, I said, I'm going to stop putting it in my product that I sell to family members.
	That's really good that you did that.
	But I mean, really?
	It's gonna clear out all... Drug addicts, I mean... The problem with fentanyl is that kids can, like, touch a doorknob and die.
	Not even doing drugs.
	That's the problem with it.
	You can't be pro-fem.
	Oh, I didn't know that.
	That's the problem.
	Oh, that's horrible.
	Also, just like a cool guy can be partying, you know?
	Yeah.
	Dude, it's like crazy the amount of, whereas like before, I don't think you knew a ton of people that OD'd.
	Now it's like everyone knows four people.
	Yeah.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Oh, see, I don't know that world.
	Dude, in LA comedy, there was, I forget that girl's name, Kate Quigley or something.
	She was with like seven people.
	They're at a party.
	They just all did coke and six of them died.
	Comics?
	Yes.
	I don't know if these were all comics.
	She's a comic.
	A few of them were comics.
	And yet in, uh, in comedy, there's, I think everyone knows someone that, you know, did that.
	Yeah.
	When we were at SkinkFest, remember they tested that guy's Coke and he had fentanyl in it.
	Remember?
	When we were in SkinkFest on stage, someone had Coke.
	And then someone had to test her?
	They tested her right there and had fucking fentanyl at SkinkFest.
	And they stopped it.
	You don't remember that?
	No, I was high on that Coke.
	No, it's really scary because it just, it takes, I mean, I mean, George Floyd died of fentanyl.
	Is that what he was on?
	Yeah.
	He OD'd on fentanyl.
	That must be one hell of a good drug.
	Have you ever tried it?
	Coke?
	Fentanyl?
	Probably.
	Yeah.
	Do you know what I mean?
	I don't know.
	Yeah.
	They probably put it in the other drugs.
	Well, that's what they do.
	And then it just, it takes so little to kill you.
	It's everywhere.
	There's not a joke.
	I know the lady in Texas that she's on the PTA.
	Well, just cheaper, right?
	That's the idea.
	I don't know.
	I think it gets you really fucked up.
	They say they make it in China.
	But that's what I mean.
	I think the idea is if you can sell way less coke, if you put fentanyl in it, it's cheaper.
	It's like baby powder used to be or something, but it gets you high.
	Yeah.
	Fentanyl is a drug that gets you high.
	It makes you be afraid to take drugs anymore.
	It's getting so as you can't even take illegal drugs anymore.
	To be honest, a lot of people do kind of think that.
	I think there's a lot of people that nowadays would be at a party and they're like, yo, I'm not going to just take random coke.
	That's too sketchy.
	Maybe it's a good thing.
	Yeah, guys, I don't know.
	Depends on what side of partying you're on.
	That's true.
	I'm fine with partying.
	I don't care.
	As long as you don't fucking sell Stories of the Inquirer, I don't really give a shit.
	You know what I mean?
	If you're just going to get high, I'm fine.
	I tried cocaine a few times when I was Tom Arnold's girlfriend or comedy partner.
	We did shows together.
	Is it fun?
	I've never done coke.
	No, I never liked it.
	It gave me the worst fucking headache.
	It does give you the worst headache, especially in the morning.
	Bad hangovers.
	The headache was just too much.
	Messes your voice up.
	Yeah.
	You go way too high and end up too low.
	Yeah.
	You're probably already like kind of a high person too, right?
	Like, I think a lot of people, I think a lot of my friends that are like the most into it, it's like, they're almost like low socially.
	And then, you know, that turns them into the person they want to be a little bit, you know?
	That is what it is.
	It's like drinking.
	It gives them confidence.
	Yeah.
	And they think it makes them funny.
	I've watched a lot of comics do that because they're, but it's not, it's, they're so tired.
	Well, with what I could see.
	They're so burnt out and tired and used up that they think they gotta amp it all up to get there.
	Yeah.
	When if they just rested for six months, it'd come naturally, you know?
	And also you put it into your, like, with creativity, with anything, with, you know, touring, like, if you bake, you know, being on drugs into your system, then all your brain pathways are like, this is how I do it.
	This is how I learn.
	This is how I am funny.
	And then you're like, well, I don't know how to do it without that.
	So many people have that where it's like, you know, I can only write when I smoke weed.
	I can only perform when I'm drunk.
	Like, and then you're just like, you do it without, they're like, well, that'd be like starting again.
	Cause this is how I learned how to do it.
	Yeah.
	I think that for a lot of people, at some point, especially when you're in the thick of being popular, it's just like, boom, boom, boom.
	You're like, I don't have six months.
	You know what I mean?
	They're like, I don't have six months.
	I have to do this tomorrow.
	And this is how I do it.
	So it's hard to change your system once.
	So you almost have to just start not doing that.
	Whenever you see new comics, they're just like, oh yeah, I do.
	I drink four or five beers a night before every show.
	And you're just like, this is going to be bad for you.
	You don't do anything before you do stand-up?
	I can.
	Do you know what I mean?
	He has.
	That's not the normal.
	But now you're just into the art of it.
	Yeah, but also I've been doing it for a long time.
	You've been doing it a long time.
	I think there's a big difference between learning something drunk and then learning it before, having your way, you do it, and then you want to be drunk, you want to be drunk, you know what I mean?
	Right, right, right.
	But it's almost like the learning is where your brain pathways get shaped, you know?
	Yeah, that is right.
	Well, Ma, I love doing this podcast with you week to week, and it's fun.
	We talk about all sorts of subjects, but what I really love is doing the ads with you.
	Is there a little bit looser?
	Especially the fatty liver.
	I was going to say the fat liver.
	You get like some really horrible fat jokes off of the expense of my liver, which I don't think I do have a fatty liver, but I could have a fatty liver.
	You really don't think you have a fatty liver?
	I could have a fatty liver.
	I think you have a fatty liver.
	I think you have five fatty stomachs, too.
	That's just not funny.
	Because cows have five stomachs?
	That's not funny.
	Okay, well I'll cut it out.
	Yeah.
	But anyway, no, you're looking great, actually.
	You're probably thinner than me now, sadly.
	Yeah, but what's that got to do with a fatty liver?
	Well, I'm assuming... People who have a fatty liver might be thin looking, right?
	That's actually a really good point.
	If you're thin and in shape, you should still look into this Impact Brands fatty liver formula because it affects hundreds of millions of Americans, and I would say not hundreds of millions of Americans.
	Especially if you're over 40.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's not, I make fat jokes, but you're right.
	Absolutely right.
	Fatty liver can be caused by bad food, bad medicine, all sorts of things.
	So that is a very, very good point.
	So tell the people where to go because it is very important if you do have fatty liver to take care of it.
	It's as bad as heart disease.
	Yeah.
	It's very important to start protecting your liver today.
	You can do so with liver health formula.
	It's an all-natural supplement which contains 11 clinically proven botanicals that help recharge and protect your liver.
	This company has already helped more than 2 million fellow Americans with their products.
	It's not surprising that the liver health formula is so popular, is it Jay?
	It's not surprising at all because we do the ads for them.
	You can try Liver Help Formula and receive a free bottle of Nano Powered Omega 3 to keep your heart healthy.
	And try Liver Help Formula by going to GetLiverHelp.com forward slash RB and claim your free bonus gift.
	Remember, your liver is responsible for 500 key functions.
	So it's time you give it a boost in performance.
	Go to GetLiverHelp.com forward slash RB.
	Well, Ma, you know, Feel the Greens is a product we've pushed a bunch.
	That's the powder you love and you shake it and you drink it.
	It's six whole fruits and vegetables we talked about all the time.
	Pulverized.
	Yeah, freeze-dried and pulverized.
	It's a great product, but they've been really kind of on the forefront now of the war on cancer.
	It's not an energy drink.
	It's really healthy for you.
	And they just sent me this note that the American Cancer Society discovered diets rich in fruits and veggies may actually lower your risk of cancer because in 2024, over 611,000 deaths from cancer are projected.
	Everything's getting worse, food's getting worse, stress, smoking, chemtrails, aliens trying to eat our livers, whatever it is, it's becoming worse than ever.
	So feel the greens, actually, even though it's fruits and vegetables, whatever sounds like it's healthy and it is.
	It actually can help.
	Who would have thought something having to do with nature would be good?
	Yeah, I know.
	Isn't it crazy?
	Yeah.
	That it would help your health and your body.
	There is a new movement now where it's like, hey, let's have products where people eat and put in their body that aren't made in a lab.
	And I think that's probably pretty smart.
	I think God knows what he's doing.
	Fruits and vegetables know what they're doing.
	So feel the green.
	You can tell them where to go.
	They already know.
	It's six whole fruits and vegetables freeze-dried and pulverized, and we love it.
	Yeah, and if you don't love it for any reason, what's great is they'll give you a 100% money-back guarantee.
	And I got you 15% off your first order, plus free rush shipping.
	Visit FieldOfGreens.com and use the promo code RB.
	That's promo code RB at FieldOfGreens.com.
	FieldOfGreens.com.
	Oh, yeah.
	What about these rap battles?
	Like, poor Drake.
	I mean, that, like, what's-his-face really came for Drake, didn't he?
	Can you guys tell me what's going on?
	Yeah, they're calling him a pedophile.
	It's a big rap battle where he's like... Drake is a pedophile.
	It's ludicrous, right?
	You think so?
	100%.
	Why?
	I thought, didn't everyone know this?
	Drake?
	Remember when he was texting?
	He might like young girls.
	That's a pedophile.
	No, pedophile!
	No, he was texting the girl from Stranger Things years ago.
	Under the legal age, that's a child.
	Yeah, I mean, this is always one of those things where you don't want to be the guy like... It's my opinion.
	Technically, it's not, obviously.
	No, no, I'm saying it.
	I should say this is my theory, but I said Drake was a pedophile six years ago.
	I didn't know this was a thing now.
	You said that about him?
	100%.
	He was texting that girl that played Eleven on Stranger Things when she was, I think, 11 or 12.
	Well, his side of that is like, yeah, we're friends.
	Yeah, he was mentoring her.
	But that's what pedophiles say.
	It is obviously.
	You're just like, yes, my buddy.
	You're hanging out with 13-year-old girls.
	You're just friends, huh?
	I get what you're saying.
	Well, that was my instinct.
	But then, also, he's a child actor, so he was obviously molested and raped on the set.
	I said that.
	You think Degrassi was going down like that? 100%!
	Drake was on Degrassi.
	He was a child actor.
	Do you know this?
	A lot of people were on Degrassi.
	Drake was a child actor?
	Yeah, he was like a dork.
	Have you ever heard of the show Degrassi?
	No, what's that?
	Degrassi, it was like a very famous kids show.
	It wasn't even a wheelchair, it was just gay or something.
	I never watched it.
	No, well, it was a Canadian show.
	Oh, I didn't know.
	Oh, it was a Canadian show.
	But it was very popular in America.
	It was like one of the biggest Canadian shows that ever kind of became popular in America.
	And Drake was like the gay... What was he?
	I never watched it.
	He was gay or retarded or something.
	Wheelchair.
	Wheelchair.
	Yeah.
	Retarded.
	But he got shot, that's why.
	Oh, okay.
	So not retarded.
	I didn't either, but no.
	So Drake, and then I remember he got interviewed when he was like 19 after Degrassi ended or whatever age.
	And he's like, yeah, I'm starting music.
	And ET did it.
	And they were basically doing that thing where they parade, like, look at this fucking loser thinks he's going to do music.
	And then it becomes like one of the biggest rappers in the world.
	Yeah, he became huge.
	Well, that's obviously the disc battles become like essentially like a gossip fest now.
	I mean, kind of all of the internet is like a gossip festival.
	I follow this stuff.
	All the gay guys like it.
	Thank you.
	Everyone in rap is a gay pedophile.
	I mean, no masculine guy gives a f**k. I just don't understand why everyone's surprised about P. Diddy.
	Just so you know, we've all been saying this about you.
	Can I just say one thing while you talk?
	Rapping is so gay.
	It's all gay.
	It's guys like, they act hard, but you're singing, you're writing poetry with that drum beat.
	It's so f**king gay.
	I know you were in a band, but at least you're gay.
	I think it's gay.
	Listen, I moved to New York to be an artist.
	I'm not ever claiming I'm the most pinnacle of masculinity.
	Are you a singer though?
	So it's gay.
	Being an artist is not the most masculine thing in the world as much as you try it.
	No, being an artist is totally queer.
	Yeah, 100%.
	No, we're queer.
	We're here, we're queer.
	I'm not a queer.
	You take that back.
	You called me a queer.
	No, we're here, we're queer.
	I mean, listen, there's obviously like... You know, we're not like them.
	We're not like this.
	So several nights ago, Jimmy said we should try to get a new Kind of dishwasher.
	We're not like that.
	We're like crazy and out there, you know?
	I mean, creativity is inherently somewhat feminine.
	Yeah.
	I think so.
	In me, it's total masculine is how I see it.
	Well, that was a manifestation of the creativity in my opinion.
	So the masculine is you.
	That's your perspective.
	That's your personality.
	The creativity part is, you know, the alchemy and that part of it is like, you know, it's kind of even like politically like create, you know, like a kind of more conservative masculine thing is very like this.
	So you solve it and this is where to do this.
	And, you know, and I think the feminine portion is a little more, whereas the out of the box component, you know, And it's kind of one of those things where, in my opinion, the out-of-the-box component is usually wrong, but that's how you find the best parts.
	So if I'm thinking of things, like most of the time you're kind of, you know, putting stupid connections together and coming up, but then once in a while you're coming up with a great connection.
	I think that if you are just too hyper-masculine, you actually remove the creative parts, because you kind of look at that, you're like, Yeah, well, why would that work?
	And you're like, most of the time you're right, but when you're not right, that's like the creative, that's what creativity is.
	I agree.
	One thousand percent.
	But you are right on that.
	I'll tell you what, none of you, very few men, you guys are the exceptions.
	Woo!
	You need to be creative.
	That's not what they're here for.
	They're not here to develop their feminine side for fuck's sake.
	I agree.
	That's why they're hulkingly huge.
	And so that's what they need to stick to is the, you know... Generally speaking, because there are a lot of... There's manly ways to sell things, you know what I mean?
	Like you go, no, I'm not.
	What do you mean?
	I'm creative.
	I'm a linear thinker.
	Like that's like a tech version of like how to describe that thinking in a masculine way.
	Right.
	Well, yeah, that's true.
	You know, because, you know, the whole computer's based on the way women think.
	I thought it would be.
	It's all circular.
	Yeah.
	That's why mine never works.
	It's in a circular rather than a linear thought form, that's why.
	And also we can have Siri.
	It blows in the news every month.
	No, you make a good point.
	I would have thought computers were masculine.
	No, but it's in a circular rather than a linear thought form.
	That's why one.
	And also we can have Siri.
	Well, listen, fingers like- Is it worth it?
	Not really.
	You must have people in your life.
	Like it's very few people are, okay, so I'm sure that comedically you've probably been
	in, you know, when you're hiring writers or the, you know, I'm sure you've run this type
	of thing millions of times in your life.
	There's probably, I bet you 95% of the people you're like, give me all your ideas.
	And you're like, I thought of all of that in the first second of thinking of this problem.
	And then there's other people that they're in, they're very rare, where they say something and you're like, oh shit, yeah, that's amazing.
	Where'd you even come up with that?
	Most people that you hire, you're like, everything you just told me, I thought of that and that, like, yes, obviously those are all options.
	I thought of all those.
	Yeah, I saw them all on Lucy like you did.
	Yeah, do you know what I mean?
	You're just like you're it's so it and then there's very few people that you call and you're kind of like looking for out-of-box solutions.
	I think a lot of politics... Well, Norm, he wasn't like that.
	Right.
	And you're not like that.
	And how much of politics when they're talking about, you know, you hear our Democrats and Republicans arguing you're like, yes, I know all of these things.
	I know all the things you're gonna say.
	I know all the things you're gonna say.
	I've heard all these things, you know what I mean?
	All bullshit.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And that's why I think I'm always leaning towards execution is so much more important than ideas, really.
	It is, absolutely.
	Absolutely.
	I always think in art, it's such the perfect way to look at it is you're always kind of The industry, which is very like binary thinking, they're always kind of like pitch us ideas and it'll be kind of like, okay, what about they're janitors and they work at this place?
	Okay, what about this?
	And they're like, no, like as if the idea matters, like what matters is the person who's making it, their execution, their perspective, who they can hire.
	I think It always reminds me, imagine if you were doing music and you were like a musician going to like a label boss and they're like, okay, what's the new song going to be about?
	They're like, I think I'm going to write this song about love.
	And they're like, I don't know.
	And the guy's like, okay, it's about killing someone.
	You're like, what the fuck?
	It doesn't matter.
	Like what's this guy's execution?
	Like what's his perspective?
	What's this?
	Interesting part.
	And I think politics is a lot like that.
	It's too much.
	People talk too much about like idea versus idea.
	And there are ideas that are bad, but what would really be better is like the best executor will do a better job of the country and he'll actually help your problems better too.
	But when the whole thing's corrupt, this is kind of relevant.
	You just, like, if you have a bad TV show and all the writers are bad, all the staff's bad, you have a bad DP, the editor's bad.
	It really doesn't matter when you're too arguing over these two ideas.
	You're like, this is going to suck no matter who wins this little idea battle.
	I think a lot of the world kind of lacks execution and too many idea conversations.
	Very deep and very true.
	Very, very true.
	And like I always said to my writers whom I forced to wear numbers, you know.
	Did they have to wear the star and the band too?
	No, they didn't do anything like that, but they had to wear numbers because I had a suspicion because they'd come down to the run-through and I'd hear them only laughing a few jokes and I figured out they're only laughing at the ones they wrote around me.
	To like, you know, artificial... You're trying to soup it up?
	Yeah, like, AI!
	AI, you know, like, living AI.
	That's a great fucking joke, that one right there.
	Genius!
	Genius!
	Do you know Jamie Kennedy?
	Yeah, I do.
	You would probably know him, right?
	I used to really like his old show, The Jamie Kenney Experiment, but he had one thing where he did exactly that.
	He was in a room where they were doing, he made these really bad segments for a show.
	I saw that, yeah.
	You remember that?
	They were doing a test panel, and then everyone was like, terrible, worst thing I've seen.
	And he goes, brilliant.
	Yeah.
	That reminds me of that.
	And you gave them numbers, and then if their joke was good, you go, hey, seven and eight, you're switching.
	I was just going, Putting it in my head.
	How did the numbers help?
	I'd be like, well, not number 19 laughed at such and such.
	So he wrote them, you know?
	So I was like autistic, you know?
	It was easy for you to clock that.
	So I was making these systems for myself to figure shit out.
	Part of it was also so they wouldn't get a big head, I assume.
	Like you're just a number.
	That's what I always thought.
	Like you're a factory worker.
	No, because I worked at, I did try to work at like a factory and, um, Of course, they stole everything.
	They stole all my formulas and everything.
	At a factory?
	Yeah, I did try to run it like a factory.
	Because I was very inspired by Andy Warhol, so that kind of a factory, you know, Warhol stuff.
	Yeah, I feel like that part of it is almost, there's some of those things where If you kind of run a thing, everyone's going to kind of take your formula and go do it.
	And that's just the game.
	Like you can't fight it.
	Sort of like the internet right now, if you were the first to come up with like a really good way of like synthesizing ideas and explaining someone, you're like, if that was really good, by nature of it being good, there's going to be a lot of people doing it in a week.
	Right.
	That's the thrill, to influence.
	It is what it is.
	To influence and make it wave.
	But I think some people, yeah, I think it's really short-sighted thinking to be kind of like, these guys all, you're copying me.
	And I think that when people are on the internet, you're kind of just like, yeah, that's gonna happen.
	It's unfortunate, but that's just how this works.
	I just like that I can originate a thought that waves through consciousness and then see how it evolves to different groups.
	Yeah, and if you do that like 10 times in your career, you're like, that was good.
	Yeah, and I've done it way more than 10.
	Yeah, well, I'm just saying that would be like, if someone did that 10 times, that's good.
	If you did it 80 times or 150 times, you're like, well, now I'm, or 2000 times, you're like, now I'm really crushing it.
	Because I just feel like, oh, it's such a beautiful connection between me and the Zeitgeist God.
	God is Zeitgeist, right?
	I think.
	You know what else that I was going to think about that?
	Some of it comes down to, a lot of times, knowing what your actual place in the Zeitgeist is.
	Yeah.
	That are really good at, you know, kind of like synthesizing ideas and like, you know, like a lot of the best, a lot of the best writers are really good at just like really flushing out an idea.
	And then a really good comedian's really good at taking all that and making this into a sentence where I said all that.
	Yeah, like synthesizing it to smaller.
	And then some people are really good at that.
	And some people are really good at like, almost like evangelizing for ideas.
	Right, exactly.
	They're almost less good at maybe coming up with original stuff.
	I always use those people, those kind of writers, as like writing the through line, making sure a through line, you know, making sure they brought that through line, because they were really good at that.
	Formulaic.
	Those bones, because I looked at it like a skeleton we're putting together.
	So those bones they brought in, it was very much a part of it.
	Yeah, like there's certain people where they're like... You know, adding the context and the tense to a story.
	And then there's some people that are more like, you know, kind of creative geniuses that they need one of those people to sort of like house this shit and like sell it.
	Right.
	Yeah, and they both kind of are needed.
	Yeah, and it's cool to see the synthesis of those various kind of artists working together to produce one product.
	That is what the factory of I liked about Andy Warhol's work that he did with, you know, people at the factory.
	You need one crazy genius and one make it happen guy.
	Yeah.
	To sometimes tell the crazy genius, okay, take like, no, like, no, not that move on.
	Like, you know, keep them going and then just be like, Oh, we can do that.
	I can know how we'll do that.
	And then someone to just be kind of like, and I think those are the best pairings a lot of times.
	Yeah, I do too.
	That's why our podcast works.
	I love that.
	I think of you as being like, I mean, I want to, I always wanted to, you know, well, anyway, do you know, I'm trying to come up with how to say it.
	Well, you know, I started my career in Denver, Colorado in a mosh pit.
	Why in a mosh pit?
	Because I couldn't get on the regular white people stage there.
	At the comedy clubs.
	Okay.
	Because they just thought I was too radical.
	She was pretty aggressive when she started.
	I wasn't like they thought a woman should be.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's a harder path to be the person that's going to do it differently.
	You know?
	So I had to go to like biker bars and jazz clubs.
	And I mean, I'm happy now because it was so great of audiences, but yeah, actually, I used to be in a mosh pit doing my act with no microphone.
	Yeah, I've done those.
	That's why I got- You've done those?
	Oh, I mean a million of those.
	I've done comedy every last little place you can do it.
	Isn't it kind of like a street performer?
	Like in fucking pre-war Berlin?
	Yes, it's exactly like that.
	Yeah.
	I mean, I've done it outside like a street performer as well.
	Do you think it's pre-war Berlin and we're doing that?
	I wasn't there, so I have a hard time comparing.
	No, but I mean, it's just like, there's no law, there's no order, and we're trying to make a point about that.
	Yeah, when you start to do better at comedy, you're like, the one good thing is I don't have to convince them to stay.
	At least they're here.
	At least they're here in their seats and there are bills coming that they have to pay at some point.
	Whereas you're in these other places, people are trying to watch the game.
	My first probably three years of doing comedy was doing comedy for people that were kind of pissed off that we started doing this.
	They're at a bar and we start doing comedy and they're like, Jesus, fuck it up.
	And you're like, no, no, I promise.
	Give us two people.
	But I want always to be in a punk rock band, because I did sing in a punk rock band for a while.
	I fucking loved it.
	And I played at CBGB.
	It was a dream come true.
	Oh, cool.
	That's very cool.
	Anyway, so you did that before?
	No, this was when she was, this is like Annie Kaufman.
	She was famous and then did it.
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	It was so rad.
	She did Tower Records on Sunset too.
	People would show up and they're like, Oh, Roseanne Parr's in a band.
	It was so fucking cool.
	Because I just love punk rock, and that's why, you know, I know you were in a punk rock band.
	Yeah, I was like a big, like Ska or something.
	Ska!
	I love Ska!
	It's kind of like Southern Ontario, there's kind of this big scene of a lot of, like, there's, punk was big, Ska was big, a lot of, like, a huge reggae influence on all that, but it was all guys that kind of grew up listening to Beastie Boys and stuff, so it was like a lot of that in there.
	So you started, I just want to do a little bio thing real quick, if you don't mind.
	So you started doing ska punk in Canada, right?
	Or that was kind of how you- Yeah, I was in like kind of different bands, but that was the biggest one.
	And you were singing, right?
	Tell me where I'm wrong.
	So I've just been doing music my whole life.
	So it was kind of always music and videos.
	Since what age?
	music and videos. I was a big...
	Since what age?
	Music, you know, since I was seven or Why were you forced against your will to play piano?
	and stuff. Why were you forced against your will to play piano? That's just like how my
	household was. It was like these are the things you do. You play hockey and you play piano and
	those then you can go do your other stuff. So Canadian.
	Dude it was legitimately growing up it was like no you go in the basement you have to play piano
	for half an hour and then you have to do you know 2,000 hockey shots in the on the fake ice. This
	is it.
	And then you can go do what you want.
	That was our, like, Asian family make you do an extra math.
	That was we had to play piano and hockey shots.
	Legitimately, yeah, the amount of hockey I was forced to do against my will.
	And piano, I hated it.
	I remember some of my least favorite moments in my life was sitting at that piano bench.
	Me too!
	I hated it.
	I had a timer.
	I put the timer there and I just remember like, On the band, being seven years old, just being like, I hate this so much.
	I want to go skateboard, like whatever.
	I just hated it.
	Me and my sister, we had this teacher, Mr. Marcroft, and he had the worst B.O.
	and breath ever, and he'd come to our house because we had to take piano, too.
	Yeah, it sucks.
	But then I started playing guitar and drums, and then I, you know, whatever.
	I'm glad I can play piano now, I guess, whatever.
	Oh, that is awesome that you can play piano.
	I know.
	I think that they're right.
	I think there is some benefit of, you know, piano is good for the brain and all that sort of stuff.
	I'm forcing my daughter to play piano.
	I'm not joking.
	You know, an interesting thing is, so I'm like, you know, probably I spend a huge amount of my time editing and I have my whole life, you know, making videos and editing.
	I just want to get to this.
	It helps.
	I'll just say this.
	We'll finish that one sentence.
	I've hired a million editors and I've never met a really great editor that wasn't a musician.
	Oh yes, I get that.
	Timing and math.
	Synchronicity and timing, right?
	And frequency, of course.
	Right?
	Isn't that the shit?
	Frequency, what the fuck is all this shit about frequency?
	Am I right?
	What the hell?
	Honestly, I really do think of editing a video like that.
	It's like you have your kind of audios like the drums, and then the talking becomes sort of like the rhythmic components, and then you have to have a pacing, and if you break your pacing, that has to be on purpose.
	You know, I think that, uh, I don't know, there's a reason why a lot of the best comedians, like not even comedians, comedians that do like video stuff, like on the street stuff, comedians that do like sketches, so many of the best ones were musicians.
	So many of the best shows, the head editor that, you know, there's a lot of these big comedy shows like, uh, that you look in the editor, uh, not, and the sitcom's a little different because, you know, those, those things will operate a little different.
	I'm talking about more like sketch, especially when there's like a music, you know, cue component.
	You look at like the five biggest ones and like all of it, you go look at the guy that was in charge of editing that and he was like a big musician.
	Yeah.
	It's kind of interesting.
	No, it makes total sense.
	I wish people could watch my Saturday night special.
	I don't know where it is.
	I think I had 11 episodes before Fox took me down.
	It was a sketch show.
	Yeah.
	Saturday night.
	She went against us.
	Saturday night live.
	And Lorne Michaels, the shit he did to me was un-fucking-believable.
	Interesting.
	I'm going to write about it in my new book coming out.
	Oh, because you were the enemy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, the shit he did, it was- Rico, Lorne's dirty like that, huh?
	No, he's gaslighting, putting clones in places.
	Whoa!
	Fake info, CIA shit.
	Fuck yeah.
	So he was really operating like a mob guy.
	He was taking out his competition, which you gotta respect, you know.
	You're saying the game's the game.
	The game's the game.
	And I was, you know, I was just- What's the kind of stuff you did?
	My thing was just excellence.
	And of course that failed.
	It does sometimes.
	Who owns the rights to that show?
	I don't even know where we'd find- Can you get a bag?
	I think I own it with Fox.
	I need to get a lawyer that won't charge me $900,000 to make $20,000.
	$1,900,000 to make $20,000. Yes. Isn't it?
	Lawyers, I mean, my rabbi that taught me a lot of Kabbalah, he was a lovely man and he loved everyone.
	Like he would say, love is the answer to everything.
	We've got to love, you know, love, love, the power of love, blah, blah.
	It's true.
	He was wonderful.
	Do you think that's true?
	Huh?
	Do you think love's the answer to everything?
	I do.
	It's the most powerful force.
	That's why it never works, because no one can do that.
	No one can love someone they hate.
	You can't do it.
	But it would work.
	It would save everything, but it's impossible.
	No, it is an impossible.
	I can't love someone that I, like a fucking, that I disagree with.
	I can't do it.
	I know I'm supposed to, but I'm not gonna.
	You can with a simple change of mind.
	I think there's a, like a, a way to do that where it's not, you kind of, you raise above it where it's like, I mean, even think about, we're talking about the rap beat.
	It's what I said before.
	You go, hey, I'm sorry.
	I'm very sorry.
	I won't do that anymore.
	What if you don't think you're wrong?
	Well, then you're never going to say you're sorry.
	Yeah.
	But that's the problem.
	What if you aren't wrong?
	Yeah, that's what my karma is.
	That's what the – oh, I was going to say about my rabbi.
	The curse of never being right.
	Story of my life.
	No, my rabbi – let me finish this.
	So my rabbi said – which one was it that he said?
	Which rabbi?
	No, Rabbi Rav.
	He said something about – Julie.
	No, not Shmuley.
	Shmuley, yeah.
	I hate that guy.
	He was more my friend than my rally.
	But Rob told me about... I've totally lost it.
	I'll think about it.
	I just want to say Shmuley is the worst thing that happened to me this year.
	He was all about love.
	But here's what he said to me.
	You want to hear my favorite joke?
	He goes, a bus goes off the side of a cliff with 29 lawyers on it.
	What's the tragedy involved in this?
	I go, I don't know that, you know, 20, 29 souls have been lost.
	No, that there was one empty seat.
	But he was all about love.
	But yeah, the lawyer thing, that's some shit, ain't it?
	Yeah, it's a very law-oriented society.
	Lawfare.
	It's interesting.
	I mean, one thing that the probably the one thing about it that I'm conflicted about is it is just like crazy to me to some degree where you're like, you could be like a normal person worked your whole life and you have like, You know, maybe like 800 grand in the bank and then someone just like sues you for all your money and then you're just like broken.
	It's like I'm kind of messed up because you like said something.
	Yeah.
	Like that to me is just like, I don't know.
	It's just like messed up.
	Isn't that fucking awful?
	Yeah.
	It's just like kind of that shit kind of like keeps you on edge, you know?
	Yeah.
	And that they like to do it.
	They like to do it to you.
	Yeah.
	And then even if, even if you're right, they can just like tie you up in court, you know?
	Yeah.
	They love that.
	That shit is kind of scary.
	They're doing it now.
	I mean, like, don't you think that like, what about all these protesters?
	What do you what's your thoughts on these fucking Nazi motherfuckers?
	What's your thoughts on that?
	I think there's like, In this specific one, I mean a lot of them, but there's so many different people on the same sides, you know what I mean?
	Right?
	The gays, with the Jews, with the Arabs, with the anti-Semites.
	Yeah, and there's people that are there for different reasons.
	There's people that have been like, this has been their whole deal forever, and you know what I mean?
	I'm like an anti-war person.
	And then there's, you know, just a college kid hopping on the newest thing called, we're Palestine now, you know what I mean?
	Okay, sick.
	Then there's just people that it's like, you know, whatever is the least Whatever's the least white I'm for.
	It's hard to cast it all together.
	To be honest, sometimes it's hard to parse this out because there's so many different people that are on the same side.
	To be honest, this broke up the whole structure of How society was sort of operating for the last six years in a lot of ways.
	So I say it's cross-faction.
	It's a cross-faction because there's people on the right and left now that agree.
	Yeah.
	That are anti-Israel or whatever.
	A lot of these people are just libertarian.
	They're anti-war.
	Which makes sense.
	The libertarians, I mean, I don't really want to offend them because when I ran as the candidate of the Green Party, Which I should have won, but Jill Stein cheated me out of the nomination.
	Okay.
	Let's just say that.
	They rigged their fucking election because they didn't want a working class woman.
	They wanted a doctor.
	They wanted, yeah, they're sort of like an elitist party.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	I got so many people- The environment shit is for fancy people.
	It is, it really is, which is weird.
	I don't know why they- It's a fancy band's cause.
	Yeah, why is that?
	I got so many people that signed up for the Green Party, and then they screwed them and me.
	Well, why is that an elite, the environment an elitist cause?
	Because it would seem like it would be the opposite.
	Well, because they want to kill it.
	That's what I'm saying, like an industrial- It's elitist to go- Elitist, making money off it.
	I just call it all Monsatan Inc.
	I think it's hard to get, I mean, it's easier to get like a working class person on board with like, hey, we need to get you more money.
	They're the ones that are pro-environment, at least on the surface, which is a weird fancy thing.
	They need slaves and they need to depopulate.
	I think it's hard to get... I mean, it's easier to get a working class person on board with,
	like, hey, we need to get you more money, your race is being fucked over,
	than it is to be like... the rainforest.
	Yeah, I don't think so.
	It's just a more ethereal sort of topic.
	I mean, that's, that's like, you know, you're in college and I don't know, I think it's also, it's a more, it's hard to get dudes to care so much about that.
	I mean, and also I think there is this other part where it's like the solutions a lot of times are like, you're like, this is going to cause so much damage for what you're trying to accomplish.
	Yeah.
	And I think that it's hard to get people that have like real problems on board with those kind of fantasies.
	Yeah.
	Fantasies a little bit.
	Yeah.
	But I mean, it's also, it's just like the, I could see that if you're just like, you know, I'm rich.
	My parents are rich.
	I grew up, you know, I'm in the fancy college.
	You're like, that's like a sexy cause to be like, I care about the environment.
	Yeah, but you don't.
	They don't.
	It is kind of sexy though.
	And it's also like, you're not really like getting in the muck of anything.
	You're not talking about race.
	You're not talking about, you're just like, we need to save the tree.
	Like that just isn't, it's like a sexier, Yeah, forget the Congo where they chop off children's arms because they don't bring up the diamonds fast enough.
	Forget that shit.
	This Palestine thing, where there's 57 fucking Arab states, none of them, which will take any Palestinian in.
	Yeah.
	Did you see the border wall at Egypt today?
	I've never seen an actual picture of the border wall of Egypt.
	Oh, yeah.
	It's a wall.
	All those Palestinians.
	And then there's razor wire above it.
	The Palestinians are almost all, about 90% Egyptian with Egyptian passports.
	Jordanian.
	And Jordanian and Syrian.
	And that's what the wall is to force them there.
	Yeah.
	To have a cudgel against Israel.
	Do you know what I find that like- This is a Nazi world order.
	What you got?
	Oh, you don't have anything to smoke?
	No.
	That's better.
	I don't like smoking.
	It screws my voice up.
	How did you like your gig the other night, last night?
	We sold out four shows in Austin.
	It was great.
	Four shows in last night?
	No, two last night, two Friday.
	We had four.
	Yeah, I was pumped.
	No, I'm stoked.
	That was the last show of my tour, so I've been on tour for like eight months straight almost, and now I'm going to New York for three months, and I'm just going to work on stuff, and I'm kind of pumped about it.
	I'd want to go see you in New York.
	I think you're right about New York.
	I mean, New York is the fucking hub of comedy and always was, so it'd be good if you... It'd be cool to have them both like, you know, commiserate back and forth.
	I think that's what's going to happen.
	I think that is, it's kind of, they're funneling to each other, but... I try to, it sounds like, whimsical, but like, I kind of, I feel like to some degree I go with my gut.
	I've considered moving to LA and Austin or whatever and for some reason I just feel like New York's where I should be.
	I don't know.
	I like New York.
	I'm from Toronto.
	It kind of reminds me of Toronto.
	Now it's kind of too late.
	I have a studio there.
	I convinced all my friends to move there.
	I have my crew there now.
	I love the Comedy Cellar.
	I love Williamsburg Comedy Club, The Stand, New York Comedy Club.
	I didn't want to leave New York.
	Can I tell you one more thing?
	Yes.
	There is...
	I've always not, the smaller the scene, the more it becomes one thing.
	And so, you know, the same reason why if you, you know, you go to a place like Portland, it's like the most one thing more than New York, even though, even though people say New York, you know, talk about New York, like it's all just like, you know, hippie activists, but it's not really, right?
	So I like places that are big enough to have multiple things because it doesn't start being too like doctrine oriented.
	It doesn't mean like, we all think this.
	I feel like when it's too small, it starts to become too hive mind.
	So I think I like like the biggest place for that reason.
	I would say New York is, I mean, just from my observation, much more hive mind.
	Well, I'm talking about strictly art scenes.
	So I'm talking about the comedy scene.
	But I will also argue you on that too.
	I want to go and have the comedy scene with you because I would love- You were so fun that night.
	Dude, she's the best.
	Remember that?
	Yeah people, it's so funny because you're like, you're such not a stereotype of a Jewish woman.
	Like you're out there, she's like partying, like she's so drunk and then she's like talking, like I just come outside, you're just like talking to all these homeless people, like getting a cigarette.
	That's the least Jewish woman shit I've ever seen in my life.
	Remember when she fell asleep?
	I came to sit in front of an omelet.
	I ain't proud.
	Do you remember when she fell asleep at the bar and you were like sitting there and you were like, this is a lot of
	fun.
	And mom was over.
	Well, I'm punk rock like you.
	That's what I thought.
	I liked it.
	Trump is kind of punk rock in a way.
	Yeah.
	Do you agree or no?
	Some don't.
	I don't think punk rock.
	No.
	Explain it to me and I'll tell you if I agree.
	Counterculture.
	Is that what you mean?
	Edgy.
	Getting a bow and arrow and aiming right to the heart of the fucking beast.
	Well, here's where maybe to me it's like a little less punk rock is because I think he represents like what half the country feels.
	And to me, punk rock would be more like representing You know, more of like a tenth of the people and then convincing that to be half the people.
	That's what I'm thinking, exactly.
	Yeah, but I don't think he did that.
	I think, I think he spoke, told, I think those, I think the people existed and he just filled the voile.
	So maybe that would be like punk once it like, once it has its culmination of like, where Blink-182 is the most famous band and now there's, now that's the mainstream for a second.
	But I don't see him as like being completely counterculture.
	I mean, you know, he was a big, I see him as more really good at speaking, you know, he's really good at taking shots at the enemy and he's decided that he's going to take their enemy and take shots at them.
	I don't know if I totally see that as punk rock.
	I see that maybe more as like, I don't know, maybe the positive version of it is you're like, he's a good like soldier if he chooses to be your soldier.
	And then the other, the bad part of it, it would be, you'd say it's opportunist.
	Those would be probably the two sides of it in my opinion.
	Yeah.
	People say it's self-serving, but I don't think that's necessary.
	I just mean that it really, really upsets the establishment.
	You know, punk rock in that way.
	Yeah, that's a tough one.
	It's like, you know where you've got three chords on a fucking electric guitar, and you're wailing about class?
	Yeah.
	You know, that thing?
	I guess it's interesting.
	There's kind of two arguments on that, and I kind of see both sides.
	I don't know where exactly I sit, but The Republicans are also an establishment, you know?
	Yeah, fuck the Republicans.
	They hate him too.
	Mom, every man knows how scary it's going to get for him around summer when he starts getting hairy down there.
	I don't really like to talk to my mother about this, but...
	I'm trying to find a pleasant way to mention this to you.
	You know what I'm talking about?
	I know I do.
	Not every man has children, but every man is responsible for their two boys below the waist.
	Is that what you're saying?
	Yeah, you're talking about hairy balls.
	Yeah, hairy balls.
	When his little guys have more hair than they need, Make sure he trusts MANSCAPED™ for all his grooming dreams.
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	Your boys will be back in town.
	I love it.
	And they have the Lawn Mower family.
	That's the Lawn Mower 3.0, the 4.0, and the 5.0 Ultra available.
	Three different kinds of ball trimmers.
	It's so thoughtful to trim up your testes when you're going, you know, when you're trying to be in a romantic mood.
	Yeah.
	There's nothing grosser than, you know, long ball hair.
	I agree, and also as a man who has to shave his balls from time to time, I have my hair trimmed, same thing I do my hair with, well what's left of it, and it's very scary and painful and I have nicked myself.
	So the reason I really like Manscaped, this needs to be said, not only is it bald, it's pain free, it will not hurt your skin, it has all sorts of technology to avoid any pain.
	So you can nick free shave your balls.
	Be very well groomed and not look like a crazy caveman.
	Yeah, and not do accidental bottom surgery.
	Yeah, that's good.
	All right, thank you.
	Today was the first day I showered in two months.
	Let's do the Charlie sound for that.
	They're going to be really happy.
	Usually I have to prompt you on some of these, but it seems like you actually not only like this product, you've been using it and you said you just used it and you just showered.
	This is breaking news on the Roseanne Barr podcast.
	I did.
	I use their shower gel and their after shower lotion.
	So, when's the last time you showered?
	Today.
	Before today?
	Well, before today was two months.
	Okay.
	So, Charli's really works because you look absolutely great.
	You don't look like... This is the stuff I used on my face today.
	What does it do?
	Because they give me a script, but just tell me because you're using... I don't know.
	Look at my skin.
	It looks like my skin is fresh.
	Yeah.
	I have these two things on it.
	This face toner serum.
	Yeah.
	And then I put on the anti-aging serum.
	which takes the place of makeup.
	And we talked to her on the phone.
	Yeah, she was nice.
	But this is what I liked about her because I don't want to give her whole story away,
	but she's very, very concerned with health and she had a person very close to her get
	very, very sick with cancer.
	So when she launched this line, she actually went out of her way to make, you know, we
	can sell toners all day long.
	And she loves America.
	But this is importantly, this is toxin free.
	This is stuff that doesn't kill you.
	She started looking into what she was putting in her body when someone close to her got
	And she started to realize that this shit I'm using is really, really dangerous.
	When you read the back of a lot of makeup products, it's not good shit.
	So this Charlize stuff, not only does it work... This is Planned Parenthood fetus-free stuff.
	It has no fetus meat and she... She don't work with Planned Parenthood to put fetus meat in any of this.
	Yeah, and there's antioxidants in there.
	There's stuff like free radicals.
	I don't even understand the science of it.
	She blew me away, but the point is she said, I'm launching a makeup line that won't kill you.
	So not only does it work and you look great, but it's safe and healthy.
	I thought it was kind of cool.
	Like, why are you selling?
	Why do people in this country sell products that kill you?
	Had two Charlies.
	head to charlies.beauty.com and use the code RB to save big today.
	For a limited time you can get 20% off the entire charlie store when you use the code RB at charlies.beauty.com.
	So what are you waiting for? Treat yourself or a loved one to the gift of
	radiant calm skin with with the Charlize Beauty products.
	Head to charlizebeauty.com forward slash RB and use the code RB to save big today.
	And you, yes you, could maybe look half as good as me if you really try.
	And that's Charlize, I think it's C-H-A-R-L-I-Z for those listening to the audio portion podcast.
	Yeah, that's why I like it.
	But you know, it's not the Republic, it's like I say, and nobody, I mean, how did this devolve?
	I wanted to try to be funny until you asked about your comedy, but... No, but you're talking about, like, do you see, so you see Trump as sort of like, you know, fighting the power.
	And I think that a lot of people do, and I see that, but I guess I more see him as like, there's, I see him more as market-based.
	To him, he's like, hey, there's a market for half the country would love if I fucking killed that guy.
	I know, and that's true.
	I can see that, too.
	He's like, they're going to love me if I kill their enemy.
	If I was to guess, lie detector, God could tell you only what's in his soul, I bet you it's closer to that.
	I would have to agree with you years ago.
	Well, I don't know.
	It's a theory.
	I thought that too.
	I found out for myself I need a little bit more.
	Yeah, and obviously, I don't know what some people saw.
	I found out for myself.
	You realize that everything is a spiritual journey, right?
	You're not very spiritual, or are you?
	I mean, you kind of are.
	I think I am, but maybe I just use different words for it, if that makes sense.
	What do you use?
	Spiritual is like you're girling it up, and I don't really love that title.
	I hate that word, too.
	I think it's too girly.
	What's a better one?
	Help me.
	In touch with energy.
	So yes, I do think of things a lot of times, especially when I'm trying to do like my things I do.
	I really do.
	You know, Kanye West a long time ago kind of talked about how he like, you know, he thinks of music like colors or whatever.
	But I think it kind of, I do sort of know what he means.
	And it's like, you look at things and energy and there's energy pockets, right?
	Right.
	I think that is, you know, you can think of it as like spiritual, you know, even like a lot of times people, what people say is spiritual.
	It's like, you know, when people say like the secret where they're kind of talking about it, like, you know, you manifest something, it's like, well, yeah, that's like a whimsical way to look at it.
	But the other way to look at it is like, if you think about something nonstop and that's your goal and everything in your life serves you getting there, you're going to be more likely to get there, which of course is true.
	It doesn't, so it doesn't have to be like a whimsical thing.
	No, but it's about focus.
	That's what he's saying.
	Yeah, it's about focus.
	And then every decision you make, everything you read, every person you're around, everything in your life starts to service this goal, and then you become more likely to achieve it.
	And I think that's obvious.
	But you let other things go, right?
	Because I think that's the biggest part of it.
	When people start talking about that, you're like, this is what I want to accomplish.
	And then you go, what about this?
	So much of like, especially once things start going well, or once your company's doing well, your business, or people are listening to you, it's like, how do I kill the noise?
	Because it becomes so much noise.
	And then the real thing is, so if you're like, hey, my goal is to, you know, have a really great wife and a family and this and that, it's like, everything will start to service that, you know?
	So I think it's an energy thing.
	If you're living that way and putting your focus into it, And then it becomes the energy.
	Because you can't intellectually do all of that.
	It has to at some point be like, there's so much energy.
	On stage, it's all energy.
	You're like, okay, this, that.
	You're kind of like, you know, I'm sure a lot of like fighters feel this way, right?
	I bet they do, yeah.
	Yeah, that's a manly way to look at it.
	Yeah.
	We're like boxers.
	I think the boxer thing.
	Not spiritual.
	I used to ask Tyson, Mike Tyson, to show me boxing shit.
	And he would.
	I bet you he thinks about it somewhat the same way, you know?
	It's energy.
	It's movement energy.
	Martial arts is the most spiritual thing in the world.
	Yeah, martial arts is energy.
	Yeah, exactly, right?
	It is.
	So I think that, yeah, I think of what I do is more like energy.
	I remember my first energy lesson.
	That was from an African woman there in San Francisco in, what was it, 1982.
	She was from Africa?
	Mm-hmm.
	I think so many people talk about like, whether someone's like, you know, they use the word like grifter and you know, those kind of things.
	And I've always think of it, the best way to describe whether like what would be like a good, you know, artist or commentator is like, do they replace the energy that they took?
	Yeah, that's right.
	Like so many people, there's people that take energy.
	They're like, oh, that's energy.
	And they sort of take it.
	And then there's people that like take energy, but then they also give more than they took, which may be in the, like what you're saying, like in new ideas or, you know, in new ways of thinking about it, or, you know, cracking a new way for people to, you know, let's say they're trying to solve a problem in business, like an easier way to, you know, do banking, whatever it might be.
	Right.
	And I think the people that take, put more back in than they take a lot of times.
	I mean, not on the last show.
	You're just like, I hope I gave these people more energy than I took money from them.
	Then you're like, okay, then everyone wins.
	Yeah, because you have that feeling of karmic responsibility and debt both.
	Because you know that You know, you kind of know you're gifted, don't you?
	And then you're kind of grateful that you're gifted.
	And creative is the better word.
	I think you're more gifted than I am.
	And I don't even necessarily mean that as self-depreciative.
	No, but I mean creative.
	But I think there's different types of people.
	Because kind of the same where I was saying where there's different types of writers, I think there's certain people that just have such a... Like you have That I now like being around you, you have probably like a magnetism and like a star power that I think that people probably don't always know when you're just on TV or on podcast.
	I'm sure it comes across but like, it's like, it's pretty obvious.
	I don't think I think I have that I'm like, I'm fairly good at everything, and I think that comes together to be what I am.
	I probably would have been maybe equally as good if I decided to be a lawyer or whatever.
	I know what you mean.
	I think there's certain people that just have a specific star power that's so important in this, where I think I maybe have a high level of that, but not an exceptional level of that.
	Probably more than your average person, but I don't think I have.
	There's certain people on stage where you're like, that person's jokes have to be funnier and that person's jokes can be worse and he'll still do better.
	I think I'm the first one.
	What do you want to do?
	I mean, I kind of think it's exciting.
	That's how I see myself.
	I think it's exciting for you to think about like, Getting in there in New York and creating some new kind of energy.
	What do you want to do?
	Well, I think that the energy thing, in my opinion, is such a good way to look at that question because I think that I think it's a, it's a, it's like a maybe in my opinion.
	Oh, what do we got a kid or a dog?
	Look at my, my wife just gave birth like six days ago.
	Oh, this is for my wife?
	Crawling on all fours to get my mom.
	I was wondering what's going on here.
	I wish I could film it.
	Hold on.
	I'm going to film it.
	The crawling bartender.
	Let's go.
	I'm okay.
	Thank you.
	Hannah, thank you very much.
	Oh, can I get more wine please?
	I've waited my whole life.
	Haven't you?
	You better not blow it with your fucking bullshit.
	What a system we got going on here.
	Isn't she the best?
	Hannah, ladies and gentlemen.
	I want to say something.
	I think that's really fascinating how you look at yourself.
	I happen to think you're Brilliant and exceedingly talented because I have a video pulled up.
	I'm not going to play it now, but I just want you guys to know, I still, to this day, think this is the most brilliant thing I've ever seen.
	It's so genius.
	It's just one of your, it's only one of your geniuses.
	You do a million things, but this is the smartest thing I've ever seen.
	I love Scott.
	He's been on here.
	Yeah, he has a lot, he has a lot of good theories and he was kind of sort of talking about, you know, there's certain, like there's a, Like I might be, you know, if you, if you're like in the, you know, first percentile or 90 or 99, however you look at it, like percentile of guys who can make videos.
	And then you're like one of the best at, you know, kind of understanding culture.
	And then you're one of the funniest people that all manifest to you can do that better than anyone.
	So you actually can be the best at something without being the best at one thing.
	Right.
	So maybe that's how I see it.
	Yeah.
	I think you're brilliant.
	And for the people that don't know.
	What do you want to do though?
	Can we talk about this video just so people know?
	I want to ask him first what he wants to do.
	I think that probably about 10 years ago, I realized that the what-do-you-want-to-do question should be more for me, or anyone nowadays especially.
	It should be sort of like a direction.
	You know where you want to go and what feels right, but as soon as they start putting things to that, I think you make bad decisions.
	There was a point in my life where all I wanted to do was do an on-the-street, messing-with-people TV show.
	That's like all I want to do.
	I wanted to have my like, you know, bigger than the Ali G show.
	Like I wanted to do that.
	That was like, I was obsessed with that.
	And then, but I was obsessed with that at a time when like TV was like not mattering.
	There was almost like no avenue for that.
	Guys like me weren't even like in the conversation like that where I was.
	So you, you start like chaining yourselves to these like things that are just real world things.
	You are like the gentile Ali G.
	I need to get Tom Green on here.
	I don't know what he's doing.
	He'd be awesome.
	some of the funniest shit in the world.
	But Tom Green, Tom Green was the guy who started all of this.
	Tom Green is a genius.
	I need to get Tom Green on here.
	I don't know what he's doing.
	He'd be awesome.
	I always promised to go on his show, but I never found...
	Yeah, I'm sure you and him would be great together.
	I love him.
	Yeah, he's the best.
	So but it's just like that, that type of satire.
	I think I'm like, I really love that like version of satire.
	But how does that come in your head?
	You just get these crazy fucking ideas or do you?
	How does that?
	How does your process with people stuff?
	Huh?
	You know what?
	This is a funny thing.
	This is like an American thing and I hate it.
	I feel like I say it too much.
	I was going to say, what's the difference between American and Canadian audience?
	This isn't just Canadian.
	It's everywhere.
	But like, I think that stuff is more normal the rest of the world.
	Like even if you think about America, like all the biggest people that did like men on the street or kind of messing with people, they all aren't American because I don't think Americans do satire the same way.
	So I think that art form, which will never be the biggest thing in the world, but I think it's like even like fake news shows, you know, like even the SNL news desk, Lorne Michaels is Canadian, you know, like, it's like, so all of the American versions of like satire kind of, they're not American, right?
	Right, that's true.
	Americans, in my opinion, and I hate always just like... Or they're UK.
	Yeah, I feel like sometimes people don't care about this because Americans don't care about this topic, but I think about it a lot as someone that moved here.
	But Americans, there's more of themself in stuff.
	So if Americans do a joke, you kind of know their opinion.
	If Americans use satire, whereas I think that type of satire, you can't be there.
	So you almost have to not be part of it.
	Right.
	Like you can't be like, I know what the guy who wrote this thought.
	And I think that that's more of Americans have more like importance, which the good part of that, in my opinion, which I have a bit of too, and I like America for that reason.
	It's like, that's why you create the greatest things.
	Like you need a self-importance and you need to think that you matter to do the greatest things in the world.
	I really think that America is going through that shit right now.
	So that's why I want to come to New York and hang out because it's like trying to create the new normal.
	And you know it has to come out of New York.
	Interesting.
	It has to.
	It always does.
	Because the new normal coming from the West Coast on is fucking... West Coast is always a little derivative.
	Degenerate.
	Not always a little.
	It's completely derivative.
	100% derivative.
	It's completely derivative and degenerate.
	It's completely degenerate.
	It's opportunistic, is what it is.
	Yeah, it's more commercial.
	100%.
	It's like, we're okay with having homeless people shit on the streets.
	It's that.
	We're okay with having that in front of our fanciest hotels.
	Why not?
	We're privileged.
	We just step over them.
	It's so fucking fascist.
	We'll just hire someone to clean it up.
	That's what you do.
	No, that's what I got in a war with that goddamn manager at that place where I broke my knee and I had to live in San Francisco for three months.
	What about the people outside?
	I go, get somebody to clean this shit up when I'm trying to get my car.
	Human feces is everywhere.
	I always think of that when there's that Notorious B.I.G.
	song where he dedicates it to all the The teachers that told him he couldn't do it and all that.
	And then one of the things he's like, all the people that called the cops on me when I was just trying to, when I was like selling crack inside their building.
	And you're like, I mean, kind of fair though.
	I mean, if I was doing, you know, I've been doing illegal stuff lots of times in my life.
	Yeah.
	You're like, you don't like it at the time, but a few days later you're like, fair.
	I was filming and causing shit at that Walmart.
	Not that crazy.
	Then they kicked me out.
	Yeah, but there isn't any self-awareness.
	That's what's fucking proof.
	It's like, well, break the law or uphold the law.
	It's all the same.
	Well, no, it ain't.
	Yeah.
	Dumbass.
	Well, I always think, you know what's funny?
	Because I feel like we have to have so many conversations about, like, where do you stand politically or where are you on this?
	But I think that no one ever talks about the fact that, but also you could have a different thing that you want versus what would be better for the world.
	You know what I mean?
	Like, what would probably be better for me?
	Like, well, I moved to America because it's more free.
	That's what's better for me.
	And you can, but that might, I might not think that they shouldn't have like a safety net or this and that, but like, So it's kind of like for everyone, it's like, what do I want?
	What would be the perfect society for me?
	And that doesn't always align with what would be the best for everyone.
	And then you kind of try to find a medium between those, but we never separate those two.
	Like where would you thrive the best?
	You know what I mean?
	What society would you thrive the best in?
	And then what society was probably the best.
	That's why it's like a lot of times when people have like pirate lifestyles, like comedians, like you're like, I think that we should be able to do this like crazy life.
	You should be able to tell your parents, I'm going to go do this insane thing, you know, whatever.
	Right.
	That doesn't mean everyone should do it.
	We never separate those two things of what's best for you versus what's actually probably the best normal morals to have for your average person.
	I love how the Amish do it.
	When you turn 18, you get a free year of total freedom to go live amongst the English and do whatever the fuck you want.
	Do you know about this?
	Breaking Amish?
	Yeah, and a lot of them don't go back, right?
	Well, that's their choice.
	They have the option to go out and experience, and if they come back, then they're there for life, and if they don't, You lose the people that were too pirate for this lifestyle.
	Yeah, that's how it should be everywhere, I think.
	Should be that way for the Jews.
	Yeah, and libertarians.
	If you're going to go all the way communist, I'm sorry, but you can't be a Jew anymore.
	Because you all believe in Lucifer.
	Marx dedicated his works to Lucifer.
	You cannot be a Jew.
	Is that true?
	Yeah, you cannot be a Jew and worship Lucifer, hence you're a fucking commie.
	You're getting shipped out to the fucking Ukraine.
	You're gonna be drafted.
	All you motherfucking Antifa BLM commie bastards that have been trained by the Obama and Bush and Biden Association, y'all are just getting ready to get drafted to the Ukraine.
	You're gonna fight Russia, you're gonna lose.
	Here's to you.
	Congrats for voting Democrat, you stupid motherfuckers.
	Well said.
	Ryan, can you tell me about your YouTube?
	I want to make sure we plug before you leave.
	I've never voted ever, actually.
	You know what?
	I said that once at a dinner with presidents.
	You said, I never voted, the presidents?
	Yeah, I said to Jimmy Carter, You're the only one I ever voted for.
	I never voted for another president in my life.
	Yeah.
	What did you like about him?
	Well, at the time I liked that he kind of seemed like a simple man that had some ethics.
	That's what I thought at the time.
	Yeah, that goes a long way.
	And he seems to have done that.
	He's a peanut farmer.
	But he seems to have lived that life.
	I mean, I think he's sincere in it.
	Is he still alive?
	Yeah, he's building homes for fucking homeless people.
	He does that once a year, he told me.
	But he was a shitty president.
	I mean, let's be honest.
	I know a lot of people disagree.
	Well, I like that he told Americans, put on a sweater, turn the heater down.
	I don't like that.
	You don't tell Americans to turn your thermostat down and put on a sweater.
	That's true.
	You're in the wrong country, you fucking commie.
	That's socialism.
	Seriously, this is America.
	I say blow up the whole fucking weather system.
	That's what Americans do.
	How do you see America?
	I mean, what are you thinking of when you're watching all this shit on campus?
	I mean, don't you just love Hamas?
	There is, yeah, there's definitely a whole faction of that protest that are like, they're getting carried away.
	But I mean, I think of when you're watching this stuff, and if you look at culture for the last six years, you just see how easy people are to be like, you think this now, right?
	I mean, I kind of think of it myself where I'm like, You know, I've probably been with girls where I'm like, I could have made this girl think anything.
	Do you know what I mean?
	Like, I could be fairly, you know, influential on people's thinking sometimes.
	And I've had people around me in that way.
	So I maybe, I try to look at things the way they are.
	And then if you go, okay, so if everyone's very influential and these people are all kind of just, you know, hearts and minds that can be shaped one way or the other, it's hard to get mad at the hearts and minds sometimes.
	So I understand the, the people. This is just a person, you know, they could
	have went the other way too. Their hearts and minds got shaped. If you're losing the hearts and minds
	battle, that sucks. To me, I like America.
	That's very well said.
	America has a free... Even think about all the cancelling stuff, right?
	There's a lot of people that want the government to solve it and get involved in this, but in my
	In my opinion, the markets did solve it.
	Like it got solved.
	Like this, it happened.
	And what happened was the industry went this really way.
	It, it, it sort of, you know, started tanking a little bit.
	All of these other industries emerged, all these comedians started podcasts, all these comedians became YouTube channels.
	If you look right now, the 10 biggest, You know, comics or, you know, commentators, they all run their own little thing.
	And it's over, like, in a lot of ways.
	I think we all still have, you know, and you obviously went through, like, a huge thing that I think we all have, like, almost, like, you know, when you were, like, beat, you have, like, you know, someone that was, like, bit by a dog, you're, like, a little scared of a dog.
	But it's, like, now, like, think about what happened with, like, Huberman, like, a month ago.
	Like, he got, you know, people were, like, the big expose that he's, you know, got a roster of girls, which, if anything, makes him better at time management, right?
	That's what I think.
	And then it's gone.
	And I think that, well, because what are you going to take away?
	He doesn't have a job and people don't care.
	The people doing that stuff lost the hearts and minds.
	So, I mean, it's up for you to be right and then have the free market and then get the hearts and minds back.
	And I think that's what- You put things so well.
	Oh, thank you.
	Yeah, so I'm trying to be optimistic, too, because I am sort of optimistic.
	When people are like, comedy got ruined, I'm like, comedy didn't get ruined, it's better now.
	I think so, too.
	It just got rejigged.
	What do you think of Jerry Seinfeld going the left-killed comedy?
	I love Jerry Seinfeld going back on interviews and talking about comedy.
	There's certain guys, like Jimmy Carr is like this, They're like these statesmen of comedy that just think about comedy so much that I think it's when you're really in it every day like this your whole life I'm doing comedy it's like you have less little I think you have a little less time to like pontificate over the the little intricacies like you you do more doing and less thinking about it you know but I think that there's some people that they have really good comedy opinions so I actually like that they're out there talking about them.
	Because I like listening to Jerry Seinfeld, what he thinks about comedy.
	I do too, but I don't like that now.
	But what did he do that you don't like?
	Or are you talking about something specific?
	No, now he's coming out.
	Well, he didn't back my mom up.
	He didn't defend me at all.
	Were you friends?
	No, but it's like- No, we weren't friends.
	He was thinking general.
	Because he always- What did he say?
	He said, I've never seen a career destroyed in one tweet.
	That was his whole comment on her cancellation.
	And now he's like, the left has ruined comedy.
	Well, fuck you.
	We've been telling you this for years.
	You didn't stand up.
	Now he's acting like Johnny come lately.
	He's an unusual sort.
	Well, whatever.
	He's, I mean, he's the most, like, elitist, smug, Upper West Side New Yorker, right?
	Yeah.
	But that doesn't mean they're, you know, don't have, like, smart opinions about certain things.
	But I like that he's talking about the struggle to be Jewish for 3,000 years.
	I thought that was very cool that he did that.
	There's a lot of cool things about Seinfeld, but it's, again, like, why are you coming now?
	Like, to say now, I think leftists have ruined comedy.
	That's not edgy.
	They all let me swing by the neck.
	Fuck you, where were you when we needed you?
	No, I mean, they all let me- and then- They were scared.
	When Iran attacks Israel, which was the subject of my tweet that I got fired for by anti-Semite Disney and Sarah Gilbert and, uh, what's her name that went to Epstein Island?
	What's her name?
	Wanda Sykes.
	Wanda Sykes.
	Allegedly.
	No, she's on the manifest.
	Allegedly.
	The manifest is, uh, there's arguments about whether- She's on it!
	She's on one of the internet manifests.
	We don't know if it's the legit- Trust me, the bitch went there.
	I'm sure she did.
	We'll give you the other side of it.
	She's a big, fat... Jerry Seinfeld wrote hard for Kramer.
	She's a big, fat lesbian.
	He did write hard for Kramer.
	All the big, fat lesbians, huh?
	No, he makes a good point.
	Seinfeld backed Michael Richards, who actually said the N-hard-E-R word.
	Do you remember that?
	I saw this the other day.
	Kramer went on... I might have been like, Fallon or Kramer. I love that you're calling him Kramer.
	Michael Richards.
	Kramer. Well, easy for you to say. He was called Roseanne.
	So he went on a show to apologize and he was like real broken up by this. And then the audience
	kept laughing. And then he was like, maybe I shouldn't be doing this here.
	And the audience kept laughing and no one knew what to do.
	And the host was like, can everyone stop laughing?
	This is a serious thing.
	And everyone kept laughing.
	What actually happened?
	Do we know the story?
	He just snapped.
	Do you want me to quote it word for word?
	Yes.
	Have you not seen the video?
	You can't, you can't tell me you haven't seen this.
	I haven't.
	I don't know how to find a chick like that.
	Oh my God, it's the greatest video of all time.
	Oh my God, Michael, you really don't know the Michael Richards thing?
	No, but I did go to his home for dinner.
	Michael Richards?
	Was he bumping into shit?
	Was he like, cramping?
	Do you remember Michael Richards?
	Were you there when he was doing his like stand up before Seinfeld?
	When he did the weights and stuff?
	Yeah.
	Do you remember that?
	He used to go up.
	And he was on that show Fridays with Julia Louise Seinfeld.
	He made that movie that was really funny.
	I can't remember the name of it, but he would do this bit where he'd be like a weight trainer and the weights would go on everywhere.
	He was funny, man.
	Larry David was on that show, too.
	Interesting.
	Anyways, he had the original biggest cancellation of all time, I would say.
	Yeah.
	He was at the laugh factory.
	I'm like, my mind's blown right now that you don't know this one.
	No, I do know it's a bunch of black kids taunting him.
	And he called them the- Oh yes, I knew you knew.
	You already knew.
	Here it is right here.
	Uh oh.
	Paul Mooney went on TV.
	It was so hilarious.
	Paul Coghlan. He's saying he's a- Man, Paul talked about this.
	Paul Mooney, the greatest comic that ever fucking lived.
	It's hard to play it.
	Can you play it?
	Can I?
	I bet you people love the inter-family squabbles between you on the podcast.
	They do.
	The fans must love that.
	I love the at Tate Brothers.
	Uh oh, wait.
	What?
	What?
	What? Uh oh. He already called him. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.
	He turned into a black person.
	Before this, I'll go back because we missed.
	You were talking about... He became enraged and black.
	Isn't that what happened?
	He turned into a black person.
	Mom, mom, mom, watch.
	Hey, you motherfuckers, move that money!
	He's on the fucking, he's on the fucking, he's on the fucking,
	He's saying N-I-G-G-E-R.
	Look at this fucker.
	Out of Black Guy.
	In his mind he was doing like an edgy thing.
	It was edgy.
	In my mind it was edgy.
	Very edgy.
	It's edgy as fuck but the thing was...
	It was way over the people's heads.
	He also wasn't known as an edgy guy.
	Wrong place, wrong time.
	That's true.
	Can we please promote your fucking YouTube channel?
	I keep trying to do it.
	Yeah, I'm pumped.
	Rosanna, so I've been on tour for eight months, and I mentioned this, but I just... Eight months, solid!
	Like 10 days a month, like, you know, being in New York for two to three days at a time, I come back Sunday night, I write Monday, I shoot Tuesday, I do my podcast Wednesday, I leave Thursday morning, I've been doing that for like eight months.
	And now I'm just gonna go like every day, just work on like, videos and stand up.
	Oh my God, God bless you.
	That's all I'm gonna do.
	That's kind of where I'm getting to, where I know I have to do that same thing.
	Isn't writing so funny, though?
	Because like, it's so I had a week the other day and I was like walking around just like thinking and like sat on the bench and just like, I was just like, it always feels so silly.
	You're just like, you know, That's funny.
	And I just do that for eight hours.
	Even the ideas that come in?
	Yeah.
	Isn't it fun?
	It's just so silly.
	And then always at the end of, I just, all I do is I think and I go, what about this?
	And then at the end of the day, you're like, oh, the whole day, I feel like it's nothing.
	And then I go to do three shows at night and then I look over it all.
	And you're like, oh, there's three things.
	And three things is a lot.
	Three things is a lot.
	Yeah.
	Exactly.
	But eight hours to come up with three things, the whole time you feel like you're doing nothing.
	But you had a blast.
	Sometimes.
	Sometimes I feel weird.
	Sometimes it's torture.
	You know when it's torture when you're doing too many things?
	If you're just doing that?
	Torture is when you're doing too many things.
	It's when you're actually like, hey, I'm writing for a week.
	It's not torture.
	I agree.
	It's fun.
	Yeah, but then you're like, and I've got to turn in this script, and I have- Then it's not fun.
	Yeah, that always happens to me, and I go, berserk and blow up.
	Yeah.
	Because I always think- Deadlines are definitely the- Deadlines.
	They can be the killer of creativity, for sure.
	Yeah, because- Because you take shortcuts in your own brain.
	Man, it's all regret.
	Right?
	Like, why did I fucking... I did that because I thought I could get there faster.
	Yeah.
	And you can't.
	No, you can't.
	You can get there... I left out two or three steps.
	You can get there faster or worse.
	Yeah.
	Isn't it great, though, that we're living in a time where we can at least attempt to be artistically free and say what we really think and feel?
	I do.
	I was thinking about that when I was walking home two nights ago, that I was just like, I'm happier that I'm doing this now than 15 years ago.
	This is better.
	I think, yeah.
	You can The internet made it so the industry can't lie about who's the best.
	The people pick, but the people will pick bad people and that's fine.
	There's always going to be bad people that are at the top.
	That's always going to exist.
	There's always going to be people that beat the system, but they can't keep someone out who's great.
	That's what they used to be able to do.
	They can't do that anymore.
	Well, I don't know about that.
	Well, they try to find me at every move.
	It gets old, but now it's Billy Baldwin Christians.
	I know you're very self-appreciative.
	I know your old life was the top, the top, the top, and I understand that, but I've seen you come to a festival of The, you know, 500 of the top comedians in the world and you're like the queen showing up.
	Like you, you walk into a venue and it's like, Oh my God, like everyone's so, Oh my God.
	And these are the people that make the culture, you know, these are the people that make the culture, not those people that maybe are holding you back.
	But I think the people that make the culture, I've watched when you walk in a room and it's like a big deal and everyone's like pumped you're there.
	And so in that sense, uh, the people that you're talking about, in my opinion, I could care less what they think.
	Thank you.
	It is very well said.
	I just worry for the young people being used and abused and gaslighted.
	I feel sorry for them, like you said.
	Well, it's not even their own fault because they've just been so brutalized.
	You know what the purpose of comedians in my, can I tell you my comedy theory?
	People talk a lot about what's the purpose of comedy, right?
	Right.
	So my theory is, so in the stock market, people go, what's the purpose of day traders?
	And people say they're just rent seekers and there's no purpose, right?
	Well, the purpose is to find the price.
	Like if it's priced too high, well, people sell it and then they find the price.
	And I think that comedians, a lot of times the purpose is to find, like, let's say we say, This guy sucks or like this politician, this guy's an idiot or this guy's great.
	The purpose of the comedians is to find the truth.
	Like, you know, a lot of times in life, someone will be like, this guy, someone's average.
	And someone will be like, he's amazing.
	And you're kind of like, wow, amazing.
	That guy's all right.
	And then someone's like, he's the worst.
	And you're like, well, he's not the worst.
	Like I said, that guy's all right.
	Like the purpose of the comedian is to find the right values.
	I love that because you're talking about an actual value for value system, which is what I always advocate for.
	And there's discrepancy in the market.
	So I think when everyone's saying, this is how it is, and you're like, no, you guys are off on that.
	That's where you come in.
	And the people that are good at this say, no, everyone's wrong about this.
	And then eventually it all comes over to you.
	And then you find the right values of things.
	And I think that's you feel like we've watched that happen a little bit. So
	whether it be something small like, you know, Kim Kardashian's the worst, and then there's a
	while where everyone's saying, oh, this is pretty... And then everyone...
	Do you think it's true that she forced Justin Bieber to have sex with her?
	That's all that... This is tea!
	Spill the tea, please!
	Spill the tea!
	Spill the tea because it goes right back to... I'm listening!
	It goes right back to Diddy and Drake and this whole thing that's going on.
	It was Usher that forced Bieber to have sex with him.
	I mean, for real, it does go back for real, for real.
	It was Usher, by the way, that had forced Bieber to have sex with him.
	Well, yeah.
	Well, Usher.
	It's the mentor.
	You know what mentor means?
	Have you ever been a beat at a party?
	Child rapist.
	No, that's the truth.
	That is, that is true.
	Mentoring is very rare.
	Good mentoring is very rare.
	I know.
	I like the lesbian mentoring.
	I know everything about the big fat, 260 pound lesbian mentoring.
	Does the lesbian mentoring also involve you having to go to her bed?
	Yeah.
	Oh, of course!
	100%.
	Eww.
	Eww, it's sickening.
	How do you think Oprah, how do you think Gayle got a TV show?
	Do you think Oprah, uh, lesbian slept her way to the top?
	No, I think- She munched her way to the top?
	No, she did not.
	She made other people munch her.
	She did not sleep her lesbian way to the top.
	She had other people munch her.
	No, she did not.
	She pushed Gil's head down under the- No, she didn't.
	Uh-uh.
	She did.
	I don't even think Gil's gay.
	Oh, you're saying she heterosexually slept her way to the top.
	No, no, no.
	She was actually very, very- She did with white men.
	She was talented.
	She actually made it.
	And then she raped women.
	Oprah did!
	Yeah, she owned it and they did the demographic and when they found out my show had a higher
	percentage of working class black audience where she had the upper middle class white
	girl audience.
	She was FIORIAS!
	And she killed my show.
	Interesting.
	Allegedly.
	Everybody knew it too.
	No, everybody knew it.
	All the black socialists knew it, but they all pussed out like they always would.
	To Jesse Jackson.
	They all puss out to him and Al Schroeder.
	I don't think they do that anymore.
	What's his name?
	Al Sharpton.
	They don't do that anymore.
	The weatherman.
	Al Roker?
	Yeah, Al Sharpton.
	Al Roker probably is the head of the Muslim Brotherhood, now that I think about it.
	Al Roker's the head of the Muslim Brotherhood.
	Borland, I think you meant.
	Yeah.
	I mean, it couldn't be more fucking obvious what they put my ass through, girl.
	Boy.
	Honey.
	Sweetheart.
	You know what they've done to me.
	You don't even know.
	I probably don't know the half of it.
	Yeah.
	But I mean, you're right.
	Especially at that level.
	They don't like thinkers.
	Just leave it at that.
	They don't like thinkers.
	They don't like creators.
	They don't like the women.
	Well, you know what they hate more than that is someone they can't get rid of.
	They hate you more now than ever.
	That's what Tucker Carlson said about me.
	It's true.
	They keep thinking they cancel you and you keep showing up.
	That's when they hate the most, when it doesn't work.
	You're like a zombie.
	You just fucking keep coming.
	I love it.
	No, but they did kill me pretty much.
	I was thinking this last night.
	No, they didn't.
	They did pretty much kill me by killing my character and my show.
	No, they didn't.
	That's all in your head.
	Everybody comes here week and weekend.
	Why do they even fucking do that?
	She's still in the old way of thinking.
	The biggest mistake people make in chess is your opponent gets an advantage and you keep playing like you still have the advantage because you had it before.
	I think a lot of times you still play like the games like it was there, which you don't realize the new game.
	She doesn't realize the new game.
	I'm not accusing you of having that situation.
	No, she doesn't.
	I tell her every week she doesn't.
	Who's the biggest, like, people right now, in your opinion?
	Like, who would be the biggest, like, powerful, you know, comedians in the world?
	Well, I'm just learning it, you know?
	I just know who I like, and I don't know a lot.
	I mean, you know?
	But name, like, who's the person that's, like, the biggest right now that, like, The industry's made it.
	I would say Chappelle, probably most people would agree with that right now.
	Well, he's not industry darling right now by any means.
	No, he's on the down.
	But a lot of people consider him.
	He's not on the down.
	He's as big as he ever was.
	He's bigger than he ever was.
	Well, yeah, but I mean, he's not anybody that people would say, People would, if they said that, even if they mean it or not, it sounds old.
	They gotta do it younger.
	You're just saying younger people.
	They always have to do it younger.
	Well, there's different classes of comedians, right?
	There's like legends, and then there's... Yeah, he's a legend.
	Yeah, there's different classes.
	He's a legend for sure.
	He's definitely, you know, the benefit of being a legend is... Dave Chappelle is a legend, but I have to say the following.
	He is no Bernie Mac.
	Is Bernie Mac the best in your opinion?
	Bernie Mac is the greatest ever.
	What are you talking about?
	Well, plus Richard Pryor, plus Paul Mooney.
	I mean, these friends.
	Robin Harris?
	Robin Harris!
	Yeah, what are you talking about, Bernie Mac?
	I mean, I like Bernie Mac.
	I always think of Robin Harris here in Texas.
	He would be making a million dollars per show right now when he's going, electric chair, fuck that, I want the electric couch.
	Yeah, Robin Harris.
	For me, I think it goes Bernie Mac second, hamburgers first.
	Who's that?
	Hamburger.
	He says hamburger.
	I think... Have you heard of Afro Man?
	The rapper?
	Yeah.
	Well, we didn't even get to the rap thing!
	Oh, yeah.
	A lot of rap goes on.
	Ryan has to go soon, though.
	Well, I'll tell you what.
	I know he's a Kendrick Lamar celebrity.
	They don't like Drake because he's half-Jew.
	That's why they don't fucking like Drake.
	But I'll tell you what, that is why Drake will come back strong.
	Drake is a pedophile, Mom.
	You need to understand.
	Watch your mouth when you talk about the 6 like that.
	He is.
	But I'm telling you what.
	They all are pedophiles, though.
	They're all pedophiles.
	They are.
	You don't get in the rap game until you get raped by Diddy.
	I'll tell you what, I don't think a pedophile is a 14, 15 year old child.
	I don't think that's a pedophile.
	I'm sorry.
	No one's even said he's done that!
	I think by definition it's 12, it's prepubescent as a pedophile.
	So 12, usually 12.
	Under 12, that's a pedophile.
	This guy's like the media throwing out the pedophile accusation real quick.
	I don't have a problem with it because I know I'm right.
	I would never do it unless I was right.
	Under 12 is a pedo.
	Do you know how people talk about, like, how people look at politics like a sports team where it doesn't matter, they're just on the side?
	That's me with Toronto shit.
	I understand that.
	I understand.
	But can I just say something?
	To get in the rap game, she never lets me talk.
	It's for making babies.
	That's it.
	If you're in the rap game, just like Hollywood, there's certain things you have to- But I don't like that they're coming after Drake just because he's a Jew.
	It's not because he's a Jew.
	See, she's doing the thing.
	They're coming after Drake because he's a Jew.
	I'm telling you what, with this Palestine- I'm going to say on the other side of that- Drake is going to- Drake, I'm giving you the energy.
	Drake, you've got to do it for the Jews.
	I promise you this isn't helping his street cred.
	It's not.
	No, Drake- You gotta do it for the Jews, Dre.
	You gotta come back and say what you know you gotta say.
	It's only because he's a Jew you're defending him.
	But that's the problem.
	You're picking his tribalism.
	Many Jews have a smaller penis which drives them to do immoral things.
	And it's not good.
	I'm just saying, to get into hip-hop, you have to be jumped in, and jumped in is to be raped.
	I've been saying this for 10 years.
	P. Diddy's story breaks, everyone's like, what did he do in the studio?
	You've got to get F'd in the A to get in the club.
	You do!
	And they videotape it.
	Why did they lie about it?
	It's the same with the Freemasons and the Jesuits.
	I'm going to have to mute her.
	You've got to get F'd in the A. That's what I'm saying.
	Am I right?
	No, you have to.
	They videotaped it.
	I don't think Drake got fucked in the ass.
	100%!
	Not by Drizzy!
	He got fucked in the ass at like probably 10 or 11.
	By P. Diddy and R. Kelly and Jay-Z.
	Everybody who has an initial as their first name is a pedo.
	That's a gross generalization.
	To be in hip-hop, you get filmed having sex.
	Case closed.
	Wait, wait, hold on.
	Why are we acting like, why does no one let me talk?
	Am I making too much sense?
	That's the truth.
	People are shit.
	All right, let me give you your Drake cape.
	It's not Drake cape.
	To be?
	Twitter comment section over here.
	To be?
	No, I know what I'm talking about.
	Hey, I was right about all this shit.
	You guys are acting like this is brand new.
	I've been talking about this for a decade.
	So it's time to give me some respect.
	You have been.
	Thank you.
	You want to know a crazy fact?
	I'm just saying you have to get, you have to get jumped in.
	No, no, just real quick.
	You get jumped in and they videotape you.
	It's the Epstein Island models blackmail videotape to act like that only happens.
	Please let me finish.
	To act like that only happened on Epstein Island is naive.
	It happens in every industry.
	So that's all I'm trying to say.
	Just let me get this sentence out.
	She can't let me get a sentence out.
	It happens in every industry.
	It's blackmail because they own you.
	It probably happens at Kabad.
	It probably does.
	It happens at the Vatican.
	They rape kids and they film it and they say, I'm going to show the tape.
	I mean, I'm telling you, all these Babylonian motherfuckers, they got to go.
	I have to argue.
	I understand your perspective.
	And it's true.
	Have you heard bad bitches?
	No, but a crazy story is one of my closest friends growing up in Ajek Pickering is his brother.
	Pickering what?
	I grew up in a place called Ajek.
	I went to Pickering High School.
	Ajax?
	It's where I grew up and one of my best friends growing up.
	Ajax, Canada?
	Ajax, Canada.
	Please let him finish this.
	Well, it's a quick thing.
	One of my closest friends, like in our little squad of six people, his brother went on to be a rap producer and he made, his name's T-Minus, and he made, you know, started from the bottom.
	So Drake's, he won Grammys and shit and he was a I don't think Drake is a pedophile.
	I'm like one of my closest friends growing up, his brother is a producer on like tons
	of these songs.
	Shit.
	It's not a pedophile.
	Probably not the producer.
	The producer's gonna have to.
	I don't think Drake is a pedophile.
	No, because producers make it for talent.
	Rappers have to own it.
	He just likes them young like, you know, some do.
	It's not hard to rap.
	It's not like singing or playing an instrument.
	I think Drake is great.
	He is, but being a great rapper is like being a great juggler.
	Drake is funny.
	He's cute.
	He has funny jokes though, like when he says... I want to have sex with Drake.
	You want to have sex with every... I want to have sex with Drake.
	I'm glad you're getting your mojo back, because you said you don't have sexual feelings, but for Drake?
	No, not really.
	For Drizzy?
	Drizzy?
	Not really.
	That was pretty funny.
	I mean, he's funny.
	He's funny.
	You get the curb. That was pretty funny. I mean, he's funny.
	He's funny. I like these other rappers that they're not funny. Like ludicrous.
	Is it ludicrous?
	Ain't ludicrous. Who's going after? I don't know anything about I don't follow rap because they're
	I don't like it.
	Who's- I don't.
	I'm sorry.
	I don't.
	Who is it that's got the beef with Drake?
	It's not literally.
	Kendrick Lamar.
	Oh, he's gay too.
	I mean, among others.
	Kendrick.
	It's a 20v1, some might say.
	I looked at Kendrick's- I don't know what that means.
	It's from the rap- I looked at Kendrick's shit.
	Brilliant.
	His shit was brilliant how he took it to Drake.
	Brilliant prose.
	Did you think so?
	And it kept on coming.
	I'm from Canada.
	He's team Drake.
	He's from Canada.
	He's a nationalist.
	I thought it was brilliant prose, but I thought it was all for setting up Drake to come back
	because he is a Jew.
	And he's like, you know, they don't like the Jews, but Drake is going to come back.
	Motherfucker.
	Don't bring his name in vain.
	You were telling me this before.
	You're very upset.
	Oh, I forgot.
	Yeah.
	Didn't you have a video?
	bullshit. He's gonna try and get this sentence. But I brought in
	ASAP Rocky to it because you know, I just love ASAP Rocky.
	Yeah, don't bring his name in vain. You were telling me this
	before you're very upset. Oh, I forgot. Yeah. Didn't you have a
	video? You love him, right? I love him because he is so good
	of a husband and father.
	I don't know if that's true, but how do you know?
	Cause I can tell on the videos.
	Do you guys know rap feuds are bullshit?
	Like marketing some, some white Jewish girl in a marketing job.
	It's like, you guys need to fight for three months.
	They do a contract.
	It's like a fucking, uh, what's his name?
	Marriage.
	Yeah, but what do you call a guy a pedophile?
	Leonardo DiCaprio relationship.
	It's a contract.
	Well, Kendrick called Drake a pedophile.
	He is a pedophile.
	Good for Kendrick.
	Pedophile isn't 16 and 15.
	Do you think the whole thing's fake?
	Pedophile is 9, 10, 11, and 12.
	It's 12 and below.
	It's prepubescent and below, but it's still from puberty till 18.
	It's like Joe Biden with the babies.
	That's a pedophile.
	When Joe Biden goes up and like bites children.
	Have you seen him bite babies?
	He tries to gum the baby's cheeks.
	It's not good.
	He likes the taste and smell of babies.
	Have you seen that?
	Yeah, obviously.
	There's compilations of like 20 of them in a row.
	A lot of them have been pulled off the internet, which is the scariest fucking thing.
	Remember when he told that one girl, he's like, I wish I were 13.
	Can't find that anywhere.
	Do you think Drake's going to repeat it?
	Is that what you're kind of proposing?
	I'm sure they're all involved.
	I'm just saying.
	What's your perspective on this whole thing?
	I'm sure you won't ask.
	No, because he real recognizes real.
	Rap is not, I hate, it's gonna make people mad.
	It's not really that hard.
	It's like juggling.
	Now there's good rappers and bad rappers.
	But hold on, it's not, it's not singing.
	It's not playing an instrument.
	Yeah, no, there are good singers that rap.
	I'm just saying, rap in itself is a really... people hustle to get in there and go, oh, this is an easy shit.
	I can make a lot of money.
	I don't have to be talented.
	I'll marry Drake.
	They don't even rap.
	I mean, they don't even rhyme.
	A lot of them don't rhyme.
	He's a nice Jewish boy.
	So anyway, Ryan, to answer your question, if I could get a sentence out, is that the rap game is a hustle game.
	There's things you have to do to get in, which is be raped on tape, pretty much.
	And to get to the top, it's a marketing.
	And then the fucking rapper fights.
	That's all some Jewish girl that's like, you need to fight with him for three months.
	And that's how you get up there.
	It's for people that aren't talented enough to sing.
	The lesbian publicists control Hollywood.
	That's what it's about.
	And Hollywood acting is a talent.
	Rap is not.
	And they do sacrifice male children's penises.
	They do.
	Well, all right.
	Well, that's fine.
	You made it less fun.
	I'm just saying, why are we acting like we're... We were pretty hyped when Drake's song came out.
	Why is rap a part of music?
	We're all like, yo, new song came out.
	Let's watch this.
	He's like, you know what?
	I don't want to be there.
	Do you want to watch it?
	Let's watch Drake.
	Let's watch him.
	We will, but Ryan needs to go and we need to promote his page.
	We haven't even done it yet.
	Please promote your fucking page.
	You know what?
	I remember last night brother, that was when I said I finished my tour, but so I'm not, I'm, I'm kind of not promoting anything, but I do a podcast every Friday, which is called the boys cast.
	And we do a sketch at the beginning of everything.
	And I do videos at youtube.com slash Ryan long comedy.
	And I release like a video every week and or sometimes more.
	This one I shot at 9 million views.
	I just did one where I went to the Trump trial and that was pretty funny.
	I missed the guy who lit himself on fire by one day.
	Damn, that would have been so good.
	That would have been wild.
	That would have been the best interview.
	I want to do a video with you.
	Would you have interviewed him?
	I want to go like to the guy that sets himself on fire and go, Just pour gas on him?
	Squeeze a gas bottle on his head?
	Well, it's funny, that guy was like, if you read his thing, it wasn't even that aggressive.
	Like the original guy was like, you know, to protest like Vietnam or whatever, wasn't it?
	And then the second guy was like the Palestine, the third guy was like crypto.
	The next guy is going to be like, because Arby's is closing earlier.
	I wish more people would do it because I really think it helps.
	It really helps the Palestinians.
	That's true.
	Do more.
	And the babies of the world.
	It's common now.
	There's like three guys in the last month.
	Did you see that guy when he started on fire?
	Like, you wonder what they're thinking.
	They must be on so many fentanyls.
	Oh, that's an interesting thing.
	Did they take a lot of fucking pills before?
	Antidepressants, for sure.
	Because he was just sitting here like this.
	He's on fire.
	How would you not be screaming?
	But then at the end his face goes like this.
	Because why would you do that?
	I mean, it don't make any sense that you'd set yourself on fire.
	I read the latest one and it was seemed kind of like didn't make it seemed like a little bit of like I've seen friends that are like starting to fucking really get like a schizo.
	It kind of felt like that type of stuff.
	No, you're definitely mentally ill if you're letting yourself on fire.
	There's no cause where you read it and you go, Oh, Maybe back in the day.
	Didn't that guy that didn't want to go to Vietnam light himself on fire?
	That was pretty cool.
	Those were the good old days, yeah.
	Those had more weight.
	That was actually after all these Cambodian priests set themselves on fire in Cambodia and Vietnam to protest.
	And they just sat there like this.
	Because it's a kind of a communist mind control thing.
	But I thought that was more badass.
	That was like the grittier, like old school, lighting yourself on fire.
	I mean, you know who really was good at setting themselves on fire for political activism were the Tibetans.
	Yeah.
	Which is why everybody was so angry.
	They would just sit there like this.
	That was the original guy.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	He was badass.
	He never moved.
	If you watch it, he just sits there like this.
	He was deep in meditation.
	These guys scream.
	I would be screaming.
	I'd be like a little girl.
	Why do that?
	I guess it's for publicity.
	Hey Ma, you know, I know you can't take ibuprofen, which I think is crazy.
	Yeah.
	And we don't get into the specifics, but you had your stomach removed because you were a big fat cow.
	No, but anyway, you did have your, you had your stomach stapled years ago and for some reason you can't take ibuprofen.
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	Well, he said I was dead inside when I told him to do a reading on me.
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	Well, I'm not dead inside, Dr. Drew, but thank you for spending the time with me.
	Thank you for your professional medical opinion.
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	Kids are only available in the USA.
	Mental illness is the clear answer.
	I mean, you're crazy.
	Why can't there be something that we could come up with that would be more effective in burning yourself alive?
	Comedy.
	Podcasting.
	Comedy is kind of self-immolation, you think?
	That's a good point.
	You just put stuff online so everyone can tell you, you know, shit talk, yeah?
	Do you think comedy is a calling from God?
	No.
	I like that answer.
	Do you think it's a mental illness?
	Well, I'm not religious.
	Okay.
	But do you think it's a mental illness?
	I think there's different ways that people do it.
	And if you did comedy in any scene starting out, I think it's hard to argue that mental illness is not a big part of that scene.
	But there's different reasons that people do it, I think, you know.
	But Like, I mean, there is part of it that's like, just a, you know, there's certain people that just like, you know, went to school, they were in drama, went to drama school, and they're like, Oh, I'm one of the making funny stuff.
	I'll be a comedian.
	There's certain people where it was very not like a natural progression for them.
	I think for some people, there's something more inside of you that you're like, I need to do this.
	And I think that, I mean, there's gotta be something a little unwell about like, I just anyone who's like, everyone needs to hear what I have to say, you know?
	But I think there's a craft.
	I try to, I think there's the other part of it where you just look at like a craft.
	Like some people are like craftsmen.
	Like you're just like, it's like a job.
	You're just like, wake up, write your stuff, do it, go do three things.
	Like it's not glamorous in that sense, right?
	It's almost like work, like it's almost like it's just a job, you know?
	So it doesn't have to be glamorous in that sense.
	I don't know, you know, taking the subway to another spot and then writing your jokes.
	Okay.
	He liked, that's not glamorous.
	That's not like a calling from God.
	I don't think.
	Well, what's your reason for making a fool of yourself for no reason?
	Bill Burr had a good kind of point that I think was a version of how I think of it.
	A lot of people talk, and I think it's true, that you kind of look at how can I be the most useful?
	Where am I the most useful?
	I don't know if happiness is the right word, but where you feel like I'm purposeful.
	Where am I the most useful?
	Everyone's different and I do think like the collection of skills and things I have, I actually do think this might be the best thing in the world that I'd be the best at.
	So then I feel like a lot of times I'm like, I'm probably the best suited to be doing this.
	So for me, I think that's why.
	So I don't think that's a calling from God.
	I think that's a calling from like who I am as a person, which I guess you could say is from God.
	So you think that's fate?
	No, I think that everyone has to find it.
	But for you, is it fate?
	No, I don't think so, because I think a lot of people don't find it.
	And a lot of people don't necessarily have one, you know?
	It doesn't always exist.
	But there are certain people where it's like, you know, some people, their talents might be misplaced.
	You've got the fire in the belly, though.
	You've got the fire in the belly for saying the truth as you see it, though.
	I think so.
	And you might be right, or maybe I have the fire and the ability for being the best, and what I've chosen to be the best at is saying the truth.
	So maybe my fire comes from like a pursuit of greatness and I happen to be pursuing truth as that thing.
	Well, you can juxtapose like a motherfucker.
	You think I'm like dodging it?
	No, I think you're really deep.
	You juxtapose it like a motherfucker.
	We think you're really deep.
	I thank you so much for being on my podcast.
	Oh yeah, you're the best.
	Honestly, I'm not kidding.
	I think that one of the coolest things in being in this industry and stuff is the times that we like hung out.
	It's very cool.
	I want to come to New York and work.
	I'm serious.
	Good.
	You should.
	Dave Chappelle does that.
	He comes for like two weeks and just does like five.
	A lot of people that kind of live somewhere random, you know, it seems like very often, especially if there's someone like you that has like status, they come to New York and kind of, you know, fuck around like, and they really, you know, you can find clubs.
	It'll be like whatever you want, however long you want to do.
	I'm sure you've tons of places would do that.
	You know, I want my new 20 cause I have a new, I got a new, Come do that twice a night for two weeks.
	I'm sure you can do that in Austin too.
	I want to go to New York.
	Yeah, go do it.
	Go to the cellar.
	Go to the stand.
	You should do all of it, Ma.
	There's a talk about a Vegas residency.
	Yeah, Brooklyn and I want to go to the Bronx too.
	I know they got good shit in the Bronx too, right?
	I don't cross 30th Street.
	People are telling me to do that.
	But anyway, long live comedy.
	Yeah, yeah, of course.
	That'd be awesome.
	I think you'd love that.
	And then, you know, do it every few months.
	Yeah, it'd be awesome.
	Ryan, I want to say thank you so much.
	We've been trying to get you on this fucking show for almost a year.
	I know.
	I'm sorry that I got sick.
	Oh, no, don't be sorry.
	We've been moving and traveling.
	I think you're brilliant, and I think you're fucking so deep.
	Thanks, guys.
	No, I love hanging out with you guys, so appreciate it.
	We'll come back, or we'll go to New York.
	Or we'll come to you.
	She keeps trying to ditch me.
	Will you take my mom to New York and I'll stay here with my baby?
	I think she'd have more fun with you than me.
	I want to get an Airbnb.
	You're her handler.
	I am, but could you be her handler?
	I need a break.
	He's my elder abuser.
	I want to get an Airbnb in New York.
	You should.
	No, the cellar was cool as shit.
	I'd go see plays and such, you know.
	We were just there.
	Well, you know.
	No, we'll go.
	Dude, I keep trying to fucking tell you this.
	You can do whatever the fuck you want.
	You have the means.
	You have the time.
	You can do whatever you want.
	You just have to get up.
	You have to put the Q videos down off your laptop and go outside.
	That's all you have to do is get off the Q videos and go outside.
	Just when they're happening.
	Drip, drip.
	All right, close this up.
	He does have to go.
	No, I'm in a big hurry, but yeah, it's fine.
	Love you, love you, love you.
	Tell Hannah to come and take our picture.

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