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March 11, 2013 - Rush Limbaugh Program
42:43
March 11, 2013, Monday, Hour #1
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Welcome to today's edition of the Rush 24-7 podcast.
Yes, America's Anchorman is away, and this is your undocumented anchor man sitting in, Mark Stein, living in the shadows and loving it.
My pathway to citizenship got sequestered.
Rush returns tomorrow live for three hours of full strength, all-American excellence in broadcasting.
But today it's just cheap, outsourced, offshored foreign labor all the way.
I'm a foreign exchange student at the Limbaugh Institute for Advanced Conservative Studies.
It's a terrific program.
Guys like me get to study here.
And in return, Joe Biden gets to fly to Caracas and be displayed in the glass case next to Hugo Chavez.
So it all works out.
We're coming to you today from Ice Station EIB in northern New Hampshire, just a stone's throw from the Canadian border.
If you're fleeing the country, do drop by.
We're always glad to see you.
You can't miss us.
There's a big sign on the interstate, last Rush guest host before the border.
From New Hampshire, it goes down to HR and Friday at EIB in New York and then over to California, up to the satellite and out to the world.
And don't forget, this is the first Rush Limbaugh show of the year on daylight savings time.
Yesterday, as you know, the clocks went forward an hour.
We would have gone forward two hours, but Obama sequestered one of them.
It's officially day 10 of the sequester, day 10.
So if you've still got telephone service in your state, do call and let us know how it's going.
1-800-282-2882.
Cholera outbreaks have been reported now in 17 states, I believe.
The Washington Post has a fantastic story, a magnificent story, about how these sequester cuts are destroying the fabric of American life as we know it.
It's called Yellowstone Gets Real About Budget Cuts.
And longtime Rush listeners will know that Jellystone Park, as he always calls it, was the symbol of the government shutdown back in 1995.
It's like late Bob Hope routines when he used to recycle his Warren Harding gags about Jimmy Carter.
Basically, all the stuff, all the 1995 Yellowstone Park stuff has now come back as the symbol of the savagery of the sequester.
Mammoth Hot Springs, Wyoming, the giant yellow snowplows that wake Yellowstone from its winter slumber every March are idled, waiting for the sun to make up for federal budget cuts that are forcing the park to open late for peak season, reports Lisa Rine.
Mandatory cuts kicked in three days before the plows were to start clearing snow and ice from 300 roads.
Faced with an order from Washington to slice $1.8 million from his budget, the park superintendent, Dan Wink, had considered his options.
He could halt the bison management program, but the program is required under a court settlement.
So that's great news.
The bison management, as bad as things have got under the sequester, the planes are dropping from the supply from the sky.
The water supply is unsafe, but the bison management program continues.
These are, by the way, these are federally credentialed bison managers.
You can't just get any old guy.
You can't just get some minimum wage in.
You can't just get some undocumented workers in.
These are federally credentialed bison managers.
And he can't, he wanted to cut them, this guy, but he isn't allowed to cut them, apparently, because the bison management program is now required under a court settlement.
So basically, that's not part of discretionary spending anymore.
That counts as non-discretionary.
It's with the entitlement programs.
You can't cut that.
It's like the things you can't cut now.
You can't cut Social Security, you can't cut Medicare, you can't cut Medicaid, and you can't get cut bison management program.
That's non-discretionary spending.
So you'll be relieved to hear that out in Wyoming, bison management continues.
So they're not just roaming.
They haven't bust out of the park and they're roaming all over the interstate and they're heading down to downtown Mammoth Hot Springs and causing havoc.
The bison are still being manned.
If you're listening in Wyoming, it's safe to leave your home.
The bison are still being managed.
The bison management program is mandatory spending now.
It's up there with Social Security.
By the way, why couldn't they just put plows on the front of the bison then and get them to clear the snow?
I don't know.
Nobody's thinking outside the box here.
So anyway, he couldn't cut that.
So he decided he was going to cut.
He decided then he could freeze all permanent hires.
That would save a million, delay the snow plows, turn 50 grand, and open most entrances to the park two weeks late.
And that would mean that the sun would melt and soften the snow, saving $30,000 a day.
American government now is now hanging on the good graces of the sun gods in the sky.
That's all that's depending, all that's between us and total chaos, the sun gods in the sky.
And so that's the good news.
The bison management program, the parks are delaying their opening, but the bison management program has been saved.
Tour guide Rusty Cole is not happy about it.
And he sent this guy, Wenk, a message and said he's mad as hell and not buying your argument.
They spend millions of dollars to operate Air Force One and they can't come up with some money to blow open the roads in Yellowstone.
Now you're thinking, blow open them.
What about those drones?
Wyoming's near Canada.
Janet Napolitano has unmanned drones on the Canadian border.
Why can't predator drones clear the snow?
If predator drones can take out Anwar al-Olaki's 16-year-old son when he's on the terrace of a Yemeni restaurant without killing any of the people who are at the back of the room at the crummy, non-desirable tables near the toilet, if unmanned drones, if predator drones can do that, why can't predator drones just blast free the snow from Yellowstone Park's roads?
So the actually come to that.
Why can't the unmanned drones can do everything?
Why can't the unmanned drones do the bison management program?
Why can't we just manage the bison from unmanned drones too?
Anyway, things are turning from bad to worse in Yellowstone Park.
They're having to leave it to the sun to melt the snow.
Even with Al Gore's global warming, there is no way now that people have to wait for the sun, the rays of the sun, to melt the snow at Yellowstone Park.
As sequestration hit, the park was prepared.
Sequestration, by the way, it's now like sequestration hit.
It's like Superstorm Sandy.
As sequestration hit Yellowstone, the park was preparing for high season, closing the hotels and restaurants that serve its fewer than 100,000 winter tourists.
Yellowstone in winter is a landscape of white, broken only by pine trees and half-frozen rivers.
This is where she's doing her little bit.
Prose is getting a little purpley.
The Washington Post going for its Pulitzer nomination here.
Clouds of steam from the park's many geysers.
I think that's a John McCain reference.
Clouds of steam from the park's many geysers billow into the cold while herds of bison forage.
The federally managed bison are foraging in Yellowstone Park.
We just saw a fox for the second time today, Marvel Tina Don from Cedarhurst, New York, warming up inside a concession trailer.
The same fox.
That's how bad it is.
That's how bad it is, folks.
In Yellowstone Park, they've downed to one fox.
They've had to lay off all the other foxes.
This one poor fox is having to go around, stand in front of the tourists, and be photographed multiple times.
The same fox.
One fox, one elk, one bald eagle.
That's all you get for your ticket to Yellowstone.
So things are going bad to worse on the old sequestration front.
Texas Congressman Louis Gomeard, a good friend of this show, has now filed an amendment that would prohibit federal funds from being spent on the president's golf trips until the public tours of the White House get reinstated.
The cost of the Obama-Tiger Woods golf outing, for example, would pay for an entire year of public tours of the White House.
It would pay, by the way, for all the snowplowing at Yellowstone Park.
It would probably pay for a year of bison management.
I mean, I don't know how much it costs managing a herd of bison compared to managing Barack Obama flying off to play golf with Tiger Woods.
But the bison and Tiger Woods Obama can play golf with the bison at Yellowstone Park if he wants to.
There's money for that.
But there is no money for snowplowing at Yellowstone Park.
That is how bad.
If you've got tragic stories from the sequestration nation, from a nation that has been hit, as the Washington Post put it, hit by Superstorm Sequester, hit by hurricane sequestration, then do call us and let us know.
1-800-282-2882.
We'll be following all the sequestration updates today.
Sequester was the big word of the week.
I like the way these words come and go.
And then you never have to worry about them again.
No one had heard about this thing, sequester, a few couple of months ago.
It was a word you never heard, never heard.
And then it was the big word of the week two weeks ago.
And last week, then the word of the week was filibuster.
Filibuster and drone were really tied for the words of the week last week.
And my money for the word of the week this week on this Monday morning is my money is on conclave.
Yesterday was last week was a kind of filibustery week.
This is going to be a conclave-y kind of week.
It's the big pope vote starts tomorrow.
All the cardinals will be heading into the smoke-filled room and be sequestered, as it happens.
I don't know whether you can be filibustered in conclave, but you can certainly be sequestered in one.
So if you've got some real papal insight, do call.
And I do emphasize real papal insight because I'm tired by the rubbish you see in the papers here, you know, New York Times and so forth commenting on the papal election.
And, you know, they basically say, well, if the Squaresville white males don't appoint the first lesbian pontiff, they'll just be making themselves irrelevant.
No one who watches Leonard Dunham on girls will be able to relate to the Catholic Church at all.
I don't know whether we'll get the first lesbian pope or the first transgendered pope.
I think the alleged Pope Joan in the 13th century was only a cross-dressing pope, so that doesn't count.
But it looks like we have a real chance of getting the first Canadian Pope.
So it's like payback for the Keystone Pipeline.
Obama wouldn't let the Canadians build a pipeline in America.
So the Canadians have built a pipeline to the Vatican.
It's like the Keys of St. Peter pipeline.
Anyway, this guy will look into this Canadian Pope, the first Canadian Pope.
This is really rubbing Americans' noses in it, by the way.
You know, if the first pope from North America is a Canadian, that will be a humiliating defeat for the United States.
Obama's got a Nobel Peace Prize.
Why can't he be Pope as well?
I mean, I'm sure, why can't he do both?
If he can be the president, if he can be the Nobel Peace Prize winner, why can't he also be the pontiff?
It's embarrassing for Americans.
You can't even get your guy as Pope before the Canadians get a Pope.
So we'll talk about that and lots more straight ahead on the Excellence in Broadcasting Network.
1-800-282-2882-Mark Stein Infra Rush.
Hey, Mark Stein, Infra Rush on the Excellence in Broadcasting Network.
Breaking news, breaking news.
Kwame Kilpatrick, former Detroit mayor, has been found guilty of racketeering, conspiracy, and a bunch of other stuff.
His fundraiser, Emma Bell, testified that she gave Mayor Kilpatrick more than $200,000 as his personal cut of political donations, pulling cash from her bra during private meetings.
I'm impressed by it.
I'm impressed by it.
Was that in small bills?
I'm impressed by any woman who can get $200,000 in cash inside her bra.
That is some.
That's like Yellowstone Park-size Canyon there.
That's like Grand Canyon-size cleavage in there.
$200,000.
So he's looking at Kwame Kilpatrick, been found guilty of racketeering conspiracy.
He's looking at whatever it is, 117 years in jail.
But due to sequestration, they can't send him to jail.
So they're just going to put an electronic tag on him and loose him among the Yellowstone bison herd to be managed by bison management program officials for the next 117 years.
But Kwame Kilpatrick, you're probably shocked.
You're probably shocked by this.
A Detroit mayor guilty of corruption.
I mean, that is astonishing.
Does a bear defecate in the woods next to the managed bison management program?
Is the Pope Canadian?
Yes, a Detroit mayor is guilty of corruption.
That's what it's come to, folks.
He took cash.
It's a personal slice.
His fundraiser was pulling large bills from inside her bra.
$200,000.
I'd be interested to know whether she could get through security at Detroit International Airport with all that money in her bra.
1-800-282-2882, Mark Stein on the Rushlinbush.
It could have gone worse for him, by the way, Kwame Kilpatrick, because he could have been on trial in Saudi Arabia.
Government cuts are going even worse in Saudi Arabia.
The influential newspaper Al-Wattan reports that the Saudis may have to cut back on public beheadings due to a shortage of government executioners.
I mean, that's when sequestration really begins to bite, when you've got to start cutting back on cutting heads.
If you've ever been to Saudi, you'll know that basically public executions are the only entertainment in town.
If you stand in the Hyatt and you look at the complimentary guide to what's on in Riyadh and you're thinking, hey, maybe Wayne Newton's in town or Don Rickles, no, there's nothing to do except go to Chop Chop Square and see who's having his head cut off.
They beheaded a Sri Lankan housemaid last week.
But now Al Wattan reports that because there's a shortage of fully credentialed decapitators, they may have to switch to just shooting people.
Quote, this solution seems practical, especially in light of shortages in official swordsmen or their belated arrival to execution yards in some incidents, said the ministerial committee.
So if you'd like to be a Saudi swordsman, they're looking.
They've asked some corporate headhunters to find them some corporate head choppers.
It's a great way to get ahead.
And it's tax-free in Saudi, by the way.
There's no taxes and no income tax at all in Saudi Arabia.
Everybody is in the richest 1%.
So everything is completely tax-free in Saudi Arabia, so you don't have to worry about the government taking a huge cut.
So if you think if you fancy a midlife career change and you're tired of the dead American economy and whatever, this might be a job to consider, going to Saudi Arabia and being an executioner.
But you need to know what you're doing.
You can't just grab your Saudi sword and say, hey, I thought I'd take a stab at it.
You've actually got to know what you're doing.
It's like the Bison Management Program in Yellowstone National Park.
So we're going to be talking about the sequester as it begins to bite.
But there's lots of other news around America this fine day.
Baltimore, zero tolerance for zero tolerance.
A state senator, J.B. Jennings, has proposed a law that would prevent young children being suspended from school for forming their finger or food in a shape of the gun.
Right?
This is Maryland, where these crazy stories come up every week now.
Anne Arundel County school leaders suspended seven-year-old Joshua Welsh last week for eating a pastry in the shape of a gun.
It was a Pop-Tart.
And this Pop-Tart, in the course of being squeezed into the toaster or whatever you do with the Pop-Tart, had come out in a vaguely gun-like shape.
And seven-year-old Joshua Welsh was suspended for eating a Pop-Tart shaped like a gun.
When you compare the caliber of the offence to the caliber of the punishment, they don't match up, the boy's father said.
He must be some kind of gun nut.
What are you talking about?
When you're talking about the caliber, that's a gun term, isn't it?
Is he talking about the caliber of his son's Pop-Tart?
That's that gun coop militaristic talk right there.
Look, here's the problem.
Here's the problem.
If you need to pass a law making it illegal for teachers to suspend school children, grade schoolers, first graders, second graders, for eating a pastry shaped like a gun, it's over.
You're nuts.
You've flown the coop.
You can't pass laws to stop this stuff.
Either a society knows that a kid eating a Pop-Tart that happens to come out shaped like a semi-automatic is a quirk of the baking process, is an accident, is not a crime.
Either a healthy society knows that that is not a security threat, a Pop-Tart shaped like a gun is not a security threat, or it doesn't.
But you cannot pass, once you start having to pass laws saying the teacher can't fire poor little, what was he called, Joshua, because his Pop-Tart's shaped like a gun, once you have to pass laws for that, it is over.
It's over big time.
Mark Stein, in for ush 1-800-282-2882.
Hey, Mark Stein, in for rush on the Excellence in Broadcasting Network.
Breaking news.
Breaking news.
Kwame Kilpatrick, former Detroit mayor, has been found guilty of racketeering, conspiracy, and a bunch of other stuff.
His fundraiser, Emma Bell, testified that she gave Mayor Kilpatrick more than $200,000 as his personal cut of political donations, pulling cash from her bra during private meetings.
I'm impressed by it.
I'm impressed by it.
Was that in small bills?
I'm impressed by any woman who can get $200,000 in cash inside her bra.
That is that is some.
That's like that.
That's like Yellowstone Park-size Canyon there.
That's like Grand Canyon-size cleavage in there.
$200,000.
So he's looking at Kwame Kilpatrick, been found guilty of racketeering conspiracies.
He's looking at whatever it is, 117 years in jail.
But due to sequestration, they can't send him to jail.
So they're just going to put an electronic tag on him and loose him among the Yellowstone bison herd to be managed by bison management program officials for the next 117 years.
But Kwame Kilpatrick, you're probably shocked.
You're probably shocked by this.
A Detroit mayor guilty of corruption.
I mean, that is astonishing.
Does a bear defecate in the woods next to the managed bison management program?
Is the Pope Canadian?
Yes, a Detroit mayor is guilty of corruption.
That's what it's come to, folks.
He took cash.
It's a personal slice.
His fundraiser was giving him, pulling large bills from inside her bra.
$200,000.
I'd be interested to know whether she could get through security at Detroit International Airport with all that money in her bra.
1-800-282-2882, Bark Stein on the Rushlinbush.
I could have gone worse for him, by the way, Kwame Kilpatrick, because he could have been on trial in Saudi Arabia.
Government cuts are going even worse in Saudi Arabia.
The influential newspaper Al-Wattan reports that the Saudis may have to cut back on public beheadings due to a shortage of government executioners.
I mean, that's when sequestration really begins to bite.
When you've got to start cutting back on cutting heads.
If you've ever been to Saudi, you'll know that basically public executions are the only entertainment in town.
If you stand in the Hyatt and you look at the complimentary guide to what's on in Riyadh and you're thinking, hey, maybe Wayne Newton's in town or Don Rickles, no, there's nothing to do except go to Chop Chop Square and see who's having his head cut off.
They beheaded a Sri Lankan housemaid last week.
But now Al Watan reports that because there's a shortage of fully credentialed decapitators, they may have to switch to just shooting people.
Quote, this solution seems practical, especially in light of shortages in official swordsmen or their belated arrival to execution yards in some incidents, said the ministerial committee.
So if you'd like to be a Saudi swordsman, they're looking.
They've asked some corporate headhunters to find them some corporate head choppers.
It's a great way to get ahead.
And it's tax-free in Saudi, by the way.
There's no taxes and no income tax at all in Saudi Arabia.
Everybody is in the richest 1%.
So everything is completely tax-free in Saudi Arabia, so you don't have to worry about the government taking a huge cut.
So if you think, if you fancy a midlife career change and you're tired of the dead American economy and whatever, this might be a job to consider, going to Saudi Arabia and being an executioner.
But you need to know what you're doing.
You can't just grab your Saudi sword and say, hey, I thought I'd take a stab at it.
You've actually got to know what you're doing.
It's like the bison management program in Yellowstone National Park.
So we're going to be talking about the sequester as it begins to bite.
But there's lots of other news around America this fine day.
Baltimore, zero tolerance for zero tolerance.
A state senator, J.B. Jennings, has proposed a law that would prevent young children being suspended from school for forming their finger or food in a shape of the gun.
Right?
This is Maryland, where these crazy stories come up every week now.
Anne Arundel County school leaders suspended seven-year-old Joshua Welsh last week for eating a pastry in the shape of a gun.
It was a Pop-Tart.
And this Pop-Tart, in the course of being squeezed into the toaster or whatever you do with a Pop-Tart, had come out in a vaguely gun-like shape.
And seven-year-old Joshua Welsh was suspended for eating a Pop-Tart shaped like a gun.
When you compare the caliber of the offence to the caliber of the punishment, they don't match up, the boy's father said.
He must be some kind of gun nut.
What are you talking about?
When you're talking about the caliber, that's a gun term, isn't it?
Is he talking about the caliber of his son's Pop-Tart?
That's that gun coop militaristic talk right there.
Look, here's the problem.
Here's the problem.
If you need to pass a law making it illegal for teachers to suspend school children, grade schoolers, first graders, second graders, for eating a pastry shaped like a gun, it's over.
You're nuts.
You've flown the coop.
You can't pass laws to stop this stuff.
Either a society knows that a kid eating a Pop-Tart that happens to come out shaped like a semi-automatic is a quirk of the baking process, is an accident, is not a crime.
Either a healthy society knows that that is not a security threat, a Pop-Tart shaped like a gun is not a security threat, or it doesn't.
But you cannot pass, once you start having to pass laws saying the teacher can't fire poor little, what was he called, Joshua, because his Pop-Tart's shaped like a gun, once you have to pass laws for that, it is over.
It's over big time.
Mark Stein, Infra Rush, 1-800-282-2882.
Yes, Rush returns live tomorrow to take you through the rest of the week with full strength, authentically American, excellence in broadcasting.
Don't forget, if you go to rushlimbaugh.com and you're a rush 24-7 subscriber, it's like he's never gone away.
You need not be discombobulated by sinister foreign guest hosts because you can have Rush round the clock when you want him on your schedule.
Rushlimbore.com.
We're following the sequester.
We're watching for puffs of smoke from Rome.
The Papal Conclave is due to start tomorrow.
Pope Benedict, by the way, who's like the first ex-pope in half a millennium now, he, I guess, if you're talking about sinister foreign guest hosts, I guess he's eligible to be a Rush guest host now.
So maybe we'll put him in the rotation and he'll be here for the day after Easter.
1-800-282-2882, breaking news.
I said that former Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick had been found guilty of racketeering and conspiracy and a bunch of other stuff.
The current mayor, Dave Bing, says the verdict will allow the city to move on from, quote, this negative chapter in Detroit's history.
I like, don't get me wrong, every time I say anything about Detroit, I always get a heap of trouble over it.
I like Detroit, but with the best will in the world, you couldn't really say it had a negative chapter in its history.
It's had the full negative 26 volumes of Gibbon's decline and fall of the Roman Empire in its history.
That's Detroit.
It's not just a negative chapter or a negative end note or a negative preface.
It's the full negative multi-volume part work.
It's like the Encyclopædia Britannica of negative chapters.
So we'll keep an eye on that story.
I need to clarify something, by the way.
I erroneously portrayed seven-year-old Joshua Welsh, an Arundel County schoolboy, as an innocent party when I said that this Pop-Tart he'd eaten was in the shape of a gun.
He apparently nibbled it into the shape of a gun.
Several people have called in to point out that Joshua Welch is not an innocent seven-year-old schoolboy.
He nibbled his Pop-Tart into a gun-like shape.
We should throw the book at him.
We should put him away.
We should put him away for as long as they're putting Kwame Kilpatrick away.
Because this is far more serious than a little bit of racketeering and conspiracy.
This is a guy nibbling a Pop-Tart into a gun.
Dad, I like the email I just got.
Apparently, the dad is going to eat a Pop-Tart in the shape of a middle finger, toast it, and send it to the school board.
You go for it.
You go for it.
Look, this is crazy stuff.
Kids forming a finger into the shape, making a gun with their finger, their send-home.
Kids having gun-shaped pastries.
Crazy.
When a guy has to introduce a law in the state legislature to prevent the seven-year-old being suspended for that, that's actually even crazier.
When you think you can correct this with laws, when your society is so insane that your only way around this is to pass a law, you can't pass laws for everything.
That's one of the problems with this country, is there's laws against everything now.
And just complying with the laws sucks up all the time and money.
That's why 50% of all the world's lawyers are in America.
So now we're going to have Pop-Tart, Pop-Tart litigation, gun-shaped Pop-Tart litigation law specialists.
That's not going to do anything.
Let us go to Jack in Stillwater, Minnesota.
Jack is live on the Rush Limbaugh Show.
Great to have you with us, Jack.
Well, hey, Mark, this is wonderful to be on.
I enjoy listening to you when you sit in for Rush.
I listen to Rush every day.
Hey, good for you.
And I get a rash of crap from my cohorts in my office.
They all think I'm the right-wing nut job over here, but little do they know that I'm the one that's holding the place together.
Yeah, well, the good news is that a rash of crap for being a right-wing nut job is now covered by Obamacare, Jack.
So you'll be able to steal.
You'll be able to be treated for that and live a normal life.
Oh, well, I guess I'm not handicapped then.
You know, you're talking about Yellowstone, and I've been out there many, many, many years snowmobiling.
And they don't plow Yellowstone until sometime in late April.
They leave the road for all the snowmobilers to use.
And when they do plow it, the only plow from what they call a little town called West Yellowstone over to Old Faithful.
Right.
It's about a 15-mile stretch.
So for them to be complaining about not being able to plow this road, it's another Obama hoax.
So you're saying that, in fact, there's only one 15-mile stretch they plow even when they do plow it.
It's about 15 miles, yeah.
And then the rest of it just, you know, they wait till there's virtually nothing left, and then they just kind of clean it up after that.
Okay, so that 15, I'm here in northern New Hampshire, and it's not the elevation of Yellowstone, but you'd be hard-pressed here to Find a town that costs, spent $250,000 plowing 15 miles of road.
Granted, it is a lot of snow.
I mean, in the peak of the season, there's got to be, oh, 8, 10, 50, there's a lot of snow there, but that's why they don't do it.
And, of course, it's used, the trails are used in the park for all the snowmobilers.
Yeah, well, that's an interesting observation.
So you're saying it's basically just a 50-mile track, and they actually leave it there as late as they can so that you snowmobilists can enjoy it.
Right.
So when you go into Yellowstone, the road is a big circle.
Right.
And the only real building that's down there is Old Faithful and the exhibit, and to go down and see that.
That's all that's down there.
Now, have you seen, do you know, is that the same stretch that the bison herd are all around too?
You know, the bison herd travel basically anywhere they want, but they're up and down that road.
We've had several encounters with them on the snowmobile, and the bison usually win.
So a properly managed bison herd would at least be able to tamp down and pack the snow.
So it's like, yeah, I do.
They pack it down and they have their little trails, and they pretty much manage themselves.
They're good Republicans.
I think a bison herd could manage themselves.
No, no, no, no, Jack.
It's like the life of Julia.
They would be lost without Obama.
The life of Bernie the Bison.
That's what Obama, the Obama propagandists should be making now to show that that bison's life would be hell if it weren't for everything the federal government's doing to him.
Well, we are taking care of them.
We did give them over a million acre park there to live in.
Which is a better deal than Julia got, by the way.
Thank you.
Thanks for you, Colette.
Oh, gosh, that's well, it's great.
It's appropriate the bison should be given like a million acre retirement home to live in because as we established in the first part of the program, the bison management program now comes under non-discretionary spending.
A court has ordered that you're not allowed to cut that.
So it's up there with the entitlement.
Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid, and Bison Management.
By the way, I'm still getting more pushback on people who are outraged at the recklessness of letting the bitter clingers down in Maryland cling to their gun-shaped Pop-Tarts.
There should be a limit.
One listener says there should be a limit on the number of Pop-Tarts a person can carry.
No one ever needs to have 30 Pop-Tarts on them at one time.
That's true.
If you're coming into school with one of those high-capacity lunch boxes that can hold 30 Pop-Tarts, I think that's all the more reason why that school should go into lockdown.
Absolute lockdown.
We should have zero tolerance, zero tolerance for this kind of thing.
By the way, Gabby Gifford's husband, you may recall, Mark Kelly, a couple of days ago, the day after, he's a big gun control proponent now, and I think it was the day after he testified in Congress last week, March the 6th, he went out and bought an AR-15.
This is a guy who's in favor of gun control.
This guy's in favor whose official position is that you shouldn't be able to buy an AR-15.
But then the day after speaking out in favor of gun control, he went and bought an AR-15.
And that's fine.
That's good for him.
I'm happy for Mark Kelly to buy an AR-15.
If he bought a Pop-Tart shaped like an AR-15, though, then he deserves to be thrown in the slammer and they should toss away the key.
We got to take this stuff seriously.
And I deeply regret that I did not explain in the first segment of the show, in the first half hour of the show, that this kid, this seven-year-old boy in Maryland, is not an innocent party.
He nibbled.
He nibbled the Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.
And if you let him get away with that, you know, I believe he nibbled the Pop-Tart into the shape of a handgun, because I think it would be hard to nibble it into the shape of a semi-automatic.
But if he were to take a large-size pizza, he could easily nibble that into the shape of an AK-47.
So we need to crack down on this stuff.
And that's why this legislator is now, this will be the first country on the planet in history, in human history, that will have to pass a law saying that a teacher cannot suspend a schoolboy for nibbling a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun.
Mark Steinen for Rush, lots more straight ahead.
Mark Steinen for Rush on the EIB network.
Every time I try to say anything about this, I thought this was just like a simple story, this toaster pastry gun control act that's being introduced in the Maryland legislature.
But every time I say anything about it, I have to back up and issue a clarification.
Initially, I said that this seven-year-old schoolboy, the pastry had emerged in a gun-like shape.
And then I had to, we had griefed callers saying, no, no, no, he nibbled it into a gun-like shape.
Now I have, according to KNTV of Baltimore, Maryland, Josh Welch said his teacher got it completely wrong.
It was already a rectangle and it kind of looked like a gun, but it wasn't.
Welch.
I like the way they just call it by a surname now.
It's like, oh, cute little seven-year-old Joshie.
Cute little, oh, cute little, no, Welch, Welch.
He's a hard man.
He's in there.
He's in jail with Kwame Kilpatrick.
Welch said he was trying to shape the Pop-Tart into a mountain.
Look at that.
The kid's trying to turn his Pop-Tart into Yellowstone National Park with probably little, those little flaky bits of your Pop-Tart that come loose.
Like they're the little bison managed, the federally managed bison herd atop it.
He's trying to make his Pop-Tart into a mountain, but the teacher insists that in fact it's a gun.
And the school sent out a letter late in the day to parents explaining what happened and why they thought it was a threat, saying that a student used food to make an inappropriate gesture.
If your children express that they are troubled by today's incidents, please talk with them and help them share their feelings.
Our school counselor is available to meet with any students who have the need to do so next week.
You're doomed, America.
You're done for.
No society can survive this level of stupidity.
The school counselor is available to meet with any students who are traumatized by hearing reports of some guy four grades below them who nibbles a Pop-Tart into a gun-like shape.
You know, when they talk, I've never subscribed to this whole greatest generation thing, you know, but you look at those guys.
They weren't much older than the kids from this school.
A lot of them were like 17, 18 years old, and they're storming out of these transport ships in the churning waters of the English Channel and the North Sea.
And they're landing on the beaches of Normandy.
And they're getting out of there and they're stomping up the beaches and taking German gunfire and all the rest.
Do you think if you raise people so that you make a school counselor available to them in case they've been traumatized by someone who has nibbled a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun, do you think they're going to be getting out of those, if they're ever called upon to get out of those of those ships and storm the beaches of Normandy?
Do you think they're going to be up to doing that?
Do you think they're going to, oh no, look, the Germans, they're all holding Pop-Tarts.
It's never going to, this is, this, this, no society can survive this level of stupidity.
These small things are not small.
They tell you a lot about the institutionalized stupidity of our institution.
I mean, apart from anything else, this kid, it's on his permanent record.
He'll be running for governor of Maryland in 40 years' time.
And then someone in the Oppo research, they'll look at the thing and they'll come up with this whole Pop-Tart gun thing and that'll be it.
It'll be over for him.
He'll be wondering why.
He'll be going for job interviews and he'll be thinking he did pretty well and he'll be wondering why did nothing work out?
Why didn't it all happen for me?
And it'll turn out because someone looked up the record and they discovered that when he was seven years old, he nibbled a Pop-Tart into a gun-like shape.
This is the way it's going now.
This is all there is.
This is all that's left.
And if we don't roll this back now, there will be nothing.
There will be nothing.
That's what the Iranians won't need nukes.
The North Koreans won't need nukes.
Because we will actually just, we will actually suspend ourselves into oblivion.
This will be a first.
Gibbon didn't foresee this in the decline and fall of the Roman Empire.
There's nothing about Pop-Tarts.
They weren't so advanced.
The Romans were an advanced society, but they weren't so advanced that they invented the Pop-Tart.
And they weren't so exquisitely advanced that they then invented school suspensions over the shapes in which you eat Pop-Tarts into.
So this is not a small thing.
The North Koreans, they don't need the nukes.
The Mullers don't need the nukes.
The Chinese will never need to invade us.
They will just need to fill Walmart and Price Chopper with more and more Pop-Tarts.
And the whole country will gradually seize up.
You cannot fix this.
This senator who has proposed the law in the Maryland state legislature, and for all I know, this is controversial, may not even pass.
May not even get through the Maryland state legislature.
But you can't legislate for this level of stupidity.
And the idea that kids are traumatized, if a kid is genuinely traumatized, if a fifth grader is traumatized because some guy in second grade has nibbled a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun, then there's no hope.
There's no hope for anybody.
You don't need a school.
You don't need a school guidance counselor.
No school guidance counselor is seriously ever going to be able to remove the scars that that will leave.
And in fact, the scars left by being raised in a culture in which you're expected to go to the trauma counselor if you've been exposed to a gun-shaped Pop-Tart does far more damage than being exposed to the gun-shaped Pop-Tart.
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