Mark Zuckerbuck meets an angel (Travis View) and experiences what the world would be like if he were never born. Subscribe for $5 a month to get an extra episode of QAA every week + access to ongoing series like 'Trickle Down': http://www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous Editing by Corey Klotz. http://qanonanonymous.com
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|---|---|
| What's up, QAA listeners? | |
| The fun games have begun. | |
| I found a way to connect to the internet. | |
| I'm sorry, boy. | |
| Welcome, dear listeners, to a very special bonus episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast. | |
| There will be no depressing news, no depressing analysis in this episode. | |
| It is merely a bonus Jake story. | |
| Yes. | |
| As much as I hate to refer to myself in the third person, that is what it is, so... No, I think it's part of your character. | |
| The cleverly crafted Commedia dell'arte character that is. | |
| The clown! | |
| I wrote this... This is actually... You did this, listeners and Twitter followers of Travis. | |
| You did this because Travis tweeted this a couple of days ago. | |
| This was on the 20th of July, and he tweeted... Travis, do you want to read the tweet? | |
| Yeah, it was actually two tweets, and the first one said, tech entrepreneurs should stop worrying, what if my idea doesn't work? | |
| Instead, they should be worrying, what if my idea does work, but success creates painful externalities that I chose not to think about, and the legacy for my life's labor is generations of suffering. | |
| Okay. | |
| Wow. | |
| And the second tweet says, it's a wonderful life, but it's about an angel showing Mark Zuckerberg how much better the world would be if he had just died in infancy. | |
| Kind of harsh. | |
| I mean, I regret phrasing it quite that way. | |
| Right, right. | |
| It's a little extreme. | |
| I don't know necessarily if I want to go there for a fun satire. | |
| You're fucking buckwild on Twitter, Travis. | |
| What the fuck? | |
| Absolutely buckwild. | |
| Yeah, that tweet garnered 738 likes and 415 likes on the follow-up, so a number of people liked it. | |
| One person responded, I would buy that for a dollar! | |
| What? | |
| And then another person responded, at RealRokitansky, make this happen. | |
| Now that tweet got three likes, one of which was my own, so assuming that the original author didn't like their own tweet, It means two other people wanted me to make this story happen, and that's what we do here on the podcast. | |
| I work for a handful of people, okay? | |
| Two, three, if you at me and maybe one other person cosigns, I will spend an entire evening writing a parody of It's a Wonderful Life, starring Travis and Mark Zuckerberg, for your listening enjoyment. | |
| Both of those people were in the process, as they liked it, of hitting a Coke can with a couple nugs on some poked out holes on top. | |
| I mean, God bless. | |
| It's a good way to smoke. | |
| We gotta feed the beautiful. | |
| We gotta feed the refuse. | |
| So without further ado, I present to you all the Masterpiece Playhouse QAA version of "It's a Wonderful Like." | |
| Once upon a time, high in the clouds above this wondrous planet, | |
| A group of angels sat around their divine table, lightheartedly discussing the miserable existence of the earthlings below them. | |
| As they dined on rainbow-colored condensation and drank from large goblets of nectar, they couldn't help but notice strong words of prayer echoing up from the deteriorating ozone layer below. | |
| Dear Lord, please, please have mercy on my boss. | |
| The angels sat down their goblets, arched their glorious wings, and listened closer. | |
| There were more. | |
| Lord, please give my boss the strength to make it through this. | |
| Please, Lord. | |
| I pray to Thee, O Lord. | |
| Spare my boss's life, so I might be promoted to Senior Associate Director of Product. | |
| There were too many prayers to be ignored, each more desperate than the last. | |
| But who to answer them? | |
| The angels glanced around the divine table, instantly reading each other's minds. | |
| No one wanted to go. | |
| One of the angels, with platinum blonde hair and large mantis-like eyes, pointed away from the table. | |
| About twenty feet away, another angel sat, this one with no wings. | |
| He was muttering to himself about the improbability of angels at all, let alone one who found himself terribly grumpy. | |
| One of the winged angels made a proposition to the group. | |
| Perhaps Travis would do it. | |
| Travis Oddbody? | |
| One of them cried. | |
| But he doesn't even have his wings! | |
| The group had a lengthy discussion, telepathically of course, before deciding that, yes, Travis Oddbody would be the ideal angel to send in this situation. | |
| Maybe he could finally earn his wings after all. | |
| Without having any say in the matter, Travis felt the clouds beneath him give way, and he began to tumble, head first, towards Earth. | |
| Travis landed like a slinky, smack dab in the center of the Golden Gate Bridge. | |
| Oh dear, Travis thought. | |
| His father, Clarence, told a story every fucking Christmas about how he had saved a man from jumping off the bridge, and how he had earned his wings, and how great they were, and so on and so forth. | |
| Travis scanned the bridge. | |
| There were cars and pedestrians as to be expected, but no one in desperate need of saving. | |
| He stood there as rush hour bridge traffic blew through his transparent angelic body over and over again, looking for any kind of guidance on what to do. | |
| A shimmer off in the distance caught his attention. | |
| About a hundred yards away, in an adjacent park, the moonlight was reflecting off the white plastic dome of a suicide pod, its lid slowly lowering. | |
| Without any wings, Travis Oddbody had to hustle over to the pod, jamming his foot beneath the lid just as it was about to slam shut. | |
| Ouch! | |
| Travis said, unamused. | |
| The pod's lid began to raise again, like a garage door that had been interrupted. | |
| A stilted robotic voice called out from inside. | |
| Oh no! | |
| Something's gone terribly wrong. | |
| You have been listening to a sample of a premium episode of QAnon Anonymous. | |
| We don't run any advertising on the show, and we'd like to keep it that way. | |
| For five bucks a month, you'll get access to this episode, a new one each week, and our entire library of premium episodes. | |
| So head on over to patreon.com slash QAnon Anonymous and subscribe. | |
| Thank you. | |
| Thanks. | |
| I love you. |