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Dec. 21, 2021 - QAA
01:14:58
UNLOCKED Premium Episode 152: Ukrainian Travis View feat Olexandr Serdyuk
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Time Text
What's up QAA listeners?
The fun games have begun.
I found a way to connect to the internet.
I'm sorry boy.
Welcome, listener, to Premium Chapter 152 of the QAnon Anonymous Podcast, the Ukrainian Travis View episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rogatansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View.
Folks, it's finally happened.
Many, many episodes ago.
You may remember us talking about my attempts to find the man behind the stock photo Travis View was using as a profile photo on Twitter.
Eventually, I figured out the company that had produced those photos, and I reached out to them, but they never got back to me.
So, years later now, I'm older, and stupider, and I have not made any progress on this matter.
However, through the magic of the internet, the man in question has revealed himself to us.
So, without further ado, the guy behind Travis View's Twitter profile photo is... 32-year-old Ukrainian man Oleksandr Serjuk, a comedian and member of an absurdist theater troupe.
So first of all, Travis, you know, what is your reaction to this?
I'm just interviewing you on the street.
What is your reaction to this, Travis, coming out of the courtroom?
And could you explain how you came to use the photo and how it may or may not have gotten you in some trouble?
Yeah, yeah.
So this was a surprising development for A lot of reasons.
So I mean, you know, I first used the photo basically because on one day back in 2017, I was sick of getting my social media fix with Reddit.
It was boring me for some reason.
So I thought I'd give Twitter a try.
And, you know, I thought I'd open up a just a throwaway anonymous account because, you know, that's that's just what I usually did.
So I came up with a fake name and I came up with a I wanted to have some sort of profile photo.
So I decided to go a little bit of an unorthodox route, and I searched for the word confused in Shutterstock, which is just a database of stock photos.
And I browsed through all the stock photo models who were told by some photographer who paid them probably next to nothing to look confused.
And I came across Alexander's photo, who I now know to be Alexander by the time he was just one of the many anonymous stock photo models that were there.
So I thought, hey, I liked his expression.
He looks very bewildered.
His general vibe in his face kind of matches how I feel trying to make sense of the news day to day.
So I just download the photo and upload it to my profile.
And I just stuck with it since.
And I stuck with it even as, you know, I guess my follower count continued to grow.
Now, of course, obviously in a healthy world, who is in my stock photo sort of profile picture on Twitter, wouldn't matter at all.
But we live in a really irredeemably broken world in which some anonymous Well, let's not make this about you, Travis.
by talking about how horrifying and broken and wrong and damaged people are, and the
many, many ways in which, you know, things have failed us and the ways in which people
believe in nonsense in ways that are very much affect the real world.
Well, let's not make this about you, Travis.
Let's not.
Okay.
Of course, it's not about me.
But yeah, so that's just what happened.
And I decided to stick with the photo just because I kind of recognized that as I got more notoriety, it became increasingly absurd that I was using this stock photo.
But I guess it came to a head one day when a friend of Alexander's posted a video of Alexander requesting some orange juice as compensation for using his photo, a video of him.
So that's how I was first notified.
I just wanted to shine a light on the ultimate power move of continuing to use the stock photo even after the Washington Post, a very reputable publication, published Travis' real name and real photograph.
Well, I'm actually in a DM with Alexander on a different platform than Twitter and he is using the photo that Travis sent to the Washington Post so they could publish a real photo of him.
So he's using that as his profile, which is only fair.
And it has caused me today to send it like two messages like, hey, Travis, could you check and take a look at this?
Oh, wait, sorry, Alexander.
So it's bad, folks.
Everything's going to shit.
So the ultimate meta has been bestowed onto us, which is only fitting, I think, for a show this bizarre and melted.
So, you know, we deserve this, I think, to a degree.
Let's take a look at the first video that Alexander sent.
Hello, Travis.
I am Alexander.
You have my face in Avatar.
Thank you, man.
Thank you.
It's big pleasure for me.
In HBO serial, my face too.
Yeah, yeah.
This is my card.
Come on.
Come on.
I need money.
I need very big money or one orange juice.
Okay?
Incredible.
So, I mean, Travis, obviously you were probably very intimidated at this point, but it's not until he posted a second video that Travis responded.
So let's see what threats Alexander levied at Travis in the second video.
Hello, guys!
If Travis don't talk with me, and he don't give me orange juice, I have a koshylyok.
I like to call it hamonets in Ukraine.
So if you want that I drink juice, come on!
In Ukraine juice cost two dollars.
Oh, man.
You know, I mean, obviously, seeing the face is just incredible.
Seeing the face talking to me, you know, the AVI of all these years.
But, yeah, so, Travis, what was your response to this very threatening message?
My response was to subscribe to his Patreon, requesting juice.
So, yeah.
Perfect.
I hope he got enough for his juice, actually, yeah.
It also, of course, led Alexander to be invited on this show, of which he is a guest this week.
And so in this episode, we're going to explore how Alexander came to get in touch with us, I guess, broadly, through Vlad, his friend, and what the real Travis View's life is like in the Ukraine.
We also touch on a wide variety of topics like American band Bloodhound Gang and Alexander's relationship with Hunter Biden.
Now, one thing that may be worth noting before we jump in is that Alexander's English is a bit limited.
I'm not not trying to diss you, Alexander.
I love you.
But as such, the episode is sometimes a little, let's say, weird, disjointed, strange.
Also, he's using his laptop microphone.
So, you know, if you're like an audio nerd, you might be like, oh, but whatever.
OK, this is straight from the Ukraine, the raw, uncut stuff.
Having said that, you know, we had a great time, I think, and we hope you do, too.
And after the interview, of course, Jake has prepared a story starring both Travis View and Oleksandr Serjuk.
Okay, great.
Let's head into the interview with Oleksandr.
We are sitting with Oleksandr Serjuk, the stock photo model in question, the absurdist actor and comedian all the way in the Ukraine.
Welcome to the show, Oleksandr.
Woohoo!
Hello, guys!
Hello!
Oh, Travis, Julian and T, you're good.
Jake, Jake, Jake.
Yeah, it's very weird.
It's very weird.
Check, check.
Yes, okay.
I gotta say, yeah, I used to work with, you know, a lot of like stock photographs when I worked in marketing, but I
never met the subjects of any of them.
It didn't really matter.
This was a different circumstance.
Okay!
So tell me, Alexander, how did you first find out about Travis View?
Uh, I don't know about you anything.
My friend, my friend Yuri, Yuri Altruist, sent me screenplay.
Man, you on HBO.
I said, okay, okay, and then sleeping.
In the next day, I say my friend in theater, guys, look, I'm HBO.
He thought, okay, okay, and this all.
But my one friend for this, my theater, Send, send, send, yes, yes, yes, send, send message, send, send message through my screenplay in Vlad Kitaynik, who right now in Tampa.
And he find Travis Twitter and told me, hey man, do video, do video.
Okay, but I don't have a Twitter.
Last week, I don't have a Twitter.
Yeah.
And he sent my video on Travis.
Yes.
That's why we were very confused at first, because this guy called Vlad was posting videos, but it was you speaking.
So once we figured that out, and you know, thanks so much to Vlad for all of his help.
I don't know about QAnon, too.
But I see you have a Twitter, QAnon, and I do QAnon, too.
That's all.
I don't, I don't, I don't.
Reading, I don't.
and good. So, okay, so you find out about Travis View, you find out about HBO, and then at that
point you have to find out about QAnon, right? I don't know about QAnon 2, but I see you have a
Twitter, QAnon, and I do QAnon 2. That's all. I don't, I don't, I don't, reading, I don't,
Wikipedia or another document. Okay, QAnon, QAnon, okay.
Yeah, okay, so you don't, you're not, okay, so you don't watch Nazi documents.
That's good.
No, no, I see three, three first series.
If about the serial we talk.
Or we not about serial talk.
Oh, the HBO show you saw?
Yeah, free, free, free, first free series.
The first three shows in like the six-part documentary.
It's fucking Crazy Guys and Travis.
I don't understand this serial.
That was the first draft of the name of the show, Crazy Guys and Travis.
The story of QAnon.
QAnon.
Okay, so tell us like, you know, how did you end up taking so many stock photos?
Do you regret now having all of these photos of you available to anyone like Travis who wants to take your identity?
A little story when we do this photo.
Five years ago, we don't have money, like theater.
Right now, we don't have money because it's Ukrainian theater.
We do, my friend Hudik, this photographer who does this photo, he told me, guys, may I photo you on theater and you pay me for photo on stock.
Okay, okay, okay, okay, Hudik, okay, do.
In the next five years, we have an actor, Oleg, this big guy, not Kucharashka, a big guy, and he's been in Adult Swim Channel, he's been in a Russian serial, he was dead on a monument, like a new Russian bandit.
He was dead, and he was on a monument.
And all ketchup, my face been in ketchup.
Oh, amazing.
And we don't have money for this.
In five years, we see face forever.
For American cereal, for QAnon, for Travis, for Ken.
So wait, so people are stealing you and your friends' identities in the Ukraine to sell random stuff.
To sell ketchup.
No, no.
We have a crazy guy, not Travis, Yura, and he's seen all content in the world.
All content.
He likes this guy from Matrix in a white room.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Many, many.
And he sees everything.
Gotcha.
Oh, yeah.
Alexander, it's you.
HBO.
Oleg, Oleg.
Adult Swim.
Oh, come on.
So he's just catching stock photography everywhere.
And he's also the guy who took the photo.
Guy who took the photo don't know about this anything.
We... We... We... We... After this... After five years we don't see each other.
We don't know.
Maybe he's dead.
Okay.
Well, good, good.
Well, at least he did his work before he left so that we could find each other.
So, you're an actor and a comedian in the Ukraine.
Can you tell us a bit about what kind of work you do?
Because I saw you have a character who has a big penis on his t-shirt and with headphones.
Oh, it's not me.
It's my alter ego.
It's like Fight Club.
David Fincher or Chuck Palahniuk.
It's my bad soul.
It's a shit guy.
He's your Brad Pitt.
Yes, yes, yes.
Maybe two guys.
Ed Norton.
It's a shit guy.
It's a fair.
It's a it's a it's your he's your Brad Pitt.
Yes, yes, yes.
Maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe two guy.
Yeah.
Norton.
Ed Norton.
Yeah.
Yes.
But it's like one man and he Donald Trump and George Bush Jr.
It's one guy.
Oh, nice.
A combination of those two.
It's very bad.
So, so, okay.
So wait, so, so you're doing political, like, theater about politics sometimes.
No, no, no.
We don't have, we hate politics.
Because in Ukraine, we have many, many not good comedian club.
And he, like, all 16 years, he talk about politics, politics, politics, politics, Yanukovych, politics, Yanukovych, politics, everything.
It's not good.
And we do another humor.
We like this.
Because in Ukraine, we have all politics or a stupid, stupid sketch.
Like a wife goes to Las Vegas and her husband is a prostitute.
And he goes away.
His wife comes back.
He leaves his wife.
And he sees a prostitute and her husband.
It takes 20 years.
Yeah, the normal stuff, where it's like, ha, gay people are so funny looking, or, oh look, this man is very fat, or... Oh yeah, we have, it's very big, yes.
Wives complain so much.
We have this also in America.
Yes?
Do you know this guy, you know Jeff Foxworthy?
Jeff Fox?
Yeah, Jeff Foxworthy.
He has little puppets, but he also has a line of jokes.
He does jokes where he says- It's Doc- You may- Doc, uh, little- Okay, Eminem, Eminem.
No, no, no.
No, no, no.
Not this guy.
Not the little dog.
He does all kinds of stuff.
He does one that's a terrorist.
And it's very racist, of course. He does, uh, but he does a bunch of jokes about you may be a redneck if...
And I think you're, you're, first of all, you're mixing up two comedians. One is Jeff Foxworthy,
and the puppet comedian is Jeff Dunham. Okay, well, they're both stupid and American, right?
I don't, I know one guy, it's Michael J. Fox, and another Fox, it's not, it's not...
Yes, yes.
That is, if you're going to know one American actor who goes by the name of Fox, Michael J. Fox is the one to know.
He's the best.
Jimmy Fox, who play Ray Charles.
Yeah, Jamie Foxx, another great performer.
Do you, tell me, do you like the Back to the Future movies?
Of course, of course.
Of course, who doesn't?
All series, all three series.
Christopher Lloyd been two years ago in Ukraine.
Oh, no way!
Yes, yes, yes.
On Ukrainian, when guys, closers like serial hero for Superman, Comic-Con.
Oh yeah, we have Ukrainian Comic-Con.
Oh, Comic-Con.
Oh, that makes sense.
Wow, he came for Comic-Con, that's awesome.
And Krystyna Love has been in Ukraine, yeah.
And so your theater, you say, it's not political, it's not stupid, you know, kind of like just cliché stereotypes, it's not that.
No, no.
So it's, what is it?
It's more of like, in the line of absurdist theater, like, do you know Vitkiewicz?
Yes, yes.
Yes, we know Vitkiewicz.
But we like more Monty Python, British guys, Barat and... Oh, yes!
The Mighty Boosh!
Mighty Boosh, yes.
We very like Mighty Boosh.
Julian Barrett and Noel Fielding.
I love them.
Yes.
Oh, that's so cool.
Your guy's comedy is, it's funny you say Monty Python because we watched, I watched a couple videos, I think maybe they were on Instagram or I can't remember, a couple of your sketch comedy, and I couldn't understand any of the words.
but I was laughing just because of the physicality and the camera switches. I mean, you guys, I mean,
I was just really impressed that, you know, with there being a language barrier, I still kind of
got the humor and got the jokes. And that just means that you guys are very good at what you do.
So maybe you have Ukrainian soul.
I do. Well, yeah, I'm half Ukrainian.
While you were gone, we were talking with Vlad, and Jake says, you know, my grandfather's Russian.
He was born just outside of Kiev.
He's very stupid.
Vlad is very stupid, yes.
He's my pimp.
He's my pimp, but he's not good.
Well, I mean, I obviously do want to join you in insulting Vlad, but here we're talking about Jake, who thought his grandfather was from Russia next to Kiev.
Yeah, I said he was from Russia, then I said he was outside of Kiev, not realizing that Kiev is the capital of Ukraine.
His grandfather is Ukrainian, I guess.
So my grandfather, now deceased, rest in peace, he was born outside of Kiev in the 1920s and he took a boat to America in like 1922 or 1924 to escape the pogroms that were killing Jews in his hometown.
Oh yeah, it's not good.
Yeah, so that's how I'm here, because he escaped, and so I do have a little bit of Ukrainian soul, so maybe that's why I like the humor.
Okay.
So tell us about your troop.
Tell us the name of the troop, and yeah.
In the Rodney Theatre of Absurd Sparrow, we call it.
Yes.
That's awesome.
We have 13 people.
One in this year dead.
It's Dead Agena.
Yes, yes.
It's a big crazy guy.
He was 68 years old and he played in the theatre.
Yes.
And this year he died of oncology.
But we have another grand...
Great.
Mikołaj Ivanović, 74, and he has trouble with health.
He has two oncologies in a In, uh, not after winter.
What go after winter?
Uh, fall.
Uh, spring.
Spring!
Spring, yes.
Spring, yes.
And he, he want two.
Oncology and coronavirus.
Oh my god.
One time.
But he live.
He survive.
Wow.
Cancer and the coronavirus.
Two cancer.
Oh boy.
Two cancers?
Yes, yes.
Jesus.
This is very important, you know.
This is the first thing you tell us about your theater troupe.
Yeah.
It's actually news.
We also play in Liga Smeha.
It's a project of the President of Ukraine, Volodymyr Zydensky, and this year we won.
Yes.
Congratulations.
Congrats.
Thank you.
We have 1 million grivin'.
It's like $30,000.
Yes.
Oh my God.
That's a nice prize.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we have many guys, many girls in the group.
It is $100 we have.
Yeah.
Also, we do a festival of absurd.
Sutula Sobaka Jackie Chan.
Sutula Sobaka.
Sutula Sobaka is a dog who have a... Oh yes, it's this.
Sutula Sobaka.
A hunchback.
Dog.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Dog who...
Okay, you understand.
He's like an old dog.
Old dog, yeah.
Old dog Jackie Chan, yes.
Old dog Jackie Chan.
Yes.
And we do in one day, one day we do seven, seven, seven comedian stuff.
One day.
In another place.
In another, another performance.
On 70 AM or PM, in the morning, we began.
And at nine o'clock at night, we do the same performance in one town.
Wow!
And after that, we do a musical stage on a beach and play anybody, a collective musician.
If you come on June 8 in Kharkiv, and we play six performances and a musical night, Okay, so we've got to make it to Kharkiv by June.
Yes, but if Khuylo Putin, don't kill Kharkiv, yes.
So, I mean, you know, you have worn a brick suit, and you wore a MAGA hat as a joke, so, I mean, that makes people wonder, what kind of political beliefs do you have?
Or is it just mockery of all politics?
I'm not a politics in 32 years.
I must understand what about politics do in my country.
But five years ago, I say, oh, no, no, no, politics is not mine.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
So I tire for war.
I tire for politics.
But right now, I understand.
So it's very important because Ukrainian people, it's a bad man.
My words don't change anything.
I don't.
My house is on the back.
No, no, no.
And we have all presidents in Ukraine.
It's like a performance.
Five years.
We had Yanukovych.
We have Leonid Kuchma.
And it's like stand-up.
It's like a comedian.
But we cried when he joked.
In America, we have similar thing, except you have not stand up.
It's just it's Q. Yeah, he's stand up.
But Trump is reality television host.
So it's a bit of a different role.
But why you?
Well, it's it's us do this for about America, George Bush or Donald Trump.
It's to us.
Yes.
Or who?
Who did this joke or mistakes?
What do you mean, to elect these people?
No, a lot of Americans like very stupid people.
I'm sure it's the same in Ukraine, where people just fall in love with someone who has no good qualities as a human.
Yes, yes.
And, you know, I don't know.
People like to hurt themselves, I think.
Yeah, he's very loud and brash and already famous, and he had built a self-image of a very successful man who knew how to make deals, and people love that.
Yeah.
And he had also, he had been on reality television for ten years, and so he was a very public, public figure who pretended like he was an outsider, you know, not a politician, and, you know, there were a lot of people in America who were You know, so fed up with politics, you know, like you were saying in Ukraine, all my vote doesn't matter, nothing, you know, the president isn't going to help me make more money or change my life.
And so I think they were willing to try anything, even if it was this sweaty, you know, businessman who had no business being the president.
So obviously this isn't an audio, this is an audio setting, but Alexander has put a bag of hat on.
So I think we're, we're working backwards towards None of this meaning anything, and I like it.
Yeah, we would be better off if nothing meant anything.
Oh, people don't see this, yes?
No, no, no, I would never say it, and they won't see it, and we can keep this secret between us.
Okay, okay, so my Donald Duck, you don't see this, yes?
Okay.
Okay, okay.
He is now holding a rubber ducky of Trump.
That is demented by any standards.
I'll bet that duck doesn't even float in the bath.
I'll bet it sinks right to the bottom of the tub.
So, if you were to, you know, you said, for example, in your country that the president is like a stand-up and he tells jokes and you cry instead of laughing.
All presidents, yes.
Yes, that's a good point.
But if you were to replace, you know, you're a comedian, you're also an actor, if you were to replace Travis View doing his work covering QAnon, what would you, what would be the direction, what would be, how would you do that?
Because we're thinking of replacing him with you.
Ah, if I be Travis, it's a serious guy, it's a... I am?
He just imitated Travis putting his hand under his chin and being serious.
That is so... You got him, dude.
That's Travis.
Look at him.
He is furious.
Too bad, too furious, yes.
You both actually have very similar facial hair.
He's got a very well-manicured goatee.
You, too, have a very well-manicured goatee.
His hair is a little bit longer, a little bit more like George Washington.
But, but, Jake, I have money for barbershop.
Yes, that's true.
It's true.
Yeah, you can afford a shave, unlike Travis.
Yeah.
Yes.
Travis spends all of his money on Civil War reenactment gear.
That's true.
My God, those, those, those uniforms, those rifles.
That's why he has this beard.
He's kind of doing, you know, a general, one of the generals, one of the Southern generals.
So what would you do?
Do you shut down the podcast?
Right.
What do you do if you become Travis?
Yeah, how do you cover?
I have a family, yes?
Travis too?
Yes.
You both have families.
Yes.
I also have a family, yes.
You would have two families.
A wife and a daughter.
Donor.
Okay.
So maybe we go all together in San Francisco.
Okay.
You would move to San Francisco.
Yes.
Sure.
I'm looking in a mirror and told a guy, you have a 49 year.
What do you do?
You speak about crazy conspiration.
You have a daughter.
Yeah.
You have a beautiful woman.
Come on in San Francisco.
And we been in king of crack.
We're a family of crack.
My daughter, my woman, we don't smoke crack.
Come on guys, go in San Francisco.
Okay.
Yeah, throw my phone away, drive to San Francisco, we'll smoke crack together.
da da da da da, like Red Hot Chili Peppers play in a car.
And we go to San Francisco and smoke crack.
And this all, this end.
After there, yes.
Yeah, throw my phone away, drive to San Francisco, we'll all smoke crack together.
That would probably make you feel better than studying QAnon, I gotta say.
That's actually a pretty good, it's career advice.
I think we're getting here.
No, no, no.
It's a debt advice.
But, uh, if, uh, if I be in the Travis, maybe I do a podcast with, uh, with, uh, uh, musical stars who don't people remember like, uh, is 17.
Yeah.
Like, uh, uh, six guy on best three boys, uh, or maybe.
That would be a good podcast.
Washed-up musical artists.
Yeah, that's gonna be a great, great, great term for the podcast.
Oleksandr, what American artists do you like?
Musicians?
You have a good, good American musician, yes.
It's Dave Grohl, Foo Fighters.
Yeah, Foo Fighters.
Hell yeah.
But he's... One more time, please, go in Ukraine.
Why he do this?
He's a good guy.
I don't know.
If I run into him, which I won't, I will tell him to bring the Foo Fighters to Ukraine.
Okay.
Did you listen to his first band, Nirvana?
Yeah, a little.
I have one album in utero.
In utero, yeah.
One of their most famous ones.
But if it's been when I've been Travis in 1993, we smoke crack for a daughter, my woman, and Kurt Cobain.
All right, so you'd smoke crack with Kurt.
I think Kurt was more of a heroin guy.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I think Kurt was do anything.
Okay.
Tell me this.
Have you heard of a band called Weezer?
Yeah, of course, of course.
I love it.
That's my favorite band.
So that's all I need to know.
I love it.
Okay, that's my favorite band, so that's all I need to know.
We're best friends now.
We have, in my first comedy group, I have a musician, he sang this group.
It's been like a soundtrack of ours.
Oh, amazing.
It's Troublemaker, yes.
I'm a troublemaker, I don't need a faker.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
We have a channel Enter in Ukraine, Ukraine. And all day we listen.
That's so funny.
What I know, Cure, it's American or England.
The Cure is British.
The Cure England, yeah.
They're great.
All good music in England, in America.
But I'm Trent Reznor.
It's very good.
But I've trained Reznor.
Yeah.
It's very good.
And many, many, many.
We have.
All old stars in America, he go in Kiev.
It's yeah.
They come to visit you when they get old.
Yeah, Marilyn Manson, he been in Ukraine five years, five times.
And last concert he been Oh, he go three drips, and he go on this two, two, two, two, two.
Potemkin have a knife in hand, and okay, another song.
Potemkin have another weapon, and he song in... No, it's not good concert.
I don't...
It's very bad.
So when American musicians get old, they go to Ukraine and they threaten the audience with weapons.
Also, we love in Ukraine and Russia, it's Dr. Albarn, Ace of Base.
He goes to every garbage in the world to go to Ukraine and Russia.
Oh, Garbage.
I love Garbage.
Oh yeah, Garbage.
Yeah, they're great.
Yes.
He's been in Ukraine too.
But my favorite group is Depeche Mode.
Oh, hell yeah.
Great band.
Great band.
Nice.
So, what do you know about Ukrainian musicians, guys?
Man, not too much.
I mean, who should I look for?
I mean, who should I find on Spotify to watch?
No one?
I like Tattoo.
It's Russian.
It's Russian.
It's a Russian mistake.
Okay.
But it's good.
Yes.
Yes.
Another no.
Yes, another no, you don't know Dachabracha?
No.
How do you spell that?
It sounds familiar.
Yeah, Dachabracha, it's a favorite group of Matt Groening, who did in The Simpsons.
Oh, interesting.
He's been many times in concert on Dachabracha, but security don't... he want to... poznayo, shes.
He won't say, hello, I'm Matt Groening, it's Dachabracha about security.
No, no, no, no, no.
They don't let Matt Groening in.
That's good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Matt Groening.
You don't know Ukraine?
No.
Matt Groening, yes.
Oh, yeah.
We do not know.
We know Matt Groening, but we know nothing clearly about the Ukraine.
Dachabracha, yes.
Dachabracha, we will check it out.
I guarantee you.
I send you a couple.
Thank you, perfect.
We're all friends on Twitter now, so we can trade music.
So, I have a more serious question for you.
When you and Hunter Biden were hired by Ukrainian natural gas company Burisma Holdings, what was your official job?
I've been his PIMP.
Yes, he doesn't say on interviews, but I have good clothes and he's like a woman.
And we go in Kievskaya Street and he stands and I'm sitting in my cabriolet.
When guys or girls want sex, I talk about it.
If they have trouble, I go, Hunter, slow down.
$25, $25, one hour.
I'm VIP.
Okay.
Yeah, I mean, I heard he was making like, you know, a lot more money than that, but maybe he's doing two jobs at once?
He don't listen to your podcast, yes?
No, Hunter Biden doesn't listen to us, I don't think.
I don't think.
He might.
He could.
He could.
It's on the internet, so he could stumble across it.
I have on this podcast talked about how I have seen that man's penis, including one where he puts candy on his penis.
Many little candies.
Biden guys?
Hunter Biden.
Hunter Biden, yeah.
It's $25, it's $45.
$45 for the candy treat.
And after that, sex.
Right, so first you have to suck up the candy, and then you get to... Yes, if you want sex, yes.
All penis he do in a candy.
You don't see penis, yes.
You must make four hours, yes, and after that you have sex.
It takes four hours to get to the center of the candy-coated penis, and then you can have sex.
That's your reward for eating.
If you won't have a Biden, smack, yes.
Smack, please.
So, what is coming up for you and the Absurda Sparrows?
What are your next projects?
Are you going to do more shows as your alter ego?
My alter ego is a musician.
He plays chanson.
It's not good music.
Underground prison music, yes.
My first album, this Evgeny Konstantinovich had name, "No time to bullshit, but I found."
(laughing)
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, and so do you perform that?
And what instrument do you perform that with?
All, all band, on balance.
Synthesizer, bass, guitar, guitar, and drum guy.
Um, yeah.
And, and I, and my guy is vocalist.
Sorry, sorry.
One second, please.
Oh yeah, it's good.
So, for you, the brick suit is about the prison, the walls of prison?
Yeah.
It's not the wall of Trump?
Vlad is a joke guy.
No.
But, again, Konstantin is sitting in the present 70 years.
He's like a Bronson in Ukraine.
Yeah, he's the Ukrainian Bronson.
And is he ever getting out of jail, or is it just jail for the rest of his life until he dies for him?
I don't know.
He is 107 years old.
107 years old.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like Christoph Lambert.
He's a highlander.
Yeah, yeah.
Highlander, yeah.
In my project, Sparrow, we must have do YouTube because all people, 10 years, talk about, guys, you need YouTube.
Oh, come on.
No, no.
What is it, YouTube?
And right now we do YouTube because in Ukraine, very, very problem with YouTube show on YouTube content.
We have many good guys and girls who do nice content, but humorous content, it sucks.
In general, yeah.
Yeah.
It's the same thing everywhere.
I mean, most comedy everywhere sucks.
Let's be honest.
But I wanted to say that I'll put the links in the episode notes so people can go and support your troop on Patreon.
And there's also going to be a link to your Orange Juice Patreon.
Oh yeah, thank you.
And the Cash App too, okay?
Come on.
Yes, Cash App too?
I don't know.
Cash App!
On the Cash App.
Yeah, we'll link to all ways that our listeners can support you.
Because I do right now building my flat and building my mom.
He's a problem about, what is it?
Back.
Yeah, he like Terminator today because he have Metal plate?
Metal plate in his back, yeah.
Your father?
Huh?
He's your father?
It's my mother.
Your mother?
Oh, because you were saying he, so she.
Oh, sorry, yeah, she, she, yeah, he, my father dead, yes.
Okay, sorry about that.
No, no, it's good, it's good.
He, he, many drunk and he don't like live.
It's normal.
Fair enough.
Okay.
But I want to save him, and he wants to, but he's on oncology, and... Right.
But I give him, on the last... I say, it's the last talking with my father, not last, but I say, look, I have water marijuana, or... One guy told me marijuana helps with cancer.
And I told father, if you want to be good health, you must do this or you die, but you die in a happy.
Yes, because he don't don't smoke marijuana.
He don't only alcohol.
And and so, yeah, so people should contribute to for orange juice and for the metal back of your mother.
Yes.
So I totally.
I agree with that.
Maybe, maybe I buy a new telephone because my Huawei is dead.
Oh yeah.
In the last week, I go to the El Kravchuk.
It is a great, great song Ukrainian.
It's like George Michael.
In the world, in Ukraine, it's El Kravchuk.
And I go to the interview with him, and sitting on taxi, and go, but I don't see my telephone.
I talk taxi, stop, go away, and see like my telephone on the road.
And one car go on this telephone.
So yeah, new telephone as well.
We need juice, new telephone, help mom with her back, help comedy.
I mean, these are all incredible, incredible causes to support.
Help Dave Grohl go to Kiev once more.
Yeah, help Dave Grohl go to Kiev.
In my flat.
Yeah, Dave Grohl, personal concert in Oleksandr's flat.
Like MTV Unplugged in Ukraine.
There's actually a really good, if you want to see good nirvana, there is, in the 90s, they did MTV Unplugged, and it was an amazing concert.
Yes, yes.
Do you want to, you know, you have Travis now, he's in front of you.
He's sleeping.
No, no, this is how he is.
He's sleeping, I see.
This is him participating.
Scotland guy, he's sleeping.
It often seems like he's sleeping, but it's just a ruse.
It's a clever... He's sleeping right now.
No, it's not I'm sleeping.
It's just that everyone else likes talking a lot more than I do, which is very strange since I got a job talking.
Come on, job talking.
Okay.
So he wants a job talking too.
Okay.
How are you, Travis?
I'm doing very well, Alexander.
Thank you for being such a good sport about me using your stock photo.
Oh, it's nice work.
What you study?
What you have studied?
University or institute?
Yeah, I studied English at university.
English literature.
Literature?
Oh, okay.
You like Byron?
Yeah, I read Byron.
I enjoyed it.
I mean, yeah, I suppose I studied a lot more like, you know, 20th century literature.
I really liked, you know, the Enlightenment poets like Alexander Pope, that kind of stuff.
But yeah, it was a good experience.
Okay.
Are you writing a book?
No, no, no, no.
Are you dreaming about that?
Am I dreaming about, like, writing a book?
No, not like a fiction book, not so much.
Out of college, I got a job in writing online content for e-commerce sites, and then I basically kept doing that until this podcast started getting so popular I was able to do it full time.
But I have a good name of your book, Travis Life.
Travis Life?
Yes.
Okay.
Yeah, and then, yeah, the subtitle could be Room with a View.
Room with a View, yeah.
Yeah, right.
I'm down, I'm down.
Sure, why not.
Or Travis Travis.
Travis, Travis, I mean it's descriptive.
Travis, Travis, Travis 2.
It's like Die Hard 2 and Travis 2.
Yeah, that's the second book.
Travis 2.
Yes, yes, it's the second book.
Oh, what you work?
What kind of work did I do?
Yes, yes, yes.
Before the podcast?
What kind of work do you do now?
What do I do now?
Now I understand, you're sleeping.
But in your life, what do you work?
Well, yeah, no, I worked, uh, I worked, uh, writing, uh, online articles that help sell various things and sell basketball hoops.
I helped sell pool tables.
It helps, uh, make online guides.
I sold online background checks for like data brokerages, which was like, yeah, basically.
So, but, uh, yeah, I sold, uh, online products for most of my adult life.
What you do, uh, uh, wife you work to or not?
No, no, no.
She's actually, uh, she's, she's, uh, she helps raise our daughter.
Um, no, she make our home.
You are, you are sexist.
Okay.
I understand.
In Ukraine, in Ukraine, it's good.
Yes.
But in the world, if you know, we succeed, it's not good.
Yes.
Abuse or it's not good.
Think about that.
I will.
No, works out.
Nice.
Nice talk, Travis.
Nice talk.
I love you, Travis.
You do?
It's good.
Yeah.
I love four people.
Yeah.
What was that?
He loves four people.
So, Travis, sport or spot?
Spot?
Do you do any sport?
I don't.
Sport?
Do I play any sport?
I like to go hiking.
What's your favorite basketball team?
Favorite basketball team?
I never really followed basketball, I gotta be honest with you.
I guess I used to follow the Lakers when I was a kid, because that was the closest basketball team to me, growing up in Southern California.
But yeah, I come from San Diego, so yeah, I used to follow.
The sport I really followed as a kid was What was that?
you know, the San Diego Padres, Tony Gwynn, but, um, but, uh, no, I didn't
really follow sports.
Uh, I mean, like when I was in high school, I played, uh, I played tennis.
I really enjoyed, uh, big tennis or big tennis or ping pong or he's asking.
tennis tennis oh yeah.
Yeah.
Real tennis, big tennis.
But also Travis, weren't you in plays?
Yeah.
I also, yeah, I was, uh, yeah, I participated in, uh, yeah, our drama club, uh, in, in, uh, in high school.
And, uh, you know, we, we did stuff like, you know, there's this 15 minute Hamlet.
That was a lot of fun.
I played Laertes and, uh, and, um, yeah, yeah, we did, you know, different sketches and stuff.
So yeah, that was, uh, that was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
It's a good, it's a good, good, uh, book stories, Travis, you must write in.
I don't.
You must write in this, Travis life.
You know, I play in ping pong, I play in theater.
I don't.
There are many fascinating facets of this world and my own life story, I don't think is the most shining example of them, but, uh, yeah, sure.
I'll, I'll give it a try.
Oh, I remember a good story.
You know Terry Gilliam, it's your guy?
Yeah, of course, yes.
Yeah, he's been in Ukraine in these years, in Odessa.
And I go in Odessa to see the legend and we make a photo with him.
I won't kick your face on a chicken, but he ha-ha-ha.
And after that, in the night, there's been a closed festival and he said, biggest mistake It's very bad.
We hit a "Thank you, Russia" in the desk.
[laughter]
Maybe it's dimension, maybe I don't know, maybe we're very old.
But we think he's joking.
But no, he go on microphone two time.
We have a one, one, one, one country, one country.
Terry Gilliam, don't go in Ukraine.
Cancelled.
Cancelled.
Thank you, Russia.
Thank you, Russia.
It's very fucked up.
Please tell me, you have this star, maybe you will see star people, musicians, or in your life, like Terry Gilliam, yeah?
I have met some famous people, mostly just from being in L.A.
because in L.A.
there's a lot of random famous people.
We actually went to the house of Tom Arnold, if you're familiar with him, from True Lies.
True Lies?
James Cameron.
Oh, James Cameron.
It's his movie.
Yeah, with Schwarzenegger, yeah.
The other guy.
You see Schwarzenegger?
No.
I have worked with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
I used to work, before I did the podcast, I worked in Hollywood on television sets and I met Arnold Schwarzenegger and he was awesome.
He's huge.
He's like 6'2 or 6'3.
He's the king of California.
Yeah, and he is.
He's the king of California.
And you know what?
Of all of the actors that I saw, Arnold Schwarzenegger was one of the most prepared.
He knew all of his lines by heart.
He had memorized all of his lines.
He hit his marks perfectly.
I mean, just a real professional.
Yeah, great.
Travis, have you seen any stars?
You know, one time when I was like 13, I went to this concert.
It was basically an opening of the All Star Cafe, which is this gimmicky kind of like restaurant down in San Diego.
And at the time, one of the opening bands for this little concert was Dog Star.
And Dogstar is the band in which Keanu Reeves is the bassist.
So I saw Keanu Reeves.
Oh my god, I know!
Dogstar, yeah.
Keanu Reeves.
Keanu Reeves is a good one.
Yeah.
That is pretty cool, yeah.
And you?
And you, Julian?
Do you know Michael Moore?
Of course!
Well, I was in a theater in New York watching Mission Impossible, the one with the building in Dubai where they're climbing the side of the big building.
And I leave the theater and I'm like, Oh shit, I forgot my cap back inside.
So I'm going back in and I almost run into Michael Moore.
And, uh, and I said, Oh, you know, I said something stupid like, Oh, I'm a big fan of your work, you know?
And he's like, Oh, Oh, it's not good.
Thank you.
I was like, but my friend been it's it's a Ukrainian group.
He's have a concert in America and synthesizer man in this group go on Las Vegas and see a drummer.
You too.
Oh, oh, the edge, the edge.
No, no, no, no.
It's it's a guitarist drummer, drummer, drummer.
Oh, the drummer.
I don't know.
No, it's James.
James.
James Johnson.
And he go to him, say thank you for music.
And this guy say, my friend, fuck off, man.
It's Irish talk, yes.
It's great to meet your Irish stars.
My buddy, I was just hanging out with him the other day, and he told a story of a friend of his was at a gas station in the valley in Los Angeles, and he was pumping his gas, and he looked across, you know, through to the other pump, you know, because there's two sides, there are two pumps, and Sean Penn Was standing on the other side of the pump.
He was filling his car and the guy, you know, like waved at him to be like, hey, and Sean Penn just went and flipped him off and left.
Oh, Sean Penn is the king of LGBT.
He's been in Ukraine, he's been in Ukraine two years, a week ago.
Oh really?
He does a film about Ukrainian revolution, about Donbass war.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Yeah, he's been, two weeks ago he's been in Ukraine.
I don't know why, but I don't like him.
I don't like his face, I don't like his personality.
Maybe you like Madonna.
Yeah, yeah, Julian's a big fan of the Dick Tracy movie with Warren Beatty and Madonna.
I am!
Oh, sorry, not that one.
Al Pacino.
It actually is kind of a good movie.
I thought you meant, uh, Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Oh, I love Who Framed Roger Rabbit.
Oh, yeah.
That's a great movie.
But that's not actually Dick Tracy, right?
Bob Hoskins!
Uh, one story and we go, or maybe sleep, or another question, but one story.
You know, there's been Bloodhound Gang.
Yes!
That was my first concert when I was a kid.
I used to love them.
Yeah.
That was my first concert.
Ten years ago, I go in Odessa.
All bad time in Odessa for American artists.
He do a concert to play play and evil Jared go to the scene with the Russian flag and
say hello and all people fool fool fool and he go another go to the granite block and
yeah yeah yeah and all people say fine and you'll Jared say if you don't like this flag
I can do this Russian flag.
He wiped his ass with the rush.
And yes, after that, in the next day, he been in Russia and concert don't been because people see when Evil Jared do with the flag.
It's been scandal.
Yes, he fight with the Kubanian Cossack in airport.
When I watched Bloodhound Gang, they did two very stupid things.
Ukraine too, because in Ukraine he's a golden, golden reign doing the flag.
When I watched Bloodhound Gang, they did two very stupid things.
One of them is they got a teenager on the stage and they made him drink a whole six
pack of Coca-Cola without stopping.
He was sick after that.
And then, the second one was, they tried to get any guy who would go on stage to just go on stage and show their penis.
Oh.
So the first guy shows his penis, but his penis is very small.
So they pushed him off the stage.
They pushed him off the stage and they called another guy who had a more acceptable penis size.
Oh.
Uh huh.
And then I did crowd surfing and they stole my shoes.
Oh, why?
I don't know.
So are you excited to have a role in Jake's story, Alexander?
It's a big pleasure for me.
Do a show with Travis, it's good.
Do a show with Travis?
Well, listen, doing a show with Travis is you learn that different people love in different ways.
Like, for example, it may seem that Travis doesn't make eye contact and it's very silent, but actually that's a form of love.
It's a love language.
Oh, Love Language.
It's my next album, Love Language.
I already know what your eyes look like.
So, okay.
Well, let's, you know, again, if you want to support Alexander, we'll put the links for all the different stuff that he's been up to.
If you want to go check out his sketches online, we'll put all of that in the show notes.
So please go check that out.
And we are now going to hand over the episode to Jake for a story of his creation.
I'm assuming late last night, and probably high.
No, I wrote- I outlined- I mean, this one was really important, right?
I mean, this is kind of a weird culmination after four years.
We have the real person behind Travis' avatar on the show.
I didn't want to fuck this up, so I outlined this most of the week, and then yesterday afternoon, I wrote it so that I could try to get the script.
This is what I do on the show, Alexander.
I sort of make satirical little plays that sort of make fun of whatever we're talking about or that sort of thing.
So this one actually, a little bit more prep went into this guy than my normal stories.
But this is what I do on the show, Alexander.
I sort of make satirical little plays that sort of make fun of whatever we're talking about or that sort of thing.
So yeah, this is it.
Travis View pulled at the hairs of his mostly well-manicured goatee, lost in a daydream.
He gazed at his reflection inside a large, ornate mirror, standing on the far side of his spacious corner office.
The mirror had been purchased in an auction.
It had been used as a prop for the Mirror of Erised in the first Harry Potter film, one of Mr. View's favorite movies.
Also in the reflection were shelves filled with various journalism and media awards, arranged perfectly on the wall behind him.
He chuckled to himself just how far they had come.
What began essentially as pointing out how people were very wrong online, had now become a multi-billion dollar industry, with QAA Information Solutions debuting on the Nasdaq at just under $70 a share.
It was a lot to take in.
Travis reached into one of his desk drawers and produced a small bottle filled with blue capsules.
He shook a couple into his hand and swallowed them, before washing it all down with a swig of bourbon from a highball glass positioned near him on top of the desk.
He looked out through his glass office walls at a sea of employees happily clattering away on their keyboards, retweeting misinformation experts, well-respected journalists, and just plain dunking on people online.
Travis remembered the days when he had to do that sort of dirty work himself.
As much work as it was, those were fun days.
He reminisced about his now-deceased podcast mates.
Julian Field had died in a horrible greenhouse fire after a still-lit spliff had ignited his entire crop.
And his other co-host, Jake Rokitansky, had disappeared in a ball of light a couple of years back, never to be heard from again.
It was lonely at the top, as many of Travis' favorite rappers had suggested.
But fortunately for him, he still had a loving family, a roof over his head, and thousands of employees to diligently wade through the muck of bogus information flooding the internet.
Life was good.
A commotion at the far end of the floor snapped him out of his daydream.
There were three men, wearing black suits and sunglasses, with earpieces coiling down into their shirt collars, standing on the far end of the cubicle banks.
Travis' curiosity turned to fear as he saw one of his employees talking to the suited men turn around and point directly at him.
The men locked eyes with Travis and began making their way towards him, their hands on their sidearms.
This seemed like way more drama than Travis felt like dealing with.
Well, it's been a good run.
He reached into his desk drawer and produced a second bottle of pills, this one filled with red capsules.
He shook a couple into his hand and gulped them down.
He waited.
Nothing.
Travis began to grow impatient.
Come on, make with the new reality already.
As soon as the words left his lips, the room began to breathe.
Next came the giggles.
Travis was overwhelmed with a peaceful sensation of utter meaninglessness.
He staggered over to the mirror of Erised to check out his pupils, and they did not disappoint.
But then Travis noticed something else.
The mirror began to ripple, as if the glass was turning into liquid right before his eyes.
He gently pushed a finger into the soft goop.
It dripped off his fingers like the remains of the T-1000 in Terminator 2, but with much higher fidelity visual effects.
Travis glanced over his shoulder.
The agents had made their way across the office pool and were closing in on him.
It was now or never.
Travis plunged himself through the mirror of Erised, expecting to wake up in a large egg covered in pink goo.
But he quickly discovered that reality was nothing like the movies.
Travis found himself in a small wooden cabin.
It was warm.
The heat from a nearby stove felt good on his tired face.
In one corner of the room sat a man with short brown hair and similar goatee.
He barely noticed Travis as he worked a grease-stained rag over a small revolver that sat in his lap.
After a minute or so, he stood up and placed the revolver down gently on one of the shelves in the cabin.
So, Travis Field, we finally meet.
Travis was perplexed.
This man seemed to know who he was.
Is this... is this the real world?
You know, like in the Matrix?
The man laughed.
My friend, you have your movies confused.
You came through the mirror, yes?
Travis nodded.
That's right.
The man scratched his goatee.
Yes, very powerful magic.
Mirrors shows you what you want most in life.
Author of Harry Potter books looked into it and... How do you say?
Alienate entire fine base.
Travis nodded, knowing that was true.
Interesting.
The man continued.
However, you dear Travis, I think what you want most in life is to know who you really are.
And I guess that's me.
There was an eerie silence in the small cabin Travis took in his surroundings.
If he was being honest with himself, the cozy cabin settled underneath the frozen rain did feel more authentic to him, way more so than a massive corner office with three assistants and a Humvee parked in the parking structure.
So, I guess the question is, who are you?
Travis thought for a beat.
Well, I study QAnon.
The man's eyes perked up.
And what is this, QAnon?
I mean, it's a lot, but it's an online conspiracy theory that claims that most of our politicians and Hollywood actors are satanic pedophiles part of a secret elite club.
The man paused before asking, This is not true?
Travis sighed.
Well, I mean, yeah sure, it's true to an extent, but I guess in some cases literally.
But the crazy part is that they also believe that Donald Trump has been working behind the scenes to expose it all.
The man furrowed his brow.
Donald Trump?
But he is no longer president, with no Twitter or Facebook, yes?
Correct.
So how he going to, as you say, expose it all?
Well, they believe he is actually still president.
This make no sense.
Some of them also believe that JFK Jr.
is actually alive and will run for political office in 2024 as Donald Trump's running mate.
But if he's still president, why does he need to run again?
That's a very good question.
JFK, this man was very popular American president, no?
Well, it's actually JFK's son.
He was the president's son.
The man looked confused.
Why they want son instead of actual president?
He will be better for the job, no?
Well, I think that JFK senior might return as well.
And why this is impossible?
Well, because they've both been dead for decades.
Precisely.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah, basically.
Yeah, you got it.
yard to rule our United States with Donald Trump? Precisely.
Yeah, that's it. And they will be kings? Yeah, basically. Yeah, you got it. And they
king, they will punish the bad people, yes? Yes, they'll punish. Okay. So these people,
they are communists then?
Oh no no no no, they think they are fighting the communists.
They think that Joe Biden is actually a communist.
Joe Biden? Communiste?
[laughing]
Are you fucking seriously?
Yeah, I'm serious.
I know, it's pretty crazy.
The man wiped tears of laughter from his eyes.
So what is the problem then?
Crazy people believe in dead president becoming king of America.
This is harmless.
Well, not really.
I mean, like, you remember January 6th, where all those people stormed the Capitol?
Many of those people were QAnon people.
The man became very serious considering this.
Hmm.
Many politicians die?
Yes?
Uh, no.
No, actually.
I think, actually, most of the people who were injured were QAnon believers themselves.
The man thought for a minute.
Then why they do all this?
Travis was beginning to sweat.
Even though he had explained this a thousand times over, it wasn't lost on him how ludicrous the whole thing sounded.
Well, because a person who calls themselves Q told them it would happen.
The man continued to look incredibly confused.
And this Q, if people love him so much, why he not run for president?
Well, because Q is, like, an entity that only exists on the internet and, like, no one knows exactly, with total conclusive, you know, universally accepted way, who it is.
Oh, I see.
Yeah.
The man nodded, deep in thought.
This seems like, uh...
Very stupid conspiracy, no?
Travis shrugged, almost ashamed.
Yes, it is.
It is very stupid.
And you believe all this?
My friend, you must see brain doctor or something.
Travis began to protest.
Oh, no, no, no.
I don't believe in it.
I just report what these people believe and they're saying and they're doing.
I guess I became one of the sort of the default experts on the subject.
It's very weird.
Oh.
So you are, like, a journalist.
I mean, kind of.
I mean, journalists have, like, editors who check on their work.
I don't... I don't really have a lot of experience with that.
The man seemed even more confused.
Hmm.
You have no education as journalist?
Yeah, that's right.
I actually just used to work in marketing.
The man was now more perplexed than ever.
But United States has so many journalists.
If the QAnon was all on the internet, why did they not look it up for themselves?
Why deep shit marketing persons become expert?
Yeah, that's another really great question.
Are the journalists not afforded computers and internet in your country?
No, no.
Actually, usually their resources are at least at the high level.
Far, far greater than mine.
So, how you tell the people the news?
You have television program, yes?
No, I just did it on Twitter.
just He look like me.
Twitter?
Hmm.
Yes, I suppose it does.
That's very strange.
You know, you never did tell me your name.
Travis leaned down and looked at the image of his avatar, then back at the man.
"Hmm, yes, I suppose it does.
That's very strange."
The man handed the phone back to Travis.
"You know, you never did tell me your name."
"Okay, I tell you my name.
It's Alexander.
Travis nodded enthusiastically.
And what do you do, Alexander?
Oh, I am comedian and actor.
I have a comedy troupe here in Ukraine.
We name like Sparrow.
It's a very challenging career.
Oh, that's very cool.
"No."
Oleksandr slowly stood up from the table and began to pace around the room.
But enough about me.
My friend, tell me this.
They pay you good money to be a fake journalist in America?
Travis shrugged.
Actually, yes.
Believe it or not, reporting on wacky conspiracies turned out to be a very lucrative gig.
The man nodded.
And you tell the people who pay you?
What?
That Kenan believe they're a rescue operation by Donald Trump and did president and son to save America from satanic pedophiles?
And that they are wrong to believe this?
No?
Travis, mull this over for a second.
Yeah, yeah, basically.
Oh, that sounds easy enough.
In one swift motion, Oleksandr reached up and grabbed the revolver off the shelf, then aimed it right at Travis' view.
My apologies, friend, but life in Ukraine is very difficult.
A look of sheer relief washed over Travis' face.
The powers of the mirror were real.
This was the thing he wanted most in life.
Death.
Thank you for putting me- *laughs* Alright.
Thank you for putting me out of my misery.
You'll find the keys to my house in the center drawer on my desk.
Best of luck to you.
BLAM!
A single gunshot echoed out through the icy windows of the cabin and into the snow-covered woods beyond.
Oleksandr tucked the revolver into his waistband and stepped through his side of the mirror.
He instantly found himself in a large corner office.
Three men, dressed in black suits, were looking around curiously.
One was lifting up a corner of the rug, while another had stuck his head under the large desk in the center of the room.
Without hesitation, Oleksandr drew his revolver and with three quick shots leveled all three of the agents.
They glitched and vibrated before morphing into three Washington Post executives.
Oleksandr twirled the revolver around his finger before sliding it coolly back into his waistband.
He plopped down in the expensive suspension chair behind the desk and let out a deep breath.
The phone began to ring.
Oleksandr reached over and picked up the receiver.
Hello!
This is Travis.
*laughter* 20 years later
Oleksandr, now in his mid-fifties, looked out over his lush estate.
Below him, on the perfectly manicured lawn, Travis' now-adult daughter played with her son.
He smiled as Travis' wife joined them out on the lawn with a decadent-looking picnic basket filled to the brim with expensive meats and cheeses.
Oleksandr waved to them, and they waved back, smiling and laughing.
His phone vibrated.
Some crazy person on Twitter had filled his replies with absolute garbage, and Oleksandr quickly owned them without breaking a sweat.
As he walked through the art-filled halls of his glorious mansion, his phone rang.
It was Jake Tapper.
Again.
Oleksandr quickly picked up.
Hello, Jake.
Yes, this theory is incredibly wacky, not based in reality.
You're welcome, man.
Talk to you later.
Oleksandr traipsed down to his industrial sized kitchen and flung open the door to his smart refrigerator.
Inside was lined wall to wall with carton upon carton of organic orange juice.
Oleksandr grabbed one and skipped back up to his study.
He collapsed into his huge leather armchair, popped the cap off the OJ and took a long thirsty gulp.
He let out a refreshing sigh.
It is good to be the king.
Unbeknownst to him, a small red laser dot was working its way across the floor of his study, up his desk, and finally resting square in the center of his forehead.
On a faraway rooftop, two agents were perched.
One was holding a long, high-powered rifle with an attached 9x scope.
The other was perusing a dog-eared copy of the Washington Post.
The rifleman spoke into his earpiece.
Travis is in view.
Clear to engage.
A shadowy voice blipped into their earpieces.
You are clear to engage.
About time we showed this fake journalist how democracy really dies.
As Travis' wife and his daughter and grandson were sitting, having their picnic on the lawn, a single shot rang out.
The end.
Thank you for listening to another premium episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast.
Thank you for supporting us on Patreon.
We really appreciate it, and you're the reason we can stay advertising-free and editorially independent.
And for everything else, we have a website.
It's QAnonAnonymous.com.
Listener, until next week, may the Deep Dish bless you and keep you.
It's not a conspiracy.
It's a fact.
And now, today's Auto-Tune.
Happy is the Gypsy that lives in the mountains.
And me and the horse are walking down the street.
When I'm with him, I don't walk, I fly straight.
He tickles with his hooves, I tickle with my teeth.
And once I felt, or rather heard the bell, He was told in our language, let's go
Let's take two coffees and grind something on top Azerbaijani pate
Azerbaijani pate Azerbaijani pate
Pogodin! Pogodin!
The catana flies for me with my horse We don't get bored and we take our share of life
Love happens, life is different, it's two different things Two friends met and it's forever.
His wife, my wife, like Inya and Anya.
And together we walk everywhere under the beat.
However, in the evening he invites a cafe tour, where for 10 years they have not listened to tiktok.
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