Episode 86: Rescuing The Mole Children From Tunnels Under Central Park
A bizarre belief is spreading. And it involves underground tunnels beneath New York City's most famous park. How did it start? Is there anything to it? Secret adrenochrome farms may even be involved. Plus, Jake has written "Cabal Runner", a dystopian tale featuring Project Veritas loser James O'Keefe as the central detective. (One more thing: we do address the Alex Jones threat to QAnon at the top of the episode)
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SOURCES
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-justice-grants-exclusive/exclusive-justice-department-anti-human-trafficking-grants-prompt-whistleblower-complaint-idUSKBN20425G
https://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---dgreports/---dcomm/documents/publication/wcms_575479.pdf
https://www.dvidshub.net/image/6160754/usns-mercy-sailors-treat-patient
https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/stephaniemcneal/coronavirus-lifestyle-influencers-sharing-conspiracy-qanon
Welcome, listener, to the 86th chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the Rescuing Mole Children in Deep Underground Bases episode.
As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rakitansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View.
For many, the front page news is filled with stories of humanity's valiant stand against COVID-19, all in the face of their corrupt, incompetent, and evil leaders.
But for some mind palaces, those not poisoned by Chinese propaganda, a very different set of events are currently underway.
And they make COVID-19 look like child's play.
Beneath Central Park, cries of children have been reverberating into the night.
Cries of joy.
It's time to kick back and hear about the incredible rescue operation led by QAnon, the Marines, the Rangers, the Infantry, brought to you by Red Bull, and the Three Percenters.
Oh, and of course, the powerful digital division of our goddamn Stars and Stripes, for fuck's sake.
Those launching QAnon memes from the safety of their Michigan suburb.
A Jake story about a brave young detective will crown the entire affair.
But before all that... Besides the Mold Children, I have one other main story I definitely want to touch on.
I want to address that there was some sort of intramural conspiracy theory conflict between Alex Jones and QAnon this past week.
So what happened was that on April 2nd, Jones called out Q on InfoWars Now there has always been some animosity between QAnon and Alex Jones.
Q once called out Alex Jones and InfoWars correspondent Jerome Corsi for allegedly being only interested in Q for the money.
QAnon people often accuse Alex Jones of being controlled opposition or in the pocket Mossad.
I'm not sure what exactly set off Alex Jones this time, but here's what he said.
It's all about fantasy land, and this is going to happen, and it's exciting, and you wait, and it doesn't happen.
99% of the time, it's because it was set up to create a fight club deal, and to see if they get people excited, and to be able to put articles out that Hillary's going down for Satanism, which is true, and Trump is trying, and there are good people in the government that are going after him, and that's all really happened.
So that now even the co-founder of Wikipedia has come out and said, you know, ritual sex slavery is real.
It's all going to come out.
So there was a healthiness to it, but it got hijacked by the very people that created it.
And it's now become a thing that gets people to not take action because you're supposed to just not do anything.
But it's not Dungeons and Dragons and live action role play for everybody.
And the people that created it are big Star Wars fans and live action role play.
And they're real people.
So he's saying it's being hijacked by the people who created it, which does not make any sense.
To hijack something, you take it over from someone else.
Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.
His whole criticism is mostly incoherent.
I mean, it's also sort of inconsistent with sort of the Alex Jones universe.
I mean, what he's talking about.
Jones went on to make other claims about the real identity of Q. He claimed that he knew the two people who started Q, but then had it taken away from them after three days.
He identified one of those people as a political operative, and the other one allegedly works in intelligence.
He also says that these people are publicly critical of Q. Then he went on to claim that this week, this coming week, he will expose Q.
When was the last time that Alex Jones grabbed a bullhorn and you were disappointed?
That he might have recovered some actual information, or this might be 100% bullshit, which should be his MMO.
He doesn't need to actually deliver on his promises.
I mean, he just needs to hype up shit, and then people come flocking.
I feel like who you think Q is kind of says something about your particular personality.
I feel like there should be a BuzzFeed quiz, you know?
I totally agree.
You know what?
I'll just expose it.
Okay, like I gave Joe Rogan a deadline.
I love Joe, he's a good guy.
I like these guys too.
I give them till next Tuesday to come out with it all, or I'm gonna expose it next Wednesday.
There.
Seven days.
There you go.
And get all the documents, let's start firing it up, get it ready.
Okay, just watch, okay?
There's something real for you folks, that's not talk.
This is the real world right here!
This is not fantasy land!
And I risked my life doing this!
This isn't breadcrumbs and horseshit!
Holy shit!
Go off King!
Yeah, he's an enthusiastic man.
Dude, incredible.
I'm hyped.
I'm hyped for this release.
Oh, man.
What do you think?
He's got nervous energy of an animal who's about to just fucking take your ankle off.
Judging by his expression, he thinks he's got it.
As our friends Dan and Jordan over at Knowledge Fight have observed, Alex Jones has apparently already exposed the true identity of Q, at least in Alex Jones' world.
Jones supposedly outed Q as an info source that he has on his show, which he calls Zack.
So, I mean, like, obviously, I don't know who he's going to allegedly expose.
I am kind of turned on by just how assertive he is in a time of COVID.
It's just me or... I mean, it's an entertaining distraction in the time of COVID.
I won't say turned on.
Yeah.
I just think his powerful manly energy pierces through the ennui, the dread, and awakens something ancestral in me.
Maybe a little kindling of something.
I mean, we'll see what he comes up with, but my expectations are not high.
Putin saves the law, children.
This past week, QAnon followers became very excited because they believed that a massive operation was underway to rid the world of child trafficking and slavery.
Now to be clear, they didn't get worked up over the real world fight against human trafficking and slavery, which is too bad because human trafficking remains a tragic problem that's worthy of the attention of anybody who is genuinely interested in making the world a better place.
A 2017 study from the United Nations International Labor Organization estimated that in 2016, 3.8 million adults and 1 million children were the victims of forced sexual exploitation.
But instead of focusing on real human trafficking, many people in the QAnon community got it into their heads that countless enslaved children who were imprisoned underneath New York City and other cities in deep underground military bases or DUMs were being rescued.
Now, they believe that there is an ongoing military operation to free these children and give them the care that they have been denied their entire lives.
As in, they believe that this is happening like right now, not at some sort of future predicted date.
They think that this has been happening over the past week and even right now at this moment.
Which is a weird development when they just sort of decide that everything that they've been hoping for is happening.
It's just real right now.
Stories of innocent children being abused is kind of reoccurring in conspiratorial narratives.
Like, you know, during the satanic panic of the 1980s, there was a McMartin preschool, which was falsely accused of having like a network of underground tunnels.
And of course, there are also like the baseless allegations of child abuse occurring in the basement of Comet Ping Pong.
So this is like, it's like, it's playing on the trope within sort of the conspiracy theory community.
But it's on a much like, huge, much more epic scale.
I sort of see that as kind of like a force field for conspiracy theorists because, you know, it's very hard to get somebody to say like, you know, even a stranger, you know, to be like, well, well, don't you care about children getting hurt and kidnapped and stuff?
And like, everybody's gonna be like, well, yeah, yeah, I do.
And it's like the perfect opening, you know what I mean?
Like, nobody's gonna say no to like helping kids in danger.
Yeah, it's an incredible emotional hook.
And also, it's funny, some QAnon people were basically accusing me of, they're asking me, it's like, well, what if it was true?
Wouldn't you, like, be a jerk then?
I'm like, I suppose so, but it's just not.
Now, QAnon people got very excited over the sight of 14 white medical tents that popped up in Central Park as part of the pandemic response.
Instead of seeing evidence of an overwhelmed medical system in New York City, They saw evidence of children being saved.
One QAnon follower with over 20,000 Twitter followers named Victoria Gates relayed this message, which she says she received from a friend.
It's going down.
They've been rescuing kids out of tunnels all night long in New York City.
Some are alive and badly deformed, but most in body bags.
Taking kids to Samaritan's Purse hospital tents.
Many, many body bags too being recovered with young kids and young teens.
Also, list of indictments and those being arrested is out.
You will be shocked as to who they arrested.
Also, raiding tunnels in Los Angeles and rescuing kids.
Making arrests everywhere.
Too much to write about.
I will write more later.
I'm just sick over this.
They say the ones alive are deformed and extremely traumatized.
They, the military, have been blowing up these tunnels too after it's cleared of all the kids, killing the traffickers in these tunnels.
Oh my god.
I mean, this is sub-90s movie, man.
It doesn't even have any fucking plot continuity.
What are you, like, forcing them to stay in at AK-47 and taking the kids out and then going, sorry, we're gonna blow you up in there.
I mean...
All of this in like Central Park, the most accessible park from every angle in the center of like the most crowded fucking city in America.
It's just incredible.
I don't think a single sentence sums up QAnon more than this one from the middle, quote, making arrests everywhere.
It's just happening, man.
Yeah, I mean, also, like, why are they doing this child rescue operation in the middle of the pandemic, where they're, like, at most at risk of, like, getting infected?
It seems, I don't know, poorly timed, poorly timed.
Well, they needed everybody to stay home.
That's why they created the pandemic.
And so that they could go rescue the kids without being seen by, like, Japanese tourists taking photos.
It's exactly it.
Yeah.
This is New York, after all.
There's, like, always someone watching, even if it's just the hot dog guy.
Another popular theory is that the Navy hospital ships Comfort and Mercy, which have docked in Los Angeles and New York respectively to assist with the pandemic response, are actually being used to treat these rescued children.
One QAnon follower named OldSchoolDNA tweeted this.
I understand military teams around the world are working to pull the children from the
depths of hell and dumbs.
Ships Mercy and Comfort were always meant for the children.
Information says our military are also fighting as well.
The war is being waged under us right now.
Now this is an interesting turn of events.
An interesting pivot for QAnon is that the reason we can't see all of the arrests and the storm is because it's actually happening underground.
Yeah, it's under our feet.
Of course you can't see it.
It's the, I'm with stupid, except it's pointing down and it's like, I'm with the children that are still imprisoned.
I really try not to like make fun of the QAnon people, but damn, this is just like, they can't see that.
They can't see how stupid it looks after everything that's already not come true.
And that it's come again that they're like, well, it's like your friend who was like, dude, yeah, I lost my virginity this summer.
And you're like, oh man, tell us about it.
Be like, oh, well, I was at camp and it was this girl and they're like, oh, dude, you got any pictures?
And they're like, well, no.
And the more you ask, the more the story becomes even more ridiculous.
I guess it's not.
Yeah, they've just been doubling down for two plus years.
And that's where it ends.
It ends with mole children.
Now, the stories of the children being rescued was very emotional for people in the QAnon community.
One video that was passed around on social media depicted a woman getting choked up, thinking about what the poor mole children have been through.
The ships Mercy and Comfort that were sent from Trump to New York, we just have confirmed information right now that they sent those ships, those highly equipped ships, to take care of children rescued from tunnel systems under Central Park in New York.
Children that were born in sex slavery in these tunnel systems, kept as sex slaves.
Deformed and completely shattered and broken.
I just ask you to stand with these children right now and pray.
Yeah, these people, they put themselves through this emotional, dramatic hell.
I mean, I see them weep sometimes, thinking about the fantasies that they've just sort of been impressed with.
Naturally, QAnon followers assume that the children were being rescued are the ones that the Cabal supposedly uses to harvest Andrinachrome.
On April 1st, QAnon promoter Joe M, aka StormisUponUs, tweeted this.
They're strapped up, sometimes for weeks at a time, terrorized over and over to provide as much yield as possible before they expire.
Incredibly dark imagination these people have.
Yeah.
Now, part of what kicked off this belief was a short audio recording of a man and a woman speaking that was posted to SoundCloud by someone named Heath Motley.
Now, the woman in the recording claims that she has third-hand information about this child rescue operation, and the man claims to have fourth-hand information.
Now, as of this recording, that SoundCloud track has approximately 700,000 plays.
Here's the woman speaking in that minute and a half long clip.
Yeah, so it's a friend of my mom's.
She's a nurse.
She's 69 years old.
She volunteered through Good Samaritan, and they sent her from North Carolina up to New York City.
So apparently, um, she is working in a MASH type unit in Central Park.
And I don't know what all the details of what she told my mom.
I don't know if it's more than what I've already told you, but she just said the thing with the kids, it's real.
And I have to tell you, it's horrible.
So horrible.
And she said, please, everybody be praying for those children and for the medical people that are taking care of all this.
But it's in Central Park, as far as I know, and these tunnels I don't know.
I kind of believe her.
She sounds, you know... Well, I don't care if you personally believe her.
It's like an audio recording of a woman.
You don't even know who this person is, with the sound of wind chimes in the background, saying that she has some third-hand information.
Nothing about this is credible.
The wind chimes fucking rules.
Every inch of their voice is always, I told you so.
So in that same audio recording, a man responds to her.
And here's the recording of the man speaking in that clip.
I actually have a QAnon Anonymous exclusive, some exclusive information that provides some more context to that recording, and I'm going to talk about that after you hear the clip for yourself.
Dude, I know somebody personally whose girlfriend is a nurse and knows other nurses, and she's in contact with one of the nurses at Central Park, and they say they're just rescuing kids that are severely screwed up, like they're sex slaves from birth kind of situation.
Some of them are deformed.
But she's 100% sure that she trusts her friend and I know her personally.
So it's not like fourth-hand information.
It is second-hand.
But she says the rescue operation has begun and that's probably what the ships are for.
But yeah, so he basically claims to have basically fourth-hand information.
And the exclusive I have is that I spoke to the man in that recording.
And his name is Benjamin, and he is a QAnon follower.
And he told me over Twitter DM that this was just a recording of him chatting with a friend over Facebook Messenger.
And he seemed surprised that it went viral like it did.
Here's what he told me.
This was just a conversation with a friend.
Was not meant to get out.
I have no reason to think she's making it up.
She's not an IQ or anything.
Just a nurse.
I have other clips of her asking for privacy.
The day after, it was too late.
But it was forwarded to one person who showed it to three.
Heath made a soundcloud of it.
Etc.
Etc.
So, yeah, it sounds like this is just an audio clip that was forwarded to someone that got wildly out of hand, has 700,000 listens on SoundCloud, and helped spark a bizarre conspiracy theory within QAnon.
I'll say I kind of feel bad for Benjamin.
I mean, I wouldn't like it if, like, my private conversations were, you know, leaked and then sort of made the basis of a conspiracy theory.
Benjamin, his biggest problem is not that he believes in QAnon.
It's that he has fake fucking friends.
That's true, that's true.
Well, I mean, but it's funny because basically he reached out to be like, hey man, like, I believe this, yes, but like, I didn't mean to speak for the community here.
That was basically it.
Another piece of supposed evidence of this operation was a photograph taken on April 2nd on board the hospital ship USNS Mercy while it was docked in San Diego.
That photograph depicts three sailors wearing medical gowns and masks standing over a patient on a hospital bed.
The face of the patient isn't visible because it's blocked by the arm of one of the sailors, but you can see the patient's hair.
Now, despite the fact that only the hair is visible, QAnon people got the idea that the patient is actually a deformed child who was just rescued from the underground bases.
They also believe that the photograph depicted a deformed hand connected to the patient, but on closer inspection it appears to me to be just a tan blanket.
Mmm.
The mathematician has logged on.
Nerd shit has been applied.
What's the better story?
Ask yourself, Jake.
Seems more plausible.
Step in here.
Step in here.
The hand is the gnarled hand of the deformed child.
Or just a tan blanket.
I think it too looks like a tan blanket hiding a deformed hand and leg.
You're a centrist.
But no, I mean, this is absolutely ridiculous, even for me.
I mean, you can't even see.
The picture could be literally of anyone of any age, gender, or size.
You can't tell Jack shit for the picture.
You can't tell anything.
There's no information about the patient.
One comment to the site where the photograph was first published said this.
Please, someone explain what kind of person is this?
Look up close!
What's the explanation to the alien-type hands?
The disfigurement?
Is this a human experiment?
Chimera?
Hybrid?
The public wants to know.
That photograph, as bland as it is, made some QAnon followers believe that at least some of the children being rescued suffered from grotesque deformities or even weren't fully human.
Perhaps the children were the product of sick genetic experiments that combined human beings with animals or even aliens.
One QAnon follower named Unknown Will Be Known tweeted this in reference to that photograph.
Are these the hybrid children that we've heard about for decades?
Is there genetic makeup made from all the human abductions mixed with other ET beings?
Are these the children who are extremely telepathic?
Will they slowly introduce us to ET life?
Expand your thinking.
Now, this whole big reveal led some in the QAnon community to dub the children being rescued, mole children.
Now, that label didn't sit right with some QAnon followers.
For example, here's what QAnon follower Amanda Dickinson's tweeted.
Oh I hope that name doesn't stick.
I don't want to call them mole children.
My heart is breaking and encouraged all at once.
They're coming out of so much horror into a world of light and hope.
But the transition may not always be pretty.
My heart.
They're not coming out into a world of light and hope.
They're coming out into a world ravaged by disease.
What the fuck is she talking about?
They were bred in captivity.
They've never seen daylight, they believe, you know?
So this is the first time.
This is much better than their conditions, being caged, thousands of them, for their adrenocome.
So let's discuss how easy it is to get this kind of stuff started.
So I posted a day ago a tweet about our new episode, our premium episode about sex with aliens.
So four tweets into my, like five tweets into my tweet thread after posting various weird photos like paintings, an ET with a girl in bed, the face hugger from Alien, like various jokes, finally I'm referring to the the ET porno, like I said, Very much an awful 70s porno with a fully, yeah, an E.T.
and lots of awful sex.
And immediately, somehow, just this post, which said, and then there's this movie, which I refuse to link to, but is much, much worse than this image would lead you to believe.
Google E.T.
and porno at your own risk.
And I had cute people in my mentions, just building.
So Wendy said, it's going to happen soon, or people are going to either find false info or real.
Either way, it's not going to be good.
This needs to be handled with great care.
I can now be patient.
I'm not ready.
Dear God, I don't know how we are going to get through this.
My girlfriend said she is seeing leaking pictures.
Dear God, it's horrific.
I mean, like you often say, you know, it's the, uh...
Back to the future, DeLorean.
They can eat up, consume any garbage, and use it to fuel their conspiracy theories.
Yeah.
So keep in mind that if you're at home and you want to start a really good thread of QAnon belief, all it takes is one screen cap from a blurry porno featuring aliens from the 70s.
That's all it takes.
In fact, you could probably found your own cult.
You want to get rich?
That's your way in.
That's all you need.
So you meme makers out there, you're really using your content wrong.
The Rescue of the Mole Children inspired one QAnon follower to write a poem in tribute to the blessed event, which received over 1,000 retweets on Twitter.
Jake, could you please do this poem some justice?
Absolutely.
1,000 retweets?
I've never gotten 1,000 retweets.
Let's see.
I want to read the content right now that has done better, twice as good, four times as good as any tweet I've ever made.
They're coming out of caves, emerging from darkness.
For years they've been missing.
We'll see them soon.
No matter how deformed, they're beautiful.
They'll tell their tales, and it will shock us all.
The guilty will see justice.
It'll be swift.
The innocent will heal.
We'll heal together.
I think it is the best poem about the ongoing rescue of the mole children so far.
Yeah, I'll write a better one and then there will be two and maybe I'll get a thousand retweets.
Now, this event was so powerful in the minds of QAnon followers that they started decoding old QDrops in light of the event.
For example, one old QDrop says, C before D. Now, it's very cryptic.
No one's really sure what the heck it means.
But in light of the child rescue operation, a lot of QAnon followers decided that C before D means children before D class, meaning that they of course have to rescue all the children before Trump declassifies the documents and exposes the deep state.
For example, here's one tweet from a QAnon follower named Fowl Reginald.
I don't think the Mercy, Comfort, and Tent hospitals are there for nothing.
Same with National Guard and Reserves.
I believe we're in the middle of a mass rescue, not arrests.
Those come later.
C before D. C equal children.
Underground war may explain need for ventilators for victims.
Underground war?
That nobody can hear or see.
Ventilators.
May explain need for ventilators for the virus that everybody can see.
The people writing this content, I believe that Elon Musk should be forced to live in a home with these people and speak to nobody else for the rest of his life.
This is some of the worst content I've ever seen.
You know, I live to bring condit that disappoints you, Jake.
You know what they've taken up to doing?
They're now tracking earthquakes that happen around the country.
They're saying that when there are earthquakes, that's the White House blowing up the underground bases so that the deep state doesn't have access to them anymore.
Damn, so when the big one finally comes on the West Coast, they're just going to be like, Hallelujah!
Yeah, finally got rid of that California evil base that the deep state was abusing children in.
We got all the kids out and, like, the last kid and the last agent did, like, a judo roll as, like, the fire, like, filled the tunnels and, like, blew them out.
Sealed!
All of this excitement got the fake news peddlers churning out lots and lots of content.
For example, here's one blog post by a man named Timothy Charles Holmeseth, and he said this.
Pentagon One confirms children continue to be rescued in locations that include New York, California, Florida, Washington, and the numbers have seen a dramatic increase.
Pentagon One said the number increased from 3,000 children to 35,000 and advised there is, quote, more coming.
The Pentagon Pedophile Task Force is currently assisting the U.S.
military with actionable intelligence and will continue to report developments.
The Pentagon Pedophile Task Force!
Dude, if anything, they're procuring children for top Pentagon members.
That would be their role.
Yeah, I checked.
There is apparently no such thing as the Pentagon Pedophile Task Force.
That's apparently an invention of Timothy Charles Holmeseth.
No!
Who do you think Ghislaine was the head of?
Ghislaine was the head of that task force and she made sure that all of these pedophiles in the Pentagon and all the intelligence services are fully stocked with boys like a fridge full of little Red Bulls.
Now, all of this is crazy, but at least you can take comfort, supposedly, in believing that only Twitter weirdos with no real influence are promoting it, right?
Well, if you expect me to give you comfort, you've come to the wrong podcast.
BuzzFeed News recently reported that some lifestyle and parenting bloggers are now spreading QAnon theories to their tens of thousands of followers on Instagram.
For example, there is Rose Henges, and she's a Christian mom blogger and YouTuber who advocates for, quote unquote, holistic living to her 73,000 followers under the name Rose Uncharted.
So, here's what Rose said in an Instagram story that was captured by BuzzFeed News.
All of these makeshift hospitals, for the children, there are millions of them.
Many who have been farmed, no parents, and have never seen the light of day or breathed above ground air, need for ventilators.
Military tribunal's coming.
The truth will put 95% of people in the hospital.
I would be sharing this if I was not 100% positive.
Well, that's for fucking sure.
Wait, you're telling me 95% of people who are just faced with the truth, just information, would just end up in the hospital from... Wow.
It's like staring into Medusa's face.
They think it's the Chernobyl reactor.
They fucking think that their truth is so fucking good.
Just the hottest, highest, most refined uranium of truth.
Yeah.
It seems like the top line story here is that like pure, uncut, high-grade QAnon is being pumped directly into the social media feeds of thousands of Christian mothers.
And I have to assume like their husbands are into it too.
But you know, the thing about QAnon is that you can enjoy it as a couple.
If you're not into like the mole children, you know, maybe the husband is in the spy gate or something, you know.
Well, you ever watched your wife go down a rabbit hole from a dark corner of a room?
You just watch her in this anonymous poster, just for hours, just sweaty, going at each other.
And you're just watching her, man.
And by the end, she thinks JFK Jr.' 's alive, dude.
And you have busted everywhere.
Now, all of these events are exciting for the QAnon community, not just because it meant the rescue of these children, but also because they believe that the rescue will help humanity enter the Great Awakening.
Please!
One promoter of the Mold Children Rescue Theory named Sasha Stone said this, I began this first day of April sobbing like a baby for over an hour after having the news confirmed at 2 a.m.
by two independent first-hand sources that the underground kids were coming to the surface in Manhattan and elsewhere.
Some of them will be seeing daylight for the first time in their lives.
They have been bred, butchered, raped, and had their life force inverted and stolen.
Theirs is the story of the atom seed of evil within our civilizational wheel.
Theirs is the story which symbolizes the culmination of our collective sleep cycle.
They're surfacing will release each of us into the light.
I knew something was lifting in recent days and I've spoken about the emergent vibral light.
The releasing of the dreadnought in the collective gut.
Shut your eyes and you will certainly feel it deep, deep inside your center.
Now I understand why this dread is lifting.
Now I understand why we are meeting with our collective unconscious.
These exploding images of apocalypse.
At last!
All of which will pass as quickly as they came.
Amazing.
I mean, these people, they just live in an epistemic bubble.
It is an augmented reality experience full of like, you know, highs and lows and dramatic happenings.
I mean, again, I kind of at least admire their massive epic imagination.
I mean, they think that there's a military operation to rescue Thousands of children, maybe tens of thousands of children who have never seen daylight because they were bred in captivity.
I mean, it's a hell of a story.
Yeah, like albino children that grew up in a cave.
What do they expect?
Creature children?
I don't know.
Maybe it's because of the quarantine and I just have more time to sort of broadly consume QAnon content.
But the line between the self-help Like, uh, better your life, like, connect with the universe people are connecting with the QAnon people.
I actually, I, uh, a friend of mine who is, like, I think has a pretty square head on her shoulders sent me a video from, like, some yogi that she follows who, like, started, uh, started to go down kind of the QAnon, Like they, you know, very similar, it starts as like very similar language, and then they actually like, they don't, they won't say QAnon, but they'll be like, oh, this Great Awakening and all this stuff, like, the worlds are starting to merge.
It's really fucking weird.
Yeah, that is very interesting, because we usually associate, you know, QAnon with being like, sort of a hyper-Christian thing.
Or hyper-conservative, like hyper-Christian, hyper-conservative.
But now, yeah, it's like, But yeah, these New Age people, these people who are maybe interested in like, yeah, Eastern spirituality are into it too.
Because yeah, this whole idea of like, you know, awakening to the world, sort of like the, I guess the general narrative themes of QAnon sort of like match some sort of like New Age spiritual sort of practices.
Yeah, it's like they like the themes and they like, yeah, they read a couple other books with like, you know, similar topics that they've enjoyed and they've picked this one up and they're recommending it to their friends without reading the ending, which is that Donald Trump, you know, holds public executions in Guantanamo Bay.
They're more attracted to the idea that there is basically a great spiritual awakening happening that they can participate in.
Yeah.
And that that that we're going to enter a new age and they are going to be sort of the the vanguards of this this new age because they're such enlightened beings.
Well, yeah, that they've been they believed in it early on.
And so they're somehow like more holy in a way and they will shepherd like the lost souls.
I mean, that's, that's what it really all boils down to for them.
That they're they're going to be the great spiritual leaders once we finally enter this new age.
They don't even care if Hillary Clinton were to stay alive or whatever and not get arrested or anything.
They would be satisfied to have people come to them and be like, oh, you were right.
Yeah.
Basically, I feel like a lot of these people, they just want one phone call that says, I'm sorry for not inviting you to Thanksgiving this year.
Yeah, that's it.
That's worth more than Hillary Clinton being arrested.
Now to be perfectly fair, not everyone in the QAnon community hopped on the mole children rescue theory, but the ones that didn't endorse it, at least some of them tipped their hats to it.
For example, here's a tweet from QAnon promoter Martin Geddes.
There are reports trickling out about the horrific underground situation and the children.
I am wary to share unverified information.
I am also conscious about the impact on people.
We will all face it together when the time is right.
Ooh, so very shifty and neither confirm nor deny.
Yeah, exactly.
A lot of QAnon followers who maybe have big followings, whenever like, I guess, the hoi polloi, they get excited about something really absurd.
They never step in and say, guys, stop believing this nonsense.
You're making us look bad.
They're always, they're always very sort of diplomatic about it.
It's like, well, there are lots of reports about this.
It's very interesting.
We're going to keep track of it.
They want to like, you know, they still want to encourage the kooks in sort of a vague way without coming out and endorsing the insane mole children theory.
Yeah, because the point is not, do you believe there's fucking mole children under New York that are being rescued?
The point is, do you still think Trump is the god saving you all from this demonic reality you're building?
Right.
Right, right.
That's the core belief.
Everything else is sort of secondary.
So it's like, OK, fine, you went off on a LARP.
That's great.
I mean, as long as we can come back and agree that our god emperor should rule over us and is defeating the deep state, that's all I need you to come back to, and you're still useful to me.
Yeah.
Well, in a way, Gettys is really being sort of the adult-in-the-room-style journalism here of hearing something a little bit crazy and saying, hey, there are reports of this, but I am not going to go ahead and say it's 100% true.
If more facts come out, we will face it all together.
Gettys is not some sort of fucking Seth Abramson piece of shit.
Yeah, very mature of him.
I'm going to follow him.
I'm going to follow him now.
Don't do that.
Don't follow Gettys.
He's evil, dude.
He's pure evil.
Yeah, he's bad.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Don't worry.
I would never.
I would never.
Jake, we can't see what he's doing with his hands anymore or his mind or anything.
I mean, he is lost.
That's what you know.
No, undoubtedly, he's gone down rabbit holes he hasn't even told us about now that he knows that we would expose it on the podcast.
Yeah, right now, currently, I'm stuffed into a little computer chair, and the way the armrests are on the chair, it kind of forces my hands into a T-Rex sort of position, so I'm just kind of hunched over with my hands limply hanging in front of my chest.
Yeah, you're not even scared of COVID, you're just fucking happy that you finally get a chair with armrests when I'm not around.
Thank God.
The Ball Runner by Jake Rokitansky New York, 2036.
The hot rain pooled in large divots of pavement, reflecting the harsh neon lights from the cityscape above.
The marketplace was packed.
Thick clouds of haze hung in the sky just above the packed stalls, bustling with people and vendors.
James O'Keefe, in a long brown trench coat, sat, hunched over a steaming bowl of noodles, aggressively shoveling the broth into his mouth.
After the novel coronavirus had ravaged the American economy in the 20s, China had enacted a swift, fairly painless takeover of the entire country.
New York's Times Square was still recognizable, but now all the signs flashed in Mandarin characters.
O'Keefe didn't mind.
The first thing the new emperor did was pass sweeping corruption legislation, and most of the cabal was rounded up and publicly executed, along with the rest of the government.
Of course, O'Keefe had lost good friends along the way.
Sebastian Gorka, Jacob Wohl, Jack Berkman.
They had been labeled enemies of the Empire after they used their platforms to formally speak out against the regime change.
They had even shared chucklesome memes with their new Emperor represented as a Winnie-the-Pooh character from an ancient children's book.
O'Keefe slurped the last bit of noodles, produced a worn leather billfold, and tossed a couple bitcoins onto the counter in front of him.
The stand worker furrowed his brow.
He shouted angrily at O'Keefe in Chinese.
O'Keefe sighed, reached back into his trench coat pocket, fished out a couple loose nuggets of marijuana, and placed them on the counter next to a small stack of the coins.
The store owner looked most pleased.
He smiled and snatched up the cash and the dope, afraid O'Keefe might reconsider.
See you next week, said O'Keefe, his gruff, apathetic voice barely audible amongst the din of the marketplace crowd.
The shop owner waved him away, and O'Keefe, hands jammed into the pockets of his trench coat, strolled through the crowded market, the warm rain dancing off the pavement beneath him.
As James O'Keefe wandered the acid-washed streets of the once-proud city, every so often he would catch a fleeting glimpse of a sneer.
Or an array of other dirty looks from the city's inhabitants.
He knew that some looked down on cabal runners, but that others were just curious.
As far as O'Keefe knew, he was one of the last ones left.
Certainly the last in New York.
Most of the leftover cabal was swept up by the real detectives, the Chinese government.
But that didn't... But that didn't stop...
But that didn't stop O'Keefe from sneaking into places he wasn't welcome, asking leading questions, and then ending up in a fistfight with some guy named Bort who did like being called a pedophile.
O'Keefe wasn't different at best.
If some cabal member did rear their ugly head around the city, he wanted to be there to stop it.
He answered to a guy named Waka, a captain in the Specialized Police Unit.
A fair but troublesome man.
He was always chomping a wet gnarled cigar with smoke and ash pouring from it like some retro locomotive.
He was calling O'Keefe now.
I was!
The State Department called me back to deal with their flippin' mess!
Bank dime!
it to his ear.
Waka, I thought you were on vacation.
O'Keefe could hear the sweat pouring from Waka's brow on the other end of the line.
I was!
The State Department called me back to deal with their flippin' mess!
Bang, done!
Look, Jimmy, there's been an escape from Guantanamo.
One.
Nothing good.
face lit up. He stood at attention. How many? One. O'Keefe's eyes narrowed. He reached down
almost instinctively to check and make sure his Steyr-Flager-Katsumata Series D blaster
was by his side. It was. Any leads? O'Keefe asked casually.
Nothing good. Walker replied.
I got a tip he's going straight to CNN for protection. Well that's easy, I've gotten
past their security hundreds of times.
O'Keefe went to disconnect the call when he heard Waka's voice shout one last thing.
Yeah?
O'Keefe flashed a stony grin.
I always do, Waka.
He ducked into a back alley cutting through the busy marketplace over to Baxter Street.
He emerged across the alleyway from a Pizza Hut storefront.
Its windows were sleek seafoam colored glass and a kid, about 17, was standing out front straddling a Yamaha MWC4 hoverbike.
He had a giant red cubic backpack slung over his shoulder.
He was carrying potentially 7 or 8 pizzas.
The kid spied O'Keefe and quickly slammed the bike into gear.
Hey, stay away from me, mister!
I got in a lot of trouble after last time!
You leave me alone!
O'Keefe smiled politely, digging into his pockets and producing a small handful of dank-looking nugs.
No seats or steps.
The kid eased up on the throttle.
Well, how much you think you got in your palm there?
He asked, sweat starting to drip from his furrowed brow.
Couple grams, maybe, O'Keefe said coolly.
The kid licked his lips.
He adjusted his glasses and killed the engine on the hover bike.
O'Keefe approached the boy, slipped a handful of dope into his open palm.
The kid quickly stuffed the herb into his back pocket, looking around to make sure no one had seen.
He then motioned to O'Keefe to follow him into a small alley behind the pizza shop.
Once there, he changed out of his outer uniform and handed the bright red Pizza Hut jacket to O'Keefe.
It was futuristic looking, with cool straps hanging off of it.
The kid took off down the alleyway.
Wait!
O'Keefe yelled.
The kid stopped.
O'Keefe beckoned to the large pizza carrier still strapped to the kid's back.
The kid sighed, unclipped it, and set it at O'Keefe's feet.
Crack!
O'Keefe's open palm made 100% contact with the side of the kid's head, sending him crashing to the ground.
A sliver of blood streaking across his innocent face.
Nyan!
What the heck was that for?
But O'Keefe was already walking away, draped in the red biker jacket with a pizza slung over his shoulder.
He called out to the kid, so you could tell your employer you fought back at the bike thief.
He kicked his foot down hard, and the MWC4 jerked a couple feet into the air.
The air shimmered beneath it.
O'Keefe tipped his hat.
Congratulations, kid.
I just made you a hero.
And with that, he took off, joining a steady line of flying cars jammed into one of the skylanes.
The bike touched down in the center of Columbus Circle.
A couple transients poked their heads out of makeshift tents nearby, but it was a cold welcome to say the least.
Whistling to himself, O'Keefe approached what was once a magnificent building, now rotten and stained from years of neglect.
He pressed the buzzer.
CNN!
A voice squawked through the intercom.
Pizza Hut!
O'Keefe said politely.
He waited a minute.
He knew they were debating whether or not anyone had actually ordered a pizza.
It didn't matter.
It's always a good time for pizza.
That's how O'Keefe had gotten scoop after scoop throughout his entire career, by pretending to deliver pizzas.
And then, when everyone's guard was down, he would secretly record them being snide, or hypocritical.
His least two favorite things.
The intercom clicked on again.
Uh, no one here ordered pizzas.
O'Keefe sighed.
Well, there must have been a mistake.
Do you guys just want them?
Well, we'll just throw them out otherwise.
The intercom fell silent again.
Then, the door buzzed, and O'Keefe slipped inside.
The place had taken a turn for the bizarre, a kind of halfway house for resistance journalists,
liberal Twitter personalities, and what were known as division agents,
grassroots special ops that had risen to notoriety during the dollar flu in the late 2020s.
The building was in a permanent state of disarray, hanging light fixtures,
guerrilla broadcasts, and junkies piled on top of one another like dead bodies
flooded the hallways and various rooms.
The smell was horrific.
An older man with a long white beard approached him.
O'Keefe immediately recognized him as Chris Sillizza.
He'd been running security at CNN's HQ for over a decade.
Aha!
yelled O'Keefe.
ways from this interaction, Saliza quipped.
One, never let pizza go to waste.
This one's obvious.
Number two, Joe Biden was one of the clear winners of this transaction between CNN and you, a good Samaritan,
because Lord knows Soros ain't paying for pizzas anymore.
Aha, yelled O'Keefe.
So Soros was funding those pizza parties.
He revealed a small camcorder under his jacket, indicating that he had captured it all.
O'Keefe?
Goddammit, every flippin' time!
Sallisa cried, taking his hat off, throwing it on the ground, and jumping on it.
O'Keefe unclipped the pizzas and placed them on the ground in front of him.
Ugh, are the pizzas at least real?
We're starving!
O'Keefe smiled.
Hot and ready.
Well, that's Little Caesar's branding, but you get the idea.
Saliza took a couple steps towards the warm pies.
Not so fast, O'Keefe said.
I'm looking for someone.
Potentially Cabal.
They say you're protecting him.
Who says?
Saliza spat.
Everyone knows that Cabal was wiped out!
Gah!
Without warning, Saliza lurched forward, his face grimaced in horror.
He tore at his shirt, unbuttoning it as quick as he could.
Out of his stomach unfolded half of a deformed man.
Brian Stelter hissed and bubbled at O'Keefe.
Come on!
Here, pull in the stringers.
They have summoned the beasts beneath the park.
You will be destroyed.
The creature seemed to close its eyes and purr itself to sleep.
Saliza buttoned his shirt, looking a little embarrassed.
Now can we have the pizzas?
Saliza squeaked.
O'Keefe kicked open one of the boxes.
Be my guest.
Chris Eliza and some worn down looking interns closed in quick on the feast.
They were on all fours like piglets, their heads bumping together as they sucked on the cheesy teat.
O'Keefe noticed another figure skittering out of the shadows.
A strange looking man with thin glasses and small sharp teeth.
His eyes turned to the size of saucers as he eyed the steaming pies.
And despite his wariness of O'Keefe, who was still donning the delivery boy uniform, the man helped himself to a large slice, gobbling it down without even tasting it.
There was only one way to find out.
O'Keefe approached the man who was slurping tomato sauce off of his fingers.
Enjoying the cheese pizza?
O'Keefe asked.
What's that supposed to mean?
Snarled the man.
Well, it means just that.
That is a slice of cheese pizza you're eating, isn't it?
The man stared blankly.
Well, I suppose it is.
O'Keefe smiled.
Good.
One last thing.
There's a handkerchief.
It's sitting on the ground.
The man suddenly looks stressed.
What?
O'Keefe pushed further.
There's a handkerchief.
Sitting on the ground.
It contains a map.
The man shifted his weight nervously.
What does this have anything to do with anything?
O'Keefe didn't budge.
There's a handkerchief.
Sitting on the ground.
It contains a map.
Where do you come?
The man's eyes seemed to bulge out of his head.
He sprang up, leering at the stunned people on the burnt-out floor, clawing at the air in front of him.
O'Keefe had his blaster out of its holster in a millisecond.
Kabal!
He yelled.
The entire place hit the deck.
O'Keefe let two shots ring out, barely missing the Kabalist as it moved freakishly fast across the floor.
With a single swipe, it snatched up the satchel of pizzas and bounded through a door to the stairwell.
O'Keefe chased after it.
He raced down the stairs, reaching the front where his bike was still hovering.
He scanned the horizon with his eyes.
There's no sign of it anywhere.
Then, a small beeping emanating from the center console on the bike drew his attention.
He watched as a red blip on the bike's heads-up display moved further and further away from him.
Yahtzee, O'Keefe said aloud.
He kicked the bike into gear and it screamed off the pavement, tatters of newspaper and trash cycloning in its wake.
O'Keefe ratcheted the throttle and took off, flying low beneath the chaotic skylines a couple feet above him.
The ominous buildings of Lower Manhattan gave way to lush trees, lakes, and rivers.
Central Park.
O'Keefe put the bike down.
He scoured the heads-up display.
He was right on top of the beacon, but it was somehow still getting further away.
50 meters.
75 meters.
100 meters.
O'Keefe couldn't wrap his head around it.
He rubbed his fingers through his soft mop of hair, looking down at the pavement.
Something caught his eye.
A large manhole cover with strange symbols.
But they weren't strange to O'Keefe.
He knew them well.
Symbols of the Cabal.
Triangles.
Squares.
Stars.
Using all of his strength, he attempted to jostle the manhole cover free.
But it was no use.
O'Keefe was just too underweight to make the thing budge even an inch.
He let out a frustrated sigh, letting the pizza bag slide off his shoulder and onto the ground.
One of the pizza boxes slid out of the bag and into the center of the manhole cover.
Click!
A small motor began to whirr.
O'Keefe watched as symbols on the disc rotated and pulled apart, revealing an iron staircase descending into a deep black tunnel.
James O'Keefe snapped a synthetic flare, illuminating the secret corridor.
He crept along the wall, shielding his face from the dust.
He noticed a dark cloud of smoke up ahead.
It was strange, though.
The smoke seemed to be hovering in place.
O'Keefe crept closer.
He soon realized that the smoke wasn't smoke at all.
It was fur.
And by the time he realized it was too late, James O'Keefe was face-to-face with a large grizzly bear.
He clenched his teeth, dreading the feeling of what dying could be.
But instead, he was embraced with a large, furry hug.
O'Keefe, my boy, you found us!
Indeed, you found us at last!
O'Keefe stumbled back. His brain was having trouble comprehending both a talking bear and the fact that the voice seemed to
be that of his old friend, Sebastian Gorka, who had disappeared nearly a decade earlier.
Dr. G? he asked, tears welling up in his eyes.
The bear looked down, somewhat ashamed.
No, no, I am not Sebastian, unfortunately.
O'Keefe was dazed.
How is this possible?
The bear put a comforting paw on his shoulder.
When we escaped from the zoo seven years ago, we found refuge in these abandoned tunnels.
The people who lived here brought us in, treated us like family, fed us what they called adrenochrome, and our brains began to grow.
How could we have known what they were really up to before it was too late?
O'Keefe muttered to himself, The Cabal!
Yes, they imprisoned us here.
We escaped one zoo for another.
The bear said painfully, What?
What happened to them?
O'Keefe reeled.
They left a long time ago, without warning.
They were scared.
Some sort of raid.
They left us with nothing but gallons upon gallons of adrenochrome, and a single television, fortuitously left on a channel called Fox.
For years, we studied its programming, and with no one to raise us, each of us took on the personality of our favorite pundit.
O'Keefe's brain swelled, trying to piece together the logic.
We?
Us?
Who are you talking about?
Gorka Bear gestured behind him, and a handful... The bear gestured behind him, and a handful of shapes emerged from the darkness.
James, meet the team.
An old grey wolf stepped out of the shadows, its eyes glowing a pale blue.
It spoke.
They call me Jack.
Jack Berkman.
The name's Joe!
and a rat with puffy cheeks climbed along the wolf's back until he was balancing on top of his head. He waved a tiny
claw hand.
The name's Joe. Joe DiGenova.
O'Keefe's jaw was on the floor. It was seeming more and more like he might be gaining a team of super intelligent
animal friends to join him on harrowing adventures throughout a futuristic New York City.
He secretly hoped that was the case.
A scrappy-looking bat flapped down from a rusted pipe, careening into a wall and bouncing to the floor with a thud.
I'm Jacob, it said, its eyes looking into two different directions.
O'Keefe snapped back to reality.
I followed someone here.
A Kabbalist that came here.
I tracked him here.
A noise drew their attention across the chamber.
It was the man.
The one O'Keefe had followed to these godforsaken tunnels.
He was hunched over the boxes of pizzas, stuffing his face.
Hold it right there!
O'Keefe trained his blaster, the wolf snarled, the bear flashed its claws, even Dejah Novia,
the rat, had taken a combat stance.
The bat had somehow gotten one wing stuck to the other one.
But then, something startled them.
them.
The man began to ripple and pulse.
His shoulders doubled in size.
The bear looked on in horror.
He pointed a sharp claw.
He's obtained the sacred sustenance!
The man's muscles popped and burst, transforming into a veiny, hulking mass.
He snarled at O'Keefe and his animal friends.
The cheese activates untapped pockets of adrenochrome!
The wolf growled, squinting his eyes from the light reflecting off the shape-shifting cabalist.
O'Keefe went numb.
That's why they were always ordering it!
And emailing about it!
He muttered into a small recorder in his jacket pocket.
Without warning, the hulking mass dug its feet onto the concrete and launched itself up the long stairwell towards the surface.
He was gone.
O'Keefe clenched his jaw.
That was Podesta, wasn't it?
The animals nodded, solemnly.
Except for the bat, who was now hanging peacefully from a pipe eating a piece of cantaloupe.
Well?
What are we waiting for?
Said O'Keefe.
The bear, rat, and wolf each produced martial arts weapons to be determined at a later date and twirled them masterfully in their paws.
O'Keefe spun his blaster around his middle finger and slid it cleanly into his holster.
He then produced a small black camera, becoming the hero that he had always wanted to be.
Not Deckard from Blade Runner.
Too stiff, too boring.
He always considered himself more of an April O'Neil.
They even shared one last initial.
They took off up the stairwell.
The bright orange sun was starting to peek through the tunnel entrance, and they disappeared, off to fight another day, most likely with one another.
The underground tunnel was empty again, save for a couple pizzas and their boxes on the ground.
Out of the darkness, a decrepit hand grabbed one of the pizza boxes and pulled it into the abyss.
to be continued. Thanks for listening to another episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast.
Please go to patreon.com slash QAnon Anonymous and subscribe for five bucks a month to get a whole second episode every week, plus access to our entire archive of premium episodes.
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Listener, until next week, may the deep dish bless you and keep you.
It's not a conspiracy, it's fact.
And now, today's Auto-Tune.
The briefing is that we are going to get three days without internet and without telephone.
You will be able to call 911.
You will be able to call other emergency services.
You will not be able to use the internet.
It will slow to a crawl or maybe not even.
You might be able to get your email.
I don't know if you're going to be able to text people or not.
But basically it's a shutdown of the phone and the internet.
