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Dec. 31, 2019 - QAA

01:33:29

Episode 72: POTUS QAnon Tweetstorm

The President boosted almost 20 QAnon-related Twitter accounts in a single day. Time to celebrate! Includes a Jake story that doubles as a peek into our very own extended universe. ↓↓↓↓ SUBSCRIBE FOR $5 A MONTH SO YOU DON'T MISS THE SECOND WEEKLY EPISODE ↓↓↓↓ www.patreon.com/QAnonAnonymous Merch: http://merch.qanonanonymous.com Tix to our first live show Sat Feb 8th in Los Angeles: http://tickets.qanonanonymous.com Music by Nick Sena (www.nicksenamusic.com)

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	What's up, QAA listeners?
	The fun games have begun.
	I found a way to connect to the internet.
	I'm sorry, boy.
	Welcome, listener, to the 72nd, the 72nd chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the POTUS QAnon TweetStorm episode.
	As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rakitansky, Julian Fields, and Travis View.
	Red alert, red alert.
	Trump is under attack.
	Having been epically impeached by Congressional Khaleesi Nancy Pelosi, the God Emperor of the United States used 5D chess to plan a counterattack.
	On December 27th, two days after the birth of the precious baby Jesus, the president tweeted almost 20 times with heavy casualties.
	That's because Trump used the depleted uranium bullets of online.
	QAnon memes.
	Now, this is not the first time Giotis uses such forbidden ammunition.
	Before this Christmas disaster, Trump had amplified QAnon Twitter accounts more than 30 times.
	All of those instances meticulously compiled by friend of the show Alex Kaplan for Media Matters.
	So before exploring this fresh volley, we'll be going back in time to take a look at some historic highlights and give context to this entire mess.
	There are plenty of mysteries to uncover along the way.
	Does Trump know about QAnon?
	Does he retweet QAnon followers due to the purity of their love for him without even knowing that Q sent them?
	Or does all the retweeting not even come from him?
	Is there a broader social media team at work?
	We probably won't find out.
	But before all that...
	We have a few new Q drops this week and I want to zero in on a couple very recent ones because they really really illustrate how goddamn dumb Q is.
	So this particular one was published on December 29th and it falsely claimed that voters could not register as Republicans in California.
	Good.
	It should be illegal to be Republican.
	Yeah, come on.
	We're going to send them all to jail.
	Alright.
	Every single one.
	Arrest them.
	Ballots!
	Read the drop, Jake.
	Ballots!
	Let's f*** these people!
	Oh, come on.
	No R option in CA when registering to vote?
	Welcome to the D-Party Con.
	Cue.
	This is totally false.
	Now, obviously, you can register as a Republican in California.
	There's no evidence of this.
	Q seems to be just talking out of his ass right here.
	Yeah.
	Now, fortunately, Q clarified this with a follow-up drop.
	It consisted of a few links to a couple of tweets.
	One of those tweets was by a user named EatCrowDemoRats, and it included a photograph of a California primary selection form that is sent to voters who are not affiliated with a political party.
	And that form that voters receive says this.
	I am not presently affiliated with any political party.
	However, for the March 3rd, 2020 presidential primary election, I request a vote-by-mail ballot for... Democratic Party American Independent Party Libertarian Party Non-partisan contest only.
	And, uh, eat crow demo rat.
	Angry tweet said this.
	Why do you keep saying demo rats?
	That would make them the democrats?
	He's just Australian.
	My sister got this in California.
	No mention of Republicans.
	So this is how California cheats.
	Oh, cucked by California again.
	I can't believe I came home and I saw California absolutely rimming Vermont.
	The problem is that the photograph form wasn't a voter registration form.
	So the reason that Republicans aren't listed on this form is because Republicans have a closed primary in California.
	You need to register as Republican to receive a Republican primary ballot.
	So it's not an option.
	It's like, put your money where your mouth is.
	It's like, you want to vote for these pieces of shit?
	You gotta fucking go out on a limb and say your name.
	Write your name on a piece of paper, nail it to the door of the church, and await execution.
	People don't know it, but my day job is to write these ballot cards and mailing stuff, and I personally put anthrax in all of the ones going to... I've done this multiple times.
	I've put anthrax in the envelopes and sent them to all Republicans I can find.
	I have personally attempted to poison all of these people at my other job, my day job, as a ballot guy.
	Anyways, the point is that Q seemed to misunderstand.
	He didn't know that this was not a voter registration form.
	And the reason that the Republicans weren't listed on this basically nonpartisan primary ballot selection form is because Republicans didn't want to be.
	The Democrats had nothing to do with it.
	Why is Q even addressing something so pedestrian?
	Doesn't he have a cooler story?
	He jumped the gun.
	He saw something that could look like ammo and fucking went for it and then later realized that... Apparently Q doesn't understand basic facts of how our electoral system works.
	Yeah.
	You know, this is why a lot of times QAnon people tell me, it's like, oh, you always pick on the stupid fringe things that QAnon people say, all the weird JFK Jr.
	theories and stuff.
	Why don't you focus on the QDrops?
	But when they focus on the QDrops, they aren't any better.
	They are as stupid as the stupidest shit that any QAnon follower could come up with.
	Something tells me Travis is able to achieve erections again.
	Well, Travis, it's only because he's got so much spy knowledge in his head that he doesn't have room for fucking pedestrians.
	But that's what I was saying.
	He's doing tweets that are kind of like confused Fox News grandpa tweets.
	Like, come on, get back in the fucking military ops mind frame, man.
	You're better than this.
	Yeah, my LARP of your LARP is better than what... It's like, you know... Yeah, you're less good than a Jake story.
	It's like when Weezer went through the, like, make-believe sort of era in, like, the early thousands, and Ozma released a record that sounded, like, more Weezer-y than Weezer did at the time, you know?
	What did we say about talking about Weezer on the podcast?
	Never to do it.
	For my next story, the QAnon community celebrates Christmas.
	Fuck yeah.
	Yeah.
	So, the QAnon community, they celebrate Christmas in many ways.
	There was, of course, QAnon ornaments and gifts of QAnon merchandise, but some got creative.
	One QAnon follower wrote a Q-themed parody of Hark the Herald Angels Sing.
	But they replaced the lyrics about celebrating the birth of Jesus with lyrics about the impeachment and Democrats being executed.
	Now, it's not a very good parody because the new lyrics don't match the syllables or the meter of the original song.
	So I'm just gonna have Jake just just read it instead of sing it because it would be hard to do Oh, you think?
	You think?
	You want to give it a try?
	I mean, I could give it a try.
	It's a little bit early in the morning.
	My voice probably isn't that good.
	We have never done this.
	We've not yet stooped to this, but I think it's time.
	Hark!
	The House Democrats sing, we've impeached the wannabe king.
	We pray for him, there is no hate, but we've likely sealed our fate.
	They're really fucking up the amount of syllables you're supposed to put in for it to work in
	a singing format.
	Yeah, I have no idea how the rest of the tune goes, so I'm just gonna make it up.
	Joyful our supporters rise, cheering their futile exercise.
	But now the Senate will decide, Chief Justice Roberts will preside.
	Friends and patriots do not fret, we haven't even heard from Durham yet.
	Infuriating.
	This is by far the worst content we've ever created.
	Creative.
	But will their rage ever subside?
	Exoneration lines unblurred.
	Yet, Pelosi's words will still be slurred.
	Soon, Huber and Durham will exclaim, We'll watch as many take walks of shame.
	Silver bracelets they will wear all the way to the electric chair.
	Jesus Christ.
	A lesson they will never refute.
	Cue Anand.
	Of course, there are also QAnon supporters who expressed anguish at being alone for the holidays.
	Terrible.
	They should have ended it with the electric chair line.
	It's way more poignant, better button.
	They kind of, like even when they're on one, they kind of make the bad choice.
	Of course, there are also QAnon supporters who expressed anguish at being alone for the
	holidays.
	One QAnon follower named I stand for Trump tweeted this.
	I'm so depressed.
	I don't know if I can make it through Christmas Day.
	I lost my mother in 2016, my brother in 2006, and my daddy in 1996.
	Emotionally, I'm falling apart.
	I'm all alone for Christmas and have nobody to share it with.
	I want to be with my family.
	So that's just horrible.
	Yeah, it's just horrifying, not funny at all.
	Thanks for bringing that to the podcast.
	I just want to demonstrate that a lot of these people are just absolutely miserable.
	We want to break our listeners by showing them how broken QAnon people are.
	This, of course, was followed by hundreds of tweets from QAnon followers assuring him that he had friends in the QAnon community.
	That's nice.
	Yeah, well, at least that.
	The isolation sucks, but at least the community's decent enough to post at you when you're feeling down.
	Look, four years ago, somebody like this wouldn't have a hundred people to reply to that kind of comment.
	There would just maybe be two people.
	So thank God for QAnon.
	God bless them, and they're doing God's work.
	Friend of the show and QAnon book author Neon Revolt celebrated Christmas by trying to trigger me with Q-wreaths.
	That rules.
	In a blog post published on December 22nd, Neon gives his readers an idea.
	Why not change your circular wreaths into a Q-shape?
	This is from that post.
	Tons of people have Christmas wreaths up on their homes and businesses right now.
	All it would take to accomplish this is a simple modification.
	Find a branch of an evergreen, or holly, or what have you, and turn the O of the wreath into a big, beautiful Q. Even better, after you've done so, snap a pic of your beautiful Q wreath and upload it to social media with the hashtag, Merry Qmas.
	You know, Neon Revolts may be, like, the most kitsch of all QAnon guys.
	He really, he can't ever pull off being truly funny or threatening because he has no edge, you know?
	He's like, well, what if we did a wreath?
	It's like, you know, either you're a soldier of the meme war, in which case, toughen up and let's get some real ops in here.
	You know, let's get some real ops on Travis View and his family.
	Neon!
	Neon!
	No, but he is.
	He's so kitsch.
	All his ways of demeaning people are so meticulous and thought out.
	It hurts to read.
	Dude, all these guys suck at this.
	I was listening to Gorka's radio show the other day, and he wasn't in.
	There was another guy sitting in for him, and he did this whole bit about how he'd seen somebody right on the back of a $20 bill over the White House on the back.
	Trump, and then two arrows to the two 20s in the corner of the $20 bill.
	They're epic bacon libs.
	They're infuriating.
	And he was like, I've got an idea.
	He goes, I know it's a crime to deface a bill, but you know what?
	Let's get our Trump 2020-20s out in circulation and really trigger some libs.
	I'm like, man!
	Now, Neon Revolt's idea with the whole Q-Wreath scheme was basically to make people like me upset at the sight of these Q-Wreaths.
	Imagine the salt from lefties everywhere.
	They already, for the most part, hate Christ and Q. They walk around every day thinking that the masses share their obvious and educated opinions.
	Imagine walking down your street as a lefty and seeing a home after home with Q wreaths on it.
	Imagine walking down your street as a lefty.
	How does your brain fucking function?
	You're like a McCain French fry bag.
	I'm sure it would trigger more than a few meltdowns and existential crises.
	Absolute moron.
	Why, just imagine tap water Travis View or butt Okay, so this guy is literally imagining a silent film.
	Like, what even is, like, Travis just looking around, oh, oh, cue there too!
	And I can see them seething in rage on Twitter now as they're forced to acknowledge that,
	shocker, the real world isn't the lefty blue bubble that is Twitter.
	Okay, so this guy is literally imagining a silent film.
	Like what even is, like Travis just looking around, oh, oh, cue there too, cue here, cue
	there.
	Also, you know, I didn't notice any cue reefs out in the real world or even really online
	because I was like, you know, busy celebrating Christmas.
	But even if I did like notice like a wreath in the real world, I wouldn't be upset.
	I'd be like, oh, content, you know?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, you would love it.
	You would send us a picture and we'd get lots of likes.
	Yeah, exactly.
	He would get more likes.
	Yeah, that's what would happen, Neon, is that Travis would take a picture of it on his telephone, he would tweet it out, and get more likes than you would have had you done the exact same thing.
	Picture him, picture him, Travis View walking down the street as a lefty.
	As a lefty.
	First of all, Travis View, famous lefty of the podcast, the most hardcore lefty I know, an absolute tanky, Travis View.
	I'd love to think of Travis B walking down the street as a lefty.
	Also, yeah, there's this weird thing where people, I get accusations from QAnon people like, like, like Neon, it's like, oh yeah, you live in such like a ideological bubble.
	Like my whole thing is like examining a belief system I fundamentally think is deranged.
	Yeah, at least every, like, 60 posts, he gets to swear.
	You never get to swear, Neon.
	You know what's interesting, Neon?
	I actually did search your hashtag on Twitter, hashtag QReath, and oddly enough, the only tweets that are coming up are people replying to Travis View, which is so weird, because you think it would be a bunch of people sharing your idea, you know, all the QReaths, but no, it's literally Wait, so did Travis view Q-Reef himself as a false flag?
	Yeah, it's just people replying.
	There's no pictures of Q-Reef.
	No, check the hashtag MaryQumis.
	There was on that hashtag that he suggested.
	Because here's the thing, NeonRevolt, he knows that actually he does have followers who want to trigger the libs.
	Well, Travis needs this to be like an international incident, otherwise the whole thing falls apart.
	Also, Neon, I want you to take this moment, because I know you listen to the show, and appreciate how Travis just corrected me to show that, you know, in fact, your hashtag that you suggested did result in a couple of curious... See how much he loves you?
	See, he's... How much he secretly loves you?
	He corrected me, he didn't have to do it.
	Do that?
	I would never have known.
	He makes you a better person.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, dude.
	Think about that.
	You need Travis.
	Think about that.
	You need Rattail Travis, Tapwater Goblin-ass.
	He's greeting your hate with love.
	MSN-ass.
	Fake News-ass.
	Travis View.
	Go on, Fake News Travis.
	The big QAnon event this week was that Trump went on a record setting tweet storm, retweeting over a dozen QAnon accounts in a single day.
	But I'm going to let Julian go into more detail about all that.
	presidential tweet storm.
	Let's travel back in time to August 1st, 2018.
	One Travis View tweeted the following.
	Question.
	When will Trump retweet a QAnon account and promote a QAnon website?
	Answer.
	Trick question.
	He already has.
	On November 25th, 2017, Trump quote tweeted at MagaPill, which includes a link to their website.
	The site has been promoting QAnon since before Trump's quote tweet.
	Damn, you do a good Travis.
	The presidential tweet mentioned by Mr. View is this one.
	Can you take first the MagaPill and then the quote tweet that Trump did?
	The President Donald Trump accomplishment list website.
	Hashtag America first.
	MagaPill.com.
	Well, I didn't even realize we did so much.
	Wish the fake news would report.
	Thank you.
	So the website is still up and it does exactly that.
	It lists Trump's various accomplishments with links to media articles as proof.
	There's like a lot, like over a hundred things listed.
	And my favorite quirk of it, because it's very well organized and like pretty comprehensive, you know, and it's links to, you know, You know, some questionable right-wing stuff, but also, like, MSM, like, standard fare kind of reporting that most people won't question if it's true or not.
	Right.
	But, for some reason, all of the racial-related claims are, like, in all caps.
	And sometimes it's like all caps and then it like drops to lower caps like at the end or something.
	It's like whoever was doing the race-related accomplishments was just furious for what it's worth.
	So bizarre.
	So let's give Trump the benefit of the doubt here.
	There's no mention of QAnon in the username, handle, or tweet.
	So very easily could have just been whatever, you know, unintentional.
	So the same is true of the October 14, 2018 tweet thanking another QAnon follower, so we'll skip over it too.
	Next up we have November 28, 2018 when Trump retweets a meme showing all the usual QAnon villains behind prison bars, including Comey, Mueller, Obama, the Clintons, John Podesta, Huma Abedin, and Rod Rosenstein.
	So, things were getting a little more interesting.
	People behind bars.
	We're getting very QAnon-y.
	But once again, no mention of QAnon on the surface of the tweet.
	In either the handle, or the user name, or the actual content of the tweet itself.
	So let's skip ahead to May 4th, 2019.
	There's a tweet by a user called Deep State Exposed that gets retweeted by Trump.
	Once again, not really a QAnon reference in and of itself.
	It's a lot of flirting.
	No one wants to, you know, take it, no one wants to go steady yet.
	A May 12th retweet of a QAnon influencer, Lisa May Crowley, shows some progress.
	That person is inherently an influencer in the QAnon movement.
	However, once again, gotta do the caveat that there's nothing, if you don't know what QAnon is, and even if you do, you could potentially come across that tweet and not necessarily immediately know that it's a QAnon tweet.
	It's always he likes to retweet like Trump loves stuff.
	You know, it's not a lot of the time.
	It's just bullshit.
	It's the same type of bullshit.
	You'd read in like a teacot feed that he will retweet from the QAnon people, but of course exception.
	That's why I'm going to give him some good grades for the behind bars meme because that that's powerful content.
	That's not just self-suck.
	He then retweets Bill Mitchell on June 9th.
	He actually does that a couple times, I believe.
	And then on August 13th, Trump retweets an account that Q himself had linked to in the past.
	So again, a lot of guilt by association stuff.
	Crossbreeding.
	Maybe this is enough for Travis View, but not me.
	I have standards, journalistic standards.
	So they're almost docking at this point.
	Users Trump retweeted through December have QAnon mentions in their profiles.
	So if Trump is clicking through and reading their profiles, one could argue he would have at least seen a QAnon hashtag or something directly related to QAnon.
	But 2019 kind of continued to be a tease.
	The retweets of QAnon following accounts continued to multiply and the names of the people he was retweeted were like VB Nationalist, which is... I was going over it and I was like, okay, it doesn't pass like the overt QAnon thing.
	And then I realized how absurd What I was trying to do was, he's already retweeting a guy who calls himself a nationalist.
	Do I need him to retweet?
	He skipped the step!
	He skipped the QAnon creepy, crypto-fast shit, and it's just like, oh no, let's go.
	I'm gonna retweet David Duke.
	Let's go.
	Yeah, it's like the rest of us are children, and Trump is one of the adults being like, hey, we gotta retweet the Q-A-N-O-N accounts.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And because we can't spell, we don't necessarily know that he's doing it.
	Trump would do that annoying dad thing where he gets the word QAnon wrong multiple times when he mentions it to people finally.
	He's like, yeah, have you heard about QAnab?
	Exactly.
	He would get it confused with some big financial treaty.
	Oh boy, there's tons of characters in it.
	There's General Michael Finn.
	He's like, I love the UNESCO movement.
	Personally, I am U+.
	Oh boy, have you looked up Jordan Blather?
	But he likes people, he likes people like, like this one is AZ Trumplican.
	Like, just what's a Trumplican?
	And so he loves those people.
	Disgusting.
	He loves those people who do literally become, they just adorn themselves in manga.
	Like they just fucking Exactly.
	Epically winning all the time.
	They can't tweet from like a fucking swimming pool without being at talking about triggering the libs or something
	like they can't enjoy a single moment of their lives.
	They're just miserable, angry people and just spend all day being like, I can wear this hat.
	It's legal.
	You know, like, yeah, people are like, please just board the plane, sir.
	Please.
	I gotta I gotta enjoy this win.
	I gotta enjoy all this winning as if my life depended on it.
	Exactly.
	Epically winning all the time.
	That's the kind of people that he retweets.
	And then, bam.
	December 16th, 2019.
	Trump retweeted a post with hashtag QAnon and hashtag QAnon 2018 and hashtag QAnon 2019.
	Not sure why you have to have the years there.
	On top of that, why 2018?
	That's gone.
	You would be moving into 2020.
	That's the problem with all of this content, is that it doesn't exist.
	It's like, you fucking see it and it looks like fucking cotton candy.
	Lovely, it's an object.
	And then you bite into it and there's nothing.
	It was a lie.
	It was a lie and it's crunchy between your teeth.
	It's a nightmare.
	It's like that episode of The Simpsons where the farmer is cross-breeding tomatoes and tobacco and he's like, I call it a tomacco!
	And they bite into it and it's just crusty and brown on the inside and makes your lips shrivel up.
	All of this content is shit.
	It sucks.
	It fucking sucks.
	These are the worst posts.
	But the point is, is that we can no longer afford Trump the benefit of the doubt.
	He's straight up retweeting hashtag QAnon content.
	Yes, but even worse, he's retweeting incarcerated ET, which is, which let's talk about this, we can't keep putting aliens in jail.
	And I think that Trump is incredibly He's doing something very dangerous here.
	He's normalizing the idea that a little E.T., a nice little E.T.
	with his little golden fucking finger is gonna be put in jail.
	And that's not okay.
	I know and all the headlines were like... Jail should be reserved for children.
	All the headlines were like, Trump tweet like brings up memories of like 80s classics.
	It's like giving some Twitter users a 80s vibe and it's like instead of being like Trump retweets Insane conspiracy QAnon account.
	This dude, Incarcerated ET, is super active.
	He's a major decoder.
	Major player.
	He's 15 bands in.
	15 bands in.
	You know what I love about Incarcerated ET?
	Every single time he makes a new account, one of his first orders of business is blocking me.
	I love that.
	Like, whenever it's like, oh, he got a new account, I check it out.
	Like, if it's the day he made it, he immediately has blocked me.
	There really are only two type of QAnon influencers.
	Those that do block Travis and those that don't.
	Yeah, that's true.
	No, there's a third actually.
	Those that follow Travis.
	Those are the pain pigs.
	Jordan Sather loves that shit.
	It's like, you either die, you either die blocking Travis, or you live long enough to try to convince him that QAnon is real.
	Yeah, and maybe even succeed.
	Go at it, IncarceratedT.
	Slip into his DMs and unblock him.
	OK, so all of this brings us to December 28th, 2019, which is now.
	It's yesterday.
	This episode is almost like an emergency episode, you know?
	And also we realized in the process of setting this episode up that we've never done a Trump episode.
	And that's on purpose because he fucking sucks.
	Trump sucks.
	He's bad content.
	He's boring.
	He's boring.
	Everybody else is covering him all the time.
	Yeah, he's lame.
	We never cover this guy, but today is an exception.
	Okay, so December 28th, 2019.
	Christmas is past.
	Trump is shuffling around his living room smoking weed and feeling guilty for not calling his parents.
	The gifts are gone.
	Barron is back in the gamer den.
	He will emerge again at the end of next summer.
	Ivanka is watching reruns of the Larry Sanders Show, her laughter echoing down from the eerie, striking the glass tube elevator until it grows infinitely faint.
	So Trump, after a series of events we will be exploring in Jake's section, brews up a tweet storm.
	Let's take a look.
	The tweet storm is upon us.
	Okay, so the first target of Trump's attention is Rina, heart emoji, happy new year 2020.
	So this is the first retweet of the tweet storm.
	And Jake, I'll ask you to describe this meme and accompanying text.
	It is a picture of Donald Trump from the chest up.
	He's Cocking his head at the camera with a wry smile.
	It's so pixelated.
	Yeah, it's very low-res.
	It looks like shit.
	And then there are four different lines of text.
	All different fonts.
	Some of it looks like she forgot to delete the background.
	Actually, it's the same font, just the colors and the line around the font are every single time different.
	Yeah, she's left like the opaque border around.
	She did not make this.
	There's no way.
	Yeah.
	It's not the best Photoshop.
	It's bad.
	It's pretty bad.
	And then, so the text says there's a crying, laughing emoji that says, I blame Trump.
	And then at the bottom it says, stock market up!
	Jobs up!
	Wages are up!
	Hey, jobs are up, guys.
	Have you, uh, heard this news?
	Jobs up!
	And also, jobs up doesn't have, like, an exclamation, and then wages are up doesn't have, uh, for some reason, like, the titling the same as the two other ones, so just a nightmare of formatting, content, idea, just everything is shit.
	It fucking sucks.
	It's the worst fucking content.
	And now welcome to 20 more of these!
	She reiterates some of the text from the picture.
	She reposts the meme text.
	In her actual tweet, which says, I blame Trump.
	But then also, at Donald Trump, But uses a period before the at, even though it's not the beginning of her tweet, so it wouldn't have mattered.
	It wasn't going to be fucking categorized as a reply or whatever.
	Clearly the result of a wide thumb that smashed the period key.
	No, I don't think it is.
	I think she's using it because she thinks that will make it a main timeline tweet for her.
	I don't understand how Twitter works.
	Wow, Jake has more followers than me and he doesn't understand Twitter.
	I have no idea how Twitter works.
	This is how justice is never served in this world.
	So okay, so Trump what's funny about this tweet storm is you can see him lingering on accounts like he clearly went to this person's profile and was looking through all of her tweets and He quote tweets her again her original tweet says Watch, wow!
	Here is a Democrat trying to get elected in the state of hashtag Maine.
	He jokes about how good it is that the number of suicides among white men is rising.
	Sadly, this is a representative of today's Democratic Party.
	Now, the video has, like, no context, but I'm going to play it for you anyways before we talk about the retweet, um, the quote tweet.
	I saw a thing in that said a lot of men, white men, were committing suicide.
	And I almost thought, yeah, great!
	And then I thought about it a little more, and I thought, well, maybe you shouldn't say that in public.
	So just kind of uncle energy at Christmas, like just speech at a wedding.
	Woke uncle.
	Yeah, weird like hippie uncle at a wedding kind of vibes, but I'm not sure.
	First of all, he's not identified.
	There's just so many things wrong.
	He's running for something, which means he doesn't represent probably anybody right now.
	There's a lot of things to unpack.
	It's complete trash.
	As usual, we got to the core, the kernel of the content, and it fucking sucked just as bad as the rest of the fruit.
	The president comment retweeted and writes, what kind of an animal is this?
	Yeah, he's clearly never seen a person from Vermont.
	He thinks it's a different species.
	What kind of creature?
	My head, it aches.
	So here's another retweet of Rena by Donald Trump.
	Now, in this case, she does open with an at real Donald Trump using the period, so this was correctly used because it did allow her tweet to not be, you know, to go on her main timeline.
	So, can you please explain to me what we're looking at here, Jake?
	It's a video of MSNBC broadcast with the caption, Period.
	At real Donald Trump.
	Winning!
	Four exclamation points.
	Heart emoji?
	Wait, heart and whistle emoji?
	It's a party emoji.
	Party emoji?
	It's a party emoji, a high-five emoji, and a... That's not a high-five, that's a prayer!
	No, it's actually supposed to be a high-five.
	That's what it was intended as.
	But it's a prayer, it's a thank you.
	Okay, it's, okay.
	Okay, so today we're finding out that Jake doesn't know Twitter, and he also doesn't know emojis, just basic... Ugh, I hate all this.
	How are you even alive?
	You son of a...
	How do you...
	It's a party emoji, prayers up emoji, and like a...
	both hands up emoji.
	Jake doesn't know his own Wi-Fi password for sure.
	Hashtag... You have to read it off the box every time.
	Shut up.
	Hashtag CAG 2020 with the words, why the long faces at MSNBC?
	You got it right this time.
	Good news for America slash Americans equals bad news for Democrats.
	These people are so pathetic.
	All they care about is how it's going to affect their political power.
	And here's the video.
	Look again, meantime, whoever the nominee is, you've got to look at the front page of
	the Wall Street Journal today.
	Three big economic headlines that are like a late Christmas present for the president.
	Rake and file workers get bigger raises, wages rising at the fastest rate in more than a
	decade.
	Holiday cheer at Amazon and Tiffany, both companies with strong sales.
	And global stocks follow U.S. markets higher.
	We see the global markets edging up after that strong Christmas season.
	And what we saw in the stock market yesterday.
	So Susan Del Percio, how worrisome should those kinds of headlines be for the Democrats?
	Quickly for you.
	And then I want to get the leaps take on it, too, before we have to go.
	They should be very concerning for the Democrats.
	VRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
	No, no, we have to unpack how shit this content is too.
	This video is also shit content in and of itself.
	So this is MSNBC throwing up four headlines that the Wall Street Journal broke about economy stuff.
	And they're saying, this is a problem because the economy is so healthy, people are going to vote for Trump because he did such a good job with the economy.
	Of course, no one wants to talk about the fact that None of this is for the average American.
	All that money is just being fucking funneled into dumb, deep, rich pockets.
	Like, there's no... What is there to celebrate?
	Like, who cares if the fucking stock market hits a new high and your wages keep stagnating since the 70s?
	Like, what is it?
	Nothing matters!
	If you're any kind of service worker, in any kind of service position, and don't have a fucking 401k, none of this matters!
	None of it means anything.
	In fact, it just means that they're creating a bubble big enough that it's gonna fuck your whole life up when it bursts.
	So we have MSNBC cheerleading the Wall Street fucking journal.
	This is peak lib.
	They're like, I would like to go to Philippe.
	Please, Philippe, what do you have to say about these lazily fucking copy and pasted Wall Street Journal content that we're just openly fantasizing will help the president?
	How will the Democrats ever recover?
	Like, you know what?
	These guys... Trash content!
	They're shooting themselves in their own foot.
	You know what?
	Be the fucking MSM shills that you are paid to be.
	Don't fucking give this guy any wins whatsoever.
	I don't understand.
	Well, yeah, then you have to go to magapill.com to find out what's happening, man.
	You can't just keep lying about the president, Jake.
	You have to celebrate his victories.
	Anyways, MSNBC, that content's bad.
	It's a turducken of bad content.
	And then it's fucking shoved into another turducken of bad content when it enters into this Reena account and then is retweeted by the president!
	So it sucks fucking shit from beginning to end.
	So let's get to know the Reena account.
	She seems to be a wealthy white woman in her 40s or 50s.
	She likes to post inspirational videos of resorts, natural vistas, infinity pools, etc.
	She's a bit like a kind of soft core like yoga influencer.
	Of course.
	Like a wine mom yoga influencer.
	Of course, there it is.
	Is like some of the vibes that she gives off.
	She also absolutely adores Trump and other political figures and pundits like those listed by Handel in her bio.
	So she has Rudy Giuliani just like at Rudy Giuliani in her bio, which is one of the most... Loving Trump is one thing, but loving Rudy Giuliani is a truly sick mind at work.
	To just be like, ah, yes, this little goblin ghoul.
	I'm going to put his Handel in my bio.
	I love him so much.
	Maybe it is him.
	Maybe it's just him.
	They look at his little gremlin grimace face, and they love it!
	How?
	Are we looking at a different person?
	Incredible.
	I love it.
	But that's not all.
	She loves Scott Baio.
	She's part of the Scott Baio army, she said.
	Dinesh D'Souza.
	Another absolute dud.
	Just shit content.
	More shit content.
	Eric Bolling, Charles Payne.
	She just loves bullshit punditry.
	But you'll post shit like a black and white George Clooney photo with a quote that's like, classy is when you have a lot to say, but you choose to remain silent in front of fools.
	But then like the next video will be like a video of a dog and a duck hugging or something.
	So it's like it's like Facebook ant content for Twitter.
	Yeah.
	But she's nonstop and she has a lot of followers.
	That's why Trump ended up on her thing.
	She has 90K followers, sir.
	90,000 followers.
	That's because at the shit content buffet, there is a line of ancient people, an entire generation, just lining up to really stuff as many turds onto their little paper plates as possible so they can fucking absolutely destroy.
	Elbowing each other out of the way.
	Just fighting each other.
	Scootlet laughs.
	Just knocking turds out of each other's mouths to try to eat it first.
	Just fucking swarming with something when they put a fresh bowl of the crab legs out, just fucking swarming.
	People are absolutely disgusting.
	We're the fucking worst.
	Oh no, the entire human experience is just bobbing for turds in a bowl of diarrhea.
	That's it.
	That is what being human on earth means.
	That's it.
	Alright.
	I figured it out.
	Alright, we're making Travis uncomfortable, we gotta move on.
	So okay, so after these fun little videos, she'll post something like this.
	Newsflash, to everyone that comes on my account to bash our fabulous president, he's gonna win again.
	And there's nothing you can do about it.
	So you better run to Costco and get yourselves a jumbo pack of tissues for all your tears.
	Yeah.
	That's all they want at the end of the day.
	That's all they care about.
	Cry, I wanna see you cry.
	I wanna see you cry.
	Yeah, they love it.
	You know what it is?
	It's so simple, actually, when you think about it.
	Trump has sort of brought this playground politics back into the arena.
	This second grade recess kind of obnoxious bullying.
	And everybody else has followed in suit.
	The insults aren't even good anymore.
	It's like, you're going to go home and cry in your tissue box, aren't you?
	It's very harmless in a lot of ways.
	We are all in an adult playground.
	In many, many, many ways.
	It's not just this part of the discourse that is being affected by this.
	We're essentially children in a stale system that fucks us every day.
	And that's why we've got to complain about the video games or something.
	We've got to find something to complain about.
	The internet gave us all the ability to insult everybody as much as we want without having to see any repercussions.
	Yeah.
	Well, you actually get positive repercussions.
	You get the little likes, you get the little retweets.
	Yeah, you get the likes, you get other people.
	The president retweets you!
	Yeah, the president retweets you.
	He retweets you!
	It's not like I look at Julian and be like, oh man, your glasses are stupid looking and I have to watch him feel actual pain and hurt inside and realize that it's not good to make another human being feel bad.
	But from Twitter, you can just drop bombs with no regard for anybody else's feelings.
	Absolutely.
	Yeah.
	And this is what we get.
	What they don't, like, ever kind of address, I guess, is that the reason people are triggered, or whatever, is because, like, right before they come into your shitty content, right before they come into contact with your shitty content, They just read, like, some article about how, like, children are under fucking security blankets, like, under an overpass, and, like, two died or something.
	It's like, that's why they're triggered, they're pissed off about bad stuff, and then you come in and you're, like, literally, like, put on a party hat and just, like, blow one of those, like, honking things at their ear, and they're like, oh, triggered?
	It's like, yeah, we're all kind of triggered, like, by how bad things are.
	Like, we're all, we're terribly triggered by the hellscape we inhabit.
	Yeah, I think it really is just sort of, they're trying to make politics as simple as a sports game, where one team wins and they're happy, another team loses and they're sad.
	And they figure if the other team's sad, if my opponents are miserable, then that's evidence that I'm winning.
	Of course, that doesn't follow, like, out in the real complex world.
	You know, it's possible that you could be doing well and happy and also people who are your ideological opponents are happy for different reasons.
	No, no, no, it's a zero-sum game.
	Or you could both be sad.
	Somebody could be very, very successful and be going through a bad divorce and a custody battle.
	I mean, you know.
	I spend zero amount of my time fantasizing about Neon Revolt being miserable and triggered.
	I hope he has a very happy, successful life.
	What he does is no skin off of my back.
	Would you like to hear what I hope?
	What you hope.
	There's this there's this weird sort of perspective that likes like if if the people I don't like are are miserable then that's evidence that I'm winning because these people People think that the single cell split and then the two cells were like, one of them was a lib and one of them was like a republic conservative or something.
	They think that's all of history.
	That this way of thinking of things and people makes any sense whatsoever.
	That it's not just some incoherent after gasp of a dying civilization.
	Alright, so we're going to have to move on from Rina, but next up we have a wonderful account called Deplorable Pet Lover, three stars, text Trump 88022, paw emoji, American flag emoji.
	And his handle, or their handle, is Pet Lovers for Trump.
	And lovers is spelled with a U for some reason.
	Louvers?
	Yeah.
	So here's the bio.
	Come and sense conservative voice.
	Love my pets.
	And president.
	Dad was a cop and mom was factory worker.
	Hashtag MAGA.
	Hashtag back the blue.
	Hashtag military.
	Hashtag vets.
	Blocked by.
	At Brian Stelter.
	These people's accounts are just like...
	45,000 followers.
	All of these are big accounts.
	At first you're like, oh this person can't possibly have more.
	But the problem is they're so inflated by weird bots
	and like follow back farms and weird shit. There's so much...
	Yeah, because he's following 45,000 people.
	That's the problem is you're trying to kind of consume the content at the core of this and there's nothing there.
	It's a weird like self-replicating industrial process.
	You get the sense that you're just kind of, you peer at this weird machine that's working beyond the veil and then it gets retweeted by the president.
	It's just such a bizarre process.
	So, not much QAnon up front, but Deplorable Pet Lover does have a history of using hashtag QAnon and hashtag WhereWeGoWhenWeGo all in their posts.
	Meager pickings, especially considering Trump retweeted Deplorable Pet Lover's powerful owning of Chuck Schumer.
	Here is the tweet.
	Chuck Schumer tweeted, President Trump, if you are so confident that you did nothing wrong, then why won't you release the emails and let the witnesses testify under oath?
	This is awesome because Chuck Schumer is essentially the guy who drove to the dam to do an arm standoff.
	Release the email, sir!
	Sir, we need you to release the report!
	What the fuck is he talking about?
	He's so useless.
	Anyways, and so deplorable pet lover three star text Trump 88022 writes, Chuck at Senator Schumer colon, if you are so confident President Trump did something wrong, then why won't at rep Adam Schiff release the basement testimony or let the whistleblower testify?
	And why won't, at Senator Pelosi, turn the articles of impeachment over to the Senate?
	Thinking, thinking, emoji face.
	Yeah, so just everybody's shadowboxing, imaginary reports.
	I would be exonerated if this came to light.
	Please release this, sir.
	Please release this.
	Investigate, investigate.
	Just a nightmare.
	A total nightmare.
	An existential maze.
	So next up we have a pretty big mega account called JohnKissMyBot.
	Now, he has a little kissy emoji to make sure you understand what the word kiss means.
	And here is his profile.
	So the background of his profile is just like Trump, red background, Trump 2020, a flag that has been somehow photoshopped away from a pole.
	No pole left.
	Still in the wind.
	So very bizarre effect.
	Then Keep America Great is unfortunately covered by his profile.
	So it just looks kind of like Keep America Coat.
	And the profile photo just looks like a high school student who was taken, like someone took a picture of them on like a school trip.
	But if you go in closer, of course, it's a boomer.
	So, okay, here's the bio.
	God.
	We're melting, Jake.
	We're melting, Jake.
	This is so stupid.
	We're not even remotely done.
	Donald J. Trump is my president.
	Conservative.
	U.S.
	Air Force vet.
	78 to 82.
	Married.
	35 years and proud father of two conservative sons.
	Trump 2020.
	American flag emoji.
	Hashtag CAG.
	Yeah.
	Why would you brag that you're married?
	In heterosexual relationship.
	35 years.
	Three decades of being straight.
	My trapped wife has hated me for 34 and a half years.
	Raised my boys right to love Trump.
	Conservative.
	Both my conservative sons.
	Wear belt.
	Blink.
	Am a person on earth.
	Breathe.
	No mention of cucked lib son who lives in New York.
	Third son is fairy.
	Have cut him out of life.
	Just all the bad family stuff.
	but in a bio We lost Jake. We lost Jake.
	Alright, so Trump is hanging out on this guy's account.
	This phase of Trump's tweet storm is definitely him going to different accounts to take a look at their pro-Trump stuff.
	Okay, so what Trump did with JohnKissMyBot is two quote tweets and one retweet.
	Travis, do you want to walk us through some of these nightmares?
	John Kissmybot tweeted, Outrageous!
	Pelosi refuses to release the transcripts from Shifty Schiff's secret meetings that exonerate Trump and indicate that the non-whistleblower committed perjury.
	And Trump responds by quote tweeting, Come on, Crazy Nancy, do it!
	I love that.
	He's just out there.
	He's just a cheerleader.
	Just yelling at people.
	Just obsessed.
	Come on, Crazy Nancy, do it!
	John Kissmybot also tweeted, The fat man sings.
	Liberal Michael Moore is predicting a Trump victory in 2020.
	Duh.
	To which Trump responded, He made the same prediction in 2016.
	Nobody ever said Michael was stupid.
	Not stupid Michael Moore is his nickname.
	Because Michael Moore didn't underestimate him.
	Michael Moore knew that there was a- Oh, that he had a draw.
	He knew months before.
	He was one of the only people who was able to predict it.
	Okay, and the third tweet, JohnKissMyBot saying, I don't know of anyone that's afraid of me, but Michael Moore wants you to be because I voted for Trump.
	Michael Moore, white men who voted for Trump are not good people.
	You should be afraid of them.
	I'll be voting for Trump in 2020.
	You?
	Hashtag CAG.
	So, just weird.
	It seems like there's some cross-pollination between this account and the Rina account that we examined earlier.
	Like, they retweet each other.
	It's unclear if that's because they were brought together by the president, or who knows?
	There might be a network.
	Trump is just going down these MAGA rabbit holes.
	He's just sort of like deep into the bowels of MAGA Twitter, just reading and retweeting and shouting things.
	Specifically the exact type of account that has like 70,000 followers and all they do is like quote tweet news and make statements that are like a repeat of the same thing.
	Trump is good.
	You're bad.
	You know just it's so this account in particular KissMyBot is very very boring.
	It doesn't even have the the dog hugging the duck which we got with Rina.
	Well, listen, Trump, he has the brain worms of the people, you know?
	He's not one of these elitists who retweet, like, blue check marks who have, like, coherent content.
	No, he's pilled on his own shit.
	Yeah, he loves it.
	Most of this guy's feed is just the food of cable news boomers, like I said.
	What begins to strike me at this point is that if Trump were replaced by another Trump-like figure for president, he would probably do the same type of stupid tweet storms but in support of them.
	So I just got this weird vision of just like some other figure just holding that space, saying the same kind of outrageous stuff.
	Some Tea Party person or something that went on a Nationalist, like, take back your country kick.
	Yeah, except Trump will be on Trump TV with like, you know, 30 other pundits doing the exact same shit.
	And then it'll be like QAnon TV network.
	Yeah, exactly.
	But there's some QAnon content here, but it's mixed in with more Breitbarty stuff.
	Trump then found a Bernie 2020 free shit lawn sign so funny that he retweeted it.
	And it's honestly one of the only points of levity in the entire tweet storm because the rest is like either venal or furious.
	But this is just a funny poke at Bernie, which is, you know what?
	Fine.
	I want free shit.
	If you don't like free shit, you're probably dumb.
	So then, of course, Trump's mind can't be pure for more than one second, so he goes back to his impeachment bullshit by retweeting an account called America First Tiger, text Trump to 880022.
	By the way, if you missed that, it is text Trump to 880022.
	Yeah, that's the wrong one, so that's perfect.
	So the first retweet is a tweet by America First Tiger.
	It says, Just in case you forgot, I have Joe Biden here admitting to a crime.
	Correction, bragging about the crime.
	A real crime that should lead to a minimum that he be disqualified from running for or holding office, and more appropriately, that he should be jailed.
	Quid pro Joe.
	That's a hashtag there.
	And it's a little video, too boring to get into this.
	I refuse to play this for you.
	My favorite tweet of the account is a video of puppies opening a door with the following caption.
	You know the country is in trouble when a couple of puppies are significantly more intelligent than the entire hashtag Democrat party.
	Hashtag, the more you know.
	Hashtag MAGA.
	Hashtag 2020.
	So this is followed by a hashtag back the blue street video of a cop literally punching quote some punk in the face.
	Just the face.
	Just openly celebrating a cop punching some guy out.
	I mean, the guy seemed like a dick who was trying to fuck with a cop, but you're still, like, just posting.
	Just someone being brutalized by the order and just loving it.
	Just being like, fuck yeah, I love this.
	I'm not just not horrified, I'm fucking turned on by this shit.
	I want you all to know I am a fucking sicko on Maine.
	So the rest of the account is pretty boring, bio is just filled with like every MAGA hashtag in existence, no point doing that.
	Our president's impeachment obsession continues then with a retweet of a rando QAnon follower's reply to another thread.
	So he's like, he's like lost in like threads and shit.
	He's on one.
	Yeah, he's going deep, he's going deep and reading.
	He's getting horny on main.
	He's horny on main for fucking pro himself.
	Trump account, yeah.
	Absolutely.
	In this account, Anna Deardorff says, yes, but we have a rogue house with the speaker that's caved and does what she's told.
	So it's just badly written and weird.
	Yeah, and out of context.
	You're not even sure.
	Yeah.
	So it's not even, even if you're Trump, you want to sort of communicate things, something to your millions of followers who hang on your every word.
	60 million, like 60 million.
	And also the international community who wants a...
	Insight to the president's brain.
	Yeah, there's some sort of like intelligence, you know agent in China You know like like reading Trump's tweets and trying to I guess I have to put this in report now Yeah, well, it's hard.
	He's doing so much So much posting so that you can't see the 5d chess parts of what he's doing Well, so the rest is this all of this shit is like they're all saying nothing like there's no details or specifics or like anything that would make somebody be like, oh Oh man, yeah, Nancy Pelosi, wow, here is evidence that somebody told her to do something that she didn't want to do.
	But that's because Trump understands that information doesn't matter and truth doesn't matter at all.
	It's just a cheerleader.
	It's a vibe!
	It's a vibe!
	Everything's a vibe!
	You gotta get into the game space.
	You gotta cheerlead, man.
	Put that music on.
	Yeah, it's just, she's under control.
	Doom pulls the strings and people are just like, good enough.
	Exactly.
	Good enough.
	Yeah.
	Trump understands that at the core of the American soul is a children's swimming pool filled with eels.
	And he knows what to do.
	So then Trump's brain switches from anger to pride, and he retweets a guy called Alex Jordan, whose account is Jordan's View, which leads me to believe it may be Travis's brother.
	Do you know this Jordan?
	Jordan's View?
	I'm not familiar with Jordan's View.
	Alright, well either way you're going to have to read this tweet, so go ahead.
	Jordan's View says, Hashtag Jordan's View Express 283.
	The best is yet to come.
	Feeling it?
	Hitch a ride on this train featuring Jon Voight,
	Frank Sinatra, Melania Trump,
	Candace Owens, James Woods.
	Reply with your at, retweet, follow all.
	And there's a picture of Trump grinning broadly with the caption, this man is the best president of all time.
	It's a longer video.
	I'm not going to play it.
	But I love that he's this person is showing off that Trump is supported by for the presidency by the first lady.
	Yes, and a dead crooner.
	Not sure how Frank Sinatra works into this hole.
	Unless he's also, like JFK Jr., he's also alive and somehow a part of the Q team.
	In a way this is like getting to the hospital and you have to list your emergency contact and you realize there's no one you can list.
	Frank Sinatra.
	Every living corpse supports this molten piece of shit.
	Okay, so Jordan is the type of guy who likes Ben Garrison, which is really a type of guy, because I can't.
	That's an amazing thing.
	It's hard for me to even understand that there are people out there who are like, fuck yeah, Ben Garrison, drop another one on us, let's go.
	He is, if you don't know, a listener.
	He's a cartoonist, a pro-Trump cartoonist, known for drawing Trump with Big muscles.
	And known for his weird obsession with butts.
	He has a very strange way of drawing butts.
	Specifically, Hillary Clinton's butt.
	Cute, compact, tight butts.
	Yeah, it's bizarre.
	Very strange.
	Yeah, not good.
	So the next account is Bee Emoji Louisiana Connie B. And her bio is incoherent.
	She says, hashtag follow me, hashtag visual artist, hashtag my baby and me, hashtag MAGA 2020, hashtag QAnon.
	Hashtag cult 45 member.
	Hashtag I follow Q. Hashtag where we go when we go all.
	Hashtag follow the plan.
	So this is a heavily QAnon account.
	She has almost 30,000 followers.
	Yeah.
	Wait, it's a pro-Trump account that says hashtag cult 45 member.
	Yeah.
	So saying, yes, I'm in a pro-Trump cult.
	Yes, that's me.
	She loves it.
	That's great.
	That's great.
	Well, I mean, I guess admitting it is the first step, you say?
	I mean, it's unclear if any of these accounts are real.
	So it's always like everything's crumbling in your hands.
	I mean, all of these I look at and I'm like, this could so easily be an AI account that's just like, or yeah, or just a fucking friend of Trump's who's like, you know, he pays $10,000 a month to just run these fucking accounts and just tweet all the bullshit.
	Who knows?
	None of this could be real.
	It's good war.
	But yeah, her background image is We the People inscribed on a big flaming Q, and then there's Trump's head in silhouette.
	It's awful.
	It's terrible.
	I hate it, but she's a fan of coffee, pro-Trump memes, and Q, of course.
	The post Trump chose to retweet is about the non-fake news, so sometimes you've got to celebrate The non-fake news people out there, the ones who are dedicated to the truth.
	Travis loves the truth.
	He's going to read us this tweet and explain what's happening here.
	CB's Heart says, Time for a plus 10.
	I get so lost trying to follow these.
	It's like a maze, and I have no sense of direction.
	Don't forget to add yours in the comments.
	And then there's a string of a lot of ats of different accounts.
	And it says, there's an image that says, Breaking News.
	I think it's about time we give a big shout out to the men and women who relentlessly report the real news.
	Here's a big thank you to Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingram, Tucker Carlson, Jesse Waters, Mark Levin, Dan Bongino, Sarah Carter, Greg Gutfield, Jason Chaffetz, Mark Stein, Katherine Harridge, The True American Press.
	Like, imagine thinking all these people are good.
	I can't.
	But hey, there's a part of the country that does.
	And I don't get it.
	I mean, I do get it, I guess.
	But just licking the boots of these fucking monsters that just feed you garbage all day.
	Also, like, zero of these people are, like, actually, like, reporters.
	They're all, like, commentators.
	They're all pundits.
	They're all pundits who process the news for you.
	They take the news and then they tell you how to feel and think about it.
	Yeah, they're a vibe.
	Again, we don't need the fucking facts, Travis.
	We want vibes.
	More vibes.
	To be fair, I think one could argue that Sarah Carter is the closest to an actual... All of these other people are trash.
	But Sarah Carter, I mean, as much as, you know, her shit fuels the garbage, she resembles the archetype of a journalist.
	I mean, she's like sub John Solomon level.
	John Solomon doesn't need to get a shout out here.
	He'd be closer.
	You're right.
	Well, whoever made this is shit.
	I mean, the graphic sucks.
	But then her post is so confused, making me think maybe Trump didn't read her actual post, because it just says, I get so lost trying to follow these, it's like a maze and I have no sense of direction.
	Like, she's expressing...
	It's so worrying, right?
	And the image behind the text is wild.
	It looks like just a close-up of a low-res of the HAL from 2001 Space Odyssey.
	It's just like a red circle in the middle.
	It means nothing.
	It's insane.
	It takes away from the text.
	It takes away your understanding.
	I mean, honestly, looking at this stuff, it feels like a meditation on the building blocks of reality itself.
	At this point in my exploration, I'd begun to see black specks flickering in the corners of my vision, and I could hear the machine elves clanging at the walls of consciousness.
	And what I thought would be an exploration of Donald Trump's QAnon tweets had become a living nightmare, an unending maze of bizarrely industrial MAGA accounts and retirement home psychosis.
	I had pierced the veil and I began to have visions.
	I saw a cloud of evaporated intellect hovering over Twitter like a Scottish mist, self-replicating into infinity.
	And through the mist, the only intelligible clue, appearing across multiple accounts, if you've been listening closely.
	But before I investigate that, here's an outro for the storm.
	A tweet by a user called Anna Loves Trump.
	And her name is just like Anna app and then like a long ass string of numbers.
	Again, not clear if it's real.
	And but Trump boosted this anyways.
	It's the last one he did for that day.
	So, Travis, I mean, I'd like you to read this.
	It's a bit of a poem set to a picture of Trump, Pence, Pompeo and William Barr.
	Good night America Patriots Badass Followers MAGA Runaways Fight For God Justice President Trump Never Support Fake Lying Media Corrupt Hate USA Democrats 100 Emoji Trying To Destroy Constitution Take Our Guns Make American Flag Emoji A Socialist Country Always And Forever Patriots Praying Hands Emoji Voting Trump 2020 American Flag Emoji Whoa, yeah, that's just the words.
	That's just feels.
	How the fuck did this happen?
	I think that the discourse at this point is what you get on the other end of a shredder.
	Like, it's just, we're reading... We are... I mean, this is the most bot-like thing.
	It sounds like it's just scanned like a thousand MAGA accounts.
	Yeah, just spat it out.
	Think of how much different things are than they were just three years ago.
	Yes, no, completely different.
	And by things, you just mean Twitter, and you're right.
	Yeah, just Twitter.
	The real world is, you know, it's kind of basically the same as it always, you know, the same as it always is, more or less.
	We are yet sort of prepared to understand how bad it is, basically.
	It's changed too quickly.
	Yeah, I totally agree.
	and when I start to think like too much about it, it legit gives me anxiety and yeah it's
	uh it's well I'm really glad that we don't cover Trump a lot because he sucks.
	Yeah.
	It's bad.
	It's bad content.
	It's bad content and forever, kind of.
	I really honestly don't think that we come back after this to where it was before.
	I think that the landscape is forever changed because this content is just...
	He's losing it.
	My brain is like, fuck, I don't even know if I'm going to be able to read my story.
	It feels so trite.
	It feels so, like, compared to this.
	It's like biking through water.
	It's awful.
	It's a terrible feeling.
	So to cap it all off, I did text Trump to 88022.
	And this is what happened.
	QAnon Anonymous account writes, Trump, in all caps, he receives the reply.
	Reply with zip code to stand with President Trump against the fake news.
	Text STOP to end or HELP for help.
	So I put in the zip code?
	Team Trump.
	Take strategy.
	Survey.
	Link.
	You agreed due terms for recurring messages at 88022info.com.
	Text STOP to help.
	It looks like a human being trying to write an automated message, obviously, is what it looks like.
	Well, unfortunately, boys, I have prepared a little exercise for us.
	It looks like a human being trying to write an automated message, obviously is what it
	looks like.
	Well unfortunately boys, I have prepared a little exercise for us.
	We will be taking this strategy survey.
	Oh good, I'm so excited.
	Because it's important, and the catch here, the rules of the game, as it were, is that we all have to figure out one answer for our joint podcast.
	For the podcast.
	We have to argue, or not, we can just fold to each other because it's more interesting.
	Okay.
	Okay, question number one.
	Do you think that America is stronger today than it was before President Trump took office?
	Yes, no, or undecided, boys?
	No, I think it's decidedly weaker.
	Yeah, I think so.
	Well, I guess no, but you gotta define by stronger.
	Stronger is such a vague term.
	That's just like a part of the campaign.
	It's like, is it strong or weak?
	It's like, well, what do you mean by that?
	Well, we have a pedant here who's gonna do etymology at us.
	Well, it's like, well, if you're going to ask me a question, define your terms.
	Be specific.
	But the point is, they want to be specific.
	They're going for a vibe, a feeling.
	Exactly.
	What's your vibe answer?
	Are you talking about the people or the country as a whole?
	Or are you talking about, like, military?
	Is our military, like, stronger?
	Or a whole country being stronger?
	Or economy?
	Or just general feeling?
	What does strength mean in this context?
	The size of our stools?
	How much we can bend and press?
	And also, are we physically able to lift more over our heads?
	I am less strong and in worse shape.
	Yeah, me too.
	This has eaten away at my health, for sure.
	So we're worse.
	I like taking that interpretation.
	No, we're weaker.
	Physically.
	Us.
	Penis, smaller, works less well.
	Brain, also smaller, works less well.
	Cannot get it up.
	Okay.
	All right.
	No.
	Do you want to see President Trump re-elected in 2020?
	I'm going to go ahead and say no.
	No.
	Do you believe President Trump will be re-elected in 2020?
	Yes.
	I'm going to say yes.
	Which issues should President Trump's campaign focus on the most?
	So we have immigration, economy, slash jobs, healthcare, national security, tax cuts, infrastructure, Supreme Court, trade, Second Amendment rights, pro-life, criminal justice reform, or draining the swamp.
	Draining the swamp.
	100%.
	Infrastructure.
	That sounds good.
	I could get down with that.
	Okay, he's boring.
	We want to drain the swamp.
	We're two against one.
	You lose, Grandpa.
	You want to execute your political enemies?
	We're having structural erodes.
	Yeah, you know what?
	Honestly, if Trump can get the fucking street in front of my goddamn apartment paved, After so much construction for the last year and a half.
	I want the potholes to be deeper, but I want to napalm the DNC.
	Across the street, across the street.
	I want to launch missiles at all other countries, but I also want our potholes and hospitals and nothing to work.
	I don't want anything to work.
	Across the street in Beverly Hills, all their streets are paved so nicely, and it's like they leave ours fucked up and like filled with holes just to make a goddamn point.
	Infrastructure it is!
	We are moving our answer!
	You win, Travis.
	5.
	Do you believe that the mainstream media is biased against President Trump?
	Yes.
	Against?
	No.
	I believe they're biased in favor of making money.
	Look at MSNBC running segments where it's like, the economy's great.
	Yeah, I mean, they're actually completely responsible in a way for getting him elected.
	I'm undecided.
	Yeah, I'm undecided too.
	They may be biased against, but by covering him the way they cover him, they profit him.
	They give him power.
	So they're not really biased against him.
	Yeah, the MSM and Trump have a symbiotic relationship.
	Exactly.
	Yeah, absolutely.
	So, no.
	I guess.
	Yeah.
	Or undecided.
	Undecided, yeah.
	Undecided?
	Six, should President Trump and his campaign do more to hold the fake news media accountable?
	Yes.
	What the fuck does that even mean?
	Hold them accountable?
	Absolutely.
	I think you know what it means, Travis.
	He's talking about putting Rachel Maddow in handcuffs, parading her in front of an angry public, and throws tomatoes at her.
	Every single one of us has wanted to see Keith Olbermann, nude, crawling around in a cell while people tase his toes.
	Everyone wants to see that.
	That's good content.
	So wait, what's our answer to that, actually?
	Undecided?
	Undecided, sure.
	Should the messaging tone of President Trump's 2020 campaign be similar to that of his 2016 campaign?
	I mean, don't mess with what works, you know?
	If it's not broke!
	Exactly.
	What should the Trump campaign focus on more?
	One, attacking Democrats and their radical socialist agenda, or promoting all of President Trump's incredible accomplishments?
	Boy, that's a tough one.
	We definitely should attack the Democrats and their radical socialist agenda.
	Yes, attack the Democrats.
	Absolutely.
	Come on, man.
	What is this?
	We're not going to do like a pacifist route?
	I'm not going to play Undertale this way.
	Kill everything.
	100% yes.
	Do we have a choice?
	Don't pretend we have a choice.
	Imagine Trump, oh they came back, they said they don't want you tweeting anymore.
	Then I will stop.
	If Trump stops tweeting, it's probably going to be worse for the podcast.
	Well, it's been a good run.
	Time to delete my Twitter account once and for all.
	The people have spoken.
	That would be just so cool.
	The world would plunge into darkness.
	People would not know it.
	If Trump disappeared and never came back... The economy would crash if Trump closed his Twitter account.
	The economy would crash.
	Half of America would have no idea.
	The podcast community would certainly.
	Yeah.
	The podcast is fucked.
	America would have no idea what to do with itself.
	Trump can't tweet anymore.
	The podcast is gone.
	We need him now.
	Jake will commit seppuku.
	It's going to be awful.
	Okay, so ten final questions.
	Oh no, wait, there's more.
	Fuck.
	Okay, let's just try to move quick.
	Which battleground states do you think Trump should- I don't care.
	Who gives a shit?
	Fuck off.
	Where do you primarily get your news?
	Social media.
	Who cares?
	It doesn't matter.
	Twelve, where do you see most political acts?
	Do you usually vote?
	These are all boring.
	All of these, yeah.
	The first set of questions, that's all raw, raw.
	We love our president.
	And the rest of these are actually raw data collection to know how to target Trump supporters during the next election.
	Yeah, exactly.
	Travis, tell me something.
	They don't even mask it.
	The alphabet.
	What numbered letter is Q?
	That's the 17th letter.
	17 is the final question, and it's the one where you get to share with the president.
	You can just write whatever you want in there.
	Q+, direct access!
	I just want to tell them, WWG1WGA.
	I mean, we're not sending any of this in.
	I refuse.
	But rest assured, your IP is already recorded and you will be targeted with future campaign pamphlets.
	I did not notice, but there was a third message that had come in while I was fucking around with all this stuff.
	Thank you.
	President Trump appreciates your support and has a special message for you.
	This is for you.
	Use this link to unlock your special message.
	You got a treat!
	A president treat!
	Okay, so I clicked on the special message, but of course, since there's no free stuff without Bernie, here's what I received.
	So, it's just the page to make contributions to Trump's campaign!
	And the special message is a fucking YouTube video!
	And they're trying to push you to donate like a hundred or four hundred bucks.
	Jesus fucking Christ, man.
	And then higher, even.
	Yeah, the least you can donate is 35 on the available selections.
	You have to click other.
	But because we have to do this until the end and we're masochists, let's watch this video which is a bit like the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
	Oh good.
	Goody.
	The future of this nation is counting on you.
	I need you to stand with me right now and show the fake news and their partner, the Democrats, that no matter what they throw at us, we will keep fighting, and we will keep winning, and we will make America great again.
	Only high crimes and misdemeanors can lead to impeachment.
	There were no high crimes.
	There were no misdemeanors.
	There was nothing done wrong.
	It's a hoax.
	It's a witch hunt.
	They're going after me because I'm fighting for you.
	We need to send a message and it has to be sent loud and strong.
	You don't impeach a president for doing a great job.
	We're going to win back the House, we're going to win more seats in the Senate, and we're going to win another four years in the White House so that we can keep America great.
	There is no voice more powerful than the American people.
	Together we will win, and we will win like never before, and we have no choice.
	Because we're saving our country.
	He just looks so bad.
	I'll bet he improv'd and we have no choice.
	I feel like that wasn't on-screen.
	You know what this feels like, dude?
	It feels like a Tim and Eric video.
	Like 10 years ago this would have been like a Tim and Eric video.
	The way it's cut and like- I mean there's even like audio that, you know, from having edited.
	Like there's audio where they didn't even do a crossfade between them so you just hear the click when it's editing.
	That's insanely bad.
	It's just a bit, he's just complaining.
	Travis is, by the way, his eyes closed and he's rubbing the bridge of his nose and has been for the last minute and a half.
	Did you notice how the text kind of shim, like in those old sing-along videos where the sort of indicator bounces along the text?
	They have a very, sort of a similar effect, it's a little bit more subtle.
	Strong infomercial vibes from this too.
	Duh.
	Travis, your commentary?
	Yeah, he looks like shit in this video.
	Like one eye is like half open, one eye is more open than the other.
	His neck waddle looks flappier than usual.
	He's going for his body.
	One thing I noticed is like when he talks you see only the bottom row of his teeth which is actually kind of a weird thing like when most people talk like most people's lips cover the bottom of row of their teeth you know what I mean?
	Giuliani has the same thing.
	Yeah, he's got this kind of like, his hangdog lip, you know?
	Anyways, so that is the end of the journey.
	So just give money to a millionaire so he can fight other millionaires and retweet QAnon accounts all day.
	Give money to Geotis and his prodigal children.
	Give these top-tier operators your fucking cash if you want the deep state to go down.
	And you know what?
	There's no point fighting it.
	So I donated the month's entire Patreon in the course of this episode's research.
	In fact, Travis, let that be the final lesson.
	It's a MAGA world.
	We just live in it.
	Yeah, what I liked about this recent QAnon retweet storm from Trump is that all of a sudden a lot more blue check marks were like, oh, Trump is retweeting QAnon accounts.
	And there was a Business Insider article that was like, oh, My God, Trump retweeted a QAnon account.
	It's like, yeah, he's been doing that for two fucking years.
	I mean, I hate to be like, I always feel like an apocalyptic hipster, where people are saying like, well, he's promoting this extremist movement.
	That seems bad.
	Meanwhile, Travis has been hitting the streets with sandwich boards for two years now.
	He's out there nude in a sandwich board telling people there's danger!
	Danger!
	Listen, if Nancy Pelosi so much as fucking liked an Antifa tweet or something, it would be like a Fox News story for a week.
	That would be amazing.
	People would lose their fucking minds.
	Just Nancy Pelosi retweeting Black Bloc members and shit, just being like, fuck yeah!
	Let's get them!
	But again, in 2020, we're going to see a murder trial from a QAnon follower, we're going to see a terrorism trial from a QAnon follower, and he's out here retweeting people who belong to this movement.
	It feels like it ought to be a bigger deal.
	It ought not just be like us in this podcast talking about it.
	It feels significant.
	We're paying attention to it.
	You're saying that the topic we chose for our podcast should become more mainstream, but you're saying it for the sanity of the nation, not for our personal benefit.
	You're right.
	Perhaps my judgment.
	I would happily, personally benefit if people took this more seriously, but I also coincidentally believe it's actually genuinely important.
	Yeah, and that's just real.
	That's a sweet spot.
	That's a win-win-win.
	Yeah, that's just real when the thing that you actually believe in can also make you wealthy beyond your wildest dreams.
	Well, I'm sorry.
	All the money's gone anyways.
	That's too bad.
	We could start over.
	Just me and you, uh, punching a tree, and then we'll build a hut, and then I'll lock you in a cage, in a bamboo cage or something.
	I've still got all my unlocks, though, so, you know, I don't have to, like, unlock any skills.
	Yeah, flying off on my pterodactyl shitting on you already.
	Good night, Jerry.
	Donald let out a deep exhale.
	He had no idea if Jerry could hear him, or if he was even still there.
	Jerry was Donald's assistant, he was pretty sure.
	The guy seemed to show up in the morning, do what Donald asked him, and then leave around
	6pm at the end of the day.
	But as far as Donald could surmise, it was long after 6pm.
	The giant clock hanging across him in the Oval Office clearly signaled a specific time,
	but Donald wasn't sure what it was.
	Late.
	He knew that.
	It was late.
	He could tell because the office was nearly pitch black and someone had picked up all of his toys off the carpet.
	As far as Donald knew, he had fallen asleep at his desk.
	Too many Diet Cokes in the afternoon had led to the inevitable evening crash.
	He had ordered his staff to leave him be should they discover him in this state.
	Early on in his presidency, there had been an incident when a staffer had awoken him from a nap.
	Donald had become confused and agitated, unsure of where he was.
	He reached for a can of Diet Coke sitting open on the Resolute desk and took a swig.
	Backwash.
	Gross.
	Donald remembered what an old chum had told him at Camp Whitmore.
	90% of your last sip of soda is backwash.
	He wondered if that was really true.
	It sure tasted like it.
	He glanced down at his desk.
	It was packed to the brim with colossally thick packets of paper.
	He skimmed the cover page of the pile nearest to him.
	S.617 Tax Extender and Disaster Relief Act of 2019.
	He could barely get through the first sentence before his mind drifted off to large boobies and all of the people that had been nice to him recently.
	His mouth hung open in an unintentional grin.
	He then began to think about all the people who had been not so nice to him.
	His mouth clenched into a tight frown.
	He liked it better when people he liked told him the content of the paper packets in front of him, how they might affect him, and what he should do with them.
	That was what the president did.
	Listened and agreed.
	Or disagreed.
	Like a king.
	Yes, he thought.
	A king.
	Donald clambered up from the big oak chair behind the desk.
	Both of his legs had fallen asleep, and he wobbled shakily towards the office door.
	He wandered through the empty corridors until he reached the kitchen.
	It was a dump.
	Donald shook his head.
	His own buildings were much better, nicer, with more premium appliances and furnishings.
	He walked up to the large double-door industrial refrigerator and opened it.
	Salads.
	Jell-O.
	Chicken breasts.
	Donald scrunched his face in disappointment.
	Someone had stolen the microwave white Castleburgers he had put in there yesterday.
	He would find out who they were and have them executed.
	He chuckled to himself out loud.
	No, no.
	Not executed, he thought.
	That was too far.
	They deserved it, though.
	He grabbed a jar of jelly and peanut butter from the fridge and a slab of white bread.
	He glanced over each shoulder and smiled.
	With no one around, Donald could use as much peanut butter and jelly as he wanted on his sandwich.
	And tonight, he planned on using a lot.
	He flipped on the television.
	Donald felt a warm rush of endorphins shooting through his body as he saw his friend, Sean Hannity, on the television, sticking it to the do-nothing Democrats.
	Hannity was a great guy, a good friend, a strong ally.
	Donald nodded, chewing, as Sean agreed with nearly everything Donald had said or done in the last couple of days.
	He felt good.
	If Donald was being honest with himself, it didn't excite him.
	He expected it.
	It didn't power him like the hatred did.
	He picked up a nearby remote and hesitated for a beat, before flipping the channel to MSNBC.
	Rachel Maddow was grinning smugly, insulting him over and over again.
	Donald seethed indulgently.
	He could feel his blood surging as she talked about his guilt and conviction as if it were a foregone conclusion.
	Without warning, the panic rushed in.
	His chest got tight.
	His mind began to reel.
	Had he broken the law?
	Donald could barely remember what he did the day before.
	Was it possible he blacked out and said something that could cost him his presidency?
	No, no, no, he thought.
	Biden had taken that Ukrainian money.
	So had his son.
	That was real.
	That was true.
	His son had smoked crack in a rental car.
	Yes, that was true as well.
	They were the enemy.
	Donald was good.
	Yes, he was the good one.
	Still breathing quick and shallow, Donald fumbled with his phone.
	He jammed his thumb over the bright blue icon with the bird in the middle.
	Sweat was dripping from his brow.
	He clicked on the magnifying glass.
	The search function opened.
	He looked around the empty kitchen.
	No one in sight.
	Donald the Pump licked his lips nervously as he typed hashtag QAnon.
	A wash of relief rinsed over him as his screen was flooded with blue, red, black, and white.
	Flags with snakes and stars, Marines fully armed, and operators taking back the night.
	The people around him had told Donald numerous times that he was forbidden to look at, engage with, or address in any capacity the community associated with QAnon.
	They told him it was a group of crazy people being fooled by an internet larper, And that any acknowledgement he gave them would be detrimental to his presidency.
	But Donald couldn't help it.
	It made sense to him.
	These people talked in terms he could understand.
	Dark, light, good, evil, angels, demons, and Jesus.
	These were real things he could grasp onto.
	And best of all, he was at the center of it.
	The savior, the hero, commander-in-chief, not some old successful guy that everyone hated.
	Donald had been hardcore red-pilled for months now.
	He would lay awake into the wee hours of the morning reading decodes and watching Jordan Blather YouTube videos until his eyes rolled back into his head.
	There were moments he was unsure why he hadn't been included in the plot to save the world, but by now figured it was all a part of the plan and that Q-Team would swoop in any minute and tell him what he was supposed to do.
	He would fantasize about it daily.
	He hoped it would be during a meeting with House Democrats and that Nancy Pelosi and that motherfucker Adam Schiff would be killed in the explosive crossfire as they reclaimed the United States.
	Donald.
	Donald smiled, thinking about how awesome that would be.
	His thumb hovered over the retweet button.
	It was a tweet from AtGreatLakePatriot2AStrong.
	There was no text, just a picture of Hillary Clinton with the wings of a bat, sucking on a neck.
	Donald wanted to retweet it so badly, but he knew it would only get him in trouble.
	He quickly closed the app, slipped his phone into his pocket, and stood up from the counter.
	He yawned, sleepy.
	He poured himself a big glass of milk and carried it with him into the midsection of the White House,
	where the living quarters are.
	Donald set his milk down on his nightstand and peeled himself out of his rumpled suit,
	leaving it in a trail behind him on the bedroom floor.
	He glanced at Melania, sleeping peacefully in a separate bed in a room down the hall.
	She looked beautiful. Donald collapsed into a king-sized race car-shaped bed and quietly pulled out his phone.
	The bright blue light from its screen illuminated his childish grin as he scrolled through dozens of QAnon tweets,
	depicting him as a large, muscular frogman, fucking the entire world with his giant dick.
	His stomach gurgled.
	Donald understood immediately that this was diarrhea, and lots of it.
	No!
	Why?
	Oh God.
	His gas was hot, his abdomen ached, too much jelly.
	Why?
	He was filled with regret.
	This is terrible.
	Grabbing his phone, Donald lurched out of bed and headed towards the more comfortable bathroom.
	After the initial burst, Donald relaxed a little and brought his phone back in front of his face.
	We finally did it.
	We finally did it.
	Your stories are literally someone taking a shit.
	Just from the inside.
	The inside life of someone taking a shit.
	You finally... You're at the bottom.
	There were so many great tweets.
	Tweets that made him look so great, he wished all of America could see him this way.
	It was how he had felt in younger years.
	Invincible.
	Totally in control.
	Free of bouts of anxiety and the fear of when they would strike.
	An internal negotiation began.
	He could be sneaky.
	He wouldn't amplify a QAnon message outright, no.
	He was smarter than that.
	He would only retweet accounts with varying degrees of separation away from the forbidden hashtags.
	One, possibly two tweets away from direct Q content.
	Pump was sick of sitting on the sidelines.
	He was the president for crying out loud.
	Theoretically, he could do whatever he wanted.
	Advisors and aides and lawyers and friends be damned.
	He was going to let the world know what side he was on.
	Better yet, the move could be the signal that Q-Team was waiting for.
	A sign from their leader.
	that he's ready to participate in whichever way they think is best.
	He would be happy to just be included and know what the plan is,
	even if otherwise asked to stay out of their way.
	He didn't even have to take over the Q Plus account.
	Whoever had been writing it had been doing a fantastic job, and Donald didn't want to step on anyone's toes.
	And then, without warning, something was building inside of him.
	Another surge.
	Donald felt it rushing down.
	And why did you call the president pump?
	Jordan Sather Blather, and then you just left Schiff and Pelosi as themselves.
	I don't even understand.
	What is going on in that brain of yours?
	How did this come to be?
	Look, I'm just reading something that I found.
	May I continue?
	No, pump, pump.
	What are you, a Krasenstein?
	And then, without warning, something was building inside of him.
	Another surge.
	Donald felt it rushing down through his body.
	A fire.
	The tweets exploded out of him.
	Within seconds, Trump dove through tweets from pro-Q accounts that didn't contain either the QAnon or where-we-go-when-we-go-all hashtags and began retweeting them, commenting one every minute.
	They poured out of him, filling the bowl and soaking the air with a foul stench of relief.
	Crash!
	The windows in the bathroom shattered.
	Pump shielded his eyes as fragments of glass exploded into the room.
	Eight operatives repelled into the bathroom with night vision goggles and silenced MP5s attached to their chest.
	Pump did what any man in this situation would have done.
	Attempted to cover his penis in balls.
	When the dust settled, the operatives stood to their feet in heroic poses, the bright green beams from their submachine guns striping the room.
	One of the agents stepped forward and removed his ski mask.
	He was a young man with short, brownish blonde hair, chiseled physique, and a long stare.
	Mr. President, my name is Jordan Blather, and this is Q-Team.
	The rest of the Remembers removed their headwear.
	Pump's jaw hit the floor.
	Standing in front of him, left to right, were General Mike Flynn and his son, Mike Jr.
	Flynn tipped his forehead and flashed a wry grin.
	Next to them was a young man with curly blonde hair, Dylan Peeler, weapons expert, party animal.
	In the center, John S. Kennedy Jr.
	He nodded his head as Pump looked on in disbelief.
	He had driven himself mad being unable to shake the notion that his old friend hadn't died in that plane crash after all.
	His eyes filled with tears as he sat, still naked from the waist down, on the ceramic toilet.
	A young kid with bushy hair and olive skin, Ron Plopkins, had sat down on the floor, opened a laptop, and began furiously typing lines of code.
	Okay, vital signs all matching.
	I repeat, POTUS is confirmed.
	POTUS is confirmed.
	Pump turned his attention towards a man and woman standing next to Blather.
	We knew we had to do something.
	And boy, we just love you so much.
	Something's not right.
	This is Bill and Evelyn Paderberger from Florida.
	They might not look like much, but they're planting the seed of resistance amongst the
	people."
	Evelyn smiled.
	"'We knew we had to do something, and boy, we just love you so much.'"
	Bill was marveling at the fixtures inside the bathroom.
	Ron piped up.
	He glanced at his wrist.
	"'Something's not right.
	Dad should have been here by now.'"
	The room grew tense.
	Then, the faint sound of a man yelling drew closer and closer and closer.
	Crash!
	A soggy, middle-aged man in an ill-fitting fatigues tumbled through the broken window and careened across the room, landing in a pile of twisted limbs and broken glass.
	He lurched up, moaning, and dusted himself off, insisting to everyone he was uninjured.
	Ron smiled at the group.
	Better late than never, they all laughed.
	Blather stepped forward, standing only a couple feet from Pump.
	We got your signal.
	Just in the nick of time, too.
	Time's running out.
	We need to be in K-Tower in 0600.
	Your doppel is already in place.
	Pump, overflowing with joy and disbelief, looked down at his pale, bare legs with his stupid pajama bottoms bunched around his ankles.
	Do I at least have time to wipe?
	He asked, jokingly.
	Jordan looked serious.
	I'm afraid not.
	I'm afraid not.
	He reached out his hand and pulled the 10th member of Q-Team off the toilet seat and to his feet.
	Blather looked around the room.
	From here on out, the name of this division shall be known as Q-Team Plus.
	End of Q-Team Plus.
	I hate you so much.
	That's right, dear listener, you have been listening to Q-Team Plus, the latest novel
	from Julie Reiquine, available now on Kindle and potentially in graphic novel form towards
	the beginning of next year.
	I hope everybody enjoyed it.
	I absolutely hate it.
	I hate you so much.
	Pump.
	Thanks for listening to another episode of the QAnon Anonymous podcast.
	Please go to patreon.com slash QAnon Anonymous and subscribe for five bucks a month to get a whole second episode every week, plus access to our entire archive of premium episodes.
	There are over 50 of them currently.
	When you subscribe, you help us stay advertising free, which is the way we like it.
	Travis, what's happening on Saturday, February 8th in Los Angeles?
	I'm really glad that you asked, Julian, because on Saturday, February 8th in Los Angeles, we're going to have a live show with a brand new Jake Story.
	Oh.
	And you can get tickets at tickets.qanonanonymous.com.
	Dang, and what if I already have purchased a ticket but I want merch now?
	Well, I have some more great news for you, Julian.
	You can get merch!
	We've got actually a bunch of great new designs.
	We have a Moloch the Owl, the It's Not Ideal, the Pod logo, JFK Jr., an LGBTQ Deep State design.
	All of it on tees, mugs, stickers.
	It's good stuff.
	You can even choose between dark or light backgrounds for many of them.
	And there's long sleeves, sometimes even hoodies, children's sizes, etc.
	And you can get all of that at merch.qanonanonymous.com.
	I like this.
	This Travis is good.
	That's a good Travis.
	Right?
	He opened his truck.
	He had goods.
	Yeah, he had wares.
	He brought them into town.
	My intelligence was leveled, so I got discounts.
	I got discounts at the tent.
	My charisma is zero, so I can't even talk to him.
	Unfortunate.
	You can't buy anything from the store.
	Listener, until next week, may the Deep Dish bless you and keep you.
	It's not a conspiracy, it's fact.
	And now, today's Auto-Tune.
	Now it looks like the Patriots, they are bringing the plan together.
	And we know this has taken quite a while.
	And there's a reason why it has taken so long.
	Because Trump and the Patriots, they needed to bring all the pieces together.
	Needed to educate the people.
	And this is a slow process, because remember, the people have been brainwashed for quite a while.
	But people are starting to catch on right now.
	And Bill Barr is asking the question, if they knew everything was fake, why did they continue getting the FISA warrants?
	What was their agenda after they realized it was fake?
	And he's going after them, looking to expose their true agenda.
	We see Gina Haspel, the director of the CIA.
	She had a choice, either go down with the ship or provide information

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