Premium Episode 54: Team Avocado or Liberal QAnon (Sample)
Breaking up trafficking rings, giving spiritual advice to Hillary and Barack, co-authoring books with Rod Rosenstein and fighting ICE agents at the border — Team Avocado is the QAnon of the resistance, and it absolutely makes for a rollicking good time.
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Shift the Grift On November 8th, 2016, the election of Donald Trump created
a shift in the grifter sphere.
People were required to realign and find their place in the new ecosystem.
Hep C scanned the battlefield, the MAGA hordes clashing swords with pussy hat wearing resistance people, and decided to go against the grain.
She would become a queen of this hashtag resistance.
Her kickoff move?
Claiming that she was the first to use hashtag not my president.
I seem to remember that one being used for almost every other president before but I guess inventing doing it for Trump.
Yes.
Now that's her.
That was her own spin.
The new one.
The latest one.
And making the account official not my president.
Yes, on Twitter or whatever.
So now, if you're ready to believe that she's the first to use hashtag not my president, Hep C has a second pill for you to swallow.
She, in fact, claimed to be a very special resistor, one embedded deep within the White House and privy to insider information.
Is this beginning to remind you of something?
Yeah.
She accrued more than 50,000 followers personally on Twitter, but she also attracted the attention of some haters.
And this was just her main account.
There were dozens of accounts.
Yeah, she... Dozens.
Dozens of accounts.
She had tons of accounts.
Absolutely.
Tons of just characters.
Queen of the alts.
So many alts.
She would deactivate, reactivate.
She was always fucking around.
But she attracted, of course, the attention of haters, including Rachel Azara, who, by
the way, every hater that these people have are like Louise Mensch resistance people who
are pissed that this is too far.
I like read full articles, like, this seems weird, like the tone is off, and then by the
end it's like, and then Hibsibo went into Louise Mensch's comments and she got torn
I'm like, oh, these people are just stans.
Like, they love it.
They hate that she made the Palmer Report look bad, as you'll see later.
The Palmer Report is involved.
It's involved.
You know what this is like?
This is like when Jordan Sather and a bunch of other people, they got mad at the Real
Eye, the spy account.
Yes.
Because they're getting too LARP-y.
You're pretending you have intel you don't actually have.
They're making the real QAnon people look bad!
There's always one person that just fucking goes for it, and just balls to the fucking wall, and takes it one step too far that the other conspiracy nuts are like, Oh Jesus.
But I feel like Donald Trump is the apparently you don't need things to look good or sound good guy.
Yeah.
And so everybody learned from that and was like, wait, I could just do what I'm doing, but like way more extreme and worse.
Yeah.
Like it can be dumber and it can be way more intense than it is right now.
And you know what?
It's a niche.
It's 50% of the country.
If I just scream insane shit, they'll just have money flow into my pockets?
They're gonna fucking line up!
When you read earlier and you were like, on her Twitter account, immediately gained 50,000 followers, I was looking at Travis and he just looked so, just like there was a demon inside of him, just like trying to get out.
Yeah, it's the demon of realizing he's been doing this for longer and has like... Less than 20,000.
I, by the way, our podcast account reached 20,000.
Yes!
I saw that.
That is the Lion Ministry or whatever for us.
Good.
Congratulations.
It's our main account.
Congratulations, everybody.
We did it.
We beat Travis.
So, Rachel Azara wrote an article entitled Kate Fishing in the Resistance, an expose.
So she tracked dozens of accounts opened across Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram with names like InsideDTTruth, RogueLeaks, ExposingHisLies, ThisDayWeFight, TheResistanceUnite, and OfficialNotMyPresident.
Welcome to hashtag team avocado full-time rebel fighters in a countrywide red state
Pepsi and Johnny created an entire cast of fake members including Igor Valcino
Who does not exist and Robert Rothschild?
Definitely does not exist assigning them lieutenant roles in an organization called the supernatural Justice League
or sjl hell, with divisions like Guardians, Beacons, Sentinels,
etc.
Their purpose is delineated on their website.
SJL Council's heal, guard, protect, restore.
The SJL Council's greatest passions are to help the broken, expose neo-nazism, rescue victims of trafficking, and stop terrorist attacks.
Well, those are doable goals.
Yeah, you can absolutely accomplish that.
So, among the astounding claims that Team Avocado started to make, Michael Cohen's wife being in their ranks was one claim that they decided to go with.
There was obviously the being spiritual advisors to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama thing, which definitely did not happen either.
Hillary, in fact, is quoted all over their website, and Hipsyba even posted an apparent screenshot of an email that none other than the former Secretary of State had sent to them.
So this is sent to Scott Jackson, or Johnny.
It's from Hillary Clinton, which is hillaryxxxxxx at gmail.com.
Yeah, they had to, you know... Yeah.
They had to... I mean... If you're not typing it out yourself, you might want to just redact the area or something so it looks... XXXXX, and the header of the email is, here's your endorsement, and it reads, Before I was introduced to the Lions Triumph Ministries, I didn't know I could have a personal relationship with Jesus.
I had asked Him to be my Savior when I was a child, but I didn't know about having a relationship with Him.
TLT Ministries changed that for me.
Throughout the primaries I relied on their spiritual guidance and intercession.
Every day I grew deeper in the Lord through their support.
TLT Ministries has changed my life.
Why?
Because it is focused on love, loving Jesus, and loving one another.
The Bible says, and I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power together with all the Lord's holy people to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.
And to know that this love surpasses knowledge that you may be filled to the measure of all fullness of God.
Ephesians 3 17 to 19.
Just Hillary Clinton dropping that Ephesians.
Absolutely.
I'm here for this, dude.
Evangelical Christian.
Only read half of Ephesians.
This is less credible than QAnon being completely right and real in every possible way.
The idea that Hillary Clinton is an evangelical Christian of this type, this Tupperware passion type.
I love it.
She goes on to say, That's what I've gained from this ministry.
I've been around many ministries in my life, but very few have impacted me as greatly as the Lion's Triumph
Signed, Hillary R. Clinton, former First Lady, Senator, Secretary of State,
has.
and 2016 nominee for the presidency of the United States of America.
And at the bottom... She signs every email that way, which is just wild.
She drops her entire CV.
Yeah, just her whole fucking thing.
And at the bottom, there's a picture of Obama and Hillary Clinton in front of an American flag.
And then at the very, very bottom, in almost nondescript text, is a little sign that says
edited.
Yeah.
So, so, so, so.
He went and he literally.
It was just a follow up email to say, oh, I got a few phrases where to do it.
It's because he copy pasted it into the post.
Uh-huh.
But the fact that he went and edited means, I mean, maybe he forgot to pick the first time.
Okay, okay.
Hillary Clinton, in fact, is listed as diplomatic head of the Beacon Council on their website, but she's not the only heavy hitter that Team Avocado has claimed as a part of their mix.
Former DAG Rod Rosenstein.
is the diplomatic head of the Guardian Council.
In fact, Hephzibah and Rosenstein allegedly co-authored a ministry manual that used to be available on Amazon.
It has been removed.
I did... I did... I did check.
Absolutely not on the internet anymore.
The thing claimed to be written by Rod Rosenstein and Hephzibah Nana.
The manual claims their ministry was founded by two ex-Mossad agents and is filled with intriguing lore like...
A mass slaughter that took place at the border and in Albany, New York, and 60 guardians were murdered.
These guardians were murdered trying to bring justice to the migrant children and others being ritualistically abused and or trafficked.
This was a huge thing for them.
Like, they had someone fighting and killing ICE agents at the border.
It was one of their plots.
And liberating, like, liberating migrants.
And, like, losing dozens of people in this fight.
Just heavy casualties.
Commander!
Heavy casualties!
I love, like, the Destiny tie-in as well, that it's like, we've lost over 50 Guardians.
Yeah, absolutely.
Will my light level be raised in the next DLC, Hipsyba?
Please!
I can't do the raid, Pipsema!
The manual covers a wide array of information from astral projection, the practice of leaving your body while sleeping, to the shocking revelation that current FBI director Christopher Wray is secretly working alongside the group.
Goddamn.
Here's quoting from the manual.
Please note, Christopher Wray, the current director of the FBI, has joined our councils and the COC as a shadow leader of both the Guardian and Sentinel Council.
However, he is available to members of all the councils.
However, he requests that we keep the depths of his involvement private.
Yeah, the depths.
Shallow parts are fine.
You guys, you can tell the people involved your fucking secret organization, but don't say how much shit.
You guys, I'm going out with Suzy Dirkens, but she wants to keep it a secret, so don't ask her about it.
Oh, 100%.
She's cool with the fact that people know we're together, but do not ask her directly about it.
Oh, the idea of going up to Rod Rosenstein.
Hey, I'm also on the council.
Excuse me?
Oh yeah, I'm one of the Beacon Sentinels.
Oh yeah, don't have to worry about it.
I'm one of the Beacon's department.
I'm one of the Beacon Sentinels.
Rod Rosenstein's blank, unfeeling look as he just slowly considers spitting on your face because you're nothing to him.
The manual continues.
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