Friends and family lost to red pills. USB keys that reveal Trump's genius. Hippies gone MAGA. Stefan Molyneux haunting New Zealand. Listener stories are back, baby! Travel now to patreon.com/qanonanonymous Sign up for $5 a month so you don't miss the second weekly episode, plus you'll get access to our entire archive. Thanks!
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|---|---|
| What's up QAA listeners? | |
| The fun games have begun. | |
| I found a way to connect to the internet. | |
| I'm sorry, boy. | |
| Welcome, listener, to the 48th premium chapter of the QAnon Anonymous podcast, the Listener Stories Volume 3 episode. | |
| As always, we are your hosts, Jake Rokitansky, Julian Field, and Travis View. | |
| Things aren't always what they seem to be. | |
| Some things are. | |
| Beyond Belief. | |
| Beyond Belief Fact or Pilling. | |
| Hosted by Jacob and Frank Itansky. | |
| We live in a world where the real and the red pill live side by side. | |
| Where substance is disguised as illusion and the only explanations are unexplainable. | |
| Can you separate truth from fantasy? | |
| Yes, mostly. | |
| Can your loved ones, acquaintances, and friends? | |
| Not always. | |
| To do so, they must break through the web of their experiences | |
| on message boards and open their mind to things beyond belief. | |
| And Epstein definitely opened their minds to Epstein. | |
| Before we begin, it's important to remember that these are listener stories | |
| and do not necessarily represent the podcast host's views or beliefs. | |
| Actually, that's not true, Jacobin. | |
| This podcast entirely endorses every one of the stories you are about to hear. | |
| Yeah, I don't, not for me. | |
| I didn't sign off on that. | |
| Yeah, definitely. | |
| I'm already kind of in some hot water from the things that I've said. | |
| We don't want to get into more trouble. | |
| Don't listen to these ninnies. | |
| I am now in control. | |
| Unfortunately, he's right. | |
| These three men are hopelessly entangled in these sad, funny, tragic, and at times infuriating stories sent in by their beloved listeners. | |
| Yeah, this whole intro. | |
| I haven't even reviewed all these stories. | |
| Who's this announcer guy? | |
| He's trying to bite my gig! | |
| The USB Key by Violet. | |
| Last week I attended this event in New York called the National Publicity Summit. | |
| It's a big event for self-published authors and inventors to pitch their books and themselves as experts to all sorts | |
| of media outlets My main interest in this event was the honorarium the | |
| organizers mentioned in the invitation I didn't need help finding writers and as it happens | |
| There are plenty of very talented people who can't shell out 15k to attend such an event people paid | |
| 15 000 to go there and pitch I I think we need to help rich people figure out what to do | |
| with their money because yeah Because buying two mansions and like soldering them | |
| together like jeff bezos just did he has 20 He has 25 bathrooms in there. | |
| You think you're going to go and like maybe piss like a drop into each one every time you need to go or like what? | |
| Why? | |
| Take away all their money. | |
| Just take it all. | |
| Take it away. | |
| Give it to... Just take it away. | |
| Give it to Jake. | |
| Give it to me. | |
| I'll find a better way to use it. | |
| Jake will rule the planet. | |
| Jake will take care of and send us to Mars, where we will all have children. | |
| But part of what makes life great is doing weird, harmless things that you know you'll hate, just to see what they're like and talk about with your friends later. | |
| You know, like going to Vegas or a discount Montreal strip club. | |
| Unsurprisingly, the event's hefty price tag ensured that the attendees were overwhelmingly boomers, mostly doctors and life coaches who had invented some non-traditional way of healing themselves and society. | |
| And where there's boomers, there is Q. It was about two hours into the pitching portion of the event, which involved me politely sitting in a high chair while listening to a stream of idiotic, listicle ideas, when a short, stocky man approached me and began his spiel. | |
| He kind of reminded me of the one-armed man from Twin Peaks, or at least he was dressed the same way, save for the silver Star of David and silver bald eagle pendant around his neck. | |
| He spoke very quickly and quietly, and it was hard to hear what he was saying. | |
| We were in a ballroom at the Hotel Pennsylvania, and those life coaches were pretty loud. | |
| I don't know what your political beliefs are," said the man as he handed me a USB drive in the shape of a MAGA hat. | |
| **Laughter** Get the fuck out! | |
| **Laughter** God damn it, man. | |
| So what, the bill is the little metal part? | |
| And is it painted red? | |
| God, what does it look like? | |
| What do we live in? | |
| There's gonna be a landfill of these fucking Trump hat USB keys. | |
| We're gonna find these in the bellies of whales. | |
| The remnants of our civilization will be picked through by fucking aliens in the future to find shit like this that will represent us. | |
| That will fucking represent what we really are! | |
| What we all have become! | |
| This artifact is more real than anything we could shoot into space to represent what we've become. | |
| This is humankind in an object form. | |
| I'm very excited for what comes next. | |
| I also imagine that this guy was, like, very proud as he handed, like, that over. | |
| Like, he was like, he goes, these things... I'll bet when he got the box from, you know, print.com or whatever, wherever he did it, he was like, oh man, these are the best things that I've ever seen. | |
| Amazing. | |
| I just hope like a fucking gang of mice are able to reappropriate them and actually wear them as little hats to protect them from the rain or something. | |
| I don't know. | |
| Something useful. | |
| He asserted that this was a revolutionary technical idea, that this could change the course of politics and blah blah blah. | |
| He had some connections who could get this to Q and to Trump. | |
| So you're gonna give Q a fucking MAGA hat with a little... You don't think he's got better versions of that? | |
| No, no, no. | |
| No, he's got the real shit. | |
| The real intel is on the MAGA cap USB port. | |
| I think we can actually trust that Q is still using, like, 1990s-era jazz drives, for sure, to store all his data. | |
| He's like, I've got these red floppy disks and they say Make America Great on them. | |
| You have to load five of them in one after another sequentially to get the data, but I'm telling you this is going to revolutionize how people share propaganda. | |
| It should go without saying that this man went over his allotted time. | |
| For fuck's sake. | |
| He's just... | |
| Of course. | |
| God damn it, dude. | |
| Of course. | |
| As he was shooed away by the woman who was in charge of timing these desperate, wealthy | |
| goons, he mumbled something about not giving you the wounded vet angle. | |
| His pitch, both resentful and passionate, was extremely unclear, and I had no idea what the project was about. | |
| This is the guy that, like, in The Walking Dead will help not at all, will just be a pure taker, and he'll spend all his fucking day whittling MAGA hats out of logs, just with a knife. | |
| And complaining. | |
| And then eventually kill somebody. | |
| Well, I tried plugging it into my computer today, which was a bit difficult because I have other USB cords back there and the hat shape really limits which port you can use. | |
| It's not even functional. | |
| Here, I got you a MAGA adapter for your MAGA hat USB. | |
| I'm imagining that this thing is the size of, you know when you go to the Dodgers games and they give you the little plastic hats that you can eat ice cream out of and stuff? | |
| I'm imagining this giant fucking plastic apple with a little fucking USB thing on the back. | |
| It's the size of a foam fucking like thumb or whatever. | |
| I ran the file titled Mac users start Trump USB. | |
| You can see slash hear all of the cool features by watching this video. | |
| So we thought we would play you a little uh, I guess a sample of this. | |
| It's pretty long so we'll probably cut it off but uh, yeah, let's take a gander. | |
| The Keep America Great custom USB created by our veterans and their service-disabled veterans-owned small business. | |
| This new free press is using incredible technology. | |
| SmartDrive. | |
| If Twitter was modern presidential, this is future presidential. | |
| Encrypted technology, uncensored free speech platform. | |
| This new platform is packed with value-added features and benefits that will continue to evolve. | |
| outside the custom usb you see i'm shaped as a red hat says keep america what future presidential campaigning and communication tech oh my god documentary and social media platform streaming an incredible value for you For only $50 with free shipping and handling for a limited time, obtain world of uncensored content. | |
| First, a live news feed. | |
| Find the most up-to-date information. | |
| Next, articles of interest. | |
| Take out a USB port and plug in the next day. | |
| Amazing Smart Drive technology takes out old news and updates automatically. | |
| Next is video section. | |
| A feature film called The Competitor, a veteran's perspective... Okay, a robot wrote this dialogue. | |
| This is not a human. | |
| No, it's the boomer wrote it and then fed it to like Fiverr basically and was like, make the video. | |
| And then the music just loops. | |
| It's literally a USB key and you want to sell it for $50. | |
| The USB, it's designed in the most idiotic way. | |
| Okay, so let me describe this. | |
| The bill is not the actual USB. | |
| It separates. | |
| The hat breaks in half, and so you're essentially plugging in a half back of a hat with a fucking, with the USB key sticking out of it. | |
| And what it's doing is, I mean, holy shit. | |
| It sounds like it's like, no need to go onto the internet. | |
| We will update all of the links like via our smart USB technology. | |
| So essentially what they're saying that this thing does is like it connects to the internet. | |
| So it's like, it's essentially like a private internet for you and your computer and your large adult son. | |
| And you no need to look at any, no need to look at anything else. | |
| The hat will tell you. | |
| What? | |
| You've been listening to a premium episode sample of the QAnon Anonymous podcast. | |
| We refuse to allow corporate advertisement on our show. | |
| The goal is to be completely self-sustainable. | |
| For a five or a month, you can support the podcast and get access to a weekly premium episode, plus all the ones we've already recorded. | |
| So visit patreon.com slash QAnonAnonymous and subscribe for five bucks a month. | |
| Thank you guys. |