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The Power of Specific Requests
00:05:00
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| All right, Allison, take it away. | |
| By the way, folks, I want to remind my listeners, you're the only person who sets the agenda on my own show. | |
| That's amazing. | |
| When Allison Armstrong is on, it is the Allison Armstrong Show, and our guest is Dennis Prager. | |
| She allows me, every time she's on, she allows me to be with her. | |
| Yes, you get to interrupt, you get to recap, you get to see when the breaks are, everything. | |
| I just relinquish the control, Theo. | |
| Okay, what I want to talk about today are all the ways, it's not all, but several ways that we literally stop the people who are trying to provide for us. | |
| We literally prevent them from being able to provide for us by what we do and don't do. | |
| And so we live in a world of thinking our husbands and wives and girlfriends and families don't want to take care of us when we don't realize we're actually preventing it from happening. | |
| And they're really trying, and they can't possibly win at it because of what men and women do naturally and instinctually. | |
| So I want to name it, and then I want to fix it. | |
| How's that? | |
| - Go ahead. - Okay, so here's the thing. | |
| Almost everyone communicates what they need to their partner in a way that is not actionable. | |
| So we have action-oriented people called men. | |
| We have action-oriented people called women, multitasking, actionable. | |
| And then we give them things that can't be acted upon. | |
| And what I mean by that is we tend to speak in this very vague, I need more attention. | |
| I need more time with you. | |
| I need more support. | |
| I need more affection. | |
| I need more sex. | |
| I need more appreciation. | |
| And we expect someone to be able to step into that and take care of us. | |
| But it's more? | |
| You need more? | |
| More. | |
| What's more? | |
| How does one do more of something? | |
| Literally like our brains freeze. | |
| How much is more? | |
| Can you possibly get enough attention, enough support, enough admiration? | |
| Can I ever win at this? | |
| More. | |
| Right? | |
| More money. | |
| No, how much money do you need? | |
| I need more. | |
| But how much? | |
| Tell me how much. | |
| You tell me how much you need, then I can figure out how to give it to you. | |
| Just more. | |
| Everybody stopped. | |
| I cannot tell you. | |
| I can't tell you. | |
| I am smiling so broadly, it's hurting my cheeks. | |
| I want you to know you will love this. | |
| I have said this in speeches. | |
| I don't know if I mentioned it ever on the radio. | |
| I monitored my second child's first words, and they went like this. | |
| Word number one was mama. | |
| Word number two was dada. | |
| And word number three was more. | |
| Yes. | |
| Yes, I can get it. | |
| I can get it just like Oliver. | |
| What you said was so good. | |
| How much more? | |
| That's right. | |
| Yes. | |
| And even that it gets worse. | |
| It gets worse because First we're saying more, right? | |
| Which is not winnable. | |
| And then we don't even use words the same way. | |
| So what do you mean by more attention? | |
| What does attention look like? | |
| What does affection look like? | |
| What does appreciation look like? | |
| I mean, there's so many different currencies of appreciation and people are appreciating people all the time and no one feels appreciated because they're paying in the wrong currency. | |
| You know, like a woman said to me the other day, well, my husband doesn't receive appreciation very well. | |
| I mean, just recently, he let me help him. | |
| I'm laughing, like, you think help is appreciation to most men? | |
| Help? | |
| They don't want to be helped. | |
| Ew, right? | |
| So there's the more, which is not quantifiable or doable, and it has no when, right? | |
| And then there's defining it. | |
| What does it look like? | |
| Okay, we'll hold it there. | |
| I love it. | |
| What does more mean? | |