Dave Smith and Rob dissect a chaotic Chicago live show, mocking Biden's alleged dementia and "trans-abled" identity politics while debating Bernie Sanders' billionaire caps. They critique the misuse of "collectivism," defend Second City against woke accusations, and analyze Vivek Ramaswamy's civil service proposal alongside controversial jokes on race. The duo condemns Western proxy wars in Ukraine, attacks the Federal Reserve as a banker cartel, and argues that direct charity outweighs voting efficacy, concluding that local disruption beats systemic reform. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
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Government Too Big00:11:20
Fill her up!
You are listening to the Gash Digital Network.
We need to roll back the state.
We spy on all of our own citizens.
Our prisons are flooded with nonviolent drug offenders.
If you want to know who America's next enemy is, look at who we're funding right now.
Every single one of these problems are a result of government being way too big.
You're listening to part of the problem on the Gash Digital Network.
Here's your host, James Smith.
Shit, I think I just hit that camera and messed it all up right on the way up here.
What the fuck is up, Zany Chicago?
How is everybody?
Wait, I'm not...
Damn it, I'm not supposed to curse in the first few minutes.
Well, don't worry.
We're going to have world-class footage of that wall now.
So in the history of Zaney's, no one's ever recorded a wall that good.
Yeah, YouTube has weird rules.
And so we've been doing a lot of these live podcasts, and about 20% of them make it to YouTube.
Because there's just something about being in the comedy club with like, you know, right away, I just want to start saying the most horrific things you could possibly say.
And it's, okay, but I'll try to stop.
Chicago, how is everybody doing?
Oh, we have a great time.
Man, this is our first run at the Zane's clubs here.
We did the Rosemont Club and this one too, and these are the best clubs in Chicago.
I got to say, this is the best comedy club.
How many of you guys were at the stand-up show before this?
Okay.
Very good.
Well, I appreciate you guys coming out.
I appreciate you guys sticking around.
We've been having a great time, Rob.
You've been, what have you been doing in Chicago so far?
Oh, I've explored everything to see in that strip mall.
Yeah, we were at in Rosemont.
That's where they put us up.
There's not a lot going on there.
I was like, it's so boring in Rosemont, you're like, I could really go for some black on black crime.
That's how bad it is.
Can I just see one gang fight while I'm here?
Before I, I guess I'll go eat at the mall court again.
Yeah, it's incredible traveling the country and then going back to what feels like the strip mall you were just at.
Yeah, America fucking sucks.
It's like 90% of this country is the same food court in a strip mall.
And that's why I kind of like this place.
There's something about like comedy clubs.
The owner of this club and the Rosemont Club came out to Rosemont the other day.
And Rosemont's like a little bit newer and nicer.
And she was like, just so you know, the downtown club's like a little older and it's a little dingy.
You know, people are packed in there.
And I'm like, yeah, that's what I like.
I want to do stand-up comedy on a slave ship.
Like I want people to be uncomfortable and miserable.
I want rotting wood around them.
I want that feeling of like a rat running over your foot while you're in the audience.
That's what I'm in this game for.
You know?
Like, you don't want to...
That's the thing that sucks about the corporatization of America.
You travel all around and everyone's just, every town you're in, it's like, oh, I'll go to Applebee's and have a hind again.
Like, that's like, that's what everyone is.
I don't want to do that.
I want to come to Chicago and talk to a crack whore.
You know what I mean?
And like a real local crack whore who like knows about the area and like can tell me shit that I wouldn't have found out anywhere else, you know?
She's never even heard of Alabama.
I think you get the point I'm trying to make, Rob.
The other thing is I just ate cheese for the first time in three years.
Now I'm playing a game called Where Will I Shit My Pants?
It's a fun one.
It's really living on the edge.
It's a regular segment on this podcast.
Where will Rob shit his pants?
Dude, when did this happen to you that you can't eat cheese anymore?
I'm telling you, it's right when I started eating meat and cheese.
God's like, that's it.
He just cursed me right then and there.
So I have two friends that I know who grew up like Orthodox Jewish and were like totally, you know, in that world.
And it's you and Ari.
Ari Shafir, as everybody knows, one of the best rapists in the country.
And he is top 10 for sure.
And it's so funny that both of you guys, it's a weird thing.
Now I'm Jewish, but I'm not lying.
I'm not like that.
Like I was never kosher.
But they both had points where they stopped eating kosher and they had been doing it their whole life, which you can imagine is almost like, you know, that's a big thing.
It's like if you were, what's that movie with John Goodman where he tricks that girl into thinking the world's going to end and he keeps her in a basement and then she goes outside and she can breathe, you know?
That's right, Cloverfield.
Then I think it does turn out the world is actually ending.
Whatever.
Cool movie, though.
But it's kind of like that.
Like you've been inside your whole life and then you're like, oh, I can go outside and breathe.
And I'm only judging this off the two of you, but you don't handle it well.
You don't like you go right for it.
And so like Ari's story is the first non-kosher meal he ever had was Taco Bell.
And he just ate like a ton of Taco Bell and then he just like was puking his guts out.
And then he's like, oh my God, God's mad that I didn't do.
But like, then he finally realized, you're like, no, that's Taco Bell.
Like, that's not, it's not that God's mad.
It's we all know you can't eat that much Taco Bell, you know?
And Rob's story, I think I might have said this on the podcast before.
Me and you cheesecake.
So yes, okay.
So I mean, cheese steaks.
Yes.
So the first time Rob ever, we were in New York City.
This is a decade ago.
We were doing stand-up shows.
And Rob was like, we're drunk at the end of the night.
And Rob goes to me, he goes, you know, I've never had a Philly cheesesteak before.
And I was like, really?
Never.
I go, let's go get one right now.
And there was this spot in New York called 99 Miles to Philly.
It was these Philly guys who came out to New York and that was, you know, it's 99 miles away.
And that was the whole like gimmick.
But they were real, authentic Philly cheese steaks.
So I was like, we're going to go there, dude.
It's the best fucking thing in the world.
And we go there and we get cheese steaks.
And Rob was like, this is incredible.
Great.
And then I do remember this.
We finish the cheese steaks and then Rob goes, you want to hit the burger joint next door?
And I was like, no, you psychopath.
Like, we just ate cheese steaks.
Who wants a burger now?
But this is how Rob is with eating.
Like, he's like, he's like a guy who had a real Coke problem, who hasn't done Coke in a while.
And you're like, take a bump, you know?
And then he's like, okay, you want to do a mountain now?
Like, you want to fucking really do.
So anyway, we had cheese steaks, and I was like, no, I don't want to get a burger now.
Whatever.
We end the night.
Pretty sure Rob got a burger.
But I went home.
And then the next morning, I called Rob and I call, it's a morning.
And I call him and I was like, hey, what's up, dude?
What are you up to?
And he goes, I'm just grabbing a cheese steak.
And I was like, it's not an everyday thing, man.
Like, what are you doing?
What do you mean?
You're having your second cheese steak mere hours after the first?
Anyway, this is why you're fucking allergic to cheese now.
It's because you got into it and you went so hard.
That, like, harder than anyone's supposed to go.
And now, if Rob even, like, sees cheese, he just shits his pants.
Immediately.
You ruined it for yourself.
You got to pace yourself, dude.
I was telling you this for a while.
I'm sorry for lecturing you while you're about to shit your pants.
It's where I am.
Well, I'm keeping it together for now.
It's not going to happen on this stage.
I can assure you of that.
I can assure you.
And if it does, these people in the back get paid a handsome fee to clean that up.
They'll take care of it.
Don't worry.
All right.
So if you guys have never been to a live part of the problem podcast before, the way it works, we bullshit a little bit about some stories in the news that we think are fun, and then we do a question and answer segment.
Anyone who wants to can ask a question, and I will answer it.
I can't promise that I won't lie, but I will answer whatever question you have.
You're really getting into politics.
Listen, that woman told me she was 18 years old.
Okay?
All right.
So what do we got here, Rob?
I guess, okay, the first story that was on our list that's really blowing up, I wrote down a list and didn't bring it with me.
But ironically, the first story was that Joe Biden got caught with a cheat sheet.
Did you guys see this?
Now I wrote out a cheat sheet and forgot it in the dream room.
So maybe I'm dumber than the president, as it turns out.
I'm dumber than him.
Well, that's like sometimes when they give him like shit for falling on stairs.
I'm like, if you film me every time I was on the stairs, I take some slip and falls.
I'm just not that coordinated.
Like falls on stairs happen.
Can you imagine if every time you're on a staircase, they filmed you?
Dude.
I told you this because, okay, so Rob's been to my house and you know this.
So I live, I'm like in the country now, and I live on a mountain and it's a big, how do you describe it?
My driveway is a slope, you know, like it's a big slope.
It's a slope because you're a city person.
All right, fair enough.
It's a fucking suburbs driveway.
That's a little bit.
As a New York City Jew, it's a fucking cliff, all right?
That's what it is.
It's a goddamn cliff.
Dave's like, you like skiing.
You got to check out my driveway.
Dude, you should bungee cord off my driveway.
That's how steep it is.
No, come on.
I mean, but you know, it's got an incline.
There's a real incline.
Yeah, if you're an old man, of course.
It's a tough driveway.
So, and it's on a mountain.
So we get a lot of snow up there.
And I was bringing the like the trash to the top.
And I struggled to get to the top, but I got there.
But walking back down, I fell once, but it wasn't the way I fell.
It was how many times I almost fell after that.
Almost falling is actually more hilarious than falling.
Like, I fell once, and then I got up, and then I walked down, and then I almost fell four more times.
And I swear, I could, like, this is the curse of being a comedian.
I could hear Bob Sagett's voice narrow.
My almost falls as though like, woo, woo, woo!
The whole right back down.
Anyway, yes, I give Biden a pass on the falling.
But so what happened here, Rob?
He got caught with notes.
They were on his hand or in his hand.
Yeah, so here's the problem with the guy with dementia.
You can give him simple instructions like, stand there.
Here's the way to walk off the stage.
Here's your notes.
But like, still, he lifted up and they call it a camera angle of his notes.
And on the notes, there was a picture of the person he was supposed to call on, the actual pronunciation of her name, the question she was going to ask, and then the answer he was supposed to give.
Biden's Falling Notes00:14:38
So literally, it was evidence of the fact that these conferences seem to be scripted down to the question and him responding.
And they busted him for it.
You know what's crazy is even after all of that, he's still not nailing it.
Like, even after all of that, you're like, he's not doing a great job.
That is, but isn't it funny?
It's just like you find proof of what we already knew.
Like, we all knew that was what was fucking happening.
That was crazy.
Do you remember back in 2016 when the DNC emails got released by the heroic Julian Assange who fucking like just dumped all that shit.
God damn, that guy's fucking a true fucking American hero, even if he's not American and they say he raped that chick.
Whatever.
By the way, they didn't even say he raped a chick.
What was his crime?
I think his crime was like, they said he was fucking a chick all night.
And then one time he didn't use a condom and didn't tell her.
And you're like, that's rape?
All right.
I thought that was called being a man.
But whatever.
Okay, fine.
Fine, if that's what you want to call it.
But so he, one of the things in his dump was that they found out that that chick, Donna Brazil, she had, she was like leaking the CNN questions to Hillary Clinton.
And you know it's real because the email is from before the town hall and she's sending Hillary Clinton the questions and then those questions were asked at the town hall.
And so that's this is shit they do all the time.
Like you know what the question is going to be before it's asked.
What's fun about Biden is that you know the reason they wrote it down on this piece of paper is because they're like, okay, we told you what the questions are going to be.
But we know you're not going to remember that.
So here is it written down right in front of you.
And sometimes you'll see him, I feel like Joe Biden is the type of guy who like they could tell him what the question is going to be and then write it down in front of him.
And then when you ask the question, he'll still go, where did that come from?
Like, what?
So what's really the takeaway from this, Rob?
Well, they actually asked the press secretary who owned it and said, yes, we coordinate it because we wanted to make sure that this lady had a chance to ask a question.
Yeah, that's a bad excuse.
So we did it because we wanted to make sure this lady had.
But then you could have just called on her.
You didn't have to write down what her question was.
You know, they didn't let someone have a follow-up on that one.
They closed off the questioning.
I feel like everyone just knows how senile Joe Biden is.
That at a certain point when they start asking this question, like her response is just going to be like, I mean, come on.
Like, come on.
We all know what's happening here.
What do you want to be a dick about it?
Like, yeah, we had to write it down for him.
Do you think that's why they quit is because they get to that point where they're like, I can't.
It's almost like Will Farrell's character in Austin Powers where you ask him the question three times.
And he's like, that's a fucking great reference if you guys don't remember that.
Remember he couldn't lie three times in a row?
It's like just after a whole year of watching Biden and pretending like he's a sane individual, at some point you just go, you're going to have to, it's like a call to the bullpen.
Yeah, like the lying just starts corrupting your soul so much that you're like, I could go work for MSNBC, but I can't do this anymore.
All right, fair enough.
All right, yeah.
Well, anyway, that's pretty funny that they caught him.
They caught him with the fucking cards.
Who fucked up on that camera angle?
Ooh, that's a good question.
Who got sneaky and got around to the side?
I don't even think it was that.
I think he's not supposed to lift it up and he just fucked up.
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah, that actually makes a lot more sense.
Like, I feel like even Biden could be like, in my defense, nowhere on this card did it say don't lift up.
Someone probably should have told me that, and then I wouldn't have lifted it up, but I don't know.
I think he made the mistake.
He was trying to show off that he could still lift things.
I can lift it, man.
It's time for my weight regimen.
Let me lift this index card.
All right, guys, let's take a moment and thank our sponsor for today's show, which is Yo Kratom.
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All right.
All right, what else we got?
So the other, Biden had another bad blunder this week, which is he was out in front of like a group of kids, and someone asked him.
No, he doesn't do good there.
What happened?
Did he sniff them all today?
He does have a tendency to sniff kids aggressively.
Yeah, he was overwhelmed by all the fresh scents, and he just couldn't keep his composure.
He does.
Biden really, yeah, he's got a real problem.
Look, we all have issues.
We all have addictions.
I'd say there's not anyone in here who's not addicted to something.
You know, like you might be like, I don't drink or I don't do drugs, but maybe you drink coffee or, you know, maybe whatever, pornography or something.
Joe Biden is addicted to sniffing children.
And it's tough to kick an addiction.
He's been told a lot of times, you got to stop.
And they put so many kids in front of him.
So at what point...
Yeah, it's kind of wrong.
It's kind of like, it's like a fucked up thing.
Like, if he's like, come on, you know I'm in fucking rehab for this.
Like, what are you doing putting these kids in front of me?
And you see him sometimes.
Like, the latest times that he's kept sniffing kids, you can kind of see a thing.
He's like, I know I'm not supposed to.
I just want to feel that rush again.
I know, I just have ADD and I can't not, and this is only for me and you.
But tell me the guy underneath Jeff Foxworthy doesn't look like Bobby Hutch.
Wait, where is Jeff Foxworthy?
Right over here on the left hand.
And then, yeah, I see Bobby Hutch there.
Way to point out something that no one in the audience can see.
It's just bugging at me.
He's like staring right at me.
Look at fucking on mushrooms Jay Leno over here who looks better than Jay Leno's ever looked in his whole fucking life.
Hey, I'm chipping fucking balls everywhere.
You guys see this fucking green sun behind me?
I mean, anyway, all right.
Okay, thanks for coming out, folks.
This club is fucking great, by the way.
This is exactly what a comedy club is supposed to be.
I really, fucking Zaney Chicago is, this is one of my favorite clubs in the fucking country.
And I mean that.
It's supposed to be fucking pictures, like just a wall of pictures of fucking comedians when they were way younger than they are now.
Like I'm supposed to just look at people and just be like, oh shit, look at that.
You know, David Tell had hair or whatever.
I'm supposed to feel that.
And I'm supposed to be like, oh, look, she was so pretty.
She died of AIDS.
Like, that's the feeling you want to have in a goddamn comedy club.
I'm sorry, Rob, where were you?
Okay.
So Biden is in front of all these kids.
And in the span of three minutes, he's got just two horrible moments.
First, he looks like he's a cartoon character.
He's totally baffled and he's trying to rattle off the names of his grandkids and he can't get it right.
And nobody's there to support him.
So he just keeps going through the list and he has to like start it over like four times to try and remind himself.
Like, I got Christie.
She lives in Philly.
And then I got...
And he just, he can't get.
By the way, Biden's grandkids are like 62.
So it's not like we're talking about infants here.
We're talking about growing golds.
They're already collecting Social Security.
And he's got to sign those China money checks to them, so he should know the names.
They're signing checks to him.
Oh, is that the way it works?
So anyway, and then also, he can't remember what the last country he visited was, and someone has to tell him that it was Ireland.
He was just there.
Yeah.
He's like, I was in Ireland?
Did I bomb them?
I don't know.
He goes, it's been a long run, dude.
I don't know.
Been to a lot of places, bombed a lot of places.
I don't remember which one was which.
All right.
Yeah.
He is a source of entertainment.
No, come on.
Wouldn't you rather buy it?
You know, people like give him shit, but I love him as the president.
I really do.
I mean that.
Non-ironically, I mean, I love Joe Biden as the president.
I think he is the perfect face for the crumbling empire that we live in.
Like, if you were like, where's your country at right now?
How could you best sum it up in one person?
I'd be like, Joe Biden.
That's what we got.
You know, like, if aliens came to our country and were like, take me to your leader.
You'd be like, well, it's that guy.
Like, they would be like, we get it.
Okay, we get it.
We completely understand everything now.
And you're like, that's what I was saying.
It's like almost like the overlords want plausible deniability that if the system goes under, they'd be like, well, you guys voted in a guy with dementia.
Like, that wasn't going to work.
Yeah.
And they'd kind of be right, too.
They'd be like, yeah, obviously.
What were you guys thinking?
Well, okay.
What do we got?
What else we got, Rob?
Well, the next topic that we had lined up was there was a New York Post article that the NIH is starting to recognize that, let's say you're a person with arms, but you see yourself as a person with no arms.
Or you're a guy with legs and you see yourself as a guy with no legs.
Or you're your guy with eyesight and you see yourself as a blind person.
So they're recognizing that as, I don't remember what they were calling it.
Yeah, transabled.
Trans-abled?
Oh, man.
Let me just tell you, this is my issue is just like.
LGBTQIA plus.
How many more letters can we fit into this shit, you know?
Like, now I got to worry about the guy who thinks he's a tree.
And then you got...
All right.
Well, this is what really makes no sense about this one to me is that, like, I guess if you thought you were supposed to be a man or you thought you were supposed to be a woman, then you change yourself into that thing.
And then I guess you get to pretend like you're experiencing that.
But like, if you identify as a guy with no arms, like, do you envision a better life where you can't open up doors?
Like, what do you think is on the other side of that that's going to be a good time for you?
It's like they're just fucking with us at this point, you know?
But that's commitment.
They're just like, how much can we make you our bitch?
Like, I bet they'll do this.
I said, throughout COVID and throughout all this crazy woke shit, I've always said, I feel like there's like a group of billionaires somewhere who are all just gambling with each other.
You know what I mean?
Like, throughout COVID, I feel like there were like three billionaires in a pool.
And one of them's like, I bet I can have him wearing masks outside.
And like, another billionaire is like, you could never get him to do that.
And he's like, watch and see.
And like, you know what I mean?
Like, you remember like trading places?
It's like something like that.
And you're like, yeah, like, I bet we can get him to fucking recognize a man who identifies as a fucking meer cat.
And you'd be like, I don't think they're going to do that.
And they're like, hmm.
It just seems like that's almost like they're just fucking with us.
So weirdly, this is the logical conclusion of all the trans shit.
Like, however you feel about it, I'm just saying it is kind of the logical conclusion of all of it.
That, like, if, look, either biological reality exists or it doesn't, right?
So, if you can just identify as a different sex and therefore you are that, well, why should it stop at that?
Why shouldn't it be a different age or race or species or whatever, you know?
And once you've accepted that premise, I think you have no defense against it.
You're just like, all right, we already decided you can do this.
We should really try to top them, you know?
Like, we should be like, I identify as a murderer.
And I'm not, so you can't prosecute me.
But you have to die right now in order to make me feel whole.
I identify as the ruler of the universe.
So please kneel before me.
I don't know how else to handle it.
So they're really putting this out in the NIH.
Apparently, I mean, as reported by the New York Post, they are, I guess, recognizing these individuals.
And the thought is that some of them might make the alterations themselves.
So the medical industry might as well profit off of it.
Oh, man.
Are they going to start pushing this on kids now?
Probably.
You really like both your arms that much?
Haven't you thought about how much better your life could be with the stub?
You haven't even tried it.
They're going to talk to kids and be like, so what's your preferred pronoun?
Like, are you a he, a she, a they, a zur, or whatever?
And they'll be like, how many arms do you have?
Like, I mean, I know, I can see, but, like, how many arms do you feel like you should have?
Yeah, no, we're doing great.
America, we're doing really good.
This is a good sign.
Good sign for the future of our country.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Even though this is like the logical conclusion, it's just kind of hard to believe.
It's hard to believe that's actually happening.
Comedy Club Politics00:03:29
But hey, we're all here for the ride.
You know, let's see what fucking happens.
I don't know.
Every day, I just try to like instill the opposite in my kids.
Like, I try to constantly remind them of the boundaries of reality.
Like, you know, like sometimes, like, my kids are young.
Like, my daughter's four.
And sometimes she'll be like, I wish I was taller, you know?
And I'll be like, well, you're not.
You're not.
And that's reality.
Okay?
Just try to subtly tell them that every day.
I can't even let them play pretend anymore.
She's like, you know, she's like, I'm a fairy princess.
And I'm like, you're a girl.
All right.
You're a four-year-old girl, and that's all you are.
Sounds harsh, but you got to do what you got to do.
Insulate them early.
Don't let anyone ever tell you you're anything other than this.
Can I, by the way, if there's anyone from the staff, by the way, clap it up for the staff here, everybody.
They're in Tribune.
And tip them heavily.
Tip them very good.
Also, could I get another one of these anti-heroes from you?
Come on, I just got the whole crowd cheering for you.
If it's not up here in five minutes, I'm going to tell them all to not tip at all.
All right.
And they will follow me.
They are my loyal army of people.
Holy shit, that was shockingly quick.
That was.
Man, that chick wanted her tip tonight.
Bad.
That was insane how quick she got.
It was like she was ready with it the whole show.
It seemed physically impossible that she could have made it to the bar and back in that time.
She just pegged it at my face.
What do you mean, no tip?
We just walked two people.
You guys didn't come to a comedy club to hear anti-trans propaganda tonight.
What do you mean?
You guys are leaving?
You know, it is, look, I'll.
We didn't even say anything about trans.
We said things about not removing limbs that are working.
And two people were like, how dare they?
Nah, I got pretty into the trans.
Oh, okay.
I do.
I don't even blame them, by the way.
I think sometimes this is the thing.
We do these fucking podcasts at comedy clubs.
And what we do usually is we have a weekend run of doing stand-up shows.
And then the last show, we do a live podcast.
That's kind of what we've been doing as me and Rob have been touring.
And one of the things that's kind of interesting that happens is that it's like, for the most part, it's people who were here either at the last stand-up show or a show this weekend or fans of the podcast who come out and see it.
But every now and then, there's just someone who just came to a comedy club tonight.
You know?
And this is...
And it's just like, I'm just coming to a fucking comedy club to see what's going on.
And then they hear us up here.
And it's a lot.
You know, like, it's a lot.
It's a lot if you thought you were just coming for a night of comedy.
Now, coming to see us do stand-up, that's fine, you know, because we're just like telling jokes.
But then I get up here and I'm like, let me tell you how to protect your daughter in this world.
Fucking teach her young.
Anyway, those people were.
And they knew that the next segment was Corona's Their Fault.
They were smart.
They sensed the room.
Someone go track them down and tell them that.
Maybe they'll come back once they get it.
Bernie Sanders Bagel Talk00:06:00
All right.
What do you want to do, Rob?
We got another topic or so?
Or you want to move on to questions?
Where are we at?
We had one more topic, which was Bernie Sanders' philosophy on billionaires.
Oh, yeah.
Bernie.
Yeah, Bernie Sanders.
Don't you, don't be weird.
Good man.
Bernie Sanders, he was on some news show the other day.
Oh, he was on with Chris Wallace, it was.
And Chris Wallace was grilling him about when he said billionaires should be illegal.
He was saying that, so Bernie Sanders was saying it should be illegal to be a billionaire.
And Chris Wallace, what did he say?
He was like, oh, so you're saying you could have like $999 million.
But if you make another million dollars, then that should all be confiscated by the government or something like that.
Yeah.
And what was his response?
Yes.
$999 is enough of millions.
After that, it should go to other people.
He goes, yeah, he said, I believe what he said, if I'm not getting this wrong, was he said that I think you can get by on $999 million.
And I was like, well, yeah.
I mean, you could get by on $1 million, you know?
But I wrote a book and I already have that amount of money.
Great, yeah.
You think that's a bad metric.
You could get by on a lot less than you have, dude.
But this, you know, it's funny is that I remember, like, I really agreed with Bernie Sanders when I was 16.
Because that's when that made sense to me.
Like, I remember, when I was 16, so it was actually even younger than that.
When I was 14, I worked at a, this is pretty Jewish.
I worked at a bagel store.
That was my summer job when I was 14.
You might as well have gone to synagogue.
Yeah.
No, I didn't want to be gay about it.
But I did.
I worked at a bagel store.
And this is, let me make it even lamer for you.
It was called Bagel Lady.
Yeah, it was a woman who owned it.
And she named it.
This is her bad bagels?
Bagel.
Not bad, just like not great at math.
Right.
So they complained a bunch.
So I was a bagel lady at age 14.
Did you have to wear a uniform?
I was part of the fierce army of bagel ladies.
I don't remember.
No, not a uniform, but like I think maybe an apron or something.
You know, I think I had to rock a baby.
I don't know.
But I worked at this store.
It was in Park Slope, Brooklyn on 7th Avenue.
It was called Bagel Lady.
And it was not, it was a fucking tough job.
It sucked, man.
Mornings were slammed.
And you would just be working on a line going like out the fucking door.
It was me and my friend Brian, who was another 14-year-old kid with me.
And we both worked there together.
We were good friends.
And we made $4 an hour off the books, all illegal.
But at the end of the week, we had so much money for weed.
Like, it was great.
Like, we were so excited.
Like, we both have $112.
You know, we're going to get so high.
And, but so we were, we worked at this place, Bagel Lady, and there were a bunch of Mexicans in the back.
And I think they were making about what I was making.
I don't know.
Maybe they were like risen up to $5 an hour or something.
But we were all making shit money all off the books.
But I remember at the time, I really thought this was wrong.
I was like, this is fucked up.
These Mexicans are getting paid so little.
Because I was like 14, but these guys were like 35, you know?
And they were like, a lot of these guys had kids and stuff.
And I was like, this is insane.
They should get paid more.
There should be a minimum wage, you know?
And then as I got older, I found out there was a minimum wage.
And they were still working under the table.
And then it dawned on me that I was like, oh, they're dodging the minimum wage.
Because if she had to pay them $12 an hour instead of $4 an hour, she'd hire people who spoke fucking English.
You know what I mean?
So like, actually, this was their best weapon that they were willing to undercut that.
That's how they got employed.
So I was like, oh, fuck that.
That kind of dawned on me.
And then the other thing I used to really think when I was like a teenager on the same intellectual level as Bernie Sanders was I would think there should be like, I used to think no one should be allowed to have more than $10 million.
Because why do you need more than that?
You know, like in the same logic, you can live off that.
But then I kind of realized, as I learned a thing, that I go, oh, but then anyone who made $10 million would just stop working because there's no incentive for them to keep working.
So you'd literally convince all of the most productive people in society to stop.
That's not a great idea.
Like, that's not going to work out well.
So Bernie Sanders is saying anyone who's worth $999 million should what?
Just shut down their whole operation?
Like, that's it.
So how do you think that would play out if every billionaire in the country just went, we're done.
We're closing our business because there's no reason for me to work anymore.
I think that would make us way richer than we are today, right?
It really is like commie type fucking thinking.
That's what they used to do.
They used to go to fucking everyone who had like a farm that was like producing the most and go, this is so fucked up that you're producing so much.
This is like what Mao Zeitong and Stalin would do.
Small Batch Cigars00:03:04
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This is wrong.
And they were like, okay, well, stop.
And then, you know, everyone starved to fucking death because that's what happens when you do that.
Anyway, he's a good dude.
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All right, let's get back into the show.
All right, you got anything or you want to get to some fucking questions?
There was the Jerome Powell prank phone call, if you wanted to address that.
Oh, yeah, I didn't actually see this.
Did you?
You watched it, right?
So these same people, how the fuck is this group of people pranking so many important people?
How do they get through to them?
And how do I start doing this?
Well, you know what's incredible?
You know, like how people in other countries sometimes just don't get it?
Tucker Carlson Photo Prank00:10:31
These people don't understand the idea of a prank phone call because they just had a normal conversation with him.
Like, it was just a boring conversation.
I couldn't even get through the conversation.
They just had a normal financial conversation with Jerome Powell.
You're just scratching your head.
It's like, wait a second, why isn't he looking at the guy and realizing it's not Zelensky?
And why does Zelensky need to have a conversation with Powell that's just general conversations about financial markets?
And how do you get through to the guy?
I'll tell you, I've had okay, so I've had a few situations with me where people have reached out to me and I'm like, I don't think this is the real person.
And I've always been able to figure it out.
And that's me.
Like, it's not that crazy.
Like, I, um, so I've had a um, so recently, uh, Robert F. Kennedy Jr., his, like, campaign team reached out to me.
And they uh, they were like, my wife sent me the email.
My wife, like, is my manager.
She takes care of like all my fucking shit.
Like, I have an agent, and then I have my wife.
And I'm fucking both of them.
And no, I'm just, I'm just kidding.
That part's not true.
That part's not true.
That's not true.
Only my agent.
But I do.
I don't know where I do.
It's too easy.
So my wife sends it to me and she goes, she goes, there's an email from these people.
They say they're from Robert F. Kennedy's campaign.
She goes, let me dig into this a little bit.
And then she goes, she goes, oh, yeah, their email address is actually from the site that is his campaign site and blah, blah, blah.
I checked it on this and it's real.
Like we figure that out.
Like, how do you, I've had things where like after when I was on Rogan last time Not that I was just on it a week ago, but and it was legendary.
But when I was on it, well, thank you for those of you who haven't seen it.
So the time I was on it before then, afterward, Tucker Carlson texted me.
And he was like, he's like, I just get a text from a number.
And he's like, hey, Dave, it's Tucker Carlson.
Just wanted to say I really loved your appearance on Rogan.
I thought you made great points.
And so right away, I just went, no.
No, that's not Tucker Carlson.
This is too weird.
But so then I called Kennedy, who works at Fox as well, who I know and love.
And I went, hey, do you know what Tucker Carlson's number is?
Because I just got a text from this number.
And she goes, that's Tucker Carlson.
So then I was like, oh, it is him.
And then we started texting.
And then we texted a lot.
He has not responded since he got fired.
But like, I'm just saying, I've had several of these situations before where someone reaches out to you and you go, I don't know if it's that person.
But it's very easy to at least have some due diligence and like kind of figure it out.
Figure out if that's the right person.
And yet, these guys, whoever they are, have been able to get like European Parliament members and like all these people.
And they just say it's Zelensky.
Yeah.
And then he just shows up and they do like a videotaped interview and he's like, we appreciate all the help you have given us, you know, blah, blah, blah.
So we've got a lot of Nazis here in Ukraine.
And they're like, well, we know, we know, you do.
And like, it's insane to me.
Like, they don't have a process to figure this out.
And those same people can set the interest rate.
Yeah.
They can't screen a phone call, but they can decide all prices for us.
Like, it really is.
It's bananas.
Who are the other people who they've gotten on?
Well, it actually got a crazy one with, I only watched a little bit of it, but Bush, they even got, they got a hold of Bush to comment on the war.
No way.
But that, doesn't that seem like it makes perfect sense?
George W. Bush seems like the guy who, if you got his number, he'd pick up and just go, yellow.
You know, like, I'm like, hey, can I do an interview?
And he goes, I love interviews.
Like, I always knock him out of the park.
But they got the head of the European Central Bank.
Remember her?
She just sat right down.
Well, they got the bombshell out of her with the central bank digital currency.
Yeah, she just started admitting shit right away.
They're like, why do you need a central bank digital currency?
And she's like, to control all the people.
Like, to make sure.
She goes, they have too much freedom.
We got to lock it down.
It really was crazy.
All right.
Let's fucking take some questions.
Any of you guys got anything you want to ask?
I will answer.
Nothing controversial.
Let's go.
Oh, she came prepared.
She's a nerd.
Next.
No, no, no.
Ah, shit.
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
This is bad.
She's reading off a phone.
That's when it's going to start.
In 2003, you were accused of so-and-so.
It's also classic female.
It's like three pages here.
Labeled, color-coded.
All right.
Shake him.
I didn't mean to ruin this for you.
All right.
All right.
I've watched this go bad too many times.
I've been a special ed teacher for 10 years now.
Once the lockdowns began, I saw the education system for the disempowerment indoctrination system that it is.
Ever since I've been working my way to leave education, and I'm hoping to do so by 2026.
I currently teach at a national charter that contracts with Chicago Public Schools, and I daily see pro-socialist teachings, and I'm surrounded by symbols of woke religion.
My question is: what advice do you have for those of us trying to fight the system from within?
Can I help with this one?
Yeah, absolutely.
She said it's special ed, so who gives a shit?
Come on, could I find a better partner in crime than Robert Fire Bernstein?
They're not going to get it either way.
It's special ed socialism, capitalism.
Can they put their pants on?
That's the question.
Really?
But you might have a more dignified answer.
Well, let me ask you a follow-up question to that to like see where what are you trying to do?
Are you just trying to get out or are you trying to change things from within?
Both.
Well, no, that's a binary.
You can only do one or the other.
I'm trying to fuck shit up before I head on out.
All right.
So I would say, and I don't know, I don't know what the answer to that.
This is a really great question, and I don't know what the answer is to it.
But I would say once you're set up where you know where you can move next, then you go crazy on fucking shit up mode.
You know?
Like, then you really go just let everybody know.
And it's not so much about the special ed kids because I don't know.
Like, you know, those kids, really what they need, and all right, let me say this.
This might actually piss people off to hear this, but sometimes even the crazy woke shit might work to the benefit of special ed kids to some degree.
You know what I mean?
Like, I do think it's like, say, like, the move towards like autism awareness.
That's really great if you have an autistic kid.
Like, it really is.
Like, it's great that there's more awareness about that.
The fucked up thing is that they're trying to push like all these crazy values on those kids, which is like completely ridiculous and unnecessary.
But I'd say what you, you're probably not going to be able to change that entire system on your own.
So you need to figure out what your next move is.
And then on your way out, just kick up as much dust as you can.
That's like what my advice would be.
Do as much as you can to be like, hey, this whole thing's crazy.
And like let him know.
Let anyone who might be convinced by that within the system know.
But God bless you and good luck with all that because, geez, it is an insane system.
Okay.
All right.
Dave, quick question.
Rob's photo is missing from the outside on the featuring guests.
Are you part of that?
Hold on.
I'm not following anything.
Wait, Rob's phone is what?
Rob's photo.
Only yours there.
There was a picture of Rob up there before.
Rob was that ugly that they had to take his picture down.
That they literally went.
And you know the fucked up thing?
The shows were already sold out.
And they were like, this will make people not want to come back in the future if we see Rob's photo up there.
Is that true?
When I walked in here, I saw Rob's photo.
That was earlier.
All right.
I believe you.
I'm just saying.
I just.
So they took your photo down.
Or does someone love Rob so much that they broke in there and they were like, I have to go furiously masturbate to this photo right now.
By the way, that was a dude.
That wasn't an impression of a check.
That was a dude who was like, I'm going to go aggressively masturbate this photo of Rob.
I don't know.
We'll get to the bottom of that before we leave tonight.
If the club took down Rob's photo, I will never work this club again with Rob.
I will work it with a different opener who is better looking.
That's my vow to you good people today.
Follow-up question.
What if they gave Rob a shot of Mallort as retribution?
They gave Rob a shot of what?
Mallort as retribution.
I made that mistake the last time I was in Chicago.
What is Mallort?
It's like some shitty fucking liquor that they're obsessed with.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, Chicago's turning on us.
Fuck Deep Dish.
Fuck all you guys.
Come on, Rob, let's fight our way out of this town.
Eat your stupid pizza casserole.
We don't like it.
Yeah.
Eat some more street hot dogs, you fat fucks.
Be proud.
Just turn the crowd.
Have to fucking knife fight our way out of Chicago.
Yeah, you dumb motherfuckers.
Kanye West wasn't that great after his last two albums.
The first two were good, though.
Libertarian Rights Debate00:03:58
We're not even going to argue with you on that.
They were good.
Over here, Dave.
Hey, thanks for coming, guys.
Great to see you all.
Very funny as usual.
Thank you, my brother.
I appreciate it.
We should all take a minute and celebrate Robbie's special last year.
Very smart, very funny.
I'd also like to celebrate the great Louis J. Gomez for going on, Tucker Carlson, and saying that I think politics are pretty gay.
That's a real-ass dude move.
Yeah, well, now he got him canceled.
So how do you raise that?
Real-ass dude.
Thank you, Lewis.
You got the best guy on cable news off the fucking air.
My question is for both of you.
Within the confines of libertarian points that you agree with, what do you feel like is your least favorite argument of that, of libertarianism that you think needs to be improved or within what you feel to be rational and practical to believe in, what is the least favorite thing you have there that you would like to see sharpened up?
So I like, okay, essentially, I don't think there's any flaws in libertarianism.
I think there's a lot of fucking shit that libertarians say that I wish they would stop saying.
So one of the things that I fucking hate the most, like if I could remove a word from libertarians' vocabulary, it would be collectivism.
I hate that shit.
I hate when libertarians talk about like, well, I'm an individualist and that's collectivism or something like that.
And you're like, because they just use it in a way that just means like, oh, so like if you're a part of a group at all, then that's against what we believe in.
Like that drives me crazy.
I remember there was, so when we, when the Mises caucus took over the entire Libertarian Party, which, yeah, which we did, there was a bunch of our detractors who said because we were all voting together, they were like, oh, that's pretty collectivist, not very libertarian.
And you're like, that's the dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life.
Like, we can't agree to be a part of a group.
We can't agree to all do the same thing.
It's libertarianism.
As long as you're agreeing.
That's the whole point of libertarianism.
It's like whether you're voluntarily agreeing to something or whether you're being forced into something.
That's the libertarian position is that people, like social institutions should be voluntary across the board.
That's the argument.
And so I hate when people kind of like, you know, if they'll say like, oh, collectivism, you know, religion is collectivist or this is collective, like, no, if people are voluntarily agreeing to do it, then that's fine.
And that's great.
None of us are an island.
You know what I mean?
Like, none of us don't like work with other people.
So that really fucking pisses me off.
And I think that there's, you know, the other thing I would say is just that a lot of times.
Basically, libertarianism is the view that as long as you're not violating the rights of anyone else, you should be allowed to do something.
And so then a lot of people will take that and go, oh, okay.
So that means that we should be against kind of, whoa, you alright there, Rob?
Watch upstairs.
Yeah.
So that means we should be against like opposing anyone who does anything that isn't violating anyone's rights.
You know, but that's not right exactly.
Like it's not.
So if you say, oh, anyone should be allowed to do anything that isn't initiating violence against other people, that doesn't mean that therefore, no matter what you're doing, we should support that.
Like the fact is that also, if you're really opposed to what someone's doing, that's not violating anyone's rights either.
So we could like really hate people doing certain things.
We could really oppose someone doing like something that fucking is bad for everybody.
And so those would be the two things.
Don't Be A Dick00:10:21
Like there's nothing wrong with being in a group and there's nothing wrong with like being like you're a fucking degenerate piece of shit and you shouldn't be doing that.
It doesn't mean you should like kill them, but it does mean like you could say like, yo, that's fucking wrong and I don't want that around me.
So I guess those would be the two things.
Hey, Dave, Rob, thanks for coming out.
Thank you so much.
So I have a question that's kind of more geared towards comedy, actually.
So I'm a comedian.
That's my strong point.
Sure, sure, sure, sure.
I'm a comedian.
My friends are comedians.
We're here in Chicago.
And we mostly, at least I mostly do improv and sketch.
I know cringe.
But like, I'm curious how to like transform the scene in a way that's not so woke because it's very restrictive and suffocating.
Well, look, first off, I'll say fucking doing like doing improv and sketch is not cringe, man.
Like there's some, some of the best comedy that's ever been made has been out of that fucking scene.
And goddammit, you guys have such a fucking rich tradition of that in this city, man.
Like this is second city.
This is fucking, I mean, come on, dude.
Like, I grew up, like, in the 90s, I was a hardcore Saturday Night Live fan.
And to me, I don't care what anyone else says, but the best, the best cast of comedic talent ever was Saturday Night Live when I was a kid, which was like fucking Chris Farley and Adam Sandler and David Spade and fucking,
there was a time when Mike Myers and Dana Carvey were still on the show and Norm McDonald was on the show and fucking like, I mean, dude, and like there's people I haven't even fucking mentioned yet where you're like, dude, fucking, oh man.
No, hold on, I'm blanking.
Holy shit.
Rob Schneider is a fucking boss.
Love that guy to death.
But who I'm fucking thinking of, Rob, oh my God, am I fucking going to blank on his name?
His wife killed him.
What's his fucking name?
Phil Hartman.
Like one of the most comedic genius of all time.
You know, like those fucking...
So don't ever, if you're like trying to do what those guys were doing, don't ever feel like, oh, this is fucking lame or something.
Those are the greatest fucking comedic minds, in my opinion, ever.
And so, again, like, look, you can't, like, have the attitude with any of this comedy shit.
Like, I don't fucking have the attitude that, oh, I'm going to turn around the comedy scene, but if you're going to have any impact, the most important thing is you got to do something really great.
Like, that's it.
And not great, like, you know, and I hope you guys agree.
Like, a lot of you guys here, you might agree with my politics or whatever.
But when I'm doing the stand-up show.
That's not the job.
It's not like, oh, you're supposed to like me just because you agree with my politics.
I have to do like fucking a great stand-up show, you know?
And so, like, the same with you guys in sketch.
The job is to be fucking great.
And if you're really doing the funniest shit and it's great, then you're, you're, whatever message you have is going to carry so much more weight, you know?
So that's, like, really what it's about.
Try to get as good as you can at your craft.
And then you'll be in a position where you can kind of like at least have some influence.
Like, in the same way that, like, you know, isn't it so weird that the South Park guys don't get more shit?
Oh, yeah.
Because, like, they're going against every fucking mainstream orthodoxy, but the reason people can't really give them that much shit is because they're just that good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're just that good that it's like, ah, fuck.
What are we going to do?
We're going to fight this battle with, you know, Trey Stone and Matt Parker?
No, we can't.
So that, to me, that's the fucking, that's the battle.
And that's, you guys, I mean, if you're doing sketch improv shit in Chicago, you should be proud of the fucking like legacy that you're a part of.
Like, that's the, to me, that's, like, the dopest shit ever are those guys.
So that's what I would say.
Hey.
Hey, big fan of both you guys, obviously, for a long time.
I was curious, I haven't heard you guys talk about it much on the show.
What do you guys, if you've seen him, Vivek Ramaswamy coming up for the presidential election, he was on Malice and Tim Poole and said a lot of stuff that I think we all like a lot, coming after the Fed and anti-war and everything that we're into.
If you guys have heard anything about him, what do you think?
You know, I'm with Don Lemon.
He's not black enough.
Who does he think he is to talk about the black experience in America?
I'll confess my ignorance on this.
Like, I probably don't know enough about him, but I'm really happy that he's running.
I think he seems to be really smart and really good on a lot of issues.
And so he's a very interesting guy.
I know, Rob, you might know more about him than I do, but I think he's been good on a lot of really, really important shit.
Early on with like, you've guys heard me talk quite a bit about like ESG scores.
He was a quick person that hopped on that narrative.
He wrote an incredible book, Woke Inc.
I recommend everybody reads it.
I feel like him and also like Robert Kennedy, they're really good candidates in terms of that they'll expose some of the narrative Narrative and some of the problems that we have.
So, Vivek's really cool in that regard.
Like, specifically, there's some big issues like Central Bay.
Actually, I don't know about that, but like ESG scores, he's really on top of, but he's got some stupid horse shit.
Like, he actually thinks that we should have a year of civil service between high school and college so that people will be more patriotic if they actually work for the state for the year, which, by the way, that's not going to work.
It might actually educate people into how bad and retarded the state is.
So, in that regard, like, you know, how many people I've met that, like, served in the army and then they realize, like, oh, the state sucks.
Like, so that might actually be the best idea to get more libertarians.
So, here's the answer: he's probably the best conservative candidate out there on some of the biggest issues, such as green energy, the scam of ESG scores.
Like, he is on that, but he's still a dumb conservative.
All right.
I like that answer.
There you go.
But one more thing.
I don't know how many guys actually watched the Don Lemon clip.
Okay.
If you guys didn't see it, it's worth seeing.
He literally dismantled Don Lemon because Don Lemon was sitting there and he had no point of view other than I'm not, you're not.
Vivek was like, listen, let's actually have a conversation about ideas here.
And then Don Lemon's like, well, you're not allowed to talk about these ideas.
Only I can comment on it because I'm black.
And CNN even, he got so pinned to that that even CNN fired him.
And doesn't, and maybe this will sound fucked up to say, Rob, but don't you kind of like it so much worse to be Indian than black.
Yeah, you're colored Indian.
I don't mean to be a dick, but like, I'm not trying.
Listen, don't, this isn't racist, what I'm saying here.
What I said was horribly racist.
I'm saying comparing Indian to being black, like, you smell.
No, I'm just kidding.
But, no, I'm just, that's, that was a joke.
That was not real.
But I'm just saying, like, I can understand, aside from all the woke insane shit, I can understand someone being like, look, it's all things considered, all things equal.
It's tougher to be a minority in a country than to be in the majority.
Like, I'd imagine if I, like, if I moved my kids to Japan and they're like growing up as like these little white kids in Japan, I'd imagine that'd be a little bit tougher than just looking like everyone else looks, you know, like you're different or something like that.
I understand that.
I understand that.
I think that's something that reasonably we should all kind of be aware of.
And I think it's reasonable to go like, hey, don't be a dick to someone just because they look a little bit different.
If that's what wokeism was, I'd be on board with wokeism, you know, like, but it's not.
And then you have these weird battles where you're like, he's going, he was making the point that like, you know, well, black people should do this and that.
And he's like, well, you can't say that because you're not black.
So you can't, you know.
And it's like, look, if you had to be either Indian or black in America, like black people have been here forever.
Black people have cool figures and media that represent them in sports and music and entertainment.
And Indians have that chick who played soccer in a movie.
You know what I mean?
Like they have nothing.
Like nothing.
They have Kelly Kapoor in the office.
That's their greatest hero that they can aspire to.
Like really, he should be lecturing Don Lemon.
I thought you guys were going to be way more on board with that second part.
I'll be honest.
I thought that was going to really win people over.
But I think it's true.
I think it's way harder.
The thing is way harder to be an Indian kid growing up in America than a black kid.
Just on that.
Like, you know, there's benefits.
Like, you have parents.
All right.
Anyway.
Zami, you still with me?
Are we still putting this on YouTube?
Please don't give me a strike, YouTube.
I didn't mean it.
That was comedy.
Hey, YouTube.
Come on.
Please send me my check.
How's it going?
I have a daughter about the same age as you and about the same age.
You have a daughter my age?
Sorry, about the same age as you.
It was my daughter.
All right, that makes a lot more sense.
I'm just curious to see what you're thinking, like, education-wise, for, because there's a lot of crazy stuff going on in the world, I mean, as you all know.
Just interested to see what your point of view is on that or what your plans are.
Sure.
Well, I don't believe in educating women.
So it's very easy.
Very easy.
It's just always the lowest hanging fruit, Rob.
Z-Biotics Alcohol Warning00:02:41
I can't help myself.
Well, I'll tell you, you know, I'm luck.
I'm very fortunate that I'm in a situation where I'm doing okay, so I don't have to really work.
I'll say my kids will not be going to public school.
My kids won't be going to any private school where there's any woke shit taught like that.
And most likely it'll be all like homeschool shit like that for me with my kids.
That's what I believe in.
Me and my wife are both very committed to giving our kids the best kind of foundation that we can.
But I recognize that not everyone has that option.
So it's a tough situation.
But I don't know what advice to give other people, but I know that for me, there's no priority to me that's even close to as important as making sure that my kids are not indoctrinated with an ideology that I detest.
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Let's get back into it.
All right, back of the room.
Hey, Dave.
Love how the new layout of Gas Digital is going, by the way.
Ridiculous Voting Standards00:15:44
I don't know who's on top of that, but really smooth running.
But when it comes to the warning...
Wait, are we talking about the new website?
Yeah, how it's like a piece of shit.
Fluidity.
Oh, you mean it?
I thought you were going to be able to do it.
You're doing what I mean.
It's like whoever's going to be.
That's how little confidence I have in it.
They go, you're obviously mocking us.
We're on top of that.
Great.
Actually runs a lot smoother.
Download speed?
Great.
Oh, okay, good.
But when it comes to the war in Ukraine, I've noticed a lot of people.
What a transition.
Hey, like, your website's good, but the war's not that great.
I've noticed a lot of people have left out a really simple comparison that's happened in the region.
Okay.
And I don't know why it is, but when everybody's talking about a European power getting invaded by their, like, their older, bigger brother, why is nobody, I don't know if you have an answer, but it's weird to me that nobody's mentioned that England is still occupying like a sixth of Ireland.
This is still occurring as Boris Johnson's not ending that ceasefire.
Yeah, he's still one sixth of the country's under their control.
Yeah, well, no, it's weird that nobody has mentioned that.
I don't know why that is kind of what you're going off of with Rogan, but I don't know.
I don't know why no one's mentioned that.
I don't know.
No, that's an interesting example.
That's true.
I haven't thought of that either, but that's a good point.
I've thought of like, you know, it's funny when they'll be like, the beef they have with Russia is that they're like imperialist or something like that.
And it's funny to just see like England and France and America on board with that.
And you're like, hmm, all right.
But even though they'll say the thing where they're like, well, we can't just allow a nuclear-armed country to conquer and annex their neighbor's land.
And you're like, how do you feel about Israel?
Which is.
Oh, what are you?
A bunch of Jews in Chicago?
Sorry.
I didn't realize.
Me and Rob bringing the truth to you like that.
But look, there's a lot of examples like that.
It's funny that they even try to make kind of like the thing, I don't even understand why the test should be annexing your neighbor's land.
You know?
Like that, but that just kind of seems weird to me in itself.
Like, okay.
I mean, I'm not saying that's good, but I'm just saying, like, why is that the test?
Because that's a lot of times if you're like, well, America has started more wars than Russia has, they'll be like, yeah, but we don't annex the territory.
You're like, okay.
Which like, like, number one, I mean, we kind of do.
Like, we'll overthrow the government and then install a government that's pro-America.
But even that aside, why does that even matter?
Why is the standard who takes more land?
Why isn't it like who kills more people?
You know?
It's like if I, like, imagine like I went to like every house in my neighborhood and just murdered everyone in the house.
And then I just went home.
And then like someone else went into one house and murdered everyone and took the house.
And then I was like, that's really fucked up what he did.
He's an asshole for doing that.
And you were like, why?
It's like, because that's not his house.
Like, he doesn't have a right to take that house.
And you're like, but you killed all those people in their houses.
And you're like, but I left.
Doesn't that just seem like a crazy, like, fucking ridiculous standard?
Like, I don't really care.
Like, I, you know, I shouldn't say I don't care.
I do, despite what people on Twitter who give me shit say, I think Russia's really fucked up.
I think Vladimir Putin's really fucked up.
I just think Americans, like, especially our political leaders, are the biggest hypocrites in the world to say they have a moral objection.
Oh, Vladimir Putin started a war.
We would never.
Like, okay.
So anyway, yeah, but that England example is a very good one.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I never even thought of that.
All right.
Thanks for coming on, Dave.
Thank you, I have a question for you.
You guys have talked about this a little bit on the show, but I'm curious to hear your thoughts on, I guess, the morality of homelessness.
Put him down.
Of course.
Obviously put them on an island or something like that.
But so besides like obviously it's like a net negative to have homeless people on the streets.
It's unclean.
It's it's gross.
But it's not let him speak It's not it's not actually a crime for them to just be like walking the streets or something like that.
So what are your guys thoughts on the morality of having homeless people be in the city or whatever?
Well, I mean, I think I don't care what is a crime.
I care kind of like what should be a crime, if that makes sense.
So like it is a crime to have a gun in Chicago for self-defense without like a permit.
But I don't think it should be a crime.
So I don't care.
Like I'm I like I'm concerned with what I think is right.
So like if someone has a gun here in Chicago, let's say that you live in one of the neighborhoods where people are getting murdered left and right.
You know, well, not all, but let's say, and you get a gun because you want to protect your family.
And you've never used it against anyone.
You've never like initiated violence on anyone.
You just want to protect your family.
And then it gets, you know, they catch you with it and you're going to jail.
Like, technically, that is a crime.
But I don't care.
I'm saying I think that's wrong to lock someone up for just trying to protect their family.
So it's not so much what is a crime.
It's what ought to be a crime and what is wrong.
And I think that, like, look, just being homeless alone, it isn't wrong.
But at the same time, like, look, we're all forced to fucking pay taxes or we'll go to jail.
That's like, that's the, we're threatened to pay the taxes and these taxes build the roads and like the whole commons area.
And to me, if I'm trying to like walk my four-year-old daughter and my one-year-old son down the street and there's some dude like shooting heroin in the middle of the fucking street or like fucking pissing or jerking off or whatever, then I feel like that should be a fucking crime.
Like fuck you.
Why do you like my concern isn't your freedom to jerk off in the street?
My concern is like my freedom to walk my goddamn kids down the street without some fucking guy jerking off in front of them.
That's what I like.
That's just my priority.
And if it was private, let's say, like let's say it wasn't a public street.
Let's say if some guy came in here and started, said he wanted to camp out.
Right now, we're doing a show.
Some guy wants to lay down and go to sleep and start shitting in the middle of this club.
He'd get fucking physically removed.
And none of us would think that was wrong or a crime or anything.
We'd just be like, yeah, this isn't free.
You're not allowed to do that.
And I feel like there's nothing wrong with rules like that being established for public streets, you know?
Like that, it's like, I don't know.
I don't think, now, I don't hate homeless people.
I hope they get help.
I don't exactly know what the answer to help them is, but I don't think the answer is to go, oh, they're just allowed to camp out.
And that's that.
And the rest of us just have to live with it.
I just don't, I don't think that's right.
I care a lot more about what kids have to see when they walk down the street than I do about a homeless guy's right to do drugs on the street.
That's just, that's my feeling on it.
Well, is this working?
Awesome.
Dave, thank you very much for everything.
So my question is, I see that Destiny, the political streamer, has been debating some of the members of the Liberty Movement.
He debates Bike Cohen and Clint Russell.
Are there any plans or do you have any thoughts on maybe having you or potentially Scott Horton or Tom Woods or these Mises guys debate him on Russia-Ukraine or the lockdowns and the vaccine mandates?
Well, I think he just debated Clint Russell, I think, on the Ukraine thing.
No, I think that's like the one that they just had.
And I don't know.
I'm not against it.
I'll fucking debate anybody.
Like, I don't care.
That guy, he, he kind of rubbed me the wrong way with a thing where basically I think there was a miscommunication and someone, I guess, from his team, like, reached out to me and, like, at least this is what I think, and asked if I would debate him.
I never saw this message.
They, like, Twitter messaged me.
Uh, and you know, when you don't follow someone on Twitter, you know how it goes to like a different like inbox.
And I never saw this.
And then he just had a title of a video that was like, I'm debating Dave Smith.
And then in the video, he's like, I guess Dave didn't show up.
And then, like, people started tweeting at me and they were like, oh, you fucking flaked on the destiny.
I was like, I never agreed to this ever.
And then I started looking through the old inbox and I saw like a message from like a month ago where someone was like, oh, are you down to debate destiny?
And I just, I was like, I never saw it.
And then he never, and so I don't know how the fuck it happened that he like titled a YouTube video.
We're doing it right now.
And like, I never said anything.
So I thought that like was weird, but I would, I would debate him.
Sure.
I don't know.
I've only seen a few things that he's done and I don't I don't particularly like the guy.
Like he just I hate his style of debating.
Like it's just kind of this like weasely thing where it's not really like, oh, let me let me listen to your argument and try to respond to your argument.
It's more like you say something and he goes, oh no, come on now.
Oh yeah.
It's like that's so lame.
And like I so I don't really like what he does, but I'm not against fucking debating him.
If he wants to debate about the Ukraine thing, I'll fuck him up on that issue.
Like he's literally, I don't know what to say.
Like I'll wreck him on that fucking topic.
I am supposed to, you know that guy, Constantine?
Yeah, I'm debating him on Michael Malice's podcast, I believe, in the next couple weeks.
So we're going to debate on Ukraine.
He's real good on the woke shit, and I think he's pretty good on the COVID shit, but he's real bad on Ukraine.
And I'll go debate any of these guys.
It's a real, honestly, it's the stuff with Ukraine is a slam dunk fucking argument.
I don't know what else to say.
It's not like there's really no debate to have.
We're funding a proxy war of choice on the border of the biggest nuclear power in the world for no reason.
For a war that we provoked.
So if someone wants to come fucking debate that with me, I'll debate it.
You know, I just did, I just did Rogan a few days ago.
And this time, I went in there last time and I made my point about Ukraine.
But this time, I just went in like really, like, it's like, I'm just bringing receipts.
Like, I'm not even like making my argument.
I'm just coming in here, like, telling you, like, this isn't me making the argument.
This is all the people within the national security apparatus making my argument for me over the years in private communications with each other.
You know, like, they all knew what we were doing here.
And if anyone wants to have that fucking debate, I'm fine to have it.
So I'm open to it.
I don't know if we'll do it, but I'm open to it.
Hello.
Hello there, Dave Smith.
Remember when someone said the super chat last year to Clint Watson when it shows so much that some huge fan had the kidstar cheer that person up on the show?
Well, that's me with that Dave Smith shirt.
I would love for you to congratulate me because I just won an option that I wanted from last week's online charity Auction Against Cancer, which it will be delivered at late May.
I finally met Juan Bottist, that kid star who gave me the confidence I need to meet him last February in the rally against the war machine.
My question for you is: as president, if you had to choose between Rob and Michael Malice, who would you appoint as press secretary?
All right, let me say, I'm going to throw you a curveball here, dude.
You're my fucking press secretary.
I want you yelling at these people all day long.
I want them to go, we want a press conference.
And I'll go, do you?
Do you really?
All right.
Well, this is what you got to tangle with here.
And he's ready to go for hours.
He came in with the energy like he was about to say thank you.
Oh, my God.
He goes, hey, look over there.
I want my power.
You got the fucking job.
I didn't think anyone could beat Michael Malice out, but it's you.
It's you, bro.
Fucking, you got the energy, the fucking accent, everything we need.
Everything we need to go get after it.
All right.
What do we have here?
Do we have a limit on time?
How are we doing on time in the back, guys?
Do we have time for a couple more questions?
10-15.
All right, 10-15.
All right, let's do a few more.
All right.
Hey, Dave.
What's up, brother?
I have a friend who works at the Federal Reserve, and I know for everyone in this.
Fuck your friends.
I'm pretty sure everyone.
That's not right.
Hey, guys, that's not right.
It's accurate, but it's not right.
It's not.
Sir, I got your back.
Don't worry.
I know we all know in this room how horrible it is there, but for a typical rank and file employee who thinks that they're doing good work and that the Federal Reserve needs to be there in society, can you give a little history lesson and maybe the memorial case to end the Fed?
That's a good point.
Well, listen, a lot of these places are probably great places to work.
You remember when there were those, Raytheon had those commercials about what a great place it is for a trans person to work because they're so inclusive?
And like, that's probably right.
Like, they're probably really nice to their trans employees.
It just sucks if you're getting that bomb dropped on your head in like a little Muslim village somewhere.
So I think that the best thing I would say is you could read Jekyll Island by Edward G. Griffin.
And he, in that book, he really, it's like he's making these wild claims about what the Fed is, but then it's footnoted like a motherfucker.
So he's making these claims that you're like, this can't possibly be right.
But then at the bottom of every page is a footnote that's like, oh yeah, no, here's the actual quote from the guys.
And so, yeah, it's, it's, so if you just try to explain, like, try to get that guy to go, if he's interested at all, to be like, hey, what is this organization you work for?
Hey, you should fucking read this book.
Mises Institute Footnotes00:08:24
And if he's willing to do that, he'll kind of see that it's like, oh, yeah, this is all it is, is the fucking bankers got together and fucking built a cartel so that they could rip off the rest of us.
That's all it is.
And, you know, that's, to me, the best case to end the Federal Reserve is just understanding what the Federal Reserve is.
That it was a group of private bankers who got together who realized they could pay off fucking congressmen to create a fucking central bank that they had complete control over.
And it's fucked up.
And, you know, I don't know your friend well enough.
Some people are willing to do fucked up shit.
I know people who have like worked at fucking weapons companies who are anti-war people, but they're just like, they're paying me good.
You know?
And if he's got that attitude, I don't know if you're going to convince him otherwise.
But at least let him know that and let it gnaw away at his fucking conscience for a while.
Like, maybe you should do something else.
All right.
What do we got here?
I always thought Charles Krauthammer was a patriot, but I heard you say he was pure evil.
Yeah.
Okay.
Can you tell me why?
I don't know.
Oh, yeah, no.
I'm right.
You weren't.
Okay, no, no, I don't know.
That's all right.
Tell me why.
So Charles Krauthammer was like a huge, like, he was the big neocon guy.
He advocated for every fucking war from the 90s all the way through Obama.
I mean, his big criticism of Obama was that Obama was too soft.
That when Obama was bombing the shit out of Syria and arming al-Qaeda, that he wasn't bombing them fast enough and arming al-Qaeda fast enough.
That was, yeah, he was just goddamn awful.
He was a very smart guy, and everyone at Fox News would always give him a lot of props, like, oh, you're the great, brilliant guy in a wheelchair.
But he was absolutely just like a pure neocon fucking evil war hawk.
So I don't, you know, if you look at what he advocated throughout his whole career, terrible, terrible guy.
Just awful.
And he's, and wrong about everything.
Like, he was a guy, just like all the other neocons, he was the guy who was always like, he's supposed to be this big brain foreign policy expert.
And he'd always be explaining, like, if we overthrow Saddam, then democracy will sweep the region, and Saudi Arabia will become a democracy, and all of this will happen.
And then we did it, and the exact opposite happened.
And then he'd be like, well, if we do this, you know, if we overthrow Gaddafi, then democracy will sweep Libya.
And then blah, blah, blah.
And then we did it and the opposite happened.
By like the sixth time, you're like, I don't think you're that smart.
You know?
And so he was, you know, I hate to speak ill of the dead, especially the crippled dead.
But he was a really bad guy.
Dr. Strange.
Yeah, he was.
Yeah, he was not a good fucking guy.
So I don't know.
If you need more, go back and read some of his articles in the 90s.
Go read all his pieces about foreign policy.
Read his predictions because he made really strong predictions and they're all wrong.
So yeah, that's bad, bad man.
Thank you.
So the Mises Institute has been one of the biggest drivers of my political and cultural worldview.
And Jeff Deist recently left the Mises Institute, left the Human Action Podcast.
Do you see the Mises Institute changing or the future of whatever Jeff Deist is doing, changing things?
Do you have insight in what's going on there?
Yeah, I mean, so I just talked to Jeff yesterday, and we're going to do a podcast within the next week.
We're trying to work out the day because we're both traveling a lot.
So I don't, you know, I'll be interested to kind of like talk to him about some of this stuff.
I also just, he just put out a book who's really, really good.
So that's A Strange Liberty is Jeff Dice's new book.
It was really great.
So I want to talk to him about that and talk to him about the Mises Institute stuff a bunch.
I don't know.
I'm a little concerned about it.
To me, also, the Mises Institute was like the greatest organization in the world.
And they really introduced me to everything that I, you know, really, really helped me understand what's going on in the world.
I'm concerned because he was like the guy who was like the steward of that organization.
Lou Rockwell is the hero of all heroes, you know?
But he's also old, you know?
And this is like the kind of thing that the liberty movement is going through.
Is like Ron Paul is old and Lou Rockwell is old.
And a lot of these guys are kind of toward the end.
And Jeff Dice leaving now, I don't exactly know who's going to grab the reins over there and take it to the next level.
There's great people at the Mises Institute.
There's still so many great people there.
I'm sure they'll figure it out and what the next step is, but it's something I'll be real interested to talk to Jeff Deist about.
So it's, I don't, that's, sorry, that's not a great answer to your question, but it's like, let me try to find out.
Last question.
Last question.
All right, here we go.
Yeah, you hear a lot from libertarians and right-leaning people too, like around here.
Just a sentiment that it's kind of pointless to vote, like especially in the presidential, just it's a blue area.
So like, what's your opinion on that?
I think voting is largely symbolic.
I think voting in like local elections is something that can matter.
You know, like if you're voting in, if you're in your town and there's a few thousand people voting, like, okay.
But it's just kind of like a math question, you know?
Like if you fucking, if you were deciding on something and you were like, there's three people voting, let's say, and if two out of the three vote in the direction you vote, then something's going to change.
You'd be like, okay, that's important because if I and one of these other two people vote this way, we win.
But if there were fucking 600 people voting, you'd be like, oh, that doesn't really matter that much.
If there's 6,000 people voting, it really doesn't matter that much what your vote is.
And if there's 90 million people voting, then it's nothing.
And it's insane to pretend it is anything.
So what voting actually means is like, if there's a candidate who's saying something so awesome that you're like, I want that person to get as many votes as possible so that it sends a message to the system, then that kind of matters.
Maybe that's worth doing it.
I'm just saying, my whole thing is just like, don't pretend the magic is real.
Like, don't like vote with this idea that it's my patriotic duty and I'm participating in democracy or something.
Like, no, you're not.
But that doesn't mean don't vote for someone.
I fucking waited online to vote for Ron Paul because, God damn, if Ron Paul runs for anything, I'll vote for Ron Paul.
Because fucking, I don't care.
If he's running, I'll go vote for that guy because he's that great.
But I was also like a realist.
I wasn't like, I'm changing the world right now, you know?
Like, if you, when you see that homeless guy, you know, you're asking about the homeless in the back, that I think that guy should be, you know, kicked out of the public street.
But if I'll go give him five bucks, and if you go give someone who's hungry five bucks, you're doing so much more for the world than you are when you're voting.
Like, you're actually doing something.
You know what I mean?
You're actually doing like what you tipping your weight staff tonight is more important than you voting.
Yeah, they're homeless is what I'm trying to say to you, okay?
They don't have a home.
Give them money.
But so I just, it's not like, I'm not against voting.
I'm just saying, like, be real about what, you know, like what the actual impact is that you're doing.
And if you talk to like, you know, like if you, if you talk to your kids or your friends or anything about like what you really believe in and what you think is wrong in the world, I think that's way more important than just casting a vote.
But that doesn't mean go cast your vote for the person who you think is the best person for the job.
I still support doing that.
But I think we should be realistic about what it actually means.
Real Impact Over Votes00:00:24
All right, Rob.
We fucking did it, dude.
We did it.
Wait, man.
Thank you guys so much, everybody, for coming out tonight.
Zaney's Chicago.
Two sold-out shows tonight.
I'm very grateful to all of you guys for coming out.
I'll be outside taking pictures in about 10 minutes if you guys want to do that.