Host James Smith of the Gas Digital Network details his 11-day absence due to a personal crisis involving his newborn son, Victor. After a routine sonogram revealed heart abnormalities initially diagnosed as tetralogy of Fallot, the condition was corrected at Columbia Presbyterian Hospital to transposition of the great arteries, necessitating open-heart surgery. While managing their two-and-a-half-year-old daughter and witnessing Victor's life-saving procedures, Smith reflects on his wife Lauren's resilience and the profound emotional toll of the ordeal. Ultimately, this harrowing experience reshaped his perspective on fatherhood, marriage, and the fragility of life, transforming a period of missed events into a deeper appreciation for survival. [Automatically generated summary]
Transcriber: nvidia/parakeet-tdt-0.6b-v2, sat-12l-sm, and large-v3-turbo
|
Time
Text
Processing a Hard Situation00:12:40
Fill her up!
You are listening to the Gash Digital Network.
We need to roll back the state.
We spy on all of our own citizens.
Our prisons are flooded with nonviolent drug offenders.
If you want to know who America's next enemy is, look at who we're funding right now.
Every single one of these problems are a result of government being way too big.
You're listening to more of the problem on the Gas Digital Network.
Here's your host, James Smith.
What's up, everybody?
Oh, welcome, welcome to a brand new episode.
It's been a little while, about 11 or 12 days that I have been out of commission.
But yeah, I apologize for that, but thank you guys for listening to this one.
Been a lot going on.
And so I thought on this episode, I would just catch you guys up and fill you in on what's been going on with me and why I've been out for so long.
And the schedule has been a little bit wacky.
And it might continue to be a little bit wacky in the very near future.
And I caught Chappelle's new special and it blew my mind.
I needed some time to just process the whole thing.
Really, really soak in it.
I have not seen it yet.
I don't know.
I've heard mixed things.
The LGBTQ community does not seem to agree with your thumbs up, Brian, but I appreciate your feedback.
And it's just me.
Rob's out for this one.
I think he's still traveling around.
He was down in Texas the other day having some fun with the boys, it looked like.
All right.
So I'm, whew, I'm a little uncomfortable to talk about this.
And I haven't told a whole lot of people about what's been going on with me.
And I mean, I get Brian, my producer here, I gave minimal information.
And I've told some of my very close friends.
I told like Lewis and Jay and Scott and Michael and a few other people.
But, oh, by the way, I guess I should just preface.
Everything's okay if I'm telling you this.
It looks like everything is going to be okay.
So I don't want to get people's minds going in a crazy direction.
But so my wife and I had our baby boy about 11 days ago on the 29th of September at 11.55 p.m. by five minutes, made it onto Ludwig von Mises' birthday.
So that was pretty cool, I thought.
But yeah, when my wife first got pregnant, you know, very, very excited to have another child and still am.
It's just the greatest thing ever.
And the last 11 days or so have been, whew, like, you know, some of the greatest days of my life and without question, some of the most difficult days of my life.
But when she first got pregnant, I kind of thought, you know, because I already had a kid this time, it wasn't like the first time I'd kind of be a little more prepared for it and, you know, know what to expect.
And boy, was I wrong about that.
This has been a whole, a whole different experience and journey and much more, much more difficult than the first one was.
So a few months back, we were at a sonogram and we just, you know, kind of like a routine sonogram that you go to in a pregnancy.
And we were, me and my wife were in there and the technician was doing the sonogram.
And we both noticed that the technician was spending an awful lot of time taking pictures of the baby's heart, which is disconcerting.
And it's a weird thing because they don't diagnose anything.
They're just taking the pictures.
But it seemed, my wife knew it right away.
She was like, something's not right.
I was trying, I was maybe a little bit in denial or something.
Like, I was like, nah, you know, sometimes they're at weird angles.
They can't get the right picture that they need.
But so we found out that day that the baby had a heart defect.
And, you know, they didn't know exactly what it was.
So they send you to a pediatric cardiologist for an echocardiogram to have a serious sonogram of the heart to figure out what it is.
And so it was, we got an appointment.
We were lucky.
We got an appointment 24 hours later, which sometimes it takes days.
But man, I will tell you that those 24 hours were, at that point, probably the toughest 24 hours of my life.
I mean, you have no idea what it's going to be.
And heart problems can range from bad to really, really, really bad.
So after that, we went and got the echocardiogram.
The baby was diagnosed with a tetralogy of fallot at the time, which is pretty serious and requires surgery.
Anyway, once we found out about that, we got much better doctors.
And I'm very fortunate that I was able because of the position I'm in, or you know, I was able to get the best in the world.
So we went to Columbia Presbyterian Hospital, which if you're going to have heart surgery on a newborn, which is not something you want to do, but that is the place to do it.
And so we went there and they found out that that was actually, that diagnosis was incorrect.
And he actually had something called transposition of the great arteries, which are essentially the two major arteries are flipped and they got to have surgery to flip them back.
Anyway, so I knew this was going to happen for a few months now.
And that's actually why some of the schedule has been a little bit messed up over the last few months.
And I, you know, just really tried throughout that time to be strong.
You know, I got a two and a half year old daughter at home.
And this whole situation was very, very hard on my wife.
And I really just kind of went into beast mode when that all happened.
And I was like, well, this is, listen, I'm just going to be a rock for the family and make sure we keep everything together.
And that's kind of what my attitude was for the last few months, just kind of preparing for this and just really trying to be strong for them.
It's really hard.
It's a really, really hard situation.
And yeah.
So by the way, this is uncomfortable for me to talk about.
Most of my shows, I don't really talk about myself.
We talk about things going on in the world.
And I promise I will get back to that moving forward.
But this episode, I just, I felt like I got to tell everyone what happened.
And I know the people who listen to this show, it's a weird thing.
Like, even though a lot of you guys have never met me, we do kind of have a relationship.
And I know I feel like I know people whose shows I've listened to who I never met.
And so I kind of want to tell you guys.
I also just want to tell everybody else without having to talk to everybody.
So for everyone who's been sending me messages that I haven't gotten back to or emails I haven't responded to or shows I haven't done or anything like that, this is what's been going on.
So, yeah, it was right away.
I mean, just finding out the news was very, very difficult.
You know, we were very excited to have another baby.
And it was really hard that, you know, you couldn't just enjoy this time that's supposed to be such a great time where you're getting ready to have your second kid.
And you got a little two and a half year old, which is such a fun age.
And then there was kind of this dark cloud.
And, you know, really, it was just, it was really tough seeing how much it, you know, how hard it was for my wife, who's just like the best person.
And everyone who knows her knows this.
She's just the best.
And I'm just so lucky that I was able to trap her and then, you know, eventually lock her in and put her in a position where she's unable to leave.
But she's really just such an incredible person.
And to see her kind of go through all this was very hard.
And I think I did my best to really be strong for her and, you know, just go into a mode where like everything's going to be all right.
And we get done everything we need to get done because there was a lot of stuff, a lot of stuff to get done.
This is also why I've been in the studio for the last few weeks.
It's why I've been back in the city because I needed to get my daughter into the city to be close by the hospital.
So everything, you know, we can be going back and forth.
So I was as prepared for this as you could be.
But as I've experienced over the last 11 days, there's really, man, really nothing can prepare you for this situation.
It's just, oof, man, it's tough.
It's certainly unlike anything I've ever been through.
And it's, I've learned a lot from the situation.
You know, it's kind of, I guess I had this idea of myself that has been, that's, you know, I had this idea that like, well, I'm pretty tough and I've been through some shit in my life and, you know, whatever.
It's like not having a father or having, you know, like fucking, you know, I don't know, having some tough times in my life.
But man, there is nothing, there is really nothing that compares to fearing for your kid's life.
It's a it's a terror that is just pretty awful and pretty hard to describe.
And I've really tried to be strong for the rest of my family, but it's been very hard.
It's been hard on everyone and me, myself included.
So he was born and he had open heart surgery, which is goddamn terrifying to watch your, you know, your newborn baby have open heart surgery.
But the good news is that the surgery was successful.
He's doing very well.
We're still up in the NICU, which is an awfully depressing place to be.
And it's really not a place you ever want to be, but he's doing really good.
And I'm just incredibly grateful to all of the amazing doctors who have taken care of him and fixed him up.
And it's poof.
It's really something.
It's hard.
There's no one you'll ever have as much gratitude toward.
I mean, with the exception of my wife for giving me my two babies, it's, you know, like there's this, the, the surgeon who performed the surgery.
He'll pop in every now and then and just, you know, kind of like check on him.
And you just like see this guy who, you know, you know, saved your boy's life.
And you got this thing where you're like, like, hey, can I, do you want all my money or my house or a foot or a hand?
Like, do you, can I mow your lawn every day for the rest of my life?
Like, what do you want?
Best Shipping Rates and Offers00:03:21
I mean, don't get me wrong.
He's going to charge me a lot of money for it.
It's not as if it's a free service, but goddamn, are they, are they great?
I really, everybody up there at the Columbia Presbyterian Children's Hospital is just incredible.
I mean, from his cardiologist, his surgeon, the NICU doctors, a whole bunch of the nurses, just fucking incredible.
Like some of the most amazing human beings I've ever met.
And they've just all done a great job and he's doing really good.
So it's still a little bit of a situation.
Anytime you're in a baby intensive care unit, things can happen and it's very concerning, but things are looking good.
But it has been the toughest stretch of my life.
And so that's what's been going on.
And just wanted to kind of fill you guys in on that.
All right, let's take a quick moment and thank our sponsor for today's show.
Okay, granted, this seems like a little bit of a weird show to have to cut to advertisers in the middle of, but you know what?
I got some stuff to pay for these days.
So we're going to do that.
And I thank very much stamps.com for sponsoring this show.
If you sell stuff online, then you know shipping can be a real pain.
Which carrier should you use?
Are you getting the best rates?
Will they get there on time?
Stamps.com takes all the hassle and guesswork out of shipping your orders.
You can easily compare shipping rates and delivery dates.
You get all the best carriers, all the best rates, all in one convenient place.
No more hunting for rates on multiple carrier websites.
No more paying retail prices for shipping.
Stamps.com gives you access to a wide range of deeply discounted shipping options, up to 40% off postal service rates and up to 66% off UPS rates.
For over 20 years, stamps.com has helped over a million businesses save time and money on shipping.
Stamps.com has negotiated deeply discounted rates for you from the U.S. Postal Service, UPS, DHL, and more.
Stamps.com automatically connects your online stores and brings in shipping info for all orders.
All you have to do is print the shipping labels and stick them on your packages.
It's that easy.
Stamps.com integrates with the most popular online marketplaces and shopping carts, including Amazon, Etsy, Shopify, and eBay.
Once your packages are ready to go, just schedule a pickup or drop them off.
No traffic, no lines.
With stamps.com tracking tools and automated delivery notification emails, you can avoid those dreaded where's my package calls and emails, especially as we gear up for the holidays.
And if you ever have a question, stamps.com's award-winning U.S.-based shipping support team is ready to help.
There's no risk.
And with my promo code PROBLEM, you'll get a special offer.
It includes a four-week trial plus free postage and a digital scale, all with no long-term commitments or contracts.
You'll be up and running in minutes.
Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in problem.
That's stamps.com, promo code problem.
Stamps.com.
Easy e-commerce shipping for less, a lot less.
Proud of Our Fortunate Situation00:12:30
All right, let's get back into it.
I've learned quite a lot in this short period of time, and I'm sure as I have more time to reflect on it, I'll think about it more and kind of think about how it's changed me.
It's like it's a real weird thing to face the darkest thing of your life and to come out the other side of it, you know, and have this feeling like of a new lease on life and kind of gaining this new perspective on everything.
And, you know, just, I don't know, really, really makes you appreciate what's important in this world and what really matters.
So that's something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
And yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know what else.
What more can I tell you guys about the situation?
You know, it's funny when I first found out I was having a boy, I was really so excited about that.
And I love having a little girl.
And I would have been fine having another little girl, but there was something pretty cool about having one of each and having a son.
You know, when I had my daughter, I kind of felt like my wife's such a great person.
And I know it's, by the way, I'm not just like saying this.
It's like, like I said, like everyone who knows Lauren like loves her and just knows what an incredible person she is.
And she's just like, you know, when I was having a daughter with her, it just, in a way, I guess maybe this is silly, but the way I felt about it was like that it was just, it was almost like so easy.
It's like she's like, she's so great.
And she's this like, she's just this, like the sweetest person.
And she's, she's really strong and also still very girly and just beautiful.
And like, you know, I was just like, well, she's going to be the best mom.
It was just obvious.
And so it's not like, like, I almost kind of felt like, well, my daughter is like, she's got it all.
She's got like the perfect role model.
And then basically all I got to do is like, you know, protect and provide and fucking love the shit out of her.
And then she's great.
Like there's, you know, like she's got the perfect role model here.
So that's, I know I can do that.
So that's, you know, easy.
And, but with having a son, I feel like much more of an enormous pressure.
Like, I got to teach this boy how to be a man.
And it's amazing.
Like after only being here for a few days, I'm like the one who's blown away by him.
Like I'm just so I'm just so like impressed.
This kid's like my hero.
And he came out day one and was fighting for his life and he's just been so strong.
And he's just, I'm really proud of him.
And I'm really proud of my wife because this has been really hard on her.
And she's done, she's just done a fantastic job.
She's really been, she's been a star.
And I mean, my wife, like, it's pretty incredible to see.
I mean, I always, I thought this when she had my daughter.
And I remember, I remember talking to Lewis about this and him talking about this with his son's mother when he first had, when they had his son.
And, you know, a lot of fathers like feel this way.
Like you're kind of blown away by what women are capable of when they have your baby.
You see what they go through and how strong they are.
And I remember thinking that and talking about that on the episode I did right after my daughter was born, sitting right here in this chair, you know, two and a half, three, almost three years ago.
But this was like a whole different level.
I mean, she was like, my wife, like, you know, she, she was, I mean, like within hours after giving birth to him, she was like, they were like, all right, you got to stay in bed for the day.
And she was like getting out of bed, like, no, I'm going to go see him actually.
And like, nothing was going to stop her from getting to him.
And it's just been incredible to watch.
And it's also really challenging because we got, you know, we have our daughter as well.
So it's kind of being there, being torn in all these different directions and making sure that you're like spending time with both kids.
And it's just, whew, it's been really challenging, really challenging for all of us.
And yeah.
So, sorry, it's kind of hard to talk about.
But yeah, it's just, so I'm really proud of her and I'm really proud of him.
I'm really proud of my daughter for how great she's been.
I mean, both of our mother, my mother and Lauren's mother have really been helping out a lot.
And thank God for that because, you know, my daughter's just having, she's having a great time.
She's bossing her grandmother's around the whole time and enjoying life.
So she's that, that's been good.
And it's made things a lot easier.
And it's made things a lot easier that he's, you know, done so well with the surgery.
But man, you don't know.
I mean, surgery took like, it's like eight hours.
And just sitting there for eight hours.
And those eight hours, I mean, they felt like fucking months.
I mean, it was just brutal.
I thought some of the lead up to it was tough and I thought I was kind of prepared mentally to go into it, but there's nothing like that time, man.
Really hard.
And a lot of the hardest part for me is watching how hard it was for my wife.
And probably the hardest part, you know, is watching how hard it is on the baby.
You know, for him to have to go through that just seems so wrong and so unfair.
And, you know.
But also just for me, it's been very difficult.
I'm really, I'm a family guy.
I mean, you know, not the show, but I'm a that's really, that's my whole world at this point.
And that's, you know, I had kids late.
I mean, I guess not super late by today's standards, but like by historical standards, you know, late in life.
Like I'm going to be 39 in a few months.
I'm almost 40.
You know, it's not like I'm not a fucking kid.
I remember how old 40 sounded to me when I was 15 or whatever.
You know, 40's old.
That's a dad.
You're supposed to be a dad.
But maybe because we, you know, we grow up late in our culture today, but it just, it just suited me so well.
Like as soon as I just like had, like, you know, got married and had kids and stuff, it was just like, yeah, that's just all I want to do.
And that's all I really do.
I just, I work and I'm with my family.
People know this about me.
I used to like hang out all the time.
I don't really hang out anymore.
I don't do anything.
I just, I don't want to.
I just like spending time with my girls and now my boy.
And that's, that's what I do.
That's my whole life.
So it was very, you know, it's like I could be pretty resilient to being hit in almost any area in my life.
But this, you know, this is one that I really am, you know, not capable of handling as well.
It's, it's very, very hard.
And It's, you know, I'm like, this, this whole, like this last little stretch, this last week and a half or whatever has been really, really tough, really tough.
I'm a bit of a maniac as a, as a father.
And I'm a little, I'm a little crazy.
I know that, but I defend it.
I think I'm right to be.
And I'm very, I guess, controlling.
I don't know.
I mean, I got young kids, not like I'm like controlling like a 17-year-old or something like that.
But like, I, I'm, I was insane with my daughter, you know, and I, I, my daughter's never been, my daughter's never been with a babysitter.
I mean, she's never been with anyone else.
She's been with her, her two grandmothers.
It's the only people who have ever watched her.
I don't like leave my kid with other people.
I don't like, you know, my wife is a stay-at-home mom.
And like, we're fortunate.
I'm not like looking down at anybody else.
I'm just like, we're fortunate in the situation I'm in that we can do that.
I've, I've, you know, I can kind of like, uh, I have an independent career and I'm my own boss.
So I can kind of craft my own hours and stuff like that.
And I spend a ton of time with her and my wife spends all the time with her.
And I don't, I mean, I was when my daughter was born, I remember when we were in the hospital, you know, they'll like do things like, you know, when you first have the baby where they're like kind of, they'll try to take the baby and go do something.
It's like, oh, we have to take her for a little bit.
And I'm like, huh?
Well, what are you going to do?
And then, you know, they'll be like, well, we have to take her and do X, Y, Z.
And you're like, okay, I'll come.
They're like, oh, we prefer you stay.
And I was like, well, I'm coming.
So that's, that's awesome that you prefer that.
That's so cool.
You should write that down on a piece of paper with all of your preferences, like your favorite potato chips and pretzels and all the stuff you like.
But I'm going to come because that's my daughter.
And I know I'm a little bit weird about this, but I remember I actually got into it with some of the people at the hospital when she was born because they're just like, listen, we have to take her.
And I'm like, well, actually, are you threatening to kidnap my daughter from me right now?
Because that's going to be an issue.
So, but it's just like, no.
And I just, I don't know.
I think I'm right.
I know I'm a little bit crazy about it, but I think I'm right.
I'm like, no, I don't see why I can't come with you to that room and why she hasn't this, this two-day-old baby is going to have her father with her this whole time.
I'm very, you know, like the world is a tough place.
And you know that you're going to have to send your kids into that at some point.
But for as long as I can protect them and put a bubble around them and control everything to be as close to a perfect, loving environment with as much bonding as possible, that's what I'm going to do.
And that's like the type of parent that I am.
And man, oh man, was it really hard?
It's really, really hard on me to have to give all of that up this time.
You know, and like you have a baby where you really just have to just hand him over and like have complete like faith in these other people that they're going to take care.
I mean, like the second he was born, they took him from us.
And of course they have to, you know, I wasn't arguing this time like I was last time.
This, I, I understood.
It's, you know, they had to go save his life.
And I remember, so I came out of the room with my wife.
And so they took the baby.
And then I came out of the room and I walked like down the hall.
And then you see the room where the baby's in.
They have like this little mini NICU that they set up down on the delivery floor before they transfer him up to the NICU.
And I walk by and just see through the window.
And there's like, I mean, there must have been like at least a dozen, maybe like 15 like doctors and nurses in the room with him.
And it's just like, I mean, it's like the most sickening feeling.
Like, man, was that rough?
Just seeing, you know, I mean, it's like on one level, it's like, okay, it's comforting.
Like, okay, they're all on top of this, but it's so like, oh my God, this is such a serious thing that's happening with your baby.
And we just, you know, we stood there for a few hours before we got an update.
I mean, I paced, I was pacing around that hospital.
Like, there might be fucking, I think there's probably like sneaker prints in the wood floor at that place.
My legs the next day, I felt like I fucking ran a marathon.
Like, I was just fucking ferociously pacing.
And yeah, so, but anyway, so then they, you know, they came gave us an update.
Things were like real touch and go there for a little while.
So that was a whole thing.
Man, for my wife, you know, after just giving birth and then you find out that things are like real risky, it's just so hard.
Quip Changed My Oral Habits00:03:07
So, so been through a lot of darkness over the last few days, but then also like the most beautiful thing ever when you find out that he's doing okay.
And so it was good.
It's just, it's so bonkers, man.
It's just, it's a lot.
It's a whole lot going on.
But it looks like, at least it feels to me like we kind of got over the mountain and we're now on the way down, which is, which is really beautiful.
A really beautiful thing.
All right, guys, let's take a moment and thank our sponsor for today's show, which is Quip.
Quip is the oral habits company that's changed my life.
Me and my wife have both been using their toothbrush for years now.
I use the floss and the mouthwash.
I love their gum.
The Quip electric toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths and has timed sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two minute clean, a lightweight and sleek design for adults and kids.
And hey, I got another kid who's going to need some teeth to be brushed pretty soon.
No wires, no bulky charger to weigh you down.
It has a multi-use travel cover that doubles as a mirror mount for less clutter.
Reusable handles in a range of sleek metal hues, including best-selling all-black and all-pink, as well as bright plastic colors, sure to make a pop to your bathroom counter.
On top of your brushing, you can upgrade your Quip with a new smart motor to track and improve your brushing with the free Quip app.
Earn amazing rewards like free refills, products, target gift cards, and more.
Beyond the brush, Quip has everything you need to build a complete routine.
They have the anti-cavity toothpaste in mint and watermelon.
It helps prevent cavities.
Two-way floss, floss string that expands to clean.
Reusable floss picks that replace over 180 disposable picks with every refill.
Refillable gum that's sugar-free.
It has long-lasting mint flavor and comes with a dispenser.
I love the gum and the dispenser, by the way.
Kind of like the A Pez style dispenser.
It's excellent.
Refillable mouthwash.
That's a four times concentrate plus good for you and the planet.
In addition to the brush, Quip also delivers fresh floss toothpaste mouthwash and gum refills every three months from $5 shipping as free so you can save money and skip the hustle and bustle of in-store shopping.
I'm telling you guys, this really helps out a lot.
It just takes care of your complete oral health habits.
They deliver it to you on a timely schedule so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
And they have everything you need.
The toothbrush, the toothpaste, the floss, the gum, the mouthwash, everything you need to just feel great, have great breath, have a healthy mouth.
You go to getquip.com slash problem right now, you'll get your first refill for free.
So your first refill is free.
If you go to getquip.com slash problem, that's g-e-t-q-u-i-p.com slash problem QUIP, the GOOD Habits Company.
All right, let's get back into the show.
Finding Meaning After Burden00:10:02
So, just trying to uh trying to stay positive and be strong through through this whole thing, i've i've had my moments and it has not uh, it has not been easy, but um, as I said before, very proud of of everyone, very grateful uh to everyone.
Um, I have uh, as I talked about on the show after I had my, my daughter, I really kind of found Go when I, when I had my daughter and let me tell you, i've been, i've been talking to him quite a bit lately and um, I I really am just so grateful to God that everything has has worked out okay.
I've never uh prayed so hard in my life as I have over the last uh few months and particularly over the last uh, the last uh week and a half um, and uh, so far uh, my prayers have been answered.
So i'm very, very grateful uh for that.
And it's really man these, these kids man, having kids they, they teach you a lot.
I, you know, my daughter was my first and she kind of like um she, I don't know it's, it's hard to describe, it's my daughter, it like introduced me to myself.
She she, she taught me what the meaning of life is.
She taught me how capable of love I am, how capable of evil I am.
You know, like that's the thing I think.
Maybe people who aren't parents may not get what I mean by that, but I bet everyone who's a parent gets exactly what I mean.
Like I she really, she taught me how, how much I could love a person unconditionally.
And she also taught me, you know, what I'm capable of doing to protect her and just, you know, introduced me to like meaning and purpose and love and everything good in the world.
And she made me a father, you know.
And so you know, my son didn't make me a father, my daughter did.
But man, did my son really show me just everything that matters and everything that doesn't?
And there's nothing I don't know if there's anything that can really do that for you, as much as thinking that you're gonna lose what actually matters um, and man, and and he, just He, I don't know, he taught me about courage and bravery and how to really be a man.
And I, you know, I think I've done a pretty good job at that throughout all of this, really being, you know, like what the job of a man is.
And that's, that's to, you know, I kind of thought after having my daughter and the last few years that, you know, well, the role of a man is to provide and protect your family, which it is.
But what my son really taught me was that the role of a man is that.
And then when there's a real crisis, when there's a real crisis to stand strong and to assure everybody else that everything's going to be okay.
And you do whatever you can, whatever's in your power to make sure, to take as much of the burden onto yourself and lift as much of the burden off everyone else as you can.
And anyway, that's what I've learned.
That's what I've learned so far from him.
And I'm sure there's going to be more.
And God damn, he is a beautiful little kid.
And I fucking love him so much already.
He's a beautiful, man.
Me and Lauren make some beautiful kids.
I don't really post pictures of my kids.
I don't put them out there.
Even this is more information than I'm that comfortable sharing about my kids.
But I just, this was a kind of crazy thing that happened to me.
And it seemed, I don't know, it just seemed almost like disingenuous to me to like not tell you guys about it because it's something so serious that I'm going through in my life.
And this whole show is kind of about my take on the world.
And so it's, how could I not tell you about this?
But anyway, I don't really put pictures out there, but me and Lauren make some goddamn beautiful little babies.
I'll tell you that much.
And anyway, so I'm really, you know, so things, things are going a lot better as of right now.
And it was, the surgery was very hard.
It's very hard in the aftermath.
Very, very hard to see your baby.
You know, all types of tubes and stuff in them.
And, you know, like I was saying before, it's like so hard for me to like give them up to these other people and to like have days where you can't hold them and console them and stuff like that.
It was real hard on me and just really hard, really hard on my wife.
But that's been getting better.
You know, tubes are coming out and things are getting better and better.
We can hold them now and stuff.
We're still, like I said, we're still in the NICU and it's still a stressful time running around for my daughter and my son and all of that.
But the other thing and probably the main thing that I've taken away from all of this was just, man, like how great my wife is.
And man, I'm just so lucky about that.
And that's why I said, like, you know, the number one piece of advice that I have for everyone who listens to the show, particularly for the young men who Who listened to the show is just, goddamn, you've, the best thing you can do in this world is find yourself like a great woman and lock her up and take care of her and be good to her and just lock her down and, you know, literally, physically, lock her down.
You're going to need some chains.
You're going to need a bolt lock.
You're going to need a basement.
Doesn't have to be a spacious basement.
Just has to be below ground.
But it just, it makes life a lot better, a lot better.
And to see, you know, what she's sacrificed to give me the greatest gifts I've ever had, which are my two babies and particularly this time, and what she's gone through and just what a champion she's been the whole time.
Like she just recovered from having a baby a few days ago.
And you would not, I mean, it's like the last thing on her mind is what she's been going through.
She's just, despite all of this bouncing around, going back and forth and being a great mother to both our kids, being a great wife to me, I got a lot better than I deserve in this world.
And I'm well aware of that.
And I'm really, really grateful.
Really, really grateful for that.
So I'm really proud of her and how she's handled everything.
And yeah.
And so that's that.
And now I'm just like in this place where I do just feel like there's this kind of like there was this darkness and now this light afterward, like I have a new lease on life.
And I'm really kind of coming out of this very determined.
I want to get my baby boy home and that hopefully will happen sooner rather than later.
And but yeah, man, I'm going to fucking, I'll tell you, I'm going to attack this whole career with a whole new vigor and really just I'm really inspired by everyone in my life and a lot of people not in my life, like, you know, doctors and nurses and all that stuff.
And I'm going to really, like, really like recommit to trying to be as great as I can at everything that I do for my wife and for my kids.
And I really, you know, I'm inspired by how strong my boy has been right away coming into this world, fighting for his life and prevailing.
We named him Victor, which means victory over death.
And that's what he is.
That was the perfect name.
My wife came up with it.
It was a perfect name.
And yeah, man, I'm inspired by him.
And I'm going to make him proud and inspire him back.
I'm going to try my best to inspire him back as much as he's inspired me.
And anyway, yeah, I guess he won't remember any of this, but I'll be traumatized for the rest of my life.
But, you know, it's okay.
As long as he doesn't remember it, my daughter's doing great and she's just excited to meet her baby brother.
And, you know, I'm just left here as a guy who just hasn't really shaved or showered or brushed his teeth that much in the last 11 days.
Don't worry, Brian.
I did all of that today.
But I mean, not shave, but I did shower and brush my teeth today just out of respect for you.
But yeah, I got a few more grays and got a few more grays in here and been pretty stressed out.
But man, it is a good feeling to be over the scariest of all of it.
So going to be in the NICU for a little while longer.
It's a real awful feeling to not have your baby at home, to not have your kids under one roof.
But I think that's just a matter of time at this point.
Cherishing Moments We Take For Granted00:15:16
All right, guys, let's take a moment and thank our sponsor for today's show, which is Cuts.
In 2016, Cuts founder Steve Borelli felt boxed in by his wardrobe.
He hated having to compromise between style and comfort, so he decided to do something about it.
And he started with reinventing the humble plain tea.
The result, a tea that GQ calls the only shirt worth wearing.
Stylish enough for the boardroom or the street, comfortable enough for workouts in the gym or nights out at a club.
You might think, did we really need a new take on the t-shirt?
Well, the short answer is yes, we did.
Cuts became world famous for making shirts that look as great as they feel.
And now they're reinventing work leisure below the waist too.
Cuts just released their new always-on joggers, designed to never take a day off, even when you do.
Whether you're commuting to the office or out on a date, Cuts joggers offer comfort that never quits and style that never disappoints for a wardrobe as ambitious as you are, as seen on some of the world's elite athletes like Patrick Mayholmes, Damian Lillard, Tim Tebow, and Bryce Harper, just to name a few.
It's not just a lifestyle.
It's not just clothing.
It's work leisure apparel for the sport of business.
And you can get 15% off your order at cutscothing.com slash P-O-T-P.
That's cutsclothing.com slash P-O-T-P for 15% off your first order.
All right, let's get back into the show.
Anyway, so there's, you know, it's messed up the schedule a little bit.
Please bear with me moving forward the next week or two.
I'll do my best to kind of find times when I can come record something.
There's a lot of stuff like I want to fucking talk about, of course, that's going on in the world.
And, you know, I just, I literally just, you know, it's, I was like dark for at least like a week where I wasn't looking at my phone.
I wasn't doing anything.
I wasn't aware of any news.
And then just as everything's kind of okay, you know, and like things are getting back to normal, I start like, you know, going online and looking at all the news and shit.
I'm like, what?
This happened.
Oh my God.
I got so much to say about this and that and this and what?
What the fuck?
Okay.
So I got a lot of stuff and I'll come right back, you know, going hard over the next few weeks.
I had to miss a bunch of stuff, but, you know, all seems very unimportant compared to what I was going through.
But it really did.
I sucked to miss Scott Horton debate, Bill Crystal live.
That'll probably be our next episode.
We'll do like a recap of that.
I'll get Scott on.
And fuck, man, if I wasn't out of commission, I really would have insisted that I get the first recap episode of that.
But I know he already did one with Tom and him and Pete did one on their new show, The End of the Empire.
I haven't listened to it yet, but I know Scott told me they were doing one.
But we'll do our own one.
So I was real proud of him, how he did that.
I was able to watch it.
And yeah, man, he was just fucking incredible.
Just so great.
Such a great moment, but we'll do a whole show on that.
And of course, I'm going to miss Tom Woods, big 2000 episode.
And he's doing like a whole live event, which should be a lot of fun, but I'm going to miss that.
And I am also, I'm going to miss Skank Fest this year.
I'm just not going to be able to come out to that.
It's just too much shit going on.
It's not an okay time for me to leave.
I don't know if we'll be home by then or not.
But either way, it's just everything's very, you know, fragile at the moment.
So just first things first, got to take care of family.
So that's, you know, I'll be off for the rest of the year in terms of like traveling or any of that shit.
But, you know, I'll make sure to keep the podcasts coming out and stuff.
I'm going to try to make Legion of Skanks tomorrow night.
I think I can probably make that work.
You know, it's just like there's moving pieces now because I got to make sure someone's, you know, someone's got to be home with my daughter.
Uh, someone's got to be at the hospital with my boy.
And then if that's the case, then I can be freed up.
So I think I got that all figured out for tomorrow.
Um, but yeah, I um I appreciate all you guys uh bearing with me.
If any of you guys want to send a prayer my family's way, I would certainly be grateful for that.
But as I said, it does look like everything's going to be okay.
And so I'm very happy about that.
It's uh, it's one of the other things that I really learned from this situation.
And this is kind of what I was getting at before.
I apologize if I'm kind of rambling, but it's just this stuff just kind of comes out in the order that it comes out.
Like, one of the things my son really taught me about what it is to be a man that I never learned from really any other experience in life in such a blatant kind of direct way was like there was just, there was a lot of opportunity in all of this to start feeling bad.
for myself and to to just kind of give in to that, which is a really fucking it's a powerful force man, feeling sorry for yourself.
It's a really dark, fucking powerful force, that that everyone is susceptible to, and you really have to make a conscious effort to not go down that path.
And it was, you know, the I, I I could like see it right in front of me like this tempting fucking thing.
It's like I, I don't know something you know out of, like like Lord Of The Rings or something like that, like fighting this temptation to just go with this, this force of like feeling how unfair this all is or why, why does, why did this have to happen to me?
Or like blaming god, or blaming the world, or just being it's so unfair that like i'm such a great dad and I got to deal with this, like why can't I just have this one, you know um, but then like i'd see him and that he was fighting, this little perfect baby who's never done anything wrong to anyone and just so doesn't deserve this and he's fighting for his life and he's doing great, and it would almost just be like yeah dude, like that's just, that's not an option,
because what does that do for anybody else?
Or myself, what does that do for anyone?
It's like okay, have all spend all day feeling sorry for yourself.
It's it's, that's something anyone can do, it's easy and it's it's um, in a weird way, um like rewarding.
You know, like it it feels good to feel bad for yourself because now you get to paint yourself as this, like victim of a situation.
That's easy, that takes nothing.
But what takes something and is actually productive and is actually somewhat noble is to like not feel sorry for yourself and say, let Let me fight, to like ease the burden on everyone else around me as much as I can.
So that's what I've been really trying to do.
And I got to say, I think I've done a pretty good job of that.
So I'm kind of proud of myself.
And I think, you know, like first and foremost, I'm proud of my son.
I'm so proud of my wife.
I just like, that's a weird thing, man.
I really fell in love with my wife, you know, you know, well before we had kids and everyone who I knew, like all my friends, like saw it right away.
And they were like, you know, they were all like, like, Dave never falls in love with chicks like this.
And I never had.
I really never had until I met her.
And I fell so hard in love with her.
And I remember when I had my daughter, I'm sure I said this on the episode that I did right after I had my daughter, that I just, I, I, I couldn't believe that I could fall more in love with her.
Like I thought I was at maximum level in love with a chick.
But after that, it was like, I just, I couldn't believe it.
And I would, I would have been positive before this that there was no deeper level.
Like that was it.
I was maximum 10 out of 10 in love with my wife.
But man, just watching everything, how she's handled this whole thing and what she's gone through, it's just, God damn, I mean, I love her even more than I did before, before all of this.
And that's, that's it.
I'll spend the rest of my life taking care of her and the kids and just trying to give them back what they've, what they've given me.
And yeah, it's, whew, nothing, it's really put things in perspective.
And it's, it's, like I said, I think it's, it's really easy to, particularly in a situation like this, it's very easy to give in to the negative forces and think about everything that's that's been so hard and traumatic about the situation.
But it's it's a much better thing and a tougher thing to really kind of tease out what you've gained from all of this and what I've gained from all of this is a real, you know, a real understanding of what I have, how lucky I am to have it, and how delicate all of this shit is.
And, you know, there's a lot of things that we all take for granted.
That's the nature of humanity.
We tend to just, if something's not an immediate concern right in front of us, then we compartmentalize that as like, okay, well, that's taken care of.
And now let me focus on what my concern is.
And that's part of the reason why we advance more and more and more.
And we advance to the point where genius fucking surgeons can open up a baby's chest and flip his arteries around and save his life, you know, because it's like, okay, well, I don't have to like spend all my time thinking like, man, I'm so grateful that there's enough food to last me through winter or whatever.
We've handled that and now I can focus on this other shit.
We take that for granted and then we move on to the next thing.
And so thank God we work that way.
But it is something every now and then to just be reminded that everything, you know, that you that you care most about can be taken away from you.
And it's, you know, that tragic things happen to people and that that could happen to you.
And to come very close to a tragedy and then avoid it is a real powerful thing.
I think this is the story of jigsaw.
I don't know.
Isn't that?
Maybe I got to start sawing people.
I might have to devise an elaborate game where people have to saw legs off or something.
I forget the movie exactly, but I think it's something.
I think I'm close.
I'm circling around it if I'm not right on it.
But anyway, it's a thing about being a parent, man.
And it's, I think everyone who has kids probably knows what I'm talking about.
But there's all these like, it's the most beautiful thing in the world to have kids.
But the hardest part of it is that you, the, the, your stakes get really raised.
And what you are risking in life is just way higher than before you have kids.
And it's just, it's the difference between, you know, if it's, if, if life was like a poker hand, when, when you're single and you don't have kids, you're like, you know, you, you, you put the auntie in.
But when you have kids, you're all in.
And so you're like, you know, you're just risking a lot more because nothing's scarier than the fact that something could happen to your kid.
Something happening to you really, yeah, again, for someone who's single and doesn't have kids, I'm not saying it's not scary that something could happen to you, but it is like, you know, a hundred thousand times scarier that something could happen to your kid.
And that's just that, you know, I felt that with my daughter, you know, you feel that.
I think everyone has kids.
But to really come close to the reality of something bad could happen to your kid and to actually have to start grappling with that in your mind and really going down that road and almost like preparing yourself in a way for something bad to happen to your kid is a it's, it's a real dark place to be, a really dark place to be and um it's uh it's,
it's something that can really can really break you.
And so i'm i'm i'm, i'm glad that I think you know if, if me and my wife weren't so solid and we didn't have such a great marriage, I think this maybe could have.
You know this, this was certainly enough to really fuck up a not solid marriage.
So I'm really grateful we have that, and I'm grateful to God for everything I have, including this and all you guys who listen.
I know this episode, by the way, is not exactly what people listen to the show for, but I thought, whatever, you could skip this one if you're not into it.
But I'm really lucky, and that's something that's been pretty obvious to me for the last few days since I kind of figured out everything was going to be okay.
It's like just how lucky I am to have that and, first and foremost, you know, to have my wife, to have my daughter now, to have this perfect little boy, to have the career that I love, to just really just do what I love to do.
I mean, that's like, I just don't, I know I don't deserve to have all of this.
And I'm really grateful that I do.
And I won't take that for granted.
I won't take that for granted anymore.
That's kind of what I've come out of all of this thinking.
Yeah.
So, all right.
I guess I'll end my ramblings there.
And okay, next episode, I promise you, we'll be right back into part of the problem and attacking the empire and the crises that face the nation.
We'll talk all about the fucking Scott Horton Bill Crystal debate because, man, that was just so, it was so incredible.
Just so goddamn incredible.
It was whatever.
We'll do a whole episode on that.
But I'm really excited to get into that and talk about all that stuff.