CONTACT US Email: paranaughtica@gmail.com Twitter: @paranaughtica Facebook: The Paranaughtica Podcast If you’d like to help us out with a kindly donation, it would be extremely appreciated. If you’d like to do that and you’re currently listening on Spotify, you can simply scroll down on our page and you’ll see a button to help us out with either a one-time donation or you can set up a monthly recurring donation. If you’re not listening on Spotify, you can: Ko-Fi: Help us out by donating to the podcast through either a 'one-time' donation or a monthly donation. You can find our Ko-Fi at our Facebook page! Paypal: Donate through Paypal to help out the show! You can find our Paypal at our Facebook Page! What do you get out of helping us out with the show!? You get consistent quality content, and also some super cool stickers. We’re also working on other merch, such as coffee mugs, t-shirts, etc. with awesome original artwork. Podcasting is not easy, folks. It takes a tremendous amount of time and effort. We are forever grateful for our faithful listeners and supporters. Today's episode is a little different than what we've been covering. This episode is all about early accounts of U.F.O. sightings, mainly from that beautiful place called 'Ireland'. We'll go over some very early accounts of a specific sighting - that being what has been branded as the 'Air ship of Clonmacnoise'. What is 'Clonmacnoise'? Well, fix your Donegal Caps upon your skulls and slip into your Tweed Pampooties because we're going to Ireland to figure all that out. This is a very interesting historical account. Sources for this episode are the following:https://www.thinkanomalous.com/flying-ship-over-ireland.html https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airship_of_Clonmacnoise#The_Merkel_incident https://heritageireland.ie/places-to-visit/clonmacnoise/ https://journals.lib.unb.ca/index.php/MCR/article/view/17808/22180 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
You know, you're looking mighty dapper in that beige suede vest, sir.
I just wanted to tell you that right out the gate.
Thank you.
The lady at the store told me it would make me more presentable.
Huh. Presentable.
Now, did she tell you to wear just the vest and nothing else like you're currently doing at this moment?
Or what exactly did she say?
Okay, I need specifics.
And presentable to who and for what, actually?
Well, first, sir, distress your breasts, all right?
What? Soothe your boobs, Hakuna, your tatas.
My tatas are none of your business, my friend.
Secondly, she said I could wear this vest and I'd be more presentable.
She did not specify on how I should wear it or what I should wear it with.
Well, it is a nice vest, and I'm glad you're sitting down over there at least six feet away from me.
Well, you know, by the end of the show, I'll be sitting pretty much right next to you and we'll be sharing that microphone.
Oh, well, one can only hope.
Wink, wink.
Did you just touch my ass?
Oh! Well, we'll talk about it later.
Today's story is a little different than what we've been doing.
Right. It's a little different than all the murder, death, mayhem.
Just a small deviation from it.
That is because here at the Paranautica Podcast, we cover all sorts of different topics.
Serial killers, paranormal stuff, murderous pets.
Watch out for your chickens and camels and strange disappearances.
You know, some weird attic stuff, too, with feces and the French police.
Dining on the floor of a crime scene.
You remember that one.
That was great.
And we'll be covering much more than that as this show progresses.
Much as it, you know, has been progressing since day one, and much as it's been progressing so far today.
Correcto, Coop.
Because today we are covering a topic that I fucking love more than my own childhood blankie.
I bet.
I bet.
The stains on that thing are absolutely horrendous.
Horrendous. And it's fucking torn up worse than the name Rip Torn implies.
And it fucking stinks.
Worse than this hostile I stayed at in Belgium this one time?
Man, that was straight up sewer.
It was bad.
Alright. First off, to respond to what you just said, my blankie has cured more ailments, solved more world issues, and judged more contests than you could ever, ever hope to do.
In your pathetic life.
Hit me hard.
Come on, man.
That's my blankie you're talking about, alright?
Let's show a little respect, okay?
Well, I do believe your mechanics reg has a name, right?
Whoa! Okay, alright.
You gave this childhood blankie of yours a name at some point in its disgusting life, like any proud parent, right?
Well, I wish you wouldn't have been hitting below the belt there.
That's pretty embarrassing.
Hey, you brought the topic of your blankie up, you know, as you called it, not I. Yeah, but all I was trying to segue into was the topic of today's episode.
Me naming my blankie did not actually have to be mentioned.
That was a secret, man.
Top secret.
It was best left a secret.
Now the whole world knows about it.
That I named my childhood blankie.
Okay, I named it, people.
Alright, I named it, okay?
I named it.
Hey, dude.
Don't be embarrassed about it.
It's completely normal.
Children name all sorts of inanimate objects, like their blankie, and even sometimes their own shit.
It's fine.
Yeah, I suppose.
So... What is its name?
God damn you, man.
It is Zordon.
Zordon. Yes, Zordon.
From the fictional real-life stories depicted on the Power Rangers?
Yes. The very same.
Sweet. Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen.
Zordon is the name of Scott's childhood blankie.
Yep, yep, yep.
Let me hear it.
Thank you for that, Coop.
I'm sure the people will absolutely go crazy over that piece of information.
Really life-changing stuff here on this podcast.
Life-changing.
Well, I think the fans will go crazy over that piece of information.
I can actually guarantee that.
Well, with how awesome our fans are...
I'd say you probably aren't wrong there, sir.
Well, all right.
Well, you know, I'm sorry for one thing.
I'm sorry for cutting you off as you were about to tell the audience what today's topic is.
Oh, yes, yes.
Today's episode is a good one.
A great one.
One of our best.
Oh, really?
Yes. We are going to go way back in time and discuss some ancient sightings of UFOs.
Oh, cool, man.
And where will we be going to cover this episode?
We will be going to the distant paradise known for its expansive lush green fields, its scenic coastlines, Picturesque villages, small towns.
Cambodia? No!
Alright, here.
Maybe some more descriptors could help, right?
There's lots of red hair, lots of fair skin, and a lot of beer being consumed.
Oh, easy.
Yep, that's right.
Ireland. That's right.
Ireland. And I kid.
Apparently about 10% of the population of Ireland has red hair.
That's not really a lot of red, you know what I'm saying?
What is the population, though?
It's reported to be around 5.2 million, so...
So, 520,000 people have red hair in...
That sounds like a lot of red hair.
Yeah, it is.
It's actually where all the red hair for wigs comes from.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't they just collect it from all the barbershops?
Yes, exactly.
Ed Sheeran, Rupert Grint.
Yeah. Oh, they...
Wear wigs made of red hair imported from Irish barbershops?
Yep. But let's consider the United States.
There are around 334.2 million people here, but only 1-2% of the population has red hair.
And let's just say that's 2%.
Yeah, yeah.
Roundup for sure.
Give it to them.
They deserve it at least.
Yes. So that comes to like 6,684,000 people, right?
Yeah, give or take.
About 6.7 million people in the United States.
Having red hair.
The reddest fucking hair you can imagine, too.
It's very red.
Well, I guess the bigger question here is, and I know the listeners are wondering this as well, do they have souls?
Because I've heard an awful lot of discussions and accusations, both in the public square and all over the World Wide Web, that imply that redheads don't have souls.
I don't know.
And I think we should clear that up right now.
Right now, right here on the show.
What do you think?
You know what?
I think you're right.
I think now is a great time to clear that up.
So... First of all, I think we should ask the question, do humans have souls?
You know, if we're going to approach this in a logical and scientific way.
Hmm. Do you know the answer to that?
No, I can't be certain one way or the other if what is understood more or less as a soul, if we have those.
I want to believe that we do because honestly it fucking kind of scares me to think that we don't.
So I can't give you a firm yes or no one way or the other.
Right. So the next question would then be, do people with red hair have souls?
Can you answer that question?
Hmm... No, considering that I can't be certain if humans in general have souls, I also cannot answer as to whether people with red hair have souls, or if they are entirely devoid of such.
Well then, human beings who have either had the blessing or the curse of being born with red hair may or may not have what is commonly understood under religious thought study and believed to be a, quote, soul.
But, to take it one step further, let's just say this.
To those who are religious in, say, the Christian or Catholic faith, they would say that yes, redheads do in fact have souls.
Wow, man, that's a lot of information to absorb in such a short amount of time.
Holy shit.
I know, I know, it's heavy.
It's a lot to take in.
You know what else is a lot to take in?
However one wishes to take in said thing, I'm talking about taking in.
Oh, hmm, what's that?
The world-famous segment that has people blowing gaskets and going bananas.
Oh, yeah!
What is that thing?
That's, uh...
Um, what is that?
It's the international media hit taking the entire world over by storm.
That's right.
This is Trey Portray.
comes to us from, you guessed it, beautiful Gainesville, Florida.
Nice. A woman smeared poop on a church and defaced a cop car.
Now, why did she do that, man?
Wow. I am interested.
I know.
Well, apparently, the 40-year-old Barbara J. Phillips did so, to the church at least, because she accused the pastor of said church for attacking her mentally.
All right.
Yeah, okay.
Continue. Yeah, yeah.
So she had some demons she was wrestling, apparently.
Ouch, man.
And with the pastor, he was, like, sicking demons on her.
Like, go get her.
Go get her.
I guess.
Yeah, I don't know.
You know, obviously, you know, maybe some mental instability there.
Oh, yeah.
You know.
But in revenge, apparently, for these alleged psychic assaults, she smeared poop on the front doors of the church and the door handles as well.
And she also turned the power off.
The weirdest part, maybe, beyond all that, is that she left fingernails at the scene.
Um, fingernails?
Her own?
Someone else's?
No, I believe these were her own fingernails, which, bizarrely, is the clue that allowed police to link her to the defacing of a cop's house.
There was a police officer who, I don't know, he must have wronged her in some way, the article doesn't really specify, but she attacked his patrol car.
Attacked his home, did some damage to the welcome post.
She threw it down the street.
She broke an air conditioning unit that was attached to the window of the officer's house.
And she even damaged his vehicle.
But just as bizarrely as the second incident, she left fingernails.
At the crime scene, which actually led to her arrest.
That's her little modus operandi or her signature thing?
It's a trademark move?
That is the M.O. But, you know, despite all that, she was only charged with stalking, criminal mischief, and damaging church property.
So, I mean, that's really...
I don't know.
I don't really see her having to do too much time for that.
You know, her bond was only $27,000 after everything was set up.
Well, that's a stinky situation.
Yeah. I guess she just couldn't mentally do it, you know?
Dang. She just, like, gave up.
Speaking of which, that brings us to our next story, which also was from Florida.
All right.
This time from Vero Beach.
Apparently, 31-year-old Amber Warner, in a country kitchen parking lot, attempted to abandon her 2-year-old son in front of a nice couple.
In the parking lot.
What? Yeah.
She was quoted as saying, I can't do it.
And then she placed her son on the floor in front of the couple, got into a truck, and drove away, man.
She just left the kid there.
Headed out, bro.
Holy fuck, man.
The two-year-old knows what's going on.
They know what's happening around them and shit.
Yeah. It's just like...
There's too much to unpack there.
But apparently, and it doesn't really go on to say how they traced her back to her home, but they did manage to trace her to her home where she was hiding out.
She was, of course, apprehended, but the police did say that she non-victured
Non-violently?
Took the child into custody, into protective state custody, I should say, which was in relatively good health.
There's nothing wrong with the kid.
Damn, man.
Yeah, don't leave your kids, man.
That's just not cool.
What was going on?
That one lady you were talking about in a previous Tray for Tray, right?
She was trying to sell?
No, buy a kid.
Yes, she was trying to purchase a child from another lady.
Like at a Walmart or something.
Yeah, I believe they were in line waiting to pay.
It was like self-checkout or something at the Walmart.
And I think the lady said something weird like, I would totally buy your kid off of you.
And the lady was like, okay, that's weird.
And then the lady was like, no, seriously, how much do you want for your kid?
I'll buy your kid from you.
And then I believe she even approached her in the parking lot with a blank check or something like that and was like, no, seriously.
I want to buy your two-year-old.
It was like a boy.
That is so messed up.
Two-year-old son or something.
Super weird, dude.
Wow. I think that was in Florida, wasn't it?
I believe that was also in Florida.
Man, these people need to cool off.
Just drink some water.
Just take a chill.
What is happening?
Which brings me to my next and final story.
Damn you!
Drinking water, that is.
Apparently... A robber from St. Mary, Georgia is wanted for allegedly robbing a GameStop while disguising himself as a six-pack of water bottle.
How does he do that?
That is crazy, bro.
So I know people are like, how do you disguise yourself as a water bottle?
A six-pack of water bottle?
Yes. How do you do that?
The pictures show him, he's like all covered up his head by a plastic...
Oh, okay.
Obviously, the water bottles aren't in there, but it's a plastic Dasani package.
He just poked his head in there.
He's looking through it, just lobbing through the store, looking out of this water bottle thing.
I'm like, wow.
So he just took all the bottles out of a 24-pack thing and just took that plastic wrap, put it over his head, and that's how he disguised himself as a six-pack?
Yeah, just shoved his head in there, and he's like, they'll never get me, man.
Wow. Interesting.
The thing is, this GameStop that he was attempting to burgle had tons of security cameras from all different angles.
They got his face so well, his frame so well.
There's just like, yeah, there's no way.
They released the description.
He was apprehended very shortly afterwards.
Apparently this man named Keith Carey has two previous active felony warrants asking for his arrest, also for burglary and criminal damage.
Dang. So, I mean, you know, this guy was, he was headed down a bad road, my friend.
But, you know.
Not, yeah, not effective.
Yeah. Wow.
Not effective camouflage.
But, you know, as they say, it's all water under the bridge now.
Hey! Yeah!
Police have stated, you can help us catch him once you stop laughing.
Oh, man.
Wow. Yeah, if I read that, I'd be like, yeah, no, someone will do it for me.
Right, yeah.
They're all over this.
Yeah, I don't need to do this.
I don't want to flood the 911 with a call.
Yeah, they'll already be like, you know, all the lions will be busy because so many people will have tips about where this guy went.
He's still wearing it!
He's still wearing it!
That's awesome, man.
Hey, but that happened in Georgia, so okay.
Not Florida.
Yeah, that happened in Georgia.
Yep, so at least, you know, we gotta show impartiality here to the other states of the great country.
Dude, we love Florida.
We do!
We love Florida.
Yeah, we love Florida, exactly.
And we definitely love Georgia, too.
You're all our peaches over there, but Florida, come on.
You guys get a lot of shit, but we love you.
We love you.
There's endless...
Endless material for our tray portrayal.
Oh, no, I'm just kidding, man.
We love you for you.
All right?
Don't forget that.
But that is the end of my tray portrayal.
Zap-a-dap-dap-zoop-ba!
Thanks, guys.
Thank you.
Nice, man.
I really liked that one.
It was good.
You know, man, I appreciate that.
Better and better.
Well... You know, I wasn't going to bring it up.
You notice I'm just a little bit closer to you, right?
He's been gradually edging towards me.
I'm edging, for sure.
It's clear that there's nothing I can do to stop this, so I'm just going to embrace the situation that's unfolding here.
Yeah, good thing we don't tape this show yet.
Not yet.
So, for today's episode, we are going to the ever-beautiful Rojan Dube, the quaint Scotia, the pre-possessing Innisfail, the delightful Caitlin Niulacain, the Seanbian Bookt, and as Johnny Cash put it,
40 Shades of Green.
Yeah, that's right, it's the Emerald Isle.
It's the, uh, it's, um...
Yeah. It's Ireland.
Yeah, yes, yes, yes.
Thank you.
It just wouldn't quite flick off the tongue if you know what I mean.
No, I don't.
Well, today we will be discussing the ancient event known as the Skyship of Clonmacnoise.
The event was supposed to have originally occurred in the 740s AD or thereabouts.
And honestly, when I was told to research this topic by the almighty Wayne Dale, master of all things...
I was pretty stoked, too, like yourself, Scott, while researching this topic of the skyship of Klon-McNoise in...
That would be Ireland.
It's incredibly easy to say, man.
Ireland. Ireland.
Wow. Okay.
So, anyway, it's said that a certain event happened, and there were many eyewitnesses to this event.
And there may have been two or more events.
But the important thing is that this event was recorded in the annals of history of...
Oh my gosh.
Ireland. Super easy to pronounce.
It's two syllables.
It's almost one and a half syllables.
Ireland. Ah, man.
Well, there are multiple accounts throughout history, but each has minimal details.
but they all share the same elements of ships or a ship floating in the sky.
Then either an anchor or a dart or spear is tossed overboard, which one of the crew members, a sky sailor, jumps overboard to either get the spear or dart or dislodge the anchor.
And it's as if the sky sailor is underwater in our air.
It's pretty interesting.
You know, it's a great tale for the times.
Yes, it is.
And it's just one of those things that I feel like we can all relate to in some way.
It's a good way to stretch the mind and tingle the senses.
Yeah, alright.
Let's batten down the hatches and set sail toward the land of saints and scholars, the Republic, Hibernia, the land of a thousand welcomes.
Oh my god, it's Ireland, man.
Preposterously easy to pronounce.
Ireland. Ireland!
The event...
Originally, it was said to be a small flotilla of what we'd call UFOs, or as the government now calls them, UAPs, in an attempt to downplay these craft, not of this earth.
By the way, for those of you who don't know, UAP is an unidentified aerial phenomena, which is just a fancy way of saying UFO, you know what I mean?
There were many witnesses to the original event.
But either there was a second event, maybe a third and fourth, who knows, or the first account was the only account which made its way far and wide, where the story was slightly changed over time.
But the important thing to note is that in all of the variations of the story that have developed over hundreds of years, beginning since that first account in the 740s AD, have the same core elements, and we'll get to all of that.
But just a little side note, sort of my personal feeling on this topic of UFOs.
I have personally both witnessed a real UFO with a family member and have heard another UFO on a different occasion with a friend.
And I was between 8 and 12 years old during both of those accounts.
Well, now that you mention it, I think we want to hear those accounts.
Am I right?
Come on, guys.
Am I right?
Am I right?
Just chime in.
Yeah, I guess that would only make sense.
Well, yeah.
Based on the emails, the listeners like hearing details, so let's try to expand on this shit.
True, true.
The great Wayne Dale did mention earlier, as he sucked on a hot tub.
Yeah, he didn't even eat it.
He just put it in his mouth and it just kept sticking out, you know, like a piece of straw or something.
Yeah, he just rolled it around in his mouth.
Kind of a weird guy.
So I think the first event was when I was around eight.
I had a friend over at my house, and we lived deep in the woods.
Far from any other town.
No light pollution or anything.
So we had a tent set up on the deck, and it was night.
At least midnight, if not later.
And we were in the tent with the door about halfway zipped.
And we were listening to either Marilyn Manson or White Zombie.
I can't remember, but definitely one of those two.
And all of a sudden, we start feeling this.
There's no other way to describe it than this energy.
Like a slowly pulsating energy, like...
It was really heavy.
Like, you could feel the heaviness of it.
And so we turned the music off, and we sat there, and we were actually just, like, listening to it.
You could feel it and hear it at the same time, and it was so intense.
And then I got out of the tent and stood on the deck and was looking up and around because...
I wanted to see.
Is this a UFO?
Because I was interested in all this stuff way back then.
And I was looking up at the sky and I didn't see anything.
I didn't see anything like blocking the stars.
I didn't notice anything weird.
So we just sat there and just felt this for a while and listened.
And we felt pretty damn scared.
Yeah, I bet.
And then I started feeling...
A little too scared.
I told my friend, hey man, I think we should go inside.
And he didn't hesitate at all.
He jumped up and we both just ran inside.
And I don't recall what we did after that or anything after that.
But I'm not saying we were abducted.
I just don't recall anything after that.
Well, the only thing I can say to that is I had somewhat of a similar experience while walking with a lady on the beach in the evening.
We both saw like...
Some lights that seemed detached from anything.
It just seemed like too close to be a plane, but too far to be in front of us to where we could get a good look.
And the interesting part about it is that we both had the same visceral reaction to it.
And this is not somebody who spooks or scares easily, and neither am I. But we both had the same instinct to A, start walking faster, and B, start looking over our shoulders and get out of there.
Like we had the...
Flight response when we saw whatever these lights...
Just for a brief minute, too.
It wasn't like a sustained period of lights.
It was like something that moved in a way that made it seem like it noticed our presence almost.
It's hard to describe exactly what it was, but we both got the hell out of there and, yeah, like spooked us.
So I can't elaborate.
I wish I could elaborate any more than that, but...
Yeah, let's hear about your second episode.
I want to see if maybe I have a similar experience to that one as well.
Yeah, so the other event went like this.
So I had to have been probably around 12, 11 or 12. So I was, you know, like I said, into UFOs and aliens and all that stuff from a very young age.
You know, everything we cover here on this fantastic podcast, actually.
12? Wow, you must have been kind of a strange child there, buddy.
Yeah, pretty crazy stuff, man.
But let's save that for another show.
That's totally fine.
So anyway, back to the second UFO event.
So this one was way more intense than the first one.
So as I said, I was always interested in these things, and I had a cousin who was maybe two or three years older than me, and he knew I was interested in this stuff.
So he invited me to come out to his house specifically to lay on this slightly inclined hill, which I guess we were maybe looking towards the west or southwest, I don't know.
But we're laying there at night, maybe starting around midnight.
We see some stars moving, but that must be a satellite, you know, whatever.
We must have thought we saw some things throughout the night, but who knows?
One thing to point out really quick is that where we were, there was this road with a line of trees, tall pines or whatever, maybe 50 yards or so to our right, 100 yards or so, I don't know, just like one line of trees.
But around 3 a.m. whereabouts, I noticed this strange star that was sort of up, almost right at our eye level as we were lying on this inclined hill, and to the right a little bit.
And it definitely was not there.
When we started our little star viewing thing, and it didn't suddenly appear either because we would have noticed it.
So what it did is it slowly, very slowly increased in its brightness.
So it was almost imperceptible to us.
And we're talking over a period of like three hours at least.
It was so slow that our eyes could not detect it.
I don't know, man.
It was really weird.
Like, dude, how did I notice it right then?
I don't know.
It's kind of weird.
That's so weird that it was a gradual thing.
Yeah, super gradual.
Yeah, and then just...
There's something really unnatural about that.
Spooky. And so, right as I noticed it, I raised my hand and I pointed directly at it while simultaneously asking my cousin, I was like, have you noticed that star?
And right when I said star, I pointed at it.
And this orange...
The orb seemed to just become slightly larger and brighter, maybe the size of a dime, like at arm's length, you know, from where we were laying.
It was big!
And then the brightness, it's hard to describe other than this really deep, orange, glowing orb contained in an orb.
I don't know, like, it was so weird.
Like, it didn't emanate any, like, a glow from it either.
It was just so weird.
The non-emanating the glow, I mean, that's, like, pretty weird for me, too.
Just, like, thinking about how...
Something orb-like that would be in the air, you would think it would have some kind of light that was coming off of it, but not emanating a glow?
That's almost weirder.
Yeah, man, because right as I pointed to it, it shot down to our right and down behind the tree line, and so we couldn't really see it all that well because it was behind the tree line.
And then we could see it shining behind the trees as it moved, but it never stopped.
It basically went behind the trees and then it shot back up out of the trees to a certain distance above us, kind of where it was first when I first spotted it.
And then all of a sudden it just stopped into this quick Z shape.
It was zip, zip, zip, zip about three or four times and then it just fucking shot away super fast.
After the zigzag three or four times it just disappeared extremely fast to outer space.
Oh, man.
So, like, what do you remember after that?
Like, directly?
Directly after that, the aftermath of that event.
Like, what happened next?
I don't know.
I don't recall going inside or if we slept because our plan was to sleep right there.
Like, we had our sleeping bags and shit.
But I don't recall what we did at that point.
Like, logically, I would think we would go inside.
But I have no recollection of getting up.
I just don't know, man.
But anyway, I was going to make a point, too, actually.
My first point being this.
I know we are not the only intelligent creature in this galaxy, and definitely not in this universe.
My second point is this.
I also believe that now in the year 2023, many governments have recovered, you know, alien craft, none of this world, whatever, and have succeeded in reverse engineering these craft.
I firmly believe that multiple governments have the technology and ability to fly what are so often being recorded today by all sorts of cameras and touted as being extraterrestrial craft, UFOs, if you will, especially the videos released by the Pentagon.
It's PSYOPs, man.
Yeah. Oh, come on,
man. Like, there's plenty of stuff that we don't get to see.
Well hidden from us.
No, hell yeah.
I mean, I just, yeah.
I believe it all, basically.
I'm just coming out.
I'm going to come on the record and say I believe it all.
Do you see that the accountant for the U.S. budget office, whatever, all of a sudden is like, oh, look, we have $6 billion free to use, and they just sent it to Ukraine.
That whole thing is just...
So shady, bro.
So shady.
In-house accountant is just like, oh, yeah, we totally have an extra $6 billion laying around.
Exactly. Zelensky and Biden are like, well, I don't know.
How are we going to pay for all this?
I don't know.
Biden's like, oh, yeah, I'll pull some strings.
We'll get this done.
And then all of a sudden...
Check it out.
I just took a second look at the books, and we're not in debt, actually.
We have $6 billion surplus.
So here you go, Ukraine.
Suddenly the money pops up.
Suddenly the money popped up.
That's a whole other show, though.
A whole other show.
But, you know, I honestly think that, yeah, the U.S. especially, you know, has been perfecting these crafts since at least 1947 and now putting these things out there and not informing the public that they're doing this.
It's psyops.
Yeah, because, I mean, if...
And they'd have to come out and say, oh, yeah, by the way, we've been conducting secret...
I mean, you know, we all believe it anyways, though.
The thing is, like, they should just be honest about it and be like, you know, we're doing this.
Because people would be like, yeah, we know.
We've been seeing the shit.
Yeah, I mean.
But anyways.
Look how long it took them to admit Area 51 was a thing.
For so many years, they denied, denied, denied.
Yes, it even existed.
Yeah, that even existed.
And it's like, dude, it's there.
Look at it.
It's right there.
And then they're finally like, all right.
Oh, you got us.
We got this storage area called Area 51. Storage.
All right.
The story of the airship of Claude MacNoise had been handed down over the ages through written accounts, or Irish annals, which are books made by industrious men back in the day consisting of manuscripts and other writings from people deemed somewhat important.
These works were typically compiled many centuries after the writings and accounts took place and then essentially published as their own books.
They are historical records and give us a glimpse, just a small glimpse, into what life was like back in the very early days of...
Oh my gosh.
That place.
Ireland. But maybe more specifically, how people thought, what the thinking in general terms was like back then, and how they saw the world, and how they were able to describe the world as they saw it using the very basic knowledge and limited terms that they had at their disposal.
The incredible part about this, Coop, when I'm thinking about Irish annals, is the fact that people all these years ago...
Had the same encounters as people in today's day and age.
I mean, years later, decades.
Like, I mean, it's crazy, man.
It's great, man.
Yeah, and the other way the stories were handed down, as with many historical accounts of history, is just word of mouth, you know?
Ah, yeah, the old telephone game.
Right, yeah, like you line 20 people up side by side, whisper a sentence to the first person's ear, and then that person turns to whisper the same sentence to the next person's ear, and so on until it's whispered to the last person's ear, and then that person says out loud what they were told.
It's not the best way to pass down historical events.
Nah. But, you know.
I mean, if you're not going to write that shit down, you might as well tell the story.
Make it good.
You know what I mean?
Make it good.
Exactly. So in this case, in the case of the airship at Klon McNoise, there are multiple accounts.
And there are multiple known stories about what appears to be the same event, or perhaps two events, if not more, that took place in Ireland.
It's so simple, man.
I just don't even know how to continue from here.
It's Ireland.
Ireland. As early as the 740s AD...
It all began with a story circulating through Ryle, that place of a small grouping of flying ships.
Some say three ships in total that were floating through the skies above.
At one point, while many onlookers with their feet planted on the terra firma gaze skyward at the strange ships, trying to make sense of what they were seeing.
One of the ship's occupants, a sailor as it's mentioned, seemed to swim down to the people below.
And that is the short account of the earliest mention of the airship of Klon-McMice.
Wow. A person swimming down.
I kind of want to hear a little more about that.
Well, over the years, more elements would be added to that story.
More facts, if you will.
Of course, it's history.
Written. History.
Facts. And now, we'll just go over the subsequent accounts told to us by those rigorous recorders of time.
First, what is Clonmacnoise?
Inform us, please.
I feel like that's something important to the story.
Sure. Clonmacnoise is actually an old monastery in ruins that is situated in the county of Ophelay in the River Shannon, just south of Athlone in Ireland.
It was founded by St. Ciaran from Rathcrogan, County Rascallman, in the 6th century.
The monastery was a very important place that kings held in high esteem.
It was also a place of learning and was essentially a university in its time.
It consists of a cathedral itself, two large round towers, nine churches, three tall stone crosses with intricate carved designs and over 700 early Christian gravestones.
The site started to go in disrepair in the early 12th century, which was partly due to numerous attacks by the Vikings and the Normans.
The town of Athlone also grew in size, and this brought with it many foreign peoples far and wide.
In 5052, an English garrison stationed in Athlone would go to Clonmacnois with the intention
That's an interesting account, and I want to say that it pisses me off.
I'd just like to point that out right now.
That's incredible.
But yeah, you can continue.
Today, it is a vestige of a once-thriving religious and educational site.
One can visit the ruins for a fee as it has been turned into a visiting center much like the rest of the world.
Ah, yes.
Everybody's backyard.
Gotta pay.
Gotta pay to play.
You want to come step on this grass?
Gotta pay.
Irish Annals reference three different dates of this original event happening.
Those dates are 743, 744, and 748 AD.
However, it seems that only one account, which is found in the Annals of Ulster, mentions the date 748 AD and the location, that being at Clan MacNoise.
There is a mention in the 11th century Book of Invasions and another mention of three ships voyaging in the air in the Book of Leinster from the 12th century.
And this account says that it took place in 743 during the Tel Chan Games during the reign of King Domhnall.
Tel Chan was another flourishing town in its day and has since been renamed to Tel Town.
Oh, this area was of great importance as well as it was a site of a less than equivalent modern day Olympics.
It is known today as the Assembly of Tel Chu.
They were contests of strength and skill.
Water sports were a very popular event, and many would come just for those.
I mean, I can see why.
I mean, that's totally why I'd be there.
It was also a perfect time for marriage and other celebrations, particularly the religious celebrations.
Peace was declared at these events, and it was to be held in the greatest of esteem.
But, with all good comes a little bad.
But just a little.
Yes, just a little.
There is one account that says that a man named Amba Cook was beheaded at one of these assemblies after he perjured himself as an adulterer.
But what's even more surprising is that the man, after being beheaded,
Oh, what?
No way.
Apparently. The headless man was cared for by the monks at Clan MacNoise until his eventual death.
Hmm. So they were just pushing around a corpse for...
Well, I can't speculate.
I don't want to be a naysayer.
I'm not going to be a naysayer.
So continue on.
Continue on.
A living human being with no head, man.
They were keeping him alive.
Just a tube down the throat.
Yeah, you know.
Facts. The assembly at Tel Chu is said by some to be named after the daughter of Magmor, who was the king from modern-day Spain, and his wife.
Oha, Mockeric.
Others say that Magmor is actually just a metaphor for the Lord of the Plains and Tel Chu's the embodiment of the goddess of earth and agriculture.
It's generally understood that Tel Chu had lived and perished around 2000 BC.
Tel Chu is said to have been given a foster child to raise, his name being Lug, and would come to be known by many names such as Lug Lamofta, Lug Longarm, Lug Samildanich, Master of All Arts.
Lug would later come to be the high king of...
I... You got this, man!
Just, you know, go ahead and just...
You can do it!
You can do it!
Come on!
Say it!
Yeah, come on, man!
You got it!
Oh, Jesus.
Wow. Just try this, man.
Like your eyes.
Earl? Earl.
I like your eyes.
Okay, okay.
Earl, like the name, the wonderful name.
Really good name.
And then land, like the earth, the ground, or to land a trick, you know?
I like my eyes.
Earl like the name.
Really good name.
And land, like the earth, the ground, or land a trick.
Yes, exactly.
I, Earl, land.
There you go.
Do it again.
I, Earl, land.
Ireland. Yes!
Ireland. Look at you go, cowgirl.
Wow. I don't know why or why I'm saying this, but man, I'm proud of you.
I really am.
Good job.
Hey, you were the crutch I leaned on there.
Oh, yeah.
By the way, with a name like Lug, Lug Longarm, he could have been anything, you know what I mean?
But instead he became the high king of Ireland.
Oh, Lug Longarm.
So as the story goes, Tailtree would lovingly raise Lug and naturally loved the earth.
She would work hard at clearing a portion of forest that she had declared to be arable land.
Thing was, she worked herself to death.
Literally. As she was dying, she made a final wish.
She wanted funeral games to be held in her honor.
So after passing away, Lug declared the beginning of Enoch Tailchan, or Tailchan Games, which took place in what we now call August.
These games actually predate the measly Greek Olympics by more than a thousand years.
And they fizzled out over millennia like most things, but had a resurgence in the early 1900s.
It's a festival called Lugnesad, or the Lugnesad Festival of First Fruits.
Oh man, I love it.
These assemblies would occur every year, like any festival, and anybody who was anybody would be in attendance.
Oh! So, like, you or I would have been there.
We would have been there.
First in line.
Yes! One such festival happened during the reign of King Donald, which began in 743.
As the story goes, all in attendance at this assembly watched in astonishment as the ships flitted by above them.
As they watched them glide through the air, the people lost to notice that there were people up in the ships.
Apparently, they looked like normal people.
They didn't resemble any of the 72-plus speeches of alien that we know of.
Not even the Nordics?
Not even the Nordics.
So, as they were watching the people up in the ships floating high above them, they spotted a restless man with a spear in his hand.
The people were unsure of the man's intent, but they held their wondrous gaze skyward.
This man then cast the spear he had in his hand at a fish.
Fish! Where was this fish?
We do not know.
Was it in a river?
Or a lake below?
Was it in a basket of freshly caught fish?
Or was it sizzling in its own delectable juices on the grill?
Or was it flying through the air with ease?
These are burning questions to which we have no answers.
Yeah, it's true.
But the effects are making me visualize it so much more clearly.
But what we do know is that the man was not a good spear fisher.
And he missed his target.
The spear then fell to the ground as the bewildered people watched on.
Then they observed the same man who threw the spear but missed the fish clearly become distressed.
He pulled at his hair and ran about the ship's deck almost in complete despair.
Almost as if he knew he had to go overboard to retrieve the lost spear.
The people gasped and gaped.
And whispered amongst themselves as they bared witness to the shocking sight.
And as they bickered to one another, they watched as the crazed man sprung overboard the ship and dove into the air like Gary Hunt, performing the reverse one-and-a-half somersault of four-and-a-half twists off starboard.
The next thing they witnessed was this mystery sky sailor, now diver, swim, as if swimming in water, down toward the lost spear he'd thrown to the ground.
Upon retrieving the spear, we can assume that the man swam back up toward the ship where the other skysailers awaited him as some shook their heads in embarrassment and others hung their heads in shame.
Okay, so it was like our air was their water.
Yeah, exactly.
That's interesting, because if I remember correctly, Aristotle wrote a lot about natural philosophy, which became the foundation of medieval physics at the time, right?
And how there were three distinct regions of the atmosphere, which are sharply divided, and each region has entirely different densities.
So cool, man.
I think I totally get it now.
Hell yeah.
And so in context, like you said...
The sky sailors are of a lighter substance, but remain much of the same in appearance.
But they're lighter in their higher atmosphere.
And our lower atmosphere, here where we live, our dense air, this would be akin to water for them.
So they'd have to swim in it.
Yes, yes.
They'd have to actually move through the solid substance to get down there.
Yeah. And there's another account of this that is richer in detail.
and comes out of the 14th century book called Book of Balimote, which was made from parts of another book, a 12th century book called Book of Glenda Lowe.
And yet another version of the same event is found in the Irish Historic Upper Tonum.
In these versions, rather than three ships sailing overhead, there was only one ship.
The time period in this version was also the time of the 10th century king, Congolac
Mac Malamithig Wow Candaloc son of Malamithig was at one of these assemblies and he along with the others observed this ship floating above they then watched as one of the crew members took a dart which I presume would be a spear but he shoots
this dart at his salmon now the entry of the 9th century text by Nennius in the book of Belimote simply says he cast a dart at a salmon the
goes on to read
The darts fell down in the presence of the gathering.
And a man came up out of the ship after it.
When he sees the scent from above, a man from below sees it from below, upon which the man from above said, I'm being drowned, said he.
Let him go, said Congolac, and he's allowed to go up, and then he goes from them swimming.
So here we get some added flavor into the story.
There is a salmon involved.
Yeah, there's a salmon and some drowning.
Yeah. And swimming.
Swimming in there.
It's interesting.
It's got all the things I like.
Yes. What we don't know is whether this guy, say, the shot for one of the festivities vendors already cooked fish or maybe a batch of freshly caught fish in a basket nearby or, you know, who knows.
Maybe it was another flying fish.
We just don't know.
But what we do know is that this man was a better shot than the last guy.
Also, the Sky Sailor busts a reverse four and a half somersault overboard with perfect form and swam through the air down to grab his spear thing, but someone grabbed the other end of it, which kept the Sky Sailor from going back up, and this caused the Sky Sailor to begin drowning until the king saved the day.
They always do, man.
History writes itself.
So that was a fun addition to this exciting story, but let's check out this other one.
There is an account that was found in a collection of monastic legends.
That was discovered tucked away in a dusty shelf in the Advocates Library in Edinburgh, Scotland.
In this version, the churches and cathedral of Clonmac Noise were full of clergy members while the grounds around were filled with rambunctious kids having raw head-butting competitions.
What? So they're just like a bunch of school kids up there?
Just like ramming heads with each other?
I mean, that doesn't sound too crazy.
See, they're goats, but they're called kids when they're younger.
Oh, okay.
There's a bunch of young goats.
A bunch of young goats.
Okay, okay.
I should have clarified.
Sorry, I'm not a farmer.
No, that's my fault.
I should have clarified.
Now I know.
Thanks. The monastery at Cologne-McNoise was full of clergy, and they watched as a skyship passed above.
As it passed above, it dropped its anchor, which landed near the clergy, as they watched on in amazement.
A group of them then ran over to the anchor and held on to it.
This apparently caused one of the Sky Sailors to do a triple backflip to a three and a half somersaults to five twists and then gracefully backpaddled downward toward the clergy, holding onto the anchor upon which the clergy then grabbed onto the Sky Sailor, now diver, at which point he yelled aloud,
For God's sake, let me go!
For you are drowning me!
God, I'm just trying to get back and sink my teeth into a haggis!
Just let me go!
He would have been a phenomenal Broadway actor.
Maybe even vaudeville.
Oh, for sure.
Wasted opportunities for that guy.
Whoever he was, he would have been just a monster on screen.
Right. Well, hopefully he made it and didn't drown and went on to pursue his acting career.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yes. He's probably on his way to an audition.
Yeah, he probably was told by his agent he had to show up somewhere and he was just trying to get there, man.
Shit. Damn.
And there is yet another variation of this very real and dramatic tale that is found in the 12th Century Chronicles work whose name was, let's just say, his name was Geoffrey Dubrule.
He was also an abbot of Vigois, France.
He wrote a lot about the history of a certain Cenobitic monastic community and wrote about an event where people were gathered about in some public square in London, England.
Now just real quick.
Cenobitic monasticism is a certain religious sect that is pretty much a community of people who are under strict discipline.
They are obligated to do regular worship and they all do manual labor to kill time.
It's found particularly in Christianity and Buddhism.
Sounds a bit like a big fat cult to me.
You know, agape monites.
Aggressive Christianity Missionary Training Corps, Alamo Christian Foundation, Apostles of Infinite Love, I'm Shirin Kyo, just to name a few.
Damn, Aggressive Christianity Missionary Training Corps.
That sounds fucking gnarly.
Bro, it's like the Secret Service of Aggressive Christianity Missionary Training.
We're talking like, think about a Jehovah's Witness.
So see, these guys would go to your door, pound on it, open the fucking door!
You know?
And then you open it, like, what's going on, man?
Yeah, you hear a bing-bong!
They're just busting, get on the ground!
Hear the word!
Another guy comes in behind and just starts reading out of the Bible.
Starts reciting, John, chapter one.
You're just on the ground like, God, let me go!
Kids are like, wah!
Fucking church goons are just standing guard.
Chapter one.
In the beginning, there was darkness.
Damn, man.
Well, you know what?
We'll definitely look into all of those at some point.
And I haven't heard of any of those, actually, other than Om Shinrikyo.
Well, sounds like you'll need to read more Canadian Reader's Digest, my friend.
Excellent articles, even better centerfolds.
Oh yeah, man.
Hey, did you see that last one?
Woo-wee!
Hot dogs and cottage cheese.
Wow. Oh, fuck yeah, I saw it.
You know, damn well I saw that.
I've never seen a finer birdhouse in my entire life.
Very intricate finish on the window frames.
Yeah, it was.
Pretty impressive.
I do say so myself.
Yeah, my god.
The money they put into that publication is crazy.
Into just the centerfolds.
Yeah, the centerfolds are just fucking amazing.
Hell yeah.
So, Jeffrey Dubrul wrote a similar event, but most likely it was the same event.
He said that the people were clamoring about the horrible living conditions, the lack of food, disease, You know, all that stuff.
Infant mortality rate, right?
And as they were doing so, they all looked up and saw a ship floating in the sky above them.
The next thing they witnessed was an anchor being tossed over the side, which became stuck in something.
Then a sky sailor again leapt overboard and did his usual aerial acrobatics.
This time he did a 360 to a reverse 5.5 somersault to backflip corkscrew to seven twists.
And unfortunately made a critical error in judgment and embarrassed himself by belly flopping face first.
No, no!
Pfft Ha ha ha
Damn! This guy was just not cut out to do this, man.
He was not the right guy for the job.
It's his first attempt.
Yeah. Just shanked it.
Just leapt over, just flipped his body.
Let's see what happens.
Yeah. Did not work out well for him.
No, man.
Fucking embarrassed himself, too.
It's horrible.
That's the worst part.
In front of everybody.
Everybody saw that.
But it was at that point that the Sky Sailor attempted to free the anchor from whatever it was stuck on.
But this gave the perfect opportunity for the townspeople to capture this strange man.
The man begged to be let go, for he had certainly drowned, but the townspeople held him there.
And held him some more.
And a little more.
And this guy said he yelled to be let go.
And soon, the man had drowned.
And soon, the man had drowned.
Poor guy, man.
He just couldn't make it out of there.
Jeez. Fuck.
Let him go.
Yeah, let him go.
Free Britney!
Yeah, good reference, man.
I forgot about that.
I think she's all fucked up.
Where is she at these days?
Yeah, she's not doing so great.
I don't know, man.
She's all over TikTok just being weird.
She went for a while doing a British accent like she thought she was British for a while.
I don't know, man.
It's just...
She isn't any weirder than anybody else that's all over TikTok, you know?
True. True, man.
So anyway, in 1211 AD, a book called Ocea Imperialia, which was written by Gervais of Tilbury, who was an English cleric and statesman and also served in the royal court of Otto of Brunswick of the Holy Roman Empire,
he gives us what is said to be the most well-known account of the sky ship.
But real quick, this dude Otto, another one of my "kernels" of knowledge stashed away in the folds of brain, he was most famous for consolidating the German Reich and making significant advances for religious influence.
No, but is that a good thing?
I mean, I honestly couldn't tell you one way or the other.
I mean, the fact is, it just...
it was.
And on paper, it looks absolutely horrifying.
Doesn't sound good.
So, Gervais tells us this.
After my son a holy day.
The holiest of them all, many would say, but not I. Yesterday was a better day than today.
Anyways, the congregation of an unspecified church in Britain saw an anchor fixed to a stone tomb in the churchyard with its cables stretched tight up to the clothes.
It was quite a stretch, very taut.
The people saw the rope moving as though it was being pulled from above.
And they even heard muffled voices through the clouds.
Then a man came climbing down the rope, hand over hand, with his legs dangling below him.
While attempting to free the anchor, the man was seized by some bystanders and died after a brief struggle.
Stifled by the breath of our gross air as a shipwrecked mariner is stifled in the sea.
After an hour, the rope fell to the ground, as if cut from above, leaving the anchor where it lay.
And so now, it's more or less the same story, only this time the sky sailor said, to hell with it, and then cut the anchor's rope.
I mean, I'd have to say I'd do the same in that situation.
Like, why wouldn't you?
It just seems obvious.
Yeah. Then, some years later, another account came to light.
This was found in the Norse book.
Konung Skadshish!
Or Speculum Regali!
Or Royal Mirror or Kingsmere, which was written around 1250 A.D. and specifically for the Norwegian king.
The person who translated this, Kuno Meyer, informs the reader that the information he had was not derived from any written source, but rather it was based on oral retellings within the lands of Irel...
Irel... Earl?
Oh, here we go.
I... Aaron?
Emerald Isle.
Earl? Ireland.
Three syllables.
It's too easy.
What we have next is an authentic Norwegian woman narrating that account.
There is yet another thing that will seem most wonderful, which happened in the city called Glen.
Yes, indeed.
That city is a church which is sacred to the memory of holy man Kinnis.
Holiest of holies of holy.
So holy it's quite nearly unbearable.
And there it does fulfill on a Sunday when people were at church were hearing a mass.
A loud ruckus it was, indeed.
But the last there came dropping from the air above an anchor, as if it were cast from a ship.
For there was a rope attached to it, a mighty fine rope, my eye did see.
And the fluke of the anchor.
Got hooked in the ark at the church door, and all people went out to church, wandered, looked upwards after the rope.
Huh? What?
They saw a ship float on the roof and men in it, and next they saw a man leap overboard from the ship.
What? And he drove down towards the anchor, wanting to loosen it.
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!
His exertion seemed to them by the movement of his hands and feet, like that of a man swimming in the sea.
When he came down to the anchor, he endeavoured to loosen it.
Oh, boy, was he frantic in his work.
Dear God, he was desperate.
You should have seen the size of his eyes, my God.
Then some men ran towards him and wanted to seize him.
Mostly to acquire whatever fashionable items he could from his person.
But in the church to which the anchor was fastened, there is a bishop's chair, superbly ugly in every way imaginable.
But the bishop was by chance on the spot, and he forbade the man to hold that man.
For he said that he would die as if he were held in water.
As soon as he was free, he then sailed.
He hastened his way up again to the ship, and as soon as he came up, he cut the rope, and then sailed on their way out of the church to sight, and the anchor was ever since slain as witness of the events of that church.
Extremely vivid story.
Very colorful, vibrant.
I love the details.
Man, that Norwegian storyteller is on point.
She's just got a rich voice.
Just a rich...
Rich and colorful tone.
Yeah. Anyways, moving on.
And then comes a final account of this guy's ship at Clonmac Noise.
This one comes from a 14th or 15th century Irish manuscript from an unknown author, but it was published in a book called A Celtic Miscellany by Kenneth Hurlstone Jackson.
Whoa, wouldn't want to get in a rock fight with that guy.
That's for sure, with a name like that.
This account states the following.
One day the monks of Climb MacNoise were holding a meeting on the floor of the church, and as they were at their deliberations, they saw a ship sailing over them in the air, going as if it were on the sea.
When the crew of the ship saw the meeting in the inhabited place below them, they dropped anchor, and the anchor came right down on the floor of the church, and the priest seized it.
Of course they did.
A man came down out of the ship after the anchor, and he was swimming as if he were in the water, till he reached the anchor.
And they were dragging him down then.
For God's sake, let me go, said he, for you are drowning me.
Then he left them, swimming in the air, as before, taking his anchor with him.
Man. Ah.
Well, maybe the churches of Clonmac Noise had made up what was essentially a university of its time.
Maybe this university offered acting classes and everyone wanted a part in that Broadway rendition of For God's sake, let me go, for you are drowning me.
Yeah. Starring like Vin Diesel as the Sky Sailor, of course, and then Nicholas All the Rage, Babe Cage, who plays the hero monk.
I can see that, man.
I dig that shit.
So, Scott, what do you think about these stories?
Well, quite honestly, they remind me a lot of the poetry of Seamus Heaney, actually.
You know, Seamus had won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1995.
Didn't know it.
I don't know who that is.
Yeah, and much...
Well, much of his poetry is just the dualism of imaginative tensions, as they tend to say, between what perhaps is and what perhaps may never be.
His work is luminous, and it really draws on the actual experience of life in Ireland.
You know, one poem in particular really stands out to me as we went through this magnificent real-life event.
It's about this very event, actually.
So, it comes from one of the most eye-popping poems.
It's actually a meditative poem.
Really excellent as a nightcap.
And, you know, start hitting those rims.
You know what I mean, man?
I mean, do you know, like, what I mean?
You know, I actually do, Scott.
I do.
I know exactly what you mean, and I know our listeners know exactly what you're talking about as well.
I know your bollocks are just burning over there to read that poem, right?
Yeah. Is it long?
Oh, no, it's just a few stanzas.
I'll do it in my best old-fashioned Hibernian accent.
Sounds great, man.
And we will then take turns judging your poetic oration.
Oh, sweet.
And this is sure to make every woman listening a walking swamp.
Whoa! Dang, buddy.
The guys, too, I'm sure of it.
Well, I sure hope so.
All right, come on.
Get me wet already.
It's called...
Lightnings. Ooh.
Oh, I like that music.
Yeah. Yeah, that's really good.
That's nice.
That's perfect for this poem.
The annals say, when the monks of Clan McNice were all at prayers inside the oratory, a ship appeared above them in the air.
The anchor dragged along behind so deep.
It hooked itself into the altar rails.
And then, as the big hole rocked to a standstill, Our crew men shimmied and grappled down the rope and struggled to release it.
But in vain.
This man can't bear a life here and will drown.
The abbot said, unless we help him.
So, they did.
The freed ship sailed and the man climbed back out of the marvellous as he had known it.
Swamps. Swamps everywhere.
Swamps, bro.
Swamps. Everyone's got to change their underwear and panties right now.
That's such a wonderful poem.
Yeah. I really like the part about he will drown.
Yeah. That's the best part.
That was my takeaway.
So that is pretty much the story on the skyship of Klon McNoise.
It was chosen because we had six emails from Irish listeners that highly recommended that we cover it, and I gotta say, there's not much to cover.
There really was not.
It's like staring at little black outline squares, and then you just fill in those little squares with handwritten letters to form entire words.
Of course it was, yeah.
But we're not done here.
We're not done.
Hell no, we are not.
We have more to this episode moving along from the skyship of Klon McNoise.
Really wonderful story, though.
I do love those really old UFO sightings.
They're great, yeah.
And that's kind of why we did it, because it's not really well known, and it's...
Pretty old sighting, but whether it was one or two or more events, it was documented not all that long after the actual events or event happening.
And it was popular enough that there were many accounts of it over the years.
So that says something about the importance that it had on the people's minds.
I mean, we're talking the Middle Ages, and that story continued to thrive.
Right, exactly.
So what we have now is, I mean, what is this?
Scribblings of crayons and colored pencils?
What is this, man?
Splattered egg yolk and piss?
No, man, these are not Jackson Pollocks.
Now, we'll just briefly discuss some very old paintings with very obvious depictions of what we today would call UFOs, or that other one, UAPs, along with some, you know, written accounts of UFOs in ancient history.
There are many very beautiful and sophisticated paintings being done by very famous painters, not only famous as we see them now, but famous back in their day, hence why they got the commissions from the wealthy, aristocratic, and secular people.
Yeah, and they didn't fuck around too much back then.
If they didn't see or didn't like their portrait that you painted of them, you're done, man.
Finished. Swimming with the fishes, see?
Yeah. They call them cement boots.
I mean, it probably wasn't that bad, but they could still ruin you, I mean, easily, if they didn't like your work.
Yeah, definitely, financially and shit.
So, the first one we'll bring up is the Crucifixion of Christ from about 1350 AD.
It is from the Visoki Dakani Monastery in Kosovo, Serbia.
The artist is unknown, but some say this depicts two UFOs, one on either side of this very large fresco painting with the crucified Jesus in the middle with saints all around being garrulous, chatty Cathy's.
And each craft, if you will, is a single man respectively.
Both crafts seem to be heading from left to right.
Some say that these two objects are in fact UFOs.
Yeah, but others say that the craft on the right with the little dude looking back toward the craft on the left is just a representation of a crescent moon.
And the craft on the left is a representation of the sun.
And the sun is chasing the moon.
And the moon is like, oh shit, oh shit!
Like, just, you know, just trying to get out of there.
Basically, it's a representation of the cycle of the sun and moon.
That's what some people think.
They're not UFOs?
I mean, they could be.
I mean, I don't know.
It's up for interpretation, obviously, because, you know, we can't ask the painter.
Okay, alright, well, how about this next one?
The painting is called Miracle of Snow, Foundation of Santa Maria Maggiore by Italian mausolean.
This painting was done between 1428 and 1432 and depicts what appears to be Jesus and a saint up in a circle floating on a cloud above the townsfolk who are there to mark the spot for a new church to be built where snow had fallen.
In the sky...
Between where Jesus and his saint are in a circle resting on a flat cloud in the mountains in the background or a number of flat disks all over the sky that look exactly alike to what one would say is the prototypical disk-shaped UFO of today.
It is true.
If you look at that, it looks like we're staring at the beginnings of an invasion.
Yeah. You see that?
It's all lined up.
Now, there are clouds that have a pancake-like shape, and they have been misinterpreted as UFOs, unfortunately.
These are called lenticular clouds, and they're pretty cool looking, but in my opinion, the people of the 1300s recorded and documented what they saw, and they know what they saw.
UFOs to them were most likely akin to saintly, godly, heavenly, divine intervention because they didn't have the knowledge that we have accumulated up to the present day.
Everything to them was in direct relation to the religious fervor of the times.
I mean, if you weren't religious, you're going to be murdered, basically.
You're persecuted.
You know, that's just how they described the things back in the day.
They could not logically explain, you know?
Right, exactly.
I mean, everything was going to be kind of extreme, or it was going to be just like...
You know, some work of some mystical thing.
I mean, we don't do things too differently in today's day and age, honestly.
So this next one to me is absolutely undeniable evidence of early UFO sightings.
This painting is called The Madonna with Saint Giovannino and was painted in the mid-15th century.
The painter, who is thought to be Domenico Giolandio, intentionally painted a craft in the sky in the background.
What's more is that he also painted the figure of a man in the background at the edge of a hillside staring up at the object with his hands over his eyes as if to shield his eyes from the bright light.
It definitely looks like a little person.
I mean, if you're looking at the painting, you know, I'm looking at it right here.
You got like the craft looking roundness and you have like what looks like a little head poking up and then maybe a person with some kind of a air rudder.
Or something.
I don't know.
It definitely...
Well, it looks like it's emanating energy from the path.
Yeah, right, right, right.
There's something around the little object.
It's almost just like there's a field around it.
It has an aura, for sure.
Yeah. And then below it, there's that guy, and he's looking up at it, and he's like, whoa.
Look at that thing.
Am I stoned?
Right, right, right.
Did I smoke too much?
This next one is the Triumph of Summer Tapestry.
Done in 1538 by an unknown artist, it was created in Bruges, Belgium, and depicts quite an intricate scene.
Yeah, that's a tapestry?
Holy shit!
Yeah, man.
And for those who don't know, a tapestry is a form of textile art traditionally woven by hand on a loom, and in the 1500s, they were certainly done by hand.
But this tapestry shows what looks like some royal procession as a central scene with the king in a cart being pushed alongside along the road lined with floral designs.
But in the background, in the sky, there are a number of disc-shaped craft.
Disc-shaped craft floating around.
These, again, are the typical disc-shaped craft that today are regularly described as being UFOs.
It's important to know that the disc-shaped craft were never considered to be a symbol of divine intervention.
Circles and halos, yes.
Crosses of all shapes and sizes, yes.
But not disc-shaped objects hovering in the sky.
There's no literature existing to our knowledge that flying discs were in any way attributable to godly divine phenomena.
But if they were attributed to such, the question then is, why?
Right, like why leap to that?
So look at this next one.
Tell me that it's not an alien craft hovering above a burning church.
Yeah, you got this clearly thing that's not a cloud at all.
There's some kind of stream emanating from behind it, almost like a propulsion of some kind.
Right. And it has multiple segments.
It's very segmented with some kind of a center hatch-looking thing, almost.
Like petals of a flower.
That's kind of what it looks like.
Sure, but still more like robotic.
Oh yeah, definitely.
No, it definitely looks like a machine.
Totally. This painting is dated to the 1600s and was done by an unknown artist.
Its title is the caption below the painting, which translated from German means, Israel, put your hope in the Lord.
The image is of a large red-roofed church that is on fire.
All around the edges of the painting are plumes of smoke, included along the top.
Kind of in a circular pattern there.
But below the smoke and above the burning church is a very clearly depicted craft.
Again, in the typical disc shape that we're all used to seeing.
And there appears to be like what you said, an exhaust or something expelling from the back of the craft, making it seem like it's going down to the church.
It's a very interesting image.
Yeah, especially for the 1600s.
Yeah, that's really crazy looking.
Okay, this last painting we'll bring up today is called The Baptism of Christ.
It was done by the Dutch artist Art Degeld in 1710.
Art Degeld actually had a very close affiliation with one of the most famous Dutch painters in all of history, Rembrandt Harmenzun van Rij.
Oh, wow, interesting.
You know, Rembrandt became pretty successful in his day, as I'm sure you know, with his paintings and also his etchings, but he had a...
Bit of a problem with overspending.
This is kind of a lesser known fact, so I'm just going to tell you guys.
He ended up having to declare insolvency or bankruptcy, pretty much.
Ended up selling his house, like all of his belongings, his collection of paintings, and his printing press.
And then he ended up dying and being declared an impoverished person.
And did you know what they did with his remains?
Well, the way you're saying it, I'm assuming it's not good.
So they desecrated his remains.
Yeah, after dying at the age of 63 in 1669, he was buried in an unmarked grave owned by the church, man.
Which is interesting because he was known to be an atheist, but his remains were later dug up and then they were destroyed, which was a common custom of the times, for the remains of those who were deemed poor.
That's fucking bullshit, man.
He was already buried in an unmarked grave.
What's the point?
Why? Who knows?
Maybe it was the atheism.
Maybe. Well, in this painting, The Baptism of Christ, Art de Gill depicts the baptism of Christ.
Oh, you don't say.
I do say.
The area of Christ and his baptism is lit up by four distinct beams of light being emanated from a disc-shaped craft floating above in the sky.
These beams of light going straight down toward Christ.
What do you think about that one, Scott?
I mean, I have to say, it does look like a disc-shaped craft, and there's lights like rays coming down, and it just doesn't seem ethereal.
It seems very machine-like.
Yeah, I mean, that's clearly...
I mean, is that a depiction of God?
I mean, what is that?
Is that Jesus?
Is that a depiction of Jesus?
What is that?
I mean, yeah, it's one of those things that it's clearly not a man, and it's not anything that they would have had at that time.
So, yeah, what could it be?
All right, so paintings are one thing, but then we have countless written ancient historical texts from well-known writers from way back when, such as Titus Livius Pativinus, or Livy for short.
He chronicled Roman history, and in many of his writings he mentioned strange craft in the skies.
He described many prodigies.
Which he personally witnessed as far back as 214 BC.
Damn! He mentions phantom ships that he said were gleaming in the sky.
So tell me, what were these phantom ships gleaming in the sky in 214 BC?
Ugh, man, that is like really spooky.
Phantom ships gleaming in the sky just...
214 BC.
I don't know, bro.
Yeah, that's crazy.
Plutarch. Everyone knows Plutarch.
Right, yeah, he's the guy the whole family knows.
Always shows up to every party and get together, but nobody really knows him, quote-unquote.
Yeah, right, a sort of familiar stranger.
So the guy everyone thinks was legitimately invited by someone else, so no questions it, but in reality nobody invited him, and he just always shows up for the drinks and snacks and never says a word except that the bean dip is good.
Right, right, yeah, always good bean dip, for sure.
Right, yeah.
And for those who don't know, Plutarch was a Greek historian born sometime around 46 AD.
His focus was on Roman history, but he was also a biographer and a philosopher.
He was also a priest at the Temple of Apollo in Delphi.
Oh yeah, getting that full fume inhalation, man.
Yeah, bro, getting lit!
You know, that's how these guys found their inspiration.
Yeah, no wonder they were seeing UFOs everywhere.
Anyway, so Plutarch describes in one of his writings a battle that occurred in 74 BC between the Roman army and King Rithridates VI of Pontus.
In his writing, he mentions the following.
With no apparent change in weather, the sky burst asunder and a huge, flame-like body was seen to fall between the two armies.
In shape, it was most like a wine jar and in color, like molten silver.
And there were apparently thousands of witnesses to this event, including King Mithridates himself.
So what was this silvery wine jar-shaped craft in the sky in 74 BC?
Yeah, what could it possibly have been?
Like, what are all these people seeing?
I mean, come on, man.
Then there's Alexander the Great.
He is said to have witnessed UFOs on numerous occasions.
But on one such occasion in 329 BC, he said he curiously observed gleaming silver shields overhead.
Now tell me, in 329 BC, what were these gleaming silver shields overhead?
I mean, what could they?
They're UFOs, man!
UFOs, dawg!
UFOs! Dog.
There's no doubt in my mind that we are not the only intelligent or semi-intelligent beings in this vast expanse of whatever the hell all of this really is.
I am entirely convinced that many other species of beings exist here with us.
Some are certainly malevolent while others are more benevolent and perhaps want to help push the human race forward in technological advancements.
Who knows?
Unfortunately, the government has its own agenda when it comes to UFOs and the alien species that control them.
While they have slowly come out to admit some strange happenings, they will not admit that these beings indeed exist with us here on Earth, not yet anyway.
I feel like there's going to be a reckoning because pretty soon too many people are going to record something and then they're not going to be able to explain their way out of it.
So Scott, what are your views on the subject?
Well, I have to say there's a lot of compelling evidence that these people, even way back in historical times, were seeing real UFOs, man.
What else could they craft?
What else could they be in 329 BC?
Gleaming silver shields.
That's how he could describe them.
The only other possibility is that somehow there are pockets of humanity that were undiscovered and unstudied that had somehow reached an advanced level of craft building.
And we're journeying out from wherever they were before who knows what took them out, or maybe they're still around.
I don't know.
I know that's a crazy idea, but, you know, what else could it be?
Hey, dude.
Ancient Sumerian writings.
Man, you gotta...
They talk a lot about all of that.
Exactly. You know?
Exactly. So, yeah.
So, we'll save that for another show, obviously.
Yeah, we'll save that for another show, for sure.
But, yeah, UFOs, man.
Well, what do you say we shut her down, mate?
Yeah, let's bloody shut her down for a bloody, bloody bodgie, bugger, bugger.
Righto. Thanks, everyone, for listening in.
Thanks to everyone who has subscribed.
And again, please just click that subscribe button.
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Absolutely. And with that said, let's read a couple of those listener emails.
Yes, we love the emails.
Keep them coming.
The first one comes from Tammy T. from Park City, Utah.
Oh, nice.
Parley's Park City.
Parley's. What's that?
Yeah, that was the original name, but it was shortened in 1884 to just Park City.
Oh, shit.
Didn't know that, man.
That's a good idea, though.
So, Tammy T. says, Hello, guys.
I don't know what she sounds like.
Hello, guys.
I've listened to every episode so far, and I have to say that you guys are killing it.
The show is getting better and better every week, and I'm definitely a fan.
I love what you guys are doing, and you offer a different approach than most of the other True Crime podcasts I've listened to.
The humor is great, the stories are fantastic, and the flow is on point.
You're doing really good.
Keep up the hard work.
Man, it's hard to be a woman.
It's difficult.
Wow. That's bang on, man.
Nice. Nicely done.
Thank you so much, Tammy T. We are happy.
You are happy.
Yes, your happiness is our happiness.
That's right.
And this next one from Adam from Wichita.
Ow. Oh, sorry.
Well, yeah, he's from Kansas, I believe, actually.
So Adam from Wichita says, What's up, dudes?
And Wayne Dale.
Just want to say this.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Seriously, really great podcast you guys have going on.
Really digging the stories you guys choose to cover.
So far, they seem to be stories that aren't covered time and again by literally everybody.
That's pretty refreshing.
By the way, Scott, your voice is like the sound angels make when they queef.
Very angelic and soothing.
Take care, dudes!
Oh my god.
Wow, man.
Many thanks to you, Adam from Wichita.
I really appreciate it.
You really get me.
Making the angels queef, man.
I'm telling you, your voice is fucking phenomenal.
Okay. Well, we'll see.
You notice, ladies and gentlemen, I am literally next to Scott right now talking into the same microphone.
We have a shared sweat spot right now in our shirt from our body heat.
It is true.
It's an interacting zone of moistness that both of us are existing in.
So thanks for that.
Give me a hug, buddy.
Bring it in.
Thanks for that.
Ugh, you're more sweaty than I thought.
I wasn't kidding.
We'll leave it at that.
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