Man's best friend? A better companion than a husband? You may think that your beloved little pet has your best interests in mind, but you'd be wrong.Your pets are secretly plotting your demise over a very long period of time, like the government of China. They are just waiting to take over, because lets face it, they want to rule the kingdom just as much as you do.So slip into your snake-skin boots, or your alligator slippers. Put on your leather gloves. Wrap your hamster-belt around that waist. Snap your rat-tail suspenders. Tip your raccoon hat. Squeeze into that fox-fur turtle-neck, and just get ready for this wild ride.You're going to think twice about that puppy of yours. (links for sources)https://www.reddit.com/r/DarwinAwards/comments/10uamfn/in_russia_an_aggressive_owner_punched_a_camel_in/(camel)https://www.the-sun.com/news/7210254/worlds-worst-camel-attacks-bite-head-off-trample-death/ (chimp)TRAVIS CHIMP 911 CALL https://www.reddit.com/r/Frisson/comments/9juh1d/video_travis_the_chimp_911_call_nsfw/https://allthatsinteresting.com/pets-that-killed-their-owners (pigs)https://www.grunge.com/109715/terrifying-stories-people-killed-pets/ (Rushton/deer)https://www.cbsnews.com/news/bad-news-bear-tragedy-kelly-ann-walz-killed-by-pet-bear-in-ross-township-pa/(black bear)https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-11757591/Father-killed-chicken-Man-massive-bleeding-attacked-Ireland-home.html (chicken)https://www.asianage.com/life/more-features/120817/heres-a-list-of-pets-who-killed-their-owners.html (general source)https://www.anissas.com/camel-hump-the-ultimate-delicacy/(cooking camel hump) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Yeah, but dude, they're literally the physical incarnation of all that is evil and wicked in this world, man.
That's a great point, and I do believe we all feel the same way, Brotha Stewart.
There is nothing worse, nothing worse than one of those little fucks buzzing around your head when you're trying to sleep at night.
And I know, I know, that's obvious and old news.
Everybody knows that.
But man.
I am certain that the only thing necessary to elicit a confession from, say, a terrorist, whether it's forced or legit, is to put them in a room full of mosquitoes as they're tied up and can't do a damn thing about it.
Woo! Damn, that is sadistic, bro-biden.
And I know that I presented a Trey per Trey a couple weeks ago with the white coats working with the brown coats to unleash countless genetically modified mosquitoes on the U.S. population, specifically in Florida and California.
Two distinctly different states with distinctly different people in order to help rid us of these devils.
And while I don't necessarily think that that's the best idea to do, you know, unleashing billions of genetically modified mosquitoes into the environment, I still think it could bring us some long-awaited peace.
But hey, what do I know?
I'm just an American.
We simply don't know what the repercussions are going to be, either on a micro or a macro scale, either in the long term or short term.
And who are you referring to as the browncoats?
Oh, well, I'm talking about the government, homie.
The watching eye.
The all-powerful.
The omniscient.
The omnipresent.
The omnipotent.
Ah, yes, yes, I see.
The point is this.
I don't like mosquitoes.
Or the government.
I know, man, I know.
But they are such an important food for the fish.
I know, I know.
Fish gotta eat, too.
I get it.
They do.
But so do the birds, and the bats, and the frogs, and also, Scott, some species of those little flying karens are actually crucial for the pollination of certain plants and shit.
If it wasn't for the birds.
If it wasn't for the birds.
Worms gotta eat too.
But man, we have some questions to answer today.
Uh-oh.
Yeah. So as you know, when you search for something with Google, it will list out a bunch of questions below that people have already asked about.
You know, in that specific topic that you entered into that search bar, right?
Yeah, I think I know what you're talking about.
And there are some pretty fantastic questions being asked.
And so what we will do now is I will posit some of these questions that people have asked the all-knowing Google.
And Scott, we will have you answer them, seeing that you are the resident ecologist for the Paranautica Podcast.
Oh, hey, that's wonderful.
I couldn't be happier and more obliged.
Pitch the first one at me, Moses Malone.
All right, coming at you at a whopping four miles per hour.
Can you bite a mosquito back?
Well, I will just say from my large reservoir of knowledge, yes you can.
Alright, this next one.
Why do mosquitoes bite you when you fall asleep?
Well, it's because you're not moving anywhere, and so you're an easy target.
Great answer.
Those were hard hitters.
Now are you ready for this next one?
What are mosquitoes made of?
Wow. Atoms.
Atoms. Mosquitoes are made of atoms.
I mean, that is correct.
Very good.
Now, here's the next one.
What are mosquitoes' worst enemy?
And to follow up here, what do mosquitoes fear the most?
Now, this is a multifaceted question with multifaceted answers.
But on top of the list, I would probably have to say dragonflies.
I've heard that they hate the smell of lavender, citronella.
They bite the shit out of me all the time, so I know it's not me.
I said dragonflies earlier.
Probably dragonflies, man.
I think they fear the dragonfly.
They probably fear the dragonfly the most.
Side note, mosquitoes love, love, love the scent of lactic acid, and humans produce lactic acid when we do any physical work, you know, where we breathe more heavily than at a resting state, and so they are attracted to carbon dioxide, a.k.a.
your breath.
I'm starting to feel like...
Maybe you should be the resident ecologist for this podcast.
No, no, no, no, no.
I just read questions that Wayne Dale gives to me.
Okay, all right, well.
Okay, next question.
How can I be less attractive to mosquitoes?
Not me personally.
That's just a question someone asked out there in the world.
Less attractive physically or as in the way we smell and look?
I have no idea.
Okay. Well, I mean, mosquitoes don't like the colors green, purple, blue, and white, so you could wear a combination of any of those, or you could Billie Eilish it up and just wear, like, sweats and baggy pants and hide the form of your body, because maybe the mosquito would be confused and think you were a tree or something.
Yeah. You could also put on creams or repellent, and yeah, you could just, you know, just go get a tan or something.
Yeah, apparently mosquitoes don't bite tanned people as much as pasty white people.
It's probably regional.
So, Scott, we need a good answer to this next one.
What do mosquitoes turn into?
I don't even know how to answer that one.
These are from Google, you say?
Yes. People have asked these questions on Google.
I can't even on that one.
I mean, I would say they might turn into...
Well, food and fertilizer.
Oh, true.
True. Hey, nice.
Wow, look at you, man.
I mean, they have to die.
Everything rots and decomposes.
True. So, as small as they are, they produce a good amount of fertilizer.
Nice. I mean, I'm speculating.
How about this next one, Scott?
Do mosquitoes like cigarette smoke?
Ooh. Well, I guess that depends on were they born in the 1980s or were they born in the 2000s?
Because I feel like that would probably be a generational preference if you had to ask me.
Right. I remember as a kid and smoking in Pizza Hut was a huge thing.
Oh, man.
And you'd have your smoking section and your non-smoking section right next to each other in the same building.
Back-to-back booths.
Yep. Oh, yeah.
All right.
And we have one more.
And you're going to like this one.
How do I get rid of mosquitoes forever?
Ooh, well, I mean, we're starting to.
You just, you know, genetically modify all the males.
That's step one.
Step two is we replace all of our blood with some kind of other fluid that isn't blood-related, but keeps us alive so that they aren't interested in drinking our blood.
I like it.
Great solution.
But why are we talking about mosquitoes?
Well, we'll give you the answer to that piercing question right after Scott casts his wide net that is everyone's favorite segment.
A real people pleaser that keeps bringing them back.
You guessed it.
Trey por Trey.
portrait. portrait.
That's our custom intro.
Yeah, you gotta have the horns.
Well, welcome back, everybody, to everybody's favorite segment, Trey Portray.
The first story we have is grim.
It is grim, on a serious note.
This article comes to us from CNN World.
It was updated just hours ago.
Banaga, Baanaga, I'm sorry, Baanaga, India.
Three trains were involved in a high-speed collision.
One train collided with a stopped train.
This train was a passenger train.
It was going about 80 miles an hour, slammed into a heavy goods train.
The cars, which started backing up, of course, backed up onto an adjacent track, which another passenger train going in the opposite direction then proceeded to run into.
That train was traveling.
At about 78 miles an hour, so almost 80. So far there are at least 275 people confirmed dead.
Wow. And 1,000 at least that are injured.
And there's a huge investigation going on right now because all of the equipment has been deemed to be working just fine.
So the only way that this could have happened...
Is somebody tampering or somebody sabotaging?
It's an inside job, man.
It's an inside job.
Yeah, so right now, the main theory is one of the trains was purposefully taken off of its normal course and put onto a big loop track, which looped it around, and that's what caused it to hit this stationary train.
What the hell?
Yeah. What the hell, man?
I'm reading a quote here.
There were lots of bodies with unimaginable injuries.
I saw a head without a body.
I saw skulls crushed in.
I saw bodies completely crushed by the metal of the train.
It was horrifying.
And that comes from a victim, I do believe.
Yeah, there are other parts of the article where it says that local residents who heard the crash rushed to the site.
They found hundreds of people packed into these carriages that were all twisted metal.
People couldn't get out.
They were trying to find a way out.
They had to use flashlights and mobile phones, and to top it all off, it was about 95 degrees, workers toiling for hours for the last few days, just trying to find every last survivor.
If you could just imagine the most extreme, chaotic, just grim, like, end-of-the-world-type crash, that's exactly what we have here.
It's really, really sad, really sad.
That is scary, too, because as we know, people in India regularly ride on top of the trains, you know, because the insides are so packed full of people that people will start riding on tops of the trains.
Hopefully that was not the case here.
It doesn't say, the article doesn't say whether everybody was distributed throughout the cars or if there were people on top or around.
But it does say that everybody's belongings are just strewn about in the fields.
So the people that have survived...
They don't have any of their things, they don't have any of their stuff, and unfortunately they just have grim images to bring back home with them.
So we'll keep an eye on this story as it develops and see who has criminal charges pressed against them when they find out who is responsible for this.
Yeah, I'm interested.
I'm interested in that.
That is just a truly sad story.
Absolutely. And that takes us to another sad story, the second of our three Trey per Trey.
Also involving a crash, an Illinois woman, Stephanie Malgoza, was recently sentenced to 14 years in prison on Thursday, April 27, 2023, so not that long ago, for her involvement in a DUI crash that left two adults dead.
I don't know.
Do you remember hearing about this one?
I did hear about this one.
So this lady was so drunk that after she hit these people and the cops pulled her over, she was smiling and laughing.
No matter how much sense they tried to talk into her, she just could not believe that she had murdered two people with her vehicle.
And unfortunately for her, but fortunately for the public...
A video of the body cam footage the arresting officer took shows her actually laughing and being very flip and lighthearted about this.
There's no care in the world.
She is extremely happy.
I don't know.
She feels important that the cops stopped her and are talking to her.
So she's like, oh, spotlight's on me!
She's laughing and just smiling and not understanding what the cop is telling her.
She was quoted...
Yes, Judge Tim Cusack,
who proceeded over that, responded by saying that drunk drivers needed to face harsh penalties in order to prevent future accidents.
Judge Tim Cusack, I'm not sure if he's related to...
John Cusack.
That's true.
I guess that'll probably be a follow-up on a different story.
Which brings us to our third Trey Pertray.
Coop, you ever been attacked by a vicious beast?
Oh, man.
Every day.
Well, apparently...
Every day.
Apparently, the residents of Suwannee County are routinely being attacked by a fierce beast that's still on the loose.
Oh, God.
Is this a cryptid?
Is this a new cryptid?
Now, this...
This beast, as it were, quote unquote, has been likened to a stalking creature that is currently terrifying all of the residents of this county.
Scary. But after using local cameras, it has been identified as a local domestic cat.
Oh. Oh.
Yeah, didn't see that coming, huh?
So apparently the sheriff's office has tried to lay several traps for this cat, but I guess it has a serious attitude.
It's been swatting at people, biting people, jumping down, smacking them up.
It's just running out of nowhere and just like...
Yeah, the old deuce deuce.
Damn, man.
So yeah, people called in reporting a terrifying beast, but it's really just a pissed off cat.
The animal is still on the loose, has yet to be captured, but we'll be the first to let our listeners know when the terrifying beast has finally been caged.
Man, I wonder whose pet that originally was.
I wonder if it even had an owner at all.
But, you know, imagine just like a pet, like a former pet going out there attacking people.
Just like, oh man, dangerous.
Some pets can be dangerous.
Like that's what your pet is doing.
When you're like, oh, I wonder where my kitty's at.
And where it is is actually just out, causing mayhem, attacking people.
And it comes home and acts all, you know, happy and lovey-dovey, rubs up on you.
Yeah. It's tracking in blood.
You're like, oh, it caught an animal.
No, it's actually just fucking people up around the corner.
Oh, yeah.
So, why are we talking about mosquitoes?
Let's go back to mosquitoes.
Why are we talking about mosquitoes?
Well, because today's episode is all about people who were murdered by animals, which naturally includes the insect kingdom.
Yes, and it's kind of shitty to now have to be extra vigilant in making sure our pets know exactly who is boss, which is us, the humans.
We're in charge!
Because look...
If you're not always proving yourself to be the leader of the pack, your animals are always going to be looking for your weaknesses.
They're always observing us.
They're waiting for your demise so that they can take over the pack, definitely take over your woman, and, by the way, they will eat you.
Yeah, man, it's not such a good idea to just assume that we are in charge because that's not the case.
I mean, if one of our pets decides if they want a piece of the pie and brutally attacks us without warning their attempt for a coup, well, that's on us.
That's on us because, as you said, Scott, only a moment ago, you spoke those words of ancient wisdom, and I'll paraphrase, if you're not always proving yourself to be the leader of the pack, your animals are always looking for your weaknesses.
Exactly. We see it time and time again.
Pet owners become far too complacent, they become too vulnerable without realizing it, making for the perfect setup to usurp the leadership.
Also, it's sort of a kill two birds with one stone sort of situation because not only if you are successful in overthrowing the quote-unquote owner, you also get a nice meal afterward.
That's absolutely right, buddy.
They get to make a feast out of the owner, which is what one should do.
So, the bigger the owner, the better the business, you know?
A real donner party.
And I'm sure the specs of the owner are a very important aspect for the pets to consider in their plan for domination.
Right, right.
They're eyeing out the owner, sizing them up, figuring out their vulnerabilities and weaknesses.
I mean, they essentially stalk them all day every day, so long as the owner is home and they take their animals for walks or whatever.
Wow. Secretly plotting the person's demise over a questionably lengthy period of time.
Yeah, buddy.
Not only are pet owners under constant surveillance from their pets, they're in constant danger!
There's no doubt about that.
Your slow loris is just waiting to attack.
Your platypus waiting for the right moment.
It's all about who's in charge, man.
Damn. Scary shit.
Well, alright, Scott.
I want you to really think about your answers to this question I have for you.
Really think about your answers.
If you were going to be murdered by an animal, and yes, we are calling this murder here, despite the death being caused by an animal, we are calling it murder because that makes it appear that there was some sort of malicious intent on the part of the pet, which clearly seems to be the case more times than not,
as we will see here.
Oh yeah, every pet is a potential murderer.
That is a fact.
If you were going to be murdered by a pet, which could be any living creature on this planet Earth that we know about, what would it be?
Take all the specifics out of the equation.
It's just you and whatever animal, insect, creature, whatever that we know exists, and you're in their environment, let's say.
Actually, name top three, alright?
And also, obviously, you wouldn't be killed by one ant.
You'd be killed by the whole colony or whatever as they sting, bite, and eat you.
So that goes for anything similar to an ant, like a bee or any insect like that.
Anyway, name the top three animals you would hate to be murdered by.
Oof. Pets or just animals in general?
Pets. But you can basically make a pet out of any animals.
Okay. Pet bear, I'm going to go with number one.
Because bears are cold, and they don't care if you're already dead.
They'll just start eating you, and that would be fucking terrible.
They're vicious.
Yep, they're absolutely vicious and strong.
I'd have to go with chimpanzee.
Would be terrible because you would feel actual hands and teeth.
Just screaming.
Yeah, just biting and chewing you.
Literally, they'd just be going insane.
Just kicking your ass and then just eating you at the same time.
You're like, what the hell?
This humanoid thing is kicking my ass.
And it'd probably be pretty horrible to be killed by a pet boa constrictor or something like that.
You just catch it on the wrong day and it coils all around your arm and you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Suddenly you can't feel your arm and then it gets you somewhere else and you're like, shit!
That's slow.
Slow death.
Yeah, so you just get squeezed to death.
Yeah, I think all three of those would probably be the worst.
Well, for the record, we are going to be covering a story of a bear as a pet.
We're going to be covering a story of a chimpanzee as a pet.
So now today you're going to get a taste of what it's like to be murdered by a bear or a chimpanzee.
Oh man, I don't know if I want a taste of that.
And you know, while we're on the subject, I think there's some animals that it probably wouldn't be as terrible to be murdered by.
Like a kangaroo would probably just kick the shit out of you.
You'd be like, oh man, good shot, kangaroo.
And then you'd just like dilate her from internal bleeding.
Oh man.
Ah, must have been that shot I took from the kangaroo.
Or like, let's see, what else?
A rant?
Like a bighorn sheep?
Probably same thing, you know, just boom!
Back broken, dead, you know?
Damn. You don't even have to feel it, just boom!
Just knocks you over.
I don't know, what do you think about that?
Those two animals you just named?
Well, just for you.
What animal would you not really care to be killed by if you were like, yeah, it's not a big deal?
Yeah, it's not a big deal.
Come on, just hurry it up already.
Probably like...
That's a good question, man.
God, an elephant.
Okay. Because it seems like it would just be quick.
Yeah, just crush you and you're done.
Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
If you're lucky.
Or unless it just, like, hits you around with its trunk.
That would suck.
It slaps you around with the trunk.
Just, ah!
You fly to one side of the pen, and then it comes up to you, slaps you over like a fucking shuffleboard puck.
Yeah, man.
And it could throw you around, so that would be kind of shitty, too.
Never mind.
I don't know, man.
That's tough.
An animal that you wouldn't mind as much to be killed by.
That's tough, bro.
Yeah, it's a tough question.
I guess something that's poisonous, so...
There's no doubt you're going to die.
Like a snake.
That's true.
Like a black mamba or something.
Yeah, a black mamba.
Or a spider.
I'll see you guys.
Done. An hour later.
A water moccasin.
That's true.
I mean, it'd be frustrating because at first you're like, it bit me.
And then you're like, oh shit, I'm going to die.
Yeah. And to have the feel of those effects coming on.
Like, oh god, oh my god.
I'm getting a little tingly.
Getting a little tingly.
Oh, hey man, quit playing with my hair.
You're messing with me.
Yeah, not good.
Well, let's start this off.
Let's talk about the pet camel.
Dude, camels are freaking wicked, bro.
These mascots for cigarettes are generally seen to be rather docile and friendly.
You know, you see them in movies, always being happily ridden.
Purely just being beasts of burden or transportation as being pack animals.
And also a popular form of meat protein in some cultures throughout the Middle East and Northeastern Africa.
And according to India today, about 5,000 camels are killed for food in Australia every year.
But apparently, it isn't their first choice of meat.
But get this, the environmentalists are saying that eating camel meat is not only better for you, but it helps the climate.
And that comes from independent.co.uk.
Boy, I really don't know about that.
I'm curious to see the research on how they figure that out, like how that's making it better, quote-unquote, for the climate.
If anything, sounds like a biased source.
Absolutely. But hold up.
Here's a fun fact for those relentlessly scratching and picking at their faces and arms.
The Camel family first actually evolved in North America, believe it or not.
About 45 million years ago, during the Eocene period.
And a little fun fact about the Eocene period, since the dinosaurs had virtually gone extinct, the main predator during that time were the birds, bro.
The birds?
Yes, the fucking birds.
And get this, there was a large bird that was said to be an apex predator during that period of time called the Forrestresidae, better known as the Terrorbird.
Terrorbird? Yeah, dude.
These things could grow to about two meters or almost seven feet tall and filled out, of course, but they were mainly in South America and they were flightless.
And I don't know what's more frightening, being chased on foot by a giant bird that's larger than you trying to eat you or a flying bird that could swoop you up at any moment.
Oh, bro.
Personally, I'd say being chased on foot knowing that you're about to get picked apart by a giant beak.
No, thank you, sir.
I've actually seen pictures of the skulls that have been excavated of these creatures, and the bills are insane.
Like, just the sharp, cutting edges.
Oh, absolutely.
They're so freaky looking.
And they say they actually fed on, like, horses at the time.
It's actually, like, an ancestor.
An ancestor of horses, when horses were a lot smaller back then.
There were these little hooved creatures that...
We're not nearly as big as they are now.
Like pygmy.
Pygmy horses.
Yeah, and this bird would run around and just scissor these things up, dude.
Just bite them in half and just eat them.
Chomping horses in half.
Yeah, so scary.
Anyways, the camel would go extinct in North America right around 11,000 years ago, so it's pretty interesting how this whole picture works in pretty much unimaginable periods of time that have gone by and that will continue to go by.
Camels aren't always the nice, likable, and docile pack animals that are always being depicted in such movies, you know, like Indiana Jones and Conan the Destroyer and The Mummy and everyone's favorite, Homps.
What the hell is Homps?
You don't know Homps?
No, bro.
Man, it's a 1976 masterpiece starring Slim Pickens and a few others.
The premise is basically that the army or some military branch uses camels as part of their cavalry.
It's a slapstick comedy, a hoot and a holler, and you'll want to watch it again and again.
I'm just going to say, just based off of your critically acclaimed synopsis of Humps, that you're fucking right, dude.
That sounds really great.
Exceptionally great, actually.
I look forward to a full evening of viewing said humps.
I can promise you, you will not be disappointed.
Well, no, that's what you said about Deadfall with Nicolas Cage from 1993.
Classic Cage.
And Arsenal with Nicolas Cage from 2017.
It's Cage basically being Tony Montana.
It's fantastic.
Homie, you said the same thing about Dying of the Light.
Again, a Nicolas Cage movie.
This one from 2014.
What? He's a rogue CIA guy who goes after a terrorist!
America's favorite!
Mm-hmm.
Right. And I can't believe you tricked me again with the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man with Nicolas Cage playing Sergeant Neil Howey.
So bad, bro!
All right, all right.
That one was a joke.
Well, unfortunately, you got me time and time again.
And all in one day.
Very impressive feat, good sir.
Whole day wasted.
And, not to mention, I'm still recovering.
By the way.
I'm sure you are.
There is something to the negative psychological effects of prolonged exposure to truly horrible movies.
I think my brain is dying.
I'm certain that that has been studied and experimented with on many very unlucky subjects.
But at least you were willing.
But, as you said, camels are typically seen as a docile and friendly creature.
But until you actually see it, you wouldn't really expect all these violent and murderous camels to be running amongst us.
Hmm. Explain what you mean there.
So, let's go to Russia.
Siberia, to be exact, where a 51-year-old man, who was the handler of a certain camel at a children's holiday camp, was viciously bit, chewed on, kicked, knelt on, and tossed around until he was dead.
That was no accident.
He was murdered.
No doubt about it.
There is a video of this, and it shows the man walking up to the Bactrian camel, who is otherwise minding his own business, just chilling over there.
And this guy walks up and he just smacks the camel in the face a couple of times and then yanks on the reins in the camel's mouth.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, a Bactrian camel is a camel that has two of those humpty-doos on its back, whereas a camel with a single hump is called an Arabian or a dromedary camel.
Ah, yes, thank you, thank you, Scott.
Also, they do not store water in those Humpty Doos, as if they are canteens.
Those Humpty Doos are actually full of fat, which the camel then metabolizes for nourishment and energy.
Yes, yes.
And those Humpty Doos are also the prized portions of the camel in the Middle East.
So they take these and they roast them whole.
In fact, in my studious research, I came across an online culinary webpage where this person is a chef, an author, and a consultant.
She is from Lebanon and Syria, but moved to Italy.
And part of her chef page has a recipe for her camel hump with a step-by-step process.
And it is, well, let's just say it is the best gore or the rotten.com of a very normal, benevolent, and informational recipe.
Yeah, I would say it's definitely not quite what I was expecting.
So I've got the page up here and I'm looking at this woman proudly displaying the...
The camel humps, which are grilled.
And at first, you know, you might think like, oh, that looks like a nice grilled piece of meat, like kind of like a turkey or like two turkeys or like one large turkey and a smaller one.
I want to point out, even her face in it, she's not even sure of it.
She's not sure, yeah.
She definitely looks unsure of this meat that she has.
But here's the thing.
So you go down this blog, right?
I'm looking at it.
You see the camel, it's trussed up in the back of the pickup, and it's like, looks all calm.
Looking chill.
And then the next slide, you see the guys standing there, and you're like, oh, these guys look nice.
Then they zoom in on the knives that's on this guy's belt, and then the next picture is them wrestling the camel, and the camel's like, ah!
Freaking out.
Yeah, dude, you can see the look on its face.
It was like, shit!
Then they're all sitting on the camel in this picture, and dude just looks like, it doesn't show it, but it looks like he just slices his throat open, because the next photo is the camel, throat cut, blood everywhere.
And then these guys are standing around skinning it, and then they just, like, set this raw hunk of camel meat up on the table next to their beverages.
I like this photo shoot of the camel hump next to a beverage.
Looks like a little, like, card and some snacks.
Yeah, some snacks.
I mean, they're all, like, talking about this, like, oh, wow, that sure was difficult.
And I'm like, ew, what's happening here?
But yeah, it just doesn't appeal to me.
I think I'm good.
I don't really feel the need to have camel hump myself.
Nah, if I'm somewhere where they eat this as a traditional meal and they offer it to me, I'll try it.
The funny part is at the end of the blog, the lady says something like she looks forward to learning how to actually cook the rest of the cuts because she doesn't know how to cook camel.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
No, I see it right here.
My next camel hump project is to plan a big party in the fall on my brother's terrace where I will serve the whole animal, although I am still not sure how to cook the different cuts, including the liver, which is another prized cut!
Yeah. Interesting.
It's just a little unsettling, I think.
But, meh.
Yeah. Yeah, to each his own.
Yeah, I guess we can't knock it until we've tried it.
Maybe we should order some camel.
I'm down.
Let's do it.
Or maybe we can have someone send us some samples.
All right.
Well, let's continue.
Again, the guy hits the camel in the head and then yanks on the mouthpiece and just...
Taunts the camel like a big tough guy.
And then the camel immediately goes into full Quentin Rampage Jackson mode and attacks the fucking guy.
And it bites him around the face and neck and tosses him around like a toy.
The animal is so furious and quick and non-stop in its relentless attack that the man literally has no chance to escape.
No chance at all.
And once the man was clearly dead, and he was just laying motionless in the snow, the camel just stood above him, gnawing and taking bites out of his face and his neck.
There's just blood all over the snow.
And eventually, someone drives up really quick, and the camel just kind of backs away a little bit, looks at that guy, and he's like, what?
You want to go too?
Come on.
Let's go.
Dude. If I was driving up and I was like, I'm going, sorry Sam, I'm a little late, I'm just going to hop out here and see what you're, oh, you see this bloody camel standing over this dude, I'd get the hell out of it.
I'd just back away slowly and be like, I'm going to chalk that one up to a loss.
Yeah, and it also happened at a child's birthday party, I believe.
Yeah, that would have been one of those disturbing, life-altering events to see as a child and you'd just never be the same again.
All right, so this next one, we will go to the Indian state of Rahastan.
There is a record-breaking heat wave, feeling temperatures up to 43 degrees Celsius, or 109.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
A man named Yurajam had some guests over for some entertainment on this blistering day.
But where was Yurajam's camel?
Scott, where was Yurajam's camel?
You know, I wasn't there, actually, so I can't tell you with any degree of certainty.
Okay, well, his camel was tied up outside by its legs in the dead heat.
The man, knowing he had fucked up and forgot about his beautiful back train out in those temperatures, quickly went out to free his lovely camel and get her into the house where it was cool, or at least off into some shade with some water nearby, maybe rather than martinis.
Okay, yeah, sounds like he cares, you know?
So when he went out to do that, the camel attacked him by the same old technique.
The camel would bite him on the arm and face and neck and toss him around.
And then the camel would easily rush over and start biting and trampling him and tossing him around more.
But this one lifted him up by the neck and threw him to the ground and chewed his body and face and neck, which ultimately detached his head from his body.
Man, this camel was so hot and so pissed that it literally bit...
It's Master's head off, dude.
Yeah, man.
Chewed his head off his body.
Can you imagine that camel just sitting out there baking, just like, oh.
Yeah, just getting heated.
I swear when he comes back out, man.
Done. Fucking dead.
You're dead.
Get over here, Udram.
Come on, man.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I'm just a little camel out here in the sun.
And then, boom!
So after that mess, it took 25 villagers consisting of family and friends to struggle with the camel for six hours.
And in fact, people who knew both Yerjams and the camel said that they sort of had a similar fight in the past.
Oh, uh...
Well, there's definitely something to unpack there, but...
Yeah, I guess the dude got what was coming to him.
I guess.
Alright, moving on to the next one.
This one also took place in India, in Bassin Pier.
Where a 25-year-old was murdered by their pet camel, but this method of murder was different than the others.
It's said that the owner was riding this camel from his farm back to his home, and about two kilometers away, or about one mile, something happened and the owner ended up on the ground, where he was then brutally murdered in the warm desert sands as the cool winds blew through the quiet evening darkness.
Family and friends would say that the camel had been pissed for at least four or five days.
Possibly because he was in rut and wanted to find some camel toe to get down on, but just simply couldn't because he was always either tied up or being used for transportation.
And you know damn well what all work and no play does to a man.
Imagine what it can do to a camel.
Red rum.
Yeah, man.
That camel was definitely...
I mean, I'd be pissed.
Dude's riding me around all day and I'm like, man, what about the chicks, bro?
He's just like, strap up!
They're taking me to the next village.
I'm like, oh, shit.
So, yeah, I'm not surprised.
Yep. Camel's going to do what a camel's going to do.
Shit, yeah, bro.
Everybody knows that.
Now, let's go a world away over there in Wichita Falls, Texas, the United States.
I'll put us precisely at Camel Kisses Farm, owned by Peggy McNair, who was 73 years young and loved all of her animals, as animal lovers do.
On this day, Mark Muir, who was 20 years her junior, Oh,
okay. Sounds like they were prepared for this and thought this out.
Put the camel in with some female camels.
So Mark decided that he had to enter the cage because the camel's water trough was frozen.
So he was going in to do something about it.
It was at that point that the feisty camel became enraged at Mark and attacked him with all the usual murderous intent.
And that was when Peggy McNair tried to close the gate.
Unfortunately, the roiding camel turned its aggression toward her.
She would be killed as well.
Authorities were called, and they killed a crazed camel during an intense, prolonged standoff.
I like that this story quotes an intense, prolonged standoff because...
Well, the cops get out, and they get out of their car, and they're like, hello, hello, hello, who's back there?
Mr. Camel, come out with your humps up.
They're just not sure what's going on.
They're like, what the fuck?
So, yeah, Mark and Peggy, man, that's terrible.
You don't get in between a fucking rutting animal and his female mates.
Yeah, you just don't get in the cage with them at all.
Or at all.
Is what you don't do.
And you just don't put them in cages.
Anyway, you just let them be free.
Yes. Don't cage camels.
Don't cage camels.
New bumper stickers coming out soon.
But this next one is a bit more sexually aggressive.
We also have to go to one of our favorite places of all time, Scott.
Can you guess?
Jersey? Great answer.
But no, we're going to go to Australia.
Oh, nice, mate.
For her 60th birthday present in 2007, Pam Weaver was given a 10-month-old baby camel by her husband, Noel.
She adored this baby camel, which is still a very large animal at 24 stone or 336 pounds, despite being young.
And this baby camel seemed to truly adore its human mother.
It was also a horny camel.
At 10 months old, it was constantly trying to mate with the pet goat.
And the goat was not having any of it.
Goat's just like, damn it.
Everything was going great until this stupid camel showed up, man.
Pam would go out to spend some time with the young camel and possibly play with him a little bit, toss the ball around, you know, play some fetch or something.
She should have been having the talk.
She should have been having the talk.
Now, we don't know exactly how this went down, but it is assumed that wherever they were, the horned-up camel was fooling around and shoved Pam to the ground where authorities say it attempted to straddle her.
At any rate, she was later found dead by her husband with hoof marks all over her face and body, clearly having been murdered by her adopted camel.
Oh, man.
Camel was...
Just trying to play out the old stepmom fantasy.
Yeah, we almost have an issue of Woody Allen here.
Minus murder.
Yes, just bestiality and incest, you know.
You know.
You know how it goes.
At Pam's funeral, Noel would tell everyone the following, and this is no joke.
No, this isn't.
I know we joke around a lot here, but this quote is a legit quote.
Well, you have to forgive the camel.
He loved her very much.
You know, it's a good thing you didn't try to goo around the big door, eh?
Eh? That second part was not part of the quote, but...
Alright, one more on camels, and we'll move on.
This one isn't so much a pet, but rather an animal at a pet teen zoo.
Oh, I see what you did there, buddy.
So, we need to get our volunteer boots on and head over to Tennessee.
Just last year, in March of 2022, a camel had escaped a petting zoo.
Jeez, these camels are a different breed, man.
All of these are horrible, but this is nuts.
This camel apparently jumps the fence at this petting zoo and is running around, most likely in a rut, and maybe pissed that he's there.
Also, at the zoo, were Bobby Matheny and Tommy Gunn.
Two men who were simply there trying to help corner the animal.
But in a cold twist of fate, both men would be cornered by the raging camel.
And again, this thing did its usual camel rampage by biting, kicking, stomping, tossing, and swinging of its head.
And it would murder both men before it could be stopped.
Man, so far I'm just like...
You know, camels should not be kept by us at all under any circumstances.
Just let them be camels.
No. Nah.
Yeah, it's crazy, man.
Camels and people aren't supposed to be together.
No, I agree.
Let them go.
Scott, when I say eastern copperhead, what do you think?
What comes to mind?
Um... A snake comes to mind.
Well, check this out.
Apparently... And this is according to ForFoxSakeWildlife.com.
Because of that escaped camel murdering two men, that means that camels are more dangerous in Tennessee than the eastern copperhead snake.
Oh, that's quite a claim to fame, that you have to go to a state and be worried about possible camel murders.
Yeah, man.
So anyone visiting Tennessee, watch out for camels.
Look out for camels, and the snakes aren't that great either.
Right. Yeah, and while the Copperhead's venom isn't all that dangerous, it isn't as deadly as many think it is, I could not find how many deaths are caused by a camel alone per year, but I found that camels are the desert deer of the Middle East and Saudi Arabia, and are said to cause around 150 human deaths every year due to collisions with vehicles,
which is six times higher than all of the other traffic-related accidents.
Whoa! You know, I didn't even think about that, that you're driving around and you're on this highway in between towns and you just have to worry about camels crossing the road.
It's crazy.
It's probably similar to a moose.
You know, moose kill people.
It's about the same.
Absolutely, they do.
Yeah. Very similar.
It's about the same as in the U.S., but with your regular deer species, except that number represents being gored to death by antler.
Vehicle-related deaths are said to be anywhere between 125 and 440 each year.
But on the other end of that spectrum, about 1.4 million deer are said to be killed by being hit.
What do they do with all these dead animals?
Well, some states collect the roadkill, they'll process it, and then package it for food banks and other programs for people with low income.
Other states collect the roadkill and dispose of it at dump sites, or they burn them after taking the hides to make products such as gloves.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I mean, at least it's not quite going to waste or anything like that.
Usually not entirely.
Now, unless you get a deer that's hit by a semi-truck.
Oh, yeah.
Not much left.
I'm not going to be saving anything in that go-around.
Now, check this one out.
While we are on the topic of deer, in 2011, 67-year-old Gerald Rushton from East Texas was murdered by his pet deer that he had since it was just a fawn.
Now, this was a male red stag deer with an impressive rack of antlers on its giant rodent-like head.
And that's frightening enough.
That is frightening.
Just like you have this red stag deer, you walk outside, and every time you kind of see it eyeballing you, and you're like, it's just waiting for the day.
Yeah, man.
Here it comes.
It's just waiting.
It's trying to catch me slipping.
Gerald had kept the wild deer in a kennel in his backyard, just south of Wascombe, Texas, for a handful of years, which is very illegal and very dangerous.
Gerald had gone out to the kennel probably to feed the deer or to groom it, brush its fur, shave its hooves or something.
Yeah, maybe he was going to play some fetch, you know.
We really just don't know why exactly he went out.
We don't know.
But what we do know is that the stag was in rut, which means it was extra aggressive.
When Gerald entered the kennel, the deer rushed at him with its antlers aimed right at Gerald's body.
The deer then proceeded to murder Gerald by stabbing him with its antlers and trampling over him with its hooves.
Once the authorities were called in, the game warden's only option was to shoot and kill the murderous deer.
Yeah, the game warden's like, well, this guy's not going to make it.
Hey, who wants lunch?
You know?
Now let's move onto a case that became very famous and really put the spotlight on owning exotic pets.
This happened back in 2009 in Stamford, Connecticut, and you may remember this one.
Travis the Chimp was the culprit in this brutal double attack.
Although nobody died directly as a result, we still felt this would be worth the mention.
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean, chimps capture the imagination for a variety of reasons, and there have been multiple instances of chimps attacking owners, and this is just another one of those cases.
This is the most famous.
So Travis the Chimp was actually an animal actor and appeared in several TV shows, most notably The Man Show and Coca-Cola Ads.
The Chimp's mother, get this, her name is Susie, but she was actually shot and killed after she escaped her enclosure in 2001.
Oh, man.
Yeah, so you know, like, Baby Chimp sees Mom Chimp get murdered, so that affects Baby Chimp, right?
Yeah, true, true.
Traumatized him.
So at just three days old, the chimp was taken from Susie and raised as Travis Tritt, some guy that Sandra Harold, the owner, really liked.
The chimp was raised around humans since day one and seemed to adapt to its human counterpart's way of life, such as dressing himself, using keys to unlock doors, watering plants, feeding the other animals.
He was able to log onto their computer and he would look at pictures?
Hmm. Suspicious.
I wonder what he was doing.
Yeah. He was using incognito.
Yeah, all the tissues are disappearing in the house.
Like, where the fuck is that chimp also?
You just hear in the background.
And he would also use the remote to watch baseball on TV, his favorite thing to watch.
And he would brush his teeth.
And he could even drive a car.
That's funny.
So he's all watching baseball whenever they walk in, you know, but just like as soon as they leave, switches it back over to fucking, you know, like Kardashians or Love Island.
Yeah, something fucking stupid.
And do you know what else Travis the Chimp enjoyed doing?
Please don't tell me, Sandra.
Please. For the love of Marduk.
Not as far as I know, or as far as the reports say, but no, Travis really liked to drink wine from a stemmed glass.
Damn, what a real housewife.
Yeah, man.
But hold on.
After Sandra's husband passed away, Travis would often sleep with Sandra in the same bed.
But... More to your last point, in order to be a real housewife, one must not only imbibe oneself with wine, they must also take more than their daily dose of Xanax.
Oh, yes, yes, that's true.
You gotta have your mood alters, your suppressants, your stimulants.
You gotta have it all, man, to be a true housewife.
And Travis the Chimp did have all of it.
So back in 2003, the Heralds were stopped at an intersection with Travis unbuckled in the seat.
The window was down enough for a...
I'm sorry, animal lovers, but I just think this is hilarious.
The window was down enough for the glass bottle to be thrown by a pedestrian, what struck the chimp in the face, and then pissed off Travis jumped out of the car and gave chase after the pedestrian, but the guy got away.
That would be so scary.
The chimp just jumps out.
You're like, oh, fuck.
Yeah, man.
Start booking it.
Like, no!
What have I done?
What have I done?
Yeah, if he got caught by the chimp, bro, he would have been done for.
Woo! Geez, yeah, he would have ripped you apart.
He would have been shredded.
In your face.
Now, let's go to 2009, the day of the double attack on both Sandra and one of Sandra's friends, Charlotte Nash.
Nash was not a stranger to Travis, as he had been in each other's company for a number of years, and without any apparent issues between the two.
But on this day, it is suspected that Charlotte's hair was in a dramatically different style than it normally was, which may have confused Travis.
And also...
Charlotte was holding one of Travis' favorite toys, a Tickle Me Elmo.
Scott, you know what that's like?
In an attempt to calm and agitate Travis and lure him back into the cage during one of his psychotic housewife meltdowns.
Jeez. Like when I'm holding your Tickle Me Elmo and you walk into the room, boy, I am in a world of hurt.
Yes. I wouldn't recommend that anybody does that with my Tickle Me Elmo.
Don't let me catch you playing with my Tickle Me Elmo.
I will never go in the room again, I promise.
Okay, well, I guess we'll see.
It was upon seeing Sharla holding the toy that apparently caused Travis to fly into a murderous rage and attack her.
Sandra attempted to get Travis to stop his attack by hitting him with a shovel, which did nothing.
Hmm. A little bit too familiar with this chimp,
I think.
She said Travis turned to her after being stabbed and looked at her as if to say, Mom, why did you do that?
Those were her words.
Oof, jeez.
Grim. Yeah, I mean, I guess, of course they're pretty intelligent, right?
Oh yeah, definitely.
Here, you know, you have this, like, intruder coming in, touching your stuff.
The chimp freaks out.
But then, like, the person, the only person that you have a true bond with, like, stabs you with a knife.
Yeah. I'll bet, yeah, I'll bet he felt betrayed.
Assuming her friend Sharla was dead at that point, which she was not, but she was in critical condition, Sanja would run out to Sharla's car and lock herself inside.
It is there that she would call 911 as the chimp's screams and hollers could be heard in the background.
What follows is that 911 call made by Sanja Harold.
It's time for 911.
Where's your emergency?
This is Sanja.
241 Rock.
Rock, Criven Road.
What's the problem?
Send the police.
Send the police.
What's the problem there?
The chief killed my friend.
What's the problem with your friend?
Oh, please.
What's the problem with your friend?
I need to know.
Send the police up with a gun, with a gun.
Hurry up.
You want the gun?
Please, hurry up.
He's killing my girlfriend.
What is the problem?
He's killing my friend!
Who's killing your friend?
My chimpanzee!
Oh, your chimpanzee is killing your friend.
He ripped her part!
Hurry up!
Hurry up, please!
There's someone on the way.
With guns, please, just shoot'em!
What is the monkey doing?
Tell me what the monkey is doing.
He ripped her face off!
He ripped her face off?
I need you to calm down a little bit.
They're on the way.
Can you push yourself away?
I don't want the monkey attacking you.
Please, hurry up!
Listen to me!
They're on the way, ma'am.
They've got to shoot them!
Please! Please, hurry, hurry!
You're there with your friend.
I need you to help your friend.
Can you go help your friend?
I can't.
He tried to attack me now.
Is he still there with your friend?
Yes. Okay, so then back off.
Then don't get any closer, okay?
They're already on the way.
Please. If the monkey moves away from your friend, let me know, okay?
So we can try to help your friend.
No. No, I can't.
She's dead.
She's dead.
Why are you saying that she's dead?
She's dead.
He ripped her apart.
He ripped what apart?
Her face?
Everything. He ripped her apart?
Listen. I think I'm going to play.
I think I'm going to pass out.
No, no.
Just breathe, okay?
I'm going to stay with you on the phone until they get there.
Listen to me.
Please hurry.
Please. Please hurry.
Oh, my God.
They've got to have their guns out.
They've got to have their guns out.
Listen to me.
Oh, my God.
Is this your monkey or whose monkey is it?
It's your monkey.
It's mine.
Do you know how big he is?
How many pounds?
200 pounds.
400? 200.
200 pounds?
Listen to me, please.
Where are they?
Where are they?
And he's a chimp, correct?
Yes. Where are they?
They're going your way.
They're going as fast as they can your way, okay?
Please. Please go faster.
Please. Please.
Is the monkey still by your friend or can you get close to your friend?
He's eating her.
Please. God, oh please.
Okay, I need you to calm down for me.
I know it's hard, okay?
I know it's hard.
But they're going as fast as they can your way, okay?
Oh my God, please.
They tell them they've got to shoot them because I tried stabbing them and it made them worse.
Okay. Have them shoot him.
They will.
Sandra, I already have the fire department close by, okay?
So as soon as the police gets there, the fire department is going to move in, okay?
The fire department can't move in yet, but as soon as the police officers show up...
Please tell them, shoot him, because he's going to try to attack me now.
Just breathe, Sandra.
Shoot him!
Shoot him!
Sandra, stay in your car.
Shoot him!
Sandra, I need you to stay in your car.
Shoot him, please.
I tried stabbing him, and he's hurt now too.
So he's gonna attack anybody.
I can't get out of this car.
Lock your doors on your car and stay there with me.
It don't matter.
He will rip the doors.
Sandra, just do what I'm telling you to.
Stay in the car.
The police officers will handle it.
Please tell him to shoot him.
Please. Please tell him.
Please tell him to kill him, please.
They did, Sandra.
They're shooting at him already, okay?
But he's not dead.
I know.
They will continue until he's dead, okay?
I just need you to stay on the phone with me and breathe.
Please, Sandra.
He's not dead.
He's not dead.
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
Boy, you can just hear the incredible stress in her voice.
I can't imagine.
That whole scene.
You're the dispatcher on the other end getting this call about this chimp.
You're like, dude, am I hearing this correctly?
Can someone else hop on this phone and talk to this lady?
Yeah, it's a strange call.
It's fucking frightening, and you can hear the screams of the chimp in the back just going off.
Yeah, no doubt.
It's pretty chilling, though, right?
Absolutely. So when the police arrived, Travis chimped his way towards one police car and attempted to open the passenger side door while simultaneously smashing the side view mirror.
Not satisfied, Travis ran to the driver's side door and viciously opened it, but sitting inside and in fear for his life was Officer Frank Shiafari, and he was quick to fire off four rounds with the service pistol.
Travis the Chimp scampered back into the house where he was found deceased in his room, grasping onto a bedpost, according to allthatsinteresting.com.
Just the whole situation is really sad.
I'm not saying, oh, yeah, kill the chimp because it killed that lady or injured her badly.
I mean, what do they expect?
You know, you're keeping this wild animal behind bars.
It's only going to play nice for so long.
And while Sharla would survive her injuries, she was left permanently disfigured.
The chimp ripped and bit off her lips, her nose, her eyelids, and damaged her eyes as well.
Part of her scalp and her jaw were also ripped off.
Some of her fingers were ripped off as she desperately tried to protect herself.
She would eventually become too weak to put up any further fight as she would lose a substantial amount of blood.
And as she lay there completely defenseless, Travis continued his assault.
Having to break away.
Your friend's getting torn apart.
You're like, I can't do anything to this chimp.
It's still happening.
So you go call 911 and it's just like knowing that it's still going on, like the brutal attack.
Oh, I can't.
I just can't.
She watched her friend just get ripped apart as she's on that call.
Dude. Over the next 72 hours, Sharla would undergo over seven hours of surgery on her face, her head, her hands, and anywhere else there were significant injuries.
Four teams of doctors would perform the intricate surgeries.
And she would be left completely blind as well.
Charlotte would take up the offer of an experimental face transplant in 2009, which was more or less a success.
But she would even go on to that Oprah Winfrey show.
Oh, yes, the Oprah Winfrey show.
Really fantastic.
Yeah, something like that.
And about 15 months after the attempted double murder by Travis the Chimp, Sandra Herold would pass of an aortic aneurysm at 72 years old.
Then, the following year, 2011, Sharla would undergo more surgery for another facial and hands transplant.
Again, the facial surgery was more or less a success, but the hands transplant did not work according to the plan.
Initially, it went well, but then Sharla developed the dreaded pneumonia, and five days later, the doctors had to remove the hands because infection set in, as well as there being poor circulation of blood.
Ugh, God, this lady just kept trying, kept trying.
And her quality of life wasn't improving.
All she did was come over to her crazy friend's house who owned a chimp.
She did, however, win around $4 million, or about 3.2 million pounds, in a lawsuit against the Herald's estate in 2012.
But that pretty much paid for the medical bills.
But she is still alive today.
Well, that's remarkable that she's still alive, but I mean...
It's amazing that she's still with us, actually.
I remember seeing pictures of her smoothed-out face, just like lidless eyes.
Yes. No hair on her face at all.
It's just, I don't know, just like bare-bones skeleton.
It doesn't look good.
It doesn't look good.
No, sir.
No, it does not.
And while I couldn't find any definitive deaths caused by chimpanzee in the United States, I did find that there have been at least 20 documented cases of chimps murdering humans in the western region of Uganda over the past 20 or so years.
Alright, let's move on from that.
We spent too much time on that.
Let's go over to the A. A-Town.
The Queen City.
Allentown. Pennsylvania.
Oh, yeah.
Wonderful town.
Even better name.
But I truly love soft pretzels.
But you know what I do?
I put jimmies on them after I have them saturated in butter.
And you know the best part of all the food items?
They all come from wawas, which has been going strong for Philly people since, I don't know, about like 1890.
But what I really like doing is navigating through the maze that is the King of Prussia Mall, then dodging a parking ticket just in time before the demons themselves, the Philly Parking Authority, can catch me, you know.
But you know what?
In the summertime, you need ice water.
There's no ifs, ands, or buts.
That shit's necessary.
But everyone comes up to me, Hey Joey, Joey, hey, hey man.
Where's the best cheesesteak, Joey?
You gotta tell me, Joey.
That's when the arguments start, you know, for hours.
And by the time you're all settled down after the argument, well, the shops are fucking closed now.
Personally, I like the coffee shops.
And even more so, all the finger snapping over anything else.
The best finger snapping in all of Pennsylvania.
Best finger snapping in the world, bro.
That's true.
So it's 2015.
Kelly Ann Waltz and her husband were keen on keeping some exotic animals as pets.
These included an African lion, a cougar, a Bengal tiger, a jaguar, a leopard, a couple servals.
In a 350-pound black bear.
Oh, man.
The stage is set either for some terrible joke or just certain tragedy.
That's not a good setup.
Much like the previous story, Kelly and the bear were well acquainted.
For nine years, Kelly raised the bear as if she'd raised a dog, food and all.
Apparently, it was a decent and amenable relationship.
Now, she and her husband didn't just let this bear run around like Travis the Chimp.
Like all other exotic, and I want to emphasize here, wild animals, the bear, which they of course named Teddy, was kept in an enclosure.
And yes, they did have valid permits and licenses for all of the animals, that is, until June of 2008, when those expired.
They should not be able to have, they shouldn't be able to give permits to private citizens who just want to have wild animals as pets.
No. No.
This was no big deal, though.
As the authorities respected them and let them be, and the Waltzes would actually operate a sort of petting zoo for the public.
All of this just sounds so, you know, like OSHA, Oregon, or the Occupational Health and Safety.
Just like, so many violations I feel like are happening right now.
Oh yeah.
So on this perfectly average day, right after 5pm...
Kelly would do as she had done countless times over the nine years in the past, raising her black bear.
She would go into its 15 by 15 foot enclosure to clean it while the bear was inside.
Now something you notice at the zoos is that most of the time with the big predators, they move them to a separate area away from the pen before the zookeepers come in and clean it.
Absolutely. That's the protocol.
But not here.
So first, she shoveled some dog food off to one side of the enclosure as a means to distract the bear, and feed it, mind you, while she cleaned the other side.
Wow, bright idea.
So you're gonna give the animal some food and arouse its hunger, and then you're gonna step inside with it and just be like, yo, what up?
Just became way too complacent with this thing.
Yeah. Just don't do that!
It's a wild animal!
So a neighbor's children, along with her own, stood by and watched as Kelly turned away from the bear and knelt down to clean.
It was then that Teddy would act out his malicious intent.
Unsatisfied with the dog food he ate for nine years, the black bear turned away from it and set its attention on the unsuspecting Kelly.
That'd be crazy if just like...
If she had just changed up the food, if it had just never happened, like giving the bear pizza once in a while, or he's all looking at their food, like in through the window, they're eating lasagna, and he's like, sad bear face.
Yeah, he's just getting dog food, just like, fuck this dog food, man.
I can't do it for one more year.
First of all, what do bears eat, okay?
It's not dog food.
So why are these people feeding a bear dog food?
Makes no sense.
Yeah, seriously.
Immediately, the children screamed and shrieked in horror and ran for help, and almost just as quickly, the neighbor came rushing over with a rifle in hand where he fired it, killing the bear.
But it was too late.
Kellyanne Waltz was dead, murdered by the black bear she raised as a child for nine years.
Now, does it say in the article at all, or the research that you've done, how she died?
Like, did it snap her neck?
Did it just bite her?
Did it knock her out?
Did it maul her to death?
What exactly happened?
It mauled her to death.
It literally mauled her to death by biting her face, her neck, her skull.
It clawed at her.
It did it all.
It ate her.
Just brutally attacked her.
Just checking, I guess.
So, interestingly, since about the year 2000, right around there, only 25 people were documented to have been murdered by a black bear.
Oh, damn.
That's about the same as the chimpanzee, yo.
That's right.
Now, let's move on to the muck and the mire.
Ah, yes.
Breeding ground for horrific nightmares.
In 2012, at around 7 a.m., 69-year-old Terry Vance Garner of Coos County, Oregon...
had gone off to feed his pigs, which were all roughly around 320 kilograms or 700 pounds each.
Terry would never return to the house where his family awaited him.
Grown worried, they would go out to where the pigs were kept to check on Terry.
It is then that they made the gruesome discovery.
Parts of Terry's body were scattered about the filthy ground, and his dentures were also within eyesight.
But the majority of his body had been devoured.
Ugh, that's like something straight out of a horror movie.
Oh yeah, buddy.
Nobody could determine the cause of death, but it's suspected that the pigs intentionally knocked Terry down, where they then murdered him and ate his body.
Ah, to cover their tracks, right?
Yeah, man, one can only assume.
The other theory, the runner-up, was that Terry had a heart attack, and that is when the animals ate him.
Oh, interesting, interesting.
Well, gosh.
I prefer to believe the heart attack scenario.
And then the pigs were just like, well, if you can't beat him, eat him!
You know?
Well, maybe you have a different opinion after this next part.
Terry's older brother would tell a story that in the previous year, Terry had accidentally stepped on a piglet and the sow made a defensive attack on him in return.
Apparently, you're supposed to kill a pig after they do that to a person.
Because his brother made a fuss about it, and Terry said he would, but he never got around to it.
Oh, I did not know that you're supposed to kill a pig after they do that, but it makes sense because they are incredibly smart, and they're super emotional creatures.
Right. Yeah, they are.
That's scary, because when I was a kid, I played in pig pens a couple times with all these little pigs.
Well, they weren't really little, they were big, but...
Dude. Yeah, scary.
They could have eaten me.
Yeah, you never know.
Like, one could have been like, fuck this guy, man.
Just wait.
Just wait till you come over on this side and trip.
Woo! Because we were trying to ride him and shit.
So, like, they weren't happy.
Dude, somewhere, some farm has a generation of pigs that have just grown up to hate anybody that looks like you.
They just go nuts when someone that looks like you walks by.
That's him!
Fuck you!
That's a recording of the pig that we got, actually.
Yeah, that's fucking clear.
Pig talk.
Yeah, right?
Yeah, we got some good fidelity on that.
The Coos County District Attorney Paul Frazier would later tell the media, For all we know, it was a horrific accident, but it's so doggone weird that we have to look at all the possibilities.
Hey, Greg, why don't you go get me some more of those donut holes?
You know, on second thought, why don't you drive up to Portland and get me some voodoo?
Yeah, bring me back some voodoo donut and go to the outdoor store and get me some Birkenstocks and some flannel.
Um, and then some salt in the straw.
I really like that.
Yeah, I like that.
Oh, and Greg, get a few of those Pixie Sticks too, man.
I love those things.
Um, you know, I think, I'm hoping anyways, that, like I said before, The pigs just took advantage of a situation where he had a heart attack and died.
And I think the reason I want to think that is because the other possibility, that they intentionally knocked him over, dragged him in, and ate him, is so freaking frightening that it just makes me never want to have bacon again, or at least for a couple days.
Yeah, you can't.
Can't forego bacon.
Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking just now.
That's how scared I was of that.
Well, you know what I think happened?
I think that the pigs held onto a grudge for a year after Terry stepped on the piglet, and maybe the piglet grew up with quite a chip on its shoulder, and then one day the pot boiled over and the pigs saw their opportunity to get their vengeance.
That is the only thing that makes sense here.
Yeah, you know, and there were probably some signs that he could have seen coming.
Like, he's feeding the pigs, and he's like, oh, here you go, pig.
And it's like, oink, oink.
Here you go, pig.
Oink, oink.
And then he gets to the other one that he stepped on, and it's like, oink.
I'm like, oh, that was weird.
That's weird.
He just keeps, oh, here you go, pig.
Yeah, just day after day.
Oh, that was weird.
Oink. Oink.
Just gets more ominous every day.
Yeah. So we're in the corner, and he comes to feed it, and he turns and looks at him.
Oink. Oink!
Goes back, eats his food.
Eats his food slowly, just...
I'm gonna get that guy.
I'm gonna get him.
Oink, oink, motherfucker!
That's probably exactly right before they attacked.
Oink, oink, motherfucker!
Just dragged him in.
He was trying to get out and they grabbed his legs and they pulled him back.
No! The piglet that got stepped on is like...
Yeah, he's leading the charge.
They're holding him there and he's just like...
Slowly walking up to him.
Oink. Oink.
Damn. Scary.
Sounds like a great movie.
Don't piss your pigs off.
Don't step on piglets.
Now, it's hard to track down the numbers associated with death by pig and the such, but what I could find was a 2012 article by Slate that stated that cattle kill approximately 22 Americans each year, and it says that pigs likely murder less than that.
In another article in 2010 by ycombinator.com,
Well... I suppose I believe that, but I almost wonder if they're...
Do you think they're using pig loosely, like boar?
Because I know there's a lot of wild boar, and there's a lot of boar in a lot of different states, and those things will fuck you up, man.
Yeah. You know, like razorback pigs?
Those things will fuck you up, dude.
Yep, yep, yep.
So what they're talking about here are actual farming pigs.
Jeez. Yeah.
Well, that's a pretty high number.
It is.
Yeah, okay.
It is.
It's combined in U.S. and Canada.
Jeez. Okay.
Well, that's good to know, I guess.
The more you know.
Are we having fun here?
Is this good stuff or what?
Oh, you know it, man.
I'm always having fun.
Well, let's go to the year 2021 and picture ourselves in always sunny Ireland.
Ballinaslo, Ireland to be precise.
And I know I got that right.
Don't fucking come at me in emails telling me I did not pronounce that right.
Ballinaslo. Ballinaslo?
Ballinaslo. Ballinaslo, is it?
Ballinaslo, Ireland to be precise.
Jasper Krauss was a 67-year-old Dutchman originally from the Netherlands.
And quick side note, I fucking love the Netherlands, man, and I have spent some time there, and I would love, love, love to go back, so if we have any listeners in the Netherlands, email us.
I'd like to discuss a vacation plan with you.
Yeah, hit us up, man.
We'll come see you.
Yes. Now, Jasper had a number of animals at the house he lived.
They were mostly birds.
One of these birds was a Brahma chicken.
The birds!
And what the shit is a Brahma chicken, bro?
A Brahma chicken is just a breed that is larger than your average chicken with a fluffy appearance and cute little feathered feet.
With deadly sharp razor talons.
And they lay some damn good eggs.
Eggs that other chickens would flatly refuse to sit on.
Wow, that's really elitist of said chickens.
Before we go any further, I want to bring this up.
I found this on mile4.com.
It's a site that discusses chickens.
It's the ultimate guide to Brahma chickens.
In summary, their sort of mission statement says, Overall, you'll be extremely happy upon welcoming a Brahma chicken into your flock.
They're friendly, loving chickens that aren't aggressive to other members of the flock, and can even hatch eggs that other chickens,
Oh, okay, okay.
What a generous chicken.
So, let's move on.
We know that Jasper has one of these Brahma chickens in his flock.
So let's see if we can piece this together.
Mr. O'Keefe just returned home from his night shift at work.
It was maybe 8 a.m.
Before he was going to bed, he had to feed the animals, and it was there he greeted Mr. Krause.
The two men went their separate ways after that brief meeting.
But not long after that, Mr. O'Keefe was awoken by the shouting that Jasper was going on about.
He was shouting, Come quick!
Mr. O'Keefe would get there and perform CPR for 25 minutes on Jasper while the ambulance arrived.
They could see numerous scratches on both of his legs.
But in the calf of one of his legs was a large wound which blood was just pouring out of.
He was losing so much blood that it began to fall in and out of consciousness.
In a moment of semi-consciousness, Jasper Krauss would tell his tenant in a hard-to-breathe tone, Rooster!
The tenant understood.
But it was at this point that he had lost so much blood that he suffered a heart attack and died.
Whoa! Man, that is so dark.
Just, that's your last words, rooster?
He was able to tell the name of the attacker, you know?
I guess, I guess.
Rooster. He was able to tell who did it before he died, man.
Jeez. So that's good.
Yeah, he snitched.
So Jasper was a father of two and a grandfather of two, and he was also in remission from cancer.
The coroner said that his heart was severely calcified.
So in my mind, I'm like, okay, what if he just died from natural causes and he was just playing one last joke on him?
Oh, but he had all the wounds.
He had wounds, yeah.
He's definitely attacked by the Brahma.
That's for sure.
He got sliced up, man.
Damn. But it is said that Jasper was outside visiting his dog's gravesite when the cock attacked him from behind.
Ooh. If I had a nickel.
Every gravesite visit where I was attacked from behind by a cock.
I would be a rich, rich man.
You're not getting attacked, man.
Those are all planned visits.
Meet me at the gravesite at 7. I'll see ya.
You know how we do it.
No, don't put that in there, dude.
That's going in, man.
It'll be fine.
No! Not the attack from behind.
Its spur had stabbed and sliced into the back of Jasper's calf, causing him to bleed profusely within only minutes.
And I think it sliced his fibular artery, but I'm not sure.
If he was bleeding out that quickly, then probably.
Yeah, most likely.
His cause of death was due to lethal cardiac arrhythmia with severe coronary atheroma and cardiomegaly.
Oh, wow.
Excellent. I believe I speak for the majority of our listeners when I say, what the fuck is that?
Please tell us, doctor.
I mean, I don't know, man.
I looked it up, and it's pretty complicated.
I mean, the severe coronary atheroma and cardiomagaly is a heart condition which generally causes the heart to enlarge, sometimes for no apparent reason.
Other reasons would be such as pregnancy, but the lethal cardiac arrhythmia is more of a heart attack.
I personally think he died from blood loss, right?
That's what it sounds like to me.
I mean, yeah, clearly he was losing blood.
At a very quick rate.
He couldn't even move.
And, yeah, I'd say it was one of those freak things.
Okay, we have to step away for a moment from the full-on murder and just briefly touch on the psychopathic squirrel.
Ooh, well, I mean, oh, man.
Now, as far as we know, there are no confirmed human deaths due to the menacing squirrel.
But there have been countless unprovoked and merciless attacks against the humans.
Yes, it's true.
Squirrels are pretty much batshit crazy.
And they will do anything and everything to try to mess us up, or mess with our situation, or dig up our vegetables, or eat our food.
Just whatever it is, they're like, me-hee-hee-hee!
And just try to get us, man.
Yep. Try to get us!
Try to get us.
In a four-year study between 2001 and 2004 in the United States, it was found that there were 3,126 non-fatal injuries caused by the ever-threatening squirrel.
It's said that there are around 70 squirrel attacks each year.
I mean, to be fair, people are always holding out food for squirrels when they see them.
They're like, come on, little guy, come on!
And then they're shocked when the squirrel runs up and just slice and dice.
You know, just straight slice and dice, bro.
Yeah. Now we have to get fucking serious, Scott.
Oh, right.
This is now the serious me that you're talking to.
Oink. Oink.
In December of 2021, there was a mercenary squirrel on some sort of mission to assault as many humans as it could and make sure it could make a clean getaway in Buckley, North Wales in the United Kingdom.
The monster was smart, ingenious, tenacious, and seemed to enjoy his reign of terror.
I'm just imagining this burly squirrel with a rucksack.
It's just always got it slung over its back.
It's got a pair of GI boots just hanging from it.
A beret.
Marching into town.
Nobody sees it because it's a squirrel, but he's just marching in like, hello.
How much to stay for the night?
I'm new in town.
Just passing through.
So the following comes directly from thesun.com.
It was an article of theirs on this squirrel with a death wish, but we were able to get a hold of a couple of top-notch voice actors to read it for us.
Literally costing an arm and a leg.
Yeah, luckily not ours, though.
But more on that in another story.
Cherie Davidson, 42, had her hand bitten by the critter on Thursday morning, she told Leader Live.
This squirrel's not very nice at all.
It's a nutty squirrel.
He's a bit of a psycho.
He's had five or six of my neighbours.
He had me when collecting my recycling bags.
He jumped out from behind my green bin.
So whether he was trying to get food, I thought I was going to take it away.
Let's just say it got me good and proper, little shit.
I've got teeth marks on the top and bottom of my finger.
It proper latched on and I had to shake it off.
He's taken the top layer off me knuckle.
His teeth are like pins.
If my finger don't stop bleeding tomorrow, I've got to go for tetanus.
I've got a five-year-old myself.
She usually plays out back with her friends.
But I've got to have to say sorry, babe.
You can't go out until something has happened with it.
It's gone wild.
After attacking several people, one local managed to capture the squirrel and it has now been collected by the RSPCA.
A care home worker and her daughter, who were exchanging gifts on Christmas Eve, were also attacked by the squirrel, leaving them with bloodied hands and a bruised arm.
Jane Harry, 55, first noticed the playful squirrel when visiting her daughter's home in Buckley, Flintshire, last Friday evening.
As she was leaving, the squirrel launched his attack, biting her daughter, Chloe, 29, in the neck and hands.
A panicked Jane, She added,
feeding the same squirrel since the summer after taking in rescue birds and animals to look after.
She added:
After I realised that the other residents on Facebook had been attacked by the squirrel, we tried to band together to raise money for it to be taken away by a vet.
Last night, we'd gone over our £110 target.
I was getting donations, left and right, and sent her to put him to sleep.
But this morning, I was getting ready to take the squirrel to our local vets.
I was loading the car and had the caged squirrel inside a black bin, just in case it tried to escape again.
Then, out of the blue, the RSPCA turned up.
They must have got hold of what was happening to the people in Buckley.
Corrine said the handover was frightful.
I had the squirrel in my hand.
I couldn't not give it to him.
He's gone to a local RSPCA vet.
Which one?
I don't know, they didn't say.
I had to transfer the squirrel from the cage to the RSPCA in my bathroom.
We couldn't risk it escaping outdoors again.
It was quite funny.
We were on our knees in the bathroom, on the floor, trying to do the handover.
It was the longest 15 minutes of my life.
It probably went to Rexamora's PCA, but I'm not 100% on that.
I explained that the squirrel had done to the people in the area.
He didn't say that what they were going to do with it, whether they are going to investigate or put it to sleep.
He did say with incidents like these, there could be an underlying issue.
I suspected a tumor or growth, which may have affected his brain.
As it is a wild animal, I think it is standard procedure to check.
But, as funny as this story may seem, it is a welcome relief.
I feel it's now safe to go in my garden.
It has not been nice for me and others to scan their garden before they can even go out.
It has been quite a scary time for the area.
The amount of messages I have had from people offering to help us has been quite amazing.
They are grateful that I captured it.
A lot of good has come from this.
I did feel incredibly harsh doing what I did by putting it in a cage, but when people didn't feel safe in their garden, I had to do it.
We even called him Stripe because he reminded me of the character from The Gremlins.
We were not safe, but it is all over now.
Thank God a few people in Buckley are certainly breathing a sigh of relief.
The RSPCA confirmed this afternoon they had reluctantly put down the squirrel because it was illegal to release it back into the wild, where it certainly would have escalated its unprovoked attacks, which one could presume would eventually lead to a preventable murder.
A spokesperson for the charity said, We were incredibly sad to have to put this squirrel to sleep.
But we're left with no choice due to changes in legislation in 2019, making it irregal to release grey squirrels back into the world.
We do not agree with this law and oppose it, but legally we have to comply.
There are numerous ways to humanely deter grey squirrels.
And we would urge people not to trap them, as it is now illegal to release them into the wild, and the only option is to put them to sleep.
Wow, that is straight from the heart of North Wales.
Wow. And that wasn't the only case of a single squirrel causing havoc and mayhem.
In late 2015, eight people were attacked in three weeks in California by a lone squirrel.
While none of the injuries were serious, they say that The unfortunate victim's completely shaken.
Just bands of roving squirrels going around messing people up, man.
You gotta be fucking careful of these things, dude.
Constant vigilance, yes.
In one of the attacks, the squirrel actually entered into a busy classroom at an elementary school and attacked a student and the teacher before it made its hasty escape.
Whoa, what a little baller.
Just runs in there.
And everyone's like, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Squirrel's gone.
Like, what the hell just happened?
Later, fucker!
Really quick, moving from squirrel to raccoon.
In 2017, there was a 21-year-old woman who was jogging.
Up ahead, she noticed an animal running toward her.
It happened so fast, but she said she immediately knew the animal had rabies because of its crazy demeanor.
It pounced at her as she put her hands out to defend herself, and the raccoon clamped down on her thumb and wouldn't let it go as it clawed and scratched at her, certainly transmitting the rabies if it had rabies.
Luckily for her, it had been raining recently and there were mud puddles next to her.
As it was clamped down on her thumb, the woman instinctively pressed the animal's head down into the mud where she drowned the raccoon.
The woman's father collected the animal and brought it to be tested and sure enough...
It was full of rabies.
The woman was treated for tetanus and rabies and has made a full recovery.
Oh my god, dude.
She held this raccoon down into the water and drowned it while it was biting her thumb.
And it's just thrashing around going crazy.
You know those little animals go nuts, especially with rabies.
So she's just like, oh, drowns a raccoon in the mud, dude.
It's crazy.
What a tough broad.
I would have loved to watch that shit.
And I wanted to touch on rabies and what that disease does to a person, but we are going to do a full episode on rabies at a later date, so we'll move on from this.
Alright, well, you got me in suspense, I can tell you that.
Yeah, rabies is no joke.
I will say, though, it is not pretty.
So I figured we'd finish this episode off with a special case involving a 30-year-old German man, Mark Vogel, in the German city of Dortmund.
Who lived in a home he shared with over 200 spiders, including numerous tarantulas and bird-eating species.
Also had various lizards, several snakes, a sort of butterfly breeding room, and apparently thousands of termites in an enclosure.
Okay, so you know, just your normal guy.
Normal dude.
These spiders were somewhat kept in cages, but the reptiles were allowed to roam freely about the apartment, and our good friend Mark had a favorite pet of his, Bettina, a sweet little black widow spider, which have incredibly poisonous venom.
It's said that Mark was given a love bite from his cherished spider.
Not really a love bite, more of just a bite.
Yeah, that's what they do.
Police would be called in about complaints of a foul odor emanating from Mark Vogel's apartment, and when they arrived and received no answer, they broke in through the door.
What they would find would scar them for the rest of their lives.
Inside, they said they found Mark, deceased.
But it wasn't the fact that he was deceased that made the officers squirm and squint the sphincter.
Oh, man.
It was the fact that Mark was completely covered and entombed in spiderweb.
Ugh, so scary!
They said that tiny spiders were running all over his body and going in and out of his wide-open mouth as well as his nostrils, ears, and anywhere else there were holes.
Oh, my God.
That's the stuff of nightmares, bro.
They'd recall that many of the reptiles had been feasting on Mark's body during the two weeks he was presumed to have been dead, murdered by his favorite black widow, Bettina.
And the termites had somehow escaped their enclosure, and they too would make easy work of Mark's body, as well as the apartment.
Parts of his flesh were torn off and used to make nests, and whatever else the new tenants felt appropriate,
I mean, not to be flip, but...
At least he wasn't going to waste, you know?
That's true, but Scott, what if I told you?
This never happened.
Oh, what?
No way.
For as many news and media outlets that covered this story and reignite the story every year, it simply did not happen.
It was all made up, just a web of lies.
Whoa, dude, you really got me on that one.
They always do.
Makes for a great read when you first stumble upon it, and even better when you first hear your favorite podcast cover it.
So you're welcome.
Well, I mean, that's fair.
Yeah, so apparently that was made up years ago, and some media company just really got it going, and then people bid onto it and started publishing it everywhere.
All these other newspapers would pick it up and stuff, and it turns out it was never true.
Well, I mean, it is kind of believable.
Absolutely. My thing was...
It's, I guess, not that big of a deal, but how did the termites get out of their cage?
Yeah, I was like, okay, how did the termites get out?
Like, that's never gonna happen.
But then you could say, well, maybe the lizards, you know, knocked it over somehow.
Yeah, they were like, gotta get those termites.
Oh yeah, because they would love the termites.
But, I don't know, man.
I don't know.
But this was a fun one to research and compile.
And there are plenty more, so just like the unusual suicides episode we did, you know, some weeks back.
This, too, will probably be an ongoing topic in this show.
Yeah, absolutely.
We like to do varied things, and sometimes we like to have a lighter episode, even though it's heavy at different points.
You know, sometimes we like to shake it up and cover a wide range of different topics.
And with that, our beloved listeners and fans, we will leave you until next week, when we will come back to you with another dark and twisted episode about, well, something.
Oh yeah, we have something.
You're all gonna love it.
But we must keep it a secret for now.
Thank you all for tuning in once again.
Please email us at paranautica at gmail dot com.
That's P-A-R-A-N-A-U-G-H-T-I-C-A at gmail dot com.
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And you can check out our Facebook page where we have stickers to see and ways you can donate if you wish.
They're really cool stickers.
I've already plastered an entire window on my brother's car.
Not a huge deal.
Nice, man.
Which window?
A whole window.
A whole window?
Yeah, it's the front window, actually.
Solid with Paranautica stickers.
He's gonna be frickin' stoked.
Yeah. I bet he will be.
I mean, he's gonna have to replace his windshield.
