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Aug. 23, 2024 - Dr. Oz Podcast
42:48
The Secrets of a High-Functioning Alcoholic Mother Revealed | Dr. Oz | S7 | Ep 82 | Full Episode
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Confessions and secrets on an all-new Oz.
I had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame in what I was doing.
The double life of a high-functioning alcoholic.
I didn't want anybody to know what I had turned into.
Plus, she went from 200 pounds to 100. I must say on the outside, it looks like a weight loss success story.
The shocking truth no one expected.
What was your secret?
coming up next.
We'll save lives today.
day We are great and healthy!
We all have secrets.
We all have parts of ourselves that we don't share with anyone else.
But when do those veiled truths and methods of deception become destructive to our health?
What drives a person to live a lie?
Today we are unraveling the anatomy of a secret, a glimpse into the hidden world of double lives and the confessions that brought them out into the open.
We're going to uncover why they happen, How to spot them and what to do when someone you love is keeping a life-threatening secret from you.
These are stories you need to hear.
You're going to meet a mom of three who was hiding a deadly double life that was destroying her health.
She was a high-functioning alcoholic.
And the truth about one woman's dramatic 80-pound weight loss.
But she's here today to confess what she never told anyone about how she did it.
Plus, the growing secret no one is talking about, the confessions of online shopaholics.
But first, I want you to meet Tara, a loving wife, a self-proclaimed soccer mom of three who volunteers at her kid's school.
On the outside, she seems to have the perfect life.
But when no one was looking, she sunk into her other world, the dark double life that consumed her for over 10 years without a single person knowing the truth about who she really was.
In my 20s, I was quite the overachiever.
I really wanted to be successful, and I worked my way up at a bank.
I had a lot of responsibilities.
I had a staff that had to report to me, and I was responsible for millions of dollars.
I met my husband.
He was the man of my dreams.
We had these three great kids.
I was definitely a soccer mom.
I was always on the sideline rooting on my children.
I had the house.
I had the husband and the beautiful kids.
I had a successful career.
I had it all.
On the outside, everything looked perfect.
Little did people know it was a facade.
I was hiding a dark secret.
Nobody would have guessed that I was a highly functioning alcoholic.
Alcohol was my drug of choice.
It could have been beer, it could have been wine, it could have been vodka.
It was my liquid courage and I had to use it to function every day.
There was definitely strategies and tricks and lies that I had to use in order to be able to use the way I did every day.
Before I went to a soccer game, or any function really, I would make sure that I had time in my schedule to go home, have a few drinks.
There were times that I actually put vodka in a water bottle.
I would use my four-year-old toddler during a game to say that I had to go home so that I could resume my drinking.
In the morning I would chug, essentially, a couple beers before I got the kids ready for school, or I would put it in a coffee mug so that they weren't aware of what I was doing.
I would even sneak home from my job at the bank in order to have a few drinks.
My secret drinking place was, at one point, a cemetery.
I would drive my car there, park my car, and drink the alcohol there.
I knew that there was going to be nobody there.
I hid many bottles of wine in different locations, in my car, in drawers next to my bed.
My husband, as soon as he went to bed, I went full force and I would stay up most of the night drinking by myself.
I knew at some point that I couldn't keep up the charade.
I was getting too exhausted with hiding it.
I was going to have to confess.
Tara's joining us.
You okay?
Yeah.
You had it down to a science.
What drives someone to go through all the trouble to keep a secret?
I didn't want anybody to know what I had turned into.
I had a lot of guilt, a lot of shame in what I was doing.
You know, and the funny thing is, now looking back, I think I thought at the time people actually liked me better drinking.
You probably couldn't tell anyway.
I probably couldn't.
You're absolutely right.
Now looking back, no, I wouldn't have known if they liked me or not.
I'm just going to go through a few things that you mentioned to us in an interview.
You ran the water.
These are things you used to create this deception.
You ran the water in the kitchen so your husband wouldn't hear you pour another drink.
You drove miles away from your house to throw away the bottle.
I've got to say, I'm still trying to figure out why no one could catch you.
What did the soccer moms, your husband, your colleagues at the bank, what did they think was going on?
They didn't notice you were getting drunk?
Well, the culture where I'm from, drinking is very acceptable.
It's in everything that we do.
So I could fit in fairly easily in that way, but I did a lot of my drinking by myself.
I didn't do it in front of people, so people weren't aware that I was actually, you know, drinking as much as I was.
There were some times that you did have issues.
Sometimes you had, for example, physical changes, physical signs that you were having trouble.
I know there's a story you wanted to share with us about taking the kids on a field trip.
Yes, there was a story.
There was this time where my daughter had an end-of-the-year school trip, and it just so happened to be going to a cheese factory.
And I don't know if you've ever been to a cheese factory.
I have been there and waited in lines and all the usual.
It's not the best smell, you know.
To be dealt with while I wasn't feeling well.
When I say I wasn't feeling well, I was hungover.
I still went.
I got there and with the commotion with everybody, all the kids and the aroma and me not feeling well, I got sick.
I had to run outside and literally get sick outside.
What did you tell everybody when you went back inside?
I just lied and said it must be a stomach bug or I ate something.
You know, it was easy to deceive people.
Like I said, you know, you looked at me, you wouldn't think of me as an alcoholic.
Even now, I wouldn't.
I really wouldn't if I was sitting opposite you.
Did you ever drink and have to take the kids somewhere?
I did.
I did.
There were times looking back, you know, it makes me want to crawl out of my own skin thinking back about it.
But, you know, I feel very strong about saying it out loud because I think it's a lot more common than people think.
And, you know, if anybody hears this, I can prevent one person from stopping to do it.
You'll prevent even more than one person.
I hope so.
I know as a mom, it goes against every instinct you have.
Absolutely.
To put your kids in danger.
Yes.
So it speaks to me of how deep your addiction was.
Most addiction happens because you're running from something.
What were you running from?
A lot of it was self-hate.
I had no self-esteem.
It was a vicious cycle because emotionally I wasn't stable.
I wasn't feeling good about myself.
But then I had become addicted to alcohol where if I didn't drink it, I was very anxious.
And in order to get rid of that anxiety, I had to drink and get rid of that anxiety in order to function every single day.
But a lot of it was just a lot of self-doubt.
You weren't worthy.
I wasn't worthy.
I wasn't.
Will you stay with us for a moment?
I will.
When we come back, Tara's going to reveal the moment she came clean and confessed to her husband who she really was.
us.
Plus, I have an expert who's going to weigh in on why we lie and what to do if you think someone you love could be living a dangerous double life.
Coming up next...
What was the moment you realized you had to tell the truth about who you are?
Tara's husband speaks out about his wife's dark secret.
A little bit of a shock to me.
How to detect when someone is hiding the truth.
Secrets of a high-functioning alcoholic.
Next.
Transform stress and anxiety into strength.
I asked two world experts to come help us.
The plan to reclaim your personal power.
Let me challenge you with an idea that's gonna blow your mind.
Plus, the man who lost 400 pounds.
How he lost the weight.
All new Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
Today we're unraveling the anatomy of secrets and finding out why people live double lives.
Tara and her husband Kevin are here.
Tara says she was a high-functioning alcoholic for over 10 years and no one in her life had any clue.
So the big question for anyone who's been through addiction is what was rock bottom?
What was the moment you realized you had to come clean and tell the truth about who you are?
I... I remember it like it was yesterday.
I was at a work function which of course had drinking involved and I overdid it like always and then I proceeded to drive home 25 miles and I got home and my husband Kevin was very upset with me and he asked me to leave and I did.
I went to a hotel that night and it was a lot of self-reflecting that night.
So the next day I went home and I packed out my bags and I said, I'm leaving.
I'm going to treatment tomorrow.
I need help for my drinking.
Kevin, what did you feel when she confronted you with that knowledge?
I felt a lot of emotions.
I felt hurt, a lot of deceit, a lot of lies.
But, you know, I love my wife, and I wanted to be with her, and I knew I had to look past all that to move forward, so I was willing to try to forget all about it and look to the future.
Tara, how do you feel hearing what Kevin's saying?
It sounds like love to me, by the way.
It's coming from a guy.
Thank you.
It is love.
I love this man.
Yeah, on words.
It's hard because I know I deceived him.
And all he was ever trying to do was be a great husband and a great dad.
And he was always honest with me.
And for me not to give that back to him, I have a lot of regrets, a lot of guilt.
Well, this is a big step today.
I want to just applaud you both.
Thanks.
For telling stuff.
You know, breaking out of these double lives is not easy.
That's been 16 months since you had your last drink.
Really?
17 months tomorrow, actually.
You know the dates have been better.
And you feel...
You must feel better breaking out of the double life you're living.
Oh, I don't even have words.
I feel human again.
I... I feel like I'm seeing life for the first time in so many ways.
Just the load off of always being honest now.
I'm able to do that.
I have hope again.
I have dreams again.
Well, you know what?
We're doing this show because there are a lot of women just like you.
I agree.
Out there watching right now, or men, who are watching and not realizing that the faces of addiction have changed.
You want to meet a world expert in this area?
Absolutely.
She's sitting right over there.
Psychologist Robin Smith is here, a good friend of mine for many years.
And she's going to help us uncover the anatomy of a secret.
That's the topic we're talking about all hour long.
And a lot of experts say that double lives are not that uncommon.
I want Robin just to explain to us why is it that these double lives continue to pop up in so many places.
Yeah.
Welcome back, by the way, Tara, that you're back.
You're back.
It's amazing.
You know, the issue of double lives, Dr. Oz, can be summed up in this.
I call it the toxic twins.
Shame and blame.
And that's what you're talking about.
The shame of being who you were.
And then the blame of blaming yourself for not being good enough.
And so the anatomy of secret double living, if you will, is really tied up in that shame and blame collision.
And when it happens, it is deadly.
And it doesn't just hurt your emotions.
It also destroys your body, which I know you'll live.
And the alcohol just added on to that.
So, if you'll be patient, I'm going to show you what actually was going on in your mind.
And just to underline what Robin is saying, when it goes through all of our minds, when we lie, there's a reason that we do it.
And there's a reason it has an effect on us.
So, I made a little image here.
And I'm just going to pretend that it's one minute after you told a lie.
Within one minute of that lie, and this applies to everybody, within one minute, your body senses the stress and begins to say, you know what?
I got stress coming on.
I got all this excitement happening.
I'm going to release cortisol into the blood.
Cortisol is our stress hormone.
You get this adrenaline rush.
Your heart starts to beat really fast with all that adrenaline, right?
Your pupils, right, they dilate up like that.
You start to sweat.
Everyone, by the way, will go through this.
That's why we use lie detector tests.
You know in movies when they have a lie detector test like this?
The reason that picks up that you're lying is it tells the machine that you had an adrenaline surge.
And that fight-or-flight response is good.
It's supposed to happen.
But over time, lying, especially having a double life, long-term deep lying, has long-term effects that affect your body terribly.
The theory and the burden of lying...
Allows all this cortisol to cause brain fog and a feeling of hopelessness.
You saw Tara speak about it a little bit earlier.
You get sleep disturbances.
And the stress experience that you're having causes all kinds of profound changes inside your body in addition to these.
So Tara, you are free from this.
You've emancipated.
And you've told us that you feel like you have a new life that you feel hope.
For the many people out there right now who are living double lives, what do you have to say to them?
The platform's yours.
Oh, um...
Hang in there and just know that there is another side and that there is hope.
Thank you for being here, Kevin.
Thank you for being here.
Dr. Smith's going to stick around and show all of you the signs to look for if you think a loved one is hiding a secret addiction and what one woman never told anybody about her weight loss and how it almost took her life.
We'll be right back.
Next, she was the person everyone made fun of because of her size.
That all changed when she lost 100 pounds.
I would think to myself, like, wow, I'm really powerful.
But there was a darker truth behind her dramatic weight loss.
The secret she hid that almost turned fatal.
Today's show is about health secrets and confessions, the stories you must hear.
Now, my next guest received a lot of praise from family and friends when she dropped almost 100 pounds in a matter of months.
It took her from looking like this to this.
But the secret she never told anyone about her weight loss could have been deadly.
Since the age of nine, I was told that I was overweight.
When I was 15, I reached an all-time high of 200 pounds.
And by that point, I was just sick and tired of being called fat in school.
I literally would have envisioned cutting my stomach off.
I had horrible self-esteem.
And even though it was the root of my weight problem, food became a comfort for me.
But finally, there came a point where I had enough of being the girl that everyone made fun of.
It was time for me to lose weight.
I made a commitment to start leading a healthier lifestyle.
I started eating high protein, low carb meals with lots of veggies and made sure to walk a lot every day.
I had this idea that if I was going to be 110 pounds that I was going to be at my happy weight.
But I became obsessed with losing more and more weight.
I loved the way it felt when people told me how great I looked.
My mom would even buy me a new wardrobe every 10 pounds that I lost.
It made me feel confident for the first time in my life.
I was getting a high from losing weight.
Eventually I lost 100 pounds and finally reached my goal weight.
I never looked better in my entire life.
But while everyone around me was praising me for my weight loss, I was harboring a secret.
I never told anyone how I really did it.
Ali's joining us.
I must say on the outside it looks like a weight loss success story, doesn't it?
It does, yeah.
Definitely.
What was your secret?
So my secret was that I was anorexic and starving myself for about five years.
We're going to talk about it a little bit, but I'd love to hear how you lived your life without people knowing.
Take me through a typical day.
Definitely.
So every morning I would start by weighing myself and then depending on the number on the scale that would dictate how much I was going to let myself have for that day and what I was going to let myself have that day.
I started eating a normal weight loss diet of like 1400 to 1600 calories a day and Very quickly that spiraled to the point where I was eating at one point three yogurts a day just for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, one each meal.
And then it got to the point where I was also then eating only 30 calories a day and was just eating cucumber slices with salt for lunch.
30 calories a day?
Yeah.
That's what I thought everyone needed to do to lose weight and to maintain it.
So I jotted a few notes down.
These are some of the methods that you used to hide what you were doing.
I would hope I would notice 30 calories a day in a friend, but obviously you have lots of friends and family and they didn't.
So it could be happening right now all across America.
So one method you used was you would go to different pharmacies for diet pills, and then you hid the pills in your school locker.
You made up fake diets that you were on, pretended you were on programs.
You lied about eating out when you were really compulsively exercising.
Right.
So you're finally forced to confess.
Right.
Well, your friend sort of caught you.
What happened?
Right.
So basically, my weight hit a plateau, as many people's weight loss stories do.
You know, you lose a lot of weight and it just stops.
But because I was still so obsessed, I was so desperate to find another way to lose weight.
And so I found these ankle weights in my brother's room and I stole them.
And I would wear them under my pants at school so I could burn more calories while I was at school.
And that's how my best friend Sam actually saw.
And so she was one who recognized at first that there was a problem.
And she confronted you.
Yep.
Oh yeah.
So Samantha's in the audience.
I'd love to hear your side of the story.
How'd you catch your friend?
I'm just curious why it finally happened with you and not anyone else who could have done this.
Like Ali said, she's my best friend.
We were inseparable.
So simply her crossing her leg, I looked down and said, what is that big bulky thing around your ankle?
And then all of a sudden I was shocked and then everything kind of clicked into place.
And I realized I had to step in.
It wasn't about the friendship, but it was about my best friend and really helping her get better.
When you look back on the lies you were telling your friends and family, people who loved you, was there a moment when you began to actually believe they were true?
Absolutely.
I mean, I definitely thought that this was what a normal diet was supposed to look like.
No one ever painted the picture of what I was supposed to do, where I was supposed to stop, how this was supposed to look.
They just said, you have high cholesterol and you are pre-diabetic.
You need to lose weight.
You need to lose weight.
So I did and I kept doing it and I thought that this was normal.
I didn't know it was a problem.
So when we come back, I want you to tell everyone what happened finally at the end.
Sort of ended the whole thing and made it pretty clear.
We've got Robin Smith back as well to show us when someone we love might be keeping a secret from us that's hurting their health and what everyone else can learn from Ali's story.
Stay with us.
Next, the dangerous double life that led Allie down a path of extreme dieting and landed her in the hospital.
I would probably be dead.
How to spot someone lying about a health secret before it spirals out of control.
Next.
Transform stress and anxiety into strength.
The plan to reclaim your personal power.
Let me challenge you with an idea that's gonna blow your mind.
Plus, the man who lost 400 pounds.
All new Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
Psychologist Dr. Robin Smith is back.
Allie is back as well.
She came close to the brink herself without anyone having any idea.
So you lost half your body weight.
Your friend Samantha finally was pushing the buttons, but you ultimately ended up in the hospital.
What happened?
So I went for my weekly visit and my doctor was like, I can't let you go home.
I have to call an ambulance right now.
He was just around the block but he wouldn't even let me drive myself there because he was like, you could pass out.
And so they put me inpatient.
My heart rate was so low and my blood pressure was so low and my potassium was extremely low because of all the diuretics.
I was taking the laxatives, the diet pills and of course starving myself.
And he was like, your heart could stop at any minute.
And for some reason it still wouldn't click.
I still thought that I wasn't supposed to be there.
That this wasn't really for me.
That they were wrong.
They were mistaken.
That I was just dieting.
So I just, I really couldn't see that it was a problem.
Even when I was on the unit, I would pour out the nutritional supplements that the nurses were giving me when their backs were turned just to avoid the calories that they were trying to give me.
Because I just really was like, you have it wrong.
And they even told me at one point, your insurance wouldn't cover this if it was wrong.
They wouldn't cover anything they didn't want to pay for that they didn't feel is necessary.
And I just, it still didn't click.
You didn't believe you had a problem with food?
No.
So it's four years now into your treatment.
Yeah.
Do you ever think back and wonder what would have happened if you hadn't got past living this double life?
I can say for sure I probably wouldn't be here today.
I would probably be dead on the path that I was on.
So scary.
Yeah.
It's really surreal.
To even be here today is surreal.
And all the time, people like me would have said, you look great.
Educators, coaches, parents, probably all saying, how'd you do it?
Nice job.
Right.
100%.
That's why I wanted to have you here today, because that happens all the time.
Yeah.
It's one of the trickiest things we do is give people what we think is a compliment, and maybe we're actually abetting a double life.
So Robin, this story, Hallie's story, I think drives home for a lot of folks that are taking risks with their lives.
I'd love to hear your perspective on this.
Yeah, you know, your story is amazing, and unfortunately it is not rare, which is what you're saying, Dr. Oz.
There's a quote that I came up with.
It's called, starve the lie and feed the truth.
And so you were starving you.
And you didn't realize it was the lie that needed to be starved that you were, and I'm going to put this in quotes, a loser.
Because people told you that you were a loser.
So all those mean people, mean girls, mean boys, you know, people who maybe even in your family were not particularly affirming until you started dropping that weight.
And they didn't realize that as you dropped the weight, you were dropping a piece of your soul.
So there's anger that is also very much, Dr. Oz, tied up in this.
So how do we find the hidden clues to someone leading a double life?
It's so subtle.
Again, when I first saw your pictures, I thought this was just a weight loss success story.
I couldn't understand what was so awkward here.
You just...
It informed all of us you almost died from what others would have thought was the right thing to do.
Well, there are a couple of key phrases we can pay attention to and I think you'll identify with this.
One is when someone has to always be right and they're never wrong.
So when you were in the hospital, You were like, something's wrong here.
I mean, I'm not sick.
I don't have a problem.
And they said, your insurance wouldn't let you be here if you weren't sick.
So when someone has to always be right instead of wrong.
Secondly, trying to be perfect.
That fantasy that somehow being perfect, not being human, but being perfect is what's required to succeed.
And then another phrase that really is a tip-off, and Shakespeare said this, thou doth protest too much.
So when someone is saying, not me, never, we might have to start thinking about this issue of when someone is fighting so hard to run away from being human.
So what do you tell someone to confront them if you think they're living a double life?
How do you get that to stop?
Well, you know, one of the things is to have compassion with the person and to say, you know what?
I'm worried about this.
I'm worried about you.
You tell your loved one.
I'm concerned.
And if they are in denial, you'd say, well, you know what?
Maybe you're not concerned, but I'm worried.
So when we condemn people, We don't get through to them.
So compassion with directness is key.
And the one thing I want to remind us is that there is always hope.
There's a wonderful analogy that your producer and I talked about, that the acronyms of hope, you know, do you know what that is?
Hold on, pain ends.
You got it.
I mean, hold on, pain ends.
You know it.
Yeah, and pain ends with life.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'll make a little graphic of that.
We'll put it on our social media pages.
Please pull it out.
Send it to your friends.
Yes.
Hold on.
Pain ends.
Yeah.
I like that.
I hope we've ended some of your pain today.
And I think you've done a wonderful job helping a lot of folks as well.
Bless you, Paul.
Robin, as always.
Of course, always.
Goodbye, Dr. Robin Smith's new book, Hungry, The Truth About Being Full.
In stores now.
We'll be right back.
Next, instant gratification.
Finding the perfect deals without ever leaving your chair.
Confessions of a compulsive online shopper.
I think I need help.
I do think I need help.
I know I need help.
Are you addicted to shopping online?
Next.
We are bringing a healthy back this season and want you to bring it too.
Grab your prescription pad for fun and sign up for free tickets today.
You can go to dros.com slash ticket and sign up.
Today's show is all about revealing secrets and now an alert for a hidden addiction on the rise.
A lot of you may have and not even realize it.
Take a look inside the mind of a compulsive online shopper and ask yourself if any of it sounds familiar.
I get so, so excited when I come home from work and I see this mountain of packages at the door.
When I see a sale, I can't help but click it.
I love the convenience of it.
I don't have to try on anything in dressing rooms.
I just love the instant gratification I get from pushing a button and making that purchase.
I sent all the packages to my office address so my husband doesn't find out.
Every time I make a purchase online and get that confirmation email, I get an instant hi.
I even joined a secret sale club to get even better deals.
Honestly, I order so much stuff online that I don't even remember what I ordered by the time it gets to me.
You just saw those women in silhouette because for a lot of you, compulsive online shopping is your best-kept secret.
In order to show you what to do if you think you may be a compulsive online shopper, I've asked Jennifer, Nancy, and Aisha to be here, along with financial expert Nicole Lappin.
I understand those silhouettes would apply to you as well.
But I want to first start off with this whole issue of the thrill, the high you get.
Does that speak to you?
You guys feel that?
Yes.
Absolutely.
You know what?
It's so, it's like a drug almost, Dr. Oz.
You know, I start eating the shakes.
When I hit that sin button, it's like, oh my God, did I really do this?
Oh.
It doesn't matter.
It's okay.
Especially in a really good deal.
It's like, I won.
I don't know who I'm against, but I won.
That instant gratification you get when you purchase something.
And the shopping.
I love the whole idea of just going through the shopping.
And everything is right there in front of you.
You don't have to go into a store and go to this department.
It's right there.
And it's like...
Is it right there?
It's right there.
And you never get tired of that feeling.
Never.
You're giving yourself that high right now.
Right.
The audience, the heads are nodding up and down.
It's that endorphin rush, and I get it.
It does typically happen.
We're supposed to have it for the good things in life, but sometimes we get used to a habit like online shopping that's not.
Then you have that big splurge that you do that sort of pushes you over the top.
So let's go through it a little bit.
Aisha.
Yes.
Oh, gosh.
Just give me some numbers here.
What kinds of money are you spending?
What kinds of things are you purchasing?
What's the biggest purchase you've had to give yourself that big fix?
I would say a Louis Vuitton bag was $2,700.
$2,700 for a purse?
$2,700.
I know.
Don't make me feel bad.
They look like purses.
It's a bag.
It's a lifestyle.
It's a quality bag.
I could have it for a long time.
It's an investment.
Nicole, is this online shopping sort of like the old-fashioned 5 o'clock glass of wine?
It is.
It's a release.
Right, ladies?
It triggers a pleasure payoff, if you will, in the brain in the same way as a casino does or a rich dessert.
Oh, yeah.
I have a problem with casinos, too, so that's how it makes sense.
Oh, that's a whole other segment.
You'll be here all week.
In the same way as a cocktail does, right?
So we've all been there, of course.
You know, I think with the proliferation of online apps and overnight shipping, it gives you the same sort of instant gratification as you were talking about as going old school to the actual mall.
Nancy, this is the first time I understand that you're talking publicly about your online shopping addiction.
He's been a little nervous.
What's it feel like to come face to face with that realization?
You know what?
It's very sad.
I really think I need help.
I do think I need help.
I know I need help.
Because I don't know the value of a dollar.
And I tell everybody this.
Because I don't.
From when I was a little girl, I just shopped and shopped.
I always had someone bail me out.
Now my husband, you know...
He's helping, trying to bail me out, and he doesn't want to.
Because every time we pay off a credit card, I run him back up again.
And it's very sad.
I do need help with it.
I'm in a lot of debt.
A lot of debt.
Sorry, husband.
Because he's hearing about it now.
But...
To me, it's almost like being that alcoholic.
You know your life is crumbling around you.
You know that things are extremely overwhelming.
But what is the first thought in your head?
Go have a drink.
Well, the first step to recovery, by the way, is admitting you have a problem.
So there you go.
I have a big problem because I don't think I have a problem with shopping at all.
You're in denial.
Let's address that issue.
Nicole, you've got three questions you think folks shouldn't ask themselves to find out.
Are they truly an online shopper addicted?
Yeah, so I call it the VHS test.
VHS. VHS. So you're essentially putting yourself on a record.
V stands for volume.
H stands for high.
S stands for secrecy.
So when it comes to volume, are you buying more quantity than you actually need?
So do you go online and you want one pair of shoes, but you come out with five?
Yes, different colors.
And then H stands for high.
Ayesha, you were talking about that.
Do you feel that euphoria?
And then that's followed by stress, anxiety.
Yes, because you feel after you make that large purchase, then you're like, oh my gosh, shouldn't have done that.
Yes.
But then, and then you're like, oh, all right, so what?
It's not going to hurt.
It's not going to hurt.
I deserve it.
You said, I don't know if you're kidding or not, but you said it offhandedly that you don't think you have a problem.
Have you ever ordered something in secret?
Have you hidden the fact that you online show?
Maybe I have things sent to my office every now and then, but I justify it all.
I have a perfect credit score.
I am not in debt.
And I go shopping crazy only when I just went through my closet and sold everything on eBay.
And I take that money, maybe a little over it.
But I do shop online a lot.
But that's essentially a purge and a binge.
Okay, then I'm binging and purging.
Maybe that's not good.
So Nicole's got a plan to help all of you stop impulse online spending.
We're going to call it impulse for now, just to get everyone in the tent here.
Although I do think addiction is the right word for a lot of folks.
The first step is to unsubscribe from all promotional emails.
And please explain why this is so critical.
This is so...
Okay, ladies, deep breaths.
Here we go.
So take a few minutes.
It's super easy.
All of the promotional emails.
I'm sure your lady's inbox is flooded with these.
Mm-hmm.
So scroll down to the bottom of the email.
It's super tiny sometimes, but I know you can find it.
And click unsubscribe once and for all.
So you don't actually feel tempted when that comes into your email box.
And this is especially tempting when it comes to auction sites or flash sale sites.
So it's extremely important to unsubscribe to those.
Well, what if you miss a deal?
Oh my God!
What if you miss a deal?
Otherwise the dealer comes to your house.
That's behind you.
And you also want us to adopt a 24-hour cooling-off period when we look at the things you want to get.
Yeah, this is something I actually do.
So I do a 24-hour cooling-off period.
It's a fake binge.
So I fill up my cart online with all the stuff I want, all the things I would have impulse bought.
Then I step away.
So for 24 hours, I step away from the cart.
And then if I want that thing 24 hours later, I get it.
And if I'm, like, over it, I don't actually get it.
We spoke about that, and we all panicked, saying we would be sitting at dinner, what did you say, and be like, someone else is gonna get that size before me, someone else is gonna get that size before me.
And that happened to me the other night.
I wanted.
We're not quite getting here.
I didn't respond quick enough, and then someone bought it.
The reality is we're only as sick as our secrets.
This is a big time secret for a lot of folks.
I'm just hearing you talk about it, and we excuse it away as, you know, it wasn't fair, I didn't get the right size, I'm not always, you know, binging and purging, but sometimes I do.
And I'm starting to see the light, but I'm not comfortable if it's quite there yet.
But to me, this is about as addictive a behavior, especially as you describe it, with that euphoria that you get, and the consistent need to go back at it again when you're tempted, which is why, Nicole, I think your tips are so valuable.
All right, so if you actually talk amongst yourselves, just to the break, I'm going to have you come back, because when we do return, Nicole has three simple modifications you can make to your computer and phone right now, right this moment, to limit impulse shopping temptation altogether.
It can be a wonderful crutch, and it'll save you a lot of money.
Stay with us.
Next.
Have you fallen prey to technology and ended up broke?
Oh, did the internet know that I was looking at those shoes?
Learn how to protect yourself from unnecessary spending.
All you have to do is click it.
The plan to stop impulse shopping online.
Next.
Transform stress and anxiety into strength.
The plan to reclaim your personal power.
Let me challenge you with an idea that's going to blow your mind.
Plus, the man who lost 400 pounds.
All new Oz.
That's coming up tomorrow.
Compulsive online shopping is a growing issue in America, I know a lot of you are worried about it.
Maybe you're sometimes addicted.
You don't want to admit it.
So Nicole Lapin is here.
She's the happening financial guru.
What can I say?
Lapin makes it happen.
Yes, she does make it happen.
Here's a plan to stop impulse online spending that you can all use.
You say technology preys on people, and we've got to use technology to protect ourselves.
Okay, so you know when you're checking out shoes online, Dr. Oz?
I was going to buy these, by the way.
You have a very lovely taste.
Yes, absolutely.
And then you look at them online, and then all of a sudden it haunts you.
It shows up in the form of ads on the side of your Facebook page, when you're checking email, when you're doing a Google search, and you're like, how did the internet know that I was looking at those shoes?
It's not happenstance.
It is not coincidence.
It's technology that reaches Just do this at home.
Look at your phone.
Safari browsing.
And there you go.
History and website data.
I never...
All you have to...
And then when you're on your desktop, click disable cooking.
Never come back again.
From that...
Why would I... There's no reason to have them, right?
Forget the cookie monster.
Next, Nicole said you have to download blocking apps instead of...
The opposite.
No shopping apps.
Talking apps.
There's a tool.
Do you like these?
Do you use them?
Yeah, there are apps out there that basically you against yourself.
It's those chronic habits.
So the power is a good app.
Any website that makes you a bit of temptation.
So for our ladies, it's one of those shopping sites.
You can go to a moment of clarity.
You can go to those websites.
And even if you delete this, you don't ever go on that website again.
So you're against your worst enemy, which is often yourself.
This might come in very much.
There's a reason I did this show.
It affected my staff.
If I can ask Sasha, come over here.
Sasha produced this segment.
She's going to better than Sasha.
This is Nicole.
Oh, thank you.
Here, here's a...
Sit there, Sasha.
She's going to give the book away.
And you need a book.
Thank you.
Everyone in the audience is going home.
Run!
It's a fabulous book.
Check it out.
Number one tip you need right now is to have credit card debt.
Stay with us.
Let's be right back.
Let's be right back.
Strength.
I asked two worlds.
The plan to reclaim your personal past.
With an idea that's gonna blow.
Plus, the man who lost.
How he lost.
All new Oz.
up tomorrow it is time to start the year tackling your credit card debt as Nicole Lappin to stick around 30 to share with you her secrets that can give you two start paying off your debt struggling with debt I know you're out there so it's all about and micropayments
When you finance everything in your financial life.
Interest rate on your credit card.
It's crazy when folks just don't call up the credit and ask for a lower rate.
So when it says 15%, you can just call up the credit.
It's not gospel!
If you don't, the answer is only no.
So it doesn't hurt to ask.
You knew that?
Two smart people in the audience.
And the next thing is money.
So it's about breaking that number of your debt down those chunks that you actually think Whether it's breaking it down daily or monthly, it feels...
I personally got myself this in the first place into $5,000 in our debt.
I was totally overwhelmed.
And I broke that down into $7 a day.
So for me, I said, okay, that's $7 a day.
I can do this.
And I'll let you know that $7 a day I did and did it off my debt.
And now...
And you can do it too.
I'll listen to what she said.
Negotiate.
Payment every single day.
You've got to start something.
Today, I'm going to share Nicole's tips on Dr. Ryan.
Paying off your stress.
Do it.
Be sure to catch Nicole's new show.
It's called...
Yep.
It airs Saturdays on this evening.
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