Al is unwell, SO we're featuring one of our usually patron-exclusive Off Brand shows on the main feed: this is from early September 2023, we discover that Lauren is Joe Pesci, we also discuss the Danny Masterson conviction and Scientology in general, plus the Christian right intentionally destroying public education. Note that this was recorded just before the allegations against Russell came out. Normal service should resume next week but until then have a preview of the many hours of Off Brand content up on Patreon!
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Hey, this is On Brand, where we examine and discuss the content and antics of Russell Brand.
Sounding different today because I'm Lauren B, giving you a solo intro because our intrepid host, Al, has lost her voice.
Just in time to recording and can barely whisper, which not only sounds painful, but makes podcasting impossible.
So this week on the main feed, we're releasing a patron-only off-brand episode from a few months ago.
We wish Ali speedy recovery, which already a little improvement today, just not nearly enough to record.
So we'll be back to our old tricks in no time, and patrons will still get an off-brand.
So if you're a subscriber, you won't be missing out.
Speaking of, a big welcome to our new Awakening Wonders who'll get individual shoutouts when we're back to our regularly scheduled programming.
If you'd like to support our coverage and our ability to continue monitoring Russell and the extended Russellverse, you can go to patreon.com slash onbrand for a back catalog of bonus episodes like this one as well.
On a vast array of topics, plus my little history corners, the second of which just dropped.
There I can go more in depth and like kind of do a little light debunkery of some of the wildly inaccurate historical-ish claims made by Russell and his guests, which seems to just keep Happening!
You can access all our content for as little as a dollar a month or become an Awakening Wonder, get a shout-out on the show, and we have a graduated tier so you can pick what works for you or join the Invisible Hand on an elevated tier.
Obviously, we're making it work this week, but if the subject seems relevant with Jeffrey Epstein and his cohort being back in the news, I think this is one of the first times I jotted down some quick notes from articles, like, as the news is breaking to bring to Offbrand.
So rather than being researched and presented deliberately, like our main episode, this is more of like an overview and a discussion.
Reporting, I'm sure, has evolved since then, so by no means is this comprehensive.
That being said, and mostly why I even mention it, is to give a blanket trigger warning of sexual assault as we do discuss what investigators were reporting on Tim Ballard and testimony from Danny Masterson's trial.
Plus we talk about how high-pressure environments and the power of celebrity can lead to coercive control generally.
Please take care when listening, and if it's any consolation, I tend to speed through the stuff as fast as I can when it's really bad, micromachine style.
So, I also hope you hang with us because on this show, we're always talking about patterns as part of a larger system of oppression that needs to be dragged into the sunlight if we have any hope of changing it.
We didn't necessarily anticipating that covering Russell would bring us here, like, here here, but we signed up for the ride.
And however imperfectly, we are determined to show up, even when half the podcast is physically unable to speak.
Whom you can find on socials at alworthofficial, where I'm sure they'd accept some get well wishes if you feel so inclined.
I'm at made.by.lauren.b on Instagram is where I mainly post when I can and I try.
Otherwise, at madebylaurenb everywhere else.
And you can find us on socials in some form of at the on-brand pod.
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It's a great way to support us for $0 out of pocket, particularly for podcasts like
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So, like, share, comment, subscribe.
You can follow our Patreon for free as well, which I think we'll be trying to utilize a little more in the future, I think.
I hope.
Sorry for having to front load this week's episode with housekeeping to make the off-brand of it all make sense, but I absolutely 100% am overcompensating for having forgotten to mention any of this stuff at the top of my Magna Carta episode.
So thanks so much again for being here, for giving me your time and attention, to keep you updated on what's what, and for coming on this journey with us.
Without further ado, here's off-brand, and we'll see you next week!
Off-brand!
We don't have a dance now, it's been officially choreographed.
If you don't have a cadre of chair dances, you haven't been on enough road trips.
It's just a fact.
Like, they come from somewhere.
Also, you know, we don't have a studio.
We don't have dancers yet.
So, you know, it's all down to Lauren at this stage.
So, you know, it's really- You're welcome.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Props to you for giving the vibes.
Well, also, I mean, in the worst or best possible way, Casino is one of my favorite movies.
I know that's weird.
I'm a grandpa.
I know.
We've established the grandpa emoji.
Insert here.
I think it's Scorsese, right?
That's fine.
It's fucking three hours and I've watched it so many Times.
One of mine is Goodfellas, right?
It's two hours.
Goodfellas.
That's a reasonable amount of time.
Casino was a two DVD-er, baby!
Goodfellas is two hours, twenty-six.
So it's not that far away.
Casino's like a solid three, right?
Let's find out.
Two fifty-eight, yeah.
So, you know, it's half an hour's difference.
Yeah, it could have probably have done with an edit, if I'm being honest.
But I did enjoy the movie.
How dare!
What could you possibly cut?
I will say, it didn't need an edit as much as the more recent one with De Niro.
Holy shit, the name escapes me at this point.
The one that came out a few years ago.
Jesus Christ, that was slow and long and outrageous.
I don't think I watched it.
Wait, was it The Irishman?
Is that what you're talking about?
Yes, thank you.
Too long, too long.
Like, decent movie, but like, my God, someone needed to take a fucking hatchet to that thing.
See, I already know, I love, that's the kind of suffering I like!
But also Casino!
I like slow movies, I like slow movies, but that was just, it was overstuffed, overstuffed.
Anyway.
I get that.
But Casino, what I think of...
Is.
Well, so Casino, first of all, I think it is a romp from start to finish.
I think it is wall-to-wall insanity that I am here for.
I believe that, like, shooting for- Joe Pesci doing Joe Pesci, you know?
It's like, oh god.
Yeah!
Well, that's part of the thing is, like, in my young life, uh, you know, you want to, there's a scene when, um, Ace and Ginger having like a mixer party and Ginger, she's like working the room.
And she's making everybody feel great.
And she's in that lovely laced, I mean, Sharon Stone.
What are you?
Can't, can't, can't deny.
Yup.
Yup Is, I think, aspiration.
I love that.
I think that making people feel, like, at ease and welcome, and I do it, I don't know, by screaming at them, but at least I'm not, you know, like, I do, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback.
Welcome to my home!
Yeah!
Guess what you'll never have to worry about with me?
An awkward pause.
I'm gonna fill up every single second.
Sound!
You know what I mean?
And a lot of people, especially like folks that are introverted, I try not to steamroll, but it's tough.
It's tough, but you try, you know?
See, I'm kind of the opposite.
I will let silence hang.
The difference is I won't get anxious about it.
I will not give a fuck.
I will sit there and I will just let it just sit.
The thing is, I don't feel anxious.
I don't mind it at all.
But one could easily assume that I do.
But I just I've seen friends of mine really struggle in themselves and like kind of do that like the closing in.
So one, Ooh, this sound is gonna keep going.
We're gonna keep it pumping, right?
And then also if someone's like, uh, and not talking, I get my little fishing pole out and just like, beep!
What's your favorite food, grr?
You know, whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love that.
Give me an interest where you can info dump, you know, just try and find the- Yeah!
We all have it!
Tell me a story!
Maybe you're incredibly boring, and in that way, it's still a little fascinating to me.
But I love that, like, the good half of Ginger is like, cause also watching her tip Everyone?
I was referring to the sequence at the party where she's hobnobbing with social equals, whereas before she married Ace Rothstein, she was a hustler.
I'd say, honestly, sex worker?
I'd say honestly, probably, I'd say sex worker, probably not a lot of that.
*laughs* I think that if you had to put it down on a job application, that's kind of how you would define it.
But it's mostly just being a magic person and taking awful men's money, which, fine.
But also, there's this white and gold dress that is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life.
But in this scene, she's tipping everybody.
And, like, there's this explanation of, like, this is how you take care of people.
And, of course, it's wrong to be stealing.
And, of course, it's, like, this kind of glad-handing and, you know, you're selling drugs and taking money and blah, blah, blah.
But, like, the way that the movie is made, there's anyone that suffers a consequence is a dick, you know?
So it kind of is still satisfying to watch.
But, you know, back whenever I did make a little bit of money at work, it's funny to think about how much I think a lot of money is.
Yeah, a lot of money to you and me is a different concept.
It's just nothing.
Nothing.
I couldn't buy a new car with the amount of money.
Dearest patrons, we are Pauls and we love you a lot.
Yeah, well, yeah, oh my God, that's amazing.
But also, I genuinely, I've said this off recording, but I feel so fortunate to be a destitute poor, but still have the opportunity.
I'm probably the poorest podcaster there is.
The accoutrement that is facing me right now, the stuff that I'm looking at is, Cheap and out of date, or I happened upon.
It was gifted, or it was... There's nothing really... I don't have a lot of control over the situation.
But I had a little bit of cash, and also relying partially on gratuity, because that's what tattooing... In America, I found out quickly overseas that that was weird, and I just wasn't charging enough.
Yeah, yeah.
Over here it is, you know, there is a thing to tip your tattoo artist, that is a thing.
But mostly, yeah, you expect it to be a high fucking price up front.
That's the expectation over here, for sure.
Well, it's just, it was just like, when I was hatching in Sweden, like, I would tell them how much they owe me.
They're like, no, and they would just go to the ATM and get more money.
Like, they're like, like force, force me.
Like, it was really charming to a person.
There is something about just taking care of people, and it sucks that money has to be in exchange, but I do really love that kind of vibe.
And I do, I would love To flame out in a hideous public way, like Ace Rothstein does.
There's a point where he's like, I am unhinged because I have a TV show and the Ace Rothstein dancers!
It's so 1981.
It's so 1981, like, oh, it's so tacky.
And like, if our talk show gets dancers, you will know.
Like, get the net!
That's it!
We're fucked up!
We're bad!
Or, we're not.
And we figured something out.
I don't know.
But having dancers because of casino, to me, is that like, uh-oh!
This is the tipping point.
The worm has turned!
Yeah, and it's just funny that we don't have dancers yet and that's exactly what I thought.
I was like, the Ace Rothstein dancers!
And just this plastered on smile and these Terrible spandex outfits.
Ah!
Love it.
I love it.
I love the disaster.
I would be all over that.
I mean, I know dancers.
I know choreographers.
It's achievable.
Patrons.
Get more of you.
Tell your friends.
That's like mania.
Induce mania in us.
Let's fucking go!
This will be an incredible social experiment to give two paws a lot of money and see what they do with it.
Two paws doing an entertainment program.
Give them a lot of money and see what happens.
Well, I tell you what, the thing that both you and I are fond of is sharing the wealth and I feel like we would absolutely just get so many people involved and do so much shit that it would be At least it would be a feast for the eyes and ears, that's for sure.
Guess how much we would pay a producer more than, oh my god, oh, ridiculous.
To not have to, oh god, yeah.
To not have to deal with all of that, yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, guess who's buying a house first?
Not us!
Oh my god, are you kidding?
Dead.
It'd be crazy.
I'm almost certainly gonna rent till I die.
That's most likely.
Yeah.
Well, I was thinking about the likelihood of people my age, and in my experience, It's like, there is a contingent, Mike has more friends like this than me, of like, people that have, um, like, houses.
Like, they have a house.
Just the one.
I know friends of mine have houses.
Some do.
I have less.
I'm, and also, you know, you find out, I think, like, I didn't know how poor I was, like, until I was, like, pretty old, and I'm still learning, and so that kind of, that process of, like, people, like, a significant portion of my peers, a parent had to die.
That was, like, it was impossible, parent had to die, and then they had, Housing was an option.
Which is, like, it's very Dickensian.
You know what I mean?
Sorry, if I look confused, it's because my cat is currently eyeing up my muffin.
I've got a triple chocolate muffin sat next to me.
Oh, no, no, no!
My cat is sat there going, Nah bitch, nah.
I know she loves that shit.
She loves anything with crumbs.
She will just absolutely destroy.
And she loves blue cheese as well.
Cat really loves blue cheese.
That's insane!
Bizarre, but if you've got a block of blue cheese sat there, she will take a fucking chomp out of it.
I mean, me too.
I get it.
Well, yeah, I empathize, but also my blue cheese.
Okay, wait.
We both like blue cheese also?
That's like, it's contentious.
Blue cheese can be, is that not, well, it might not be your experience, in America, Yeah, and America's a different question.
I feel like there will be a higher proportion of people over here who enjoy a powerful cheese compared to America.
Because, like, our staple cheddar, our staple cheese is not American cheese, it's cheddar.
And that comes in various strengths, and I usually go for the extra mature, the fucking most powerful one you can find.
But, you know, generally speaking, from the jump, We are given more power in the dairy from the off, whereas American cheese is pretty much tasteless.
I have a fondness for it on burgers, and that's pretty much it.
Because it's melting.
Yeah, it's, well, you need to watch the menu so you can see the perfect burger being made.
Right, right, right.
And that is a plot point.
Well, the casino thing, I do want to address.
We need to address the casino.
The reality of the situation.
I'm so sorry.
Because I've been trying to, like, you know, I've been learning how to podcast.
In front of everyone?
It's been humbling!
And there is a degree of, like, the person you aspire to be and you, you know, there's a bit of understanding, aspiring to be Ginger.
Maybe you're a little more peshy.
Like, Listen, you gotta be realistic about yourself.
I mean, there is an element, you know, we spoke last time about having to reconcile with the idea that, you know, what you create isn't necessarily the thing that's going to impress your idols, just because that's just not the kind of thing that you naturally do.
And I feel like part of this is definitely so, you know, like kind of going into this Especially from the Knowledge Fight background, in my head it's like, I'm fulfilling the Dan role, right?
And then it kind of took a while to appreciate that I am not, Dan.
I am nowhere near as neutral.
I am nowhere near as calm.
I am, in fact, much more cantankerous and much more pissed off.
And that comes through in my notes and my editorial standpoint.
Well, and his calmness, and we talked about it, is a bit.
That's like an intentional, because when you hear Dan talk about different things in other podcasts, he's way more emphatic, but it's a bit to be so low-key to counteract Jordan.
Yeah, and when he does present his actual editorial positions, they are Almost invariably like, this guy's a fuckhead.
Yeah.
And much more direct.
But yeah, there is an element, I think, that you can only find out from doing, you know, kind of where you sit, where you stand, who you are in this kind of arena.
It's weird.
It is weird, it is weird, and it's something that you never truly fully understand until you do it.
Yeah, and there's no preparing for it.
No, by the very nature, it's you learn on the job, that's it.
Yeah, well, and I have certainly... And then if, you know, to come back to Dan, you know, he did like 300 and something episodes of Freeze and Point or whatever that are no longer accessible.
You know, we don't get to see the development of other podcasters necessarily earlier on in their existence.
Yeah, what do you know?
People maybe don't always think about that.
Usually don't.
But, you know, I'm trying to find that place where I feel like myself.
Yeah.
It sucks that dealing with neurodivergent stuff and also chronic illness, it'll really fuck with you.
And sometimes it takes a lot of work to get to the point where you feel like yourself.
And you want to feel that way all the time, which is not the case.
We don't get that.
And so trying to find that space.
And also, this space is kind of fun.
Because in real life, being a...
Being balls to the wall sometimes doesn't work out so great, or sometimes just almost gives your partner an aneurysm sometimes, who's like silently suffering next to you, begging you to shut up!
And so letting that fly a little more, like, oh yeah, a number of my friends, probably even to a person but they haven't expressed it, is like, Oh, she's on one.
That's fun.
That's like a fun time, which I have to try to rein it in just to live my life in a way that's legal.
Okay.
And understanding that when something gets under my skin, I am, I'm Joe Pesci crazy.
And some texts that I sent you.
Even just some comments that I left that are exactly how I would talk in real fucking life on YouTube.
Listen, I get that the internet is it's not cool to care and it's not cool to be excitable and it's not cool to like to have feelings and to be earnest.
I get it.
I'm internetting wrong and I have been for years.
I'd much rather just like be this one person because I am this one person all the time.
So, Acknowledging and understanding, I am, in fact, Joe Pesci crazy in real life.
Get a little, you know, you think you're Lydia, you're Beetlejuice.
You think you're Ginger, eh, maybe you're a little more, maybe a little more Pesci.
It's not awesome.
But if it's fun and it's something that I can bring and enjoy and feel like myself, I'm excited about that.
I think it's cool.
And, uh, man, I hope it's great.
I hope it's great to listen to.
I hope it's entertaining.
I do feel like moments, this is funny, moments where Mike will tell me he enjoys listening to the podcast, which like, I take pretty seriously.
Like, it's cool that my partner's actually just like a fan, just like into it.
Um, If we were in the car and I was saying the same shit, he'd be like, just stop it.
Leave it.
Just be like, oh my god, you need to calm down.
Worst thing to say to me, you need to calm down.
But in podcast form, it's kind of fun to listen to.
So it is a little weird.
I would like to say, you might begrudgingly accept your role as Joe Pesci, but I would say, who is the most exciting and engaging character to watch in both Casino and Goodfellas?
And it's fucking Joe Pesci, right?
Anytime he's on the screen, you are on edge, you are paying fucking attention.
You are like, oh, what's gonna happen now?
I love it!
It's gonna be some shit.
Some shit is about to go down.
Take me on that rollercoaster!
Exactly.
Let's go!
Yeah!
Exactly.
That is fun.
I just, I, you know, and I think, Yeah, you're right.
You're right!
And, um, the other thing about, like, filling space and time when, you know, like, having an instinct where I'm kind of like, I'm like, I think that person is uncomfortable and this is a weird situation, so I'm just gonna be a human puppet show!
Um, there is a degree of that, like, I don't know, it's not necessarily entertainment or anything, it's just, um, it's an easy way to maybe make People feel comfortable, that I don't have to pay for.
Maybe I don't have money to tip, but I'd like to make you feel comfortable, and I can be a bigger idiot, and I'm fine with that.
That's cool.
That's kind of a people-pleasing kind of aspect in a way.
Yeah, I mean, but I also have such a shitty attitude, but it's never really that.
In a more kind of altruistic kind of fashion though, it's like, oh, I don't want this person to be uncomfortable.
I want this person to be happy.
And feel included.
I feel like that's the biggest thing is like, no, you're here.
Let's get in the mix.
Let's go.
Let's do this together.
Let's all hang out.
I think that's really important.
and let's go let's do this together let's all like let's all hang out you
know I think that's really important I don't know I yeah so it kind of less
performative as well really than you know yeah but it can look like that
Literal performance.
Right, and very often I've been in a conversation, or I've had to clarify, like, I get that this looks performative, because on the inside it doesn't feel that way at all, but it absolutely looks like that.
And I try to be aware of that aspect of it, like, okay, I'm I get that this is literally identical to a narcissist being crazy for attention.
So, let's check in and just talk about it.
No, it's not.
Sorry, I've got a mouthful of muffin, but no, it's not.
That's not the same thing.
No, it can look the same.
Okay, you disagree.
Listen, we are not going to make anyone listen to Chewing on this show, but I'm still getting emphatic responses from them!
Yeah, you're getting emphatic silent responses.
[laughter]
Yeah, no.
No.
You're wrong. You're wrong.
They look different and it comes back to the fucking...
um...
The grifter argument.
The reason that we're not grifters is one is doing it honestly,
the other is doing it for bullshit reasons.
So there you go.
I think it can appear it can appear similar to.
I just, I'm always thinking about it.
I don't want to be like that, you know?
You're coming from the same position as the people who have accused us of being grifters.
That's just, let that sink in.
Well, I also will accuse anything and everyone of a... The thing is, so there was a question on the subreddit, which I would love, again, oh my god, I am dying to address more stuff and have time to do it in my, like...
In this little project.
It'd be fucking rad.
And so, the difference between grifter and not a grifter.
Fuck, I just lost it.
God damn it.
See, I didn't write notes on this one.
And I don't even have to look at them.
It's a very Dumbo's Feather moment.
I kind of hate it.
But yeah, the problem is it does look exactly the same.
And The closer a grifter can get to looking like someone who's acting in good faith, is they're gonna be the most effective in that role.
So, It's just rough.
I don't know.
I think that just looking at it from purely a monetary standpoint, as far as where people are getting this passive income, I think that's really useful.
But also just the idea.
I want people to feel exactly how Russell makes people feel to want to join the locals.
The way that we talked about, he's selling himself.
Like, I want people to feel that, and I want to feel that way towards people also.
Like, I want it to be a two-way street that is positive overall for everybody.
And so I, um, yeah, I... Anyway, so here's what I was going to complain about.
I'm going to shift, because I, because Al's hungry.
Al's hungry.
I need a bitch, okay?
So, Long time.
Okay, guys, listeners, friends, you're wonderful.
Thank you for coming to my complaint talk.
I need you to know how stupid this week has been.
Actually, last week, my good thing, my first good thing that I figured out how to do these plaques, right?
For those of you listening.
Oh, don't you dare fall off of these amazing little plaques.
I figured it out.
It's just like, Oh no, it's gonna go.
I've been waiting for it all the tumble.
Um, but yeah, so these plaque things, right?
They, um, I carve them by hand.
I use, uh, Mike's like scraps of stuff.
I'm not going to try to hang that, but y'all have seen it.
And, um, And I was like, yeah, I figured this one thing out.
Joke's on me.
As soon as I started trying to finish them, every step went so wrong.
Oh wow, did they go wrong.
Like, made gigantic panic, running through my, pelting through my house.
Constant.
Try this?
Wrong.
What's available?
Wrong.
Great.
I'm so glad that I told everybody it was going well.
I feel like it was punishment.
Hmm.
The hubris came back to bite you in the ass.
Yeah, so what is costing every single person some cool merch and a new website and all that shit?
Because the website thing, here's the thing.
I will say, hey, this is a problem.
They'll say, we'll get back to you in 24 to 48 hours, and it's a week.
And then the same thing again.
And basically, the web address is in limbo, so I can't do anything.
It's so stupid.
So, right?
And what is going to take time is, uh, I did, I, listen, I figured it out.
I worked it out, but oh my God, so many things went wrong with these little pieces of wood.
Amazing.
Also, I am in a war in my backyard with rats that have Nothing to lose!
And they will take, like, I'm in a war with rats that I might lose!
I may, like, all of my food I'm growing, everything, and also just the not disgustingness of the backyard that we have, I'm We might lose it all to these little crazy toxic Avenger monster animals.
So that's something.
Real hoot.
Adorable.
I very recently finished playing a game that you might find cathartic.
Is it Rat Smasher?
Is there a Rat Smasher?
I mean, to a degree.
So there's a series of games called A Plague Tale, and they are set in 14th century France.
Really cool setting, really interesting, and basically it's kind of a fictional universe where a plague of rats appears because of this little boy that has this thing in him called the Macula.
um which basically means like he's connected to the rats um somehow and and basically they're connected to his emotions so if he feels bad if he starts feeling shit all of a sudden rats fucking everywhere destroying everything and these are not regular rats either these are rats the the Oh, neither are mine.
They're like a hive mind.
They will eat people.
They mostly kill people and things and everything.
And yeah, the only way to get through the game to not have them eat you is through light.
So you have to have a torch or something around.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you play this little boy's older sister, Amicia, and you are armed with a sling, and that's pretty much it.
Which, yeah, when you've got soldiers in plate armor coming at you, it doesn't feel adequate.
But anyway... Yeah!
One of the things that is a fairly consistent feature is you have to... Well, you don't really have to murder the rats so much, but you do have to make them deeply uncomfortable.
And then you get to a point where by the end of it, basically, the kid's figuring out how to control the rats, because he's connected to them.
And so they're like, ha ha!
And you know I mean through throughout you are you are kind of utilizing the rats in a way of like you know if you see a soldier that's carrying a torch you get this thing called extinguish and you can put their torch out and then they get eaten by the rats you know all that cool shit but yeah by the end of it yeah you can you're controlling the rats and there's a there's a religious figure who is also trying to try to do his whole thing about controlling the rats as well.
14th century France it's gonna happen.
Describing playing video games sounds so lovely and erudite compared to me literally with a shovel whacking at the ground trying to hit Red's backyard.
Oh yeah, this is what I'm saying.
I wish I was fucking kidding.
No, no, no.
I completely get it.
Yeah, I've never had rat problems to that degree.
I've had them in my house before.
That was a thing.
One died under the floorboards in one house that I was in.
That was great.
Well, apparently Chicago is having gigantic Problem, like, rat problems that are, like, unprecedented.
Partially because, like, the restrictions and the, like, the regulations put in place to curb the rat population aren't strict enough, there's too many loopholes, and there's, like, businesses that have accrued millions of dollars in fines, which, oh my god, that's so hard to do!
Because the fines are like $300 increments or whatever, maybe $600.
And you have a million dollars in fines from landlords that won't do the right thing and actually take care of their end of the rat problem.
And they're just languishing.
Because go fuck ourselves, I guess.
And right before, OK, so I went to go see the Melvins and Boris.
And I texted you.
I was like, Because right before I texted you that like, the Melvins need to be so loud I will go blind, like I just needed to be screamed at, right?
Yeah.
Because oh, I had just discovered the rat hole, the problem, and I was doing shovel, right?
And there's like a pot that I had like flipped over And I was like, oh no, they might hide under there.
And I flip it over and a rat just jumps out and scurries right across my hand.
I didn't even, me, Pesci, didn't even react.
That's how you know I'm at a 10, is when I feel nothing.
That's when the sniper pulls the trigger, is when you are completely placid.
That's why people with fucking trauma and PTSD and everything are great in a crisis, because there's a certain part of us that just goes, okay, I am perfectly calm, here we go.
I should have just screamed bloody murder, that was awful.
A lot of people without trauma would have done exactly that, and here we are.
Oh, we contain multitudes!
Yeah, so I would also like to bitch about the events, like, so I had to change my plugs in the events that are coming up, right?
At the end of the episode.
I also know I want a fucking tuberculosis medicine kick.
I'm fucking fine with it.
It's super important.
Anyway.
Yeah, that's staying in.
I'm not editing that out.
Good.
Thank you.
People can fucking- Listen, if they hear plugs, they can just switch.
It's okay.
I mean, like, you're bad people if you don't want people to have, like, medicine for tuberculosis.
Like, you can just be a bad person, I guess.
Anyway, I'm kidding.
Oh my god.
Like, you're just awful.
Like, I'm half less.
Why don't your lungs work?
Yeah, right?
God.
It's such a fucking problem in the world that could be eradicated.
I have so many reasons for being mad about medical misinformation.
Oh my god.
Right.
So, I...
Um did not realize I had signed up for so I had planned on doing nope go back further I usually do 25 to 30 events which like my health is um getting worse so that's part of the reason why I reduced them this year um I just can't do as much stuff and but I mean there's ways to manage that so like 25 or 30 At least.
And now I'm down to, like, five a year was this year.
And also, like, partially, like, for the podcast, because I don't have time to stretch myself that thin and do both, and I don't have that much energy to, like, to, you know, robbing Peter to pay Paul doesn't really work anymore.
Like, I don't get to do You know, a pole all-nighters.
I just, I don't have the gas.
And that's just, that sucks, but like, it's just the way it is.
And so, I made sure that I'm gonna make time for the best events that I have all year.
And I committed last year, had it in my mind, cool.
So, the Beverly area is at Made Artisan Collective.
Was really great.
Definitely gonna do it.
And I still can sign there.
So I can still sell items.
I'm not going to be there.
So it's so the percentage is going to be different.
And I'm not going to be able to talk to anybody, you know, like, do the thing, right?
Ginger about and I know I'm going to take a hit.
But I found out that the Jackleb anniversary thing, another amazing, super cool, it just, it was my vibe, it was great.
Man, and also like, so Fat Kiss, I have the room to expand on these men.
In Chicago, there was some karaoke night.
I think it was at Liar's Club or whatever.
It was some cool boy bar, and they had karaoke on Mondays, and these dudes just found each other.
I think they probably were in bands when they were younger.
They're not young, and they're not slim.
And they found out, they were just like, hey, let's do a Kiss cover band, get the whole get up and everything.
They had pyrotechnics that were awesome and fun.
And they're just like, we're Fat Kiss.
And that's it.
And it was great.
It was so fun to watch.
Awesome.
Fantastic.
Yeah, I'm on board.
I'm not a particular Kiss fan.
But even more so, I am not a fan of Gene Simmons.
So any kind of rendition of that music that does not directly profit him, I'm a fan of.
I mean, it's virtually impossible.
He's the most, he's been merchandised more than any human being, which is honestly, it's impressive.
It is impressive.
But yeah.
It's also impressive how much of a douche one guy can be.
He's awful.
I mean, at least he's obvious about it.
Which is terrible.
But yeah, but so Fat Kisses last year and this year's gonna be PLNRZ, but I committed and all this stuff and then found out oh not even a week ago maybe a week ago now um that both of those events two of the three that I prioritized out of 30 uh within within Chicago because the other events are outside of Chicago uh on the same day
At the same time.
time.
So also finding out this late, I don't have like that means I have to double quadruple
down on making stuff because I was already planning.
I had, like, even if they were staggered a week or two apart, ooh, I had it in the bag.
And that was how they were last year, right?
I was assuming they would be a month apart like they were last year, but no ma'am.
And I don't buy parts and assemble them, so it's not a question of just, like, buying more stuff and putting it together.
I make everything.
I start with hunks of, like, trash, and I process them until I make them into something different.
And so every single piece takes a set amount of time and work and days to cure, all that kind of stuff.
So I have no recourse but to spend every possible waking moment making stuff.
Maybe.
And the skin of my teeth pulling it off.
Ha ha ha.
So.
Oh, I even fucking sanded down.
Oh, my God.
I'm so dumb.
Months ago, I sanded down my displays because they really needed an extra coat of paint.
And I haven't.
I didn't know I had to scramble.
So I get to do that.
So you've still got to redo all of the displays as well.
Awesome!
That's good.
That's great.
That's great.
And our kitchen sink has been broken for like a week and a half, and we can't get a hold of our- I mean, we can't get a hold of it, like, we just try to get a hold of it.
So we've been doing our dishes in the bathtub.
Okay!
That's my life!
[laughter]
If I lived geographically closer to you, I would assist in at least some way.
I have at least fixed sinks before.
I can do that to a degree.
Um, well, all the acceptable, like all the normal shit hasn't worked.
And so, and we can't, um, yeah.
And also like, Oh, I don't know, I'm not at liberty to talk about, cause
it's not technically my business, but it still affects me.
You know!
I know, I know.
It got worse, it's a little better for the last two days.
But it's also been so stupid!
Anyway, my partner also has a back problem, and when it flares up, it makes everything worse.
Subtext, subtext, subtext, subtext.
Sure, I'm not allowed to talk about it technically, and I'm being vague enough where I'm still within the parameters of the agreement that I agreed to, but- Don't talk about the war.
Yeah, Fight Club, don't talk about it.
But yeah, anyway, so that's like, I just had to fucking, oh, I had to unload Just a little bit, and then I'm gonna unload about some news, and I already feel better.
God bless.
Good, good.
It's been so stupid.
Yes, yes.
Dishes in the tub, stupid.
Yeah, it feels dumb.
I get it, I get it.
Again, I wish I was anywhere closer.
I mean, same!
Of course!
That is the struggle!
So, what's the news?
What's the news?
I feel like Like, we've got music is nice, right?
I feel like we need like, you know, shit on your dog's bed, here's the fucking, it should be like, it should be, you know, here's the actual news.
Here's the reality news.
Yeah.
Here's the news.
Which also, this is, again, I was explaining.
Yep.
I was telling Al before we started that the real motherfucker of neurodivergence, one of the tendencies is oppositional defiant disorder in some way, which obviously is coursing through my veins at all times.
De joy.
But also, it starts with you.
Like when you really have to struggle with oppositional defiant for no good fucking reason, you are your own worst enemy.
And so anytime I'm trying to go somewhere with my brain, that's what stops.
It's not a choice.
It's not like, oh, I'm lazy.
I didn't want to do that.
I'm procrastinating.
No, no, no.
It's gotten much worse now that I've gotten older and sicker.
It's just, my brain just goes blank.
It just doesn't do anything.
It's just the train doesn't leave the station.
Yeah, right?
I know.
And so, uh, I was like, yeah, I'm going to do news roundup time.
And as soon as like, I texted you and we're like, yeah, that sounds great.
All those ideas left my brain.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
They did.
So I've got a little bit, mostly stuff I want to complain about that people aren't still talking about.
Cause I also, I, I do understand and I like the concept of folks wanting us to talk about something, even though it's pretty commonly, you know, other people have already like had their takes.
Um, I have yet to internalize that for myself.
I like the podcasts I listen to.
Their takes, I think, are interesting.
I want to hear what they have to cover, and almost always.
I'll skip an old Dollop episode because I already know about it, and then I'll be like, ah, listen to it anyway.
I'm like, oh, this is a completely different perspective, and I just like the time.
Yeah, yeah.
So fuck me, right?
I'm working on it.
I'm working on it.
Tell me.
You never want to hear my take on other stuff.
Either way, listen, I'm here to oblige at the end of the day.
The Republican debate, so, and I do feel like it's taken a little bit of time for the fallout and, like, the dust to settle.
It was very interesting, you know, people were, like, all wrapped up in polls right after the Republican debate, and what has not been addressed nearly enough, in my estimation, as a total nightmare that came out of that debate and that night.
Every, and we did cover part of this on our Rhonda Santas episode, which did edify me and my outrage, because like I got to hear it first, it almost like primed the pump a little bit so I wasn't as shocked, but the Republican debate, every single candidate said they would abolish, disband the Department of Education in America.
Like, you know that?
Fuck me.
No!
So I purposefully do not watch the shithouse debates that happen early on because they're just a fucking circus full of nonsense people and I have no interest.
I watch when there are two genuine candidates left who are trying to be president.
Sometimes, very rarely, I'll watch maybe one of the Democratic ones before then but mostly I don't give a shit.
For me, I wait until the stakes are a little bit higher, until it gets a little bit more interesting.
Well, here's the thing, the stakes change, for me, because I think that in early debates, when it's not just the guy that wants to legalize weed and the rent is too damn high, which both of them are also correct, But I don't necessarily, I'm not going to hear anything new from them, you know?
I'm like, of course, I agree, fine.
But, with Republicans especially, because they come up with the most insane, horrible bullshit, you want to know what their next target, or their current target is, because they don't usually come out and say it as explicitly as, I will Eliminate the Department of Education.
The claim, the claim is that it's a state's rights thing which fucking go fuck yourself oh my god no no it isn't.
And um it's very it's that honestly scared me to my core to hear that so plainly it was on motherfucking tv and it's not like they had a really good reason it's just like what Rhonda Sanders was talking about you looked into it you already know like Who wasn't there?
Who wasn't at the... Trump.
Was it just Trump?
Just Trump.
The only one who didn't show, yeah.
Yeah.
Because he's too good for it.
Okay.
Or he was busy showing up for an arraignment or something.
It was when all the like indictments were coming down at the same time, so I feel like it might have been a convenient excuse when really like, oh I had to go turn myself in at a jail.
I don't know, he does strike me as the type who's like, you know, too important to show up to, you know.
But also he is.
That's just the facts.
Like, why would he show up?
He doesn't have to.
Well, no, exactly.
He's leading by quite a margin in the polls.
Still.
Still.
But all those people are going to go back to their respective corners and want to... Okay, the reason that I want to... I'm sorry, what I'm trying to reconcile in my head and understand is kind of...
How many of them are serious candidates that represent the wishes of the GOP and would also be accepted on a broader scale?
You know what I mean?
Well, I'm gonna get into that.
Even just to address the modern, the direct result, what I have heard people saying is regardless of what happens with Vivek Ramaswamy, This year or next year.
He's young.
He's got money.
Oh!
Also, he made his money off of the Theranos.
Like, it's the exact same shit as Theranos, but they misled investors and stole the money kind of legally?
And so he did the Elizabeth Holmes thing over.
It was so the whole ruse and they could claim, I don't know, I'm just a baby basically because they were claiming there was a experimental Alzheimer's drug and they got all this VC funding and just pumped money and pump money into it when they knew it was never going to work.
So it was a medical device of some kind, you know, it was supposed to be medication that they knew was not gonna work from the jump, so they got all this money and then peaced out and then however they figured it out, they Theranos-ed, they Elizabeth Holmes-ed, and he just skated with the money, which he's gonna use to insert himself into politics for the rest of my natural life.
Oh my god, what the- because he's my age too!
What the fuck?
It's awful!
And so- and he was like emphatic because... So, um, this is one of those things where I- I'm even bracing myself right now for you to tell me this is not as big a deal as I think that it is because I have been screaming about this since I was raised in an evangelical, like, fundamentalist- not even, evangelical church.
Yeah.
We have to address at least a portion, if not the whole Republican Party, because also like they say it behind closed doors and the Southern strategy is how this all started is like, you know, like Lee Otwater and Jerry Falwell, like this was a plan.
They've had, like the conservatives, Republicans, and evangelical, like fundamentalist Christians have had a plan For 50 years on how they are going to gain power and what they want to undermine so that they can
Achieve and maintain power.
Abortion is one like basically developing the idea of making a single voter issue because abortion was a just was actually before the Jerry Falwell contingent straight-out had a meeting and decided to destroy America in their particular way for their own financial gain and And if you want to learn about it more, listeners, there's a season of Gangster Capitalism that's all about Liberty University and Jerry Falwell Jr.
Oh, it is gross and fascinating.
NRA, same thing.
Second Amendment, gun rights, that's another single-issue voter thing.
And so these guys straight up got in a room and were like, you know how we all think abortion is fine because abortion is fine?
Well, we can spin it this way.
You know how the Catholics kind of freak out about it sometimes?
Let's just do that.
It's working great for them.
And that is a way to basically impede the progression of women's rights, which was a huge thing.
It was basically undermining the ERA at the time.
Which is also incredibly gross.
I can't even go on that tangent some other time.
And so there is a concerted effort by pulling their kids, like, I mean you have to think about religious attacks on public school have been happening Forever, because our country was founded, one of the basic tenets of America is the separation of church and state.
And the state educates our children to the benefit of all, right?
Right.
That's the idea.
That's the idea.
And you don't just have like education to kids, you have teachers unions, you have government contracts, it's all mixed in together.
Union busting is just as important, right?
As a conservative project.
So the conservative project to undermine, like they have taken great pains for 50 years now to obfuscate their intention to undermine public education in America.
And now they're all saying it out loud and There's um the way that I hear everyone talk about it and everyone I mean like you know where I'm where I get my news from and where the news discussions that I listen to and that I can take in and pay attention.
Basically people are like oh they're they want to undermine education because they want the populace dumb because they're easy to trick and they're easy to control if they're stupid and so undermining education makes sense.
Yeah, but that's a very big amorphous idea.
We can't really get our claws into that, especially as leftists.
Yeah, that's kind of like, you know, Noam Chomsky, like that's always the idea is to keep people kind of dumb, right?
But that doesn't work that great.
Genuinely, it kind of like, it's a very scattershot approach.
And I do think that like trying to introduce PragerU into public school is a great way to like target the stupid.
I mean, if you really want to make somebody dumb, tell them that PragerU videos are true.
That's a great, like, that's a more targeted attack, but what we are learning, and I have this whole other interest of, like, true crime cult stuff that has nothing to do with, like, political discourse or debunking or anything, so I feel, and skepticism, right?
In fact, most true crime I find quite distasteful and pretty terrible.
So I'm not, like, I get the complaint.
All the biggest true crime podcasts, most of them, those people are awful, and they don't handle shit right, and they say things wrong, and it's bad.
So I even pick and choose within my own genre that I do enjoy to learn about.
So what I learned about also, and not just from, like, I don't know, like, I'm bringing, like, a political skeptic mindset to like shiny happy people, the Duggars thing that just came out.
I did not realize that the people that proliferate a lot of the homeschool, like the Christian homeschooling material, they are right out, like they're an hour and a half drive from my house right now outside of Chicago.
I had no idea, and it's this huge complex, and of course the guys are rapists and blah-di-blah, whatever.
Oh my god, watch that documentary!
Because what's fascinating is the way that they knit together homeschooling, even if it's a various denomination of fundamental evangelists, blah-blah-blah.
You can use this Bible based quote-unquote quote teaching materials that are not cheap and they don't teach you like anything.
What's the thing that I'm gonna call you an alarmist over what's what's the.
Oh, well, I usually don't get to talk into a microphone and explain myself, so I just have to say that Christians are trying to destroy public education and people are like, bah!
Because, like, there's so many facets to this, because you've got the, like, What rich people want to stay rich and get more rich are government contracts.
So yes, there is an agenda to inject religion into public life And people are very concerned, rightfully so, in all these court cases that are, like, just dropping like flies, undermining the separation of church and state in public school.
And every single one is a problem and a nightmare, and no one is taking these things seriously because they're not looking at a cumulative experience of being able to insert religious indoctrination Just, like, it's a-okay into public school because it doesn't just take away, like, it doesn't just add religion.
And it's, guess what, it's fucking Christianity because any other religion does not have the same rights anywhere close to Christianity in America, while Christians can also claim That they're being persecuted, which is fucking insane, right?
Is that not a crazy claim that they make?
Yes, no, absolutely.
So, I've always believed that Christians are trying to destroy public schools because they're- Yeah, but you're my friend and you like me and you're listening, so I know you're not going to shut me down in the same way.
I need you to imagine a normal person that would tell me I'm crazy.
No, and I'm sure people who don't know the same things probably come from that direction, but there is an obvious, tangible benefit of destroying the public school system in that a lot of private schools are religious.
The fewer public schools, the more private schools, the more religious schools.
That's it.
You don't even need to look any further than that.
Yeah, but I think we do... Money, more religious people, you know...
There is more.
There are layers.
There's absolutely more from underneath that, but even that is just a starting point that people can understand, like, oh no, this actually benefits these people financially and in terms of increasing the number of people they have influence over.
Well, I think it's a misunderstanding of where people get their- because, like, the narrative Like, there are people that still fucking defend billionaires on Twitter every single day and live in America.
Yeah, that's true.
But, you know, I mean, you get bootlickers for every fucking thing, don't you?
Guess how dangerous they can be.
It's just true.
Truly, they can, and you have to fucking keep an eye on them, you can't take your eye off them for a fucking second, because- Before they've got a mouth full of boot.
Exactly, right.
And also- The second you look away, they're like, oh.
Mouthful of boot with their hand in your fucking pocket taking your tax money and using it for their church!
That they don't have to pay taxes!
They don't have to pay taxes, but we get to pay for their church?
Are you fucking kidding me?
There's all right there constantly like some fucking church like regraveled their church parking lot and rode it off on their like they They didn't even write it off!
They don't have to write it off!
They counted it as an expense for their school, but it was just like, oh my god, I don't remember that thing because I'm too upset.
Anyway, so there's undermining from many different directions because if religious schools can get funded in the same way that public schools can, Then they're in the money and they can sell these fucking, like, you think about a textbook contract.
Textbooks, there's two kinds of textbooks in America.
There's the Texas kind and there's the California kind.
I grew up in a blue state.
I only ever had the California kind.
Is it insane that we have two different kinds of textbooks basically for like blue states and then red states?
That's already fucked up and crazy.
And then all of this like CRT, like insanity, all of that, They are using every avenue they can to undermine public schools, one of the few places, like one of the few institutions we have left that is functioning.
And I mean, so white flight was a great way to undermine public school.
The fact that, why are our income taxes by district Applied to that school district.
Why do rich, like, you can just give the same amount of money to every school.
Per kid.
Because that's what it is, per kid.
Yeah.
You can just allot the same amount of money to every school child.
And we don't.
So, the system is already a fucking garbage pit because rich kids just get more money because they live in a rich place.
And then poor kids get fucking nothing.
And they, like, it's a fucking school-to-prison pipeline for them, which is awful, and will benefit, like, that's, that, that money.
Is what these religious institutions are looking for.
They want those sweet textbook contracts.
They want that money getting pumped into their schools.
Catholics included, all of them.
They want the money for themselves, just like how Elon Musk has never fucking invented anything and he is the biggest government teet sucker out there because his entire company is... He's got contracts from the government for SpaceX, even though he's a fucking dipshit, and Tesla It's a company that happens to make cars, makes money off of selling carbon credits to other corporations.
He is the biggest welfare queen in the world, duh!
On the subject of the schools, I just got done with the Dollop episode about busing in Boston.
Yeah!
In Boston schools.
Yeah!
Holy shit!
And that was a two-part, that was the first two-part Dollop, because Because it was just too insane.
So yeah, bussing, oh my god.
And yeah, very interesting that... Bussing!
Also a racist policy.
Oh yeah!
It was supposed to benefit!
That's the one that they let them do!
The white kids start suddenly being bused to these black schools, as well as the black kids being bused into the white schools, but all of a sudden the black schools are being funded.
Dave Anthony's saying like, oh, this one teacher had been asking for just a microscope for years, and all of a sudden he has 150 and doesn't know what to do with them.
Right.
Like, okay, I think, it's not even, But the fucking microscope distributor probably fucking was friends with the mayor.
Probably.
Straight up, that's how this shit goes.
So busing and then public pools, those are the dollops to listen to if you want to understand why racism and why discrimination is so ingrained into our public school system.
There's so much.
So I have just received a news alert to tell me that Justin Roiland used his Rick and Morty fame to pursue young fans text messages show.
Do we know that already?
No, there had been like rumors, you know, they'd been like, is this guy on the level?
This is actual evidence.
Roiland's former fans and dates described disturbing interactions with the animator, with many playing out over text.
One woman said the Rick and Morty creators sexually assaulted her.
Another said she was left traumatized.
Okay, great!
That's just swell.
We can't have nice things.
We just... We already knew there was a problem, though.
They even replaced him with Solar Opposites already.
There wasn't anything kind of this concrete, though.
Which is worth talking about, absolutely.
Yes, yes.
No, I'm just... oh god.
Like, I will... I will...
Generally speaking, kind of withhold judgment until things come out, you know?
Be like, okay, this person could be a problem.
Evidence seems to point in that direction.
Let's see what comes out and what happens.
All the bad things.
That's usually the way it goes.
All the bad things come out.
And all the bad things have come out.
Great.
That's tremendous.
We can't have nice things.
Is there- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nothing bad about Dan Harmon yet, is there?
I mean, I know he's a troubled past.
Yeah, there is that, but no, there's nothing because he's been under a microscope for a long time because- Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.
Yeah, because of this stuff.
But also, man, I don't know.
God, we need to stop letting cishet white men do things.
I think that's part of the solution.
Or they only fucking nanny cams.
Yeah, at all times.
Do whatever you want, and you'll get in fucking trouble when we catch you.
We will see, motherfucker.
Just behave.
Jesus.
Speaking of people getting in trouble, I wanted to hear the news.
So, Danny Masterson was... This is what we're going to talk about.
I could complain about the public school system forever.
What I would love to do is research and organize my thoughts rather than go on a psychotic rant.
So, I appreciate the space to do that.
Yeah, no, no, for sure.
Yeah, so it's either Danny Masterson of that 70s show.
Yeah, convicted rapist, it turns out.
Fucking, yeah, Scientologist.
I'm bummed about all of this story because I'm a big fan of that 70s show.
I really like that show, or I did, you know, and it's not even something I kind of grew up watching.
I kind of came to it in later years.
I came to it in later years and was like, this is very comforting.
I really rather like, you know, a lot about this show.
Well, all the adult actors they had on that show were like legends.
So good.
It was so stacked.
Like, it was so good.
Red and Kitty Foreman was just... Oh!
Perfect.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect.
I adore them.
Resonates.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And such a crush on Donna as well, good lord.
Okay, here's the thing.
No, Laura Prypon!
Yeah, still a babe.
I'm such a baby.
Oh, of course.
I'm such a fucking brat.
Also, I had a crush on Topher Grace.
That also kind of tells you, like, Oh, that's cute.
Right, yeah.
Because I was 14 and he looked 14.
What's weird is that he still looks the same now.
I find that really strange.
He's still baby-faced.
Old baby!
Oh, I got some friends that are old babies.
I love it.
I saw him in Interstellar and I was like, hey, you're exactly the same!
There is a specific progression that I don't necessarily have affinity for anymore.
I think I noticed it because I thought they were cute when I was young, but there's a progression of...
Like, Pekin High School, hot boy.
Hot boy.
And then, oh, you're getting up there, been drinking a little bit, and then like, there's like a, I look like a lesbian phase.
And then there's like, old baby.
It's like, hot boy, lesbian, old baby.
I live.
Live your truth.
Work.
Yes, ma'am.
Lean into it.
You know?
Play kickball.
Play softball.
What are you gonna do?
And so, I appreciate that.
Sucka for a... Oh yeah, Laura Brimont, right?
Okay, so she...
In Seventeen Magazine, I read an article that was an interview with her because I thought she was the bee's knees!
Also, tall, gangly weirdo, midwestern weirdo, I identify.
I love, I live.
Plays a little bit of a dork as well, you know?
Absolutely!
Great, yeah.
And I've never let go of like a 70s style.
I don't always like, I don't know, I'm too fat for all my clothes that I collected that are awesome.
Legitimately, I've grown This way out of them!
Poets from that era were very fucking small.
And also, you still listen almost exclusively to 70s music, so... That's a tell, as well.
Yeah, right?
And also, like, I want to look like... It's funny, I'm not like... I don't really like Journey as a band, but that guy, Steve, what's his name?
The lead singer?
Steve Aoki?
No, no.
Steve Aoki was in Smashing Pumpkins.
That's who that Steve is, thank you.
I'm just- You know, Journeyman.
Main Journey guy, because the other guy from Journey married Paula.
Oh my god, anyway.
There's megachurch shit in Journey, which is crazy.
Like in the connection of the band Journey.
Steve, I normally know this.
Help me.
Perry.
Perry.
There she is.
Steve Perry.
Father of Katy Perry.
I'm lying.
Hang on.
He's not!
No, he's not.
I know it's not.
I know it's not.
But when my hair is a little different, like a little bit different hair, and I'm skinnier, I look exactly like him!
And he would dress up like a cute little sailor, like a gay, gay sailor, all the time on TV in the 70s.
And I was like, man, I need that outfit.
So hang on, how does this relate to Laura Prepon?
I'm bringing it around.
What do I always do?
I'm bringing it around.
Thrift stores are a thing.
Let me tell you how much easier it was to find 70s clothes 20 years ago.
I was spoiled, and I coveted, I hunted for bell-bottoms, anything like that, right?
It was just the coolest thing in the world.
I have yet to change my mind, I doubt I will.
Um but it was also like a style thing and that 70s show was part of that like kind of that uh 90s does 60s kind of revival like moment it became its own thing and there was an article in 17 she was interviewed and they asked her some really like bubbly fun questions like oh my god do you like a lot of the clothes Which, every single episode, I would just, I would turn bright lime green.
Dying for that outfit, yeah, yeah.
Because also, that's a person that she's tall.
She's a tall weirdo like me.
Oh my God, that's amazing.
And she went on a tirade about how much she hated the clothes, and she thought they were all ugly.
And I was just like, that was a cardinal sin.
I don't believe in the concept of sin except for that one.
She just hated it.
She's like, stuff is so cool and modern now and I think the 70s clothes are so stupid and just went off.
And I was like, I will strangle you with my bare hands.
How dare you?
How dare you come for Fiorucci in that way?
How dare you?
Oh my god.
I can't understand it.
Honestly, I feel like a lot of 70s clothes, fucking everybody looked awesome.
Everybody looked awesome.
And everybody, you could see everybody's dick, which rules, and like it was just great.
Like everything about it was awesome.
It's sick.
Killer.
Iron on shirt, like iron on letters on a shirt.
Yes, ma'am.
Uh-huh.
Oh, I live.
And so yeah, she, I will never like her.
I've tried.
Orange is the New Black.
She's amazing.
And I fucking hated the shit out of her.
She was a minimum of 18.
Do you remember what year it was you read this interview?
Do you remember?
I know I'm younger than her.
That's an ask.
Yeah.
So she was there from 1998 where she was 18 to 2006.
I didn't watch the other... I mean, it was still new.
It was probably 2000-ish.
I was 16, maybe?
15, 16?
I was so offended.
18 to 20, you know.
22 would have pushed if it was a couple of years later.
No, you have every right to be offended, but at the same time... I don't!
I just am!
Sure you do.
Sure you do.
Be offended about whatever you want.
Is that a choice?
It just was!
It doesn't achieve anything, but you can do it.
Right, exactly.
Yes, this is it.
Totally.
Guess what?
I'm not going to comment on your fucking podcast about, you know, I'm not going to email her about it.
Find the most recent episode of her podcast and comment on it.
Oh, whatever.
You know what I mean?
You said this once, I don't like it.
Yeah, no, I would be curious to ask her the same question now, because, you know, what the fuck does an 18-year-old know about, you know, shit?
I don't know.
This 18-year-old knew exactly.
Yes, but I feel like you're not going to have an enlightened view at that age.
You're not going to have a broad-minded view, because I'm not asking for enlightenment!
She was talking about clothes!
No, I know she's talking about clothes, but there is also kind of, I don't know, I guess an awareness.
Sure!
Of what it is.
You know, there are just certain things that come with getting fucking older.
The way you approach stuff is different and probably more respectful, I would say.
And also, there is an element of like, It's hard to kind of think, but you know, 23, 25 years ago when it first fucking came on the air, that was a very different time.
It was a very different TV show.
It was a big fucking deal for that show to be on TV.
That was a moment where even though I did secretly loathe her for the rest of my life till I'm dead, I will for that, I was so jealous it made my stomach hurt.
You know what I mean?
We need to get her on as a guest so we can discuss this.
I want a real Jerry Springer moment on our show.
Buy me some fucking pants.
I will forgive.
I live and let live in some fucking nice-ass bell-bottoms.
I can't afford them anymore.
Hell no.
And I don't have time.
I was trying to learn how to fucking sew better because I know how, but not good.
Not jeans level.
I make stretchy bell-bottoms, kind of, when I have time, but not the good ones.
You know?
The good ones that hurt when you wear them.
Um, but yeah, that was like, uh, I will never ever forget that for the rest of my life.
And I won't really forgive either.
Um, but, but that's my beef, which I still relatively unimportant compared to her cast member.
Yes, no, absolutely.
I am forever going to crush on Donna in that 70s show.
Oh, she's totally a babe.
Totally a babe.
100.
You know those fictional characters where you're just like, I wish I could run away with you.
Kind of vibe, you know.
And they're always fictional characters, because of course they are.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, the situation with Danny Masterson, that's self-explanatory.
He's a rapist who is also a Scientologist.
Well, both things are very, very, very crucial to the story.
Yes, and kind of intertwined.
Yes!
But the bit that I haven't been keeping up with is the Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher letters that they wrote to the judge in support of Danny Masterson during the trial, and I don't know what they've said since, but I know there has been content because people have been quite rightly criticising Well, it wasn't necessarily.
I'll let you take notes.
Well, I'm gonna try.
I'm gonna, and again, like, I don't have time to, like, parse this out and take notes and stuff.
I'm so sorry.
I want to so bad, but I can't.
As I explained earlier, we're doing our dishes in the tub.
I'm busy!
So, yeah.
These things are, listen, it's all connected.
It's a circle of life.
It's so stupid.
But yeah, so I will say, Danny Masterson getting 30 years is huge, especially with like, so Scientology, part of the problem with this religion is that like, they, yeah, well, they have tax exempt status and just like the Mormons, they take this gigantic ball of money and they invest in real estate to put, like, they have some of the
So Mormons, Catholics, Scientologists, just as examples, their real estate portfolios are some of the most robust and vast in the world.
I think that's a problem.
Don't know about you.
Just in and of itself.
Issue.
So they just have gobs and gobs and gobs of money.
And when you have gobs of money, you can hire gobs of lawyers to do your bidding.
And if it was just like, listen, if the justice system was just like, well, here's this guy and there's this guy and let's just tell our stories and then whoever's right wins, blah, blah, blah.
That's not how it works.
And we know that.
And so, and even just like how long this stuff has been playing out, Um, it hasn't taken as long as I kind of thought it would.
I figured they could be able to extend it further, which they being Scientology's legal teams, just armies of lawyers.
Exactly.
I feel like in corporate, it's different.
This is criminal.
It's not as easy to, um, to draw out because there is like kind of imperative, but if it were in civil court, we would still be in the middle of it.
We'd still be in the muck.
So, the way that basically, like I just, I haven't looked into, honestly I haven't been able to stomach it yet, like looking into the accusations of why he got 30 years.
That is fucking extreme.
Remember how I said that my friend almost got murdered and uh...
This guy got seven, and they took attempted murder off the table?
That's how shit goes.
Not always, but often.
30 for this is a lot.
And no one died?
No one died, right, yeah.
Let alone for a Scientologist, and let alone for a Z-list celebrity Scientologist.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm waiting a little bit so that the dust settles, so it can all make a little bit of sense.
Again, I try to reserve judgment until I can get the facts.
And I can trust the facts.
It's not speculative.
So I want to know what's going on more so than speculation, which most of the coverage close to a trial, you're going to get speculation and conjecture.
And it might end up being right, but you just never know.
And also, it's a hideous thing to look into.
I do want to know what's going on, but I'm not racing to figure this out.
So It's just shocking.
Like, 30 years is shocking.
I can't think of any person that's just- I mean, like, the circumstances have to be hideous.
Extreme, yeah.
Hideous.
Which happens, and it's terrible.
But the Ashton Kutcher- I really don't know why Ashton Kutcher popped his head up how he did.
The thing is, it wasn't necessarily during the trial itself.
They weren't character witnesses.
They were writing letters regarding sentencing, not the trial itself.
Oh, so it's to be lenient in sentencing?
Yes.
Huh.
Okay.
I know!
The way that they wrote the letters, maybe they misunderstood.
I don't know why they would've.
But they did, or they didn't, and they just said what they wanted to say.
First of all, they didn't have to do any of this.
They didn't have to do any of it.
It did not really have an effect on what happened, as far as the sentencing goes.
But they wrote, like, talking about how he has a daughter, which is why you should keep him in jail to protect his daughter from him and anyone he knows that is like him.
You know, like, they were basically, like, issuing character references when it was just about sentencing.
So there was a lot of minimizing, victim blaming, all of that stuff, like, in the letters.
Now, What?
And so, I don't know if he's... I assume that he still is, but Ashton Kutcher is a Scientologist as well.
I don't think Lela Kunis is.
Can you look it up and check?
Yeah.
Because, at least he was, I don't know if he still is.
There's actually a really excellent, and I'll link it in the show notes, and I promise I'll actually do it.
There was a really great episode... Yeah.
In 2005, he expressed curiosity, but clarified that he didn't adhere to any organized religion.
Scientology are workbooks about aliens, so... Yeah, don't even get me started.
There are lots of people asking the question now as to whether the two are Scientologists.
There's also, does Scientology have blackmail material on them?
Well, most of the blackmail material is even fake.
It's just, like, it's, you know.
Ashton has never publicly identified as a Scientologist, so I'm gonna go with no on the face of it.
But that doesn't necessarily mean that he's not just a quiet one, but you can't, but we can't guarantee either way.
Right.
Okay.
Well, so then this is even weirder.
Yeah.
And, and again, this is like, and I'm, I'm, I'm recounting what Mike told me and I'm trying to, I'll try to get it out fast, but basically, um, good luck me.
Um, so Ashton Kutcher was dating a gal.
She's either a model or, um, an actress.
And it was a number of years ago, like a while ago.
I think it was before he was dating Demi Moore, which, oh, that's what I was gonna say.
So Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, whenever they were together, started an anti-trafficking foundation.
Oh, okay.
So his, like, bugbear has been exploitation, child trafficking, whatever, you know, QAnon shit.
Which, like, those are real problems.
Maybe Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher don't need to actually do it because, and it's been coming up because of the Sound of Freedom documentary and that other fucking grifter that's never saved anyone and is, like, whip me people into a fucking froth about like QAnon adjacent conspiracy theories about like child trafficking which like oh my god of course it happens but the fact that they say it in a different way and they like raise all this money and don't actually do the thing with it that's a problem there's an episode of I want to get the name of the podcast right there's an episode that I listened to today of there are no girls on the internet or there's no black girls on the internet gimme gimme gimme let me see um
One second, uh, she's got a pink and purple icon that I'm looking for.
Why?
Oh my god.
Fine.
You dick.
Um.
Stupid.
So this... Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
It's okay.
There are no girls in the internet.
Ha!
There it is.
So this foundation, is it still going?
The Kutcher Moore Foundation?
So the organization that is connected with the Demi Moore, and I don't remember, I think the Ashton Kutcher basically like Took it over.
Um, they were using, like, basically it was one of the... oh man, okay, you know what?
I...
So the episode came out yesterday, 15 minutes long.
Ashton Kutcher and the anti-trafficking grift on the podcast, um, there are no girls on the internet.
Bridget Todd, she does an amazing job kind of like outlining a specific grift that like the sound of freedom guy is getting accused of now.
Oh, but Ashton Kutcher was the OG.
He was on it like back in the day, basically.
Thorn, I believe, is the organization that was sponsoring and pushing like facial recognition software, you know, the notoriously unreliable racist technology, and they were using that and then like inflating numbers because basically they were using They were like scraping data and saying they were saving people who were trafficked but they didn't differentiate between anyone that was in danger that was or just like consensual sex work and they were integral yeah in getting like
You know, back page taken down, what's it called?
Festa?
Sesta?
Fosta Sesta?
Sesta Fosta?
Oh my God.
The legislation basically that like shut down any like back page and the personal section of Craigslist that were much safer places for sex workers to ply their trade and share information and protect each other from predators.
And so it's all bad.
So, I think before that, Ashton Kutcher, okay, was gonna go to this party thing, take this gal, who's a model or actress, I don't remember her name.
So, he goes to pick her up to go to this party.
Walks in the door, she has been mirrored.
Oh.
Big, bloody, terrible, Offing of a human being.
Big O. Yeah.
Buckle in.
He goes back to his car, doesn't call the police, is on the phone for like over an hour with Danny Masterson, Scientologist, like basically calling his manager, all that kind of stuff.
I don't even know if it was his manager, but I know that Scientologists were involved.
Asking them what to do.
And they're like, just go to the party, they'll find her body, pretend that it didn't happen.
Which is exactly what he did.
I'm giving you the truncated, simple version, right?
Okay.
Yeah.
So... Bad advice, but okay.
Never call the cops, nothing.
But they knew where he was, so when he was, like, He was questioned by the cops and lied and lied and lied.
Never, like, because basically, since he was the one to discover her body, they would have had a timeline.
They would have had, um, I don't know if there's any kind of cleanup or like whatever, but they knew he was there.
And so since he, like, since he was Encouraged to or whatever lied to the cops about where he was what time any that interaction she was murdered by a serial killer.
And because he lied to the cops they could have caught the serial killer.
Or at least had been much further along in the investigation.
We don't really, obviously, you can't prove a negative, but they would have had, like, can you imagine?
Being a detective, an investigator, that is trying to solve murders of women in the Los Angeles area, and you know there's a serial killer out there, and you are desperate for leads or anything, and the fucking dipshit from Dude Where's My Car could give you the information to solve this potentially, or even get closer to solving this crime, and he just gets to lie.
And he does lie.
So then the serial killer, I think, um, one more time.
Also, if Ashton Kutcher would have called immediately, who knows what would have happened?
Like, he should have just called the cops.
This is the bit where he loses me.
I'm like, I don't understand why you then call a bunch of people and be like, what do I do?
Well, you found a dead body.
Someone who's obviously been murdered.
You call the police.
Yeah.
That's, that's whose job it is to, you know, Why wouldn't you call the police?
Why even leave the question?
I'm not gonna speculate on that, because it could very easily... I mean, how old was he?
Do we know?
I don't care.
I don't care!
I just...
There is, it's not forgivable, but there is a portion of behavior that would suggest to me... Were you taught to call 999 as a kid?
I was taught to call 911.
Yes, no, no, no, absolutely, but I could understand, especially as he's not the brightest fucking bulb either.
He's not as dumb as the characters he He plays, but he's also not terribly bright.
I could imagine young, dumb Ashton Kutcher in the moment being like, oh shit, am I going to suddenly be blamed for this?
Am I going to lose all my career?
I could understand that question ringing in his head for a second.
That still doesn't then excuse any of the things, but it could explain his behavior.
Definitely not an excuse.
No.
Another woman was murdered, and a third attempt was made, and that person was caught.
Finally.
And here's the thing, I didn't, again, I'm like, this is the most basic bare bones overview.
I don't have answers for everything.
Because honestly, it was like the first like, Mike was like, uh holy shit I woke up before you I read this crazy thing and told me about it and it is fucking shocking like I don't need to know more but like this is the person that's like writing a fucking that's the thing is yeah no of course like the implications are not that he murdered like I'm not saying that but like but
You're gonna be like this big anti-trafficking guy even though your organization is not doing anything and only actually helps set the legislation in motion to make The world more dangerous for sex workers and it doesn't fix it doesn't actually stop child trafficking at all none of that legislation none of it did a fucking thing I do feel like the whole you know
The whole murder thing should play a larger part in the narrative about Ashton Kutcher.
No shit!
I've never heard that story in however many years.
This would have been before he took over on Two and a Half Men and all of that shit, wouldn't it?
This would have been a long time before that.
So yeah, interesting.
It's fucked up!
So, in terms of the letters that him and Mila Kunis sent to this judge, obviously there's been a significant public backlash.
Good.
I know they've responded to said backlash.
Do you know what they've said?
No, you said there was a video that they posted.
I thought they put out videos, is what I thought.
Hang on.
Yeah, let's see.
I know, it's a fucking crazy- it's crazy and I'm not- I'm- I'm- I asked Mike for the link and Mike's busy.
And also the new, uh, so Mike's print shop moved within their building.
And this may seem minor, but it is completely heartbreaking for my partner.
And I feel like people can relate.
He's in like a cell dead zone.
He can't get wifi and he can't get cell service.
I know, I know, I know.
It's the worst.
The worst.
And like he's gotta do just like menial tasks like by himself all day and like...
It sucks.
It's awful.
Yeah.
So, like, if I ask him for a link, then I, you know... Also, like, it depends on the job that he's got to do, depending on where in the print shop, because there's a number of tasks that, like, you have to wait two minutes for a thing to finish doing a thing.
And let me tell you, he can get some research done in two-minute increments.
Or post really funny stories.
Either way.
There's an art form to having to download things to your phone first.
He's gonna have to download all the podcasts he can to his phone.
Well that's the best that he can do but like if there's something new during the day or if there's a reference like he just has to wait and that's like it's yeah it's tough so but yeah he found that story and it's just from the way that he recounted it to me and this may be yeah I don't know I don't know about the veracity of the claim but I do think it's fucking insane that like he basically let a serial killer go.
That is...
There is a video.
So I'm first gonna, I'll read from the Vanity Fair article I'm looking at.
Yeah.
Because, so Danny Marston was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison following his conviction on two rape counts in LA.
Two!
Two.
Two!
Yeah, several, hang on, let me open the, an actor and Scientologist had been convicted of raping two women in the early 2000s.
Yeah.
Three women had accused him of raping them at his Hollywood Hills home between 2001 and 2003, a period that overlapped with the height of his acting fame.
Yeah, there is... He's also sober, which... Worse!
Yeah.
Not to blame anything, but I feel like, because he was sober, but like a Cosby, anyone around him didn't stay sober for long.
Yeah, it's mysterious, that.
So, several of his That 70s Show castmates, including Deborah Jo Rupp and Kurtwood Smith, wrote letters to the judge they hoped would affect sentencing.
The letters were first published... In them, Kutcher refers to Masterson as a role model and extraordinarily honest, adding, he is among few people that I would trust to be alone with my son and daughter, whom he shares with Kunis.
Kunis's letter notes Masterson's exceptional character and tremendous positive influence on her.
Yeah, so they have since posted a video.
So I'm going to share the screen so that we can take a little lookie at the video.
And hey, well, look, we've turned into a react video.
That's what we're doing now.
We are aware of the pain that has been caused by the character letters that we wrote on behalf of Danny Masterson.
We support victims.
I fucking don't!
We have done this historically through our work and will continue to do so in the future.
A couple months ago, Danny's family reached out to us and they asked us to write character letters.
Okay.
To represent the person that we knew for 25 years.
So that the judge could take that into full consideration relative to the sentencing.
The letters were not written to question the legitimacy of the judicial system or the validity of the jury's ruling.
They were intended for the judge to read and not to undermine the testimony of the victims or re-traumatize them in any way.
Pin in that.
And we're sorry if that has taken place.
Our heart goes out to every single person who's ever been a victim of sexual assault, sexual abuse, or rape.
That's it.
Okay.
Okay.
So, they did make a big fucking stink about the- There he is!
We had a Mike sighting.
Yeah.
Oh no, he's fine.
He was there.
He's that way.
He's there now.
Yeah, Mike just showed up with pizza.
Right?
So, yeah, I looked over and was like, ah!
That's why.
Right? So, yeah, I looked over and was like, "Ah, that's why." And so,
folks have made a big stink about the letters being public.
I'm sorry.
Are you a grown-up?
Do you have, like, a grown-up understands that, like, The people, we pay for the judicial system.
It is supposed to be transparent.
And it is crazy to see how different countries handle it.
Things that are supposed to affect a judge's ruling should be public!
Absolutely.
Very simple.
It's very interesting to me, and I do feel like Netflix has a variety of documentaries.
Some of them are kind of hard to follow because the translation is shit.
You can tell it's shitty, but the way that judicial systems will decide how to protect Victims and to, like, what should be anonymous.
I am a little fascinated by that.
I don't want to just, like, go off and assume everyone is, like, that the American judicial system is the way to do it and the way we do it everywhere.
Because even between the UK versus the US, it's totally different, which I learned from them.
Maddie, the Madeleine McCann documentary is like, oh wow, this is totally different from America.
It's really fascinating to learn just the different approaches.
Oh, we can't.
I'm just, I'm using that as a, like, it is, I am really thankful for documentaries like that explaining aspects of judicial systems that are not American because we are so myopic in this country and I hate it and it's hard to get out of that mindset, right?
So I'm not even going to say everything has to be out in the open all the time, blah blah blah, because there's different approaches.
There's no one way to do it that's right.
But you should assume That if you are, like, you're, it's called the public record.
They read your letters into the public record.
I'm sorry, you can't tell me grown-ass adults with successful careers that you don't know that?
Do not make that excuse.
It is up to the, it's the judge's discretion, discretion, to whether or not they make those letters public.
And that should be assumed.
It's court proceedings.
It's perfectly possible that they are that dumb, but no, no one should be outraged about that side of things.
Come on, there's, you know, I don't know, that's a stretch in defense of this situation.
Oh, I agree!
I don't know why any breath has been wasted on it, but it has!
Fucking mindless!
And I do understand, I mean, he said sentencing, I don't know, you would write them months ago for sentencing, but not for the trial?
If it was, I don't know, it's weird and you can't take it back.
You said it.
So you can say all this other stuff and I don't care if they look rough, they fucking deserve it.
Like it's, this is not, you can't, even if, the thing is too, it is tricky and it does feel like a bit of a gotcha if like they didn't know any of the stuff.
that did come out in trial, which again, I'm waiting for it all to shake out.
If they didn't know anything, okay, maybe.
There's also a conversation that we are not having in this country or in general.
It's like we are talking so much about grooming and none of it is useful and none of it is real because grooming doesn't just happen to victims.
Grooming also happens to, like, there's a perpetrator, there is a predator, and just their prey, they're not the only people being groomed.
Everyone around them is being groomed as well to look the other way or to second-guess themselves.
To accept or obfuscate.
Exactly.
I'm just annoyed at this point that that's two of the main cast now of that 70s show that are pieces of shit.
Like, verifiable, I mean, you know, for Ashton and Miller, you know, they're definitely, I mean, Ashton, yeah, yeah, maybe three, to be fair.
With the murder thing, that's not great.
Well, and, like, the...
Like the Scam Trafficking Foundation?
Yeah, no, I'm curious about that.
Me too!
Yeah, I'll send you the link to the thing, and I'll post it too.
It's interesting.
Yeah, the other one is Wilma Valderrama, of course, he's a fucking groomer.
Oh, really?
Yeah, did you not know that?
No.
Yeah, Wilma Valderrama, real piece of shit.
Hang on.
No, he was a judge on Drag Race and it was really fun before all that came out, I guess.
That was a long time ago.
I'm old.
Season 8, I think?
Wilma Valderrama's dating with underage girls exposed.
Girls?
That's one headline.
Yeah, he likes younger ladies.
Yeah.
Demi Lovato wrote a song about it.
That was right.
That was right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They dated when she was 17 and he was 29.
Uh-uh.
Uh-uh.
Oof!
Not good!
Um, yeah.
So, yeah, he's... And you know...
Most podcasts are like, oh, are you young?
Get away!
Don't listen to this!
If you're a young person, and I do feel bad, I genuinely feel bad that I hate young people so much, just being around them.
I feel bad, but it's just my instinct.
We live right by a high school and an elementary school, and those kids are a piece of shit, but they're funny.
But they're little monsters.
I'm happy being around one, two, or three young people.
It's when it's a large group where I'm like, ah, fuck off.
Because we're old, and we don't like you anymore.
Because we used to be like you, and we don't like that anymore.
The thing is, it's not personal.
It's not personal at all.
It's entirely generational.
I see a teen, and I can't.
I don't want... You've got your own shit going on, and so do I!
A single teen I can deal with, two or three I can deal with, you know?
You're generous!
I can't!
I can have conversations with them, we can have a chat, we can get to know each other and all that.
I mean, if I have to.
But if you are a youth and you listen to this podcast, then...
Good!
Hi!
Stick around!
Yeah, well, but here's the thing.
I was a young, you know, female human person, and I did not understand.
I remember this stuff like it was yesterday.
I thought I was king shit of fuck mountain, right?
Like, you're 17, you're invincible, whatever.
That is one of my favorite expressions, by the way.
Peshy!
I think I'm classy.
I'm not.
It'll fly.
This is a hill person.
And so it felt offensive.
It felt like I was being personally insulted when I was a teen.
And I was like, I'm also don't quote unquote treat your kids like a grown up.
Bad idea.
See all these tattoos and how I talk?
It's not good for your mental health.
Attitude problem.
Not surprised at a rat.
A rat attack is when my brain is calm.
That's not normal.
So anyway, I'm being silly.
I did not understand Because I only had a teenage brain and you don't understand until you get older that like
Yeah, we don't have anything to talk to you about.
And we don't want to, like, pretend to be interested in what you like.
Or you don't have to pretend to like what we like.
Yeah, like, you're just a different creature.
And it's not a compatible, like, unless you're, like, family or friend, some version of family, or an educator or something, and even then, fucking watch it, like, Attraction to people that are a lot younger than you is not a normal feeling and honestly it's hard to describe in like concrete terms in a way to warn children
As an adult, I'm like, I can't explain it.
And it was explained to me, it's like, you'll get it when you're older.
Just, ugh, it's a bad idea, you'll get it when you're older.
My mom was like, Magnum P.I.
was on TV when I was young, and my mom thought Tom Selleck was a massive babe.
And I was like, ew, gross, whose dad is that?
And she's like, you'll get it.
And I do!
Yeah.
I get it now!
I love, I love a mustache.
Yes, of course.
Imprint, but at the time I was like, you know, I didn't get it.
And so, but what's terrifying and gross is the shockingly common acceptance of men liking teen girls.
And it's just not okay.
The Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher dynamic wasn't okay.
It was like hubbub and gossip.
No!
It was not right.
What would they talk about?
What would they have in common?
Fuckin', they talked about his penis in her vagina right now.
I do, I do, I do, I do.
I mean, they're both in the same industry, I guess.
I do feel like that has definitely fallen way out of favor these days compared to how it used to be.
Fuckin' hope so!
It used to be like, oh, you're with an 18-year-old, good on you.
Whereas now, if I was with an 18-year-old, Hopefully all of my friends would be like, that's fucking creepy as shit.
You know, because I am 30 and that is not, that's too young.
That's too young.
It is.
It is.
I mean, yeah.
Still legal, but too young.
Yeah.
Legal doesn't mean right or okay.
I don't know.
I mean, yeah, of course.
Like, okay.
Also, I don't know, man.
Yeah you can set ground rules you can you know there's there's a number of ways to navigate also like age gap after your brain is done developing.
Then we can talk about it.
Fine.
But your- Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But post like- But like brain development?
Yeah.
But post like- That's a problem.
25, you know.
Exactly.
After that age, do what the fuck you want.
If you can rent a car, and you're the most fascinating person on earth, so you have something to talk about with a 40 year old, okay.
Or, hey!
Get that money!
Sugar baby!
Let's do it!
If you want to go on a yacht, work it out.
I hope that you're safe.
Fucking check your six.
Because safety's gonna be an issue, potentially.
Watch it, stay grounded, continue to call your friends and family at a regular rate.
But, yeah, like, yeah, there's, of course, of course there's a wig room, of course it's like fucking different and crazy, whatever.
Well, whatever, whatever, whatever.
It does take all kinds.
People are, contain multitudes.
Life is a spectrum.
Yes, absolutely.
This is a is such a massive like the grooming of not just victims but everyone else around is not something that we take seriously or talk about enough.
The Jeffrey Epstein thing is like the the notion that like Because most of his victims were 16 or 17?
Most Americans fucking do not think that's right.
They do not take it seriously.
Still.
Today.
Like, it's nuts.
So in this country, the age of consent is 16.
So that is the way it is over here.
But that doesn't change the circumstances surrounding all of it, as well as the age gaps and all of that.
I mean, you probably can't keep sex slaves, and I bet if they're over 16 it's not okay to kidnap them.
No, that's... kidnapping's still illegal.
For now!
For now.
As you said, just because something's legal doesn't mean it's moral, right?
Just because in this country a 40-year-old legally can fuck a 16-year-old doesn't make it okay.
I don't know, Siki, what are you talking about?
Because also, like, if people are working it out and everything's healthy and cool, man, like, obviously, like, I'm not trying to tell people how to live, but I do think that, like... In that example, no.
In that example, no.
That's still not okay.
Even, like, a 16-year-old... No.
It's not.
It's not.
No.
Oh my god, absolutely not.
But yeah, it's just... The fact that All of this is from the same cast?
Like, what was in the water?
Also, what was happening to them?
That's the thing.
Toxic masculinity kind of creates this buffer, and I don't know.
I've had a lot of conversations.
People get to have, necessarily, because they're usually in tattoo shops, with very different people from me, and there's a lot of aspects of normalizing really unhealthy relationships, or even just unhealthy power dynamics.
And we aren't talking about it enough, and it's not really fucking cool that the entire force of the Church of Scientology is protecting these people.
That's terrifying.
Yeah, yeah.
I've said it before, I'll say it again.
Scientology, not great.
I think I can take the leap of saying that is the editorial position of this podcast.
Scientology, not great.
I mean, yeah.
They're a boogeyman that scares me at night, when I think about the world.
I'm still bummed that Isaac Hayes quit South Park because of Scientology.
That still upsets me.
Because also, that was a funny episode, and yeah, he quit over it.
That was a shame.
Yeah, I know.
He was loved.
That was that was he was loved his his grave marker is Buck Wilde.
It's incredible.
Well, yeah, I mean, it's in Memphis, it's across from like, it's across from it's like really cool, like weird, you know, so and during the Depression, there were just like, like wild ass like bat shit, mostly like Catholic priests that were using their, like the fun stories and their religion as an excuse to create these like, Psychedelic folk art masterpieces.
And they're like, yeah, no, it's for God or whatever.
Give me some more shells.
They're like, I need mortar.
And building shrines and grottos and stuff.
And so Isaac Hayes is right across from the Crystal Shrine Grotto in Memphis.
Not, no, something, cemetery, I don't remember the name of the cemetery.
Anyway, yeah, it's just like, it's, This like laser etched bronze like full size like a covers his entire plot and it's just like moments in his life and his you know and like in loving memory it's like it's like a montage.
But it's just like a photo collage is like laser etched bronze slab it's cool and it's honestly pretty lovely.
I'm just quick.
I would want to put Chef on my death montage.
It's a bummer!
The kind of him exiting would be why.
But I've just found an article that his son says that Isaac Hayes didn't quit South Park, that Scientology quit for him.
So when Isaac Hayes left the South Park stuff with a letter in his name, it was not by his own doing.
According to his son.
I'm still bummed that he was a Scientologist though either way.
Well, but also like, I mean, I don't know, I think that, well what's crazy is like,
He said all kinds of fucking buckwild shit on that show.
The fact that it was just about Scientology is like, well, y'all are obviously off your rocker.
If the religion was like, our religion doesn't believe in blaspheming or what, if we're following the religion rules, Those had been well broken by South Park at that point, but just because you're bitching about Scient- not even bitching, just talking about the beliefs of Scientology publicly and animating it.
Yeah, because that's what it was.
That's all it was.
I'll just read from the Billboard article.
You don't need to add to it!
It's already crazy!
Hayes' resignation came as backlash to South Park's infamous 2005 episode, Trapped in the Closet, in which Tom Cruise is depicted hiding in an actual closet, refusing to get out, and Scientology is meanwhile skewered throughout.
Yeah, and apparently Hayes was sent to ask them not to air the episode and to pull it.
Good fucking luck!
Well, they didn't tell him that it had already aired.
I think they tried to give him plausible deniability.
Fair.
Oh, man.
Yeah, but Isaac Hayes III claims that Yeah, what happened was that in January 2006, my dad had a stroke and lost the ability to speak.
He really didn't have that much comprehension and he had to relearn to play the piano and a lot of different things.
He was in no position to resign under his own knowledge.
At the time, everybody around my father was involved in Scientology, his assistants, the core group of people.
So, someone quit South Park on Isaac Hayes' behalf, we don't know who.
That's crazy.
My father was not that big of a hypocrite to be a part of a show that would constantly poke fun at African American people, Jewish people, gay people, and only quit when it comes to Scientology.
Right!
That's exactly what I said!
Yeah!
So, yeah, I mean, what sucks even more is that if that is the case, if the Sun is correct, which, I mean, sounds believable, if the Sun is correct, then, you know, that's also kind of tarnished the very end of Isaac Hayes' legacy as well by making it seem like a fucking snowflake about Scientology, which was most likely not the case in And I didn't realize that they were taking advantage of a stroke victim.
Right.
That's awful.
Well.
Fucking terrible.
So this has been Awful Brand.
Awful Off Brand.
There we go.
Oh no!
Terrible.
Terrible!
Fucking hell!
The entertainment industry!
Cheesy Pete!
But Scientology, dude!
Have you watched the Leah Romini series on Scientology?
It's fucking fascinating.
I should have taken notes on a lot of things.
I was fucking busy all day.
The podcast episode about Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's foundation, the anti-trafficking grift, scam, the way that they inflated their numbers To get funding, claiming how many children they saved, how many children were at risk.
The numbers fudging was outrageous, but it sounds exactly like what Scientology does.
Basically, they have this yearly kind of gathering.
I mean, I don't know if it's more than yearly, but it's like they're announcing all these Wonderful achievements that Scientology has done and blah blah blah when really like they'll just send a couple of like you know seawork missionary folks with some like Scientology shirts on a like pose with some you know with some flood victims and then leave.
And like those are the pictures they show Scientologists and like this is what we're doing with all your money all this good none of it is real it is all smoke and mirrors like it is really like the dissonance is insane it's so interesting and it's like and the thing is she didn't mention that.
She didn't mention that it was a Scientology movie.
She just was describing the way that they were inflating their numbers and making it sound good so they could make a lot of money.
And I'm like, oh, that sounds exactly how I've heard.
I mean, because there's also a number of Scientology exposés at this point.
I am fascinated by all And, like, and I've watched all of it, and I just, like, I mean, all the stuff about Shelley Miskiewicz, like, everything.
It's all nuts.
And it sounded exactly like how Scientology markets itself to its own members and reinforces this, like, do-gooding kind of Grift, when like they actually just own massive amounts of real estate that all just is lying fallow, like it's just rotting and empty.
How is that not a sin?
Truly.
The homelessness problem has never been worse in this country.
This place is a fucking disaster.
And churches, religious institutions can just buy up real estate.
The Mormons lied.
$130 million over what they told their parishioners they were spending On real estate or whatever.
They allocated funds clandestinely to create this real estate empire that's just a money machine.
It's nuts.
Yeah, no, it is.
And with Scientology as well, you know, I've heard so many accusations of extortion and murder.
It's like, oh, okay.
Or people, like, suicide, constantly.
It's crazy, it's terrible.
Again, you know, when kind of one person comes forward about something, like, consider it, you know, but believe and consider and, you know... Because all of what we're saying is alleged.
This is all allegedly.
Yeah.
I am reporting to you for a frivolous entertainment moment, things that I have learned about, and you should sue them, not us.
Thank you.
When a hundred people come forward saying very similar things, it's like, maybe there's something to this.
It's the pattern.
Yeah, just a suggestion.
I got pizza to eat!
Thank you for letting me fucking bum you out!
Conjured me!
Aha, and I appear!
And I am a buzzkill!
We are both buzzkills on this podcast.
And you need to go to sleep!
I do, I do.
I know.
You're a champion of great- That was our version of here's the fucking news.
Much more depressing than Russell's, it turns out.
Perhaps because ours is based in reality.
Yeah.
And also, like, if folks, truly though, like, if somebody has reliable information that isn't exploitative or crazy, let's share it.
Let's talk about it.
Because I like the Danny Masterson thing.
Like, it's crazy.
And I just, I'm, I'm, I'm, I am, Cautious.
Still, but cautious to jump to any conclusions.
All this stuff is flying around, and I want to know the straight poop.
I want to know the real deal.
I don't want to have to speculate.
I don't think that's fun.
I want to know the real thing.
So feel free to correct me about any of this if I'm wrong.
But also, Leah Romini fucking Scientology.
Yeah, it's on my list.
It's on my list.
My list is fucking three million years long at this point.
I know!
I have no time for any of it, but still!
It's like physically, humanly impossible.
Yeah, yeah, literally.
and I'm there like, "Oh, I'm well-intentioned at the very least."
The road to hell, you know, paved with good intentions.
As is the road to my never watching anything that's on my list is paved with me making a list.
Anyway.
Alrighty, so everyone, it can only go up from here now that you've finished listening to this episode.
Like I guarantee the next thing is going to be better.
Even like, the rat bashing in the backyard is a little bit fun.
At the very least... I haven't hit one, by the way!
I want everyone to know!
I'm losing!
At the very least, odds are, if you're listening to this show, to Off-Brand exclusively on our Patreon, I feel like the odds are you are not currently facing 30 years in prison for rape counts.
That's probably what's happening.
I would be shocked if Danny Masterson somehow had access to this.
Don't think it does.
If you do, Danny, fuck off.
This isn't for you.
Also, how?
Rich people in prison get to do all kinds of shit.
Danny, if you... Fuck off.
Stop listening to our show.
We don't want you.
Goodbye.
But for the rest of you, we love you.
You can stay.
You can stay, patrons.
We'll have another Off-Brand for you next week that will, I imagine, be cheerier, because it's not possible to get more depressing.
Switch it up.
That's our choice.
I might actually take notes to think about, because I didn't expect to be able to go over stuff.
Next week we're going to talk about genocides in Lauren's History Hour.
Oh, Cambodia?
Let's party!
Cambodia, the Holocaust, the Armenian Genocide, so many choices!
So many choices.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, because I'm going to bed and you're going to eat some food.
I will reserve.
We're not doing that next week either because we need... Reserve my concern about Cyprus, I promise!
I know, I'm hungry!
The pizza smells so good!
My renewed concern about Armenia.
Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
And Russel never fucking brings it up.
It really is driving me nuts that he's supposed to be a champion for this shit, has not covered it once.
