No Agenda Episode 1828 - "No Agenda Christmas 2025"
"No Agenda Christmas 2025"
Producers:
Sir Donald Winkler
Adam Curry
John C Dvorak
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This is your award-winning Give On Nation Media Assassination, episode 18, 28.
This is no agenda.
Jolly and Merry and broadcasting live from the heart of the Texas Snow Country here in FIBA region number six in the morning, everybody.
I'm Adam Curry.
And from Northern Silicon Valley, where everybody wishes you a happy Christmas.
I'm John C. Dvorak.
It's Craig Loddenburgkill in the morning.
So that seems to be a thing.
People are saying happy Christmas, like you just said.
What happened to Merry Christmas?
What's wrong with Happy Christmas?
Well, there's nothing wrong with it.
It just, it seems, it seems like not the thing.
We used to say Merry Christmas.
Then it became happy holidays.
Yeah.
So now they combine the two.
All the liberals around here are saying Merry Holidays.
No, no.
Really?
Merry holidays.
Merry holidays.
That is so wrong on so many levels.
So happy Christmas.
Merry holidays.
Well, here we are.
It is Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry holidays.
Happy Christmas.
And all that, everybody.
And we are not really here, which is a, is this the first time we haven't done it on Christmas?
Well, we don't have.
I think there's only been four Christmas shows, maybe five.
So yes, it is, as a matter of fact, we normally always do it.
You have family in town.
Yes.
And it would seem more family-friendly.
Family friendly.
Wiser.
Wiser.
Not to have, hey, you were working my whole childhood and now you're still doing it, you douchebag.
That's what I would have gotten.
And rightly so.
Yes, exactly.
So it's highly appreciated.
We do, however, on the brink, have a best of Christmas show, which Sir Donald Winkler put together for us.
You know, whenever you put out the call, this is interesting kind of in the dynamics of podcast listening.
A couple days, like maybe three days later, people are like, oh, yeah, I just heard your call out.
You know, because you expect this like, hey, I said this on Thursday.
You should be telling me on Thursday.
It just doesn't work that way.
That'll be the day.
It doesn't work that way.
So also got Professor The Professor from China.
He actually did another exit strategies part two.
So we have that one in the can because I'm sure something else will come up eventually in our life.
So we appreciate that.
Oh, yeah, he's good.
Yeah.
He did a good.
Did he do the first exit strategies?
I think he did.
I don't remember.
And so Merry Christmas, John.
Are you celebrating today?
No, of course not.
We're going to put it off.
There's a lot of good reasons for this.
What are the reasons this year?
Well, there's always the same reasons.
One, traveling during the, you know, traveling on...
The holidays, yeah.
If you're going to travel, you want to...
Why does everyone want to travel on the same day?
There's like the same thing with Thanksgiving.
Oh, the world's worst travel day.
Let's travel then.
Let's travel on that day.
There's a good idea.
When you can easily just offset it a day or two.
What's the symbolism of having the turkey on Thanksgiving as opposed to the next day or say Saturday?
And then the other thing is you can get everything on sale.
Yes.
It's just the algos are going to be looking at me for everything I do and they're going to overcharge me for everything that I buy now based on dynamic pricing.
I will be able to get everything cheaper because they're going to look, oh, this guy, he's not paying that.
He'll pay lower.
Wait a minute.
It's not dynamic pricing.
What was it called again?
Dynamics, the old one.
The old idea is dynamic.
The old one.
It was something.
Surveillance pricing.
Surveillance pricing.
There you go.
That's it.
Nailed it.
You're going to surveil me and they're going to say, wow.
So, Sir Donald Winkler put together, I would say, a rather positive show.
I know he must have searched for a long time, but he put together a very positive show, positive Christmases from No Agenda Christmas is past.
And he also put some, you know, he added in some Christmas end of show mixes, created his own with Suno, of course, so we can have some, everybody can hate on AI during this happy season.
The thing that I was listening to it because, you know, this includes stuff from way back and just multiple Christmases.
Holy cow, the cussing I do is off the hook.
It's really, it's, it's cringy.
Well, well, not as well, if you go back far enough, yeah.
Well, I don't have to go back that far.
Four years, five years.
Well, good.
I'm glad you noticed.
Everyone's so happy that you've taken over that role for me in the history.
Yes, because yes, I have.
I do it less.
But when I do it, they're always impactful, I believe.
Yes, it's super impactful.
So I'm not just, you know, the problem with people cussing is, as we know, because we listen to all these podcasts, is the gratuitous just, you know, F this, F that, F, this, F, the F and this, the F and that.
There's no impact there.
It's just a filler word.
And filler word cussing is what gets cringy.
Well, that's what you're going to hear because when you put it all together, it gets really cringy.
So here it is.
Part one.
We'll be back in about an hour or so.
Sir Donald Winkler's No Agenda Christmas special.
A Merry No Agenda Christmas.
John and Adam.
To all the producers and douchebags of Goodman Nation.
Hallelujah.
And thank you for your courage
They said they had heard the show and could not resist trying to bring me up to the real gold standard of Yorkshire instead of PG Tips.
I was tickled.
And there's a whole box apparently.
So I can't wait to get to the office, which, by the way, Monday, so I'm flying back tomorrow afternoon, Monday evening.
We have our Pod Show UK Christmas dinner.
We're not doing a huge party, but when you put staff together with spouses and some of our talent who work full-time for productions we're doing, you're talking 25, 30 people.
So, of course, Patricia and I were going to go to the party.
What do you think shows up today in my email box?
An invitation for Monday night, starting at 6 o'clock for the Led Zeppelin one-off reunion concert and party.
I'm like, oh, my fucking God, I feel so bad for the pod show people that I won't be able to make it.
You're going to have to make a showing.
No, I'm, of course, I'm going to the Christmas party.
Oh, man, I don't know.
Yeah, I know.
That Zeppelin one-off.
Of course, those guys are so gone by now.
Yeah, but it's like the Ahmed Ardega Erdogan tribute.
Well, here's his pod safe Christmas song.
All right, I'm going to give this.
So I've not, I don't think I've, I certainly don't recall seeing a YouTube video, but I have it lined up.
You may not hear it through your headphones, but okay, guys, everyone ready to sing the song?
Now, remember, it's almost Christmas, and nobody has any Pod Safe Christmas music.
So that's your motivation here.
Cece Chapman, you ready?
And Lena Noora from Jawbone.
Good to go.
And Adam Curry Skyping in from the helicopter flying somewhere above your golden palace.
You all hatched in there, Adam.
Adam.
Adam.
Yeah, I do remember this, actually.
It's real home.
All right, I'm not going to play the whole thing.
Well, that's that is pretty funny.
You got to kind of see the video because you can't understand all the lyrics and they have it on screen.
Yeah, it's been very, very cold here in the UK for the past, I think, the past two weeks, just really cold, like constantly around the freezing point, which made my Christmas shopping that much unhappier today.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I usually go Christmas shopping the night before Christmas.
Well, that's what I do too.
Last Minute Man.
Yeah, well, the funny thing is, you run into a lot of, if you go on Christmas Eve, besides the fact that they throw everything on sale, you run into, and I've done this for years, decades, you run into fellow travelers, people who are just the same, you know, they're just like you.
They go on the last day and they've been doing it for years.
And they all, you're kind of like your immediate friends with all of them, and you joke about it.
And it's like a whole different crowd of people.
It's mostly men.
And they're out, you know, shopping around.
And it's the funniest thing because it's like one of those deals where you're just like, you're pals with these people without even knowing them.
And you all know what you're up to.
So a big cultural deal in the United Kingdom on Christmas Day at 3 p.m., the Queen's speech to the country, to her, what do you call them?
Minions.
Subjects.
Subjects.
That's it.
And I think we've missed it every single year because it's not.
I think I saw it because I was up in Washington.
I think I saw it.
They think they broadcast it on Canadian news.
I'm sure they do because, of course, Canada is controlled by the Queen still.
Yeah, and it's more than just set dressing.
Witness what just happened.
Anyway, I don't want to get into that because we'll get all the Canadians pissed off again.
So I'm like, ready for this?
And so what she does is she starts off and she says, and not a smile, right?
She says, and just horrible.
It's just really cold and impersonal.
And the Brits are like, oh, we love watching the Queen's speech.
Okay, well, watch the Queen's speech.
So we're all ready.
By the way, Top of the Pops came back for a special hour and a half show before that, which was pretty cool.
Anyway, so she comes on.
She says, well, you know, what I've learned is that when I work with people who help others in these trying times, that they truly are fulfilled, that they have fulfilled lives and they truly are happy.
And then they switch to this ENG footage of her boys, you know, visiting poor kids.
And then there's Charles somewhere with African kids.
And then she's like, well, see, this is my family.
See how much they do for other people.
That's what you should do.
Merry Christmas.
And that was it.
And I'm like, it was absolutely, I was shocked.
I saw it.
That's what I said.
Yeah, they showed the kids they're always, you know, these.
Yeah, but they have no jobs.
No kidding.
It's easy for them to go around doing good when you have endless tax money to spend and no jobs.
And these are just obvious photo ops.
Yeah, and the guys probably blew in there, sat down.
Okay, took a couple shots.
Okay, let me get out of here and then they will wash up.
Yeah, so this is an uplifting Christmas adventure from the Bill de Bear Corporation.
And so they have this.
I mean, it's a beautifully done, beautifully animated three.
Is it three-part series?
Is that what it is?
I think it was supposed to be more, but the fourth one I realized was taken off, and I don't know what was on that one.
Okay.
So just listen to a little bit of what our kids are being taught here.
Actually, I'll fast forward.
So it's Santa and Mrs. Claus.
They're up at the North Pole.
And then we see the nice little polar bears, and they're having fun.
They're romping around.
And then they come up and they talk to Santa.
And here's what they have to say.
Uh-oh.
Hello there.
What fine-looking polar bears.
Pleased to meet you, Santa.
I'm Ella.
Oh, and this is my sister, Emma.
Santa, it's gone.
Gone.
It's gone.
What's gone?
Tell them, Dad.
The North Peak.
A mountain?
A mountain is gone.
How is that possible?
Santa, sir, that's why I'm here.
That's why we're here.
The ice is melting.
The North Pole is melting.
Yes, my dear.
We know.
The climate is changing.
There's bound to be a little melting.
It's worse than that, Santa.
A lot worse.
At the rate it's melting, the North Pole will be gone by Christmas.
My, my.
All of this gone by next Christmas?
I don't think so.
No, sir.
Not next Christmas.
This Christmas.
Oh, there'll be no more Christmas.
Oh, Mommy, Daddy, quick.
You have to stop putting carbon in the air.
Santa's gonna be doing Christmas.
This is this is fucking.
This outrages me.
It just outrages me.
It's pretty over the top.
No, this is, I don't know if it's the same one, but this guy, I don't think I've ever seen.
Well, maybe.
But anyway, he made this interesting commentary.
And he's a contrarian entrepreneurial type that predicted the crash and the rest of it like everybody else.
I just want to read this.
He's talking about how can we get our, you know, get the economy going again.
He says, we spend the money at Walmart just for Christmas.
If we spend the money at Walmart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline, it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer, it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will go to Germany.
If we purchase useless crap, it will go to Taiwan, and none of it will help the American economy.
The only way to help the money at home, the only way that the money here at home to keep the money here at home, geez, the only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes and beer, since they're the only products still made in the U.S.
I have to do my part, he said.
Well, can we just add noagendashow.com to that or dvorak.org slash N-A?
Yeah, then we should send him a note that he left this out.
Merry time.
Have a Merry Christmas, my friend.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
John my battery died have a merry Christmas my friend Merry Christmas everyone So anyway, John, Merry Christmas to you, man.
Merry Christmas to you.
Thank you so much for your beautiful gift.
Oh, you like that?
Liked it very much.
You know, it's going to determine the entire interior of our house.
Everything now has to be red.
I figured it'd be a couple of spot pieces of spot art you could put up somewhere next to each other.
John gave us two beautiful pictures that he took himself.
These are all tulips, I believe, John.
Yeah, apparently, yes.
I'm not a photographer of flowers normally, but these are from the reason I gave them to you because it reminds you of Holland because these were taken in Holland at the Tulip Festival, which I went to last year during my stint at Queens Day.
Yes.
And, you know, it's one of those things that everybody in Holland, I guess, talks about.
Oh, yeah, the Tulip Festival, the Tulip.
You go to this thing.
It's for people out there who want to know about it.
It's actually worth going to.
And, of course, everybody in Holland feels this way, too.
It's actually worth going to once.
Yeah.
I think I went to it in 1973.
One of our producers, Clark, sent this note.
I thought this would be a nice Christmas Diddy.
Last Christmas, I bought Obama t-shirts for my in-laws, who are Democrats, but are also racists.
Nice.
We sent them back to Texas from D.C.
And when they came to visit a few months later, they brought this one back.
Let me do the photo.
They probably turned the other one into a hood.
The next time it came back, just the logo came back cut out.
Of course, being the fine son-in-law that I am, I knew we would have to come up with something and send it back.
My brilliant wife then had the idea to turn it into a pillow and, here's the kicker, have my six-year-old daughter do the sewing.
This way, the pillow is a gift from their granddaughter and her very first sewing project, and they will have to keep it.
Yeah, work on something else.
I'm going to depress the listeners.
They're going to, what is this?
These guys are crazy.
I got to tell you, so we had a great Christmas yesterday.
Merry Christmas to you, John, by the way.
Merry Christmas to you and to all the ships at sea and the boots on the ground.
But we watched, as one does, you watch some Christmas movies, and Scrooge was on with Bill Murray, which I think is one of my favorite Christmas movies.
I love that film yesterday.
From 1988.
And if you haven't seen it, I encourage you to at least watch the beginning because there's something, I noticed something very funny.
And again, this is 1988.
Bill Murray is the president.
He's a top executive of a television network, the IBC television network.
And he's a total dick.
He's the most horrible.
I mean, he's very true to form a television executive, actually.
And it starts off with doing this big live extravaganza on Christmas Eve, which is the Christmas Carol, the Charles Dickens story.
And so they're in the executive suite and they're looking at the promo for this extravaganza.
And so, you know, they've got a nice little promo and it looks kind of good.
And apparently the promo is performing quite well.
But then Bill Murray, as the president of this network, freaks out and says, you know, this is not, you need to scare people that if they miss watching this show, they will, you know, their lives will be over.
And then he rolls out a promo and it's the funniest thing.
I mean, it could have been any promo for any news, cable news network today.
And of course, in 1988, it was outrageous that the promo literally, you know, you see an airplane taking off and the voiceover says, this special is so terrifying.
And you see the airplane explode in midair and the voiceover literally says terrorism.
And then it's like, you know, drugs.
And you see the needle going in the arm.
It's exactly like what CNN, Fox, and MSNBC are today.
Only in 88 that was seen as an outrageous, crazy thing.
It could never happen.
That's crazy.
That's crazy.
That's just fiction.
It's just a movie.
And now we're living it.
Just wow.
Well, you know, gives us something to talk about.
Yeah, but you know, it's just like, wow.
I was.
I should have made a clip.
Yeah, I should have.
My impression kind of sucked.
More pleasant now that Christmas is coming.
Oh, check out the TSA Carolers at LAX.
This is great.
Listen to the report from the compromised ABC News.
This is like so clearly.
It's like, all right, here's the Ministry of Truth speaking.
Please make these guys look human.
And just listen to this report.
It's outstanding.
It's a bunch of TSA jabronis standing in the departure hall with like a keyboard.
There's a lot of stress.
So when our singers start singing, maybe you'll get a smile.
Maybe someone will just relieve a little bit of the stress.
He was made of so much a children know how he came to life one day.
Hey!
That we do, I think, to show a different face for the you know of the TSA, more human side.
Rudolph, the left nose race.
And they're all in their uniforms, and they got a couple of guys who think they can sing.
You know, those people who then go into syncopic.
I work with one had a very shiny nose.
The TSA people who have been so bad mouth being everybody together, everybody in the Christmas spirit.
But then one monkey.
Here he is.
Here's the guy who's doing syncopic, like, you know, kind of kind of like swing through it all.
Christmas Eve, Saturday to say.
Wait a minute, American Airlines flights leaving at 1205 to Miami, Denver, Chicago, San Francisco.
Here to stay.
And let's wind it up.
What do you think, sir?
Go, TSA.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, we love it.
Go, TSA.
You're awesome.
Unbelievable.
It reminds you of the Brown Shirt Chorus of 1938.
I don't know if you're making a joke, but it wouldn't surprise me if it actually existed.
Do you know who the president is of the United States of Europe, John?
Well, isn't it the same guy?
The dish rag guy?
The what?
The dish rag guy.
The dish rag guy?
Yeah.
Yeah, you got to know his name.
Rumpoy.
Yeah, exactly.
Herman van Rompuy.
He decided to leave us all with it.
Well, you know what he does for a hobby?
Yeah, he's a poet.
He's a haiku idiot.
Haiku, that's right.
He wrote us a little haiku.
Oh, I want to hear it.
Well, unfortunately, it's in he did it in Dutch/slash French.
Oh, that sucks.
But it's only three lines, so I can translate it back to translate.
Let's listen to it.
Mag ik het met een haiku zeggen?
Stilte en vreugde.
Silence and happiness.
Van kerstmis tot het nieuwe jaar.
From Christmas to the new year.
Hopen ock up hope.
We're hoping for hope.
We're hoping for hope, yes.
Silence?
What's the silence?
Did you tell everyone to shut up?
What's the point of it?
Let's do it again.
Mag ik het met een haiku zeggen?
Een haiku.
Stilte en vreugde.
Silence and happiness.
Silence and joy.
Silence and happiness.
Yeah, if you shut up, you'll be happy.
Shut up, you'll be happy.
Oh, it's code from Christmas to the new year.
So you got to be shut up.
You've got to shut up and be happy between Christmas and the new year.
That's weird.
See a week.
I don't know.
I'm just saying.
That's what he's telling us to do.
And then the payoff.
Hopen Ok op hope.
Also, hoping for hope.
What does that even mean?
I have no idea what hoping for hope means.
But that's what he's saying.
That's literally what he's saying.
Bob Hope fan.
Hoping for hope.
I received in the mail a piggy bank emboldened with the CIA logo from the CIA gift shop.
Oh.
From one of our nights in the Virginia area.
This thing is outrageous.
And there was a 20 inside, along with the microphone in the snow.
That's all the good CIA stuff.
I have to beg, and then somebody finally throws, you know, okay, well, here's one for you.
It's like you look at this thing.
It's like, wow, that's just weird.
It's a piggy bank with a CIA logo.
What else do they sell in this shop?
We've got to go visit the shop with a camera.
And it's all made in China.
Yeah.
That's the best part of it.
No, I tweeted it.
Yeah, heaven forbid we make a piece of pottery in the United States.
And do you guys read The Night Before Christmas at your house by any chance?
No.
Well, this is not like an uncommon thing in America.
We have The Night Before Christmas.
You've never heard of it.
You've never heard of The Night Before Christmas.
No, I've heard of The Night Before Christmas.
I've never heard of any bunch of cornballs sitting around the candlelight reading it.
Yeah, this is very normal.
This is very abnormal.
Yeah, but The Night Before Christmas is, of course, a book about, you know, the children were all tucked in their beds and snuggled with care, whatever, you know, with dreams that St. Nicholas soon would be there to give us all kinds of goodies and crap.
So the whole story is about getting stuff.
You know, it's a sweet story, but it's about getting stuff.
And I had never, so there's a story that this family does, but apparently a lot of families read this particular story.
And it comes from Sweden.
I had never heard of it before.
It's a very long story.
It's not like, you know, in America, we're good.
You know, we get commercial to the point, short, you know, a couple of pictures.
You're done.
Open up your gift before you go to bed.
Now, this is the little troll.
Have you ever heard of this story?
This about the little troll that wanted to become a human being?
It's about Obama?
Hey!
No.
It's the little troll who wanted to become a human being and discovered that the way to become a human was to help other people.
And he helps this little girl.
and then his life changes, and he eventually becomes...
It's kind of a mixture between The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and Pinocchio, in a way, in a weird way, only with trolls.
And it was just...
There's trolls and...
Does he finally get on Twitter?
It was really nice, John.
I have to say, it was kind of a non-bring a tear to your eyes.
That's the most important thing.
It did.
It did bring a tear to my eyes.
Yeah, I have to say.
It did bring a tear to my eye.
What is that wrong?
Is that so wrong?
Yeah, I guess so.
It is just like the crunch of boots on, of Jack Boots on Jack Boots on Fresh Snow.
That's actually uncanny.
That's pretty, that's uncanny sounding, actually.
Let's do a little skit.
Okay.
Twas the night before Christmas.
Wait a minute, wait, until I get to the mouse part.
Cue the marching soldiers.
Hold on.
Twas the night before Christmas.
Let me do it back up.
Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
However, the brown shirts were out.
God.
Yes, that is the ghost of Christmas Future, ladies and gentlemen.
Played by John C. Dvorak.
All right, Johnny Boy, what are you doing for the 25th?
That's Wednesday.
I'm heading up north, and I'll be up there.
That's nice.
So you'll be up there for Thursday show?
Yes, I will on Sundays, too.
Oh, okay, nice.
Well, that's good.
You'd be hanging out with the family.
And we'll see.
Hopefully, the connection will be as good as this.
And I'll be doing my work from up there.
Okay, I'm here with the girls.
All three girls.
Ms. Mickey.
We have Miss Christina and we have Miss Rihanna.
So I've got the girls here.
We're doing an old school family Christmas and a big meet the kids drink thing tonight.
Everyone's dropping by.
So we're really festive.
Sounds like it's festive time for all.
Yeah.
Yeah, it is really nice.
I miss the kids so much.
You know what it's like when you have young kids around?
Like you got JC and his wife.
Wife?
Hello?
It's nice when the young kids are hanging around.
You learn a lot.
Yeah, you just have to grumble about.
I learned a lot, really a lot.
Yeah, you tend to learn quite a bit.
Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
It's Thursday, December 24th, 2015.
Time once again for your Get Monation Media Assassination episode 784.
This is No Agenda.
Celebrating a man with a white beard sealing camels and broadcasting live from the capital of the drone star state here in FIBA Region 6, Austin Tejas.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
And from Northern Silicon Valley, where it's actually been raining for a couple of days, and I guess we need it.
I'm John C. Dvorak.
It's Crack Bottom Booskill in the morning.
Woo!
Merry Christmas, John.
Merry Christmas to you, and Merry Christmas to all the listeners.
And producers, too.
And producers and the family of No Agenda, the No Agenda family, the Knights and the Dames.
Yeah.
And the behind the scenes.
Oh, yeah.
Everybody.
Oh, my goodness.
We're getting good spam in the chat room.
I apparently suck roosters.
Why?
I don't know.
Because we promote Trump and Putin.
We promote Trump and Putin.
Trump and Putin.
I think today.
The Trump and Putin show.
I'm Adam Trump.
I'm John Putin.
Putin.
I think we need a beer.
It is in most parts still Christmas Eve.
You still have some time for some shopping.
Pot appears to be a popular stocking stuffer this year in Seattle.
An employee at the pot shop in Fremont tells MyNorthwest that sales in the past two days are the best that they've been since the store has opened.
He also said one of the most popular gifts is a comically large joint that sells for $80.
This is what I want.
I finally know what I want for Christmas.
I want the comically large joint that sells for $80.
Yes.
Yes.
Oh, Santa.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, I'll tell you about my Christmas presents.
Okay.
I received a lot of alcoholic-related presents, alcohol-related presents.
That's a hint.
Now that I think about it.
Hi, I'm David Hasselov.
Yeah.
I got a whole bunch of cool stuff I got.
Tina brought her girls over here on Christmas Eve after the show.
So we had a little, almost like a family celebration.
Did you have a tree?
Yeah.
Is it a real tree?
It's a real tree.
Yeah.
Well, get it out of there.
Those things are flammable.
I do not park the hoverboard under the tree.
That would be something.
I wonder how many, this hasn't been before yet, but there's got to be a few hoverboards that were parked under trees, caught on fire, caught the house on fire, burned the place to the ground.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm sure.
I'm so sure.
Merry Christmas.
The PBS News Hour has this musical thing.
They bring some musical guy on and he tells us a story about how this song came to be or something like that.
And this is kind of the backstory of the song White Christmas, which I had no idea was actually a parody.
It was a joke tune.
Why we think he's going to live a lot longer than 18 years.
And lose his hat.
Next for this holiday season, a new way to look at a classic song, Bing Crosby's White Christmas.
It's the best-selling single of all time with more than 50 million copies sold.
Jeffrey Brown recently sat down with composer and pianist Rob Capolo, who deconstructs music for the news hour from time to time.
Rob Capolo, welcome back.
So nice to be here.
All right, so White Christmas, a touching, beautiful, nostalgic song, but started life very differently as a kind of parody.
Yeah, you know, we now think of it as a perfect sentimental depiction of Christmas is past.
But in fact, it originally started with a verse that no one sings anymore and that Berlin actually eliminated from the song that sets the song in Beverly Hills, LA.
It actually started, the sun is shining, the grass is green, the orange and palm trees sway.
And it's actually sung by somebody in Beverly Hills around a pool dreaming of Christmas up north.
So originally, it was a send-up of the very song that it's become.
Said in Beverly Hills, but of course came to be known and came to touch so many people because of the historical moment.
1942, Americans military personnel far away for the first time.
Oh, John.
You've ruined the movie for me now.
Completely ruined.
I don't think I can ever watch it again.
Feeling good.
You know, now you know.
The more you know, the more you get spoiled.
Crazy, believe me.
And of course, now we basically have Christmas in the lowlands.
They probably got Santa Claus walking around too.
Well, you know, the funniest thing with you and you're discussing that sort of thing is if you go down to Rio in December and you're floating around Brazil, which is the middle, this is like the hottest time of the year.
It is boiling.
It's like 100 degrees.
And there's all these Santa Clauses with the reindeer and the that is kind of like Los Angeles is weird that way too.
And it turns out we're in one of those streets where we have two neighbors at war with the light stuff.
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
That's great.
We saw it happen.
We saw, because of course this is our first Christmas here and we saw one side like, wow, this guy's got some lights going.
And then on the other side.
And now I said to Mickey, yes, he said, I think our house is perfect for, I think we can do a sleigh and it went reindeer on the roof.
And oh, Mickey says I'm totally fucking up the sink story.
Well, what am I doing wrong?
She just texted me.
She's listening?
Yeah, of course she's listening.
She's in the car.
She's on the way to a meeting.
A meeting?
Yeah.
Sunday, for God's sake.
She works hard, man.
But, all right, so I guess I took all the romance out of the story.
Well, you could add, we could tell a story next week when we get closer to Chris.
Or I guess it'd be farther away from December 2nd, which is, I guess, when or the third or the fifth.
Well, I don't know.
No, the fifth.
The fifth.
And then I don't know, man.
I'm from America.
We always thought it was weird.
And by the way, this Sinter Klaas, he also wears like a red robe.
He's got a robe?
Oh, yeah, Peto.
Hey, kids.
He's got a pointy hat and he's got a big stick, a big staff.
I got a stick for you.
I got a big staff for you, kids.
But he's very thin.
He's not fat like Santa Claus.
He's a skinny guy.
That's more like it.
He has pant legs taped to just the bottom of some short pants taped to his legs.
But it's cute.
So actually, and so what the family tradition is, and this is kind of nice, is you all draw, so the big family comes together, usually not just household family, and then you'll draw lots before, like a couple weeks before, you'll draw a name out of the hat, and then you get the name on a piece of paper, and then you have to go buy something for that person and turn it into a surprise with the poem, which is about that person.
But you don't ever really say, oh, this is from me.
So you basically.
Yeah, this is what you do.
This is an office.
This has been transposed into an American tradition of doing that in the office where they don't want everybody buying everybody else gifts when you do this grab bag.
Very, very good.
And somebody invariably gets a box of candies that they don't want.
Well, the funny thing is, there's always some joker who puts together a huge box, right?
And then you get this huge box as a present, and then you have to go through like wood chips and box after box molasses and all kinds of weird crap in there.
It's hilarious.
And then at the bottom, there's like a gift certificate.
But I'm sure all the listeners in Gitmo Nation Lowlands are very disappointed with my explanation.
Now, did you do Disneyland the first day or the second day?
We did Disneyland on Christmas.
You should do it in order.
Talk about Christmas first.
Let's see.
What do we do first?
First went to dinner, I think, at a cafeteria.
Well, not that.
Okay, we go to Disneyland.
We leave early.
I have to say this.
I've never seen anything quite like this.
And we were stunned, I say, by the freeway traffic on Christmas.
It was like, it's like the world had ended and nobody was out.
They were all gone.
They all left the area.
I have never seen traffic like this.
There was nobody on the roads.
And apparently what was going on was they were already at or going to Disneyland.
I talked to one of the police guys as we went into Disneyland, which was all dolled up for Christmas.
And in fact, they rewrote a number of the rides and the storylines in the rides themselves for Christmas.
I'm under the impression that from Halloween until New Year's, for example, the haunted house ride.
Yeah.
Totally different ride.
If you haven't been on the Haunted House ride, I've been on the Haunted House Ride at Halloween.
Okay.
Yes, it is different.
Totally different ride.
And the one that's a real head scratcher, even though some people didn't want to go on it, but we did.
At least half of the family did.
Is the Fairy Dirt Land ride?
Which is also known as It's a Small World.
Oh, yeah.
It's a small world after all.
That song is just now part of a medley of tunes for the Christmas period, which is mostly jingle bells, jingle bells, and all the rest of these Christmas.
All this low end, and they've changed everything in size.
Like, what happened?
And so that was interesting.
And they've also lengthened the ride.
I took a movie of it, of the entire ride.
Wow, there's some copyright violations somewhere.
Oh, there's a ton.
It's all copyright violations.
I'll post it and they'll let it be taken down.
And it's 16 minutes.
Wow, that was pretty long.
That's pretty long.
They've lengthened the ride, it seems.
And, of course, it was also bumping into, it was loaded with traffic was in the little boats are bashing into each other constantly.
Same thing with Pirates of the Caribbean, although they didn't change the storyline.
They put Christmas gifts everywhere.
And also the African ride where you go through Africa in a boat that totally changed it.
They got the elephants and everything are in Santa suits and they got crap hanging off of them.
It's ridiculous.
Were any of the Dvoraks high when you went there?
Because I would suggest it would have been a good idea.
Yeah, if you had me out there, I would have arranged it.
Now, the thing is, is that I was told by one of the police security guys, because we chatted with him, or waiting for people, and he says, oh, Christmas is the most crowded period ever.
Every year, it's the same.
He says, do not leave the park.
He says, if you leave the park, you'll never get back in because every year the fire marshal shuts it down.
Oh, okay.
No more people are allowed in.
Good tip.
And so they, so we stayed in there and watched all the way to the fireworks and then we left.
What's the name of Jingle Bells?
Yeah, Jingle Bells.
What's it got to do with anything that has anything to do with slavery or blacks?
A Boston University theater professor claims the Christmas Carol has a problematic history because it was originally performed to make fun of African Americans.
In what way?
Let me see.
The legacy of Jingle Bells is one where its blackface and racist origins have been subtly and systematically removed from its history, says Kiana Hamill, Boston University theater historian.
And she wrote a whole research paper about it.
Although one horse open sleigh, let me see.
I don't know, man.
It's a stretch, I think.
Just a tad bit of a stretch.
It was first performed down Washington Street in Boston in 1857.
Some area choirs adopted it as part of their repertoire in this 1860s and 70s.
It was featured in a variety of parlor song and college anthologies in the 1880s.
It was first recorded in 1889 on an Edison cylinder.
All right.
It says it's an unsettled question whether and when Pierpoint originally composed the song that would become known as Jingle Bells, a plaque in 19, like some guy in high school or something.
It's got, no, there's no way.
It's bull crap.
Well, she got her name in the paper.
There's a new book out just in time for Christmas.
Coming in.
This is new.
Daniel, first to you.
What inspired Santa's husband?
Well, it was sort of inspired by the annual tradition we have in this country of pretending.
Santa's husband.
Stay tuned.
You'll like it.
Okay, you're beating me up on these clips.
Well, I got lots of time in my hands.
Inspired by the annual tradition we have in this country of pretending that there's a giant war on Christmas and that traditional Christmas is under attack.
So among other things, we were reading all of the news about the Mall of America hiring a black Santa Claus last year.
And me and my now wife made a joke on Twitter that if we ever had a child, they would only know about black Santa Claus.
And if they saw a white Santa Claus at the mall, we would just explain, well, that's his husband.
And then Ashley and I knew each other from the internet and from her illustration already.
And she jumped into my Twitter mentions and said, boom, new book.
Boom, cat one.
Yeah, and it's out now available everywhere, actually.
So let me read a couple of pages here.
It says, like any married couple, they have their disagreements, but they always manage to kiss and make up, usually over a plate of milk and cookies.
So we have the gay Santa Claus.
Santa is black.
He's gay.
And he has a husband, a white husband.
A white guy.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's kind of misogynistic.
Actually, his dress is much the same.
Mrs. Claus has been wiped from history all of a sudden.
It's an outrage.
That is an outrage.
I'm surprised people put up with this.
Everyone thinks it's great.
So what are you doing for Christmas?
Are you going to Washington?
No, everybody's all spread out on Christmas, so we're having our Christmas here at the house on like the 29th or the 30th.
Oh, and what do you mean I, by the way, have been advocating this for years, which is pushing off Christmas because of one, two reasons.
One, I'm cheap.
And right after Christmas, you can go to all this boxing day and all these places where they're selling the stuff at a deep discount, and you could buy a bunch of last-minute gifts at a good deal.
And then you have your Christmas where there's not a big rush.
I can get a turkey cheaper.
I'll cook a turkey or a goose.
And you are Scrooge, man.
No, I'm not saying it's just for that, but it's like you can do it all.
Literally, you don't have to be, everything has to be on the day.
Oh, we got to do this on the day.
Oh, it's my birthday.
It's got to be on the day.
I'm not a big believer.
I don't, I'm not buying that.
That's not a Scrooge thing, but as a benefit, I see it as a Scrooge thing.
Yes.
Well, we're going to Chicago.
Yeah, I heard that.
I'm telling you.
I'm telling the whole audience, just saying.
I know, I was just saying, I heard you're going to Chicago.
Yeah, going to Chicago.
And so it's Tina's family.
it's like they're like 18 sisters but her mom uh her girls is gonna be girl night out oh yeah It's going to be a whole bunch of women and then I think three dudes.
Oh, yeah.
You guys are screwed over.
We are totally screwed.
We get better at these as we go along, don't we?
I don't think so.
Okay.
Well, Merry Christmas, John.
Tomorrow's the big day.
Merry Christmas to you and Merry Christmas to everybody listening.
Yeah, tomorrow is the big day and it's a nice Monday.
Christmas is perfect for everybody's a little extra time off.
Although I think next week everybody takes the whole week off.
Oh, really?
Who gets to do that?
We don't get to do that.
We have a full show of kids.
Kids, kids.
Kids.
Yeah, we're going to be back on Thursday live because this is a special show.
So you could go to Chicago.
Yes.
And I could go shopping at the last minute.
Important stuff.
Yes, because you like to get everything on the cheap and celebrate.
I like to get it at the last minute because it's like a men's club.
I've been a member of this club for many, many years.
Yeah, you go in there.
It's all pretty.
It's not pretty.
Oh, no, it's not pretty, but everybody knows what's going on and it's all men.
Yeah, y'all shopping.
Y'all give that look like, yeah, we are.
The head nod, right?
We're here again.
Yeah.
Hey, how are you doing this year?
Now, you have not actually celebrated Christmas yet.
No, it's coming.
You guys are very interesting, you Dvorak clan, I'll tell you.
Yes, we do.
We're on the, what do you call it?
On the cutting edge.
Is that what you were going to say?
Untraditional.
No, non-traditional.
Unorthodox.
Unorthodox.
Yes, yes, yes.
And we're not even Jewish.
Hey.
Well, we were in Chirac for the festivities.
Yeah, I want to hear more.
And we had a white Christmas.
That was fantastic.
Yeah, I bet you did.
My goodness.
I had forgotten what cold was like.
Why is it not good?
White Christmas is no fun.
was zero degrees and then you get what is this And you can't, and half these places, they won't let you even start a fire so you can't have like a cozy fire and a white Christmas.
The Airbnb that we had had a fireplace on gas, but the gas wasn't hooked up to it, which was somewhat disappointing.
And I've written a review about it.
Good.
That pisses me off.
Yeah, what's the point?
What's up with wind chill?
Wind chill?
What about what I mean?
What's up?
People use that as like a death knell.
Yeah, they do.
Well, windchill doesn't make a difference.
No kidding.
Just walking outside and then there was actually no wind when I was outside and my legs just froze.
It was so unbelievable.
I'd forgotten all about it.
I'd lived in Jersey and New York.
Yeah, but you were, you know, people have to realize, we noticed this going back and forth from Washington, is that your pores literally change from hot weather pores to cold weather pores, but it takes weeks.
It just doesn't do it automatically.
So when you're coming from hot weather pores, which is what you have generally speaking in Austin, and you go up to Chicago, you're just going to, it's going to be freezing cold.
So you're going to have to.
So your pores have to adjust.
The pores in your skin have to adjust.
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know this.
Yeah.
And so when you, this is why people, when they come down from the northern climes, like Mimi's up there most of the time, she should come down here.
Yeah.
And she, and it'll be like 50 moaning.
Oh, it's so hot.
I'm going to die.
I've also noticed, though, that men and women do have different temperature settings for themselves.
Well, there's that.
There's a little bit of that, but it's really mostly the pores.
That's why you were so cold.
This is the one that it may be too late, but just saying Merry Christmas instead of happy holidays was a bonanza.
Really?
Yes.
Especially in a store.
Like, just say to the person who's helped, Merry Christmas.
And it's to me like, say happy holidays.
You got to say happy holidays.
Well, that, okay, let me mention something here.
That is very retrograde.
That argument is over years ago, but okay, if they're still stuck with that in Chicago, that's well, no, let me tell you.
And this goes very, very deep.
And it's obvious why this is happening because Merry Christmas equals religion equals Republican.
That's the holiday.
That's what your holiday stems from.
It stems from Holy Day.
Oh, John, I'm...
You should throw this at them.
Oh, you're more religious than me.
You saying happy holy days.
But anyway, let's play this clip.
Merry Christmas versus Happy Holiday.
Okay, Doki.
For he and the first lady were married and posted this late night tweet.
People are proud to be saying Merry Christmas again.
I am proud to have led the charge against the assault on our cherished and beautiful phrase, Merry Christmas.
Some people believe the so-called war on Christmas began when retail stores started swapping out the term Merry Christmas for happy holidays.
And by 2005, the change upset several cable news hosts like Bill O'Reilly.
But frustration with the term may be less about religion than politics.
A poll conducted by the Public Religion Research Institute found 66% of Democrats for first stores use the term happy holidays, while 67% of Republicans say stores should only say Merry Christmas.
On the campaign trail, candidate Trump promised to bring back the phrase.
Politics aside, Mr. Trump's not the first president to say Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
His predecessor used the phrase every year.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everyone.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
Past presidents also use the term happy holidays, which comes from Old English for the term holy days.
And Christmas is the only federal holiday based on religion.
Serena Marshall, ABC News, Washington.
Right.
And there's no reason unless they're apparently Democrats are the ones behind.
Yes.
Literally.
Well, come on.
Aren't all millennials Democrats?
Yes.
Okay.
So I'm telling you, the sequence is Merry Christmas, crazy religious people, crazy religious right.
There's a war on God.
There's a war on religion.
Not Islam, of course, but Christianity and even Judaism.
I think there's a war on Jews.
So when you say Merry Christmas, it's religious.
You're crazy religious right.
You're Republican.
You're Donald Trump.
And then the Jews on Facebook, who I'm friends with, Facebag friends, they had their, and these would be liberal friends of mine.
And they would say, oh, go ahead, wish me Merry Christmas.
For me, it's just Monday.
I mean, go to work.
What are you doing on Facebag?
Do some work.
Tell them to talk about it with Hanukkah Harry.
Who's Hanukkah Harry?
Oh, we talked about this on the No Agenda.
I'm sorry, on the DHS.
I didn't hear it.
Oh, yes.
Horowitz says that the Jews have a Santa Claus-like character called Hanukkah Harry because the kids, Jewish kids, they're seeing all this stuff going on.
They got the tree.
You see trees and the Santa Claus and all this stuff.
And so they've dreamed of Hanukkah Harry, and apparently it's been on forever.
A lot of non-Jews don't know about it.
And they have some sort of tree called something.
They've got, in other words, a parallel universe Christmas starring Hanukkah Harry.
So it's bull crap.
They got to take the day off.
They're not working on Monday.
That's funny.
Yeah.
I thought so.
I never heard of Hanukkah Harry.
No.
Daddy.
Yes, Felix.
Do they celebrate Christmas on their agenda?
No, they're podcasters.
They're too poor to celebrate Christmas.
Can we make a jingle for Adam and John?
What would you like to make the jingle about?
Donald Trump.
That's a good idea.
Get ready to shout.
Get ready to cry.
Get ready to pout.
I'm telling you why.
Donald Trump is coming to town.
You better resist.
Get into a fight.
You're going to take all the fascists override.
Donald Trump is coming to town.
He's literally headbood.
We know he's full of hate.
Daddy is the present that you'll make America great.
You better Moscow, you need to organize.
It's time for a lop.
I'm telling you why.
Donald Trump is coming.
Coming to town.
Daddy, what's the difference between Santa and Donald Trump?
Santa's good for bells and donuts good for jingles.
Donald Trump is coming.
Get the antifa flag.
Stop flying it hot.
Sit by the shit.
Punch from round the mark, guys.
Donald Trump is coming.
We know he's pure evil.
We know he's Puto's mate.
We all know Max and Wanted Wood.
Punch him in the face.
Get the Antifa flag start flying.
Flying it hot.
Sit by the shit.
Punch around.
Donald Trump is coming to town.
Donald Trump is coming to town.
Please don't eat me, Donald Trump.
Are we done?
I'm going to show my soul by donating to no agenda.
Imagine all the people who could do this.
Oh, yeah, that'd be fun.
Yeah, I'll know agenda in the morning.
See, I told you, a lot of cussing.
You heard it.
Well, this is my first time listening to this.
It's quite entertaining.
Yeah, you, yeah, you, yeah, yeah.
You could probably knock it off.
I did knock it off.
It's now I'm clean.
I'm the clean version.
Mr. Clean, baby.
Mr. Clean.
I think I'm going to probably stop cussing it all except once a show.
Okay.
And it's going to be so on point.
It's just going to, everyone's going to go, wow, that was the basic moment.
Exactly.
Okay.
Well, even though we are taking this one short break for the first in all the Christmases that we've actually continued to do the show, we do appreciate your thoughts and prayers and love and gifts during this giving season.
Yeah, the show must go on, so people still have to help us.
Yes, and you can.
It costs the same amount to ship this show as it does the rest of them.
It actually did.
And we're actually working.
Hello, I'm talking now.
You're talking.
We're not doing anything.
It got recorded at some point.
It was so funny.
John and Adam trying to coordinate something is, you know, you don't want us running the government, or certainly not the military.
Like, imagine us coordinating D-Day.
It's like, because normally we record.
There's all things to think of.
D-Day.
Because that was a big coordinated effort, and that's what it feels like for us to...
That reminds me of the joke.
So what's worse than finding an apple?
I'm sorry.
You blew it out.
Yeah, I blew it out.
I'm starting over.
So what's worse than finding a worm in an apple?
I know the answer.
What?
Half a worm.
No, the Holocaust.
Appropriate.
Appropriate.
All the Candio fans are laughing.
And I do wish all of our friends, all of our friends, a very.
I hope they can be calm during the Christmas season.
Tucker, Candy, Nick, Megan.
Yeah, that's the group with Dave Rubin.
Everyone's jumping on it.
I guess Bannon spoke at the thing, too, and nobody talks about Bannon at all.
Bannon, oh, yeah.
He was there.
He's kind of been cut out.
Well, of the clips.
It's just the clips.
No one watches these.
No one watches full anything anymore.
That's why we're still audio because you're kind of like, yeah, well, I got some time to kill anyway.
If it's video, yeah, the videos go on.
You know, you look down.
Oh, there's another cool video.
Let me play that instead.
Boom, you're gone.
The only way to win with video podcasts is to have clips.
And then here's the clip show.
Man, we're going to do another year.
No video.
We're going to make it until we fall down.
So anyway, go to noagendadonations.com.
Support us with time, talent, and treasure.
You can support us in so many ways.
And of course, we'll be talking about art on the next show.
We'll be talking about the meetups.
And we'll be thanking hopefully double as many people as normal because of all the support you gave us during this Christmas show.
So we really appreciate it.
Yeah, all the credits will be forwarded.
You're going to get your credits.
We'll continue now with Sir Donald Winkler's Best of No Agenda Christmas.
Just remember us at noagendadonations.com.
Donate to no agenda.
Donate to no agenda.
Donate to no agenda for a happy new year.
We'll reach a note and play of jingles.
Reach a note and play of jingles.
Reach a note and play a jingles for 200 or more.
Good karma.
We bring to you and your kid.
Donate to no agenda for a happy new year.
That's right.
Your no agenda show is 100% supported by listener donations.
So if you want to prevent ion leakage and keep your amygdala small, firm, and round, donate to no agenda.
Your service guide will thank you.
Boxes.
Yeah, you give each other boxes.
Why go and alienate our UK producers?
Well, they've picked up on Boxing Day in Canada.
They used their Boxing Day up there.
Now we're thinking about it.
People talk about it.
I bet it's going to be a millennial thing.
Boxing Day.
You watch.
You can just put money on it.
I always thought, you know, when I think originally I thought it was some Australian thing because that's what was in the UK and it had to do with kangaroos.
Boxing.
I always visualized a can't couple kangaroos with boxing gloves on.
Okay.
Okay.
On Boxing Day.
Well, I'm glad that you've been put straight.
But again, I think it's a fine millennial trait.
That's how it'll be brought in.
Boxing Day.
Oh, yes.
We have Friendsgiving and Boxing Day.
We don't celebrate Christmas.
We celebrate Boxing Day.
Don't you see?
It's headed that way.
Celebrate Boxing Day.
We celebrate Boxing Day.
Christmas is pre-boxing day.
So people will put up with a lot.
And that's apparent in the United Kingdom.
Christmas is canceled in the UK.
We cannot continue with Christmas as planned.
We cannot continue.
It was all over the news.
The U.S. media love talking about this story.
In the United Kingdom, a new variant of the coronavirus is spreading rapidly.
And today, Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced new restrictions for areas in Britain's southeast, including London.
He urged all residents to stay home for the upcoming Christmas holiday.
It is with a very heavy heart.
must tell you we cannot continue with Christmas as planned.
The variant has turned up in several other countries and mutations are not unusual.
British officials say this variant does not appear to be deadlier, but it does spread more rapidly.
Man, I'm going to call some major on this.
This makes no sense.
This new variant, we touched on it briefly on Thursday.
But come on.
There's been talk of different strains for months.
It's never an issue.
Nothing's happening.
Nothing to see here.
Don't look at it.
Now we got to cancel Christmas.
Oh, yeah, because of this straight.
Man, and they brought this out at five o'clock in the afternoon with the deadline by midnight.
People went crazy trying to get up north anywhere, anywhere out of the central central east part of the country to just avoid being locked in your home.
Get out of London, people.
And here's the crazy thing.
The Netherlands just announced, I'm sure other EU member states will follow, they're stopping all flights from and to the United Kingdom.
A smaller Christmas is going to be a safer Christmas, and a shorter Christmas is a safer Christmas.
This is our COVID Christmas.
In Paris, Christmas lights and a nightly curfew.
It's a horrible thing to think that we would be here as the World Health Organization saying to people, don't hug each other.
It's terrible.
But this year, if you love your family, if you really care about your family, we won't have these get-togethers.
What we're going to do is, I will guarantee you that grandpa or grandma won't be here for Christmas.
This is our COVID Christmas.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Everywhere you go, take a look at the big box stores.
Opening once more.
While restaurants and bars are told no.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Plays to stay indoors.
But the jittiest sight to see is the media will be broadcasting fear porn.
Slaves that are mutinous or institutes are the wishes of Tony and Bill.
They will use science to ensure compliance till all of our veins have been filled.
And they'll take it live on TV just to prove that it won't kill.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Everywhere you go.
Empty chairs and empty tables.
People who just weren't able to wear a mask wherever they did go.
It's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Soon Freedom Pass will start.
But the thing that'll make you free is the mRNA vaccine plunged into your arms.
Well, none of the vaccines at this point appear like they'll work with a single dose.
You know, the side effects were not super severe.
That is, it didn't cause permanent health problems.
Are these vaccines safe?
Yeah, but some of that is not dramatic where, you know, it's just, you know, super painful.
But it's beginning to look like COVID Christmas.
Soon Freedom Pass will suck.
But the thing that'll make you free is that mRNA vaccine plunged into your own.
It's COVID Christmas for sure.
You know, you can't sugarcoat it anymore.
It's all about human life.
Yeah.
We noticed.
No kidding.
Have you noticed that the news reports on COVID deaths initially often stated the age of the victim, but now it is seldom mentioned?
No, of course we can't have that.
We can't have you figuring out statistics for yourself.
My question to COVID fear mongers, how many of these supposedly died of COVID would have been alive today if there was no virus?
Probably less than half.
The empty chair guilt trip narrative is mostly false.
I love the empty chair.
Oh, there's going to be an empty chair.
There's always an empty chair unless you don't have enough chairs.
Don't you think?
And why?
And if grandma dies, do you actually leave an empty chair open at the table?
With a meal in front of it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
For grandma?
With the place setting?
Possible.
Come next Thanksgiving and Christmas, there will be empty chairs, but most of these empty chairs will be due to diseases other than COVID.
Also, most empty chairs caused by COVID all will be because of the virus being contracted somewhere besides the family get-together.
Family members will hear being cheated out of a final gathering with their non-final gathering with their non-now departed relatives because of the government-induced fear funded by taxpayers, of course, and promoted by the media.
Hello?
Yeah.
Yay.
Sir Donald of the Fire Bottles, Count of Eastern Washington, Spokane Valley.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
Thank you very much.
We got to wrap this up, but I did want to make mention, there is a song in the Netherlands which was done by Jupvonath Heck, who is a Cabrace, which is old school name for stand-up comic in the old world.
And he wrote this song, this must be 40 years ago, called Floppy.
And Floppy is a song about a rabbit, hence the flappy, flappy ears.
And what happens to Flappy, this poor boy's pet rabbit on Christmas Day.
And would you believe that this song, this floppy song, has been covered by Todd Rundgren, of all people?
And I just want to play a little bit.
You can guess how it ends, but it's just so weird to have this old traditional Dutch song, creepy one, covered by Todd Rundgren.
It was Christmas morning, 1961.
I recall the empty pen where my rabbit bed belonged.
And my mother told me, don't go in the shed.
And if I just behave, then I'd get something yummy later on.
She also didn't know where Floppy was.
And said she'd ask my dad, who was busy in the shed.
So you know what happens at the end of the song, right?
The rabbit's dead.
Yeah, they eat the rabbit for Christmas dinner.
Yeah.
I can't believe Todd Rundgren covered this.
Well, maybe he likes rabbits.
It's a horrible, sad song.
The kids running all over the place trying to find Flappy.
Flappy, and he's not in the shed.
Where's Flappy?
And then he's on the table.
They ate Flappy.
Yeah, well, it's kind of a sick.
It's not horror.
It's sick.
It's very sick.
I just found it very odd that Todd Rundgren would do that.
But maybe that's Todd.
This season, go to anyone's house.
Straight.
This level of community.
he can come down the chimney feet.
His level of Unity Santa Claus.
I'm vaccinated, Santa Claus.
I vaccinated Santa Claus.
I vaccinated Santa Claus.
Vaccinated Santa Claus.
I vaccinated Santa Claus.
Santa Claus is maximum.
Hold on a second.
Yes.
Yes.
Did he not vaccinate Mrs. Claus?
She doesn't count.
He's a misogynist doll straight that guy.
Corona, if this is true.
From the elves.
Nothing about them.
Yeah.
Two.
Everyone gets two shots.
Santa Claus is musical.
The audio horn all over the horn.
Yeah.
It was a tinny sound.
The voice was also professional.
This was a professional voice.
This is not like, hey, everybody, I'm going to set this bomb off.
I'm a crazy nut job.
5G, man.
5G's got.
Hey, ho, 5G's got to go.
5G, man.
Because that's the message I'd have.
5G is killing you.
I'm going to save you.
Let's do it now.
You got 15 minutes.
That's the message I would be putting out there.
That would be the yes.
And if there'd be pamphlets blown into the air or something, I mean, you do something.
You just don't blow something up and then have somebody else theorizers about 5G.
No, no, no.
You're making a protest about 5G.
You're protesting.
Yeah.
But let's listen to this 25 seconds before the explosion because someone did something interesting, which I want to try on you.
don't think it'll work but let's listen also i listened really closely some isolation and what you're hearing before this area must be evacuated now They say all buildings.
This is a professional type of announcement.
If anything, it came from a script that has this is something that you might fight club.
In fact, I kind of suspect the smart light lamppost to be doing this.
That's the kind of sound I'd expect from the government when they hear something telling you to evacuate.
It doesn't sound very governmental sounding.
You're right.
That's a good point.
If you can hear this message, evacuate now, implying that there was some thinking done about the loudness, the blast.
If you can hear that message, then you're within the blast zone.
I don't take that one lightly.
See if you get anything out of this.
But someone reversed this audio, which is my favorite devil trick to do.
And they claim, now it's much easier when you read the words on the screen than I think your brain goes, oh, yeah, I hear that.
But they claim in reverse, you will hear, are you ready?
Are you ready?
This will be quick.
Are you ready?
And ends with Merry Christmas.
See if you can pick any of that out of this.
I literally hear Merry Christmas to all.
I hear that.
I can hear Merry Christmas to all.
And the other one, I hear mostly, are you steady?
But it's like you can hear it.
It's like looking at clouds.
Well, yes, yes.
And you can hear what you want.
Especially if it's pre-sale.
I set you up.
You should not have given me.
Yeah, I know I set you up.
I was dumb.
So I'm already primed to hear that.
This is like the old trick you do to an audience.
I've seen it done.
It's very interesting.
There's that picture of the rabbit that looks like a flower or something.
It looks like two different things.
It was anyway.
You tell half the audience it looks like something.
You tell the other half the audience you suggest it.
And then when they show that you have raised hands and whatever was suggested is what they report.
So yeah, I wish you hadn't have done that.
I'm sorry.
I was pretty sure you wouldn't have gotten anything if I hadn't told you that.
Yeah, well, that's the idea.
Yeah.
But I like it.
I don't know why someone would do that and post it, but I like it.
So will we really know?
Doubtful.
Now we can play COVID relief.
COVID.
COVID.
All right.
Butt slam.
COVID relief for millions of Americans remains in limbo tonight.
After Congress and the White House spent months negotiating the deal, President Trump called it a disgrace and then left Washington for Mar-a-Lago, sowing chaos before Christmas.
Shut up. Shut up.
Now, John, before we get too far away from Christmas, I do have a question for you.
When did Kwanza really become a thing in the United States or Canada for that matter?
Do you recall?
I don't know that it ever became a thing.
It was an invention.
It makes no sense because it's supposed to be a harvest festival or something, and it's right in the middle of winter.
Here anyway.
I could look it up, but I know you have something to tell me somewhere.
Well, that's the bother.
But was it during Obama's years that you think?
According to the book of knowledge, I'll just tell you that Kwanzaa was created in 1966 during the aftermath of the Watts riots.
And it was specifically an African-American holiday.
And this Maulana Karenga, who created it, said his goal was to, quote, give blacks an alternative to the existing holiday of Christmas and give blacks an opportunity to celebrate themselves and their history rather than simply imitate the practice of dominant society.
So this would be, if you are truly, he made it up.
Well, yeah, he made it up, but he's refusing to acknowledge the fact that a good portion, if not the majority of black Americans are Christians.
Well, yes.
He does.
Yes.
Correct.
Correct.
So he's insulting them in some way.
I don't know anyone who celebrates Kwanzaa.
Yes, you do.
Very famous.
Yeah, very famous person who celebrates Kwanzaa.
You.
No, And let me just specify.
Kwanzaa is celebrated on the winter solstice, December 21st.
So this came out on the 25th on Christmas.
This is the most famous person who celebrates Kwanzaa.
Happy holidays, everyone.
I wanted to take a moment to send my warmest wishes to everyone celebrating Kwanzaa.
Like so many other holidays, we will be celebrating Kwanzaa a little differently this season in our home.
We'll be doing it over Zoom.
You know, my sister and I, we grew up celebrating Kwanzaa every year.
Our family would, in our extended family, we would gather around across multiple generations and we tell stories.
Hold on a second.
So in Canada, when she was growing up, because that's where she grew up.
But maybe after she was 12, when she got back to the United States, they started celebrating Kwanzaa.
But she makes it sound like this was really a thing in her non-African American household, which is an African, it's actually, it is the worst form of cultural appropriation you can do as a person, I think, regarding Kwanzaa is pretend that you celebrated it.
You're not African-American.
It's not a black thing, lady.
It's an African-American thing.
If that, because I agree, if I say to Mo, happy Kwanzaa, he spit takes at me.
You're like, bro, we're Christian.
We celebrate Christmas in our house.
Our home.
We'll be doing it over Zoom.
You know, my sister and I, we grew up celebrating Kwanzaa every year.
Our family would, in our extended family, we would gather around across multiple generations and we tell stories.
The kids would sit on the carpet and the elders would sit in chairs and of course afterwards.
What elders?
Elders?
The cult.
What the hell is she talking about?
Tribal elders, John.
Don't you get it?
She's African now.
She's African-Canadian American, Tupac-loving, Kwanzaa, celebrating Indian Jamaican.
Would sit on the carpet and the elders would sit in chairs.
Smoking the peace pipe.
And we would light the candles and, of course, afterwards have a beautiful meal.
Oh, yeah.
And of course, there was always.
Yeah, go ahead.
This is a great piece.
There's much more to it.
Somebody convinced her to do this.
I don't believe she came up with this idea on her own.
Yeah, yeah, you got to do that.
I think they're making a fool out of her.
But wait until you hear how deep she goes.
I mean, it's one.
I think I could pull this off the way she's doing because she's lying.
There's no way.
There's no way that she celebrated Kwanzaa with the elders in Candinavia with her Indian mother, her Jamaican dad.
There's just no way.
Like the conflict.
No, there's no way.
No, there's no way.
Hold on.
Let's listen to this.
Light the candles.
On the carpet and the elders would sit in chairs and we would light the candles and of course afterwards have a beautiful meal.
And of course, there was always the discussion of the seven principles.
And my favorite, I have to tell you, was always the one about self-determination, Gujitagalia.
And, you know, essentially, it's about, you know, it's about be, be and do.
Be the person you want to be and do the things you want to do and do the things that need to be done.
It's about not letting anyone write our future for us, but instead going out and writing it for ourselves.
And that principle motivates me today as we seek to confront the challenges facing our country and to build a brighter future for all Americans.
So to everyone who is celebrating, happy Kwanzaa from our family to yours.
Well, you know, one of the things we're overlooking here is the way our fabulous rulers, their leaders, our leaders are dealing with this.
I do have a Christmas message that came out from Ontario.
We got a little Canadian action here.
The CDN is the name of this clip.
The Ontario Finance Minister, Rod Phillips.
He gave a message to the public.
Nice and uplifting, I'm sure.
Now I know.
Here's a clip.
Now, I know that this Christmas is a bit different than Christmases in the past.
We're meeting virtually and online and not able to be in person with as many family and friends as we'd like to.
And I want to thank each and every one of you for what we are doing to protect our most vulnerable while we celebrate this very, very special but challenging holiday season.
It's all there.
The folksy hay there, the fireplace, the sip of eggnog at the end, the lovely words, a beautiful Christmas message from a politician to his constituents.
That, of course, is Ontario's finance minister, Rod Phillips.
But unbeknownst to us, that whole scene might have been a bit of a ruse.
While that image and that video was tweeted to Ontarians, we have now found out that Rod Phillips was sunning himself on a beach in St. Bart's.
And it's been a big mystery as to where is Ontario's finance minister.
Just a few short weeks ago, the Toronto Sun started inquiring to his office as we heard rumors that Rod Phillips had left the country.
Well, how could that possibly be?
Rod Phillips is a leader in this province.
He is one of the most senior cabinet ministers.
He is also part of the team that crafted the lockdown rules where we saw the big box stores stay open, where the small businesses were shut down.
He couldn't possibly have said to all Ontarians stay home, shut down, and then jetted off to a sunny vacation.
Well, it turns out that's exactly what he did.
So as news broke that Rod Phillips had indeed gone on a very lovely vacation while the rest of us canceled our trips, canceled our vacations, canceled seeing family, basically canceled Christmas, did everything by Skype and Zoom and FaceTime, just like the government told us to, only move for essential services, the finance minister of Ontario decided that he's going to get on a plane and go to St. Bart's.
Yeah.
Well, this is good.
And when she says, we did this, we did that.
No, you didn't, lady.
You're lying.
No one's doing it all.
You're lying.
We're all lying.
If you say, oh, I follow the rules, you're full of crap.
I disagree with you.
I think a lot of people follow the rules, my next door neighbors, for sure.
The lib joes, for sure, because they won't even get together with each other.
This is not true.
Most people, I mean, yeah, there's a number of scoff laws and other people, oh, let's just circumvent.
Let's do what we can.
My son and his wife, they're all locked down.
Right, right.
Yes, yes, but do they not cheat at all?
There's not a single time say, well, I really shouldn't have done that.
I don't know that they did.
I don't know this.
I mean, maybe they cheat, you know, in some way they take the mask off to, you know, to do something.
Yeah, but no.
It's not like flying off the same barts.
Do they have the mask over their nose or under their nose?
It's always over the nose.
Oh, my gosh.
A little harsh, but yeah, I live with that.
There are rules in the world, so you kind of have to follow them.
I'm a rule follower, so if the rule is that we have to do it, then I'll do it.
All right.
We know the police are searching for a motive for the Christmas Day bombing.
It turns out that suspect, Anthony Warner, was very interested in several conspiracy theories.
A source familiar with the Nashville bomb investigation tells ABC News that Warner may have been tracking a conspiracy about lizard people.
Now, authorities tell ABC News that Warner may have spent time hunting for alien life forms in a near state by park, although it is not the park that we've been.
That park has not yet been named.
The source tells ABC News that thoughts about those conspiracies were found in writings associated with the suspect, Warner.
This is an ongoing investigation.
At this time, it's unclear if these beliefs are connected to the Christmas Day bombing.
Sources familiar with the bomber thinking believe that lizard people are running the show.
Wow.
They just, whatever you do, don't let anyone think anything about this.
Okay.
I know there's no bomb crater.
I know there's no, you know, I know we're, I know there's all kinds of carbon, blackened soot, which looks like it might have been a directed energy weapon.
They're coming for me.
But please just keep focused on 5G and lizard people.
I have more clips.
Do you have any idea of clips?
Because I got a couple more.
I got nothing.
Oh, well, I've been following it.
You know, the guys, you know, this all bogus.
Where's the guy's note?
That's what I wanted to know.
Exactly.
What kind of good QAnon lizard people hunting 5G denier suicide bombs himself and leaves no note or as we would call it a manifesto?
Because this is bullshit.
All right, part three.
We'll take a look at these long COVID testing lines across the country right now.
With the threat of Omicron and Christmas just three days away, many people are wanting to make sure they are healthy and can gather safely with loved ones.
Stop the clip.
Okay.
Are you all right?
So there are people that they're not sick that want to make sure they're healthy.
So I'm standing there.
I'm doing 40 push-ups.
I'm doing some jumping jacks.
I'm doing some pull-ups.
I wonder if I'm healthy.
I think I'm going to go get tested.
What kind of idiots are these?
You're either healthy or you're not.
You know if you're healthy.
These people should be on television.
If you're catching something, yeah, maybe.
I think you got the sniffles.
I think I'll go get tested.
Why not?
But no, these are people that they're just all healthy.
They just want to get tested just in case.
Many people are wanting to make sure they are healthy and can gather safely with loved ones.
It's actually quite evil doing this kind of reporting.
We don't even know if that's true, but they're reporting it this way.
And it's telling people, even if you're not sick, you better test yourself.
It's very, very, it's a psychological operation.
And this evening, a possible game changer in the fight against COVID.
The FDA has granted emergency use authorization for Pfizer's antiviral pill.
Studies show the oral treatment is nearly 90% effective against severe illness and death.
What does nearly 90% mean?
Is it 89?
Why not just say 89, 87, 88?
They don't have any numbers.
As we get closer to Christmas, demand for testing is surging.
Lines like surging.
Demand is surging.
What kind of, but really?
Lines like this one here at this Washington, D.C. testing site are long, and lines like this can be seen all over the country.
We are expanding our testing capacity.
Washington, D.C. is one of the latest cities to require vaccines for people 12 and older at indoor venues.
The demand for vaccinations and booster shots has also caused long wait times heading into the holiday weekend.
I'm getting my code shot.
Second one.
You had to put the abuse child on it, didn't you?
That's the reason for the clip.
Oh, it's horrible.
Little kids comes out.
I just got my shot, and I'm going to get my second shot any minute.
But wait, why was that in the testing clip?
They just threw it in gratuitously.
I don't even believe those people are in line for tests.
I don't believe there's this big demand.
I don't believe it for a second.
Remember, last year, March, April, Berkeley had a drive-through testing thing.
I would drive past that thing once a week.
No one.
Nobody was in line.
Nobody.
Here's the president.
One of the other things that we know that has to be done is more testing.
Testing.
Because Omicron spreads easily, especially among the unvaccinated, it's critically important that we know who's infected.
That means we need more testing.
On that score, we're now where we should be.
Yes, we have over 20,000 free testing sites.
Yes, we've used the Defense Production Act and spent $3 billion to greatly expand the number of at-home tests available for crews.
Hi, kids, just popping in with an update to let you know everything is shaping up nicely for Christmas Eve.
Santa, Mrs. Claus, and all the eligible L's have had their booster shots.
Santa is well kitted out in the best layers of protection.
His mask is well fitted, and the sleigh is naturally ventilated.
So I am happy to report that Santa has the all-clear to take off.
I'm also happy to report that all of the reindeer are healthy and symptom-free.
But just to be extra sure, Rudolph has had his COVID-19 test to confirm his red nose is not a COVID-19 concern.
Hey, hello, Dr. New.
Are you checking on Rudolph's COVID-19 test results?
Hello, Dr. Tan.
I was just looking at Rudolph's results.
I can confirm the results are negative and is free and clear to guide the slate on Christmas Eve.
Wonderful.
I guess that red nose really is just to light the way.
What is the point?
What is the point?
This is a big lie.
No kidding.
No, I want you to play CBS report.
Oh, no.
Wait a minute.
Are you telling me that Canada is lying about the state of Santa?
Nancy, the World Health Organization, also said today Santa is immune from COVID.
So we do have some good news there ahead of Christmas.
Nancy Chen, thank you.
What?
He's immune.
According to the World Health Organization.
A Fauci.
Won't you get a little closer, my dear?
Jab me, baby.
Slip the needle into my arm.
No harm.
I'm an awful good slave, Fauci, baby.
that drive me tonight, drive me baby, a fourth and fifth booster shot too, for you.
You'll take care of me, dear, Fauci baby.
and jab me tonight think of all the fun miss all the new york restaurants i can't visit next year i'll be just as good a sixth an eighth anything
Jab me baby, I want a shot and four is not a lot But I'll keep wearing my mask Fauci baby Hurry up and jab me tonight Jab me, baby.
Slip a needle into my arm.
No harm.
I'm an awful good slave of Fauci, baby.
Hurry up and jab me tonight.
All right, there it is.
My teeth just fell out.
All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
Seriously, my front teeth just fell out my tooth If you don't mind fine all he wants for Christmas is his two friends Well now you don't when you make it point of trying
You're trying to sell sound like Dylan Doynt so it literally just fell out now Okay, we'll be taking a break and we'll be back here No, let's just go let's just do it.
Let's just duck all the way through it'll take me 15 We're so close to the end.
Let's just keep it going.
All I want for Christmas is my two frontiers.
He's gone.
I'm telling you, the world has gone nuts.
And we're just here.
We're observing it.
And either shaking her fist or laughing.
Exactly.
Well I, I do have something, a nice upbeat little thing I thought in in The spirit of Christmas we would go back to the 19 I think this is 1980s with a computer.
Chronicles Christmas gift ideas with John C. Dvorak.
If you're still looking for Christmas gift ideas, we have yet a few more tips for you from other sources.
Syndicated computer columnist John Dvorak likes a new game for the Macintosh called Smash It Racquet Ball, and for the PC crowd he picks Traveling Sidekick as a great gift item.
On the hardware side, Dvorak suggests the Bechtec Fanny Mac, a cooling fan for the Macintosh, or the Curtis computer toolkit including pin straighteners, chip pullers and other goodies.
John, how come I miss this?
I miss your, your lame ass Christmas gift ideas.
Can you guess they were good in 1980.
They were fantastic.
I love these little tools.
42 years ago you're playing clips about me that are 42 years old and and ridiculing it by today's standards.
No, I'm not ridiculing, I want more.
I want you said, lame ass is ridicule.
I'm sorry.
At the time it was great.
We all bought that fan for the Mac the fan.
The Mac needed a fan, probably to cool it down.
I would just love to have some Christmas gift ideas from you for an updated version.
I think you should put that on your sub stack or something.
Uh, I need a.
You're a legend man.
You're a legend with this stuff.
I'm a legend in my own mind.
No, you're a legend in a lot of minds.
So I think yeah well, I'll start doing that next year, All stuff like this.
We turn now to your health this holiday season.
We're not talking about the flu or COVID, but about your heart.
The risk is serious, and doctors are trying to spread the word.
See, and literally throwing, it's not COVID or flu.
Don't worry about that.
It's your heart.
This morning, doctors are urging Americans to put heart health at the top of their holiday to-do list.
That's because more people die from heart attacks between December 25th and January 1st compared to any other week of the year, with Christmas Day being the deadliest day of all.
Doctors say the leading factors include family stress and falling out of good habits like healthy eating.
It's not just an issue that holiday heart is a benign condition.
Holiday heart is a very potentially serious condition that causes people to develop heart failure symptoms.
Increased alcohol intake can also result in what doctors call holiday heart syndrome.
Have they said it enough?
Have they said holiday heart enough time so we don't have it?
Died suddenly.
Holiday heart, holiday heart.
Have some holiday heart.
Have some eggnogs.
That's when binge drinking causes irregular heartbeats, which are associated with a higher risk for stroke.
Is this true?
Does heavier drinking accelerate your heartbeat?
I don't know any of this to be true.
And what I find peculiar is that I think a lot of people actually eat quite well on the holidays.
You get some nice bird meat, which is, you know, it's not like eating a big prime rib.
You've got some usually potatoes of some sort or sometimes yams and vegetables.
Excuse me.
Are you saying a prime rib is bad for you?
No, I'm just saying if you're going to look at healthy food, generally speaking, people would say that a bird meat would probably be healthier than beef meat.
I disagree.
I think the best meat.
Well, no, I know you.
You could take either side, but let's say you have prime meat.
It's beside the point.
You're not eating a hamburger from McDonald's.
Let's put it that way.
You're not eating a wood chip meal that's from one of the fast food places.
You're eating prime rib or turkey meat or a ham or something that's well prepared.
Not true.
The Jews, they go eat Chinese crap.
Yes, they do.
Typically on Christmas, they brag about it.
I've talked to horrorists about this.
I'm on the inside of this.
And yeah, they love to go eat Chinese food, but Chinese food is very healthy.
Are you Jewish adjacent?
Is that what I'm doing?
Once a week Jew.
That's me.
Wait, there's more.
Certain people might be more predisposed to it, but you could have no history of any heart-related conditions.
And drink excessively or consume too much alcohol during the holidays, and you could create a situation where you develop atrial fibrillation.
I have never heard of this ever.
Congestive heart failure, even in the absence of any pre-existing risk factors.
A lack of sleep is another major concern.
A new survey found adults on average lose 39 minutes of sleep per night over the holidays.
And if you're hosting a holiday party, prepare to get even less shut eye.
Party hosts reported sleeping up to 83 minutes less than usual on their party night.
All contributing factors that doctors warn could spoil the holiday fun if you don't make time to take care of yourself.
It could spoil your holiday fun if you fall down dead from a heart attack.
Thank you, ABC.
Australia has an even more egregious way of communicating that you just might die.
You just might be unlucky, but it's not from anything that you put into yourself.
No, no.
A Santa visit is part of the Christmas tradition for many families.
One health expert says he's promoting unhealthy eating habits unless he loses a few belt sizes.
And I'm calling for a healthier representation of such an iconic figure, which is part of Christmas.
Says obesity shouldn't be celebrated at a time when so many people overindulge.
Statistics show that there is a significant increase of heart attack and physics to the ER during this period of the year.
We should not associate this wonderful, joyful time of the year with the need of overeating an idea.
Professional Santa's are losing their half sober.
So don't be fat, because you can die from a heart attack.
But they're, they're, they're conflating it with Santa Santa's a bad example because he's fat, so tired of this.
What firewood might tell us about the economy.
Right now in Europe, people are stockpiling firewood as energy bills soar.
In Germany, the price of firewood has risen 86 percent in a year.
In Bulgaria it's nearly doubled.
Even in Switzerland, where inflation is relatively tame, the cost of firewood rose 26 percent in one month.
Across Europe, people are bracing for energy shortages this winter as tensions over the war in Ukraine disrupt Russian gas supplies.
Trump tried to warn Germany, but they just laughed him off.
Germany will become totally dependent on Russian energy if it does not immediately change course.
Other wood products are being impacted too.
The cost of toilet paper has spiraled and the energy required to cook wood pulp becomes more expensive.
High demand for wood isn't just an economic issue.
Relaxation of logging laws has led to environmental protests in Hungary.
Higher wood prices could lead to illegal logging and over harvesting, and a shortage of timber for building.
Burning wood also emits more particle pollution than road traffic and more co2 than fossil fuels.
Even so, it seems firewood will help tackle Europe's energy shortages this winter and nudge it closer to energy independence from Russia.
Bloomberg suggests lab cats, quilts and brisk walks to stay warm and make the best of a bad situation as we journey into the great Reset.
Just know that your unelected overlords at the World Economic Forum are working tirelessly to create energy equity where everyone is equally cold.
How is your country handling the energy crisis?
Reporting for the Great Reset?
I'm the tyrannical lith.
This is how out of touch and stupid these people are.
Nancy Pelosi was, and i'm just really negative on, uh on on our representatives here in the United States.
Yeah, merry christmas.
Yeah, merry christmas indeed, in fact.
Uh, Nancy Pelosi wished everybody, if of all denominations all face, a merry Festival, a merry holiday season, a happy holiday season.
As she left the chair of Speaker of the House, did our fabulous Catholic Speaker of the House even say the word Christmas?
Let's listen.
Strong bipartisan eye vote, yield back the balance of my time, and wish everyone a happy, healthy, and safe new year.
Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
But everybody, you talked over it.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
But Eris.
Happy Schwanza.
Are you kidding me?
Schwanza is a Kwanzaa for people with big dicks.
New Year.
Happy holidays.
Merry Christmas.
Happy Schwanza.
Happy Hanukkah.
Whatever it is you celebrate, be safe.
She did say Happy Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
She did throw in a Schwanza.
You gotta love that Schwanza.
You got the Schwanzas here coming in.
This woman is horrible.
What an idiot.
Oh, goodness.
What are you having for Christmas meal?
What are you guys having?
Well, everybody's having Christmas scattered around.
We're having a true Christmas will be around January 12th.
No, it's right.
It's going to turn out to be around January 1st.
Oh, okay.
But we have to have something at Christmas.
So tomorrow, JC and Jesse and Theodore will be over with a three-rib roast.
Oh, nice.
For me.
Oh, that's today.
I'm sorry, that's today.
They'll be over today.
Are you ready for them?
Make sure you're ready.
Make sure you got the three rib roasts.
We got a cellar full of wine.
I'm always ready.
So they'll be over today with that.
And so I'll have that.
Mimi will be having, she's stuck up north because of the sodium.
Of course she did.
And so she'll be up there with Eric and the three kids and Dee, and they'll be eating something up there.
And then Jay and Brennan will be serving a Christmas meal that she's going to prepare for his relatives.
Ah.
And are you invited to that with his relatives?
I actually am.
And you're not going to go, obviously.
Well, it's because JC is doing something and the show is kind of eating into it because it's going to be real early, so it's not possible.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, Tina, the keeper, is cooking up a ham, which we got from Nolo Check Meats this year.
I'm very excited about that.
That'll be delicious.
Those guys do good work.
They know what they're doing.
Yeah.
I got some bacon.
I got sausage, all kinds of stuff from them.
Yeah.
Okay, so that covers the food aspect.
Yes, we're done.
Ho, ho, ho, global citizens.
This is Santa Claus.
I am setting my list to see who is being naughty or nice according to ESG.
The worst punishment will be for the climate change denials.
If you are naughty, do not worry.
We will not put a lump of coal in your stocking.
Coal is made of carbon and carbon is forbidden by ESG.
So we will just take your stocking and your other gifts.
You will get nothing and be happy.
Another tradition is the leaving of cookies and milk for Santa.
These cookies must be 100% vegan and the milk must be soy milk.
Under ESG, there will be no more cow milk.
And of course, no more meat.
You may also leave for Santa cookies made with the cricket flour and a glass of cockroach milk.
But even I will not eat this.
You will eat this.
Maybe not this year.
Maybe not next year.
But we still have plenty of time to implement Agenda 2030.
So now is the opportunity for giving the hugs, exchanging the gifts and eating the ham.
Make the most of your unsustainable freedom while you still got it.
We at the World Economic Forum wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy new world order.
So long, Seville, I'll feed the same good luck.
You know Clinton and Cosby are Kelly and Kobe, Weinstein and Spacey and Jared from Subway.
But do you recall the most famous rapist of all Jeffrey Edward Epstein had an island full of kids?
Filmed them with politicians for Israeli influence.
All of the deep state assets were afraid of his arrest.
They didn't want their sex crimes posted to the internet.
So one Moggy New York night, the Clinton cartel came.
Cameras glitched in the guard snapped while Jeffrey Epstein's neck was snapped.
Then all the media coverage said it was a mystery.
You're not allowed to protest and we're blaming the Chinese.
Merry Christmas, you filthy animal.
Well, that's an enlightening report.
It's an uplift day for Christmas spirit.
Your Christmas spirit must be flying high.
So along with this, of course, we have to.
My Christmas spirit is very high.
Well, I find it to be ridiculous.
I thought the whole idea was you take to assembly so you can chow down.
No, no, I think the reason why people are stopping is because otherwise you're throwing up all day.
You know, it's like you go to have Christmas dinner.
I got to go take a dump.
I got to go puke.
I don't feel good.
Tis the season for holiday feasting.
And now some using medications like Ozempic, Munjaro, and Wigovi for weight loss say they're taking a vacation from the drugs.
Unpopular opinion in the semaglutide world.
Julie Stole Kelly, who lost 38 pounds, says she's foregoing the appetite-suppressing semaglutide in favor of feeling less uncomfortably full and fielding fewer questions during festive meals.
She skipped her dose during Thanksgiving.
What I noticed was I was still able to eat the things that I really wanted to indulge a little bit.
I just had to be really conscious about how I was feeling, what I was eating, how fast I was eating it.
For Kaylee Svensson, who lost 90 pounds on Munjaro, cutting back this time of year is a financial decision, a trade-off to put presents under the tree.
It's something that is financially extraordinarily expensive for our family to afford because our insurance isn't covering it.
If I can make a box last six weeks instead of four, that'll save me a couple hundred extra.
I think this, I'll continue in a minute.
I think this may be part of the ploy to get this thing on Medicare.
Look at these poor people.
They can't make it in order to put presents under the tree.
Yeah.
They have to sacrifice.
Hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.
I know that I had a great Christmas.
We had one of the human resources and her boyfriend here.
That was great.
And I made double dip depression slave stew for the day after Christmas, which everybody loved.
If you've never heard of that, it's a no-agenda staple.
I've published the link to the recipe in the show notes.
Of course, the Dvorak family celebrates traditionally on the 29th of December.
No, actually, traditionally, we actually celebrate on the 1st of January.
Of January, which was done in the 14th and 15th, or the 15th and 16th century by the two-doors.
They would always do it on the 1st, and we feel this is more traditional.
We believe in a traditional Christmas.
So we do our gifts on the 1st of January.
And are they doing it all at your place or where's it taking place?
Everyone's going to be here.
Oh, that's nice.
Eric as well?
Is he coming up from SD?
No, Eric's going to.
He says that.
No, he's snowed in.
Oh.
So he won't be able to come in there.
Of course.
Of course.
In South Dakota.
Oh, my God.
And he's starting to talk like South Dakota.
Oh, really?
He's doing that now?
No, not yet, but it's coming.
Save, I gotta put my glasses.
You can put your glasses on and look at that.
It's the Christmas miracle.
Now, wait a minute.
Before you play it, we've had animal stories.
Yes.
We've had people stories.
Babies in tornadoes stories.
We have everything so far, but we haven't had this kind of Christmas miracle.
The holidays had a rocky start for the Hansons, but getting their car back just in time for Christmas, they say, is the best gift they could ask for.
We got the news that it was stolen right after Thanksgiving.
The only thing worse than having your car stolen is having it happen around the holidays.
So it was gut-wrenching.
Matt and Christy Hansen love their 1995 Acura Integra so much, they invested $18,000 in restoring it for their son.
But their plans vanished when it was stolen from a body shop on November 29th.
It would be the best Christmas miracle.
And that was one of the things that she had said that it would really be a Christmas miracle and make their Christmas if they were able to find their car.
Travis Christensen saw the story on KSL, but no one could imagine what happened next.
It was like a needle on a haystack.
On a work drive, Travis spotted the car tucked behind a building in Taylorsville.
I got a closer look at the car and thought, man, this really looks like the car.
And so I was able to go and dig up the KSL article.
He messaged me.
I think I found your car.
He sent some pictures.
I couldn't believe it.
He didn't want any of our reward money.
He was just happy to get our car back.
Felt really good to be a part of that and helping them help get that car back to him so they could drive it and enjoy it and continue to make memories with it.
Travis knows firsthand what it's like to have a car stolen, making this experience that much better.
It's a really fun story to be a part of.
This is another chapter in this car's story.
As for the Hansons, they plan to pay it forward.
I think it's a reminder that we can help other people more than we know.
Now, as you heard, Travis isn't interested in that monetary reward, but he says he really wants to take a picture with the family.
And of course, the Red Acura.
I'm Garna Mejia, KSL5 News.
Aw, isn't that nice?
You could have cut it down by 30 seconds.
As long as it's under two minutes, I'm good with it.
Well, it was a nice miracle.
A Christmas miracle, the Red Christmas miracle.
The Red Acura is back.
Oh, I'm so happy.
A good news story from JCD.
Happy vibes for you and me.
And we all feel better now.
He's done his bit.
So back to reality that's turning to shit.
Yay!
Good news, everybody.
Barreling down the mountain and broadcasting live from the heart of Da Vinci's hometown here in Florence, Italy.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
And I'm from Northern Silicon Valley where it's wet.
I'm John C. Dvorak.
Is really blood and buzz camp.
That's all you got?
It's just wet.
It's just wet, everybody.
I thought you were going to be in Amsterdam.
No, I was in Amsterdam the first day, and then now we're in Florence because we're here for Christmas.
I understood that you were going to go right to Italy and to do whatever it was you're doing and then go to Amsterdam and do the show there.
Well, you have it exactly backwards now, don't you?
Obviously.
We went to Amsterdam first to do some stuff there, and then we went to Italy for my brother-in-law's 60th birthday, and we're staying.
We're going to be here for Christmas.
That's what's going on.
How could you get that so wrong?
I have no idea.
It's unbelievable.
So we almost didn't make it tonight for the show, which was rather exciting.
Well, this is going to be an interesting story.
Maybe not.
This is the happy holidays clip.
I have some years ago.
You're starting with talk clips right off the bat.
Oh, all my clips are talk clips.
This is hurting the show.
Wishing people a Merry Christmas when you don't know what holiday they celebrate is sort of like wishing someone a happy birthday when you don't know when their birthday is.
Like, yeah, I get the sentiment, but you're a little off.
That's neither here or there.
But I get a kick out of the people who insist on saying Merry Christmas instead of just saying happy holidays.
Happy holidays, everybody.
We're back to this again.
We still haven't figured this one out.
We can't say Merry Christmas.
Here's the question on my mind.
When is 4th of July?
That's a holiday.
Yes.
Do we say happy holidays?
No, we say happy 4th of July or Happy Independence Day.
It's Veterans Day.
Yeah, but it's a day off.
But hold on a second.
This year, I saw your newsletter.
You know, we still celebrate important things like Kwanzaa and Festivus.
Kwanzaa's not a holiday.
And Hanukkah started on the same.
Hanukkah's not a holiday.
There's no federal time off for Hanukkah.
There's no federal time off for Kwanzaa.
I see what you're getting at.
You're getting at the holiday part.
So if you say happy holiday, like say yesterday or today, what are you referring to?
Why don't you enlighten me?
You're referring to Christmas.
Yes.
So why don't you say Merry Christmas or happy Christmas?
Because it's Christmas we're talking about here.
When New Year comes, I mean, that's another holiday.
You don't say happy.
You don't say you say happy new year.
You don't say happy holidays during New Year.
Why is it only Christmas that this issue comes up?
Because there's a hatred of Christians is the only possible explanation.
On the 12th day of Christmas, no agenda gave to me 12 years before extinction.
The world is going to end in 12 years if we don't address climate change.
Oh my god!
11 jingles jingled.
Someone's getting cornhole today.
Oh my god, that is Amazon!
This is about to scumbag.
You see that cute?
That's true.
33.
That's a badge of numbers.
Nine Trump rotations.
Narcissist.
Mean.
Long ties.
Insane.
Tweets too much.
Small hands.
Small penis.
Big red button.
Criminal.
Eight glitches reported.
Glitch.
Seven Obama's knowing.
No, six foamers foaming.
Oh, my God.
This is beautiful.
Yes!
Emotional support goats.
Four job commas.
Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
Three John's chair squeakings.
Two little girliers.
And now short and dealer's choice is this Crown Hog Day two.
Ho ho ho.
Merry Christmas.
Well, well, well, Sir Donald Winkler, you have deserved your executive producer credit.
Actually, exactly.
Producer credit, yeah.
Producer.
Which is curiously in the biz, that's more valuable than executives.
Executive readers just is a suit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You want to be a producer.
And you are one, Sir Donald Winkler.
We appreciate that.
A night.
A night jumping into, you know, I actually sent a really note, and he said, nice note.
He said, ever since COVID, haven't been able to support you with much treasure, so I'm really happy I can contribute this way.
And that's all.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah, that's how value for value works.
And we live by it and we die by it.
So remember to support us at noagendadonations.com.
We will return on Sunday's show with a fresh new brand perspective on everything.
That's a lot of good stuff.
That's a lot of good stuff.
Until then, coming to you from the heart of the Texas Hill Country, Christmas Central in Fredericksburg, Texas.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
Man from Northern Silicon Valley, where we're having, you know, getting a little rain finally.
I'm John C. Dvorak.
We'll be back on Sunday.
See you then.
And remember us at NoAgendadonations.com.
Adios, mofos, a hooey, hooey, and such.
A merry with gender Christmas.
John and Adam to all the producers and dustbacks of Good Monation.