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March 28, 2013 - No Agenda

02:52:30

499: Spam Horse

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	Well, then I'll just play a little sequence.
	Oh, we haven't done the anthem.
	Ladies and gentlemen, please rise for your Gitmo Nation National Anthem.
	And you may sing along as usual.
	In the morning, Gitmo Nation, we are all charged up to be.
	Human resources and service in all lands and all ships at sea.
	From the east to west, down under to the lowlands and beyond.
	We are happy and distracted slaves.
	Hear our gift for nation's song In the morning Legacy Media If you wake up with the blues, trying to fill your day with news, there's one thing you must remember, no agenda in the morning.
	For a healthy, balanced news diet, try NoAgendaShow.com.
	Mac and Cheese by Ayn Rand.
	Get it!
	Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
	It is Thursday, March 28, 2013.
	Time for Gitmo Nation Media Assassination, Episode 4, Niner Niner!
	This is No Agenda.
	Awaiting the big one here at the Travis Heights Hideout where SoCo meets MoFo in the capital of the drone star state.
	In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley where it's about to rain, but it's not raining, uh, it's not raining men.
	I'm John C. DeVoy.
	And he's disappointed it's not raining men.
	No.
	John, really?
	He's a bunch of men falling out of the sky.
	Is that your latent homosexual nature that just popped up all of a sudden when you were confused?
	You're thinking, it's raining men?
	Hallelujah?
	I was thinking of raining something, and the only thing I could think of was the song, It's Raining Men.
	Hey, so I'm convinced now.
	I think it's time.
	I think it's about time for a massive natural event.
	What do you think?
	Oh yeah, yeah.
	Yep, yep.
	If this were my SimCity, right?
	We still have a date due on the...
	When's the next fake terrorist attack?
	That is sometime between now and Sunday.
	The terrorist attack?
	Yes.
	It's not six weeks.
	Yeah, no, I think we're at...
	Well, we had a reset because someone messed it up.
	Yeah, and that was like two weeks ago.
	Yeah, so it's either between now and Sunday or in two weeks.
	But...
	The natural disaster.
	Listen to what we've got.
	First of all, the appropriations bill is in and signed.
	Everybody's got their money.
	Everyone's ready to go and spend money on their buddies to go save people with some natural disaster.
	Everything's all set.
	The weather has been crazy.
	Everything is nuts, so it'll be easy to blame it on the weather or global warming or something.
	There's way too much financial truth going on.
	People are figuring out, you know, hey, wait a minute, you know, everywhere in the Euro land, you know, Cyprus is a part of Euro land, you know, and I'm actually going to deconstruct some of what really happened there for you.
	So that's going on.
	Bitcoin needs massive disruption immediately.
	What are we at today?
	We're at $94.
	I'm so glad I didn't listen to you.
	Get out while you can.
	I'm selling all the way up.
	Every day, I'm selling two and a half Bitcoin.
	You actually are managing to get rid of them?
	Yeah.
	Oh, good.
	Through BitPay, which I think there's like, some of our producers are running that.
	Did you see that, the string of emails?
	No, I didn't.
	If it's in the subject line, Bitcoin, it just goes like trash.
	I don't care.
	So I'm thinking, you know, it could be about time, if I was running the earthquake machine, I'd probably, you know, I mean, I just don't know if it's going to be northern or southern California.
	It's got to be one of those.
	Well, just to keep things straight, it would have to be Southern California, because that's what's designed.
	Although it would be kind of cool to have a Northern California one that collapsed a new bridge they're building.
	Oh, the one across the bay?
	The earthquake-proof one.
	How could this happen?
	And then we could be mad at China again, because it's Chinese steel, I'm sure, right?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, perfect, perfect.
	I love that.
	But let me just say this, John.
	I am amazed, just totally blown away, that we can actually even connect today on the Internet with each other.
	Right.
	Because, you know, the largest cyber war ever was taking place right before our very eyes!
	And it slowed down the Internet!
	Now, here's what I like about this story.
	And this is a very simple story.
	But for those of you who are kind of new to the program, a lot of you understand the internet, or at least understand...
	There's enough of it to be able to smell that something's wrong.
	And when you ever read the New York Times, which is all over this story, completely factually wrong, when you see the BBC, no matter what the story is, if you actually know something about it, if you know something about bicycles and they're doing a story on bicycles, you'll be like, that's bullcrap.
	That's not true.
	You just have to remember that every other story they're doing is probably just as incorrect.
	So this is a good one because a lot of people really understand how these things work.
	And if you listen to this BBC report where they pull in the BBC expert to explain to us what is happening with this war, and you listen to the actual words they are using, you'll understand two things.
	One, this is a PR effort kind of gone wrong by Cloudflare, and I'll explain why that is in a moment.
	But two, people in mainstream love using military terms for internet incidents, but really crazy ones.
	And that, of course, is in order to help ratchet up the CyberDome security farce, which is going to be a financial bonanza for people in the business, which we've already identified.
	And, of course, we have...
	No motivation to get off our ass and start a company and make some money on it.
	We're just too lazy.
	We're not lazy, we're too busy.
	True.
	Well, this was harsh to listen to, and we'll have to comment on it as we listen to this BBC report hyping this kind of non-event, but certainly lying or being factually, grossly wrong.
	We'll keep across all the details coming out of the summit, but let's talk about this.
	George mentioned it, I mentioned it.
	Millions of people around the world may be experiencing slow internet speech.
	Slow it?
	Did you experience slow internet?
	I experienced some sluggishness with my email account over at Computer Time.
	Due to what's being called the biggest cyber attack in history.
	Why?
	The reason?
	Well, it is a spat.
	A bit of a war between a web host company called Cyber Bunker and a UK-based company called Spambles.
	It's now reported...
	I think he says Spam Horse, but it's actually Spam House.
	Spam Horse.
	Yeah, Spam Horse.
	Spam Horse.
	Spam House is what it is, but he keeps saying, yes, Spam Horse.
	...to be affecting the whole internet.
	The whole internet!
	The UK company Spam Horse is trying to stop...
	Spam Horse.
	But he says.
	But already, it's like, it's affecting the entire internet.
	He's expecting his speech, apparently.
	...cyber bunker from flooding the internet with unwanted spam email.
	Confused?
	Yeah, we are a little bit.
	The BBC's technology correspondent, Rory Kethlin-Jones, is going to explain it to us.
	Rory, great to have you with...
	Now, he is the expert...
	Is he speeding it up because Skype's got a problem?
	Yeah, it's because of the war that's going on.
	So he's bringing in the expert.
	The expert's standing in front in the BBC building.
	They have this huge kind of pit where all the interactive people are standing, and he's up on the balcony.
	So he's the expert.
	Rory, break it down for us laymen.
	What's going on here?
	Who's attacking who?
	Well, here's the deal.
	Spam House is an organisation which runs basically a blacklist of companies that it accuses of sending spam across the internet.
	Its list is used by other companies around the world to try and stop the flow of unwanted emails.
	And one of the companies it listed, it's accused now of mounting a huge cyber attack upon it.
	And this is called a distributed denial of service attack.
	What it does, basically, is send vast amounts of traffic across the internet, took the site down, it's back up again.
	Alright, alrighty, the took the site down is like, no, that's not how it works.
	But okay, I'll let you simplify it, but let the other douchebag really describe it in detail.
	The sheer volume of the attack has caused real worries on the internet and some experts are saying that it's spreading wider.
	It's not just the one company affected.
	It's a virus!
	It's affecting the whole sort of motorway system.
	The motorway system, John!
	It's affecting the motorway system!
	...of the internet is in danger of being clogged up.
	Oh, it's the motorway system of the internet.
	Yes.
	What does that mean?
	Well, here it comes.
	He'll explain it.
	...in the whole structure of the way the address system on the internet works.
	Oh, I'm glad you said that because one technician described the technique which uses...
	Okay, I've got to back this up.
	Oh, we're going crazy.
	Here we go.
	One technician, so the technician has described it to him, and I'd love to meet this technician.
	Because one technician described the technique which uses a known floor, I'm assuming that's what you're referring to, in the internet's basic plumbing, and it describes what it's doing, what this cyber bunker is doing.
	It's using a machine gun, mowing down a whole crowd, and yet the intent is to try and kill just one person.
	I love this!
	This is the best they can do.
	But that's the BBC, man.
	They're using a machine gun on the internet, trying to kill one person, but they mow down the whole crowd.
	Exactly.
	That's exactly right.
	What often happens is attackers take over computers around the world, sometimes without their owners, or usually without their owners being aware, use those computers to flood the target with traffic until they can take it.
	No more.
	What's unusual about this...
	Stop!
	I can't take it no more!
	...because these attacks are quite common, is the sheer volume of it and the effect it's having on the basic plumbing of the internet.
	And some experts are saying it's highlighted a flaw in that plumbing which needs to be sorted.
	That sheer volume of also being...
	Floor whore!
	...in reading it's been described like the internet version of using a nuclear bomb.
	Oh no!
	We went from machine gun to nuclear bomb, I say.
	What BBC broadcast is this?
	This is the BBC News!
	This is the main BBC news.
	I've also been reading, it's been described like the internet version of using a nuclear bomb.
	You know, again, for us laymen, you go, hang on, is there not a UN of the internet?
	Oh yes, this is the solution.
	We need a UN! Is there not a body or an organisation that can prevent these two from going head to head or something like that?
	Well, there are various organizations, but the whole...
	I can't take it.
	All right, so allow me to explain what has actually happened, because that is why you listen to...
	The Best Podcast in the Year!
	So, Spam Whores is actually quite an appropriate name.
	Spam House is one version, but there is an incredible racket going on for whitelisting and blacklisting.
	In fact, if you have a company that sends out emails, you're pretty much going to be tied into one of these companies.
	Spam Whores are not the guys you necessarily pay the money to directly.
	But there are companies who you will have to pay to be whitelisted on Hotmail, on Gmail, on Yahoo.
	And it can be quite costly because they are literally looking at how much mail you send and if you really want some guaranteed delivery.
	And it's not really for sending out a marketing message but like password retrievals and stuff like that.
	So it's a real scam and the spam whores are involved in it.
	Now the spam whores, the way the company operates...
	They'll identify someone sending spam.
	And the idea is okay.
	It's kind of the idea of having a blacklist and some kind of org behind it.
	But they then talk to the internet service provider that is providing the access to the spammer.
	And if the ISP, which a lot of these are dynamically generated IP addresses, they can't really figure out who's doing what or when, it's very costly, then the spam whores will block...
	Entire networks.
	They'll block the entire ISP so that legitimate users then will not have their email arriving.
	So Spam Whore's not really a beloved company because of this practice, and they are kind of jacking ISPs, and certainly ISPs from eastern states.
	Now, granted, a lot of spam comes from Russia and But it's not like Russia doesn't deserve to be on the internet, and spam whores are the only guys who are allowed to determine that.
	So Cyber Bunker, which is in the Netherlands, actually.
	It's Dutch.
	There was some spam coming from one of their accounts.
	Completely understandable that happens.
	Someone using a machine.
	It happens from Amazon.
	It happens from all over the place.
	Spam whores then blocked all of Cyberbunker to put them on the blacklist.
	And this was over, this was like nine or ten days ago.
	This had been going on for quite a while.
	And then there was like this Skype list, you know, like a conference call.
	And a lot of people started joining it.
	And they're like, you know, screw these spam whore guys.
	We're going to do a DDoS on them.
	And it was quite a significant one.
	But here's what went wrong.
	Cloudflare.
	Then came in and said, oh, don't worry, we'll take care of it.
	We can handle it for you.
	But they couldn't.
	And this DDoS was so severe that it was not slowing down the internet, but it was slowing down access to their other client's stuff.
	Because they're basically like an Akamai.
	And so that's when they had to say, oh, we're protecting it, we can stop it all, but it's slowing down the internet.
	They wanted to get some PR as being like the good guys, but then the attack was so severe that it slowed down and their other clients started bitching like, hey, what the hell's going on?
	And that's really the simplicity of it.
	Well, you know, I don't know if you're missing the bigger picture here or...
	No, I don't think I am.
	This is the technical issue.
	You tell us about the bigger picture.
	Well, yeah, well, I'm more...
	I went and tried...
	I hit both these sites, and I noticed that cyber whores or whatever their name is.
	Spam whores.
	Spam whores.
	They were snappy.
	Now, somebody said that Google gave them some backbone bandwidth.
	Sure, sure, sure.
	But meanwhile, the cyber bunker boys were just, they were damn near down as if the attack was against them.
	And then, gee, no coincidence, I don't know why this was never mentioned by anybody in any media outlet.
	They are the hosts of WikiLeaks.
	There you go.
	Now, I understand the bigger picture.
	And so the WikiLeaks thing seems to have more to do with it.
	And if you read the two, they have two press releases.
	I'm sorry, two press releases on their site.
	One talking about the spam whores being a blackmailing operation.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, in a kind of a legal sense.
	Yeah.
	But, you know, it's the protection racket.
	Hey, you don't want no spams.
	Yeah, you want to get through?
	Yeah.
	So, and then they also mentioned, I guess they had a, they are literally in a bunker.
	Yes, a Dutch, a former bunker from World War II. Yeah, it's like you can't get into the place if you want to.
	That's marketing.
	I love it.
	There's one of those in Switzerland.
	They're inside of a mountain.
	Is that Switzerland?
	That's where WikiLeaks went.
	I thought it was Norway or something, or Denmark.
	Well, the big mountain...
	A retreat that nobody can get into is in Switzerland, and it's mostly used for backups.
	People want to archive their corporate records, they put it inside this mountain, and you can drop an A-bomb, supposedly, on the mountain, and they're still safe.
	At that point, your backup will be so useful.
	I don't know what difference does it make.
	Get a thumb drive, people.
	So I think the whole thing, because I pointed this out in a column about the WikiLeaks angle, which is why are these people actually the site that's having trouble?
	And then I got a bunch of tweets out of the blue.
	And I knew I was right by the tweets I got, which I also blocked every one of these idiots.
	But there were these screwball tweets.
	Each one of the guys had about 175 followers, and they were all cybersecurity experts, and they all worked at different companies, supposedly.
	I didn't do any background research on them, but they all looked like spooks to me.
	And they're tweeting you?
	They were all tweeting me saying, oh, oh, well, Cyber Bunker must be responsible for the Kennedy assassination.
	What other conspiracies do you have for me?
	Oh, no.
	Oh, hold on.
	Really?
	Yeah, I got one said, they were responsible for killing Kennedy.
	Wait a minute.
	Let me find these tweets.
	Did anyone call you Hitler at any point?
	No, no, the Hitler thing, they dropped it.
	But they said it was, oh, they're blaming him for, they're blaming him anyway.
	I can't remember the ones besides Kennedy, but every normal conspiracy theory, they said, oh, Dvorak thinks Cyber Bunker did it.
	Or Spam House, or whatever.
	I don't know how they phrased it.
	But as soon as I got those tweets, out of the blue, they don't follow me.
	I don't know, you know, I guess they just jumped on me on Twitter, and I said, okay, great.
	So, but this was after you published the article, right?
	Yeah, this published a day or two.
	Of course, of course.
	Yeah, it was right, bang, bang.
	It's techno experts, man.
	This is like the guys who come in with the negative review on the book that tells it like it is.
	Yeah, exactly.
	And if you look at all the reviews, that's all they do is they seek out anything that, like, you know, says something bad about the CIA, and they're all over it.
	Okay.
	No, no, here it is.
	David Romerstein, apparently at the Real Dvorak, has become the Larry King of tech media.
	Just saying random rambling things.
	Let me see who is this guy.
	130 followers.
	Yep, spook.
	Okay, let's see the next one.
	Oh, wait a minute.
	What is he?
	MTA Ops?
	What is he?
	MTA Ops at Living Social and Nerd of...
	He's a lead engineer, MTA Ops.
	Hmm.
	Brian McNett.
	Oh yeah, that's a good one.
	Brian McNett.
	At The Real Dvorak.
	Next we'll be hearing how Spam House shot the Kennedys, kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, and sank the Titanic.
	Let's see Brian McNett.
	Very funny.
	Oh, here it is.
	Brian McNett.
	I stop Spam for a living.
	I play synths and hunt mushrooms for fun.
	Okie dokie.
	115 followers.
	Another winner.
	Wow.
	I know they kind of stand out like a sore thumb.
	No evidence beyond their own statements that Cyber Bunker ever hosted WikiLeaks.
	So anyways, I don't like the spam whores.
	I think this is a very...
	Because I remember when we started with Mevio or Podshow, and all of a sudden we had a registration system, and people needed to get a registration email or a verification email, and it was just getting willy-nilly blocked, and that's when the protection racket came in.
	It was like $250,000 a year.
	I didn't know it was that high.
	Yeah, and that was a deal because they were a Sequoia company.
	That was the deal.
	You got a deal.
	You got a deal.
	Well, I'm sure I haven't talked to the people at MailChimp, who I do my emailing through, about this.
	Yeah, well, they don't pay.
	No, they have to have a...
	For example, when I had this one time, I had a complete failure of a mailing.
	And I couldn't figure out why.
	But then I finally figured out why.
	You put...
	I turned off the re...
	What's it called when you send it to one address and then it bounces it to somebody else?
	The reply to?
	No, no, no.
	The redirect?
	Redirect.
	I turned off redirects.
	So when the mail, which would normally be redirected through MailChimp so they can do accounting.
	Oh, right, right, right.
	Oh, you had somebody click on this and something.
	I turned all that off.
	Right, and immediately you got blocked.
	You got tagged.
	Yeah, because they didn't have enough MailChimp action.
	I guess they said, what's this?
	I don't know.
	It doesn't look like anything.
	Block it.
	Wow.
	Well, anyway, I will say that Cyber Bunker, of course, did land on the moon, and I totally believe him.
	Hilarious, I tell you.
	But it's important that people, of course, we laugh, but this is the BBC, and if you read the New York Times, two days in a row they're spouting this just blather, just total bullcrap, because they don't know what they're talking about.
	They really don't understand.
	You know, if anyone is doing anything in this, the heroes are at the exchanges.
	Right?
	The guys who are running the real routers, the BGP stuff that is at the exchanges, and that's not a stock exchange.
	That's an internet exchange.
	Those are the guys that are really managing all this stuff, and they're the heroes.
	No one interviews them.
	Let's talk to the PR guy from Spam Whores.
	Yeah, or some other PR guy.
	It's all.
	But this whole racket, which I've been...
	The Dvorak.org blog was always getting blocked here and there, and I had to do a lot of research to figure out who was doing it.
	It was always one of these companies that puts up blacklists.
	And it's like, why am I on the blacklist?
	It's just a blog, for God's sake.
	You can't figure out who they are.
	You can't get a hold of anybody.
	People should stop using these blacklists from these people.
	Either stop using email or get a team up with a small company that runs their own servers.
	Don't be using all this other crap.
	That's how we used to do it.
	Remember?
	We used to have like an ISP and it was like a local guy.
	Yeah.
	And he'd call, hey man, hey man, my email's not working.
	Don't worry, I'll fix it.
	One second.
	You kind of have that with my guy.
	Yeah, you do, yeah.
	But that guy's probably not taking new clients.
	I think he is.
	Oh, really?
	Yeah.
	Okay.
	C-A-C-T-Y-M-E dot com.
	And I run my own mail server, and I'm very happy with that.
	Very happy.
	And you're not corrupted?
	No.
	At all.
	Of course, you block your spam with any technique at all?
	Um...
	Actually, if you look at the...
	Because I just bought a Mac Mini server, and it literally has everything kind of right in there and just started up.
	A Mac Mini?
	Yeah, Mac Mini server.
	OSX Mac Mini server.
	It has everything kind of in there, including the same mail program.
	I've got Squirrel Mail if I want to.
	Actually, I wind up using that more than I would ever expect.
	I feel the same way.
	It's kind of, you know, because when you do a search, you're searching on the server, and it's pretty fast.
	Anyway, so it does have spam whores in there as a choice, and I think it may be by default, but I didn't choose to use that.
	You know, it's fun.
	So what I actually have done, and it's kind of a crazy way to do it, but I dislike all these All these typical filters is I've set up on the server, there's an account that's running, and I actually have Thunderbird running with custom mail rules that I've created over time.
	So a lot of stuff should be blocked at the server end, and obviously there's some stuff that if it can't authenticate, it blocks it.
	There's some lower-level SMTP stuff that it does.
	But I've really kind of built my own mail rules over time and I just have a copy of Thunderbird running all the time filtering that out and I get it through IMAP so it kind of works.
	It's a little more than most people will do I'm sure.
	Actually, with most of these systems, if you wanted to put the effort into it, you could create a filtering system yourself, which you did, and which would be very effective, specifically for you.
	And also, in SquirrelMail, you can actually set up server-side rules, and I've also set up a number of those.
	Yeah, it takes a little work, but you know what?
	What are you teaching your kids at school?
	You're teaching them nothing of any use.
	When kids go to school, they should be taught how to compile a kernel, a Linux kernel, just so they do it, just so they've seen it, set up a mail server, set up a web server, set up a porn site.
	I mean, these are the things that are useful for kids.
	What are we teaching them in school?
	Black history.
	Yeah.
	Well, so of course, in the United States of Gitmo Nation, we have the big Defense of Marriage Act that's in the Supreme Court.
	And I'd like to...
	Well, there's actually two things running.
	And I can't see when one starts and the other begins and the other ends and one...
	Anyway, the DOMA is being discussed and so is the Prop 8 situation in California.
	Yeah.
	Well, this is very interesting, because people in the United States don't understand how it works and how it operates, but outside of the United States, they really have no idea.
	And we have a guest, and she's actually leaving tomorrow, but our guest from the Netherlands, she's a writer, she writes for magazines, and by a lot of insight she gives me, it's like, she gets double edited because she's always trying to slip kind of like...
	Crackpot stuff through and they won't have it.
	Talk to any writer who writes for a mainstream magazine.
	They'll tell you that you can't do anything.
	That money's been remotely pissed off the advertisers.
	She's well-read.
	The way you see the news, tomorrow we're going to wake up and you can marry anything.
	I'm going to marry this chair.
	That's how it's going to roll here.
	No, that's not what's going to happen.
	I said...
	And I said, do you know that the DOMA, the Defense of Marriage Act, do you know that Bill Clinton signed that into law?
	And her head went, what?
	She said, yeah, Bill Clinton.
	And now he's rescinding on that.
	She said, really?
	Well, he's easy to rescind on after you're out.
	I didn't mean to do that.
	But what was interesting is she said, oh, I thought that was part of the Constitution.
	What?
	Yeah, and she's smart, man, but this is how...
	Nobody in Holland is going to even understand the basics of our Constitution, how simple it is.
	And the fact is, most of these things are outside the Constitution, and that's why they're always debating whether they're allowed by the Constitution in these court situations.
	I know, but people so don't understand...
	But also, this is how we're portrayed.
	Get rid of our guns.
	Well, it's funny you bring that up, because Nancy Pelosi's daughter, Alexandra, who I'm starting to grow a dislike for.
	Not that I ever liked her, but it's kind of a severe thing.
	She was on Pierce Moron.
	And she, because she did a documentary, she's promoting a documentary about the New Jersey, I think it was the governor who...
	Oh, she's the one who went into the deep south and found every toothless guy she could in Mississippi.
	Yes, yes, yes.
	And made it look like the whole state's a bunch of toothless sticks.
	Yes, yes.
	I don't know, I like to screw my dog when my wife's not around.
	Opening of the show.
	Let me just take the time code.
	Okay.
	So she's on with the governor who came out as gay.
	Remember that?
	He was there with his wife and he resigned.
	It was like this whole big deal.
	That was maybe ten years ago, I think.
	So she's done a documentary on him.
	Her husband is Dutch.
	And so Pierce brings up, of course, his main topic about Newtown, Connecticut.
	Yeah, I'm sure his ratings are skyrocketing from this theme of his.
	And I think that there's some story, although I'm not sure if it's really been corroborated, that two guys came up with a lady with a stroller and said, give us your money, no, and then they shot the infant in the head.
	God!
	You didn't hear this story?
	No, it's not.
	It's kind of like a croc.
	It sounds like a croc to me.
	But listen to what Pelosi, daughter of the biggest reptile in D.C., had to say.
	To me, it's getting worse.
	I don't know what you think about this.
	By the way, here's a British guy about to talk about a Dutch guy's opinion of our country.
	This seems like an escalation in the desensitizing of these kids.
	Adam Lanza at Sandy Hook.
	Is he drunk?
	No, this is just how he talks.
	He's trying to talk like this a little bit.
	To walk into a classroom of first graders and just annihilate them.
	I love the words.
	A kid who's been charged with this offense, to walk up to a baby in a stroller and just shoot a bullet in its head.
	It seems to me a sort of dehumanizing process has gone on here that removes any sense of normal behavior.
	I thought you were taking it to the place of redemption.
	Now, by the way, what happened here is they have a script for this interview, and she totally...
	He went off script?
	Yeah, well, she totally misunderstood.
	Oh, she essentially lost...
	She lost his train of thought, and she's actually going to say that right now.
	I thought you were going to talk about Tiger Woods, which he didn't mention in the whole lead-up to this.
	This is insane.
	These shows are highly scripted, by the way.
	Yeah, very, very scripted.
	Because you're so...
	Starting with Tiger Woods, and I thought you were going to ask Jim if he thought these people deserved redemption.
	Well, I'm going to come to that.
	I mean, I think that...
	I'm going to come to that.
	I'm going to come back to that part of the script.
	Well, hold on.
	I'm not really, I suppose, that exercise...
	She will take over your show if you'll let her.
	And I will, and I will tell you that my husband is Dutch, and he watches you every night, and he says, this is sick.
	This country is sick, and it's a disease, and it's sad that, you know, it's great that you can say it, but that the whole world doesn't see it, and that If you get a class, I have a first grader, if you line up their class of 20 kids and they get what happened in San Diego and that doesn't change this country, then you have to realize there's something really sick and disgusting about this country.
	You're not allowed to say that in America.
	In America, you have to say, USA, chant, this is the greatest country on earth, and that's all you're allowed to say.
	True on the USA, which, by the way, your mom would be the number one douchebag doing that, But why don't you take your Dutch husband and put him on a plane and send him back to Deutschland where it's so much better.
	Where, let me see, you make a movie and then just a movie about a religion and then your head gets cut off and you get gunned down in the street.
	How about that?
	Or where, you know, just walk around Amsterdam.
	Tell me how safe you feel as a woman or as a gay man or woman.
	Tell me how safe you feel in that unsick country.
	The world is sick, lady.
	I like the script thing.
	She was like, wait, I thought you were going to be on this item too.
	Talk about, yeah.
	Dude.
	We had one of the, we should remind, we talked about this maybe two or three years ago.
	We had one of the producers that used to work on the McLaughlin Report and he says that entire show is scripted.
	Completely scripted, right, right.
	Including what people say and how they say and how they get interrupted.
	And I'd like to remind people that not only is this podcast not scripted, I'll take it one step further.
	We do not speak to each other outside of the 15 minutes before we start the show when we're just like getting tea and playing slide whistle during the show and then after the show where we discuss essentially the artwork, the title of the show and then If John's going to be on Twit, I try and rile him up to say crazy crap on the show.
	It rarely works, by the way.
	And that's about it.
	And that is why I think it's part of our success.
	And people still sometimes don't even believe that.
	No, I know.
	It's because many of our clips, since we're essentially...
	We're not on the same exact wavelength, and we're not even in the same part of the country.
	But we watch the same sources, even though there's more sources than we can actually watch, and we switch around a lot.
	But we find the same kinds of stories, and so we'll have complimentary clips, which makes it look rehearsed.
	Because, you know, you'll say something, I got a boom, and then I got one in there, and then you got a topper.
	And that kind of thing.
	Now, I did have one clip from the Supreme Court discussions, which I believe Kagan had the best line, and apparently these discussions about gay marriage, DOMA and Prop 8, are packing them in.
	Unlike most Supreme Court...
	And here's what I don't understand.
	Why...
	So, you know, of course, like you and I were both, you have C-SPAN on, then we have this great debate, which is, it's grandiose one way or the other, but there's no video, it's only audio, and it's like a radio play.
	I mean, you've got the audience hooting and hollering and laughing, and I like it, I enjoy it, but why no cameras in the Supreme Court?
	What is the thinking behind that?
	They're not very attractive people.
	Okay, right, that would make sense, yes.
	So, anyway, so we have...
	They're not camera ready.
	They're not.
	They don't want to put makeup on and they'd be tempted to...
	Have you seen Ginsburg's legs?
	I mean, please.
	Please.
	So, they are getting big laughs, and Kagan had the best line.
	I have it here, getting big laughs in the Supreme Court.
	And she's played to the audience and got the big laugh, and the whole place was happy as a clam.
	Well, suppose a state said, Mr.
	Cooper, suppose a state said...
	Hold on, stop, stop, stop.
	I'll have to set it up.
	This is the argument that she's attacking, which is that the reason you don't have gay marriage, and this guy's an anti-gay marriage, is because there's no procreation.
	It's all about procreation.
	That's what the whole game is.
	And so now hit it again.
	Because we think that the focus of marriage really should be on procreation.
	We're not going to give marriage licenses anymore to any couple where both people are over the age of 55.
	Would that be constitutional?
	No, Your Honor, it would not be constitutional.
	Because that's the same state interest, I would think.
	You know, if you're over the age of 55, you don't help us serve the government's interest in regulating procreation through marriage.
	By the way, when I heard that, I was like, I'm listening to the giant voice system.
	You are not helpful to your government.
	You are not procreating.
	Stay inside.
	So why is that different?
	Your Honor, even with respect to couples over the age of 55, it is very rare that both parties to the couple are infertile.
	No, really, because if a couple...
	I can just assure you, if both the woman and the man are over the age of 55, there are not a lot of children coming out of that marriage.
	We are so messed up in our head in this country about penis, vagina, boobies, nipples, ass, you know, anything that has to do with the human body.
	Because that's not laughter.
	That's nervous laughter, John.
	That's a nervous humor.
	I think she got the big laugh.
	Yeah, but it's a punchline.
	Yeah, it's a punchline, but it's just so...
	No, you'd think it was...
	It was sad.
	Yeah.
	It's...
	Oh, my goodness.
	We're having sex and kids.
	Oh, my goodness.
	I assure you, when you put it in there, nothing will come out.
	I'm like, ugh, really?
	By the way, alright, so, that's all you got?
	I had all those clips and I said, you know, this is not that interesting.
	It's going to be easier to deconstruct the results rather than picking up these one-liners and these coy arguments.
	And the arguments are interesting, I have to say.
	And I always enjoyed, by the way, I did listen to the Supreme Court case about the dogs.
	What?
	It's totally fascinating.
	I don't know what about the dogs.
	Well, play Sniffer Dog's decision.
	Okay.
	This is also in the Supreme Court, huh?
	Police will have to get a warrant from now on before they bring drug-sniffing dogs on a suspect's property.
	The Supreme Court handed down that decision today 5-4.
	Justice Anthony Scalia wrote the majority opinion for a conservative-liberal combination.
	He found that using sniffer dogs without a warrant violates the Fourth Amendment's protection against illegal search and seizure.
	Absolutely, because we know the dogs lie.
	Yeah, there's that too.
	Yeah, the dogs lie.
	The dogs lie.
	Get the dogs away.
	That's the point.
	And apparently it was only the liberal part of the court that thought this was the way to go.
	And all the conservatives, that's fine, let the dogs come on the property.
	What difference does it make?
	They're not going inside.
	And that was their basic argument.
	But Scalia said, ah, screw that.
	He flipped.
	And the liberals said, oh, you can write the decision because you're more erudite than we are.
	So I gave him the thing to write.
	Hey, um, just thinking back to that comment, I was kind of ageist.
	You know, it's also like, you know, you're 55, like, you're just, you don't have sex, you're just useless.
	That is a good point.
	That is an ageist comment.
	You know, I'm just thinking, I'm like, hey, wait a minute.
	That's only like seven years from now.
	Six.
	Screw that.
	I'm in my rearview mirror.
	And objects in the rearview mirror may seem closer than they appear, or something like that.
	Well, I only caught one thing about this whole dolma.
	And, of course, this really means nothing.
	So the Supreme Court could strike it down because the way it works...
	It still works, I believe, in these United States.
	It's a state's rights issue.
	States determine their own laws in this regard, and the federal government pretty much has nothing to do with it.
	But I caught on, this is MSNBC. On the morning show program, they had some guests on, I guess legal experts.
	And the, well, listen to it and see if you hear the same thing I heard.
	The DOMA debate, just reading about it, would appear...
	That that's done.
	That they're going to just throw it out, huh?
	It sounds like it, but the interesting thing is, it doesn't sound like they're going to throw it out because they think that it's unconstitutional on an equal protection basis.
	It sounds like if they toss out Doma, it's because of a legal technicality, because it tramples on states' rights.
	States' rights is a legal technicality, apparently.
	The legal technicality is the way the system works.
	What is wrong with these people?
	It's a minor, minor legal technicality.
	The 10th Amendment is just a legal technicality.
	But this is how we're being programmed.
	This is how we're being programmed.
	And I'm going to rescind to you.
	I will rescind and repent that I was unawares, and I think that's correct with the S, of the cutting in line phenomenon.
	Which now is confirmed as also taking place in Texas, although I still have yet to receive confirmation or empirical proof myself that it's happening in Austin.
	You'll never see it because you're an older guy and they're going to see you and they're not going to do it.
	In fact, if you saw the second batch of clips, I do have one clip which I want to discuss.
	Although we can discuss it after taking a number of executive producers who are coming in because we have show 500 coming up next Sunday, this coming Sunday, which is Easter Sunday.
	And I want to get these out of the way because there's a lot of them and we want to make sure everyone gets a good thank you for helping us celebrate 500 shows.
	And this is really part of the pre-celebratory festivities.
	Yeah.
	So we have a couple of people.
	Two of our producers came in as Insta Nights.
	Wow.
	Awesome.
	Gerard.
	How do you pronounce this in Dutch?
	Boers.
	Boers.
	Gerard Boers is how I pronounce it.
	Gerard.
	Gerard.
	And Boers isn't Boers like one of the great, great Dutch names?
	Well, you know that all this stuff changed.
	South Africa.
	Oh, the Boers.
	You're right.
	Yeah.
	And he's, well, it makes sense.
	He's from the south of Holland, Limburg, Sittart.
	Yeah, in fact, I think he's, yeah.
	And he sent us no note that I could find, and we looked and looked.
	Really?
	And he probably was a relative of somebody that was in the Boer War, I would think.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, come convinced.
	That was like a major, major deal.
	But anyway, I want to thank you.
	The South, you would recognize it being the South.
	But we also have a guy from the South of the USA, Paxton Sanders from Madison, Alabama.
	And he says he wants to thank us for all the entertainment information.
	Only one request, karma for his family.
	Absolutely.
	Happy to hand that out.
	And you deserve it, my friend.
	You've got karma.
	That's right.
	I was just QSOing with Alabama.
	You were QSOing.
	With Alabama, yeah.
	10-4?
	No, on the CWs, my friend.
	So you were on the CW? Yeah, with my paddle and everything.
	Do you have a paddle?
	I have an iambic paddle.
	So I met with the CEO of Roku.
	Oh, yeah.
	And he somehow got off the track because he's interested in a bunch of things.
	I'm interested in, like, he's getting chickens.
	I think I talked him to getting a C-band dish.
	Yeah.
	But she was in its front yard in Palo Alto, which I don't think he's going to get away.
	Hey, wait a minute.
	Did he say, hey, that No Agenda show is always on the favorite list on Roku?
	Did he mention that?
	Did he bring it up?
	No.
	I brought it up and he didn't know anything.
	He said, that's great.
	He doesn't use his own stuff.
	You know he doesn't.
	Go to the Roku search and you just type in No Agenda.
	Anyway, but I think I talked him into becoming a ham.
	Great!
	Who's the guy that started Tandem Computers?
	Oh, I don't remember his name.
	So he's a ham and he lives in Austin, and I was introduced via email, and he's like a billionaire still, probably.
	I can't get rid of the money fast enough.
	Well, I'm going to try and help him.
	Yeah, make him listen to the No Agenda show.
	That's your little device.
	We need an endowment.
	But he's a ham.
	He's like, hey man, let's have some coffee.
	Cool.
	Sure.
	These poor guys, they're not in the business anymore, so they're just bored.
	And our scientist friend, Russell, Professor Russell from The Brain Guy?
	Yeah.
	I don't know what we said exactly, but I think he's trying to take my wife away from me now.
	Yeah.
	I swear to God, he's like...
	He's letting her photograph...
	He's like...
	No, seriously.
	He's like, so first he was allowed to photograph the entire brain collection, and the pictures are...
	I get it.
	I have seen what's up.
	But no, no, it's like, would you like to see the mummies we have in the basement?
	Oh, hmm.
	And let's meet in...
	Would you like to see a mummy bed?
	Let's meet in Florence.
	I know the friends there at the museum.
	I'm sure I can get you to see, to photograph some of the special exhibits.
	And these guys are totally stealing my wife.
	He's probably thinking about it.
	Yeah, it was probably from the last show.
	You made some indication that you might want to go gay.
	What?
	That was my opportunity.
	I don't remember that.
	I do.
	Let's get some more thanks out there.
	Kobe Hung in Parts Unknown.
	He says he gave us $5.80 to produce the show, and he says it's been 58 shows since I last donated, so here's $10 for each of them.
	Thank you.
	See you at the round table.
	Adios, mofos.
	It should be at night.
	We'll knight him on Sunday if he is.
	John White, Jackson, Tennessee, 53261.
	In honor of the upcoming 500th episode of The Best Podcast in the Universe, I've decided to speed up my knighthood.
	I would like the title to be Sir Dr.
	Sharkey.
	Please dendee douche my Senators Alexander and Corker and send some karma and an ITM. So he wants to douche and then de-douche?
	Yeah.
	Okay, well, we can do that.
	Douchebag.
	You've been de-douched.
	In the morning.
	You've got karma.
	Let me just make sure I've got...
	Because JC never puts that down when someone wants a title.
	So he wants to be Sir Dr.
	Sharky.
	Okay, I got it.
	Hyperware Technologies on behalf of Sir David Foley and Los Gatos.
	The Lost Cat.
	No, it's actually The Cat.
	The Cats.
	500 from Sir David Foley.
	Get coins.
	500 get coins for the best podcasts in the universe.
	Hey, shoot.
	Hold on a second.
	Stop.
	Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
	Let me do it real quick before anyone else does it.
	Oh, my God.
	Please tell me this is available.
	I can't go fast enough.
	Well, you do it while we're going on.
	Hold on, I got gitcoin.com.
	Let me see if I can register.
	How funny is that?
	You could have a coin with like a dude all messed up looking.
	How funny is that?
	Yeah, it's worth a lot of money.
	Gitcoin, let me see if I can get it.
	What?
	Ah, crap.
	Somebody has Gitcoin?
	No, something's messing up.
	Hold on.
	No, you're killing the show.
	You're killing the pace and the flow here.
	Yeah, but if you don't do this, then someone else will get it.
	Yes, they would immediately.
	Okay.
	No, no good.
	Someone has Gitcoin.
	They do, but what about get dash coin?
	No, we're not going to do dashes.
	For the best podcast in the universe, he says, he wants some karma.
	Okay, absolutely.
	Sorry about interrupting the flow there.
	You've got karma.
	Christopher Roche in Tampa, Florida, the home of the best lap dancers in the world.
	Thank you guys for the hours of entertainment while being broke and unemployed.
	Now that I'm a productive wage slave, I can provide value for value.
	I only ask for the little karma to keep the prosperity going, shooting for the knighthood by the end of the year.
	Oh, that's very awesome.
	And thank you for remembering us in your prosperous times.
	Don't worry.
	It'll swing back.
	Well, not for a while.
	Keith Chamberlain in Medford, Oregon.
	I love the financial cliff scream.
	Please play.
	I fear it will disappear from disuse.
	I need karma.
	Karma for everyone, please.
	$500.
	Ah!
	You've got karma.
	They take the place of that, what's the name of that scream everyone uses in all their movies just because it's funny to use it?
	I don't know.
	Somebody in the chat room will tell you.
	Francine Hardaway, Dame Francine, as a matter of fact.
	No.
	She's moving up a notch.
	Yeah, but she's now Dame Francine.
	You don't give them the title during the reading.
	Oh.
	Right?
	Yep.
	Phoenix, Arizona, 3333.
	And that was your policy, 3333.
	This should make me Baroness Von Stealth mode in time for show 500.
	But she's not claiming a protectorate?
	She will in due time.
	Maybe probably Phoenix.
	I don't know.
	Okay.
	I love our little upside-down helmet for Barons.
	He said we need art.
	We need art for the Barons.
	We do.
	All right.
	David McGee, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, 3-13-13.
	After giving up mass media six years ago for better health and intelligence instead of relying on friends, blogs, and podcasts as a filter for what's important, instead relying on...
	I had since tried a few news review type podcasts or competition, albeit unsuccessfully.
	A few months ago, producer Michael Dunn hit me in the mouth.
	Before I had my first NA show listen, I thought it might be off like the NPR podcast on the media.
	Yeah, it's just like that.
	I was way off.
	The so-called media scrutiny effort of our national treasure is rubbish compared to the top-notch media deconstruction of the No Agenda show.
	Here's some value for your valuable insights.
	31313 from a 33-year-old.
	Cheers, Dave in Pittsburgh.
	Thank you very much, Dave.
	That's very cool.
	But I think it's a good way to propagate the show.
	You can just say to people, it's almost like NPR's on the media.
	Yeah, almost.
	Not quite.
	I've never listened to On the Media, I don't think.
	Oh, yeah, no.
	Oh, maybe I have.
	It's like a weekend show.
	I've been on On the Media.
	Oh, you have?
	Yeah, when we first started with podcasting.
	I should find that.
	They're like, wow, this is crazy.
	What are you thinking?
	Who cares?
	You said what they said?
	I'm paraphrasing.
	I should find it.
	Hank in Kew Gardens, New York, 31313.
	These are all 31313, by the way.
	I love you and what you've done for myself and all the other producers, knights, dames, dukes and grand dukes, hookers, rent boys and wenches.
	And anyone else I'm leaving out.
	Keep on trucking.
	I love it.
	D-douching jobs karma.
	Looking at a few opportunities as I write this and I need to get out of the bottomless pit of hell that is this country's higher education system.
	Yeah, no kidding.
	D-douching.
	Here we go.
	You've been D-douched.
	Jobs, jobs, jobs and jobs.
	Let's vote for jobs.
	Yeah!
	You've got karma.
	Anyway, it's called The Wilhelm Scream.
	You've heard of it.
	You've never heard of The Wilhelm Scream?
	No, I don't think so.
	Oh.
	You can look it up.
	It's a scream that was in some old movie, and everybody puts it in their movies.
	If there's a screaming sequence, they throw it in.
	It's very identifiable.
	I was incorrect.
	It was all things considered.
	Ah, a lot different.
	Yeah.
	Crap.
	Blake Israel, Norwalk, Connecticut.
	Please credit as Blake from Norwalk, Connecticut.
	Connecticut nuts.
	The show has been outstanding in the past few weeks.
	Can I get a Shut Up Science Chemtrails Karma?
	Sure.
	Only if you read the outstanding the way he actually wrote it.
	The show has been outstanding!
	Shut up already!
	Science!
	Chemtrails!
	You've got karma.
	Jake Shearer in Crystal, Minnesota.
	Nuts.
	Nuts.
	Jake Shearer, this is my first donation after listening for more than a year.
	I never want to be seen as a mooch, so I was always trying to save up to be an instantite, but something always came up.
	So people, my message to you and myself is donate what you can monthly.
	By the way, it adds up to becoming an instantite is not that easy.
	And I just want to reiterate how happy we are that so many people are now signing up for monthlies.
	Of course, a one-off is always welcome, but it's really the monthly that over time does...
	Over time.
	Yeah.
	And if enough people do it.
	We've had so many people just not doing anything.
	Right.
	He went to $33.33 monthly, which is available.
	Please de-douche me and send some job karma for my music teacher wife.
	You've been de-douched.
	You've got karma.
	Monica Lansing in Drayton, Alberta, Canada.
	Hey boys, well this donation should make me a dame.
	She's not on the list.
	Well, put her on the list.
	I'm going to put her on the list.
	Put her on the list.
	Okay.
	She's got some accounting here.
	Could I have some golf karma for my sweetie who is heading to Vegas with his sons?
	Keep up the great work.
	So she's at home listening to us?
	Oh my baby.
	You've got karma.
	Might be opportunity for you after your wife is smuggled.
	Leave me for the brain doctor.
	The brain doctor.
	Sir Matthew Greensmith in Wheeler's Hill, Victoria.
	ITM. The last few shows have been extra great, and I keep looking forward to each new show.
	Congratulations on 500 and more to come.
	I would like to issue a personal challenge to Simon Elisha to hit his knighthood before I get a barony.
	Hey!
	Sir Matt in Melbourne.
	The gauntlet has been thrown.
	Gordon Jones in Sykeston, Missouri.
	Well, it's finally time to get off my butt and donate.
	I've enjoyed your insight into the issues we face.
	As a family physician, I love hearing Adam and his ideas about what drugs would be interesting to use.
	Send me then some.
	Come on.
	Hurry up.
	I can't help but think about it as I prescribe you.
	I'm currently free of alimony payments.
	Free of alimony payments.
	I've decided there was not a better way to use the money than support the best podcast.
	In the universe, planning on a knighthood in the future.
	Keep up all the great work.
	You need some karma for the many blessings we all have.
	Absolutely.
	And I would like to say that Dr.
	G and there are other doctors and physicians of all walks of life who always are very happy to send us information.
	And often they have to be a little quiet about it, but they do hook us up with good info.
	You've got karma.
	Unlike on television where you get some douchebag, fake-ass doctor who's just promoting some pharmaceutical crap.
	Alan Smith in Powder Springs, Georgia.
	On behalf of Mike Roch, ITM Podfather Allah, Jehovah, and Lady Madonna, praise to 500.
	Single jingle request double speak of the week saludos.
	Okay.
	Where the hell is it?
	Double speak of the week?
	No, I know which one it is, but I don't know.
	It's the double, double, double, double speak of the week.
	Oh, that, that, that.
	Geez.
	Oh, here it is.
	Found it.
	It's the double, double, double speak of the week.
	It's the double, double, double, double speak of the week.
	There you go.
	Huh.
	I haven't heard that for a while.
	It's been a while.
	Joshua Riker in New Fairfield, Connecticut.
	Keeping it short and sweet, thanks for all the work you guys do.
	It's the best podcast in the universe.
	I appreciate being able to actually get the news in time of glitz in Hollywood that is now called News.
	Also got off my butt and finally got around to signing up for the 3333 subscription.
	I'll remember to yell at you if you cancel it on me.
	Yes, please do.
	Smiley face.
	Right.
	I'd like an LGY and some general karma.
	You've got karma.
	What's the name?
	You know, I will get to it after this.
	I've got to get through this.
	Daniel in Lansdale, Pennsylvania, 313.
	Don't have a note.
	We'll read one on Sunday if I can find one.
	Sir Keith Edwards in Gilbert, Arizona.
	Karma for all the Knights and Dames producers and my fellow wage slaves.
	Yeah.
	You've got karma.
	Sir Robert Goschko in Sherwood Park, Alberta.
	Happy 500th of the show.
	Been a listener since show number one.
	Been quite the ride.
	Keep hitting those media brain-dead zombies in the mouth and keep going on for another 500 episodes.
	He needs a general-purpose karma shot.
	Thank you, Sir Rob.
	You've got karma.
	John Noonan in LeClaire, Iowa.
	This is to help me get caught up for all the shows I've screwed you over on.
	I hope one day to join the roundtable.
	I'm in the process of moving to a joint account with my hot fiancé, Amy.
	And as soon as that is done, I will set up a monthly donation so this problem does not occur again.
	A de-douching would be in order.
	Yes, and send pictures of your hot fiancé.
	You've been de-douched.
	You know, I got an email yesterday from one of our producers, female.
	And it was a picture of her and her husband, but they're starting a t-shirt business for tall men.
	And so she said, no, what do you think of the idea?
	And she said, oh, I figured you'd ask for it anyway, so here's a picture of me.
	I'm like, uh-huh.
	This is very good.
	They're learning.
	And smoking hot outside.
	Yeah, no wonder she's going to run off at the doctor.
	Yeah.
	Justin Jones, Fort Wayne, Indiana.
	I was a regular listener, then I fell off the wagon for about two years.
	I recently started listening again, and less than a month later landed a job that I'd been lusting after for more than a year.
	Definitely not a coincidence.
	Please deduce me for my first ever donation and pass on some jobs karma for all the other job seekers in Get Mo Nation Hoosier.
	Please keep up the good work on the best podcasts in the universe.
	I'll keep hitting people in the mouth here in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
	You've been de-douched.
	Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
	Let's vote for jobs.
	Good old Sir Dean Bertram out there in Ghana.
	Congratulations.
	Now he says he's qualified for his barony and he wants to claim the Gold Coast in Ghana.
	Nice.
	Got it.
	Hold on a second.
	Let me write this down here.
	Nailed it.
	Okay, Gold Coast, Gold Coast.
	Ghana.
	Done.
	Amy Poussin, P-O-U-S-S-O-N in Davenport, Iowa.
	A very high-tech little town for some unknown reason.
	Can I get a douchebag for my fiancé, Johnny Noonan?
	Douchebag!
	He has been talking about donating again for weeks.
	Maybe now he will.
	Congratulations on Show 500, truly the best podcast in the universe.
	Well, you know, he did donate.
	He's up there from LeClaire.
	Yeah.
	And this is his hot fiancé.
	Well, she douchebagged him anyway.
	Well, I feel like not...
	It's been done.
	There's nothing we can't undo it.
	I think I can dedouche.
	No, but I think she has to request it.
	She didn't ask for a dedouching.
	Okay.
	If it were up to me, I'm a little more lenient, but, you know, you have seniority.
	They have their own little fight amongst themselves.
	You have seniority.
	You have seniority.
	See how it works out.
	All right.
	I'm done.
	Sir, this is Holkinson in Selkirk, Manitoba.
	$200.
	And he'll be the one and only associate executive producer.
	A donor, Lorne Holkinson.
	Lorne Holkinson, Selkirk, Manitoba, Canada.
	Note.
	Hey, Elmira and Patty, this donation is on my behalf of my father.
	Which I had called out as a douchebag over a year ago.
	He would like to the de-douched and deserves a shot of karma.
	Lorne also adds, you two are truly the guardians of reality.
	Don't ever stop.
	The world needs you.
	Sir Lucas.
	That's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said, I think.
	It's very nice, in fact.
	Guardians of reality.
	That's my new one.
	You're the guardians of reality.
	This is it.
	So what do you do, Adam?
	I'm a guardian of reality.
	How does it sound?
	I like it.
	I think it sounds good.
	Yeah, because people are going to go, oh.
	Oh, step up.
	This is like putting a mask on.
	Step backwards.
	Step backwards.
	You've been de-douched.
	You've got karma.
	Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak, we are guardians of reality.
	Hold on, hold on.
	I want to thank everybody who helps us.
	And this is a celebration show, so it's going to have a lot of donors.
	And we appreciate this to an extreme, but we want to remind people that the show 500 is on Sunday.
	If you want to help us then, you can go to Dvorak.org slash NA, channeldvorak.com slash NA, the No Agenda Show.
	There's a donate button on there and also noagendanation.com.
	And I guess Eric's now at the point where he wants to plug the Constitution that he's cranked out.
	And I think he has a special website for it, and I think he'll have to send it to me.
	I think it's constitution.noagendanation.com.
	Isn't that what it is?
	It could be.
	Well, you should definitely, people should go check that out and see what he's up to, because this is really a very nice thing that he's doing.
	That's one hot.
	Rolls.
	Baby.
	I'm Adam Curry, and I'm John C. and Forak.
	And we're having lots of fun, here on the whole gym world.
	Hey!
	Just a little ditty for you.
	Who did that ditty?
	One of our producers.
	People are saying this stuff all the time.
	I like the one hot brolf baby.
	I think that's kind of new.
	Let me play that again.
	I kind of like that.
	That's one hot brolf baby.
	We are officially now where the show is getting remixed.
	So I have a couple of...
	Before we get there, I just need to tell the slaves to shut up.
	Yeah, we have to do that.
	So please, you have to do something above all and let us always propagate the formula.
	Our formula is this.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	Real.
	World. Order.
	Ace.
	Sleep!
	Shut up, sleep!
	Facts!
	Alright.
	So I had, there's a new kind of a crazy hoarder show that came out.
	I don't have the title of it.
	I'm trying to see if I can find it.
	It's called Spam Hoarder?
	No.
	That's a funny idea, though.
	It's funny.
	I was typing up the search, and instead of writing the word I wanted, I typed in spam.
	Remember spam radio?
	No.
	It's still around.
	It was like a big thing.
	And basically, it just takes spam and reads it on the stream.
	I think, uh...
	Just com and bio replica slash slash atches.
	Well, this could be...
	I think maybe the name is Animal Hoarding.
	Whatever the case is, I listened to an episode.
	It was a cat lady.
	You had the mom who kept helping the cat lady, and then you had the daughter who was trying to get the mom from helping the cat lady, who is grandma.
	And Grandma's a wreck.
	And she's like...
	She has 200 cats.
	And all she talks is about the cats.
	And then she has her...
	And every time she talks, she always has a little jab she likes to give to the family.
	You know, it's like...
	It's not...
	Her fault she's got 200 cats.
	It's their fault.
	Of course.
	So I decided to do a remix since you brought it up because I thought there's always something you can do to add a little zinger to make somebody's commentary a little better.
	And so we can play the two examples I have.
	Here's Cat Lady 1.
	How many cats do we have, Grandma?
	I don't know.
	You want to try to count them?
	I can't.
	They don't hold still long enough.
	I don't know, Grandma.
	We all know this has gotten so out of control.
	My worst fear is that we're not going to hear from you for three days.
	We're going to come looking for you.
	And what are we going to find?
	You guys go longer than that without calling me.
	So there's always room for a rim shot.
	Did you put the rim shot?
	Did you actually produce this?
	Yes.
	Can I do two?
	That's what I said.
	I told you it's a mix.
	I'm trying to liven the show up.
	So a rim shot seems appropriate.
	Yeah, after 500 episodes, now finally he's like, I'm so bored of this.
	I gotta do a rim shot.
	Let me guess.
	I am a rim shot guy.
	So play Cat Lady 2 when we see the same sort of thing where she leads us with a wonderful punchline.
	Not one person could take care of this many animals.
	This house is unlivable for one cat, let alone 200, I'm guessing.
	Well, these were throwaways.
	People threw them away.
	Well, Grandma.
	Other than I now have no reason to get up in the morning.
	I don't want you to be lonely.
	I know that they're the reason why you get up.
	I know that love for animals.
	But this is not fair.
	This isn't fair to them.
	Well, then why don't we have me put down?
	You know, I think my grandmother actually said that at one point.
	I can recall.
	I think she said that.
	All right.
	That's enough of this silliness.
	Please.
	I'm killing me.
	Yeah, I only had the two.
	All right, I gotta go to...
	Why don't you have me foot down?
	These women, this is ridiculous.
	Wow, you know what?
	Let's just stay...
	Take up sewing, lady.
	Yeah, you know, I think we talked about this on a previous show, like the rise of the Machiavellian woman.
	Right, you have a clip.
	I do?
	Of a Machiavellian woman?
	Do you have one?
	No.
	Well, I do have one.
	Well, not really.
	I do have a funny clip that's kind of...
	No, no, no, no, no, no.
	Enough of the funny clips.
	We've got to pace yourself.
	Pace yourself.
	Pace yourself.
	So, all of a sudden there was all this talk about a Viagra pill for women.
	And Jake Tapper.
	Didn't Jake Tapper work for ABC? Did he get hired for CNN? I thought he was at a network before.
	No, Jake Tapper was one of the spokesholes for the White House.
	Oh, of course.
	That's why he's now a news guy on CNN. Makes sense.
	No, he's always been a news guy, but for a different organization.
	Well, it sounds...
	Okay, I'll consult the book of knowledge.
	Yeah, consult the book of knowledge if you don't mind.
	Okay.
	So while you're doing that...
	So Jake Tapper has a new show on CNN, and of course they've got to snazz it up.
	And so there's this report about Viagra for women.
	I'm like, why is this happening?
	And I saw it on other channels.
	And of course, you know, this is all PR as usual.
	There's no movie involved in this case.
	But the PR is that Viagra has officially been on the market for 15 years.
	And so Jake brings on the CNN expert who they happen to have.
	And what's her name?
	Tapper's been Good Morning America Nightline.
	See, it was ABC. She's never worked for the White House that I can see.
	No, he was the White House correspondent.
	Yeah, right from ABC. That's right.
	I was right.
	He was ABC. You were totally right.
	Go on.
	So he brings on the CNN medical expert to talk about the Viagra for women.
	Isn't that called Spanish Fly?
	Yeah.
	Obviously, there are specific examples of couples where women have a higher desire.
	And so, what are we really trying to do here?
	Make women's sexuality mirror men's so that we can make men happy?
	So this is the level, right?
	And I'm like...
	That's interesting.
	So they took it the whole wrong direction.
	Oh, it gets worse.
	All right, so lastly, your suggestion, it seems to be, would be if there's a woman who is having a problem with sexual dysfunction, it's probably in her mind and she should see a therapist.
	It's a bit about.
	There's certainly physiological conditions that could be addressed.
	And any therapist that's registered with ASEC, the American Association of Sex Counselors, Educators, and Therapists, would be a great place to start.
	But also, you know, if you guys out there just want us to raise our sexual desire, just load the dishwasher.
	Okay?
	Dr.
	Wendy Walsh.
	Dr.
	Wendy Whore.
	Can you believe that?
	Can you believe that that is the level that Jake Tapper has sunk to?
	It's terrible.
	It's embarrassing.
	Just know the dishwasher, men.
	There was some sexist stuff she said, too.
	Besides that.
	Woman behavior expert and author of the 30 Day Love Detox.
	Dr.
	Walsh, thanks for being with us.
	So as Elizabeth's piece talked about, is what needs to be addressed with women more mental than physical?
	Absolutely.
	Research shows that women's sexuality is very different than men's sexuality.
	Men is more about basic plumbing.
	Get some blood flow there.
	I'm listening to this and I'm like, that's not okay to say.
	It's sexist.
	You know, men just, they just want, just get some blood flow in there, stick that thing in, move it around.
	Screw you, bitch.
	I mean, this woman makes me mad.
	Women, you have to address desire sometimes.
	Men don't have desires now all of a sudden?
	Women's sexuality is about a desire to be desired.
	I like to be desired.
	My sexuality is a desire to be desired.
	This is incredibly sexist, and there's no questioning of it.
	Or they have sex because they want a companion.
	Great evidence of this is when...
	Evidence!
	Oh, great evidence!
	When women break up from a relationship, they don't replace their boyfriend with pornography.
	What?
	Yeah, when men break up...
	So that's what men do?
	You go through a divorce, and the next thing you know, you're plowing through porn?
	And they let...
	This is bullcrap.
	Yeah, and that's on television.
	On CNN, the news channel, with Jake Tapper, former White House correspondent for ABC News.
	Wow, talk about sinking to the bottom of the boat.
	Is it unbelievable?
	And the worst of it, it's all to promote Viagra.
	Yeah, it's an anniversary.
	For the big Viagra anniversary.
	I'm just, I'm blown away by this.
	But this is happening more and more.
	Not just this complete idiocy, but we're seeing this ageism, sexism, and of course it's all reversed, which is still sexism, ageism, racism.
	It's like Jim Carrey.
	I don't know if you saw this.
	Jim Carrey came out with a Funny or Die video.
	And did you see this thing?
	You must have.
	I didn't see it, but I know about it.
	Okay.
	And so it's against...
	It's an anti-gun video.
	It is the most unfunniest thing he's ever done.
	And I'm a pretty big fan of Jim Carrey stuff.
	Way back to when...
	Oh, what was the...
	Remember he was on Fox?
	The Living Color.
	I mean, that's...
	Right.
	With the weigh-ins boys.
	Yeah.
	And a lot of people aren't old enough to even remember Jim Carrey from then.
	And so, first of all, he does a parody of Hee Haw.
	Now, even I'm not old enough to understand the parody of Hee Haw, which is ridiculous.
	Talk about a dated reference, which is a no-no in comedy.
	And he's doing Charlton Heston, another, like, what?
	Wow.
	No one cares.
	And then in his backing band, it's, like, very funny.
	He's got Lincoln shot with a gun.
	He's got John Lennon shot with a gun.
	You know, like, this is his backing band.
	Ha, ha, ha.
	But, essentially, he's making fun of people who, he's saying that people who have guns are redneck white a-holes.
	And it's racist!
	Well, not only that, but the statistics show that, actually, the number of white people with guns is less than 50% of the total number of gun owners.
	Yes.
	It's a minority of users, actually.
	But it's, and I'm just like...
	So let's just go with the stereotype and forget about the facts.
	Yeah, but the stereotype, and I mean, I can laugh at something that I don't agree with.
	I can still laugh at it if it's funny, but it's not funny.
	I don't even get it.
	I mean, yeah, I know, Hee Haw, I know, because Goldie Hawn was on it.
	That's about all I know.
	I don't think I've ever actually seen it.
	No, no, Goldie Hawn was on Laughing.
	Oh, she was on Laughing.
	See, this is how little I know.
	Hee Haw.
	Hee Haw was a clone of Laughing done in a Western style.
	With all kinds of people you've never heard of, because it was mainly a syndicated TV show.
	I can give you some of the audio.
	You might get the idea, but you'll say it's not funny in a minute.
	Yee-haw!
	Why did the ventriloquists quit drinking?
	Ha, ha, ha.
	Because he was like a real dumb.
	Well, hi, Owen.
	Howdy, fine folks.
	And welcome back to Hee Haw.
	We want to thank our special guest, Charlton Heston, for joining us.
	Walter, it's an absolute pleasure to be here in the sight of Gad on Hee Haw.
	I mean, you know, it's...
	It's so bad.
	It was really, really bad.
	Anyway, um...
	I need to mention, let's talk about Cyprus for a second, because what happened, of course, we know that if you don't know, well, you know what?
	Before you play your clip, just let me give my small, not as good a clip, Cyprus redux, so we at least have some evidence of what's going on.
	Okay, we might have the same one.
	I don't think so.
	In Cyprus, several thousand students protested in Nicosia a day after the country secured a $13 billion international bailout.
	The deal calls for Cyprus to shrink its banking sector and impose heavy losses on large depositors.
	Today, protesters marched on Parliament and the presidential palace.
	They waved signs and chanted slogans against the austerity measures.
	No, we'd never see that.
	No, you're right.
	That was not an American television show, I'm sure.
	Actually, it was the News Hour.
	Oh, really?
	It was a rundown where they do little short snippets.
	Okay, so here is, this is our friends in Canadia talking about it, and this is how they're kind of positioning it.
	In fact, a senior Cypriot politician told us that pension funds will be amongst the assets confiscated and transferred to Europe.
	In fact, when the banks eventually reopen here, individuals or businesses with more than $130,000 on deposit in certain banks will find a great deal of their money has been seized.
	What's left will be subject to strict controls.
	Closing accounts or transferring money will be forbidden in the near term.
	No other European country has endured such a thing, as this onlooker here rather shrewdly observed.
	What happens in Cyprus could happen in Greece, could happen in Italy, could happen in Spain, could happen in Portugal.
	It's wrong.
	Tonight, Cyprus' president returned from Brussels and told his people to brace for deep pain.
	And in fact, the Dutch finance minister, who played a leading role in imposing this nightmare on Cyprus, told reporters today that this will indeed be the template for any future bank bailouts.
	In other words, Peter, from now on, no bank account anywhere in the Eurozone is safe.
	That cannot be reassuring.
	Alright, so this is what everyone was talking about, is that Deiselbloom, who is indeed the relatively new Dutch finance minister, and I have a little clip of him which I really like to play because you can hear kind of just how he does not give a shit about anybody.
	He's just a total elitist prick.
	But I am going to tell the citizenry of the EU that you brought this on yourself and that they are actually doing the correct thing.
	First, let's listen to the elites.
	The program will be based on ambitious measures in areas of fiscal consolidation.
	I love the ambitiousness of this.
	Structural reforms and privatization.
	Privatization, very important to remember that.
	The US authorities will also take decisive action to safeguard the stability of the financial sector, including bank resolution and deep restructuring measures concerning the two largest banks.
	A levy on deposits across the whole banking sector can and will therefore be avoided.
	I would like to emphasize that none of these measures will affect deposits below €100,000.
	There should be no doubt about that.
	The Leicke bank will be resolved immediately with full contribution of equity shareholders, bondholders and uninsured depositors.
	And it will be split into a good and a bad bank.
	The bad bank will be run down over time.
	And the good bank will be folded into the Bank of Cyprus.
	So all the insured deposits...
	We'll be moved into the Bank of Cyprus as well as good assets.
	The instruments that we're choosing now could have been chosen a week ago, but they couldn't have been chosen a week ago because there simply wasn't a political possibility to reach that agreement.
	So I'm trying to figure out, you know, what has changed?
	Why is this taking place?
	And there's two basic reasons.
	One, of course, you heard the magic word privatization.
	And this is very important to understand that Turkey has been ratcheting up the pressure on Cyprus.
	They essentially have forbidden any, the Italian energy company, from doing any projects with Turkey if they were to do anything with Cyprus because, of course, Cyprus has that Leviathan field right offshore.
	So, you know, Israel has it, but Cyprus has a large portion of this.
	Right, and most of the pumping would have to go through Cyprus.
	And we discussed this once before when you discovered this field, and it turns out that they had to privatize...
	We already talked about the...
	The need to privatize so they could get ownership of the pipeline completely and they can't take a piece of it.
	In other words, the Cypriot government cannot steal money from the pipeline, which normally they would want to do to get a piece of the action, a penny, you know, a barrel or something.
	So they wanted to avoid that kind of a thing because, God, we can't afford that.
	And so the idea was that this was going to happen, as you predicted, I believe, two years ago.
	And I don't have the red book for that.
	It's too long ago.
	And they never did what...
	I think there was a model that was supposed to occur where they're supposed to go step two, step three, step...
	And they just didn't.
	Right.
	And so they said, okay, we've got to step in and make this happen.
	It's also important to note that Turkey is blackmailing Italy because Italy would love to have had the natural gas go from Cyprus to Italy into Europe.
	Right?
	That makes sense.
	What a bonanza.
	It's going to go to Turkey.
	Right.
	It's going to go, you know, and we, of course, we have grease and we've got all the everything.
	It's all about get just total control.
	Of course, what's being played up is all the poor citizens.
	Believe me, no one gives a crap about them.
	That is just like just, you know, what do you call it?
	Collateral damage.
	No one cares.
	This is about screwing the Russian depositors, grabbing the gas, and rolling it right through whoever winds up owning it.
	Which, by the way, could be a different set of Russians, for all I know.
	And there could be Russian battles going on.
	There's a couple things to note, to me, because you're going to finish this, but I was kind of wondering how the Russians are going to react to this, because Cyprus is kind of like the Russian second home, especially for expats.
	A lot of them, you know, if all kinds of political repercussions take place in some area, like even the Ukraine, they go to Cyprus and they hang out there until it blows over.
	But they also go to Turkey.
	I mean, the Russians and the Turks are also buddies.
	But they put their money in the banks and they expect it to be safe there.
	They don't expect to have it stolen from them.
	And in Cyprus, in fact, the bank of Cyprus they're talking about that's going to take over everything is really the first...
	it's actually has branches in Moscow.
	So there's like some sort of connection there too.
	This is a real mess.
	And the EU, besides screwing the Russians on this deal, are also, I think, inviting a bank run on the banks of Spain, Portugal, and elsewhere.
	So what's the point of that?
	Okay, well, so you have the pro...
	What I'm understanding is you have the pro-Putin guys, and I'm just receiving now information that last night...
	Because, you know, last night they actually brought in the cash.
	You know, they had trucks with the...
	In fact, I've got a clip.
	They brought the trucks in with cash, and two jets took off with money to Russia.
	Of the people who are pro-Putin, their money got out.
	Larry, the banks of Cyprus finally set to reopen tomorrow after being closed for nearly two weeks.
	However, the authorities are expecting runs on the banks, so they're putting in place new restrictions to try to stem the outflow of deposits.
	First, Cypriots will not be allowed to withdraw more than 300 euros per day.
	They won't be allowed to cash any checks.
	They won't be allowed to cash in certificates of deposit early.
	And finally, if you're traveling outside the country, you won't be allowed to bring out more than 3,000 euros per person per trip.
	There are preparations underway for the mass distribution of cash.
	Tonight, a huge amount of cash arriving at the central bank under heavy guard and a private security team is in place in the country with 35 armored vehicles to begin distribution of that cash from the central bank to the branches.
	The employees are getting in early in order to receive training on what to say and what the new measures are.
	And then the banks will finally reopen at noon.
	Here's what you say.
	Shut up, slave!
	So that is the cash part.
	But the thing that I found most interesting, which no one is talking about, everyone's talking about Dysel Bloom.
	He is head of the Eurogroup, which is apparently, it's like the banksters of the EU. And he's the right guy for it.
	He's young.
	He's a douchebag, obviously.
	New finance minister.
	He's got all the right background.
	He's got that phony little British accent thingy going on because he's educated as an elite cocksucker.
	Sorry, I just have to say it.
	But what's really going on here is this is the ESM. And the ESM, I warned about this, And I told you, Europeans, that you can't just let your frickin' politicians go and...
	They ratified this whole...
	What was this, a year ago as well, that I said the ESM, this is the dangerous thing?
	I don't think it was that long ago, but it was a while ago.
	Well, the ESM is the European Stability Mechanism.
	And this agreement, and I have a clip here from Klaus Reigling, who is the president or the managing director of the ESM, which is just another computer with bank stuff on it.
	The whole deal behind the ESM is there would be no bank bailouts from this money and Cyprus as far back as October 2011 has been trying to get a bank bailout from the ESM which they will never do.
	So you've really put this upon yourselves, because it was all fine and dandy when you could yell and bitch and moan about the banks getting bailed out by the government and by the EU, but now because of the ESM, and this is the first time this has happened, they legally, with their own laws, cannot do it.
	So you've brought this upon yourself.
	This is what you wanted.
	Here's Klaus.
	Klaus.
	As you know, Cyprus will be the first fully-fledged macroeconomic assistance program financed by the ESM. This program has a strong bank restructuring component and covers financing needs of the public sector.
	Okay, translation.
	Translation is, in order to get the ESM money, which is the only way you can still get money to save anything of an economy, of Cyprus, the strong, quote, strong restructuring plan means screw everybody.
	Screw it.
	Just take in the money, however we have to do it.
	And the public sector part is the privatization part.
	The ESM financing will mainly go to the budget of Cyprus.
	To the budget of Cyprus, which means they're not even going to receive any money.
	It just stays in Europe for their contributions.
	It goes to their budget.
	It doesn't go to them.
	And the disbursement will be, as usual, be on a quarterly basis, following the normal reviews by the Troika.
	Heil!
	That's all I can say.
	Heil!
	Heil, Heil, Heil!
	They just basically took over the place.
	I mean, Cyprus was not a country that was in economic turmoil.
	I mean, this whole thing is such a scam from beginning to end, including, I put the Greeks into this too, you know, the most productive people in the EU in terms of productivity numbers are, you know, essentially, and they had to do that to them.
	If Turkey was in the EU, by the way, this would be going on with them too in some way, although they're a little more adamant.
	They have a military.
	Well, and they also, they have the, they are the crossroads for all pipelines, so they've got a little more leverage.
	They've got leverage.
	But these guys are just essentially being...
	And I think that students have got this right.
	They're protesting, but they're not probably protesting with enough vigor.
	No.
	This is a takeover, and that's all it is to it.
	And the EU is just essentially...
	It's like a company that...
	I talked to the CEO of Barnes& Noble once about this, and he says he hates the business over the last few years because publishers would be buying out each other.
	And so one company would buy another and then jack up the prices of the books to pay for the buyout.
	Right.
	And so the book prices have gone through the roof because of this system.
	Essentially, they're making, by stealing the money from the banks, they're making the Cyprus folks pay for their own takeover by Europe.
	It's humiliating.
	Yeah, it is.
	It's going to cost us too much money to take over the place.
	No, we'll just steal their money that's in the bank.
	But they don't even care about that.
	They really don't care.
	And now it looks like Spain is going to be much worse than expected.
	What do you think?
	Spain next?
	Spanish banks?
	Because they're no longer...
	Because it could be Spain or Portugal.
	Those are the two targets.
	And I think they're just...
	I would guess Portugal would be next because I think it's just a little smaller, although they're tough cookies.
	It may be harder to do Portugal because they're a little more...
	They may fight about it.
	The Spanish seem to be...
	The Spanish got suckered because they gave them all this money.
	They spent it.
	On roads that nobody goes to.
	There's one airport.
	Portugal did the same thing.
	Portugal did that too.
	Not to an extreme.
	It's a smaller country, so they can't do it to the extent that Spain did.
	Right.
	And Portugal didn't build a whole airport in the middle of nowhere just to spend the money.
	And if you drive through Madrid, there's some beautiful skyscrapers that were put up.
	There's one in particular.
	In one of the main drags, there's these two huge buildings that look like they're falling in on each other on either side of the street.
	And it's a bank building.
	The bankers took all this money and they built this huge monument to themselves.
	It's an interesting situation.
	I think Portugal first, if only just for the pedophilia, because that's like pedophile central there, and I think they probably want to just do something with that.
	It's the same guys.
	I don't know, maybe.
	I do.
	I don't think that's going to be their rationale.
	I think it's going to be which one's easier.
	We'll get to the other one when we get to it.
	Maybe.
	But eventually it's going to be a total takeover of all of Europe.
	And it'll take 10, 15 years.
	Yeah, Italy will be after that.
	That'll be fun.
	That will be fun.
	So wrapped up in this, it cannot be ignored, is the obvious two to the head there for Berezovsky in Surrey.
	And it was so funny.
	So this is the Russian guy who was anti-Putin.
	Funny how that works.
	Everyone who's pro-Putin, their money gets flown out of Cyprus on jets.
	You can Google this, by the way.
	You can see this.
	Brand new jets.
	Anyone who's anti-Putin, your money is still in there, you can't take it out, and maybe you get killed.
	Or listen to the report.
	Although this was a very brief hearing, as you said, it was opened and then adjourned within minutes, we did hear some absolutely crucial evidence from a police detective who spoke in court and said that Mr.
	Berezovsky's body had been found By an ambulance crew lying on the floor of the bathroom last Saturday afternoon.
	And the key thing he said was that the ambulance crew had found him with what he described as a ligature around his neck, which is a kind of medical term.
	It's ligatures used in surgery for tying up wounds and things.
	It essentially means some kind of cord around his neck.
	And he said that a piece of similar material had been found on the shower rail above him.
	So it obviously appears very clear now that he did, or he was, hanged.
	Wait a minute.
	He just said it.
	Let's look at the logic of this.
	Now, in England in particular, but for one thing, the ceilings are low.
	Yes, they are.
	Let alone one of these things that hold a shower curtain which have no strength.
	I mean, I like to see you trying to do a pull-up on one.
	You can't do it.
	It'd just come right down.
	And meanwhile, where's the rest of the rope?
	I mean, what, they just found ligature marks?
	Ligature.
	Ligature.
	It's just ligature.
	So he was hanging there and then it untied itself and fell to the ground?
	Is there any logic to any of this explanation?
	No.
	There's no logic to some couple of goons coming in there and not wanting to make a mess, and so they got him from behind, choked him to death with this ligature.
	Kicked him in the ribs.
	I think he has a broken rib.
	Oh, yeah.
	He'd have to do that, too.
	Probably kicked him elsewhere.
	They wouldn't mention it, but...
	Just to make his life miserable as he's dying.
	And then lecturing him as he was going under about whose side is he on and it's too bad and blah, blah, blah.
	And the guy drops and they just drop him.
	They're dead and they leave the rope or whatever and lay in there.
	Now that somehow becomes a hanging on a shower curtain rod.
	I like how the reporter actually says he was hanged.
	Yeah, he was hanged.
	Not like he hung himself or he hanged himself.
	He was hanged.
	So it obviously appears very clear now that he did or he was hanged.
	He even corrects himself.
	He did or he was hanged, yeah.
	There is a theory out there that says that this is not him and that he escaped and that he is in hiding a la Robert Maxwell.
	But I think he's probably dead.
	I think he's dead, too.
	The Russians aren't that...
	They're efficient.
	They're not going to let that happen.
	Unless, you know, there's no way.
	It's a wonderful world, everybody.
	That's for sure.
	Just got to love it.
	So I got one clip here that's interesting, which could use a rim shot, by the way.
	Creepy Panetta will be back clip.
	I don't know if you're aware of this particular development.
	He's barely had a chance to get back to work at his institute, but could there be yet another return to Washington?
	2016.
	Clinton Panetta ticket.
	As far as I'm concerned, that's what public service is all about.
	It's about committing yourself to giving your children a better life.
	And if I can do that in whatever capacity, I will continue to do that.
	The Humpty Dumpty ticket.
	Can you imagine that ticket?
	Oh, my goodness.
	He would represent Cheney, and she would represent George Bush, I guess.
	I don't know.
	This is not something I want to see.
	You don't think it's possible that...
	You know, Janet Napolitano did a breakfast thing, and of course they asked her the question there as well.
	You know, it's like, hey, you gonna run?
	Do you think it could be Clinton Napolitano?
	There's no way they're going to run two women.
	It's not possible.
	But if there were two women...
	So here's Napolitano...
	Rim shot.
	No, that's what you got.
	There you go.
	It's like, who said there were two women?
	So Napolitano, she's doing this breakfast, and she starts talking about the trusted traveler services.
	And I'm thinking, how is this making us any safer?
	And we continue to work to emphasize our mission with respect to border security.
	The third area that is a big change for us, and it's like turning a big, big ship, is to move in the travel and trade space into a risk-based approach where we don't treat every threat equally, where we don't treat every passenger the same, but based on what we know or don't know.
	This is very interesting.
	This is an hour-long breakfast talk.
	And what's funny is she was actually eating when people were asking questions.
	She was just scarfing down scrambled eggs.
	She has to maintain her weight.
	About travelers, we can identify who we can expedite through the lines versus those that we don't know much about that we need to be spending our time on.
	Now listen very carefully to what she's saying, and then I want to ask you about the logic.
	So you'll see we have expanded global entry.
	If you don't have your global entry card, you really ought to get it.
	It's for those who have it.
	It's for those who travel internationally.
	And if you arrive at JFK and you see people scooching through the lines, that's because they have their global entry card.
	And then we have a domestic version called TSA PreCheck, which has been growing very rapidly.
	Our hope is that by the end of this year, one in four travelers will be in some sort of expedited traveler program.
	Expedited is code for biometric programs.
	Which allows us to, again, focus on those we don't know much about and hopefully will take some pressure off the wait lines at the airports.
	We've done the same.
	Okay.
	So, a couple things.
	I want to interrupt you for a second.
	You remember when the sequester came out?
	I haven't heard anything about the wait lines going up, but Obama threatened that there was going to be hour-long, two-hour-long waits to get to your airplane.
	Yes.
	Bull crap.
	Yes.
	Well, no one calls him on that, please.
	Anyway, go on.
	I don't understand how this makes us safer.
	Because you've been pre-approved.
	First of all, you're coming into the country.
	Are you carrying a bomb you're going to blow up the minute you're in the country?
	I'm here!
	I'll walk bar!
	I mean, is that the point?
	That makes no sense whatsoever.
	And the whole global entry thing is creepy.
	Because, you know, besides it being based on biometrics, which is the only reason I will not do it, you know, it's going to be global.
	It's going to replace your passport.
	It will be your global.
	You can write that in the Red Book.
	But then you have this pre-check thing.
	She's talking about two different things.
	One is biometrics for traveling around the world, which is nothing.
	You're getting off the plane.
	You've exited the aircraft.
	How does this make my flight more secure?
	And reporters from every single outlet were there.
	No one says, excuse me, what does that do for safety?
	Well, here's another thing.
	If you remember, we had this probably a year ago.
	ago we were discussing this in a different context which was there were people and there were some of our listeners talking about getting stopped on the way into the country from as an American citizen being stopped not for the passport check and not for the customs check but just being stopped and questioned as you were entering the country as an American citizen remember that yeah and it was going on and people were being taken aside and it was a whole rigmarole about this
	I think that was just a precursor to there there's something else going on here because there's no reason to stop American citizen at the point of entry trying to get back into his own country his or her There's no reason for this.
	It makes zero sense.
	So I think you're absolutely correct.
	This global entry thing is bogative.
	I mean, what's the point?
	You're coming back into your own country.
	You shouldn't even have any except just to stamp your passport and make sure you're not bringing in, you know, fruits and vegetables or whatever.
	They don't want you bringing in meat.
	Right.
	There shouldn't be any hang-up.
	No more meat.
	No, absolutely true.
	And it has zero to do with security.
	And then we have the pre-check.
	So apparently, if we know about you, i.e.
	we have your, and there was another piece there, it's like if you have your global entry, then you're automatically qualified for pre-check.
	Then we know about you, so therefore you're not a risk.
	That makes no sense.
	I mean, if you're going to have a butt bomb or a boob bomb, it's like, oh, we don't have to scan him because we know about him, because we trust him.
	In fact, it's called the Trusted Traveler Program.
	It makes no sense.
	Zero.
	What really makes no sense is this thing coming into the country.
	This is after you've already landed.
	Yeah.
	Well, that's part of their security.
	People are so brainwashed, man.
	They're so brainwashed on this stuff.
	It's just...
	And that's your press corps.
	Like, oh, okay, no, whatever.
	Meanwhile, the...
	You know, I want to defend them a little bit on this because you know for a fact that if one of them simply asked the question that we're asking, which is, what sense does it make to stop somebody after the planes landed coming into the country and grill them?
	They would never be invited back to any of these things.
	Funny you bring that up.
	This is Dana Milbank.
	From a couple weeks ago, I've been saving this, talking about how the media is compromised for access to the government, in particular the White House.
	Is there an expectation in this Democratic White House that if you are granted access, they expect you to kind of play ball?
	Well, that part of it is true in any White House.
	There's always this sort of implied quid pro quo that you trade access for good coverage.
	That doesn't always work out that way, but that's what they try to do.
	I don't think that the idea of them getting in faces is particularly new or unusual.
	Even if it's right in your face?
	Ari Fleischer's spittle from my face.
	This was the Bush White House press secretary.
	I haven't had to do that here.
	I think what is different is it's more coarse, it's more vulgar.
	Maybe this is how everybody is these days, but the number of F-bombs being dropped by this White House, scholars are going to look in the National Archives in 20 or 30 years and they're going to be shocked by the language that was coming out of this.
	Well, I'm shocked that such words would be used in this kind of discourse.
	Hey, is that recorded?
	Can we get a hold of that?
	What, all the cussing?
	Yeah.
	He said the National Archives and scholars will be...
	I want to hear it now.
	I don't know what the deal is.
	We've listened to a lot of these press conferences.
	I had no idea that this particular White House is more profane than the Bush White House, which I thought was very profane.
	I mean, we know for a fact that Nixon was one of the worst, you know, in this regard because of the Nixon tapes and they were in the office and all he did was cuss.
	I mean, it doesn't seem to be...
	I mean, it baffles me because there's no reason for it.
	It's not effective if you're just saying some profanity constantly.
	It's just like you sound like a moron.
	But I guess this White House has got a problem.
	Well, you remember when Valerie Jarrett said, it'll be payback time after the election?
	So before the election, she said, when we get re-elected, it'll be payback time.
	Look at what's happening, man.
	Do you see Michelle Bachman, the trouble she's in?
	No, what's the latest?
	Oh, no, she's accused of campaign fund, misuse of campaign funds.
	You know, this is unlikely.
	It's the old one.
	Yeah, of course.
	It's the old one.
	It's the old one.
	Yeah, you can pull that stunt.
	I'm surprised they aren't starting to plant kiddie porn on people and all the rest of it.
	That's a classic.
	Yeah, I don't think that works as well anymore because, I don't know, I don't think it works as well.
	I think it's very doable.
	I mean, you can do it.
	Oh, it's doable, but who's going to buy that from Michelle Bachman?
	You've got to nail her on something else.
	Yeah, you've got to do something that's logical.
	She looks like, that's why she's such a goody two-shoes.
	She's stealing money!
	I can see that.
	So Syria, speaking of this, and I'll wrap up my White House.
	I'm on the White House beat here.
	Spokeshole Carney was asked specifically about, you know, what are we doing?
	And I love it when he reads from his paper.
	And he's doing that a lot most of the time.
	Our country is run by lawyers, essentially.
	And he has to use the specific words.
	And they're very good at it.
	Because it's very hard to catch any of these lawyers...
	Later and say, oh, but you said this, and then you go back and you read the transcript and listen to what they actually said, and it's like, oh, man, it was really smart the way they said that because there's always a hedge.
	Yeah, in fact, I want to harken back to the era when Nixon was being impeached.
	Now, we have to remember there's only Nixon and then Clinton was impeached.
	But there was a John, one of the White House lawyers, John, what's his name?
	And he's now doing talk shows and stuff.
	Bolton?
	No, this is back when.
	What's his name?
	Well, anyway, I remember his testimony and he would always do the following because he was being grilled.
	And by the way, this is a tip for everybody out there who has to do some...
	When I was working for the air pollution district, I learned a few of these tricks too.
	Somebody asks you a direct question that you could maybe perjure yourself on.
	You say, I'm not sure I understand the question as a preface.
	And then you say, but...
	Well, you don't even have to say but, but once you say, I'm not sure I understand the question, you can always refer back to this, oh, I said that because I obviously didn't understand the question, as you can see here in the record.
	I'm going to use that on Mickey.
	I'm not sure.
	What's he going to do?
	You said that you...
	I'm not sure I understand the question, darling, but I think you want me to take out the trash.
	Let me just check.
	Here's spokeshole Carney on Syria.
	Well, let me say that we have always been clear that our non-lethal assistance to the Syrian opposition includes equipment and training to build the capacity of civilian activists and to link Syrian citizens with the Syrian opposition coalition.
	What does that mean, do you think?
	Well, no, wait.
	There's actually a good question coming up.
	And local coordinating councils.
	So I can say that much.
	So what does that mean in English, though, I guess?
	That's pretty good English.
	There are no dangling participles.
	Are we training the Syrians directly, or are we training them through Jordanian?
	That's the real question.
	Are we training these mofos, besides giving them weapons, which are smuggling in through Turkey, with the CIA? Are we training them?
	And here he's going to read from his paper.
	Again.
	Again.
	Our non-lethal assistance to the Syrian opposition includes equipment and training to build the capacity of civilian activists.
	On some of these other issues, I don't have anything for you, but it is clear that we are providing the kinds of non-lethal assistance to the Syrian opposition that we've discussed.
	Oh, the non-lethal assistance business has to stop.
	Yeah, it's...
	And I like the...
	I don't have anything for you on that.
	Did you take that cookie?
	I don't have anything for you on that, Mom.
	I really don't.
	I don't get any answer for that.
	In the UK, I got this one from...
	Mr.
	Oil sent me this.
	The UK Terror Contest, which is kind of weird.
	I'm not quite sure why they call it that.
	It's called Contest.
	The United Kingdom's Strategy for Countering Terrorism, their annual report.
	I don't know why it's called Contest.
	This is like some contest to be a better terrorist than the next guy.
	And he pointed out to me a specific passage in this.
	1.9.
	The uprising in Syria, beginning in early 2011, has involved many organizations with different political views and tactics.
	Some are connected with and supported by al-Qaeda in Iraq.
	These terrorist groups conducted over 600 attacks in 2012 and, like others associated with Al-Qaeda, continue to attract recruits from this country and elsewhere in Europe.
	There are now hundreds of foreign fighters from Europe in Syria.
	This is in the news in the Netherlands as well, by the way.
	A lot of Dutch people are going over there and fighting.
	It says, There is a risk that they may carry out attacks using the skills they have developed overseas.
	What the F is this all about?
	Where did you get to that logic?
	I don't know.
	I think it's just hedging their bets.
	In other words, if we need to...
	There may be some setup going on.
	There's a backstory here we don't know.
	I think the backstory is if we need to set up some terror attacks, then this is where we can always point to and say, we told you so.
	It doesn't make any other sense.
	By the way, the new premier of Syria, who's now the head of the Syrian Coalition of Friends for Syria, the past 30 years, you know where he's been living?
	I don't know, Britain or Holland?
	Texas.
	Oh, right down the street from you.
	I'm telling you.
	His kids were born and raised here, and this is the guy who's now running the Syrian government.
	Yeah, that makes nothing less sense.
	30 years in Texas.
	Well, at least he'll be pro-gun.
	Oh, there's a good point.
	I'm going to show myself old by donating to No Agenda.
	Imagine all the people who could do that.
	Oh yeah, that'd be fab.
	Yeah, on No Agenda.
	In the morning.
	We do have some people to thank outside of the executive producer realm and helping us celebrate our upcoming 500th show on Sunday, Easter Sunday.
	Anonymous from Grand Junction, Colorado.
	Begins everything with a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
	He says he's been in a boner for a long time.
	And he's one of those 20-something guys who wants to find some place to contribute his full-time value.
	Unfortunately, he's broke.
	But he gave us 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
	Brian Brown in Orange, California, $100.
	Sir El Cid Compiador.
	Well, apparently we used the wrong name for him the last time, and so he's back with $100.
	And Nicholas Hansen in Harvard, Massachusetts, $100.
	Well, don't we say that before you go off on that?
	I do want to mention, he does want to call out, Nicholas wants to call out his brother, Chapin.
	He wants to call him out as a douchebag, I guess.
	I'm sorry.
	I did jump the gun.
	I didn't know you had a...
	Kurt Kubal in Mound, Minnesota.
	9999.
	9999!
	Yeah!
	Yeah!
	Also, Dennis Cruz.
	Sir Dennis, to you.
	The Den Man.
	Beaverton, Oregon.
	The Den Man.
	99.09, which I don't know if you get that to him.
	Give him credit for that.
	Justin Fraley in Kate Gardner, Kansas.
	77.77.
	Peter Tagney in Randolph, Massachusetts.
	Nuts.
	69.69.
	69.
	69.
	It's almost dead.
	Yes, we have 169.69.
	Two.
	Two.
	We got two.
	And the other one is Brian Bernas in Peach Bottom, Pennsylvania.
	Oops, I'm sorry.
	It's supposed to be anonymous.
	Sorry, Brian.
	I mean anonymous.
	Get out of it.
	Dump out quick.
	Just dump.
	Just dump.
	I do want to say that Pete...
	Says that we're a sole news source for government news, and he's been womanless for a while and could use some swazzle enough karma, and I think he deserves some.
	I totally agree.
	Here it comes, my friend.
	It's coming!
	You've got karma.
	Or maybe girls send me a picture, and then I'll pre-screen them for you, for Pete.
	Michael Poluski.
	Poluski in Madison, Wisconsin.
	Sixty.
	Which is, he puts it down as $5 a month times 12 months listening to the show.
	Brian Vaughn in San Carlos, California.
	Job karma you would like, and we should give him some.
	Vaughn, karma.
	Sorry, I was reading ahead.
	Kyle Kinzel in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
	Brian...
	Gilbo.
	Gilbo in Oak Park, Michigan.
	Double nickels on the dime.
	Rob Warren, Sunderland, Tyne in some place or other.
	In UK, I think, right?
	Sunderland, yes.
	UK. He was listening to the show 498.
	He crashed his car when he was given an accident number by the attending officer.
	It was 333.
	So he decided to donate.
	That's the magic number.
	It's the magic number.
	Eric Hochul in Berlin, 52.
	Mark Fogwell in Strongsville, Ohio, 50.
	Link.me in Winterville, Georgia, 50.
	And finally, unless I missed one, when I've paged down here, let me see.
	Where are we?
	Oh, there it is.
	Okay, Jordi Molina Casas in Barcelona, 50.
	He says he wanted to donate since Evil Alex douched him a while back in December.
	But he's been a lazy moron so far.
	He's like a de-douche.
	You've been de-douched.
	Barcelona.
	I could go for a visit to Barcelona.
	Sir Peter Totes, 50.
	Srinivas in San Jose, 50.
	And finally, Shad Rich in Seattle, 50.
	And those are our contributors to show 498 or 99.
	And we're on our way to Easter Sunday of show 500.
	And you have to say, very few people can sustain a podcast at this level for 500 shows.
	I don't know of any other show that's as good as this show, and I'm not saying that because I'm on the show.
	I'm saying it from a perspective of reality.
	You're on the show as a guest, actually.
	Actually, we're both guests.
	We're both guests.
	On the show produced by the listeners.
	Thank you!
	That is the difference, and that is part of the secret.
	And, of course, we thank everyone who donated under $50.
	Most of them come in at $4.99 for anonymity reasons, which is why we have the $50 level.
	Of course, a total nod of gratitude, thank you, to all of our monthly donors.
	If everybody who listens to this program was a monthly donor, then it would be, you know, we'd never have to go through these swings.
	And I know what's going to happen.
	We're going to get a lot of great donations already today, fantastic, and it's going to be great on Sunday.
	And then we're going to drop like a rock.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	And I get it.
	I get it.
	I get it.
	But we really would like to sustain this.
	We're in year six.
	500 episodes.
	And what are we doing?
	I got a note from somebody that said, I can't wait for show 500.
	I'm sure it'll be a cracker.
	And I'm like, crap, we don't have any planned.
	Are we doing something special for 500?
	Yeah, we're going to analyze the news, deconstruct the things going on, and probably play a few old memorable clips, which I'll dig up out of the archives.
	Oh, okay.
	With rim shots?
	Are you going to produce?
	Oh, I can put a rim shot on every one of them.
	I can put a rim shot on every clip we do.
	You should be thankful I don't.
	We had a PayPal meltdown a couple episodes ago, so there's a couple people who we don't necessarily have a record of their donation, but we of course give our producers the benefit of the doubt.
	Michael Landon, Joel Lenoir, and David Foley.
	I think, did David come in again today?
	I'm not sure.
	Thank you very much for your support of the program.
	I'm really sorry.
	We just don't have a record of it, but they will, of course, count for your knighthoods.
	And as always, our executive producers, our associate executive producers, they all get credit in the show notes, and those are actual credits.
	Yeah, this one.
	That's what I wanted to say.
	We do have some birthdays to celebrate.
	It's a birthday.
	Kurt Kubal is celebrating friends, office, beer guy, and senior wise guy.
	I guess he's turning 30 on the 30th.
	So, Kurt, happy birthday.
	Ryan Gilbo congratulates himself.
	He turns 37 on the 30th.
	And Mark Farwell is saying happy birthday to himself.
	He'll be celebrating tomorrow.
	Happy birthday from your pals here at the best podcast in the universe.
	It's your birthday.
	We have a number of nightings.
	We have our insta-night, so we need to...
	Ow!
	Ow!
	That hurt.
	Frick myself with that thing.
	Sorry.
	There we go.
	Kearock Boers, Paxton Sanders, John White, Hank and Queens, and Monica Lansing.
	Please, all step forward.
	All of you have contributed to the best podcast in the universe in the amount of $1,000 or more.
	And therefore, we welcome you into the elite group of Knights and Dames.
	So I hereby pronounce the...
	Keyard Boers, Sir Paxton, Sir John White, that'll be Sir Dr.
	Sharkey, Sir Hank in Queens, and Dame Monica Lansing, all nights and one day with the knowledge in the round table.
	If you'd like me to just go through your benefits specifically, hookers blow, rent boys chardonnay, hot pants booze, wenches beer, Rubenes women and rosé, geishas and sake, vodka and vanilla, bong hits and bourbon, sparkling cider and escorts, mutton and mead, and we don't have anyone young enough for the breast milk and pablum, but that is always standing by should you desire that.
	Welcome to the No Agenda Roundtable.
	Your pins will be in the making.
	And we also congratulate Dame Francine moving up a level today to Baroness Von Stealth Mode.
	And Sir Dean Bertram becomes the Baron of the Gold Coast of Ghana.
	And these are true protectorates.
	I'm not quite sure what Baroness Francine is going to do with Stealth Mode.
	That means she's probably waiting to pick a barony that she would want at her leisure.
	Besides Phoenix.
	I would take the areas over all the Spring League baseball teams play, which is just outside of town.
	And I would take those because then you own the baseball, the Spring Leagues.
	That's pretty cool.
	Is that how it works?
	Yeah, they all play down there.
	Giants, the A's are all down in Arizona.
	And as John pointed out rightly, thank you specifically to our Knights, our Dames, our Barons and Baronesses for really always being there when things are a little bit rougher during those crazy weeks when it's just tough.
	It's highly, highly appreciated.
	And it enables us to continue.
	Right after the show is done, I've recorded President Obama's whole gun thing.
	I'm going to dissect that.
	I'm going to go back to some more C-SPAN. Continuing to talk to the contacts, ships at sea everywhere, about what's really going on in Euroland.
	And trying to bring you some real news.
	And we try to give you some real news, especially when you compare it to, like, what maybe 60 Minutes does.
	Oh, tell me about it.
	And, well, 60 Minutes has, you know, Anderson Cooper, who seems to be making more money on TV than God.
	Wait a minute.
	Anderson Cooper's on 60 Minutes?
	Oh, yes.
	Now, he's one of the correspondents.
	And he does these really fascinating reports.
	And I think this is a good one.
	There's a two-parter here.
	Oh.
	He decides that they found some people somewhere in...
	Where there's a lot of nasty crocodiles have decided that during the winter time, the crocs, you can actually dive with them, even though everyone thought this was lunacy.
	And Cooper, as part of his great investigative reporting, decides to jump in the water.
	And I know you're going to like this clip and the next one, because it's one of those clips you can mock, because you can do what he's going to do.
	Play Anderson Cooper and the crocs.
	He's underwater.
	It's amazing.
	There's a beauty to it, but it's also incredibly intimidating.
	You really have the sense, when you're so close to it, just how strong it is.
	And it looks right at you.
	And you know, and it knows, that it can attack you at any moment.
	And there's nothing you can do about it.
	The crocodile disappears into the darkness.
	We push further into the cave.
	It gets narrower and more claustrophobic as we move deeper into the gloom.
	Then, lurking on a nearby ledge, there's another crocodile.
	This crocodile's about nine feet there.
	Walking.
	Its tail, though, makes up about half its length.
	Crocs have the amazing ability to actually slow their heart rate down.
	They can close off one of the valves in their hearts, which stops the flow of blood to some of its organs.
	It allows them to stay underwater for hours at a time.
	Yeah, I think we can probably do it.
	Let me get in the water here.
	Oh, wait a minute.
	I need a long...
	I don't have the sound effect.
	It's really quite amazing how the blood flow goes to these cocks in the water.
	It's really fantastic.
	It's a little daunting, though.
	I love cocks in the water.
	How'd I do?
	Hey, it's crocs in the water, not cocks in the water.
	I'm sorry, I made a mistake.
	I'm telling you, you better go see a counselor.
	So play number two and we get this thing over with.
	This guy, this is the most idiotic thing I've ever seen.
	60 Minutes has deteriorated into either promoting stuff or these dumb reports.
	Who cares about watching this guy swim with a croc?
	Sediment, we can't see where we're going.
	We're trying to pursue the crocodile right now.
	I can't tell how large it is.
	Its tail is so powerful.
	I'm almost right on top of it.
	I can reach out right now and just touch the tail.
	But I'm worried if I do that, it'll somehow turn around.
	It just doesn't seem like a good idea.
	But I gotta say, it's so tempting.
	The croc is moving so fast, we can't keep up for long.
	It's time to surface and find the boat.
	I gotta say...
	How come we don't have...
	I need, like, the bubble all the time.
	Let me see if I can...
	Oh, here it is.
	Here we go.
	This will be...
	I gotta say...
	Touching your tail is so tempting.
	But...
	I'm almost on top of it now.
	Yes.
	I'm Anderson Cooper.
	I'm a cyanide.
	Touching the cock underwater.
	I want a gig like that.
	What a gig.
	This guy's making millions.
	I mean, holy mackerel.
	Anyway, I feel really bad, by the way, for ourselves because I think we missed something.
	And it's one of the obvious things we missed that, in other words, we didn't miss the story.
	We missed the analysis.
	Oh, boy.
	I think it was like a couple of shows.
	For a couple of shows, we've been bringing up these North Korean stories.
	They're going to bomb us.
	They're going to get the missile defense, da-da-da-da-da.
	The movie, Olympus Down, was about a North Korean terrorist and all the elements of the North Korean bullcrap stories is in the movie and we're always linking to movies and we miss this one.
	I had a clip.
	Do you have a clip for this?
	No, I just was reading the reviews.
	I was looking at Rotten Tomatoes for some reason.
	And then I saw this Olympus down.
	It said North Korean terrorists.
	Ah, North Korea.
	That's why they're in the news so much.
	This is a crappy movie.
	So I had a clip.
	Now, this is really pissing me off.
	Maybe I had it on the last show.
	Let me see if I had this.
	Because we had looked at this.
	Oh, man.
	This is just like...
	This is really bugging me.
	Because the...
	It was like of Matt Lauer.
	It would have been Clip of the Day if I could freaking find it.
	You're right.
	I'm disappointed that...
	We are disappointing.
	We're just lame.
	It was Matt Lauer, and he had the director...
	Who is also an actor.
	And...
	Oh, my God.
	This is really...
	This is painful now.
	And he said, you know, it's amazing.
	How did you do it?
	How did you get the North Koreans to ratchet up everything right now just in time for the movie?
	Oh, he's actually...
	Yeah.
	By accident, deconstructed.
	He, of course, not realizing the two are connected.
	But I guess somehow I didn't clip that.
	I don't know what happened.
	Yeah, maybe you didn't clip it.
	I hate myself.
	I want to go into one little discussion about this since we kind of hinted about it early in the show, which is the cutting in line phenomenon.
	I want to ask anybody out there who has examples of this, and the assertion is, and I think it's a big one, is that the younger generation from about 30 years old and younger...
	I have become so docile that they allow for all kinds of abuses, including cutting in line.
	Unless there's somebody older who won't put up with it.
	Like my wife, for example, will call somebody out in a huge public place.
	And my daughter, by the way, every time my wife does it, she cringes.
	And she does it with me, too.
	If I start doing anything in public that, you know...
	It will embarrass people.
	Yeah, it embarrasses her.
	Yes.
	It doesn't embarrass me.
	No.
	But I do have a couple of...
	Larry David actually had a whole episode on this, and he calls it...
	And I have the clip, the second clip I sent you, which is in the separate email.
	Did you get that?
	What's the title?
	There's two of them.
	One of them is in the...
	Yes.
	Chat and Cut One.
	Well, there's no one.
	I just have...
	No, one came...
	I sent it right after I sent the pile of...
	I have two, but it's not called Chat and Cut One.
	No, Chat and Cut 1 is in the second email I sent you.
	I have both the clips, but it's not called Cut Chat and Cut 1.
	It's called Chat and Cut.
	Yes.
	So I'm asking if there's a Chat and Cut 1 or if it's just Chat and Cut.
	No, no, that would be it.
	It's that one.
	That is one.
	Want me to play it?
	Yeah.
	Hey.
	Hi.
	Krista.
	Oh, uh, yeah.
	Krista Ferguson.
	I think it was Smith, probably.
	Oh, okay.
	Let's see what's going on over here.
	Yeah, I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you.
	She's doing a chat and cut.
	Chat and cut?
	Really?
	She's feigning familiarity with someone she vaguely knows for the sole purpose of cutting in line.
	She'll be picking up a plate any second.
	You're like, give me a plate.
	There she goes.
	Excuse me.
	Hi.
	First of all, congratulations on a great attempt at a chat and cut.
	Really good.
	99 times out of 100, that's going to work.
	Unfortunately, I haven't been on the line.
	Okay, I don't know what you're talking about.
	I just saw my friend.
	I know a chat and cut when I see it.
	Okay, alright.
	I use this fellow, this poor innocent fellow, to sneak into the line.
	Do you know her at all?
	Well, I mean, to be fair, we met like eight years ago.
	He remembers, so...
	No, I honestly don't.
	You think she's doing a chat and cut?
	I kind of feel like you are.
	Yeah.
	I feel a little manipulated here.
	Oh, fine.
	Okay.
	He's been manipulated.
	You manipulated him.
	That's what it is.
	You want me to get back in line?
	Would that make you feel better?
	Yes, it would.
	Fine.
	Yes.
	Okay?
	Yeah.
	Fine.
	You are unbelievable.
	You know that?
	Really?
	Yeah.
	Yeah, because you know what?
	You just have to...
	That's your job.
	Here's the bus people as they come through so that you can...
	And look, you just did it again.
	What?
	No, I'm...
	No.
	I'm not even going to say anything this time.
	I respect your skills.
	Really.
	Excellent.
	So that...
	So I realized that I do this myself.
	Chat and cut?
	I'm a chat and cut expert.
	And I admit to it.
	I'll admit to it.
	Now I realize with this sociological thing going on, I may not really be getting away with much.
	Because I think now you just walk in line.
	Because the last time I did a chat and cut was in Las Vegas.
	There was a line, I swear to God, a mile long.
	And it was to go into a press event.
	And so I, and I've done this before, I realized that after knowing that this is now named a chat and cut, I will go to the beginning of the line and start walking towards, so I find someone I know, and I know enough people.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	You're an a-hole is what you're saying.
	And I do a chat and cut.
	I say, hey, Gina, thanks for holding my place.
	I do it.
	This is the real slick way to do it.
	As if she was holding my place and most people will play along and they put me right in front of them and no one says anything.
	And that's a chat and cut.
	There's other ways of doing it.
	I mean, the way this woman was doing it in the skit was doing it with somebody she doesn't know.
	Luckily, I know enough people that I can always pull one of these chat and cuts.
	But yeah, but now I'm thinking, shit, I could just jump right in the line and no one's going to say anything to me.
	So you've been tracking this phenomenon, and it started with Buzzkill Jr., and he says, okay, well, this is something new, and the millennials don't know what to do anything.
	They're paralyzed, and they can't say, excuse me, buddy, you're cutting in line.
	Who is doing the line cutting?
	Is it basically dudes like you?
	Is that what's happening here?
	I think it's people who are inveterate line cutters.
	If you go to China, or if you go to one of the Chinese stores, like the giant 99 Ranch, people will try to cut in line.
	The Chinese themselves deal with this by creating all kinds of cattle thing where you can't really cut in line because there's a rope.
	So you can't really get to the front, even though I've seen people do that.
	You've been under one of those roped lines, and guys, excuse me, excuse me, and he's like, where are you going?
	You know, my wife's up there.
	You don't have to run into this?
	And he goes up and he cuts in line.
	My wife, my wife is up here, and these guys do this.
	I think there's a huge contingent of people.
	I only do it, by the way, when I have to.
	There's a huge contingent of people that cut in line, and now I think is the opportune moment to really develop your skills to cut in line.
	I mean, yes, it's a bad thing, but by the same token...
	If you can get away with it, no one's going to say anything.
	They're just going to grouse to themselves, which is apparently what they do.
	I have, I think, I have cut in line once where I got called out by an older guy.
	Yeah.
	I'll give this story.
	So I basically cut in line in an airport.
	Oh, right, yeah.
	Getting on the plane.
	Let me just say something.
	Cutting in line to get on the plane?
	Really?
	I mean, what kind of douche are you?
	I mean, the plane is not going to leave any earlier.
	You're not going to get there any faster.
	I carry on a lot of stuff that needs to go into the overheads.
	Not only are you the guy who cuts in line to get on the plane, you're the guy that you're like, oh, let me stash this here.
	I'll stash this here.
	You're walking down the aisle.
	You're throwing stuff up there and taking up other people's spots of overhead space.
	Yeah.
	Oh, I dislike you!
	Well, at least I have bags that fit upstairs.
	I'm not the guy who brings in the big giant thing and he's stuffing and stuffing and stuffing.
	They can't close the lid.
	They stuff in and they're punching it.
	You know, that guy.
	I'm not that guy either.
	Just so you know.
	Well, that's good.
	Anyway, no, I'd like to get my...
	I don't do the cutting in line in the airport much.
	I think I've done it a couple of times.
	It's not like the chat and cut.
	You've got to be really aggressive to do this.
	So a guy called me out on it.
	And then what...
	But how did he...
	Like, hey, buddy.
	It was...
	No, no.
	It was after the fact, which would be...
	Oh, and he came up to you and said, hey, did you know that you're a dick?
	Did he do one of those?
	Exactly.
	And how did you feel?
	I said, oh, I'm sorry.
	I didn't care.
	And then you put your medical mask on?
	Because I think that's the way to do it.
	You need to have your medical mask on when you're cutting in line.
	So anyway, so this is a plague.
	And people need to call out somebody cutting in line.
	But we need to help people with this, because people have been trained to just shut up, and if someone acts with authority, to just, oh, okay, I'm sorry.
	Well, the way I do it when somebody cuts in line is I will either tap them on the shoulder.
	It's like the Larry David thing.
	A little bit, but I don't go on to how great they are.
	Tap them on the shoulder and say, the back of the line is there, and I point to the back of the line.
	I said, this is not the line.
	The back of the line is back there, and they always just go back there.
	No one's ever gives you any guff about it, unlike this woman did on the clip.
	Right.
	They just do it.
	So I've never found this to be a problem calling people out if they're cutting in line, unless they're really good at it, and they've somehow cut in line.
	This happens on the freeway a lot.
	You're driving along, and then one of the things I do, and I hate to, and I don't want to make everyone think I'm a douche, but I'm just going to explain some driving techniques.
	My wife will not do this.
	And so if I know there's going to be a lot of traffic and I have to do this trick, I want to drive because she will just basically get in the back of the line on the freeway.
	So in other words, we have a split.
	We've got the 580 going one way.
	We've got the 80 going the other.
	And there's cars backed way up on the 580.
	And there's nobody going on the 80, which is the road to San Francisco.
	I can already feel where this is going.
	So you go up as far as you can.
	You've done this.
	Mm-hmm.
	You go up as far as you can.
	The men will do this more than women.
	I'm actually very, when I see a woman pull this one I'm going to describe, I admire her because I think people should drive like this.
	You go driving up the side that's not going where you want to go because your side is jammed up and then it moves forward a little bit and then it moves forward and sometimes there's an opening.
	And that's when you jump in.
	You jump into the line.
	So you've gotten, you've gotten, because otherwise you'd be there for an hour.
	So you drive and drive and drive and then you have to look for the opportunities.
	Yeah, well the opportunity is when usually a truck and the car in front of the truck pulls up and then you zip right in.
	I'm always looking for the truck opportunity.
	Yeah, that's the easy one.
	The car-to-car one is a little more difficult, especially when you get close to the end and then you cut in real fast.
	You never signal because in California, if you signal you're going to go into that lane, they would gun it.
	That's the way it works.
	They'll do a zipper merge in California, which is very polite.
	Generally speaking, if you put the signal on, boom, it tightens up like it's just like a snake.
	You can't move in there at all.
	So, yeah, it's one of the tricks.
	But that's essentially, it's a cutting in line thing.
	Well, I'm a little torn about this, John, because on one hand, I feel, you know, that we are indeed above the slaves, right?
	I don't feel that way.
	I feel like a slave and I'm just cutting in line.
	You feel like a line-cutting slave.
	On the other hand, I'm pretty civil, you know.
	You do this cutting in line with the cars.
	You just feel the protection of the car.
	You don't do a public cutting in line in a line.
	It's the same thing.
	No, because in Texas, we're not a-holes.
	We got big cars and trucks, and we just jam it in there.
	And everyone does it.
	It's not civil.
	The civility is we don't yell at each other when someone does it.
	Like, hey, good one, buddy.
	Good, you got me.
	That's what I would have done.
	Well, here's what bothers me.
	We don't honk and throw fingers and flip each other off because you get shot.
	We don't do that.
	Yeah, well, that's nice.
	Now, there's these instances where...
	I'm trying to think of one example.
	Where the guy cuts you off.
	Or no, here's my favorite, or the one I really dislike.
	And this is where you do honk.
	You got a guy in front of you that is so slow on the draw that guys are cutting in front of him.
	So a guy cuts in front of him.
	You're on a line to the toll booths, for example.
	A guy cuts in front of the guy in front of you.
	And then the guy is still so slow, and another guy cuts in front of him.
	And then another guy cuts.
	These guys are cutting in front of this idiot in front of you.
	And so then it's when you honk the horn.
	Move up!
	Anyway, you ever seen that?
	No, you know, I really, I haven't, I'm not either, I'm not cognizant, or I just, you know, I'm not thinking that way.
	Yeah, you're not, I'm California.
	Yeah, People's Republic of California, I mean, you need a big earthquake just to clean up some of you people.
	No, they have earthquakes all the time.
	It's not going to change our driving habits.
	I mean, it's just, no, I kind of remember, just everyone's always angry, and it's just...
	Maybe I'm just not angry.
	I just don't see it.
	Maybe I get all my anger out on the show.
	But if I see a really long line, here's the difference.
	So let's say there's a press event, right?
	And so you're in Vegas.
	You see the press event.
	You're like, holy crap, that's a long line.
	You do your chat and cut.
	You start the, hey, buddy, how you doing?
	So you're like 10 people behind, whatever.
	And it's a total a-hole move.
	Here's what I do.
	I see the long line in Vegas.
	I'm like, screw that.
	Let's get some hookers.
	If I don't have a chat and cut opportunity, that's what I'll do.
	I'll just leave.
	I don't care.
	I don't need to go into this event.
	I always say my grandparents didn't fight in the war for me to stand in line for anything.
	There you go.
	Right?
	Yeah, bring in World War II. Hitler!
	I made it.
	So I'm listening to the Parliament having their debates, and this particular weird thing comes up.
	This is about the Chancellor of the Exchequer apparently getting a Twitter account, and they waste the public's time with the following discussion.
	I'm sorry, my computer froze.
	I can't get your clip.
	No, I see the clip, I see it, and I'm trying to click on it, and I'm trying to drag it, but for some reason, it's probably, I don't know, Chrome or Firefox or some other uberlord piece of crap.
	I can't...
	Now what is it doing?
	Now it's like...
	Does it get your little spinning thing?
	Yeah, oh yeah.
	No, I got the spinning beach ball of death, and it just deleted your clip.
	Where'd it go?
	Swear to God.
	Swear to God.
	It's potentially a clip of the day.
	Ronald, given that the Chancellor has this morning joined Twitter, could the Prime Minister remind the Chancellor and the House what too many tweets make?
	I am...
	I... I, uh...
	I've made a number of remarks about Twitter over the years, most of which I've had to withdraw because I'm now tweeting myself.
	But I look forward to the first tweet after the budget this afternoon.
	But what is clear is he could tweet even now that we are cutting taxes in two weeks' time for 24 million working people, taking 2 million people out of tax.
	And certainly tweeting that would not cause any dangers for him.
	Why would this be clip of the day?
	Well, I thought it was funny.
	But there's a reference that was interesting, which was Cameron's own comment sometime back in 2009 that too many tweets make a twat.
	Oh, okay.
	And so they're trying to get him to say it again.
	Yeah, that's not very funny.
	Well, I thought it was at the time.
	It was funny at the time.
	You know what would have made it funnier?
	The rim shot.
	Exactly.
	A rim shot would have made it much, much funnier.
	I'm desperately...
	You know what's really making me angry is this Gerard Butler who was on the Today Show talking about this movie where...
	And you're still looking for the clip?
	Well, it's been deleted from the internet.
	I swear to God.
	Yeah, no, it's everywhere this video has expired.
	Ah.
	So if anyone, I'll actually, I'll ask the chat room to help me.
	If anyone can find, like, a YouTube version, it's Gerard Butler talking about the Olympus Down.
	I really doubt that you don't have it.
	Well, I've seen the clip.
	I saw the clip and I remembered, wow, this is clip of the day.
	And now I can't find it in my show notes system.
	I can't find it anywhere.
	And it's Matt Lauer.
	I remember vividly because it's kind of like a gay thing at the end.
	And Matt Lauer was like, you're so pretty.
	And I just can't find it.
	And someone will find it for me.
	Every single place I go, it's like this video has expired.
	The public relations campaign is over.
	They don't care anymore.
	I'm thinking because he actually blew it.
	He gave it away.
	He explained how it works.
	That could be.
	So let me discredit someone else then.
	Well, the chat room will help me on that.
	It's Olympus Down.
	Gerard Butler on the Today Show with Matt Lauer.
	So let me discredit Mashable for a second.
	Can I just discredit Mashable?
	Mashable?
	Wasn't Mashable, like, cool at one point?
	I don't know if that was ever cool.
	So they've got this video.
	And they've got this hipster with the hipster glasses.
	And this is the report.
	Lost your faith in the banks in Cyprus?
	Consider hitting up the Bitcoin ATM. What?
	Yep, the online currency Bitcoin is getting a boost in Europe from all the financial drama in Cyprus.
	The machine, part of a new venture by entrepreneur Jeff Berwick, will both accept Bitcoins for cash and cash for Bitcoins.
	Bitcoins are really, really fascinating.
	If you want to learn more about them, go to our tech vertical on NowThisNews, and you can let me know what you think at Wynn Rosenfeld on Twitter.
	All right, listen, Twitter Rosenfeld, this makes no sense.
	An ATM for Bitcoin?
	So, what do you stick your USB drive in a slot or something?
	That must be it.
	It's complete.
	This is so bogative.
	And who is this guy?
	Do you know of this guy, this entrepreneur?
	Jeff Berwick?
	Yeah.
	I believe he is the chief editor of the Dollar Vigilante.
	Yeah.
	I looked up his wiki page as well.
	But had you ever heard of this guy?
	No.
	And he's like, I'm a Bitcoin ATM machine.
	And he's also an entrepreneur, apparently, with the Bitcoin ATM machine, which I don't think makes any sense whatsoever.
	There's no such thing as a Bitcoin, physical Bitcoin.
	It's just a number attached to your number as a Bitcoin owner, right?
	I guess.
	I don't get it.
	Maybe it pumps out a little receipt that's got a number on it.
	I don't know.
	But this is what drives me nuts.
	It just drives me nuts.
	And this is the most emailed story of the week.
	Bitcoin ATM in Cyprus.
	Are you kidding me?
	You're forbidden from listening to this show when you say these things.
	Yeah, I agree.
	That's really not okay.
	I think we have Gerard Butler.
	Let me see if the good piece is in it.
	Gerard Butler was one of the producers.
	Yeah, I know.
	He's also starring.
	It was directed by Antoine Fuqua.
	I'll bet you $10 we get an ad before this video plays.
	We're back at 844 with Gerard Butler.
	You should have bet me.
	Listen, listen.
	He plays a disgraced service agent who finds himself trapped in the White House after the president is taken hostage during a terror attack.
	Take a look.
	Take a look.
	Get ready for it.
	Get ready for Lauer to spill the beans.
	What do they want?
	We're trying to find out.
	Who's in charge?
	Trumbull.
	Are there any survivals with you?
	Negative, sir.
	They wiped us out.
	They have commandos roaming the hallways with enough explosives to take out an army.
	Gerard Butler, welcome back.
	Good to see you.
	Good to see you.
	You got clout.
	Let me tell you why you have clout, alright?
	This movie is about not giving anything away here.
	The North Koreans are the terrorists here.
	They take over the White House and they capture the President.
	And you have arranged, just as you're promoting this movie, to have the North Koreans make all kinds of strange gestures toward the United States threatening nuclear war.
	How did you do that?
	Well, it wasn't so much me.
	We have a very powerful publicity department.
	So we said I'd just make some noise.
	You know, say some ridiculous things.
	Isn't that awesome?
	Yeah, fact!
	If you had gotten this clip with the right timing, you would have gotten the clip of the day.
	No, I know.
	I know.
	That's why I'm angry.
	That's why I'm happy.
	I'd be angry, too.
	You essentially had the clip of the day and you dropped the ball.
	I dropped the ball on the clip of the day.
	And that is an outrageous clip.
	And you're right.
	Matt Lauer's an idiot.
	Fact.
	Thank you, chat room.
	Good work.
	He got clout.
	Good work finding that.
	That's an outrageous clip.
	I think that was a little more.
	What we're talking about constantly.
	And, of course, the annoyance to me was that we, you know, it was so...
	Well, you know, Matt Lauer's getting fired over this.
	When that movie came out, I didn't know what it was about.
	I didn't care to look into it.
	Who would...
	North Korean terrorists?
	Wait, what in history?
	Can somebody cite me?
	A North Korean terrorist that's ever lived?
	Not only that, but they fly into D.C. airspace and bomb the White House.
	It's fascinating, these North Korean terrorists.
	Matt Lauer is getting fired over this, you know.
	He's getting fired.
	And you know who they're talking about hiring?
	Anderson Pooper.
	What?
	I know there's a big shake going on on NBC. Yeah, they're going to replace Matt Lauer with Pooper.
	No.
	Yes, that's the rumor!
	Fact!
	Well, that could happen.
	Obviously, Pooper's on the fast track.
	He's a fast pooper.
	And it wouldn't surprise me if they did something like that.
	So I'm watching your buddy who also is being moved around, Aaron Burnett.
	Oh yeah, I got a couple of clips.
	He had a couple of douchebags talking about it.
	And I just think it's funny the way she is talking about government surveillance.
	In a funny way that indicates, you know, it's possible.
	She's almost like spilling the beans on the reality of the situation.
	And this is the beginning of a, this story is about Berkeley saying they should be taxing email in the city of Berkeley.
	So everyone has to pay a penny for every email.
	And then that money is going to go to the post office, which brings me to clip two.
	But play Aaron Burnett on government surveillance for it.
	No government gave me, no tax created, no bureaucrat invented.
	Oh, come on, maybe the government needs to be the ones to tell us you're all talking too much, you're sending too much.
	Maybe the government needs to be the one to tell us to shut our tracks.
	In order to do this, they would need to install government surveillance on every email server and probably every single computer.
	Do you want to give the government the power?
	I'm going to bet you they already have it, but...
	Well, that's a whole other kettle of fish here.
	Okay, that's a whole other kettle of fish.
	But by the way, I think they're going to do it.
	Listen, a drone can already see what you're writing.
	There's no reason not to fight it.
	Make it stop, John.
	Please.
	It's unbelievable.
	Did she just say, a drone can already see what you're writing?
	Did she say that?
	Did Erin Burnett say that?
	Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did.
	Oh, jeez.
	That's pathetic, people.
	It is pathetic.
	So here's what bothers me, and actually both of us are bothered by this, which is, again, the staffs of these large shows.
	They have like dozens of people working there, and then they have people on the set that don't ask the right questions, or they just let things slide.
	And this case, the second part of this clip, which is they're continuing the discussion, and this douchebag character from the New Republic, or is he from the National Review, a right-wing group?
	They go off on the post office.
	And now we remember that instead of using the word funding for the post office, because they're not funding their retirement, they're pre-funding a decade ahead.
	But this guy goes off on the post office as if this is an elitist thing, by the way.
	Can we just step back one second?
	Because you turned the entire show on to this.
	And it's important we reiterate that, first of all, the post office, there's something called the Postal Clause, Article I, Section 7 of the Constitution, And it says that there shall be a postal service and they can set rates.
	I think that's pretty much the only two things they can do.
	And it is protected by the Constitution for a very important reason because the founding fathers of this experiment, known as the United States, knew that it would be important to not only have an armed citizenry, But also to have secure communication so you could actually send something to someone without the government looking into it.
	And it is my belief, but I think our combined belief, that there is a move to get rid of this so that we can commit all kinds of fraud, financial fraud.
	This is why when it comes to the real fraudulent documents, they don't show up with the mail, but they show up with UPS or FedEx.
	They'll send you a two-day FedEx.
	That's when the real crap is showing up at your door.
	Yeah.
	Yeah, that's because there's no postal fraud involved.
	You send it by the mail.
	That's a federal offense, the mail fraud.
	Felony.
	Felony, thank you.
	Yeah, it's mail fraud.
	So they're trying to kill the post office.
	And so this guy...
	Who should be getting a douchebag call out at the end.
	He goes off with all the stereotypical cliches about the post office, not realizing that it's really a very important thing to have functioning and should be supported.
	So here's what we get to hear with nobody saying anything on CNN. Alright, so, but the thing in terms of funding the post office, I mean, what about that argument?
	I understand your point about the horse and buggy, but isn't there some sense in that?
	We're sending, I believe, got the numbers, 12.1 billion business emails a year, 5.4 billion personal emails.
	A one-cent tax on each of those, you're getting some money.
	I'm sorry, what the post service does right now, the bulk of what they send you is what I like to call physical spams.
	Which is actually worse for the environment.
	It's rather unpleasant.
	And now the Postal Service is saying that the federal government has undermined them by saying they're saying that we have to adequately fund our pensions.
	That's crazy talk.
	And so postal employees are funding ads on my television that are visual spam that are telling us that there's some grave injustice that they should fund these crazy pension obligations they've built up over years.
	The U.S. Postal Service, you know, maybe there's a reduced place for it.
	Maybe if they deliver five days a week rather than six, that would make sense.
	But I don't see why every other industry should have to subsidize postal carriers, because there are a lot of industries that are struggling that could use those resources to provide innovative new services.
	It's a fair point.
	It's just it's...
	Fair point, except you're an a-hole.
	Sorry, I just had to AK that guy.
	Unbelievable.
	Oh, but it is $75 billion I had to pre-fund.
	$75 billion?
	Yeah, pre-fund.
	But no one understands this.
	Nobody else pre-funds.
	The Defense Department doesn't pre-fund.
	No other part of government pre-funds their retirement.
	They do it as they go along.
	And so this guy mocks that.
	Oh, horrible that they have to fund their retirement.
	They're not funding their retirement.
	They're pre-funding future retirements to an excess, just a way to keep the books unbalanced and break the bank of the post office.
	In fact, if it wasn't for this, the post office would be in the black.
	It would be making money.
	Is that a fact?
	Would they be profitable?
	Yeah, the postal unions that have come up with these numbers.
	But yeah, they would be making money.
	So this is interesting.
	Is it not the unions who demand this kind of pre-funding?
	No, they're totally against all this.
	They're trying to protect their jobs.
	They just care that it's funded.
	Why do they have to fund it for 10 years in advance unless they're going to go under and they want to keep those pensions going?
	I mean, this whole thing is like a scheme.
	Look, we're going to break the post office.
	They're going to bust them.
	We're going to ruin them.
	So we're going to make them pre-fund for 10 years because they're not going to fund on the fly because they're not going to be here.
	Hello?
	Hello?
	Okay.
	It's a complete and total scam.
	And Washington's bought into it.
	These idiots on CNN bought into it.
	The National Review, I mean, of all places bought into it.
	They all buy into it.
	The Constitution is all important, but let's get rid of the post office because I'm getting some mail from my lucky store down the street every once in a while talking about sales of corned beef.
	Oh, that's physical spam.
	It's ruining trees.
	All of a sudden, these guys are now...
	Completely all green all of a sudden?
	That they're worried about the trees being destroyed by all this physical spam?
	I mean, come on!
	John C. DeVorex, pet peeve of the day.
	I'm Adam Curry, and I'm John C. DeVorex.
	We're having lots of fun.
	Woo!
	I like the post office, by the way.
	I got a great post office in Albany.
	Well, you know, I never used to go to the post office.
	And recently, you know, we've been moving and all this stuff.
	And so, like, you know, I just tried online to change address.
	And it was, like, complicated.
	It's like, you know, you put down your credit card.
	And, you know, then they charge a cent or a dollar.
	And I'm like, screw this.
	I'm just going to go to the post office.
	They're not a bad rap, but they're really friendly.
	They're really nice and helpful, and it's not crazy busy, and it seems real easy when you want to ship something.
	I buy some ham gear.
	Because, of course, that's the trap you fall into when you're a ham.
	And so I bought this 4-band QRP 5-watt Morse code transmitter, which is very small.
	I'd say it's about 5 inches, no less, 4 inches by 2 inches by 3 inches.
	And, you know, the guy sends it through the post.
	And, you know, it's insured.
	And he put a whole bunch of really pretty stamps on it.
	It was nice.
	It's nice when it shows up that way.
	I don't know what it is.
	There's something cute about it.
	Am I old-fashioned and lame now that I say this?
	No, I think it's fine.
	I usually tear off the stamps and put them in a drawer.
	Really?
	Wow.
	Wow.
	Wait a minute.
	I get a letter from the post office from the Netherlands, let's say, or from Germany, or from anywhere, and there's a bunch of these pretty stamps on there because it's coming all across the ocean.
	Oh, boy.
	I got a big drawer full of these crazy stamps.
	I'm going to put them in a bag one of these days, and then I'm going to hand them off to my grandkids.
	Here, kid.
	Figure out what these are worth.
	You, Mr.
	Dvorak, are the vinyl of the internet.
	I'm telling you, you are fantastic.
	All right, I'd have one more important...
	Those stamps are all valuable.
	Of course.
	A dollar stamp, one of the dollar stamps that you get on a package that says a dollar, a canceled dollar stamp is worth about 15 cents.
	Okay.
	Okay, great.
	I'm just saying.
	On this show, it's appreciated.
	We don't scoff and laugh at old-fashioned stuff here.
	We like it.
	It's an American institution.
	It's a part of the Constitution.
	Which I think is pretty important.
	And there's a reason for it.
	It's protected.
	It's protected.
	Anyway, so now you told us about the middle of the night.
	We had the, was it the Senate?
	Yeah, they were passing a bill in the middle of the night, and they were all yelling at each other.
	It's 3 o'clock in the morning, and without any real oversight by the people, all of a sudden there was the Appropriations Act for fiscal year 2013.
	Right, which essentially stopped all the cuts and taxes up to the point of a trillion dollars more.
	I mean, well, I don't know how that happened.
	Well, it did something else.
	Yeah, I heard this.
	Yeah, so it was originally part of the 2013 House Agriculture Bill, and the section there was known as the Farmer Assurance Provision, And I had to look, because these appropriation bills are basically all just about money.
	And it's just money here, money there, money everywhere.
	$9 billion for airport security.
	I'd just like to point that one out.
	$9 billion for the massage you get when you opt out.
	$9 billion.
	Section 735.
	In the event that a determination of non-regulated status made pursuant to Section 411 of the Plant Protection Act is or has been invalidated or vacated, the Secretary of Agriculture shall notwithstanding the provision of law upon request by a farmer, grower, farm operator, or producer...
	Thank you.
	Interim conditions shall authorize the movement, introduction, continued cultivation, commercialization, and other specifically enumerated activities and requirements, including measures designed to mitigate or minimize potential adverse environmental effects, if any, relevant to the Secretary's evaluation of the petition for non-regulated status, while ensuring that growers relevant to the Secretary's evaluation of the petition for non-regulated status, while ensuring that growers or other users are able to move, plant, cultivate, introduce into commerce, and carry out other authorized Colon.
	I'm going to stop there.
	So, what this does...
	If there was a question about a Monsanto seed, there are other companies, and I think they just settled with another huge company for like a billion dollars of whoever owns whatever patent on life.
	If there's a question about, and it's not just seeds, apparently, if you listen to what I just said, As to its danger to your health, my health, the animal health, the health of the universe, then while that is being investigated, the secretary, which I think, isn't that guy like an ex-Monsanto guy?
	I believe so.
	I believe so, too.
	We'll issue a permit so that the growth, production, and sale can just continue as normal.
	It is very similar to what we have with vaccines in this country, where if you provide a vaccine to the citizens and someone dies from it, you are not liable.
	You are indemnified.
	So it's not exactly an indemnification.
	But it's very close.
	It's like, hey, you know, while we're tying this up in the courts for the next 10 years about some proof, some scientific fact, it's science.
	Shut up already.
	The permit will be issued to just continue.
	Yeah.
	And so that was slipped in.
	Right.
	This is slipped in as part of the budget resolution.
	It's got nothing to do with the budget.
	It's like the same stuff that we've seen other people try to slip in that we had the clip from.
	Too bad we don't have the clip of this one.
	Oh, this got passed.
	Well, it wasn't discussed.
	There's no clip.
	Because I looked, and if you go to C-Span Video...
	It was just one of those wink, wink, nudge, nudge, we're passing it anyway.
	Like the NDAA that was slipped in by interrupting somebody in the middle of the night.
	Yes.
	Oh.
	Yes.
	Nice.
	Yes.
	Yeah, that's how it works.
	And it's, no, well, anyway, at least you're hearing about it here.
	So you can use this.
	You can talk about the, and I love it, the farmer, what is it called?
	I love the name of it.
	It's always named in some way.
	Let me just see.
	It's the, originally, the Farmer Assurance Provision.
	It's for the farmer.
	To assure him that he's got no chance of beating Monsanto ever.
	Meanwhile, it is still freezing snow on the ground everywhere in Euroland.
	This is hilarious.
	I read a great...
	It's almost April.
	I know, I know.
	April in Paris.
	I read a great headline.
	Let me see if I can find this.
	Freezing British Easter, colon.
	Listen to these magic numbers.
	Three more weeks of freezing weather predicted, 33-year-old man dead after collapsing in snow could cause a triple-dip recession.
	I mean...
	Because the guy died?
	Well, that's just they just threw that in for good measure to throw in the 33.
	But it's going to be freezing for three more weeks.
	Could cause a triple depression.
	They now have a tanker.
	Triple depression, three weeks, and 33-year-old guy.
	Isn't that great?
	It's unbelievable.
	Yeah.
	How does that happen?
	Yeah, I don't know.
	They've now...
	We could decode this.
	So a super tanker has been deployed to the island of the United Kingdoms because they're out of gas.
	Which is fantastic.
	I love it.
	I love it.
	I hope you run out of gas so you can see how dependent you really are.
	And that was never going to snow there again, ever.
	No, no, no, no.
	Well, of course, this cold...
	Well, let me play you the BBC. Take you back to the days when we strolled in the parks of this pleasant land in shirts, sleeves and shorts, sat in our gardens, nibbled and I screamed, remember?
	Probably not yet.
	That's how it was exactly.
	A year ago, March of last year, spring, temperatures in the 70s, the third warmest March on record, and now this, no spring.
	What's gone wrong?
	Well, three words, the jet stream.
	It has gone wrong.
	That's what we have to blame.
	Also, Dr.
	Liz Bentley says, and she's the founder of the Weather Club at the Royal Meteorological Society, and she should know, good morning to you.
	Good morning.
	Is that oversimplifying a little bit?
	Well, no, actually, you're right.
	The position of the jet stream is way far south than it would normally be at this time of year.
	Let me ask you a question, Professor Dvorak.
	Why do you think the jet stream has...
	He's in the wrong position this time of year.
	Global warming!
	And what that's led to is an area of high pressure that's dominating Northern Europe's weather.
	Just give us ten seconds before we go on, what is the jet stream?
	Okay, very simply, a narrow band of very strong winds that sits about 30,000 feet above our heads, so way above, high in the atmosphere, where the planes fly around.
	And it's produced because of the difference in temperature between the equator and the poles, and where there's a bigger difference in temperature, a bigger contrast in that temperature, we get stronger winds, called the jet stream.
	So that is the jet stream, and what should it do?
	Well, the jet stream tends to move from west to east across the Atlantic and brings in our weather systems.
	It's the real driving force of our weather systems.
	So it develops areas of low pressure and weather fronts that come in and bring us the wind and rain.
	And at the moment, it's sitting much, much further south across parts of the Mediterranean, southern Mediterranean.
	Well, part of that reason, I think, there's lots of theories out there as to why the jet stream's out of position.
	It was out of position last summer as well, if you remember.
	It actually was set across the UK and brought in all the wet weather that we saw during our miserable summer last year.
	And there's lots of theories behind it.
	One of them is the reduction in Arctic sea ice.
	Ah!
	Oh yes, there it is.
	That we've seen over the last, well, few decades really, but we've got to record low levels of Arctic sea ice at the end of last summer.
	Climate change.
	Yes, climate change.
	Climate change.
	Yes, absolutely climate change.
	You know what?
	We're all going to die.
	Here they come!
	Now, a severe plague of locusts has infested around half of the Indian Ocean island of Madagascar.
	Billions of these plant-devouring insects threaten the food security of nearly 60% of the island's population.
	There you go.
	The locusts are here.
	The jet stream has moved south.
	We are doomed.
	The Georgia Guidestones prophecy comes true.
	I only have one last clip.
	Can I just pick a clip random from you?
	From your bin?
	Like what?
	I'm interested in this one clip.
	I've been looking at it throughout the whole show.
	And which clip is that?
	I just feel like this is what she's meant to do.
	This week, once again, two acts will be leaving the competition.
	I was definitely in my head too much.
	I was negative Nancy.
	Now, I'm excited to take the stage tonight.
	I'm excited to be amazing.
	I'm excited to be amazing.
	Khloe Kardashian.
	You know that this is a Dutch show?
	I think this is nuts.
	This is a Dutch show originated in the Netherlands.
	It was called The Springe Met Sterre, Jumping into Water with the Stars.
	And here it's called, what, Big Splash or something?
	Something like that.
	It's great.
	It's a great show because you get to see...
	How is it a great show?
	It's a piece of crap.
	You get to see...
	Oh, I'm afraid to jump and then they jump.
	Yeah, you get to see out-of-shape celebrities diving into the water.
	It is...
	John, you and I could not have come up with a better format.
	Genius, my friend.
	I have a show.
	Here's my show.
	Five celebrities, four parachutes.
	I'm telling you, we could find the five celebrities.
	We could find them.
	And Chloe would be excited to be amazing.
	She'd be excited to be amazing.
	What's the last clip for you, darling?
	Well, I was thinking, one of the things we like to do on this show, and I always like to remind both of us, that much of the public attitude, and I think the cutting in line thing may be part of this, too.
	And by the way, we need more stories.
	The cutting in line thing may be an element of this.
	It's the memes are given to us by popular shows.
	And in this case, it's NCIS LA and the terrorism meme that we've actually discussed specifically one little line in here that you'll note when it happens.
	Tommy the terrorist.
	I like that.
	It's funny.
	Nice rent to it.
	It's not funny for you, though.
	You think I'm a terrorist?
	We have you on tape arranging to help a known terrorist illegally cross the border.
	We have photos of you meeting that same terrorist, and we have evidence that you help supply weapons for a planned terrorist attack on the United States.
	It's called giving aid and comfort to the enemy.
	It's also known as treason.
	Oh!
	Aid and comfort!
	The two things necessary for treason!
	Wow!
	Nailed it!
	Alright, you know what?
	You know what?
	On the cusp...
	On the very edge of leaving, of getting out, you get Clip of the Day.
	Clip of the Day.
	I don't really deserve it after your clip, Flower, but...
	No, I screwed up my timing.
	I screwed up the clip, and I just, for some reason, I probably had it for the previous show, mislabeled it, something went wrong.
	I don't know what happened.
	Labeling these clips is difficult.
	Tell me about it.
	But we also just don't get to everything, and we promised ourselves we'd try and keep the show short because we had a long donation segment today.
	We went a little bit over.
	It's funny, I get people policing us now.
	Hey!
	Hey!
	That show was two hours and 40 minutes.
	Shorten it up, Curry.
	Ten minutes over.
	This is like real producers being assholes.
	Yeah, they are producers, and they're giving us crap.
	Yeah, I love that.
	I love it.
	But they can't fire us.
	Well, no, there's that.
	Well, they could starve us out, but that takes a little.
	Anyway, I'm looking forward to celebrating episode 500 with everybody on Sunday.
	On Easter.
	Easter Sunday.
	It's not a coincidence.
	I think not.
	31313-500 episodes of the show.
	Dvorak.org slash NA. Thank you again, everybody, for joining us live in the chat room, for joining us on the downloads, and coming to you from the capital of the Drone Star State here in Austin, Texas.
	In the morning, I'm Adam Curry.
	And in the morning from northern Silicon Valley, where I'm John C. Dvorak.
	We will talk to you again on Sunday.
	We're episode 500 right here.
	Sunday on No Agenda.
	The best podcast in the universe!
	I'm M. Curry, and I'm just here for a rack.
	We're having lots of fun, you're no general.
	That's one hot, baby.

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