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March 21, 2013 - No Agenda

02:42:54

497: Raining Scuds

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Time	Text
	I heard you Ethiopian girls are hungry all the time.
	Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
	It's Thursday, March 21st, 2013.
	Time for your Gitmo Nation Media Assassination Episode 497.
	This is No Agenda.
	Straight out of Range Rover Hell at the Travis Heights hideout where SoCo meets Mofo in the capital of the drone star.
	Stayed in the morning, everybody.
	I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, where I don't have any jazzy kind of poetic thing to say, I'm John C. Dvorak.
	That's just a lack of preparation, John.
	Yeah, that's all that it is.
	You write this stuff down then?
	You admit it?
	Yeah, I always write down the opening.
	Does that also apply to your little ditty at the end of the nighting?
	No, man, that's from memory.
	I wake up in the morning and I rehearse that little nighting ditty.
	Yeah, okay.
	Yeah, that's exactly what I do.
	Exactly.
	Oops.
	The Range Rover finally bit it.
	Oh, no!
	Was it from the drive back from Dallas?
	No, we took the truck.
	I'm glad we took the truck because, you know, I mean, it wasn't that warm yesterday.
	It was, you know, high 70s.
	And I get the call.
	Did you know this call?
	I mean, he's like, there's steam coming out of it again!
	Oh, you just had a hose up.
	No, but I just had a whole water pump put in, and now I'm like, you know, we're done with this car.
	Yeah, you sure it just wasn't a cracked hose?
	Steam coming out sounds like a hose.
	No, it's...
	What else would it be?
	But I'm done with the car, you see.
	It's 1999.
	I can't have my wife driving around in something that, you know, what's going to happen next?
	Well, I mean, it's always going to be something with every car.
	I know, but...
	Once they're more than four years old.
	I'd also like to point out that, you know, the right-hand side, the passenger door still doesn't open.
	Yeah, yeah, that's annoying.
	That, you know, it's not okay.
	You have to climb in the back.
	You have to climb in the back or through the window, and all the ceiling, you know, the, what do you call that, the padding?
	You need to look like a NASCAR racer, and you jump in the window, and you know what you're doing.
	Put some netting on there, you know.
	So, now I'm, you know, like, oh, okay.
	I'll just get something Japanese that'll run.
	Toyota.
	Yeah.
	Well, they're not cheap.
	Well, for that reason.
	Yeah.
	Yeah.
	The Toyotas are not cheap.
	And so, now, I think it was you that told me that it's a much better deal to call up one of these outfits that'll come and tow the car away and then I get the tax deduction.
	I didn't say it was a better deal.
	I mean, yeah.
	That's one way of doing it, as opposed to letting it sit there.
	Although, since you're in Texas, you could put it up on blocks and put it in a funny dark.
	Yeah.
	To match the neighbors, you mean?
	Yeah.
	So you'd just be right at home, and everyone would say, oh, local.
	Okay.
	No.
	I mean, no one will take this.
	They'll take it as a trading...
	There's another one.
	Okay.
	I've got a million of them.
	Take and put it in the front yard just like that and then get some black spray can, black paint, and then across the side that's visible to the outside, spray lemon on the car.
	Okay.
	And that'll make you feel better about the situation.
	And possibly somebody, a Range Rover, will get a hold of a photo and then they'll come by and get you a new car.
	Okay.
	I think this is the best strategy I've heard yet.
	I can't wait to share it with Mickey.
	Although the car is black, so I think we should do it in gold paint.
	Oh, you use white paint.
	It's fine.
	Gold.
	Gold's harder to see, but white would be good.
	No, but I think the way it works is, you know, they'll come over, they'll give you an IRS receipt.
	Yeah.
	For like, you know, and the car, you know, Blue Book, if you, you know, if you take away the door thing and the engine exploding, it's probably worth about four grand.
	Wow, that's a lot.
	Yeah, well, it's low mileage.
	Yeah.
	How many miles are on that thing?
	I think 97,000.
	I don't know how you define low mileage.
	Well, everything I've looked at to buy for her is about that.
	I'm just picking up where this one left off.
	It's no good.
	If you keep shopping, like on Craigslist or wherever, just find somebody trying to sell their car, you will find somebody who has like 45,000 miles on their car.
	Yeah, so here's what I found.
	First of all, I found that my wife's interest in the vehicle is the color.
	She wants a black car.
	No, she wants an off-white.
	Off-white?
	What does that even mean?
	I think it's pearlescent.
	I would like an eggshell white automobile.
	That is pretty much what she wants.
	That's exactly it.
	And so I'll show a car and she's like, yeah, that's a nice color.
	I'm like, there's a little more to it, but it's okay.
	Nice color.
	She does not really care.
	But then I point out to her that there's all these amazing deals, but the car's always red.
	That's what you want.
	You don't know Miss Mickey, apparently.
	You don't know the American, she doesn't apparently know American drivers.
	You want a car that is visible.
	So people don't say, well, I didn't see your black car when I hit you.
	Because in court, nobody's going to get away with saying this in court.
	I didn't see the car.
	It's red.
	This is not going to happen.
	This is not, she said, this is the limit.
	There will be no red car in her future.
	By the way, you don't have a red car.
	Yours used to be white.
	I have a red Corvette.
	Your Lexus used to be white.
	I think it is now actually off-white.
	It's old.
	Yeah, that's what's so great about it.
	Anyway, I'm very happy that we didn't take that up to Dallas.
	Mickey did her big role on Dallas.
	Well, you're going to have to clue the audience in.
	Yeah, well, you know what?
	I have to say, it was kind of...
	Are you kidding me?
	So the director is Jesse Bochco.
	Bochco?
	Yeah, he's Stephen Bochco's son.
	Wow.
	So he's directing.
	This is the problem with the entertainment business.
	It's all insiders.
	Oh, yeah.
	Flicks, my son.
	Oh, yeah.
	And the producer is Ken Taylor.
	He's done a lot of stuff, but you know how...
	He's probably Rip Taylor or something.
	No, Ken Taylor is kind of up there in age, I could tell.
	But what was interesting, you know how whenever you have the award shows that are not about movies, but it's about either TV series or, you know, like just basically television series shows.
	Yeah, okay.
	They always are thanking the writers.
	Like our fantastic writing team, you know, we're so happy with you.
	Thank you to the writers.
	Without you, our work would be nothing.
	I understand why they do this now.
	Because I met the writer of this episode who is on set.
	I mean, he's a big shot.
	He's, you know, so Mickey introduced me to him and I'm talking.
	He said, yeah, I really loved her audition, which is, you know, why we not only decided to bring her in, even though she read for a different part, I just love what she did.
	And we had this, you know, part for a girl called Calliope.
	We thought the name was no good and we heard that her name was Mickey and we said we decided, oh, this is great.
	We'll call her Mickey, except it'll be M-I-K-K-I. And I was like, no, all right.
	So this guy basically hired her.
	They gave her the name of a Japanese hooker.
	Russian.
	Okay.
	And, you know, so he essentially, you know, he's responsible for hiring.
	And her role is, you know, I mean, it's not like she's not on screen for the whole episode, but she is involved with one of the kind of main characters.
	And I'm like, yeah, I'm seeing season three, you know, she could totally take over South Fork.
	And he's like, hmm, yeah, unfortunately, you know, her character Ken ends in a very, or her character's involvement, you know, the guy doesn't end well for him, but yeah, she could be like really pissed off, and yeah, I'm like, wow, did I just talk her into a gig on season three?
	You might have.
	Yeah, this is very, very powerful, these guys.
	Anyway, you know, this is a big show.
	This is a hit show, John.
	They've got like three and a half, four million people watching this thing.
	Yeah, I know.
	It's a shame Larry Hagman died in the middle of it.
	Well, you know, they're bringing the six million dollar man in to replace him.
	Not as J.R., but just like another old guy.
	What's his name?
	Lee Majors.
	You risked losing another actor.
	They're bringing Lee Majors in.
	It was cool, though.
	It was fun to see.
	I've forgotten what it's like.
	There's a million people on this show.
	It's people doing things.
	Those shows, there's so many people.
	You see when the credit rolls, it's like...
	Who are all these people and what are they doing mostly standing around?
	No, no, no.
	Everyone had a job.
	No matter how small it is, they all have a very specific task and they do it very well.
	What's the gaffer doing during the shooting?
	He's not gaffing anything.
	Yeah, but his job is small.
	His job is to gaff before they shoot and that's it.
	Yeah, and then he stands around and goes home.
	Alright, well, whatever.
	He obviously doesn't go home because you never know when you need a gaffer.
	Exactly.
	But I was impressed.
	I thought it was fun to watch.
	I'd kind of forgotten what it was like.
	Did you try to get a job?
	No, in fact, in these Hollywood situations, there's always someone to take you to the next place.
	You're never alone.
	And when they are taking talent, that would be Mickey, into the makeup trailer.
	So the guy is like...
	Okay, stepping up.
	One stepping up.
	The Mickey actress stepping up and her husband.
	That's two stepping up.
	You know, it's like whatever you do.
	It's like crossing.
	We've got two crossing.
	We've got talent, Mickey, and her husband.
	And to this guy, I became buddy.
	You know that moment where he's like, hey, buddy, where's Mickey?
	Hey, buddy.
	Hey, buddy.
	It's like, hey, we're ready for Mickey.
	No.
	Oh, okay, buddy.
	Well, listen, buddy.
	Why don't you let me...
	I was a completely insignificant buddy.
	Yeah, well, that's what you are in this situation.
	They probably would rather have you not there.
	Yeah, but they were cool with it, so it was fun.
	And a large portion of the people are old enough to remember me, and we're impressed.
	Oh, that's good.
	Yeah, that's always nice.
	Anyway, so episode 14 of the series, one before last, and they're very hopeful that they will have another season.
	There's no green light yet from the network.
	But this is on cable, isn't it?
	TNT, yeah, but it's a big deal.
	Yeah, I know, but what else has TNT got to do?
	Besides greenlight that show.
	Well, we have a big meeting today, boys.
	What are we going to do with this Dallas show?
	Well, since this is the only show we really have, I think we should run it again.
	The one since my name came up.
	Oh, last night.
	Yeah.
	That doesn't sound good.
	We were invited to a dinner.
	So Lori Frick is an artist here, and she and Mickey are friends.
	But she's really a transhumanist freak, and I tell her this.
	Her art consists of her tracking her body movement, so she's always got those wristbands that Leo always wears that tracks your pulse and how your sleeping habits are.
	I rolled over in bed three times last night.
	Isn't that fascinating?
	She's also an artist-in-residence at the Neurobiology Center at the University of Texas.
	So she invited Russell Poldrick, the professor of psychology and neurobiology, to the dinner with his wife.
	A reasonably young guy.
	What dinner was this again?
	Just a dinner party, like six people.
	Where?
	In Austin, at Lori's house.
	Oh, okay.
	Yeah.
	Does she have a nicer place than you?
	Yes.
	Unequivocally, yes.
	She's a very beautifully contemporary, brand new, I mean, nicely built, nice thing.
	Yeah, very nice.
	And so this is a scientist.
	And this guy is nothing but empirical this, empirical that.
	And you put like hippie chick, socialist Dutch girl Mickey across the table from the guy who's pretty much like, I'm not in love with my wife.
	We are just two beings who happen to meet our people.
	That's true!
	It's like a behaviorist.
	Yeah, no, so he's tracking his, all of his new thing now is he's imaging himself.
	So he does an MRI like every day and takes notes about his life.
	It was pretty outrageous.
	And of course, you know, they know what I do, but they're like big fans of the Dvorak DOS telecommunications book.
	Yeah.
	Wow!
	1987.
	Exactly.
	Exactly.
	That guy's still alive?
	No, the question was, how old is he really?
	That one came up.
	It doesn't matter.
	He could be 27 for all I care.
	He's my buddy.
	He's my buddy on the show.
	So, yeah, but it was, you know, I just had to say, like, I'm really against this.
	I'm really, I think this has no value.
	And what are you doing it for?
	Well, I said, when I'm interested, does your brain transmit signals and can I receive it?
	And he's like, oh, no, no research has been done on that.
	I said, really?
	I said, nah, no one's interested in that.
	Okay.
	Yeah, anyway, so the great thing, very nice people, but the great thing that came out of it is Mickey is allowed to go on Monday and photograph his brain collection.
	Oh my God.
	He says he's got brains where the lobotomies have been performed on the brain, so you see the pieces all missing in the front.
	Sounds like something that would give you nightmares.
	Well, she's very excited.
	Yeah.
	I'd be more excited if you got her a red car.
	Anyway, so the President of the United States, President Obama, is in Israel.
	Israel.
	I think we should start saying it properly.
	Israel.
	Israel.
	And did a little stand-up ditty there with our buddy, Bibi Netanyahu.
	Did you catch any of the press conference, John?
	Yeah, I saw the whole thing, including the thing with the humor, because what's-his-name-from-NBC couldn't stop asking questions.
	Right, right.
	You want to play some of that?
	It's kind of amusing, but...
	Well, I thought...
	Did you catch anything?
	Because I got no clips from that thing, because I didn't see anything happen.
	Yes, I did get...
	No, I got some clips.
	I think you're mistaken.
	I think there's some things that we always seem to identify early, and namely, you know, he traveled with his old script writer, with all the old jokes, and of course...
	And a lot more, uh...
	Yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	So here's the joke that I I'm I'm now going to call the president of the United States out as a misogynist.
	I'm sick and tired of this particular joke.
	Well, thank you, Prime Minister Nanyahu, for your kind words and for your wonderful welcome here today.
	I want to express a special thanks to Sarah, as well as your two sons, for their warmth and hospitality.
	It was wonderful to see them.
	I did inform the Prime Minister that they are very good-looking young men who clearly got their looks from their mother.
	Well, I could say the same of your daughters.
	Which is funny, because, you know, let's be honest, the first daughters are pretty ugly.
	That's, whoa.
	This is true.
	And here it comes.
	Our goal is to improve our gene pool by marrying women who are better than we are.
	Yay!
	How many times have we heard this joke?
	I heard it at least, I don't know, I've lost count.
	Yeah, it's at least five times.
	It's really, and I think it's now degrading towards women, I feel.
	Just like, you know, I don't know, it doesn't feel, it's like reverse misogyny or something.
	It's not okay.
	It's just, no, I'm not down with it anymore.
	I was never down with it.
	Well, the first three times, like, ugh.
	You know, if I hear the same joke twice, I mean, this is the president.
	He's not a guy who can, like, trick you into not seeing one of his acts.
	It's not like the comic who keeps doing the same gags over and over and over because there's a different audience every time.
	So here's my pet peeve.
	He goes over to Israel and, again, misstates his job as president of these United States.
	Our most solemn responsibility is the security of our people.
	No, I'm sorry.
	That is not your responsibility.
	That's job number one.
	No, that is not.
	Your job is to defend and uphold the Constitution.
	My job as President of the United States is first and foremost is to keep the American people safe.
	No, I'm sorry.
	That is incorrect.
	That is not your job.
	Your job is to protect and uphold the Constitution of the United States.
	You almost have it sounding like you're having a conversation with him right now.
	It's a very funny bit.
	You should work on that.
	Just go get the clip and you do the clip.
	Oh, okay.
	I'll work on that.
	It's very humorous.
	I can probably do that.
	But in this case, he literally left the holes wide open.
	I mean, please.
	That was easy.
	So then, let's see.
	We have, you know, the promise of that lame thing that we know doesn't work.
	Extending it for the years beyond.
	I'm also pleased to announce that we will take steps to ensure that there's no interruption of funding for Iron Dome.
	Iron Dome.
	That's a thing that can't stop a scud.
	And it's $200 million.
	Yeah, it's a huge scam.
	It's a result of decisions that I made last year.
	Oh, good job.
	Israel will receive approximately $200 million this fiscal year, and we will continue to work with Congress.
	Yeah, see, I don't think that's true.
	I think Raytheon may receive $200 million and take it over.
	Do you think it's another one of those big checks?
	Big giant check, yeah.
	Yeah.
	It's made out of cardboard.
	By the way, the banks hate it when you bring those in.
	They're really annoying.
	They don't fit through the slot at the drive-thru.
	On future funding of Iron Dome, these are further reminders that we will help to preserve Israel's qualitative military edge so that Israel can defend itself by itself against any threat.
	So then he said something that I really had to think about.
	Of course, we put in the Red Book that there would be a chemical weapons attack in Syria, and now everyone's going back and forth.
	Did the Assad regime light off some chemical weapons and kill people?
	Was it the rebels?
	Was it Al-Qaeda?
	Who the heck is really doing all this?
	Where is it all coming from?
	We have to investigate this and make sure.
	But really, when you think about it, and this is the red line, I have an observation about this type of warfare.
	Assad has lost his legitimacy to lead by attacking the Syrian people with almost every conventional weapon in his arsenal, including Scud missiles.
	Okay, so he's been killing people with everything he's got, including Scud missiles.
	And we have been clear that the use of chemical weapons...
	Now, I gotta disagree with this.
	I'm thinking, look, if you're gonna kill people anyway, why make a mess of it?
	The chemical weapon, you know, you don't ruin the building, you know, everything, you know, sticks around, you only, the people go, you know, they die, they're easy to clean up, you don't have to hose anything down.
	Why is it that chemical weapons, which are intended to kill people just like a scud or any other regular weapon, conventional weapon, why is this the red line, John?
	I don't understand.
	Because there was a Geneva Convention or a war convention after World War I because of the chemical weapons do make a mess.
	A lot of people, they puke up all over the place, and then they walk out like zombies.
	There's a million problems.
	No!
	It's a horrible problem.
	How can that be more problematic?
	They blister gas, it makes you all blistery, and then you come out.
	It's a mess.
	It's horrible.
	It's like a form of torture as opposed to getting shot in the head.
	Oh, okay.
	No, I mean, I know what you're saying.
	It's like, what form of violence, what difference does it make?
	Yes.
	But they've been banned, is the deal.
	They're banned.
	They're banned.
	They're illegal.
	Okay.
	You're a war criminal immediately.
	Okay.
	Now, of course, they said that they did it.
	This kind of snuck into the conversation, too.
	I mean, I have a clip here with Erin Burnett, who, by the way, I'm not going to say, and I don't believe she's a cocaine user.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	But she went to her nose in a very distinctive way.
	Oh, wow.
	And I wish I was...
	I should have made a clip and sent it to Mickey for her...
	Yes, for her analysis, yes.
	Her analysis.
	Mickey as mayor of the night.
	I mean, this was really very distinctive, and she sniffed right afterwards.
	Can I just back you up for a second?
	Mickey's analysis would be because of her experience running nightclubs.
	Yeah.
	Not like...
	Not for any other reason.
	She's seen it all.
	She's seen it all.
	Yes, she has.
	She has.
	So the thing is, and then Erin, I've noticed her cadence on earlier parts of some of the shows is one way, and then she talks like a maniac.
	Just crazy talk.
	I mean, yak, yak, yak.
	She stutters and stammers and talks really fast, and she can't stop talking really fast, and that's the way she is.
	So I'm just thinking she should probably...
	Go to decaf?
	No, I'm not saying that she uses or has used cocaine or she's using cocaine while she's doing the show, but she has certain appearances which she should correct.
	It's just a suggestion to help her not be this way.
	We play Syria in the gas bullcrap.
	When she first says Syria, you hear her.
	Oh, wow.
	Okay.
	Naftali, the Justice Minister today, Sibi Livni, told our Jessica Yellen that it is clear in Israel that Syria has used chemical weapons.
	Obviously, the United States, the President and the State Department have said they've seen those reports.
	They have not yet confirmed whether they think Syria has used chemical weapons, whether it be the government or the opposition.
	Have you seen proof that Bashar al-Assad or the opposition have used them?
	Well, I don't know about proof, but we're very concerned about these chemical weapons being taken or handed over to Hezbollah in Lebanon.
	I'll remind you, there's roughly 60,000 missiles in Lebanon targeted at the north and center of Israel.
	The chemical weapons exist in Syria, the missiles exist in Lebanon, and when you connect the two, it's a mortal risk for Israel, All right, so we get no answer.
	But that's irrelevant.
	He's the guy, supposedly, that passed out the word.
	So, I mean, it's like, this is bull crap.
	Well, actually, well, it's funny.
	Since you bring that up, let me play for you, Dy-Fi.
	You know Dy-Fi?
	Yeah, Dy-Fi.
	Dy-Fi.
	I agree with the comments that Chairman Rogers has made.
	I think we hear all this in a classified session.
	This is highly classified.
	Highly classified.
	The bullcrap is classified.
	To be very careful what we say.
	I'm told that the White House has been briefed the same thing that we have been briefed.
	What I said earlier is that the White House has...
	So at least we're all on board the same bullcrap.
	...to make some decisions in this.
	I think the days are becoming more desperate.
	The regime is more desperate.
	We know where the chemical weapons are.
	It's not a secret that they're there.
	And I think the probabilities are very high.
	We're going into some very dark times, and I think the White House needs to be prepared.
	Both committees now have been fully briefed.
	Yes, very dark times.
	Absolutely nothing, except that we're going to, apparently we know where the weapons are.
	Guys who knew where their weapons were in Iraq.
	Very dark times, John.
	Dark times!
	Dark times!
	Dark times, yes.
	This is a very coordinated effort because while all this is taking place, we have Ambassador Ford, ambassador to Syria, who for obvious reasons is not hanging out in Damascus, before the Senate speaking.
	About the dire situation.
	And I'm very interested in this.
	And here's what I found interesting, and I'm glad I do the work that I'm able to do.
	So the written testimony is what goes on the record, correct?
	Whatever he says there is like, whatever.
	They'll take that into account.
	But when he does his opening statement, the written...
	The whole thing goes under the record.
	Right, but including the written testimony...
	Oh yeah, no, there's a bunch of testimony and things that they put in later.
	You can put stuff in at the beginning, later, anywhere.
	You can have a huge document.
	As long as somebody says this has to go into the record at some point during the proceeding, then all the stuff that's handed in also goes into the record.
	So here's a little tip of how I work when I'm looking at C-SPAN type stuff.
	If I have not seen it live, then I will always go in and I will read the written records and everything that's handed in.
	And it's easy because then you can kind of scan through.
	And I'm good at this.
	This is what I do.
	I can look at spreadsheets and pick stuff out.
	I don't know.
	It's like a neural networking thing.
	I can do it.
	And I'm like, oh my god, this is some amazing...
	Oh, I can't believe he said this!
	So I'm like, oh, I gotta go watch the video.
	And this is just of his opening statement.
	And he skips some very important pieces that are in the written testimony, which I'll gladly read for you.
	But first, listen to him, just his opening salvo of how dire the situation is in Syria.
	We also share Israel's...
	I'm sorry.
	Wow.
	Such a great, great wind-up.
	You leave it in.
	You got the pitch to wind up and time out!
	Crikey, I really screwed that up.
	Here we go.
	It's limited, so I'm going to keep my remarks quite brief.
	As you noted, Mr.
	Chairman, what started out as a peaceful demand...
	Is this guy a bookkeeper?
	What is he?
	He talks like this?
	Hello?
	Just listen to what he says.
	...for dignity...
	And freedom has turned instead to a devastating conflict with a horrific human toll.
	Syrians face a new level of ruthlessness from the Assad regime, which is raining scud missiles.
	It's raining scud missiles.
	Hallelujah, it's raining scud missiles.
	What is it?
	It's a sous chef somewhere.
	That was the first thing that I read.
	I'm like, oh, good, he said that.
	Down on residential neighborhoods, Okay, so this is where he skips a whole part.
	I'm like, oh, this is the part I wanted to have!
	So, allow me to read the written part.
	Syrians face a new level of ruthlessness from the Athadrathim, which is raining scud missiles down on the residential neighborhoods, destroying hospitals and schools, and sending its thugs rampaging through the streets to terrorize their fellow citizens.
	The carnage is appalling!
	For instance...
	We have heard that some Syrian parents who still send their children to school now stitch their child's name on school uniforms that makes it easier to identify the bodies.
	Oh, brother.
	Why didn't he say that?
	Holy mackerel.
	I can't believe that!
	And so he left that out.
	That's officially on the record, though, so there it is.
	So then, I could play more of his boring speech, but let me play more pieces that he didn't mention.
	So, here's what we have done so far.
	Do you want me to do the accent, or just read it?
	No, I think the accent, you do it...
	You're not on the money with it, but it's funny enough.
	We supplied approximately 5,000 pieces of equipment, including communications gear.
	To enable activists to coordinate their efforts.
	Some activists use these tools to organize a Free Lawyers Union, which now coordinates with the local council for the Governorate of Daraa and has taken responsibility for legal affairs within the local council.
	Now, we boosted signals, extending the reach of broadcast on FM stations, and funded media outlets.
	Then we used those media platforms to address sectarian violence and issue public service messages on chemical weapons exposure.
	Huh.
	So he's admitting psychological warfare of boosting the FM signals, and then funding the media outlets.
	That is an act of war.
	Well, it sounds like they took over the radio station.
	Yeah, and we started playing.
	And this record's got to go.
	It's time for 24-7 Lady Gaga right here on Radio Free Damascus.
	In the morning, everybody!
	In the morning!
	I'm telling you, we could do that.
	We could do Radio Free Damascus.
	We should.
	Listen, we should do it more.
	We're probably getting more money.
	Hey everybody, good morning!
	Damascus, how you doing?
	It's Crackbot and Buzzkill.
	Hey, how about that Scud rain last night?
	Hey Johnny!
	Johnny boy, tell me a little...
	In the morning!
	Did you catch that rain of Scuds last night?
	It's raining like cats and dogs.
	Woo-hoo!
	Yeah, baby, yeah!
	We are on a roll.
	Dark times, my friend.
	Dark times.
	Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
	Wait a minute.
	Who's that on the phone?
	Wait a minute.
	Hold on a second.
	Hello?
	Bashar?
	Bashar?
	Oh, no!
	It's Bashar Assad on the phone.
	John, can you believe that?
	Oh, boy!
	He says, I'm going to rain some more scuds on you.
	So, uh...
	In the morning, Adam.
	Yes, in the morning to you, John C. Dvorak, and all of the ships at sea, boots on the ground, and human resources here in the great city of Damascus.
	Good to have you on board, and hello, shittisons in the chat room, noagendastream.com, noagendachat.net.
	This is the show known as...
	The Best Podcast in the Universe!
	And why are we the best?
	Because somebody actually reads the congressional record.
	Yeah.
	All the work that takes.
	Yeah.
	And boy, it was so tiring to do.
	No.
	Actually, all it takes is a system.
	We have quite a system.
	Oh, by the way, the show notes...
	For those of you who have never used it, nashownotes.com.
	You can just use the episode number 497.nashownotes.com.
	Now in the show notes section, there's like four tabs.
	You get the credits, the player, the art, the show notes, and then the clips and stuff.
	Under show notes...
	Every single article we reference is not only in that with full text, but we also have a printable backup version linked to under each story.
	And it's a print version, so all the ads are stripped out, but it has the rest of the HTML markup as a service, a free service to you, courtesy of producer Dave Jones, of course, who was making this system, this river thingy cart so awesome.
	Yeah.
	It's amazing, actually.
	We do have some executive producers to thank for today's show, which is 497, right?
	Yep, 497.
	And I've seen firsthand how much power the executive producers have on set.
	Very powerful.
	They get their own chair with their name on it.
	They have a chair with a name on it.
	Oh, yeah.
	Oh, yeah.
	I love the name on the chair.
	And so...
	Still a flimsy wooden chair with a back that's made out of cloth, though, right?
	Yeah, but it comes...
	So you can take the name thing off and put a different one on there.
	Yeah, but it comes with a guy who opens it for you and puts it down.
	And they've got catered food while they're on set.
	Ooh!
	Pigs in a blanket.
	Pretty good.
	Yeah, pigs in a blanket.
	Pigs in a blanket?
	Yeah.
	How could you use the same, say pretty good, and then follow that up with pigs in a blanket?
	Yeah.
	I liked it.
	It was nice.
	And little petit fours.
	Little, you know, rolled up salami things with cheese.
	Sounds lousy.
	Well, yeah, I guess it was.
	The guy was wearing blue gloves, though, so it made me feel hygienic.
	Yeah, well, after they spit on it.
	These actors have some...
	Executive producer.
	Here's your executive producer right here.
	Sandwich, Mr.
	Jenkins?
	Not our executive producers, boy.
	Let me tell you, we do not spit on their food.
	No, because there are executive producers who produce.
	Massimo Cantaneo in Queensland, the town of Noosa, 3-3-3-3-3.
	I'd like to dedicate this no-agenda damehood to my wife, Suzanne.
	Oh, wow.
	She's got a dame, another knight here.
	She enjoys the show as much as I do, which is a good thing.
	So ladies first.
	Wow.
	So his donations are at knighthood level, but he's giving the knighthood...
	First knighthood to his wife.
	Wow.
	That's love.
	So it's Dame, Dame Suzanne.
	That is real love.
	And he's touching an ITM followed by a shot of karma.
	Absolutely.
	In the morning.
	You bet.
	You've got karma.
	Very nice, Massimo.
	Thank you.
	I got a question, because you sent out the newsletter, which got a lot of response.
	As we have now expanded the empire and we have all these different levels.
	Yeah.
	I believe we'll be talking about that later in the donation segment as some people go into barony.
	I think the baron we have moves into...
	He goes right to the top.
	Yeah.
	Straight to the top.
	He went straight to the top.
	He's now Grand Duke.
	Grand Duke.
	Somebody pointed out to me that he's been, in one of the emails, said that he is so well known as Baron that he might want to think about calling himself Grand Duke Baron.
	Ooh, well, he has the power to do that.
	Well, I believe that all the Dukes, and there will be three categories of Dukes, Duke, Archduke, and Grand Duke, I believe that they should be seen as, like, army generals, and they can basically call themselves whatever they want.
	Yes, and they can wear whatever they want.
	Make their own uniform.
	I like the request someone sent as they thought, you know, it would be cool to hang a poster of Grand Duke Baron Stephen von Pelsmacher's, Stephen Pelsmacher's, in his full regalia, in their office.
	You know, we should have, like, an 80 by, you know...
	He does look a little like Henry VII with the ermine around the neck and the red medals and stuff hanging off.
	Is that Henry VII or the VIII? Well, Henry VIII is a horrible person.
	Yeah, he was not a good guy.
	No, he's not a good guy.
	It would be something like that, or I think if you really want to go overboard and really gaudy yourself up and make you look like a complete buffoon, you could look like General Petraeus.
	And by the way, the new guy, the...
	The new chief of staff.
	What's his name?
	The little Irish guy that's always looking for leprechauns.
	Is that Ron Paul?
	Joint chief.
	Anyway, he's the joint chief.
	He also wears a little name tag that's got his name on it.
	Oh, God, really?
	Guys, we know who you are.
	You don't need a hello, I'm staff.
	You run the show and you get a little Bakelite name tag?
	That's so lame.
	Alright, let's move onward.
	Sorry, that was a distraction.
	Wiley, Willie, this is a Dutch name, I guess.
	It's Villy?
	Villy?
	Tönissen.
	Tönissen.
	And he's from Grave.
	From Grave.
	Which is a grave.
	He's from the grave.
	He's from the grave, yes, is what it says.
	Thank you, Willie, for your...
	That's a special 31st of March, which will be our 500th episode special donation level.
	He shows away.
	You're right, three shows.
	Oh, my goodness.
	So everyone who either donates 500 or 31313 receives double credit.
	Yeah, they get another producer's credit on the show 500.
	Peter Chowoski in Kirkland, Washington.
	It says, Dr.
	Suzuki here.
	Hello.
	Birthday shout-out to my brother from the same mother, Bartolo Suzuki.
	March 23rd, we have him down.
	He's also 31313.
	By the way, Vili didn't leave a note anywhere.
	I looked and looked.
	Todd Brink is an associate producer from New Berlin, Wisconsin.
	My six-year-old daughter Kelsey and nine-year-old son Holden love mac and cheese.
	Kelsey asked if she should move by John because she thinks he's probably the best mac and cheese.
	Makes the best mac and cheese.
	Really?
	She's right.
	I make...
	A terrific mac and cheese.
	And we'll put it in one of the newsletters, the recipe.
	Oh, good.
	Good, good, good, good, good.
	Mac and cheese.
	I mean, come on.
	Mac and cheese.
	First payment for nighthood, he says.
	And John White from Jackson, Tennessee.
	Hold on, hold on.
	Can I just do a little mac and cheese for the kids?
	I mean, they like it so much.
	Mac and cheese by Ayn Rand.
	Okay.
	I'm sure the kid's got a kick out of that.
	Kelsey and Holden.
	John White, Jackson, Tennessee, 233.7.
	By the way, we did the birthday call out for Hunter.
	We did it right.
	We did it right, okay.
	Yeah, we did it right.
	Apparently Hunter, who was five, was rolling around in glee on the ground during our entire fumbling, bumbling about his birthday.
	Okay.
	Well, good.
	John White, Jackson, Tennessee.
	We have all these kids that listen to this show.
	It's great.
	It's great.
	This is fantastic.
	Better than them going to school.
	John White, Jackson, Tennessee.
	233.7.
	Crackpot, Buzzkill, last month you gave me some karma for my medical practice.
	I... One week later, I was offered a teaching position in our family medicine training program.
	Thanks!
	Wow.
	Don't thank us.
	Thank the karma.
	I'm donating.01 more than last time for even better karma.
	Could I have a Kiki Jobs-Karma combo?
	Thanks.
	Yeah, so that was another kind of fun thing about our dinner last night.
	You know, when the concept of karma comes up with the scientist.
	Oh, yeah.
	And I'm like, hey, you know, my applied kinesiologist cured me of my allergies.
	I thought his head was going to explode.
	Shut up already.
	Science.
	Jobs, jobs, jobs, and jobs.
	Let's vote for jobs!
	Yay!
	You've got karma.
	There you go, John White.
	So, yeah, I'm sure he would.
	Actually, my head exploded when you put that one by me.
	Anyway, I want to thank all these executive producers for helping us on Show 497 and I want to remind everybody we've got three shows left before the 500th episode of No Agenda.
	It's an amazing moment.
	I mean, how many people go that long with any of these?
	Anything, actually.
	And it reminds you to go to devorek.org slash nachannel, devorek.com slash nanoagendashow.com or noagendanation.com where you can find the donate button if you look around long enough.
	And is the store back open?
	Does Eric have his things, his constitution things?
	I haven't gotten the word that we should be pushing it.
	Okay, I'm going to be quiet about it.
	But people should go to noagendanation.com and see what he's got.
	And also, go ahead.
	I'm just saying, you can go there and see.
	He'll keep you updated there on the site, I'm sure.
	And also, thank you very much, Nick the Rat, for the artwork on Episode 496.
	Good work.
	So we have the big 500 show coming up.
	All of the art can be seen at noagendaartgenerator.com.
	That's where you can contribute as well.
	There was an Episode 500 art that you're very angry about, John, that it's gone.
	Was it the indie art?
	What was it?
	No, no, it was the Daytona 500 piece.
	It was a mockery of the Daytona 500 NASCAR race and it was an art piece that disappeared because I always had it as the one we were going to use.
	And then I go back to the art generator and it's gone.
	It's gone.
	So maybe one of our guys that run that site got a note from NASCAR. You know, that's our logo.
	You can't use that without permission.
	You know what I think happened?
	Apparently someone saw something and said something.
	Thank you, Brian.
	Somebody saw something and said something.
	Say something.
	Say something.
	Dvorak.org.
	That's right.
	It's a jingle bonanza here on the Good Morning Damascus Show.
	Go out and propagate our formula.
	Our formula is this.
	We go out, we hit people in the mouth.
	In the morning, Damascus!
	Shut up!
	Shut up!
	In the morning!
	We need in the morning in Arabic to complete our...
	I don't have it.
	We've got French, German, Chinese, Spanish.
	Yeah, we need Arabic.
	Oh, by the way, hello, Drone Nation.
	Did you hear the big news?
	This is extremely big news.
	Two more...
	Terrorists have been added to the Rewards for Justice program.
	And these, again, two Americans...
	Omar Shafiq Hammami, formerly of Alabama, and Jihad Sir Juan Mostafa, formerly of California, are now each worth $5 million if you can provide information that will lead to their arrest.
	Now, the thing that is incredibly interesting is that one of these two gentlemen, I believe the Shafiq Hammami, Is also known as the Wrapping Jihadi.
	Yeah.
	We have a clip.
	Yes, we do.
	I thought so.
	I'm happy you requested because here is...
	This is it.
	Hit me now!
	spreading all over the place month by month, year by year, keeping them Kaffas living in fields.
	It all started out in Afghanistan when we wiped the oppressors straight off the land.
	The union crumbled, rumbled and tumbled, hummed with the mumble, what made a power a drawing power.
	Hello?
	P.
	Diddy?
	Yes?
	Yep.
	I'll sign him on the spot.
	Can you believe that?
	They should up it to 10 million just to remove all this crap from YouTube.
	It's terrible.
	So, you know, but I think what happened is they need to jazz it up a little bit.
	Because, you know, it's kind of losing steam.
	No one really cares about, you know, Americans.
	And we already went through this.
	Amr al-Awlaki.
	Oh, boring.
	The other guy didn't work out so well.
	But now they've got the rapping jihadi.
	So this should, you know, I can just see the meaning.
	And we need to kind of up the profile of American jihadists so we can drone them overseas.
	But we need to reach a new audience.
	Got any ideas, John?
	Yeah, I think what we have to do is we've got to hit the hip-hop audience.
	We've got to hit them hard.
	We've got to hit them hard with something that's, you know, something that kids go for, that hip-hop thing.
	So I've got an idea.
	Why don't we just dub him the rapping, because I think rapping means hip-hop.
	I don't know.
	I can't keep up with it.
	But...
	The hip-hop jihadi.
	Oh, love it, love it, love it.
	Say that again.
	What did I just hear?
	The hip-hop jihadi.
	I love it.
	No, wait.
	How about the hip-hop jihadi?
	I'm liking this.
	Very good.
	Good work.
	And then we'll just record some stuff.
	We can do it ourselves.
	I have a garage band.
	I mean, how hard can it be?
	I've heard this crap.
	It stinks.
	I think my son knows how to do that.
	He's got GarageBand.
	We can ask him to do it, to lay down some tracks, some beats.
	And then we'll put it on YouTube.
	That's what they say these days.
	The kids, they talk about laying down some beats.
	They're going to lay down some tracks and beats.
	No, I think it's beats and then they lay down some beats and we do a joint, yo.
	And when does it drop, JCD? When do we drop this shit?
	Yeah.
	The shizzle.
	That's the meeting, ladies and gentlemen.
	That would be the meeting, yeah, something like that.
	There'd probably be about five people in it, two of them would be women.
	What's that supposed to mean?
	I don't know, I just threw it in.
	It just sounded good, yeah.
	However, I just want to get back to President Obama, because he did use a pretty good word.
	It was a real shut-up slave moment.
	Did this air anywhere on television?
	Did people talk about this, or is this only us that saw this?
	I didn't see it on television at all.
	I didn't see it either.
	So, here's a question that got an interesting response and there was a follow-up.
	Here we go.
	From the White House Press Corps, Matt Spitalnik of Reuters.
	The reason spokeshole Carney says that is so that both Obama and Netanyahu can look down at their crib sheet to know what question is coming.
	Exactly.
	But I think Reuters, you know, played a little bit off script on this one.
	Thank you.
	There was some friendly banter between you two gentlemen on the tarmac today about red lines, and I'm wondering how much of a serious matter that actually came in.
	You said already chuckling before.
	Your talks, and we'll be in your talks to come tonight.
	President Obama has said it will take Iran at least a year to build a bomb.
	That's months longer than the Prime Minister believes.
	That's much longer than that fuse on that drawing you held up, Bibi.
	Mr.
	President, Are you asking the Prime Minister to be more patient, to hold off for at least a year on any kind of military action against Iran?
	Mr.
	Prime Minister, has President Obama's words, have they convinced you that he is putting forth the credible military threat that you have repeatedly asked for, or does he need to go further?
	So the basic question is simple, and I edited the whole thing out because basically no answer comes.
	But the question is, hey, President Obama says it looks like they're going to have a bomb within a year.
	This is a lot shorter than that fuse you showed.
	Now, I want to just intercept or interject really quickly what the president, our president...
	No, no, I want to play exactly what the president said, because words do matter.
	And finally, we continued our close consultation on Iran.
	We agree that a nuclear-armed Iran would be a threat to the region, a threat to the world, and potentially an existential threat to Israel.
	And we agree on our goal.
	We do not have...
	Hold on.
	We agree on our goal.
	What is the goal?
	What does everyone think the goal is?
	Well, I think the goal is to find some bogus excuse so we can bomb the place.
	But then listen to the actual word he uses.
	We do not have a policy of containment when it comes to a nuclear Iran.
	Our policy is to prevent Iran from acquiring a nuclear weapon.
	Acquiring a nuclear weapon.
	This is new.
	No, I'm not convinced of that.
	I think he's used this terminology before, acquiring.
	Nowhere in this entire meeting does he talk about building.
	It's only about acquiring a nuclear weapon.
	I could be wrong, but I just wanted to point it out.
	I know what you're saying, and I think it's interesting.
	Yeah.
	Well, let's go back to...
	Acquiring, of course, would imply the possibility to buy one from Pakistan or North Korea, who they're trying to...
	North Korea is the one operation they're trying to demonize.
	In fact, this is just a short clip.
	It's got nothing to do with this meeting, but it's just an example of anything you can do to demonize.
	I know.
	Let me guess.
	The hacker...
	Several major South Korean banks and broadcasters at a standstill today after their computer systems were paralyzed in what appears to be a cyber attack, possibly from North Korea.
	South Korean authorities are investigating the hack.
	Crap.
	I got a better clip.
	I got a better clip about that.
	Listen to this.
	It gets so much.
	This is the BBC who got the memo, and the memo is, okay, we're shutting down the TV stations.
	We're going to turn off the ATMs, make it look like it's a hack.
	So you guys got to make it up.
	Now, do a good job, okay?
	I know you're the BBC, but you don't have journalistic integrity.
	Screw them.
	Just make some crap up.
	The South Korea is currently investigated.
	Career?
	Career?
	She said South Korea.
	She said South Korea as opposed to my future career or my diarrhoea.
	Now, South Korea is currently investigating a suspected cyber attack after the computer networks of several major organisations seem to have become paralysed.
	Paralysed!
	Now, some of the country's biggest broadcasters and the banks are among those who say their networks have been frozen.
	Frozen!
	The networks have been frozen!
	It's like they turned a cold onto the water in the networks!
	And it's amazing!
	It's amazing.
	It's amazing.
	But as yet, of who?
	Or what?
	This is BBC News.
	What could be responsible?
	What could be responsible?
	Let's go live now to the South Korean capital, Seoul, and talk to Lucy.
	I can't even get a signal in if they're down like that.
	No!
	The networks are unfrozen.
	Lucy, tell us more about this.
	When did it happen?
	Lucy, what bullcrap have you been told to say with a gun to your head?
	And how did people first observe that their systems had crashed?
	Oh, the system crashed and I observed that the computer was not working again, as usual.
	Crap piece of shit.
	Oh, hello.
	We have a delay.
	It happened around 2 p.m.
	local time and it happened simultaneously across three of the country's biggest broadcasts.
	How many broadcasters are there if it's the biggest?
	Are there smaller ones that were not affected?
	It says KBS, NBC... And YTN. It also hit two banks, Xin'an Bank and Non-Hyuk Bank.
	It didn't last for very long.
	Xin'an at least got its systems back a couple of hours later.
	But the fact that it was a simultaneous attack, the fact that it took out all the staff computers, for example, at one of those broadcasters, is making people very suspicious about the fact that there may be a hacking attempt behind it.
	Maybe.
	Suspicious.
	The staff at some of those TV channels were saying that their computers simply crashed at 2pm and when they tried to get back online, the computers wouldn't respond.
	And there have been some unconfirmed reports that some people saw skulls and messages, perhaps from a hacking organisation, appear on those screens.
	Skulls, John!
	There were skulls on the screen!
	Everything froze.
	It wouldn't work, and we couldn't bring them back up because there were skulls on the screen.
	I say that last bit of information is unconfirmed as yet.
	Unconfirmed skulls on the screen.
	Given the state of relations with the North, which are particularly bad at the moment, perhaps inevitable then that North Korea is being seen as the possible culprit.
	Possible culprits?
	Could it be?
	So does anybody on this report, by the way, which is a clip of the day...
	Candidate, candidate, candidate.
	Is anybody there asking a simple question?
	It's curious that North Korea, which have probably the lowest number of computers per capita, no internet connectivity to speak of except for maybe a few government officials...
	Somehow, in this dark ages of computerdom, in this backward country, that they would be able to create a melee, a computer network mess.
	They froze the computers.
	Russia, for example, can't do it.
	This is unbelievable to me.
	Well, yes, this is why I clipped this, because I'm listening to this report, and, I mean, you know, North Korea is so backwards in their computing.
	If you ever go there, they'll be like, oh my god, there's the guy from the DOS telecommunications book.
	Exactly!
	You're a superhero in North Korea!
	This would be like...
	I mean, it's unbelievable that this report...
	Why don't they suggest anybody?
	Why don't they suggest...
	If it was me, I would ask the question.
	Maybe it's some local hacker who made the mistake of releasing it to his neighbors.
	Well, first of all, we now have to assume...
	The only way this could really happen, unless South Korea still runs on Windows 95, could be, or NT 3.1, where you had, remember the blue screen of death, we could basically send a packet ping.
	They're pretty.
	Very advanced.
	And yeah, of course they are.
	But I'm just saying, that's about the only thing I could imagine.
	And then, to actually have, to do this via the network, have a skull appear on the screen, this would have to be a virus.
	This would have to be a distributed virus that was timed to go off at a certain moment.
	But there's no talk of the virus.
	This is a hack attack.
	And just listen to the rest of the...
	This kind of thing is...
	BBC News, John.
	BBC News.
	Here we go.
	Speculation is certainly focused in that direction at the moment.
	The investigation is, of course, in its very early stages, and so no one's really coming out and saying whether they believe there was foul play here or not, or where it might have come from.
	But certainly in the wider public, the wider society here, North Korea is the focus of that speculation.
	It's believed to have been behind some major hacking successes here in the past, accessing both government websites, financial websites, Big deal!
	I mean, to access a website.
	Excuse me.
	They accessed a website?
	I just accessed a website.
	Holy crap!
	Actually accessed a website?
	Accessed a website that was meant to, I don't know, serve information to my web browser.
	North Koreans have got the ability to somehow type in a URL and earn key to access a website.
	Stop!
	Stop!
	Unbelievable, these North Koreans.
	I've got to call Uncle Don about this right now.
	Oh yeah, he's at risk.
	A major newspaper here, and of course tensions are particularly high on the peninsula at the moment, so yes, many people are beginning to speculate that that's a potential source of this disruption.
	Fuck!
	Yes.
	Speculate.
	Alleged.
	A skull!
	A skull!
	Although I'm not sure that actually happened.
	So anyway, long story.
	Now we're back around.
	My God, where were we?
	We're back to Obama and Bibi Netanyahu, ignoring the question about the time difference, the acquisition of a nuclear device by Iran.
	And versus the ticking time bomb with a fuse about to explode that the Prime Minister of Israel held up in the United Nations.
	Yeah.
	I mean, that is, of course, the farce here.
	That was the low point of PowerPoint presentations.
	It was a printed board that was written on with a Sharpie.
	It wasn't even done professionally.
	Yeah.
	No color.
	I mean, there was no sparks.
	It was very, very poor.
	It was Wile E. I. Coyote Beta 0.9.
	Thank you.
	Thank you.
	All right.
	Why don't you take a first swing at this?
	First of all, I'm...
	So he literally just...
	So the president says, hey, and he looks at B.B. He hands it to him.
	It's funny the way he did that.
	Because when I saw that question, I said, well, he's going to answer no.
	He shifted.
	He moved quickly.
	And used a golfing term or a baseball term, depending on which one you want.
	He said, why don't you take a swing at this?
	I guess that would be a...
	For him, it would be golfing because he can't even throw a baseball.
	So let's get right to the...
	You know, there are so many strips of different colors on the tarmac that we...
	We did have a joke about that, but obviously this matter is no joke.
	So they had a joke.
	Apparently the writers came in, but I guess they tossed it out.
	They had a joke about the tarmac and the red lines and how it would be crossed, but the writers, you know, they just didn't come through, so they didn't like it, so they tossed it out.
	But BB makes the biggest mistake you can make as a stand-up comedian, which is to say you had a joke which was funny, but you tossed it out.
	Yeah, it was hilarious, this joke I almost told.
	And I'm not going to tell you the joke.
	Very, very unprofessional.
	It relates to our very existence and to something also that the President correctly identifies as a grave strategic threat to the United States and to the peace and security of the world.
	I'm absolutely convinced that the president is determined to prevent Iran from getting it.
	So he goes, he drones on, and then he hands it back to Obama, who drones on.
	Something that he said, which I mentioned in my opening remarks, that the Jewish people have come back to their own country to be the masters of their own fate.
	Cut to Obama.
	Indicates that...
	So this is now five minutes after the question.
	Just answer the question.
	Obama basically does filibustering by just being slow talking.
	Or a play on words on what Ronald Reagan said.
	We can't even trust yet, much less verify.
	Yeah.
	But we do have to test the proposition that this can be resolved diplomatically.
	And if it can't, then I've repeated to Bibi what I've said publicly, and that is that we will leave all options on the table in resolving it.
	So here is, basically the question is asked once again, yeah, but is it going to be a year or not?
	It's a year or not.
	So they basically shut him up.
	And like, go away.
	And so the question was not only not answered after it was asked the first time, but the second time they turned the guy's mic off and shut him up.
	At which point, what's his name?
	Yeah, Todd.
	Todd Chip.
	Todd Chuck.
	Chip.
	Chip Chuck.
	Chuck Chip.
	I don't know what his name is.
	Whatever the case.
	He comes in and re-asks the follow-up to the other guy and says he did so.
	And then Obama makes a huge joke out of the whole thing.
	I'm going to follow up.
	A little bit on the peace process.
	You began your term, your first term, big fanfare, the Cairo speech to talk to the Muslim world, the decision to have a Middle East envoy early.
	You said you weren't going to let this slip to your second term.
	We're in your second term with the Mideast peace process.
	What went wrong?
	Why are we further away from a two-state solution?
	I know you said you want to talk more about this tomorrow, but I am curious, what do you believe went wrong?
	Did you push Israel too hard?
	What do you wish you would have done differently?
	And Mr.
	Prime Minister, I want to help out my colleague over here on the follow-up that he had, which had to do with, do you accept the President's understanding that Iran is a year away when it comes to nuclear weapons?
	And then another question I have for you.
	Chuck, how many you got?
	Do you guys do this in the Israeli press?
	You say you get one question and then you add like five.
	Well, I'm having him.
	Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
	Who are you, a-hole?
	A-hole?
	Do you guys have a-holes here like Chuck Chippery?
	This is crazy.
	You get one question.
	One question.
	Not five.
	He's asked two questions so far.
	Oh, and by the way, let me point out Miss Goody Goody Two-Shoes over here.
	You see how the young lady from Channel One, she had one question?
	That's right.
	And she's sexy, too.
	She's very well-behaved, Chuck.
	Very well-behaved.
	Very well-behaved.
	I like that line.
	That's the most...
	She's well-behaved.
	Well-behaved.
	Good slavelet.
	Very good.
	I got one for you.
	I got one for you.
	These are Talmudic questions.
	Talmudic questions.
	Okay, BB's going to throw some religious humor.
	I missed that.
	I missed that.
	Talmudic.
	Unbelievable.
	So the Talmudic thing is like, but then he bombs on his next line.
	I thought I had four questions.
	Reiterations, yeah.
	Passover starts in a couple days.
	I get four questions.
	Look, this is not a kosher question, but don't hog it.
	Oh.
	Oh, boo.
	Oh.
	Oh.
	I guess I was fine.
	I think it's enough of this.
	Well, I just wanted to hear the word that the president used.
	It's 20 seconds.
	The question to you was going to be, why do you believe the Israeli people have not embraced President Obama the same way they embraced our last two U.S. presidents?
	Thank you.
	So you had to get a polling question in there right at the end.
	Chuck, I mean, you're just incorrigible.
	There it is.
	Incorrigible, John.
	What does incorrigible mean?
	It means a juvenile delinquent.
	That's right.
	It means you are an a-hole who does not behave in class.
	You cannot be corrected, so you will have to go to the correction center.
	Now, of course, the most important meeting is...
	You won't get called on for a while.
	No, no.
	The most important meeting...
	We won't see...
	Chip.
	Chip Todd.
	Chip Todd.
	Chip is the other guy.
	Todd.
	Todd.
	What's his name?
	Todd Chuck.
	Let's get his name.
	So, the most important meeting the president will have in Israel is taking place today.
	Do you know what this meeting is?
	No, I did.
	In fact, Todd, I think, mentioned it.
	I bet you don't know at all about this meeting.
	Oh, is this the one where he's leaving and going someplace else?
	Yeah, that's the one.
	On Wednesday, Barack Obama is arriving in Israel, and among all the high-ranking government officials he's going to be introduced to is going to be a 21-year-old girl from Netanya who is personally invited by the president.
	We, of course, are talking about the most beautiful woman in Israel for 2013, Miss Israel, Titi Ayanawha.
	Titi Ayanawha!
	Chuck Todd.
	Chuck Todd.
	The president requested a meeting with Miss Israel.
	Let me get this straight.
	Our president, who's got better things to do than carouse We caught up with her in this exclusive Jane 1 interview about how it feels to get ready to meet her biggest
	role model.
	It's hard to believe that less than a month ago, no one knew who Titi was.
	Like a meteor, the newly crowned Miss Israel has become a huge celebrity not only in her native Israel, but internationally as well.
	If not her native Israel, that's the thing.
	Where is she from?
	Will you find it...
	She's gorgeous, to say the least.
	She looks a little bit like one of his...
	I mean, vaguely like one of his daughters, actually, which is kind of sick if you think about it.
	Very twisted.
	But this is very suspicious.
	Oh, really?
	I thought I had...
	It was my turn to wear the tinfoil hat.
	What are you talking about, very suspicious?
	There's no reason for this meeting that makes any sense unless it's some sort of a...
	Well, it's a PR thing for something.
	Maybe she's the target.
	Maybe she's going to get hit.
	No.
	So what's the deal with her?
	What's the background on her?
	I'm trying to find out.
	She's an Ethiopian Jew.
	She's an Ethiopian Jew.
	It says right here.
	Ethiopian Jew wins Miss Israel contest.
	She's from Ethiopia.
	She's beautiful.
	She's a very good looking woman.
	This is ridiculous that he's doing this.
	Unless there's something going on.
	Obama has heard about her and decided that he wants to meet her.
	I'm very nervous to meet him.
	He's the president of USA. He's a huge man.
	That's the reason.
	Hey, yo!
	He's a huge man.
	He's a huge man.
	Meanwhile, back at home, the little children of America are angry at the president.
	They're so angry.
	They're so angry.
	Jakiya Sellers, like the rest of her classmates, helped fundraisers to come up with the $300 each of them needed for the trip.
	Do you understand what's going on here?
	I mean, why this is happening?
	Yes, because Obama don't want nobody to see his beautiful house.
	Yay!
	That's on CNN. They're out to get him.
	Yeah.
	They wanted to really embarrass him.
	They'd play this Miss Israel thing up a little more.
	In fact, here's the headline in Ynet News.
	I think it's from Israel itself.
	The headline is, Miss Israel prepares for Obama date.
	Right now.
	And Michelle, is Michelle along for the ride?
	I don't think she's along for the ride, is she?
	She's going to be...
	She's going to be pissed off.
	Yeah, there's going to be hell to pay once he finds out what's going on.
	This is not good.
	You know, I'm only going to be a president for a few more years, and after that, I'm dumping my wife.
	Why should Bill get all the goods?
	Yeah, why should Bill have all the funds?
	It's always the white guy who gets...
	Although, honestly...
	I heard you Ethiopian girls are hungry all the time.
	Oh, God.
	That's the show opener, ladies and gentlemen.
	Let me just ping the time 118.
	Okay.
	Okay.
	I hear you Ethiopian girls are hungry all the time.
	That's really good, John.
	I should be slapped.
	So anyway, are we done with this junket?
	I think the whole reason for this junket is to meet this chick, it seems to me.
	I'm pretty skeptical.
	It's like, what?
	I gotta go talk to that Bibi, that nutjob who was over here.
	I don't even like that guy.
	No, I hate that guy.
	We all know.
	And Valerie Jarrett's like, okay, look.
	I know what we can do.
	Hey, look at this Ethiopian chick.
	I have kind of a...
	You know, she lives in the country next door to where you were born.
	Just up the road.
	Just up the road from you.
	She's your people.
	Oh, God.
	And this, by the way, is the entire reason why commercials will not work on this program, the best podcast in the universe.
	Yes, we have to remind people.
	We have our way of saying things.
	It's not acceptable to the mainstream.
	It's actually not acceptable to a lot of people.
	To a lot of our listeners, as a matter of fact.
	Yeah.
	Let me give you an example.
	I was going to save this for a donation, but I can do it early since we're talking about it.
	Someone sent this to me.
	I think it's from Illinois.
	I believe a radio station.
	And the guy is doing a news report about the ag gag.
	You've heard about the ag gags?
	I don't know anything about the ag gags.
	You don't know about the ag gags?
	No, I don't know about the ag gags.
	Oh, well, let me play you a little thing about the ag gags, and then you'll understand.
	So the story...
	Hold on.
	Here it is.
	This is from, I think, Russia Today.
	Just a little bit to give you some background on the ag gag.
	...called ag-gag laws have been proposed.
	Ag-gag, sorry, it's ag-gag laws.
	Six states have already passed them.
	These laws would make it illegal to take photographs or record video in farming operations.
	Ag-gag laws prevent independent groups from conducting investigations into issues or exposing potential illegality.
	Now, you remember what these are, right?
	So it's outlawing the possession and use of a clandestine camera anywhere near a farm, essentially, so that you can't go into the chicken coop shack.
	What are we, Russia?
	Yeah.
	And what's the problem?
	Why would any such law be passed?
	Well, because obviously there's gambling going on in there.
	We're mistreating the animals, and it's not even that.
	You look at the package and you see the happy smiling cow, and then you see the cow with the big port, like the feed port jammed into his side that can't stand on its own two legs, and it makes you not want to buy meat.
	So this is a problem.
	So the ag gag comes up in a news story on a station, and these are two guys like, I think it might be a morning show or afternoon show.
	It's a talk radio station.
	And one guy just jumps in to stop the story, but he kind of makes it worse.
	Boeing, however, is not alone.
	The meat and poultry industry, they have some money to buy their own way as well.
	So there's an undercover video that comes out that shows cows struggling to stay in as they're prodded to the slaughterhouse via forklifts.
	The point of this being, most cows later, because they were diseased, led to a big beef recall.
	Also, the same thing happened in the poultry industry.
	So what have they decided to do in about eight different states?
	They want to make it illegal to take photographs of a farming operation.
	Long and short of it is this.
	Hey, uh...
	The meat industry spends a lot of money here with us, so it's not that you're reporting abuses, it's that these abuses lead to recalls.
	So what we'll do is just say, you can't take pictures of it and just deal with it yourself.
	Yeah, I think the hotline went, like, shut up!
	That one guy, play the beginning again, that one of the two guys, that guy sounds enough like Obama naturally.
	Oh, really?
	That may, if you think about it, that may be your, you know, you always need some insight into it.
	If you're going to mimic somebody, that's hard to mimic, like Obama.
	Yeah.
	But even though you have part of it.
	But this guy sounds like a...
	Just listen for Obama when you hear just the beginning of a few 10 seconds.
	Boeing, however, is not alone.
	The meat and poultry industry, they have some money to buy their own way as well.
	It's a little over the top, but I hear what you're saying.
	Hello, everybody.
	I'm coming to you from Israel, where I'm about to make TD. TD is from Ethiopia.
	T.D. is asking.
	Well, she's well behaved.
	You might be able to get it eventually.
	By the time Hillary's in office.
	Nailed it.
	So, Rhonda, I ran into an interesting clip, and I want to talk to you about this, because when you guys started talking about this, I thought to myself, this is interesting because I, now that you mention it, we are walking around with little radio receivers and transmitters with us all the time.
	Yeah, our phones.
	As opposed to our, it's, yeah.
	And play commotion networks and I just want, there's a three-parter here.
	These clips are a little long because it's on democracy now.
	They let them talk too much.
	That's good.
	But there's, we'll play these clips for a while and then I got the kicker, which I go, oh, this is real interesting.
	By shutting down the internet.
	Well, this week the software he helped launch will launch here in the United States.
	It's called Commotion Wireless.
	You can download the program on your cell phone or laptop computer in order to create what's called a mesh network.
	It allows you to share internet access with our devices on the network.
	This so-called peer-to-peer communication can also challenge the centralized business model and control of internet service providers.
	To talk more about commotionwireless.net and its implications for participatory democracy here in the U.S. and around the world, we're joined by Sasha Meinrath, director of the New America Foundation's Open Technology Institute.
	He's also speaking today here at the Freedom to Connect conference.
	Welcome to Democracy Now!
	So what is it that you are releasing?
	So what we're releasing is software that repurposes available hardware, cell phones, laptops, etc., to allow them to communicate directly with one another.
	So in addition to needing cell phone unlocking, we really want these technologies to be liberated in the same way that our personal computers can connect to, say, a network inside your home or office.
	We want to expand that to encompass an entire community, a neighborhood, even an entire...
	So explain exactly how it works.
	So you download software onto these devices, and in the same way that you connect to, say, a Wi-Fi access point or hotspot, they can communicate with one another.
	So imagine a spider web of connectivity whereby communications can happen over large distances and across a lot of different devices.
	Okay, hold on, hold on.
	I already don't trust it.
	Well, well, it gets better.
	No, I don't trust it either, and there's a couple of issues they never bring up.
	One of them is that the frequencies used by a cell phone are licensed frequencies.
	They're not like Wi-Fi, which is a public domain frequency, both the 5 megahertz and the 2.3 or gigahertz.
	But...
	I believe, looking at the website, commotionwireless.net, they're talking about activating the Wi-Fi portion of your phone, and perhaps even Bluetooth, not the actual cell network part.
	Am I wrong?
	I look at that website, and by the way, if you go to the bottom of it and click on Download, You'll get a skull on your screen if you click on download.
	You click that download thing at the very bottom, and then it brings up a screen with a bunch of warnings.
	It doesn't do this, it doesn't do that.
	You're just not secure.
	All the stuff that he's not saying on the show.
	Let me tell you, it cannot hide your identity, does not prevent monitoring of Internet traffic, does not provide strong security against monitoring over the mesh, can be jammed with radio data interference...
	But anyway, it's still intriguing, and I like the idea.
	So play part two, and then we'll kind of get to what's real interesting about this.
	How do you launch this?
	You're just putting it on your website.
	Sure.
	Well, we've been developing these technologies for about a dozen years now.
	All on-source, freely available.
	And we're making them available freely via the project website as well as via any other means for transporting software.
	So any cell phone, any laptop that has the software can be used to virally update other devices and spread the communication.
	So we're talking phones, computers.
	Now talk about how this all derived.
	Go back in time.
	So the background for this project is back a dozen years ago, a decade before Occupy, there was another global justice uprising within the United States.
	Tell us what it is.
	Large-scale protests spanning a number of cities.
	You covered it quite well here on Democracy Now!
	Well, then tell us what it is.
	During those protests, it became very clear that surveillance, monitoring of communications here in the United States was pretty heavily undertaken by law enforcement.
	And a lot of us came up with the notion that what we really needed was a secure mechanism for communicating here in the U.S. that would not be surveilled and monitored.
	And that was the genesis of the project.
	It is now in many ways global.
	Is this a sanction by the State Department?
	Is John F. Carey in charge of this?
	What's going on?
	This is...
	Play clip three.
	So first it's activists challenging the state and then the State Department funds what they have developed and funds the project that you were involved with for dissidents overseas.
	Correct.
	So they see the functioning of this technology being incredibly useful for spreading participatory democracy around the globe.
	And their focus is very much on how do we accelerate the development that's been happening now worldwide for the past dozen years.
	So explain how it's used in places like Egypt.
	And what does it mean, internet in a suitcase?
	I was going to say, I didn't want to interrupt your clip.
	I was going to say internet in a suitcase and boom!
	Being able to still communicate, use your cell phone to make phone calls locally, even if the cell towers are off.
	It's really paramount.
	That use case is something that the technology actually helps solve.
	So in the Egyptian sort of scenario, if you're in Tahrir Square, you would still be able to communicate.
	You'd still be able to make phone calls.
	You'd still be able to send text messages.
	In essence, you'd still be able to organize and share information in real time across the local folks that are there.
	Yeah, we get it.
	Anything else in the last 15 seconds here?
	No, I didn't skip it.
	Good work.
	It was apparently WTO protests.
	A bunch of guys got together and said, this sucks because they've been listening in and they knew everything we were going to do and they arrested Bill.
	And so then they came up and had a meeting and said, you know what we can do?
	I got some ideas, man.
	We got like these, you know, the phone does have a radio in it.
	And so they started working on it and then they obviously got nowhere.
	No funding, no funding.
	Sequoia passed, Kleiner passed, everybody passed on it.
	So the State Department comes along, they turn the whole thing over to the NSA, and the next thing you know, they've got this thing, and now you can download it.
	It's very complicated.
	It only works on an Android.
	First you've got to crack the Android.
	Yeah, you've got to root it.
	Then you've got to root it.
	And it's like, this is impractical.
	And you'd have to have a critical mass of people.
	To make it useful, because you can't have a mesh network with two people.
	So I'm also thinking, now that this is the internet in the suitcase, that crap ain't working over there.
	No one's using this.
	I don't even believe it's anyone installed in Egypt.
	They don't want, like, what, I can't get it through Android Play?
	I'm not interested in that.
	I've got to root my phone?
	Techie nerds is ridiculous.
	I thought it was a really interesting idea, and I think there's still some potential for an illegal...
	To do it right, you'd use the cell phone frequencies...
	Yeah, right.
	Just assume there's no towers, and the cell phones would just talk to each other, which is doable, but you would have to rig the phone to do it.
	It would be a nice little two-way communication.
	This whole thing is so stupid.
	When you have the Prepper radio series, you've got the Prepper SDR, you know, in...
	Yeah, no, I agree.
	You can buy these little bowfingers that we have.
	Bowfinger.
	finger. Sorry. Sorry?
	They're cheaper than a phone and they have better...
	Cheaper?
	They're like $35.
	It costs nothing.
	Cheaper and they're better.
	My goodness.
	So why don't they go in that direction instead of this?
	This whole thing is just like a misdirection instead of getting people involved in ham radio and things like that.
	Thank you.
	Ham radio is where it's at, people.
	Let me tell you that right now.
	That's where it's at.
	I think it is.
	I'm also so...
	We'll talk about it another time.
	But anyway, I'm very excited because I'm getting these things into production, man.
	Yeah, I know your device.
	Yeah, well, I have a whole line.
	I have a whole line of devices now.
	I just went nuts on it.
	So there's also Prepper CW, this one.
	This is the one for you.
	I'm going to gift you the first version.
	Just Prepper CW? Yeah, Prepper CW. Prepper CW is beautiful.
	Do you know an aga in the UK? We've talked about this, right?
	The British stove, the aga.
	Yeah, that's the stove that you like.
	It's not a UK stove, it's in Sweden, if I'm not mistaken.
	But they use it in the UK. So you know the red aga, you know that metal that it's made of and that finish that it has?
	Yeah, it's enamel finish and it's made out of...
	That's what the Prepper CW is going to be made of.
	It's going to be made out of pot metal or whatever that is?
	Yeah, it's going to be indestructible.
	What foundries around that can make that around here?
	Well...
	China.
	Yeah.
	Get me some radioactive China metal.
	Yeah, make sure to check with the Geiger counter.
	Yeah.
	When it comes over.
	Hey, let's...
	Oh, yes, please.
	I got one segment of Drunk or Not Drunk.
	Oh, fantastic.
	Oh, boy.
	Oh, boy.
	And so I want you to hit the buzzer.
	We need a jingle for this.
	I know.
	We do need Drunk or Not Drunk.
	And this is Al Franken in the Senate.
	Oh.
	I, as Senator Durbin...
	Yeah, drunk.
	...I said I'm chairman of the subcommittee on privacy technology and the law, and this sort of seems like it could have been...
	This hearing could have been held in that subcommittee.
	I'm glad we did it.
	No, no, no.
	I'm taking it back.
	At this point, I don't think he's drunk.
	Let's hear the rest.
	...committee.
	This is a perfect example of why I believe there is...
	I would characterize the Constitution as a living Constitution.
	Whoa!
	You mean like we can just change it willy-nilly?
	Like a will?
	Founders, I think it'd be fair to say, probably didn't anticipate this.
	They didn't anticipate the phone.
	And that's why, at a certain point, we had to decide whether phone taps were a violation of the Fourth Amendment.
	Okay, I take it back.
	He's not drunk.
	He's high, clearly.
	And that really came down to people's expectation of privacy.
	And that's kind of a big part of what we're talking about here today.
	And then he pukes all over himself.
	Drunk.
	Yeah, drunk.
	I think he's drunk.
	I'm convinced.
	But maybe high.
	I think high.
	Maybe...
	I think high.
	No, I don't think so.
	Because you're in Washington, D.C., you get a lot of drinks.
	People are drinking and beating and drinking and drinking and drinking.
	So I do have one more clip from him.
	It's not from him.
	It's about drones.
	This was a...
	I guess one of the senators put this...
	And it ended up with everybody saying two bits and leaving.
	So he is there by himself, literally, in this big hearing room.
	And he's the one guy seated and he's trying to finish his meeting.
	But there was a couple of good little bits in the smaller drones coming clip.
	Think of drones or the big predator drones, which are being operated in the United States.
	But we also have the ones that you see on the desk in front of you, all the way down to there are now drones the size of a hummingbird being developed and micro drones and drones even smaller.
	So the technology is increasing at an exponentially rapid rate.
	And as we move forward, we're just going to see the capabilities of these devices increase.
	Before we go any further with this clip, I just had a new product idea.
	I want to throw it out there.
	I know we've changed the first to file, but I'll be filing this patent.
	We need a hand-carried EMP weapon.
	I'm pretty sure it can be done.
	With these small drones, it's not the drone itself.
	It's their ability to swarm that is going to be frightening.
	That's when you can get 5,000 of them all.
	Then these little drones turn into one big drone.
	Seriously, it's the swarming that's dangerous.
	We need to have...
	A handheld, because they can't be flying in Faraday cages.
	You have to have an EMP device.
	We have to have the right frequency and just fry the crap out of them.
	I'm telling you, this would be a hit.
	People would buy this.
	Well, I would have one.
	She wants a bunch of 5,000 little drones coming out.
	And you just fry all the transistors.
	What is the mechanism that you can create an EMP-like effect with?
	An atomic bomb.
	Oh, okay.
	It's kind of the drawback.
	So, presumably, at some point, you could have one the size of a mosquito that has a battery that operates for weeks.
	Oh, what an asshole.
	And you could have a mosquito following you around and not be...
	No, it's the swarming idiot.
	Beware of it.
	There are already images online of a mosquito drone being developed by the National Security Agency and them trying to figure out what technology they can put on it to make small enough to put on it.
	God help us if an adolescent boy gets a hold of one of those.
	He's looking at her tits going...
	I'm so fucking drunk.
	Drunken by himself.
	I'm so drunk right now.
	Oh boy, I love that mosquito flying in your boobs.
	I don't know.
	I don't know what that meant, by the way.
	Hey!
	Naturally!
	Alright, now before we get into our little thank you segment here, I want to take us back in time.
	Do I have the...
	Where's the harp?
	I looked for that the other day, didn't I? I couldn't find the harp.
	You lost the harp.
	I don't understand.
	I had like a harp sound, like a...
	Ring.
	No, like a...
	Flash, maybe it's...
	Oh, here it is.
	Yes, okay.
	Let's go back in time to the episode we had on Sunday where you played this commercial.
	This day calls you to fight chronic osteoarthritis pain.
	Now, do you recall what this commercial was for?
	Yeah, it was for Microsoft, I think.
	To fight chronic low back pain.
	To take action.
	To take the next step.
	Today you will know you did something for your pain.
	Cymbalta can help.
	Okay, so we played the whole commercial about Cymbalta.
	Now come back into the future with me for a second here.
	We got a note from one of our producers, Aaron.
	And he says, I'm just in the middle of listening to the March 17th No Agenda show, and I heard you and John talking about Cymbalta.
	I was put on Cymbalta a few years ago for pain that comes from being hit by a car while walking across the street back in 2002.
	And I figured I need to share this note, John, because he can tell us about Cymbalta.
	Do you recall the side effects of Cymbalta?
	All kinds of stuff.
	Let's listen to the commercial and see if we can get the idea.
	Simbalta is a pain reliever, FDA approved to manage chronic musculoskeletal pain.
	One non-narcotic pill a day, every day, can help reduce this pain.
	Tell your doctor right away if your mood worsens, you have unusual changes in mood or behavior.
	Okay, so you're not really disclaiming it, but you should call your doctor if you have unusual changes in behavior.
	Thoughts of suicide.
	Antidepressants can increase these in children, teens, and young adults.
	Cymbalta is not for children under 18.
	Do they actually try to call their doctor anymore?
	I don't know.
	Islanazolid or thiaritazine or with uncontrolled glaucoma should not take Cymbalta.
	Taking it with NSAID pain relievers, aspirin, or blood thinners...
	That's a lot to remember.
	Severe liver problems, some fatal, were reported.
	Signs include abdominal pain and yellowing skin or eyes.
	Tell your doctor about all your medicines, including those for migraine.
	And while on Cymbalta, call right away if you have high fever, confusion, and stiff muscles.
	Confusion.
	Or serious allergic skin reactions like blisters, peeling rash, hives, or mouth sores to address possible life-threatening conditions.
	Talk about your alcohol use, liver disease, and before you reduce or stop Cymbalta.
	Dizziness or fainting may occur upon standing.
	Take the next step.
	Talk to your doctor.
	Cymbalta can help.
	Okay.
	So, that's the commercial.
	Here, ladies and gentlemen, some actual side effects of Cymbalta as witnessed by a No Agenda producer.
	As we said, Aaron was put on Cymbalta a few years ago for pain that comes from being hit by a car while walking across the street back in 2002.
	So, it was prescribed to him as a pain reliever, which is a new use for Cymbalta.
	It's a new patent for them.
	He said, it didn't seem to do anything for my pain, but I did notice.
	That after 30 days or so, it supposedly takes to kick in, I started feeling incredibly sad all the time and crying for no reason.
	It was insane.
	What was worse, however, was that I blacked out once because of it and started, according to my girlfriend at the time, running around the house smashing things.
	Then I fell on the floor out cold.
	She told me when she asked me what I took...
	When I dropped to the floor, and apparently I said, werewolves and vampires.
	Oh, God.
	How awesome is that?
	I think this is another one you should test.
	What did you take?
	And he said, werewolves and vampires.
	I'm on board with this.
	So let me know.
	I wonder if you can mix it up with some Hal doll and really have a party.
	Wow.
	Yeah, that's pretty good.
	That takes a month, though, to get to that point.
	Well, you know, persistence.
	Persistence always pays off.
	I'm going to show my support by donating to no agenda.
	Imagine all the people who could do that.
	Oh, yeah, that'd be fab.
	Yeah, on your agenda.
	Fab!
	In the morning.
	Yes, we do have some helpers, some producers who came in with some donations, and we're going to name them.
	And there's a couple of notes.
	I'm going to...
	Oh, actually, let's first thank Peter Popuzinski in Bayshore, New York.
	Um...
	Have 195.30.
	And then an anonymous donor from Los Angeles of $150 has a note that I have to discuss because I think it's a great idea.
	He says, or she, he or she, I can't say which.
	It's anonymous.
	I would like to offer some advice to fellow listeners in addition to supporting the show.
	John sometimes complains about grocery store rewards cards that track what you buy and could potentially be used for insurance purposes in the future.
	Most membership cards are tied to a phone number.
	So if you forget your card, you can type in your phone number and it will recognize you or you can use it when they ask you for a phone number.
	Luckily, because of the popularity of the Tommy Tunes song, 867-TUTO.
	Tommy Tutone.
	8-6-7-5-3-0-9.
	That's the one.
	Jenny.
	Jenny.
	That's the name of the song from 1982.
	Stores have an account signed up for most area codes plus that number.
	For example, in the 310 area code at almost every major grocery store I've tried, I can enter 310-867-5309 and get the member discounts without the potential for my insurance company using it against me in the future.
	Just thought I would spread the word and if you find an area code that doesn't work, fill out a form and sign up for it so that others can use it.
	This is a great social hack.
	This is a social hack and this is a great benefit to No Agenda listeners.
	Because I think it's true.
	I'm going to start checking it next time I go to the store.
	I've got two or three places that always...
	Now, here's what can happen, of course.
	So you'll be in the checkout line, and...
	Oh, man, I forgot my card.
	What's your number?
	Yeah, it's 510-86753...
	You can't say it with the cadence.
	09.
	And, okay, oh!
	Zero, you say 09.
	Yeah, 09.
	Oh, Mr.
	Curry.
	Oh!
	Well, if you would only buy three more packs of adult diapers, we can give you a discount.
	There you go.
	I don't know if this is good.
	Well...
	Could lead to some embarrassing situations.
	Well, if you want to get the discount, you know, my experience has always been just say, oh, I forgot my card, and then they use their own card, you still get the discount.
	They want to give you the discount.
	John Henry in Fajardo, Puerto Rico.
	One, two, three, four, five.
	Okay, hold on a second.
	According to the chat room, this was on Lifehacker, and this is a plagiarized note.
	Oh, that could be.
	Could be.
	It may be a plagiarized note, but I wonder if the person has checked out all the 310 stories.
	Well, it doesn't really matter, because it did not come to my attention, because, let me think, oh yeah, I'm watching C-SPAN instead of Lifehacker?
	Yeah, Lifehacker.
	And I'm too busy helping people get through TSA? Right.
	Well, it's still a good tip.
	It's a great tip.
	So, yeah, chat room.
	I do, once in a while, see all the exclamation points from the corner of my eye.
	Exclamation points.
	There was a life hacker before.
	This is bullcrap.
	Yeah, plagiarism.
	Those guys never read the chat room.
	This is a new social hack.
	This is just plagiarized.
	This is lame.
	This is the same one you get when you run a blog and you see somebody sends you a video.
	That video was from a year ago.
	That's formal.
	By the way, you will get banned from the divorce.
	It's like, I can't believe you guys didn't see that on Lifehacker before.
	Alright, onward with people who are...
	In Puerto Rico, 1-2-3-4-5.
	Andrew M. Holcomb in Ann Arbor, Michigan, 1-11-11.
	Audrey Sims, something like that.
	St.
	Louis, Missouri mentions that she has a birthday.
	Do we have her on the list?
	Audrey...
	Well, I wish I knew how to pronounce it now.
	I think it's Sims.
	No.
	No, then put her on.
	This is not good.
	When is her birthday?
	Today.
	Audrey.
	I'm going to say Symes.
	I think it's Symes.
	It's got to be Symes.
	Yeah, I think so.
	William, $100.
	He gave $100 to Sam.
	Sir Sam Luang.
	Luang.
	I think it's pronounced.
	Yeah.
	He gave $99 and pushed him over to another knighthood.
	Oh.
	Which now he's claiming a barony.
	And it's been, we've checked the accounting?
	Apparently, because JC put it in the note.
	So how many knighthoods equals a barony?
	Two.
	No, no, that's baronet.
	No, this is his third, which is a barony.
	So two is baronet, three is...
	We didn't even talk about the levels.
	Two is baronet, three is barony.
	Right.
	And then what's after barony?
	I have to go back and get that email that I sent out.
	It's 5, 10, 20, I think is what it is.
	Yeah, something like that.
	But, very important, if you give your knighthood away, you can't double count it towards your...
	Is that right?
	I'm asking.
	Well, this is a meeting that's needed.
	So, for instance, we have today, we'll be knighting Dame Suzanne.
	Right.
	Massimo has given his knighthood away.
	Right.
	Now, if he then gets his own knighthood, does he go straight to Baronet?
	Well, this is a question that needs to be answered.
	Well, that's why I'm asking you.
	I would say no.
	I would say no as well.
	I think you've given it away.
	And he could give the second knighthood slash dayhood to his wife and she would be a baronet, correct?
	Yes.
	You can't double count.
	That would be my...
	Well, hello, what did the email say?
	It said you were like the...
	You had a title.
	Okay, here's the email.
	This, by the way, is a proposal.
	It says very clearly in the email.
	It goes like...
	Let me just read it.
	It's a proposal.
	I'm sorry.
	Night dames, a single knighthood, is a night dame.
	Okay, the baronet is double knights.
	Baron is triple knights.
	Then comes Viscount, which is 5X. And then Earl...
	Which is seven times night than Duke 10, 10x night.
	And this is all reflected on the Dvorak.org slash NA page?
	No, this is in the email.
	This is in the newsletter that people get.
	People are already on board.
	We're doing our first Barony thing today.
	But it's never been fully approved, so I haven't put it on the main page yet.
	Well, okay, hereby ratify.
	The great state of Texas ratifies this idea.
	Do we have a second?
	Yes, I second it.
	All in favor, say aye.
	Aye.
	Aye.
	That's it.
	Good meeting.
	Good meeting, everybody.
	Great.
	All right, let's have some drinks.
	Okay.
	So, anyway, that's kind of where we're at.
	Raymond Williams.
	Okay.
	So, Sam will be a baron.
	Yes.
	Nice.
	Good.
	We have to come up with this.
	I don't want to talk about it too much.
	Nothing, nothing, nothing.
	It's just like, are we going to have a special ceremony?
	No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
	We mention it.
	No, I don't have time for ceremonies.
	Yeah, okay.
	I don't have time to read Lifehacker.
	I don't have time for Ceremony.
	Yeah, we're two guys watching Lifehacker.
	Ashley Hearst in Seattle, our fisherwoman.
	Yes.
	Oh, I sometimes go back and look at her picture.
	77.
	70-07.
	She decided to get on that band.
	That picture with her with the big fish?
	Big giant fish.
	Something sexy about it.
	I can't put my finger on it.
	That's what she says.
	Hey!
	Oh, you went there.
	Hey, why don't you call your buddy Bebe from the Bad Joke Club?
	I don't want to hog all the good jokes.
	Lance Fisher in Upper Michigan.
	Lance the Youper.
	I guess that's what you call Upper Michigan, guys.
	Stefan Agarhuty.
	Agarhuty.
	Agarhuty.
	What do you think?
	I think I would say it's probably Steven.
	You said Stefan.
	I think it's probably Steven.
	Okay, Steven.
	Agarhuty.
	This begins a segment of a bunch of 69 and 69s.
	Oh, sorry.
	I wasn't paying attention.
	That stuff never goes away.
	I mean, people love the swazzle now.
	69!
	69!
	Well, not really.
	It looks like there's only three today, so it's not...
	Yes, it's going to be dead shortly.
	Dead on Sunday.
	Karsten Ove Schwartz Nielsen, in some place or other.
	He, by the way, mentions that 495 and 496 have been fantastic shows.
	And he says John Belushi must be turning in his grave.
	That, of course, is a direct reference to spook Dan Aykroyd.
	The disappointing, the CIA spook, chill Dan Aykroyd.
	Yeah, who may have been...
	Richard Arradondo in Santa Maria, California, 69, 69.
	69!
	69, dude!
	That's it.
	Closes the segment.
	It's a goner.
	I thought there was somebody else that I was supposed to credit.
	I don't know if it's on the spreadsheet.
	Is this the right spreadsheet?
	Redux?
	I hope so.
	Yes.
	Reboot Studio, Sir Cogs in Crescent.
	By the way, I want to mention to people, if you send in one of these donations, we're just rattling off names now, don't send in separate emails saying to be anonymous.
	Put it in the note.
	Reboot Studio, Sir Cogs in Crescent City, 6683.
	Oh, by the way, I have to mention something back here.
	I think I missed one of the notes.
	Ah.
	Nuts.
	All right, we'll mention it next time.
	Somebody has a book out that wanted to plug, and I don't see it.
	Well, we know who it wasn't.
	It wasn't Reboot Studio.
	No, it wasn't you.
	Oh.
	Good one.
	Anyway, where was I?
	Reboot Studio.
	I'm a lost cause.
	Isaac Young.
	Isaac Yang in Toronto.
	Isaac Yang, sorry.
	And he's got a birthday.
	A friend of his, by the way, got the real Canadian snowflake pin.
	Oh.
	And when he saw the picture in the newsletter, he knew it was time to donate.
	We're going to get one of these.
	He needs some karma for his car.
	Give him some karma.
	For the car, yeah.
	We need a car karma, too.
	You've got karma.
	No kidding.
	Yeah, you're the one.
	I do need car karma.
	Communications 2020 from Sir Howard Guttnicht.
	Guttnicht.
	In Seattle.
	Rasmus Bach Ottosen in...
	Oh, God.
	Wow.
	I can't even pronounce the name of the town.
	Antanarivo.
	Is that Italy?
	This is Gitmo Nation lemur.
	That doesn't help either.
	And maybe it's Italy.
	That's home.
	Madagascar.
	What?
	Madagascar.
	Wow.
	Anonymous, 5378.
	LG Consulting in Katy, Texas.
	With a birthday thing going out there, 5321.
	And finally, Jeffrey Tuhigg.
	Oh, Jeff.
	5150.
	He sent me a picture of his girlfriend, who was not his girlfriend when we stayed with him, on the Hot Pockets tour in New Mexico.
	Oh, my God.
	I didn't get a picture.
	Because you don't ask.
	If you don't ask, then you don't get.
	You've got to be unabashed.
	I'll forward it to you.
	Okay.
	Kevin Payne in Richmond, Virginia, 69.
	Mike Bateman in Minneapolis, 50.
	And Eric Veit in Dublin, California, 50.
	And that will be our...
	We're producers for show 498.
	We have a couple of things.
	First, we have Make Good.
	We basically thanked everybody twice on the Sunday show.
	Yeah, it was a mess.
	It's okay, because it was actually a technical issue, and I believe that's been solved.
	So make good number one is Scott Montgomery donated $69.69.
	The Swazilnafs on Sunday did not get mentioned.
	I'm sure we'll find a few more of those as people catch up to the episodes.
	And Luke from Munich, München, says...
	My previous two donations were $33.33, my girlfriend's 33rd birthday, and $55.55, no agenda's fifth anniversary.
	On Monday, my girlfriend Jana and I will be celebrating eight years together.
	I thought I'd double my contributions and send you $88.88.
	In return, I'd like a karma plus $88.88.
	Morse code.
	And of course, another great episode of the best podcast in the universe.
	We really apologize.
	Because it kind of sucks when you got an anniversary.
	You're trying to look smart for your woman.
	And I was like, hey, it's coming any minute now.
	Any minute now.
	And then you just hear the freaking credits at the end.
	And like, what the heck?
	You a-holes.
	You left me out.
	Totally left me out.
	So...
	You've got karma.
	And I'll plug the book on the next show.
	Okay, very good.
	It's your birthday, birthday.
	But the people are on no agenda.
	All right, here we go.
	Pyotr Suzuki says happy birthday to his brother, Bartolo.
	Celebrating on the 23rd, Sir Howard Gutnacht congratulates himself.
	Celebrated yesterday.
	Elgie Consulting, LLC.
	Happy birthday to his son, Jack, turns 12.
	Right on, Jack.
	Glad to have you listening to the show at an early age so he can get you early and corrupt you.
	And Audrey Simes also celebrates her birthday.
	Happy birthday from your friends here at the best podcast in the universe.
	It's his birthday, yeah.
	And we have a daming today.
	A nice daming.
	And after that, we will have a quick mention for a baron.
	So I'm very excited about all this.
	We can just get these swords ready.
	Hello?
	Hold on.
	There it is.
	All right, Suzanne Cataneo, step forward and kneel before the table of knights and dames.
	Thanks to Mossimo's collection of points for his knighthood, he is giving you the knighthood, therefore making you Dame Suzanne!
	Dame of the knights and dames of the Noah General Roundtable.
	For you, we have standing by, if you prefer, Red Boys and Chardonnay, uh...
	Vodka and vanilla, bong hits and bourbon, sparkling cider and escorts, mutton and mead, and I left all the other ones off that were not relevant to you as dang.
	But I think the Rent Boys and Chardonnay may come in handy, and I'm sure Massimo will be quite okay with that, because that's how we roll here at the Roundtable.
	That's how we roll.
	I keep trying to convince my wife.
	It's okay, it's how we roll.
	I've always found that to be one of the most obnoxious things anyone could say.
	I need to call you out on something.
	Uh-oh.
	You said, and I didn't clip it, I should have.
	We were talking about, I guess it was on the last episode, about the spreadsheet messed up.
	And you thought I was saying one thing that I was like, oh, this is horrible.
	And you said, what, it goes wrong once and then it's like you've got to fire your kid.
	And then you said...
	So like, oh, I made out with that woman and now the marriage is over?
	What?
	Yes, you said this.
	I said what?
	I said that you made out with this woman and now the marriage is over?
	You said that is like your wife saying, and I guess you were reflecting on yourself...
	That you made out.
	Like you cheated.
	No, I know.
	You know, when I said that, I said, you know, this is not a good analogy.
	It's just totally bogative.
	But it's like...
	The question is, why did you come up with it?
	Why did you say this?
	Is there something you'd like to share with the group, John?
	Not making out with anybody, apparently.
	But also, I mean, let me tell you, if I made out with some other woman, you know, would she leave me?
	No, but it would break a lot.
	It would break stuff.
	It's a horrible analogy.
	I'm fine.
	I apologize for making such a stupid comment.
	And it was completely off the wall.
	I don't know why it even came out of my mouth.
	And I was trying to go somewhere.
	Hey, Mimi, hold on a second.
	Yeah?
	Believe me, actually, I was on the fly.
	I was trying to come up with a gem.
	And then that came out.
	I said, ah, that's dumb.
	And then I just let it go because you just didn't even hear it.
	I heard it, but there was other stuff going on.
	But it stuck with me throughout the...
	So it bothered you?
	Good.
	Oh my god.
	I don't know if I can say this.
	Mr.
	Oil just got arrested in Cyprus.
	What?
	What happened?
	Hold on a second.
	Let me read this.
	Our car got stopped on the way to the airport.
	He was ordered out under guns, searched, demanded.
	Oh, Mr. Oil, who is Russian, went to get his money out of Cyprus.
	Wow, this is breaking news.
	I'm going to read verbatim from the back channel.
	This latest from Cyprus.
	Our car got stopped on the way to the airport.
	We were ordered out under gunpoint.
	Searched.
	Demanded to surrender all money and cash that we had.
	We were arrested five minutes later as we refused to comply with everything.
	We threatened to be taken to jail and forgotten about.
	This is, you know, he's very upset, so it's a little weird English.
	After a call to my lawyers was promptly released.
	This is effed up.
	Let's see.
	They did not surrender the money, refused to comply, apart from identifying themselves, asking, what is the charge?
	And so they let him go, and he's now on his way back to Gitmo Nation East.
	But he was literally arrested, and they tried to demand him to surrender his money.
	What the F? Wow.
	That could be happening here any minute.
	Well, here's some Bitcoin.
	Bitcoin.
	Hey, by the way, am I happy?
	It's my Bitcoin disc.
	I'm so happy I don't listen to you.
	When you told me at $33 to sell all my Bitcoin.
	I told you to sell them at $40.
	I never said $33.
	Okay, I didn't listen to that either.
	Today's current price is $74.
	Well, just hold them then.
	No, no, no.
	I'm selling all the way up.
	Every day I sell five Bitcoin.
	Oh, well, this is good money for you.
	Yeah.
	Woo!
	Woo!
	I'm rolling in now, baby!
	Well, of course, my total investment, I only did one show.
	Daily Source Code received a total of 100 Bitcoin back in the day.
	That was a nice donation.
	That was like $7,500.
	That was $500 back then.
	But I'm keeping $100, and that's my nest egg.
	So, I'm only selling 25.
	That's basically it.
	Then I'm done.
	So, unfortunately, your Bitcoin, John, your half, I'm sorry, I sold that at the 40 you requested, so that's fine.
	Hey, we want to call out Sir Sam Leung.
	How do we pronounce it?
	Leung.
	Sir Sam, as of today, is the second baron No, no, he's the third.
	No, because we have a baron and a baroness.
	No, we have another guy, I can't remember his name, I have it written down somewhere, who we apparently gifted a baron to.
	Okay, hold on a second.
	You're just not a guy.
	Well, I don't have his name, but he's a fellow.
	He's a sir of some...
	He got a barony and...
	So what does Sir Sam, Baron Sam Lung get?
	He asked for something, actually.
	It's in the note.
	Let's see what he wants.
	Let's see what he gets.
	All you have to do is ask.
	He says he would like...
	I think I'll claim...
	We'll give it to him, but we'll give him this.
	He wants to claim the Great Lakes.
	Oh, consider it done, my friend.
	You can have them.
	Only the...
	Now, he's a Canadian, I believe, so he only gets the Great Lakes that are in Canada.
	Yes.
	So Lake Michigan is still up for grabs.
	Still available.
	All right.
	So he gets all the Great Lakes except Lake Michigan.
	So let me just...
	We don't want to cause an international issue.
	Crack us.
	Hi, gents.
	Realize two things.
	One, I was recently booted off the 33-33 monthly plan at the beginning of the month.
	This happens all the time, people.
	Check your subscriptions.
	PayPal is whack.
	I resubscribed.
	Thank you.
	Notice that my total contribution under the plan was just over $1,000.
	My guess is that PayPal may have a cap on the total subscription value and will automatically unsubscribe as a precaution.
	No, I don't think so.
	This happens just random.
	It happens all the time.
	Just a thought.
	You know all we do up here in Canada is party and have Canadian mac and cheese, also known as poutine.
	Ah.
	Poutine.
	Can't get more Depression-era cuisine than that.
	Take it easy, gents.
	Also, now that the noagendanation.com system tells me I've contributed just enough for my third knighthood at N. Barney, I think I'll claim the Great Lakes as my domain should we move over to the new peerage system.
	Sam, congratulations.
	We had the meeting earlier.
	You are now the Baron of the Great Lakes of Canada.
	And let's find out what this poutine looks like.
	Yeah, poutine.
	Poutine.
	It's probably the French, you know, the Quebecer's version of mac and cheese.
	They can't just call it mac and cheese after all.
	No, no.
	Well, that's a violation of trademark.
	Poutine is a typical Canadian dish, originally from Quebec, made with French fries.
	Ooh!
	French fries topped with brown gravy and curd cheese.
	Oh, right.
	I've seen this dish.
	Oh, my goodness.
	It's totally disgusting.
	Look at the picture on the wiki page.
	It looks like poop and whipped cream.
	Well, the cheese, the curd cheese means it's fresh cheese, just a regular cheese curd that you can buy in some stores.
	It would be similar to taking cottage cheese and rinsing off all the liquid, the goop.
	And so you could do it with cottage cheese.
	And what you would do is you get a bunch of french fries, usually hand-cut so the skins are still on them.
	And then you dump this cheese on top.
	No, no, no.
	It looks like they put the gravy on first.
	Well, this one I'm looking at has the gravy over the cheese.
	The dish originated in rural Quebec, Canada in the late 1950s.
	Oh, that's not really Depression-era.
	Here's a poutine with onions and bacon.
	It's a B-O-M. It's called poutine bomb.
	Poutine with B, bacon, O, onion, and merguez, which is...
	Oh, I love merguez.
	What is merguez?
	I taught you merguez.
	We bought it from the French dude.
	Oh, is that horrible sausage made from lamb?
	Poutine.com.
	Oh man, it's already taken.
	By the poutine shop.
	You can order online poutine.
	You can order it already made.
	This is not cheap, by the way.
	This poutine.
	This is not mac and cheese.
	Here's one that's interesting.
	The Emmy, which is poutine, which is Elvis steak haché, poivrons, and champignon, which has got mushrooms.
	You guys eat crap.
	They've got all this stuff.
	That's nasty.
	Here's a Marissa poutine, which has got three kinds of meat.
	Essentially, you take a bed of french fries, they should be greasy, and then you just dump stuff on it.
	Nice.
	That's it, you're done.
	This is probably the origin of the idea of nachos.
	Yeah.
	You take a bunch of chips, which is not french fries, but coincidentally, chips...
	It's what the British call French fries, which could be a mistranslation of the dish.
	So you take chips, which are corn chips, you put them on the bottom, and you dump a bunch of cheap cheese all over the top, and then you can put on some sour cream or some meat or some jalapenos chopped.
	Nice.
	And then you eat that during an athletic event.
	Nice.
	Okie dokie.
	That's all I got.
	I got two banker clips.
	I've been holding on to one for a couple weeks.
	We never got around to it.
	And yesterday, the Bernanke, Ben, Benjamin the Bernanke, our central banker dude, who's married to Andrea Mitchell, right?
	Oh no, it's the other guy.
	Oh, that's right.
	The Greenspan guy.
	Crap.
	Greenspan.
	Well, I got a clip from her, too.
	So first, here is the Attorney General, Eric Holder.
	Hey, by the way, by the way, I'm betting even money that Erica Mitchell and her husband have dinner on occasion with Bernanke.
	Andrea Mitchell.
	What did I say?
	I said Erica Mitchell.
	Erica Mitchell.
	But that's good.
	That's her new name.
	Yeah, Erica.
	She should consider an official change.
	Anyway, go on.
	Sorry.
	Okay, so here he is a couple weeks ago talking about big banks and how frightening they are to him.
	He's very afraid of them.
	The concern that you have raised is one that I frankly share.
	And I'm not talking about HSBC now.
	Maybe that would not be appropriate.
	But I am concerned that the size of some of these institutions...
	Hold on.
	Stop, stop, stop, stop.
	He has picked up the exact same cadence and almost the same voice, and you can hear it now that I'm going to say it.
	Eric Holder.
	This is Eric Holder.
	Oh.
	I thought you were playing Bernanke.
	No, Bernanke's next.
	Okay, never mind.
	But you're right.
	Eric Holder has picked up the exact same cadence as Eric Holder.
	It's uncanny, ladies and gentlemen.
	...that the size of some of these institutions becomes so large that it does become difficult for us to prosecute them when we are hit with...
	Prosecute them for what?
	For fraud and being just, you know, he's saying...
	Oh, the douchebag is a quotient.
	Yeah, they haven't done anything.
	No, but he's actually...
	He's saying because they're so big, we can't prosecute...
	Oh, the organized crime is so big, so we can't arrest anybody?
	Is that what he's saying?
	Yeah, listen again.
	When we are hit with...
	Indications that if you do prosecute, if you do bring a criminal charge, it will have a negative impact on the national economy, perhaps even the world economy.
	And I think that is a function of the fact that some of these institutions have become too large.
	Again, I'm not talking about HSBC. This is just a more general comment.
	I think it has an inhibiting impact on our ability to bring Resolutions that I think would be more appropriate, and I think that is something that we, you all, need to consider.
	The concern to raise is actually one that I share.
	So, reading between the lines, and by the way, my God, it's uncanny.
	He sounds so much like Eric Holder.
	It's killing me.
	What I'm hearing here is these banks, we cannot actually throw people in jail.
	We cannot prosecute because if we do that, these banks fall apart, then the world collapses.
	Is that pretty much what he said there?
	Yep.
	Now let's listen to the Bernanke, who sounds a lot like...
	On the benefits of being too big to fail, no, we don't have an estimate.
	It's pretty difficult to control for all the factors that go into determining the size of the subsidy.
	The size of the subsidy, John.
	So the banks, he's going to talk about this a little bit more, but the banks that are too big to fail are being subsidized by the Federal Reserve, and he doesn't even know how much money.
	I think there is some evidence that financial markets are at least to some extent...
	Take into account the possibility that large financial institutions will fail.
	You see, for example, spreads in the credit default swaps.
	It indicates some probability of failure.
	You see some discrimination among different institutions according to the bond market, interest rates that they get charged and so on.
	So there is some evidence of market discrimination.
	That being said...
	I certainly never meant to say to Senator Warren, and I share her concern about too big to fail.
	I think it's a major issue.
	I never meant to imply that the problem was solved and gone.
	It is not solved and gone.
	It's still here.
	But there's a lot of work in train.
	We're putting in the Basel capital standards.
	We're putting in the orderly liquidation authority from Dodd-Frank.
	We're working with our international partners.
	International partners.
	I agree with her 100% that it's a real problem and needs to be addressed if at all possible.
	Douchebag!
	Just take our money and do whatever you want.
	Douche.
	Anyway, I have a clip that is kind of interesting.
	Can I finish up my sequence?
	There actually was a point to this?
	Okay, go.
	Oh, okay.
	It's going to be like that?
	Go on.
	I want to play Erica Mitchell.
	Oh, what does she have to say?
	Well, Erica Mitchell, so the only point I was making was, so this is how the highest judicial dude in the land thinks.
	You know, the banks own him.
	The banks own everybody.
	We can't do anything.
	We can't prosecute them because, ooh, they're so scary.
	We have the Bernanke, who is the Federal Reserve, the highest banker in the land.
	He is the bank.
	He is the bank.
	Ben Bernanke, the bank.
	And he is saying, well, you know, hey, that's what it is.
	We can't let him fail.
	And then we have Andrea Mitchell.
	Now, she is an elite because she is married to the former Bank Bernanke, Greenspan.
	Right?
	Yeah.
	And listen to what she says as she talks to her colleagues about About the failure...
	And she would be speaking from an insider's perspective.
	An insider's perspective.
	This is my point.
	So the guy who used to run the whole money scheme in the banks, that guy, his wife, and they fit together perfectly.
	You know, they're just starting to look like each other.
	Yeah.
	So his wife...
	Gives her colleagues a talking to about the failure of the, or so-called, because it's not, but about the assault rifle, assault weapons-like style ban that is now being pulled out of the legislation by the Democrats.
	Listen to the words.
	Democratic Majority Leader Harry Reid's decision to not let the assault weapons ban go to the floor for a vote angered Senator Dianne Feinstein, who is not giving up.
	This is very important to me, and I'm not going to lay down and play dead.
	I think the American people have said in every single public poll that they support this kind of legislation.
	Join me now for more on that and all the other political news.
	For our daily fix today, Chris Alessa, MSNBC contributor and managing editor of PostPolitics.com and USA Today's Washington Bureau Chief, Susan Page.
	So she now has the contributing editor of MSNBC.com and the editor of USA Today.
	These are big.
	This is a big person.
	Yeah.
	What is this?
	That's not the editor of USA Today.
	Uh...
	What is the venue here?
	Does she have her own show?
	Is this a Sunday thing?
	Where'd you get this?
	She is standing on location outside of the White House, which I think is...
	On what show?
	She's on...
	What is she on?
	MSNBC? She's on NBC? ABC? NBC? Is it a news show?
	It's a news show, yes.
	Go on, just play it.
	Hi to both of you.
	While I'm away, you guys let the assault weapons ban die, practically.
	At least Harry Reid says that he's not...
	There you go.
	While I'm away, you, stupid journalists, let this die.
	Oh, play that again.
	I didn't catch it at all.
	You didn't scare the American public appropriately?
	Just play it.
	Both of you.
	While I'm away, you guys let the assault weapons ban, you know, die, practically.
	At least Harry Reid says that he's not going to let it go forward.
	Wow, that's a weird clip.
	No, she means it.
	This is how she thinks.
	Yeah, I wasn't here.
	Next thing you know, all hell breaks loose.
	Yeah, I wasn't here.
	I have to be here all the time.
	I wasn't here to manage the media, to manage you people.
	I'm your handler.
	I'm taking care of business.
	I make sure you write things, you know, like Sandy Hook, like terrible.
	I think this is a great clip, but I don't get how it hooks into the Bernanke clip.
	Only because she's elitist like everybody else, and she was married to...
	Well, here's an interesting clip that's kind of a financial clip that I just think is a good piece of information.
	I talked about this.
	It was on Charlie Rose.
	I mentioned it to Horowitz, who thinks this guy's just a douche, but it's okay.
	He's the guy who used to run AIG. He was kicked out, and then AIG fell apart.
	He thinks he could have saved his name.
	Very famous guy.
	He's like 85.
	He's still a tough cookie, and he's irked about...
	He thinks the government stole AIG without compensation.
	Yeah.
	It cost him most of his...
	But he has his...
	There's one little tidbit in here I thought was worth listening to, which is the...
	And I kind of agree with him, and this is...
	What's the name of this clip?
	Hank Greenberg on Paulson.
	But if it did happen and you became Voldemort, you would have known how.
	You convinced in your own mind that's true.
	No question about it.
	Look, I chaired the New York Fed for several years, been on the board before that, and then became vice chair and chair.
	I knew the Fed quite well.
	If we had need for access to the Fed window, I feel comfortable I would have either gotten that if we had a problem, or I would have raised money internationally.
	There's no question.
	It wouldn't have happened, but if something did occur, we'd have found a way to save it.
	You would have found financing that you needed from sovereign wealth funds or whoever it might be.
	No question about it.
	Do you believe this, as Hank Paulson has said, that if AIG had gone down, there's no doubt that it was taking the whole system down?
	I don't believe that at all.
	Yeah?
	No.
	I don't believe that at all.
	Well, how does that work?
	That was the way he says it.
	Not to play all his clips, but what he says is that they made up this phony baloney scenario.
	Of course, he couldn't do anything about it.
	He was the chairman of the company, but he wasn't running it.
	And then they brought a guy in from Goldman.
	I should have clipped this.
	He says, apparently, Paulson comes in and says, you guys are going to take this bailout.
	You're going to give us 75% of the company.
	You're going to pay 14% interest rate.
	And by the way, you, the CEO, which was the replacement for Greenberg, you're fired.
	Yeah.
	And then he's brought a Goldman and he goes, I'm not going to do this deal.
	And the guy says, fine.
	He brings a Goldman guy in.
	They do this deal.
	They take over the company, essentially.
	Ruin the company, essentially.
	And then he says through the back door, Goldman got like $20 billion.
	It had nothing to do with this.
	They said they give it to us and they got funneled right to Goldman.
	It's just the whole thing was totally correct.
	But we kind of knew that, though.
	I mean, that wasn't...
	Yeah, no, we, on this show, we knew it.
	Yeah, I'm sorry.
	I'm sorry.
	No, no.
	We knew it.
	We knew it, yeah.
	The rest of the world was still like, oh, mac and cheese, poutine.
	And so, meanwhile, he says this in a way that just confirms our suspicions, that I thought, ah, ah.
	And he would be more likely to know whether it's going to cave in the economy or not.
	Horowitz believes it would have caved in the economy, too, but I'm sticking with this.
	No, I mean, yeah.
	I'm with you.
	I'm with you.
	It's...
	It's a scam.
	Yeah.
	Now, that's on your tombstone, right?
	We already established that?
	Like, if you die before I do, I'm putting it on there.
	It's a scam!
	I'll make sure it's there.
	They'll all love it.
	So we have some interesting vaccine news.
	Because, of course, you know, we've always got to stay on top of what we're going to shoot up our kids with.
	This came off our national treasure, the NPRs.
	President Obama's administration has laid out guidelines today for conducting controversial medical research.
	The federal government is considering testing the anthrax vaccine in children.
	What?
	You got any?
	That vaccine is considered extremely dangerous.
	Oh, well, interesting that we've shot up a million Americans with it already.
	Ecoutez, mon frère.
	Terrorist attack.
	Terrorist attack.
	As NPR's Rob Stein reports, a presidential commission says several steps would have to be taken before any testing, and the report raises questions about whether such tests are ethical.
	Now, I want you to listen very closely and explain to me why this guy is allowed on the radio.
	He is a, you know, have you ever spoken to someone who has like, their mouth is all sticky and when they talk you actually see like white strands of goo between their tongue and the roof of their mouth?
	Curiously, we talked about this on the DHM plug show.
	Well, here's a guy that has it.
	In the world of bioterrorism, anthrax is one of the scariest threats.
	You can tell his dry mouth.
	But it's like, it's really disgusting.
	It's not dry mouth, it's wet.
	Yeah, it's that thick saliva.
	It's wet white goo, like mucus.
	Mucus mouth.
	As NPR's Rob Stein reports, a presidential commission says several steps would have to be taken before any testing, and the report raises questions about whether such tests are ethical.
	In the world of bioterrorism, anthrax is one of the scariest threats.
	It's relatively easy to make and spread over a large area.
	And Daniel Faboui says anthrax can hide for long periods in dormant spores that release potent toxins.
	At some point, it hatches.
	When it does hatch, it can cause invasive disease, meaning like pneumonias and bacterial infection in the body that can lead to death.
	And that's why anthrax is very deadly and something of great concern to us.
	Faboui is a pediatrician.
	He chaired a federal panel that started the push to study the anthrax vaccine in kids.
	More than a million adults in the military have gotten the shots, but Faboui says no one knows how well it works in children.
	Did you know this?
	A million...
	Service men and women have been shot up.
	They just shoot these poor bastards up left and right with stuff.
	It's like they're guinea pigs.
	You join the army, become a guinea pig.
	You can't refuse to take the shot if you're targeted.
	So if you listen to this whole report, it's going to happen.
	They're going to test this on kids.
	It's disgusting.
	Yeah, typical.
	Anyway, so now this report, this is a Diane Sawyer not drunk.
	I'm convinced she's not drunk.
	And we've seen this outfit before when they come out and they make a big stink about some research.
	This is Autism Speaks.
	And that's not in the report, but I've deduced the report back to them.
	And Diane Sawyer has very troubling news for us.
	Very, very troubling news.
	Please, now we return back home to a new number confirming a worry in American families.
	Tonight, one in 50 schoolchildren in America has a form of autism.
	The government survey of parents is much higher than the previous estimate.
	One in 88.
	What?
	It's always going up.
	Everything always goes up.
	So what is happening?
	And also tonight, another small part of the puzzle.
	Does it have anything to do with parents and grandfathers?
	ABC's Chief Medical Editor, Dr.
	Richard Besser, on the clues.
	So I can tell you what it is.
	Do you want to hear the report?
	No, tell me what it is.
	Oh, it's like, if you have a child and you're over 30, then your grandkids...
	Not your direct kids, but the kids of your kids have a larger percentage chance, which turns out to be less than 3, of having kids with autism.
	So the percentage chance of autism goes up by 3%?
	Only if you're over 30.
	Yeah, but I'm saying the whole, in other words, if the chances are 1 in a million, the chance will be 1.03 in a million?
	Yes.
	So how is that even statistically anything?
	Well, what's more interesting to me is where did this, it used to be 1 in 88, and now it's 1 in 50 estimate.
	I'm like, what the hell?
	I mean, this is crazy.
	That's because it's easier to do the math.
	Ah, well, so I went to...
	88 is a son of a bitch to have models comparable.
	You want 50.
	10, 50, 100.
	Boom.
	What's this ham number?
	Yeah, let's do 50.
	The number...
	This is from the CDC. By the way, why would it be 1 in 49, 1 in 51?
	Well, I'll tell you.
	I'm going to tell you because it's bogus!
	That's why.
	So this is Autism Speaks.
	The number does not replace the official 1 in 88 estimate.
	Wow, could have fooled me, Diane Sawyer.
	But does suggest it may be a significant underestimate of autism prevalence in the U.S., 1 in 50 or 2% is much close to what we've seen from the research.
	The new 1 in 50 estimate comes from a telephone survey that asked nearly 100,000 parents across the country a range of health-related questions about children ages 6 to 17.
	I bet you questions like, does your kid spin?
	Look at your child.
	Is your child spinning right now?
	Does your child walk on his or her tippy toes?
	That must be autism.
	You're on the spectrum, child.
	Come, try this anthrax vaccine.
	Very good for you.
	See, now there's a voiceover thing you could do.
	You could do the horror stories.
	Oh, that would be great.
	It's such a big market.
	You know, old-time radio, you know, used to do these things, and I think we should bring it back with you being a dramatic voice.
	It's actually a good voice you got there.
	All right.
	So give me a line.
	Give me a line.
	Give me a line.
	Give me a scenario.
	Give me a scenario so I can do it.
	Well, let's take an old Arch Obler story.
	Where people are turning inside out.
	Where people are turning inside out.
	With the organs hanging from the skin.
	All of a sudden she felt something coming up through her esophagus.
	It was her large intestine.
	And as her large intestine spewed out of her face.
	Okay, well, it needs to be written.
	We have to write a script.
	Write a script for me already, will you?
	If you can do that voice, if you can maintain that voice.
	Easy, easy.
	I think that's money.
	This is money in the bank.
	Okay, and I'll finish off with Heil, everybody!
	Perfect.
	So I have a...
	So Mimi's all upset about...
	And I decided maybe I should do a little more research and get at least a couple of these things that are more interesting than this one.
	But she found NewsProNet, which is one of the consolidated freelance operations that feeds bogus stories to your local news.
	Oh, who found this?
	Who found this?
	Mimi did.
	Oh, good work, Mimi.
	And she says, oh, you got...
	This is a scandal.
	I said, this is old.
	I said, why don't you listen to the show?
	Yeah.
	Hey, by the way, did you know John's kissing other women or at least talking about it?
	So anyway, it's amazing to me that this is their promotional video.
	This is the part of it anyway.
	And it's so poorly done as a promotional video.
	And they have all these reports on the classic bed bugs.
	She's supposed to find me one where they say, green tea is unhealthy.
	Yeah.
	These are all financed by...
	Apparently they finance the medical people or the Monsanto finances the idea and then the news stations actually pay for the content.
	It's not a video press release.
	These are actual stories that they provide.
	This is at newspronetvideo.com?
	That's the outfit we're talking about here?
	Yeah, play this little clip.
	Which one is it?
	It's News Pro Net and it's the woman describing the services.
	News ProNet, an industry leader providing highly promotable content for more than a decade and now reaching more viewers than ever before with our new online vertical content.
	You can own the most powerful position on air and online with News ProNet.
	We are uniquely qualified to create, produce, and distribute short-form video content that can reach around the world or around the block.
	It's what we've been doing successfully since 1997 when we launched NewsProNet with the NBC network as our first investor and major client.
	Since then, our stories have been viewed more than a billion times by millions of people.
	Our award-winning team of professionals has worked hard to earn the trust of our customers and partners.
	NewsProNet delivers.
	SweepSeed, our premier on-air product, delivers ratings and revenue for local broadcasters.
	Eight highly promotable news stories a month.
	Stories you won't find anywhere else.
	Clients include stations owned by CBS, ABC, B-Low, Scripps, Meredith, and many more.
	SweepSeed always answers the question, how do I do more for less?
	That's the key.
	Sweep speed.
	Do more for less.
	Hey, Mr.
	Oil, get an account.
	Get this stuff on the stream.
	Right.
	It'd probably be a good story to promote.
	Eight a month is nothing.
	Do we have a story?
	Do we have a story?
	No co-op.
	Let's see.
	A PhD in SPF. Client air check.
	Bed bugs at home.
	Yeah.
	Is that the one you want?
	I actually was thinking a clip in that, but I said it's just one thing.
	These are features.
	So they're short video?
	No.
	These are long and boring.
	Right.
	So anyway, so I'm digging around.
	So I found this other operation called NBN, which does actual audio press releases.
	Oh, nice.
	You remember the old days where you used to get a record and you'd do phony interviews with the record?
	It was a huge record.
	It was oversized.
	It was a transcription size, 16-inch.
	Yep.
	And so you put it on the big turntable, Thorin's, and then you get this thing.
	A Thorin's turntable?
	You didn't just say that, did you?
	Yeah, I did.
	Yeah, wow.
	So you put it on the old Thorin's, and it's got a big platter, it's huge.
	And so it's spinning around, and you have the needle on there, and you have a sheet in front of you, and we talked about this before on the show, and you do a back and forth with this phony, and I always hoped it was skip or something, but it never did.
	So I found a press release for an event that I would be kind of interested in because I kind of like old trains.
	Never heard of it.
	And it's because all these press releases, audio press releases that came out are done by the same guy, the same announcer.
	Oh, it's time for a new guy.
	He's so old school that nobody will run this stuff and you can play the world's, what I call here, the world's worst radio press release.
	Amtrak is calling all kids, young and old, to come together for the 4th Annual National Train Day.
	This coast-to-coast celebration of train love gives Americans the opportunity to...
	Train love?
	This coast-to-coast celebration of man-boy train love is brought to you by Amtrak.
	To explore the rich history and exciting future of the rail.
	On May 7th, Amtrak will host...
	Touch my rails, son.
	Four signature events in Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Los Angeles, and Chicago, with local festivities happening in cities across the country.
	Grammy-winning singer and philanthropist Gladys Knight will be the special guest and host of the event at Washington, D.C.'s...
	Make it stop.
	Gladys Knight will be.
	This is from last year's event, by the way, because I remember Gladys Knight was, as she was doing, you know why they have Gladys Knight, right?
	For Amtrak?
	Yeah, the last train to Georgia.
	Yeah, midnight train.
	The last train.
	The last train to Auschwitz.
	That's the one, John, exactly.
	Now, the midnight train to Georgia.
	Let's play the rest of it so you can hear his outro.
	Acclaimed Union Station.
	Trains are part of my roots.
	I have very fond memories of riding a train as a little girl.
	And my grandfather was a Pullman porter.
	That's why I'm so thrilled to be this year's National Train Day spokesperson.
	On Saturday, May 7th, join me in celebrating our shared love and appreciation of trains.
	To find an event near you, visit nationaltrainday.com.
	All aboard!
	I'm Lee Shepard.
	All aboard!
	No, no, that's not how you do it.
	It's like, all aboard!
	Ah, what happened?
	Ah, crap.
	I hate that when it happens.
	All aboard!
	Train's good, plane's bad.
	Woo-hoo!
	Wait, we can use his all aboard.
	All aboard!
	Yeah.
	Hold on a second.
	I think we can do it.
	Let's see.
	Dot com.
	Okay.
	All aboard!
	All aboard!
	Trains good, planes bad.
	Woohoo!
	By Ayn Rand.
	Anyway, so I was going over some of these sites.
	There's a bunch of them.
	You can look them up.
	And I'm thinking, you know, we need to do some public service announcements.
	Yes, very good.
	Audio ones.
	And we can pass them all over the place and we should do it about our show.
	I think the idea that first came out in Chicago is that our show is a public service.
	Right.
	So we can do PSAs about us.
	Well, I mean, I am obviously the one to voice them.
	Oh, yeah.
	And you need to, I don't know, write them.
	I can write the PSA. I used to...
	Once I... Yeah, I took broadcasting once and we just...
	Well, hold on a second.
	I'll have you know I am a graduate of the Connecticut School of Broadcasting.
	Oh, thanks for you.
	Yeah, I just wanted you to know.
	So anyway, so I took...
	You know, they made us write PSAs all day so I can write a PSA. I know exactly how to do it.
	I know the format and I know the timing.
	So, yeah, 60 seconds.
	So, do you have one?
	Do you have an example for me to read?
	No, no, that just came to me.
	Well...
	What do you want to talk about?
	What is important that they would play?
	This is the key to a PSA. It's got to have some hook.
	And, of course, they're only going to play these at 4 in the morning, but it's beside the point.
	Well, let's...
	Well, I can do...
	Wake up!
	You think that's going to work?
	You think they'll air that?
	You think they're going to be all over that?
	They won't air anything like that.
	Let's see.
	They won't air anything good.
	Teen Radio PSA Script.
	So cool.
	National Institute of Health.
	We can just give that one a shot.
	Why don't you read it?
	Okay.
	There's Boy 1 and Boy 2.
	Should I do both voices?
	Yeah.
	Do the other one in a squeaky voice.
	No, I think I do one of them with my surfer dude.
	Okay.
	All right.
	So you're at a party, just hanging out, having a great time.
	When someone goes, Hey, I know we can get some beer!
	Like you're not already having fun, so you say, No thanks!
	To let them know you're not interested.
	And they go, What's with you?
	You scared?
	So you look at all the others, who also aren't drinking, and you go, Yeah, scared of being like you.
	Natural laughter.
	Thecoolspot.gov.
	Check it out.
	Brought to you by the Department of Health and Human Services at the National Institute of Health and the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcoholism.
	I've never heard that PSA ever.
	Did you like my...
	Until now.
	You missed the tag.
	Brought to you by the Department of Health and Human Services at the National Institute of Health and the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcoholism.
	Yeah, that's good.
	I would actually, I would record.
	If it was me, I'd record that at normal speed and then run it through Audacity and do a tempo thing and wrap it out.
	Brought to you by the Department of Health and Human Services.
	Yeah, you've got the fast voice down.
	It's not bad.
	The surfer's outstanding, by the way.
	Yay!
	Dude, I know we can get some beer.
	Yeah, that is the award-winning surfer dude voice, which has yet to get me one frickin' gig ever.
	I'm telling you, maybe we do these PSAs and someone will hear it and go, holy crap, I want that guy for my voiceover.
	It's possible.
	Why don't you do that same PSA, but just do the whole thing in a surfer's voice.
	So you're at a party, just hanging out, having a great time, when someone goes, Hey, I know we can get some beer!
	Like you're not already having fun, so you say, No thanks!
	To let them know you're not interested, and they go, What's with you?
	Are you scared or something?
	So you look at all the others who aren't drinking, and you go, Yeah, scared of being like you!
	Thecoolspot.gov, check it out.
	It's got potential.
	It's got potential.
	All right, so I'll write up a script and we'll do some PSAs.
	Good.
	This is good.
	And we can, yeah, we'll do them.
	It's free advertising.
	Yeah.
	And we're not, we're not, we're, well.
	How do we distribute?
	Do we send them to somewhere?
	Is there some place where?
	There used to be, you used to put them in the mail.
	Right.
	And send them to the station managers and then they would put them in the pile and then they'd get played or not played or read or not read.
	Generally speaking, they used to be written and they would read them on the air.
	But now, because of technology, You know, we have to obviously send them MP3s or something, and I'll have to figure out what the mechanism is, and then we'll just do that.
	I got one last clip.
	You got something, but I'll let you have the last word here on the Chris O'Donnell Show, and I'm going to give you Erin Burnett, because, you know, as we've determined earlier, she's on a roll.
	And she is hired once again to roll out the IED meme.
	The IED meme.
	So let me tell you what happened.
	This story is so full of holes.
	And I think the FBI is pissed because it's not their six-week cycle.
	It's not time to have some kind of guy they trap.
	This is like some local dudes.
	And somehow they get a hold of probably their guy.
	This is what I'm thinking.
	The FBI had a guy, they had him all teed up.
	He was going to have the new bomb, which is now IED, for improvised explosive device, which apparently Aaron Burnett doesn't even understand what the term IED stands for, you'll hear in this clip.
	She probably thinks it's a birth control thing.
	All right, let's listen to the clip.
	Good to see you, Chief.
	I really appreciate your taking the time.
	Good to see you, Chief, because, you know, she talks to the Chief all the time, obviously.
	What can you tell me about this man, 30 years old, James Oliver Sivakumar?
	Who was he?
	By the way, the Obama I'm seeing on the news got the Israeli Medal of Honor partially because of Iron Dome.
	Iron Dome.
	That's our Pulitzer Peace Prize winner right there, everybody.
	Pulitzer, I mean our Nobel.
	Anyway, onward.
	Why was he planning this attack?
	Well, right now, you know, trying to get the background investigation and find out what made him tick is all under investigation.
	Okay, so it's under investigation because the FBI are pissed.
	This was their guy.
	Turns out, well, listen who this guy was.
	We do know he was 30 years old.
	A student who's 30 years old in a dorm room, okay?
	Now, this is, I mean, 30-year-old students?
	Sure, you've got 70-year-old students, but he's on campus in a dorm room?
	Really?
	Seems highly unlikely.
	Highly unlikely.
	Had been a student there.
	Had been a loner.
	A loner!
	And a very kind of antisocial behavior.
	Ah, okay.
	Right.
	Now, we were talking about the guns, the backpack, the IEDs that you found.
	The IEDs.
	What about these notes?
	And the notes of which we have absolutely no evidence or proof that they actually exist.
	Well, when our officers found him, we did, there was a handgun and a tactical rifle.
	Inside a backpack, as we were searching the premises, we found what we would consider four IEDs.
	What we would consider four IEDs.
	Maybe it was a book of matches.
	What we would consider IEDs.
	I'm telling you, this guy...
	Those old-fashioned wooden matches could be considered an IED. Yes, this guy was a FBI setup, and you'll hear about that in a minute.
	He was set up...
	Well, isn't it...
	Do we have a cycle that we've been looking at?
	That's what I'm saying.
	They're pissed because the guy wasn't supposed to happen yet.
	Oh, because he's off cycle.
	Yes, this is not...
	It's every six weeks, as I recall.
	It's supposed to come up right before episode 500.
	You know, they're like a week early.
	The guy was not ready.
	The IEDs were not ready.
	That's because they're the roommate.
	Yeah, it's the stupid cops.
	This is the bumbling, this is Keystone Cops messed it up.
	So we had to have the explosive ordinance unit come and dispose of those, and we're working with the FBI now to try to find out exactly what those materials were.
	What?
	You don't even know what they were?
	And yet you're calling it an IED? Oh, please.
	And they disposed of them.
	Do you have any idea how he got those devices or whether he built them himself?
	What were you...
	Okay, did he build the improvised, the word improvised explosive device himself?
	Of course it means that, you idiot.
	What's your instinct right now?
	What's your instinct right now?
	What are you learning?
	What's your instinct?
	What's your instinct right now?
	Hmm?
	All the indications are that he built them himself.
	Oh, wow.
	Wow, homebrew.
	Oh, wow.
	Oh, wow.
	Do you...
	And in terms of motive, again, I'm just curious about these notes that you found indicating that he was planning an attack.
	Do you know what he intended to do with all of this?
	No, he wasn't exactly clear on what the attack was going to consist of.
	Yeah, because the FBI didn't clue us in.
	However, he did have a timeline of how he was getting ready and preparing, and then in the end, he would just give them hell, is the quote that he used.
	I'm telling you, this was the FBI script.
	Yeah, you're probably right.
	And so I'm thinking we're going to miss the cycle.
	No, the cycle's going to be off.
	Now, here's the question, the big question.
	We're going to have to make some notes on the calendar because if it's a six-week cycle and they're up early, are they going to still schedule it from six weeks from when it was supposed to happen or six weeks from now?
	I think it's just go balls to the wall.
	They've got to get something up and out because they've got budgeting coming up.
	It's the quarter.
	They've got to get something going.
	So we could actually see a real botched operation.
	Something that is just too mature, but they're going to roll with it because they couldn't take any credit.
	They're involved with this one.
	Yeah, maybe they're going to have to...
	I don't know.
	This is going to be interesting to see how this plays out.
	This was a joke, this thing.
	I mean, this guy, they could...
	Here's what could have happened.
	You know, a cop was walking through the hallway.
	This guy didn't like him.
	He just put a fucking bullet in his head.
	And like, oh, okay, well, oh, I found these notes.
	And I found this bag, this backpack with IEDs.
	And oh, oh, oh, there's a tactical rifle next to him.
	Come on, people.
	You're insulting our intelligence.
	More than the PSA. They've got to up their game a little bit.
	Yeah, they've got to up their game.
	All right, so that was...
	There's more to that, but you can listen to all that.
	In the show notes, 497.nashownotes.com is where we have everything all listed, all the little clips and bits and bits and bobs and chucks and tods and toot-a-choo and National Service and Health.
	So I've got a couple of Aaron Burnett clips and...
	Really?
	Are we on a Burnett trip here?
	Apparently, we're both watching this woman as she gets weirder.
	Well, she still has the cute face.
	She's very pretty.
	Yeah.
	Although she's doing this a little too much, seems to me.
	So she did one of her long editorials.
	I didn't want to clip the whole thing because it was dumb.
	But she did mention this.
	She was on tall buildings and how the United States is behind, or way behind everybody else in tall buildings.
	And it was interesting because, play the clip, it's Aaron on tall buildings.
	According to an interesting article today in the United Arab Emirate newspaper The National, America is falling behind when it comes to tallest buildings.
	Sort of an international, you know, who's bigger contest.
	Of the top ten in the world only, the Willis Tower, formerly called Sears Tower, made the list its number nine.
	In just a few years, there will not be any American buildings on that list at all.
	In the next decade, six new buildings will be added, all of them in Asia and the Middle East, including Saudi Arabia's Kingdom Tower, set to open in 2018.
	It will be the tallest building in the world.
	Wait, wait.
	Ten more seconds left on the clip.
	Tell me there's going to be a really funny pun at the end of this?
	No.
	As well as the first to pass 3,000 feet.
	That's 564 feet taller than the current champ, which is the Burj Khalifa in Dubai.
	So, uh, what got me about this, besides the whole thing, then she goes on with some theory about we're doomed as a culture because we're not building tall buildings.
	But anyway, she ends it with some lame thing.
	That's definitely, that's some coked out talk right there.
	It was ridiculous.
	So, but the thing is, Willis, when did this thing, when did the Sears Tower become the Willis Tower?
	And who the hell is Willis?
	Yeah.
	That's what got me.
	I'm like, what?
	I didn't know about the name change.
	Did you look it up?
	Did you consult the book of knowledge?
	I was going to ask you.
	I could have looked it up.
	I have no idea.
	Did you know this either?
	I was not aware of this.
	Well, now I'm looking it up.
	Thewillistower.com.
	It's like...
	Named...
	I agree.
	I also heard, what is it, the CP304. I also heard queef in Dubai.
	That's what I heard, too.
	Yeah, I did, too.
	That's like, okay, Aaron.
	Thanks.
	So here we go.
	Okay, name the Sears Tower throughout its history.
	In 2009, that's how far behind we're keeping up with building names and stadium names, I'm sure.
	The Willis Group Holdings made the right to rename the building as part of their lease on a portion of the offices on it.
	Oh, I'm all for this, by the way.
	I feel that if someone comes in with a million bucks, they get to rename this show.
	It could be the Willis Agenda Show.
	The Willis Agenda Show.
	No problem.
	In fact, hi, I'm Willis Curry.
	Me and my friend Willis Dvorak.
	Willis C. Dvorak to you.
	Right, John?
	Yeah, I'm all game to change my name to Willis for a million bucks.
	Well, it's only half, because, you know, we both have...
	Oh, that's right.
	It's the way the partnership works.
	Willis Group Holdings.
	Willis.
	Some company in...
	It's in the UK! What?
	The British are taking us over.
	That's right.
	Well, come on, Willis Group.
	Yeah, you cheap bastards.
	Send us some money.
	Hey, everybody.
	Welcome to Willis Agenda.
	I'm Willis Curry.
	And I'm Will C. Dvorak.
	All right.
	That's time to get out of here.
	We will be back on Sunday, of course, and I will have a full analysis of the Talon Manual.
	This just came out.
	The Talon Manual is the Geneva Convention for Cyber Warfare.
	So that should be fun to read.
	Also, a full breakdown of the CIPAC. You're a busy boy.
	It's just a trip back from Dallas and the car blowing up.
	Well, Ms.
	Mickey has my car, so I'm not going anywhere.
	Might as well just sit here and just watch some C-SPAN. The CIPAC is the Critical Infrastructure Partnership Advisory Council.
	Oh, that's got to be fascinating.
	Yes, or as we call the Board of Fascists.
	So...
	Look forward to that.
	It's going to be a hootenanny.
	And you'll know where to find us.
	You can listen to us live at NoAgendaStream.com, NoAgendaChat.net, and of course, as always, available at NoAgendaShow.com.
	Hey, mofos!
	Adios to y'all.
	In the morning, I'm Adam Curry.
	And from northern Silicon Valley, I'm John.
	Or Willis C. Dvorak.
	That's right, Willis.
	Good work.
	We'll be back on Sunday right here on Willis Agenda.

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