All Episodes
Jan. 31, 2013 - No Agenda
03:17:42
483: Culture Creationism
| Copy link to current segment

Time Text
Dear Antler Spray.
Adam Curry, John C. Dvorak.
It's Thursday, January 31st, 2013.
Time for Gitmo Nation Media Assassination, episode 483.
This is no agenda.
Celebrating the centennial swazzle nuff!
In the capital of the drone star state, Austin Tejas.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
And from northern Silicon Valley, where it's always swazzle nuff, I'm John C. Dvorak.
Really?
It's always swazzle enough in Northern California, whatever.
Yeah, yeah.
Always swazzle enough.
Yeah, it's a known fact.
Science.
Science is in.
Everybody knows this about California.
Well, everyone.
Once again, we will be slicing open the Matrix so you can poke your head out for fresh air.
We do it twice a week.
And you need it.
This is the No Agenda Show, also known as the best podcast in the universe.
And, uh, wow.
So, did you know we ran that story last show about the choppers and all the military gear floating around Miami?
Oh, yeah, and now it happened in Houston.
When it was happening in Miami, it was happening in L.A. Oh, really?
I didn't get an L.A. report.
Yeah, same day.
Oh, hold on.
Here's the Houston report.
With military helicopters flying above her southeast Houston neighborhood, Frances Gerald's didn't know what to think.
When you see this, you think the worst.
When you hear this, you think the worst.
And so she passed along her concern.
She told me, don't come home because it sounded like we were in a war zone.
Guns shooting and helicopters flying around over the house.
The Army, along with other agencies, had taken over the old Carnegie Vanguard High School.
There were armed men in fatigues, plenty of weapons, and what many thought were real live rounds.
I felt like I was in a war zone.
It just was nonstop.
And here it comes.
So I was terrified.
Turns out it was a multi-agency training drill that Gerald's wished would have come with warning.
They could have done a better job at notifying the neighborhood.
Others needed no explanation.
If it's to protect our kids, I'm all for it.
Yeah!
There you go.
Always some a-hole like that.
Wandering around in the general public.
If it's to protect our kids, I'm all for it.
It better to be safe than sorry.
What are we supposed to do?
An army major who is out here wouldn't tell us exactly what kind of training they were doing.
HPD was aware of what was going on, but the fire department apparently wasn't.
In fact, an ambulance was even dispatched this way for a shots fired call until HPD told them it wasn't real.
Well, you know...
Shut up, slave!
You don't need to know anything.
You don't need to know what's going on.
This is official business.
So what military agency?
Did anyone ever get to the bottom of this bull crap?
No, of course not.
It's completely unimportant.
It's completely unimportant.
I mean, it seems to me you've got a bunch of Black Hawk helicopters and whatever they are.
Well, they actually look like...
Apaches?
No, they look like MD-500s, the one that they showed, but that could have been file footage.
You have no idea what they're showing.
That's what I'm saying.
We are now completely, John, completely, 100% entirely immersed in the Matrix.
And I've totally...
Now I understand how it all works.
Finally.
How many episodes?
483, and finally I'm getting it.
So, Ms.
Mickey and I watched Lincoln the other night.
I'm glad somebody's watching these movies as they appear.
Well, remember, Ms.
Mickey is still a card-carrying SAG member, so she has to vote for the upcoming Academy Awards.
She's a member of the Academy.
So this is very important that she watches all these movies.
Is she a voter?
Yeah, of course.
If you have a SAG card...
No, a SAG doesn't mean you're a voter for the Academy automatically.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, it is.
That's how it works.
So you get boxes and boxes of screeners?
Yeah, and you get the screeners and they all say, you know, like...
Yeah, I know.
They all say, don't copy.
No, but they literally say, after you watch the movie, you have to cut the disc.
Yeah.
Send him to me.
No, I'm not.
No, that would be illegal.
I'm not going to send him to you.
Oh, what a friend.
Hey, listen.
Miss Mickey's very serious about this.
She doesn't want to...
We had one of the guys over at...
What's his name?
I can't remember his name now.
It was over at Mevio, and he brought all the screeners in, and they just passed him around.
Yeah, what happened to him?
Where is he, huh?
Exactly.
Exactly.
Harvey Weinstein had him hit.
Anyway, so...
He's in this situation long enough that he knows it's bogus.
Anyway, go on.
So we watched this movie.
Now, this movie was of great interest to me because it was screened for the first time at the White House once again, you know, Steven Spielberg, and, you know, there's all these reasons, you know, that you kind of think that there's a reason for it, and we've heard all this talk about...
So you found a reason?
Before you say anything, can I say one thing?
I'm not even interested in watching that movie.
It just looks dreadfully dull.
Well, I need to ask you some questions about it.
Because this was an example of culture creationism that I was completely dumbfounded.
Culture creationism.
Yeah, this is my new word.
I'm digging this.
You like that, huh?
Yeah, yeah.
So, you know, where we have Zero Dark Thirty, which is another movie I reviewed, which of course completely strings together all those events and creates the narrative for you right down to the mispronouncing of Abbottabad, which of course is Abbottabad, is the way it's pronounced in the movie, to cement truth of history into everyone's minds.
This is what is now being done, and we are so stupid.
That we allow this to happen without question.
So when it comes to...
Now luckily you are a student of the Civil War, and I know this about you.
You go out like twice a year and do one of those reenactments, right?
I wish!
Yeah!
So, I'm trying to think whether I should ask you, or maybe I'll just tell you what the movie was, and then you and I can discuss what the Civil War was really about.
So, now, Mickey has not had the indoctrination, has not had what we were taught in schools, And she saw the movie exactly for what it was.
She said this was a very inspirational movie, that a president can be great.
A president can, even if he breaks the rules, i.e.
some constitutional laws, it can still be for the greater good.
And it was very inspiring and hopeful, which is exactly what this movie is supposed to portray, seen as a movie.
As a historical document, however, oh my goodness.
Movie starts off, battlefield, headline, 600,000 young men killing each other in the Civil War.
Then the entire movie, John, is all about the 13th Amendment.
And that if only President Lincoln can get the votes, the 13th Amendment will be signed and that will end the war.
They sign the 13th Amendment, it gets passed in the House, the war ends.
That is the movie.
Now tell me that is not what the Civil War was about.
Uh, well, it's an interesting question for a number of reasons.
One is, um, is the, uh, the debate as to what the war was about.
It was, um...
The states, the southern states...
In fact, the South usually calls it the war between the states, and it was about their rights to do, states' rights versus federal rights, and, uh...
The states, a number of states, there's a book that everyone should get if they really care about this, and it's by Kenneth Stamp, a historian, and it was, I think it was something, it's a bunch of, it's a bunch of, a collection of writings that Around the Civil War period and after and before, which is around, about why there should be a war, why there's going to be a war, why there should be a split up of the country,
how the French and the English wanted the country to be split in half so they could each have half of it and then share how the French and the English wanted the country to be split in half so they could each have half of it and then share the There was a gold rush going on at the time, a big one.
South America had a lot of gold and silver too.
And so there's a million reasons.
It wasn't – the slavery thing was an element.
That didn't come up until like the war was already underway I believe.
Well, there was – the abolitionist movement had been around for a while.
Right.
But Lincoln wasn't elected with it in mind that he was going to free the slaves.
And in fact, what it was, at least a lot of people believe this, and I'm kind of in this camp, is that based on the sociology of the era...
That Lincoln used the 13th Amendment to free the slaves as a political tool because what it ended up doing was getting France and England out of the war.
Because for political reasons in their own home countries, if this was about slavery, the French couldn't take the side of the South because they were for slavery and the French were now against it in their own country.
And the British had the same kind of a problem because it was like they had all kinds of...
their own parliament during this period about whether we should support slavery or not.
And if the French weren't going to be in on this game, the French, by the way, you have to remember they moved Maximilian into Mexico as the ruler of Mexico.
So right as the war ended, that whole French contingent of soldiers and everybody can move right into the South and take it over.
Well, let me add a little wrinkle to this entire story, just so you understand that President Lincoln, and this was documented, I think, in 2010 or 2011.
A couple of researchers came up with a number of documents that showed that Lincoln's entire idea was to repatriate the slaves back to Africa.
He thought it would be a good idea to send them back, particularly to Guyana and also some to South America.
That was his entire plan.
He never got to implement the plan because he was assassinated not long after the men was signed.
Well, the repatriation movement was very popular amongst a lot of people, including a lot of the blacks.
Yeah, and I think, because there's this comparison between Lincoln and Obama, which is very, very strong, and I believe this is not any coincidence that Oh yeah, it sounds like a propaganda film.
That's why I'm not interested in watching it.
But listen to the comparison.
So if Lincoln was going to send all...
And these were now, at this point, educated slaves...
Did you get any clips?
No, I didn't get any clips.
I'm not going to clip that movie.
I'll give you my vibe on the movie in a minute.
But he was going to send these slaves to Africa...
They were now educated, educated in weaponry.
I think this is very similar to, that basically would have been the Al-Qaeda of the day.
It's the same thing.
Go ahead, go to all the colonies and go light everything on fire and make a ruckus.
And that would have been perfect at the time.
And this is the same thing.
This is where Obama and Lincoln, in my mind, are equal.
That and the fact that the president, the way the movie, I don't know if it's true in history, but the way the movie portrayed it is that Lincoln lied about knowing that the South had delegates to come and negotiate peace, and he still wanted to push through that 13th Amendment, and that he bent the rules and lied to Congress, went against the Constitution for the greater good.
So all of these things show that this is how Obama is a great man because he too can bend the rules and break the Constitution for the greater good.
Here's the only thing that is impossible for anyone to get over, and it was very confusing, not to me, but if you look at the United States from the outside and all you know is the Republican and Democrat parties, If you went down the street right now and you ask anyone, in America, you said, was Lincoln a Republican or a Democrat?
I guarantee you, 99% will say he was a Democrat.
Whereas, it was the Democrats who wanted slavery.
And it was the Republicans who were against it.
I know, that's the irony of the day.
So the question is, did something flip, or are the Democrats actually so racist that they were able to change the narrative and push that on to the Republicans?
Well, what happened, it wasn't something that took place overnight.
It was a process that began, I believe, with Roosevelt.
Mm-hmm.
And it was a, even though you have to say the Democrats also kept the military segregated.
I mean, it was painful for them to give up on that.
I think it was Truman.
And then, but not during World War II, it was segregated.
And they were kind of like in their own battalions and such.
Yeah, no, they've made a slow movement.
It's hard to say.
I mean, I don't think it's ever been perfectly deconstructed, but they've done a great job of appealing to minorities with promises, I think, that the Republicans refused to make.
But it's crazy.
Free money.
Free money.
Hey, I'll love you for free money.
Come on.
Yeah, free money.
But it's crazy when you look at this, because, you know, and Mickey couldn't, you know, this is great to see someone who has not had the indoctrination or has not been through, you know, views America still somewhat from the outside.
It was fantastic to see her go, I don't understand.
How come the Republicans aren't the racist?
How come the Republicans actually wanted to free the slaves?
When Lincoln was a Republican, this was...
This was a shocker.
It is a shocker.
It really is a shocker.
And that, to me, can only really mean one thing, that people's minds have been melded really by the signals they receive, by the media.
This is the only way.
I don't think either party is necessarily really, you know, at the individuals.
I don't think people are running around being racist.
But you know, the way it's bandied around so easily, oh, Republicans are racist.
It does not coincide with this reasonably recent history.
I found that to be very interesting.
Well, one of the reasons this happened was the Southern strategy that was initiated by Nixon and the Republicans.
One of the problems I always had during elections was the Democrats could win with a coalition of Republicans The Dixiecrats, which are the Southern Democrats, which are the racists that still are irked about the Civil War, and they're still down there.
And all Democrats.
And the Northeast Corridor, in other words, the normal liberal Democrats.
And this group would always be tied together somehow.
And so they could win elections.
That's how Kennedy got in, barely with a combination of these people.
When the Republicans decided to cater to the same Southerners that were essentially racists traditionally, they managed to grab most of the money.
They did it through either the churches or they've done it somehow or other, but it was called the Southern Strategy to get these people to vote Republican.
And most of them did.
They couldn't get any of the blacks down there to vote Republican.
And they never thought of that as an idea because the blacks down there were kept from voting anyway, so it wasn't going to do them much good by the same Dixiecrats.
But they managed to do that, and I think that in itself may have been the real turning point for the idea that the Republicans are a bunch of racists because they cater to these people.
A bunch of racists, I'm telling you.
You've got to make generalities or you can't get anywhere.
So, anyway, this move...
But, really, the Civil War was really much more about the southern...
What I understand, the southern states saying, hey, screw you.
We don't want you to dictate what we're doing down here.
They seceded, and that's what it was about.
And, yes, slavery was a part of it, but it was certainly not only...
Only about slavery.
And in fact, as the movie depicts only about the 13th Amendment.
And when you see how, I mean, it's really interesting.
Tommy Lee Jones is almost kind of like a John Boehner type character, even though they're on the same team.
He's a Republican in the movie as well.
He plays Republican Representative Stevens.
It's so clear, the culture that is created, it's just the reality, it melds together, and you get this whole vibe like, yeah, no, that was totally, you know, that's what, it's the same thing where we were talking about Martin Luther King, where he wasn't only about segregation, he was against the Vietnam War, which you say, I think correctly, is one of the reasons he was killed.
Or maybe the reason he was killed.
So things are changed and created in our minds and then you get this document, this film by Spielberg.
I mean, it is changing history and this is now cemented forever.
I'm sure this thing will win awards.
Some good acting, I'll say.
Daniel Day-Lewis I don't know.
I have no idea if Lincoln was like this.
I always thought he was a homosexual manic depressive.
You never heard that?
I thought he was gay.
I heard he was gay and manic depressive.
It might have been.
Well, he had Marfans, which is...
Marfans?
Which, yeah.
What's that?
In fact, we did a bit on this Marfans once before, because somebody had a...
Marfans is a giantism.
It makes you tall and gangly, and it makes your head look weird.
Right.
Okay, well, yeah, he had that.
Sally Fields is, I think, kind of a nondescript.
She's great, but the role is unimportant.
They might as well not have put her in.
And the funniest thing, James Spader, you know who he is, James Spader?
Yeah, everybody knows who James Spader is.
So James Spader has one way of acting.
James Spader.
Yeah, brooding.
He's in the office.
He doesn't talk loud.
What's that Denny Crane show?
Boston Legal.
He's doing the same character with a mustache.
That's what he always does.
That's his character.
Where's Denny Crane?
Is that what you were wondering?
We're Shatner in the movie.
Any minute Shatner's going to pop up in this movie.
So anyway, I would not take this as a historical fact.
I would not say that this is 100% the way to go on this.
And it was just, yeah, it was kind of like, wow, this is how it works.
We just set it all up.
We make people believe that this is the truth.
You have a guy like Spielberg direct it or produce it or whatever, and then it's a historical fact.
Spielberg, he's in the groove.
He does what he's told.
So to be sure, I'm going to read one of the little complaints I think is funny to just verify your point about trying to make this an Obama story.
There's no shortage of small historical bloopers in the movie.
First Lady Mary Lincoln, for example, never planted herself in the House gallery to observe the final tally on the amendment.
Michelle Obama may routinely attend the State of the Union address each year, but such a visit would have been unthinkable in 1865.
Interesting.
Interesting.
And along with the black help from the White House, they were all in the gallery.
Impossible.
Yeah.
Oh, and the funny thing at the end, so Tommy Lee Jones, who apparently fought his entire career to get the 13th Amendment in and passed, so at the very end, he takes it, so it passes, he says to the Speaker, let me have this bill And the speaker says, well, that's the official original bill.
He says, no, no, no, I'll bring it back tomorrow.
I just want to take it home.
Yeah, I've been working on this all my life.
And he comes home and he takes off his wig.
You know, he's had this crazy-ass black wig on.
He's bald.
And his housekeeper, his black housekeeper, takes his coat off.
And then he hands it to her and he says, read this.
And then she's reading it and she's reading the 13th Amendment.
And then the camera zooms out.
Hey, I'm spoiling the movie for you.
The camera zooms out.
No, you're not.
And then they're both in bed together.
So he's been romantically involved with this woman.
Housekeeper.
Who is pretending to be his housekeeper.
So that's kind of...
The whole thing was just like, come on, man.
Culture creationism.
Yeah, I would say all you've done is just confirm my lack of interest.
Okay, the movie you need to see is Silver Lining Playbook.
That's a good movie.
What about Argo?
Have you seen that yet?
Do you remember when we talked about this in Amsterdam, the entire movie, right down to Uma Abedin being on the credits?
Hello?
Was that you on this show?
Who are you?
I did the show and then I'm done.
Who are you and what have you done with the real John C. Dvorak?
Bring him back!
I'm not going to go see any of these movies.
I go see about three movies a year and they have to be 3D thrillers.
Or I'll go see a Scorsese film.
I went to see Hugo.
I thought it was fantastic.
3D thrillers.
Here's the deal.
They show up free on HBO. All these movies.
Yeah.
I watch them casually if they're still worth watching.
Most of them die off and I don't feel like watching them.
So I get to see the ones.
What is the rush?
I'm asking everybody out there.
Why do you have to run to it, especially when we're not getting the kind of donations we normally get, but people will go to the theater and drop $100 with their family, buy a bunch of greasy popcorn, to rush to see a movie.
When you can see it, if you just wait, you get to see it for free.
I don't get it.
Oh, you really?
I don't see.
Again, proof?
Big screen, spectacular.
I'll go see that.
Because I have a 100-inch screen at the house.
I can see these things with pretty good quality.
I don't need to go to a theater where there's a bunch of people who have puked up in the place and there's gum on the floor and you're stepping in and you pop, pop, pop as you walk around for the rest of the day.
I mean, there's a million reasons not to go.
You're watching screeners at home.
Once again, proof that you are not the real John C. Dvorak.
I'm sorry.
The reason why people do this is that's what they're trained to do.
All of the news, everything is geared towards pointing people to the theater where you will get your true schooling.
This is where people get the true schooling.
Oh, let's go see Lincoln.
I hear it so good.
Daniel Day-Lewis is just fantastic.
He's going to win, you know.
Yeah, of course.
And they sit there, and then they get this...
That's what they say.
Yeah, he is going to win, because you can see this is a setup.
Of course it's a setup.
And they sit there, and...
Oh, I can tell you right now.
What's-his-face is going to get director for Argo, because that was the whole, you know, cover-up the Benghazi, you know, supposed to go along with the Benghazi thing.
This is, you know...
Blinken is, you know, just to propagate this meme.
I mean, it's over.
I mean, the people who listen to this show and maybe one or two other podcasts out there and people who are deaf and blind, they are the only ones who are safe.
Because it is a constant, non-stop barrage of bullcrap.
I mean, seriously.
That's a really good title.
Barrage and Bullcrap.
Barrage and Bullcrap.
That's just as good as culture creation.
Yeah, I don't know.
I mean, hey everybody, we're only 25 minutes into it.
What can I tell you?
The best podcast in the universe!
You are right about movie theaters, though.
I'll never forget we were in Los Angeles, and we went to the movies once, because Mickey would always get free tickets to the Directors Guild, which is great, because they actually search your bag for water and gum and anything to eat, and they take it away from you.
You can have a gun, that's okay, but you can't take anything to eat or drink into the theater, and you can't stand up until the credits are done.
Which I appreciate because, you know, I actually am one of those people who likes watching credits.
But we went once to a regular theater.
I think it was the Arclight.
And, oh my God, people bring...
I think we talked about it on the show.
People bring their kids, you know, like they're crying.
You know, kids are running up and down the aisle because they don't have a babysitter.
What is going on?
This is not an experience.
And they're on their phone half the time.
Oh, yeah, you get that.
In Austin, we have...
I haven't been yet.
One of those movie theaters where you lay down, you get the big couch and everything, you get table service, and they bring you drinks.
What's the name of that theater?
They have a couple of them around the country.
They only have like 70 seats.
You have to pay 50 bucks to watch?
No, it's more than regular, but it's not 50 bucks.
I forget what it's called.
But if you use your phone, they kick you out.
Yeah, you told me about this.
We already talked about that.
Yeah, they throw you out.
Yeah, like we talked about Argo, John.
Yeah, I remember.
My God!
It was months ago, I mean, for God's sake.
Months ago?
It was six weeks ago.
Months ago.
Okay, a month and a half ago.
All right, so then while we're on acting and while we're on this, and I'm just going to be the guy who's unpopular and says, I don't give a crap, because I got so many emails from people around the world who do not live in the United States of Gitmo Nation, and they said, this, without a doubt, is the best acting performance they have ever seen.
Thank you for inviting me here today.
This is an important conversation.
Now, I'm really bothered by what is coming out of my pie hole right now, but I just don't believe this.
I'm sorry.
I just don't believe how you need to speak so slow.
If you have brain damage and you can't speak properly, but yet certain words are just flowing out really beautifully...
It also doesn't mean that you have to write shit.
This event that took place, which you're going to talk about and probably get yourself into trouble, which will be fun to watch, is my wife called me.
She says, what is the deal with this?
Is this whole thing scripted?
But she was more taken aback by her father or husband.
Husband.
Husband.
Because it sounded like he was reading.
Yes, he was reading right next to her.
Yes.
And she just thought it was insincere and it was something bugged her.
It was like, something's wrong with this.
This isn't right.
It's only one minute.
For those of you who don't know, this is Gabby Giffords, the representative from Arizona, who allegedly was shot in the head And kind of started off the entire gun debate with a number of mass shootings.
And of course, while this was taking place, there was another breaking news as there was a shooting in Arizona.
I mean, the coincidence is just amazing how well they do that.
And so she starts off the hearings in Washington with this very important message.
I listened to it and I had the same feeling that lots of people had.
It doesn't add up.
And just listen to the words that do come out and the words that don't come out.
And how poorly scripted this is.
Just because you have an issue with speaking after a brain injury doesn't mean that your speech has to be dumb or stupid.
For our children.
For our communities.
For Democrats and Republicans, speaking is difficult, but I need to say something important.
So now you're like, wow, she's really messed up from this gunshot.
Violence is a big problem.
Too many children are dying.
I mean, I understand if maybe your brain has been shot up, if that all is completely true and you have difficulty speaking.
It's not the words, but what is she saying?
Like, this is not...
I mean, say something meaningful.
Yeah, save the children.
Got it.
Too many children.
Children.
We must do something...
It will be hard, but the time is now.
That, by the way, is the title of the White House document.
It is literally called The Time Is Now.
So this is all written in concert.
You must act.
Be bold.
Be courageous.
Amazing.
Democrats, Republicans is hard, but courageous, well, slips right out.
Americans are counting on you.
Thank you.
And the Oscar goes, too.
Yeah!
Gabby Giffords.
Yes!
Gabby Giffords!
The true story.
Come on, man.
I mean, everybody can call me an a-hole, whatever you want.
I'm not buying it.
Let's back up a minute.
Okay, so they're doing everything they can to grab as many to just stop.
It's got nothing to do with street violence and gang violence and children being killed.
We'll take the school shootings out and just say that in the neighborhoods of East L.A. are getting killed by random acts of violence by guns that are traded amongst the gang members.
They're not bought from gun shows.
Gang members don't show up at gun shows and buy guns.
So this whole thing is bogus.
If they really wanted to stop all this violence, they could legalize drugs.
The fact that 62% of all prisoners are drug-related crimes for soft drugs...
And we have a system where if you go into prison, you never get a job again in your life, so you have to recidivize yourself and go back into prison to get a meal.
If they would just fix the drug war and make it so it's not a piece of crap, get rid of it, this would all end.
This would all end overnight.
Is that brought up?
Is that ever even suggested?
Please don't bring anything rational into the conversation.
John, that would be so wrong.
That would be so incredibly wrong.
No, no, no, no.
That's not where we need to go with this.
You can watch this unfold before your very eyes.
Now, if you put all the pieces together, we've got the military, military...
Running drills with fake ammo, but shooting from helicopters in Miami, in Texas, in California.
By the way, who shows who when somebody has a heart attack over one of these episodes of these exercises?
Are you planning on something?
No, I'm just saying.
Who's going to...
Well...
Hey, we can make it rich, man.
I'll get one of those defibrillators.
Yeah, finally, finally you can get some dough.
Now, to me, you know, we have that happening.
We have, you know, just complete severe clampdown on the citizenry.
And yeah, I guess, I mean, I'm like, yeah, I guess if you take everyone's gun away, That seems to be the plan, really.
I don't want to get into this whole gun debate because I really don't care because you can listen to that.
It's like you not wanting to see Lincoln because that's all that people are talking about.
That's all that's on the news.
It distracts at this point from what apparently is the real agenda.
And when you say legalizing drugs, we have legalized drugs.
We've legalized the real drugs, the ones that you get from the doctor.
That part is good.
We got to lock up all the competing networks.
So, you know, don't bring any rational conversation into it.
Here's what's going on.
We now have bills being put in.
You know, I track this.
Let's see.
This is from...
My eyesight is going.
That's really bad.
We have a bill in to reauthorize and improve the Mentally Ill Offender Treatment and Crime Reduction Act of 2004.
Now, we weren't doing this show in 2004, but we would have been all over this.
Do you have any idea what this is, John, the Mentally Ill Offender and Treatment and Crime Reduction Act of 2004?
Of course not.
No.
So, this is to reenact it.
It was signed into law in 2004, and of course it expired, and they want to crank this one back up.
I think this is going to happen because it's easy to say, hey, it was already in, let's just bring it back.
I've highlighted two bits from it.
It's findings starting off of this act.
According to the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, approximately 20% of youth in the juvenile justice system have serious mental health problems.
So this is 2004 when they're already saying 20% has mental health problems.
The purpose of this act, which I believe will be reinstated, Is to increase public safety by facilitating collaboration, a great word, collaboration, write that one down, among the criminal justice, juvenile justice, mental health treatment, and substance abuse systems,
such collaboration needed to protect the public safety, which will provide courts, including existing and new mental health courts, I didn't know we had mental health courts, with appropriate mental health and substance abuse options.
To promote adequate training, they call it training, for criminal justice systems and personnel about mental illness and substance abuse disorders to be able to respond to people with such illnesses.
So we're going to make sure that we can identify if you are mentally ill and then do something about it.
And how do we identify it?
Well, I have it right here.
Mental illness.
The term mental illness means a diagnosable mental, behavioral, or emotional disorder with sufficient duration to meet the diagnostic criteria within the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published by the American Psychiatric Association.
There you go.
So, everything in the DSM, including your kids spinning, will be enough for the authorities to determine that you have a mental illness and take appropriate action in a mental health court.
This is where this is going.
Everyone, you look at the DSM. Ford is out now.
Five is coming.
Everybody is ill.
I have at least eight, what is it?
This is where background checks, they'll catch you.
Yeah, oppositional defiance disorder, ODD. It's in the DSM. We have this.
You have this, John.
That's not right.
Anyway, to wind up this bill, it will promote communication among adult or juvenile justice personnel, mental health and co-occurring mental illnesses and substance abuse disorders, treatment personnel, nonviolent offenders with mental illness or co-occurring mental illness and substance abuse disorders,
and support services such as housing, job placement, community, faith-based, and crime victims organizations will all be working together to help All of you who are mentally ill according to the DSM 4 and soon to be 5.
Which includes, I think, PBA if you laugh too much.
Or cry too much.
This is what's really happening.
Yeah, well...
And then there's another angle...
So, of course, President Obama is really about two industries.
Well, kind of three, if you take the banking industry.
Pharmaceutical, which he's all in, and he will do anything to help the pharmaceutical industry.
And what other industry, John?
Well, he's in the banking, for sure.
Yeah, but what part of banking?
Come on, man.
Big banking.
I don't know.
I don't know where you're headed.
How about insurance?
The insurance industry.
Oh yeah, no, the insurance industry, he's in their pockets.
Car insurance, you have to answer questions like this.
If this is the first time you're getting a car, how many years have you been driving?
In the past five years, how many accidents or violations?
Jacob Baum sells auto insurance at Choice Insurance Agency in Brooklyn, New York.
He asks these questions to help insurers figure out how likely it is your car will be involved in an accident.
Not just you as the driver, your car.
An accident.
If you advise yourself, who else lives with you?
Now remember, she's saying...
What is this girl?
Is this a college station?
Yeah, that's NPR. Exactly.
It's a college station.
Well, you're kidding me.
No, this is NPR. Yeah, listen to the big stuff.
It's going to see how much your car...
if you're going to be in an accident.
Well...
Regardless of their age.
Now, imagine we ask gun owners these same questions.
How old are you?
What's your gender?
What type of gun is this?
Are there teenagers in the house?
Justin Wolfers is a professor of economics and public policy at the University of Michigan, and this is what he wants.
He wants people like Jacob Baum to be asking these same questions of gun owners, to be selling them liability insurance based on their answers.
I'm telling you, this is the way to go.
If you pass the test, which is based on the DSM, and you want a gun, you've got no problem.
You've just got to take out insurance on having the gun.
This is fantastic!
Oh, that is genius!
This is the way to go!
That's a good catch.
This is the way to go.
You've got to have guns.
We know that cars kill people, and so we have strong liability insurance requirements for cars.
We also know guns kill, in the United States, literally tens of thousands of people a year.
It seems like it's creating enormous social harm, and we're asking you to pay for it.
I love it.
You know, whenever someone says, hey, man, cars don't kill people.
People kill people.
They say, well, neither do guns, so why don't we just have them insured just like a car?
This is the only argument that is valid.
It's fantastic.
Everybody wins on Obama's side.
He says requiring insurance wouldn't just provide compensation for families of gun violence victims.
Oh, sure.
I know, I know, I know.
Wow, what a bunch of morons.
If anybody listens to NPR and laps this up like a pet dog, lap, lap, lap.
I just mentioned earlier, gangbangers are buying guns from each other.
They're not taking out insurance.
Well, wait a minute.
You see the guys who are shooting up the children in the neighborhoods with drive-bys?
Can you tell me they don't have a gun fair?
This is unconscionable.
There's no gangster gun fair where they all go and have a swap meet?
Come on.
Well, they might.
Yeah.
Think about it.
Anyway, go on.
Go on.
What else can I say?
That's it.
This is to get everybody on the drugs.
Or at least diagnose everybody and then get them on the drugs.
And then, you know, the people that still want guns.
Like the insurance angle, that's genius.
Yeah, well, and it's being propagated by your national treasure.
It makes total sense to me.
In the morning to you, Adam Curry.
Oh, well, in the morning to you, John C. Dvorak, and to all ships at sea, boots on the ground, feet in the air, ankles in the stirrups, and of course our human resources in the chat room, noagendastream.com, noagendachat.net.
I have a quick mention to make.
We've talked about Lincoln, noagendafilms.com.
We haven't talked about it in a while, but noagendafilms.com, dutifully.
Posts every movie we talk about and continues to bring you suggestions, I think once or twice a week.
So make sure you check that out as a PR initiative of the program.
And I think we can thank Nick the Rat for the artwork on episode 482.
We look forward to it.
We have so much art coming in.
You know, we should probably spend a minute or two discussing...
The art.
And to give some people some tips.
Because I think a lot of people aren't getting enough feedback.
And they keep making the same mistakes.
Okay.
Do you want to do that now, or do you want to do it later, or do you want to do the next show?
I don't care, but I think it needs to be done.
Let's do it real quick.
We will go look at the page, and we will go over the different art pieces, and it's not all of them, but specific ones, and say, here's why we're not going to pick this ever, because there's a number of them that will never get picked, even as ever happens.
All right, so let's do it.
So already we have art in for 483, so let's look at it right now.
Okay.
Okay.
So, alright.
So, 483.
We have ZeroDark33, which was put in, you know, by Craig Seymour.
And it is the hot red chick from Zero Dark Thirty and...
The hot red chick?
Yeah.
The redhead, you mean?
Yeah, the redhead.
Yeah.
She's red.
Soulless.
There you go.
And then the...
So what is this?
Do you think this is...
Is this Maktubel Maktar?
Okay, this is...
Or Osama Bin Laden.
Yeah, I guess it's...
And he's interviewing her.
He's got a microphone.
And he's got a CIA or one of the badges of one of the agencies.
So here's problem one.
The joke, of course, is the CIA badge.
That'll never show up when it's in the artwork because you're seeing it full size now.
Yeah.
It's always shrunk down.
This is a big, big mistake artists make.
People have to shrink their art and see if it's...
If you had a joke in there at all, what does it look like at...
What is your size?
You do 250 by 250.
I do 400 by 400.
Yeah, I basically take this, and I do put the full-size image in the credits, but the one that goes into the MP3 file is half this size.
So what, it's 250 by 250?
Something like that, yeah.
Yeah, okay, well I do 400 by 400, and I have a bigger size.
This size here is, what is the size on these things?
They're pretty big.
So that's not going to work, so that's eliminated immediately.
Right.
So the next one, which I thought is very funny, first of all, we had this conversation about Miss Mickey's pap smear last show, so it's not going to work for this show.
This was very funny.
This is Martin J.J. He put this one up.
This is the Gardasil is available in our office.
It's the horrible woman with the microscope with the big orange glasses.
Martin J.J. always picks up the memes and then he uses them in the art, which people should pay attention to that.
I don't know if he found this picture with this one with these glasses on or if he put the glasses on.
Yeah, this is another problem.
We're always looking for original art.
I mean, it can be a mash-up, but if the joke is not a mash-up, if you stole the joke, we're not going to use it.
Yeah, any stolen jokes we're not using.
For example, let's go down to the next group.
We have Mike Shelby keeps sending us stuff that is original art from someone else who's an artist and kind of a cartoonist.
Where do you see that?
Where do you see Shelby's?
That's the one, the anonymous guy with the Obama poster.
The posterized one in episode 482.
Right, right, right.
This is stuff we can't use.
We can't use it.
It's like, we will get sued.
It's not original to the show.
That's more important.
Well, the other thing is, it's got nothing to do with the show.
We don't use this character as one of our characters.
No, no.
Whatever, it's a Guy Fawkes mask.
And it's just, you know, you don't, you can send stuff in.
Now here's an example.
But this isn't even close to getting in.
So here's a good example.
481, and then we've got to move on.
But 481, we almost, did we choose this one for 481?
Did we choose the cat food?
No, we've...
Okay, here's the deal.
Thorin came in with this great cat food art, and we were going to use it, but we ended up using a different piece, because the cat food...
But the cat food piece is now being held as an evergreen, because it's so funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, we used, hey, you stop asking questions.
I'm not sure why we used that one.
I think it was just because we really wanted to keep the cat food for a rainy day.
We must use something from 480.
Yeah.
Yeah, it must have been.
No, I don't think we used...
Did we use HeyU?
I don't think so.
You know what we should do, John?
Here's what we should do.
Here's a thought.
I've been thinking about this for a while.
Whenever we end the show, whenever we have an end of show clip, here's what happens.
So we say goodbye, and then we start the end of show clip, and I can see 90% of the chat room logs out.
They're done.
They don't even care about the end of show clip.
And I believe it hurts us, and it hurts our donations, because what you want is you want the show to end with us talking, boom, done, and then you're like, but I want more.
Not like some clip that you may or may not be interested in.
I think we lose the immediacy of people saying, but I have to support this show.
End of show clips may be detrimental.
There's some clips that we can't use in the show.
Well, then we should just, you know, not use them.
Unless you want to sit there for four minutes.
No, but we shouldn't use them at all, is what I'm saying.
I can't, I don't, I'm not subscribing to this in one, I don't care.
I think the show clips that we put at the end of the show, like the one you did last week and the ones we've been doing, are very good clips.
Okay.
It's our show.
I don't see anybody bitching to us about it.
No, because they're gone.
You're assuming because these guys left the chat room, because they're not chatting anymore because we're not on the air, that that somehow affects donations?
I'm not getting the connection.
Well, anyway, I have a suggestion, is that we end the show, and then we say goodbye, and then we discuss title...
And artwork, but we record that and release that as a file or as a part of the show.
I'm against it.
You're against it?
Yeah.
I think our discussion about why we picked the art, I mean, I don't know.
I think it's going to cut down our art contributions.
Artists will be like, hey, man, they talk about us like we're a-holes.
That's no good.
I don't want that.
No, I don't.
You know what?
Here's what bothers me about the idea.
I've never...
I've always...
They tried to do this at Tech TV once on one of my shows, and I just refused to do it.
Enough said.
I mean, that was already...
That failed, so...
Okay, go ahead.
It was like...
It comes from some of these shows on CNN where they finish, so long, we'll see you next week, and then they leave the mics up.
So what did you think of that?
And they start yakking while the credits are rolling.
Oh yeah, no, you're supposed to do your papers, bunch your papers up.
Yeah, yeah, it's all bull crap.
It's a scam.
They're not yakking about it.
They want to go home.
They just have to be sitting there while the credits roll, but they leave the mics up, so it sounds like they're discussing what they talked about.
It's bull crap.
And I think it's such a phony baloney thing to do that I don't like it in any way, shape, or form.
I think we should do exactly that.
I think this is a great idea.
I think we'll do closing credits with music, and we'll just be talking about, we'll be pretending to talk to each other.
What was the show?
I don't know.
Donations were down.
We'll just be pretending to talk to each other.
I like it.
I think this is a very good idea.
Anyway, so this gives you a bit of a clue.
Make it so we can see the stuff when you shrink it.
I have way too many clips, but we can either play most of them or all of them or some of them.
I wanted to recommend that people go to C-SPAN and get the Enterprise Institute's They did a review of the movie, Zero Dark Thirty.
Excuse me, do we not have a producer to thank?
Oh, we do have one producer to thank.
Unfortunately, we don't know who it is.
Our producer is called Valued Cardholder.
Valued Cardholder?
That's going in the credits.
So how does someone become Valued Cardholder?
I can't find any note from them.
Valued Card Holder gave us $575, which helped the show quite a bit.
But that's our only producer.
Again, we got one.
And I don't even know who it is.
So maybe Valued Card Holder can send us an email.
Maybe they did, but I didn't find it.
I looked under No Agenda Donations as a subject line for all the email.
Couldn't find anything from Valued Card Holder.
And so, yeah, we have one to thank.
Thank you, Valued Card Holder.
Thank you very much.
I'm sure you want us to do something besides, you know, with a karma clip, but don't know what it is.
We'll do it later.
I'll hand out a karma, absolutely.
You've got karma.
Him or her.
Him or her.
Thank you very much.
And of course, all of you out there who are apparently very broke and have absolutely no way to support us at the moment, well, you can always continue to propagate the formula and get back to us later.
Our formula is this.
We go out...
We hit people in the mouth.
Hello, everybody.
Hey, citizens.
Go to Dvorak.org slash N-A and consider us that you're...
Dvorak.org slash N-A. It's very important.
Everything's backward.
Everything's backward today.
What is going on?
All of a sudden you say in the morning first and then...
Yeah, I know.
Everything's backwards.
This is not good.
I have a bad feeling about this.
Well, you should have a bad feeling about some of these clips.
So you should go to C-SPAN and watch the three guys who are...
It's in the show notes, actually.
We have a link in the show notes to this.
The three guys that are reviewing the movie, but they're essentially taking questions and answers about enhanced interrogation.
Because there's a report coming out, the SSCI, from the Inspector General of the CIA, And these three guys, I'm going to tell you who they are.
One is, well, the guy who was heading up the panel was this guy, Mark Thiessen, who's apparently a speechwriter for Bush and Rumsfeld, so he's a character right there.
And then Michael Hayden, you remember, the director of the CIA for 2006, the bald guy, with the big cranium.
He also was the head of the NSA from 1999 to 2005, right through the 9-11 crisis.
And before that, he was the head of some Air Force intelligence.
This guy has been in the military since the 70s, and he's never really had a real...
From what I can tell, except when he first started off, he never had a real job.
He's now...
Watching him chat, he's the guy you definitely want to have a beer with.
He's got a gift to gab.
You know you're never going to be able to say anything.
Can I ask you a question here for a second?
Why does almost every single one of your clips have the words Intel in front of it?
Yeah, that's so I can sort them on my...
Because when there's a lot...
I'm trying to find different methodologies for sorting the clips on the sheet when it's printed out so I can find the clip.
Okay.
And so this is one of my...
I'm trying this new trick by categorizing groups of clips.
Have you ever...
A good trick...
Hey, it's like you're going up and down and up and down.
I say, now we're going to talk about the roaming bands of pirates.
I don't see that.
What's it called?
It's called roaming bands of pirates.
You have trouble finding these clips too.
Yeah, but at least it's alphabetical now.
Everything is Intel.
Anyway, so let me go finish.
So we have Michael Hayden.
And by the way, so I'm thinking this guy's a great guy.
It would be a great guy to have a beer with.
I'd actually like to meet him.
But when you look at his background, he's the guy who initiated all the no warrant wiretaps in the NSA. Oh, yeah.
Screw it.
And guess what he does now for a living?
He's the principal at the Chertoff Group.
Yeah.
He's the partner.
He's like the co-owner of that Michael Chertoff operation.
Of course.
Of course.
Stupid scanners.
Wait a minute.
Let me set this straight.
So now this is a conversation about the interrogation techniques as portrayed in Zero...
Again, culture creationism as portrayed in the movie...
Zero Dark Thirty, which is the whole conversation, which somehow you've gotten sucked into, and this guy is in this conversation?
Yeah.
And he is actually selling some of the real slave interrogation apparatus for the true slaves of America.
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
The irony is just too much.
Yeah, it is.
The other guy is Jose Rodriguez.
Now, Jose Rodriguez was the clandestine service director from 2004 to 2008 and apparently was involved with all the torture that took place even earlier.
And he is a guy, you look at him and you definitely don't want to meet this guy in a dark alley.
He looks like somebody who would be the clandestine services director.
And he is...
Apparently got into huge beefs with Feinstein in the Senate.
Right, she approves the money, that's why.
Well, she just doesn't like this guy, and apparently he doesn't like her.
And he just wrote a book, Rationalize.
This whole thing, it was a rational...
Well, let me give you the last guy.
The last guy was Mike...
Who was the old?
John Rizzo, the former CIA deputy counsel from 2004 to 2009.
And he's the one who wrote most of the legal things about why it's okay to do what they're doing.
Oh, and where's he working now?
So this whole thing was...
It explained what they believed to be true in terms of the effectiveness of this interrogation.
And it had a lot of information that I think was a little bit taken out of class.
And I realized that what these three guys are doing is doing anything they can, going out into the public to cover their ass, because they all are potentially war criminals.
Potentially.
You mean by the...
In my mind, they are war criminals.
It's not just potentially.
They are war criminals.
Potentially.
I mean, if they never...
I mean, they're war criminals to us, our ways of thinking.
They are out there...
Really pounding the drum to such an extreme that it's like you find out a couple of things.
One, where the whole idea came from or what the rationale was.
I think it's somewhat bogative, but we can play a couple of clips now and maybe a couple of clips later.
I think the giveaway that they're fighting for their lives, all three of these guys, is if you play the clip, Intel 101, going after you next, I think you'll get a sense of, a very interesting clip.
Do you remember General Hayden, at one point, how he told us, you know, Eventually your own government will come after you.
And at the time, you know, this was 2003, and, you know, we had tremendous support from the Congress still and from the American people to make sure that we weren't attacked again.
We heard it, but we kind of laughed.
Well, the problem is that a few years later, many of us were being investigated.
The agency was being investigated.
And the concern that I have, frankly, to this day, is the chilling effect that it has on the leadership at the agency and elsewhere in the intelligence community, who, if tomorrow there is a big crisis and they say, oh, we're going to start X... And there is controversy in it and risk in it that people are going to say, look what happened in the past.
I mean, despite the best efforts of John Rizzo and our directors and my best efforts, we still had to face a lot of investigations and a lot of bills and indictments and stuff.
I mean, I fear...
For the safety of our national security because of that.
Maybe I'm overdoing it, but I have a great concern about it.
Okay, let me summarize.
This is Rodriguez, I presume.
Yes.
And so what he's saying is...
If you look at the past, everyone should be really worried and it's actually bad for national security because there's so many investigations and hearings and rules that people are hindered in doing their extremely important intelligence work, primarily against the actual citizenry of the United States of America.
Because later on, you know, you might get arrested and thrown in jail for doing something.
So therefore, it's a national security concern.
So we should ease up, I guess, on these agencies.
Yeah, back off, dude.
Back off.
Okay, got it.
Okay, so now, so we have a bunch, there's a lot of information in this.
People, that's why I say they should watch it because you'll find all kinds of cool stuff in there.
But here is the rationale and where it all began.
This is the rationale that Rodriguez discusses and then Hayden backs him up on this.
And I don't know if this is total bullcrap.
There's so many ways you could take this information and decide it's bullcrap or decide one guy was just a sicko.
I mean, there's a lot of craziness, but I've never heard this before.
If you would, tell the story that you have in your book about Abu Zubaydah and what he said to our interrogators after he was waterboarding.
It was interesting because Abu Zubaydah at one point finally told us that we should use waterboarding in particular, but the enhanced interrogation program on all the brothers.
And he said it because, gave us the explanation, and the explanation was that the brothers needed to have religious justification to talk.
To provide information.
However, they would not be expected by Allah to go beyond their capabilities or their resistance.
So once they felt that they were there, they would then become compliant and provide information.
So he basically recommended to us that we needed information.
To submit the brothers to this type of procedure if we wanted them to cooperate.
As a matter of fact, to help them reach the level where they would become compliant and provide information.
In order to do so without sin?
Yes.
And I should add, this narrative was in my summer of 2006 was, as Mark suggested, trying to make judgments on the overall effectiveness of the program in the past and what would be a legitimate program going forward because circumstances had changed.
And this narrative, this story was important for my own soul searching on this because, in other words, I was not trying to prove the point that what we were doing was universally applicable for I was not trying to prove the point that what we were doing was universally applicable for all detainees It was peculiarly well suited to this group.
I'm not really sure that that two minutes brought any value to my life.
Maybe I just didn't understand it.
Well, maybe you didn't.
Well, explain it to me.
The rationale was, I thought this was the best of the clips, by the way, because it was kind of insightful.
They are rationalizing that they did these guys a favor.
By waterboarding them.
I didn't get that.
You missed out, because that's exactly what he's saying.
I don't understand.
He said that...
Here's the way it works.
There were...
They waterboarded a guy.
Now, of course, why they waterboarded the first guy, that is never explained.
But they waterboarded this Muslim guy and he says, you know, this is the way to go.
You should do this to all the brothers because it gives us an excuse in Allah's eyes to now talk.
We didn't have the excuse before.
But Allah lets us talk if we're at some breaking point.
So you have to do this to everybody.
You just have to or you're not going to get anything.
That's my advice to you.
So this is interesting, John.
Is this perhaps the actual information that was blanked out at the Gitmo trial that people were not hearing?
It's quite possible.
This is going on.
All of a sudden, the judge is not even...
There's like some sensor in a back room who's pressing a button and you get like white noise and the red light goes on.
You can't hear anything, can't see anything.
That would make sense.
This may be the actual information.
Well, whatever the case is, I still don't know that if this was a rationale, it was bullcrap, or maybe the guy was waterboarded, was feeling like everyone else should get this miserable treatment.
I don't know.
There was a couple of other little insights that came out on this.
One, which is that apparently they probably did take this to heart, because when you hear this Hayden clip, which is we did not ask them questions, replay this clip and tell me what you think of it.
...with one another.
But for about a third, techniques were used.
Not to elicit, again, information in the moment, but to take someone who had come into our custody absolutely defiant.
And move them into a state or a zone of cooperation whereby...
And then you recall the scene in the movie after the detainee is cleaned up and they're having this lengthy conversation.
For the rest of the detention, and in some cases it's years, it's a conversation.
It's a debriefing.
It's going back and forth with the kind of dialogue that you saw in that scene about a third of the way through the movie.
A lot of people...
Kind of reflexively say, don't say anything to make you stop, which may actually be true.
That's why we didn't ask them questions.
Ah, okay, so having seen the movie, that's very interesting.
So what he's saying, he's saying, that's not how torture works, you idiot.
Isn't that like you sit there and you hammer them and you hammer them until they finally say, okay, alright, I did it.
No, no, you waterboard them and then you serve them lunch.
That's what he said.
But that's what they did in the movie.
They served him lunch.
I'm not kidding.
The redhead and the other dude.
These guys backed up the movie, except for one thing.
They thought that the box, there was a box involved.
They said the box is roomier than that.
That's the only thing they said that was a critique.
And they also critiqued the storyline, which is a longer...
I can just tell you what they said.
It's shorter than a clip.
But they said that the woman was a composite.
Yeah.
But there's tons of women like that in the CIA. Really?
I mean, I'm so in.
I so want to be in the CIA now.
She is so smoking hot.
And he said the other woman, which I guess was in Cost, I didn't see the movie, but the other woman that was, I guess, her nemesis, they said that was totally bogus, that the other woman was just like her, like the composite character, and he says for the first, I think Hayden said this, for the first time in movie history, the actress was uglier than the real woman, who was a gorgeous babe, apparently, also very much of one of these officious bureaucrats.
Yeah.
So all three of these people were upset about the portrayal of that one woman who was apparently a very good person.
But when I heard this Hayden clip, here's what my image was.
They're waterboarding the guy, but we did not ask questions.
What do you do?
You're getting waterboarded and you're going, hey, I'll talk, I'll talk.
No, no.
Just keep doing it.
But John, hold on a second.
Think about it for a second.
We have been conditioned and programmed by movies, primarily, that that's how it works.
VFVs are making you talk!
And that, you know, you pull your fingernails out and all that, and that, you know, all of a sudden you're bleeding and you're hanging upside down like, okay, I'll tell you everything now!
No!
I think that is probably one of the most realistic things of the movie, is, you know, you put the guy in the box, you electrify his nuts, you waterboard him, Then you serve him lunch.
Absolutely.
Like, hey, hey, man, this is a nice lunch.
Because the scene in the movie, he's literally like, this is good.
She's like, yeah, have some more of goop and have some more of the nut stuff that you like.
She's just serving him all the stuff.
He's like, all right, yeah, I got lots of stuff.
It makes total sense.
I think that is probably extremely realistic.
We need, hey, I know that we've got all kinds of people in military listening to this show.
Confirm this, will you?
I'm thinking that that makes a lot of sense.
Well, Hayden makes a long exposition on why you do it this way.
But anyway, he also...
The other thing that I got out of this...
Actually, I got a bunch of stuff out of this.
This was really intriguing to me.
I want you to play this clip because there's, I think, two or three examples of this throughout the show.
But play the Al-Qaeda is dead first reference clip and then I want to tell you what else went on in this thing.
You know, the movie is about the hunt for Bin Laden.
It focuses on the information that led to Bin Laden.
But there's a lot more to this story.
And that is the destruction of Al-Qaeda.
And the enhanced interrogation program was key in destroying al-Qaeda.
Bin Laden came ten years later.
In the meantime, we had a number of terrorists that were coming after us with plots, and we were able to capture them, kill them, destroy the plots, wrap them up because of this program.
See, who was that talking?
Because that guy's full of crap.
That's Rodriguez.
No, it's full of crap.
This is not how it went down.
No, no, I'm not talking about that part.
I'm talking about his reference to al-Qaeda being dead.
This happens throughout this debate with the three guys.
Al-Qaeda's dead.
They killed al-Qaeda.
Why does Obama and the group that's running things now claim al-Qaeda's not dead?
I've always been convinced that when they killed Osama that that was the end of al-Qaeda.
Now it's just other organizations and there's no affiliation between them.
You were actually convinced of something?
Yeah.
Oh, please.
Well, okay, I wasn't totally convinced, but I don't buy that every time we turn around that some guy in that crazy Mukhtar Mukhtar character in the Sudan has any affiliation.
He's been around forever.
That guy predates Al-Qaeda himself.
All right, I just got to step back and just say that none of this...
None of this is like, there's no real Islamist rebels who are running around burning it.
This is all, they've all been trained, instigated, brainwashed by us.
By us to do this.
By the CIA. By the interests of the American citizenry.
That's what this is all about.
Go blow up stuff.
Go make it difficult so we can move in.
Yeah, no, I'm a subscriber to that, obviously.
Now, the other thing I got out of this was, and I never thought about this, I think I did think about it, but I didn't realize, play the drone question and the dead guy, and then I got two of these, and it just fascinates me that...
I don't know.
I haven't concluded this, but now I get it after listening to these characters.
After 9-11, we had a lethal program to get the people who had done this to us, but we also had a program to get some of these people alive and find out what we know.
In this situation, it's not optimal.
You want to kill terrorists, but it's not always optimal to kill terrorists.
It seems to me right now our policy is to vaporize all the intelligence with drones.
Is that an optimal situation?
Yeah.
Well, certainly in the wake of the immediate aftermath of the 9-11 attacks, when we were frantically, that's the only word I can describe it, trying to pull together a program that would elicit the information that our experts were convinced debate and his colleagues were keeping from us,
I mean, I can tell you, I was there from the beginning through the end of the program in 08, 09.
You know, CIA is an intelligence collection organization, first and foremost.
And so it's always been in the agency's institutional DNA to want to collect intelligence by all sorts of means, especially human intelligence.
You can't collect human intelligence from a dead guy.
So they say that Obama killed the program, and they also put a bunch of laws in place where you can't collect anybody anymore.
You can't go to Afghanistan and grab some guy you know is a bad guy.
This is the reason we always say, why do they keep blowing these guys up with the drones?
Because they can't capture them.
If you do, you're going to be on this war crimes...
I'm sorry, the word is collect.
I heard very distinct the word is collect.
Collect.
You can't collect these people.
It's like you used to.
Like butterflies.
You can't collect them like you used to and then throw them in some hellhole forever without due process.
You can't do that anymore because somebody said, hey, this isn't a good thing.
So they stopped doing that.
But they...
Apparently kept collecting.
They still have these guys they're getting intelligence about.
And so they just blow them to smithereens.
And all three of these guys are really upset about that because they'd much rather collect the guy and torture him.
That's much more fun.
Come on, it's more entertaining.
Well, apparently what happened, according to Hayden, after the word was out what they were doing, that people would just start talking immediately.
They wouldn't put up with it.
Oh, that's no fun.
That's not a challenge.
So it wasn't going to be much fun anyway.
But there was one little thing I thought was that there was another reveal here with Rodriguez, who says, this is the...
The chatterboxes clip.
Apparently the biggest talker was that guy they caught in.
Remember that one guy with the hairy chest?
His hair was all messed up, that character?
Apparently this guy really delivered the goods, I guess.
I guess he probably doesn't want to go back into the population.
Did you see the movie?
No.
Well, how do you say you remember the guy with the hairy chest?
No, no, that's the guy.
Don't you remember when he was captured in the year 2004 or whenever?
They got him in Pakistan.
He had a hairy chest?
Yeah, he's a hairy chested guy.
The funniest thing on the internet at the time was people were replacing his head with Rosie O'Donnell's head.
Hold on a second.
Hairy chested Al-Qaeda.
Hold on a second.
Yeah, he's got a skivvy shirt on, he's got a mustache, and his hair's a mess.
And he looks like they woke him up, apparently.
Let me just see this.
What's his name?
His name is in this clip, if you play it, when you look him up afterwards.
And in many cases, I think that they were...
It's a chatroom idea.
Tom Selleck?
Was that his name?
It was time to believe that they had reached the point where they felt they could talk.
And then once they reached that point, these are very egomaniac people.
They got big, huge egos.
They can't wait to tell you how evil they are.
So they just started talking like Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
He wouldn't stop.
That's him.
Also, the psychological issue of the big egos and wanting to tell you I think played into our hands after a while because they would just want to tell us everything.
Khalid Sheikh Mohammed.
Okay, I know what you're talking about.
Well, just say KSM. You say KSM, I know what you're talking about.
I forgot the KSM thing.
Yeah, KSM. Yeah, he was the picture on him on the internet with the skivvy shirt on.
Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then the joke was you put Rosie O'Donnell's head on that.
Look at KSM on Google and there's some band.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some Disney band.
Good work, Disney.
So, you know...
These guys are also full of crap.
They're smoking their own dope in this.
Absolutely.
I'm not in any denial on that.
They have made up their story.
They're sticking with it.
No, they're freaked out about this report that's coming out.
And they're bitching about it, and the one point that one guy did make...
No, no, hold on, before you continue.
Yes, so they have to twist...
This is what always happens with lies.
They have to make new lies to cover up the lies that are already in the report, which are lies.
The whole thing is bullcrap, so there's no wonder there's a Disney band called KSM, because the whole thing is Disney.
It's all make-believe.
None of this is really happening.
I mean, yeah, people are getting killed and there's dudes showing up and whatever, but this is all...
Someone has to go down.
It might as well be these a-holes.
That's fine with me.
Go.
So, there was this guy who's the host, he's really sympathetic to these guys and their plight.
And they're in a jam, and they did make one point.
The Rodriguez guy says, hey, there's reports coming out, and nobody ever talked to any of us about it.
They've never been interviewed for the report, which again makes it...
Unnecessary.
They just talk to the script writers.
They don't need to talk to these guys.
So there was some ironic aspect to the guy who was the host, the guy who was running the panel.
He chimes in.
Everyone says, well, if you're a panel guy, you're either going to talk a lot or you're not going to talk at all.
But you don't just talk the one time because he chimes in.
And I just thought this was a poignant observation where he talks about who's being warned.
This is the clip.
Everyone gets waterboarded.
One of the startling statistics in looking at this is that there are actually more journalists who've had themselves waterboarded to prove it's torture than there are actually terrorists who have been waterboarded.
Almost an equal number of lawyers.
What did he say there in the background?
Almost an equal number of lawyers.
No, seriously.
That's a good start.
In order to offer a judgment on this, I want to be able to experience it.
For the record, that was not me.
I wasn't quite prepared to go that far in my legal research, but there was a lawyer in our office who was closely monitoring the program on a day-to-day basis who in fact agreed to do that.
And tens of thousands of American servicemen have been in waterboarding.
I think right now the only people we still waterboard are people who have Americans in uniform.
So waterboarding continues, just not of terrorists.
Wait, wait, wait.
He said we waterboard Americans in uniform?
What?
I just thought that was so funny.
Wait, wait, wait.
I heard that correctly, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That's, by the way, we only waterboard our own people.
Oh, hold on, hold on.
Oh, my goodness.
We only waterboard our own people.
That's clip of the century.
Well, there you go.
There you go.
Listen, I want to move on to something else.
This is really good, but we've got to diversify a little bit here.
No, I think I made my point.
No, your point is well made.
I'd like to make my point.
Okay, Osama Bin Laden and Wahiri, what's his name?
Waziri?
I don't know.
KSM, I don't know.
No, not KSM. Wahiri.
It's a girl band, by the way.
Both of these guys were sick.
The Chiners...
You'll notice one thing.
The Chiners are everywhere.
The Chiners are in Africa.
The Chiners are in Syria.
The Chiners are everywhere.
There's minerals, oil, or some pass-through.
Or people are hungry for soup.
So that's where the Chiners are.
You notice how Al-Qaeda is never attacking the Chiners?
You ever notice that?
Okay.
First of all, Al-Qaeda is a CIA, and they'd be stupid to be attacking their Chinas.
But let's just say there's some amped-up guys who have been promised something, like, oh, we'll go and attack.
They're not going to do it.
The reason why is the Chinas, they had bin Laden.
They had al-Wahiri.
What's his name?
What's his name?
No, no.
Hey, don't.
It's important.
What's his name?
Zawahiri.
That's it.
Zawahiri.
Zawahiri.
That guy.
They had him.
They had both of them.
They were taking care of him.
them.
They died in their custody.
And because they were taking care of them, that's why Al-Qaeda never did any or any affiliated groups, anyone ever did anything to the Chiners.
Now, when it was time for this to come down, when Obama needed something, he needed a win.
And remember, we're pretty convinced that this win was not the timing they wanted.
They wanted to use it at a different time.
They exchanged the so-called stealth helicopter technology for the Bin Laden DNA. Okay?
That's why Obama said, oh, we've got the DNA. Which was, you know, he did that in like two hours.
This is second half of the show stuff.
No, no.
Screw it.
This is reality.
Second half of the show is crazy.
This...
MKUltra.
This is not second half of the show, John.
I'm rejecting that.
This is what's really...
This is what really went down.
The Chiners gave...
This is why we have no pictures.
There's no video.
Well, we have all kinds of pictures and video of everything in the world except for this, which would be...
No, also except for the school.
Well, yeah, that's second half of the show.
I'm getting to that.
Oh, now we're not going back to that again, are we?
So they exchanged the DNA... For the stealth helicopter technology.
And it was a wash.
Okay?
And now, now that that's all done, now that they have nothing to hold over the Islamists or whoever the al-CIA can make crazy, now that's why all bets are off.
That's why we're going crazy in Africa.
And why we're kicking the Chiners out.
The Chiners never should have given up the Bin Laden DNA. That's what went down.
These guys, they are Disney.
I mean, were the animatronics, were they like jerking their limbs when they were moving?
This whole thing is total, total theater.
And it's sad.
You know, actors, you know, like, you know, sometimes they get bumped off the show.
And these guys are on deck as far as I'm concerned.
So one of these babes in this band, KSM, she's really amazingly hot.
She's going to be big.
Let me see this KSM band.
She's going to be big.
She's going to be bigger than Miley Cyrus or Britney Spears if she plays her cards right.
Let me see this KSM band.
I'll tell you what I think of this.
I think these girls have already come and gone.
I don't think...
Oh, they play instruments?
Well, this one girl's got to make a move on her long-term career if she wants to get anywhere.
Which one?
The one with the spiky hair?
Which one?
I don't know which picture.
No, not the one with the spiky hair.
She's a brunette.
They're all brunettes.
She's got kind of bushy eyebrows, and she's really pretty.
Oh, right.
She's in the middle.
Well, it depends on the picture.
I'm looking at like 40 pictures.
She's over here.
She's over there.
There's a straight shot of her.
I think they'll all be in the middle.
If you just type in KSM and hit images, she's in the third row in the middle.
Hmm.
I don't know why you even got me to look.
That's pretty sad.
It is.
You're just pathetic.
And then there's some army guy in the middle of these images.
It's funny.
Anyway, big news, John.
Very, very big news in Gitmo Nation lowlands.
I could not have gotten more emails about any other topic than this.
The Queen Beatrix, she has abdicated.
Yes, I heard this.
Yes, well, there's some interesting little news.
There's no amount of excitement, no sadness yet, and she has just announced the date for her official abdication, and that will be on the 30th of April, tying in with Queen's Day, which is the most chaotic celebration in the Netherlands.
So this year it's going to be even more so, I think, because everyone here is hugely excited.
The Prime Minister has just been on television after the Queen paying tribute to her 33-year service, and we're expecting...
A lot more of those tributes to come.
I love it when they throw it in my face.
33 years.
Oh, that's very funny.
No, no, it's not funny.
I will remind you that...
It's the magic number.
I'll remind you that it is, of course, the Bilderberg group is from the Netherlands, set up by her father, Prince Bernard.
She was married to a Nazi.
The whole family is...
The whole thing is frightening.
And now, of course, Prince Beer, as we call him in Holland.
Prince Beer?
Well, they call him Prince Pils.
Pils is a pilsner.
That's a slang for...
That's beer.
They call him Prince Pils.
Because he's a drunk, basically.
He's a slobbering, fat oaf of a drunk.
And they hooked him up with Zorigneta's daughter.
Zorigneta, of course, war criminal from Argentina.
And so he had to marry her.
She's smoking, by the way.
I mean, it'll look great for her as queen.
And he will be moving the elitist New World Order agenda forward.
He is in charge of water management, like the UN Water Management Office, or some crap like that.
So, they're just moving the agenda forward, just another.
I don't understand why people still put up with that.
Why do they put up with a queen?
They're not even put up with it.
They're celebrating, and they're going to celebrate.
It goes beyond my belief that you think...
It's a party!
...that an old lady or her son, that they're special and they're above everybody.
I mean, what...
How can you even think of living in modern times?
People tell me I'm crazy that I don't think we landed on the moon, yet they're very happy to say, oh, the queen is great.
Are you kidding me?
The queen is the best.
She's the ruler of the land.
I mean, come on.
The ruler of the land.
How can you be celebrating the queen if...
No, no, no.
I'm sorry.
It just makes me nuts.
On a lighter note...
Yeah.
I have a clip.
Okay.
This is from the old Wonder Woman series, Wonder Woman versus the Nazis.
Oh.
What makes you so strong?
On Paradise Island, there are only women.
Because of this pure environment, we are able to develop our minds and our physical skills, unhampered by masculine destructiveness.
Stop.
Such information is utter rubbish.
That reminds me of this clip that I played just before the show started.
And here we go now.
I'll have that one linked in the show notes.
Thank you.
It's pretty good.
So somewhere along the lines, I lost a clip, but it's ridiculous to play it, but there's a new show on one of the crazy channels that's buried on the over-the-air band called Forbidden Chinese News.
And it's essentially just outlining and documenting all this weird corruption going on in China.
And it's, unfortunately, it's in Chinese with subtitles, but the clip is in Chinese, too.
Right, right, right, right, right.
Okay.
Anyway, but it's interesting.
So you're teasing me with this clip that you don't have?
Yeah, I just thought I'd do that for you, for your benefit.
Oh, that's great.
Well, then let me...
I got the clip on the porno teacher.
Well, no, why don't we do something interesting for a minute here?
Oh.
You're out of control with your clips.
You're like, I don't have anything?
Like, I showed up to the party with no marshmallows?
No.
No.
Go.
This better be good.
Okay, this is Christy Hefner.
Christy Hefner is the lesbian daughter of Hugh Hefner.
And she's running the Playboy Empire.
Singularly ruined the Playboy Empire.
Yes, she did.
Single-handedly.
And here she is speaking about, of course, the only topic on American television at the moment, about guns.
And she ties it into something beautiful.
Now, there are contributing factors that are not under anybody's control and may seem odd, but it is factually true.
One of them is actually the weather.
There is a dramatic increase in gun violence when it is warmer, and we are having this climate change effect that is driving that.
Shut up already!
Why?
Shut in!
Now that's the clip of the day.
No, no, no.
I want you to have your little glorious moment with all the work you did.
Let me take you to...
That's unbelievable.
Let's tie it all together.
Let's put in some other bull crap while we're at it.
Well, here we have Jeffrey Kluger.
Wait a minute.
So what she's saying, if we solve the global...
We'll solve the gun crisis.
It solves the gun problem.
Exactly.
Move everybody to Alaska.
It's perfect.
Here is Jeff Kluger, who is the science editor...
Of Time Magazine.
Time Magazine.
And, well, you know, he basically has to, I mean, if you're a science editor at Time, you've got to be on board with the AGW, with the man-made global warming climate change.
You have to get fired.
You have to see, with these fluctuations, any further dispute among the scientific community that what we're dealing with is a result of global warming?
Yes.
Ah, what could the answer to that be?
Hmm, I don't know.
Do you think he'll buy into it?
Do you think he's still on board with the...
Do you think he'll call someone out?
I'm so curious.
Well, I think of the folks who are the climate deniers as the flat earthers and the people who say the moon landing has never happened.
Ah!
Woohoo!
At some point, the body of scientific knowledge becomes so overwhelming that if you're denying it, you're sort of willfully excluding yourself from the big people's table.
I'm not at the big people's table!
When the conversations take place.
And I do think that that argument that this is a hoax, that this is ginned up, that's really been demolished.
Shut up already.
It's science.
So, in other words, let me think, oh, I don't know.
There's a bunch of, like, Freeman Dyson, the famous physicist, he thinks it's bullshit.
And there's a million, you know, very prominent scientists who think that there's a lot of flaws in the way this is being handled and the whole thing.
Science never is an exact science.
They are no longer at the table.
Rosie O'Donnell, not Rosie O'Donnell, but Joy Behar, who we had the clip of a couple years ago, she went on a rampage about how it's a known fact, because she's an expert.
She's a scientist.
This whole thing is just, it's sickening.
Anyway, go on, I'm sorry.
So, you know, there's this video that people keep sending to me.
You can stop sending it.
And the video is a guy who apparently is some kind of movie expert, and he goes for like 45 minutes, I've watched the whole thing, showing us why the technology didn't exist to create the hoax television broadcast.
And people are so adamant that this proves that we landed on the moon.
It boggles my mind.
It really does.
So, something that was shown on television...
That is being debunked or is being proven to be real, real television means that we landed on the moon.
The science behind that boggles my mind.
And you can please stop sending that to me.
So you don't think they landed on the moon the first time, but you think they landed on the moon subsequently?
They went up there a dozen times.
How many times have they landed on the moon?
I don't know.
Eight?
Nine?
I'm not sure.
Three?
I don't know.
I'm asking you.
I'm not planning to debate that moon landing.
When is the last time we landed on the moon?
Well, we haven't landed on the moon for 100 years, it seems.
50.
Yeah, there you go.
I'm agreeing with you right.
50 years.
50.
I'm not even 50.
So, anyway, my point is, do not send me a link to this video anymore because it does not prove that we landed on the moon.
It's about a television broadcast of which no original material is available anymore.
It's all been lost.
NASA lost it.
The BBC lost it.
How do you lose that, by the way?
Yeah, well, you lose it when there's a reason to lose it.
But just please don't send that to me anymore.
Please.
People are like, you have to discuss this.
This is proof.
It's fact.
No.
It's not.
We have a lot of listeners that don't like us.
Yeah, I'm getting pretty tired of it, quite honestly.
I'm getting tired of everything.
Although it could be just a vocal, a very vocal few whose job it is to harass and harangue what doesn't agree with their life's vision of things.
Well, I think that these are the people that are coming into the show.
They're the ones that are the chatroom people.
Some.
They're in there.
A lot of it is the type of person who says, I don't agree with everything you say.
Oh yeah, that's the classic.
That's the person.
This is in the same league as you people.
No, I don't know about that.
No, I mean, the kind of person that's a you people, they're generalizing.
I don't agree with it.
Yes, there's a phrase.
They all use it.
Although I don't agree with everything you say.
I don't agree with everything you say.
Or my favorite, I don't agree with most of what you say.
Yeah.
But...
Yeah.
They agree with the one thing, and then they mention that as some sort of, we should go in that direction or something.
I don't know what the deal is.
Well, I feel that I'm a bit discouraged because I feel that we are losing a lot of people, good people, but we are losing them into, they're getting sucked in.
I mean, it's all around us.
I mean, You know what I mean?
It's like...
I've had the TV off for the last couple of days.
Mickey and I made a decision.
We said, no more television during breakfast.
Just no more.
And it's so much healthier.
You know, of course, I'm watching for the show.
I need to see the narrative, etc.
But it makes your skin crawl.
You know, I just...
I can feel it.
I can feel the...
It's like reaching out and sucking me in.
You know what I mean?
We don't have that.
Yeah, well, you're watching those crummy movies.
Yeah.
I'm not talking about the movie.
I'm just television by itself.
No, the movie I can handle because I'm a little more in control of the experience and I'm waiting for it and I know what's coming.
I know what to look for.
But when stuff is presented on television as fact, it's not.
None of it.
Just none of it.
Not a single bit.
Well, I could probably watch less television myself.
I tend to still watch probably C-SPAN and the Fox and MSNBC, people looking for people screaming.
Ed Schultz is my favorite.
Jesse, I can't watch any of that.
By the way, did you hear about the big...
He gave us a Rachel Maddow clip the other day.
Yeah, but people send me stuff.
I mean, that's not all just me watching.
There is a big shake-up, by the way, at CNN. Yeah, no, I know.
That's been going on for a while.
No, no, but now we have some names.
So Carville and his wife, Marilee Matlin, they've been fired.
They have a show?
Well, they're always on as commentators.
Oh, they're fired as commentators?
Yeah, so they're just fired.
They're just out, no more.
Well, they're terrible.
Yeah, they're has-beens.
I totally agree.
So I wonder where they're going to show up.
Let's see.
Eric Erickson.
Never heard of him.
Influential, it says.
Conservative commentator and Red State editor Eric Erickson, he's leaving, are going to Talking Points Memo.
This is so incestuous.
It's just a whole bunch of turds floating around in the same pot.
Swirling around the bowl.
So Erin Burnett is going to do a morning show that will replace Soledad O'Brien.
So Soledad is out.
I don't know if she's out like kicked off.
That's unclear.
She's been bounced from network to network.
She started off as the...
She was the go-to girl on NBC, or at least when I knew her, and she was working for MSNBC, and she was on the fast track to become an anchor of something or other, and then they dumped her, or she quit.
I don't know what happened, and they found some other multi-culti-looking woman, which is what they were after.
I think Soledad just sucks.
I mean, she's just no good.
And she just doesn't have the right attitude.
You know what she would do well?
She would do well at Fox.
She should go to Fox.
It doesn't matter.
She's just confrontational in a snooty way that doesn't fit with the CNN family.
Yeah, I'd say that you're correct, and she probably would fit in on it.
Fox and Fox is also having a shake-up.
They're bringing in brunettes.
Oh, really?
Oh, this is new.
What happened to blondes?
What's wrong with blondes?
I don't know, but every new person I've seen, there's been a brunette.
I think a lot of it has to do with this woman, Guilfoyle, the one with the legs, who used to be married to the mayor of San Francisco.
She's a prosecutor, and she's just got a drop-dead pair of legs that they show off.
It's important.
I think a law degree is very important.
Half the women on the Fox network have got law degrees.
They're weird.
Yeah.
They are very weird.
Well, yeah, there's a shake-up taking place.
It's going to happen there.
They're losing their ass.
There's no money if you can't get those numbers up.
So the president had a whole speech about...
Actually, he went to Lost Wages, Nevada, to talk about immigration.
And I have some Red Book prediction here.
I pulled a 30-second clip that I think is relevant as to what is, because that's what's next.
We have, so we've gotten healthcare, right?
I'm sorry, healthcare insurance.
Which, of course, is, you know, skyrocketed rates.
Miss Mickey is like, you know, she's trying to find another doctor because she doesn't want to go to the nut job with the orange glasses.
Who, you know, immediately was like, well, it's going to be $200 over your copay.
That one.
So, you know, she's calling around.
Good luck.
Yeah, what does she get?
I'm sorry, we don't accept Blue Cross Blue Shield.
What?
That's the one that's most accepted.
No.
It has to be, no.
It's not the good ones.
Not the good ones.
No.
If you want to get some Xanax, that's easy.
You can get that with Blue Cross Blue Shield.
You want to have a nice doctor who you can actually communicate with and will talk to you?
No.
I'm sorry.
That's out of network.
What happened to you?
You can use your doctor.
When does this Obamacare thing happen?
I'm ready for that.
I'm ready.
I'm ready to be able to use our own doctor.
Can't wait to see how true that is.
That's not going to work.
The whole system's broken.
It needs to be fixed with single payer.
So now we have, of course, the gun legislation, which is, as we know, is related to insurance, which is also related to insanity, which is related to drugs, which is back to the big pharmaceutical.
One left.
Okay, we've got immigration.
Good, finally.
There's another thing he can do for his legacy.
First, I believe we need to stay focused on enforcement.
That means continuing to strengthen security.
Hold on, hold on.
Stop, stop.
You have to start that clip over again.
It threw me out of my chair.
When he blurted out first with that authority that I... First!
Pile everybody first!
Ooh, I got it.
I nailed it.
If I say, pile everybody first, then I can do it.
Pile everybody first!
First!
First!
I believe we need to stay focused on enforcement.
First!
That means continuing to strengthen security at our borders.
It means cracking down more forcefully on businesses that knowingly hire undocumented workers.
To be fair, most businesses want to do the right thing, but a lot of them have a hard time figuring out who's here legally, who's not.
So we need to implement a national system that allows businesses to quickly and accurately verify someone's employment status.
It sounds a lot like a database to me.
Does that not sound like yet another thing?
Doesn't everything the administration is trying to do involve a database?
Which, by the way, people should know from anyone who knows anything about databases.
They're always screwed up.
You'll get some phony piece of information or you'll get cross-referenced with somebody else and it will ruin your life.
No, but this is like now you have to know what I do.
What's it going to say next to me?
Unemployed?
Self-employed?
I mean, what's it going to say?
Yeah, it's going to say unemployed, low FICA score, scrounger.
It's not going to be good.
ODD qualifies for several points on the DSM scale.
Right.
I might as well just pack it in.
I mean, I should just become the Unabomber.
I mean, that's going to be better.
Yeah.
Okay.
Now, here's the one that really got me.
So, did you know that we just gave $155 million to Syria for Syrian aid?
Yeah, I think I didn't know that.
I thought it was for tanks, but okay.
I got some questions here.
So, here's the president's statement, which was captioned, subtitles in Arabic.
Barely two years, the Assad regime has waged a brutal war against the Syrian people.
Oh, okay.
In case you didn't know, just all of you A-Rabs out there, two years have been shit.
Murdering innocent men, women, and children in their homes, in bread lines, and at universities.
Now, just listen to the words.
Wait, wait, wait.
In their homes?
In their homes, in bread lines?
Oh yeah, in the bread lines.
Yes.
Hey, what are you going to do?
Let's shoot the bread line.
It's a bread line.
Let's shoot it up.
So there was an instance of people standing at the bakery...
And they got blown up, of course, by terrorists, not by Assad regime, by the terrorists who were destabilizing the entire region.
And so that's now breadlines and in universities.
In the face of this barbarism, the United States has joined with nations around the world in calling for an end to the Assad regime and a transition that leads to a peaceful, inclusive, and democratic Syria, where the rights of all Syrians are protected.
We've worked to isolate Assad and his regime, impose sanctions that starve the regime of funds, recognize the Syrian opposition coalition as the legitimate representative of the Syrian people, call for accountability for perpetrators of atrocities, Perpetrators of atrocities.
Write this down.
This is important stuff.
Perpetrators of atrocities.
And provide humanitarian relief to Syrians in need.
I have a question before we get to it.
So if we're going to, and by the way, it's very interesting, in the memorandum for the Secretary of State, on the White House website, it says 15 million, not 155 million.
So I don't know if there's a mistake somewhere.
Well, there's obviously a mistake, but I don't know where the mistake has been made.
So what, did we just send $155 million on pallets?
Did we send one of those giant checks?
Like the lottery?
I mean, where does this go?
Where does this money go?
It's like, hey, hey people!
It's like the lottery guy shows up.
The relief we send doesn't say made in America.
Oh, it says Chase or J.P. Morgan or Bank of America, maybe.
But make no mistake, our aid reflects the commitment of the American people.
American aid means food and clean water for millions of...
Hold on a second.
Hold on a second.
I think you may have just trivialized what actually there's something fishy about this.
Yeah.
But it doesn't say Chase or J.P. Morgan.
It's saying obviously or he wouldn't have made the second clause saying don't make no mistake.
We're blah, blah, blah.
It seems as though this money is going in some roundabout way that would be an embarrassment if we knew what it was.
NGO? Yes.
Some scale operation that maybe Obama's people is part of?
Through Chicago?
Well, this is the whole NGO culture, which I'm really starting to get extremely annoyed with.
So we all feel great.
Oh, we're helping the Syrian people.
$155 million.
That's why I say, does someone go and say, hey, yo, Syrians, here's your check.
No, you know, that's not what happens.
So the president is saying he's not made in America.
So let's listen a little further.
Our aid reflects the commitment of the American people.
American aid means food and clean water for millions of Syrians.
So what are we doing?
Are we dropping sandwiches?
Are we spraying water?
Or does this money magically make water flow in everyone's house?
American aid means medicine and treatment for hundreds of thousands of patients in Damascus, Daraa, and Oms.
Now listen very closely.
It means immunizations for one million Syrian children.
Oh, oh, they're good.
Oh, finally.
We got some immunization.
So what?
We can't even get journalists in there.
Some doctor's going to go in and shoot kids up?
American aid means winter supplies for more than half a million people in Aleppo, Homs, and Deir Zor.
And we're working with allies and partners so that this aid reaches those in need.
Ah, there you go.
Allies and partners.
It's another money scam.
Okay, now here's what you didn't hear.
Did you hear our president has a problem with the letter H? Now, we determined this on the previous show, where he messed up and said, I'm honoured.
He's honoured.
So, in the space of 30 seconds, he said, ohms, and then he said, homes.
He doesn't know when or how to pronounce a word that has an H in it.
Let's review.
I'm honored and humbled to continue to serve as your president.
So that's the last episode.
I'm honored and humbled to serve as your president.
Now, this week...
Patience in Damascus, Daraa, and Oms.
Oms.
Now he says Oms.
Oms.
But wait.
But wait.
And aid means winter supplies for more than half a million people in Aleppo, Oms, and Deir Zor.
And now he says Homs.
No, he still said kind of Holmes.
No, no, no, no, no.
He says Holmes.
And you can see it when you see the video.
You can see his face grimace.
He's like, oh no, not H again.
I don't know what to do with the H. It's very difficult for me.
I think it's just the one Obama.
The other guy's fine with it.
I'm honored and humbled to continue to serve as your president.
I'm telling you, the president has an H problem.
He has an issue with the letter H. We need to find a Sesame Street episode for him.
It helps him understand when the H is silent.
I bet you there's maybe something in the DSM for this.
Yeah.
Stewie disease.
H-ophobia.
I'm going to show my school by donating to no agenda.
Imagine all the people who could do that.
Oh, yeah, that'd be fun.
It's the letter H, everybody.
I don't know what the deal is with my microphone stand, but it unscrews itself.
Oh?
We have a few people to thank.
A lot of people, not as many as I'd hope, but we did break the record for 69-69 as a celebration of the 100th show where 69-69 has come up.
We have 33 of them.
Really?
No, no, no.
Wait.
We have 33 swazzlemouths?
Yeah.
Yo, you've got to be kidding, bro.
That's a magic number.
Interesting.
Very interesting.
Yes, that's what I thought.
It would be 35 if Michael Schumacher, who's at the top of the list from Rancho Cucamonga, hadn't doubled up.
He gave us 139.38, which is a swazzle enough times two.
Sorry, dudes.
I've been slacking on the donations like everyone else, obviously.
I'm an IT slave and have been dealing with year-end and auditors from three governmental institutions.
Okay.
Karma to you both.
Karma.
Are there sirens outside of your house?
There's a fire or something going down the street.
We'll take the karma.
Thanks, Michael.
You've got karma.
Sir Michael to you.
Gus Engstrom from Seattle.
$130.13 in the morning.
Jabril, Akwan, and Mikisha.
For my first donation, I've included $130.13 to celebrate the third birthday.
Do you put this on the list?
I can't think of a better investment in the future than to contribute to the best podcast in the universe.
I would like to thank my friend Riley for hitting me in the mouth this fall and curing my addiction to the mindless advertising steep bullcrap that is sports radio.
Oh man, that is bad.
Yeah.
Although my reaction to no agenda cycles between fuming anger, helpless defeat, and hysterical laughter, I feel obliged to listen and feel a part of this effed-up country.
I'm in need of a de-douching.
I was called up by my friend Ashley Hurst in Seattle for not donating.
Also some little girl yay and karma to help me and my little man keep living the new American dream of just getting by.
Keep up the good work.
Okay.
All right.
De-douching first.
You've been de-douched.
Yay!
You've got karma.
I do love the little girl, yay.
That's kind of cool.
Yeah, it's one of the best.
Yeah.
Jason Stevens.
Sir Jason Stevens, $111.11.
And let me just quickly see.
I do have most of the anonymous ones worked out.
In other words, the ones with no thing.
Because people are, for some reason...
I don't know how to explain it, but there's a box.
It says, note to sender.
That's where you type in your notice.
You don't have to send the emails.
But apparently some people can't find this little box.
I have a feeling that maybe on some websites the link takes you into PayPal in a way that doesn't allow you to enter in a note.
Is that possible?
Because that's a feeling I've gotten.
And it's really bad because people are emailing over and over again.
And stuff gets lost, people.
Yeah, there's a lot of...
No, I don't see anything from Jason Stevens.
Okay, so anyway, he gets his...
Whoops!
Damn it.
So he came in with $111.11, and we thank him for that.
Anonymous in San Carlos, California, 100.
Please keep this donation there.
Thank you both for the great show.
Since I've been a total douche lately, I need to throw down some value for value.
The only business model that actually works for Honest News.
The real value of this show is way more than this lousy donation, but I have to buy overpriced school books from the scammers at the University of California Berkeley bookstore.
This donation is about half a school book, actually.
These school books are crazy.
These things are unbelievably scammish.
When I was a kid, this didn't exist, by the way.
Anyway, he needs some school karma.
You were a kid once?
You've got karma.
Yes, when I was younger.
Go figure.
Morten Kiernan in Copenhagen, $99.99.
ITM from Gitmo Little Mermaid, donating 3x33 and 3x0.33 for Operation Karma.
Hopefully waking up to a new no agenda with no complications from double knee surgery.
Wow.
Ow!
That's not good.
Keep up the brilliant news deconstructions.
Great for conversation pieces, so hit people in the mouth.
All right.
If I can get this thing to scroll properly.
Pete McConnell in Stockholm, New Jersey.
Oh, hold on a second.
It is...
There you go.
It's a niner, niner, niner, niner.
East Pete in Suzhou, the Paris of China.
Oh.
At the foot of the Silk Road.
Dear Jebediah and Alejandro, I am honored and humbled to support you guys with my first donation of 2013.
Despite what you may have heard, I was not moved to action by John's newsletter dated January 17th, but as soon as I heard Adam's belch in the last show, I felt compelled to donate.
Ha!
There you go!
Hiya!
Hiya!
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Anyway, the central question is that the Muppet media is vilifying the intellectual class and by extension free thought.
You guys should market a no agenda vaccine that promotes critical thinking.
Thank you both for your efforts in exposing the charade of the news and most of all for getting me to laugh at the absurdity of it all.
I'm not going to request any jingles but hope you'll talk more about the China Gitmo Nation dynamic in the future.
I think we talk about the China a lot.
Yeah, and if you have any thoughts on it, make sure to send it to us.
Yes, please.
When you make some observation or get a cute photo, send it over.
Lou the Shoe in Upland, California, 9999.
A donation for the valued media literacy program you guys provide.
The end of the show clips for the last few shows have been especially fantastic.
There's proof.
Fact.
Fact.
Please provide a double dose of 999 and a get well soon karma for Doc and the fellas, especially Rajon.
Okie dokie, we got that for you.
9999999!
You've got karma.
Anonymous from Napcatch in Arnold, Maryland.
90 or from Napcatch, I guess.
99.99.
What's up, Adam Curry and John Quincy Dvorak?
I've been sucking at the tit of the best podcast in the universe for too long and I'm in desperate need of a de-douching.
Please send some house hunting karma so my smoking hot fiancé...
Yes, send pictures.
Yes, send pictures.
I'm waiting for you to do something else.
You're looking at the KSM band.
And I can live the American dream of just getting by.
Can I also get a shut up at science for my fellow rocket scientists at Goddard Space Flight Center?
Peace out, mofos.
Oh, really?
Well, that's interesting.
So, de-douching, shut up at science, and karma.
Okay, we got that for you.
You've been de-douched.
Shut up already!
Science!
You've got karma.
There you go.
Rory Fuzka in Miamisburg, Ohio.
I love no agenda and I usually donate twice or three times a year.
Here's hoping 2013 will be better and a more stable year without the immigration cliffhanger of 2012.
I hope Mickey gets her U.S. citizenship without too much trouble.
I don't need karma for anything specific, but I would like our national treasure, Don't Look Over Here Karma, to help you guys stay safe as you come closer to discovering the truth.
Behind the Media Lies.
So, Mickey will not become a citizen.
That is a much longer journey, and I don't think she'll ever become a citizen.
I have petitioned for her to receive a green card, and upon a check...
to the Department of Homeland Security, $1,050.
This is in addition to the $1,050 I've already spent on her 01 and the $420 on the petition for the green card.
She also must submit to a medical test in which she will have to prove with the records she has, if hopefully they will be accepted, that she has had all of her shots.
Otherwise they will have to administer her shots.
Or boosters, by the way.
They may decide to give her boosters.
Yeah.
I am ashamed.
Alright, drop your panties, lady.
I am ashamed, ashamed, ashamed.
I thought, wait a minute, I thought when you married a, some of you, when you married them, they became a citizen if you're married to an American.
No, no, no, no.
No, no, she can, I can petition.
Why was I misled all these years?
They were hookers, John.
They were just trying to get you to marry them.
No, I'm saying, why?
Because it's not true.
Why is it like, oh, why do they investigate?
Somebody marries a Russian, and then they're on their case, they're investigating to see if they're just trying to get American citizenship.
No, it's just trying to get a green card.
It's just a green card.
Wait, they're spending resources on green cards?
Yeah, first of all, I'm spending thousands of dollars in checks to the United States government.
By the way, happy 10th anniversary, Department of Homeland Security, celebrated this week.
Hey, your gift is in the mail.
So you have to send this money with your form, including the medical test, which is basically to give her shots, unless she's going to try and get out of most of the things she can get out of most.
And then she has to have an interview.
And then she's on probation for two years.
And in two years, we have to come back.
And oh, if we forget...
If we forget about the two years, if we're too late, automatically green card is gone.
I'm going to get to...
Meanwhile, you can get amnesty if you sneak in through the border as a Mexican.
Is that what you're telling me?
Well, this is what most people say when I tell them this story.
I need to give you my Red Book prediction on immigration after the donations.
I have a thought as to how this is going to go down.
I didn't get to it before we hit the jingles.
Anyway, does he need karma?
That's what we're going to do.
Karma.
Oh, yeah, karma.
Thank you.
Sorry.
He says he doesn't need karma.
Oh, well, I'll take it.
But he wanted our national treasure, don't look over here karma.
Well, I can still do that.
Don't look over here.
Nothing to see here.
Look at that.
There we go.
Didn't want a karma.
You've got karma.
You've got a double karma.
Communications at Sir Howard Gutnacht in Princeville, Kauai.
He's actually in Seattle.
But I guess he moved there.
Anyway, Sir Howard Gutnick in Princeville, Kauai, where the central question is, where did all the rainbows go?
Harp Adam?
No.
Chemtrails.
That's where they went.
Okay.
Lai Chow in Daly City, California.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Gutknecht had an 8888.
I'm a total bonehead.
I'm sorry.
There we go.
Make sure I hit him with the ham call.
I don't know if he doesn't want me to talk about this.
I've had other people complain.
Somehow wrapped up a huge beer and got it through the system.
Where?
He sent me a big beer.
He sent you a beer through the mail, you mean?
One of the systems.
I can't say which.
We got our moonshine through the post.
Yeah, that actually was really well packaged.
We've got to still talk about that.
Lai Chow in Daily City, 8369.
Hey, Jewel and Atom, thank you for the best podcast in the universe.
Here's the donation amount I can afford, 83 for the last two digits of the show, and my birth year, 69 for the Swazunov Karma.
Please call out all the Burmese peoples in the Bay Area who voted for Obama as douchebags.
Douchebags!
Douchebags!
Burmese people.
Many of them are Obama bots.
You think?
Already nap for humanity, two to the head, and karma, please.
Oh, nap for humanity.
Hold on a second.
I hadn't...
Where is nap for humanity?
I don't know what happened.
We haven't done Nap for Humanity in a long time.
I think you just did it like a couple weeks ago.
Really?
Yeah.
I'll have to owe that one to you.
I have no idea where it is.
Oh, here it is.
I got it.
There we go.
Nap for Humanity.
You've got karma.
Nailed it.
Okay, let's see.
This is the 7290, right?
Yeah.
I got a note here from Alex Aldred from Calgary.
7290.
He has a very long note, which I'm only going to read part of.
It's actually one of my browsers acting up.
I don't know.
By the way, it says 7290 is two lucky numbers.
I've been a boner since episode 428.
Though I've known a lot about what you talk about before finding you and perhaps some things you've never even heard of.
And then he mentions one of the guys that does the sort of thing.
Yeah, thank you for all the hard and honest work you guys do, you know, fighting the fight, blah, blah, blah.
You're the ones that need my money most.
Not an Info Wars t-shirt to punch people in the mouth.
Not another good book to gather dust on my shelf.
Don't stop.
No agenda is the engine of truth.
You're pulling a great weight behind you, and it must be hard, but you're doing so damn well.
Anyway, so he would request a don't eat me, it's too delicious, two to the head, little girl, yay, karma.
Which is one, two, three, four, too many.
Seriously?
So don't eat me, too delicious, little girl, yay?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Two to the head.
Yeah, sure.
Don't eat me, Hillary Clinton!
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friend.
You're fine.
You're fine.
Hold on.
I like it.
Wait.
Wow!
There we go.
Sorry.
It's too many people.
No, we're going three.
Three.
If you can't be funny in three, this is like the six-second Vine clip.
You know, you gotta be concise.
Oh, Vine, please.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Six seconds of crap.
That was the title of my column.
Ah.
Sir Gavin Warren in Torak, Victoria, Australia, $7,244, which is $69.69 in Aussie dollars, ITM boys, some great karmic alliance.
How did the Aussie dollar get so high?
That's annoying.
Because we suck so bad.
Black Ops Night has just closed a great matrimonial case with the target getting some great swazzle enough action on the semi-public beach.
Yes, I got photos and video.
Yes, I'm looking for that.
Send it.
Send it.
Two to the head.
Hag laughter?
I don't know what that means.
What's hag laughter?
I don't know.
Hag laughter?
Oh, there's that laughing that we've picked a bunch of different laughers.
We don't have the good hag laugh.
It needs to be clipped out.
I have to give my two delicious two to the head.
Yeah, okay.
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friend.
You've got karma.
What?
He says, we include my birthday on the register.
We don't have a register.
If we put it in...
Your birthday is going to be forgotten.
You have to remind us on the birthday day.
Ted in Washington.
71-17.
In the morning, I'd like to hear you to dissect the spin on the tech media instead of just focusing on Paul Bull.
The tech media is really...
Here it is.
Let me just summarize.
All press releases, all crap, all the time.
Okay?
You read my column and you get it.
And thanks for checking in this week in tech, everybody.
Nice to have you, John C. Dvorak.
Perfect.
That's the show.
Enjoy.
You're both tech-savvy.
I think you can do good things.
Yeah, I don't think so.
Besides that, there's so much tech news out there, and almost 90%, all we'll be doing is, you know, what are we going to do?
Go over the Intel instruction set on this latest chip and say, no, they're wrong.
It doesn't work that way.
Oh, you just got me hard.
Can you imagine?
Yeah, no, I love talking tech once in a while.
I don't get invited to do that.
We talk tech on this show occasionally.
Yeah, and when it's appropriate, we do.
That's true.
He would like a fiscal cliff scream, shut up, it's science karma.
Fiscal cliff, shut up, it's...
Okay, I'm sorry, you distracted me with this whole...
Instruction set chitchat.
Yeah.
I was like, hey, man.
It's like, yeah, let's talk about that.
I'm kind of good to go.
Stop already.
Science.
You thought karma.
That was good for that.
Instruction set.
You know, this Adrino stuff is Audrino.
Are you familiar with this, the Audrino?
No.
No?
It's kind of a platform where you can build stuff, and it comes with wireless transmitters, receivers, and servos, and you can build...
Ooh, servos.
Yeah, now people are building some cool crap with it.
Like what?
Oh, just Google Audrino project and you'll see.
I mean, there's some...
It's a nice culture of kids making something.
So you make it, you know, there's like hardware and there's software that goes along with it.
And, you know, all kinds of stuff.
Is this like Lincoln Logs?
It's...
Thank you.
It's exactly what it is.
It's the modern day Lincoln Log.
Exactly.
I hope the kids have fun.
And why were Lincoln Logs called Lincoln Logs, huh?
Huh?
Because Lincoln lived in a log cabin.
Oh, they forgot to put that in the movie.
It seems like they forgot to put a log.
I think probably more like an erector set because they have little motors and stuff.
Maybe I'm saying it wrong.
Arduino?
Arduino?
What the hell was that thing?
It's Arduino.
I've got to just look this up.
I don't even know what it's called.
Arduino?
Arduino.
No, it's Arduino.
Arduino, that's what it's called.
Arduibo?
A-R-D-U-I-N-O. Arduino.
Why would they call it something so silly?
Look at Arduino.
You should look at it.
Alright, hit this theme.
We're on our way.
33 of these babies.
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friends.
69, 69. 69, 69, dudes.
Yay.
Okay, this is going to chew up a few minutes, but...
That's Bernie Adama, Sir Bernie to you in Hinton, Iowa.
And these are all 69, 69, so I don't have to keep saying it over and over.
In the morning, Alvin and Jeb.
Happy Swazzle Enough Centennial Show.
Please give a shout-out to Daylight Donuts in Sioux City.
And keep your outstanding work coming.
God's blessing to both of you and Miss Mimi.
I would like a It's Climate Gate followed by Shut Up It's Science.
Mmm, okay. .
To the gate, to the gate, to the climate gate.
Shut up already!
It's science!
You know what bothers me?
Yeah, lots of stuff.
Earlier in the show, you mentioned the science writer or whoever it was that was moaning about how people are ignoring the truckloads of evidence.
Is anybody from that side of the fence ignoring the truckload of evidence from ClimateGate where the guys would literally say, well, we can't quite get to the numbers we want, so we've phonied up the data?
Do they ever pay?
Does that count as anything?
In other words, that the data that we're looking at that's so conclusive may be phonied up?
Hey, do you think we landed on the moon?
I think we did land on the moon.
Do you think that the Earth is flat?
The earth is flat where I'm standing.
Okay.
Troy Haskin, Madison, Wisconsin.
Hey, hi, old citizens.
Sorry I haven't donated in a while.
Hi, old citizens.
Why?
Because the central question is I'm living the American dream of just getting by.
Right?
Fact!
Yay!
But the opportunity to participate in Swazzle Enough 100 is just too delicious to believe, so here you go.
Keep up the best journalism in the universe, gentlemen.
Lovely.
Thank you.
Troy Villescas.
Seven, Maryland.
First time donor from Dallas.
Yay!
From Maryland, Dallas.
Good job with the database there.
PayPal.
PayPal.
He needs a de-douching and a getting-laid karma for my friend, John.
You've been de-douched.
You've got karma.
Nice.
Kevin McDowell in Louisburg, Kansas.
Jarvis and Alvin of the best podcasts in the universe.
You guys had me cracking up on the drive home during show 480 listening to the JCD fumble fart around trying to view images on his dilapidated browser.
That's dilapidated to you.
Dilapidated.
Here's 6969 to help with the browser upgrade.
Can I get a douche call out from my brother?
Okay.
Douchebag.
Who says he can't find the time to listen to No Agenda after he got his iTunes iPod set up to download the show.
Long live the swazzle.
What's he doing?
Is he on the NPR podcast list?
I have no idea.
Probably.
That's the big podcast.
Maybe the Adam Carolla show.
He's too occupied with the real news over there.
Anonymous in La Jolla?
Says nothing.
Doesn't want to talk about it.
Sir Sam Lung in Toronto, our buddy.
Hello, gents.
Swazzle enough karma I asked for previously.
Didn't pan out, unfortunately.
But that's all right.
You guys still rock.
Just looking for JCD. You will obey, jingle.
Followed by Atlas Shrugged.
You will obey.
You will obey.
Atlas Shrugged.
By Ayn Rand.
I found the old clip.
That's good.
Archibald Kelly, Niagara Falls, Ontario.
From Niagara Falls, nuts.
I haven't donated for a while, but my subscription is alive and well.
You sure?
Okay, well, good if you check.
I know it's a bit of a dry period, so give yourselves a shot at Carmen.
See what that will improve the situation.
Sloan Kelly.
P.S. Adam, if you want to play Atlas Shrugged because of the nuts bit, feel free.
What do you think it's going to do?
You've got karma.
Nope.
Nope.
I'm not going to do that to my buddy, my podcasting partner.
Good.
Matt Lithka in Tinley Park, Illinois.
Can I get an LGY and shut up at science?
Thanks, dudes.
Yeah, I can give you that.
What's LGY? Oh, come on.
How many times do I have to tell you?
Yay!
Oops.
Shut up already.
Sorry.
Science.
LGY is little girl yay.
Yeah.
I knew that.
Along with the fact that I saw Argo.
I'm not going to let that go.
Glenn Riccio.
Sir Glenn Riccio to you.
Charlottesville, Virginia.
Happy birthday on Friday to Lynn.
We have to put Lynn on the MILF list.
Put Lynn on the birthday list.
Okay, send pictures so we can check.
Rikio to MILF Lynn.
Lynn, MILF Lynn.
L-I-N. Jacob Schultz.
Sorry.
Jacob Schultz is in Rockwood, Ohio.
Do you think she's an Asian MILF? I don't know.
Could be.
L-I-N? It's an Asian name, but it could be anything.
Um...
In the morning, John and Adam, can I get a douchebag call-out from my friend Ruzbe Abadi?
Douchebag!
He got me onto your show about a year ago but has yet to donate.
This call-out will probably prompt him to donate and call me out as a douchebag as well.
So I would like to request a preemptive de-douching.
Your last shows have been awesome.
Keep up the good work.
Alright, de-douching?
You've been de-douched.
Actually in Toronto, Ontario.
Not Rockwood, Ohio.
I guess he moved.
Paul J. Sankowski.
Sir Paul to you in Winooski, Vermont.
Up there in the cold Vermont.
Can't get there from here.
6969.
ITM, my good fellows.
JC's brainwashing missive worked.
Could I get a karma two to the head little girl yay to get me through the late January thaw?
Yay!
You've got karma.
Brian, Sir Brian Barrow in Wooten someplace.
What does it say?
Wooten, Bass, Bass?
Wiltshire, Wiltshire, Gitmo Nation UK, I guess.
Anyway, keep the streak going, let you know how much I appreciate the show now about Michelle Obama and mac and cheese.
By sheer coincidence, I listened to your latest ridiculing of that celebrated dish last Saturday night, having just returned from a surprise party with a portion of the stuff in a doggy bag.
As someone whose family comes from the Barbados, I know that a family gathering isn't complete without...
It's mac and cheese.
So when Michelle kept repeating mac and cheese, it's code.
She was telling the West Virginian diaspora that she is just like them.
Now give me a douchebag because I should have donated sooner some mac and cheese and a side order of karma if you get the mac and cheese.
Few slaves can get used to mac and cheese.
Mac and cheese macaroni and cheap cheddar melt together.
Mac and cheese, mac and cheese, mac and cheese.
You've got karma.
Mac and cheese for you, slave.
Benjamin Ross in Palencia.
Or Palencia.
Yeah, Palencia.
California.
I was the first person to call out a douchebag, friend, for not donating to your show.
Jose Fonteo.
The original douchebag.
And he donated a week later.
Two years ago!
But since it was early on, he was not de-douched.
Let's keep it that way and call him a douchebag again.
Douchebag!
You should donate again as we've both enjoyed the show through the years.
Love what you do.
Keep it up and thank you for all your hard work.
I love it when people have been listening to us for years.
That's really, that's good.
That's really nice.
It feels like family.
It is family.
Yeah.
But I think, I didn't realize that Ben here was the originator of the douchebag call-out.
Is he?
It's a long time ago.
We just let these things happen.
That's huge.
I wonder what episode that was.
Ask him.
I know.
It's got to go way back.
He says over two years ago.
But he wanted a douchebag call out before we had the douchebag jingle because it became so popular we needed a little douchebag thing.
Right.
I don't even know who gave us the douchebag thing.
I don't even know where that came from.
I don't know nothing.
I'm clueless.
We're clueless.
Sir David Rosa's not in Clarkston, Michigan.
Keep up the great work.
Keep all the boners out there.
A great big, come on already, it's Science Plus Douchebag.
Shut up already!
Science!
Douchebag!
Like that?
Sir Thomas Fields in Auburn Hills, Michigan.
Dear Itchy and Scratchy, it's a honor to be a knight of the No Agenda Roundtable, but also to be given the opportunity to become a member of the Hecto Swazzelnuff Club.
That's far too good of an opportunity to pass up.
Could I please get a Shut Up at Science one hot MILF baby for my smoking hot wife and a career karma for myself?
Keep hitting them in the mouth.
Oh, wow.
Okay.
Shut up already!
Science!
That's one hot milk, baby.
You've got karma.
Something sad about that jingle.
Sir Robert Goschko in Sherwood Park, Alberta.
ITM, John and Adam, keeping the streak alive from Gitmo Nation back bacon.
Keeps hitting him in the mouth.
Can I get a simple karma shot to the dream to keep the dream alive?
Thank you, Sir Rob.
You've got karma.
You bet.
You bet.
Mark Philip Thomas in Gold Bar, Washington.
I donated a year ago and asked for karma to help me find a new job.
Turns out I got two of them.
The first was part-time for the U.S. Postal Service.
Just after I got the job, you guys started discussing all the problems with the mail service.
I wound up quitting due to low hours and unsteady work week.
Now I'm working for the main logistics supplier that receives stores and transports most of the inventory for a certain liner of dreams.
Oh, okay.
A dreamliner, if you will.
You think?
Uh-huh.
Now, those planes are grounded.
I'm a little worried.
Please give me a karma shot to either help with the job security or help me find an even better job.
Also, why is it you guys always start talking bad about the 787 as I'm driving through the factory floor?
Yeah.
I'm likely to get beat up over there.
Hold on a second.
This is a war between you guys and Airbus.
We have no dog in the hunt.
However, we're not fans of the plastic planes.
I've just got to say it again.
Sheet metal and rivets, which you Boeing folks are really good at.
Can I say something to you about that?
Yeah.
Those days are over.
Yeah, okay.
What, sheet metal and rivets?
Those days are not over.
They're over.
This is all done.
We're screwed.
We're all going to be driving around in plastic plates.
Oh, okay, okay.
But it's not like you're saying it's a good thing, but you're saying it's just over.
I like the sheet metal and plastic rivets.
The things are solid.
You can punch them.
No plastic rivets.
No, no, no.
It's not like, what is the plastic rivets?
You know, it's like the, what's that car, that crappy car that East Germans built that was made out of some weird goo made out of pulp and plastic?
The Trabant?
The Trabant.
Hey!
Yeah, that's what we're driving.
Now all the planes are basically Trabants.
Trabant Airline Company.
You've got karma.
If you have not seen the Trabant, you need to Google the...
You know, there's another great car from that era, the Lada.
Oh, the Lada.
Well, the Lada at least is made out of steel, I think.
It's not made out of this.
It's not even plastic.
You have to look it up.
It's made out of wood pulp and some other crap.
You mean the Trabant?
Yeah, the Trabant.
Let's just take a look at it.
Trabant?
Hold on a second.
We need to consult the Book of Knowledge.
Let's just see what it was made of, specifically.
Hold on a second.
I don't think it says what it was made of in the Book of Knowledge.
You think it was made of wood?
No, yeah, it was wood.
It was this plastic that they designed in East Germany that used wood pulp as a bonding agent or something.
But it's wood and some resins.
You need to look at the Book of Knowledge.
They have the Trabant 601 Deluxe Limousine.
Ooh.
You've got to look at it.
Let me see if I have material.
Let's see what it was made of.
Here, full production.
Oh, okay.
The Trabant was a steel monocoque?
What?
Yeah, that means under frame was a steel.
It was a certain style.
How do you pronounce that?
Monocoque?
I don't know how it's pronounced.
Monocoque, I thought.
Monocoque.
That's what I thought.
I got a monocoque for you.
Yeah, I bet you do.
With roof, boot, fenders, and duroplast.
Yeah, that's a duroplast.
It was a hard plastic, similar to Bakelite, made of recycled materials, made from cotton waste, fennel resins, and poop.
Duroplast.
I love Duroplast.
I need to be some Duroplast.
We need to make this.
Apparently, now it says it's related to Bakelite, but my understanding is that it could be bent.
So there would be occasionally, somebody would hit the side of one of these things and push in the door.
Yeah, it would dent in, right.
It would dent in, and then they'd pop out randomly.
And this guy from East Germany told me, he says, apparently people would be walking by and this thing would pop out with this huge explosion and scare the crap out of passersby.
This kind of life is lost.
This history is lost to Americans.
Trabant and the car tuning community.
The very first tuning attempts can be dated back to the production times where a large number of amateur rally drivers fiddled, great word, fiddled with their flying guitar picks Name devised from the plastic material used for several outer parts of the carrosserie to outperform their friendly rivals in their own rally racing category.
We need to reinstate this.
I'm a big fan of this idea.
This is very good.
And I need a Trabant.
Hey, Mickey!
I'm going to get Mickey a Trabant.
There's your next car.
That's it.
Let me see.
I think having a Trabant would be...
Trabant for sale in Austin.
Let me see if I can find it.
I bet you they're too expensive.
I bet you they're outrageous.
As a collectible.
Trabant sales, classic.
Let's see.
Oh, they're hard to come by, it looks like.
Let's see what the price is.
1989 Trabant 601.
And they go for about...
Wow.
Wow.
2,000 pounds.
That's like...
I'm just...
It's about $3,000.
But they look bitchin'.
Well, now they do.
Yeah, it looks great.
Oh, man.
She'll love it.
And we can put the big snare drum headlights on the front.
There you go.
I can filch those off of the Range Rover.
I can put the woofer.
I got a big subwoofer for her.
I can put that in there.
You'd be rocking Austin with a Trabant and a big sound system.
I think we have a winner.
And I bet you that Duroplast would really be a good resonator.
Probably, yeah, if it doesn't crack.
Love it.
Love it.
Great.
Well, this was a nice little side job.
Nice.
Jeffrey Wolf in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Love the end of the show clip last episode.
It was a doozy.
It was mine.
Yeah, well, was he bitching about it?
No, because it was mine.
No, it wasn't because it was yours.
He likes little clips.
People listen to these clips.
Big to fail my ass.
That is why I love the show and continue to donate.
Value for value, can I get a shot of karma to help ward off the stress heart attack I'm working on?
Yes, please, don't get a heart attack.
You've got karma.
Okay, um...
Rene Estevez.
Estevez in Orlando.
Florida.
Hey there Armando and Juan Carlos and Maria.
I'm donating on behalf of a good friend who is currently getting fucked by cancer.
Hence the 6969.
She is currently getting some tests done and we are in dire need of some good news.
So please send some fuck cancer karma her way.
I do believe in the power of karma and the well wishing of the no agenda community can help even if it's only a little bit.
P.S. If you have any doubts that karma works, on my last donation, I requested the karma for my housemate to find a job.
The next day, he scored an interview.
He is currently working at the same place I am.
Just another department.
What are the odds?
Can you say, can you say, that's ridiculous, Lucy.
That's ridiculous, Lucy.
You've got karma.
This is really ridiculous.
Fred!
You can do it.
You can do it.
You can do a total Ricky Ricardo.
Fred Ethel!
Come on, do it.
Try it.
I'm not doing it.
I didn't even know I was doing the voice.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Lucy!
No, I'm sure Estevez has got a sense of humor.
That was hilarious.
So, Kent O'Rourke, I can't find anything from Kent, Sir Kent, in Frostburg, Maryland.
I was hoping to maybe send an email, but no.
Christian Herzog, Sir Christian Herzog in Elwood, Illinois.
Hello, hola amigos.
Sir Zog of Elwood here.
I'm making a contribution, not for myself, but for my buddy Matt Lomar.
I hit him in the mouth on a road trip and he's taken off running, smacking additional people in the kisser.
Matt gives me hope.
Since as a recent high school graduate, he's working for a living.
Now, while attending school, he's definitely not the noodles kid and would likely kick the noodles kid's ass.
I would like to put this donation toward kicking off Matt's knighthood and working up a little swazzle of karma for him.
So if you could hit him with some Hey Citizen Tutor the Head karma, I'd appreciate it.
I bet he'd appreciate it even more.
Yeah, absolutely.
Hey Citizen!
You've got karma.
Uh, Joshua Brickner, Longmont, Colorado.
Can I get an Atlas Shrugged followed by bullshit and a karma call-up from my niece, McKenna, just because she deserves it?
Uh, yeah, sure.
Atlas Shrugged.
Bullshit.
What?
Hey!
You've got karma.
Nice combo.
I like that one.
Sir Oleg Rackatini in Richmond Hill, Ontario, 6969.
Thanks for the great work and can I have a job search karma?
Yes, please.
You need some jobs.
You've got karma.
Elizabeth Bozerin.
Borosan.
Elizabeth Bozeran.
Borosan.
I want to say Bozeran, but it's Borosan in Tucson.
B2 in Tucson asked for a de-douching and don't eat me Hillary Clinton.
You've been de-douched.
Shut up.
Sorry.
Shut up.
Shut up, Dr.
Kiki.
I'm sorry.
I gotta do that one again.
That was bad.
Where's...
Whoa.
Let's try that again.
You've been de-douched.
Don't eat me, Hillary Clinton!
There we go.
It's gonna be done, you know.
She's over and out.
It's like we have to do something else.
She's not gonna be around for us to make fun of anymore.
Who?
Hillary!
Oh, she's always going to be around.
No, I'm worried.
Well, maybe you're right.
It might be something we have to retire until she gets back and becomes president.
I'm worried.
I'm worried.
KJB Properties in Houston, Texas.
With all the swazzle enough going on here, just through some of that all-purpose good karma on top, happy swazzle enough, Kyle Blank.
Thank you, Kyle.
Happy swazzle enough.
You've got karma.
Happy swazzle enough, everybody.
Black Knight era Dardarian in Trabuco Canyon, California.
Keeping the streak alive, can I please have a Don't Eat Me, Hillary, followed by a Too Delicious?
My daughter Gracie just loves that one.
Don't you?
Eat me, Hillary Clinton!
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friend.
Okay, I hope Gracie got a kick out of that.
Tell Gracie to record some stuff while she's still a little kid.
Did you hear the new one that we got?
What?
Did you hear the new one that we got?
I played it, but I don't think you'd...
Yeah, you played it.
I didn't just concentrate on it.
What did you play?
Yeah, hold on a second.
Did you like it?
No, you don't.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's not as understandable as Don't Eat me, Hillary Clinton.
Shut up already.
It's science.
It's Gabby Giffords.
Yeah, very good.
Send that one over to Kiki.
Elliot Rothman in Atlanta, Georgia.
Apparently not bright enough to figure out how to add a comment while making a donation, so I hope you read this on the show.
Conrats on the 100 episodes, 6969.
Dudes, I'm a long-time listener, long-time monthly-paying subscriber, but this is my first significantly-sized contribution.
May I have a mac and cheese, two delicious, shut-up science to celebrate.
You slaves can get used to mac and cheese.
Mac and cheese.
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friend.
Stop already.
Science.
Sorry.
Bonus.
Didn't mean to do that.
I jumped on the cliff.
Sorry.
A little bonus there.
Didn't mean to do that.
Jeffrey Gerlach in Alamo.
A little quick karma is what he wants.
Ow.
Ow.
You've got karma.
Painful.
And we have Sir Baron von Pelsmacher of Belgium and France.
ITM, or rather, Parla Moana to Margarita.
Parla Moana.
Parla Moana.
See, I just got a bunch of garbledy gook.
I'm trying to guess what it is.
I got the wrong font on this machine.
To Margarita, Marisol, Alonso, and Jesus.
Even as I am becoming more of a slave to the almighty financial institutions in order to avail myself of a replacement castle...
I cannot turn a deaf ear to the increasingly desperate pleas of the tireless and indomitable progenitors of the absolute best podcasts in the universe.
All the more so as I allegedly, as this is allegedly the 100th episode of the Swaziland of Streak.
So in honor of Karen with a nice rear, calipidious as it were, What better time to ask for some of that inverse karma for a better future for the fellow dames and knights in the No Agenda Roundtable, as well as for a peaceful new beginning for myself soon.
Please bestow upon Lizzie a damehood.
And Dr.
Kiki, if you're listening, every castle needs a proper scientist in one of its impregnable towers.
The barony of Belgium and France is willing to extend to you an offer you can't refuse.
Je bent hier mir dan welcome.
Mar ik, ho min bec al het ist ten slot vet en chop.
I keep up the great work.
Excellent.
Excellent, excellent.
Well done, John.
He says, we keep up the great work, but I think he keeps up the great work.
Can you do that thing again and then just go and say, do the Dutch, but then end it up with, Lucy!
I mean, that would be perfect.
Harry Pilgrim in Fredericksburg, Virginia.
I'm never doing the Spanish accent again.
Wait, I've got to give karma.
It was the inverse karma that the Baron wanted.
Oh, yeah.
I'll make sure we do that.
You've got karma.
Don't piss off the Baron.
No, the Baron is the...
We can't go to France or Belgium.
No.
Without his permission.
Harry Pilgrim in Fredericksburg.
Good old Harry.
Harry, how you doing?
Keeping this week alive, requesting a little swazzle enough karma.
Jen and I are celebrating our 22nd anniversary on the 31st.
We have a plaque in our kitchen that reads, happiness is wanting what you have.
After 22 years, I can honestly say...
I want everything that I have.
Happy anniversary, Jennifer.
Aw, they're sweet.
Remember they're the ones that picked us up from the airport, Hot Pockets 2008?
Yeah.
Remember that?
No, I'm giving them a little Swazenov Karma.
You've got karma.
She's fiery.
Good luck.
You know, she's so fiery, she like broke his leg.
What?
Yeah, I'm telling you.
He's dead?
Well, I don't know where it happened, but I know she broke it.
He says it was like, oh, whatever, you know, bullcrap.
I know she's just, she's fiery.
She broke his leg.
Okay, Jamie Richard, who sent us an email from Boston, Massachusetts.
Nuts.
Hey, Manti and Linnae.
I've recently had my eyes open to the atrocities here in Gitmo Nation.
You guys are doing a great job at keeping them open.
Now I've been trying to Hey, citizen.
You've got karma.
Mahmoud Hamad in Sumner, Washington.
What Mahmoud?
He emails me from time to time.
ITM Joseph Smith in Admiral Akbar.
It's been over a year since my friend hit me in the mouth and I've been listening to every show I can.
Thanks so much for providing us amazing service and now that I have some income, you can expect to hear much more from me.
Well, nice.
Thank you, Mahmoud.
Lovely.
Math...
Batuu, Phillips, or Matthew, Y and Dote, Michigan, just simply says, show 100 and ends it.
That's it!
69!
69, kids!
All right!
Wow, should we just retire the swallows enough?
Which we've been trying to.
Now, of course, it will happen.
I'm thinking of making it the minimum donation for all this chatter that we do.
That's not a bad idea.
Yeah, we'll just move it up to $69.69, and then we're stuck with it forever, which just looks like it's going to happen anyway.
Yeah, okay.
It's kind of one of our things, one of our memes.
Kyle Rogers in Lost Wages, Nevada, 5555.
Keep up the great work.
Hit him with some Finish the Project Karma.
You've got karma.
Toby Wilson in Hove, East Sussex, double nickels on the dime.
ITM Statler and Waldorf, first time donor, long time boner.
This is actually the third time I've wanted to donate.
The first time I wanted to get myself some karma before going on to one of the UK's major TV game shows.
I forgot and guess what happened?
I went home with nothing and the other three contestants went home with 40,000 pounds between them.
God.
Then I was going to donate and ask for karma for a home purchase.
But I forgot.
And guess what happened?
No.
The sale fell through a week before we were meant to move in.
And thanks to the lousy British house selling systems, I lost $1,000 to boot in fees as well.
He got gazumped.
So now, this fee thing is of tax, by the way, don't kid yourself.
He got gazumped.
That's what they call it there.
He got gazumped.
Gazumped, with a P, gazumped.
Oh.
So now I'm donating and taking Adam's mantra that you can't just donate to get karma for yourself, but to show gratitude and value for value for the good guys you work, that you guys do, us.
Can I have a smoking hot milk for my wife, a little girl, yay, for my two-year-old human resource?
And if it's not tempting, fade a little, a bit of house-buying karma for the next purchase to go through smoothly.
Yes, we can do all of that.
I just need...
Sorry. Sorry.
Sometimes it gets stuck.
That's not what I want.
I don't know where that came from.
That's not what I want.
All right.
It's milf and then what?
Milf little girl yay.
That's one hot milf, baby.
It's almost too delicious to believe, my friend.
You've got all karma.
Sorry.
I'm out of control.
He got more than he asked for.
Yes.
That should accomplish something.
Brian Wright, Pasadena, Maryland.
Double nickels on the dine.
Since times are slow, I feel it's time for another donation to the best podcast in the universe.
My wife's birthday is on January 31st, so please put her on the list.
I would like to request a MILF for my wife and an In the Morning for my son, Lane, and some general all-purpose karma for the three of us.
Thanks for everything you guys do, and just keep up the fantastic work.
MILF! That's one mother I'd like to.
In the morning!
You've got karma.
And he is actually on the list with his celebration.
Yeah.
Okay, so we got George Tangent from Invergrove, Minnesota Nuts.
And he sent in an email.
Just made 50 bucks, but elected to accompany it with a message.
My father passed away yesterday, and while he had no knowledge of no agenda, he raised me in such a way that I was destined to find you.
He always enjoyed a good debate, and most importantly, he respected others' views.
It's been a while since I've ponied up for the contribution, so now it seems fitting.
A karma shot would be perfect if you'd be so kind.
My father, son, and I all share the same name, George, but only the bill collectors and TSA agents know me as George.
You can call me Chip.
But perhaps once I earn my knighthood, I ought to go back to George to make it official.
Okay.
Okay.
You've got karma.
Terrence Gore, San Jose, California.
50.
I mentioned need to get in vaccination biz.
How about offering Patsy vaccinations to us all citizens for 50 bucks?
One year warranty.
Guarantee 99% effective just by mentioning our names on the air.
Thanks.
Guarantee 99%.
Okay.
I have no idea what he said.
I like it, though.
Eric Henry in Orlando, 50.
ITM Jabari and Abaddon.
I would like to donate more by living the American dream of slowly but surely becoming a debt slave.
Adam, through all the bull crap that's been pushed out recently, is it possible that the powers that can be slipped in a national ID card somewhere?
What better way to track you slaves' crazy levels, numbers of guns, correct medicals?
That's kind of what we said in the show today.
Just thought no agenda is great for marriages.
Fact!
Why?
Because the central question is all about communication.
After hitting my wife in the mouth a while back at dinner, the other night...
Yo, bitch!
She asked me if I felt Sandy Hooks was a hoax.
This is after she listened to some of the in-depth research you provide.
We spent the next hour breaking it down and walking away at the kids past fire station to sit Indian-style in a psychologist's front yard...
Bullshit.
33 is the magic number clip that explains everything.
Karma to noagendacd.com.
Request pipeline CD file.
Oh, yes.
Noagendacd.com is up and running.
So I guess we'll be doing that.
We have all kinds of CDs coming.
Compilations.
Good work there, gentlemen.
Good work.
Yeah, I like the compilations.
Hey, thanks, Eric.
We need those to promote the show.
Sir, did he want karma?
He wants karma.
Sorry.
Sorry.
I missed that.
On three.
Oh, it was Bullshit 33 Karma.
Oh, I didn't understand that.
Bullshit!
There we go.
Kind of reversed it there on him.
That's good.
It's the magic number.
We like it that the whole family's involved with the show.
That's what we want.
It's not going to work out with one member of the family that listens to the show and then becomes very skeptical.
Well, the other one's an Obama bot.
It's just not going to work.
Yeah, and it's not just Obama bot.
I mean, that was mischaracterized.
Yeah, same thing.
Same thing.
Exactly.
Thank you.
You have to say that.
You've got to disclaim that.
Otherwise, people will think you're a Republican.
Oh, you hate Obama!
And a moon landing denier.
Sir Lawrence McBride in Morton, Merseyside, UK. Greetings from Gitmo East, Ben.
It's been a while since I donated.
Not as much as I wanted to give, but I've been gainfully employed for a few months.
Unemployed?
Oh.
I've got to get back to the screen where I can actually see it.
Try reading.
Let's get back to the screen.
What are you doing?
Are you knitting?
I was just ad-libbing it.
I'm conserving my pennies.
Job karma plus Dr.
Kiki.
Okay.
You've got karma.
Shut up already!
Science!
Alright, here we go.
Here's a guy who knows what he's doing.
Link me.
Winterville, Georgia.
I'm canceling my $5 a month subscription and upping it to $50 a month until I reach knighthood.
Wow.
All right.
Please mention my WordPress plugin, link, L-E-E-N-K dot me.
Godspeed, Lou.
Yeah, and I donated $143.69 on Valentine's Day last year and you guys didn't get it.
It's $143 equals I love you in text speak.
Number of characters per word.
Hello?
Duh!
Huntsman plus Dr.
Kiki, please.
Boy, we are dumb.
This is for sure.
We should have immediately spotted that.
Shut up already!
Science!
You've got karma.
One, four, three.
I never knew the one, four, three.
We're not hip like the kids anymore, I guess.
Yeah, the kids.
Those kids.
Ulrich Hansen in someplace or other.
Copenhagen, is that right?
Or 23?
I don't know.
I think it's Copenhagen.
I think it's Copenhagen.
Modest donation may bring you one step closer to the revised American dream.
Martin Krupka in Ludwigshafen, Deutschland.
This is a short note.
You're very welcome.
Thank you.
James Stevens in Mineral Wells, Texas 50.
And that concludes our list of the No Agenda special 100th show with the Swazzle Enough.
And we want to thank everybody who donated.
And don't forget, we do have a show on Sunday, which nobody has been listening too much.
So go to Dvorak.org slash NA. We need some executive producers.
We're dying here without them.
So, I have a question.
I have Lizzie on the list.
Does she receive her damehood already?
I mean, is there an accounting?
I mean, it says...
You weren't listening to me.
No, I heard the Baron...
She was granted damehood by the Baron.
Right.
But I think he said he wanted to get her a knighthood already.
It wasn't necessarily...
Re-read this.
Where is the Baron?
There he is.
Okay.
Okay.
Please bestow upon Lizzie a damehood soon.
Soon.
Does that mean...
I just wanted to know if...
Yeah, no, I think this is his.
Okay.
Because we promised that we're going to use one of his blanks.
Oh.
And so he's just now saying, hey, do it, will ya?
One of his blanks.
You get it?
One of his blanks.
One of his blanks.
All right, hold on a second.
First, I want to remind you that it will be wide open for executive and associate executive producers on Sunday.
We really do need the help.
It's the seesaw thing that is a little weird, you know, because we've got a lot of stuff still to do on this show, and it'd be nice if we could balance it out.
We do appreciate your help for the best podcast in the universe.
Dvorak.org slash NAV. It's your birthday, birthday!
On No Agenda!
Here we go.
The list has been augmented.
Brian Wright, first of all, he wants to congratulate his wife.
She is celebrating today.
Glenn Riccio's milk wife, Lynn, and Gus Enstrom's little beau, turns three.
Happy birthday from all of your buddies here at the No Agenda Show, the best podcast in the universe!
It's your birthday, yeah!
Alright.
So, I feel like we should probably change the rewards for the round table if we're doing Lizzie.
You know what I'm saying?
Oh.
Right?
Yeah, because Lizzie's like five.
Yeah.
So that is Lizzie, for those of you who don't know.
She's fantastic, and she is an actress.
She has Oscar written all over her.
And on behalf of all of the No Agenda dames and knights, and specifically Baron Stephen von Pelsmockers, well, we're going to roll out the blades there.
John, if you could get yours, please.
There we go.
Lizzie!
Step forward, young lady!
You have become, I believe, the youngest dame of the Noah General Roundtable, but we could not do the best podcast in the universe without your help.
Don't eat me, Hillary Clinton.
We'll live forever thanks to you.
We hereby pronounce the Dame Lizzie, Dame of the No Agenda Roundtable.
Come on over, Lizzie.
Hang out with your fellow Knights and Dames, and one day, one day, we'll have some cool stuff for you to enjoy.
You're old enough.
Uncle Adam will show you all about it.
It'll all be good.
We'll take care of you.
Milk and cookies.
I could have done that.
Milk and cookies, exactly.
Attention all human resources.
Now entering second half of the show.
Now entering second half of the show.
I got a quick couple things.
Oh, first, let me...
You want my prediction on this immigration thing?
I've got a prediction for the Red Book.
We haven't done a Red Book in a while.
Okay, so we have 11 million illegal immigrants, and how are we going to make them all legal, which is clearly what we need to do.
I mean, there's just no doubt about it, but it's not going to happen through legislation.
You will agree with me, John, is it going to be a whole thing, oh, the Senate says it's great, and then the House will be, oh, we can't do it, it's back and forth.
It's another just, it's a time suck.
But can I ask you a question in advance of your prediction?
Yeah.
When they do this broad sweep, they're going to throw in Mickey and all these other people that are here the same way?
Nope.
Why?
No, because I'm going to tell you how it's going to go down.
So whenever we need to usher in some kind of legislation, we need some kind of horrific event.
Right?
Right.
So here it is.
We will have a group of beautiful Latino women and children, so from Mexico, and they will be here, and I'm going to give you the news story.
I'm giving it to you, and hear me now, believe me later.
This is how I would do it if I was as evil as these a-holes running the show.
So first of all, they're all pretty looking.
They're all beautiful.
Because most of them really are.
Especially the young Latinas, just beautiful.
Beautiful children, beautiful mothers.
And they're going to be sent back.
But they're going to be sent back to some horrible place in Mexico where they really were escaping from.
So they weren't here really for jobs.
They were here for safety and security in the sanctuary that the United States offers.
And a large number of them will be slaughtered by the gang or whatever this horrible place is in Mexico.
And that will be used and it will be turned around into, we can't send these people back.
Mexico is a mess.
We have to naturalize them all now.
You can wait for this to happen.
It's a good one.
Write it down.
I wrote it down.
I mean, there's no qualms about shooting up anybody else here in America, so why not have it happen over there?
We've got tons of violence.
They don't even have to shoot them.
They can just say they shot them.
So this is just the, you know, we...
Mass grave found.
Yeah, it's going to be something like that.
It's really going to be bad.
And they're going to have pictures, by the way.
Pictures of dead children and dead women.
And we go, oh, well, we can't be sending these people back.
We can't send them back.
So we have to keep them here and naturalize them.
That is what is going to go down.
In case you missed this, John...
She makes me feel like she's with me and she's beside me singing along with me.
Somewhere over the rainbow Are you familiar with this song, John, or this particular version?
Yeah, this is the children of Sandy Hook, who have been appearing on shows here and there, performing the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow, originally performed, of course, by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz.
Now, if you were to Google MKUltra and Somewhere Over the Rainbow, you will get a million YouTube hits.
This is the song that is meant to trigger MKUltra mind-controlled subjects.
So that is very interesting.
And I'm not making this up.
This has been a topic of discussion for 20 years, maybe even longer.
And now these children, the survivors of Sandy Hook or whatever they're called, are actually singing this song.
What's even crazier, though, is that Judy Garland, did you know that she had a record company?
No, I didn't know that she did.
She had a record company and she released songs for Annie Go Get Your Gun.
The name of her record company?
Sandy Hook Records.
That's a good one.
They like to throw it in your face, my brother.
I'm just saying.
They like to throw it in your face.
Sandy Hook Records.
All right, everybody, here's the headline.
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Erin Burnett.
Out front tonight, attack of the drones.
The American government is launching a new war.
Some of this country's 7,500 drones may be about to take off with new targets in their sights.
Today, Niger's ambassador to the United States tells CNN his government has agreed to allow the American military to place drones in his country in an effort to gather intelligence on neighboring Mali, Algeria, and Libya.
Three spots where we've seen a recent explosion and al-Qaeda linked attacks on Americans.
Oh, it's Al-Qaeda.
Okay, great.
No, no.
This is called Operation Sabre.
And this has been going on since September of last year.
You can Google Operation Sabre.
S-A-B-R-E. The French have been on this.
They've been waiting to go in.
This is not like some amazing surprise.
This has been going on for, what is it?
That's almost half a year?
Five months?
No, four months.
Operation Sabre has been ramping up, and it is mind-boggling that when we did this in Libya, the approach was, oh, let's do it through the United Nations, and we'll do a no-fly zone.
Now it's just like no questions asked.
We have a couple of dudes from Canada go in, shoot up the place a little bit.
Have you seen all kinds of family members on television being interviewed about their family being taken hostage and being killed?
I'm surely some of these BP executives have family members that were being interviewed.
John, you've seen them all over the place, haven't you?
I haven't been watching it.
No, because you haven't.
You haven't seen a single one being interviewed.
A single one.
Well, maybe because there's none to interview.
Yeah, exactly.
We interview everybody about every atrocity.
We interview boneheads on the street.
We do.
We walk up to some guy.
Hey, what are you doing?
Hey, what do you think about the election?
So why wouldn't we interview one of these people?
You're claiming that there's something fishy going on?
Yeah.
And here's another thing.
Since when is France our oldest and truest ally?
I haven't forgotten the whole Freedom Fries thing.
All right?
Remember that?
Well, I think we've dropped that.
We've taken that out of the timeline.
Kind of the way Microsoft took Microsoft Bob out of its timeline.
We've taken it out of the timeline.
Now we're going back to the American Revolution.
It never happened.
It never, ever happened.
We never were pissed at the French for not following us into Iraq in 2003.
Right?
Never, ever, ever happened that way.
So then the French, you know, they decide, oh, let's go take Timbuktu.
Oh, Timbuktu, we're all, oh, man, this is crazy, like, there's terrorists, Al-Qaeda, Al-Qaeda.
The midnight raid lights off.
French helicopters opened the way for soldiers to be parachuted in at the northern entrance of the desert city.
Paratroopers quickly deployed around the town, while armored vehicles were positioning on the southern side, blocking all the ways in or out.
The airport was quickly secured.
French soldiers and a few Malian units moved into town without firing a single shot.
The town is now secured, but we are not sure that there was not some terrorist cells in the town.
After a bitter occupation, the fable city was spared from further destruction as it was liberated.
They've liberated!
Not a single shot fired, John!
Liberated!
Liberated!
The problem is...
There was no Al-Qaeda.
No one was fighting back.
They literally, this video, you've got to see it in the show notes, 483.nashownotes.com.
They bring out of a house a saxophone case.
In it, a saxophone.
And...
And five bullets.
And they open that for the camera.
Because there is no Al-Qaeda.
This is totally crazy made up.
Now we have the Malian army.
This is a French report.
They are practicing for warfare.
And the way they do it is they...
You've got to see this video.
It's fantastic.
They pretend to make the sounds of their weapon with their mouth.
This is how they train.
There's a guy with a rifle to protect.
In full combat gear, pretending to shoot, and he's going, poom, poom, poom, poom, poom, poom.
This is how the Malian army is practicing to fight Al-Qaeda, John.
Hey, has anybody got that one bullet?
It's just crazy!
Okay, you have the crazy clip of the month.
I mean, it's just idiotic.
I really don't.
Where did you get that clip?
From French TV. Thank you, darling.
That's exactly what I needed.
That's perfect.
What?
Yes, thank you.
Are you getting French TV? How are you getting French TV? How do I get French TV? On the sling box.
I have a French sling box.
How come I don't have access to this French sling box?
Because you're not a nice man.
Hey, Frenchie.
Send me the link.
And then, right on the heels of the Pentagon...
You know, the French never donate.
But they donated you access to the one sling box in France?
Right on the heels of the Pentagon announcing they're beefing up their cyber command unit by more than 4,000 people.
Hello, you want a job?
That's the job you want to go.
4,000 people in their cyber command unit.
Oh, what happens?
Oh, the New York Times gets hacked by the Chiners.
How insulting does this have to get?
I mean, it doesn't matter.
We already know that you're going to do it.
We already know that you're going to...
Yeah, just take the money.
Please.
Yeah, quit pulling this...
Actually, it'd probably be less transparent if it just took the money.
So this...
Yeah, really, just steal it.
Well, in fact, they did.
There were only $2 trillion missing on September 10th, 2001.
Bob Rumsfeld, then Secretary of Defense, says, well, there's $2 trillion missing.
We can't find it.
The next day, 9-11 happens.
Remember that?
Yeah, I do remember that.
We should find that clip.
They've lost a lot of money.
And the Pentagon still will not let us audit them.
You can audit the Fed, but you can't audit the Pentagon.
Now, you can't really audit the Fed either.
Well, you heard what he said.
I believe him.
You can't audit the Fed.
You just can't audit their decision-making process.
We should play that clip again.
I thought we had that as an Evergreen.
That Rumsfeld...
Let me see.
I think I have it here.
This is September 10, 2001.
Donald Rumsfeld, then the Secretary of Defense for the Bush administration, in an interview.
And this is it, I think?
Why is it not?
Why do I not hear anything?
That's annoying.
The military poses a serious threat.
In fact, it could be said that it's a matter of life and death.
Rumsfeld promised change, but the next day, the world changed.
And in the rush to fund the war on terrorism, the war on waste seems to have been forgotten.
Remind me to pull that clip.
I hate it when I don't have it.
I have everything else.
I mean, I got a little girl saying science.
Yeah, I'm sure you've got it.
You just haven't mislabeled it.
That's why you mock me for my coding.
I am so good at finding clips.
Come on.
Well, you are pretty good, but you just dropped the ball right here.
I've lost all the confidence.
So I have a clip that I want to play because I want you to tell me what's weird about this clip.
Ready?
I don't know which clip I'm playing.
Dear Antler.
Tell me what's weird about this.
All right.
Fellas, Chris Carter, Cece, and Teddy Bruce.
You guys, it seems like every year of Super Bowl week, there's some off-the-field issue that begs for Super Bowl attention.
The deer antler spray is now part of sports culture lexicon.
A lot of people were not satisfied with Ray Lewis' denial on Tuesday.
After hearing what Ray said on Wednesday, are you satisfied?
Is it time to forget this and move on?
Well, I don't think we found out a whole bunch more information.
I was ready to move on.
I'm not that surprised, Deer Antler.
I know about it.
I know professional athletes are using it.
It's unfortunate it had to come out with Media Day here, but it's part of the process.
Okay, I did not Google it, but is this some kind of weird locker room sex game?
I did not Google it.
I should have told you not to Google it.
I didn't Google.
I didn't.
So what is Deer...
Yeah, now what are we talking about?
We're talking about Deer Antler Spray.
So I'm just listening to the TV, and I catch this, and I just record it, and I say, I've got to remember to look this up.
So apparently one of these football players was using deer antler spray, and oh!
It's actually kind of interesting.
I don't know how it works or even if it does work, but apparently there's this stuff you can buy.
It's literally made from deer antlers.
And there's like kind of an analog of human growth enzyme, human growth, whatever it is, HGH, human growth hormone called IGT or something like that that is derived literally from deer antlers.
And it pumps you up.
You get all muscular.
And you spray it under your tongue.
Really?
I mean, I thought this whole thing...
I've never even heard of anything like this.
The last thing I heard was some kid sniffing glue.
I mean, I'm completely out of touch.
I realize I'm completely out of touch.
Come on, man.
You've got to get with the kids, man.
I don't know what this deer animal...
And where do you get it?
And apparently it's legal.
Let's see if we can buy it on Amazon.
Hold on a second.
Let's see.
Amazon.
I'm going to buy some.
Purchase some.
Does it make you...
Oh!
Did I just get a service unavailable?
Amazon.com?
Wow.
That would be cool.
Wow.
That was weird.
I got a...
Probably on the wrong thing.
Well, can you hit Amazon right now?
I'll tell you right now.
Here we go.
Boom.
Yep.
And I'll search for deer antler spray.
Deer antler spray.
Why does it have to be a spray?
Can it be a lozenge?
Lozenge.
Here it is.
I'm ordering some.
Hold on.
I finally got through.
Deer antler spray.
I want it to be a lozenge.
And it's in the category health and personal care.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
What is this?
Oh, wow.
And it's not cheap.
It's not expensive.
$25?
$68 marked down to $20 for two ounces.
I got two ounces here, $25.
Okay, I got that one.
But the one above it, you don't get the one above it from Deer.
By Deer Antler Spray, this was by Deer Antler.
Product description.
This is one by CCL, and there's another one from By Now Foods.
It's only $16.
You can get Deer Antler capsules.
I don't think they have lozenges, but they have a capsule.
It's supposed to be sprayed under the tongue, so that's not going to do you much good.
Deer antler is a natural source for a growth factor, which...
IGF-1, that's what it is.
And these guys are just selling it straight up as IGF, but they're charging too much money for it.
What is IGF? That's the hormone that's kind of an analog of the human growth hormone that's used in sports to pump these guys up.
Right.
Pump up.
But will it make me all pumped?
Will I be excellent?
If you exercise a little bit, just stay on your...
You know, just sit there doing podcasts all day.
Your butt's going to get big.
Excuse me.
Just doing podcasts all day?
Am I going to get buffed up by doing podcasts?
What is this?
I hear you say.
Ask Dr.
John.
Dr.
John, if I take the deer spray and I do podcasts all day, will my butt get big?
So, I have to say, this is a public service to our listeners that we come forward with this sort of information, because there's probably a few people out there that would like to try it.
No, usually...
When they make it illegal, which I guarantee will happen if it gets much attention.
Oh, yeah.
Well, usually we try it out first.
I mean, this is kind of what...
Elk velvet antler powder, 100% pure Canadian elk, improves immune system.
But that's elk.
That's not the same as deer.
No, it's not actually.
Here, Testo Rex.
Here's a buck-powered red deer antler velvet.
My goodness.
There's a crap load of these things.
Two pages of them.
This is great.
Even Now Foods is one of the major suppliers of those, you know.
Will I grow man boobs?
Well, I don't know.
Is that what you want?
Yeah.
No!
What are you asking in sort of a plaintive way?
Some hopeful.
It was a hopeful question.
Please?
Wow.
Okay, well, that's interesting, John.
I'm glad you spent your time wisely this week.
Well, that's something I needed to know.
Wow.
Never heard of this thing.
Anyway, go on.
Go on with your more important clips.
You're not caring to inform the medical desiring public about your antlers.
By the way, I don't get how this can even be possible.
Your antlers?
It's like licking a toad.
It's exactly like licking a toad.
Have you ever licked a toad?
Who came up with this idea?
Was it the Chinese?
They're always into antlers.
Have you ever licked a toad?
No.
I don't do stuff like that.
Isn't that supposed to make you high?
Yeah, I guess.
Get a buzz, I think.
At least Homer Simpson does.
Yeah.
I want to announce right now, due to the enormous success, I'm going to do an end-of-show clip.
Again?
You bumped my end of show clip two weeks in a row.
I'm sorry.
What's your end of show clip?
No, I don't want to play it because I already explained it during the Michael Hayden Rodriguez testimony before the public about their using enhanced interrogation for good reasons.
So your clip is gold.
Is it set up?
It does need set up.
I'll just tell you what it is.
It's a constitutional scholar and professor, Louis Michael Seidman.
And he is on CBS. He gets a little intro.
And he essentially says, we should do away with the Constitution.
We don't need it.
It's a document written by a bunch of old dead dudes.
Wow.
And he's a constitutional guy?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What is wrong with these people?
Well, I will agree with him to this extent that if we want to change the Constitution, we have that constitutional right.
Yeah.
All you have to do is pass an amendment.
Right.
Everyone has to agree to it.
Exactly.
75% of the states have to agree and it's done.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Anyway, so that'll be my end of the show.
So in other words, you're going to go out with a sickening a-hole who's going to try to just...
He just hates America.
No, I think he loves America, actually.
No, that's the kind of...
He wants to be an elite, then.
I don't know.
Just play it.
Okay, we're good.
In the clip, he even says that he is against gun legislation.
It's very weird.
It's confusing.
Very confusing messages in this one.
Very, very confusing.
And I think that that is about all I brought to the party.
Let me just see.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. yeah.
We can now import anything you want from Burma.
And what would I want to import from Burma?
Coke.
Oh, hello.
What else comes from Burma?
I don't even know that Coke comes from Burma.
Are you kidding?
Yeah, I'm not kidding.
It's all grown in South America.
No, tons of coke comes from up there.
Yo, man.
Yo, Chico.
You don't know about the Burmese coke?
No, man.
Say it.
I'm not going to say Lucy or whatever it was.
All right, play us out, Jeans.
Only if you say Lucy.
Lucy!
Lucy!
Hey, how come it's...
What's happening here?
It's not playing.
Oh, this is bad.
Oh, darn.
What's going on?
There we go.
All right.
Exceptionally long show.
But time well spent, I would say.
Sunday we'll be back.
We're going to do our best to avoid...
What is it?
Oh, when is the Super Bowl?
Is that Sunday?
Yeah.
But it doesn't start until three hours after our show is over.
I'm looking right now.
Beyonce sings national anthem live!
She's rehearsing for the Super Bowl in wake of inauguration flap.
That's right now on...
The whole thing was publicity.
That's what's on CNN, ladies and gentlemen.
Your news network.
Your news network.
What does it stand for against CNN? I used to know it's something...
Something news network?
Uh, what was it?
Cable News Network.
Oh, Cable News Network.
Well, that's what they're playing right now.
And do you think that you got any value from what we talked about today?
Did you learn something?
Can you get laid with your swazzle enough?
Will you look smart at the office?
Go out and hit somebody in the mouth.
And we'll see you back on Sunday.
In the morning, everybody, I'm Adam Curry.
And from northern Silicon Valley, where I'm looking forward to the Super Bowl, I'm John C. Dvorak.
We'll be back on Sunday, and I don't give a crap about the Super Bowl.
In the morning.
Is the U.S. Constitution truly worthy of the reverence in which most Americans hold it?
A view on that from Louis Michael Seidman, professor of constitutional law at Georgetown University.
I've got a simple idea.
Let's give up on the Constitution.
I know, it sounds radical, but it's really not.
Constitutional disobedience is as American as apple pie.
For example, most of our greatest presidents, Jefferson, Lincoln, Wilson, and both Roosevelt's, had doubts about the Constitution, and many of them disobeyed it when it got in their way.
To be clear, I don't think we should give up on everything in the Constitution.
The Constitution has many important and inspiring provisions, but we should obey these because they are important and inspiring, not because a bunch of people who are now long dead favored them two centuries ago.
Unfortunately, the Constitution also contains some provisions that are not so inspiring.
For example, one allows a presidential candidate who is rejected by a majority of the American people to assume office.
Suppose that Barack Obama really wasn't a natural born citizen.
So what?
Constitutional obedience has a pernicious impact on our political culture.
Take the recent debate about gun control.
None of my friends can believe it, but I happen to be skeptical of most forms of gun control.
I understand, though, that's not everyone's view, and I'm eager to talk with people who disagree.
But what happens when the issue gets constitutionalized?
Then we turn the question over to lawyers, and lawyers do with it what lawyers do.
So, instead of talking about whether gun control makes sense in our country, we talk about what people thought of it two centuries ago.
Worse yet, talking about gun control in terms of constitutional obligation needlessly raises the temperature of political discussion.
Instead of a question of policy, about which reasonable people can disagree, it becomes a test of one's commitment to our foundational document, and so to America itself.
This is our country, we live in it, and we have a right to the kind of country we want.
We would not allow the French or the United Nations to rule us, and neither should we allow people who died over two centuries ago and knew nothing of our country as it exists today.
If we are to take back our own country, we have to start making decisions for ourselves and stop deferring to an ancient and outdated document.
Shut up, slaves!
You slaves can get used to mac and cheese, mac and cheese, macaroni and cheese with cheddar melted together.
Mac and cheese, mac and cheese, mac and cheese.
The best podcast in the universe!
Export Selection