This video is sponsored by ExpressVPN Go to https://expressvpn.com/walshYT and find out how you can get 3 months of ExpressVPN free! Whether it be the bird test or the orange peel theory, these TikTok challenges are getting out of hand.
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| So there seems to have been, at least according to my producers who send me this stuff because they like to see me suffer, a proliferation on TikTok in recent weeks of viral challenges that women draft their unwitting husbands and boyfriends into. | |
| The problem with these tests is that they're invented by women, for men, with a lot of womanly assumptions about what they mean and what a man's failure or success signifies. | |
| So, Let's go through these one by one. | |
| First, we'll go back a few weeks to something called the bird test. | |
| And here's how the bird test works. | |
| The bird test theory is basically a predictor for whether or not your relationship is going to succeed. | |
| And it kind of goes like this. | |
| Let's say that you and your partner are sitting at a coffee shop and you see a bird outside and you mention it to them. | |
| Your partner could be like, oh, that's a really cool bird and engage with you and take interest in what you just said. | |
| Or your partner can dismiss it altogether and be like, Okay, it's a bird. | |
| What about it? | |
| The idea is, if your partner takes interest in the mundane little small things that you talk about, the relationship is just more likely to succeed because your partner has genuine interest in whatever you say, regardless of whether that thing is a small thing or not. | |
| On the flip side, if your partner kind of keeps ignoring your bids, That's kind of a sign that the relationship is going to fail because whether small or big, your partner is not giving attention to the things that you personally care about just for the sole reason that you care about it. | |
| Now, this is the kind of thing that makes sense if you've never been in a relationship that lasted more than three months. | |
| You know nothing! | |
| You might have the expectation that your partner will be, quote, genuinely interested in whatever you say. | |
| But in the real world, which is populated by actual human beings, nobody on Earth will ever be genuinely interested in everything you say. | |
| But enough about me. | |
| I hope this hasn't been boring for you. | |
| Now, I find my wife very interesting and intelligent, but if she came into the room and said, I just saw a bird, I would not be especially interested in that information. | |
| I just wouldn't be. | |
| Now, if you saw, say, a bald eagle swoop down and catch a baby deer with its talons and fly away or something like that, that would be the kind of headline that would interest me. | |
| So there needs to be something spectacular about the bird to garner my interest. | |
| If you saw an ostrich ride by on a scooter, that would be a bird-related announcement that I would like to hear. | |
| Otherwise, what do you want me to say about a regular bird? | |
| OH MY GOD IT'S A BIRD! | |
| She said that you have to engage about the bird. | |
| What do you mean engage? | |
| Say what? | |
| Oh really? | |
| You saw a bird? | |
| Cool. | |
| Was it? | |
| Did it? | |
| Did it have wings? | |
| You know what kind of bird that was? | |
| A lake loon! | |
| I don't know what the follow-up is. | |
| I don't know what a bird conversation would even be. | |
| Therefore, this entire test fails. | |
| You have failed me for the last time. | |
| Moving on to the next one. | |
| This one is called the Ketchup Challenge, and the New York Post explains it this way. | |
| There's a new trend on TikTok that has people testing their relationship using a table condiment. | |
| In what's being dubbed the Ketchup Challenge, TikTokers are pouring ketchup onto their kitchen counters and asking their male partners to clean it up. | |
| That's it. | |
| That's the whole challenge. | |
| When faced with the task, the significant other reacts in different ways and has different cleaning techniques. | |
| And the point of the test, I guess, is to see if they'd make a good janitor and also to see if they're obedient, which is really the point. | |
| Sit. | |
| Good boy. | |
| Here's just one chosen basically at random. | |
| Here it is. | |
| What the f***? | |
| Can you please clean this for me? | |
| What the f*** did you do? | |
| Oh, I know what to do. | |
| Now, fortunately, my wife values the cleanliness of her kitchen counters far, far too much to ever intentionally spread ketchup on them. | |
| That's why I'm a little surprised that so many women were willing to do this challenge. | |
| Like, generally speaking, most women are fiercely protective of their kitchen counters. | |
| They have strong feelings about the counters. | |
| They take great pride in the counters. | |
| Women love counters. | |
| When they walk into a friend's home, the first thing they notice are the counters. | |
| And driving home from the friend's house, they'll talk about the counters. | |
| They'll say, did you see their kitchen counters? | |
| We get it! | |
| So smearing ketchup on the counter seems like an act of sacrilege. | |
| It's also a very dumb game that no man should ever play. | |
| If your wife intentionally makes a mess and looks right at you and tells you to clean it, | |
| the only way to fail that test is to actually attempt to clean the mess. | |
| The correct response in that situation is any variation of "uh, no." | |
| Are you kidding? | |
| Do I look like your butler? | |
| And sadly, I did not see any man give that answer, which is the correct answer. | |
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| The next test is called the name a woman test, and exactly as it sounds, the idea is that a woman asks her husband or her boyfriend to name any woman at all. | |
| And if he does not say her own name, then he fails the test. | |
| Name one woman. | |
| What the f**k is this? | |
| Just one. | |
| Sydney Sweeney. | |
| Yeah! | |
| So he said Sidney Sweeney, so he failed, I guess? | |
| He named a woman, but not the one particular woman that he was supposed to name, even though that was not mentioned in the prompt. | |
| You left out a key piece of information, didn't you? | |
| And that one's pretty stupid, so let's move past it and get to the dumbest one of all. | |
| This latest trend, because as I said, there's a new one every week, is called the Orange Peel Test. | |
| Orange you glad I didn't say apple again? | |
| The Orange Peel Theory Test involves women asking their men for an orange, and in order to pass the test, the man must peel the orange before handing it back to her. | |
| So it's a high-stakes gambit. | |
| Let's see how it plays out. | |
| Just pass me that orange over there. | |
| Okay. | |
| How you want it? | |
| Freshly squeezed? | |
| You want it sliced in half? | |
| Or you want a bunch of mini oranges running around? | |
| I'll do it. | |
| Just give it to me. | |
| I'll peel it and everything. | |
| Peel what? | |
| Look at those hands. | |
| I just put $100 on those nails. | |
| Oh my God. | |
| You ain't touching nothing with those freshly painted French chips. | |
| Oh my God. | |
| Kyle, for real, come on now. | |
| This is riveting content, by the way. | |
| That video has like 70 billion views or something. | |
| Like, all these videos have so many views. | |
| No, I don't mean to be the party pooper here, and of course, it's not like me to be cynical usually. | |
| But that interaction, a thousand percent scripted, obviously. | |
| The problem is that young women on TikTok don't realize that almost all of these cute couple moments on TikTok or any other social media platform are scripted. | |
| So they go into their own real-world relationships with false expectations. | |
| There's just no way in reality you're going to get a response like that when you tell your husband that you're hungry. | |
| You're hungry? | |
| Okay, I'll cook something right away. | |
| What would you like? | |
| Steak? | |
| Salad? | |
| Fresh sea bass? | |
| Caviar? | |
| Polar bear? | |
| You want to eat a polar bear? | |
| I can run up to Greenland real quick and get you a polar bear. | |
| What do you want to eat? | |
| It's just not how human beings behave in the non-fictional universe. | |
| And by the way, if you were married to a man like that in real life, it would get old so fast. | |
| It was old already after a minute. | |
| It's like, just, dude, calm down a little bit. | |
| It's like, it's a little bit, little much. | |
| And that's why the real answer to any of these tests is to not do them to begin with. | |
| Okay, these women are trying to learn something about the men in their lives by testing them. | |
| But here's the first thing they need to learn. | |
| We don't like to be tested. | |
| The thing that men hate the most in a relationship. | |
| The thing that drives us to crazy. | |
| The thing that will make us the most frustrated is when you play games. | |
| When you say one thing, but you mean another. | |
| When you ask for one thing, but you want something else. | |
| When you create a situation just to see how he reacts to it. | |
| When you say you want something, but really you want something different. | |
| All of those are games. | |
| And men are not stupid. | |
| They know when they are in a game. | |
| They resent it. | |
| They feel disrespected, as well they should. | |
| If you want to test anyone in a relationship, test yourself. | |
| Go get an orange for your husband. | |
| Let's make that a challenge. | |
| Try to be more interested in whatever he says. | |
| Clean up after him without complaining. | |
| And peel your own oranges. | |
| That's the way. |