Would Walsh Rather...Be Beardless Or Bald?
Go to https://expressvpn.com/walshYT and find out how you can get 3 months of ExpressVPN free! Matt Walsh plays "Would You Rather?"
Oct. 14, 2023 - The Matt Walsh Show
07:50
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| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Alright, so today, a fun game to play is Would You Rather. | |
| At least that was a fun game to play when I was 7, and now I'm playing it again at the age of 37 for this video. | |
| The first question is, would I rather do this video or anything else with my time? | |
| And the answer is anything else, but we're doing this because it's good content. | |
| Wait, McKenna, are you gonna give me the, uh, would I rather? | |
| Yes, I am. | |
| You are? | |
| Okay, well let's just, let's get right into it. | |
| I think that's a great intro. | |
| People are excited about this idea, they're excited about the concept, and so let's do it. | |
| Yeah, definitely your best video intro ever. | |
| So your first question is, would you rather explore the Arctic or the rainforest? | |
| Uh, I think about this a lot. | |
| I think I'd take You know, you'd think there's more to discover, more to see in the rainforest, but there's something about just the cold, dead, barren, miserable, dark gray wasteland of the Arctic that I find oddly appealing, so I think I'd go with the Arctic. | |
| Alright, next would be, would you rather be surrounded by spiders or by trans activists for the rest of your life? | |
| What do you mean surrounded? | |
| Like, literally all around you. | |
| Well, because you could argue that I'm already surrounded by spiders, I just can't see them, because there's, you know, there's like billions and trillions of spiders in the world. | |
| So, like, what do you mean all around me? | |
| Imagine tarantula, specifically. | |
| Tarantula. | |
| Well, that's more information than you gave me originally. | |
| So, tarantula. | |
| So, would I rather be surrounded by tarantulas? | |
| And when you say surrounded, like, are we talking they're crawling all over me, or are they just sort of in the periphery? | |
| Do they make contact with me? | |
| me? 100%. They made contact with you, yes. | |
| 100%. | |
| And then what are the trans activists doing? | |
| They're just following me around all the time? | |
| Like when I'm sleeping in my bed, they're there? | |
| And this is a story about children making their parents try one bite. | |
| I'll take the spiders. | |
| Okay. | |
| Next would be, would you rather let everyone have the chance to meet an alien or be the only one? | |
| That's not even anything to think about. | |
| I'd be the only one. | |
| I only want to be the only one who meets the Owens. | |
| I don't trust anybody else. | |
| I don't trust anybody else to make that first contact. | |
| I've been preparing for this my whole life. | |
| I've thought a lot about it. | |
| I know exactly how it would go. | |
| I surrender! | |
| And I even have it depicted in a painting, so I'd only want it to be me. | |
| Would you rather be an Avenger or a Jedi? | |
| Which one are the Avengers? | |
| I know they are, but which superheroes are the Avengers? | |
| Is that like Spider-Man? | |
| Iron Man, Captain America, yeah Spider-Man. | |
| Transformers, are they in there? | |
| No! | |
| Thor, Hawkeye, Black Widow. | |
| Hawkeye? | |
| Doctor Strange. | |
| Okay, and then that or a Jedi. | |
| What do Jedi do? | |
| So Jedi, they have their little sword, but Jedi, they can move things with just the power of their minds, can't they? | |
| Isn't that a thing that Jedi can do? | |
| I think that's how the Force works. | |
| Well, you're the one who's Putting these scenarios in front of me. | |
| I need all the information necessary to make these kinds of important decisions to make. | |
| I guess I would probably take... I mean, Thor can basically do everything. | |
| So he can fly. | |
| He's like the rip-off of Superman. | |
| So I guess I would take him. | |
| I don't think you can beat Thor. | |
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| All right. | |
| Would you rather meet an ancient ancestor or meet your descendant who lives 2,000 years from now? | |
| So it's kind of a question of, would I rather meet the person who I can blame for how I turned out, or do I want to meet someone who I'm to blame for how they turned out in some way? | |
| I don't want to know what my descendants 2,000 years from now, what's going on with them. | |
| And I would feel somewhat responsible for it. | |
| So I know it's not going to be good. | |
| I'll take the ancestor. | |
| Okay. | |
| Would you rather be Ben Shapiro or Michael Knowles? | |
| Well, that's an easy one because Ben Shapiro is the only one of the two that, as far as we know, is even capable of growing a beard. | |
| I don't even know if Michael can. | |
| I don't think we've ever seen any evidence. | |
| I'm also going to assume that Ben probably has a higher net worth, so I'm going with Ben. | |
| Okay, that's fair. | |
| Would you rather go fishing and never catch anything or never go fishing again? | |
| I already go fishing and never catch anything, so I'll take that. | |
| Oh, okay. | |
| That's sad. | |
| Would you rather only ever eat bad chili or only ever eat bad bacon? | |
| What do you mean, only ever eat? | |
| Like, literally, that's the only thing I ever eat in my life. | |
| Can I eat anything else but that? | |
| No, so whenever you go to eat chili, like, it's only ever bad. | |
| Well, then I wouldn't eat it. | |
| But I wouldn't eat it anymore if it was only bad. | |
| So I just would not eat it. | |
| See, what you're really asking me is, which would I rather stop eating? | |
| Right? | |
| Bacon or chili? | |
| Sure. | |
| Isn't that the question? | |
| Why do you have to analyze this? | |
| Well, is that the question though? | |
| Because, but that's a different, it's a difference between every time I go to eat it, it's bad, or I can only eat that food for my whole life. | |
| Okay, fine. | |
| You can only ever eat that for your whole life, if that's how this is gonna be. | |
| Okay, well then obviously I'm going to take the chili because I think I could survive. | |
| It's going to have more nutrients in it. | |
| I mean, well, it depends also. | |
| Then there's a question about, is this Texas-style chili where it's really just spices and meat? | |
| Is this Cincinnati chili where you've got even the noodles in there, so you've got some carbohydrates. | |
| I think you can survive on that for longer. | |
| Bacon, if you only eat that, you're not going to survive past probably a few weeks, I would think. | |
| So I guess I'll take the bad chili. | |
| Would you rather never put your grocery cart away or always have to use the urinal right next to someone else? | |
| Well, what do you mean always? | |
| So if I walk into the bathroom and there's not anyone at the urinal, I'm not allowed to go? | |
| Or does someone materialize magically? | |
| There's always somebody there. | |
| Could I just not ever go into a public restroom ever again then? | |
| And I just go at home? | |
| Or is there someone there too? | |
| We should have never done this video. | |
| Well, I need all the information. | |
| I'm trying to do the bit, but I don't have the information I need to make the kinds of decisions that you're asking. | |
| All the information. | |
| Okay. | |
| Is there always someone in the bathroom, no matter what bathroom I go to? | |
| Absolutely. | |
| Okay. | |
| Well then I'll do the grocery cart one. | |
| Okay. | |
| Would you rather be beardless or bald? | |
| Uh, bald. | |
| Easy. | |
| That's it. | |
| Oh, is that it? | |
| All right. | |
| Well, I think I nailed that. | |
| I think in the future, if we do this again, we're going to need to spell out these scenarios a little bit more, so we have a full picture of what I'm really choosing, because I don't like to make choices without having all... This is an important lesson. | |
| I like to be educated on all the scenarios before I make choices, but overall, I think it worked out pretty well. |
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