Go to https://expressvpn.com/walshYT and find out how you can get 3 months of ExpressVPN free! Matt Walsh ranks some of the worst Disney songs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Look, everyone! | |
| I brought my thingamabob! | |
| My weapons-grade thingamabob! | |
| Oh, you just don't know what words are! | |
| That's your thing! | |
| Run away! | |
| Run away! | |
| Bend over and grab your ankles! | |
| You know, a couple days ago, we talked about the new Little Mermaid movie, which is atrocious, and I haven't seen it, but of course I can say that. | |
| You don't need to see it in order to say that. | |
| One of the songs in that movie that went viral for all the wrong reasons, if you're Disney, because it's like potentially the worst song ever made. | |
| It's just terrible. | |
| And so it was suggested to me by McKenna that because I so hated having to suffer through that song, what we should do today is play a bunch of other terrible Disney songs So let's just, let's start with this. | |
| This one is from, this one's from Moana. | |
| Let's watch a little bit of it. | |
| Shiny, like a treasure from a sunken pirate wreck. | |
| Scrub the deck and make it look shiny. | |
| I will sparkle like a wealthy woman's neck. | |
| Just a sec, don't you know. | |
| Fish are dum-dum-dum, they chase anything that good hurts. | |
| All right. | |
| No, it's not five. | |
| Turn it off. | |
| Stop. | |
| So here's the thing. | |
| I saw Moana. | |
| I believe I've seen Moana. | |
| I think I took my kids to see it. | |
| I saw it in theaters with my kids. | |
| Right. | |
| Sure. | |
| And I remember thinking that it's not terrible. | |
| I remember thinking that. | |
| It's not a remake, so that was my first thing going in. | |
| It's not a remake, they're actually making original content. | |
| You know, there's nothing woke in it, and it's like, it's not terrible. | |
| But I don't remember this at all. | |
| I must have blocked this from my memory. | |
| I must have suppressed this deep down in the recesses of my memory, because I have no recollection of this awful song, or I don't know what's happening in this scene. | |
| Is she about to be eaten by this crab thing? | |
| That is pretty bad, but it doesn't rise to the level of the Little Mermaid song. | |
| So let's keep going. | |
| This one is from the new Pinocchio, I guess. | |
| Let's listen. | |
| I'll design the perfect wooden shoe. | |
| And then we'll sing and dance the whole day through! | |
| If you get splinters, I'll be there. | |
| Peter, I'm your conscience, Jiminy Cricket. | |
| Ah, bug! | |
| That's in the running. | |
| That's competing. | |
| Is that trying to be bad? | |
| Is that the joke? | |
| And the other thing about the Pinocchio remake is how many Pinocchio movies do we actually need? | |
| Like, this movie, there are so many versions of this movie. | |
| And I know this because recently I was trying to put Pinocchio on for my kids, like the original, you know, | |
| the one from the 60s or the 50s, whenever they came out. And I was trying to put that on for | |
| my kids, and I type Pinocchio. | |
| There's like, there's 15 versions of this movie. Every year they come out with a Pinocchio remake. | |
| Is it really the kind of movie that it's like, there's so much in that story that we need to | |
| keep retelling it over and over again? I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that. | |
| Like the kids don't like Pinocchio. | |
| Pinocchio written... You know... Kids don't like Pinocchio. | |
| Gilbert said that the, Gilbert said that the, kids don't like Pinocchio. | |
| You know, so I think Pinocchio exists as the kind of story and the kind of movie that kids hate. | |
| And it's, this is not modern. | |
| It's like it's always been this way. | |
| Kids hate it, but then they become parents, and their perception of the story changes, and they try to force their kids to watch it, and the kids still don't care. | |
| So Pinocchio was never great, but they somehow made it worse with that song. | |
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| Clip three is, uh, I don't know what this is. | |
| Diane Guerrero. | |
| Encanto? | |
| Which one is that? | |
| Is that a Pixar thing? | |
| Oh, is that the Mexican one? | |
| That's the Mexican one. | |
| Okay. | |
| Go ahead. | |
| ♪ Grow rows and rows of roses ♪ ♪ Fleur de maille by the mile ♪ | |
| ♪ I make perfect practice poses ♪ ♪ So much hides behind my smile ♪ | |
| ♪ What could I do if I just drew ♪ ♪ What I was feeling in the moment ♪ | |
| ♪ Oh, you know where you're going ♪ All right, that's enough of that. | |
| Yeah, it sounds like a pop song. | |
| It sounds like a modern pop song. | |
| And I mean that in the worst possible way. | |
| I don't mean that as a compliment. | |
| It just sounds like the kind of... It's not aggressively obnoxious, I don't think. | |
| It doesn't make you nauseous listening to it. | |
| It's not good either. | |
| It's just nothing. | |
| But there's no charm to it. | |
| That's the other thing. | |
| You know, the old Disney movies, those songs, you still remember those songs. | |
| Because there's a certain kind of charm to them. | |
| And all this stuff, when they make these remakes in the new Disney movies, | |
| they're not able to capture that charm and that enchantment anymore. | |
| They don't have it. | |
| Because all of these movies are made by, they're not made by storytellers, okay? | |
| They're made by a committee. | |
| They're made by like, it's like these are corporate products | |
| and they're made by marketing departments and they sit around in rooms and meetings | |
| and they come up with these stories based on what's gonna make those money | |
| and how can they merchandise it and how they can they sell it. | |
| That's all that matters. | |
| So there's no magic to it. | |
| Okay, "Mankato" was not the Mexican one. | |
| So that was deeply racist on my part. | |
| You vile racist! | |
| This segment's going great. | |
| Let's listen to this one. | |
| Now I know she'll never leave me, even as she runs away. | |
| She will still torment me, calm me, hurt me, move me, come what may. | |
| Okay, yeah, I can tell that's new. | |
| I can tell that's new. | |
| It sounds like it's their impression of a Disney song. | |
| It's a parody. | |
| It's a parody of a 90s Disney song, but it can't actually capture the essence. | |
| And it also looks so stupid. | |
| You take the Beast and you try to make it realistic. | |
| Let's make it gritty and realistic. | |
| You have this humanoid buffalo creature. | |
| Let's make it realistic. | |
| And it looks ridiculous. | |
| And I'm not going to get into the whole thing about Beauty and the Beast. | |
| We've already talked about it. | |
| All my problems, my many problems with the story to begin with, you know, and the fact that Gaston is the real good guy in the story. | |
| We've talked about that. | |
| But she goes, She gets kidnapped by a beast, like an animal, it's not even a human, and falls in love with it. | |
| Remember, she falls in love with that thing before she doesn't even know. | |
| Wait a second. | |
| Does she know? | |
| Does she know that he used to be a human? | |
| I don't think she knows that. | |
| So it's not even like she falls in love with the potential or she knows that he used to be a human. | |
| She thinks that he's literally just like a buffalo creature, a talking buffalo. | |
| And she falls in love with him. | |
| Disney's been woke for a while because they were promoting bestiality even all the way back in the 90s. | |
| Alright, I guess we should finish this up. | |
| Should we finish this up by watching that Little Mermaid song again? | |
| Listening to it? | |
| Probably not, but let's do it anyway. | |
| Hey, wake up, wake up, wake up! | |
| What? | |
| Hey, have you not heard that scaddlebutt? | |
| Your butt? | |
| No, the gossip, the buzz, the who say what, who does that, yeah, the scaddlebutt. | |
| Well, I was flying over land and sea and ear to the ground. | |
| Then I came flying here for you to see and hear what I found. | |
| Remember that swamp? | |
| Yeah, we didn't need to do that. | |
| We didn't need to do that. | |
| Nothing comes close to that. | |
| When you listen to that again, you realize that it's just... that exists on a tier that none of these other songs... None of the songs are bad. | |
| They're just bad. | |
| There are a lot of bad songs that are a dime a dozen. | |
| You hear those all the time. | |
| That, though, transcends badness. | |
| It reaches some other... It's impressive. | |
| It is actually... I'm almost impressed by it. | |
| A strange new respect that you could make a song that terrible. | |
| Good, I think this is productive. | |
| And I think it's... Stop. | |
| Okay, we've heard enough. | |
| Alright. |