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April 11, 2023 - The Matt Walsh Show

10:13

Who's The Biggest A-Hole? Episode 9

Who is the biggest A-hole? Matt Walsh decides between three reddit users who took to the subreddit Am I The A**hole. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Time	Text
	[MUSIC]
	Am I the a-hole for explaining to my friend that horses do have weight limits?
	Chuckle It sounds like a good one already.
	I live and work on my parents' horse ranch, where we have six-quarter horses that normally weigh... Six-quarter horses?
	Like a quarter of a... Was it a type of horse, I guess?
	They normally weigh 900 to 1200 pounds.
	The safe and comfortable weight to be carried in these horses is no more than 250 pounds.
	I'm obese right now, and I'm currently on a weight loss journey myself.
	So I do not ride these horses myself because I know that I exceed the weight that's comfortable for them.
	A few days ago, my friend Carly came over to the ranch to help out.
	She asked if she could ride one of these horses.
	Carly weighs more than I do.
	She's also on a weight loss journey.
	And I explained to her that horses have a weight limit, and that's why I don't ride them either.
	She got very quiet and then left.
	She texted me later saying I was an asshole for calling her fat.
	Am I the a**hole?
	Well, it's definitely a wake-up call.
	Okay?
	When you're too fat to ride a horse.
	That's a wake-up call.
	I see you got a weight problem.
	And it goes to show, by the way, that morbid obesity is a modern invention.
	This is something that we invented in modern times.
	It didn't exist before.
	Like it just didn't exist.
	It just almost nowhere in the world could you find it for most of human history.
	Because if you were morbidly obese in the 1800s, you'd have to walk the Oregon Trail and probably be good for you if you did.
	You wouldn't lose some weight.
	Now, are you the a-hole for preventing your obese friend from turning your horse into a horse pancake?
	Not at all.
	I'm not much of an animal rights guy, but I absolutely believe that preventing spinal injuries to your horse is more important than protecting your friend's feelings.
	But your friend is infected with this modern attitude which says that you're not allowed to acknowledge uncomfortable realities about other people or about yourself, even if your refusal to acknowledge those realities could do real damage.
	To both man and beast.
	You're under no obligation to play along with that game though and ignore reality, so your friend is the a-hole for trying to make you play that game.
	You call your friend an asshole this instant!
	[Music]
	Am I the asshole for Venmo requesting money from a Tinder date after he crapped in my car?
	Alright, now we're getting into the nitty gritty here.
	A couple weeks ago, I, a 19-year-old female, went on a Tinder date with a guy who I knew from high school.
	We were mutual acquaintances before this and when we matched on Tinder we agreed to meet up.
	Picked him up at 7 and we went and got some food.
	After that we drove to some secluded place so we could talk with extra privacy.
	Leave it up to the imagination.
	Anyway, around 10.30 he starts to complain about his stomach hurting.
	I asked him if he wants to leave and he says no.
	And kind of blows it off for a little bit.
	Around 11 he says he really needs to use the bathroom.
	I wasn't sure what to do because we were in a very secluded area and I wasn't familiar with He tells me that there's a gas station about 15 minutes away from us and asks me to step on it.
	I leave and drive as fast as I can, but it's very dark.
	I don't know my way around it.
	He's becoming more frantic, visibly sweating, breathing heavy.
	At one point I ask if I should pull over because going in the woods is better than nothing, but he swears he could make it.
	Unfortunately, he misses telling me to take a turn somewhere and we get lost.
	I have to turn around and it's probably like 10 more minutes according to him.
	Then he gets very pale and yells at me to pull over and I stop as fast as I can.
	But what I do, he doesn't get out of the car.
	He just sits very resigned.
	At that point, I understood it was too late.
	I came to understand it was too late.
	I wonder how you understood that.
	We both sat there in silence for a little bit.
	I really wasn't sure what to say to make him feel better.
	Oh man, this is a nightmare.
	And I was also feeling a little sick from the whole thing.
	Parentheses.
	The smell.
	Thank you for clarifying that because I wouldn't have known.
	Eventually I just offered to take him home and tried to act nonchalant.
	Try to act nonchalant while this guy's sitting in his own sh**, you know?
	Just be cool about it.
	He agreed, so I drove us home.
	He also tells me that he will reimburse me for getting my car cleaned.
	I felt bad because, of course, it wasn't his fault.
	Accidents happen, so I offered to split the cost 50-50, and we never talk about it again.
	I also told him if he wants, I'd like to try a second date.
	Wow.
	You...
	Are either very forgiving or have very low standards or both.
	Since this one turned out not so well, he thanked me and we parted ways.
	I got my car detailed and sent him a text letting him know everything went well, but I didn't get a response.
	I waited for another week and tried texting him again, like, hey did you see my text, and again he didn't respond.
	I went on Tinder to try and message him there, but I saw he had unmatched me.
	It was pretty clear that he had ghosted me.
	I was pretty pissed, not gonna lie, because I thought I was chill about the whole situation.
	It's cool if he didn't want to see me again, but he could have still kept up his end of the deal.
	I went looking for his Instagram to try and message him there, and when I find I see he had his Venmo in his bio, I decided to Venmo request.
	In the description, I put the poop emoji, the pointed finger, and my car.
	Communicating now in hieroglyphics, you know, because regular communication hasn't worked.
	Surprisingly, I get a quick response.
	He sends the money, but he also texts me pissed because he said his friends would be able to see what I put and would probably put two and two together.
	I told him I wouldn't have done that if he hadn't ghosted me.
	Am I the a**hole?
	Okay, well.
	That was a... That was a story.
	You know... First of all, this is what you get for having the girl drive.
	It's one of the many reasons why you as the man should be taking control of the situation.
	If you are the one who's driving, then you would have more control of the situation.
	This probably wouldn't happen.
	But beyond that, I'm not really sure.
	I'm kind of torn on this.
	Who's the a**hole in the story?
	I mean, there's definitely one a**hole in the story.
	A very active one.
	You're a sick a**hole.
	But beyond that particular ahole, I mean, I can't blame you for not wanting to have to foot the bill to clean the st stains in your car.
	But at the same time, I can't really blame the other guy for hiding away in shame.
	It's hard for me to blame him for that part of it.
	What else are you gonna do?
	I mean, you texted him and said everything, you texted him and said, after you got the car cleaned, you texted him and said, everything went well.
	Went well with cleaning his s**t from your upholstery.
	How do you even respond to that as the guy?
	You insensitive a**hole!
	What's he supposed to say?
	Thumbs up emoji, smiley face, cool!
	Congrats on cleaning up my sh**.
	So there's no good answer here.
	But this is also, here's another thing.
	This is why, you know, I'm so glad that I'm married.
	So that I can sh** in my car without judgment.
	Also because if you're married and you're in that situation, and we've all been in situations like that when you're in the car, there's a little bit of a bathroom emergency.
	But if you're married, now you can have an honest conversation in a situation like that.
	You could just say, when you're dating, right, and you just met this person or you're going on your first date, you don't want to be honest about it.
	And so that's when the crisis starts.
	But when you're married, you'll just say, listen, I'm going to shit my pants if you don't find me a bathroom within five minutes.
	Alright, so who's the a**hole?
	You know, I guess it's gotta be him.
	He is the guy who sh*t in your car after all.
	And finally, am I the a**hole for calling the police on my fiancé?
	My fiancé, 28 male, and I, 30 female, have been together for three years.
	I used to live close to work and use public transportation, but after I moved in to his house, which is hours away from work, I bought myself a car since I'm a nurse, and also since there isn't any hospitals close to where we live that I could transfer to.
	You know, one thing about these things is that, um...
	All of these people are assholes for giving way too much information.
	We don't need any of this background.
	Still going, this asshole!
	Let's just get to the story, please.
	My fiance's car hasn't been able to work for close to two months now.
	It requires so much money to get it fixed, and he refused my financial help when I offered it.
	Instead, he would ask to use my car every now and then, and I agreed as long as it's when I'm not working, and also since he only uses it for trips to the supermarket, etc.
	On New Year's Eve, he told me he wanted to use my car to go hang out with his friends and celebrate, but I declined because I had to cover a night shift and needed my car to travel to work.
	He insisted and even suggested that I take the night off or swap shifts with another nurse, but I couldn't do that at the last minute.
	Oh my gosh.
	Okay.
	Blah, blah, blah.
	Fast forwarding, she doesn't want to give the car up, and he decides to take it anyway without asking her, and he drives off to go to his New Year's party.
	She tries to call him and can't get a hold of him, and then finally does talk to him 30 minutes later, and she's pissed, so she calls the cops to report him for stealing the car.
	Okay, and now he's mad.
	Are you the a**hole for that?
	And he also says that he can take the car, And she shouldn't have called the police, because they're engaged.
	And so, he says, what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours.
	Who's the a**hole?
	Well, he's obviously the a**hole.
	You a**hole!
	He did steal the car, you told him not to.
	You asked him to bring it back, he didn't bring it back.
	You called the police.
	That's probably farther than I would have taken it, but I think it's justified.
	But here's the main point.
	No, it's not true that as an engaged couple, what's yours is mine, what's mine is yours.
	That's not true.
	That's marriage.
	So you don't get to take advantage of that before the marriage even happens.
	There isn't like this grace period ahead of time.
	That's in marriage.
	That's, again, the point of marriage.
	Now you share everything.
	And then if you take, now it's the family car, and if your spouse calls the police on you for taking the family car, even if they don't agree with what you're doing with it, then that's a different story.
	So get married is the moral of the story.
	And then you can steal your spouse's car all you want.
	And even s*** in it, if you want.

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