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Matt Walsh takes to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" to decide once and for all, who the a-hole really is.
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And this is where we look at moral quandaries, where two parties are in dispute, and each is claiming that the other is an a-hole.
Probably, it's kind of self-explanatory.
I didn't need to explain it, but I did.
And we usually pull from Reddit for this, and we'll do that today.
Let's go here to Reddit.
Am I the a-hole for telling my ex-wife I don't care if she and her family starve, that I'm just responsible for our sons?
I have two sons, ages 16 and 14, with my ex-wife.
Our marriage reached a bitter end when I learned that she had remained married to me for over three years, so I would support her through returning to school so that she could switch careers to an even better-paying one, despite her old one paying as much as mine.
For years, I tried like hell to save our marriage because I felt it fracture.
She played along until she got what she wanted, and then she was honest that she had never wanted to save our marriage and had been over me for years.
When we divorced, custody was set to 50-50 of our boys and she was ordered to pay child support to me because she was making so much more after her change of career and education.
She remarried a year after our divorce and had more children.
After the birth of her last child, four years ago, things got bad.
Her husband was diagnosed with cancer.
Then one of her kids got diagnosed with a long-term medical condition.
Then COVID impacted her job.
Our boys would tell me how rough things were at their mom's and how they wanted to live more with me, so I went to court and the judge moved her down to every other weekend and changed the child support order to reflect her decrease in custody.
Recently, she had to move into a smaller house because of how badly they were struggling, and then she came to me for help after the courts refused to end the child support payments.
She told me that I needed to help her and that I should be helping to take care of my boy's family, and that's what she and her family are.
I told her she used me for three effing years so she could survive off my money.
She did not get to ask me for more to support a family that is not my own.
She called me a selfish a-hole.
Her husband sent me a text that night saying I was a cruel a-hole and he hoped the boys would hate me when they realized that I wanted their whole family to suffer.
Okay, am I the a-hole?
No, you aren't.
What kind of man is this?
Like, what kind of man is the other husband who's angry at another man for not taking care of his own family?
Because I can't think of anything more emasculating than that.
You expect your ex-wife's, or no, you expect your wife's ex-husband To take care of you and your family.
This is what makes divorce so brutal and terrible.
It is an ugly, terrible thing.
Because, yes, normally, when you marry someone, it's part of their responsibility to take care of you.
And a wife should expect her husband to care for the family.
That's perfectly valid.
But when you get divorced, obviously, you have severed that bond, and thus, the responsibility has also been severed to a great extent.
Now parents are still responsible for their children after divorce and a spouse has to
fulfill whatever arrangements are made legally with alimony and all that kind of stuff.
But there has still been a fundamental severing, a disconnect that's happened.
And yet at the same time, the vow you made on the altar can't really be undone spiritually.
You made an undying vow to this other person and it happened.
Whether you wish it happened or not, it did happen.
So the point is, you create this just absolute mess, this terrible, awful mess, where there are no good answers.
No easy or fun answers, anyway.
Though the answer for this woman is to just lie in the bed she made for herself when she ran out on her husband.
That's the choice that you made.
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Next one, am I the a-hole for not inviting my stepmother to my wedding?
I am getting married to my fiance this year.
My parents separated when I was 14 years old.
My dad left my mom for his secretary, I'll call her Anna, after my mom was in an accident that left her badly visibly scarred, leaving her to raise my two sisters and me alone.
If you ever feel like you have too much faith in humanity, and you're a little bit too optimistic, and you want a dose of reality to bring you out of that, then just go to Reddit.
You can go really anywhere on Reddit, but especially to this forum, and you will be introduced to the absolute dregs of humanity.
So this is a guy who left his wife and his family because his wife was scarred in an injury.
All right.
This completely devastated my mom, and she was depressed for a long time.
She's okay now, but she's never completely recovered.
I'm the oldest child by a long stretch, and I was basically left to raise my sisters and look after my mom for a lot of my teenage years.
I was very, very angry for a long time.
I refused to see my dad until I was in my mid-20s.
Both my young sisters were slightly too young to grasp what had happened and continued to visit him on weekends only.
They bonded a lot better with Anna than I did, and in many ways, she was like a mom to them.
She introduced them to a lot of female things like makeup and fashion because my mom's scarring meant she didn't feel comfortable with that kind of thing.
I started speaking to my dad again about seven years ago and we now have an okay relationship.
I understand a lot better at this age that love isn't easy and you can't help who you fall for.
I'm also on reasonable terms with his wife who has tried extremely hard to bond with me since I was a teenager.
My mom has never fully recovered from what happened and never found anyone else.
She can just about stand being in the same room as my dad without crying nowadays, but she absolutely cannot see his wife.
She's not cruel or dramatic about it.
She just politely declines invitations to events if she knows Ann will be present.
And anyway, she goes on to explain she's getting married and she decided for that reason she wants to have her mom there.
She told the stepmom, the dad's new wife, you can't come to the wedding because I want my mom there and she doesn't want to see you.
Is she the a-hole for telling the stepmom she can't come to the wedding?
Answer again, no.
And this brings us back to the point from the first one, okay?
That divorce is an awful, ugly, terrible, no good, horrible thing.
And if you walk out on your marriage, what you have to understand is that you are creating a world of difficulty.
You're creating for yourself.
Everything has just become more difficult and more awkward.
And you're creating tension and hurt feelings and all of that.
All of that is there now, okay?
And all of it is your fault because it all follows from what you did.
All of the awkwardness, the tension, the hurt feelings.
This person doesn't want to be around that person.
All of that is on you.
You did that.
You created that.
So, you're upset that your daughter doesn't want your new wife at her wedding.
Well, if you didn't leave your first wife, this wouldn't be an issue.
Here's the important point, okay?
This is something we would all do well to keep in mind when it comes to divorce and when it comes to, like, everything else.
People are not required.
To accommodate your selfish choices.
Your children, especially, are not.
So this is a complaint that parents have a lot where they leave the marriage, they go shack up with somebody else, and then the kid is not bonding with the new person, and they get very upset about that, and sometimes they blame the kid for it.
No, no, you need to accept this person as your new mom or new dad.
No, that's not your kid's responsibility.
That's not your child's parent.
So you can't just...
...completely fracture your child's world, tear it apart at the seams, and then demand that they just accommodate themselves to this new arrangement.
Maybe you should have accommodated yourself to your marriage.
Rather than expecting everyone else to just like get used to this and roll with it, maybe you should have rolled with your marriage to begin with.
Figure out a way to make your marriage work.
No, you break the marriage up and then expect everyone else to figure out a way to make it work for them, this new thing that you've set up.
It was your job and your responsibility to make your marriage work.
That's your responsibility.
And in fact, I think that this daughter is, if anything, the mistake she's making is she's too nice to her dad.
She says, you can't help who you fall for.
Yes, you can.
Love is not literally falling.
It's not like you're just walking down the street and you trip and you fall.
And when you have someone leaving a marriage for someone else and there's affairs and everything, this is almost always a gradual process.
And the cheating spouse, they might, after the fact, say, oh, I just fell for this other person.
Which, by the way, even if you did, too bad.
Those are your feelings.
Those are your emotions.
Your requirement is to deal with that.
Like, you shouldn't be having those feelings and emotions.
And you gotta figure out a way to deal with that.
Seek help.
Talk it out.
You know, get marriage counseling.
There's lots of things you could do.
But no matter how you're feeling, it doesn't excuse you for acting on those feelings.
But even so, it's like the feelings so often are nurtured.
So the cheating spouse notices, you know, that they have some sort of thing going on, it's like, it's kind of in its infancy
stages with this other person.
And rather than put some separation there, because they realize, oh, this is getting
inappropriate, I'm developing feelings I shouldn't feel, they have a chance to just put that to
separate themselves. And they don't, instead they lean into it. And then they claim that they,
oh, I just fell into it. No, you didn't fall into it. You walked into it with your eyes open,
is what you did. All right, finally, am I the a-hole for telling my mom that she's the reason
fat people hate themselves.
Hello, just for some context, I, 23-year-old female, am overweight.
5 feet, 0 inches, and 380 pounds.
That's...
It's a little overweight.
My doctor said for somebody of my size, I am healthy and that unless I want to lose weight, I can't make myself any better than I am right now.
I had a few scares a few years ago, but I don't have diabetes, I don't have heart problems, etc.
I also run a TikTok page with my boyfriend where I show off my body to promote that health can come at any size.
I also model on there sometimes, but it's mostly debunking misinformation about being overweight and showing that being fat is okay.
About a month ago, my mom, a 50-year-old female, found this page.
She rung me and told me that I need to lose weight immediately and that I will die if I don't.
She told me that she can't enable me anymore and that she won't speak to me unless I'm a normal weight and break it off with my boyfriend.
I didn't speak with her after this.
She sent me information details to a Weight Watchers account on Christmas and she said that that was my present.
She paid for a trial for me and told me that I have to just give it a go and if I don't like it then I don't have to lose any weight.
I was so annoyed at this point and I told her that her attitude is what gets fat people to hate themselves because they believe they're not good enough.
She told me that I was being a disrespectful brat and that she didn't raise me this way.
She told me that she can't speak with me anymore because she gets angry.
Am I the a-hole?
Maybe I could have phrased it a nicer way, and I feel really bad that I'm hurting our relationship, but it's also not my fault that she is being fed misinformation about my weight.
She's being fed misinformation?
Like, I don't— This is gonna sound wrong.
I mean, 5 feet, 380 pounds.
It's like, at that weight, you have the physique of a large, like, bowling ball.
And again, I don't mean that as an insult, it's just that's the physique that you have.
To be that short and that much weight?
The human body is not supposed to look like that.
You're blowing up like a balloon!
Like a blueberry.
And there is no, I don't, you can't tell me about hormones, anything like that.
There's no hormone that causes that.
That is caused by one thing, which is you're not getting any exercise and you are eating a lot of food.
And then you eat some more and more and more.
That's how you get to that size.
So yes, you are the a-hole.
Your mother, you know what?
Your mother doesn't want you to die.
That's her great sin.
That's what makes her such a terrible mother.
She sees that you are killing yourself, and she doesn't want that.
And so she's desperate.
And saying something like, I'm not going to talk to you until you lose weight, that might seem like an act of desperation, because it is.
Any parent who loves their child, when they see their child killing herself, they're going to react that way.
But my bigger concern is actually with your doctor.
Okay, so you're the a-hole, but your doctor's the even bigger a-hole, if he actually said what you claim, which is that you're healthy for someone your size.
He's lying.
Okay, that is really no different than saying to somebody with, I don't know, stage 4 lung cancer that, well, I mean, except for the stage 4 lung cancer, you're in great, great physical shape.
Like, it doesn't make any sense.
It's like, to be 380 pounds at 5 feet?
There is no version of that that's healthy.
And just because you don't have diabetes or any of those illnesses yet, you will in the future.
You're not going to find anybody with that physique who's 70 years old, and that's because they died well before that.
So that's the harsh truth.
That's the harsh reality.
You have to face it for your own sake.
People that love you, that's what they'll tell you.
And anyone who's not telling you, that's because they don't love you, including your boyfriend.
So, you are the A-Hole.
And that'll do it for us.
We'll just leave it there.
We had, what, two three A-Holes and one, no, two three non-A-Holes and one A-Hole.
