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Aug. 27, 2022 - The Matt Walsh Show
08:12
Am I The A**hole? Matt Walsh Decides Part 7

Matt Walsh takes to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole?" to decide once and for all, who the a-hole really is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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All right, now we have part two of our Am I the... segment where we go to Reddit and we read their moral quandaries to discover who is the a-hole.
We'll start with this.
So my boyfriend and I both work the day shift.
So we're both home after 6 p.m.
We have our days off set up.
Okay, first of all, she started a sentence with the word so.
So she's already an a-hole.
It's another thing I hate.
I'm in a really bad mood right now, I've realized.
So I'm just, everyone's an a-hole this time.
We have our days off set up that he is off Saturdays and Sundays, and I'm off Sundays and Mondays.
We each get one day off to ourselves to just be alone and do our thing, and then one day off together to do whatever we want as well.
My boyfriend and I have fairly different hobbies.
He's really into fitness and working out and always being active.
I'm a pretty strong gamer, and I don't care about any of this.
Who cares?
What is your complaint, lady?
So he stayed up stupid late last night and called into work this morning.
Nine times out of ten, I wouldn't care.
But it's Monday.
It's my only day to myself.
And he's constantly bugging me to go to work out with him, or go on a hike, or generally to just be active because he's bored.
Oh, God forbid he's trying to help you be a fit and healthy person.
He doesn't want you to die of heart disease.
God forbid.
My boyfriend is so annoying.
He wants me to do things like stand up.
My boyfriend wants me to walk outside, encounter the sun every once in a while.
Again, nine times out of ten wouldn't matter, and I'd spend a few days doing whatever he wanted.
I need this day to just be quiet and dark and me time.
I'm 100% on the opposite end of a social person.
I just want my one day to be alone, to recuperate for the week.
I look forward to this one day the entire week.
I'm definitely annoyed and definitely showing it, even though I'm trying not to.
I've tried explaining this.
I've tried being nice and just telling him that I need some me time, and he's just not listening.
I pretty much snapped and told him to just leave me the F alone for a bit, and now he's sulking in the living room.
Am I the a-hole?
Okay, then there's even more information that we don't need.
So you got into a fight with your boyfriend, and he sulked off, and you immediately went on your phone to Reddit?
Now, Reddit says that this woman is not the a-hole, and Reddit is wrong this time, and not for the first time.
But you're definitely the a-hole for a few reasons.
First of all, why are you playing house?
Why are you playing marriage, you know, by living together, if you don't even want to be around each other?
So you can't stand to be around the guy for more than one day of the week, but you're living with him?
This is not working out, okay?
You guys need to break up.
Just break up.
Take my advice.
Go live on your own!
Or you don't want to live on your own because you don't have to pay for it, right?
That's probably it.
So you want the boyfriend there to help you pay for the rent, or maybe pay all the rent, I don't know.
But you don't want to actually be around him.
What you're looking for is welfare, okay?
Go live on your own and get on welfare.
Don't give me this, oh I need space, I need me time, I need to relax.
You're just dating someone.
You have no kids.
You know, you work a 9-to-5 job, you have off on the weekends, and you're complaining about how you need space and time, and I really need my break.
For what?
Like, you live some kind of stressful life.
It's the only workout that many people get, is just complaining about how, I'm so stressed in my life, I'm so stressed.
I cannot even conceive of having an existence as easy as you.
And you're still whining.
Is there anyone who's not an a-hole?
I think I'm just the a-hole this time.
Well, let me ask you something.
What if there was someone out there who kept a log of every single thing you did every
minute of the day?
I think that'd be pretty creepy.
Well, what if I told you that's exactly what happens every time you go online?
Your internet provider like AT&T or Comcast is allowed to store logs of every website
you've ever visited, and they can legally sell this data to anyone they want.
That's why I always use ExpressVPN.
ExpressVPN reroutes your internet connection through their secure server so your internet
provider can't see or log what you're doing online.
Now, many of you, if you're more perceptive, you might be wondering, "Well, if I'm routing
all my data through a VPN, then doesn't the VPN get to log and see all my data?"
And you're right to think that way.
Many VPNs claim to have a no logs policy, but have been caught logging customer activity anyway.
ExpressVPN is the only VPN I trust because they use trusted server technology.
Stop letting people keep logs of what you do online.
Visit expressvpn.com slash WalshYT right now and find out how you can get three months free.
Let's see.
My mom has a huge pot-bellied pig as a pet.
Okay, now here's a story I want to read.
This is an actual important story.
She rescued him from a farm.
He's seven years old, I believe.
Back when I was planning my wedding, my mom kept on trying to add things to my wedding, specifically for the pig.
For example, she wanted him to have his own buffet.
I turned all her ideas down and told her the pig will not be attending my wedding.
This has got to be a fake story, but I like it anyway.
Even after I told her I didn't want him at my wedding, she continued to try to get me to plan my wedding around him.
She told me that she needs him to be there because it's her support animal.
He isn't a registered support animal, even though he does bring her a big deal of comfort.
In my husband's culture, pigs are seen as dirty animals, and it would absolutely be unfitting for me to have a pig at our wedding, especially because it would be disrespectful to his family.
As opposed to all the other cultures where that would be totally normal, right?
Well, my mom decides to bring her pet pig to my wedding anyway, even after I told her not to.
And she showed up late.
I could tell my husband was highly upset with it, but stopped me when I went to confront her because he didn't want his new mother-in-law to hate him.
Was this thing written by a pig?
Because I can't even hardly read it.
My sister-in-law ended up getting scared because the pig rubbed up against her, which caused the pig to get scared and run off and bump into some expensive glass decorations, which ended up falling and breaking the pieces.
This is not real.
This didn't happen.
Come on.
I think I saw this episode of King of Queens.
I was beyond angry at my mom.
This would have never happened if she didn't bring her pig to my wedding, so I yelled at her to leave.
This didn't happen at all.
But I hope it did.
Because, you know what, if it did happen, then you are the a-hole, not your mom.
This would be amazing.
Like, weddings are so boring.
And I understand this is a contradiction for me.
I'm a big proponent of the Holy Sacrament of matrimony.
I think people should get married.
I think it's wonderful.
But it's really boring too, and it is just excruciatingly boring.
Weddings are.
By trying to keep the pig out, this is like a source of entertainment.
And this is a wedding that people will remember.
That's the other thing.
You want your wedding to be memorable, don't you?
And most weddings are not memorable.
They're forgotten.
For you, you might talk about them later.
Oh, our wedding was a magical day.
No one else thought it was magical.
Everyone else was bored out of their minds for most of it.
This is memorable.
This is incredible.
I am fully on board with barn animals being included in wedding parties just for the entertainment factor.
Okay, we'll read one more.
I have a 13-month-old son who has my last name because his dad wasn't interested in fatherhood originally.
He had a change of heart and tracked us down two months ago.
To be frank, I'm still angry he tried to make me abort our son and then washed his hands of me when I wouldn't obey him.
So, besides the financial help, I'm not grateful or happy about a change of heart.
He asked me if I would change our son's last name to his.
It made me angry because I'm the one who wanted him.
I carried him and raised him alone until two months ago.
So I don't think he deserves for our son to have his last name.
However, I know it would benefit our son to have a bigger connection to his father's family in the long run.
So I told him I would change his last name to his for X amount of money.
He was visibly angry and made a comment about how I wasn't as innocent as he thought.
And he told me I was very good at hiding my true colors.
While he did agree to give me the money, he's being cold towards me now, and I keep thinking about what he said, which is making me feel like a real a-hole.
Now, somehow, again, Reddit has said that this woman is not the a-hole, when she clearly is.
Now, she might not be THE a-hole, because there are two a-holes.
The father's an a-hole.
Like, showing back up, didn't want any... wanted the child aborted, didn't want to be part of the child's life, and then you show up.
Now, you want to be a part of the child's life, and that's good.
That's a good part.
You had a change of heart.
But then, like, two months later, you're saying, give the child my name.
You have to earn that by being present in the family.
Now, if this was a normal situation, healthy situation, where you're the father and you're there from the get-go, then yes, the child should have your last name to begin with.
But not in this case.
However, this woman, you are still 100,000% the a-hole because you tried to sell your son's naming rights?
What is he, a stadium?
Why not go auction him off to a bank?
Let's call him a PNC or Wells Fargo.
Sell his forehead to Best Buy.
They could slap a logo on it.
And you think you're the good guy?
I know it would be really important for my son to be connected to his father's family.
Shame!
You're the a-hole.
He's the a-hole.
I'm the a-hole.
We're all the a-holes.
On this episode of Am I the A-hole?
I'm a d***.
He's a d***.
She's a d***.
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