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Jan. 1, 2021 - The Matt Walsh Show
18:47
Matt Walsh Tries to Laugh at Feminist Comedian Hannah Gadsby! (WARNING: 99% Will Fail)

I suffered through watching Hannah Gadsby's stand-up "comedy" routines, so you have to also. Don't cheat and drop out early...although I wouldn't blame you if you did. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Hey everybody, this is Matt.
What you're about to listen to is from my Try to Laugh series, in which I take on the challenge, the difficult challenge, of trying to laugh at a feminist comedian.
You can subscribe to my YouTube page at youtube.com slash TheMattWallShow so you can watch the entire series.
A few weeks ago, we began a journey together.
I want to laugh at a feminist comedian.
Not at them.
I mean, I can laugh at them.
That's very easy to do.
But with them.
I want to find a funny joke told by a feminist comedian and laugh at it.
You will fail!
That's my goal in life.
That's the only thing I want to achieve before I die.
I've done everything else.
that I want to do, sadly enough.
This is the last thing.
So first, we tried Samantha Bee.
That was a miserable failure.
It didn't work out.
So today, we're gonna bring out the big guns, Hannah Gadsby.
Okay, Hannah Gadsby's the acclaimed, beloved, critical darling, the best feminist comedian currently on the scene, I'm told.
So we're gonna watch some of her clips and see if we can do this.
You know, can I laugh at a Hannah Gadsby joke?
Can we laugh?
Let's find out together.
Come along, friends.
Forget I did that, sorry.
Now I want to tell you a story about a terrible conversation I had at the dog park once.
This bloke just walks up to me.
I mean he had a dog.
He wasn't just being creepy.
He had context.
And I want to tell you this.
It's not pertinent to the story but I want you to know his dog had shoes on.
And his dog did not want to have shoes on.
Because he was doing that like...
And it was a whippet situation and they're shaky at the best of times.
We don't know why.
Are they cold?
Are they nervous?
We don't know.
But it was like just... It was a lot.
Now it's not important to the story but it was a lot in my periphery.
So I just want you to know.
Okay.
Well, you know, a dog with shoes.
That's kind of funny.
Not a laugh thing.
Not laughing level.
But, I mean, actually seeing the dog with shoes, that would get a laugh at me.
If she had a picture she could have showed us, the visual probably would have helped.
But simply mentioning the dog with shoes isn't enough.
But I'm on the verge of laughing, okay?
The dog with shoes.
Okay, she's loosened me up a little bit.
I'm ready to laugh.
I want to laugh.
I'm in a laughing mood now.
I'm thinking about dogs with shoes.
And now she just has to go in for the kill.
So let's see what she's got.
Now this was my friend's icebreaker.
We'd never met.
This was his icebreaker.
He said, did you know It takes less muscles to smile than frown.
Now the men in the audience are sitting there going, oh you've experienced an isolated incident.
And the women are sitting there going, oh for f**k's sake.
And non-binary folk are like, is that a hard day for you, is it?
Damn it.
She squandered it.
You squandered it, Hannah.
I was ready to laugh.
I was.
You had me.
You had me.
Why, Hannah?
Why?
I mean, now she's going into the absolutely insufferable feminist harangue about being told to smile.
And, of course, she throws in the thing about non-binary folks because, you know, she can't make a man-versus-woman joke without acknowledging the invented non-binary category.
And that's good, obviously, because diversity, inclusion, political correctness, all the stuff that makes comedy great.
Okay, dare I even continue playing this?
I have a bad feeling now.
Before, I was filled with hope, dog with shoes.
Now she's going into the feminist thing.
I should have been prepared for this.
It is a feminist comedian, after all.
I wasn't ready, it turns out.
I'll play a little bit more.
Let's see how much more we can stomach.
Now, as far as icebreakers go, it's a f***ing s*** one.
Basically, what he's saying is, your face is wrong, can you change it?
Like, honestly, and even if I was giving the benefit of the doubt, right, and truly believe that energy consumption was his chief concern, that he was just looking at me going, if only she knew!
She could live her best life.
She could get so much more out of a day.
If only she knew.
Like, even if I believed that, the thing is, I was neither smiling nor frowning.
My face was neutral, which takes f*** all muscles.
Like, and now I am aware that my neutral face is not particularly chipper.
Like, I do look like someone stabbed a potato with a spoon upside down.
Honestly, like... No muscles.
I'm neutral.
Now, I have resting bitch face.
That's what it's called.
That's what it's colloquially known as.
Resting bitch face.
Only women have resting bitch face.
Men simply have very important thoughts you best not interrupt them having.
Like, honestly, no one has ever gone up to a man while he's a stranger and gone, cheer up, love may never happen.
No!
Okay, just stop.
I can't.
This, this... I mean, I'm waiting for the joke here.
The potato... What is that?
I don't know.
She is a comedian, right?
So there's supposed to be some humor, but it's not really happening.
Instead, she's just venting about a perceived personal slight.
I feel like this is 2003 and I'm listening to somebody read their LiveJournal entry to me out loud.
And can I just say, for the record, for all you women out there, just so you know, a little bit of mansplaining, okay?
Actually, you are not being specially targeted when people tell you to smile.
You really aren't.
Men do get the same thing.
All the time.
So Hannah says, no one would ever say this to a man.
Yes, they would!
Actually, they do.
People say it to me all the time.
If you can imagine, I don't like it, it's annoying, but then again, I don't like it when anyone says anything to me about anything, ever, so I'm not the best judge.
But the only reason why you ladies think that the smile thing is sexist and that you're being specially targeted is that you ladies are the only ones whining about it.
Now I'm gonna go off on my own harangue.
There are many things that feminists complain about where they think that women are the only ones that deal with it.
No, it's not that women are the only ones that deal with it.
It's just that women are the only ones who complain about it all the time.
Everybody else, we just keep it to ourselves.
So, you know, when someone says that to a man, we just shrug it off and go about our day.
Meanwhile, someone says it to Hannah Gadsby and she does a Netflix special about it.
My God, this is pettiness on steroids.
And I say that as someone who has written multiple thousand plus word articles complaining about people who don't put their shopping carts away in grocery store parking lots.
There is no greater evidence of the disintegration of human society than shopping carts that people just leave all over a parking lot.
So I know something about petty whining, and this outdoes even me.
Alright, let's try another one.
And I can put a stand in because I won't hold things this shape anymore.
I know who I am.
I know my strengths.
Because she's a... she's a lesbian.
I don't know.
Did you get it?
Did you get the joke there?
It's the... No, no, no.
No, no.
Hold on.
Listen.
Listen.
Just stop.
Did you get it?
I don't think you got it.
It's... she's a lesbian.
So... She only mentions it 19 times per minute when she's on stage.
So you might... you might not have picked up on it.
Lesbians.
Lesbians.
But, uh, yeah.
She is a lesbian.
That's the joke there.
So let's continue.
I'm not good at representing.
I haven't even read the agenda.
I haven't read the gay agenda.
I keep hearing rumours and I think, nah, I don't wanna know.
Sounds bad.
Sounds like I might be in Slytherin.
Now, hang on.
Wait a second.
I'm sorry, I don't mean to get into conspiracy theories here, conspiracy theories, but I simply don't believe That the audience is laughing that hard at that joke.
I don't, there is no way.
It's a Harry, it's a Harry Potter reference, right?
This is how in touch I am with the youth of today.
Uh, Slytherin's a Harry Potter.
So, there's no way that a Harry Potter reference could cause someone to break into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
I don't, I don't believe it.
The physical reaction doesn't make sense.
It would be like if someone responded with orgasmic delight after taking a bite out of like a graham cracker or something.
There's no way that a graham cracker could elicit that sort of response.
Unless you were starving in the desert for two weeks and then you had a graham cracker, then maybe it would have that kind of reaction.
So, were these people, were they locked in a dungeon and not allowed to laugh on pain of torture for two years?
And then could that explain it?
Because then I guess you'd be so pleased that you're allowed to laugh that you would laugh even at a Hannah Gadsby Harry Potter reference.
So maybe that's the secret of her success, that she requires her audience to be chained in a dungeon for 24 months prior to attending her performance.
I don't know.
You know, a lot of people, people have different theories.
That's mine.
Who knows?
Anyway, all I'm saying is that I actually want to laugh and that That is not... This is called Try to Laugh.
And I'm trying to laugh, but I can't laugh at that.
At least not... At least not that much.
The most that that joke could really get out of a normal person is sort of like a... Heh.
Oh, Harry Potter.
Oh, from Harry Potter, right.
Sure, sure, yeah.
I get it, yeah.
Funny.
Funny.
That's one of those jokes where you just... You have to say your reaction because you can't actually exhibit it.
Oh, funny.
Sure.
Yeah, Harry Potter.
Alright, I'm going to give up on this one as I am rapidly giving up on life itself.
Let's give this a shot.
But in all the debate about homosexuality, no one ever really talked about the lesbians.
Lesbian.
Did you pick up on that?
Do I have to play it again?
Just as a reminder?
Lesbian.
She is a lesbian.
Alright.
Do you know, like, it's all the gay men.
They're the problem.
I ain't no six.
That's when the devil will get ya.
If I were to transcribe this and show it to you in written form and tell you that it's
a transcription from a therapy session that I was eavesdropping on, you would absolutely
believe me.
There'd be almost nothing in it that would give away the secret that this is actually a stand-up comedian performing for a sold-out audience.
Because this is simply a woman working through her feelings on stage.
But the problem is, if I want to listen to a woman work through her feelings, I can just go and talk to literally any woman ever.
And they'll be happy to oblige.
I don't need to watch stand-up comedy for that.
I have a wife, for God's sake.
Okay?
Alright, new video.
I'm gonna abandon... I'm not gonna abandon the mission just yet.
I'm not going AWOL.
But I am determined still to laugh at a Hannah Gadsby joke, so... If only I can find one.
Some people think it's strange that I would take the pill.
As a lesbian.
Spoiler alert!
Did you...
Wait, I just need to stop it there for a second, because this is breaking news, okay?
Hannah Gadsby is a lesbian.
Wow.
Wow!
I know, your disappointment's palpable, mate.
Why would you need to take the pill?
But I do need to take the pill, people.
I do, because sometimes I like to dress slutty.
I do, I love to slut it up.
I really do.
Show a bit of ankle.
Stop it!
Yes.
Let's stop it right there.
Look at this shot of the audience.
These girls in the audience.
You know the book Animorphs?
On the cover where they show the transition?
The transition from the person into what?
This looks like a transition where the girl on the left is like, each shot is her becoming the one all the way on the far right.
Maybe, is the audience populated by clones?
That's the theory I'm getting to here.
Maybe there are, there's like a stash of clones somewhere and their only role is just to, they fill the audience and they laugh at Hannah Gadsby jokes.
Maybe.
You know, we're solving the mystery as we go along here.
Let's go, okay, I'm going to abandon this.
I'm just clicking through.
We're going through.
We're going through videos.
Here's one right here.
Now this one, okay, this one looks like this is a speech.
It's not really a stand-up comedy performance, but I don't see a difference anyway between every stand-up comedy performance or her is a speech.
So let's give this one a shot.
I find good men talking about bad men.
Incredibly irritating.
And this is something the good men are doing a lot of at the moment.
Not this moment, not this minute, because the good men don't have to wake up early for their opportunity to monologue their hot take on misogyny.
Alright, shut up.
Just shut up!
I'm sorry, I'm getting frustrated here.
I'm supposed to be laughing, not angry.
I admit, part of this might be me.
Part of the problem might be me.
Maybe it's not you, Hannah Gadsby.
It's me.
Maybe.
I don't know.
You guys tell me.
Is this hilarious?
Are you laughing at this?
Okay, last one.
Okay.
You said it, not me, Hannah.
I didn't say that.
I don't disagree, but I didn't say it.
What sort of comedian can't even make the lesbians laugh?
Every comedian ever.
See, that's actually kind of a good joke.
You know, I almost feel a laugh.
Burbling up inside me.
It's either a laugh or the Chipotle I had for lunch.
I don't but it's it's a it's not a bad She's gone back to the lesbian.
Well again, we can't you know, we're not gonna hold that against her.
We're past that now It's all she's got talk about what you know, this is what she knows and pretty much only this fine but I like the joke because it's it's it's you know, it's a it's a joke and It's an actual joke from a comedian.
And so that's progress.
We're getting somewhere.
Okay, now let's see if she can finally take us home.
Very clever joke.
I didn't write that.
That is not my joke.
Oh, come on.
The one kind of good joke and it wasn't even her joke.
Man.
The one decent joke we've heard this entire time and it's not hers.
I feel betrayed.
And disappointed.
And depressed.
It's an old, an oldie, oldie but a goldie, a classic.
It was written, you know, well before even women were funny.
And back then, in the good old days, lesbian meant something different than it does now.
Back then, lesbian wasn't about sexuality.
A lesbian was just any woman not laughing at a man.
Why aren't you laughing?
What are you, some kind of lesbian?
Classic.
Who is she imitating right now?
Who is this person that she's... When in her life has anyone ever said anything like that to her?
You know you need a lot, I'm telling you what you need, you need a good f***ing get a f***
up you drink some s***.
Who is she imitating right now?
Who is this person that she's...
When in her life has anyone ever said anything like that to her?
I guarantee never.
Is that supposed to be the joke?
Maybe it is.
Is the joke here that feminists are hysterical and oversensitive and constantly imagining that they're being persecuted when they're really not?
If that's the joke, it's a pretty good joke.
But I suspect that's not the joke.
It's counterproductive.
I do think I have to quit comedy, though.
I mean, yes.
I, you know... I think...
I think maybe we can reach a consensus on that point, Hannah.
I think we can really come together as a nation and unite around that.
I do.
I do.
But let's just get to the rest of this bit.
We're going to play this one to the end.
We're going to do it.
All right.
And I built a career out of self-deprecating humor.
That's what I've built my career on.
And I don't want to do that anymore.
Because do you understand what self-deprecation means when it comes from somebody who already
exists in the margins?
It's not humility.
It's humiliation.
I put myself down in order to speak, in order to seek permission to speak.
And I simply will not do that anymore.
Not to myself or anybody who identifies with me.
[applause]
[sigh]
I've had planters warts that were funnier than that.
And to top off the unfunniness, there's also just the whininess.
The woe is me stuff.
Go back to the last shot there.
The still shot of her and the audience.
Hannah says she's on the margins.
She's marginalized.
No, you're not.
That's not what marginalized looks like.
You have a Netflix deal.
You're not marginalized.
You should be marginalized as an unfunny comedian.
That should be a marginalized demographic, but it's not.
I mean, that's one of the most lucrative demographics going right now.
You're the opposite of marginalized.
There's a whole audience of people who are watching.
They paid money to watch you for some reason.
I don't know why.
I don't know why they'd pay money for that.
Then again, people used to pay Jack Kevorkian, so... And actually, I'm kind of suspecting it's a very similar audience.
But you're not marginalized.
You're just not.
That's all.
Get over it.
So I failed this challenge, but it's not my fault.
Like any good millennial, I refuse to take responsibility for this whatsoever.
I tried to laugh, but I'm leaving infuriated.
And annoyed.
Which is exactly how I went in, to be honest with you.
It's how I live every day of my life, so maybe that's part of the problem.
But the point is, I am a victim for having endured this.
I am also now marginalized.
And you're a victim too.
So, which is a good thing to be these days.
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