"What Do You Think About Israel?" What To Say: At Thanksgiving
In this What To Say: At Thanksgiving special, Michael Knowles shows you how to survive your family dinner without flipping the table — or disowning your relatives. Watch as he breaks down how to handle three classic characters:
The woke niece or nephew — fresh from TikTok and progressive teachers.
The liberal college cousin — outraged and ready to lecture.
The MAGA uncle — red-pilled, conspiratorial, and unstoppable.
From Israel to abortion to climate change, Michael gives you the perfect responses to keep the peace (or win the fight).
Survive Thanksgiving. Save your sanity.
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Thanksgiving is upon us.
The conversations are here.
Every year, the Libs issue.
Potential family drama that might show up around the Thanksgiving dinner table.
Here's the guide to talk to your awful right-wing relatives.
It's incumbent upon her to try to educate her mother.
And you're going to have to respond.
We're about to have some very uncomfortable conversations.
I'm a big supporter of keeping the peace with the family and having a nice dinner and not how do you handle the political topics when they come up.
There are, by my count, three kinds of characters who are going to bring the topics up.
You're going to get the innocent questions.
That's from your little niece or nephew.
Hey, I heard this thing.
And hey, what do you think about that?
And that's one approach.
Then there's going to be your lesbian cousin, the one with the crazy hair and the septum piercing.
And that's going to, that's a different approach.
And then we get there's sometimes there is the unhinged uncle.
It's our favorite character at all Thanksgivings.
So we're going to go through a series of topics and I'm going to give you pearls of wisdom as to how to address these topics with each of the three Thanksgiving dinner characters.
My teacher says the Palestinians are just trying to live and the Israelis keep bombing kids.
I don't get why America helps them.
What's his name?
Is Timmy or Johnny?
Timmy!
Okay.
That's really interesting, Timmy.
You see, Timmy, there's this place called the Middle East, and it's a place that you should not really concern yourself with until you're much older and maybe go on pilgrimage to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre.
But it's this place, there's a lot of turmoil there.
And there are these people called the Jews.
And the Jews, they were in this area and then they went away for like 1800 years and then they came back and sometimes they advance our interests, so we like that, but sometimes they cut against our interests and it's kind of annoying, but they're still sort of our allies.
And so anyway, we're generally, they're a lot more civilized than these other people who are called the Muslims.
And the Muslims invaded that area in the eighth century.
And they've been warring with our civilization, which is called Christendom, ever since.
And anyway, Johnny, it's really complicated, so eat your turkey.
Okay, lesbian cousin, what's your take?
Israel is literally committing genocide and the U.S. is funding it with our taxes.
If you still have a nuanced take, you're complicit.
Okay, that's really interesting.
I myself have a complex view of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Stephanie, or I don't know what my cousin's name is.
But the fact that you are so ardently on the Palestine side actually impels me to be more pro-Israel.
Not because of any substantive fact of the issue, but simply because you're on that side.
However, in charity, Stephanie, I think it's important to be precise about our terms because genocide is when you wipe out a whole group of people.
And the Israelis haven't done that, though they were a little heavy-handed in the war.
I'm happy to grant to you, Stephanie.
But it's also worth pointing out that if the Israelis actually wanted to commit a genocide, they probably just would have already.
And even in the Bible, they like almost committed genocide because they're told to, but then they don't.
And that leads to a lot of their problems because they didn't.
And anyway, I think that term is probably overstating it.
What they have suggested they would like to do is ethnically cleanse the area in as much as they would remove Palestinians while they rebuilt Gaza.
But let's not forget, Stephanie, that the Palestinians in Gaza not only want to ethnically cleanse the rest of the nation state of Israel, but they also explicitly do call for genocide.
So I grant to you, Stephanie, it's a really complicated problem, which is why we need to return to questions of what justice in war looks like.
And here we can turn to St. Thomas Aquinas.
He's really great and point out that obviously the state of Israel had a just cause in going to war because the Palestinian Muslims from Gaza launched an attack on them a couple of years ago on October 7th and killed a lot of them and took a lot of them hostage.
And they held those hostages and killed a lot of the hostages too.
And so there was obviously justice for the state of Israel in going to war.
And then the conduct of the war did raise some questions about the justice in the war itself.
But now the war has come to an end.
And so if you value the rights of the Palestine, the legitimate rights of Palestinians, as I do, Stephanie, that's a point of agreement, then I think we would all have to agree that President Trump's ability to finally wrap up that war in a way that did not grant all of the desires of the state of Israel and also preserved some of the integrity of the Palestinian people was really great.
So cheers to Trump, right?
Okay, unhinged uncle.
I don't know why we should care about any of these sand people anyway.
They're just distracting from all the seed oils they're putting in the chemtrails.
Look, we care a little bit because America is an empire and we have interests overseas, but like otherwise, yeah, man.
I hate those seed oils in the chemtrails.
Don't tell our lesbian cousin.
Maybe the seed oils are how she ended up that way.
Okay, next one.
My friend at school came out as non-binary, and I think they're brave.
We should all just be ourselves.
That's really nice, Jimmy.
And you're, I keep changing your name.
You're a sweet kid, you know, and we all want to be nice to our friends.
But then we have to ask this question, how can we be nice to our friends?
Is it nice to lie to people, Jimmy?
No, it's not nice.
Yeah, I don't think it's nice to lie to people.
I think it's nice to tell people the truth in love.
Not just be totally harsh and brutal about the truth, but tell them the truth in a loving way.
And the truth is that you can't be the opposite sex.
A boy, Jimmy, I don't know what your teacher told you.
A boy can't really be a girl.
Don't even go down this road because I'm not talking about it.
And you can't be neither a boy nor a girl.
We're all born with a nature, and part of our nature is our sex.
So that's total nonsense, Jimmy.
It just makes you feel better about yourself.
And I'm thinking about giving your mother and father some money so that they can send you to private school or better yet, to homeschool.
Next one.
If you don't want to be with a trans woman, then that's a you problem, Michael.
I think that's a me solution, Stephanie.
I think that's a me solution.
And I think that's a solution for everyone.
I don't think you want to.
I don't think anyone really wants that unless they hate their dads, Stephanie.
You hate your dad.
And we need to confront the real issue here, Stephanie, which is that you hate your dad because he worked too much when you were a kid and he cheated on your mom that time.
And I'm not excusing that.
That was bad that he did that, okay?
But you are working through issues that are completely divorced from the radical political solutions.
Is this too real for you, Stephanie?
We're having a conversation that's a little too real right now.
Then how about you shut up and don't ruin Thanksgiving, Stephanie?
All right, maybe that wasn't the best way.
Next one.
Would you rather be with the hottest ladyboy in Thailand or one of these American land whale females?
Seriously, think about it.
Well, Uncle Bob, I get it.
You know, with plastic surgery these days, they can do wonders.
But I would say probably in the long run, it's better to be with the real woman and get married, you know?
And I don't.
I defer to your expertise and experience, Uncle Bob, but I don't want the ladyboys, I think.
We can respectfully agree to disagree.
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My friend said Thanksgiving started after the pilgrims took Native people's land.
So why do we celebrate it?
Thanksgiving is a very important holiday.
Ours was the first country in the world to make a national holiday to give thanks.
We celebrate it, Johnny, because it's our country and it's our people.
And Johnny, you love your family, don't you?
Yeah, you haven't been ruined yet by the public schools and by the perfidy of your parents.
No, you love your family.
And we want to love everybody, but we love our own families more than we love other people or in a more urgent way.
This is the Ordo Amoris, Johnny.
It's called the Ordo Caritatis.
And so we love our country because it is our country.
And people who hate our country, not only do they hate us just because they view us as an enemy, but sometimes they lie about us.
And so what you've been told is not true.
Actually, in the early days, Johnny, when your family came over here on the Mayflower, which is a great cigar brand, actually, they created alliances with some of the Native people.
And our ancestors and some of the natives actually warred against other Native people.
And history is really complicated and it's full of all sorts of alliances.
And when we did come to blows because of a war that the Indians started called King Philip's War, we ended up winning.
And we built a great country that's been really, really good to a lot of people.
And we should be thankful for that.
That's what we're celebrating today.
The Pilgrims weren't heroes.
They were colonizers who brought death and disease.
It's literally a holiday celebrating genocide.
Stephanie, when did the pilgrims commit a genocide?
When did they do that?
Was it before they created an alliance with Massasoit and helped to build up the Wampanoag nation?
When did they do it?
Did they do it when they were being threatened by the Massachusetts Indians who wanted to commit a genocide against them?
When did they do it?
What year would you say, Stephanie?
You don't know?
You don't know, Stephanie, because you don't know anything about the history, do you?
No.
You like to talk, talk, talk, yap, yap, yap, spoil dinner for your grandmother who might not be here next Thanksgiving, Stephanie, but you don't know anything.
You haven't learned a damn thing in your entire life, Stephanie.
So zip your mouth and eat your stuffing.
I'm having trouble.
I'm going to just, this is, I'm breaking.
I'm having a little bit of trouble, but sometimes with the Stephanies of the world, you're not going to be able to persuade them in the moment.
So you have to either coax them into zipping that little trap or you have to scare them into it.
Next one.
The Indians weren't even the first ones here.
Ancient Phoenicians sailed to America before Squanto ever traded his first wampum.
It's really interesting, Uncle Bob.
When did they do that?
After they left Goblaki Tepe?
Or did they, obviously they did that after the panspermia brought life from Mars and planet Zebulon 7.
Tell me more about that.
Uncle Bob, this narrative that you're spinning for me is a welcome break, a delightful little digression from Stephanie's incessant yapping.
Next one.
I think it's mean when old people try to tell girls what to do with their bodies.
It's her choice.
Well, people do have choices, Johnny, but some choices are good and some choices are bad.
And some choices are so bad that we actually proscribe it by the law.
So do you think, Johnny, that someone should be able to go, I don't know, like a crazy killer, should be able to go out and just start chopping people up when they're lying in their beds at night, Johnny?
Because it's his choice?
No, obviously not.
Just come into your room when you think you're all tucked in all safe and sound and come in and cut your head off?
No, Johnny.
Obviously not.
So we have laws against murder.
We have all sorts of laws in this country.
Laws against tax evasion.
Laws against, I don't know, jaywalking.
And in the case of abortion, Johnny, I don't want, you know, I don't know how much you know about it, but that's a really, really bad choice.
And Johnny, if abortion were taken to its logical conclusion, you wouldn't even exist.
You wouldn't even be here.
And you like being here, right?
And you think it's fun to be here at Thanksgiving with your Uncle Michael?
Don't you think that everyone ought to have the opportunity to be here and eat a nice big turkey leg, nice piece of pumpkin pie?
Yeah.
So everyone has choices, but some choices are so bad, you got to tell them not to do them.
And that's just what politics is.
That's just what government exists to do, to protect people and to make sure you get your piece of pumpkin pie.
Yeah, okay, Stephanie, what's up?
Abortion bans are just state-sponsored misogyny.
If men got pregnant, there'd be abortion clinics inside every Home Depot.
Oh, Stephanie.
I'll tell you what.
I'm going to try.
I know we've had some bad interactions at this Thanksgiving, Stephanie.
But did you know, I'm just going to try to.
Did you know that just recently, a woman was murdered because she refused to have an abortion?
She found out she was sleeping with a guy who had a live-in girlfriend.
And I forget the guy's name, I forget even where it was.
And the guy, he's been arrested since because he was stupid enough to text his friend and say that this girl who refused to get an abortion and he was going to go meet her in a parking lot and literally crop her out.
That was the phrase he used, crop her out.
And he went over and he murdered her.
And a lot of women are pressured into having abortions that they don't want to have.
In some cases, they're beaten or killed if they refuse to have an abortion throughout the world, but even in America.
And women who do have abortions face very, very serious trauma for the rest of their lives because they have a moral conscience.
And so the primary reason, Stephanie, to stop abortion is because abortion kills innocent life, you know, innocent babies.
And we can have that conversation some other time, Stephanie.
But a secondary reason is that abortion is very bad for women and it leads women into sin and to scandal and often into horrific trauma and sometimes it kills them.
And abortion mills are heavily unregulated.
Women can die at abortion mills, notably at the Gosnell Clinic, Chesri Santangelo, a number of them, some of the worst killers in American history.
So if you're a real defender of women, you would want to stop abortion too.
And I'm really glad that I stopped drinking a little while ago, Stephanie, because I feel like this is a much more productive conversation than some of the earlier things we've been talking about.
Now, can you please shut up and eat your turkey?
Please.
Yes, Uncle?
Abortion was just a scam to get rid of minorities.
Now it's all about adrenochrome.
Yeah, I mean, the first part is largely true.
And the second part, I mean, look, Uncle Bob, I don't know about adrenochrome and stuff, but I do know that they were literally putting chemicals in the water that turned the frogs gay.
So like, yeah, maybe.
It's at least demonic.
People just want to live somewhere safe.
Why can't America help instead of kicking them out?
Oh, that's a great point, Johnny.
You're right.
In some cases, though it's a very, very small percentage of the number of illegal immigrants, in some cases, people are seeking refuge from violence or terrible political situations.
But that's not the people in America, because when illegal aliens flee from countries way down in Central and South America, if they were just seeking political refuge, just safety, they could stop in any of the countries along the way.
The reason they come to America is to take jobs from Americans and to exploit our successful economic system and our welfare system.
And when they come through, they do so necessarily with the help of criminal cartels who are actually foreign terrorists.
They're formally designated foreign terrorists, and they bring all sorts of terrible stuff into the country and do harm to us.
And at a really basic level, Johnny, nations are defined by their borders.
That's what delineates them.
And so I agree with you.
We got to be really nice to sojourners and foreigners who come passing through and we want to help everybody, but we can't do so in a suicidal way that would destroy our own country.
Yes, Stephanie.
ICE is a terrorist organization.
Families are being ripped apart because of racist laws.
This isn't security.
It's cruelty.
Yeah.
Stephanie, I can't help but notice that you look, you don't look like you came off the Mayflower, Stephanie.
And I know, you know, obviously your father's from a different culture.
And I just.
Just one second, Stephanie.
Yes, could you?
Hello, this is Michael Knowles.
Could you put me through to Mr. Holman, please?
It's urgent.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hey, Tom.
You can geo-track my phone.
Yeah.
Okay.
You're going to need to come here fast.
You're going to need to come here before dessert.
I got one for you.
I got one for you that, and I want this one to be sent to Tanzania.
Happy Thanksgiving, Stephanie.
This deportation plan is way too weak.
If we really want to fix the problem, we need to remove all the tiny hats and basketball people.
You know, Uncle Bob, that's, I guess one thing I would point out, I hear you, okay?
But, and I really like those euphemisms for the Jews and the blacks.
However, I think there's a little bit of a difference because, you see, when we're talking about Venezuelans or something who have come here illegally, who don't speak English, who have not assimilated to the culture in any way, a lot of them have come here very recently.
They have not assimilated in any way to American culture, really participated into it.
Whereas when it comes to the tiny hats, as you say, they've been here really since the beginning.
George Washington wrote a famous letter to the Hebrew congregation describing their place in America.
When it comes to black people, obviously they're brought over largely on slave ships, so there have been plenty of black immigrants since then.
So they're much more embedded into the fabric of American society, going back basically to the beginning.
And so it would seem unjust to just lift people out whose ancestors have been in the country for hundreds of years.
Whereas when it comes to the cartel-assisted, unassimilated peasants from Latin America, many of whom are involved in criminal activity, it would be more urgent to get them out, I think.
But I do really appreciate, especially your euphemism about basketball playing Americans.
Next one.
Michael Knowles is an absolute chapter.
He will literally dance for shekels.
Happy Hanukkah.
All right, that's...
That's all of our, oh, oh, there's one more comment from Stephanie.
Michael, I swear, if you tell grandma I've been sneaking off to the garage to hit my vape, I'll put Zin powder in your mashed potatoes.
