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Feb. 4, 2023 - The Michael Knowles Show
01:07:19
Anarchy, Demons, and Disney World | YES or NO with Michael Malice
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Time Text
Manifesting is astrology for straight guys.
Do you...
do you manifest?
Let's just give your answer.
One, two, three.
It's finally here.
A day that I have been waiting for since this game premiered.
We have a very, very special guest.
Before we get to that, though, you're a special guest.
Welcome to my show.
Despite what Michael tells you, it's the yes or no game.
You can have it.
You invite your friends over.
You can play it.
You can drink.
You don't need to drink.
Have a couple Coca-Colas.
Do whatever you want to do.
Answer all the pressing questions.
Questions about feminism.
Questions about seed oils.
Questions about the New World Order.
Questions about all of it.
Figure out how well you know your friends and family.
The first round sold out immediately.
The second round is going to sell out immediately.
So pre-order it right now.
DailyWire.com slash shop.
While you're there, pick up Mr.
Malice's new book, The White Pill.
Michael, thank you for coming on.
I am ecstatic to be here.
Now, are you familiar with the rules?
I am familiar with the rules.
I always let the ladies go first, but now if it's just us fellas, I'll go first.
Wow.
Producers coming.
You know, I haven't seen any of these questions.
Okay.
Producers coming out strong.
True anarchy has never been tried.
True anarchy has never been tried.
So if I say no, then it's like, no, it has been tried?
Correct.
Okay, okay.
And for you, you would also say that.
Mr.
Malice, you have to drink.
Well, I have to drink mine.
You have to drink yours.
Yeah.
You have to drink your delicious...
But you got it right.
But I got it right for you.
Okay, so you say it has been true.
Where has anarchy been tried?
This is an anarchist relationship.
Anarchism is not a location, it's a relationship.
It just means one person is not in a position to impose their authority on another.
So anarchism is the basis of all peace relationships in any society.
But within this society right now, there are people who can impose their will on us.
Sure.
Within this building.
I'm just speaking about our relationship.
So that is an example of true anarchism.
But doesn't anarchism require...
More of a political structure, by which I mean it doesn't exist in a vacuum.
So you might say that our relationship does not involve any kind of coercion, but our relationship exists within the context of Nashville, Tennessee, the United States, the world, which is not anarchistic, which is quite not anarchistic.
Sure, but at a certain point, I think that's kind of this whole thing about if you have a gas stove, you're causing global warming.
At a certain point, the relationship is distinct enough to be meaningless.
I mean, I guess the world courts, in a sense, have the power to have authority over us, but in what practice?
Not in this country.
Not yet, at least.
So I think it just depends on what your way is of looking at it.
And from my perspective, I would say not only has anarchism been tried, it is the basis of any successful interaction in any society.
Do you think it's been tried in a political context?
Like sometimes people point to Iceland.
Viking Age Iceland, the Irish for centuries.
And every nation is in a state of anarchism toward every other nation.
If an American kills a Canadian in Mexico, there's no higher court to seek justice to.
You have to resolve it between themselves.
Well, there are.
But those nations have established courts and international bodies, which are mostly feckless, like the UN or the International Criminal Court.
But at least they have the structure of a kind of legal institution.
Sure.
Point being, though, again, if an American kills a Canadian in Mexico, they're not going to one of these institutions.
It's going to be resolved between the three nations somehow.
That's true.
That's true.
Okay.
All right.
You guessed mine incorrectly, so you have to drink your pina.
I guessed yours correctly, so now you go.
Okay.
Okay. - I disagree with the use of quotes here.
I have the more fascist-looking haircut.
No, I've got to move yours.
One, two, three.
So, I don't think it...
I think you got that wrong.
I think I'm sorry to say...
You do have the more fascist looking look.
I don't, because if you look at the back, it comes to a point, which is not what fascists would have.
They would have it very clean.
That's true.
That's true.
It's got the fasciness of the, it's longer on top, kind of short on the side.
Right, but you do have that kind of extremely conservative, very primitive.
That is Hitler's haircut, it's just not as long.
You have the side part.
It's a little long.
I got some sideburns.
It's very hard for me to grow the Charlie Chaplin.
I can't quite do it.
There's a band named Sparks, which have been around since the late 60s.
It's two brothers.
And one of them had the German mustache for decades.
And he never explained why.
And this would drive people crazy.
And it's a band everyone should look up because they're amazing.
Michael Jordan had this.
Oh, yeah.
For like a month.
He had a McDonald's commercial.
And everyone's like, what are you doing?
I did call Daily Wire over the break between Christmas and New Year's.
I just didn't shave.
And so by the end, I had this kind of scraggly, ugly beard.
And I took a poll.
I said, should I show up with facial hair on Monday?
And, you know, the PR department calls.
They say, haha, did you, are you sure you're going to do that?
I said, no, no, no, I'm not going to do that.
I'm just going to, I'll shave it off.
I'm just going to keep a mustache.
What, is there a problem with that?
I don't know what problem you see with that.
Okay.
Adults going to Disney World without kids should be illegal.
This is...
I'm answering for you.
You gotta answer how you think I would answer.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Three.
I would definitely say no.
You know you'd say no.
I would have to say yes, I think.
You would not make it illegal.
I would make it a capital offense, actually.
No, you would not.
I would.
It's wrong.
It is wrong.
It's wrong.
I'm not arguing that's not...
So we all agree on the objective, kind of natural law sort of perspective.
It is wrong for these adults to show up and, like, get the turkey leg and the...
In fact, I had a Twitter poll.
I said, which is more of a red flag in a female, if she's a Harley Quinn fan or if she's a Disney fan?
Because those are both big run-for-the-hills situations.
The Harley stuff, she's wearing it on her sleeve.
The Disney, it's kind of the subtext there.
It's like, this is not going to end well for you with her delusions of princesshood.
You're a princess?
Why are you dressing like that?
It doesn't add up.
No.
No, listen.
It's not that I'm some kind of authoritarian that I want...
It is.
Literally, that's...
No, it's not.
But, I'm not a...
Hitler mustache says, I'm not an authoritarian, but...
Uh-huh.
But...
He's a real liberal.
I... He's at least a modernist.
The problem is...
The art of Michael Knowles.
Certain offenses are serious enough, I think, that they require state intervention.
Some of those would be murder or serious sexual crimes or...
The grown-up millennials just showing up, you know, and going on the Dumbo ride.
Is there a Dumbo ride?
I assume.
I've never been to Disneyland.
Maybe it's just because I was never taken to Disneyland, you know?
We're going to get a video crew, Michael and Michael do Disneyland, and we're just going to sit there bidding the whole time.
But at least we'll have to wait in the lines because we're important.
Say, Ben, can I at least get the Fast Pass?
No.
The idea that you would get the Fast Pass is frankly crazy.
Okay.
They said, I'll be able to use the Daily Wire resources.
Well, that's not the point.
My turn?
Yes.
Yes.
OK.
Okay.
If the liver king taught us anything, and he hasn't, it's that if you tell a lie long enough, eventually you will get the 2020 election results.
Okay, ready?
One, two, three.
Wait, you put it on your side of the board.
Hold on.
I meant yes.
I meant yes.
I can't reach you.
Okay.
I'm a munchkin like you.
I'm going to say...
No, if you tell a lie...
This is so many double negatives, I don't even understand.
But I do choose to drink.
Okay.
No, you have made the more virtuous decision.
You don't drink.
I don't drink because it makes me meaner.
I'm not joking.
I realized this the other day.
Some people sometimes accuse us of promoting booze on the show.
And I actually don't intend to promote booze on the show.
I do drink socially.
Of all my advices, it's never been one that I'm really drawn to.
Even to the point that...
I'll have one drink at the end of the night, maybe over a cigar.
I think it was messing up my sleep, and I cut it out for like a week, and I slept much better, I had more energy, even one single drink at the end of the night.
It took me years to realize that my hangovers take the form of being depressed, because I'd feel really down the next day, even from one beer, and then I'd be like, you know those days where you're like, what am I doing, everything sucks, and you're like, oh, this is physiological.
It took me a while to figure out that I didn't know hangovers could do that.
I thought it would just physically feel gross.
I know.
No, it actually kind of rocked my world because I really enjoy the ritual of a drink at the end of the day.
I don't even, it's not like I'm doing keg stands, you know.
But I really like that ritual.
But if I can't, yeah, it's that same feeling.
Especially if I have, you know, like three drinks or something and then I have a headache the next day.
Ruins your whole day.
That's why I recommend Angel Dust to all the kids at Disneyland.
You want to go on the Dumbo ride, you don't even have to wait in line.
It's just one puff away.
Life can be a circus with Angel Dust.
Endorsed by Ben Shapiro.
We've pitched the yes or no game, the white pill by Michael Malas, and Angel Dust.
Yes.
Endorsed by Ben Shapiro.
Yes.
And of the three, Angel Dust is clearly the best product, and I say this as the author of the white pill.
Why take a white pill and you don't have white powder?
I can fly!
I can fly!
Angel Dust needs to hire you to do its PR. I've never heard better PR. Number three...
SPF is more likely to face prison time.
Who's SPF? He's that Sam Bankman Freed, the guy with the...
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPF is more likely to face prison time than Dr.
Fauci.
One, two, three.
For sure.
He's probably not going to face much prison time anyway, but...
The possibility of Fauci facing prison time to me is like these people who thought Biden was going to put Hillary as the VP and then step aside.
Like, it's these kind of...
Yeah.
There's one way Bernie can still win.
There's still one weird trick.
Ron Paul's going to get the nomination in 2012.
It is so crazy.
Because here's the thing.
If they wanted to put Fauci away, the dominoes...
It's not like you could just put Fauci away and everyone goes home.
There's a lot of people that led to that happening, including Trump.
There's no way that happens.
Wow.
Do people really think that's going to happen?
Of course not.
I mean, there are people...
Hope springs eternal in the human breast, but...
This guy has had a record of incompetence and corruption going back to the 80s.
Going back to his earliest years at the NIH. And they haven't gotten him for 40 years.
Right.
But when's the last time they've gotten any bureaucrat for malfeasance?
I don't think that...
Even Lois Lerner...
Lois Lerner deleted or lost a bunch of emails, and then it's like, well, she did a good faith effort.
No, the only ones...
I was thinking maybe during Nixon, but no, those were appointed guys.
They weren't bureaucrats.
Yeah.
They never get the bureaucrats.
Right.
It's the safest job you can possibly...
- Of course. - Yeah.
The quotes are incorrect on this.
The white pill is basically just the black pill for quitters...
This is like Mr.
Miyagi stuff, excuse me, pardon my French.
Who writes these riddles?
Buddha, I think.
Siddhartha Gautama, actually.
Okay, ready?
The white pill is basically just the black pill for quitters.
One, two, three.
I'm going to...
No, I'm going to say the answer is yes, only in as much as the thing that you're quitting is despair.
And that's a good thing to quit.
You're not quitting it if you are renouncing it.
That's not the same thing.
What's the difference?
You're a Catholic, aren't you?
A renunciation is an act of repudiation and an act of ownership and an act of, like, I believe in this.
This is what I am.
Quitting, to me, has such a connotation of giving up.
You're saying quitting intrinsically has a kind of despair to it.
Yes.
But what if you quit...
Angel dust, for instance.
You don't quit angel dust.
You go on vacation from angel dust.
Michael, why would you want to?
Don't you want to fly?
Kids, I'm telling you.
It's much better than watching this garbage.
Michael, I can't argue with that.
Okay, fair point.
I'm going to keep this card in perpetuity because it's one of the best things I've ever seen.
Okay.
The weird satanic ritual stuff at Bohemian Grove on Balenciaga Shoots and at the CERN Large Hadron Collider is far more about being an edgelord than worshipping evil.
Okay.
One, two, three.
Yeah, we're in agreement.
For sure.
They're not trying to be edgelords.
They're trying to be defiant.
And there's a lot of genuine evil at these places.
And I think the whole line about the greatest trick the devil ever did was convince people doesn't exist.
These people get off on committing evil in public and brazenly so.
Right.
And it's not just that being an edgelord is you're harmless.
They're actually harming people.
They're actually harming people.
And it can't be...
You can't worship the devil ironically forever.
Or really ever at all.
People seem to think, oh no, tee-hee-hee.
No, I'm going to do these weird satanic rituals and commit all sorts of acts of evil.
But it's actually ironic.
If you live your life ironically...
Then it's earnest, actually.
But it's also, at a certain point, you're not going to get enough of that buzz by listening to Marilyn Manson, right?
You're going to actually want to start doing things that actually impact other people and start doing harm or at least being ignorant or choosing not to do good and letting harm happen.
I don't think I've told this story on air before.
It's one of the most jarring stories I've ever heard.
I'll give you the broad scope because it's...
Horrifying.
There's a guy that I knew freshman year.
I totally lost touch with him in college.
But find out later, the guy gets arrested for very serious crimes.
Leave it at that.
Very, very serious crimes.
And...
And he reached out to me.
I hadn't talked to this guy in years.
We weren't even that tight in college.
And so he said, oh, well, can I call you and explain what happened?
I said, okay, sure, whatever.
And so he calls me.
And he says, yeah, first I got involved in this.
First I got involved in some weird sex stuff.
Then I got involved in drugs.
Then I got involved in...
I said, you know, the part that people aren't going to understand about that It's not the drug stuff.
It's not the sex stuff.
It's not the rich people stuff.
That's all kind of part of this world, right?
It's the fact that it always has the same kind of symbolism to it.
For whatever reason, it always goes back to some guy with horns and a pitchfork and fire.
Isn't there something to it?
The fact that all these elites are performing actual overt satanic rituals, isn't that kind of weird that they keep doing that?
I don't know if weird's the word.
It's natural, I guess.
Well, I am going to tie this back to my book, because I think it's germane.
One of the reasons I wrote The White Pill, and it's about the rise of the Soviet Union and the fall of the Soviet Union, is because I was on a conservative podcast, and they were talking about how Biden's a communist.
I'm like, do you even know what communism is?
And Americans are completely oblivious To how evil people and governments can be.
They think it's, oh, you have to have woke ideology in school and have 70% interest rate.
No.
Your kids have to get up in school and denounce you.
Your kids are taught in kindergarten to turn you in, even if your parents kill you, because the most moral thing you can do is to report your parents if they're hoarding grain.
So they would encourage priests to denounce God from the pulpit in order to betray the people in the congregation.
So when people think about evil in this country, and they think, oh, we're two years away from Biden destroying America, I'm like, do you know what a destroyed country is?
They don't.
You don't get how far this goes.
Yeah, right.
And as bad as you think it is, the basement has a cellar.
And when I found all these receipts, because even I didn't know half this stuff, the things that they feel comfortable doing to families and to kids is so much worse.
Because evil often is creative.
That's the thing I think people don't appreciate.
Even people think of the devil.
The devil's smart.
The devil's beautiful.
Imaginative, right.
Right.
And if you and I sat down and tried to think of tortures, the things that they did, it would never enter our heads.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, this is the...
A Satanist wrote into me once, like an open Satanist, and said, Michael, I want to come on.
I'm not a big lib.
I'm just a Satanist, and I want to come on and debate these things.
And I thought, I don't know if I want to platform an actual Satanist.
And I wrote to a priest friend of mine who's very urbane, very funny, serious, intellectual guy, and gets a kick out of all sorts of eccentricities.
And I said, what do you think about this?
He goes...
Watch out, the devil's very crafty.
Yeah.
Don't think this is just some light...
He said, I wouldn't do that.
Yeah, and I'd appreciate you not repeating my communications with you publicly.
And please, yeah, that's right.
Keep that to yourself.
Now I just kind of want to name some of the priests I don't like.
That priest's name was.
Yep.
Okay, well, I'm going to drink anyway.
Okay.
I think that's the rule, is it?
No, I don't know.
Sure.
Okay.
I'm often suspicious of people who don't drink.
Hmm.
Ready?
Often.
One, two, three.
I would say no.
No.
I'm often suspicious of people who don't like dogs or don't like music.
Yeah.
Those are the two where I'm like, okay, unless they're on the spectrum, something's really dangerous here.
It's not that I don't...
It's not that I dislike dogs.
But I don't...
I'm not that into dogs.
Okay.
People love chasing a dog around.
I think we found the Satanist.
He's sitting at the table.
Yes.
I just think of myself as a people person.
Dogs are the best people on earth.
I'm not kidding.
They're definitely more pleasant than many people.
Yeah, how can you not be a dog person?
All they want to do is be your friend and help you.
Do you know what?
The reason I can't get that into dogs is they can never become reasonable.
Like a baby.
I can kind of get into playing with a baby.
You're thinking of women.
We're talking about dogs.
Take away reason and accountability.
There you go.
Yeah, but hold on.
Wait, what was the actual question about?
Oh, drinking.
Oh, yeah.
No, I am somewhat skeptical of people who have never had a drink because...
They were told that the drink is just the devil.
Well, what if they have alcoholism in their family?
That I can understand.
That I get it.
I can admire.
And guys who...
Penn Jillette's never had a drink, and now look at him.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow, that's the greatest argument for drinking I ever had.
No, I'm joking.
No, people who have...
Kind of been through it, who have experienced booze and said, you know, this isn't for me.
Far from being skeptical of those people, I sort of think, oh, this is someone who gets it.
Because, you know, the flip side of it, I mean, there are guys I know who just never got over age 23.
And Going out to the bars all night does not play as well when you're in your 50s as when you're in your 20s.
I interviewed Tucker Max on my show.
He wrote the book, I Hope They Serve You in Hell.
Classic.
And he's like, I meet these adults who are like, dude, I'm such a fan of yours.
He's like, Yeah, this is okay when you're 23.
What is wrong with you?
I'm married with kids, and I love it.
That's what life's about.
Like, yeah, I get it.
Like, get drunk, be a frat boy, you know, fool around, but dude, you're 30.
When I was into Tucker Max, I was 17, I think.
Yeah.
That was kind of the audience.
Wow, that's great.
He's a great guy.
He's in Austin as well.
That's edifying to hear that he...
Yeah, he wrote a book called Nate, and it's all about finding a good...
His wife's awesome.
His kids are awesome.
Wow.
Wow.
Wow, that's good.
There's a happy ending for him.
Yeah.
All right.
Between eating bugs, living in pods, owning nothing, and drinking from paper straws, getting people to eat bugs will be the most difficult thing to get people on board for the New World Order.
Between eating bugs, living in pods, owning nothing, and drinking from straws.
One, two, three.
Eating bugs is very easy to get people to do.
So easy.
It's already happening.
Shrimp or bugs?
Shrimp seem like bugs.
Lobsters.
Cricket flour.
The cricket flour stuff is already in chips.
Yeah, it's fine.
It's not going to be hard at all.
And I've tried bugs and they're fine.
I tried a bug once.
I thought it was gross.
The powder you can kind of just divorce from your mind.
The legs.
Well, yeah, and the antennae.
That's the issue.
But you're not going to serve them whole.
Yeah, I hope not.
Yeah, you're right.
They'll just grind them up.
They'll put them in potato chips.
I am, oh my God, I'm about to reveal a story I haven't told anyone.
I am so, such an animal person, and I know a lot about zoology.
There was a company called either Cricket or Grasshopper.
I know there's a company called Cricket.
I think it was Cricket, but I want to get it.
No, no, it was called Grasshopper.
And they were launching cell phones or something.
And they were having chocolate-covered grasshoppers to promote it.
But they weren't grasshoppers.
They were crickets.
And they're not the same thing.
And I reached out to them and they tried to be like, oh, they are grasshoppers.
And I went down that rabbit hole and go, here are the differences.
Not the same animal.
And I think they're out of business now and they belong in hell.
Rightly so.
Rightly so.
They're fraud.
Your entire identity is a fraud.
It's a total fraud.
Also...
Grasshoppers, according to the Bible, you're allowed to eat.
Well, some.
Some species.
Some species of grasshoppers.
Okay, if you want to go full Ben Shapiro, I went to yeshiva.
There are some species of grasshopper that are kosher, but they don't know what those species are referring to in contemporary times, so for the sake of playing it safe, you shouldn't eat any.
That's actually the fact of it.
Because I was just asking an Orthodox Jewish friend of mine this earlier today.
I said, when Klaus Schwab makes us all eatsy bugs, surely the ones that the Jews will be allowed to eat are locusts and some grasshoppers, right?
But he didn't know the answer.
That's the answer.
Wow.
We don't know which ones.
Because they'll say, like, the white grasshopper.
We don't know what that corresponds to.
Right.
Wow.
So to play it safe, don't go along with the World Economic Forum.
Yeah.
No, the hardest one for people of that list is going to be giving up all their property.
No, that's going to be the easiest.
You think?
Yes, because there's lots of people already who basically, if you have a government home, government food, government car, technically the government owns everything but provides things for you, they'll be fine with it.
But even these people who are on total government assistance, they go out, they buy their TV or whatever, they get their phone.
Maybe they've bought it with government coupons, but they at least think of that as being their own possession, even if the repo man could show up tomorrow.
Sure, but in this situation, if the difference is they don't legally own it, what would they care?
You don't think if the repo guy showed up, they'd be very upset if he's taken out their TV? They would, but what recourse would they have?
Right, right.
That's true.
I just wonder if...
Like the Obama phone.
No one's taking those Obama phones, right?
No.
No, they're going to keep giving those out.
But in terms of the convincing people...
I agree with you.
Klaus Schwab can convince people to eat bugs.
It'll just happen.
The pods is going to be hard.
The pods, I don't know.
People move to New York City every year.
My first apartment in New York, my bedroom, was 70 square feet.
It had three real walls, one fake wall, and no windows.
But I think people who are poor have a sense, in government housing, do have some sense of entitlement to at least something to get them to downgrade to a pod.
That's going to be really, really hard.
And the wealthy people, people who talk about global warming with their own private jets, they're not going to be in a pod.
The pods are not for them.
The pods and the bugs, it's only for the poor people.
But I just wonder if people have a natural inclination that property is a good thing.
I don't think they do.
You don't think so?
But to some extent, like dogs do, right?
Yeah, that's kind of what I mean.
But again, owning, and there's the whole left-wing anarchist version of this private property and personal property.
So technically, the TV's the government.
You know, weren't telephones, like we were young, weren't they the government's property technically?
Yeah, yeah.
Or of the utility.
Yeah, yeah.
That's true.
That's true.
That's the future.
The future is bell-Atlantic.
Yeah.
Okay, well, I'm going to drink anyway.
Let's do it.
You're up.
If only this drink were sweet as you.
Nah, stop.
Get out of here.
You make me blush.
Okay, so this person stole my look.
Mm-hmm.
They dyed their hair, they put on the white suit.
I would at least consider voting for Tulsi Thicke in 2024.
Tulsi Thicke, you say?
Yeah.
From Hawaii.
What?
Okay.
Okay.
Would you not?
You would not consider voting?
I don't believe in voting under any circumstances.
Okay.
You're right.
You would consider voting her.
I would consider it.
Of course you would.
I would consider it.
I wouldn't be inclined to.
You'd consider it.
If she's against Biden, you'd do it in two seconds.
Yeah.
But I would, even among Republicans, I might consider...
Oh, yeah.
If it was her versus, like, Liz Cheney?
Yes.
Yeah.
That would be hard.
I think she gets it more than a Liz Cheney gets it.
And even if you look at their voting record and you say, well, Liz Cheney on these specific issues voted more conservative...
I just think, yeah, but on all...
Every time where her vote mattered, she sided with the libs.
And with Tulsi, it's kind of the opposite.
Every time her vote was really crucial or her voice was really crucial, she kind of broke out of the matrix a little bit.
You can't say that you are a principled person and be against gay marriage when you have a gay sister, when your dad, who's an old man, is for it, and then later be like, oh, oh, no, wait, gay marriage is great.
Like, you're a phony.
She's a phony.
And she's also, fun fact, was the model for Jim Henson's Miss Piggy.
They're literally identical.
I have not.
It's true.
Yes.
Yes.
Okay, I'm up.
I have no idea what the score is, and I don't care.
No, no one does.
No one does.
Yes!
This is the thing.
Being agnostic is the non-committal version of the new atheist movement. - One, two, three.
I would actually say...
No.
I think there is no such thing as the non-committal version of the New Atheist Movement.
I think the New Atheist Movement, Chris Hitchens, Daniel Dennett, Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris, the whole point of it was to just be so fanatically, flamboyantly atheist that to be non-committal is a separate category of movement.
And so a lot of people, I've been agnostic for a lot of my life, it's just generally I find it to be people who just haven't I think it's a no because it implies agnosticism came about as a result of this movement where it preceded it for a long time.
Yeah, of course.
I think agnostics are like moderates that just pick a lane.
It's a lack of principle.
Because it refers to belief as opposed to knowledge.
So you could be an agnostic atheist or an agnostic theist.
Even though agnostic literally means...
Without knowledge.
Right.
So it could be like, I don't have knowledge, but I believe in God.
Or I don't have knowledge, and I don't believe in God.
But it's not a third choice.
Wow.
You know, I had not thought of it that way.
Because I believe, being a papist myself, I believe that the existence of God can be known with certainty from the natural world by the light of human reason.
But many, many people who are theistic say, well, I can't really know.
I'm just taking a leap of faith.
And so in a sense, they are agnostic people.
Or they can say, I had this personal, intense religious experience, but I don't have knowledge.
Right, right.
Like, I didn't sit down or have some deductions.
Like, I just feel God in my heart.
Wow.
So don't let these agnostics off the hook.
They're just unprincipled monsters.
You know what will bring them closer to God, and that's angel dust.
It has the word angel in it for a reason.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
It's endorsed by the Bible.
I might have to go to confession after this.
People sometimes write into the show and say, Michael, the thing you said, it really helped me.
I proposed to my girlfriend.
And now, in five years, I'm going to get to say, Michael, my life was going great.
Until I watched you with malice.
And then I got hooked.
I love that they're watching you and they're like, I want to get married!
Yeah, yeah, until now.
Until now.
It's a wrap.
It's going to be, it's like on Always Sunny.
It's like the guy on Always Sunny who was like a good priest and then he became a teacher.
Would we both be Dennis?
We would, I think we would.
I think we would both be Dennis, right?
It's like not even a question.
Ooh.
I know, I know my answer.
And I think I know your answer.
I think this is easy.
Abortion is worse than slavery.
One, two, three.
Yeah, for sure.
I don't think abortion is worse than slavery.
How not?
Because I think there are cases when abortion is acceptable.
Well, and there's no case where slavery is acceptable.
Correct.
Okay, there's a couple ways to approach this, but let's take it the first one.
When do you think abortion would be acceptable?
Early on, very early on.
Also, if there's some severe deformities where the kid is not going to survive, those are cases when abortion is acceptable.
Why would you say so?
I mean, why do you think that would be acceptable then?
Let's say, because those are two distinct categories.
Sure, I'm just giving two cases where I would say those things are far more acceptable than slavery.
But you wouldn't say it's acceptable to have an abortion in the first trimester.
Objectively, you're just saying it would be more acceptable than slavery.
No, I'm pro-choice early on, although decreasingly so, given...
It's kind of very disturbing to me as a lifelong New Yorker to see how many of these slippery slope arguments across different issues have not only been validated, but not only they put butter and margarine on that slope, they also put, I can't believe it's not butter, so it's just like...
That thing is greased as hell.
Because it's got seed oils on it, too.
And the seed oils.
It's completely poisoned, yeah.
That's interesting.
Because my argument...
My argument that I think would be acceptable within a kind of libertarian or anarchistic framework for why abortion is always worse than slavery is that abortion always ends a human life, even if it's a deformed person or even if it's a very early stage human life.
And that the right to life is not merely one right among many, but it is the fundamental right without which the other rights cannot exist.
Kamala Harris just had this great quote, the great philosopher of our time, Kamala.
She was giving a speech at a pro-abortion rally, and she said, you know, in our Declaration of Independence, we're promised.
We're promised certain things.
We're promised the right to life.
Liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
I kid you not.
Yes.
You say, wait, what was the...
What came before?
Liberty!
No, no, no.
I think it was before that.
The yada yada, the good part.
Yeah, the right to...
Liberty and the pursuit.
No, what did you just call it?
What did I just hear?
And so, you know, you can't pursue happiness without liberty.
And you can't have liberty without life.
You can pursue happiness without liberty.
You think so?
How can you pursue anything without liberty?
Because there are people who are in horrible places, like I talk about in my book, I've been to North Korea, who are pursuing happiness.
But when I say liberty, I mean it more in the kind of Christian sense of the term, where one can never take away the liberty of one's mind.
Oh yeah, okay, right.
That is a precondition to assuming happiness, yes.
And so, if slavery is a question of liberty, and abortion is a question of life, And doesn't the question of life always have to take precedence over the question of liberty?
Yeah, but I do think there are certain cases we're taking...
First of all, I don't agree necessarily that early abortion is a human life.
Second of all, I know everyone...
Yes, I know all the comments.
Thank you.
I'm sure this is something you've never heard before.
But the fact that it's sometimes, to me, acceptable, whereas slavery is...
So beyond the pale.
And I also love the idea, I can just hear the comments right now, that people, even though that was the question, are going to tell me that me being against slavery is virtue signaling.
Because you know that...
So they're not going to be upset.
Look at this badass!
He thinks he's against slavery!
Yeah, yeah, I'm against it because he brought it up.
I didn't bring it up spontaneously.
I brought it up in response to the question.
I like the idea that people aren't going to be upset with you for being in support of abortion in some cases.
Right.
It's that you're against slavery.
Oh, look at this bad idea.
That's the internet for you.
That's true.
I'm going to get heat for that.
Wow.
Okay.
All right.
Well, listen, I guess I got that wrong.
I mean, I think I got the question right, but I got your intuition wrong.
Maybe we slide down the slippery slope six to 12 more months.
Maybe my answer will be correct by then.
I am just gratified that these different states that are enacting pro-life laws are basically declaring themselves anathema to awfuls, affluent white female liberals.
Because it's like, this isn't your culture, stay where you belong.
And that, to me, is the most important aspect of the pro-life movement.
That's true.
Or not most important, but a very important one.
But it's funny you mention that, because the pro-life movement, I mean, there are Democrats in the pro-life movement.
There are leftists in the pro-life movement, which I sometimes even forget, because I think it's all conservative, Christian, Republican-type people.
But there is something, I think, compelling, as we see a political realignment going on, to just people looking at me and say, well...
The people on the pro-abortion side, they're just terrible.
They're just wrong about everything.
I can't call myself pro-choice, really, because, first of all, if we're in a day and age where pro-choice means nine months, I'm out of here.
Of course.
This is not an argument.
What are you talking about?
Dave Rubin, last I talked to him on this issue, he was pro-choice.
He was totally fine with abortion.
And I've noticed over the years, I say, so when do you think it's acceptable?
And he keeps pushing that date back, you know, and I think he's following that.
I think he's following the logic of abortion as he thinks about these things.
But I think a lot of it also has to do with, wait a second, so these people who are ostensibly on my side of this question, they're wrong about everything else.
That was actually...
And ugly.
And physiognomy is never wrong.
But the other thing is it's also different once you have a kid.
That's so...
When there's a face, and it's like, oh, that it's complete...
You know, I'm an uncle now.
It's not the same as being a dad, obviously, but it's just like, okay...
There's a similarity.
Yeah, there are things that's like, oh, okay, okay.
I had...
I mean, I know plenty of women who have had abortions, some early, some very late.
And I did have this thought, because I have two...
Two kids.
One just turned two.
The other one is six, seven months old.
And I was holding my little infant baby.
And I was thinking, especially a couple of months ago, I'm thinking, he doesn't look that different than he did in the belly.
They tell you, the pro-abortion people, they tell you, oh, you can't see the baby on a microscope.
It's all just a complete lie.
I mean, you can see.
They got their little fingers by like nine weeks or something.
Very...
It's true.
Seeing is believing, I guess, in many cases.
Okay, I'm up.
The Milo Ye...
By the way, I'm going to put a pause here.
Do we have to say Ye?
I don't say Ye.
No, it's Kanye.
If I don't call Bruce Caitlyn, I'm not going to call Kanye Ye.
When I did Ben Shapiro's show a couple weeks ago for the first time, I ended up by saying that we ruined Kanye's day, which we did.
Probably not.
Wait, but who are...
You, though.
Hold on, who is we, though?
The Milo, Ye West, and Nick Fuentes visit to Mar-a-Lago was most likely a glowy CIA op designed to destroy Trump's 2024 campaign before it could even fully begin.
One, two, three.
Okay, here's my issue with that meeting.
If you're going to meet the president, according to Trump, he invited this embattled young man, African-American man that he's friends with, and he brought his friends.
How do you get a plus two to meet the president?
Like, I don't have a plus two here.
And this is like the bottom of the barrel of content.
And you're going to meet the president in his house after the president had recently gotten in crap for having classified documents.
They're like, we don't know who's coming in and out.
And that's dangerous.
And he's like, oh, no, no, we have security here.
You're just letting a plus two.
Like, what are you talking like?
And this is Trump's argument.
But isn't that an argument that it is a glowy?
No, it's an argument that he's sloppy.
Yeah.
I know.
That's kind of more of what I think.
Yeah.
I sort of think. - It would be more glowy if they planted the documents in Mar-a-Lago.
That would make more sense to me.
If you want to do it, it's like, okay, here's the nukes, and here's the email he's forwarded to Kim Jong-un, and he's like, hey, buddy, here's how you make nukes for cheap.
And here's an angel that does, by the way.
Here's an angel that does.
C.C. Ayatollah.
Yes.
I really like Trump, and so I tend to give him more of the benefit of the doubt than a lot of conservatives do.
But I think this is a clear-cut case of...
Trump genuinely likes Kanye West.
They actually have been friends for a while.
Kanye was very supportive of Trump.
You remember in that Oval Office meeting, Kanye said, I love this guy.
I've been wearing the MAGA hat all the time.
Trump actually said...
Yeah, I know.
I just didn't want to put you in a bad spot.
I didn't want to say it.
Oh, wow.
I actually think he had this care for this guy, and then it totally blew up in his face.
The amount of affection Trump has for celebrities is so crazy.
Dr.
Oz, Harsher Walker, like any celebrity.
I gave money to Fetterman because I want the Senate to be as much like Arkham Asylum as possible.
Yeah!
And thankfully that's happening.
I wanted to run for president.
I, when that race was happening and I said, look, we've Oz was for Jussie Smollett.
Oz was for transitioning children.
How are you going to have...
How is the Republican Party...
I was yelling at conservatives on Twitter.
I go, is there anything someone with an R next to their name can do where you're like, I'll just take the loss on this one?
Is there anything?
It was when Mr.
Crudite came out.
And look, I like a good Crudite.
But when he came out and he was attacking pro-lifers on the radio not long before he started running.
I didn't know that.
Did he really?
Yeah.
And then he.
As a doctor.
As a doctor, of course.
He comes out.
He's weak on the trans thing.
He's just a weak kid.
Didn't campaign as hard as he should have.
And whenever I would criticize him, I'd get this pushback.
I'd say, well, you don't want Republicans to win.
And I thought, look, if we're going to lose the Senate anyway, and at a certain point, the map didn't start to look right.
I thought, we're going to lose the Senate anyway, and we've got to have some lib in the Senate.
I obviously want it to be Fetterman, but that's way funnier.
What is the point of winning if you don't get any of your issues through?
Like, how are you winning?
Like, what cost the man victory if it cost him his soul?
Like, okay, I win and I have a Jesse Smollett guy who's from Hollywood, who's been Oprah's, you know, lapdog for years.
What are you talking about?
Yeah, that's not a win.
I agree, I agree.
Okay, you're up.
Okay.
I'm kind of pissed at this.
I guess I gave away my answer.
Manifesting is astrology for straight guys.
Do you manifest?
Let's just give your answer.
One, two, three.
Okay.
The answer is a no.
You manifest?
I manifested this book.
No, Michael, no.
How did you manifest the book?
I had the vision of what I wanted the book to look like, what I wanted to write.
I manifested this whole kind of book rollout.
No, that's called having a will and ability.
That's what manifesting is.
No, manifesting, to my understanding, manifesting is...
Astrology for, you know, what does it say?
Great, guys.
No, I thought astrology...
Go ahead.
I thought manifesting.
My understanding of manifesting from my New Age hippie friends is that it is...
Okay, you're a liar.
You don't have any New Age hippie friends.
No, I have...
At least family.
Okay, there we go.
But these New Age hippie types...
It's the idea that if you just think something, if you use your mind to conceive of something, that you can then force the created reality to bend to your will and imagination, which is why it's heretical.
Okay, I think that that's true, and that can happen.
I'm not joking.
No, no.
How does that happen?
Exactly how you said it.
That said, what you're describing is not at all analogous to astrology.
Astrology is the idea that you don't have that manifesting power, that basically you're a subject to the whims of the spheres and all this other stuff.
So even if these two things are ridiculous, they're not analogous.
What's astrology for straight guys?
I think astrology for straight guys is this idea that happens every 20 years, that Western civilization's at an end because civilizations have this cycle and that Oswald Spengler kind of stuff.
That's astrology for straight guys.
Okay, Michael, I'm going to tell you something...
Isn't Angelus hitting?
No, it is.
You've just sort of...
I was just, minutes before I came in here, writing an essay about the decline of the West and specifically Oswald Spengler.
I write about Oswald Spengler very infrequently.
That is not a thing I often do.
But not a fascist haircut.
But not a...
Technically, if a fascist has a haircut, it's a fascist.
Yeah, I don't know.
Is Elvis a fascist?
Is Dean Martin a fascist?
But I think what just happened, I was about to say that you've convinced me of manifesting because you just brought up a very obscure German historian philosopher.
See?
At the exact right moment as we're discussing manifesting.
But I would consider that to be, and I have to believe that that is closer to providence.
I think that's a Venn diagram.
Providence works in mysterious ways.
But the difference is, providence is God's will.
Although, I guess maybe then what you're saying is that your will, providentially, happened to be in a line.
You know, there's that joke about, like, God answers every prayer, sometimes the answer's no, right?
Yeah.
But sometimes the answer's yes.
Yeah, right, right.
No, that's true.
And I love your point on astrology because in both cases, manifesting and astrology, it is about manipulating reality to achieve your trust.
But how is astrology like that?
Well, because astrology is just about reading the predetermined fate of the world.
But you're powerless.
You manipulate nothing.
Well, your only power is to understand it.
Okay, right.
To interpret it, right.
And then...
And then I think the idea is to change your behavior to better order.
Okay, because this is what's going to, yeah, you have danger ahead, so watch out.
Exactly.
Whereas manifesting is entirely about the will, right?
Manifesting is just saying, my will is going to, basically, I will be God, right?
My will will transform the world.
I think that you and I are, I'm not saying this sarcastically or cynically, I think you and I are both so blessed...
With the careers and lives that we have, that at a certain point, it just passes our very, very meager talent, our complete lack of charisma.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
Our devilish good looks, but not quite at the level of a Brad Pitt or something.
I would say more demonic.
Gargoyle-y.
Yes, yes.
Okay, all right, we're good.
That's an easy one.
The war in Ukraine will last longer than Biden's presidency.
One, two, three.
I think no.
Really?
Yeah.
I assumed it would last for 20 years.
No, I don't think the will is there from all sides to go another six years.
When do you think it ends?
Sooner rather than later, honestly.
I think the fact that you have Republicans already discussing where's this money going, and even that Kevin McCarthy's having a backbone to be in any sense anti-war.
That's true.
I think it's harder to put it over to the American people.
I think it's hard for Putin to be escalating even more on the Russian side.
And I think even though this was regarded as, oh my God, you can't give into aggression, at a certain point they're going to cut a deal and give him some property or some land, and then it's like...
But I assumed that's how it would wrap up.
I mean, the doom and gloom prediction was, oh, Putin's going to roll in there, he's going to take over all of Ukraine, it'll last one week and that's over.
And I didn't quite think that would happen because Ukraine is just a proxy for the West to fight this war with Russia.
So I said, no, the U.S. isn't going to give up Ukraine that easy.
It's not going to go over in a week.
But now that Zelensky has been built up into Winston Churchill...
Can he cut a deal?
I think the corporate press would be regarding him as heroic, the man who brought peace to Eastern Europe.
You can write the articles right now.
Right, right.
He'll get the Nobel Peace Prize, certainly.
Has he already gotten it, or no?
No.
No, not yet.
I mean, you can see them, right?
They can do anything.
They don't care.
Right, right.
That's true.
That's true.
In fact, if it were in their interest, they would paint him as Hitler, right?
Right, exactly.
I mean, they would instantly...
The Azov Battalion has now taken control of Ukraine.
All of a sudden, they're going to be in the news again.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
Okay.
That's a good case.
You're up.
Oh, this is a very good question for once.
Midterms hyphenated.
The 2020 midterm election results in Florida were more about the state's strict election integrity laws than they were about the better candidates.
One, two, three.
I think yes.
I think it was more about the election integrity laws.
You don't think that DeSantis was a significantly better candidate?
Oh, no.
DeSantis is, at the moment, probably the leading Republican in the country.
He's been right on almost everything.
Right.
But one of those things he's been right on is election integrity.
I suspect Arizona would have gone differently.
And even Pennsylvania might have gone differently.
The question's about Florida.
Right.
So would Florida have gone differently?
No, no, no.
I don't think it would have gone differently.
Then it's not about the laws.
It's about the candidate.
Well, let's see the exact wording here.
The 2020 midterm election results in Florida were more about the state's strict election integrity laws than they were about the better candidates.
So if the laws were not there, DeSantis would still have won, but have less of a margin.
So it was about the candidates.
He would have won.
He would have.
It's about Florida.
It's about Florida, but it's not just about DeSantis.
It's about the congressional seats.
It's about the local seats.
The congressional seats were about redistricting.
I don't think they're about the laws.
But I'm not convinced that the narrative that was spun was that either DeSantis is just so popular that he brought everybody along, or that the Floridians had their kind of wake-up moment.
No, no.
It was definitely about the laws.
That had a lot to do.
No question.
Okay.
Okay.
All right, let me reconsider then.
Midterm election results were more about the states.
So, do you think if Arizona were not yet again at the center of a controversy, do you think we would have had a...
Governor Kerry Lake?
No.
Really?
I think we would.
Blake, I'm not so sure, but Kerry, I think.
I don't think any...
First of all, Biden took Arizona.
I think Kerry Lake is a lot...
I think she was very...
Every single article in Arizona about Kerry Lake was negative, without exception.
Many of these articles didn't even bother contacting for comment.
Sure.
I think the midterms were far more blue than anyone was anticipating.
Yeah.
And I don't think she had, I think Hobbs won by a considerable buffer.
I don't think this was a squeaker.
Well, it took a long time to count those ballots.
Sure.
And the reason for that is there were a lot of mail-ins in early voting, and Maricopa County had a lot of weird things that happened in it.
Notably, the machines break on election day, and you had election officials testifying after the fact.
And not crazy-sounding ones, but normal ones, testifying to say, look...
We had to check to make sure that the provisional ballot box, ballot, what did they call it, box C or something, was empty by the end of the night.
But no one checked to make sure that it was empty at the top of the day.
And we ended up, and you hear these precinct people come in and say, there were 200 extra ballots over voters that checked in to vote.
And so you think 200, exactly 200, too.
And so you think, okay, that sounds a little systematic to me.
And I'm not alleging that Hugo Chavez was resurrected in some voting machine or something, but especially when you see Katie Hobbs, Secretary of State of Arizona, was the one conducting the elections, and then even the quote-unquote Republican election officials in Maricopa County We're avowedly anti-MAGA. I'm not saying any of these people are decent people.
Point being, I'm looking at Georgia, right?
So Georgia you had, Herschel Walker had two chances and he blew them both, whereas you had Kemp come through.
You know, Fetterman, as we talked earlier, is just like a walking disaster.
So I think this kind of, I think they just worked the system better than the Republicans did.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think there's, outside of Arizona, when we're talking about maybe Pennsylvania, certainly Georgia, I think that's true.
And there is no question.
And Gertrude Whitmer and Governor Hochul.
I mean, the fact that I don't think conservatives have a good explanation as to why either of these people, Hochul or Whitmer, had even 10% of the world or others.
Right, right.
Because there's a lot of people who will just vote blue no matter who.
There's also this fact of Ron DeSantis, He's getting flack now because he necessarily is in the anti-Trump lane because Trump is running.
But if Trump weren't running, he'd be in the Trump lane of the presidential race.
And so he's getting flack also because anti-Trumpers are supporting him because he's the anti-Trump.
So that's not his doing.
That's a fact of the circumstance.
It is simply the case that Ron DeSantis is leading the charge.
So for instance, the other day he comes out and he says, we're going to ban Chinese investment in real estate.
And we're not going to only ban investment from the CCP because the CCP doesn't only buy real estate.
They're not going to say, okay, sign your name, CCP. There we go, right?
And so it's a pretty broad ban.
And then what happens?
Two weeks later, Kristi Noem in South Dakota follows suit.
So he is, in many cases, setting the agenda.
So I'm not downplaying that.
But also, I wish other states would follow Governor DeSantis' pace and fix their freaking voting laws.
Well, I wish that Governor Abbott stand up for something in his life.
Okay, come on.
Did you just see his tweet over the weekend where he says he's a better kicker than the Cowboys guy?
If he makes the joke, I can make the joke.
I am delighted as a Texan that it is now the official policy of the Texas Republican Party to have a referendum on Texas secession.
And I think that is something that is actually going to happen sooner rather than later.
Are you pro-Texit?
I am beyond pro-Texit.
Do you worry about, like, partition in India was not peaceful?
Or the breakup of Yugoslavia was not totally peaceful?
We spent two years being everyone in this country was imprisoned in their home.
We are not living in peaceful times.
We're just living in docile times.
Well, that was pretty good.
Good night, everybody.
Okay, am I up?
I think so, yeah.
Let's see.
Okay, all right.
The Clintons have a higher body count than your average.
Okay, come on.
Who writes these?
The Clintons have a higher body count than your average Arizona State University sorority girl, roughly 187.
Due to YouTube rules, make your guess, but do not verbally confirm if the other person guessed correctly.
Give only an ambiguous nonverbal confirmation.
What?
What?
This is...
What?
Okay.
Okay.
Yeah.
The Clinton...
So you can't touch the drinks.
You can't say...
The Clintons have a higher body count than your average ASU sorority girl, roughly 187.
I don't like this question.
Okay, we're going to count to three, right?
One, two, three.
Yeah, that's a very high number.
For the girls or for the Clintons?
Yes.
And at that point, you're just going to need some kind of, like, balm.
Good lord.
Yeah.
No verbal confirmations, though.
- Okay.
There's a backstory here.
Why am I here?
I should be in the Republic of Texas.
I know.
All right.
The term is co-authoring because my name is on the covers.
Ghostwriting for a black man is basically blackface in print form.
One, two, three.
Okay, so I co-authored.
What dialect did you write in?
There's.
So I co-authored two books with D.L. Hughley.
Blackface is a caricature.
When you're co-authoring a book, you're doing it true to the person's voice as much as possible.
You're not trying to put on this ridiculous, over-the-top...
If I, today...
Can I say one more thing?
The French word for ghostwriter is blackwriter.
Really?
Yes.
I prefer to say writer of color.
Actually, I do.
The letters are right.
There was this bit that said that I was cast in a new Daily Wire movie to play Malcolm X, that they were going to reboot the autobiography.
Now, if I came out And I said, you know, well, that's just the chickens coming home to roost.
But notice, I'm not doing a soft shoe or anything.
I'm just saying a line.
That's the chickens coming home to roost when President Kennedy gets killed.
And let's say that my face were covered in black makeup.
Would that still be blackface?
Even though I'm not, this is not a caricature, this is not, I'm not.
So it's recent years has become identified as blackface, which it's not.
But it's not, okay, that's fair enough.
I can get into the whole history of blackface and I'm not going to.
I think, you know, by the way, I remember I was sitting with an Uber driver and there was some blackface non-traversy was going on.
And he was clearly a conservative guy, black guy.
How is he clearly conservative?
He was driving a Cadillac.
I think he had a flag sticker.
He was not hiding it.
But he says to me, he goes, oh, blackface, man, I don't care about that.
If people are just having fun, if you're trying to be cruel or something, that's not good.
But if you're just having fun, it's no big deal.
If you write out blackface entirely, if you write out people playing characters of other races or writing even in that style, you're writing out a lot of the American theater.
You're writing out The Jazz Singer, one of the greatest movies ever made.
Remember when they got rid of Aunt Jemima?
As I said, Aunt Jemima's a black caricature.
Candace got her off the plantation at work.
At the time, Candace wanted to sell her own pancake syrup, which would have been incredible, and I was strongly supportive of that.
But the Aunt Jemima character was played by a black woman and written by a black comedian named Billy Kersands, who was a black performer of minstrel theater.
So now we're writing that guy out, we're writing the actress who played Aunt Jemima, we're just writing all of that out?
So I have a minstrel show joke in this book.
I downloaded a book of minstrel show jokes.
This book has everything in it.
It does.
It's so great.
So here's a minstrel show joke.
This is as written from early 1900s.
By YouTube.
Hey Sambo, what's the difference between the morning dew and the late President McKinley?
This is the only, by the way, this is the only President McKinley joke.
What's the difference?
One is mist from the heavens, and one is mist from the earth.
Wow.
It would be funnier if I had, you know...
That would make it much funnier than it was.
Yeah.
I'm going to have to use that one.
Yeah, go for it.
Because sometimes I give these college speeches on it.
Oh, God.
And I always try to open up with a little icebreaker.
It's like, hey, Sambo, what's the thing about McKinley?
I don't know.
Something about the Earth.
Anyway, let's talk about taxes.
I actually did a little bit of blackface on Ruben's show, and he edited it out.
How did you do it?
I'll tell you right now.
He...
He said, he calls me the Willy Wonka.
I've never told anyone this story.
I'm glad I get to tell it.
So he calls me the Willy Wonka of politics.
And I said to him, well, Dave, you know, I'll do the whole bit.
I planned this whole thing out.
I said, well, the thing with Willy Wonka is, you know, he punished people for their sins.
Augustus Gloop, greed, gluttony, Veruca Salt, greed.
Dave Rubin, sodomy.
But you still get chocolate all the same.
And I reached into my pocket and I had a bag of pudding in a plastic bag.
And I go, oh, it's all melted.
Oh, God.
And I got, he's like, you got some on your face.
I go, here.
And I just put it, pudding all over my face.
And I go, and then I said, I think I just became the Prime Minister of Canada.
And then he turns to his producers, he goes, what do we do?
And we had to wipe my face off and it never aired.
Someone get me pudding.
I want this bit live.
Wow.
Yeah, there you go.
I'm going to have to go through the Rubin archives to unearth that.
Yeah, ghostwriting.
This is me.
Okay, it was ghostwriting.
Bring me the drink.
Thank you.
If each pill, red, blue, black, and white, were actual drugs, the red pill would be...
You've got to chop them up.
You've got to chop them up, kind of like a certain...
The red pill would be alcohol.
The blue pill would be estrogen.
The black pill would be Xanax, and the white pill would be shrooms, because everything's going to work out, man.
That's not what the white...
The white pill in this book does not mean everything's going to work out.
Well, hold on.
We've got to answer first.
No, but the premise is wrong, because...
Does it say everything's going to work out, man?
Or you said that?
No, that's what it says.
The white pill means hope.
It's not guarantee of victory.
It just means there's an opportunity for it.
So your answer, I'm going to guess, is no.
Of course, and my answer is no.
Shrooms are the red pill, by the way.
They're not whatever one they say.
Right, because the red pill is just about kind of shaking up your...
Perception of the way that things really happen.
And the understanding that what you've been told your entire life is a consciously constructed lie, not mistakes.
Yeah, yeah.
Right.
But people misunderstand this because they think something like the white pill or just having hope.
They think that that's just an arbitrary and unfounded choice, like optimism.
Are you a pessimist or an optimist?
Pollyanna.
Yes, exactly.
And I think optimism and pessimism are two sides of the same coin.
They're just emotions that you choose to try to, yes.
Whereas hope is a, in my view, a theological fact, but it is a fact of the world based on my understanding of how the history of the world has unfolded.
And it is a far deeper thing than just, well, I hope it all works out.
That's why I wrote the book, because people are like, why are you so hopeful about America?
Look at this, look at that, look at that.
And it's like, 75% of this book is really dark.
So I'm not braying, the white pill isn't nothing bad ever happens, the good guys always win, there's no setbacks.
I go through what the Soviets did to their own citizenry, and it is so absolutely horrific.
That's another thing I love when people criticize me as anarchists, like, oh, you think people are basically good.
I'm like, I'm from the Soviet Union.
I did the North Korea book.
No, I do not think this.
But the point being, they still lost.
And they didn't lose voluntarily.
They didn't lose because they became good people.
They didn't lose because they're like, what are we doing?
This is wrong.
They lost because of certain structural choices and decisions that people made that forced them to kind of surrender their arms.
So I am hopeful not because of some naive view of human nature.
I am hopeful because you can't look at the enemy class and think, these people are unstoppable.
They're not particularly impressive.
Right, right.
We have this idea of the omnipotent libs, or whatever.
The omnipotent political observation, or political opponent, rather.
And I just think, how impressive are they?
Yeah, they have a decent amount of power right now.
And momentum.
Yeah, I don't mean to downplay that, but...
I don't know.
They're not like the be-all and end-all, right?
I mean, they're still fighting us.
They're still trying very hard to clamp us down.
Why?
Because they're not omnipotent.
This country was won by a bunch of white trash who didn't even have shoes against the greatest empire in the world.
It's not a nice way to talk about Thomas Paine, but, you know.
And the greatest army in the world, and an empire, and a king.
And they were hungry and cold, and they constantly had to retreat, and they won.
We are Americans.
Victory is our heritage.
So to claim that we can't defeat the enemy class today, the universities, look at these professors.
You're going to cede the table to them?
Are you nuts?
Yeah, Kamala Harris.
She's what finally ended America.
That's it.
She beat us.
How could we possibly beat Kamala Harris?
That's crazy.
I know.
Okay, I got the last one.
You got the last one.
I don't even know who this first person is.
This is how old I am.
I don't even know who...
Between Mariano Rivera...
Who's that?
Oh, the great Yankees closing pitcher.
Oh, okay.
Donald Trump and Pete Davidson.
There's a...
There's my favorite comedian, someone named Neil Hamburger.
He's a great comedian.
He's my favorite, yes.
And he has this great joke about, in the comedy tour of Carrot Top, Dimitri Martin, and Aziz Ansari, who was most deserving of a standing ovation?
Why?
The pilot who flew their plane into the side of a building.
Side of a mountain, excuse me.
So between Mariana Rivera, and then when people don't laugh, he goes, come on, guys, I have cancer.
Or would that be funny if there's a black choir behind me?
Okay, between Mariano Rivera, Donald Trump, and Pete Davidson, Skeet, is that...
That Skeet is Kanye's nickname for Pete.
Okay, is hands down the greatest closer of our generation.
So, okay, I get this one.
One, two, three.
No, he's not.
Pete Davidson's the greatest closer.
Yeah, he lands all these chicks.
Have you seen this?
And he's not...
I don't want to disparage people.
The women are much more attractive than he is.
Yeah, but I don't think he's the greatest closer.
Between those three?
Oh, of the three?
Just of the three.
Oh, then yes, then yes.
For sure, yeah.
Because I would say...
Yeah, yes.
No, that's not a question.
I would still have to give it to Mariano.
I think being a New Yorker, a Yankee fan, it's the only sport...
Oh, so I got it right.
So you got it right, yeah.
But you know what?
I'm going to drink anyway.
Okay, good.
Finish that thing.
Chin-chin.
Cheers.
Michael, a true pleasure.
This has been a lot of fun.
And you need to write another book more quickly so that you can come back.
Or we can maybe twist your arm to come back without a book.
Where can people get it?
WhitePillBook.com.
And in all seriousness, the reason I wrote this book partly is because conservatism at its best is about studying the lessons of history and applying to today, right?
But it is shocking to me how few conservatives know the story of the Soviet Union and the part that Reagan and Thatcher played in liberating half the world basically peacefully.
And this is something that the New York Times can't be expected to tell you.
And own your victory.
You guys did this.
So this is part of that story.
That's great.
I can't wait to read it.
Is this my copy?
You can have it, sure.
So I now have my copy of this book.
You can get your copy of The Yes or No Game.
Also at the Daily Wire shop.
And you can get PCP in any dodgy neighborhood in your city.
Go get that angel dust.
Or they'll deliver it to your house.
Or they'll deliver it to your house.
Just tweet at me.
I'll give you the guy.
At this fentanyl, that's your problem.
Mr.
Davies, can we cut that out of the final show?
I'm Michael Knowles.
This is the Yes or No Game.
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