As secular liberalism ascends to be the dominant religion in America, we're seeing woke iconography everywhere. Today we will rank these annoying virtue-signaling props and see which is the most unbearably woke. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices
| Time | Text |
|---|---|
| Hey everybody, Michael here. | |
| You know, the left is really good at controlling all the symbols in our culture. | |
| Not just the words, which are symbols, but all sorts of symbolism. | |
| And you see it on the bumper stickers and the stupid t-shirts and all that kind of stuff. | |
| I am here to guide you through and help you understand what these symbols really mean. | |
| I have got the definitive ranking of these stupid woke political symbols. | |
| Check them out. | |
| As secular liberalism ascends to be the dominant religion in America, we are seeing woke iconography everywhere. | |
| We see these symbols at protests. | |
| We see them on clothing, on campuses, all over the media. | |
| Today, we are going to probe these symbols. | |
| We are going to rank them. | |
| You know, sometimes on the internet, people rank by S tier, A tier, B tier. | |
| We've got totally different categories. | |
| We've got the lowest tier of woke commitment. | |
| That's like you just kind of want to fit in. | |
| That is freshman dorm party. | |
| Second tier, you're a little more committed. | |
| That's the bumper sticker tier, okay? | |
| You're actually willing to stick something on your property. | |
| Third tier, you're pretty bought in. | |
| This is where you go around telling everyone things like, true socialism has never been tried. | |
| And then you get to that final tier of wokeness. | |
| That is where you are calling the FBI on your conservative family members. | |
| So, there are four tiers. | |
| Freshman dorm, bumper sticker, true socialism has never been tried, and calling the feds on Uncle Jimbo. | |
| Let's get started. | |
| Okay. | |
| Oh, the... | |
| Can I say... | |
| Can I say p***y hat? | |
| That's what they say, and it's not... | |
| Like, the p***y galore was in that Bond movie. | |
| So, all right. | |
| I'm going to say it. | |
| The p***y hat. | |
| That is... | |
| I guess that's... | |
| I'm going to put that at the second tier. | |
| Okay. | |
| Okay, it's not just you're trying to fit in at the college dorm party, but it's not quite, you know, true socialism has never been tried, because I could also see a world in which dudes are just trying to, like, pick up chicks in 2017, and they want to appeal and pretend to be really feminist. | |
| It's like the Aziz Ansari thing. | |
| So that's going to be second tier. | |
| That's going to be the bumper sticker tier where you're wearing the pink hat. | |
| Pronouns. | |
| Pronouns in the Twitter handle or email. | |
| You're pretty bought in there. | |
| Okay, maybe you're not calling the feds on Uncle Jimbo yet. | |
| You don't think true socialism has ever been tried. | |
| I'm going to put you in the third category. | |
| The resist fist. | |
| The commie fist decal. | |
| You're like itching for the phone at that point. | |
| Okay, you're probably hanging out. | |
| You know someone in Antifa. | |
| Maybe you've gone to Antifa yourself and your uncle is not safe. | |
| Coexist bumper sticker. | |
| I guess that sort of by definition has to go in the bumper sticker category. | |
| And because you're not totally committed, right? | |
| You're not thinking deeply about what these things mean. | |
| Because the coexist bumper sticker basically says that all religions are exactly the same. | |
| And they're all equally true, which of course is impossible because they make contradictory claims. | |
| But you're not thinking that deeply about it. | |
| You're not thinking about it really at all. | |
| And if you were, the only way that statement could be true is if every religion is equally bunk, which is kind of like a commie idea. | |
| But your liberal aunt isn't thinking that deeply. | |
| So that's the bumper sticker tier. | |
| Kneeling. | |
| Colin Kaepernick is that true socialism has never been tried. | |
| But there are other people who go along with the kneeling. | |
| Right? | |
| If this were 2017, I'd say true socialism has never been tried. | |
| But now, you know, at this point, you've got athletes on the field doing it just to fit in, just so they won't be boycotted. | |
| So, unfortunately, as this has become more mainstream, I'm actually going to downgrade this to the bumper sticker tier. | |
| Posting a crying selfie video in your car. | |
| This is... | |
| I'm actually going to maybe subvert expectations here. | |
| This is bumper sticker tier, if not freshman dorm party tier. | |
| Because these videos are much less about ideology than they are about cries for attention. | |
| Because, like, daddy didn't hug you enough or something. | |
| So I'm going to actually say this has less to do with your political views and more to do with, like, needing people to say you're very special. | |
| That's the freshman dorm. | |
| Wearing a mask, yeah, wearing a mask is totally freshman dorm at this point. | |
| Mainly because you wouldn't be allowed into a freshman dorm if you're not wearing a mask. | |
| Very sad because it's such a radical thing that we now have to go around muzzling ourselves based on... | |
| Basically nothing, right? | |
| Because the experts told us, don't wear a mask. | |
| It's stupid. | |
| They don't do anything. | |
| Dr. | |
| Fauci told us that. | |
| Some epidemiologists told us that. | |
| Then we were told you have to wear a mask. | |
| Now we're told you have to wear like four masks and a gas mask and a hazmat suit and a full burka. | |
| But it's become so mainstreamed now that if you don't muzzle yourself with some filthy piece of cloth everywhere you go, now you're considered the weird one. | |
| You're considered the conspiracy theorist. | |
| So sadly, freshman dorm. | |
| The double mask. | |
| The double mask is a little more, it's a bumper sticker. | |
| It's still not that radical, right? | |
| I mean, you've got many people doing this now, but it's a level of more commitment. | |
| So that's the bumper sticker tier. | |
| The black square. | |
| Black square is freshman dorm. | |
| You also probably wouldn't get into a freshman dorm party if you didn't post it. | |
| I even have friends of mine who were kind of conservative, or at least Republicans. | |
| Where on Black Square Day, I posted a black square with a rainbow because I said I didn't know which liturgical, liberal liturgical practice we were supposed to undertake. | |
| It was Gay Pride Month, but it was also the Black Square Day, so I did them both. | |
| And I had conservatives yell at me and said, Michael, you can't make light of this. | |
| This is very important. | |
| It's very important that we all post the black square. | |
| To prove that we're going to overcome all those racist, terrible people who think black lives don't matter. | |
| I said, well, you know, if everyone and all the companies and all the politicians are posting the black square, don't you think maybe we all agree black lives matter and this is like a fake radical thing? | |
| And they didn't understand that. | |
| So obviously that's total freshman dorm. | |
| Rainbow emoji in your handle. | |
| That's a little more committed, but not much. | |
| I mean, it's a bumper sticker at this point. | |
| First of all, your Twitter handle is the kind of modern-day version of a bumper sticker, right? | |
| People are seeing that much more. | |
| You're conveying your identity much more in your Twitter handle than you do any more on your car. | |
| It's a step above freshman dorm, I would say, but you don't need to be at true socialism. | |
| It's never been tried. | |
| I have a number of straight friends who have actually come out and they've said, well, you know, I'm not a heterosexual. | |
| Say, really? | |
| What, you're attracted to dudes now? | |
| No, no, but I'm a poly, non-binary, queer, this, that. | |
| And you say, well, you want attention. | |
| Okay, fine. | |
| You're not actually any of those sexual groups that you're pretending to be, but okay, that's fine. | |
| You're wearing a bumper sticker. | |
| Posting pictures of your children holding political signs. | |
| That is another level. | |
| You're getting to true socialism has never been tried at that point. | |
| If you're willing to exploit your kids, especially for a while, there were all these videos of little kids using horribly foul language about Donald Trump to be shocking, right? | |
| As though foul language is shocking these days. | |
| The only thing that's shocking these days is wholesome content. | |
| That's the stuff that can get you kicked off the internet. | |
| But if you're willing to do that stuff to your poor little kids, you're an ideologue. | |
| You're at the true socialism has never been tried. | |
| Owning a vape pen. | |
| Oh, that's Freshman Dorm. | |
| Man, I've used vape pens before. | |
| Everybody, I don't like them really. | |
| I prefer a cigar, but everybody uses a vape pen. | |
| I don't think that smoking in and of itself is cool. | |
| You know, because it can cause, depending on what you're smoking, how often you're smoking, it can cause health problems and everything. | |
| But it is undeniable that smokers are cool. | |
| You know, you just picture like a cool guy from the 50s, like chain smoking. | |
| He probably died at 52, but whatever, he looked really cool while doing it. | |
| Vapes do not look cool. | |
| They don't. | |
| But it's just because kids these days, they don't understand that. | |
| So a freshman dorm, 100%. | |
| Oh, the Shea shirt. | |
| Yeah, the Cuban revolutionary merchandise. | |
| Man, Jay-Z, that guy's so frustrating. | |
| But I got to tell you, you don't need to be an actual socialist at that point. | |
| I don't think you need to even be at true socialism has never been tried. | |
| It's been so mainstream to wear this murderous commie Shea Guevara on your shirt. | |
| I think it's sort of a bumper sticker, at least if you're on a college campus, which is really pathetic. | |
| In my mind, wearing a Shea shirt and wearing a Hitler shirt are pretty much not different. | |
| Or a Mao shirt and a Hitler shirt or a Stalin shirt and a Hitler shirt. | |
| But for some reason, communism, totally acceptable. | |
| Fascism, unacceptable. | |
| Fair enough, we all agree. | |
| Communism, totally acceptable. | |
| So it's even below that ideological ranking. | |
| When you actually do pick up the phone and call the feds on your family members, that is a symbol that goes far. | |
| But thankfully, there's not too much of that yet. | |
| However, we are seeing these stories in the news. | |
| It's becoming more and more mainstream. | |
| Not a good state of society. | |
| Be sure to comment. | |
| Let me know if you agree or disagree with my tier rankings and what other subjects you would like me to rank next time. |