"You're more Native American than my people ever were." Alex is on vacation so we're re-releasing an old episode, one of our favorites. We'll be back next week. Until then, Patreon supporters are still getting bonus episodes. Support the show at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult And please enjoy To Die For. You may learn something. We watched To Die For, the astonishing new film from the wildly reactionary mind of Duke's of Hazzard's John Schneider. A green-screen, anti-teen fever dream, the movie chronicles Quint North (John Schneider), a veteran of some war, who is intent on triggering the local high school quarterback after he takes a knee during the national anthem. Quint's Native American neighbor, Wes, is the avenue for our main character to reel off Gran Torino style racial slurs at a flag-hating libtard, but this Native American Democrat will eventually come to respect the "crazy old white man's" fight against the modern world. Quint also faces: a daughter filing a restraining order against him on behalf of the high school, the same local quarterback threatening to kill his dog, and a young woman cop who orders a vanilla latte. Will sanity prevail? Will the American flag truly be... To Die For?
The liberals are destroying California, and conservative humor gone awry... Conservative humor gone awry is going to fascistphonia today.
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Yeah, all right.
I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
And we're Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
The local high school quarterback is responsible.
We're documenting it.
Let's just jump right in because I know this is going to be kind of a wild episode.
We watched a movie.
We watched an amazing movie called To Die For by a Duke of Hazzard.
One of the Dukes of Hazzard is apparently a huge reactionary.
I think I remember it from when they tried to cancel his car because it had a Confederate flag on it, and that car was the only way he still sees a paycheck, so he was upset about it or something.
That makes sense.
I don't remember that, but that tracks.
That doesn't surprise me.
I was surprised it wasn't about that flag.
That's what's funny, is he did a bait and switch, is like, this whole movie is about a flag, and about the flag being cancelled, but it's not the confederate one that he loves so much, it's the real one.
You know, like the confederate one was against, or whatever, right?
Yeah, I saw this, somebody sent this to me, sent me the trailer for his movie, To Die For, looks insane, it's about a man who wants to die for the flag.
He is going to fucking die for the flag and nobody is going to get in his way to die for it.
I'm going to read the description from the Vimeo where we watched this movie.
We had to pay $20 to rent this movie.
I don't even get to own this movie.
I had to rent it for $19.
Which I need to find out how, like, how do I get my hands on the Criterion Edition of this movie?
Yeah.
Because I'm down to pay a lot of money for this just to make people watch it with me.
Because it's, it's nearly unbelievable.
I would do, I would gleefully listen to a commentary, director's commentary track over this whole thing.
Let me read, let me read.
Even in this ever-changing world, some things refuse to bend.
Meet Gunnery Sergeant Quint North, a creature of habit and discipline.
The current PC world and Patriots are the enemy of progress mentality.
Makes no sense at all to him!
So, the current PC world and Patriots are the enemy of progress mentality.
There we go.
Makes no sense at all to him.
The propensity of athletes taking a knee and disrespecting not only this great country, but also those who gave their lives protecting it, makes even less sense, I guess, to him.
But what can one man do to fight the intentional decay of the greatest country the world has ever known?
Speak out.
Live a patriotic example.
And, if necessary, die for his flag.
Why, dot dot, question mark?
Because she's worth it.
Warning!
This movie is intensely patriotic.
If patriotism and love of country offend you in any way, dot dot dot, watch this film.
Didn't think he was going to say that, did you?
Watch this film, dot dot dot, then move somewhere else.
Yeah that's the case because watching this film is not gonna like convince you to be a patriot.
That's a good point.
So I think it's just like watch this film and then leave.
This is like yeah my dad telling me he didn't want me to watch The Simpsons because I might like Take Homer Simpson as a role model?
Like, no aspiring patriot should watch this movie at all.
Give you some very bad ideas on how to further your cause.
Me, I would describe this movie as what it would be like if a man with severe brain damage tried to make Gran Torino.
Okay, yeah, yeah, I mean that's I was thinking it's kind of like Gran Torino and Manchester by the Sea the movie that just like the sad movie that just doesn't have it just stays a sad movie Yeah, I never saw it because it was sad.
Yeah.
Yeah, it just it just it doesn't it just stays a sad movie There's no I feel like that's it's a combination of those two movies.
Okay, and There's so many things about this that he rips directly from Gran Torino.
Number one being it's his car, his El Camino, that is at the center of this thing.
This movie would have been called El Camino if there hadn't been that Jesse Pinkman movie released.
Two years ago on Netflix.
I mean, I'm kind of surprised he didn't just call it El Camino anyway, because To Die For is already a movie with much higher SEO than this one.
You can't find this movie unless you type in his name, as Tony discovered.
It's several movies.
Even if you put in To Die For 2022, it doesn't help.
There's like another one that actually looks kind of interesting about like a hitman who's using dating apps.
That looks interesting.
This, it's like, so if you've seen Gran Torino, which I haven't seen in a while, but just all of this stuff just immediately stood out in my mind.
One of the main things is like, you know, he lives in a Hmong neighborhood, or a Hmong neighborhood has like developed around him.
In Gran Torino.
In Gran Torino and so it's the neighbors are like calling him you know under their breath or like in in their language they're like stupid old white man crazy old white man why doesn't he move away why doesn't he give up why doesn't he surrender to the woke mob stupid old white man and they're constantly calling him like you're crazy hey man old man you're crazy And John Schneider saw that movie and was like, I could make a way crazier old man.
I could make a man that's, first of all, more people are calling him crazy old man, crazy old white man, numerous times throughout the day.
Just like everybody.
Hey, I want you to call me like crazy old white man.
That's like what I want you to call me from now on.
Can you do that?
Yeah, not only that, but yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna like shame Clint Eastwood for being a pussy.
People who, if you, if you nitpick about like congruency and um, like bad shots and stuff like that, we're like, oh, it's on his left arm now.
Don't even bother watching this movie because you will lose your mind.
Yeah, you, you will develop vertigo watching this movie with all the edits and angles and angles within angles because they're all in front of green screens.
They're all so close to his face.
His head is cropped out so many times.
There's some crazy tight shots on this movie.
It's like being in a hall of mirrors, except each mirror is a different scene.
Each mirror is a different character shot.
Um, okay.
So, we start off, uh, with a song.
We start off with a song about how it, uh, it's called, like, Why We Stand, or something.
And it's, like, the lyrics are, we're not ashamed to fly these stripes and stars.
When I see old glory, I see who we are.
And if you're listening to this and you're, like, sick of the flag, like, I'm sorry.
That's, the whole movie is going to be the flag.
There's no other song in this movie that has anything to do with anything other than the flag.
It's just flag top to bottom.
Wall to wall.
Most of them are covers of the classic songs we know and love.
Right.
So that's fun.
We're getting like a montage shot of like the neighborhood and his workshop.
And this is like the first thing you see that's obviously CGI is the back the blue placard in his front yard.
It's just like stitched into a shot from a normal, like they couldn't get a house to put a placard, a back the blue placard.
Everybody said no.
No.
And also you won't, you won't see that placard again.
No, it pops in and out, but it's just like, you see the house from the back a lot.
You see the house from the side, like you don't know where you're at inside this house.
Um, So we get a montage of him building a flagpole for his El Camino.
Right off the jump.
It's great.
He's building it out of bamboo, I think.
Bamboo and zip ties.
He zip ties this flag to some bamboo.
All about the zip ties!
Yeah, zip ties are a heavy accessory in this.
It's being done with absolute reverence, which I think is really funny, but the best thing you can come up with is, I'm going to zip tie this flag to this bamboo pole.
Yeah, it's like one of those slow motion shots of like, you know, the commercial is for whiskey, but it shows somebody building the barrel for the whiskey in slow motion or something like that.
There's like sawdust flying everywhere in slow motion.
It's like that, except he also just like steps on an empty can of coolant or something and falls over immediately.
Or he falls into his dog.
He falls on his dog who is sleeping in a chair.
And he like really does it too.
Yeah, the dog like whimpers.
Like the dog whimpers.
And then he's like, well, that's my chair.
We shouldn't have been there.
You know, I was going to fall into it.
Yeah, and I love this, like, just instantly we're getting, like, two perfect slices of old man, which is, oh, I'm spending the rest of my time on Earth, uh, building something to annoy people with, building something to, like, be even more annoying, and also falling down.
Yeah.
Just immediately.
Uh, he then, uh, he-he salutes the-the flag once he puts it in the- raises it in the back of his El Camino.
It's like a flagpole sticking out of the bed of his El Camino.
Imagine being one of the people who makes one of the many aftermarket flagpoles you can install in your truck bed and watching this and being like, I got a link for you, brother.
And also the flagpole is a good 10 feet.
Yeah.
The one on the back of his car isn't a joke.
Um, I like the bamboo, you know, it shows kind of how versatile the, the, uh, the plant itself is.
Yeah.
The material.
Yeah.
Um, So the phone rings as he's getting ready to leave.
And he answers the phone, GUNNERY SERGEANT QUINTON NORTH!
And, uh, you can't really hear what they're saying on the other line, but he says, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU PEOPLE?
I DON'T WANT CABLE!
And he slams the phone down and then like to himself out loud, he says, what do you think he's going to say?
Oh, I know.
Yeah.
He says, thousand channels and not a damn thing to watch.
Yep.
Well, I mean, someone should tell them that, like, Dukes of Hazzard is still syndicated.
You can still watch it in several different places.
Has anyone noticed this about cable?
There's like a billion channels and nothing to watch.
Nothing to watch, yeah.
He gets mad, so he goes back outside just in time to get mad at the newspaper delivery boy, just another kid he hates.
Because the newspaper wound up behind the flowerpots that are right next to his front door instead of literally on his welcome mat.
And so he says something like, if you can't pitch, get a better job!
And I'm just doing Clint Eastwood now, but that's not how he delivers it.
The thing is, is like, He's going through this movie doing, like, a roguish, boyish, sassy charm.
You know, he's a handsome guy, he's got, like, an easy smile, and so he thinks he's being, like, roguishly charming, right?
And he is, like, more charming than, like, Clint Eastwood was in Gran Torino.
Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino was just a gravelly, mean son of a bitch who like never, literally never smiled throughout the whole movie.
John is doing something totally different.
Where he's trying to be like a like a good old boy just setting his ways and like he's kind of rough around the edges or whatever but he tells it like it is he he has like fights all the time with his friends I guess all the time yeah but they never like come to blows really but what he's actually doing is way more insane than what Clint Eastwood ever did in Gran Torino absolutely so he's trying to be more likable
Than Clint Eastwood and Grant Serino, but he's doing crazier things like shooting, actually shooting kids, unarmed kids in this movie.
Yeah.
Also, mind you, he didn't just, he didn't just put the flagpole back there.
He also has like a speaker system back there.
Right.
And that's one of my favorite aspects of this.
Cause like, yeah, he, he is, he is a pest.
He's a deliberate pest.
He's, he is like, Trying to trigger people and then acting like, why does everybody always get so offended so easily?
Jesus Christ.
And it's like, you're trying to offend them because he looks at the paper.
The paper is called, by the way, The Progressive.
Yep.
The headlines, the top fold, a front page story is NFL applauds high school QB for taking a knee at Friday's game.
And we get a shot of like, you know, a little, a little white kid.
Oh, he's white.
Oh, they did a really good job at that.
They did a really good job with the race stuff in this movie.
Don't even try to call him a racist, Clint or John, because this QB that he hates, this child that he hates, is white.
It's a white kid.
So yeah, he says, and then to himself, I believe he says, he's looking at the kid and he says, shove your knee right up your ass.
Shove your knee right up your ass which I love because like how does that even work?
What does that like look like?
Because I mean you're supposed to you could use like not real things you know you can say like shove your protest up your ass that makes some sense but shove your knee up your ass like That's probably one of the better things to get shoved up your ass if you're gonna have to get something shoved up your ass.
I don't know about that, but I do like it as a saying.
I think it makes sense.
Totally.
I wouldn't be surprised if this was like a pre-existing let's go Brandon type phrase, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Shove your knee right up your ass, he says to the child in the newspaper.
Okay, and then yeah, John, so he gets in his El Camino to take his daily trip to the cemetery, I guess.
The sound design is insane.
When he's like driving and so it's every cut, there's like tons of edits, every edit has a different ambient noise to it.
So you're, like, watching him drive from the passenger seat.
Now you're outside the car.
Now you're from behind his head.
Every single cut has a different, like, soundscape to it.
It feels like you're, like, shoving your head underwater at intervals.
Like you're being waterboarded, I guess.
Well, I don't know if you knew this, but if you're in different parts of the car, it sounds different.
So this is just really accurate, is what it is.
Sure, yeah.
It gets absolutely silent when you're sitting next to him while he's driving.
Yeah, yeah.
While he's driving, he says to himself, uh, why the hell not?
Takes a left turn.
You're like, what?
And so he drives to the local high school where he knows that that fucking bastard QB will be.
Drives, this is key, into the high school.
He drives into the high school parking lot You know how there's like a roundabout at schools where buses pick up, parents pick up and let off?
There used to be a flagpole in the center of that fucking roundabout.
Oh, there's a flagpole!
There's a flagpole.
No American flag though.
No flag though.
I don't consider it a flagpole.
That's just a pole.
Yeah, it's just a pole.
He flicks a switch on his dashboard that uh begins playing what it's it's just the uh the national anthem right yeah it's just i think so yeah yeah it's the star spangled banner he starts bumping the star spangled banner out of his El Camino bed uh and and instantly the kids start throwing eggs at him yeah it's like
That the way that looks is so funny cuz like also mind you when he when you see him pull into the the parking lot It's empty.
There's no one really there But when he's driving through, he's also getting pummeled with food in his windshield.
And also, he's like, when it's happening, he's just used to it.
This is just what happens.
He just knows every single time they come through.
He's just very cool with it.
Those kids had those eggs fucking ready.
Like, it's so funny because you don't see the kids throw them.
You just see eggs start appearing on his windshield as you're looking, you know, point first person perspective through the windshield.
And then he reaches out the window and wipes the egg off and gives it to his dog to lick off of his hand.
Lot of licking from this dog throughout this movie. - The shot, yeah, Glory.
Yeah, the shot that when he's like reaching, wiping the window off to feed Glory the, you know, whatever it is on the windshield, that arm is clearly not coming from inside the car.
That arm is like, because the camera's where the person would be sitting, I'm assuming.
So yeah, that arm is, it's so funny.
Like, I don't know if he had any, well, he said he had, what, 10 people, 10 people in 10 months to do this?
Oh yeah, in the interview.
And it shows.
It shows.
Yeah, Glory, by the way, that's the name of his dog.
He's got like, it's like an Australian Shepherd, I think.
I think so.
One of those crafty dogs.
Yeah, good dog, good dog.
Yeah, so he arrives at the cemetery again, where I'm assuming he just, he goes every day.
We do see him at this cemetery like 10 times in this movie.
And then he kisses the top of a tombstone and For like so long.
I'm looking, I'm looking at this tombstone and it says the person died in 1967.
I didn't even look, I didn't even notice that part.
Yeah, I was like who's he visiting?
And so they died in, John Schneider was born in 1960.
So if I'm to believe that he's anywhere near like the age range that he's playing, this has to be like his father who died when he was seven or his mother.
And it's just, but it's not though.
It's somebody totally different.
So I just realized that I was going to make fun of him for like going to, you know, like virtue signaling how much he loved his dead mom that he only knew for like seven years.
Like five of those were when he had consciousness.
Like, yeah, sure.
I'd be bummed out, but I don't know if I'd like, Go wallow in the cemetery every day about it.
You probably got a foster mom or multiple surrogate moms at that point.
Well, one thing you'll notice in this movie is time doesn't really exist in this movie.
Like he says, when he introduces himself as Gunner, you get this idea that he's a veteran.
There's a lot of talk of him being in a war.
What war would he have been in?
Like time does not exist in this.
There's a lot of stuff like that that I'm, I have, we got notes.
We all got notes.
Yeah.
Uh, the, the tombstone ends up being his wife's, but it's just, they like the first time you see it, there's a very clear shot of the name and born and death day on the tombstone.
So I don't know why they shot it that way, but he kisses that tombstone for a good 20 seconds.
That's somebody else's tombstone now that I, that's like a real tombstone.
That's real weird.
That's real weird.
Well, I guess that's, like, respectful, though.
You're not, like, kicking down gravestones.
You're kissing them.
That's true.
Kissing them, yeah.
The ghosts are like, oh, this guy's on our side.
Maybe a little too much.
What's his angle?
Okay, so after this, he goes to a doctor's appointment, seemingly just to own the doctor.
Oh yeah.
So he's there, and the doctor's like, do you drink?
Do you drink beer?
And he's like, yeah.
And he's all, how often?
Every day.
And he's all, OK, do you drink hard alcohol?
Yeah.
How often?
Every day.
And he's like, do you smoke?
Only when I'm not drinking.
He's all, how much is that?
So that would mean like he doesn't smoke, because he's drinking all day every day.
But anyway, he says, only when I'm not drinking.
And he's all, how much is that?
And he's all, four packs.
And the doctor's like, you're gonna die, stop doing that.
Stop doing that?
And he's like, hey, lighten up, I'm just kidding.
And then the doctor's like, well, your health is serious.
And he's like, hey, I don't really care, because I'm cool.
Right?
Like, how does that even end?
How does the scene end?
It's kind of just like a take care of yourself and they're trying to set this temp, this like tone that maybe something's wrong with him.
Yeah.
He goes to a restaurant now.
He goes to this diner and he's there to have breakfast with the police.
It's two cops, it's a black dude and like a young white or like I don't know light-skinned woman and she's like got a ton of makeup on and they start arguing because he leaves the dog in the car and they're like hey you could bring your dog inside you know you could just say that it's like it's like a service animal and we're not on duty we won't write you up and he's like no dogs belong in hot cars Yeah, he's like, no, dogs don't belong in restaurants.
And besides, she knows she's getting her bacon, so she's going to stay in the car.
It's like, why would you not just take, why was this part written?
Or is this just your stance on dogs?
Is that like an old, a boomer thing?
Dogs in restaurants?
Yeah, absolutely.
It's a boomer thing to be like, dogs aren't allowed in the house.
Oh, that's true, huh?
Let alone a fucking restaurant.
So it's coupled with that.
It's coupled with, no, the dog belongs outside because it's unsanitary.
It's like, dude, you, you later, you share a beer with this dog.
You like let this dog lick your lips a lot.
Like, I, you know, you got to live it.
Uh, it's okay, man.
Nobody, nobody's going to like question you if you let the dog inside the, inside the restaurant, you know?
But I think it's also like... You already bring the dog everywhere you go.
Yeah.
I think it's also like I have the right to leave my dog in a hot car if I want to.
That's very true.
My dog, I raise it how I want.
He's not listening to his favorite music.
He's listening to a minor key version of Auld Lang Syne played on harmonica.
This card doesn't even have AC, so that's not on.
So the server comes over and she's like, y'all's got your vaccination cards?
And they all just like stare daggers at her and she's like, I'm just messing with y'all.
Just playing, yeah.
Yeah.
And she's like refilling coffees and she goes to refill the female cop, sheriff, I don't know, officer's cup.
And the female officer, she says, "I had a vanilla latte." Yeah.
Yeah.
This is my favorite arc is the coffee humor right here.
Yeah, she says, I had a vanilla latte, and the server's like, of course you did.
It's like, you gave it to her!
Why are you trying to pour black coffee into her fancy glass that she has right there?
You work at a diner that apparently offers lattes.
Uh, and then later on in this conversation, the female cop also doesn't know who John Wayne is.
Uh, you know, cause she's an idiot.
She's a young idiot cop, female.
Um, and then like, they keep calling everybody sodbusters in this conversation.
And she also, she says, what, uh, what's a sodbuster?
And they just like roll their eyes in disgust at her.
It's like, just tell her, just explain to her what a fucking, she wants to know.
She wants to learn, motherfucker.
The origin, the starting of the John Wayne conversation, I didn't understand because they were saying, they were telling him like, hey, you got to stop going by the high school.
You got to take another route.
You got to take another.
And he's like, that's the trail I like.
That's the trail I like.
John Wayne would go by the high school.
They're like, you mean the road?
You mean the other?
He's like, no, trail.
And she's like, why are you saying trail?
And then he's like, John Wayne.
And I'm like, what are you talking about?
Is that a John?
I've seen a lot of John Wayne movies.
Like, what do you mean trail?
Well, they didn't have road.
They didn't have roads in John Wayne times.
They only had trails.
And so that's like what he's channeling, I guess.
Yeah.
They say, Why don't you take the new road or the new trail?
And he's like, I like the old trail.
Yeah.
The female cop asks, she says, what was the war like?
And this is the first like instance of, oh, he's a, he's a vet.
I mean, obviously he's like obsessed with the flag.
You would hope at least he's a veteran.
That's like slightly less pathetic.
Um, but yeah, but you haven't heard like details and you won't hear details here either because she says, what was the war like?
He says it was glorious.
And it's like, the Gulf War?
I don't know what war this would have been because he's not that old and he's not that young.
The first Iraq war, like, you would have been 15 years old when Vietnam ended.
Exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
There is no war that he would have been really part of that he could have called glorious.
And that's one of these times where it's like, what is time here?
We also find out he got the Medal of Honor.
He got the Medal of Honor, again, for the Gulf War?
Nobody got the Medal of Honor for the first Iraq War, man.
Like, Grenada?
Where did you get your Medal of Honor?
Who knows?
I can't... You never do find out.
We never find out.
It's just a vague war.
No, it's supposed to be Vietnam, dude.
Is it supposed to be Vietnam?
Yes, it's supposed to be Vietnam because the flashbacks... The bamboo?
Yeah, the flashbacks he's having, it's like jungle.
It's like, quote, jungle.
And it's just like a bamboo, an open bamboo ranch, you know?
Yep.
It's so weird.
Like, it makes no sense, but sure, that's the character he wrote, I guess.
He just doesn't say Vietnam because everybody knows it would be absurd if you, like, oh, well, you had to call my attention to it.
I guess I'm gonna, like, finally, yeah, that's stupid.
But it's for people who were in Vietnam or just, you know, teenagers when Vietnam was a thing to identify with.
Like, that's why it's Vietnam.
Cause it's like, you could, the Iraq War started, you know, that all started like, you know, the one that's still not kind of over.
That started 20 years ago.
You could have, you could have ran with that.
You could have just been like an older officer at the time.
But like, so there's nothing, there is nothing that makes sense in this.
In the same scene, he's talking to the waitress.
And he's, this is my, this is my favorite part.
She says like, oh, if only they made you 20 years older.
She's like 40.
Uh, yeah.
And then she says, they broke the mold when they made me.
Well, if they broke the mold when they made you and you need to be 20 years older, that means there's still one, like, it's fine.
There's still a 20 year, you're the last one.
You're the young one.
And they just wrote that, looked at the cast and said, this still works, run it.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Okay, so they go outside.
They run outside the restaurant because the flag has been desecrated.
The flag, the pole has been ripped out, snapped in half out of the back of his El Camino.
The flag is just like sitting in piss and puke and shit on the asphalt.
Remember, this is a giant bamboo pole.
This would be hard to break.
That's all I could think about when I saw this part.
You could break it, but it would still be attached and like the sinews would all still be there and you'd have to like saw through it.
Right when they see this, the female cop, lady cop, says, guess Glory doesn't feel the same way about old Glory as you do.
Implying that faithful dog Glory, who knows what's up, smarter than most humans if you ask me, would ever desecrate the flag like this.
Yeah.
And also like, he's only raised the flag, but now it's established again that everyone just kind of knows he loves the flag.
Also establishing that he already knows this cop character pretty well.
Even though they're just talking like they just met earlier.
She might be new, he gives her zero respect.
He is like an asshole throughout this.
So it's unclear.
Well, it's kind of proven she doesn't really deserve respect.
That's true.
It's unclear whether she's new to the force or it's just he's disrespecting her because she's a young woman.
I think it's the latter, but it could be both.
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, she says, Guess Glory doesn't feel the same way about old Glory as you do.
And he goes, Yes, she does!
And then he goes, he says, I'm going to kill that Indian.
Which is like, what?
When I heard that, I was like, what kind of racism is this?
Like, and then, I don't even, so I don't even know, like, who is this?
I'm gonna kill an Indian.
We haven't met.
We have no idea.
Anybody close to that description?
Amazing!
So the cops are standing right behind him when he says he's going to commit a hate crime.
A premeditated hate crime on a Native American man.
They say, hello police officers, standing right behind you.
And the young one, she says, I didn't hear anything.
Trying to get back in his good graces by ignoring a threat to a minority.
So wild.
So he goes to the gas, he's out of gas, and he taps on the glass and, you know, because that's what you do when you see the gas.
The gas gauge is low.
You're like, I got to make sure it's not just stuck, you know?
I mean, yeah, yeah, I know that part.
So he goes to the...
He goes to the gas station.
It's a full service gas station.
And he's like, you know, old man shooting the shit with this other old man.
And they're like both being like sarcastic ass bourbon bastards to each other.
Um, and he asked for, he's all, Hey, I want to, can I get a latte?
He's all, you got a latte machine in there?
And then he says something else.
Hey, I asked you a question.
You got a latte machine?
And he goes back and forth and it's really annoying.
Uh, he said, yeah, we got a latte machine.
So, okay.
Can I get a latte?
Black.
And the guy's like, oh, well, that's not what a latte, latte has to have milk in it.
That works.
Yeah.
It's steamed milk.
And then John Schneider, Quint North says, I thought black coffee mattered.
And it's not clear if this is a joke.
It's unclear whether this is a joke because neither of them laugh or even smile when he says this.
He says, I thought black coffee mattered.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And he kind of means, I think he means it.
I think he's being stern.
I think he's, I think he's being serious.
Yeah.
Uh, and also they panned in the latte machine.
Oh my God, dude.
It's like a, just like a, it's not even an espresso machine, like a Nespresso, the Nestle one.
It's not even that.
I, I, this is maybe, maybe a Keurig.
They have the dual spouts that come out.
She puts one coffee mug under both spouts.
She uses a coffee mug.
There's so much to do about what size he wants.
He wants it big.
Well, how big is big?
Just big.
Okay, get a venti.
And she just puts a coffee mug under there.
They go super far out of their way to make a Venti joke, which Venti is a licensed term for Starbucks.
That only happens at Starbucks.
That's a 2005 joke.
Yeah, you just say what you want.
I want 16 ounces.
I want 20 ounces.
I want the big one.
I want the medium one.
And they make that big to-do only to be handed a mug in the end.
But when we peer over the guy's shoulder into the front door, Into like where his wife is operating the coffee machine?
Dude, I like, I lost my footing.
I was like, I fell off the couch because it's a green screen.
It's inside the door.
So it's like, it looks like you're looking through, through like a portal into another dimension.
That's like at a slightly different angle and everything's a little too big or like the portal is too close from where it appears in your, from your perspective.
And I think that's what I'm saying.
I think this happens in a different dimension.
I think that's part of it.
I think that we're missing the art of the green screen.
The green screen's being used.
It's a tool.
It's so confusing.
It looks like an accidental Terry Gilliam movie.
Or like, have you seen Island of Lost Children?
Like weird French movie.
I would never watch a weird French movie.
Just like the angles and like the comic splicing together of like comically proportioned people or gnarly.
Couple that with like the poor editing skills of the worst movie you've ever seen.
So like we were saying earlier, it's like cutting to five different angles for like one dialogue between them and another character.
Because I'm guessing they had to do like a ton of reshoots to get to get words and lines done.
So they didn't keep the camera in the same place for that whole scene.
It's gnarly.
It's like watching a movie where people are drinking wine.
and they keep setting the glass down or picking it back up, and the level in the wine keeps changing.
It's like that, but you're dancing around the person as they're talking. - And what's funny too is like, a lot of these shots and angles, a lot of the use of the green screen is to accommodate these angles, and it's almost like they think they're doing art with these angles.
Oh, maybe.
I think they think they're being dramatic with these angles.
Some of them are dramatic.
There's a lot of close-ups that are obviously supposed to be dramatic, but then they keep the close-up for the whole dialogue scene, and it doesn't quite work.
He gets back home, alright?
The drunk, quote, Indian is his neighbor.
Sitting on his porch.
He's got a can of beer.
It's 11 a.m.
or whatever, but he's an Indian.
So he's drunk on his porch.
And we do mean he's Native.
He's a Native American.
The way he said Indian, I was assuming he was being racist in that way.
So just to clarify, this person is supposed to be a Native American.
Yeah well he's he's saying Indian to be racist like to be intentionally racist uh despite the fact that like a lot of not maybe not a lot maybe a lot's the wrong word but you know Native American certain communities or people prefer it you know Indian and call themselves American Indians uh but he means it in the racist way yeah he would call he would call those people like my friend Stephanie he would call her Native American like to piss her off or what it learned like to try to piss her off
Yeah.
He drives up onto the neighbor's lawn.
The neighbor says, get that global warming piece of trash off my front lawn.
I love, because this character, and now you understand, this character is supposed to be like, you know, a Native American snowflake.
This guy is supposed to embody like a libtard.
And again, the casting makes no sense.
Yeah.
Cause he's like a very regular dude looking dude.
Um, looks, I will say like out of shape maybe is the my, how I might phrase it.
Um, I don't know.
In Louisiana, this takes place in Louisiana and he thinks his, his neighbor in like It's not a dense, you know, it's not like Baton Rouge.
It's not like a densely populated city.
Yeah, no, his neighbor's a libtard who calls his El Camino a global warming mobile.
And also it's for sure who did the thing at the cafe.
He's there to confront him about apparently him defacing the flag of the cafe and he jetted back home and is cracking a beer open on the lawn.
Now he's on his lawn and he pulled his car up on the lawn.
And that's the global warming piece of trash.
Yeah, and I don't really remember how this conversation goes.
I think he just says, stay the hell away from my flag.
And then the cops come to his house.
He gets home.
The cops come to his house.
And make him go back to the neighbor's house to talk to him about destroying his lawn.
Yeah, because he does, like, peel out on the lawn.
Yeah, and he takes this opportunity to call him, like, every slur for Indian he could think of.
You know, he calls him, like, Redskin.
He calls him Tonto.
All the time, yeah.
And then he says, uh, the, you know, the guy's like, oh, I want him to fix my lawn and I won't press charges.
And then Quint is like, he says, uh, you want me to plant corn in the furrows?
Don't your people call it maize?
Yeah, he has to, like, set up his own jokes the whole time he's trying to make fun of the guy.
Yeah, he has to give himself the stupid questions so that he can give the snappy answer.
Yeah, yeah, it's like... And then the neighbor is, as we find out, too reasonable.
The neighbor's being very cool.
He's like, hey, just have him fix it and I don't care.
And the whole time he's just like, no, fuck you, dog.
No.
Yeah, and he says he won't fix the guy's yard.
Cut back to his house.
It's nighttime.
It's a darkened room.
You can't see anything.
You just hear feet slapping.
And judging by the quality of this, like feet slapping hard, and judging by the quality of this movie so far, I thought that that was just foley work for him walking upstairs or something.
Yeah.
There's a really good one later on with the Foley work.
It's so amazing.
The heels, the heel sound.
I don't know if I'm, you'll have to mention it when it comes up.
I'll bring it up later.
It's amazing.
Um, but no, we get, we get a little bit of light and it's him jumping rope.
And this is like some of the most awkward jump rope I've seen in a while.
Uh, but he stops and he goes, 2000.
Like, jumping rope is hard.
I will say that.
It's hard.
Yeah, it's so hard.
You can't do 2,000 of them, man.
Shut the fuck up.
This guy can't count to 2,000.
There's no fucking way.
It's amazing.
But then, aside from the slapping of the feet and him counting to 2,000 for sure, you start to hear something else.
We cut to...
Other shots of him doing like pull-ups with a busted knuckle, push-ups, etc.
And in the background of this montage, you hear soft music playing and you hear a voice begin whispering the Star Spangled Banner.
Like an acapella performance of the Star Spangled Banner as the score for this scene.
And it's his voice, but it's not while he's working out, it's just running through his mind while he's working out.
Which implies, because it shows several different exercises, and that implies he was saying it over and over and over again.
It's like, what, at best, like a four minute, five minute song?
Yeah.
Oh yeah, easily.
It's all he thinks, this is all he thinks about.
It was at this moment where I was like, oh, okay, this movie is Taxi Driver, but instead of women, he likes the flag.
Instead of being obsessed with Jodie Foster, he's obsessed with the Star Spangled Banner and will kill and die for it.
Yes, yes.
Yes.
O say, I'm not a thousand.
Can you see?
I'll have a dog's early light.
What so proudly we did?
At the twilight's last gleaming.
Whose broad stripes, bright stars, through the perilous fight.
Yeah, this is the first time I'm like, oh, this is about psychosis.
The first time, this is a moment where you're like, oh yeah, this is not, this person's not sane.
We're no longer dealing with like normal thought process here.
It's so funny because the tone of this movie is like whimsical, like father of the bride type tone.
Like one man taking a stand and he's going to teach all these folks a lesson, whether they like it or not.
Like that's the tone of this movie, but the content is utterly psychotic.
Oh yeah.
Okay, so he's done working out, so he picks up a bottle of tequila and drinks a shot of tequila.
I'm assuming to prove he's not racist.
And then he has a dream where his buddy is dying on the battlefield.
These are like the dream sequences that we were talking about, where it's like the jungle, except it's a brightly lit, you know, orchard of bamboo.
And his buddy's like on his back dying, I think just wearing a t-shirt.
And he's like, he's like, kill me!
And he's like, he's like begging for mercy.
He's like, kill me.
He's like, no, I'm going to, I'm going to call the medic.
And he's all, no, you have to kill me.
And John says, oh, I couldn't do that.
But then without saying anything else, he just brings the gun over on his friend.
Uh, and then he pulls the trigger, but it's like the quietest noise in the whole movie when the gun goes off.
Very funny.
My favorite part of that like dream sequence is they're supposed to be like battle noises going beyond and there's like laser sounds?
Yeah there's futuristic gun sounds!
He was like in a fucking future war!
They're like Star Trek futuristic gun sounds.
They're not even like...
It's like pew-pew-pew!
It makes no sense!
It's like rapid fire, like doo-doo-doo-doo!
It's like Star Wars fucking Stormtrooper, or like, hey, maybe even Future War, you know, The Rise of the Machines.
Like, maybe that's what's running through this guy's fucking head.
There's a few parts in this movie where I'm like, okay, John, John Snyder doesn't actually like, I don't know if John Snyder's ever like shot a gun.
I think maybe he was like, oh, that's what a tracer, that's like what the tracer sounds like.
That's like what it, that's really what it is.
It's like, you know, there's a few things on this movie where it's like, oh, you, you don't have any type of like, your reality is not being reflected in the movie at all.
He pulls out a gun at one point and they're like, nice, that's a nice gun.
Or it's, dang, that's big.
And he says, yeah, that's what I've heard.
You know, there's so many dick jokes in this.
Um, but like really, you know, ones we've heard before, just it's big.
Like that's, that's the joke three times, but the gun is like, it's like a Magnum or it's like a desert Eagle or something fucking huge.
And he's like government issue.
It's like, no, what?
No, it's not.
Yeah, it's not.
He's a government agency.
What are you talking about?
What government agency issues that gun?
Also, the only thing people who get issued guns are cops.
They get handguns.
Do you get to keep your gun when you retire as a military service member?
I don't know.
I don't think you get a handgun.
Well, he was an officer.
He was a gunnery sergeant.
He was a Marine Corps officer.
So you get all the guns.
Right.
You get fucking Desert Eagle.
You get Colt .45.
You get all the movie guns.
All the cool guns.
Okay, so that morning, he wakes up.
That morning, the daughter shows up to his Home and she's like a lawyer or a law clerk or something.
She's the one who's going to file the restraining order on her dad on behalf of the school.
Um, and it basically seems like the restraining order is literally against the flag.
It's not against him.
He just can't have the flag flying when he drives by.
And it's not described as like, oh, you're violating this ordinance of harassment or you're coming onto private property and, you know, or whatever.
They can eject you from the property.
It's none of that.
It's you're not allowed to drive.
We're putting a restraining order on you.
That prevents you from driving with the flag in the back of your car near the school.
But again, when we say near the school, we mean onto school property, down the big long aisle in the middle, up to the front of the loading zone.
Yeah, and also, once you realize, because you've already seen him do the school thing, and they don't talk anything.
If you go to a school in the middle of the school hours, and you're like blasting any type of music, like making a disturbance, and you're doing this all the time apparently, seemingly every day, it's kind of what it's implied.
This is not an unreasonable thing that they're asking.
No, you're not allowed to go onto fucking campus and harass students, man.
Sorry you like to fuck with the kids, old man.
It's not legal.
You can't do it.
It's not in the Constitution.
Yeah, you can't go fuck with the kids.
It's not okay.
That's against the rules.
This movie is about a man repeatedly violating a restraining order trying to prevent him from going to a high school.
Repeatedly coming within the 300 yards of the school that he's not allowed to be at.
What an amazing thing for a conservative to write a movie about.
Right?
Not only does your patriotic hero do all this stuff that we're going to talk about, but he's also repeatedly violating... He's a creep!
He's like a creep who's not allowed at schools.
At the very least, he's a giant distraction that happens seemingly every day at the high school.
Yeah, she says, you know, he's like, why are you busting my chops, huh?
You know, the type of like quipping here is like, you got to take it down because some people find it offensive.
Well, I find some people offensive.
Can I take them down?
It's like that.
It's like sassy, you know, but like threats of violence.
Some people find it offensive.
Yeah, you were deliberately trying to offend people.
So now he goes to the high school itself.
He goes to the high school.
I think he doesn't fly the flag at this point to talk to the principal.
And I guess they're old friends, apparently.
And they're arguing about whether or not he's allowed to have the flag.
And he says, you know, I'm allowed to drive with the flag.
And she says, no one is allowed to drive with the flag around here.
That's the point.
Yeah.
And the principal is like, get out of my office.
Or like, what are you doing in my office?
And he's like, I have every right to be in this office because I was in the color guard.
Yeah, because I went to this school and I was in the color guard, so therefore I get to, like, Doug, high school was apparently a long time ago for you.
Apparently before the Vietnam War, actually.
So, like, get over it, bud.
But yeah, this is like a real Hank Hill moment.
Like, I gave my ankle.
He's even like, with your dad.
I was in the color guard with your dad.
She says they don't say the Pledge of Allegiance anymore, but they still, they do still play the anthem before games.
Uh, quote, although some people use it for their own purposes.
And she means taking a knee, like, like she means like, oh, you know, some people abuse, you know, patriotism and they abuse, uh, the national anthem by, uh, taking a knee.
Not by like starting a fucking war, not by like killing a million people, using the flag, using the, I don't know.
It was just, that's a pedantic point, I guess.
But when I heard her saying somebody, people use Patriot, use the anthem for their, you know, nefarious goals, like taking a knee.
Yeah, it's like we all know that sports notoriously do this as like a military propaganda.
Right!
That's the reason it's controversial is because you guys took the fucking flag and wrapped yourselves in it and made it like a co-equal partner in everything you do.
And then of course people are like, I hate what you're doing.
And if that's what the flag represents, I'm not about it.
The whole reason you are, you are using patriotism, you know, for, uh, for your own ends or whatever.
But, uh, she says the parents have spoken.
I need to keep you and your flag away from this school or I lose my job, which is definitely how things work.
Um, and then he says some things are more important than a job.
And he says, be careful what you become famous for.
Yeah, I don't know.
As if, like, she's going to become famous for, like, not letting him in.
No, she's going to go viral, by which I mean I'm going to spit in her face and try to get her to sec.
I looked, yeah, some things are more important than a job.
Yeah, you harassing students is not more important than my job.
In fact, I'd probably try to stop you from doing that for free.
I would probably, you know, take my personal time to do that.
But yeah, he comes back to that point a lot.
Some things are more important than a job.
You got a pension, buddy.
You're retired!
Yeah, apparently that's the deal because he's not doing anything else.
He must be retired at this point, obviously.
He's on his way out of this school, I guess?
Or no, he comes back like...
The next day to do the same exact thing.
Am I wrong about that?
And then that's when the officer, the other officer stops him.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Um, because they, they see, he sees the other two officer, the other two officers.
And, um, they're like, we're off duty, so we can't stop you.
You know, it's not going to be us who stops you.
Because he's going to go back to the school to protest or whatever.
Yeah, because the restraining order hasn't kicked in yet.
They haven't, like, officially filed it.
So he's still allowed to drive up on campus, drive up into the school with his American flag to harass the students.
And then, yeah, what's his name?
Big Mac?
This is the, like, cop that stops him when he's on his way out of the school.
And you get a shot from inside The car inside the El Camino looking out at the officer through the passenger window where he's gonna bend down and talk through the window.
And what they're trying to hide is that Big Mac has pulled up a stool to sit down on for this scene.
To pretend like he's talking through the window.
It's not a joke, because the guy's a big guy.
So I could see them making a joke like, oh, you know, this cop needs to sit down or whatever.
No, they hide the stool the whole time.
The only reason you know it's there is because he reaches between his legs at one point.
But his whole body obscures it.
He has to swing his leg over it.
It's so clear.
Before we even get to him being pulled over again, we skipped an amazing part in the shooting range, where the two cops earlier are in the shooting range, and the woman cop is shooting, and she misses every single one.
And then they just talk about how he's doing it, but it's like, hold on, she's like an actual cop, right?
By missing, we mean the entire target.
Yeah, the whole sheet.
Like, there's not a hole in the paper.
And anyways, of course, the elderly one, the other one tells her about, you know, you got to shoot for the center and you'll hit something, blah, blah, blah.
I wasn't going to bring it up because there's so much to talk about, but it's so stupid.
It comes back later and she misses all of them.
And he says, don't aim for what you're shooting at.
Yeah.
And she says, aim for the middle.
And like a stupid woman, she says, what?
And he says, no, you want to aim for the center.
That way if you miss, you'll still hit something.
Yeah.
And it's like, what are you, what are you fucking talking about?
So I, I, you know, I wasn't aiming for the center where the big, where the, where the dot is that says a hundred points at the center.
I guess that's not what I was aiming for.
Uh, yeah.
And so that comes back later.
Uh, but yeah.
And then, so she takes his advice and she takes, well, she takes his advice and then sinks three, like right around the bullseye.
So Big Mac pulls him over for having the flag at the school.
Yeah, and then he tries to turn Big Mac into an Oath Keeper.
He just says, Baghdad.
Baghdad.
And then Big Mac's like, huh?
He said, you served in Baghdad, didn't you, Big Mac?
And then he's like, oh yeah, that country that I was, that place I was stationed at.
Yeah, okay, now I recognize that word.
There's a lot of that in this movie.
But he says, yeah, you took an oath.
You swore to uphold the constitution, yada, yada, yada.
He tries to turn him into like a three percenter.
Yeah, totally.
It's pretty funny.
It doesn't work though.
Big Mac is just, they're both friendly with each other, but it's like a, You're gonna have to do what you're gonna do and I'm gonna have to... You know how I roll, Big Mac.
This is... I gotta do things my way.
Yeah, everyone in this town knows him because it's apparently a small town.
Everyone in the town knows him for this and he knows everyone in this town for this and apparently it's just now reached a boiling point.
Like, I think this has been going on for a very long time and it's just now to the point where his daughter has to file a restraining order because She gave him a chance not to do it, but this particular instance is the one that seals the deal.
She says, don't do it again.
And he's like, fuck it.
I'm going to do it this time.
And that seals the deal for the next one.
It's definitely like this particular battle is because he read that in the newspaper that the QB was like an ungrateful son of a bitch who took a knee.
Like that's when, that's why he went to the high school.
Like, he's been an asshole this whole time, for sure, but this specific, like, mission he's on is to own this kid, is to own this QB.
After, you know, another round of going through the high school and being warned by Big Mac and, you know, trying to get him to fulfill his duty to the nation unsuccessfully, he goes straight home to do more hate crimes.
Uh, he just, he's, he's talking to his neighbor and he, uh, he says how at him, you know, with his hand up.
Then, uh, the quarterback walks by, uh, the QB, the high school QB walks by, uh, who's wearing a letterman's jacket, except it's a letterman's jacket for road microphones.
Yeah!
Which is so funny because it's like, is this kid also like an audio nerd, I guess?
It's just like a jacket that John Schneider got by being sponsored by Rode Microphones at some point.
I didn't even think about them trying to make it seem like, well he's a star quarterback, of course he's wearing a Varsity jacket, and that's exactly what they were doing here.
It's amazing, because he's like this little twerp.
He's a little twerp kid.
But he also rules.
He also rules in this scene.
Yeah, it's like he couldn't afford the Letterman's jacket, so they just went to the Goodwill.
And that's the one that was there.
They couldn't put a patch over that patch?
Uh, you know, so John slash Quint yells at him, he's like, you, are you that ungrateful, snot-nosed, etc.
Uh, the kid says, yeah, the 4th of July's over, old man.
Uh, and then he says, it's always the 4th of July at my house.
Which is like the stupidest tough guy thing I've ever fucking heard.
Fireworks every day, motherfucker.
Barbecue never turns off.
I mean, like, you could have said it's always Independence Day over here.
That would have, like, made more sense, but just saying it's always the 4th of July, like... It seems weird.
It seems like we have a holiday here every day.
Yep.
Yep.
And then the kid says, pathetic.
Pathetic, I love that part.
Which is correct.
Which is, like, absolutely correct.
This guy, it's like that, um...
It's like that part in the Santa Claus where the son gets so stoked on having gone to the North Pole with his dad, who's now Santa Claus, that he just becomes a Christmas kid?
He just becomes a Christmas guy?
And so he's like playing with reindeer and stuff like the year round, like in the summer and everything.
That's like what this guy is before the flag and for the 4th of July and for like the songs and the pomp and like all the accoutrement that they would go with it.
It's it's so funny for this for this to be like a masculine trait.
It's crazy.
This kid is the QB also because he just like doesn't even know how to walk.
He's like walking slowly and stiffly, you know.
Again, like the casting did not, they did not say like, I don't know, find a kid who looks like a varsity QB.
Who's he talking to here?
I just have a quote here where he says, I'm a veteran and I've bought a lot of gas over the years.
Every gallon of gas I've bought has given me the right to drive down every public road I see fit.
I think he's, is he talking to his, is his daughter?
Yeah, his daughter has a meeting with like the, the other, the school's lawyer, I guess.
Yeah.
Cause she like, she's like, I want you to have a talk with my colleague.
I think he can help you.
And turns out that person who can help him is the prosecuting lawyer.
Yeah.
It's, it makes no sense.
Uh, yeah, no, but he says that his justification for being able to drive down every road, because again, this is just framed as like, oh, you took the wrong, you took the old road.
Just make everything easier and take the, take the new road.
And it's like, you're not taking a road at all.
You're driving up onto a property over and over again, but you can't admit that because it, it invalidates your, the whole point of your movie.
It's incredible, yeah.
Yeah, but his justification for driving down that road is, I'm a veteran and I've bought a lot of gas over the years.
Yep.
He paid his way in.
He fucking earned that right with every petrodollar he's spent.
Yeah, every gallon of gas is my right to drive.
It's amazing.
Does Louisiana have a gas tax?
I kind of doubt it.
I don't think that's what he means by it.
He just means he's invested in the American project of gasoline and personal vehicles and personal freedoms.
So they have the trial.
The judge is like a hard-ass old veteran who hates commie kneeling scum and does like a little rant about it, but has to rule in favor of the school anyway.
He says, uh, it is my, it is with deep embarrassment that I rule in favor of the plaintiff.
Yep.
Yep.
And I love it because like the punishment, the punishment is a hundred dollar fine.
When he does this, we're like, if this were to happen in real life, he starts to go fund me and he just pays the fine every single day.
Oh yeah.
That's what's going to happen.
Yeah.
And to the point where he does, he does, he gives the, he gives the judge because they buddy out, they buddy, buddy afterwards and talk about not being vaccinated afterwards.
And he gives him a hundred dollars.
He goes for my next one.
Yeah.
Amazing.
Yeah, it's the punishment for every violation is a hundred dollar fine and one night in jail.
Yep.
Yep.
It's like, okay, what fucking teen, what teen movie shit is this?
This is so funny.
I love the idea also that a Louisiana veteran judge who hates the filthy hippies who burn the flags, like, wouldn't hesitate to upset precedent and be like, no, actually you can drive onto school property.
And just, just like for fun, just, just like to see what happens.
Yeah, because they make it seem like judges don't have power in this, and I think it's really funny.
Yeah, they have THE power.
Yeah, they're the ones.
My hands are tied by the woke mafia in Hollywood.
They won't let me rule in your favor.
I'm sorry.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Again, Louisiana.
This is in Louisiana.
So that night, that very night, he goes and plants a miniature flag in the grass at the school and says the Pledge of Allegiance to it.
And then the miniature flag, we should note, is not properly lit, even though it's night.
And he immediately gets arrested.
And just real quick, this is inspired by him going to visit his wife's grave again and like having a drink at the grave and he thinks and then all of a sudden he's like, I don't know why I didn't think of that myself.
Yeah.
And you're like, what is he going to do?
And he goes and he goes and like, uh, plants the flag, like just a little stick flag.
Yeah.
We're already in an hour, and we got so much of this movie to cover.
I do not want this to go over two hours.
Oh my god, sorry.
There's so much.
We gotta get through this thing.
Oh my god, yeah.
So he gets arrested, he goes to jail, and when he's getting out of jail, he gets bailed out of jail by the woman he's fucking, and it's like, why would you get bailed out?
You're only in there for a night.
You gotta put up, what, a thousand dollars to get Like, out of jail six hours early?
It doesn't make any sense.
But the guard says, you're free to go.
And he says, not free, relatively inexpensive.
Not free?
And the guy says, what?
And then he goes, never mind.
Like this movie is like full of this character making shitty, like little cliche puns that the person he's talking to, they don't get because the world has moved on and no one cares about wordplay anymore.
Like somebody asks him a question, he says, is water wet?
And the guy says, huh?
Huh?
Nevermind.
The question is, are you packing?
The question is, do you have a gun on you?
And he goes, is water wet?
The funniest one is when he tells his daughter that she's going to wind up as an unrecognizable corpse.
And she goes, she goes, huh?
And he goes, if I have to tell you, and then they both say, you wouldn't understand.
I'm just, I'm so used to like being dismissed by my father.
Out of hand that I can quote the line he says when he refuses to teach me something out of spite.
Amazing stuff.
Because he never explains anything to her.
No!
Just like with the female cop.
You're not supposed to explain things to young women.
You're supposed to, like, barely conceal your contempt with them.
Like, out of politeness.
You know, back when people were nice to each other.
Okay, yeah, so he gets out of jail that night for some reason, and then he goes drinking and driving in the cemetery again, and then he goes and does more hate crimes to his neighbor.
He calls him an Indian giver.
He says how, again, he makes a deal with him to clean up his own yard if Quint will take the flagpole out of the bed of his truck.
And that's like why they're there, but he also harasses the neighbor over being a Native American.
He says, if the neighbor never wore a loincloth, he's all, you ever wear a loincloth?
The neighbor's like, no, why do you ask?
I'm a stupid idiot who's not the main character, so I have no idea where you're going with any of these obvious setups.
Well, did you ever hunt buffalo?
And the neighbor goes, no, what do you mean?
And he said, well, then you aren't a real Native American.
Those aren't your people.
He says, oh, how often do you go down to the casino?
Yep.
And he says, oh, about once a month or like every once in a while or whatever.
And he's like, yeah, those aren't your people.
You're not a real Native.
The white guy next door is telling, our main character is telling a Native American that he's not a real Native American.
Yeah.
It's like, it's so funny.
I mean, if, you know, if I, if I, my snappy comeback would be like, no, I didn't hunt any buffalo because America deliberately killed them.
Yeah.
America fucking killed them all.
America deliberately did genocide on the buffalo in order to do genocide on the Indian.
Motherfucker.
Yeah, amazing stuff.
So the reason he made this deal with the Native American though, he wasn't really stoked to take the flagpole down, he tricked him into fixing his own yard while Quint paints his house to look like the American flag.
Which is like, again, CGI'd onto the house?
Perfect stars, perfect stripes.
It's made to look like weathered still too.
And he has like paint on his face, but the brush is dry.
There's nothing on the brush.
The whole thing is amazing.
And the woman he's boning comes over and is like, this is amazing.
This is, you, you really did it.
You really did it.
Yeah.
She's into it.
She's like, you're you crazy old white man.
I love you.
Yeah.
Um, they got to dinner, uh, and then they agree to move in together.
Uh, she's like, Hey, you know, let's, let's move in together or whatever.
And he's like, okay.
And she's like, well, hear me out, you know, before you just say no, you know, I just think it could wait.
You said, okay.
Like, it's like that.
It's like that the whole fucking time.
It's so annoying.
So he comes back from dinner, uh, To his neighbor on the porch looking at the giant American flag he's replaced his little El Camino flag with.
So Quint immediately pulls his gun on him and the cops come and they take his gun away.
He refuses to give his gun up.
He says, you'll have to take it because I don't give my gun away.
It's a superstition I have.
So they just like take it out of his, out of his pants.
And again, the neighbor, the neighbor lets him slide again.
Again is like, I'm walking to press charges.
Yeah.
Well, it's fucking, it's like, dude, you were doing donuts in his yard.
You got to at least come let him like, look at your house.
Like you can't, you can't be like that much of a bitch about it.
Um.
Yeah, the cops take his gun away, but they're like, oh, you can have it tomorrow morning because he's fucking brandishing it everywhere while he's talking.
He's pointing it at the neighbor on his yard.
He's like sweeping across the cops while he's talking.
He gets it taken away, but he can just come get it the next morning at breakfast when he has his daily breakfast with these police officers.
The neighbor comes again that night, apparently, for a peace offering.
And this is where the movie gets crazy.
Yes.
He comes over for a peace offering.
He starts setting up his, like...
He puts a rug down, and then he puts his chair on the porch.
Quint's like, get off my property or whatever, and he's all, it's my rug.
So I figure we're on neutral ground here.
He ends up apologizing to Quint, and Quint's like, I thought fire water made you Indians crazy, because he's got a bottle of Jack Daniels.
And then the neighbor says, no, fire water makes us honest.
And then this happens.
Yeah.
I tell you I admire you for holding out.
For staying the same.
Staying true to your people.
Refusing to conform.
You're already noble.
I'm a full-blooded Cherokee.
That's never worn a loincloth.
Never stepped in a Hogan.
Hunt a buffalo.
Or, so much as shot a squirrel.
But I damn sure have been to that casino down the street at least once a month for as long as I can remember.
You're a sorry white butt.
There's more white people than white people ever were.
I came here to thank you for pointing that out.
How?
He does the how back at John Schneider.
Yes.
John Schneider made this guy do a how back at him.
He's not only, like, so bitch-made because he, like, says, you're more my people than me.
More my people than my people ever were.
You're more indigenous than all my ancestors.
That even the ones who hunted buffalo and wore a loincloth, you're even more, you're better than them.
Because you're super down for the flag and you're ornery.
It's funny because in the beginning he kind of reads him for filth.
He kind of fucks him up in the beginning of that monologue.
He's like, dude, you have nothing worth value.
Yeah, you have nothing left to live for.
And now you're trying to bend the world around you to make it something worth living.
Make yourself worthwhile.
Get your glory moment.
And I'm like, fuck yeah.
He literally says you're trying to provoke somebody into giving you a good death.
That's what he says.
And it's like, okay, that's the most accurate.
That's the most like politically salient thing in this entire movie.
That is absolutely what you're doing.
And then when he's like, you're more Cherokee than all the Cherokees.
Yeah, he's all, but don't worry.
You don't have to do that because you're already better than the Native American.
You're, you're more Native American than the, forget that 23andMe test.
You don't need to, you don't need to show me your, your 132nd anymore.
Like, it's not up for me to like tell you that you're Native American.
It's up to you to tell me, am I Native American?
You already said I wasn't.
You already said I was, so we know where that is.
Yeah, now we know where we stand.
But, no, it is the dream.
It's the dream of the American conservative.
To be like, more virtuous than the minority.
Yeah.
This character is just like, you think this part's sad, it gets worse.
That character is sadder than even this moment when he's like, listen white man, you're better than we can ever be.
Me and all my ancestors.
Yeah.
So then it's here where he gets a call, and there's been allusions to whether or not he's going to get the call.
And you don't really know what that means until at this point.
He gets called back into service.
You know that thing that happens all the time?
Yeah, when you're 67 years old.
And they're like, we need you back.
We need you back, operator.
Uh, yeah.
They reinstate or, you know, they bring him back into duty.
And so there's this montage of him cutting his hair, shaving his hair to a buzz cut.
Him telling the woman that he's fucking that actually he can't move in with her because he's getting like deployed or whatever.
As an old man with a buzz cut.
It's amazing.
They zoom in on his shave and it's the worst shave I've ever seen.
It's fucked.
And it's supposed to be like military grade shave and there's like hairs everywhere.
It's so sad.
The whole thing is really pitiful but this montage is supposed to be kind of like kind of cool.
He's like getting ready to go back.
He's got his full military fatigues.
He's got his like full military fatigues.
He's like wearing forest camo in this.
At this point, the woman, she goes to his doctor so he can apparently give her Quint's medical information, like tell her the results of a test or the results of a checkup or something that we never got and was never even alluded to.
She's like, oh, I normally don't talk about things like this, but, and then it cuts off.
She's like, oh, are you sure?
She's like acting disappointed and worried.
She's like, are you sure?
Could there have been a mistake?
He says, no, this is the most most certain I've been about anything in my life.
And then he offers her painkillers.
Yeah, so she wants painkillers.
And she's like, a lady could always use some painkillers.
She says a lady could always use some some cane pillars.
Right.
And it's a little funny jokey joke.
Yeah, that's I forgot about it.
Which I guess is a commentary on the medical profession, which is so true.
It's so crazy how easy it is to get painkillers from a doctor in the South right now in 2022.
Yeah, that's definitely a thing that's happening.
So he's still stoked on, on, uh, on, I guess he's not in his fatigue in his military dress yet, but he's still stoked on, on getting the call and he's like tying up the dog in his, in his, uh, he's tying up Glory the dog in his garage.
Uh, and then the kid, the quarterback comes to like intimidate him.
Yeah.
And says someone ought to put that dog down.
Put it out of its misery.
Such a wild thing.
Like, what an awful kid.
Like, now this kid's like the biggest piece of shit.
He's just coming by to just be like, we should probably kill that dog, dude.
Yeah, I don't even like your dog, man.
I want your dog dead.
And then he's gonna beat this kid up with a crowbar.
You know, this kid who looks like he's 12 years old.
And he's like, you know, he finally scares him off.
And he's like, where's your dad that he lets you get away with all this kneeling crap?
The score kind of slows down and there's kind of a zoom in on the kid's face and he says, I never met him.
Yeah.
And then like the score kind of explodes a little bit and we get John's sense of realization, uh, by which I mean having all of his like previously conceived notions validated right now in the script that you wrote.
And, and he, he says, yeah, I thought so.
I think this is where they did some rewriting and some recasting.
I think that this character was, I think that the quarterback was supposed to be black.
I think that they were like, this doesn't, this is too much in one movie.
You already did a racism in the movie.
It's weird how racist he is towards his Native American neighbor and how scared he is of being racist towards black people.
He never makes a racist joke to the black cop.
To either of the black cops.
He never, like, says any- he never does, like, fake Ebonics to them.
Nothing.
He just, like, colorblind.
Colorblind casting.
Yeah.
It's very weird, but he's deliberately trying not to be racist against black people.
I will say that much.
Yeah.
So maybe there was a different casting.
I think he came into this with that idea, because the end, the twist at the end, it's great.
So good.
Okay, so it's finally the night that he's supposed to report.
He's supposed to report for duty in an empty parking lot, in an empty parking garage.
At the drop point.
He's parked there.
It's empty except for another car that's got its lights on him.
And they're like, step out of the vehicle, Gunnery Sergeant Clint.
And he steps out and he's like, GUNNERY SERGEANT CLINT REPORTING FOR DUTY!
In the parking garage!
And over the loudspeaker you hear, Hey, nice haircut, idiot.
Good job.
That's so good.
And it turns out it's his cop friends playing a prank on him.
I thought it was going to be the kids.
I thought it was going to be the kids and he was going to murder them all right here.
But no, it's his adult cop friends.
I thought it was going to be the neighbor or anybody.
Cause anybody but the cop friends.
Cause at this point I'm almost like, wait, did they really call him back?
Is this really?
Cause like, why would this happen?
I was like, I hope this is real.
And he just doesn't have brain cancer.
Like I hope, I hope that doctor's office visit wasn't because of brain cancer and he's hallucinating this.
I really hope he gets reinstated back into the Marines.
But no, it was neither of those.
It was his cop friends playing a prank on him.
And this is where we get the minor, like I referenced earlier, a minor key version of Auld Lang Syne played on harmonica.
Insane.
Like, transportative.
The female cop says to the older cop, remind me why we did this again?
And the other cop says, to get his blood flowing.
Give him something to live for.
And it's like, no, he's gonna get some blood flowing when he starts killing people.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Like it was so it was like it was funny.
This is actually a tiny part of the movie.
So he's going to kill himself on the side of the road.
He like pulls over and he racks his gun and he's like, he doesn't go as far as to put it to his temple, but he's he's holding it in his hands like he's going to.
It's either that or start shooting at traffic, which, yeah, I could see either one happening.
But no, he's like, he's like, oh, I got nothing left to live for.
Oh, wait.
Yes, I do.
More hate crimes.
So he goes back home and the neighbor, you get this scene where the neighbor hears something rustling in the cans, gets his gun, opens the front door and gets fucking chloroformed by our main character, Quinn.
Who kidnaps him, ties him up to a chair in his living room, and demands to know why he hates the flag.
After has already told you that you're, like, the best of anybody.
You're, like, more Native American than I could ever be.
You're a beautiful man-god sent to this earth to, like, spread nothing but light and positivity.
He's like, I'm gonna kidnap you and possibly torture you.
Yeah, he's tied up to a chair, and Quinn's drinking and is drunk, being like, yeah, why do you hate this flag?
This is where he's letting the dog lick his mouth.
It's so fucking weird.
His own mouth, not his neighbor's mouth.
I thought he was gonna kill him.
Yeah, I thought he was gonna torture and kill the neighbor right here.
And then the answer is Afghanistan.
That's why he's allowed to criticize the flag, is because he was in Afghanistan.
Is that a Joe Biden thing?
Is that a Brandon thing?
I don't know.
Oh, maybe, yeah.
Okay, so he lets him go, or something.
I guess we don't get the end of that, but we see him, like, walking out of the house, I guess.
And he just says, crazy white boy, I guess.
He's getting kidnapped.
He got kidnapped.
He's like, crazy, crazy white man.
Crazy old white man.
Like, that's like the tone of this fucking movie.
And so he goes back and Yeah, the wife has called the cops, obviously.
The cops are there.
She's like, he kidnapped my husband.
And then the neighbor says, he didn't kidnap me.
He just wanted to ask a few questions.
And then the other cop says, Quint can be pretty forceful.
And then the neighbor says, he's a decent guy.
So they don't press charges.
He doesn't want to press charges for being chloro- like, knocked out, knocked unconscious, and then tied up.
He doesn't want to press charges for that.
Broke into his own- broke into his house and did this.
Well, no, he got him right as he stepped out of his house.
He, like, he set a trap for him.
It was fucked.
It's amazing.
It's like, yeah, it's fucked.
It's like, if this happens to you and you like, you don't manage to kill the person that did it to you.
Yeah.
Like you're going to have to like file a police report or something or something.
Something.
Okay.
We get the teens, uh, the teens hotwire, uh, a truck.
Is it, is it the neighbor's truck?
I don't know.
It's just a random truck.
I know it's before, I know it's before Oh eight.
I'll find out about the truck and the truck is a pre Oh eight truck.
Yeah, because those are the ones that they're able to hotwire.
It's the QB and two of his friends.
They have hotwired the truck and now they just drove it straight into Quint's house.
Mm-hmm, uh-huh so he so he quit comes home to find the truck just like embedded in the house and Also the neighbor that he's just kidnapped Holding his side because the neighbor tried to stop the teens from ramming the house with the car And he even says I tried to stop him Quint
Just like what do you mean like you just saw a truck that was gonna just turn and you were like I have to stop this like what do you mean this is like this is like the most abasement any character has ever this is like sub Renfield this is like sub any um Punching bag of a sidekick of like a smart-ass superhero who's got a sidekick that's just there to be shit on the whole time.
This guy's even more pathetic of a character.
It's sad.
It's a bummer to watch this character.
Yeah, dove in front of a speeding truck to get in between it and Quint's house.
You can't let it touch Quint's house.
It's like the flag can't touch the ground.
Because it's the flag on the house, so you can't let it be desecrated.
You gotta throw your ribcage in front of it.
Gotta protect that.
Gotta protect it.
Oh, and also the teens, when they did this, they killed Glory.
They killed Glory.
They killed Lil Glory.
They tried to kill Old Glory, but they killed Young Glory instead.
We don't see a dog corpse, but we do see him looking through rubble and being like, hey, there's my good girl.
Then he buries Glory, and he says, I don't know if there are dogs in heaven, but if there's not, don't bother calling me, because I won't come.
It's like, dude, you are not going to heaven.
You're going to be tormented by Iraqi children for eternity.
This is another one of those, yeah, because there's no redeeming qualities to him yet.
We're waiting to discover this redeeming quality.
We're waiting for this.
This is another good time thing where he goes like, give your mom a lick for me, implying it's like the dead wife, right?
Yeah.
And then earlier there, the wife died 27 years ago.
Yeah.
How old is this dog?
Yeah.
What?
What do you mean give your mom?
Like, I, dude, when they finally said 27, it's been 27 years, I was like, what the fuck?
And we only know it's 27 years because that's when we first meet the woman he's fucking who he does not want to fuck but still does.
And like, they apparently link up every single year on the anniversary of this wife's death.
For the past, I'm assuming, 27 years.
It's all fucked.
He buys, uh, this is where he's, now, he's not fucking around anymore.
Alright?
He's gotta do what he should have done a long time ago.
Uh, which is go buy the world's largest American flag from Camping World.
Literally.
The flag that we talked about three years ago that, like, accrued fines because of how big it was, because it was, like, gonna sweep cars off the freeway overpass that ran by it.
He buys that flag.
Yep.
Yep.
And, like, the best part is they only use that flag because it was a meme.
Because there's no other type of trying to prove that it's that flag, because if you know that flag, that flag's bigger than his house.
Yeah, it's like a city block.
There's no way.
But he hoists it in his yard instead.
Anyway, rather.
He brings a pipe home on the side of his El Camino, he digs a hole, and he raises the flag.
The neighbor is like, I want to help you build the pole, help you put the pole up, but I don't know if I can string up the flag itself yet.
I'm not quite there yet.
And then Quinn's like, well, then get the fuck out of my property.
What the fuck are you doing here?
Oh, but when he comes to help him, when he comes to offer help, he stands at the edge of the property line and goes, permission to come aboard, sir?
It's so fucked.
Like, what are you talking about?
Dude, he wrote this Native American character to be a worm.
To be a fucking bug, insect, creature.
It's so fucked.
Every character in this movie kind of grovels to him, and they're trying to worship him.
It's really weird.
I love this scene because he's like, no, either that or nothing.
And this is another example of him not John, the actual John, not knowing anything because he hoist this giant flagpole by hooking it to a non-structural post on a patio awning.
Yeah, trim.
It's like trim.
Trim, yeah.
And it's like, he's also like pulling on a pulley, but also like lifting.
It makes no sense because he has no help.
None of this, none of this makes sense.
And it's like clear.
It's like, oh dude, John's never actually done like labor before.
In real life.
Okay.
So he's like spiraling out of control.
He's got nothing left to live for.
He's got no dog now.
He's got no military career.
Um, so he's just drinking like normal.
Uh, the, the woman he's fucking, she like comes over to find him passed out drunk on the floor, face down.
He, he falls.
The way he falls is so funny.
It's like the most like lackluster fall ever.
And you don't think anything of it.
And then all of a sudden, oh no, that fall kept him on the ground.
Whatever happened in that fall, he's on, she finds him on the ground from that fall.
Yeah, and she's like, man, I really can't wait to move in with this guy.
I love being around him.
She's down bad.
Her character is as pitiful as the neighbor.
Yeah, so she's dealing with him, but then the neighbor, again, he hears something outside, so he grabs his gun, and the kids are now hot wiring the El Camino so that they can use it to pull the camping world flag down.
QB talks to the other kid while he's trying to hotwire it.
He says, uh, you sure you can do this?
And the kid says, yeah, it's older than an 08.
You know, so he knows, he knows the technique, how to do it.
Plus my dad's a Democrat.
Oh, I thought he's a Democrat.
I thought he said, I think he says immigrant.
I think he says my dad's an immigrant.
I thought he, I think he says my dad's a Democrat.
I don't know.
Yeah, either one is amazing.
Yeah, I like wrote down that, so either way, it's just funny.
It's like, yeah, plus my dad's a Democrat, that's how I know how to hotwire cars.
Yeah, definitely something Democrats usually know.
Cut back to inside, where the lady, she's trying to wake up Quint.
She's like, Quint, wake up, there's people in your yard.
And he's like, huh?
And then she goes, why didn't you tell me you're not dying?
Yeah, yeah.
And then he says, oh, we're all dying, just some more slowly than others.
And this is where you realize that, like, she thought he was dying this whole time and is now upset that he's not dying.
Very weird.
The whole movie, everyone's asking about his health.
How's your health?
How's your health?
The whole movie there, everyone's asking about that.
He's like, my health is my business.
Yeah and like so she's like wait you're not you're not I was like trying to move in with you and like take care of you you're not you're fine you're okay?
Yeah he he doesn't have any problems he doesn't have any like real real problem or anything and it's like I feel like there's a scene in Gran Torino Where he is dying, where Clint Eastwood is like on his last leg.
I mean this is like a common trope where there's our hero is like dying.
I mean it's like in Logan, which is a good movie, where your hero's like dying the whole time and refusing to treat it.
So I feel like he's maybe cribbing that from Gran Torino but then also trying to trick the audience because he's not.
He's like not actually dying but he's never like he just acts like an alcoholic but I love how he goes in and owns the doctor with his perfect bill of health or something like what is the doctor concerned about if you don't have any like cholesterol or heart problems or any any like nerve situation anything going on Well, it's like the whole time you're thinking there has to be a reason he's acting this irrational.
There has to be a reason behind it.
And he's like, nope, actually not at all.
This is all, this is all actually, this makes sense.
This is what a healthy person would do.
When he clearly has like PTSD, he, there's multiple flashbacks of war in this movie.
That's true.
But like that, he's also saying, nope, that's not it.
That's not what's going on here.
Yeah, so it's just like this cutting from her, like, Clint, wake up, there's people in your yard.
Why didn't you tell me you were dying?
Like, very weird scene, very weird, like, knee-jerk changes of subject, but he's like, wait, there's somebody in my yard?
Not on my watch.
And so he grabs his gun and he goes outside to see that the flagpole has been pulled down, you know, using his El Camino with a rope tied to it, tied to the bumper.
Yeah, totally, man.
The bumper is going to pull a flag, a giant flagpole out of the ground.
And the kids are just like standing there cheering.
Clint is like, no, my flag!
So he goes and tries to pick it up, and then the kids start singing to him that he's a grand old fag, which got me.
Yeah I was like oh that's it because at first I was like it's funny that like they know the words to this this song this is like a not a common patriotic song and oh never mind never mind they're doing it for they're doing it for this this joke yeah I remember that one from elementary school I had to think about it for a while but uh Yeah, and then the quarterback walks up to Quint while he's trying to hold the flagpole up and just pushes him down.
He's like, if I wanted that flag up, I would have left it up, you crazy old man.
The neighbor comes out with his gun.
He's crossing the street and there are like clacking heels.
Yeah, it's his sandals.
It's his like flapping sandals.
He's wearing sandals the entire time, but it's like it's like that clacking heel sound.
It was pretty fun.
It's like there's almost coconuts.
It's so good.
It's so fucking like so ridiculous.
He comes out and he's like trying to side with Quint.
He's like trying to help him put the flagpole up.
And Quint is like, STAY OUT OF THIS!
And like points his gun at him repeatedly.
He's like, DROP YOUR FIREARM!
DROP YOUR FIREARM!
And then neighbor's wife pokes her head out of the door and she's like, what's going on?
And Motherfucker says, tell your squaw to go back inside her teepee or I will shoot her.
Yes.
Our main character says that.
And then the neighbor says, yeah, just go back inside, April.
Yeah, nothing to worry about.
Such a fucking worm.
The neighbor's being so nice to him and Quint's still being a total asshole.
He's pointing a gun at your wife, dude.
Yeah.
Threatening to kill her, calling her racial slurs.
Yeah!
It's fucked up!
And you have a gun too!
But you're just like, oh, my bad, honey.
Like, no, nothing to worry about, honey.
So he, he like pushes Quint away or he pushes the neighbor away while he's holding his gun out and holding up the American flag pole.
And the QB like tries to reach for his gun or something.
And so he like shoot, he fires at him and it's, and his arm jerks back.
Like he got pushed or like he wasn't expecting to fire the gun.
Um, and.
It hits the kid and the kid looks down and says, my throwing arm.
That's the only reaction to being shot in the arm.
He's, he has like no sign of pain in his face.
He doesn't yell.
He doesn't even yell.
He doesn't do anything.
He just goes, my throwing arm.
My throwing arm.
That's it.
You just got shot in the arm.
And there's like, there's like no blood or anything like that.
But yeah, my throwing arm.
There's no concern you.
Pointing his gun at the neighbor.
- I thought it through, now put your firearm on the ground.
- Pointing his gun at the neighbor.
Now the kid's reaching.
- It's a annoying arm.
- Next time I'll shoot you in your damn knee and give you something to piss your pants about.
- Oh, oh, you just got shot.
I'll give you something to fucking cry about.
Like I'll shoot you again?
Hey mister, my throwing arm.
You got bullet in it.
Ow, ouchie.
I love how it's just like, oh, you're going to, you're going to, oh, you're going to cry about, about getting shot in your arm?
You're going to say my throwing arm?
Well, what if I shot you in the knee too?
Oh my God.
So this is where the cops appear on the street driving towards them.
Quint says the quarterback, who's still just standing there, Fine.
He says, I want to thank you for something, kid.
And the kid is like, you know, holding his arm, but he's like, for what?
And Quint says, forgiving me this great opportunity.
And then you hear the sirens wailing as he says this.
And then the kid's like, what are you talking about?
It's like, he's going to kill the cops, you idiot.
Like, what do you fucking think is going to happen, man?
He's going to die.
You should probably run, kid.
Actually, that's what he's saying.
Then for some reason it becomes a race against time as he tries to raise the flagpole by himself before the cops can get there.
Yeah, I don't understand.
The music speeds up, it becomes like intense, like do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do music while he goes to like pick up the flagpole, but he's still holding the gun in his hand, pointing it at his neighbor while he's raising the flag, like six, you know, tilting it up.
This is like a 40 foot or longer flagpole, and he's just like got it out twice on his shoulder.
This is not surprising.
Yeah, but the neighbor keeps trying to help him.
Quint is like, how many racial slurs do I have to call your wife before you will stop this, dude?
Yeah.
And the cops are like, put the weapon down, Quint.
And the cops to each other are like, if it was anyone else, I would have shot him by now.
Well, he's not anyone else.
Yeah.
And then the kid says, idiot, let the flag fall, old man.
And it's like, why do you have the gun in your hand?
Drop the gun and I'm sure they'll let you hold the flagpole, dude.
Like, it makes no sense as to why he tried to erect this flagpole before the cops get there.
They don't have anything against your flagpole, dude.
So he's just like, oh, I got to hurry up and get under the flag so I can die with it on top of me.
That's like, that's literally what his thought process is.
Uh, because he refuses to put down his gun, he's pointing it at his neighbor the whole time, and then he gets shot by the neighbor's wife.
I love this part because he gets shot by the neighbor's wife and she's on the porch, in the doorway, across the street.
So sick.
Best shot in the whole movie.
So sick.
Amazing.
Yeah.
Amazing.
She murks his ass.
Fucking right in the chest.
It's through the American flag.
I think she put a hole in your fucking flag to do it, bitch.
Right?
Amazing.
So yeah, he, but don't, but don't worry.
He doesn't let the flag drop.
He falls to his knees, still pointing the gun at his neighbor and like only friend, I guess.
And, but he doesn't let the flag drop.
And then the neighbor grabs the pole and puts it up on his own.
He takes it off of him as, as Quint collapses and puts the flag pole up on his own.
And then the cops are like, oh, we got to call an ambulance.
And Quint says, not an ambulance, the coroner.
I'm going to die now.
This is my moment.
If the neighbor's wife does not divorce him, I'm furious.
She needs to get the fuck out of there.
Well, we still get to hear one more thing about her that I love.
The woman that he's fucking comes over and she's like, you're gonna be okay.
And he's like, no, I'm going to the corner.
And he's like, it's okay.
It's not your fault.
Uh, and then the neighbor comes over and like kneels by him after his wife killed, shot him, kneels by him.
Uh, and, and Quint says, summer's over.
What does that even mean?
Because they've been in school.
School's happening.
It's like mid-football season.
What are you talking about?
I mean, you kind of dropped the ball.
You dropped an opportunity to make an Indian summer joke, dude.
Yeah.
Yeah, you really blew it.
Maybe that was the joke.
Maybe.
But still.
He goes, summer's over.
And then the neighbor says, just about.
And then Quint says, that wife of yours is a pretty good shot.
For an Indian.
And then the neighbor says, she's not an Indian.
She's Irish.
And then Quint starts crying and dies.
She's Irish!
She's not Indian, she's Irish.
I don't know if they were trying to lay that out earlier by saying April, like really deliberately saying her name.
But I love it's like a little surprise there.
She's been Irish the whole time.
Yeah, she's doing white genocide with me.
Sorry buddy.
Payback's a bitch, alright?
So this is where he wakes up, you know, quote wakes up, his character wakes up in the Vietnam flashback PTSD sequence, where his war buddies are, yeah, surrounding him.
They're like, hey, we found Quint, get up.
And they're all literally, they're wearing like grunt style shirts, t-shirts, in fucking 19-whatever Vietnam.
Uh, then they're like, we got somebody else special, you know, right here for you.
And it's his wife.
And guess what, everybody?
She's black.
All right.
She's a black woman.
She's a black person.
So she would have been so fucking cool with everything he did this whole movie.
Yeah, it would have been fine.
He's fine because he didn't marry a black woman at one point in time.
Which, like, they kind of imply earlier in the movie.
Yeah.
Where he's like, oh, you know, I think this is bad.
You know, they used to think that me and your mom would have been bad.
Yeah, shouldn't have been married.
Yeah, shouldn't have been married.
So it's like, what?
Oh, okay, she is black.
The best part of this scene is, you're waiting for it.
You're fucking waiting for it.
And it doesn't happen.
Nope.
You're waiting for Glory to come out of nowhere, and Glory does not show up.
Yeah, no dogs in heaven, buddy.
Glory does not show up, which is like, it could have been an easy moment for you, but there's no dog there.
I love the idea of this man with such a rigorous, to-the-letter support of the U.S.
Constitution and America and patriotism and all that, is also the kind of guy to say, If they don't allow pupperinos in heaven, I'll fucking face heaven and walk backwards into hell.
Like, okay, dude.
What are you fucking talking about?
But then, like, there's no puppers in heaven, so what's the sequel gonna look like?
And I thought you were saying you're waiting for it to happen and it doesn't happen.
I thought you meant them kissing.
Him and his black wife.
They don't kiss.
They touch foreheads.
Oh, they don't kiss either!
Yeah!
You didn't even kiss her, man!
That's the end of the movie, or no, it's almost the end of the movie, but I have a Vimeo comment, a comment on the official post for this movie from a Vimeo user, G Wade.
What my husband and I got out of this movie was a vet who had serious PTSD, and yet in between that and his love for the flag to the point of death, set him on a crash course with the prevailing culture that got out of hand.
Honestly, we didn't know what to expect in watching this movie.
And the big question, is he a racist?
We got that surprise answer at the end of the movie.
Surprise answer!
Surprise he's not a racist.
It was a surprise to learn that he's not a racist because he married a black woman.
First of all, very funny that you would call that like, that you admit that it would be a surprise that he would be married to a black woman.
But then you also like, Subscribed to the ideology that because he was married to a black woman it retroactively un-racified, right, racist-ified everything else he did in the movie.
Also, he's had 27 years to be racist.
That's true.
So like, and also there's only like six characters in this movie, two of which are black, that he's very friendly with the entire time.
One of them is like his real good buddy.
Like the prank, the prank that the cop did was almost done in like a gotcha bud Gotcha, love you dude.
Who amongst us hasn't gotten their boy ready to report for duty in 0400 hours?
And also he's so racist.
I haven't seen that type of anti-native, anti-Indian racism since a John Wayne movie.
I haven't seen that much anti-native racism since Columbus Day, which happened two weeks ago.
Exactly, but I mean like, you know, you don't hear people say it out loud like that.
He called him like, you know, all the names and stuff and it's so... He is racist.
That's part of the subplot of this movie.
Yeah, it's obvious.
He is racist.
You know, apparently likes black people too.
Another comment to this effect, well, similar.
It's gonna touch on some similar points.
Michael Garrity said, I have a beautiful 50 inch Samsung QLED panel with an awesome 1.2 gigabytes Comcast modem and watch Netflix and whatnot all the time dot dot.
This was a joke.
I did not want to sit at my desk in this chair in the office slash den and watch it on a monitor.
You have to have preloaded ISO, Android, Apple, Hulu, or some other software on your TV first.
I did not want to watch a major motion picture on my Galaxy S22 phone.
You didn't, so?
I tried six ways to Sunday, but could not get this to come up on my TV.
And why on earth did you cast her as his wife?
You did a good mix of color with them in prominent roles.
So disappointed.
Like, well, I mean, the quality, the visual quality of this movie is dog shit.
I would be even more upset if I did watch this on TV.
But I did watch my monitor, where there were even parts where it did just go to, like, zero resolution.
And I just was like, also, side note, black wife is not cool.
Not cool to have a black wife.
We already did two black cops.
Don't you think that's enough?
Also, was the daughter supposed to be mixed?
Like, I'm going to go ahead and speak on that.
I don't think the daughter's mixed.
I know a few mixed people.
I've been around a few mixed people.
I don't think that she's mixed.
I love that qualm.
I want to watch this on TV and plus, what's up with the black wife?
Amazing.
Yeah, while I was watching this movie, there was, like, at one point, a bar that went across it that was like, please reload into your software.
Whatever software he used to export this movie, like, didn't render completely.
Pretty good.
Okay, the last thing we get in this movie is his funeral, which everybody is more than happy to attend for some reason.
The whole town is reverent.
The whole town loves him.
I think they throw a parade in his honor.
There's a parade going on, and I think it's for him specifically.
But when they inter him, they want to read some words in honor of Quint the way he would have wanted them read.
And they say, Officer Levi?
And they pan down a 12-year-old cop.
Not even, not even 12.
Not even 12.
Like, I'm saying this kid's probably 10 or 11, like 9 or 10.
Literally, not an exaggeration.
Like the kid who played the QB, that kid was probably 17 or something and looked 12.
This kid is like 10.
Is 10 or like toe-headed, like straw blonde hair.
Officer!
Who has a sidearm and handcuffs and a bulletproof vest.
Is this a thing that I didn't know about?
I don't know.
It's so weird because like it had a- Is this a Louisiana thing?
The vest had like a- and it just had a blue polo underneath.
I don't know what this kid's deal- and who the fuck is this kid?
Like they had- they could have made- He's Officer Levi.
They gave him a name and everything.
Like, they could have easily just made that his grandson.
Yeah.
Really easily.
No problem.
But this is a random-ass little kid... Uh, who reads the... Yeah, so weird.
...Pledge of Allegiance.
He reads the Pledge of Allegiance.
That's, uh... Yeah.
Yeah.
And they erect a flagpole at the cemetery in honor of him.
That scene of the movie... Uh, fucking nuts.
Bananas.
Insane movie.
Um... I would almost say this is worth $20 to see once.
Um... It's not, but it is.
Like, $5, no question.
I haven't laughed out loud as hard as I did throughout this movie with all the surprises throughout the entire thing in any movie in a long time.
It is so over the top.
And my favorite thing, like I told you, movies have, even in Gran Torino, this racist piece of shit, they try to make him seem like a decent person.
He ends up teaching people stuff.
He ends up actually talking to the kids and teaching them how to do various things.
Yeah, he earns the neighbor's respect that he's being racist to.
There is no redeeming quality in this character.
He only gets worse and worse and worse.
Maybe at some point he saved an orphanage from a fire at some point that we don't see.
He's just got a lot of goodwill that he's leaning on.
There's no redeeming qualities.
No, let me read this comment from Marlena also on the Vimeo main page from five days ago.
I'm not sure how well I can articulate my thoughts and will probably get verbally attacked, but this movie ending is not settling well with my mama heart.
The message was good for most of the movie, but I am not understanding why a strong patriot was portrayed as an alcoholic who shoots a kid.
A kid who never had a father.
What are we teaching our children?
That two wrongs make a right?
To love our country and our flag is one thing that I truly believe in, but to use evil means at all costs, such as shooting a child to fulfill our desire?
Yes, the flag is important, but human life is important as well.
Quinn, on one hand, cared about the lives of men lost in battle, but then cared more about the flag than this boy who was a jerk but desperately in need of a loving father figure.
Amazing!
I couldn't have said this better myself.
This boy didn't need a harsh word, he needed a kind word.
Conflict is an opportunity and requires communication.
Quint needed to ask more heart-probing questions and potentially draw out of this young one something different and in turn maybe finding how to deal with his brokenness.
The message went a little south at the end, putting a shadow over something that was a healthy message.
Mr. Schneider, maybe you can help me understand why Quint had to transition this way.
Are you just trying to provoke a conversation on various topics?
Thank you for your thoughts.
And then John Schneider replies, Yes, conversation is always good and seems to be a lost art these days.
Wow, I mean apparently so is like script writing because like this is...
There is no transition.
It's just a transition.
There's like the transition.
She means downward.
Yeah, but it's it gets worse and worse, but he was already bad.
He was already like a fucking asshole or an irredeemable asshole.
The last comment I wanted to read before we get out of here is from Pamela Lang, who said, I'm going to stick to the end on this because so much heart went into this and I support anybody and anything that's anti-woke dot dot dot.
But the audio on this is so bad.
I'm only 16 minutes in, and there's music going the entire time so far.
The people sound like they're speaking through tin cans.
Look up Tom McDonald.
He's an independent, parentheses, anti-woke rapper, and his girlfriend Nova does all the audio video.
You would make a dream team, WikiFace.
You can't actually be around Nova because you don't have your vaccine, so you can't even get close to Tom McDonald's girlfriend.
There's like no way.
I love that.
Listen, I support anything that's anti-woke.
Yeah.
I don't care what it is.
If anti-woke, I'm all about it.
Yeah.
Please, you gotta hook up with this talented young man, Tom McDonald.
It's gone from the one grandma who's like, my grandson showed me Tom McDonald, and I don't like rap, but I like this guy.
Now it's grandmas are recommending Tom McDonald to a professional actor.
Like, hey, you should look at this guy's stuff.
He kind of knows what he's doing.
It sounds great.
Listen, I don't know, I'm not a big rap fan, but the audio quality is just amazing.
So, so great.
Yeah, that's the movie.
Long episode, but Jesus Christ, what a fantastic, what a fantastic piece of work.
Yeah, seriously, maybe get some friends together and watch it, because it's a wild... We didn't cover a lot of stuff.
I have notes that we did not touch that are amazing.
