#609 It's starting to sound like the movie 2012, doesn't it?
Strap in folks, it’s a Total Eclipse of the Thought as we dive into our favorite astronomical conspiracy theories surrounding today’s so-called “Solar Eclipse”: Why is NASA doing cool stuff and why does it sound like they’re writing a nasty doom metal album? Please ask God to stop screaming numbers into my ear I’m right here The real conspiracy is that there’s no conspiracy but they are going to steal your stuff when you look at the eclipse. Did you know that the Eclipse’s path of totality is crossing the Bible Belt and passing through 43 towns named Bethlehem? Subscribe to our youtube channel at http://youtube.com/miniondeathcult Sign up at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult for $5/month and get 2 bonus episodes a week Feeble Little Horse- Chores
The liberals are destroying California and conservative humor gone awry.
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So stay tuned.
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It's not beautiful when you go across that border.
Stay tuned, guys, and we'll show you exactly what you're doing.
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All their remarkable stuff.
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I'm Alexander Edward.
And I'm Tony Boswell.
We are Minion Death Cult.
The world is ending.
The Path of Totality is responsible.
We're documenting it.
What's up, everybody?
Path of Totality sounds like a Deathcore album.
Yeah, I would listen to that album.
It would be like a double album, too.
And it's going to have a full story arc.
It would be a double album, but it would still only be 22 minutes.
Yeah.
I like that.
Oh, what's up, everybody?
You know what we're talking about today.
We're talking about that thing that's going on above your heads right now.
And then you'll plug it in right here, Tony.
I'm going to pause before I say eclipse.
Of course, what you're going to experience today is that it's a solar eclipse!
And then later when you're editing, you look up whether it's solar or... Yeah.
I think this is like a lunar eclipse.
You'll find out.
We'll make it sound like we knew what we were talking about the whole time.
Seamless.
Yeah, this is the Eclipse episode, folks.
A lot of unique derangement around the Eclipse.
And I think one of my favorite new follows on Twitter, aka X, said it best.
I think Dr. Clown PhD said it best when he said, it's starting to sound like the movie 2012, doesn't it?
Referencing the earthquakes, the upcoming eclipse.
I mean, we had an eclipse not freaking five years ago, folks.
What is going on?
Well, I am grateful for it because I feel like I've just had a spat of bad luck and it's just been really frustrating.
A lot of annoying things have been happening to me that are just like, they can just boil it down to just like tough luck.
Stuff that usually works out but is very annoying for a long period of time.
And, you know, thank God I was talking to somebody, and they were like, don't worry about it, bud.
It's just the eclipse.
And so that's cool.
That's reassuring.
So now I'm not worried about those things that, you know, were really bothersome.
Now that's fine, because I know that it was the eclipse.
Oh, I don't have to pull myself up by my bootstraps and make this dog-eat-dog economy work for me.
It's all the eclipse's fault.
Exactly.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I love Dr. Clown, PhD.
I think we talked about him before on this show.
He was mad at something.
He shared a post of a young hot woman saying, suck my dick or something.
And he was like, really?
Sounds right.
This is what I just saw literally right now.
A lot of his posts are just sharing pornography and then being like, what the fuck?
He's like, why is my feed full of this stuff?
Why am I pee pee hard?
What's going on?
He shared a picture of a black model in a Barbie hoodie with severe camel toe.
Very well-defined, like, she's wearing, like, boxer briefs, camel toe, and he says, what do you think about her, quote, Barbie shirt?
And then the replies, there's, like, a guy, like, doing the vomit emoji.
Gross.
And he's, he, he, like, likes it.
Yeah.
Let me, let me see, let me see that.
Let me see that guy.
Let me see that picture.
Nasty.
I want to see how gross this picture is.
The AI clown guy.
It looks like Steve-O going, yeah!
But he's got a clown nose.
And he has a twirly mustache.
Twirly mustache.
This is what you look like.
With a twirly mustache.
I was talking to a friend.
It's cool if that's what you're going for.
I was telling my friend about how the twirly mustache is like so just not yeah if you're going for Dr. Clown it makes sense the only time it makes sense now it's just not good I went out she was like tell me more and I told about how just it's not good and how we like to do a public service announcement tell people it's not good
hours went by she's talking about this date she's going on she's like but check out dude's body and she showed me dude's body thinking she was being slick because it was him from the back wearing like an apron so full butt really really muscular back and i can tell from the back that he had a curled mustache I was like, I can't see anything else besides that stupid curl.
And I can see it from behind because it's peeking out like the side.
You can see like the shadow of it coming out the side of the back of his head.
Looking like a Dodge Ram side mirror.
She's like, I didn't want to show you his face because you went on about the mustache.
I'm like, well you can still see the mustache in this picture so it's especially bad.
I just thought of an exception, Tony.
A possible exception.
What about men who reach a certain distinguished age?
Or a distinguished level of, like, grizzled on top of age.
I think then you could pull off, if you're like fucking 55 years old, you know, or 60 years old, and you're like, you worked with your fucking hands your whole life, like, I think you've earned it.
That's like your pension, is you get to have some sort of funky mustache.
Not the Hitler stache, you gotta be even older to get away with that one.
If you're so old that someone might believe that you were like a pitcher in the 1930s, then go for it.
And by the way, that is 65.
And who am I?
That is 65.
Who am I to tell you?
If you're older than me, essentially, who am I to tell you how to wear your mustache?
Exactly, yeah.
If you let me tell you what kind of mustache you have, then clearly you're not mature enough to make your own mustache decisions.
Yeah, I am not talking to my elders, for sure.
I wouldn't do that.
Anyway, that's Dr. Clown PhD.
I like that guy so much.
Yeah, so a lot of conspiracy theories, though, that aren't just like, this is like that movie about the day after tomorrow.
There are some actual theories.
One of these theories is that the eclipse is happening over important sites in America.
And the theory doesn't go much farther than that.
It's just like, whoa.
Whoa, look.
The Jonesboro School... Look, Tony, a school shooting just coincidentally happened to occur in the path of totality that goes through 15 U.S.
states.
Huh?
We need to do better in the schools.
Because I've seen so many people be like, there's an eclipse that you can only see in some states?
That's strange.
That's kind of bizarre.
Don't you think that's a little weird?
And it's like you don't... That proves we're in a hologram, actually.
Yeah, exactly.
You sure the Earth's round?
I mean, come on.
I've seen that a few places from just these people.
It's like you guys don't think about much at all.
Why is this what you're choosing?
Why is this what you're choosing to think way too hard about?
Because it's fun.
It's fun figuring it all out, you know?
I'm gonna figure it out one day.
This is Concerned Citizen on Twitter, whose at is B Gates is a psycho.
Uh, who then says, this is the apparent path of the solar eclipse on April 8th.
That's a hell of a lot of coincidences right there.
Uh, yeah, and it's a bunch of mass shootings and, uh, infrastructure disasters.
And, uh, I don't know, it, it, uh, it...
It reminds me of that joke that's like, well, what if, you know, all these disasters happening in America, it's almost like the country was founded on a mass graveyard.
Yeah.
It's almost like this country is just an amalgamation of a bunch of atrocities, of a bunch of murderous and deadly events.
In a lot of ways, America is just like one sentient tragedy.
Yeah, so one of them just says Finger Lakes.
I'm not sure what that just means, the Finger Lakes.
That's a cool feature of the Earth.
That's probably important.
East Palestine Trail Derailment.
Yeah, how many hundreds of trail derailments happen every year?
Buffalo Mass Shooting, Kent State Massacre, Mike Pence Birthplace.
Probably the most evil site we've seen so far.
Padua school shooting.
Jonesboro school shooting.
Like, wow.
I wonder if this does mean anything.
I wonder if the fact that you can fucking scratch an arc across the continental United States and pick off eight mass shootings.
I wonder if that says anything deeper.
What's the hidden meaning here?
Yeah, and like, those ones are more special than the ones that are outside the path, I think.
Those ones are ones that I think are maybe more newsworthy.
Like, what is the logic of thinking these ones are the special ones?
I don't even know even if they are special, like...
What does it mean?
It has to be God, right?
Because at a certain level, who's conspiring?
If you're theorizing about who's conspiring, it's got to be God, right?
Who else is controlling the path of the eclipse?
Uh, the people controlling the moon that is not a real moon.
You know the moon's a satellite, right?
I've heard that, because you know how it is called a satellite?
It's considered a satellite?
That's what a moon is?
They're like, you know it's a satellite, right?
Did you know that?
Hey, you know what they didn't show us in the moon landing?
The inside of the moon.
Have you noted?
Yeah.
Why wouldn't they show us the inside of the moon if it wasn't a space base that they control?
The sun is a flashlight.
Basically.
Basically.
The other, like, conspiracy you could say is, okay, so there's something like with the tilt of the earth and the moon and the distance to the sun and, you know, all of that, that makes evil rainbows across the face of the United States where evil happens.
You know if you're like looking for like I don't know the most the most charitable rational explanation of what this could be like okay yeah we're dolphins reacting or like fish reacting to magnetic poles uh by doing school shootings along the path of totality for these like but I don't know I don't think I don't even think you need to explain that far well because you know if that's the case if it's like if if That's causing, like, evil.
I mean, in the evil rating scales, some of those things are not even as evil as other things that are outside of the path of the Eclipse.
So, like, there must be some other type of way of ranking things or, you know, qualifying it for Eclipse blessings.
You know, it's like, what if you're going down that path?
Make it make sense, fam.
Yeah, it's almost like they just picked a bunch of random... They picked a bunch of events at random that happened to be in that band.
This video was sent to us by Duncan in the Facebook group.
Which... Another conspiracy that I have myself seen.
Let me just share it to the screen here.
here.
Okay, stop screen, present, share screen.
Boom.
All right, Tony, can you share them?
Mm hmm.
This is a guy.
I don't know.
I don't know how to pronounce this.
Moises Victoria, who's wearing, looks like a plate carrier in his TikTok video where he's just, you know, he's got like the green screen TikTok thing behind him.
And he's talking about the NASA rocket launch.
NASA plans to launch three rockets during the solar eclipse named atmospheric perturbations around the eclipse path or APEP, right?
You, you like, first of all, you like just learned that phrase, man.
Like you, you only know that phrase because you saw a screenshot of it on someone else's Instagram.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, by, by learned, I mean like red, like that's.
You just learned there was a word, a word called perturbations.
Yeah.
I'm learning about it with you, but it's okay.
I don't, I didn't know either.
I mean, I knew about being perturbed.
I knew that fucking word.
And so I can extrapolate.
Yeah.
I know what perturbations means by absolutely context.
Right.
Uh, but yeah, so, but, but I do appreciate the confidence with which you are reading perturbations for the first time.
Well on this, I just, In a plate carrier.
A plate carrier with blank Velcro.
Like you don't have any patches on.
All right.
Forbes article.
APEP is named after the serpent deity from ancient Egyptian mythology, nemesis of the sun deity.
Okay.
But Wikipedia says that APEP.
See, that's sick.
That's a cool thing that I'm glad NASA is doing with our money, which is launching rockets at the sun with Greek or... What?
No.
Egyptian.
Egyptian names for the enemy of the sun.
Like, are you firing a fucking gold-plated neurosis record at the sun, too?
Please.
Yeah, please.
Please make that happen.
It seems the group is called ISIS and they stylized themselves after the Egyptian goddess of... I don't know what she is, actually.
Death?
I think so.
That sounds right.
Watching these rockets at 1533.
That's 333 in the afternoon.
You know, they love their numbers.
Now, apparently...
Okay, that's my favorite part of the video when this guy says, you know, they love their numbers.
You know them.
Like, that's like the least self-awareness I think I've ever seen someone have.
Ever.
Yeah.
You just found the number and turned it into another number.
And now it's a number to you because you think it's a number to them.
You're doing it to yourself.
These sick freaks love torturing us with their numbers.
I wish we didn't have to read their numbers, but they're in charge.
They do it right in our faces.
Apparently they're doing it to collect data on how- Apparently they're doing it to collect data!
The sudden dimming of sunlight- His voice is great.
Oh, the scare quotes around collect data about NASA.
This is what those bastards always say.
Those motherfuckers, even when they were shooting ET, they were collecting data.
Yep.
- Yep. - During an eclipse impacts the ionosphere, causing disturbances that could disrupt communication.
- Disturbances also could be described as a perturbation.
- Ballad. - They've been talking about all kinds of cyber this or solar flare that. - Have they?
Don't they always talk about that?
Isn't that their job?
God, I really, I really wish there were some way to scrub back in this video, like 15 seconds, but because we have the superior Instagram TikTok portrait orientation pop out player, there's no way to do that.
Yeah, what did he just say?
Anyway, oh yeah, he's saying they've been talking about all this bad stuff that's gonna happen.
You know, they've been warning about cyber attacks and solar flares.
And it's like, that's our job.
It's our job to warn the people about what's going to happen and how bad it is.
It's not for the scientists, eggheads, the elites.
It's for me.
It's for me to fucking throw some bones on the ground and figure out what everything means.
Because you can trust me.
I have a flag jacket on.
So who knows what's going to happen on April 8th?
What should you do when this damn sun gets blocked out by the moon?
Honestly, I don't know, but millions and millions of people's attentions are gonna be on one point.
And having everyone focusing at one single point... Who knows?
Some people think there could be some sort of ritual going on with all the other strangeness, like CERN getting turned on as well.
Okay, another just brilliant part.
Why has no one ever said this?
Why does the eclipse happen so frequently?
It's because they want you looking up.
They want your eyes diverted.
That is terrifying.
They want to get your eyes off the ball and onto the eclipse.
They even sell fucking glasses for it.
Do you remember those being around when you were a kid?
You couldn't just buy those when you were a kid?
Now they're just everywhere?
Now you can just buy them anywhere.
Like they have them at fast food restaurants.
Something's going on.
They made the Twix bigger and they made the glasses more available.
A man with two eyes on the eclipse can't see what his neighbor is doing behind his back.
So true.
I love it.
It's just they're going to distract you.
They're going to say, hey, look over there while we do this other ritual over here.
Like, hmm, are they just picking a different part of the sky to do their ritual in?
Yeah.
Do you think they're like, well, we have to do the ritual in the sky above earth because that's part of our pact with Satan is that the Christians have to have a way out of our arrangement.
But we'll make the eclipse happen over in that quadrant.
Yeah.
So everybody will be looking over there.
And then we'll do the biggest chemtrail ever with the blood of Satan behind them.
- Yeah, hold on.
Yeah, Um, man, what, hold on.
Yeah.
Like I, I'm surprised it's taken this long to get the meme of people looking up at the eclipse, but like in black and white with the type typewriter font that says sheep.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know, like LNPC, you gotta run through your script of oohing and aahing at the astronomical phenomenon.
I mean, think about it.
What if the Eclipse is basically like a big men in black mind eraser?
They're just getting everyone to stare at it.
I'm not going to stare at it.
I know better.
I'm not going to let those W-E-F lizard fucks do the flashy thing at me.
No way.
No way.
Okay, another coincidence that they don't want you to think about.
They do not want you thinking about this stuff, folks.
Uh, another coincidence.
Is highlighted here by Karen Ann Ferrara, also known as Watchwoman 65, as part of her Christian Doomsday nomenclature.
You might want to take a moment right now to just set your alerts for her post.
It's going to be very important to know what she has to say in the next few days as things get ramped up.
Yeah, do turn on notifications for Karen Ann Ferrara, she says.
She says, it's just a quote coincidence that the 4.8 quake felt in New York, comma, is the same 4 to 8 date of the eclipse.
Double parenthesis, Watchwoman 65.
And it says 16 minutes, which is the length of this Facebook video.
And yes, we will be watching every minute of Watchwoman 65.
No, I'm just kidding.
I like the beginning, though.
Let me see if I can find the part that I like.
Good afternoon, people of Watchwoman 65, Lisa Boyce.
You know, my mind is being blown right now with everything that's going on.
Now, Someone wrote me, and this is so true, God is no longer talking.
He is screaming.
That's the part I like.
God is no longer talking.
God is screaming.
Even God screams into the void.
It's a horrible sound.
I hear it every night.
He won't be ignored.
And by the way, God screaming is not the atrocities going on throughout the world, the ongoing genocide of the Palestinian people.
It's this eclipse.
And this earthquake.
That's God screaming.
I will admit to having watched a couple more Watchwoman 65 videos and I know what God is screaming about It does actually have to do with Israel and Palestine.
And God is screaming because Joe Biden issued a stern warning to Benjamin Netanyahu about aid workers not being killed with drone strikes.
You better not do it again!
He said, you better not do it again.
And God felt that that was like the wrath of Satan rising up in Joe Biden against God's chosen people.
It used to be a Christian country.
Yeah.
Yeah, so this is the other theory.
The theory is that the numbers are similar.
Again, numbers here.
They sure love their numbers.
But I won't be a hypocrite.
I also love the numbers.
And I love them because they love them.
But yeah, the conspiracy theory is God made the numbers the same so you would notice and be rewarded for believing in him.
4.8 magnitude earthquake and the eclipse is on April 8th.
4.8.
My mind is blown.
It's almost like they planned it, isn't it?
Insane.
Wow.
Right?
I mean, it's hard to ignore.
It's true.
Those are facts.
4.8.
4.8.
Yeah.
Those are facts.
I mean, they refuse to even see what's right in front of them, Tony.
Nothing will convince them at this point.
This brings us to a couple more conspiracy theories that I saw here, or just fun, exciting little projects going around the Eclipse.
I'm talking about a substack from the name of the blog is Coffee and COVID.
Uh-huh.
But it's a coffee emoji, and it's Coffee and COVID 2024, and then the virus emoji.
And I'll tell you right now, it is a conservative outlet.
It's just such a bizarre name for your blog.
Coffee and COVID.
Right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Cause like to just say COVID in 2024 is like to make that the name of your group is pretty, pretty interesting.
You know, they must really care about health and guidelines and they are acknowledging that we are still in the midst of a pandemic.
That's what this is about.
Right?
So that's what the name says to you.
Coffee and COVID.
Yeah.
See, for me, it just seems like a bizarre name no matter what.
Yeah.
Like, okay, this is 138,000 subscribers.
Like, no matter what side of the aisle you're on, like, COVID is a bad thing.
Mm-hmm.
You know, like, I don't, like, if you're, like, a...
If you're like a liberal information hub, even about COVID health or whatever, you probably wouldn't call it Coffee and COVID.
I don't know.
But it says it's sarcastically optimistic commentary on here.
So I think maybe we're just, it's like, oh, this is a sarcastic title.
Coffee and COVID and, you know, fighting the totalitarian regime.
I mean, sign me up.
I just, I thought of other fun blog names like Coffee and COVID that I think would be good and attract readers.
Wine and White Genocide.
Ooh, that's a good one.
I'd sign up for that one.
I do love, those are two of my favorite things.
You could have the little wine, like a grape emoji in there and then the white, you could have the white color emoji and then the circle with the X through it or something like that.
Or just a light-skinned baby.
Yeah, do the slightly less dark emojis.
Exactly, yeah.
Or another one I thought of was tea and trichinosis.
You know, just fun things that I think people would want to talk about.
I don't know, it's just funny because it's like obvious, okay, the reason you called it COVID is because There's a huge segment of the right that gets extremely titillated and thrilled talking about COVID and imagining the Orwellian nightmares that they all went through two years ago and using it as a continued wedge issue or something like that.
I think they think it has a lot of power when I don't know.
Everybody kind of just wants to ignore COVID now because we're just letting it go.
Yeah.
They're not ignoring COVID because it's not real.
They're ignoring COVID because we already did everything we're going to do about it.
So we might as well just let it get lumped in with every other disease in America we aren't treating.
We aren't helping people ward off.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
Like you said though, it's just kind of a funny thing because it doesn't even have the way it used to for conservatives because things are no longer restricted anymore.
They can't get mad.
No one's getting yelled at for not wearing a mask anymore.
So it doesn't even have the weight for them anymore.
It's all just smugness.
It's all just like... They do it because they think it reaffirms their conspiracy theories or their own defiance of... Their defiance against the plan that they helped thwart, I think, is why they...
Oh, so it's like a dub, huh?
Yeah.
It's a dub and it's also like, I think it's a reminder.
I think it's like, Hey, remember how crazy we got during COVID?
We may need to get that crazy again.
So I just want everybody to have COVID in the front of your minds.
Yes.
In case we do need to go do some, some shit at the grocery store or, uh, you know, at a school at a school or something like that.
Um, so I wanted to read from, uh, this, I I was, I was linked to this, uh, this post is called X marks the shot, and this is from Friday 5th.
So, uh, yesterday, uh, this is from Coffee and COVID 2024, and he kind of goes through here, um, I'll read the summary.
Good morning, C&C family.
It's Friday.
This morning's post tumbles down the great American eclipse rabbit hole with at least one wild, rarely mentioned conspiracy theory surviving scrutiny.
And so he goes through like some interesting, again, like basically numerology about eclipses and comets and earthquakes.
He points out a comet that was named the Devil Comet.
But now they changed it to Mother of Dragons Comet, but he still calls it the Devil's Comet because I think he thinks like the scientists slipped up when they named it.
Yeah, they kept it too real.
Cover their mistake by changing it and but he won't he'll refuse to let him do that.
It's like you know calling Obama Barry so So Taro, there it is.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm kind of bummed.
That's kind of a downgrade on the names.
Devil's Comet sounds awesome.
Mother of Dragons, that sounds... I mean, that's just, you're a Game of Thrones fan?
Like, I don't want my scientists to be Game of Thrones fans necessarily.
You're right.
Mother of Dragons has been kind of washed, but the comet is green.
And so when it's called Mother of Dragons and the comet is green, I think that's what yeah, that's kind of OK.
That's kind of cool.
OK.
Let me let me get to the meat here.
He's talking about the emergency powers, the states of emergency.
Have you heard this, Tony, that several states have issued states of emergency for the upcoming weekend and for the eclipse itself?
I did not know that.
That is scary.
Right.
And they'll tell you stuff like, oh, it's just because we always have an influx of tourists during the eclipse or during the path of totality.
We need to prepare for like crowds and stopped traffic and potential emergency events and yada yada yada.
They'll tell you all that.
But right here, coffee and COVID has a different reading.
Okay.
But that 2017 FEMA guidance and whatever prudent steps FEMA took in case of some crowd-based incident did not result any cities or counties declaring... Did not result any cities.
Okay, this is why you pay an editor, folks.
Or counties declaring states of emergency, not as far as I can tell.
So... Do they know something we don't about the devil comet?
He's just, he's not calling it like the devil's comet.
He's just calling it a devil comet.
Like it's not, it's not capitalized or anything.
It's great.
I love it.
Are these scattered cities and counties expecting a new New Madrid earthquake?
UFOs?
I doubt it.
Okay, this is where the conspiracy theory comes in.
I think the complete answer is the pandemic addicted them to emergency powers.
For just one example, most emergency ordinances let cities and countries award no-bid, no-oversight contracts.
That means mayors and county chairmen can, quote, buy goods and services from whoever they want, since it's an emergency, without needing any pre-approval or sign-off from pesky, skeptical councils, commissions, or purchasing departments.
It's perfectly legal to hire your cousin at emergency rates for quote traffic management consulting or some similar undefined and unquantifiable service.
I love this because it's essentially well it's all it's it's it is a vast conspiracy but it's just so a politician can get his nephew a job.
Yeah they're doing they're making an eclipse happen so they can do some fraud.
I think that's worth it.
That's easy math for me.
So what he's talking about is like when you have to do safety construction or when you have to rebuild and if you do a state of emergency, well, that means you can like, oh, I can green light a bunch of projects at once, you know?
I don't think it's like, oh, I declared a state of emergency.
Now I can do money laundering and nobody can say anything.
It'll be double jeopardy if anybody finds out about it.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
What are the dates on that?
On those charges?
On those invoices?
That was prime Eclipse time, baby.
I'm sorry.
Yes, we did need several mink coats for the Eclipse.
This guy, he thinks it's like the purge.
For if, you know, when they declare a state of emergency, that means murder is legal.
You can do it as long as, like, it's the part where the moon or sun or whichever one is being blocked out.
While that's happening, you can do whatever you want.
It's lawlessness.
Uh, he goes on.
Basically, states of emergency smoothly bypass all the difficult bureaucratic rules with all their due process and their safeguards and their checks and balances, which just gum up all the great stuff local officials really want to do.
Yeah, it's, it's totally, it's, it's, it's so funny to be like politicians.
They have to wait, uh, every six months for the, for the eclipse so that they can do some graft so they can finally do some nepotism, uh, under the cover of a path of totality.
Well, that's how you know they're really bad politicians.
Those ones can't even wait for an eclipse to do it, you know?
Need to do something unpopular?
Declare an emergency.
Need to do something fast?
Declare an emergency.
Have a deadlocked council?
Declare an emergency.
Yeah, that's all fine.
That's all an accurate reading of what emergency powers do.
It's an incredibly, it can result in an incredibly undemocratic situation.
Like having a fucking city manager instead of a mayor.
Like that's the kind of shit that actually happens when this, they don't declare a state of emergency because of the eclipse so that they can, what, do another handout to oil companies or to real estate developers?
Like, I don't know.
Yeah, exactly, yeah.
Very, very quaint idea of how US politics work.
It's super simple.
The best part is when you think about it, anything can be an emergency.
Just check the day's headlines.
Let's see what, man, he's feeling this.
He's like, this is a lot of filler.
Let's see what we have to work with today.
Dot, dot, dot.
Anything will work.
Oh yeah, paid by the word?
Dot, dot, dot.
And here's another one.
How about a bug emergency?
From the New York Times.
And then it's a screen grab of a headline that says, up to a trillion cicadas are about to emerge in the US.
And then he goes on, that sounds perfect.
Who will argue about a state of emergency over a trillion locusts?
It even sounds like something monstrous and bizarre buzzing out of the later chapters in the Book of Revelations.
Yeah, plagues are instant state of emergencies, which means go crazy on the books, fam.
Go nuts.
I like your your.
I don't know, you're not getting me against the New York Times.
If the LA Times or New York Times were like, hey, this is a plague from God, I would be like, that's what I was gonna say.
What the hell?
You know?
Yeah.
Again, that's our job.
It's not the New York Times' job to tell people what a state of emergency is.
No.
It's up to me.
It's up to me and my Facebook followers.
They used to do the reporting, we find the truth.
A local declaration of emergency is literally a one pager and only needs one.
This guy's a lawyer too.
That's his expertise on COVID.
It's so easy, so tempting, so lucrative.
So that's what I think.
I think all the eclipse states of emergency are really about graft and political opportunism.
The good news is many states, like Florida, have already started reining in local emergency authorities.
But much work remains.
Local, local, local.
You do not want localities to have emergency authorities.
You do not want to have emergency plans.
Like, emergency plans, it's like, what are you planning?
You know?
Yeah, yeah.
What's going on over there?
Why are you thinking about that?
Why are you thinking about a disaster happening?
That's a little odd.
Yeah, that's a little strange.
The last... But I really like that conspiracy.
Sorry.
I really like that conspiracy that there is no emergency.
Like, you saw... There's nothing happening.
You said it yourself.
Except that a city or a state is declaring a state of emergency.
Well, now that's an emergency.
It's emergency that there is no emergency, but they're declaring a state of emergency.
Now there is an emergency, but they're not filing the state of emergency because of that actual emergency.
It's because of a fake emergency.
It's just a good conspiracy theory because it shows you're like one, one step smarter than the other conspiracy theorists, I think.
Yeah, because you got all these fools running around thinking that it's some sort of alien god thing blessing the sites of tragedies, but you know the truth where it's really just nothing.
It's all just fake.
And it's all just an op.
It is all fake.
And they are all fake.
And it's lonely being this real.
But it's just the truth.
And the truth is always more rewarding than a fiction people tell themselves when they go out with friends or have long committed relationships.
Um, okay, but there's more to this specific.
I keep wanting to say, uh, Cars and Comrades, uh, coffee and COVID.
Um, shout out Cars and Comrades, but actual good show.
The final, uh, conspiracy, the final thoughts about the eclipse, the final deep thoughts, the final total eclipse of the thoughts, um, is this one right here.
Same article.
But wait!
I teased this story mentioning a conspiracy theory I couldn't so easily dismiss.
And here it is.
I have no idea what to make of it, but during my eclipse research, I ran across something I could not so easily chalk up to mere coincidence.
This one is really bizarre.
Take another look at the map again at the central intersection where the where New Madrid and its earthquake fault line are located.
Something else lives there and it's much weirder.
Yeah.
He's basically talking about the path of the 2024 solar eclipse crossed with the path of the 2017 total solar eclipse.
There's an intersection where they meet.
But he wants to first address another eclipse that was in South America.
To set the table, there's a third eclipse we haven't mentioned yet.
On December 14th, 2020, remember that date, Tony.
I'm gonna try.
There's a lot of numbers going on in my head right now.
Don't worry, we'll keep them all straight for you.
You won't have to even think about them.
A total solar eclipse passed across South America.
Here it is, a screenshot of it.
Nothing particularly interesting to us lay in that eclipse's path.
Yawn.
See, that's the sarcasm.
Right there.
It says yawn.
But then... There it is.
There's a sarcastic take.
In a mildly interesting coincidence, the date... These are italics.
The date of the 2020 South American eclipse happened to lie exactly at the midpoint of the two great American eclipses.
Behold.
August 21st, 2017 to December 14th, 2020 is 1,211 days.
And wouldn't you know it?
It's 1,211 days between December 14th, 2020 and April 8th, 2024.
This eclipse.
And then he goes on.
Huh.
So that's a little curious, right?
Imagine like... It's like the opposite of curious.
know it it's 1,211 days between December 14th 2020 and April 8th 2024 this eclipse and then he goes on huh so that's a little curious right imagine like it's like the opposite of curious what what what hobbies could you have like what could you be doing except this shit um How do you get this far into this type of research, I guess?
And at no point learn about, like, the axis tilting and how that's, like, not a coincidence at all?
That's just how days work?
I think you're probably right about that.
I didn't look into it either.
I'm much less curious about these coincidences.
But doesn't that just make obvious sense if you know about that?
Halfway between the North American eclipses, there was a South American eclipse.
Doesn't that just make sense?
It does.
It seems fine to me.
I wouldn't look twice.
If I saw all those eclipses walking down the street by me, I wouldn't take a second glance.
I'm going to ask my 10-year-old if that just makes sense to her and see what she does.
No, that seems suspicious, actually.
Why did they put them there, Dad?
Why did they put the eclipses there?
Oh, before I answer this question, do these eclipses go over any shootings?
From the past.
They don't have to be live.
Any past shootings, do these eclipses go over any of those?
Let me keep going.
So he says, huh, so that's a little curious, right?
You know, the days.
But it gets much curiouser.
On the same date as the middle eclipse, December 14, 2020, two insanely significant things happened here in the United States.
First, Joe Biden was certified as resident By the electoral college.
So there's that bit of insanity.
That's like, it's not really sarcasm, but it's kind of like he thinks it's sarcasm.
Yeah.
So that's why he did that.
So there's that bit of insanity.
But that's not even the big one.
The first time I read this, I've read it twice now.
I thought this was a thing, just certified as resident by the Electoral College.
I was like, I guess that's a different thing.
Like, maybe that's when you're confirmed as your party's nominee or something.
And then I realized it, that's a pun.
That's what they call him.
They call him the resident.
He's a senile instead of president.
It's like they're drunks.
Yeah, I thought it was clever that just them saying, like, that's just another way of saying that he lives in the White House now.
But they're just saying, like, we're not gonna call him president.
He's just the resident.
He's just living there.
Yeah, the resident-in-chief.
And it sounds the same, so it's extra good.
Second, on December 14th, 2020, exactly halfway between the two Great American Eclipses, and on the same day as the South American Eclipse, this is really redundant, Nurse Sandra Lindsay became the first American outside of clinical trials to be vaccinated for COVID-19.
Sandra got Pfizer, but forget about Sandra.
The point is, December 14th, 2020, was also the vaccine's release date.
Yeah, that's why she was the first one to get it, outside of clinical trials, is because it was the release.
They released it.
You said the same thing twice.
Yeah.
And called it a coincidence.
That's not how, that's not how coincidences work.
It's the same thing happening, dude.
Like, if anything with that, that would just mean that they need to like an eclipse to activate the vaccines.
You know?
So...the deadliest medical intervention and biggest man-made disaster in history started on the day of a total eclipse and was perfectly bracketed on both sides of the calendar by total eclipses.
Eclipses that happened to make an X over the same country that produced the same disastrous intervention.
They make an X on the other side of the world, right, too, don't they?
Yeah, that same X is going to happen over South America.
And again, also, these eclipses are not restricted to one part of the world.
They happen everywhere.
Are other countries taking advantage of this eclipse technology?
Well, you know, the path of totality does determine whether or not you see the eclipse.
Like, the other countries can't see, like, you'll see a partial eclipse or whatever.
Yeah, but they see other eclipses we don't see.
I'm sure they do.
And fuck them for that.
Those motherfuckers.
Um... So... The deadliest medical... Okay, I already read that.
I'll grant you, all of that is weird and wildly coincidental.
Yeah, it is coincidental.
The first woman who got a shot outside of clinical trials of COVID-19 was the same date that the COVID-19 vaccine was released.
Crazy.
And it was a nurse.
Thought about that.
You're telling me it's just a coincidence.
But I don't put much stock in numerology or astrological coincidences.
And I'm not supernatural about eclipses.
Thus, given only the facts I've reported so far, I still probably would not have taken up the time this morning to write about the Pfizer triple eclipse connection.
But then, one more domino dropped, and that was it.
It got even weirder.
Those are italics.
I didn't think that was possible.
I didn't think that was possible.
I thought this was peak weird.
Turns out, or it just says turn out.
Turn out!
Turn out!
I don't know why that's so funny.
Turn out!
The best batches of Pfizer, including nurse Sandra's shot, were almost certainly produced in a Pfizer manufacturing facility located in Chesterfield, Missouri, which was one of Pfizer's very first facilities that made the vaccine.
Check this out.
The Chesterfield, Missouri Pfizer plant was in or near 2017's total eclipse path and is also in or near 2024's total eclipse path.
No way, bro.
This is crazy.
I'm looking at it.
I'm looking at the map that he pointed Pfizer out.
It's an X. You can't deny it.
In other words, this Pfizer shots, which were first deployed precisely halfway between the two great American eclipses on the calendar, were also made inside the paths of both of those great American eclipses, meaning right where they intersect at the X. X marks the spot or scary stuff.
The shot.
Oh, shit.
See, it's right there, guys.
It's right there.
It's undeniable.
These are all these are all facts.
There were two eclipses, the intersected over where the vaccine was produced, they came in between.
Mind blown.
This is fucked up.
We got to do something about this.
I don't know what this means.
I don't even know what they're trying to say with this necessarily.
I'm thinking I know I don't like it.
I know I don't like it.
I think this was bound to happen.
I think this was bound to happen with the advent of the internet and social media that every human being would eventually, or at least have the potential to become like schizophrenic, you know, for lack of a better, for lack of a better term.
I don't, I don't necessarily mean that clinically, obviously, but just, uh, The association of assigning meeting to random data.
When you have enough data.
If you have all the data in the world, you can always find stuff like this.
Now, some of it is going to be the most dumbass shit I've ever heard, but there are going to be, yeah, when you know timestamps of Millions, billions of events that have happened in the last, you know, 20 years or whatever.
You can do a lot to match that information up with similar looking information if you don't have anything better to do.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We need to get these people something better to do.
Thank God we have people who love numbers to find all the information about the people who also love numbers.
Yeah.
Thank God.
This is why you pay attention to math class.
It's bigger than you thought.
Okay, he goes on.
To be clear, I am NOT suggesting any supernatural relevance.
I'm not even sure what it would be.
But there were just too many coincidences for me to fail to mention the outsized role of Pfizer, both in the Eclipse timeline.
Pfizer has no role in the Eclipse timeline.
Uh, except for the location and the time.
What are you talking about?
It is the Eclipse timeline.
Uh, the outsized role of Pfizer in the actual physical paths of the eclipses.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think nobody can deny the role that Pfizer played in the actual physical paths of the eclipses.
Regardless whether you are a booster of boosters or a skeptic of jabs, the Pfizer event that that part was written by AI.
The Pfizer event is inarguably vastly significant in human history.
That's true.
The Pfizer event is inarguably vastly significant in human history.
In all of time, there's never before been a coordinated global rollout of a single medication to billions of humans all around the world.
If you believe the vaccines were lifesavers and COVID was a 1918 level threat, then it was the first time humans have ever stopped a deadly global pandemic in its tracks and saved that many lives.
Or, if, comma, you believe, parentheses, like me, the medication was defective and fatally flawed, then there's never, ever been a bigger man-made disaster causing more death, sickness, and misery.
I just, I wanted to read this because I like this way of looking at it.
If you believe the vaccines were lifesavers and stopped a deadly global pandemic in its tracks yada yada yada it's wow it's so successful humans did this they stopped a deadly global pandemic in its tracks like that's already assuming that anyone thinks we stopped the pandemic in its tracks right yeah i think even the liberals just because i don't want to acknowledge it or like the people in charge at least democrats And Republicans don't want to acknowledge it.
But that doesn't mean that I think we would ever say... Biden might say that!
Biden might say, we stopped COVID in its tracks, Jack!
Yeah, totally.
But that's pretty much it.
Everybody else just kind of doesn't want to have to admit they know what you're talking about.
Yeah.
Or, if you believe like me that the medication was defective and fatally flawed, then there's never ever been a bigger man-made disaster causing more death, sickness, and misery.
See, there is death, sickness, and misery, and, like, if you love the vaccine, you can't, like, accept that there is still a massive amount of death and misery caused by the disease you're trying to vaccinate against.
I don't know.
And it's also weird.
To be like, yes, people are suffering from COVID and from long COVID.
And it seems like the only people that are even willing to admit that people are sick are the far right.
But they're calling it vaccine injury.
Yeah.
You know, it sucks.
It's a bummer.
It's a really shitty dynamic.
Yeah, it is a huge bummer.
It is funny.
It's that thing where it sucks because anybody acknowledging it is not acknowledging the fullness of it.
Like you said, either it's people saying, oh, no, we got it under control, and it's really not.
Or people being like, no, people are still dying, but it's because the government.
- Yeah.
Just wanted to get a few choice comments.
Some of them are from the Coffee and COVID blog, because I don't know if I ever said it, that blog had 138,000 subscribers.
Yeah, I saw that.
Which was very interesting.
The post I read had like 800 comments on it, and I think like a thousand likes or something.
So, doing fairly well for himself, Mr. Coffee and COVID 2024.
God, brutally depressing.
Like not even, not even that it's like, oh, it's right-wing misinformation or whatever.
Just fucking bleak, man.
That just like going to a blog called, subscribing to a blog called Coffee and COVID 2024.
Yeah.
The day's latest snark about what the Orwellian Joe Biden regime is doing to you.
It's like, what's going on?
Can we get that email list actually?
Can we get your email list?
Coffee and COVID?
We will at least see a few of the minds of Coffee and COVID fans, but this is a Facebook meme I saw that I wanted to share.
It's from Silas N and it's the liberal lady in the high-vis green vest and the hoodie and the beanie screaming, I think crying, because Trump won, but it says instead on top it says, I want the Eclipse vaccine!
Like, that's not how you use this meme.
Liberals, they're always whining about something, bro.
Like, pick anything.
You know fucking liberals crying about it.
Like they're crying about it, and they're also asking for a handout.
They're asking for something.
Exactly.
I want the government, I want the successful to pay for my Eclipse vaccine.
Yeah.
And also, we didn't know it was an Eclipse vaccine until like, for me?
I didn't know it was an Eclipse vaccine until about an hour ago.
You guys, you guys came up with an eclipse vaccine, bro.
Like we literally just read about it.
There is a, there is a side, a political side that came up with an eclipse vaccine.
And also if that, if that was the case, like, wouldn't you guys be kind of into that?
Like, listen, we have this vaccine, but they won't work until the eclipses will intersect.
And like, that's, we need, we need, it's bigger than, it's bigger than science.
We need actual like, We need everyone to pull your crystals out to activate the vaccine, please.
I love the idea that, like, because people, I won't even say liberals, I'll just say a lot of people wanted a vaccine for a legitimately deadly upper respiratory disease, that the joke is that, like, I want a vaccine to get stub in my frickin pinky toe on the coffee table every goddamn morning!
Um, but it's like even, but like the eclipse, like the eclipse isn't even something that harms you.
No.
So that's how crazy these liberals are.
They want to, they want to fucking vaccine for everything, including something that, hey, wait, and I'm knocking on their forehead.
Like, Hey buddy, it's all right.
The eclipse can't hurt you.
All right.
It only happens every few years, even, for a second.
What if that's what the vaccine did do?
It actually makes so that you can stare into the eclipse without the glasses?
Well, if you're in the path of totality, you can stare into the eclipse because the moon blocks the sun.
That's the best time to stare at the sun.
That's the only chance you're getting.
Oh, it's the other way around, huh?
Okay.
Yeah.
You better, like, better whip those glasses off or whatever you're wearing.
Stare into the eye of God while you can.
Yeah.
That is not medical advice.
Don't do it.
That was everything I just said was a joke.
Anything I talk about body parts or what you should physically do in the real world is a joke.
It's a joke.
Anything that might be resembling any type of advice at all?
Mm-hmm.
JK, JK, JK!
Yeah.
Okay, but here's some comments from Coffee and COVID.
Rob D., this is like the top comment, says, We are quickly regressing into ancient history when the chiefs and tribal quote, leaders, I don't, I love using scare quotes around the word tribal leaders.
Like, sorry, I don't think they, did they, do you think they really picked the best and brightest lead those guys?
I can't wait to meet Biden and be like, sup chief.
Tribal leaders.
I wouldn't have followed.
If I were back there in those tribes, bet you're at.
Not my leader, motherfucker.
When chiefs and tribal leaders would use weather and other natural events to control the people.
That is how they created agriculture.
They exploited the people with the weather.
It was used as an excuse for human sacrifice and as an opportunity to tell people that if they do what they are told everything will go back to quote normal.
It's uncanny that after hundreds and even thousands of years human beings haven't changed at all and the monsters that lust after power and control still use the exact same crap to call the herd.
I love like You live in fuckin' U.S.A., bro.
You live in the U.S.A.
in, I don't know, the last three centuries, and you're like, searching for an example of when a religious leader would use a weather event to talk about God's will.
Yep.
And you're like, oh man, the closest I can think of is of the Aztec tribes.
Yeah.
300 years ago.
Or sorry, thousands of years ago.
The only people who are saying this eclipse is making anybody do anything is you guys.
No one's being like, oh hey, you gotta get your booster before the eclipse happens.
Only you guys are saying that.
That's the thing.
It's like, there's another comment right after this that is from BBS who says, I am so, so sick of mindless asinine drama.
And she doesn't mean the thousand word post about how, what are they trying to hide with the eclipse.
She means that the states, that a few states declared states of emergency that she would have never heard about because she doesn't live in those states without this article.
So again, we have just a primary example of just the target consumer of the product that we cover on this show just being miserable.
Just being miserable with what they've surrounded themselves with.
But they can't stop.
Yeah.
But back to Rob D. Yeah.
He's an opportunity to tell people that if they do what they're told, everything will go back to quote normal.
It's uncanny that after hundreds and even thousands of years, human beings haven't changed at all and the monsters that lust after power.
I already read this, but yeah, I do love being an atheist, but for the people who are Responding to the actions of other people around the astro... astronomical phenomenon?
Am I using that phrase correctly?
Anyway, uh...
Like, being an edgy atheist, being like, man, they just want to control people, but you're talking about, like, people who have been whipped up into visiting a town or whatever.
And supposedly it's cool to see, so I guess I can understand wanting to visit the path of totality or whatever.
It's funny that you think they're declaring a state of emergency to, like, exert control over to like scare people with the eclipse or something i don't know it doesn't like it doesn't connect for me we're gonna feel real silly when like the national guard mows down some people spectating spectating the eclipse i will yeah absolutely well uh i'll recant i'll yeah atone on the next episode
Climate emergency, never mind an eclipse emergency, is akin to a tribal leader telling the people they have to sacrifice to whatever god they believed in, ours is government, to make the scary storm go away.
The insanity I've witnessed over the last four years is absolutely breathtaking.
This is a reference to the eat bugs to change the weather meme.
And now it hits me that Eat Bugs to Change the Weather is like the right-wing version of Magical Sky Daddy.
Uh-huh.
That makes sense.
It's them being edgy, them being like, I'm more aware, you dumb idiot.
It's them being like, yeah, you have idiotic, magical thinking.
Yeah.
Whereas my thought process is rational and well-researched.
You think there's a magic sky daddy?
Or you think that eating bugs will change the weather?
Anyway, it's just a funny rhetorical technique that, yeah, smacks me of Reddit atheism a little bit.
The insanity I've witnessed over the last four years is absolutely breathtaking.
But yeah, BBS says, I am so, so sick of this mindless drama.
Four Winds replies, you and me both.
It's a solar eclipse, people!
Have me screaming solar.
Plug that back in at the beginning of the episode.
All right, for sure.
They will do anything and everything to stir people up.
Will there be traffic jams?
Yep!
That means people will want to watch something beautiful, awe-inspiring, and amazing instead of the darn TV.
The horrors!
Wait, what side are you on?
I'm so confused now!
Is Eclipse good now?
She's offended by the word emergency.
She's offended by, like, she thinks that, like, the government is getting hysterical over traffic jams because of the phrase, state of emergency.
They're calling an emergency over people touching grass.
They're like, no, when they get outside and get all that fresh air and vitamin D, they're gonna break free from the shackles that is social media.
Yeah.
Our store in closing, so our store is closing.
The Pharmacy from 3 to 3.30.
Why?
So we can see the eclipse.
I am not there anyhow, but appreciate the company's efforts to get its employees to see the show.
Okay, great comment.
I love it.
Chevris replies, given that the concerted effort to engage as much, quote, creative destruction and controlled chaos have been ramping up for a while now, it makes sense to catastrophize as much as possible.
What would catastrophizing look like?
Would it look like these thousand words I just read about how there's some grand plan around eclipses that controls your life, that rules the cosmos?
Is there something bigger going on?
It makes sense to catastrophize as much as possible.
Brace for impact, parentheses, or not, because it appears the target goal, iOS, the cancellation of this upcoming election, auto-corrected to iOS from the world is, I think.
I think possibly, yeah.
That's a pretty big flex.
If you're just like, try to type out one of the most basic state of being verbs in existence, and your phone is like, no, that's actually the proprietary name of my software.
Yeah, that's me actually.
It's pretty cool.
We don't know if there's going to be anything, but it sure fucking pisses me off that there might be.
You know, Tony?
We don't know if there's going to be anything, but you probably should wear a plate carrier if you have one.
Yeah, absolutely.
And yeah, again, if there's one thing I know, it's that it's starting to sound like the movie 2012, doesn't it?
It sure is.
That movie that, the movie that came out in 2011.
Yeah.
They shoot horses, won't it?
That's the episode, folks.
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Man or woman or whatever, you know?
That's one way to do it.
I'm sure it has its perks, using the website instead of the app.
Yeah.
I don't use the website or app.
I just use my individual podcatcher, you know?
But I use the app when I'm talking to you guys.
And so you kind of open my eyes to the fact that there is an app and that there is a website.
