UNLOCKED - DEATH CHAT 500 - The Futurist (01/07/23)
This week Alex fixes the problematic Cheeseburger song with a rendition of his own We also chat about bad(?) edgy 90s holiday movies with "quirky" (annoying) characters including a manic, voyeuristic gay brother played by Robert Downey Jr. This leads us down a rabbit hole as we track RDJ's christmas movie career to Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and the sultry mom-rock song he sings(???) during the end credits. We've got a making-of RDJ's post-recovery album filled with all the amazing pronunciations you can imagine, a duet with Sting, and an Ally McBeal performance you will not forget. Also: the Allen-Dulles endorsed anti-communist book given to schoolchildren in the 1960's that accidentally does a pretty good job arguing for communism. Watch playback of the stream at https://youtu.be/r6Dfw_E9Ti8 Join DEATH CHAT every saturday at 5pm PST only at http://patreon.com/miniondeathcult
We finished recording the episode like four minutes ago.
But I've got it down.
I'm so good at this.
I'm so good at this now.
Now I could do it in four minutes.
Who else has had the cheeseburger song stuck in their head?
I mean, it's a classic.
I figured out like so it's stuck it's stuck in my head but it's like such a such a silly voice you know and it's like it's kind of a racist voice like we have we have to admit it's you know it's kind of a bad bad accent uh but you know yeah you know i have this like this song playing in my head and it's like problematic you know but i'm like laughing and i'm like there's got to be something i could do as an ally uh To change, to help, to better the situation.
Yeah.
So I've been singing, I've been choosing to sing it as, instead of like Hispanic caricature, I've been singing it as Bruce Springsteen.
Okay.
That's how I've been singing the cheeseburger song.
That doesn't just end up sounding kind of like the Cheeseburger in Paradise Jimmy Buffett song?
See, that's the way you would think to go with the voice.
A Jimmy Buffett type.
Yeah, but that's me thinking cheeseburger, and that's kind of fucked up.
So... Let me see if I can do it.
Uh... I said, sir, I would like a cheeseburger.
And I might like a milkshake as well.
He said, sorry son, I can't sell you either.
And I said, isn't this Burger Bell?
He said, yes it is, but we're closed now.
But we open tomorrow at 10!
Sir, I am extremely hungry!
But I guess I can wait until then!
Cause you're my cheeseburger!
My yummy cheeseburger!
I'll wait for you!
I'm out of breath now.
That was amazing.
That was amazing.
And I think it... I mean... It does kind of speak of the power of like the...
The way the burg R was done, and you did, you still, you springified that.
That was good.
Like the little ad libs.
I really appreciate that.
He would throw in there, he would definitely be like, oh you are my cheeseburger!
Then like Clarence Clemens would be fucking wailing behind him, R.I.P.
Oh, hell yeah.
R.I.P.
R.I.P.
to a real one.
How many times did you listen to the Christmas song this year?
I didn't listen to it this year, actually.
Oh, wow.
It's so good.
It's the best.
Santa Claus?
Are you talking about Santa Claus is coming to town?
Are you talking about Santa Claus is coming to town?
Yeah.
He's probably done multiple ones.
I just wanted to make sure.
That's the one though, yeah.
Did I peak the microphone when I was doing that?
No, I think you backed up enough.
It sounded good to me.
Okay, just for future reference the next time I want to do the cheeseburger song sung by Bruce Springsteen.
I think that it's almost like you almost are obligated to go ahead and Really record that so that a new generation can have the cheeseburger song without being or feeling racist.
It's also a more masculine version too.
This is how they try to entice good red-blooded white Americans into their song with racism.
With a little funny racism.
Isn't this funny?
But they're hiding emasculation Underneath and they're also high like think about how many soy soybean oils are in that Or in that cheeseburger, you know, so Yeah.
Well, I mean, I think the Bruce Springsteen part's really important, too, because I think one of the things that's been lacking in masculinity is genes that really accentuate the male butt.
Yeah.
Because when you're singing Bruce Springsteen, I'm still picturing a butt in the jeans, you know?
And I think that we need more of that.
I think that we need that to happen more often.
So let's bring back nicely fitted genes that really cup the butt.
And that goes back to the point I was making last episode that the listener hasn't heard it yet, but about wiggliness and about getting loose and getting silly with your hips.
You know, that's something they don't want us doing, and that's something that Bruce Springsteen does really well.
So this could be a big moment if we start doing veggie tails, but with like Bruce Springsteen moves.
It's gonna be a limber generation.
We're gonna make a limber, nice, loose, open hips.
Ready to pivot, baby.
So we watched a lot of Christmas movies.
Watched a lot of Christmas movies this year.
Watched some bad ones, too.
Did you see any bad Christmas movies, Tony?
No, I didn't see any bad ones.
I only watched some classic ones and some new classics.
I did buy the Grinch on DVD, the latest iteration of the Grinch.
The one where Tyler, the creator, did the soundtrack.
It's really good.
I bought it on DVD because I'm a cinephile now.
And it's now stuck in my PlayStation.
I only have the Grinch on DVD in my PlayStation.
It's the only film I can watch now that's not streamed.
I feel like a poser when I stream.
Have you tried taking a paperclip and getting it out that way?
Yeah, I just haven't really tried much of anything besides pressing the inject button a few times and not really needing to put anything else in there.
The only game disc I have is NHL, and I've been playing more Gran Turismo lately, so we're fine, you know? - I saw some bad, we saw some good Christmas movies.
What was that one that I recommended to you, Tony?
Klaus?
Oh, Klaus.
Yeah, Klaus.
That was super good.
Klaus was good.
Banger.
Yeah, it's got a good message.
It's this town that hates each other and they have this feud, this seemingly nonsensical feud, and through the power of Christmas they kind of Overcome those problems they have with each other and learn to be a society again.
It's like pretty, you know, there's Christmas stuff.
There's the invention of Santa Claus and all of that.
And what is it?
Is it Jason Schwartzwelder doing the voice?
Jason Schwartzman?
Yeah, that's... Yeah.
Yeah, pretty good.
And Norm Macdonald has a voice in it?
Yeah, Norm Macdonald's in a lot of it.
It was really nice to hear.
We heard his voice and we were like, whoa!
He's like the crazy fisherman guy.
Yeah, that was good.
But no, we watched one called Mixed Nuts.
Oh wait!
I remember loving Mixed Nuts when I was a kid for some reason.
The adults loved that movie.
There's people yelling now.
I don't even want to look at the chat.
There's definitely people unhappy that I'm calling Mixed Nuts a bad movie.
The reason we watched it is because Brett recommended it.
He tweeted about he tweeted like he didn't recommend it strongly I don't think but he was just like oh this is kind of a fun movie and it's like it's one of those movies where the good parts are so fucking funny and so good and then the bad parts are so awful just like unbearable um it's oh so don't watch it it's it's worth seeing one time it's a it's a weird movie um Adam Sandler and Steve Martin in the same movie?
Yeah, it's like Adam Sandler has like a very small part, but he's one of the main characters.
Bless you.
Liev Schreiber is playing a trans woman?
They're just, like, kind of calling her a cross-dresser, but she's obviously identifying as a woman.
It's a good performance from Liev.
It's like... It's a really... He does, like, what he can with the character, but it's like... It's this suicide hotline that they all work at.
And so that's where the dark humor comes in.
There's a joke where a guy calls, what's his name?
I can't remember his name.
He's a 90s comedian, talks with a funny voice.
He's holding a gun to his temple when he calls the suicide hotline.
He's in a phone booth and there's a bad connection.
So she tells him, the operator tells him to, oh, just hit the button a couple of times.
And he like blows his brains out.
Oh, cause he hit the button a couple times?
He hit the button a couple times.
He squeezed the button a couple times.
And then the line goes dead and her and Steve Martin are like, oh, he hung up.
Oh, well, if it was important, he'd call back.
And they just like stare at the phone for a couple seconds.
Like it's funny.
It's funny in that respect.
Yeah.
But then it's also got the whole, it's also like an adaptation of a French farce.
So it's got that like insane nonsensical manic energy of like, isn't it funny when a guy's perverted?
Or like, isn't it funny when couples fight all the time, and there's no rhyme or reason to why they're fighting, they're just fighting all the time.
In fact, the man just pulled a gun and pointed it at his pregnant girlfriend's belly, and like, that's the guy in the Santa suit, in the thumbnail that I, that I, he's like one of the main characters, and we're supposed to still like him after he's brandishing a gun.
But then, The girlfriend gets a hold of the gun and they accidentally shoot it and it goes through the door and kills their landlord.
Oh.
Okay.
And so that's like a funny part.
But then they put the landlord in the tree.
They like turn the landlord into a Christmas tree to take it outside.
It's like... It's a crazy movie.
Did not like it.
I remember my family liking that movie.
I remember the adults watching it.
A lot of the movies they liked, I don't really love as an adult.
So I'm curious to go back and see some of those old ones.
- So it reminded me, yeah.
It just, it's got like the dark comedy stuff it does really well, but then the stuff that's supposed to be like quirky or aren't these characters interesting is all just like, this character's doing one thing in this scene, another thing in this scene, Like, they're just being weird.
Like, you just wrote this movie.
Oh, what if people were weird and it's just annoying?
There's several, like, 90s movies that are like that to me.
And another one that's a holiday movie is Home for the Holidays with Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr.
And some other people whose names I don't know.
Do you know what movie I'm talking about?
I remember that one.
I didn't watch it though, but I do remember that being one of the big ones.
So this is a movie that my dad, whom I love, when he came up to visit with us, we watched this because it's like one of their favorite movies.
And it was like, we were watching it, and both me and I could just tell Ani, we were just like, oh my God.
It was just like shivers down our spine, the whole movie.
So it opens, for anybody who hasn't seen Home for the Holidays, it's yeah, a movie where Holly Hunter has to go home for the holidays.
She just got fired from her job.
She's kind of depressed.
And so she gets home and this is the introduction of her brother who's played by Robert Downey Jr.
His name is Tommy.
And so I'm going to play a clip, hopefully it works, of Tommy, Robert Downey Jr.' 's character, being introduced to the movie.
He's got night vision goggles on and he's crawling around in the dark into Holly Hunter's bedroom.
He's Robert Downey Jr.
pulls out a polaroid camera, grabs the blanket off of Holly Hunter and takes a photograph of her body twice.
Tommy!
Tommy you asshole!
Oh please!
You asshole!
And now they're wrestling and laughing on the ground.
This is just how quirky families are, Tony.
It's not weird.
This is her brother?
It's her gay brother.
Robert Downey Jr.
is playing her quirky gay brother who loves to take photographs of his naked sister.
He does it while she's in the shower, too.
Brothers will be brothers.
What?
It happens more than once in this movie?
Yeah.
Wow.
It happens at like the end of this scene, but they cut it out.
That's wild.
It's a weird quirk to give somebody.
He's so funny.
He's always taking pictures of his naked sister.
But it's fine.
He's probably doing it for blackmail reasons.
So it's different.
Is that what they're trying to go for here?
Yeah, he's bullying her.
He's being a brat to her.
No, I'm only going to use this as revenge porn.
Nothing else.
It's not for me.
It's for revenge porn.
Yeah, it's like, well, you gotta understand, Robert Downey Jr., his character's gay, which means he has, like, the mind of a child.
So he doesn't understand that taking photos of a woman's, like, naked or close to naked body is, like, a big deal.
It's, like, a serious thing because he's so, like, infantile emotionally.
Uh, I'm gonna play a little more of this clip.
Uh, 11 hours and 14 minutes?
I'm not gonna make it.
He's not responding at all.
Robert Downey Jr.
had the cat, was holding the cat up to his face and, like, gargling in its face.
And then says, oh, he's not responding at all.
He's not responding at all, Mom.
I have got the best trendy booze for you.
It's apple cinnamon liqueur.
We're pushing it all over the Northeast this year.
It's a huge hit, but you get it first because you are a Bell Larsen trendsetter.
Spin, Mommy.
Spin, Mommy.
Now he's dancing with his mom around the living room.
Isn't this fun?
Isn't this crazy?
Isn't this what the 90s are like?
I like this.
You just got here, what, a couple minutes ago?
No, you're digging it.
Six more of these.
Why?
Oh, I'm gonna have a stroke like Dodd-Kaufman.
Oh, no, Dodd-Schmock.
No, I'm kidding.
We got a little Beano Railroad down here, okay?
Come on, go.
Get in the shower, will ya?
Do a silkwood shower for us, will ya?
Put on a wig.
Who?
Who?
What?
That's interesting.
They're trying to make him like a hip Robin Williams.
Like, just won't shut the fuck up.
I always love that trope.
Is he like a liquor rep in this movie or something?
No, he's just the gay brother.
I don't know, man.
Because he's a hip gay guy, he has early access to alcohol.
It's like new booze.
That makes sense.
The 90s were different.
You had to be there.
Sometimes you just spun your mom around a lot, okay?
So, who's the handsome guy?
I can't remember.
He's got a name.
He's got one of those names.
Probably got a name.
He and Holly Hunter kind of get together but they don't but he wants to make some like grand gestures so he needs to get coffee for her and the place is closed but there's a guy there's a kid inside there's like an 18 or 19 year old kid inside who's closing the coffee shop
and he's like pounding on the door for the kid to let him in and then the kid lets him in and he's like sorry we're or doesn't let him in but it's just like sorry we're closed and he's like listen i know you don't understand this because you're only 18 and you haven't seen much
But I'm in love and like this is a big deal and like bullies this kid into reopening the store to make him a fucking cup of drip coffee or whatever and it's like and we're watching this like oh this is the fucking like This is what shows you how passionate he is as he's bullying a fucking low-wage teen into making him his precious coffee so we're just like oh my god this sucks.
Yeah but I know I'm 18 and a barista or whatever but you're over here telling me that I need to like open up and get my machine dirty again because you're in love?
Like who needs to grow up here?
Let me see if I can find it.
I want to do it justice.
Because, yeah, I...
I'm imagining...
I remember being 18 and closing coffee shops.
I don't know what I would do.
I would probably just laugh super hard at them.
Yeah, I can't find it.
People have searched for the coffee scene.
It came up in the autocomplete search, but they don't have it on YouTube.
Because people don't want you to see what love looks like, you know?
People want to keep it under wraps and it's fucked up.
Sometimes you got to make someone work, you know, after hours because you're in love.
Yeah, and in the end, the end scene is he runs to an airport.
Before he did it, I was like, wait, is he literally going to run to the drive to the airport to stop her?
And then it happened and I felt really bad for saying it out loud.
Well, I mean, the thing is, that's a trope to you now because movies like this blaze the trail.
It's true.
I mean, it is an older movie, so maybe it wasn't as tropey.
Okay, so we watched all these bad, you know, we watched a couple of stinkers for Christmas, at least in our mind.
So we were looking at, like, best of Christmas movie, or I was at least looking up, like, best Christmas movies, and one of them was another Robert Downey Jr.
movie.
People might be guessing what that is.
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.
Have you ever seen this, Tony?
Oh, I feel like we've talked about this before.
I hadn't seen it.
I hadn't seen it until just a couple weeks ago.
It's a Shane Black movie.
It's a classic.
People love this movie.
It's been recommended to me a few times.
I finally got around to seeing it.
Um, much better.
Much better than Mixed Nuts or Home for the Holidays.
It's got some of that edgy, like, damaged woman.
Like, look at how damaged this brought.
Like, Robert Downey Jr.
definitely gives a lecture to the love interest about how she needs to treat her body better.
She needs to have more respect for her body.
uh so that that it's got that kind of stuff in it but otherwise it's like snappy dialogue it's like a not as good the nice guys frankly because it's a detective thing uh i liked the nice guys a lot more uh but i can i can see how white people like it it's very witty it's robert downey jr i like robert downey jr generally uh he's good as even as iron man he's pretty he's pretty good yeah so iron man that first two iron men three iron men are they're important people forget that
Yeah.
So we watched this movie and we were like, oh yeah, it was pretty good.
Made us laugh out loud like several times.
Good movie.
And then the end credits happened.
The end credits happened and that's when I laughed out loud for the probably fifth or sixth time.
Have people heard this?
Comments are turned off. - In love with a broken heart.
You fell in love with a broken heart.
Is this Robert Downey Jr.' 's thing?
Okay, so this is like, let me just set the stage.
It's like a movie, if you haven't seen it, it's like a raunchy movie about a dude, a criminal who falls ass backwards into like a murder plot in LA.
And it's like, you know, raunchy, there's nudity, there's drugs, there's all that.
And then this song is the outro song.
And I was like, is this fucking Sting?
Is this Sting doing this song, You Fell in Love with a Broken Heart?
And Ani said, I wonder if it's Robert Downey Jr.
She's like, it sounds like Robert Downey Jr.
And I was like, that would be insane.
That would be insane if it were Robert Downey Jr.
I still thought it was Sting.
I thought Robert Downey Jr.
was too good to hope for.
But no, this is a Robert Downey Jr.
song.
A song that I did not know existed.
Let's hear some more of it.
Loving these modern towns There'll be someone new in Loving these modern towns It's always weird when like because people make fun of rap music all the time like how do you know what they're saying you know?
I never know what these dudes are saying.
I don't know what the fuck he just said.
I don't know, I don't recognize any of those as words.
He said, he said, "Lovin' these modern times, I want someone like you." But you know it's him.
Like, you can tell it's him.
That's funny.
I would not have guessed it was him.
I hear him do, he's trying to do Sting.
That's what I said.
said when we found out it was him I was like okay well he's trying to do sting It's so earnest.
It's so like it's so like he's going for it.
It's it's amazing.
Okay, so I had to look up more videos of this.
And don't worry, don't worry, I found them.
Because I can picture it.
I can picture him singing.
But, I don't know.
I'm excited to see him really go for this.
Broken. - Thank you.
That one goes way back too, um, Dennis Falconer, my ex-wife and mother of young master.
She had kind of inspired this song about being in a relationship with someone who's got a lot of, uh, Miles to go before they're kind of roadworthy.
Okay, so it's about being in love with somebody who's got a few hundred miles to go before they're roadworthy.
You were wondering like, wow this sounds so earnest, like I'm trying to picture him doing these vocals.
This is footage of him recording the song we just heard.
So this is like how his face looks when he says, Yarrr, loving this modern town.
And again, if you're not watching this live, if you're just listening to the audio, you can still go to patreon.com slash miniondeathcult and watch this segment of the episode at least if you want.
I'm going to play this here.
Can you put it up on my screen?
Because I'm watching it on a slight delay.
Is that possible?
If not, we're good.
Yeah.
One second.
Sorry, I'm still seeing a lot.
I can see it, but just a second later.
And I don't like it when the chat gets to see what I see at the same time.
I want a sneak peek.
See, I thought I was sharing the whole window with you.
I was just sharing the one little window.
I wasn't sharing the whole desktop?
Yeah, it was the same slide from the end of the last episode.
I don't know if this is going to work.
Let me know.
No worries.
Oh, yeah, it looks good.
It looks good.
Yeah.
Let me make sure OBS still looks good.
All right, cool.
All right, so let's get a look at this man's face.
In love with a broken heart.
You fell in love with a broken heart.
He's got like he's like closing his eyes and he's got like a serene smile the whole time he's singing.
You found a love.
He's like singing it out of a smile.
He looks like who's that funny guy character actor who has a.
I don't know.
I only watch movies about guys that are well-liked by girls, so I don't know.
Sorry.
Love in these modern times There'll be someone new every night Some other love yarn Oh God!
To put my arms around Man, I don't know, like, there's nothing I could say that does justice to, like, the curl that's on this guy's lips as he says yarrr.
You know who this is, actually.
He's doing Dave Matthews.
He's doing Dave Matthews.
Thank you, Tony.
You can blame Dave Matthews for these weird little impressions that he's doing.
Dave Matthews was such an icon for weird but still sexy white guys.
Like, sexy white guys who could still get a little funny with it, you know?
And, like, didn't take themselves too seriously.
But also were, like, sexy.
They were sexy normcore dudes.
Oh my god.
God.
Dude, just hitting that.
I can't hear you.
Not about you.
And that's the first time Jonathan had me go into a studio.
It might have even been in New York.
Deb sang the answer vocal and I laid this down.
And the funny thing about it is, even though we moved around the chorus and there's this middle eight now, which may or may not be on anything besides the record, that song is largely unchanged.
But when I got together with Mark, we figured out these just great...
I think really kind of, for my taste anyway, poetic, kind of sadistic lyrics for some of the other verses and that was great.
You feel my medicine side effect.
I was just about to look up the lyrics to this because they're so good.
I love that he's like, That was my first time in a studio.
I know you wouldn't think that, judging by how natural I was being on the mic, but that was my first time in the studio.
It's like, this dude recorded one song, and it's completely documented.
Insane.
It's awesome.
Love in these modern times.
I'll become what your first class said.
I'm no lightweight.
I'll find time to throw us down.
You'd feel my medicine side effect.
Fink I'll grab some magazine.
Yeah, that's the next one.
That's the next one.
That's the next line?
Yeah.
Fink I'll grab a magazine.
How does he even drop that?
Yeah.
other verses think I'll grab some magazines I don't feel my medicine side effect think I'll grab some magazines this is when dude when we were watching the credits to kiss kiss bang bang I was like what the fuck did he just say
Dude, I was screaming.
The way he freaked out, the way he hit that magazine was so good.
Magazine.
I did not see that coming.
That was so good.
Alright, let's run it back.
Sadistic lyrics.
This is some sadistic lyrics.
Some of the other verses and that was kind of great.
This is some twisted shit.
Oh, that like half cadence at the end.
magazines I know you never seen me promised you you believed me oh that like half cadence at the end oh my god this is funny this is when he was wilding right This is when he was doing a lot of drugs and stuff, right?
I think this is... I think Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was him getting back on the right track.
I think this was his upward trajectory.
This is like nine months sober.
Yeah, it feels nine months sober, man.
Nothing else has ever felt more nine months sober.
He's probably going to be like, I used to have to do substances to feel this way.
And now I just go to the studio.
Yeah, my buddy Sting taught me how to get high a different way.
It's called tantric sex.
The way he looks down into his own shoulder between little lines.
He's just really feeling it.
It's so funny.
He's like pained.
Well, these are sadistic lyrics.
I don't know if you folk... Why are these cameras even here?
You guys are some twisted freaks if you want to know what goes on in my mind.
He wrote this.
He's like, yo, I used to smoke mad weed with the homies and we'd just read magazines.
I think it's supposed to be like, um, it seems like it's supposed to be maybe like slice of life stuff.
You know, like, uh, man, I, I'm so bad with names.
The guy who was like Red House Painters, he's kind of like, he just basically like reads diary entries.
He did an album with Yesu.
That's, um, that's how I know who he is.
And that's a really weird Yesu album.
But he's like a roots rock kind of artist.
Totally.
And he just goes through mundane shit.
I think he reads from a diary when he records his vocals.
And yeah, that's kind of what he's going through.
I think I'll grab some magazines.
So I was... Oh, go ahead.
What gives it a lot of weight to it, look at the necklace she's wearing.
You see the necklace she's wearing while I was recording?
It's like a charm on a hemp rope.
It's very chill.
Sick.
So while I was looking for this, because I came back to it today looking for these same links that I watched right after we watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and I found another video Because... So after I was clicking around and he had a fucking live collaboration with Sting.
And I was like, yeah, that's who he wants to sound like.
And so I was going to play that live collaboration with the audience, but I also found this video, which is crazy and hits the same bird and another bird with one stone.
So...
Do I have to share this with you, Tony?
Can you see it yet?
I can't see it yet.
I'm still seeing Robert Downey Jr.
wearing that sick-ass neon green trucker.
Solid fit on our DJ.
Oh, there we go.
Okay, this video's titled, Robert Downey Jr.
and Sting, Every Breath You Take, but what's this in the video?
Is that TV's own Ally McBeal?
I think, I believe so.
Ally McBeal, season four, episode 20.
Great show.
Robert Downey Jr.
and Sting, copyright Fox.
Oh, again, it was a great birthday.
Oh, can you stay for one more drink?
I forgot fucking Jenna from 30 Rock was an Ally McBeal.
I forgot about Ally McBeal.
I remember it.
I didn't watch a ton of it, but I remember it pretty well.
Are people rewatching that?
I'm sure they are.
But Jenna's character in this seems like Jenna.
Listen to what she says.
It was a great birthday.
Oh, can you stay for one more drink?
I'll sing again.
No.
That's like a Jenna line.
Oh, if you stay, I'll sing again.
Yeah.
Like, wouldn't it be such a treat for you if I were to sing again?
Very Jenna line.
And because they're so spacey because they love themselves so much, right?
Well, they're just, yes, narcissistic and unaware of probably her own shortcomings.
She probably didn't sing very well.
So hold on.
Yeah.
What we're about to see is happening in the Ally McBeal universe.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yeah, so let's watch.
No, no, please.
I really just want to go.
Can you all just let me go?
Okay, what the hell is this?
Is this dark?
So the lights went out at the restaurant they're at.
What is this?
Dark?
Do they call this dark?
Sorry, this isn't even the reason for watching it, but Jesus Christ.
I've heard about this.
Is this dark?
No, no.
No, please.
I really just want to go.
Can you all just let me go?
Oh, okay.
What the hell is this?
Is this dark?
What the hell is this?
That's RDJ, folks.
That's RDJ on stage singing Every Breath You Take by Sting.
He's in the show.
He has a character in the show, right?
Yeah.
Okay, okay.
So it's not, okay.
But it's still his, what, his character is a singer who's friends with Sting?
I don't know.
I guess so.
I really like that the theme of the show has been love.
Once again, you collaborate with Sting when you're in love.
Yeah, let me play the rest of this.
He's literally just trying to sound like Sting.
If you don't know, this is a Sting song.
Every Breath You Take.
It was a giant Sting song.
But it's just RDJ.
This is karaoke.
It's just RDJ on stage.
Well, he's got like a band.
It's him, like, on stage with a band.
And Ally McBeal's like, what?
What?
It's not dark anymore?
What is this, light?
And then she notices that it's Robert Downey Jr.
on stage.
This voice he does is insane.
I fucking hate the Sting voice.
It's like the male version of the Zoomer Billie Eilish fake dusky female voice that everybody does.
You know why you hate it?
Because it's really close to ventriloquism.
The whole thing is like not move your mouth.
The whole thing is keeping your lips kind of parched.
But it's more delicate.
It's very delicate.
It's its own thing entirely.
But it's more delicate.
It's like very delicate.
It's its own thing entirely.
- Happy birthday.
- All right now.
Cosine.
Cosine.
What?
Oh, Christine Applegate type?
No, I think that was What's-Her-Name from... Is it?
No, nope, that's not who that is.
I don't know who this person is at all.
Is that, uh, what's her name from Arrested Development?
Kind of looks like her.
Might not be her.
I don't know.
No, I don't think so.
There's Lucy Liu though.
I just think they look the same.
Lisa Kudrow?
No.
No, Lucy Liu.
This is Lucy Liu right here.
Oh, Lucy Liu in the... I didn't even see... Yeah, Lucy Liu!
Lucy Liu was goaded at the moment.
Yeah, Lucy Liu was like her frenemy.
Her like arch nemesis at the office.
Okay.
They would have like fake fight scenes and stuff.
That sounds fun.
I would be kind of annoyed that I had to listen to someone else sing the Sting song when Sting was there the whole time.
Sorry, say it again?
I would be annoyed if I had to listen to someone sing the beginning of the Sting song if Sting was there.
Like, who the fuck do you think you are?
Are they lovers in this or something like that?
Are they together in this?
Yeah, I think this is a... Okay, dude, you thought you could just open up for Sting?
Okay, bro.
Yeah, this is like a romantic overture.
And, I mean, he thinks he can do that in real life.
He's doing a sting thing in real life.
And he covered this song on his album.
His album, which is called, like, Science.
It's called Alchemy or something like that.
I can't remember what the name is, but it's so good.
Yeah, this song is on there.
He covers this song.
Let's hear more of it, but with Sting, actually.
Now it's a duet.
Man, I wonder how many albums Robert Downey Jr.'s sold.
He tried so hard.
I would really like it if Robert Downey Jr.
grabbed the mic and then like Did one of the Diddy verses from the Diddy song that uses this song.
Oh yeah.
And like rapped.
Yeah.
That would be cool.
I think that'd be tight.
Did he do this before he did the album?
Because I feel like what might have happened here is like He was like, hey Sting, how did I, how did I do?
And Sting was like, you were, you were cool.
You were cool.
And he was like, yo, Sting said, Sting said I can sing.
So it's in my contract now that my next soundtrack has to have my song on it.
Falling in love with a broken heart.
I don't know if the Ally McBeal episode came out before Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, but I want to say, I want to say that this, what we're hearing is audio from the album.
Like, I bet that's what they're not, they're not like performing it live, you know, for us.
Like, I think this whole mix, this whole recording, the harmonizing and everything, I think it's from the album.
Oh, wow.
So on the album, it's featuring Sting.
He's doing the...
How do you?
Oh my God.
That's incredible.
He performs on stage with Sting, like in that other video.
So I knew he had to like, knew him.
I knew he had to know him to some degree.
It's called The Futurist.
That's what it's called.
Yeah.
Ooh.
Ooh.
Okay.
Wow.
Oh my God.
Some say that there is no Iron Man without The Futurist.
Some people say that that inspired him to go into the future and take on the role of Tony Stark.
Uh, let me do this so you can see it.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh, it's like Basquiat, like almost like Basquiat.
I don't know.
It's like some like chalk graffiti type effect over a portrait of Robert Downey Jr.
smoking a cigarette.
The Futurist consists of eight pop ballads written by Downey as well as two cover songs, Smile, a Charlie Chaplin composition, and Your Move.
Oh, I thought... I thought Every Breath You Take was on here.
I take it back.
Every Breath You Take it back?
Yeah, that's right.
That's... yeah.
Yeah, see, it's... why am I seeing the cover art for the album?
Deep.
I don't know.
Did you check Discogs?
Maybe it's... Yeah.
I think it's like a B-side for the album.
It's like an unreleased single.
Wow.
Very rare.
Very rare.
2001.
What a year.
What a year, folks.
He probably was like, hey, Ally McBeal production, can I get that?
Can I get that audio for my album?
And then Sting was like, yo, what the fuck?
What are you talking?
You can't do that, dude.
Like, did you scroll down to controversy on the album Wikipedia?
No.
Why don't you go ahead and tell the audience about that?
I'll be right back.
I mean, yeah, I guess that's where we were done.
Sorry.
Oh, Oh, this was, this was all post 9/11.
Dang.
Is that real?
Chris?
Jeremy Renner calls Tony Stark the Futurist?
That's an amazing deep cut.
Hi everybody.
Oh, Jeremy Renner did make bad music.
Uh who who who but you gotta tell me who.
Lizzie who am I gonna do that to?
I need to know.
Oh does it does it sound good to everybody?
Because I'm having a little audio issue, but I just want to make sure y'all aren't having an audio issue.
Oh yeah, Jeremy Renner's in trouble.
He's like hurt.
He's like in the hospital?
Okay, cool.
That sounds good.
So I can't do that to Jamie Renner because he's already in the hospital.
So that's kind of fucked up.
Thank you.
Let's see what's going on with that guy.
Oh, it was his birthday.
He's alive and turned 52.
I'm excited to tell Alexander this bit of information.
Apparently in one of the Captain America movies, Jeremy Renner calls Tony Stark the Futurist to make fun of him.
Oh shit, that's funny.
That's awesome.
You can't fucking beat the MCU, brother.
The nuggets, they're everywhere.
Dude, I made the soy face so hard when you told me that information, that they referenced the Futurist.
I went, oh!
He did.
Oh!
Oh!
I'm pointing at the Futurist.
You're pointing at your vinyl copy of the Futurist and then pointing at the movie?
Yeah.
While you're wearing your Iron Man helmet.
There's, there's like, there's like Downy heads, right?
I'm a Downy head.
I just, I wasn't as big of one as I thought.
I didn't know about this part of his career.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that, is that what we call, is that what we call Downy, Downy heads?
Can we?
Cause I think I would be a Downy head.
I think I'd watch pretty much everything he will do.
So far.
Yeah.
Or we're, System of a down?
Down?
I don't know.
Uh... Yeah, Downy Heads is fine.
Okay.
I love- I love him doing the fucking mom rock.
Ark, him doing music as like, it's such a specific niche.
It's such a very specific kind of music.
And of course you don't get that kind of music anymore.
You know, music with like real, real men, but also, you know, sensitive at the same time.
And, you know, they're like, they might be like... That's why we identify with it so much.
Might be like masculine, you know, in like a traditional, in traditional in a lot of ways, but they're still going to lick you from your back to your belly.
They're not above a little back-to-belly lick, you know?
It's okay.
They're for it.
I proposed an episode of ButtFest 2000 to Brian.
I proposed a Mom Rock episode of ButtFest.
Yeah, I mean, that's that.
I think, you know, RDJ would have to have an honorable mention there.
Absolutely.
I'm going to have to listen to the rest of this album and see what the best tracks are.
OK, do we want to hear what we should know about communism and why?
Yes.
Absolutely.
I think so too.
I do love this cover.
It's another good cover.
Take her in.
So this is a scholastic book.
I didn't do any research on the book itself.
Seems to be something they wanted to put in every classroom.
It's from 1962.
The endorsements on the back Pretty wonderful.
We got J. Edgar Hoover here.
Our schools represent a most important force in the struggle against communism.
The task of education in this nation, that of a developing and encouraging the spirit of inquiry and freedom of thought, is vital in exposing the fallacy of Marxism-Leninism.
Every student should be able to contrast the principles of our democracy with the grim reality of communist states.
And one thing I noticed, I might forget about it so I'm going to say it now while I was reading this, is in this book they press the importance of the freedom of thought.
Like, Not necessarily the freedom of housing, or the freedom of work, or earning a living, or anything like that.
No, it's important to have the freedom of thought.
To be able to wear whatever color jeans you want to wear without some big head honcho sticking his finger in your face saying, hey, stonewashed her out, buddy!
It's about the freedom to say no to communism.
Yeah, so introduction.
Again, this is night.
Oh, let me read the other.
Sorry.
Let me read the other recommendation.
Oh, did I say who that was by?
That first one was a recommendation from J. Edgar Hoover.
So, yeah, I mean, big hero.
I mean, he was a big figure in the FBI, that organization we all really love as part of the left.
Now we're all cheering him on.
Let's go get him, boys.
And I mean, this guy, this guy was one of the OGs.
It's wild that, like, this is such a direct form of propaganda.
Like, you know, this is such, like, an obvious, like, oh, the, you know, ex-president, head of the FBI, uh, made a book to give to every kid in school with, along with, like, an independent publisher.
Like, this is so, so blatant.
It's kind of, you gotta respect it.
The next recommendation is, I am convinced that it is high time we began to prepare a most systematic attack to debunk the whole theory that communism is the, quote, wave of the future.
A major weapon in this technological ideological battle is the dissemination of the facts about communism, exploiting the vulnerability and failures of the communist system.
Scholastic magazines have made an outstanding contribution in this field.
That quote is from Alan Dulles, former director of the CIA.
Wow.
So you know it's good.
That's wild.
So, like, you mean to tell me the whole time that we were, you know, trying to find hidden squirrels in a picture in Scholastic magazines that, like, we were being brainwashed?
Yeah, absolutely.
100%.
Okay, I'm gonna read from the introduction here, and you know what?
We can run a little long.
It's been a while since we've chatted with the Death Commandos, so let's do some more time here.
Introduction.
Why study communism?
Communism is more than a theory.
It is a fighting force that deeply affects the life of every one of us.
Americans pay billions of dollars in taxes every year, 60% of which go to support immense armaments.
Expansion of American armed forces has led to the first peacetime draft in the history of the nation, calling hundreds of thousands of young Americans into the armed services.
These measures are needed to protect the country and the free world from the threat of communism.
And they will continue in force as long as the Cold War, the conflict between the free world and the communist world, lasts.
You owe it to yourself to learn all you can about communism.
If you do, and a careful reading of this book will give you a good start, you will be helping to safeguard your freedom, the freedom of your country, and of the other free countries in the world.
Uh, so I love just starting it off with, um, we live in a free country and in order to keep it free, we need to draft a bunch of people into a military fighting force, uh, that's entirely high, way more totalitarian, uh, than, than a lot of other organizations I can imagine, uh, in order to protect our freedom of not being under sort of, you know, a boot, let's say.
I, like, I remember this stuff.
I, like, remember being, like, taught this stuff.
Uh, I think maybe because I went to a Catholic school, an elementary school, maybe they were still, like, like, I remember this pretty, pretty directly, being, like, the messaging as, like, a child.
So it's, it's, that's a, that remained for a while, I'm sure.
I went to a public school, so they just taught us that communism was good.
And I've just assumed that that was true, uh, this whole time.
That's why I'm doing this podcast.
Okay, this is... Two Giants of Communism.
Using economic and political techniques radically different from those of Western democracies, the Soviet Union has, in almost 50 years since the Russian Revolution, forged a strong economic system.
Today, that system provides the base on which Soviet leaders draw in attempting to spread That system provides the base, I don't know, in attempting to spread communism throughout the world.
In the last 10 years, Soviet military might has been built to a position second only to that of the United States.
A very close second indeed, according to some authorities.
China, the China of Mao Zedong, is another giant communist power.
With Soviet help, Mao's Chinese communists seized power through civil war in 1949.
Today, more than 700 million Chinese live under their rule.
I just liked that passage because it was like, during the Civil War, Mao's Chinese communists seized power?
It's like, well, I think that's just a way of saying they won the war.
It's just, it's odd to describe it as like they stole power from the people they beat in a civil war.
Remember that thing that happened in America?
Yeah, it's funny too, because I think that, I don't know, they're making it seem like China lost their own civil war, you know?
Yeah!
And like, we don't say it that way.
Yeah.
I mean, you know.
Yeah, Shen Yun says it that way.
Yeah, some people do, but you know, most people don't see it that way.
Like, America won it, but like, in their mind, no, China lost, and then the communist China won, so.
Okay, Democracy's Challenge.
This is another section early in the book.
This is a book about communism, not about democracy.
When living conditions in a communist country are described, the reader should not assume that there are no shortcomings in the standard of living many non-communist countries.
For example, the description of housing shortages in the Soviet Union should not be taken to mean that housing is adequate in every democratic country.
On the other hand, when it comes to the important, quote, living condition of freedom for the individual, There can be no dispute that the citizens of a democracy have rights denied the person living under communism.
They're like getting ahead of it.
That's smart.
They're trying to get ahead of it.
They're like, OK, we can already predict with a response.
What about homelessness?
What about what about extreme racism that exists in 1962?
What about, you know, income inequality and that sort of thing?
Yeah.
Well, nobody's perfect.
However, if you were to measure the thoughts freedom, of the U.S., you'd see we're way ahead in that.
If you were to measure the material conditions of the brain and what it's able to say with the mouth, you'd realize, hey, we're doing pretty good over here.
And like, bottom line, like we said, this isn't even about us.
Like, this is not about us.
We're talking about communism.
Let's focus on communism.
It's not even about, mm-mm.
No, thank you.
Great.
What about-ism?
Why don't you look?
It's a logical fallacy for a reason.
You know you couldn't even read this book you're reading in communist countries?
Have you thought about that?
Don't worry, we put it on a USB drive and sent it into North Korea.
People in North Korea reading this book like, oh very interesting, I didn't know that.
Well... Vice funded that?
Uh, yeah.
Okay, uh, that story, What You Should Know About Democracy and Why, is told in a companion book to this one after being serialized in World Week Magazine.
Wow, so there's a sequel.
We gotta get the sequel, Tony.
Cool.
Why study communism?
A look at the front page of your daily newspaper will give you the answer.
Because communism affects your daily lives, your present and your future.
Because upon a firm understanding of communism, its nature and history depends the fate of all mankind.
Alright, here's, uh, this is the first chapter.
The communist system.
A totalitarian system.
And then here's a little... graph.
I don't think it matters.
I forgot what it said.
Oh, it's like the structure of the USSR's government.
Who cares?
Oh, okay.
It looks pretty bad.
It's just talking about how fake, like, their system of parliament or congress is.
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, one.
Communism is a dogmatic belief.
According to the communists, their system is destined to take control of the entire world.
Inshallah.
Right?
Communism will win, baby!
Sorry, that's just, that's the way of it.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Just, it, just, just give up.
It's okay.
Something happen to your audio?
Oh yeah, for a second, but it should be back now.
It's a lot lower now.
Is Tony's audio lower for the chat?
step.
I think it's probably because I haven't messed with my actual physical levels.
I think hopefully it's just us.
Alright.
To bring the day of communism's triumph nearer, he will use any means, treachery, falsification, or violence to advance his cause.
As a disciplined agent...
Finish your lyrics.
Yeah.
As a disciplined agent of the communist movement, He is expected to follow the party's orders rigidly and carry them out unquestioningly.
The party line or policy may change from time to time as to method, but the goal of communism, world domination, remains unchanged.
And then this, okay, so this book was owned by a Tom Deardorff, who wrote his name on the inside.
So, Lil Tommy.
That's cool.
Lil Tom Dierdorf reading this book for school.
Kinda sad they don't have it still.
They might not be free now.
They might have forgot where they came from.
But then under the line, the goal of communism, world domination remains unchanged.
He underlined the goal of communism, world domination, and then crossed out remains unchanged and wrote in here, is a total fallacy.
Okay.
It's hard to get on the screen.
I'm trying.
Yeah.
It's at the top of that page.
Interesting.
Uh, and it's also in all caps.
It's- IT'S A TOTAL FALLACY!
But it's in pencil.
Uh... Remai- I love- The goal of communism, world domination.
Uh, excuse me.
It's not just, uh, their goal.
It's a total fucking fallacy, alright?
That they could even think- Yeah.
That this could be a goal.
Are you- Like, he's like clapping back at the- at the...
At the straw man presented to the reader in a child's book.
So I don't think it was little Tommy Deardorff in 1962 who wrote in this book.
Who did that?
I think it was the person who turned this into the bookstore to try and get store credit or like who gave it away at a thrift store.
Some adult, some adult man in his 60s underlining the scholastic book, the scholastic anti-communist book, man.
It was the teacher.
It was the teacher who like did it before they distributed them to the class.
Went through and edited every single one for it.
But I do like that thing because that's something they did, you know.
No, communists are bad because they want the whole world to be communist.
But like, we have to make the whole world democratic so that... but it's different when we do it.
But no one should rule the whole world except for maybe us.
Yeah, well it's capitalism... Saying you want that to happen is bad.
Well, I feel the same way though, like...
I just think capitalism is bad.
I would be okay with communism ruling the world, because that's the idea of communism.
That's what communism is actually trying to achieve.
So they're not wrong there, that there is a stated goal To have a totally classless society and you need kind of all the countries, especially like where we outsource a lot of our labor, you need all these countries to be communist as well for that to have like some teeth to it, you know, for it to actually work.
Yeah.
Oh no, it's absolutely correct.
It's just funny that they're saying it in a manner that makes it seem like it's bad they want to do that.
So we have to eradicate that, leaving capitalism.
So we have to rule the whole world.
But it's cool if we're doing it.
Well, their idea is just like, oh, capitalism is the default good thing.
If you make everybody free, then capitalism naturally flows from that.
That's like the work that decades of American indoctrination have already done.
So you can just say capitalism instead of freedom or vice versa.
Four, communism is an economic system.
In the Soviet Union, the state has complete control of the economy.
For all industries and for agriculture, the government sets production quotas for which managers of factories, mines, and farms must meet.
So, not to get too serious or like too into political theory because it's not my strong suit.
I don't want to, you know, put my foot in any potholes or anything.
If you were to tell me like, oh hey, okay, so there's this thing called a government.
There's this thing called society, and there's this thing called government.
Now this government over here, they're directing the economy to put resources where they need to be?
And they're like saying this is how much of everything we need to keep running?
Can you believe it?
And I'd be like, that sounds like the purpose of a government.
Yeah.
That sounds like what your government should be doing.
If you don't say the words communism or anything and none of that like enters the equation, I'd be just like, yeah, I don't know.
Maybe we should have a plan.
Maybe we should have a plan for how this society is running.
That seems cool.
That sounds like a good idea, yeah.
I feel like we are, you know, I feel like things could be, uh, maybe more equitable and there could be some oversight there in that sense, possibly.
I don't know.
Yeah, maybe there could be- Yeah, so it sounds like that's supposed to be the job.
Maybe there could be safeguards so, like, one flu doesn't break down our entire supply chain.
yeah maybe maybe like maybe people shouldn't become billionaires because of a pandemic maybe there should be something between that i don't know yeah it's it's just they're they're soft peddling the propaganda much more in this book from 1962 because Things were better for the targets of this book, I think, in 1962, so you don't have to scare that badly because you're already pretty happy.
Now that we're at where we're at and the cracks in capitalism are really showing, the pitch on anti-communist stuff has gotten so much higher, at least on the propaganda.
You know, the legislation and the foreign policy and all that is still very, very much at the same heightened level, but...
Okay.
Sorry, everybody.
Okay.
Wage earners are strictly controlled.
The government determines the number of people to be trained for specific jobs or professions, assigns work, sets wages, and approves promotions and transfers.
So it's like somebody does that here, too.
Yeah.
That's what your boss does.
Your boss decides how many people to hire.
Your boss decides how much to pay you.
Your boss decides what training you need for the job, to do the job competently.
Your boss gets to decide your role within the company.
Now, sure, you can quit and go get a job at a different firm, but you're still subject.
You have to hopefully find one that allows you to do whatever you want, which Probably not likely.
What you're forgetting though is that, yeah, my boss might sometimes not pay me for all the hours I put in, but that's because I know that they need it and that's family.
So I'll do that for family.
But I won't do that for the government?
No, thank you.
And then listen to this.
No one may change his job without official permission.
A worker may quit if he gives two weeks notice.
OK, that sounds like here again.
A worker may quit if he gives two weeks notice.
He pays a stiff price, however, for quitting.
He loses many Social Security benefits and his accident and health insurance is restored only after he has worked at his new job for six months.
Couldn't imagine.
Oh wow, there's a probation period for you to get full benefits at your job?
Oh my god, what a nightmare.
Can you imagine that happening in the US?
And it's like, yeah, I can.
I can imagine a lifelong probationary period before you get benefits at most of your position.
It's so funny.
Oh, it's so, so wild.
Yeah.
Like, I don't know, maybe it wasn't that bad back then.
Maybe that wasn't a thing that was happening as bad back then.
Workers are required to join trade unions, but the function of the Soviet trade unions, unlike those in free countries, is to enforce production quotas and serve as a disciplinary arm of the party and government.
Yeah, probably.
The management meets out penalties for tardiness and absenteeism.
Okay?
Like at any job?
Yeah.
No strikes are permitted.
Prices and quotas of consumer goods are fixed by the government.
That last part I think is good.
I think that's fine.
Economic policies vary somewhat from one communist nation to another.
In Yugoslavia, for example, farmers are no longer forced to give up their land and join government collective farms.
Too bad.
That's a bad idea.
The same is true in Poland, a Soviet satellite where most of the peasants own the land they work.
In Poland, there are also independent craftsmen such as shoemakers, tailors, and barbers.
However, the industry is 90% owned and operated by the state.
That's good.
That should be the way it is.
Five.
Sounds like it's working out.
Communism is a system of control over the individual.
In addition to controlling the people's political and economic life, a communist government makes special efforts to mold people's thinking.
Imagine that.
The Secretariat of the Soviet Communist Party has a special section called Agitprop, parentheses agitation and propaganda, which has been set up to indoctrinate the people.
Imagine if we had something like that in America.
Psychological operations?
I've never heard of this.
What is this, 1984?
I've never heard of this shit.
They do things like produce books to hand out to school children to educate them about foreign government policies.
Yeah, through the use of all channels of communication, newspapers, magazines, books, radio, TV, motion pictures, posters, literature, art, music, and the school's communist party local groups, this agency carries on propaganda to support current government drives.
These drives may take various forms, such as anti-US campaigns, crusades against religion, or pressure for increased production.
But yeah, like you're reading a book Disseminated by the US government about how in other countries they have propaganda?
What?
Okay, Karl Marx.
We just got a couple more passages here.
Karl Marx and the start of communism.
The manifesto begins on this note.
A specter is haunting Europe today.
The specter of communism.
The manifesto called, can I get some dabs in the chat, by the way, please?
The manifesto called on working men everywhere to rise up and revolt against the owners and managers of factories, mines, stores, and the means of public transportation.
Quote, workers of the world unite, the manifesto cried.
Love it.
You have nothing to lose, but your chains.
In the manifesto and his other writings, Marx represented the history of mankind as a series of changes from one form of, quote, exploitation to another.
He declared that it was the custom for a ruling minority in a country to, quote, exploit or take economic and political advantage of a ruled majority.
This is like the best explanation of Marxism.
Like, you could possibly, like, this is gonna get right-wing people into Marxism.
You know what I mean?
Like, you tell them, like... Hold on.
Wait, there's an elite ruling class minority that exploits the rest of us for their personal profit and gain?
What?
That doesn't sound like anything I've ever heard of for my entire life that we're all constantly comparing this country to.
His thinking along those lines was influenced by the ideas of the German philosopher Georg Hegel.
History according to Marx.
As Marx described history, man had originally lived in a state of quote primitive communism.
The land belonged to everyone and each man kept the fruits of his labors.
Then some stronger individuals got control of the land and forced the weaker ones to work for them.
This led to slavery under which powerful men owned both the land and the people who worked it.
Like, where is the falseness in this?
Also, so confident for America to use that word slavery in their, you know, in their tearing down of some other operating system.
That's wild.
The slavery of the ancient Roman society gave way to the feudalism of the Middle Ages with local rulers controlling the lives of the peasants who worked for them and maintaining private armies to protect their property rights.
Again, like you're just telling people, hey, Marx was right about this, Marx was right about that.
It's all happening.
Futilism in turn was replaced by capitalism.
Under capitalism, Marx saw an inevitable struggle between those who owned capital, land, factories, machinery, and those who worked with their hands.
Like, yes, this is like a, I don't want to be like too, what do you, like, like a determinist about human nature or whatever.
But, like, the idea that you're working while your boss isn't, that feels like something that's already in your head when you're born.
Like, sorry, there's no, there's no, like, tabula rasa.
Like, you definitely have the idea of, like, fuck that guy as soon as you're, like... It's like... It's when your parents tell you to take the trash out while they're, like, watching TV.
It's like, it starts then, you know?
Accordingly, yeah, Marx maintained that these workers do not receive the full return for their work because the capitalists keep the profits.
Accordingly, a quote class struggle would develop between the quote bourgeoisie, the capitalists, and the proletariat, the wage earners.
He predicted that this struggle would in time lead to a revolution in which the proletariat would triumph and overthrow the capitalist system one day.
Marx described the way this revolution was to be brought about in his most famous work, Das Kapital.
He declared that the rich would become richer and fewer, and that the poor would become poorer and more numerous.
He contended that capitalism carried the seeds of its own destruction, that by the very nature of the industrial progress, the workers would be brought closer together until finally they would revolt and substitute public for private ownership.
See, that's where Silicon Valley comes in, Marx.
That's where the gig economy comes in.
That's where the apps, the app store, uh, comes in.
It's a big hurdle.
When they wrote this, when they wrote this, they had, they could not fathom a billionaire.
Like a billionaire was not a thing that they were ever, you know, could not fathom that.
I mean kings, there's like kings that were probably the equivalent of billionaire, you know, like relatively speaking.
Yeah, but, but Americans don't acknowledge that as like actual wealth.
It's different.
Okay.
He contended that capitalism... yada yada... until finally they would revolt and substitute... Can you imagine he predicted the rich would get richer and the poor would get poorer and the gulf would widen between the two classes?
What a fucking bonehead!
Marx's influence in the European socialist movement continued to grow after his death in London in 1883.
It was particularly felt in Europe, where many of the hard-pressed factory workers, or mill hands, believed that Marxism supplied all the answers.
Marx's writings had a lesser effect in the United States because class distinctions were less rigid in the New World and opportunities for the individual to improve his economic and social status were not so limited.
Quote, million, parenthesis, millions of persons immigrated to America from Europe precisely for that reason.
There were many fallacies in Marxism and these were proved by the course of events.
So let's hear the proofs against Marxism.
Oh, here it is.
Here it comes.
Boiled suitcases.
Marx was certain that the workers revolution would come only after capitalism had reached its highest stage of development.
Actually, communist revolutions have occurred only in countries where capitalism was in an early phase, as in Russia, or in countries where capitalism had not even started to develop, as in China.
The heart of Marx's doctrine that poverty would become widespread as wealth was concentrated in the hands of fewer and fewer people has been completely refuted by the course of events in the United States and most of Western Europe where the standard of living of the wage earner has steadily risen and extremes of high and low income have tended to level off.
Important causes for this are, one, efficient production under the capitalist system.
Two.
Agreements between labor and management.
That's a funny way of saying communism.
That's a funny way of saying industrial unions.
Just agree.
Voluntary agreements between labor and management.
Three, minimum wage and hour laws.
Thankfully, the capitalist system just said, here, we're going to pass these wage laws.
We're going to pass these work safety.
It had nothing to do with communism doing that.
Nothing else.
And then four, the income tax.
So it's like, okay, so this is again 1962, where like eight years later, everything starts to fall apart.
Like the 1970s, wages just stagnate, the wealth start getting wealthier.
The last thing here in this bracket was the income tax.
That's another reason that there's no income inequality.
Guess what happens to the income tax?
around 1970 and 1980.
It's almost like capitalists changed what the income tax was to benefit themselves.
That's crazy.
Who could have predicted that a system based on people who have the money would cater to those people?
That funny stuff.
Those motherfuckers who did that read this book.
Marx failed to make sufficient allowance for the idealistic impulses that move men.
He did not take into consideration the vital force generated by man's religious feeling or the power of nationalism, his love of country.
I mean, even though communism is like an internationalist philosophy, ideology, it's Still been brought about by nationalism, like anti-colonial nationalism has brought about or has helped in communistic struggles.
Even before World War I, some socialists in Western Europe, realizing that the facts of everyday life did not correspond with Marxist theories, placed their hopes in evolution toward public ownership of the means of production rather than revolution, as Marx did.
Optimistic.
Yeah, so I know it's like hindsight is 20-20 here, but pretty embarrassing for this book, to be honest.
I like that, like you said, these takedowns are actually really nice, concise little explanations.
It was good.
Yeah, I came away with a better understanding and more desire for communism after reading this book.
You tell me that we don't read theory.
You just watched us.
Yeah.
So deal with that.
All right, well, thanks for joining us, everybody.
It was a fun one.
Nice to be back.
We're going to be doing this every week, same time, unless we let you know otherwise.
Thanks for staying up with us.
If you're on the East Coast or somewhere even farther east than the East Coast, we appreciate you.
Yeah.
Shout to the 1 AM crew.
Yeah.
All right.
Night, everybody.
All right.
Peace you all.
I'm on the back streets.
I'm on the back streets.
You're left so hard.
You feel me feel free.
I feel lies.
It's not on the back streets.
I'm on the back streets.
So they're dancin' in the dark on the beach at Stockard's Wine.
We're desperate lovers, partly sad, but the last of the dark street kids.
